53. I Bought A Bible...

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Speaker 3 Hello.

Speaker 3 Hi friends. I'm about as nervous as a pregnant nun right now.
I bought a baibu.

Speaker 3 I did.

Speaker 3 Something very, very weird is going on and we got a lot to talk about.

Speaker 3 Before I get into all the religious talk that I want to get through, because I had an experience the other night where I was attacked by a couple of entities in my sleep and

Speaker 3 Jesus popped into my mind and we're going to get there.

Speaker 3 But After a couple days have gone on now, I 100%

Speaker 3 can feel and I am experiencing an attack for my soul. There's some, I'm getting chills talking about it.
There's some kind of fight going on right now for my soul.

Speaker 3 I'm experiencing some very weird shit

Speaker 3 and everything's kind of been making sense of changes that I've been making and things that I've been doing. And I've kept saying like I'm in a pressure cooker.

Speaker 3 I feel like I'm in like the heats turned up and I keep stripping things off of me. to get a clear read and I'm like 37 days sober right now from everything and I have no desire for anything.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I have a little cigarette here and there, but I'm stressed.

Speaker 3 I'm going to talk where this kind of started. So remember how I've been talking about I want to do a donation this year and I want to pay off a bunch of school lunch debt?

Speaker 3 It's weird the timing of all of this. So I found the nonprofit that I'm going to use.
I've been considering making my own, but that's going to take time. There's a lot of shit you got to go through.

Speaker 3 But for this year, I'm going to donate to a company called All for Lunch. I'm going to post more about it soon.
But

Speaker 3 I feel very strong pulls toward donations and helping and doing things. And a big part of me buying a truck and going to travel around the U.S.

Speaker 3 and get the hell out of Miami for a little bit is to go do things like that. I want to go experience like...

Speaker 3 whatever I can. Like there's something calling me to like move and start going around.

Speaker 3 And a big reason I want to get a truck is because I want to be able to drop off donations and find stuff that people need and then be able to have a truck to go buy a bunch of shit and then take it to them.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? But the timing of all of this. So when I finally found the nonprofit I'm going to use, I vetted them.
Y'all know I'm very paranoid and I don't like corruption.

Speaker 3 I don't like bullshit. I don't like scammers and I don't like liars.
I want them all put to death. And especially like with a cause like the paying off school lunch debt.

Speaker 3 There's two things I had to look at. One, if they were a 503C or 501c, typically it's both, but they have to be approved with the IRS as an actual non-profit.
That's the first thing I had to verify.

Speaker 3 And you can do that on the IRS website. I did that.
And then I asked this company for their financial audits for the past couple of years, tax returns, all that stuff.

Speaker 3 So I can see how much of their money is being paid to administration.

Speaker 3 Because a lot of people with nonprofits will set up a nonprofit, funnel money into it, get donations, and then be paying themselves a shit ton as the employees. It's a big scam setup.

Speaker 3 So the company that I found, everything checked out. They sent their statements immediately.

Speaker 3 Typically, if you ask a non-profit for their audits for their financial shit, they're not going to, they're going to ghost you. You're never going to hear from them again.

Speaker 3 They're going to run and hide. But that's one thing.
But I vetted them and I've been talking with the woman at this company, and I'm going to donate $25,000.

Speaker 3 And this has become a big

Speaker 3 awakening in its own that has led to the spiritual attack. Because now that I'm actually putting my ass behind things,

Speaker 3 the kind of like push and pull is getting stronger.

Speaker 3 And the day that I found my nonprofit, and then I said, okay, this is the amount that I'm going to donate, the next day is when I had that experience of being attacked in my sleep.

Speaker 3 Anyway, the first thing I want to talk about is

Speaker 3 donating $25,000.

Speaker 3 I do not feel like that is enough.

Speaker 3 I feel

Speaker 3 like a weird, how do you say?

Speaker 3 It's not a guilt and it's not a stress, but it feels like

Speaker 3 I'm not doing enough. I'm not helping enough.
And a lot of people have this misconception with tax write-offs where they think that it's just money that you like, it's like free and it's just gone.

Speaker 3 No, when you donate or do things that are tax write-offs, it just subtracts from the amount that you have to pay taxes on. So let's say you make 100 grand and you donate 10,000.

