Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty

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Welcome to the shit show. Things are going to get weird.
It's your fave villain, Kale Wally. And you're listening to Barely Famous.
All right, Kate and Ty, welcome to the barely famous podcast i should say kate and ty break it down welcome to the barely famous podcast drop it throw it out there for those of you guys who don't know kate and ty just dropped their own podcast super excited yeah super excited how did it go yesterday tell me in your own words i thought it was was great. I mean, it was like.
It was fun. Yeah, it was our first time, but we felt good about it.
I was at the airport getting like live updates and I was like, how did it go? Like, I just wanted to hear because I couldn't be here. Yeah.
And everyone was like, it was so good. They were all super excited.
And I told them, I said, don't blow smoke on my ass. You better tell me when I'm messing up.
No, we will definitely tell you. But honestly, like podcasting is so fun because I feel like we just get like listeners get a longer glimpse into who you guys are as people.
Because obviously it's a longer episode than what we get on. And we have a little more freedom.
Yeah. And it was nice to just like jump in and go full force.
Yeah. Instead of just dipping our toes wet into little things.
We came here and it was like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And this is better because the people we're talking to,

it's like,

we don't really know.

We purposely don't want to know too much about them.

I just want to like,

I want to really like make it authentic.

I want to feel real.

I want it to feel just like you're chilling with us.

Yeah.

And I'll talk and like normal.

I don't want it to be like,

really like,

you know,

news reporter.

I'll show them pajamas.

I don't give a shit.

I'm getting snacks.

Let's do this.

No,

but what's cool about podcasting too,

is that like people know who Kate and Ty are,

right?

I think... I'll show them in pajamas I don't give a shit I'm getting snacks let's do this no but what's cool

about podcasting too

is that like

people know who Kate and Ty are

right

people don't necessarily

know who your guests are

or maybe they have

a smaller platform

and what's cool

is that brings out

new things about you guys

that you're able to say

because it opens

the conversation more

and so maybe things

that didn't get to air

on Teen Mom

you'll be able to say

or maybe something

that someone else says

will trigger something

that happened with you guys

right

oh yeah

I think that's like

trigger a memory

I mean not trigger you

yeah

No, I know what you mean. I hope no one triggers you, but it does happen.
We're easily triggered. No.
I mean, I am, but neither here nor there. But this bit, I mean, I honestly feel like people have been writing us for like years and we're just like, yeah, you know, all right.
But I feel like after a while, I was like, all right, clearly this is something that people want to hear about and i also feel like kind of go off what you said about you get to see um you know through our perspective not necessarily through mtv's perspective or team mom's little clip of it's like now you get to really dive deep into like what our whole journey's been like which i feel like people have a good idea but not like the the nitty gritty details and what happens behind, you know, the scenes and stuff. And like, this is, gives us an opportunity to kind of just get right in there.
And also too, like when stuff is aired about us, we can go into the facts and this is what happened behind the scenes that the cameras didn't air or they didn't catch. And yeah, we can just kind of explain it more in more detail.
More freedom because honestly with,

with,

with team mom always changing,

it's like less and less,

you know,

screen time,

more stuff you're sharing with other,

you know,

you don't,

you only,

I only get what five minutes maybe.

What is the structure of team mom next chapter?

Cause I haven't,

I left two years ago.

What do you mean the structure?

What do you mean?

