Tracey Carnazzo is #blessed

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Welcome to the shit show.

Things are going to get weird.

It's your fave villain, Kale Lowry to barely famous you look so pretty oh my god you look so pretty no i don't i'm going to a hair appointment after this so that's why i was like let me just throw on a ball cap and throw my hair in a bun i spilled water right on myself right before you came in here and i was like it's fucking friday nope it's fucking thursday so things are going well things are going really well and i heard that your bestie is back on team mom i can't wait no i'm legit pumped we talked last night about who we want back on the show okay we recreated the show okay and it is farah uh-huh janelle okay you no rachel beaver who the fuck is that only the best teen mom ever wait who hold on should I google this yes hold on her name is my little baby beaver 16 and pregnant oh god I love her I love her so much oh wow I feel like I went down this rabbit hole with you before I feel like she's my favorite i love her so much so i'm not your favorite listen you're not breaking the drama like she is okay i mean you're on there but here's the other part of it you're on there but it's big brother style okay and there's no like filming days every day is a filming days you get the edit you get there's no i don't want to talk about that it's like nope here we are so you're on there in a house and just let it be a free-for-all well it's your house but you there's no like oh we're gonna film today let me get ready no no no oh so it's all separated or we're all in the same separated it's all separated but you don't have a filming day every day is a filming day they are filming yeah i know i hate it i want to see everything i fought for oh what not having like having cameras all day no i want no i want cameras all day long that's what i said oh yeah i wanted it to be because i was so tired of recreating things that happened when they weren't here yes and that's when you get the yeah I cheated on you I right what is that scene that Joe I cheated on Jordan with Joe and it was like oh yeah you had to reenact it yes yeah so I fought for like not at that time but like later on I I fought for days that would be like, okay, let's just fight. But it was so expensive.
They couldn't justify, I guess they didn't have the budget for it because that's Jersey Shore style too. Right.
The bathrooms are the only things off limits. And also marriage bootcamp was that way.
And marriage bootcamp, I mean, they even, we, they could record conversations while we were in the shower. I love this.
See, this is what I want. I want to know everything.
There's no, like, I don't want to talk about that. I don't want to talk about that.
No, I want to hear it. But I wanted to talk about it, but fully candid and all the drama not edited down and I'm going to get it.
you know what i mean so i love that but um yeah i got a call yesterday and it was like you want to laugh and i was like what and she was like homegirls going back on the show i was like good for her i think it's like one episode though no really you think it's the whole thing i don't know if it's the whole thing but i think she's back for good like however long they continue this interesting well that would be my guess because why bring her back for one are they just testing out to see if it brings the ratings maybe the ratings are not great i heard they're like 150 000 so the thing is i feel like my podcast gets more views than the show and it's like okay so why are we doing this also why am I not casting the show why is 16 and pregnant not back we need fresh blood I don't want

to see everyone with money you know how I feel about this I want to watch the struggle bus and

the thing is it's like the problem I want to yeah let's cast the show let's band together and cast

the show now here's the problem right you're like oh I'm not your favorite it's like kale

The problem is is that things are going well yeah and I like that for you as my friend I don't want to watch a show about everything being fine yeah yeah it's like no no I want to watch like I okay think I, I think I've spoken about this before in my ideal situation. Uh, everyone makes money, but we withhold it for five years.
Okay. Okay.
I will keep the bank. And then after five years, I will release your funds, but I need to watch everyone struggle for five years.
And then, then you are released with, with a lot of money. Cause it's five years of salary.
I had Johnny Donovan on the podcast last week for my, for my Patreon. Wow.
Yeah. Johnny's back.
For those of you who don't know, Johnny Donovan represented Farrah, Janelle, Angelina from PR management PR booking agent.

Oh, really? Okay.

Because I think that it gets kind of convoluted in this industry. People are like, Oh, that's my manager.
No, they get you booking deals.

I mean, they get an agent agent.

That's not the same as a manager who's like managing what you do.

And then that's not the same as like a PR person who is supposed to clear up things for you. You know, of course.
So are you back with Johnny? In what way? I mean, non-sexually that see, that is a show I would watch. No, I, he reached out, he wanted to be on the podcast and i was like all right let's do it and then told me all the things right i understand so basically what you're saying is you guys need to join patreon you need to listen to patreon this is a juicy juicy one facts okay i like that i like that i can't wait to listen you've been on tour since the last time you came on i've been on tour you've been on tour with anna burner i went to one of the shows i know we had so much fun you still kept the secret for me you knew i did with i was so scared because i was like people are gonna see me out so i mean people definitely saw you yeah the funny thing is is um my friend lindsey came right who you met right yeah and she's so sweet and you were like we're taking a photo together and you were like hey do you think anyone knows and it's like well i have bad news for you you are um nine months pregnant with twins i think people notice like i do think that i felt like it was circa 2010 when I was yeah you were like I'm hiding I'm hiding my I mean firstborn here's the thing you look hiding I just wasn't confirming listen you looked great thanks but if you weren't pregnant it would have definitely been a red flag right your body I would have been like oh i think there's a problem if you looked me dead in the eye and were like i am not pregnant i would have been like i think we need to go to the hospital right like this needs to be biopsied immediately yeah something's happening so um yeah you can't and then you were like all right lindsey in the picture because she was taking a photo of us you're like don't don't get anything and she's like okay i don't i don't know what to do like hold up so do you want it like you want to just like your noses yeah like just your noses and straight to the ceiling yes lindsey that is correct yes so she um but no i never released the picture i never said anything okay i'm gonna release the picture yeah i'm gonna release the photo uh no listen here's the thing secrets are secrets i report on gossip that's out there if you told me hey talk about this on your podcast i will but until but until that said this is not my story to tell right okay well i appreciate that because I feel like this is a dog eat dog world.
You know what I mean? But friendship is, friendship is separate from that. It's like, if you can't keep friendship and business separate, then you don't have friends.
This is true. Um, also I wanted to apologize because we didn't get to get, we didn't get to get together.
It's okay. New York.
There was so much going on. And then you're still on tour, right?

I'm on tour.

I have one more weekend of tour and then it's over.

