55. The Gift Of Discernment & The Inward Turn

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Speaker 3 Hi, friends. This looks familiar.
I'm back in Dallas. This week, my soul wants to talk about the gift of discernment.
I have to show you something first, though. This is so cool.

Speaker 3 I finally got the gold YouTube plaque.

Speaker 3 That means we hit a million subscribers. There's a million of you who fuck with me.
I love you really bad. Oh my God.

Speaker 3 It literally got delivered right before I sat down to film this and I'm really happy I didn't quit as many times as i wanted to just say yeah i'm over it i'm done with the podcast crap as much turmoil as i've been through with the deals and the management and this and that i'm glad i didn't stop i'm glad i came back to me and i've been happier doing this since i came back to myself this kind of feeds into the discernment topic but i'm back in dallas and i came down sick so i didn't post last week but i left miami i was over it

Speaker 3 Okay, so let's jump into what my soul want to talk about really bad.

Speaker 3 And what I've been labeling as my soul is my soul, but it's like the gift of discernment. It is a gift.
Kind of like not a superpower. That's so cheesy.

Speaker 3 But it's like a, how do you say, like you're gifted. It's a gift.
And I think everyone is born with it. It's like an intuitive knowing of things, like a sixth sense.

Speaker 3 a divine kind of like connection. And I want to talk about it because I've talked this whole year about how my life has changed since following my soul.

Speaker 3 And I want to talk about discernment because I feel like I can finally put it to words. It's like that sixth sense, that intuition, that like higher sense of knowing that you have.

Speaker 3 When I say people are born with it, I think everybody has it. I think everyone has discernment.
And there's a difference between discernment in like the spiritual aspect

Speaker 3 and biology. Everybody got the typical traits of like survival, basic instincts, things like that.
That's not discernment.

Speaker 3 Your nervous system and biological factors that play a part, psychological factors that keep you alive. That's a separate thing.
I don't really want to talk about that. Everybody gets that.

Speaker 3 There's plenty of information about that. The spiritual discernment is the one that I now have a year of first-hand experience with.
And I now see it was my whole life.

Speaker 3 But when I say everybody's born with it, you is, you is, you is. Everybody's born with it.
And I think certain people that have like a more difficult difficult life,

Speaker 3 like air quote, I put air quotes around that because it's like when you face challenges, it builds your discernment. So I think your discernment is crafted by

Speaker 3 the universe, God, whatever you want to call it. I'm going to say God, Sky Daddy.

Speaker 3 For the context of this, let's just make it God. Okay.
So that's what I want to talk about. I think God will like, really amplify it and teach it to you.

Speaker 3 I've had a life experience of nothing but betrayal and not being able to rely on people or trust people. I was brainwashed a lot when I was younger.
I was gaslit.

Speaker 3 I didn't have any kind of grasp of my own trust in my own perception and judgment. I could be swayed

Speaker 3 by certain people to be turned against people and to be used for what people wanted me to be useful for them for.

Speaker 3 Manipulated, basically.

Speaker 3 I was manipulated boots.

Speaker 3 And I see it now as like you're given life in contrast. Things happen in contrast.
Like I was taught very early on how to not trust nothing.

Speaker 3 And luckily, I turned inward. And that's what discernment comes from: is from an absolute inward turn.

Speaker 3 And when I say inward turn, it's like an obsession with your own felt experience and the way that you emotionally, physically, and spiritually react to things.

Speaker 3 When you can't trust anything outside of you, when no mirror is accurate in your external reality, you have to turn inward.

Speaker 3 Like I was talking about when I lived in Miami, everything's smoke and mirrors. And when people are talking to you, like when I say I don't trust things,

Speaker 3 my heart has softened a little bit, and I've started to trust a little bit more, not people, myself. I trust my ability to pick up on

Speaker 3 so much so quickly. Like, people can be talking to me.
Everything can be perfectly fine, but I will get some kind of like something's off. And I will know.

Speaker 3 And then I'll prod with questions or just observe things from a different perspective for a second. And I see things that they didn't want me to see.
The truth always comes out.

Speaker 3 The truth has a way of finding me and cracking me upside my ball noggin. Oh my God.
It does feel like a curse sometimes, but it's very nice.

Speaker 3 It's something that I've always had, but I didn't listen to it. Like for so long of my life, I thought that I had to be logical with the way that I test people.

Speaker 3 And I used to test people really bad because I'm like, I don't trust no one. I don't trust nothing.
And I thought I had to seek the proof out. I thought I had to take an active hand.

Speaker 3 And I exhausted myself a lot. And it got like to a point where I was like, I don't want nobody in my life or around me because it's exhausting trying to make sure that they're trustworthy.

Speaker 3 And it didn't matter how much you proved yourself to me.

Speaker 3 I couldn't really like

Speaker 3 let you fully in.

Speaker 3 Everyone I've let fully into my life has fucked me up. That's just not a good idea yet.
But I'm a lot less like wall up with everything because I don't have to.

Speaker 3 Seek out and feel like I have to be the only one looking after myself where it's like I have to notice and spot everything and exhaust myself with trying to see safety and find safety and check if someone is safe to care about or let close to me.

Speaker 3 So I feel like I have my soul with me now. My soul will tip me off to you.
And since I've done the inward turn thing, spiritual abilities have heightened boots and

Speaker 3 You can't get nothing past me. Either I'm going to see it in a dream.
Me and my whole family have that. We see things in dreams.

Speaker 3 If I don't clock something, it's because my soul tipped me off and I didn't listen. It's not that I never knew something was going to happen or someone wasn't right.
I've always known.

Speaker 3 And that's the safety and kind of like the comfort that I feel with myself now. Cause it's like, it's always just when I didn't listen to myself.

Speaker 3 I knew when something was off and I tried to talk myself out of it. And I try to talk myself against it.
And what did I do? Get my feelings hurt.

Speaker 3 That's one thing, but also it's like, there can be like a switch in somebody. It's like as soon as your intentions toward me switch, I feel it.
I want to talk about and describe the inward turn.

Speaker 3 So it's like literally an obsession with the feeling state and the observation of being you.

Speaker 3 What you feel, what you think, and what you see. And there's a couple of angles that this goes.

Speaker 3 So when I say the inward turn, It's like when you walk into a room, you're walking into like a random room out in public. You're walking into like a car dealership.
I just bought a truck.

Speaker 3 I bought the truck.

Speaker 3 i'll get into a story time about that that's an example with the discernment thing because the first dealership i went to pissed me off i left they lost a sale and i don't give a damn but for an example you walk into a car dealership you walk into a room my focus is not on how other people are perceiving me i'm not riddled with anxiety i'm not walking into the room with my eyes and my brain and their perspective fidgeting with my clothes and i'm not worried about how i'm being perceived I'm worried about what I'm perceiving.

Speaker 3 So I'm watching and paying attention to where my eyes are drawn to, what the temperature of the room is, people that are looking at me. If my attention wants to go somewhere, I'll look at something.

Speaker 3 I don't care. I'm not going to not look at something because I'm like, oh, what are they going to think if I look at them? If I want to look at you, I'm going to look at you.

Speaker 3 I'm not looking at you mean, but if something has my curiosity, like I wander through life with like curiosity of what is being felt by me.

Speaker 3 Like I walk in in a room looking around, feeling things, just like seeing what's going on and I'm paying attention to my body. Where do I constrict? Where do I loosen up?