So what,

so what is the,

so is it the same sort of structure as team mom and team mom, like team mom team mom og and team mom too but now it's blended together and you guys all have a couple minutes each well no it depends on if you make it in episodes or not yeah uh-huh got so you're not in every you guys might not be in every episode right right right got it okay because now there's what eight eight cast members now yeah so we have you guys uh-huh Macy. Yeah.
Leah. Leah.
Amber. Amber.
Okay. Because now there's what? Eight cast members now.
Nine, eight or nine. Yeah.
So we have you guys. Uh-huh.
Macy. Yeah.
Leah. Leah.
Amber. Amber.
Now you're going to fuck her all up. Oh, sorry.
Who else? Oh, Mackenzie. Ashley.
Oh. Yeah.
And then. That's it, right? Cheyenne.
Oh, Jade. Shit.
There's nine people on the show. Wow.
Yeah. So we were like, okay, this is a time.
Fans have been asking for it for years. Right.
Start a podcast we want to hear about. Adoption and trauma and addiction and all this other stuff.
Well, so I always always, always related to you guys specifically on the addiction stuff because I felt like when your season of 16 and Pregnant aired, like the very first one episode shows, you guys were the only ones that really sort of shared the same background i guess as me with i don't whose parent your dad was an addict right my mom and your mom my mom too so i felt like you were the only ones that i really resonated with in that way i don't think that there are a lot of um cast members on the show as as a whole like in the franchise i really struggled with that and so i feel like i always resonated with your story because of that, but I wish we talked more about it. Yeah.
That's what I mean. Because didn't it shape everything who you were? I don't think people understand that.
My entire life to this day is affected by addiction. Yeah.
And how you're raised. Yeah.
And so it's really interesting that, you know, we have that in common. I feel like I always resonated to you.
No, it's funny. I actually just, someone just saw a clip.
I just saw a clip of when you first met your dad. Your dad.
Oh my gosh. I was like, dude, that was like my dad.
Like that's, I was like, that's kind of like our family. I'm like, y'all.
You're like, what'd you say? You're like, is this how your house always looks? I was just floored. Because I was like, what is happening? Because I had this fantasy in my head my entire life that my dad was like this knight in shining armor that was going to come save me when I was like whatever age he's going to come he's going to find me and he's going to take me away from all the problems only to find out that like damn he has a lot of problems too right yeah and also a lot of missing teeth so i was just like what's going on no but i saw the clip and i was like dude that is literally like our lives that's what we were raising like so it's funny that you went there like whoa whoa what the hell what is your relationship with like what is your relationship like with your parents now i mean my dad is in texas still oh so that's where my dad is okay holy shit okay uh but yeah so he's in texas he's uh after i got him to go to rehab in texas he just stayed down there but is he sober as i know of i don't I don't, I can't, I don't think he's, I don't think he's completely sober.
I think he may dip and dabble here and there. But also we don't talk to him enough to know.
Why don't you guys talk? I just felt like for my own mental health, I was like, listen, like I need to kind of create some parameters and boundaries, a little bit of boundaries. Like, so I'll, I always reach out to him at least once a month and say hey because i think it's important for me to say hey i love you i'm thinking about you today or whatever it is it doesn't mean i need to see you or you need to come in my life or anything like that but i want to make sure that i don't have any regrets you know from from for me you know my uh reaching out or just like peace of mind yeah for myself and so i felt like once i realized that he was probably not sober i was like that's when i was like all right you're dipping and dabbling again i got my own kids now and i just feel like it's safe a personal choice on your end yeah not necessarily because he wasn't reaching out or does he not reach out he doesn't he doesn't he's starting to the last like year yeah i have to say he started reaching out more um he has a girlfriend that is down there that you know it's a whole nother story but she don't really like me really but yeah she's uh yeah she don't like me but it's fine hey it's uh it's all right um i she actually um thinks that i use my dad as like a you know story or like oh you use your dad as like a um yeah i'm here to say absolutely the fuck not but here's the thing we didn't ask to fucking be here and if you traumatize me for my whole fucking life I am gonna talk about you and then I have a camera following my story I'm like dude I'm gonna talk about it you traumatized me I deserve to talk about it can I am I gonna ask for permission like I'm sorry but you know you don't get to dictate what you did to me and how I feel about it yeah not at all so I feel like for me it was like I just kind of keep a nice safe distance that feels good for me for sure and I plan on going to see him pretty soon you do or him coming to you know I was like yeah I want to fly you out you haven't met my last two kids like oh he hasn't no so I'm like you know it's time and you seem to be in a good space right now so I think now's the time and and I'll determine if that you know changes obviously but um yeah so I think we're I'm at a place where I'm just kind of like creating a safe distance with and what about your mom my mom's she's at her house right now yeah she's at her house right now watching my kids oh I love her I love that and what about your parents where what is the relationship with your mom now um with, with my mom now it's, is she sober? Um, I don't know, but I don't police it enough.
All I know is that I gave her strict boundaries on the fact of, I don't want you drinking around me and I don't want you drinking around the kids. And you know, you're an adult.
If that's something you want to do, just let me know. And I know not to come over or I know that you want to have some drinks and I will come pick my kids up or whatever, you know? Um, but it's very, we've been through a lot.
We went through a lot like on this past season and I cut her off for like a good year. I just couldn't take it anymore.
And now it's kind of slowly progressed into having conversations and she comes over to my house and sees the kids. And honestly, who opened that door was Nova.
And her and I had this conversation and she just said, I really miss her. I really miss my grandma.
And I was like, well, fuck. Like, is there any way that I can do this in a way that makes me feel safe? And I know my children are safe.
Right. And so my mom has come over to our house a few times for like barbecues and to see the kids.
and there's been like two or three times where I'll drop the older two off at my mom's house just for the day. I'm not comfortable with the overnights yet.
And she knows that. I let them hang out for a few hours.
I go there, pick them up, bring them home. Like whatever makes me feel safe and comfortable, I'm okay with.
Right. And I think that's maybe what needed to happen for my mom to realize like I'm not'm not doing this anymore.
This back and forth. The me not speaking when I'm uncomfortable or I'm showing up and you're drinking and I don't say anything and I stay, but I'm anxious.
Like, I'm not doing it anymore for myself. And so it's been slowly progressing into a relationship, but I'm just literally taking it super slow.
Yeah, I think when it comes to your mom, we're just kind of following our intuition. Like whatever feels like good.
And I feel like your mom has been really good. She's not like.
She has. And I've noticed like she reached out to me and said, Hey, I would love to start doing like a weekly thing.
I come over once a week, we do dinner or we make pies or we do something with the kids. And I said, absolutely.
And I told her, I said, that means a lot to me. That she's making the effort making the effort yes because i felt like it was i was always having to be the one to make the effort when in a mother parent relationship it should not be like that yeah because i don't see the whole reason why all the fall happened there's a lot that happened as far as like you didn't like you didn't just attack you know or put you know do stuff in front of nova that we didn't agree with but you also totally like attacked our relationship you We attacked our lifestyle.
Yeah, you came from my husband. Your mom did that? Yeah.
Oh, yeah. They went on like Instagram and they, yeah, it was just, it was toxic.
It was just bad. It was not good.
I don't think I knew about any of this. Was this like a public situation? Yeah, it was.
I mean, she did. She made a couple of quotes and stuff.
And then her little brother went on Instagram live and did a whole like so much rumor stuff that just kind of got it was like unnecessary out of nowhere like what is going on it was just really weird uh thing and so i think at that point it was like all right well how how could we consciously let you be a part of our lives when you actually are really just creating mess. Like for no reason,

like I can't kind of do that.

So until you get your shit together,

what I mean,

it's not safe for us to really be around you.

And that was on.

And she was like,

listen,

honestly,

the year that you didn't talk to your mom was the,

that's the only time that I really think about like,

wow,

you really stuck to your boundaries.

Like it was,

yeah,

because I made a promise to myself.

There's been many times.

And I feel like,

you know,

when you do grow up in addiction and you're so used to policing the environment, so you feel safe, like, you know, she would start drinking around me or whatever. And I would just, I would just shut down.
And I knew what my boundaries were to myself. Like get up and say, Hey, I'm leaving.
I'll see you in a few days or whatever you're having. You're drinking.
I'm leaving, you know, but I wouldn't, I would sit there and I would just, he's like, I could physically see your body turn in. She would, she would, she would like, I could see her like she would hurt.
She would literally make herself smaller on the couch. And I, so I would go up to her and just kind of like, Hey, are you, you want to leave? Like, you know what I mean? And it was, it was, it made me really uncomfortable because now I'm like, all right, I know my wife is like not liking this.
And I, you're not my mom. So I can't like, it's your house.
I don't know. I just felt really, it was like uncomfortable.
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Shopify.com slash Famous. Do you think it was better to have each other during these times than to, or did it, was it harder on your relationship because you would see her kind of struggling with it and then it would take a toll on your relationship? It never took a toll on our relationship.
I think more or less. There's a point when you were like, I'm going to go to my mom's.
I'm like, I'm just not, I don't want to go. Yeah.
That was my, and that was my boundary. Yeah, that's fine.
Because I had to sit there and be like, oh my God, now I got to emotionally monitor her and make sure. So eventually, yeah.
So for me, it just got to a point where it was like, I'm not, I'm doing myself a disservice. Yeah.
Like by not sticking to my boundaries. Yeah.
And so I made a promise to myself that I was, I'm never doing that again. I will call it out every time I see it.
And so my mom and I had a conversation about that. We met up for lunch one time and had a conversation.
And I laid out my boundaries again. And that was after we didn't talk for like six months.
We up had a conversation and i was and i just was basically like we can move forward but these are my boundaries again and it's this is what i will not deal with fast forward like a month or two after we had that conversation um it was the carly visit was happening and my mom and you know, we're kind of still going through it a little bit,

but we were talking and stuff again in the mending process.

Yeah.