Speaker 3 You only pay taxes on 90,000. So you're still paying taxes.
You're still paying a fuck ton in taxes, but it's just, it shows that your income is less.

Speaker 3 So my thing with this is I was checking with myself. I'm like, this has nothing to do with perception of public opinion.

Speaker 3 Like for people to look at me and say, oh, only $25,000, like, I don't care about that. I'm doing this for myself.
And this is not just going to be a one-time thing.

Speaker 3 This is something that I want to donate to a lot. And it's my first time.
And I kind of want to like, I'm a ball's sort of wall's ass person.

Speaker 3 I don't want to just start throwing a lot of money at things, not knowing what's going on. So I'm dipping my toes in.
We're going to do 25,000. Nice.
That's a good amount. I feel.

Speaker 3 That's a lot of money. It's a shit ton of money, actually.
But the whole thing that I'm saying is like these feelings I started noticing when I had the idea of 25,000.

Speaker 3 I can look at my financial situation right now with all of the plans that I have to buy a truck. and go travel around the US and also continue making my merch and clothing line stuff.

Speaker 3 Because there's two tiers that I'm doing. There's merch and there's clothing line, and it's going to be higher in stuff, like really good quality shit.

Speaker 3 Looking at all the things that I have going on with the people that I pay, I retired my mom, so making sure that she's financially good, I gave her a raise, nice $1,500 a month extra just because I felt like it.

Speaker 3 To be able to do that is huge. But I have all of my bills that I have.
My lifestyle is not that much of an expense anymore because I've kind of like compressed it.

Speaker 3 But basically, my point is looking at my financial situation to donate $25,000

Speaker 3 feels safe and it feels good. Donating the $25,000 would not make me feel stressed or like I have to hold back from anything else that I'm doing in my life.
And that is my problem with giving.

Speaker 3 The only relationship I've ever known with giving is the only time you've done enough is when you feel that sting of fucking yourself up. to be able to do for others.

Speaker 3 So for me to say, I'll donate $50,000 to the school lunch debt, that would stress me out. That would make me feel anxious about my travel plans and buying a truck.

Speaker 3 It would throw a monkey wrench into things. But I felt like that was a better, like I felt like I was pushing myself to make myself logically be okay with that.

Speaker 3 If I pay attention to my soul, 25 grand feels smooth and it feels good. That feels right.

Speaker 3 But I noticed my brain trying to convince me into more money because I only feel like I've done enough once I feel that sting. And the same thing goes financially, energetically, anything with people.

Speaker 3 It's like I will give so much and do so much, but I do it to a point, I have to fuck up my own plans. I have to fuck up my own life a little bit to feel like I've given enough.

Speaker 3 And this dynamic made me aware of all this going on. And I was like, okay, so what is this sting that I'm after?

Speaker 3 Because it comes up. all over the place with anybody and anything.
It's like when people have a problem or people, something happens.

Speaker 3 It's like a stress that i feel when i decide to give because i i'm like

Speaker 3 i know i'm gonna push myself past my limit and i was sitting with it and i was like what is this little sting that i'm so addicted to feeling and the sting the emotional feeling of it is abandonment that's the sting that i'm after when i give to people and do for people And the abandonment is of myself.

Speaker 3 That's the only time I feel like I've done enough is when I've abandoned myself, when I get to that point. That's when I feel like, okay, now that's a clear sign I've given myself.

Speaker 3 And I think it's like a thing where I've resented giving in the past so much

Speaker 3 that I've always just done it, but I've been pushed to that point to prove my love. It's like if people see me not treat them how I treat myself, like they see me with the shit that I buy myself.

Speaker 3 If I don't buy them that same amount, I've been shamed for it. And people have treated me different or treated me like I was like a cheap ass when I'm the opposite of that.

Speaker 3 Most people don't have anyone do for them in the way that I do by anyone.

Speaker 3 So it's a weird dynamic, but I noticed when I get to that point of giving to people and I hit that sting point, I feel safe to retract. I feel safe to go back to myself and be left alone.

Speaker 3 And it's like a freedom where, okay, I overextended myself for you. Now

Speaker 3 I get to do what I want to do. It's kind of like a validation and like a permission for myself to do what I want to do after I've stretched myself to make sure someone else was okay.