Speaker 3 If something feels weird, do I feel something on the back of my neck? Is my chest tight? Is it loose? Is it open? What am I feeling? What are my sensations around walking into this room?

Speaker 3 And then if I start interacting with people, I'm paying attention to those same sensations. And I carry on conversation very well.
I'm not saying you'd become a mute. I'm just like,

Speaker 3 pay attention. No.

Speaker 3 Like I interact with people, but it's like something I've had to learn how to do is be able to live the actual physical experience while be connected to the spiritual aspect so strongly.

Speaker 3 And you do lose track of it. Like sometimes you get distracted and sometimes you're not paying attention or certain things come up, but.

Speaker 3 That's kind of like how I can describe the inward turn. It's the obsession with what you feel and what you're experiencing and perceiving.

Speaker 3 And noticing any sensations that come up like the anxiety, noticing emotions. And when I talk about emotions, emotions are not the

Speaker 3 indicator of discernment at all. And that's where it gets very tricky when you try to

Speaker 3 use your intuition and listen to it. It's not your emotions.

Speaker 3 And when you don't know how to get above your emotions to observe, you get caught in your emotions thinking that you're being guided and you're not. A lot of people say follow your feelings,

Speaker 3 not your emotions, not your little upsets,

Speaker 3 not your little like triggers. But that's one thing that's big is like people ain't doing the work on themselves to

Speaker 3 learn how to observe their emotions. So when I talk about the inward turn,

Speaker 3 The work you have to do to get out of your emotions and get above them, you still feel them, but you're aware of what they mean and what message is coming through, is you have an absolute obsession with understanding why you feel how you feel.

Speaker 3 I'm talking about shadow work. I'm talking about diving into yourself, parts work, integration, things like that.
It's like the absolute obsession with yourself. Why did that just piss me off?

Speaker 3 Why did that just make me upset? Why all of a sudden did I just feel like sad for no reason? Why do I feel anxious when I get excited?

Speaker 3 What am I scared is going to happen? It's an absolute obsession with understanding why you feel the emotions that you do. Why are you feeling certain things?

Speaker 3 And that's what unravels.

Speaker 3 You have to understand why you're feeling what you're feeling, repair the triggers that come up, and then purify the emotional trigger reaction that you have and become aware of it.

Speaker 3 If you still are triggered, be aware of it. And as soon as you're aware of it, you stop feeling it as much.
And you can pay attention to that higher like discernment voice. So

Speaker 3 you understand?

Speaker 3 It's nice. It's not an easy process, but it's so much fun.

Speaker 3 Just remember me saying inward turn. People always ask me, how do you do what you do? How do you say you follow your soul? How do you listen to your soul? This is it.

Speaker 3 It's the inward turn fully, full-fledged, hammer down. And you got to get in there with a little shovu and understand why you is the way you is.

Speaker 3 But it's not to change it that's the other thing you're not looking at yourself to try and change oh i shouldn't feel like this in this situation okay no matter of fact i feel how i feel this is how i have to be when i start trying to like talk myself out of emotions making any kind of opinion about how you feel no you're not making an opinion about it you're trying to understand it why you so upset girl

Speaker 3 like that's it That's literally it. Okay, you have to get matter of fact.
This is how I feel. Why would I be feeling this way? How does it make sense for me to feel this way?

Speaker 3 Even though it seems illogical,

Speaker 3 why does that make sense? And you kind of like drop below it and like you can get into like the shadow work and the shadow side of it. And things of your subconscious will come out.

Speaker 3 And you'll be like, wait, duh.

Speaker 3 Okay, I'm not crazy. I was just upset.

Speaker 3 One thing I want to point out, one of the biggest hurdles I had to jump through to be able to hear myself more accurately and like tap into my discernment is when I said in the beginning of this, when your life teaches you discernment and people use you and manipulate you and they do whatever they have to do to your mental state to get you to meet needs for them or to feel better if you're at someone's disposal for their emotional needs or they use you to get back at somebody one thing that was big in my life was like People loved to turn me against one another when they were fighting.

Speaker 3 So I was constantly brainwashed about each different person and family dynamics. And I didn't know who the hell was telling the truth about nothing.

Speaker 3 That's why I'm so big on show me the goddamn facts and I know how to spot a liar. I know how to spot lies manipulation and I know how to see motives behind doing something.

Speaker 3 Okay, if you are saying all these things about this certain person, how does it benefit you for me not to like them? That's always my first question.

Speaker 3 But when it comes to being manipulated, one thing I'm going to say, as soon as you realize you're being manipulated, it's no longer manipulation.

Speaker 3 But back to my point, it's the weirdest thing because when you're gaslit, you are taught and you kind of get the experience that you are worthless.

Speaker 3 When you don't trust your own judgment and you don't trust yourself, you don't trust your own perception of things.

Speaker 3 You lose all sense of worth and value because you're dependent on somebody else to reflect it to you.

Speaker 3 It's like when you're a kid and your parent tells you you're good, you're good, you're a good boy, good girl, you a good boy, you're a good girl.

Speaker 3 When you're doing what they want you to do, and then you do something that you thought was good, and

Speaker 3 they actually didn't want that, or they actually didn't like that. Then they say, You're a bad, you're a bad boy, you're a bad girl.

Speaker 3 You learn quickly, don't trust to follow your own instincts and do what you want to do and what you feel is right.

Speaker 3 Then it's like this weird duality where you realize people had false motives for you and they used you for whatever they used you for and then everybody else in your life you walk into it with this subconscious preparation and this like distrust of they're gonna try and use me

Speaker 3 and it's the most painful thing to live with that contradiction inside of you of I feel absolutely worthless and my brain is preparing me and convincing me everyone is trying to use me.

Speaker 3 That was very hard for me to wrap my head around. I was feeling so worthless for so long because of how I was treated.
And being discarded is a big one.

Speaker 3 After you're used and manipulated, and you get discarded by people,

Speaker 3 that just sends you the absolute message. Like, you're worthless.
You're easily discarded.

Speaker 3 So you don't feel like you have anything to give and you feel like very insecure and like worthless, but your brain is stuck in survival mode of like

Speaker 3 they're trying to use me. Now I have to spot their motive before I get caught in that again.

Speaker 3 And it's this thing of like your brain holding on to people might use you again and abuse you mentally for their own gain. And I want to tell you to pay attention to that side.

Speaker 3 The side of you that feels worthless is just because you haven't turned inward. Once you turn back inward and reconnect with yourself is when you feel more whole than ever.

Speaker 3 But your brain is not letting go that you can potentially be used because that is your essence talking to you is what I've learned. Your essence can never be worthless.

Speaker 3 If you have a soul, you're never worthless. If you have a soul, it can be used.

Speaker 3 Now, I want to talk about a couple of the ways that discernment, you could perceive it. So there's a lot of ways that you can feel it.
The main ways that I feel it, I feel it in my chest.

Speaker 3 It will constrict or it will open open up. I'll feel open or I'll feel constricted.
Like that's it.

Speaker 3 It's, it's literally the easiest thing when you know something's right or wrong or feels off or good or bad or whatever. The other way that I dominantly feel it is my energy levels.

Speaker 3 When am I energized and when am I depleted? That is my biggest guide.