So then, so how do you get booked as an opener?

Not an opener.

Like as a comedian on an opening.

Yeah, I'm an opener.

Hannah and I have been friends for a long time.

Can you guys, like you guys both do those like street interviews.

I'm going to be in New York in August.

Do you think you can like interview me on the street? Sure, I want to be on one of those TikToks. Sure.
How do you set that up? I'll make an intro and we'll see what happens. I mean, it doesn't have to be Hannah.
It could be you. I'll have, yeah, we'll do it.
Perfect. We'll do it.
So how do you become an, because I went to my friend Matt's show. I know, you were cheating on me.
I just love'all. Like I was like, oh my God.
I know, but we're going on tour, you and I. You guys should go on tour together.
So his opener was previously on tour with Chelsea Handler. So I was like, okay, like how do you remember who it was? Her name was, hold on, I'll text Matt.
Holly Linnea. Oh linea oh yeah yeah yeah um and so she was previously on with holly's from the south i know holly i've worked with her before yeah so like how do you i mean chelsea handler is a big name right like how the fuck do you you i think she i think she met chelsea at a festival if i'm not mistaken and that's where their relationship bloomed.
But yeah, I mean, comics look for other comics that they want to take on tour. Okay.
And so who are you going to go on tour next with? Are you going to name a name and then someone will open for you? Hopefully. That's what I'm working on.
I'm working on my hour right now. We talked about this.
I was waiting for your 15 minutes. Yep.
You're supposed to be working on your set. Did you tell Matt that you're working on your set? Absolutely not.
Absolutely not. I have nothing to offer.
And I just think about my life as a joke in and of itself. So that's not going to work.
But I'll go always cheer you guys on. No, you're the best.
I'll always cheer you on, but how are you? How, how's Noelle? Noelle's amazing. Yeah.
I've been, we've been, we've been really, um, leaning into self Tanner and that's our entire personality now. I love that for you.
What brand? Uh, every brand we layer them all on top of each other. Um, we don't care.
There's blotches everywhere. everywhere it's a mess but i do feel like we have gotten a lot more male attention since we've been self-tanning in the grocery store mostly she's married yeah we're just out here okay okay we're just out here waiting to see who holds the door open i mean we're not acting on anything right right it's just pretty privilege It's just pretty privileged.
Right. That's what we're doing.
So that's what it is. And it's like, guys, put a little bronzer on.
It will change your life. Okay.
Well, I mean, I have a little bit on my cheekbone right here. Go crazy.
Right. Go crazy.
So there's a trick that I saw on TikTok where you put the self tanner there. Why is there a truck rolling through my yard right now? Oh, dear.
It's fine. And so you put the, so you get like, yeah, you're tantoring contour, tantoring.
Yeah. Okay.
So you already know I'm not telling you. I mean, I just put it everywhere on top of each other.
There's a spray, there's a gel, there's a mousse. I mean, it doesn't matter.
We're just, we're just really experiment. So that's what's going on in our lives right now.
Okay. A lot of Starbucks runs, a lot of tanning.
We're reverting back to our teens. Okay.
That's what we're doing. We're trying to very hard.
So we were talking recently about how, you know, people say like, oh, how different our life is from when we were a teenager and our life. So your life is very different.
Yeah. My life is not.
My life is exactly the same.

The only thing is, is like I, like I have a nicer car, but like not even that much nicer.

Okay.

Like what car did you have versus now?

I mean, I just got rid of my other car.

Like it passed on.

Yeah.

Like I had my, well, I had an 87 Maxima.

Not recently.

That was my first car.

I'm going to go want the Sentra that and my Sentra me and my Sentra were that was my ride or die and I was like I want to get buried in the Sentra I don't care if I'm famous I want the Sentra forever and then the trunk kept leaking and it was like on its last leg so now I have like a small truck but the car that you've been in it's just a small black truck it's nothing crazy but I just feel like we have the same lives we go to same Starbucks. Like we hang out with the same people.
We have not really – there's no children. No.
I mean the only thing is like I'm allowed to stay out super late now. So you don't have a curfew? But I don't.
But I won't. Right.
You're like I need to be in bed by – as soon as my show is over, I'm in bed. Oh, yeah.
I mean the shows are over at like 10. at like 10 I'm in bed by like 10 30 right you have to be because our bodies are not equipped

I literally didn't do much one day and I was walking around I mean just doing regular basic shit and I got home and I was like wow my body hurts like this is weird like this is like my body hurts from doing just regular life I wasn't doing anything extenuous well I feel like see the difference is is like you have uh what 22 kids now? 23. 23 kids.
Okay. Also, I will like to say this.
An old episode of Teen Mom Trash Talk. Oh, my God.
I'm scared. It was in the beginning.
Uh-huh. And I said, we were making like predictions.
And I said, I hope Kale has seven kids by seven different baby fathers. You that i literally said that this was years ago

you basically predicted the future i mean there aren't seven baby daddies but there could have been right and i'm like oh my people are like wait did you know that was gonna happen it's like yeah i knew that was gonna happen so i predicted your fate so i do have to speak kindly about people because I have powers.

Okay, Matilda.

Yeah.

I have a lot of powers.

Well, so I think right now we're like four, but like it was almost six. What do you mean? Yeah.
So there was just like a few in between. Right.
See, I would have liked that. I would have watched that show.
It's like try to get the most baby daddies. There's somebody, I believe there's someone in the Guinness World Record books for that.

How many baby daddies?

I believe 19.

Okay.

Did you apply just in case?

I did.

I was like, let me be a runner up just in case something happens.

But okay, wait.

Most baby daddies record.

Your face is going to come up. It's going to be 18 children.
Nice. I love that.
Oh, wait. Hold on a minute.
That can't be right. Hold on.
That's not right. 18 baby daddy.
Woman sets record for giving birth to her 14th child by her 14th baby daddy. Yeah.
See, I like that. It's called variety.

And you know what?

You always did it the right way because if you have 50,

50 custody,

right.

You just put all the weeks on and off.

And then there are weeks where you can have no kids.

Unfortunately,

you and Elijah are still together.

Right.