Speaker 3 Then I feel safe to come back to me and I can do it with boundaries. It's like a safety for setting boundaries with how much I do for myself and do for other people.

Speaker 3 Like I feel like I can only do a lot for myself if I'm doing the same for other people. Because if I look at the reality of my life, I've been living above my means for a minute now.

Speaker 3 between how much I've done for my sister and how much I've done for friends and how much I've done for so many people. Now that I'm setting setting boundaries around it, nobody likes it.

Speaker 3 But I don't really give a fuck no more because nobody's entitled to my resources. Nobody's entitled to shit.
I'm going to do what I want with it.

Speaker 3 But this whole thing, like the stretch I felt around donating the money, it's like it made me aware of this. And I'm like, okay, for me to go donate $25,000, that's safe for me.

Speaker 3 I can donate that money. I can help.
But I also have a boundary where it's like everything else of mine and for me is still safe. I've never given in this way before.

Speaker 3 So I'm excited to kind of heal my relationship with giving like this for the first time in this way, where I can give this much, but not this much.

Speaker 3 I've never felt allowed by myself to look after myself when people need things. It's like I always have to throw myself away and like just do what I have to do to fix shit.
So I feel good.

Speaker 3 It's like I've needed that sting of abandonment to know and get, that was my validation for so long. I gave enough and I did enough.

Speaker 3 But I'm done with that i'm sick of that because it just puts me in this cycle of like constantly feeling drained and i don't want nobody around me or nobody near me because as soon as you need something i got to stretch myself and it's like i'm i want people in my life but i don't want them in my life how it's been going so a lot of people have been weeded out and a lot of people that i've had to distance myself from has been one of the hardest things I've had to do.

Speaker 3 But since these people have been out of my life, the amount of clarity that's been cracking me in the fucking head is insane. Okay, pause really quick.

Speaker 3 This is me editing the podcast and I'm getting a deeper understanding of what's going on with that dynamic.

Speaker 3 So the thing that I've been coping with, the thing that makes me use substances and want to escape is when I feel like I overextend. I feel validated by hurting myself for other people.

Speaker 3 I feel like, okay, so I need to help myself in another way with substances. That's the key thing that's been like pushing me back to wanting to use substances when I look back and see it now.

Speaker 3 I just wanted to throw this in, but I just got a deeper understanding. Okay, back to the podcast.

Speaker 3 Now, I want to talk about the religious side and the spiritual attack going on.

Speaker 3 This is crazy. Weird.
But since getting certain people out, I'm not living in a way that I was. And with being sober and

Speaker 3 kind of doing what I'm doing, My intuition's always been very, very, very strong. And I let my soul do what it wants to do.

Speaker 3 And right right now my soul is flinging me full force into getting my own understanding around

Speaker 3 Christ and Christ consciousness and I've been so opposed to it and I've hated it and I've hated the idea of it because I see so many Christian people I see so many religious people in general justify

Speaker 3 absolute evil with their religion. People use shame.
People use absolute fucking hatred, disguised under their religion, to act out heinous things. Look at Palestine and look at Israel.

Speaker 3 Just example one. Everybody's fucking validated because of religion.
I don't like that shit. It irritates the absolute fuck out of me.
And a lot of people online have been very excited.

Speaker 3 Like, oh, Leo's talking about the Bible. Oh my God, Leo's talking about Jesus.

Speaker 3 I'm the last motherfucker y'all want to come into a spiritual realm and get involved in churches because I'm going to be the biggest implosion to it. I cannot stand corruption.

Speaker 3 And the amount of churches that abuse

Speaker 3 people,

Speaker 3 use the religion to abuse them and use the religion to financially profit and people that exact out and do a lot of sexual predatorial shit under the guise of religion. I will be the worst thing.

Speaker 3 I will be a curse. To all of these people and all of these things that run like this.
I'm probably going to get executed.

Speaker 3 The way that I I pop my mouth, if I actually get involved in this, I'm like, I know what my presence does to things. I disrupt.
My soul is a disruptor. I disrupt everything.

Speaker 3 If you are not in line with the truth, I'm going to fuck your shit up. And I'm not even going to have to try.

Speaker 3 People just get around me and start exposing things and they don't understand why they do it. And it's kind of infuriating having a presence like this where it's like, I disrupt everything.