Speaker 3 That is my biggest compass in this life is what makes me feel exhausted energetically and what makes me feel uplifted, ready to to go like there's literally certain times where i have to follow that even when it doesn't make sense and that's a weird one with discipline discipline comes that's a that's a hard one to navigate and i think i want to do a podcast eventually once i can articulate it better because i'm still very disciplined but i pay attention to my energy levels it's like i know when to push it and i know when to listen you know Okay, I want to go into a couple of examples of how I live this because a lot of people talk about all this advice on that.

Speaker 3 and they never give practical examples. Like they read some shit off chat GPT and want to go teach a course or make a YouTube video.
Here's my advice. I'm so smart.
Girl, apply it.

Speaker 3 Give me a situation where you apply it.

Speaker 3 You ain't got none.

Speaker 3 Oh, fake guru ass.

Speaker 3 So I'm going to give you the example of my Miami apartment. Because finding my apartment, there was one I was going to get before that.
And I pray and thank God god i did not get the first one

Speaker 3 because i would have been trapped in a year lease oh at a price that was stupid

Speaker 3 but with the inward turn thing when i'm going about life ah you have to be very honest and honest about everything that you feel and what you think and what you want to say yeah you got to be polite but it's like there's a difference between being polite and placating

Speaker 3 There's no manipulation. There's no false motive when I speak or do things.
I'm very direct. Yeah, we'll goof off.
We'll have fun. We'll key, we'll shoot shit.

Speaker 3 But I'm very direct with what I feel, what I want. And when something is off, I will say it.
You don't have to vocalize every single thing that you notice in your feeling. Weirdo.

Speaker 3 You just got to be honest with what you want from situations. I don't lie.
And that snaps me so quickly out of alignment. That's the word I've been looking for this whole time.
Alignment.

Speaker 3 It's basically just staying in alignment alignment with your soul and discernment helps you stay there wow that just made it real simple

Speaker 3 lying snaps you right out of it unless you're lying for like your own physical safety so when i got my apartment in miami it was the second one that i actually liked so when i was touring apartments with my realtor when i was going into these apartments I was paying attention to when my chest would let go.

Speaker 3 It was tight all day. It was tight the entire time I was trying to find the apartment.

Speaker 3 And when I would walk into an apartment, I would know immediately when I walked in the door because my chest would not relax.

Speaker 3 I would walk through certain rooms and sometimes it would just constrict tighter.

Speaker 3 But I would stand in the kitchen looking out the window, looking at the view, looking at whatever, and I couldn't get my chest to just relax. My soul said, no.
We toured like eight or nine apartments.

Speaker 3 And my realtor, I became good friends with him. But I was kind of irritated with myself because I'm like, I feel like I'm wasting this dude's time.
We run around to how many places

Speaker 3 and I don't like none of them. Like my chest literally, I didn't, every single one, I was like, I could make it work.
I'm not paying Miami prices for I can make it work.

Speaker 3 Every apartment in Miami, if you want something half worth the shit, is over 10 grand a month. These people posted online, oh, it's 4,000, 5,000.
Yeah, for a shit box, just to be quite honest.

Speaker 3 Or you're going to have three roommates. So, Miami was ridiculous, but yeah, I was not, I can make it work nothing.
Okay, so I was very rigid about that. I ain't making shit work.

Speaker 3 I gotta love it if I'm paying more than that. Oh,

Speaker 3 so the point I want to bring up with the whole Miami thing is like the pressure started getting high for me to find a place because I did feel like I'm very considerate.

Speaker 3 I was worrying about my realtor, and I was like, he's run around so many places with me, taking me to all these places.

Speaker 3 And logically, a few of them made a lot of sense.

Speaker 3 But I didn't feel it. The other angle of pressure was I was there for two weeks and it was getting close to the point that I was going to leave.

Speaker 3 And I wanted to go back to Miami when I went back with already my apartment picked out and ready to go and like move in. I didn't want to have to be paying for hotels again when I went back to Miami.

Speaker 3 So I wanted to find my apartment on that trip.

Speaker 3 I ended up accepting and cutting my losses i was like i'm just gonna trust it's happening how it's meant to and that is the best and most comforting thing i've ever found cocaine don't comfort me like my soul does alcohol don't comfort me like my soul does no drug or substance or nothing can comfort me more than knowing that i listened to my discernment and my soul and it didn't line up something what i want did not happen when i needed it to happen is because it's for a better thing that's coming.

Speaker 3 And I full-fledged 100% believe that. And it's just a matter of how quickly can you go back to trusting that because it's very easy to get discouraged.
I've been discouraged many times.

Speaker 3 So while looking for apartments, I found one that I liked a lot. I don't want to say loved.
The place was empty, no furniture. So I was going to have to furnish it.

Speaker 3 It was in the Aston Martin building, sickening. And I felt like obligated because I I was with my sister at the time and she was going to live with me.

Speaker 3 And I was like, I need to get a place that's big enough for both of us. And I like space, I like to be left the fuck alone.
So we needed like a really big spot.

Speaker 3 And girl, Miami, please, that's the worst place trying to get a big house or like a big apartment. Oh my god, they're gonna ring you like a little wet towel.

Speaker 3 But I find this one apartment and it happened by like surprise. I was like, wait, my soul just line this up.
Like, what do you mean?

Speaker 3 Perfect. Because I saw one unit and it was two artsy fartsy los angeles

Speaker 3 light brown wood bullshit

Speaker 3 i hate that

Speaker 3 oh the no personality in an apartment i can't take it there was like that unit that they renovated to look like la

Speaker 3 and then there was the exact same unit not renovated that way it was renovated like a more thickening like Miami vibe way you know with the white tile floors the black kitchen very miami i was like this is what i'm talking about and that's that's the one where I'm like, oh my God, my soul lined this up because I liked the layout of that one.

Speaker 3 I just didn't like how they renovated it. Ugly.

Speaker 3 It happened by surprise. We found the other one, the exact same one in the same.
It was the exact same layout, exact same unit, two floors up. Much more of you to ocean.

Speaker 3 Two more floors worth of Yodi Ocean. Right? Very excited.
I go, I love it. I tour it.
I haggle. I get down to a price that I like.
My realtor submits an offer. It's a year lease.

Speaker 3 I'm not good with commitment. My My soul likes to just up and run.
The realtor basically came back and said,

Speaker 3 we'll take the offer. Like, you got the apartment.
And I was like, woo, for a minute. Like, but I didn't feel happy.
I didn't feel relieved. I was like, I don't know.
I just felt a little off.

Speaker 3 And then I was like, okay, I guess I got the apartment. I was like, I guess I could be excited a little.
Woo, like.

Speaker 3 I was more relieved the hunt was over, you know, because I didn't want to leave Miami without finding the apartment.

Speaker 3 And then a few minutes later, my realtor calls me back and goes, hey, the owner of the unit said that his brother is going through a divorce and he just called him and he needs to come stay at the apartment.

Speaker 3 Like he's going to give it to his brother. So like, you can't have the apartment anymore.
And I was like, okay, like I understand.

Speaker 3 Family comes before anybody. Like if there's actually a problem going on with the family, I'm not going to give a shit.
Like I'll find something else. But that's how they proposed it.

Speaker 3 Was the owner said, My brother just found out he's getting divorced and he needs to come stay at the apartment for a while.

Speaker 3 So you're not going to get the apartment anymore after they accepted my offer. So I was like, okay, that's fine.

Speaker 3 Few minutes later, this all had all these conversations happened while I was at the gym. Like every, like every 15, 20 minutes, he'd call me back with a new update.