And so we had the Carly visit and two times during that visit,

she was drinking at the visit.

Oh,

she went to the visit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And she was drinking at the visit and I didn't want to call it out exactly right there in that moment, which I've learned through therapy wasn't the right thing. Wasn't? Wasn't.
My therapist said you should have stood up right in that moment and said, hey, listen, if you're going to drink, you need to leave. Yeah.
Was Carly present? Yes. So your therapist would have suggested for you to say that in front of Carly? Not right in front of her.
Maybe pull my mom aside. But just in the vicinity.
Like as soon as you see it happening, you speak on it. Right.
But my thinking in that moment was, I'm going to wait. We only have one more day.
And after this visit, I'm bringing it up to her, you know? Okay. And so after the visit happened and we said our goodbyes, the next morning I woke up to a text message from my mom's mom.
And she was basically going off on me saying like, the way you treat your mom is disgusting. This is before I even said anything to my mom or anything.
This always comes from the people who are enabling the addict or the alcoholic. Yes.
Because I always have – people always have words for me, the ones that are enabling my mom. Yes.
And it's like – Dude. she just said all this nasty stuff to me and everything.
And then, so I was, I literally just woke up, got that. So then I reached out to my mom.
I sent her, I said, your mom's fucking crazy. And for two, I don't appreciate you.
I called her out on it. And I said, I do not appreciate, like I let you into one of the most intimate things in my life and you know my boundaries and you did it anyways.
And she said, well, I didn't think it was that big of a deal because other people were having drinks too.

And I said, they're not the alcoholic.

They're not the one that traumatized me.

And one of the reasons why my child is where she is because I didn't have any support.

And so it just it really blew up.

But I think I need that.

I needed to feel what it was like to be strong and to not rely on her for anything you know um and that's when we didn't talk for like a year and so now it's just very slow moving and it's for the kids and same thing like Tyson not wanting to have any regrets with with his dad I don't want to have any with my mom either but she needs to understand what I will tolerate and what I will not anymore absolutely you know and I firm in that. But again, if there's a safe way where the kids can be involved and she can be involved, then I'm cool with that.
Yeah. No, I respect that.
And I think just knowing your boundaries is, you know, the best thing you can do for yourself and for your kids. But I kind of hated myself in a sense.
I felt like a part of it was my fault at the Carly dinner because there were so many times before that where she knew my boundaries and she would do it in front of me and I would never call it out. And so I think she was so used to that pattern.
Of course she's going to think, oh, I can do this and she's not going to call it out because she never has. Right.
And then when I did, she blew up. Well, because the boundary is for you.
Yes. And it's up to you to like stand firm in it and she has to learn to respect it or not.
Right. You know, and especially it's one of those things where it's like, you know, you guys, we actually invited you into this really intimate thing, the most intimate thing and personal thing that we ever could do.
Do with her. We're giving you the honor of like, let's come to the visit.
Because I don't have to invite anybody. It could be just me tying the girls, you know? Right.
So it just kind of blew up on our face. And obviously after that happened, that's when like they went online and kind of like just threw our whole relationship all over the place.
Yeah, Tyler's gay. He has a boyfriend that lives in Arizona.
Did you? Oh, yeah, yeah. But like started all this shit.
And then honestly, like, you know, and the way I took it was and I was like, listen, I don't take anything personal that your mom says about me. I don't take anything personal about what your little brother says about me.
I know who I am, comfortable, whatever. My problem is that when they say certain things like Kate always listens to Tyler or does whatever he says, you're diminishing her strength.
You're literally dehumanizing her, robbing her of all the strength that she had on her own. I was not involved in any of the strength.
She did it on her own. So you're taking it away from her and how dare you rob her of that by bashing me insane.
Or saying that he controls. That's actually a really good point.
Like, what are you doing? Like, I've watched your daughter go through therapy. I've watched her struggle and fight and just scrounge to get to where she is.
And for you to say, oh, well, she does everything you say or whatever. I'm this big controlling person or whatever the case is.
How dare you? Well, because acknowledging that would require them to have some level of self-awareness that they clearly didn't or don't have. I mean, I don't know them, so I don't want to speak to them right now.
But maybe at that time, they didn't have that level of self-awareness. And that would cause – they would have to look at themselves.
But it was way easier for them to place the blame on you. That's what I told her.
I said, I think it's easier for your mom to place the blame on me than to say, wow, I, I, maybe I traumatized her as a child and that's why she's, you know, making these decisions, you know, it's not me. Which she knows she's been to multiple family weeks when I've been in treatment.
She knows what she has done. You know, does she ever acknowledge any of it? She has.
Yes, she definitely has. She's acknowledged.
She's apologized. She's, you know, all of the things.
But, you know, I think one of her problems is, too, that she doesn't do all the therapy for all the shit she went through as a kid. Well, I also think that, I mean, you can apologize until you're blue in the face.
Until you make those changes and your actions are the apology, it doesn't, it's sort of a moot point. Sorry is just a word.
word right yeah and it means nothing and if a month later you're cussing me out and saying bad shit about my husband again you were never really sorry exactly because at that point it's a choice like you're choosing to do that and my clause came out with that too it's like how dare you this man has supported me through my whole life basically we've been together for 17 years I have four beautiful daughters with this man. And if you think that I would stay in a relationship with a man that controlled me and I just listened to everything that he said, you're out of your fucking mind.
And you don't know me as a person. No, you don't.
And I have four daughters. If you think I want them to think that that's a normal way to live and that's really how you think I am, then I don't want nothing to do with 100 you know like I'm not that type of person so when you guys are going through everything that you're going through now with you know Carly's adoptive parents what does that do with your relation to your relationship with your parents like does Butch have anything to do with like do you ever talk to him about it oh no no and do you ever talk to your mom about it my mom and i did have a conversation yeah and she was pissed she was pissed and you know my mom is very abrasive she says hurtful things she you know but then once she got all that out she kind of got to the point of like i'm so sorry you know so i let her have her moment of she's pissed i'll fuck that and she's just very blunt about all that and then she turned it around and was like i'm so sorry, you know, like, and I'll fuck them.
She's just very blunt about all that. And then she turned it around and was like, I'm so sorry.
You know, like, and I mean, it's, yeah, it's always something. I know.
Especially with just the history of our parents. They were together and now they're not.
Oh my God. Yeah, exactly.
Hey, remember, we were step siblings. You know what I'm saying? Hey, hey, hey, white trash trash over yeah living in a trap park yeah like so like the fact that they were married before it's just like our our parents we would be lying if we said they weren't a part of our story but but just like um but i think it's weird how the parents are kind of like who you know they're like oh well you're you're, you're you're doing it.
It's like, no, dude, I'm just telling the truth. A product of everything that I came from.
I'm sorry that like, you know, MTV can't make you look like shit or put words in your mouth. You know what I mean? Like you call your daughter a bitch.
You're the one that. So it's like, especially for our type of show.
Yeah. You did it all to yourself.
I wasn't, you know, telling you what to say or call me a whore on TV. Like that was you, not me.
Yeah. So I think it's just one of those things where it's like, we have to create a safe distance

with our parents. And I feel like we're, it took a minute.
It took, it takes a while. Like I feel

like to kind of create, what is my safety net? Where am I comfortable? Went too far that time.