So you don't get like a total child free.

So he's on the chopping block is what you're saying. Yeah.
Well just saying i know you love him whatever but do you want a whole week free or or do you build a guest house you're building a new house right yes do you build a guest house and tell him that every other week you want him to

really bond with the kids? And you know, I think that's a fantastic idea. You know what I mean? Don't make it like a separation.
Just make it like a, Hey, I want to miss you a little bit more. And also I want the kids to really get the experience.
A work day is not enough. So we have to do a further.
No, I mean, he would have to hire his own babysitter when he goes to work. Like, this is not your problem.
This is a togetheration because it's like a separation, but together.

Right.

And I think it can only make you stronger.

Right.

I mean, what did my mom say?

I mean, you always do call me for a relationship advice.

I give great advice.

My mom said absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Isn't that what she said about my relationship with her?

So same thing for Elijah, right? Like the same should apply since you're supposed to like love your partner like from a distance right exactly that and make the house so that like you can see it do you have a satire tiktok account um i don't i think that this is good advice kale and i don't know why you're not really taking this so i last week on or like a couple weeks ago on this podcast, I was talking about this account, right? And mid episode, I realized that this bitch is completely satire. The entire account is- Oh, you didn't know it was satire? No.
And I felt so fucking stupid because I was literally the entire time- She was trolling you. Now, how did I let that happen?

Okay.

The best part about those accounts is you go to the comments.

People are up in arms.

Oh, they were unhinged.

Oh, this is perfect.

Yeah.

And I found out with satire, you should make one of those because I feel like that would be so funny.

And I would talk about it on the podcast.

I know.

I need to really create some more content.

I'm getting bullied by a lot of my friends.

What do you mean?

because you're not going to be so funny and I would I would talk about it on the podcast I know I need to I need to really um create some more content I'm getting bullied by a lot of my friends because what do you mean because you're not on I'm not really on the things making this stuff but that's like a stream of income I know but I'm like a little stupid same yesterday I know you are not I mean maybe but not for that I just feel like the some of my situations in my current phase of life right now are like contributing to the brain cell loss.

Right.

I've been dealing with this one situation.

And I literally said to my friend yesterday, I said, I heard someone say on Twitter.

And it was like, wait a minute.

And then I typed back.

I was like, wait, did I hear someone say?

I read someone say on Twitter.

But no, I didn't read them say it.

Thank you. heard someone say on Twitter and it was like, wait a minute.
And then I typed back. I was like, wait, did I hear someone say I read someone say on Twitter, but no, I didn't.
I didn't read them say it. And so this is what this is where we get our news from.
This is what I do when when I say like I read a book and I it's like I didn't read a book. I watched a tick tock.
You read a book. I don't read a book.
I couldn't even put together a sentence about the fact that I read a post that said, I read the fucking post. I didn't hear someone type it.
I didn't see someone say it. But we do hear things in our head.
You hear people's voices when you're reading. My other personalities.
I like this. Now, are we going to talk about what we talked about that we were going to talk about? I need you to give me the backstory.
Okay. Speaking of TikTok, I'm on TikTok two weeks ago and I'm watching one of these man on the street interviews.
And there is a man that walks by this woman and he's like, she, you know, she does the thing where it's like, what do you do for work? And he's like, oh, I'm a content creator. And she's like, how much do you make a month? And he's like $80,000 a month.
$ eighty thousand dollars a month hold on let me see that what that is yearly so i run to the comments and everyone is flipping out and they're like oh my god that's girth master who the fuck is girth master and i'm like who the fuck is girth master so what do you do i google girth master i find his twitter which as a female i did not know that Twitter is totally porn. Twitter is just like you can get straight up porn on Twitter.
Like porn. X and XX, but on Twitter.
Porn on Twitter. Like if you had a video of you doing the porn, you could just upload it to Twitter.
You don't get paid for that. Right.

So like, what is the purpose? I mean, you're driving people to where you're going, you know, where they're going. Okay.
So like if you have a secondary location, you would advertise on Twitter on X. Yes.
Okay. So I go over to Twitter and I'm like, Oh, girth master.
I can see that. I can see why that is his nickname.

Have you seen So I go over to Twitter and I'm like, oh, Girthmaster. I can see that.

I can see why that is his nickname.

Have you seen it?

No, I have never even heard of Girthmaster.

Should I send you a link as we speak on your telephone?

Absolutely.

Okay.

Because I want to see how you feel about it.

He's actually pretty cute too.

Do I need to have this sound on my phone? No, it's not really soundy. It's more looky.
Okay. Here we go.
He's in the top 0.1 creators or something on Twitter. Okay.
How do I send an entire profile? Okay. So I actually, I was in the grocery store.
I know this is crazy, but i was in the grocery store i know this is crazy but i was in the grocery store with noelle and we found these leaks that were huge you know sometimes the leaks are like a little bit small the white part are you talking about a vegetable yeah okay and i was like oh my god look at this she's like look at these leaks i was like please go This is crazy. You look at a fucking leak and you're like, that's a leak.
Cause I don't think I've ever seen one in my entire life. I mean, me and Noelle, we're culinary experts over here.
Um, so we, we were buying, we were leak shopping. We were buying leaks and, uh, sorry, I'm just trying to get you this link.
And I posted the picture and I said, we, and I tagged in the picture. I said, we met girth master at the grocery store today and he reposted it.
And I, I was DMing with him a little bit and I told him that I was like, I might speak about you on a podcast. He's doing the podcast rounds right now.
Oh, so I should have him on. I mean, we should have him on.
We should have him on. Okay.
So you sent it to me. So I sent you a link here.
here oh wait no i texted your old number is that okay i don't think okay just kidding i also just got a cash out notification oh i will send you one of those too okay here i just sent it to your new number i'm scared no it's it's it is scary there are scary parts about it it's scary it's exciting um there's just a lot of different emotions first all right just don't look at that one that one's upsetting the second one what the fuck am i watching what this is an entire it's i told you it's porn he seems very nice though he does seem nice here i'll send you i can't do you think our phones are gonna get flagged how do men do all the time? So the funny thing is, is that, okay, I showed one of my friends and she, her reaction was,

ah, right.