Speaker 3 The truth comes out. And it's like, it's like the veil gets pierced whenever I go into things and look into things.
And I see things other people don't.

Speaker 3 But I also have the balls to talk about things other people won't talk about. My whole point with this is I've been so irritated with seeing religious bullshit is what I'm going to call it.

Speaker 3 Religious evil disguised as for the right thing. Shove it up your fucking ass.
I will see you in hell. Oh my God, I will.
I know it. I will.

Speaker 3 If I'm going, you're going.

Speaker 3 If I end up going to hell, i'm at least be working the door i'm gonna have a fun job like i'm gonna tell you where your section is in the very back bitch

Speaker 3 but i'm feeling very called to get my own understanding and reading of this and i don't want to let people who do bad things and make certain religions look bad because i want to look into the quran also a lot of my family is christian a lot of my family on the other side is muslim so i have an understanding of each religion but not from my own unbiased opinion.

Speaker 3 That's what I want to get now. I read the Bible in high school and I liked a lot of it.
A lot of people aren't strong enough to live by certain morals.

Speaker 3 A lot of people claim a lot, but they don't live by it. And I can't stand that.
These weak fucks. Oh, I had a moment of weakness.
You're not allowed that. I don't like giving people grace.

Speaker 3 Jesus Christ. Like, if it's laid out in front of you, the rule book, okay.

Speaker 3 What's this to you? Why is it so hard to follow it?

Speaker 3 Don't lie, cheat, and steal. Fuck.
Like, what's the problem? Why is that so difficult? I don't get it.

Speaker 3 But that's what I'm after is my own understanding of

Speaker 3 Jesus Christ. That is so uncomfortable for me to say.

Speaker 3 It makes my skin crawl to say Jesus Christ and to say Christ and to not say, oh, Jesus Christ, in like a joking way, like to actually put a little bit of honor behind the name Jesus.

Speaker 3 is the most like my skin is crawling. It's like when I came out as gay, when I was talking to my therapist about it, when I was, I don't remember what age I was, like 20, 19, I don't remember.

Speaker 3 Like I was talking to her about it and I couldn't even say the words that I'm gay. Like it's like I fully dissociated and I couldn't speak it out loud for a long time.

Speaker 3 And when I try to say the name Jesus, it has the same kind of effect. I'm just fighting through it.

Speaker 3 This is so uncomfortable, but it's like, this is where my soul is dragging me by my fucking hair. If I had hair, it'd be dragged.
All right,

Speaker 3 but I'm just gonna follow it and listen to it and go down this rabbit hole and see what's going on. There's a lot of questions that I have.

Speaker 3 There's a lot of things that I want to look into for myself, but I'm also feel like I'm gonna come out.

Speaker 3 If I start actually studying the Bible, I think I'm gonna come out with a lot of like jarring things of things that people have gotten fucked up, people that have misconstrued things.

Speaker 3 I'm gonna have to course correct them, and I'm not gonna be nice about it. There's no time to be nice no more.
We're in a pressure cooker for a reason, but I want to talk about the whole thing

Speaker 3 with my spiritual attack that I had in my sleep the other night. So, there's a lot of layers to this.

Speaker 3 Should I tell you about the first time I had like an entity visit me?

Speaker 3 I think so. Okay,

Speaker 3 this is the only two times I've felt like an entity and seen an entity

Speaker 3 in my life. So, the first time it was back like maybe a year, year and a half ago, where I was laying in my bed in my Dallas house and I was about to get high, smoke a little wee, and I didn't.

Speaker 3 And my friend was sleeping next to me in my bed because she had nowhere to go. So I said, you come stay with me.
I just bought a house. I was like, okay, come on.

Speaker 3 But I'm laying there in the bed and I'm, for whatever reason, like trying to go to sleep and I can't. And something told me to put my phone down.
So I put my phone down and I'm just laying in my bed.

Speaker 3 All of a sudden, I started to get this

Speaker 3 feeling that a presence was in my house. You know, when you know somebody's there or something is there, you can feel a presence.
I felt a presence coming up my stairs and I was laying there.

Speaker 3 It was kind of dark, but light was coming in through my window, like a street, like a street light, street lamp, whatever the hell it's called.

Speaker 3 It was like shining enough light on my window where I could see everything in my room, but it was dark. And I started to feel this presence, and I was frozen.