Speaker 3 Then my realtor calls me back after that and goes, okay, hey, so what's really going on is they had another offer that was like a little little bit higher than yours and they were going to take that and then it fell through.

Speaker 3 So now your offer is back on the table and they said that you can have the apartment if you want it. No,

Speaker 3 that

Speaker 3 rubbed me absolutely the wrong way. I don't want, I will never feel safe.

Speaker 3 being in business or doing any kind of anything where a liar has control over me because my brain starts flashing all the different ways he can fuck with me once I'm in the apartment.

Speaker 3 I already know you're a liar. You're motivated by money.
I understand you want to get the highest price. There's a way to go about it with integrity, you pussy.

Speaker 3 So, my thought is: imagine I get into the unit.

Speaker 3 He's saying I can rent it for a year, and then I'll have first dibs on if I want to renew it for two, three years, because I would have had to furnish the entire place. That was one of my concerns.

Speaker 3 I don't want to have to furnish the entire thing, and then him kick me out. How do I now know that you and I'm going to trust that you would honor that? So imagine a year in.

Speaker 3 I want to renew and he's like, oh, no, you can't. Now you got 30 days to get out and get everything that you furnished it with out.

Speaker 3 My brain flashed that. My brain also flashed how landlords can fuck with you and evict you and cry and complain and make up stupid complaints and twist the system.

Speaker 3 And these big units in Miami, anybody could pay for anything. My brain started immediately seeing snake in the grass and I'm chopping your fucking head off.
No deal.

Speaker 3 I said, I don't want the apartment because I will will not feel safe in it at all i don't care how inconvenient that is for you had he just been honest and said i got a higher offer i probably would have matched it or offered more

Speaker 3 had you been honest and direct with me the fact that you lied and you had to get my emotions involved and get sympathy from me that your brother was going through divorce and you were gonna i respected your loyalty to your brother now i have zero respect from you.

Speaker 3 I don't even think you got a bride.

Speaker 3 And if you do got a bride, hopefully, get stuck at divorce. Heh, but that whole situation,

Speaker 3 had you just been honest with me, I'd have played ball, which you dumb bitch. You would have probably got more money out of me because I needed a place.

Speaker 3 And I was a little bit like, ah, I under, I lowballed a good amount, but I'll come up. But this dude lying, saying this whole story, now I don't trust you.
Now I'll never feel safe there.

Speaker 3 And I'm not paying over $15,000 a month to live somewhere and not have peace of fucking mind.

Speaker 3 I can lay my head to rest and not stress about the person who owns the units going to try and fuck with me if he just feels like it one day. And I'm not being dramatic when I say that.

Speaker 3 It's happened to many people that I know. And especially when you play in higher rent brackets, these people want money.

Speaker 3 And if they can evict you and not have to give you your deposit back, a deposit's going to be like 15, 20 grand at this place.

Speaker 3 We're not not talking a little bit of money they'll snatch it and you got to pay usually two months rent up front plus the deposit sometimes it's three months rent up front so you got to pay at least like 80 to 100 grand to get in it and if they want to come up with some lie and kick you out they can and what do they do keep your money you're not with me i would have burned it down but my intuition was pinging off the wall i did not care that I got the apartment.

Speaker 3 Oh, I got the good news. Okay, now they're willing to take your offer, even though it was lower than the other guys.
Other guy fell out too.

Speaker 3 Now you're sitting here like an idiot with your dick in your hand. You ain't got no tenants who want to rent from you.
You lying little rat.

Speaker 3 And then I started to notice in my brain, I was like, why do I have to be so

Speaker 3 paranoid?

Speaker 3 I started to notice I was getting mad at myself for feeling like I didn't want that apartment anymore because logically it was good. The price I negotiated was really good for what it was.

Speaker 3 And I was starting to notice I was turning the knife on myself. Instead of turning inward and trusting it, I turned the knife on myself.
Why can't you just be happy with it?

Speaker 3 And as soon as I said that, I stopped. I was like, nope, I'm confident in my decision.
Fuck that place. We'll find somewhere else.
I don't care if it's inconvenient. It is what it is.

Speaker 3 I can't change how my brain works. I can't change my discernment that I have.
I see things other people don't. And I have things to worry about that other people don't.

Speaker 3 So I ended up not getting the apartment. And I came back to Dallas and I was like, my soul is going to have to figure this one out.
Cause I'm trusting it.

Speaker 3 If nothing lined up, okay, I'm happy I didn't take that one unit. Great.

Speaker 3 And when I was in Miami, I went and met up with my friend who gave me that bird game. We met, we hung out, love her.
And I saw her a lot when I was there.

Speaker 3 I was mentioning to her how I was looking for apartments in Miami. And I was like, I wish I could find a place that was like month to month or like a three-month kind of like lease.

Speaker 3 So I could figure out where I want to be, what area. because I don't want to get stuck in a lease that's really expensive and not like where I'm at.

Speaker 3 And I had a set time of when I needed to go back to Miami and like officially move there. Because when I was there, I was meeting a lot of people, doing a lot of things.

Speaker 3 The point is, I had to go back to Miami and like officially move. So I came back here.
I was like, I'm just going to trust it. I don't have a place yet.

Speaker 3 I don't want to have to pay for a hotel, but if that's what my soul wants to do, I guess I'll go back and just pay for hotels and be back when I need to be back. Whatever.
This period of like

Speaker 3 trying to trust and not take control of things and act out of anxiety, it's like trying to hold a wild horse back by the reins, like trying to

Speaker 3 hold myself back from anxiously getting online and looking for an apartment and trying to like push something and make it work and line it up myself.

Speaker 3 Get out of God's way. I've said that before.
I'm not God. I'm not setting up nothing.
If I'm trusting my soul, my soul is going to have to pull some slack and fucking do something.

Speaker 3 Because I gave you two weeks to find a place you didn't find nothing you didn't like nothing so you're gonna have to handle it and it was nerve-wracking when i was trying to like not let myself just jump out of anxiety i don't jump out of desperation or anxiety and fear i want to i feel the urge to i don't do that i don't take those actions it never leads anywhere good i don't care how desperate i feel i don't do that i'm happy i didn't Because my friend with the Birkin, Miss Birkin, reached out to me a couple of days before I was going back to Miami and was like, hey, so one of my friends has this unit.

Speaker 3 He has two different units that he'd be willing to rent to you with a three-month exit.

Speaker 3 So the way that it was set up with the apartment that I got was a year lease, but there was a stipulation in the contract where I could terminate after three months if I wanted to.

Speaker 3 So she was like, you could stay for three months and leave. You have to stay a minimum three months, but you could stay six months and leave.

Speaker 3 You could stay the whole year and then renew you could do whatever you want to do but it gives you the free like free reign to kind of come and go as you please because she knows how much they will be i was like wait is this kiss them peche

Speaker 3 so she had her friend go take videos and pictures of the units and the one that i got was in the perfect little location better than the place i was looking at for the aston martin

Speaker 3 i liked the unit a lot from the photos and i was like i'm just gonna have to trust this

Speaker 3 and when i was looking at the videos looking looking at the photos i liked the apartment my soul kind of like relaxed a little bit my chest opened up a little i was like it feels right let's do it so i got that apartment and that's the one that i was staying in and now i see clearly thank god i did not lock myself into a year lease because miami was meant to be a lesson for me.