And I'm like, isn't it funny how differently women watch porn from men?

Men would be like, yeah.

And every person that I send that to, they're like, oh my God.

This is the first reaction, guys. This is authentic.
You heard it here first. I just don't have fucking words.
Like, okay. I mean, some of the girls on here are great actors, though.
I mean, actresses, they're, I mean, they're just really doing a great job I don't know about actresses all of the ones that I've seen so far are like she's the only girl in the world and he loves her so much and they're making this like crazy right but also think about that and then the physical burden that they've taken on so is this the one that Farrah was doing No, that wasames dean come on james dean okay no your porn star is right i need i know no this is uh he's australian okay i don't know how he started but i know how he finished because i've watched him finish a few times here i need to get him on the podcast you do that's what i was I was. Yeah.
There's one here. There's one that's very interesting.
The angles are crazy. The angles are absolutely insane.
But I guess my question is like, at what point are you, you've had so much sex and you're having so much sex that you are no longer like, first of all, it's not very long. I mean, Kel kel i think that it's being dwarfed by its girth i've never seen anything like this look at the last video that i sent you in what like i mean it's heavy it looks heavy it looks like a brick so but at what point is it no longer pleasurable or you're literally having sex until your vagina so here's the thing when you're making eighty thousand dollars a month just from some only fans content not from anything else you're doing just from some only fans content you definitely don't get that dry you're just like 80 grand i would have a hard time taking this so i you would listen you would have a hard time i don't think it would be impossible i think that with some lamaze breathing some coconut oil and some stretching i don't have any fucking words for this but why does it it's heavy like it's heavy it's beautiful of him pull like take the pants down and it like

yes it thudded let's go the baby's arm

wow okay yeah so he decided did you what's his story like have we heard what the story is i don't know much about his backstory let's see girth master um does he have a wiki i don't know uh a wiki i know that he's from uh australia okay um okay so he's making 80 grand so uh there's a rolling stone article about him meet the girth master the only fans creator who makes up to 80k per month the internet's boyfriend speaks out about his viral moment and why it spawns a necessary discussion about gender and sex work. No one cares about that.
We just want to know what's going on here. Is it real? It is real.
So he went viral after being interviewed in a man on the street TikTok segment promoting a job search app called Get Ahead. So this is what I saw.
That's how I found out about him which advertises itself as a tinder of sort for employment seekers though the video is fairly standard tiktok fair it got massive pickup due to the girth master's devilish good looks and the figures he cites when he's asked about his income somewhere in the neighborhood of between 40 and 80 k per month the response was nothing short of widespread salivation with the one tweet of the video racking up to more than 87 million views as of publication date. Then people started Googling him and we were able to visualize his impressive measurements firsthand.
Everyone clicking onto the profile of today's Twitter main character reads the caption to one viral meme showing open mouth Pikachu, the shadow of a giant phallus looming over him. Even Cardi B got in on the fun, tweeting and then deleting a photo of a giant worm from Spongebob.
It's been a crazy 24 hours, the master said when they reached him via Zoom. The Australian, who's 30, a little too young for me, sorry, has been creating content on OnlyFans full time for about two years, primarily boy girl videos, though that's not for lack of requests from his gay followers.
He says he doesn't have any interest in shooting with another man, at least not yet. I only want to create things that I enjoy and I kind of have a vision for.
I kind of feel like if I shot gay content, I'd be ripping gay fans off. I would kind of be a cash grab in a sense.
I just wouldn't feel ethical.

Shockingly, the girth master says that while his audience is majority male, he estimates only 15% of that audience identifies as gay in real life, though I think there's some flexibility in there in terms of their orientation. yeah so it started when he was 18 and he started showing off online just for fun kind of like a digital exhibitionist by posting a nude mirror selfie on tumblr