Speaker 3 And I started to fucking panic because I I couldn't move. It wasn't sleep paralysis.
I wasn't asleep.

Speaker 3 I was just like, what the fuck? Like I, I,

Speaker 3 I wasn't able to wrap my mind around what was happening, but I felt this thing coming and then I saw this shadow come into my room

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 I was looking at it and I started feeling like

Speaker 3 the weirdest shit in my body. But immediately, once I looked at it,

Speaker 3 all of my fear went away, but I still couldn't move. I was trying so hard to move because my gun was right next to me.
And I was like, I need something.

Speaker 3 Like, all my fear went away, but I was still like, what the fuck is in my room? Like, I wanted to grab my gun and I couldn't, but I.

Speaker 3 was trying to move and then I like moved my leg. It felt like it was 10,000 pounds.
I moved my leg

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 I felt like, okay, so I can move. And I felt better.
I felt what this entity was feeling when it looked at me and it was coming to check on me.

Speaker 3 And I felt so comforted. But when it came in the room, my fear was that I didn't know what it was.

Speaker 3 But as soon as I felt it, like I knew it was there to check on me. I was like, is this someone from like my past? Is this someone who has died? I don't know who this was.
And it was looking at me.

Speaker 3 And I felt so at peace, but it felt so disappointed in me. It was looking at me.
And then it moved a little bit closer. And it was just like,

Speaker 3 and I heard not yet.

Speaker 3 And then it went out of my room. That tripped me the fuck out.
Bad.

Speaker 3 I still don't know what that was. But I've never, that was so upsetting.
Like, I've never had a ghost be disappointed in me.

Speaker 3 Like, that was so sad.

Speaker 3 I was so bummed out. I was like, oh, I thought I made a friend.
Like, first I was going to shoot you. And then I was like, oh, maybe I made a friend.
You come in to check on me.

Speaker 3 And then it was disappointing. And they left.

Speaker 3 Damn.

Speaker 3 But after that kind of like entity thing left, I didn't smoke that night. I just went to bed.
I started crying a little bit, I think, out of just like. what the fuck was that?

Speaker 3 Like I felt disappointed and I felt like sad, but I could feel what that entity was feeling. It was like it let me feel it to like make me realize it wasn't a threat.

Speaker 3 threat i don't know how to explain it but i didn't smoke that night and then i didn't quit cocaine yet and but that night i didn't do no more i was going to bed

Speaker 3 but 30 days after that i didn't smoke weed i was still doing a little to go through the day but then i fell back into smoking weed again and using coke to stay up and function all day and then i would use weed to go to sleep but then right after that is when i started like at the beginning of this year when i was talking about getting in touch with my soul i was feeling a little bit like spiritually

Speaker 3 something like i was at a point where like i was running my life into the ground trying to keep going and i had to face the fact of like the way i've been trying to live will not work it doesn't work it doesn't make me happy how i've been living is not the way to do it and that's when i had the whole like mental and spiritual shift and turnaround.

Speaker 3 I've been following my intuition and changing a lot of things. And I've been feeling very, very

Speaker 3 good. But when I have hard times or times where I'm down, there's like, I don't get past that point of like reverting back to like really bad shit.
Like I don't get as down mentally as I used to.

Speaker 3 But I did start getting very close with God, my own version of God in the universe. And I was going through a lot of my own exploration with that.

Speaker 3 And that kind of like flipped everything and helped me with that. Things got really good.
And then I've been in a pressure cooker since I got to Miami.

Speaker 3 So now I want to talk about when I got attacked the other night. Fucking crazy.

Speaker 3 Okay, so a couple days ago was my stepdad's birthday. He's been dead for a few years, but I've been feeling his presence a little bit.
And one thing about him, he was a die-hard Bible gripper.

Speaker 3 And I'm not saying Bible thumper because he wasn't ever preaching this shit, but he was a Bible gripper. And he loved his Bible.

Speaker 3 He would do the most crazy, heinous, violent, atrocious, lying, stealing, manipulating shit. Violent, again, just

Speaker 3 he'd killed people before. He had murdered like over a handful of people.
But he clung to that Bible.

Speaker 3 Anytime I would talk about Jesus or talk about Christianity or talk about God, he would get fucking pissed.