Speaker 3 I think I'll always go back to Miami to vacation here and there, but living there is not my thing.

Speaker 3 I don't know if I'll end up back in like south florida not miami maybe like different areas i don't know i might live there but it will not be in brickle it will not be in the city of miami no desire whatsoever

Speaker 3 that was alignment and i'm so glad i listened because had i been stuck in that one apartment It would have costed me close to 50 something grand to break the lease, 40 grand to break the lease to be able to leave.

Speaker 3 I would have thrown up. I would have made myself stay because I would not have paid that.
I would not have just wasted that money.

Speaker 3 And Miami was a whole like learning curve and spiritual wake-up call from hell.

Speaker 3 Big time. Like, I have a whole different perspective of money.
And like, I could not have afforded that first apartment that I liked anyway. I'm so beyond grateful.

Speaker 3 I listened to myself because I could not have afforded that place with how much I do for other people. I retired my mom.
So I give her a certain amount every month.

Speaker 3 I have a lot of recurring bills and a lot of people that I also help, friends, family, stuff like that, where my bills, like just what I give to people a month is like 20 grand a month. So

Speaker 3 anything for myself is on top of that. And

Speaker 3 to tack up my living expenses to $40,000 a month, that's unrealistic. And I wasn't seeing it.
I was just so focused on like trying to get me and my sister situated and

Speaker 3 go live in Miami and do all. I'm so glad I woke up.
I'm so glad I trusted my soul. It all lined up how it was meant to.
I did it. I went.
I saw and I was able to get out luckily.

Speaker 3 And I'm not the type to like take from other people that I give to. Like I'll never take more from my mom.
I'd rather take from myself first because like I can sustain my basic living needs easily.

Speaker 3 I can cut back on the stupid shit that I buy. I would cut my own lifestyle before I cut paying for people's necessities.
You know what I mean? But that's example one.

Speaker 3 This podcast is going to be real long. So my second example of how discernment kicks my ass, but like a way that it happened emotionally.
So one day when I was in Miami, I was...

Speaker 3 going through like a healing process and I like I got sober and a lot of mental things was coming up. I was going through a lot of this inward turn stuff.

Speaker 3 Out of the blue, out of nowhere one day, I started to get this like impending sense of doom of like, I've done something wrong. Like I'm about to be punished, like a little kid in trouble.

Speaker 3 I felt like a child that was about to get in trouble for something and I could not comfort myself. You know that exact feeling I'm talking about of like guilty, but I didn't do anything.

Speaker 3 Like nothing happened. I was literally just in my kitchen, walking through my kitchen, about to go sit on the couch and i got hit with this and i was like what

Speaker 3 nothing triggered it nothing happened so i was so confused and i started to try and logic myself into it i was like leo what the like you're a grown-ass man you pay all your own bills you make your own money nobody tells you what to do you haven't done anything so what is this impending sense of doom about like you're in trouble who's gonna get you in trouble like really i was like trying to logic with myself like leo you're fine you're safe you're here like what the hell's the problem why are you over y'all being all dramatic i couldn't figure myself out i was like what's going on and it got so bad i literally got on the couch wrapped myself in a blanket and was sitting there because the feeling was so overwhelming i just closed my eyes and sunk into it Teoswan talks about this healing process where you go revisit memories in the past and you rewrite them.

Speaker 3 So this whole emotional state, I closed my eyes and it's like I sunk into it. I didn't have to try.
This memory flashed back of when I was younger and I was in the memory as me now.

Speaker 3 One time when I was in fourth grade, I don't know if I should name drop this cunt, but this fourth grade teacher that I had had a hard on for me, hated me. I don't know why, didn't like me.

Speaker 3 I was a good kid. I was an easy kid.
My sister was a nightmare for my parents. I was a good kid.
I shut up. I minded my business.
I did my work. I always did good in school.
And I would draw a lot.

Speaker 3 I used to like to draw and like paint shit. Like, I was an easy kid.
Followed the rules. Okay.
Yeah, I'd be some people up here and I was bullying me. It was always there.
I was fine.

Speaker 3 I was a good kid. But this was before I started fighting.
This was before that little innocence I had flipped and I started beating the shit out of people who wanted to bully me.

Speaker 3 Like I started bucking back. This was before that.

Speaker 3 So I was in fourth grade and this teacher that I had was a fucking bitch. And my grandmother on my dad's side, she's Albanian.
And she used to bring me food.

Speaker 3 She like at lunch sometimes, if she was eating Firehouse or like Firehouse Subs, it's like a little restaurant we used to always go to. I love the salads from there in a little sandwich.

Speaker 3 So my grandma sometimes would stop and drop me off food to the school when it was time for me to eat. So I would take it to the lunchroom.
Kids would pack their lunch and take it to the lunch.

Speaker 3 People would go get school lunch. I would eat school lunch.
I would pack lunch. It's just depending on what I wanted to do.
Mainly, I would eat the lunch at the school.

Speaker 3 But after a few times of my grandmother bringing me food, this teacher had an issue and was pocket watching and was watching me get food. And this one time in class, I forget what happened.

Speaker 3 I don't know the exact details, but I called her a bitch because she was just on me.

Speaker 3 And she sends me to the principal's office. One of my good friends in fourth grade, you had to walk kids to the office.
So they would always have to buddy you up with somebody.

Speaker 3 So I got buddied up with this girl and I'm not going to name drop her, but just know I still have resentment for you. Ooh.

Speaker 3 So this girl, she gets assigned to have to walk me to the principal's office because I called my teacher a bitch. And I only called you a bitch because I didn't know the word cunt back then.

Speaker 3 Had I known that word, had it been in my vocabulary, that's what I would have called you, Miss Tyndall. I will name drop the bitch.
She earned it. This is the message to teachers.

Speaker 3 Be careful with your kids. Be genuine with your kids that you raised because you will make an impression on any kid that you teach.
It can be good or it can be bad, and you can decide.

Speaker 3 And you never know what they're going to turn into and who they're going to turn into. Be careful what you do with these fucking kids.

Speaker 3 Because I have some teachers that have made such an impression on me, like Miss Hammer. That was my favorite fifth grade teacher.
Oh my God, a gift from God Himself. Love her.
Still think of her.

Speaker 3 There's so many teachers I had that still hold such a place in my heart. And I love them.

Speaker 3 And they were so integral to me getting to where i am but just in my own knowledge and like things that they repaired for me and like self-esteem stuff teachers are very important if you don't like kids do not be a teacher you don't get paid enough go into a different field little me is pissed and he's screaming at you heh but that's my point to the teachers i go to the principal's office my friends walk at me i was like you know what She can kiss my ass.

Speaker 3 I was like confiding in my friend. I was like, she can kiss my ass.
Okay. She's been on me, whatever.
Like just bullying the shit out of me. I'm getting bullied enough.
Leave me alone, TJ.

Speaker 3 And basically my friend that I said, when it was just me and her walking to the principal's office, yeah, she can kiss my ass. She went back and ratted me out and told the teacher I said that.

Speaker 3 The teacher and the principal call my parents and they call my mom and made up this whole story about

Speaker 3 me and what I said and what I did and exacerbated it and flared it up and said all this shit.

Speaker 3 And the teacher said, yeah, and you need to stop having whoever's bringing Leo lunch bring it because he acts like a big shot when he gets the food delivered because he's eating a sub and everybody else is eating what they brought and eating normal school lunch.