though he did not show his face at the time the photo went viral with many commenting on the proportions of his member the first time he says he realized his penis was out of the ordinary he continued to post anonymously for a few years on throwaway reddit account using the name girth master which was inspired by the kitchen aid mix master that's's yeah. I cook a lot too.
I'm sure kitchen aid is all the funnily enough. The name has now that has now actually does mean a lot of favors in marketing because it really stands out.
People see it and they kind of want to investigate. Um, so he held a number of jobs from pizza delivery boy to baggage handler to furniture building.
Um, he was struggling to make ends meet. He says to the point where he had to borrow money from his mother and sister.
And it wasn't until a few years ago when a woman he was dating suggested he start his own OnlyFans account. He considered doing sex work full time.
They told me to stop giving it away for free because people would pay for it. Honestly, I thought it'd just be a little bit of beer money, but it snowballed.
He started making serious money on OnlyFans, though it's been the last six months only that he started pulling the 40 to 80. He was able to pay his mother the money he owed her.
Wow. I'm really happy for him.
So he did it for his mom. He did it for his mom.
I just read a book about a guy trying to find himself and he had to pay his aunt back. And so I'm feeling like this is like a the real life version of that but you just do porn to pay it off you know like porn for debts i mean i'm not above it i'm not above it i definitely so i saw a video yesterday of a girl on a boat okay in the viral those tiktok um the bike shorts but like the gathering the butt.
And it was a blonde girl. I sent you the video and she had braids and I was looking at it for one second, for one split second.
I didn't know what was happening to my old phone. Yeah.
I didn't know if, I think it was on Instagram. Oh, yeah.
And you thought it was me just for a split second. And then I'm like, Oh my God, this girl's like twer like twerking on a boat like bending and i'm like oh my god that is not kill turn that off it wasn't not you i saw two blonde braids i saw a girl that could have been you from the back and then it was like oh this is going left no i haven't worn my hair braids in a really long time but if i did i could see like because i did i could see how that was very familiar to me um so what i'm trying to say is again i am a visionary right right maybe an only fans is in your future absolutely not i don't think you know what here's the thing there are i'm not i'm not good at performing and so um just wouldn't be for me but i'm not above it I watch porn right like right it's fine do you watch it like how girls watch it yeah like I usually like oh my god is she okay I hope she's okay it's no secret I don't even watch like regular porn I just watch like regular like lesbian porn yeah because it's it's less scary yeah as we just saw right like i just don't need a man getting ruining everything yeah i just i'm really curious to know so is this guy i wonder if they've studied him because like why is that like a defect that the girth is girthing i don't know but i don't ever want to cure it let's not find a cure for this for whatever this disease is.
Let's never find a cure. Do you prefer girth over length? Oh yeah.
No, I'm worth the girth. I am.
Who prefers length? I don't know, but that seems a little excessive. It does seem excessive, but it is just some information that's like very, it makes me curious okay curious i think that that's a lot of um his viewers are curious like you and i right now it's like oh interesting so that's really interesting you're like that's a lot of information that i got in that video yeah some might say might say educational.
Educational. I mean, he might be in a museum.
He should probably take it a step further and truthfully create a sex toy line and molds for his penis. Yeah.
I mean, I'm sure they're in the works. No, it's a unique specimen for sure.
Yeah. So he's been blessed.
Hashtag blessed. But 30 years old.
I mean, hold on I kristen knew what it was so when all that stuff was going on around facebook yeah well someone posted it in your group and they were like um let's you know do an episode where kale you know sees girth master for the first time and i was like ah hello i'm claiming that one i'm like that that is an episode really I will really quick. Literally.
I just don't have. Because I do think that girth is fewer and far between.
Yeah, of course it is. Quality girth.
I mean, quality anything is really few with men. Right.
Yeah, this is true. This is true.
Yeah. Elijah put in a duck pond at my house the other day.
I thought it's very little. It is.
It was like, how big did you think it was going to be? And I'm just thinking this audio, if I had made a TikTok about this, this would have been like a viral moment. Oh, I saw that.
But yeah, things in life are a lot. They're typically smaller than what we envision, I feel.
Yes. Objects in mirror are smaller than they appear.
Wait, is it smaller or larger? No, it's larger. But in my my life it's usually you know that's that's bad luck how's your dating life oh my god it's so wonderful let me tell you something being single out here i would suggest it for anyone the guys uh on dating apps are just kind uh just like yeah it's really good so i don't usually tell people what I do for work because it's a weird conversation.
Same. Yeah.
Like, how are you supposed to tell someone? So I'm like, I'm a writer. I'm not, not a writer.
Right. Right.
So I'm like, I just try to like, slow it down. So recently I'm like, you know what? They're going to find out anyway.
I'm just going to tell them. So today I had an interaction, um, interaction, not a conversation.
No, they're not conversations. I would really, that would be a stretch calling them conversations.
So I have a conversation with a man and I'm like, you know what? I need to tell him what I do. He tells me that, you know, obviously he's a DJ.
Obviously he's an entertainer. Obviously he's all these different things.
He has, he's like, I'm everything. so i said i'm a comedian and he said are you ready this is a quote what i have to see you perform you better not suck lol jk lol and i go well this is usually why i don't come out and say what I do.
And he says, my good friends are meh, meh, meh. I've rejected the names.
And on and on. I have to take you to a comedy show one time.
So he named like four different comics that would have nothing to do with my career. And I said, I do comedy full time.
I'm a working comic. I assure you that going to a comedy show on my night off is like you going to work unpaid on a Sunday.
And he said, it was a joke. Don't be so sensitive.
Don't be so sensitive on me. I was inviting with you so you can connect with them so you can get further, but I'll mind my business.
And I said, okay, thank you. That's so kind.
And he put prayer hands and he said, I try to be. So I was getting my own job mansplained to me.
And that is why I don't tell people what I do. What should I tell them I do? I'm a train conductor or something.
I don't know what to say. I, i loved the line where he said it was a joke yeah he's like don't get so sensitive on me i just i i know you not for one second mom should i tell people i was on teen mom and then and i'm like obviously i lost custody say you did the creative on teen mom okay i could do that and then they're gonna be like oh teen mom you have kids no one is creative i know but no one listens this is the problem is that no one listens right i've had i've had people reach out to me to be on my podcast and they're like hey i think i'd be a great fit for your podcast um or or my client my client just wrote a book on parenting young kids and i think it would be and i'm like you don't even like i wouldn't even read you didn't the description of my podcast is one line tracy and noel recap teen mom on mtv tracy and noel rip teen mom to shreds well listen right now we're watching family reunion season three how's it going i don't know who's giving them money to keep filming these things i literally said that i was like well because i think they're getting they got a pay cut right so like it has to be unless the pay cut is zero i don't see why we're doing this and they're filming a fourth season they scouting a location right now.
So I suggested last night on the podcast that maybe they can just change up the scenery a little bit because they're doing it in Columbia right now. And I'm like, maybe everyone should be on a deadliest catch boat, like the Alaskan crab fishing and like just change it up, like shake it up and watch everyone, you know, crab fish to death.
Well, so here's the thing though. Like we're, we've moved on from filming in people's homes with their kids.
So why are we still calling it teen mom? Just rename it, rebrand it, do the whole thing. Yeah.
But then it's like Cheyenne wasn't a teen mom. That's what I'm saying.
Like rebrand. So what is the name of this show uh women that have children

no i they're not filming with the kids are they yeah but what is the so what are we watching like what because i'm watching it this is episode nine last night what did i watch last night because i don't understand what i am watching i know what i'm not watching and it's not teen mom is this on cable this is on cable access this is on mtv okay but it on MTV. Okay.
But it's like, what am I watching? I don't understand. I'm watching.
I'm taking notes. I don't know.
What are they doing? Because they don't have- So they're all in Columbia. Okay.
They're at a resort that doesn't have air conditioning, which is, I'm already out. Yeah.
I told Noelle that I would need $300,000 a week to film with no air conditioning.

I don't think that's crazy. I don't either.
I mean. Okay.
So they claim that there's air conditioning in their bedrooms, but I don't even think so. Everyone just sweats the whole time.
Okay. They're in like this.
It's not even like a nice resort. It looks like a motel at best.
And they're there and they're with their significant others and they're getting counseling from the guy who gives Tyler ketamine therapy and some other life coach woman.

And then Brianna shows up.

She's single.

So it was couples counseling.