Speaker 3 And I couldn't ever wrap my head around that. Couldn't, sure couldn't.
And that's the type of people I don't like. Just because you say, I'm sorry and ask for forgiveness because you did something.

Speaker 3 Ugh. But that's one thing that's making me feel hopeful.
Side note about looking into religion is I don't like no weak God. I don't like no God who's gonna like give you a slap on the wrist.

Speaker 3 No, I want you to have some fucking consequence. I don't think God is as stupid as other people do.
And I don't think God is weak like other people hope that he is.

Speaker 3 I think he sees everything going on. And I don't know if it's a he, I just use that as like a reference.
I think it's everything. Like we know what God is.

Speaker 3 You get my, you get my point, but I could never get behind the whole thing of God where it was like, he was

Speaker 3 lenient and like pussy, basically. I can only relate to and feel safe with someone.
You got to be capable of great evil for me to feel safe with you.

Speaker 3 And God, it's fucking mean.

Speaker 3 that's one thing I've been realizing certain stories and things have been coming up in my mind that I'm like this motherfucker is really with the shit now I like it now I can respect it look into it a little bit but a lot of people treat him like he's stupid I'm just like you think God doesn't see what you're doing bitch okay girl please but I like that I can get behind that now because as I've grown up I can see That a lot of things have been warped and jaded and I want my own opinion, but I couldn't ever get behind the thought of God not being vicious.

Speaker 3 Like I like people who not are evil, but I like people who are as equally good as they can be evil.

Speaker 3 I want them to lead with good and be good, but when damage is caused or you are crossed, I want to see that evil side. I want it to be matched.

Speaker 3 Like you do good, you lead with that, but you're capable of

Speaker 3 extreme bad. You choose not to do it and you know when to do it.
God's like that.

Speaker 3 Now I can get behind it. But anyway, back to my whole thing with my stepdad and like the little attack that I was going through.
He's been popping up in my mind.

Speaker 3 And there was one story he told me about when he was in prison where he got attacked by some entities.

Speaker 3 And he told me these like guys that had died there before, something like came and like were fucking with him one night in his cell. And

Speaker 3 he said he was telling me don't ever back down from an entity don't ever back down to a ghost if you feel scared you do not let them know that you dog cuss them the out and you tell them to get out they ain't welcome go back where the you came from he was like do not let them see that you're scared don't let them feel like they have control over you because he said the ghosts in his cell were like moving and throwing shit at the wall so he was in the cell by himself scared shitless but like He stood up and was like fighting and then he grabbed his little Bible and he was fine.

Speaker 3 And then it went away. And that's a key piece of why I reacted the way that I did when these entities came up and got on me when I was in my room.
So I was asleep. And I woke up.

Speaker 3 I woke up twice, but I didn't wake up. You'll get it.
Hang on. In my sleep, I felt a presence in the house and I felt it moving fast.
I'm getting the chills like a motherfucker.

Speaker 3 Oh, I got to check my environment. Oh my God.

Speaker 3 Okay,

Speaker 3 so I'm asleep and I feel something coming up these stairs. And it's like coming after me.
And I could feel it. And I was like, I was like, get up, wake up, wake up.

Speaker 3 Like I was trying to tell myself to wake up. And I woke up as they were coming.
They were up the stairs. They were coming through my door.
And I woke up as they were like jumping on me.

Speaker 3 I don't know if it was two or three,

Speaker 3 but they were dark. It was.

Speaker 3 black, shadowy, like figures, strong as fuck. Because I'm not one to go down without a fight.
Like, I thought there was people here. That's how,

Speaker 3 whoa, I'm about to relive it. That's how accurate it was.

Speaker 3 It was like time slowed down for a second. And I had lit a St.
Michael candle. And it's one of the seven-day candles that had been burning.
And I lit it that day.

Speaker 3 And then that night I went to sleep and I woke up in the middle of the night to this happening. And I remembered my candle.

Speaker 3 I remember like, it was so fast, but I remember like tussling and trying to like fight. And I remembered St.
Michael and I was like, these are not humans.

Speaker 3 And I said, Saint Michael, get these motherfuckers. And I'm trying to like push these things and fight with them and like ruffle with them.
My whole bed, all of my shit all over my bed was gone.

Speaker 3 Like my comforter was gone, my pillows were gone. Everything was like flying off the bed because I'm flailing them about.