Speaker 3 So that separates the class and he acts like he's better than everybody because he gets food brought to him.

Speaker 3 What would really happen?

Speaker 3 When I would get food brought to me is I would share it. You fucking cunt.
That was my my first experience of people absolutely lying on me just to get me in trouble.

Speaker 3 And now it makes sense why I get so mad when people do that shit to me online. Oh my God.

Speaker 3 Like, how

Speaker 3 putrid of a person are you as a teacher? Most of the times I would get food brought to me. I would go through the lunch line and get actual school lunch.

Speaker 3 And I would eat that because I would share so much of the food brought to me that I didn't have enough to eat for myself.

Speaker 3 How, as a teacher, are you going to see that? And then punish this kid I don't understand. There's a special place in hell for you.

Speaker 3 So this memory flashes up. I had to give you the whole backstory, but this memory flashes up.

Speaker 3 And when I got home from school, my mom took everything out of my room, every single thing I have besides my bed. And I was grounded for a month.

Speaker 3 Couldn't have my laptop, couldn't have nothing, couldn't have my drawing shit. I could have a book if I wanted to read, but I had to stay in my room until it was time for dinner.

Speaker 3 I could eat and then I can go back to my room. My mom was not a bad mom.
Like you should hold your kids accountable and punish them and like duh, but you do need to trust your kids is what I will say.

Speaker 3 Because that was not fair for who I truly was and who I truly am. And then my dad came over.
They were divorced and I saw my room was empty after I got my ass spanked. And then I was like, I'm done.

Speaker 3 I'm out of here. And I took off running out the door and I was hauling ass down the street.
And I was like, I'm running away. I'm getting out of here.
I don't know where I'm going.

Speaker 3 I don't know what I'm doing, but I'll figure it out. I was in fourth grade and I was running away from home.
Didn't care. Was not going to deal with that.
I was like, hell no. So I took off.

Speaker 3 And my dad came driving down the road. I didn't even make it like a mile down the road.

Speaker 3 And my dad drove in his car and and came and picked me up, put me back in the car, and I got thanked again for running away.

Speaker 3 But in this whole memory, it gets worse. There was this lady in the neighborhood that would come over and make sure I stayed in my room.
It was like a family friend kind of thing.

Speaker 3 And this girl, there had been times where I would just be sitting on the couch and she would walk by me and just smack the fuck out of me.

Speaker 3 Like from behind, would just smack me on the the back of the head smack me across my face for no reason literally would just laugh after she did it from like a young age and like this bitch i never told my mom about that but she came over to the house and my mom would have beat her if she found out that

Speaker 3 she'd have been scalped she'd look like me if my mom found out about that she'd have been drowned in a river

Speaker 3 So this bitch comes over. Let me be a little polite.
This bitch comes over. That's accurate.

Speaker 3 And and she's watching me and i was sick so i was taking antibiotics it was time for me to take my antibiotics and i felt a little like queasy so i was like i like i don't want to take them yet like i'll take them in like a few minutes and the girl took the antibiotic and shoved it down my throat i walked in the bathroom and i threw up in the sink After she was dog cussing me out, screaming at me, smacked me, shoved the antibiotic down my throat.

Speaker 3 i actually threw up because a dry antibiotic tastes like shit it's like it dissolved halfway down my throat and it made me gag it was bitter it was disgusting and that made me actually throw up and i had just eaten dinner so i threw up my dinner in the sink and she comes in there and smacks me on the back of my head because i threw up this is the memory i went back to This is the first one I went back to.

Speaker 3 And I was standing there at the bathroom and I was watching me throw up and I was watching this bitch. And when she smacked me on the back of my head, I moved little me out of the way.

Speaker 3 I grabbed her by the back of her hair and smashed her face into the sink until the sink broke. She's bleeding, crying, screaming.

Speaker 3 That was emotional healing for me. To go back and revisit that mentally,

Speaker 3 that was healing. Absolutely.
I went back and corrected that shit. And little me was like this.

Speaker 3 This emotional state like brought me back to that. And then, because that was like how that happened after I got grounded.
That was like while I got grounded.

Speaker 3 And then as soon as I did that, my emotional and mental state like shifted me back to the memory of when I got home from school that day. So I'm standing there in the kitchen.
I'm like, ah, wait.

Speaker 3 And I got little me. I put him behind me.
I said, now you two. And I talked to my parents.
Forgive me for being this disrespectful, but this was my own healing process inside my emotional system.

Speaker 3 I said, listen here.

Speaker 3 You two going to shut the fuck up. You're not going to touch this kid.
You're going to go put all his shit back in his fucking room now.

Speaker 3 You're going to understand. You're going to see his heart.
You know your son better than this bitch is painting him out to be. Do not trust this cunt.
Have you lost your mind?

Speaker 3 You know this little boy. You know his heart.
Now act like it. If he called this woman a bitch, it's because she had it.
Come in. Okay.
I'm going to validate this. I'm, I'm older, Leo.

Speaker 3 I'm telling you the truth about this. Yeah.
Did he need to swear? No, but correct that. That was me now.
I went back into the memory and that's how I corrected the situation.

Speaker 3 I put little me behind me and I stood up for him and I stood up for his heart. I didn't just senselessly attack my parents, but I checked them in that

Speaker 3 emotional process. Like I checked them and I said

Speaker 3 what little me couldn't because he didn't know that he could stand up for himself like that. I went back as me now.
A lot more memories unlocked.

Speaker 3 And I went and did the same thing with so many memories where I was punished past my heart.

Speaker 3 That was the theme and the thing that I needed to heal and see inside myself is

Speaker 3 there's so many times in my life where people have punished me beyond the point of where they forget my heart. I can never hurt someone I love.

Speaker 3 And if I've seen your heart and I see you're truly a good person, I cannot punish you to a point where I have to disconnect from seeing that to continue hitting you, to continue hurting you.

Speaker 3 I don't like punishment that is too far. And there's so many times in my life where I've been punished past my heart.

Speaker 3 People have had to forget about my heart and forget about who I am and demonize me and convince themselves I'm an evil little shit.

Speaker 3 From a kid to now, People have to convince themselves that I'm evil so they can continue feeling justified to hurt me. And that is something I had to see and acknowledge in myself.

Speaker 3 And that is what that entire impending sense of doom was about. It was that whole reintegration period and rewriting of like an emotional narrative that I've had.

Speaker 3 I think it's important to bring that up with discernment because no matter how much I tried to logic myself out of feeling anxious and feeling like I was going to get in trouble, I couldn't reassure myself.

Speaker 3 It didn't work. So that's when you know it's your soul guiding you toward an inward turn with that aspect, like a discerning thing.
Is if you cannot logically ration your way out of an emotion, go in.

Speaker 3 What needs to be seen? What needs to be revisited is kind of like my approach now. But once I came out of that whole like visualization of like going back through all that, I felt so at peace.

Speaker 3 I felt like so much had healed. And the way that my life has kind of changed since and the way that I feel about things is a lot different.

Speaker 3 I like it, it's nice. So, my last example was the truck.
When I went to go find the truck, moral of a story is: I went to this first dealership, and this guy was full of shit, and I could feel it.

Speaker 3 And it was just one of those things where, like, a typical car salesman with the typical tactics and the typical bullshit, and I was just over it.

Speaker 3 The truck that I got has a five-foot bed, they only had a six-foot bed in stock and they were trying to sell me that and they were trying to lie to me and tell me, no, they only make a six foot bed.