So now it's not couples counseling.

And then Kaya comes.

She's single.

So what are we doing?

What are we doing?

But also, why are we in Columbia for this? Why are we in Columbia? So we should do special forces meets the challenge vibes with these i just see i want less of the challenge i want more crab fishing i also suggested an ex on the beach meets teen mom i suggested a whole bunch of stuff and none of them was whatever this is my entire life is ex on the beach so the only one that would do well on that show is, well, Janelle, because she also has three baby daddies. So, like, we're really – Well, I mean, she would be – she wouldn't do well.
I mean, there would be a fight for her life. So I just don't – I just – it's hard.
It's so weird because I feel like I'm so far removed from that. Like, the only time that I see teen teen mom related content come up on any of my feed across the board is the gossip.
No, no, no, no. I have all the gossip pages.
So the only time I see it is because I follow Kayla Sessler. So if she posts something related to, I guess they have all the cast posting.
Because she's on the show. She's on the family reunion show.
Posting the trailers every week or like doing a post for it so that's the only time i see anything right so um obviously like wish them all the best but like it's so hard because like i don't even remember the like a world where i was on that like well it's not about even wishing them the best it's not them it's it's mtv right like get your money like get the money while you can but also like what the fuck is MTV doing but what are you guys doing why are you not consulting me they consulted me one time I told them how I felt and then all of a sudden the next chapter happens and I was like oh I feel like maybe I had something to do with that but um did they really yeah wait what yeah tell me this go back right I don't know if I could talk about it. Why the fuck not?

I don't know because I feel like it was like supposed to be confidential, but here we are, right? Well, I don't want to get anybody in trouble because whatever, who cares? Okay. No.
So they, they had, we had a zoom meeting and they asked me what I would do differently. and I don't know.
I don't think it was, I think it was like MTV hired like someone to do this with me. Okay.
And cause I don't even know who it is. I couldn't tell you.
And they asked me like all my opinions on teen mom. They asked me like what, who I would cast, like what I would do.
And I was like, honestly, I'm like, guys stop with like, there's certain people that just need to go like if nothing's wrong in their life I don't want to see it you know how I feel about this did you say that I needed to go no this was like no because you were I mean you were still having your antics you were like you were still killing it up at this point no this was like I forgot what the time was, but I was like, you have to pick the best of each cast. Why do we have teen mom? Why do we have teen mom too? Why do we have teen mom, you know, young and pregnant? Like, let's just combine the cast into the best ones and let's just do one show.
And then all of a sudden the next chapter happened. And I'm not saying that I'm the only one with this idea because this is obviously but yeah i mean i also suggested something along those lines but right that's what i'm saying like i'm sure everyone suggested this because they were willing to listen to you they weren't willing to listen to us maybe i don't know who knows who they listen to there's no way to know but where's amber what's going on with amber i don't That's what my thought was when I saw, I think it was yesterday or today when I saw Kayla Sestler.

What day does it air?

What day does T-Mom air?

Wednesdays.

So I watched it last night.

I saw the post and I'm thinking to myself, I have not seen Amber on any of her posts.

And like, I didn't go to her profile and like look.

She's not on this show.

I think that she probably didn't want to leave the country. But also it was started off as couples.

She's a felon.

So she might not be able to get a passport.

Interesting.

Being a felon ain't illegal.

Is it not?

No, that's what Kiefer said to Barbara.

Can you get a passport if you are?

It depends though.

Is she a felon felon or should she take a misdemeanor with jail time?

We don't know.

We don't know what she was charged with i'm pretty sure she's yeah so maybe she can't leave the country get a passport can you get a passport most felons can get a passport without a problem interesting so the other thing that noelle had suggested on the on the podcast yesterday was that everyone go to appalachia aka leah's old trailer and we watch them just try to live in that situation you know who also lives in west virginia who the ex-boyfriend who sells potatoes on the side of the road ma'am literally he's very cute do we have the same ex-boyfriend who sells potatoes on the side of the road ma'am literally he was very cute

do we have the same ex-boyfriend um do you have a potato selling ex-boyfriend

wait sometimes when i go to his facebook because he has me blocked so i'll go like

you know on my my burner account and he'll be like hey guys potatoes for sale

and i'm like i need to buy some potatoes so you're gonna go to west virginia i need to just do a drive-by i mean it's like nine hours from new york city but i have fans that have been like i don't live that far from there i'm like go buy a potato tell him i said hi i don't have any words for this like i don't have a solution to the Teen Mom franchise issue. This is a good brainstorming session though.
Truly. Because what is going, like what happened to Ashley? Ashley's going to be on the season of, it's the next chapter that's coming up.
That starts, I think the end of this month or something. So it's two separate you're talking about all separate shows everything's a separate show so we have the next chapter and family reunion that's the only two things that we have right now so there's two separate shows there's two separate shows right and do you get on both or you're you could be on both but you might not could be on both you might not be on both got it okay understood wow that's really interesting you know what i would like to do with my free time i would like to read i would like to do a reading marathon in my office yeah eat lots you don't want to go to columbia and just sweat it all out absolutely not i absolutely yeah you could binge drink yeah i don't drink so i'm telling you this this whole thing is like my nightmare yeah the way that i would not want to sweat for any amount of time the whole time um three hundred thousand dollars a week i'll do it you heard it here first mtv you're like no kids but i'll show i'll show up i mean where are their kids yeah where are they how long were they gone for so some of them they're gone like tyler's mom is watching their kids macy and taylor had to leave because they didn't have any more child care like everyone their kids are with their parents so i don't have parents so like what would work but that's what i'm saying like what are we doing here also why are we in a different country for what okay so you guys gonna go to florida yeah i mean destin's pretty nice that's beautiful it's a gorgeous location um i was starting to brainstorm how i can make my come up like the kardashians right that's what i've been doing like well.
Right. So who would be the porn star that you pair me with? Would it be Girthmaster? Well, now there would it be, what's his name? Dean James Dean.
No, James Dean's old now. That's old news.
No one cares about James Dean. Okay.
I mean, I can reinvent. I mean, it's old news.
That was, that was Farrah's tape was like 10 years ago. Was it that long? I feel like it was longer.
Yeah. That's what I'm saying.
This is not. So it's gotta be like 12 years ago.
tape was like 10 years ago was it that long i feel like it was longer yeah that's what i'm saying this is not so it's got to be like 12 years ago she was like the og oh my god so i watched uh a clip today it was that guy interviewing her i don't know if it was at the avn awards or whatever and he was like um so tell us about the craziest time you ever had on set and she's like on set i've never been on set and he's like