I'll like come back in. Like it's just, it's kind of a constant evolving.

Well, I think humans are like creatures of habit, right? And so sometimes chasing the chaos or,

or that fear of the unknown becomes the pattern and that's sort of what we're used to.

And so sometimes chasing the chaos or, or that fear of the unknown becomes the pattern. And that's sort of what we're used to.
And so anything normal or calm or constant sort of feels foreign. And you're like, wait a minute, let me go back to the chaos where I'm comfortable.
Yeah. Where's the grenade? And you know what's so funny is like, I grew up in so much chaos my whole entire life.
One of my biggest dreams was like to have my own place and it be safe and calm and nurturing. And so it's when I have chaos around, I tend to now just want to go home.
We retreat. You know, I want to go home to my safe zone because I never felt safe as a kid ever.
What was your childhood like? I know your mom was an alcoholic, but what is the relationship with your dad um my dad is he also an addict or no no no my dad has always you know worked really hard all the things of course when i was growing up and i was younger like a lot of my child memories are with my dad i don't have a lot at my mom's house all the ones being little my moms are very traumatic but they're they're separated separated they were always they were divorced yeah they were never married my mom was 19 my dad was like 20 or 21 when they had me so you grew up living with your dad most of the time no my mom i lived with my mom so why didn't you live with your dad um because they separated when i was before i was even one i think but if she wasn't stable and she was an alcoholic why was there ever an option for you to go live with your dad um i know my mom and dad went to court when I was before I was even one, I think. But if she wasn't stable and she was an alcoholic, why was there ever an option for you to go live with your dad? Um, I know my mom and dad went to court when I was 10, maybe a little younger than that.
Yeah. Eight, eight, nine or 10.
My dad fought for a few years. Um, was that after he moved to Florida or no, before he moved to Florida.
Yeah. Um, Yeah.
But my dad, he didn't do everything right.

You know, he very much so got into a relationship with a woman who was very toxic, gave me a lot of my self-confidence issues.

She was down and abusive.

She was very mean to me.

Emotionally abusive.

Not, I mean, there were some physical things, but not like hitting, but other.

Cutting her hair, I think is considered physical abuse.

That's what I mean.

I guess that's physical.

Considered physical abuse.

Would tell me that I was fat and overweight and I couldn't eat certain things. This was your stepmom? Yeah.
Are they still together? No. But they were married for like 11 years.
Oh, that's a long time. And so I was a kid.
And throughout 11 years, she was at her mom. I was going, but I was going, yeah.
And I would go to my dad's every other weekend. And my dad would pick me up from school every Wednesday.
And it would be just me and him. And we would go like on a lunch every other weekend and my dad would pick me up from school every Wednesday and it would be just me and him and we would go like on a lunch date or whatever.
My dad is very regretful in the choices that he has made and he has apologized numerous times. And, you know, I forgive him for that because he has shown me actions.
You know, he makes it a point to be in my life. He calls me once or twice every every single week.
And we have, you know, we talk on and um yeah there was action after his sorry yes you know what I mean like there was like actions and so I really have you know I've forgiven him for that um are you his only child no so you have other siblings so you have a brother from your mom you have five you have five siblings I have a brother and why am I just now learning this we don't – none of us have a relationship. It's actually really sad.
Yeah. Even your little brother? No.
And he was the one I was closest with. So what it is is on my mom's side, it's me.
I have a sister and my youngest brother, Nick. The sister is older or younger than you? Younger.
Younger than you. So she's middle.
We're four years. Are you the oldest of all your siblings? Okay.
No. No.
Oh, yeah, Andrew my mom's side it's us three it's me my sister and my brother i'm the oldest my sister's the middle and my little brother is the youngest on my dad's side um he had a son when he was like 16 years old um he's four or five years older than me and I didn't meet him until i was like nine eight or nine why how'd you meet him um i remember waking up one day and this kid was there and i remember him looking over a bunk bed and he was like oh this is your brother yeah um so like the trauma what so i guess said this story out loud yeah i mean i feel like I mean, I feel like I have. No.
I know you told me. Like, one day I was in my bunk bed and my brother showed up.
Probably only Tyler. Probably only Tyler.
I was like, dude, what? And the sad thing about my brother is he, you know, he lived with a very not mentally well mother. My dad, she was a teen mom, obviously.
My dad was 17. My dad didn't know that he had a son for many years, found out he had a son.
This just keeps getting worse. Yeah.
Um, my brother now is very, it's sad. He's just, my dad has nothing to do with him, wants nothing to do with him because he is mentally ill as an addict and all of the things.
And you wonder why. And I feel bad for my brother.
I was, I built a relationship with him when I was like 12, 13 years old and I fell in love with him. We were so close.
We, you know, talked all the time. He lived with my dad actually for a while, for a few years when he was growing up.
And then he got to the age of 18 and my dad said, his wife basically said he needs to get a job or he needs to leave. And my brother ended up leaving.
And it's just been very toxic for him. But and then on my dad's side, there's a little brother and my stepsister, Amber, which was my dad.
Don't you also have an Amber? Yep. OK.
So you both have an Amber. Yeah.
OK. Yeah.
But my steps, my stepsister is my dad's toxic ex-wife's daughter. Got it.
But her and I, it's funny because I don't have a relationship with any of my siblings. Except for her.
Yeah. And they're divorced now.
But I still, ever since I was, you know, I think I was like three and she was four when they got married. So my whole life, she was my sister.
Was she also traumatized by her mom? Very much so. So that, okay, you know how people say, oh, like, you talk about trauma and they call it trauma bonding, but that's, like, not actually trauma bonding.
Trauma bonding is when you go through the trauma together. Right.
That whole thing. Do you think that that's sort of why, like, why you guys bonded the way that you did? I think being older is when we've gotten way closer.
When we were younger, we used to fight and, you know, like sisters would and stuff, but... But I think it was more or less

like, you know, you had to keep watching her

have a life that you really wanted

with your dad. Yeah.
And so that's what made

the sibling rivalry kind of thing.

Like a resentment almost. Yeah.