Speaker 3 This is the shortest bed. You can get an extended, this is the shortest that this truck comes with.
And I didn't feel right about it. I didn't know they were lying yet.

Speaker 3 So I looked on Google and I was googling pictures of a truck and I went to the actual Chevrolet website and built the truck.

Speaker 3 like built it on the little like builder and you got the option to change the bed size so i showed them i was like hey here you go they do make it you just don't have it oh my god they were doubling down they were pushing so hard it's the only one that they make and then as soon as i put proof in front of their face then it's oh i had no idea but let me go talk to my manager about what i just kept catching them in so many lies and so many little like things they were trying to do and they were trying to sell me certain trucks then they couldn't give me the one that i wanted so they find the one they tell me oh this is the one that you want they tried to sell me a diesel truck truck at first.

Speaker 3 Then I said, No, I want gas only. So they get the gas one in for me.
They're like, Oh, we already have it. We'll bring it in from the warehouse.
And they come in, and there's no sunroof in it.

Speaker 3 Oh, we could put one in for you. Um, we could just put it in for you.
No, aftermarket sunroofs leak. I don't want no fucking aftermarket sunroof.
I'm buying a brand new truck, cash.

Speaker 3 Why are you dicking me around? Why are you playing with me? Like, I wouldn't just walk the fuck out.

Speaker 3 So, all the little things that I wanted were non-negotiable in the the truck there was a couple of things that i wanted the five foot bed the sunroof all black interior black exterior four wheel drive all terrain tires was so difficult i wanted a technology package too there's a couple little things i wanted that were non-negotiable and once they realized i'm not bending and i'm two seconds from walking out this door They go pulling up cars online.

Speaker 3 They start pulling them up on their little system seeing, oh, we're going to see if we can find exactly what you want and then we're going to work out a deal for you.

Speaker 3 While they're doing that, I was already over it. I was looking up inventory of the trucks that I wanted.
The same thing they were doing, I was doing it.

Speaker 3 I screenshotted four that were within a 20-mile radius of where I was sitting. So I was like, I could drive to any of these and get the truck.
They have it in stock. So I didn't tell them that.

Speaker 3 They came out with, oh, we have the closest truck is in Austin, Texas. But we're not going to be able to give you as much of a discount on it because I was haggling.

Speaker 3 We're not going to be able to give you as much off because it's their dealership. We're going to have to get it transported in.

Speaker 3 Basically, I was going to be paying $5,000 more than the already agreed upon price for a truck with a shorter bed. That was gas instead of diesel.
So I said, okay. Riddle me this.

Speaker 3 Why would I not just drive to Austin myself? Three hours drive is worth five grand to me.

Speaker 3 Why don't I just drive there, buy the truck and shortcut y'all and get a better deal with them where does that not make logical sense why would i continue working with you well leo we want your business and you've got a friend in me for life like i didn't just even if you get a truck from me or you don't i want you just know you got a friend in me for life i don't want your friendship weirdo snake the thing that really irritated me was i got recognized when i was in a dealership and the guy that came up to me worked at the dealership

Speaker 3 and he said Something about me reading the Bible online. He's proud of me for posting about it.
He's like, keep going, encourage. And he was very sweet.

Speaker 3 And then the guy that I was dealing with started to try and use the Bible and use scripture to validate his point. It says in the Bible not to add weight to your argument or your word with scripture.

Speaker 3 Stupid. Read the Bible you're trying to throw at me, pussy.
Oh my God. I want to beat him with a Bible.

Speaker 3 Like I said, I'm still fresh into it. I still want to beat people.

Speaker 3 He starts trying to talk about christianity to me he starts trying to talk about who he's a man of god i said you're

Speaker 3 not

Speaker 3 i got irritated i was not entertaining nothing to do with that conversation it really pissed me off and i told him i was like now you've pissed me off okay you saying

Speaker 3 you got cars the closest one is in austin i was like why did i just find four that are within driving distance to me right now at other dealerships. Is it because you still wanted the money?

Speaker 3 And the manager of the place was here too. I was talking to him and the guy, the salesperson that I was dealing with, I was talking to them both like this.

Speaker 3 After you lie to me, you get what you had coming to you. Why did I just find four? The manager goes, oh, no, we checked on those.
Those are still in transit. They're being shipped to the dealership.

Speaker 3 They won't be there for a couple of weeks, maybe a month. My soul, all of a sudden,

Speaker 3 wanted to get out. I got up and walked out.

Speaker 3 And I drove to the dealership that had said that the truck was in stock. I don't know what it was.
My soul was like pissed. I was pissed.
My soul was pissed. For you to piss off my soul is crazy.

Speaker 3 But my soul wanted out of there. My chest was tight.
I was irritated.

Speaker 3 And I was like, at this point, if they even find the truck that I want, if they're telling the truth, I don't even want to buy it from them. So what am I still doing here? I got up and left.

Speaker 3 And my soul, I was going to call the dealership that says it had it in stock and try and confirm what the guy said. Is it in transit or is it actually there? It says available now.

Speaker 3 So I was like, I'm not checking nothing.

Speaker 3 My soul was like getting antsy it was like such a clear direction of like just get in the car and drive there i pull up with the dealership they had two of my exact truck that i wanted since i walked in the door of a second dealership my chest expanded everybody was so sweet this guy ivan was that was the guy that sold me the truck he was so nice We went and test drove the car, had a hoot.

Speaker 3 But every moment of that second dealership was enjoyable. I was getting recognized boots.
A couple of the employees come and took pictures.

Speaker 3 A couple of people that were shopping come and took pictures. I was going outside.

Speaker 3 I would smoke a little cigarette, come back in, haggle with them a little bit, go smoke a cigarette, come back in and haggle with them a little bit.

Speaker 3 I got the truck down to a perfect price and I had fun. It was such a good experience.
I got a really good deal and I got the exact truck that I wanted.

Speaker 3 I did have to wait a couple of days because I got the bed cover installed and it took like three days for them to order it and put it on. And I picked it up.
Everything was fine. Like

Speaker 3 my soul led me to that. And the truck that I got at this dealership was

Speaker 3 all

Speaker 3 the fucking gigs and gadgets and all the things, anything you can add onto the truck, it was maxed out. Every feature you can put on this bitch, I got it.

Speaker 3 And I got it for the same price the other dealership was trying to fuck me on. That's how bad they were trying to do me.

Speaker 3 I think it also helped that they recognized me and they were

Speaker 3 sweet, but I got a good deal. Cause one, I'm a stickler, I'll haggle you, bitch.
But it was fun, I was haggling them because I had fun.

Speaker 3 I was not irritated at one point, I was like having a good time at the second dealership. The first one was such a bad experience, but Ivan was younger and he did none of those typical sales tactics.

Speaker 3 I walked in, said, Look, I just left another dealership. They were fucking with me.
They pissed me off. This is the exact truck that I want.
I'm not bending on nothing. This is what I want.

Speaker 3 If you don't have it, let's find it. I'm paying cash today in full.
I'm done with it. This is what I want.
Do you have it? I went in so clean cut, straight, just like, this is it.

Speaker 3 He was like, yeah, I mean, look, looks it up. Finds, yeah, we got two.
You want to see them? Pulls it around immediately. Like that experience was so much better.
But there was this girl there.