Speaker 3 When I noticed it was, I was just, it kept getting worse, Jesus popped into my mind. I stopped.
Like I laid down flat

Speaker 3 and these things were still on me and they looked me in my fucking face.

Speaker 3 And I said, one, two, three, Holy Ghost.

Speaker 3 Gone.

Speaker 3 Why the fuck would I say one, two, three, Holy Ghost? Why would I say that? I don't know. But it was like peace.
Like immediate, like the shit was gone.

Speaker 3 And I just laid there for a second and I was like, one, two, three, Holy Ghost. Just in case anything was left.
I'm like, what the fuck was that about? I was irritated i hate getting scared

Speaker 3 but the weird thing is once i said one two three holy ghost the first time i woke up again

Speaker 3 and that's when i said it again once i was like it was a weird i don't know how to explain it but it's like i woke up the first time to fight the shit once i said one two three holy ghost it's like i woke up again but like i was awake awake but i felt like i was already awake and i was because all of my shit was off of my bed like but i woke up.

Speaker 3 I don't know how to explain that. I woke up twice, but I was awake.

Speaker 3 I don't know. Thinking of Jesus and saying Holy Ghost, that's the only thing that flipped it.
And it was weird. I don't think of things like that.
That doesn't visit me.

Speaker 3 I don't think of Jesus in that way. But basically now, I ordered a baibu.

Speaker 3 It's real sickening. It's black goat skin, gold pages, leather, nice.

Speaker 3 And I'm excited to read it and and get my own understanding. But I feel like an intuitive, like call to it, like I said, but it's to get my own understanding of it.
Like, I don't want to talk

Speaker 3 to people and get their opinions. It's like once I can read what I feel called to read, and once I get through it, then I will take outside opinion.
I'm not taking any until then, but

Speaker 3 I feel like my focus is like tunnel visioned when I think about the Bible and I think about Jesus. It's like, it's not letting letting anybody outside intervene.

Speaker 3 And I'm at a good point in my life for that. Where if I'm ever going to get an understanding of it, it's now without any intervention.

Speaker 3 I don't want anybody to like tell me what to think or tell me what to believe.

Speaker 3 I want to go through this on my own, but I feel very energized by the thought of it and I feel very tired. Like I've been taking naps like a fucking cat.
Like I've been taking a lot of naps.

Speaker 3 I don't get it. But

Speaker 3 I can clearly see like a spiritual warfare going on. It's like there's a battle for my soul and it's so clear to me.
I'm not going to label what it is.

Speaker 3 I'm just following the sensations of I'm going down a path where my soul feels led

Speaker 3 and something does not want me going down that. And I've never felt that before.
I've never felt anything like that. And I'm also going to be vulnerable about my relationship with things in the past.

Speaker 3 I've talked about it in previous episodes where I said that I've prayed to the devil. I said that I've prayed to God

Speaker 3 and nobody listened, nobody came, nobody anything. There's been periods of my life where I've been so down and desperate.
And when I called and asked for help, I felt so abandoned. I felt so alone.

Speaker 3 Nothing helped. I didn't hear anything.
I understand so much about witchcraft. I know a lot more than people will ever think that I do about demons and angels.

Speaker 3 And I've got my own understanding of everything, and nothing really has worked. In a sense,

Speaker 3 I saw it totally wrong with the way that I was asking for things. I was desperate for something, or someone, or some fucking force to come in and fix my life, and to save me, and to help me.

Speaker 3 And the other day, I had a full-fledged, like auditory

Speaker 3 intuition

Speaker 3 of

Speaker 3 all I can do is wake you up. I can't change it for you.

Speaker 3 And that makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 3 Because really, all that life can do and my understanding of the universe, my understanding of God as I have it now,

Speaker 3 we're all able to make the changes and God can't intervene. God can't make a change for you.
You have to fucking do it. All God can do is put you in a pressure cooker.

Speaker 3 All God can do is make things bad enough where you see what you're leaving behind is worth leaving behind to save yourself.

Speaker 3 So the way that I've looked at it and approached it from a very young age versus now, I see it totally different. You're not powerless.
You can't just throw your hands up. We all have a soul.

Speaker 3 We all have life force. We all have a very like strong energy in us.
And we have to make the changes. You can't just try to pray something away, whether it's the God or the devil.