You didn't get to live with your dad full time and

she did. Yeah.
And my dad

adopted her, so she has like, you know,

our last name and everything. Do they still have a relationship now? yeah they do that's my dad's daughter she has a daughter that's his granddaughter you know she she doesn't have a relationship with her bio dad or anything um and so that's all she is known as my dad since the age of four you know um but her and i have a very close relationship.
But her mom was so, like, disgusting to her that she said one time her mom looked at her because her boyfriend broke up with her and she said to her something to the fact of, you're just jealous because all your boyfriends want me. Like, nasty.
She's one of those narcissists, like, wacky women. She is the loopy.
Like, when we meet this lady, it's almost like she's fucked up on pills 24 7 yeah she's airy out there says weird shit like it's just been lots of trauma on that side um but my sister has nothing to do with her mom she can't stand her like she you know has cut her out of her life completely and actually she's done great making her boundaries with her mom oh yeah she does nothing to do with her but and her her and i are the closest we're not even blood related i have been trying desperately to regrow my hair and also just make it thicker you should love your hair and that can be hard to do especially if you're dealing with shedding or thinning neutrophil is here to help their whole body approach to hair health works from the inside out so you can start loving your hair again this year year there's nothing holding you back from loving your hair again. Hair is really so much more than what's on the surface.
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I'm still just so fascinated that I didn't like, I feel like you have, you have one sister and that's it. I knew that.
Um, I had no, I knew you had a little brother from your mom. Yep.
I'm just sort of floored. Sorry.
I threw all that on you. I'm just thinking about how addiction has impacted all three of us and none of us have went down that road.
Thank God. Isn't that so interesting though? Like I don't know.
I know addicts who came from really, really wealthy, well-to-do families and they're struggling on the streets right now. And then we came from very tumultuous families and childhoods and we did not go down that path.
And I wonder what that was, what the difference is. I don't know.
And I think it's sad because you're like, you know, I didn't go down that path. My stepsister didn't go down that path.
And some of my siblings did. Like my sister on my mom's side, she was an addict for a long period of time, addicted to pills, addicted to cocaine.'ve experienced addiction your parent your sibling and your husband's family a few of your siblings yeah my oldest brother he he has an addiction problem he's actually been sober just going on two years now most recently um and i like applaud him for that um my brother on my dad's side the littlest one, he's definitely addicted to weed, you know.
So it's like there's, yeah, addiction runs rampant on both sides of our family. That's why we have to be very careful when we talk, you know, we talk to our kids openly about all the things.
Which is why I think we've done such, we've focused so much on like, okay, let's explore the trauma so we understand it better. So that way we can know exactly what not to do with our own kids.
And I think that's what people get kind of confused. Like, well, we've heard it all the time.
Like, oh, you guys are just always talking about your trauma. It's like, well, listen, it's important though, because that's what, that's what we need to do.
We do get that all up. No, we do.
But what else are you going to, you are undoing. Years.
Generations. Yeah.
I mean, we're talking like over a decade worth of trauma from addiction and everything else so it's going to take just as long or longer to undo that and unpack that and digest that i think people don't really get intergenerational trauma they don't get that like your mom then you're it's a ripple effect and it has to stop somewhere so we had to we had to make all you do is talk about your trump what like how else that's what people say or that we're trauma bonded and it's like okay i'll be honest with you i'm not denying the fact that we're trauma bonded but i feel like there's a negative viewpoint of that and then it's also just a truth and a fact matter of that yes adoption is trauma yeah our parents were addict you know what i'm saying like i mean and honestly i'm like if this is trauma bonded then i'm glad i'm in it yeah but we've all you know but um i think and i don't think people understand but before cameras came around you know and ever caught caught us where we were at in our lives uh ty and i we did bond on a form of just like damn like your life's crazy my life's crazy and we but that's we were leaning over that's like bonding over the trauma

right Ty and I, we did bond on a form of just like, damn, like your life's crazy. My life's crazy.
And we. But that's.
That's like bonding over the trauma. Similarity almost.
That's not. Yeah, exactly.
There's a difference. Yeah, right.
And so it was like we very much could talk to each other and relate to each other. But then y'all were trauma bonded by the adoption process and going through.
We acknowledge that. And we're like, but I think people kind of have this negative connotation with, oh, you're trauma.
And it's like, well, listen, when you go through life, like talk to any, you know, married couple who's been married for 50 plus years. I guarantee they've bonded through trauma together as a couple.
It's inevitable, right? I mean, it's part of life. So.
And also you can ask Dr. Mike Dow.
Yeah. Wait, who's that? He's our therapist.
He's the one that I did psychedelic therapy with. We need to talk time out.
We have to talk about this. It's ketamine, right? Ketamine.
Yes. Tell me about this, because I thought ketamine was like the zombie drug.
The horse tranquilizer. Remember when we were kissing? No, he freaked me out the first time.
When he said he was going to do it, I always said horse tranquilizer. I'm like, you're going to do horse tranquilizer.
I was like, do people get high off that? People can, yeah, on the street. Oh, yeah.
But is it like fentanyl where there's like a medical use for it and then a street use for it?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

So I'm thinking that you were like using the street drug to medicate yourself.

And I was like, I don't know if we should go down that path.

No, honestly, I think it's important to talk about because there's been so much research done with psychedelic therapy in general and all the data that's coming out. Did you talk to Becky about this? Because she used to microdose.
No. But no.
Oh, really? That has huge impact. Okay.
Psilocybin? Excuse me? Psilocybin? She microdosed psilocybin? Mushrooms. Okay.
Yes. Okay.
So you guys should talk about that another time. But so is it like that? It's exactly like that.
You're kind of hooked up. They give you the ketamine and it's it's guided it's like a professional yeah oh yeah i'm in a chair mindful music do you ever do you feel different or is it just oh he's sort of like conscious changes he's high as fuck he's high oh for sure what does it look like i've never done it i'm too scared like? When he came home, he was totally fine.
Wait, you weren't there? No. So you just got fucked up medically, professionally.
Yeah. But if you look at the statistics.
In a therapeutic environment with a doctor. Doctors, therapists.
Who's a therapist, whatever. And what happens is you kind of create this portal, whatever you want to to call it to tap into all the subconscious in your head and so you go in there with a really big intention like i spent two weeks doing pre-psyche like going into like what we're gonna tackle and i think for me like the only thing that i really got out of it was that um i was able to visualize myself healing and comforting my younger self yeah visually so now when I meditate, because I have to meditate every day or else I'm going to lose my mind.
Can you explain what that was though? Like you literally saw your older self. I literally saw my older self and I was a little boy and I was crying about my dad or whatever.
Two different ages. One when I was eight and one when I was 11.
Uh, and I literally was like me as I am now.