Speaker 3 One of the people that came up to me was an employee at the dealership. She came up to me and she was like getting a little bit emotional.
And she was like, I just have to say, I got diagnosed with MS

Speaker 3 and I started to lose my vision and i went blind and she said i would listen to your podcasts

Speaker 3 even though i couldn't see you like you comforted me you were the voice and i heard you and you got me through so much

Speaker 3 and she was like now i'm good again and i looked at her it was such an emotional moment i had to choke back tears i don't cry in front of people i don't cry in public but that meant so much to me and i was like look at you seeing and shit i was like oh my god, like I hugged her, she cried, I cried inside.

Speaker 3 Like, it was such a sweet moment, and it really touched me. And it changed the way that I see what I do,

Speaker 3 and it made me very, very happy.

Speaker 3 And I needed that interaction, and I think that is what my soul was itching for me to go for because I also learned a lot more about discernment from that first dealership.

Speaker 3 But, like, coming to the second one, I got exactly what I wanted.

Speaker 3 When I wanted it, I got actually better than what I wanted without having to go anywhere out of town, I got a way better truck with everything I wanted plus more.

Speaker 3 And I had that interaction with that girl. And I have a connect now there with the owner, who was cool.

Speaker 3 But leaving that first dealership and then everything lining up literally reestablished like my trust and my soul and everything.

Speaker 3 Because after that first dealership, I was like, I don't even want a truck no more. If this is what I'm going to have to go through, fuck the truck.
I'm not doing this. Like, I was so irritated.

Speaker 3 And I like, all my excitement for the truck got blown out. And then going to the second dealership, like just following my little soul, it wanted to go.
So we went.

Speaker 3 I was like, I'm probably wasting my time, but whatever. It fixed it all.
And I got my truck. And I love my truck.
I've been riding around doing things. So those are the three examples.

Speaker 3 Those are all the little ways that discernment's been really showing itself to me. And I really do see it as a gift.
Like, this is the way to unlock.

Speaker 3 a very spiritual life and like a divinely guided life where everything is better than you thought.

Speaker 3 Very fun.

Speaker 3 But one more thing I do want to say is the confidence that you get turning certain things down because it feels wrong, trusting that it was meant to be. It always

Speaker 3 makes sense. And every time I make a decision or I walk away from something, even though it's something that I want, like it doesn't feel right, I walk away from it.

Speaker 3 I get something better because I waited. And in that waiting period, you get the reassurance to like reconnect to trusting it.

Speaker 3 It's like whenever you feel an emotional distress, it's like, how quickly can you slip back into trusting? Trusting that something better is coming and you walked away for a reason.

Speaker 3 That's kind of the whole narrative of like how I stay in alignment is like, how quickly can I slip back into trusting?

Speaker 3 And that reassurance hits like nothing else of like, okay, I based this off of the way that my soul felt, the way that my discernment hit. It wasn't emotional.
It was from my soul. I trusted that.

Speaker 3 So even though it doesn't make sense right now.

Speaker 3 That's the all the reassurance that you fucking need and it will prove itself over and over and over again from my experience And the other thing with this that I feel like I need to say is when you follow your soul, you can't care what anyone thinks.

Speaker 3 That inward turn has to be inward

Speaker 3 because I don't make no qualms about any change I want to make whenever I want to make it. When I left Miami, I didn't care what anybody thought.

Speaker 3 What anybody thought had no, it didn't even cross my mind. I was so turned inward about how I felt, I was excited to leave.
I felt relieved.

Speaker 3 I'm excited to buy a truck, go run around, do things. Nothing will get me to go against myself.
Other people would have been like, oh, you just got there.

Speaker 3 I need to give it more time. I need to stay.
And I need to give it more time and like stick it out. Fuck no.
I'm out. I learned what I needed to learn.
It's not an emotional decision.

Speaker 3 I'm not homesick and wanted to leave. I still want to sell this house.
But it's a good holding spot for now while I'm going and traveling and doing my thing.

Speaker 3 But once the clarity cracks me of what I want to do next, I'll do it. If my time somewhere is up, it's up.
If I don't need to cut a certain person off, it's time. Like,

Speaker 3 I don't, I genuinely don't understand that.

Speaker 3 And I feel like people always ask me, like, how do you not care what people think? I'm always turned inward.

Speaker 3 Like, how I feel intuitively and what my soul is leading me to matters more to me than what people think of what I'm doing.

Speaker 3 Like with the apartments and with Miami and like with just leaving Miami, I went when I wanted to go. I didn't care what anybody thought I wanted to go.

Speaker 3 I made changes while I was there. I started reading the Bible because I wanted to read the Bible.
I don't know. I didn't care about any consequences that come from online.

Speaker 3 I've been attacked and shredded to bits about reading a goddamn Bible.

Speaker 3 Don't care. I did it because I wanted to do it.

Speaker 3 Like, it really didn't cross my mind. Oh, what are people going to think? So I don't even know how to tell you.
Because like leaving Miami, I feel nothing but like, woo.

Speaker 3 And you could tell from my social media posts since being back in Dallas, I'm just happy as hell. Like,

Speaker 3 go where your heart is, go where your joy is. Go where you're having fun.
Yeah. Like, what the fuck is with the whole like Karen people think? Have you never been suicidal before?

Speaker 3 You don't realize that no man?

Speaker 3 I have. So I could laugh about it.
Like, what? I don't get that.

Speaker 3 What's Karen people think? I'm going to let that stop me. What the fuck?

Speaker 3 I would be nowhere, girl. I would be dead if I didn't listen to my soul.
My soul will destroy me if I don't listen to it.

Speaker 3 I don't get the luxury of caring what people think. When I want to do something, I just got to do it.
My soul and God himself will just humble the shit out of me, beat me down, break me down.

Speaker 3 That's the message I want to leave off with. Don't make no qualms about nothing.
If you want to do something, do it.

Speaker 3 Don't take that out of context neither.

Speaker 3 If you have a desire for something, if you feel called to go do something or try something, that's what i mean go for it don't make no qualms about it just do it even if it's messy my whole move was messy i didn't give a fuck i had fun learned a lot and here i am ready for my next adventure

Speaker 3 oh this was a long episode thank you again for this i just want to say that thank you

Speaker 3 If you made it this far in the episode, comment a little celebration emoji. Like the one with like the little pop with like the confetti.
Like the, what's that called?

Speaker 3 Like the little

Speaker 3 like,

Speaker 3 that was a fart sound. Like what's the little thing where you blow it and it like shoots the confetti out? That, you know, the emoji I'm talking about.
Put that one. Celebration.

Speaker 3 We got the gold plaque.

Speaker 3 That's the emoji for this week for people that made it this far. But a couple of updates before we go.
I guess I'll update you. Tits the season merch has already been shipping.

Speaker 3 Everybody's getting a stuff. They loving it.
Normal merch is back up if you want to buy some.

Speaker 3 Everything that's in stock will ship within a couple of days, like two or three days when you put the order in. So, if you want to order Christmas gifts, it's there.

Speaker 3 I'll put the link in the description: LeoskepicConnection.com.

Speaker 3 All my social media will be in the description if you want to go follow me, keep up with me, what I'm doing. If you want to see the truck, I posted videos about it.
But yeah, that's it.

Speaker 3 Leave me a comment, let me know what you thought too. Put the emoji, also.
Okay, love you so bad. That's all.
Everybody, be safe, take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.

Speaker 3 Hopefully, not sick. I'm done with this laugh.

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