Speaker 3 You can't just pray it away. And the devil don't work as fucking easy.
It's not just like, oh, you wake up and you're blessed with all these things. People act like it's that.
It's not that.

Speaker 3 Blessings from the devil just feel like going down a slide.

Speaker 3 It's easy. Whatever feels easy and you don't think about it, you just go down that slide.
That's kind of how I just saw it. Blessings from the devil are like going down a slide.

Speaker 3 Feeling guided by the devil is like going down a slide. You just

Speaker 3 take the first nudge and it's you just glide down and you don't know where the you're going and what you're doing but i'm talking alcohol drugs shopping addictions sex gambling it's like any of these things that will tip you off that edge of the slide it's easy to go that way and you'll think that you get blessings it's like when i came to miami and i thought i was getting all of these things

Speaker 3 Because of how I was living, it's like your perception of everything is so off. Nobody feels more highly of themselves than a drug addict.
And that's for a reason. Your perception is warped.

Speaker 3 When you're drunk all the time, when you're doing substances all the time, you have an altered perception.

Speaker 3 And that can also lead to an altered perception of what you think of yourself and what you have in this life.

Speaker 3 You can be in a crack den and think that you're in fucking Paris at the Louvre. It's so obvious.
But it's not that you get blessings and you get things. It's like it just keeps

Speaker 3 you think that it's better than it is. And I don't really want to talk much about the Illuminati.

Speaker 3 There's a reason I left LA.

Speaker 3 That shit's not right.

Speaker 3 Hollywood is not

Speaker 3 right.

Speaker 3 The way that can explain Los Angeles energetically is it's like an energetic vortex.

Speaker 3 And if you can be pushed down that slide,

Speaker 3 That vortex will suck you in. If you have a strong soul and a strong

Speaker 3 sense of self, that vortex will fling you out. Only people that can get sucked in are the people who can go down that slide is the way that I can see it.

Speaker 3 And that's from my own feelings and my own experiences living there.

Speaker 3 Los Angeles is not

Speaker 3 energetically good. You want to look at the hell mouth of something? Go to downtown Los Angeles.
Please. Oh my God.

Speaker 3 I'm really excited for this whole little journey we're going to go on.

Speaker 3 Because I can't be forced into nothing. Nobody could force me to do shit.
I got to come to it on my own. Or my soul got to make me do it.
And my soul's making me do it.

Speaker 3 This is nuts. And I never thought I'd be here, but the discomfort that I feel just by saying the name Jesus Christ without a joke or a negative context attached to it, like I've always said it.

Speaker 3 I've always just said, oh, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 It flows out. When I try and put respect behind Jesus' name, it feels uncomfortable.
And that's another time where I can feel something on my back.

Speaker 3 That's how I can describe it. It's like all these things,

Speaker 3 it's like little entities that attach to you when you're at a lower vibration. And when you start to get out of it, they can't feed off you anymore.
And

Speaker 3 just noticing the small things that feel uncomfortable. Why would saying Jesus' name in a serious way make me so uncomfortable? I can feel it on my fucking back right now.

Speaker 3 It ain't gonna win. Whatever the fuck it is, it's not pulling me back nowhere.
Cause that's the thing. You're not gonna tell me what to do.

Speaker 3 If I want to say something, I'm gonna say it. If I want to do something, I'm gonna do it.
These little fucking entities trying to get on my shit, not happening, girl.

Speaker 3 If you could catch a bullet, I'd already have shot you. Okay.
But this is a very spiritual thing.

Speaker 3 But there's like definitely a fight going on. And I think there's a bigger fight going on for a lot more people than anyone realizes go sober

Speaker 3 I didn't just say that

Speaker 3 there that's some

Speaker 3 but listen, yeah,

Speaker 3 I didn't just fucking say that

Speaker 3 that just freaked me out a little, okay

Speaker 3 I'm gonna go have a cigarette. This is stressing me the hell out, but that's the update for now.
That's what's going on with me. I think my Bible got delivered today.
Wait, let me go see.

Speaker 3 I'll go downstairs and get it. Ah, it comes Monday.
God damn it.

Speaker 3 Okay, well, love you. Hope you're doing good.

Speaker 3 I'll keep you posted with how this goes. But everybody be safe.
Take care of yourself. And I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.

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