I'll say,

and I just gather both of them.

It was,

and it was,

this is all visual.

Obviously I'm,

you know,

tripping,

but you knew you were tripping.

Like,

Oh yeah.

Like when you get high,

like when you smoke,

have you ever smoked weed?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh,

I just wasn't sure.

Um,

like when I would get high,

I would be like,

can this go away?

Like I'm tired now.

Like I'm over it.

Oh no,

you don't want this to go away.

You want to stay in here.

But does that scare you?

Did it ever scare you and like,

make you want to keep using that stuff?

That type of stuff? No. No, because it's not.
Ketamine is not like, you don't get addicted. You can't get addicted.
It's almost like you can't get addicted to psilocybin. You can't get addicted to LSD.
Because it's just too much. You can't.
It's like, I mean, if you are, you're fucking permanently damaged your brain. Like, can't do that.
You can't get addicted to those things. I think people can get addicted, but I think what he means is like, it takes so much mentally and emotionally and physically.
Uh, you don't want to do it every single day. So it's not sort of like, my girl seems different.
I'm talking to taking a dosage where you are like fucked up yeah like you're in an lsd no

because he was have you absolutely have you yes and i hate it every moment she hated it she y'all did it together yes oh yeah she hated it no wait no listen no listen what is going on a lot what the fuck is okay listen is that the thing you put on your tongue it's acid lsd Acid.

It's a psychedelic, right?

It's different than mushrooms.

Psilocybin is natural.

LSD is not.

So listen, so –

Oh, no, I'm- Hold on. That's what actually inspired me to go do ketamine and actually take it in a therapeutic, not recreational use.
No, no, no. Because there's so many- We have a lot to unpack here.
Let's unpack. Okay, start one by one.
We're going to go back to the ketamine. Okay.
But but first i need to know where you were and why you tried lsd like what opportunity presented so we had a 17 yeah we have a friend named tom yeah my best friend definitely into psychedelics and he was like here i have lsd and you were like okay yeah so it was us and a big group of friends and we lived in our trailer which was shown on tv yeah we lived in our trailer and we were all like all right we're gonna take it you know not knowing that it takes like an hour or so to kick in or that it lasts for like seven hours but so then all of a sudden we're like well let's go look it hasn't kicked in yet what does it look like it's just like a little piece of paper a little square piece of paper and you put it on your tongue um and it didn't kick in for a while and we're all like well we should probably like eat before this kicks in you know so me and my friend Casey me and Casey go me and Casey go to McDonald's to get McDonald's for everybody and it kicked in by the time they got mad and I'm sitting in there and I remember looking out the window and saying Casey and he's like yeah I'm like the clouds are moving he's like they always move I go no dude like supersonic speed clouds you know and then we get back to the trailer park it It has hit everybody. We had McDonald's.
Nobody ate shit. Nobody ate McDonald's.
Because you can't eat nothing. I actually organized it.
And it lasted for seven hours. I was so paranoid.
I was hiding in the bedroom in the dark. I thought I was going to sleep.
You hated it. Hated it.
I'm like, I need to go to sleep. I need to go to sleep.
That's how I am with weed. Like, I cannot get fucked up because just let me get it.
Just stop. Just make it stop.
But the problem is, is that you cannot sleep. You can't get off the roller coaster once you're trapped in.
People were laughing in the living room and I felt the laughter. I felt the sounds were vibrating through my body, dude.
Like vibrating. I'm having the greatest time of my life.
I'm freaking out. I'm having a discovery.
So I'm like, where is she at? I go in the back room and she's like. In the dark.
With a blanket above her head, like up to here. She's like, uh-uh.
I'm like, babe, what's wrong with you? I hate this. And she's like, I hate it.
I said, you hate it? Can you act normal on it? No. You just succumb.
Surrender. Throw your hands up.
You're really good to control. Got it.
Which I don't like. And I walked in the room and she's like, I hate it.
And I was like, I can't be in here. Okay.
And I was it. And then she eventually came around.
Well, yeah, when Casey dragged me outside and I was like, this is beautiful. You gotta go outside.
It can't be a little tin box. And I have a vivid memory of sitting on the couch.
So paranoid. And Tom's looking at me like, it's just a drug, man.
Oh yeah. I was like, Tom, leave her alone.
Stop. So you hated it.
You loved it. And you were like, I'm definitely microdosing on ketamine.
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Years and years later. Yeah, I was 17.
I didn't do ketamine until like a year ago, two years ago. That was recent.
Oh, yeah. They covered it on this show, TV show.
Everyone told me to ask you about it because I talked about ketamine on my podcast because I had no idea what the fuck it was. And I didn't know what it was.
So now we can talk about ketamine. Okay.
So you go into this environment where it's controlled. There's professional, you are strapped in, there's music.
You have like therapy sessions before you even do the ketamine therapy. So you have intentions.
And then the purpose of it is to go into, tap into your subconscious of where your neural pathways have been built in a way that are not serving you. Okay.
And so you go back and you rewire your neuropathways in a different way, which it worked like a charm. The fact that I can go immediately – I can meditate right now if I wanted to.
And I can go into this visual and it's like the most warming, peaceful hug you've ever had. It's like – it's hard to explain.
How many times did you have to do that to get to where you are now? The ket yeah only once but you've done it twice you did one in michigan yeah well i did one in michigan to kind of test it out to see what it like and then once i realized like oh wow like they had to actually wake me up like tyler you're done now and i'm like well i don't want to go back like what the hell um but and then that's when it got that's when it kind kind of sparked in me. All right, I need to look into this like more.

And that's when I found Dr. Mike,

who's a professional,

years of research,

wrote a book about it,

like whatever.

And that's when I was like,

okay,

I'm going to do it with you.

This little Michigan clip was different.

Yeah.

So that's when I.

Did you go with him?

No.

But you came to that end.