oh i'm sorry what's happening here and she's like i'm known for a celebrity sex tape and he goes oh who is the celebrity and she goes me and he goes she goes this interview is not going well I'm like oh well she is correct it is not going well but see the funny thing is is that when i watch that i'm like if i had a sex tape it would be a celebrity sex tape to me too like that's i am as possibly as delusional as farah but farah was on tv i'm not on tv and i still think that about myself like sometimes i'm like out and i'm like i wonder if people are recognizing this is crazy i definitely think that people recognize you you'd be surprised how many people do not you'd be surprised how many um teen mom trash talk fans are not just everywhere on the streets they're not i feel like your podcast is huge i mean it's you know regular it's also a podcast i'm not on the television no but so what's the plan for when teen mom ends like what is teen mom ever gonna end it has to because what's going on they're spending more money making the show than they are they should just put my podcast on tv but so what's the like would you just go to it okay so when when they're on off season we do teen mom old teen mom too so we've been going through javi and you are not married yet we're on season three or four i think okay um so you just moved I'm really excited. So that's what, so what we do is we go back to the roots every time we're on off season.
So that's what we would do. We would just go back.
I mean, we've never covered the old teen mom, like the regular teen mom. We started like seven or eight years ago with the current seasons.
So we have years of content, unfortunately. No, that's fortunate because I mean, truly we made history with.
But that's when we do the old episodes, we get lots more viewers than the new episodes. Okay.
I mean, the old stuff is just there. And also there's so much happening on each episode back in the day.
Yeah. And I'm like, hmm.
There would be every single storyline had something going on i mean but ever but everything going on and it was sloppy and i'm like oh my god i can't believe they showed that on i can't believe they showed that i would love to catch up with like jordan that i dated or no we're familiar like i would love to i know um i did reach out to him like last year or the year before and obviously no response but like he was like 911 but it's more like i was like a former castmate than a boy you're like hey co-worker hey like literally well we literally did work together no i know what was it sports authority yeah that was a gem of our job i think we went out of business truly but um so yeah so but other than that so you're on tour you're recapping team mom stuff and we're doing catfish we do 90 day fiance we do vanderpump rules on patreon so we have a podcast called so pumped a vanderpump podcast. We're on season three of Vanderpump Rules.

I tried to get into it.

I it's hard episode.

I got into season two and then I just like lost interest.

I heard it does get better.

Yeah.

Season two, season three are like pretty crazy.

My brother is a Vanderpump Rules fan.

He was friendly.

So apparently Miami girl is from our neighborhood and my brother was like friendly with her. So, so we called him on the podcast for some info and he was like, wow, guys, you're really covering current events, huh? He's like, what year is this? You're asking me about Miami girl.
And I was like, we're on season three, but, um, so we cover, we cover Vanderpump Rules. We also do macaroni rascals, a Jersey shore podcast.
So we covered season one of Jersey sure Shore and we're going back to that. So how's that going? Yeah, so we alternate like what we do.
Okay. So we do like one season and then we'll go to the next show and then we do one season.
So are you guys together when you do these episodes? We do this on Zoom. On Zoom.
Yeah, we don't do video for the Patreon episodes, but it is definitely a wild ride. I just don't know how we got to where we are today with reality tv in general like i feel like before when i was on reality tv is so different now like everything is so um fake yeah it's like um like this is how i would go to like my son's baseball game right and like i would, I would show up to teen mom like this.
Like I would roll out of bed and film, but like today, even me who's been on TV looking as a hot mess, I would still like, now that I've done all that, I feel like, no, I can't get back on TV unless I'm going to do like the full glam and like do all of this. It's very interesting.
Cause like, I don't even want to be out in public like this does that make sense yeah i don't think you look bad though it's i i struggle with it just because the comments that i get are pretty wild and it's like well if you're gonna call me fat i just don't want you to call me ugly so i'm like let me put on makeup like you know just let me take something out of the equation um so that's why i put on makeup when we do video podcasts and i put on makeup on stage but like in life no i don't put on makeup if i don't have to put on makeup i'm not putting makeup on right because that's just like life or like last night when i went to sleep i was like i have to put on makeup for this podcast you went to sleep and you had to put on this no but i'm like thinking i'm like i'm gonna make it like i had to like psych myself up for this, but you know, I have become a makeup artist now.

Cause I do watch Tik TOK.

So, right.

And so we are all certified in aesthetics.

We're all estheticians.