I came to visit at the end

and we had a session,

me,

him,

and Dr. Mike about like what he found out about himself

and us even came up. Yeah.
do you know if you said things in therapy while you were on the ketamine no he well he starts talking to you as you're going under um but then eventually i'm like i don't even hear him and that's when he knows kind of just all right experience whatever's going on i don't know that I want to discover the things that I don't remember. No, it's really scary.
I will be honest with you. I do not want to know.
No, it scares me too. It brought up stuff that I had to re, not relive it, but I relived it from an outside.
I almost felt like a ghost in the corner. Like an out-of-body experience? Yeah, yes.
Very out-of-body watching me get abused, watching me uh sometimes suicide watching me like do all these things that i didn't know these things yeah well i mean now you do but but like it takes you really like stuff that because honestly we're we're our brain just does things to try to protect ourselves right so we will like you know we'll fortify it in a way where it's like, no, we don't remember that memory. We don't go in there.
Walk it out. Yeah, so this really, which actually manifests physically, anxiety, depression, mood swings.
PTSD. I have a belief, and this is just me thinking, but like I really believe that those hidden stuff in subconscious actually presents itself as like bipolar.
It messes with your neural pathway that affects everything in your life so when you when i would do was doing it it was like an out-of-body experience where i was like watching myself be abused and all these traumatic things and then at the very end of it i was able to kind of comfort those ages when you say abused you mean like fit like sexually abused you were sexually abused yeah yeah have you talked about that before yeah yeah yeah he does openly yeah and i actually wrote a letter and stuff and the part of my part of my so you do the ketamine treatment and afterwards there is post-treatment like homework you have to do um in therapy sessions and therapy sessions afterwards to kind of you know yeah break everything down but one of the one of the things that my psychiatrist was like this is what you need to do is write a letter to your younger self. And so I did that.
Hugely impactful. Like it was like, whoa.
I was able to like let it go, burn the letter. And it just felt freeing.
And so, yeah, it was just like it was the best thing I ever did. And I did years of therapy.
But I swear to God, this one ketamine session equaled like five years worth of therapy for me as far as just healing. So do they say to continue doing it or do they say it's like sort of at your own discretion? At your own discretion.
Yeah, and some people say like, hey, I have to go and do a session like every six months. Or sometimes you get to the point where it's like, oh, I only have to do it once a year or once every three years.
It depends on how much you have to unpack. Yeah, but I, just the statistics alone, it's literally curing people's PTSD.

Curing it.

Curing anxiety

and depressive orders.

Could have listened to fireworks.

Yeah.

Like it's literally curing it.

And they have proof,

like statistic proof of it.

And mushrooms are right up there.

A psilocybin will be prescribed

in the next 10 years to people.

Instead of antidepressants.

Becky swears by mushrooms.

Like swears by them.

I had,

we weren't friends for five years.

So I missed that chapter of her life.

But she was telling me about how

Thank you. That would be fun.
We could do it in Louisiana. You guys could talk about it because I've never experienced anything with psychedelics before.
I smoked weed and I hate the feeling of like i just i don't love it it i took mushrooms too and i hate it no there and there are there are some people who like i feel like who have more of uh anxiety issues that they don't like not being in control of their body they hate it i hate it and so me i love it free me i want to surrender mine is more of like i don't know how i'm being perceived that's not in control yeah yeah like i don't know what i'm like if i look stupid if i sound stupid i don't want other people to see me that way yeah so i can't i i can't um relax i guess yeah no same anxiety oh i was diagnosed with anxiety ocd tendencies and coping yeah so when i feel like my life is out of control I clear surfaces. I to like clear countertops clean yeah um and then i was did i say i was diagnosed as an adult with adhd oh no no yeah i was a kid were you yeah oh that's no riddling for me though i'm not medicated yeah mainly because i get pregnant so much but but uh yeah i yeah adhd and bipolar which i questioned but well you you diagnosed with bipolar disorder? Yeah, and they gave me a really intense medication.
And I looked it up and I was like, uh-uh. I said, I'm too scared to do that.
I'd rather do natural ways that I can, like ketamine. I just didn't want to do this antipsychotic medication that really has a lot of side effects.
I would have never. I don't know enough bipolar disorder to know but i would have never i didn't even that's why i asked her when i got

diagnosed i said you you know me better than anyone you live with me and i told him i can

totally see yeah oh you can see it yeah i can i can sometimes and sometimes i brought up to him

like do you think you're having a manic episode do you think you know because there's times where

out of nowhere he can't sleep for months yeah and he struggles with it there's times where he's just

Let's go. out to him like do you think you're having a manic episode do you think you know because there's times where out of nowhere he can't sleep for months yeah and he struggles with it there's times where he's just angry and doesn't know why um but look at everything that you said in the past 50 minutes of course you're angry sometimes because i just feel like life has not been fair to you guys to either one of you yeah i mean okay life been fair, but at the same time, look at the blessings that are around.
I mean, we've literally now, but now, yeah, well, yeah. Now, but I feel like, but just because you have blessings now should not discredit all of the trauma and all of the really shitty experiences you've had as a child.
Yeah. And so, and I don't blame him as a wife and he's, you know, when he said, I would personally love to try all of the natural resources there are to me.
I said, I support you in that. Like, I do not blame you at all.
Now I'm different. Medication saved my life.
Absolutely. You know, and I still take it to this day that absolutely saved my life.
If I wasn't such a bitch and scared and have anxiety maybe I'd try some ketamine no that just scares me

because I like going back to anxiety

I like to be in control of my body

when I'm not in control

I freak the fuck out

so

yeah I don't know what you're

so I support

that's your own stuff

you do what makes me feel comfortable

which I think kind of

I mean listen

me and her

we both have you know

mental things

and look at how we both

differently

kind of tackle them differently

I think that's

what's really important

is that there's not a one all

for everybody

like everyone's got a different path

Thank you. you know, mental things are, but, and look at how we both differently, we kind of tackle them differently.
I think that's, what's really important is that there's not a one,

all for everybody.

Like everyone's got a different path for how they're going to heal their

trauma and stuff.

And so,

and it's okay to,

to just do things differently,

whatever works for you.

So,

I mean,

what was your mom like growing up?

Did you,

was she sort of always a support system for you?

And did she ever,

she wasn't there.

She had to work two jobs.

No,

no,

no.