would you consider now i mean obviously you're in love but would you consider the girth master kale collab for sure just for like science purposes not like anything just for social and science experiment i would say for sure like if i was going to do celebrity porn like if i was going to have a leaked sex tape uh right that would be my pick i also don't know what my other options are right i don't know either that's why i'm like girth master i don't know that's the only guy i really know yeah in life i guess the other option would be like literally using elijah because it would be like yeah but that's like too close to home this is like tv it's leaked yeah but also we have we'll make up a story about why this girth master you know what i mean like it's gonna be right it was like it's really both not at the same time don't be crazy i'm like there you go there you have it and everyone's like kill this isn't leaked you talked about this on your podcast like this. Whatever.
It's just the girlies will know. Just the girlies will know.
Just the, I do have a couple of men. Do you think Elijah would get mad at you? Like what, like what if, what if we went to Elijah, you and I, and we're like, listen, we have this great idea.
It's going to make some money. It's going to get some traction.
Do you think he'd be all in or he'd be like, no, you can't have sex with my girlfriend, baby be like absolutely the fuck not right and i'd be like elijah right relax it's he lives in australia it's not like she's leaving you for him right and you're like five hundred thousand dollars probably more oh more definitely more he'd still still say no and we'll do a mcdonald's brand deal with it why mcdonald's i actually love what is your mcdonald's order because i don't fuck with mcdonald's i'm gluten you don't no oh my god i love a double cheeseburger add mac sauce and i have never had a mcdonald's i know people are gonna make fun of me but i have never had a mcdonald's cheeseburger in my whole life okay you need to get off this podcast immediately i can't i'm on i'm gluten-free the way i'm supposed to be gluten-free as well i never will be because of right so i went years without eating mcdonald's okay i'm talking years could not even tell you the last time i then ate a double cheeseburger and was like why did i do that like why did i not eat it for so long i'm supposed to be gluten-free i'm supposed to be dairy-free i'm supposed to be, that's stupid. You know what? When I have seven kids to feed and we have 12 sports and 100 things to do in a deal.
Yeah, no, it's like you need to eat what you need to eat. We're going to eat McDonald's.
Yeah. So that's what I'm going to do.
I hear that. But we could do some kind of brand deal.
Yeah, we could do – What are your brands? What are your favorite things right now? Oh, God. Skin care.
Stanley okay we'll do this oh we can go in the cups okay we could definitely do stanley listen to us they listen they listen to this podcast stanley listens and him and his family listen sex toys in the cups stanley we will do a girth master x kale x stanley cop i would like to direct uh collab it's gonna go viral it's gonna go crazy we could even measure his d next to a stanley cop because he has one of the pictures that's next to a wine bottle and it's like like, no, no, no, no. We have a partnership.
It's different.

And we'll do something cute.

This went from family PG.

No, this is family PG.

We're just talking about business.

This is not anything crazy.

I said D.

I didn't even say it.

I'm giving it PG with a D.

Family as a brand went from family to X-rated.

Listen, they need to really get themselves out there. You know, enough of kids and no no no like this is you need to be hydrated for so many more things than just soccer you know it's good for all fluids in your body okay don't put any other fluids in the cup though no no like staying hydrated okay yes lubricant self-lubricant Yes.
have to stay hydrated so you don't want to get dehydrated from doing the stuff yeah right so then there's a movie that that can be done with this right oh there's definitely a movie social content a branded collab movie all of the things yeah you know what i want to start transitioning to the acting world Yeah, I I mean, here we are. I'm going to be your agent.
Perfect. I don't have any connections, but I do know how to market you.
Wait, is there in the comic industry and the comedian industry, are there comics who don't write their own work and they have other people write it for them and they're And they're just performers because there are like people who are true performers through and through. And then there are people who are like, they're funny, but they could never get on stage.
Okay. So people that are comedy writers usually like write for TV shows and stuff, people that don't want to go on stage.
So there's tons of jobs for people that are comedians that don't, aren't standup comedians. just one part of being a comedian.
There's comedic actors, there's comedic writers, there's everything. You could be a comedian and not just do stand-up.
But there are definitely acts that have, especially since social media has promoted so many people and given them a platform, that have gone viral and now they need an act. So they hire a writer to write their act and then they go perform their hour that's not written by them.
Oh, so like truthfully someone could write for me and I can go. Sure.
But it's like not the respected way to go or what? Not really. But hey.
But no one will know? Who's respecting anyone anymore. That's so fucked respecting anyone anymore i mean if you were like hey hire this person to write for you you're gonna make a ton of money you're gonna do a theater tour i'd be like okay let's do it okay so you're gonna write for me and then i'll get a team together for me and then you'll also do your own and then it's like oh wow okay it works i'm gonna take a lot of the money from the tour by the way right like 70 80 yeah like 99 uh you'll make 10 dollars a show and you'll get a free meal perfect i'll get a i'll get merch you'll get merch from the venue very specifically yeah this is great this is great well i'm gonna go get my hair done okay i'm proud of you and then i have to go get my children my crotch goblins um which we've figured out that only only five of them are crotch goblins because the other two are cesarean oh they came out of your belly button like like babies are supposed to yeah so i'm gonna go get the crotch goblins and then if you need, if you need any comedic relief during your tour and you don't want to hear your own jokes or Hannah's, just let me know.
Absolutely. Yeah.
No, we have to plan something. No.
And I'll text you when I'm going to be in New York again because I know August, but we need to get an in-person one. We still need to get up with, I was going to say Nicole, we still need to get up with Noelle because because we didn't do that yet and just text me i absolutely will now also let's get girth master on the zoom have to and let's interview him wait so is patreon does do they allow nude nudity i don't know if patreon does i wonder if he would show his girth i mean he he shows it all the time right just google him no but like on for a patreon episode i don't know if patreon's gonna love that right okay we might have to start an only fans for this we might have to just be like so how do you feel about this tiktok you posted or how do you feel about this right you posted exactly and see and then we blur it out kind of because like i need to know how he feel like does he go back and re-watch about this? Right.
You posted. Exactly.
And see, and then we blur it out kind of. Cause like, I need to know how he feel.
Like, does he go back and rewatch his work? Right. There's only one way to find out.
Thank you for showing me growth master. Where can people find you and listen to your podcast? Thank you so much.
You cannot find me at growth master, even though I wish you could find me there. You can find me at Trixie Tuzini, T-R-I-X-I-E-T-U-Z-Z-I-N-I.
That's Trixie Tuzini. My name is Tracy Carnazzo, but I am on TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter at Trixie Tuzini, TracyCarnazzo.com for everything podcast related, all of my standup comedy tour dates.
So we have Teen Mom Trash Talk, me and Noel Winters Herzog. And you can find her at Noe Girl on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok as well.

Teen Mom Trash Talk, Catfish Trash Talk, 90 Day Fiance Trash Talk.

We cover Vanderpump Rules.

We cover Jersey Shore.

We cover – oh, and Noelle has a new podcast called Recycled with Noelle and Michael.

And she covers Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 2 right now.

And she's going to be covering mob wives on our Patreon.

So go check out everything.

Tracycarnazzo.com.

That's where you're going to find it.

I love that.

Thank you.

That was a mouthful.

Oh my God.

I am a mouthful.

But not a girth.

Speaking of girth master, I'm a mouthful.

Bye Tracy.

Bye.