She had to work two jobs. I mean, I was like, I was, i was like making grilled cheese at five by that i was doing my own thing like i was she's like trying to provide yeah mom and dad she yeah she just worked uh mortgage and then she did bar on the weekend so literally seven days a week she was working you know so she was just trying to survive yeah she was just trying to survive so i think for me it was just i got I was by myself constantly.
So that's kind of what – I mean she was just absent. She wasn't abusive.
She wasn't like – she was just absent. But not because – not by choice.
No. But purely out of being able to provide for you guys.
Yeah. I watched this clip of someone recently on TikTok and it was this older woman.
I'll have to find it. Don't even remember her name.
I have to give credit where credit is due. But she basically said that she wasn't a good mom.
She wasn't a nurturing mom because she had to be the sole provider of her household. And as a single mom and dad wasn't in the picture, she became, she was absent, not necessarily by choice, but by default.
And she couldn't be the nurturing parent. She had to be the sole provider.
And I just think that for sort of all of our situations in some way or another, whether they're an addict or not, one of our parents has all – like your mom to some degree was a provider for you, right? Oh, 100%. And my mom, she struggled a lot with her own addictions and her alcoholism, but she also had to be the sole provider because I didn't have a dad so the times that i lived with her she couldn't have been present if she wanted to be right that's kind of where i'm not couldn't have been present if she wanted to be but i think it's one of those things where it's like don't you find a little bit not more or less like but you you have i have a little a lot of more sympathy for my parents at my age now even your dad oh yeah and through my healing just like where i'm like wow like you were literally just a young kid figuring out too see i don't have that i don't share that same experience i hold so much resentment for my mom but when other people like you guys tell me about your experience with addiction i have more empathy for people that have addiction that are not directly impacting do you think that's to protect yourself though? Cause being angry is a lot easier than being vulnerable.
Yeah. Because like when I talked to Macy about Ryan and I had so much empathy for him and I have so much empathy for Butch and for your mom because it doesn't directly impact me.
But my mom, she was supposed to be the provider for me. She was supposed to be the nurturer.
She was supposed to be my safety. So like I don't have that same empathy for her.
And I think too, because I've become a mom and I'm so involved with my kids, it makes me very angry and very resentful. Yeah, but you're angry.
And I went through that. It's easier.
It's powerful. I know, Macy was telling me to go to Al-Anon.
I know, I've been told that too my whole life. I've never gone.
I have never gone either. We should just go together.
Should we just like do it? Let's just do it. All of us, me, you guys, Macy, we'll all go.
Let's just dive right in. Seriously.
No, seriously. I asked Lux the other day.
I was talking to him about my mom and he goes, where's your mom in hell? Because he like, I was like, she's dead to me. And he was like, yeah, in hell.
Wow. I was like, wow.
Interesting. It's like my anger is seeping down into my kids without even realizing and recognizing.
So maybe just try to like, look at that for a minute.

Yeah.

Like your,

your,

your anger is very hard.

It's a hundred percent.

And it's not just about my mom,

right?

Like I think just as parents in general,

like our anger,

our happiness,

our,

you know,

every feeling that we feel and we put on display,

our kids are soaking that up.

Oh yes,

they are.

So you gotta check carefully.

A hundred percent.

All the time.

Yeah.

So when Macy was like,

go to Al-Anon and she was like telling me about it, I was like, luck saying what he said and now this i guess i'll go okay fine they do online ones too she's like you don't have to put your mic on you don't have to put your camera on you can literally just show up and listen and she said it's more for us than it is for them and i thought that was really interesting i also think it's interesting that like not only are we tied together by the show and like growing up on tv together but also our ties to addiction like it has affected all three of us and Macy to some degree and I just think I don't know there's just so much power in the ties that we have yeah no yeah it does because now we're all raising kids yeah and now we have to stop it with us yeah do you ever freak freak out about that I don't know how you are on time but freak out about oh I don't care okay do you ever freak out about one of your children becoming an addict yes I think about it to this day yeah no and right now my small children I'm like I'm actually like nervous yeah like terrified even when I when I got my wisdom teeth out when I've had had cosmetic surgery, when I, anything, I don't take medication and I'm, because I'm terrified. Right.
So like even taking 800 milligrams of ibuprofen freaks me the fuck out. And I just think about my kids, you know, we all try drugs at some point, right? Like I tried LSD and weed.
I smoked weed. You know, it scares me to think that my kids, I don't have an addictive personality, so I've never really been sort of addicted to anything, but it scares me to know that genetically speaking, it could be passed down to my kids.
Right. It freaks me out.
It's not something that I thought of when I started having kids. No, we didn't either.
We didn't either. It's only now, you know, in the last, I would say five years where I'm really starting to think about what that looks like.
Especially Isaac. I mean, he's.
I'm not, you know what? I'm not worried about him him I'm not even necessarily worried about Lincoln it's more than younger ones why is that because of mental illnesses okay so meaning like like I have struggled with depression anxiety things like that my mom is diagnosed bipolar she has addiction so I'm and then also on their dad's side okay have a history of on their dad's side as well and so I think about the double effect, right? Like it's coming from both sides instead of just one. And so I worry about that.
So the odds are – okay, I see what you're saying. Like more against them.
Right. Same with our kids.
And I know it sounds crazy, but that's why I literally put them in every single sport they ask to play. Oh, yeah.
Because I'm like if you guys are so busy getting like your dopamine hits, your – what is it? Serotonin. And then adrenaline.
Yep. If you get that from other things you won't seek it out somewhere else you're so scared of them being bored and sort of that taking them down the wrong path and i also feel like well i think i think i think though it's interesting to point out that like a lot of addiction doesn't happen because you experiment it happens because you have unresolved trauma yourself so as long as you're vigilant and watching your children and how they act and what they react to and what could possibly be traumatic for them and you just, you know, you know it or- You intervene when you're meeting and get them help.
There's so many questions I have surrounding addiction because my mom came from a really good family and nobody else struggled with addiction. So like, how did that happen to her? Interesting.
to her. Yeah.
But, but really? Absolutely. Yeah.
Cause you don't know addict. You're, you can't find an addict who is not trying to heal trauma or escape from something.
Something happened. Yes.
I don't know what it is. I would want, I would need to pick Ryan's brain because I think I'm, I don't even know if I've ever met him, but like what would lead him down to the road? Cause what I've seen and what I know.
I have suspicions of what I've seen. I only know what I've seen on TV or on social media and I thought that he came from a really great family.
So like what could have happened to you? All addicts are trying to numb themselves from something. That's what separates you.
You don't have an ectic of personality because you don't go that route with it. I think in a way I feel like it's easier for us as traumatized

kids. It's easier for us to go

let's just be like it's easier to escape

through drugs or whatever. I have just never had a thought to be like

let me just try heroin. Yeah right no exactly.

I'm traumatized let me go

shoot up. Like that just has never

computed for me. Yeah me either.
Even drinking

nothing like I've never been a drinker.

But I think it's interesting you point out like

for Ryan for instance the outside looks really good. Big house beautiful family

you know

but there's so

I'm a

I'm a

I'm a

I'm a

I'm a

I'm a

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I'm a

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I'm a I'm a I'm a I a drinker. But I think it's interesting.
You point out like for Ryan, for instance, the outside looks really good. Big house.
Beautiful family. You know, but there's so many things.
Most of the addicts that she was in rehab with, wealthy. Came from amazing families.
Trust fund kids. You don't think it's just like them partying too hard and it's like, oh, I want to do a line real quick? No, sometimes that can happen.
Yes. But I'm telling you, there's trauma.
But then what happens in rehab? Unpack it. My best friend from high school is you'll have to look it up.
It's called Kensington. It's a fucked up place by us and that's where she's at and I saw an interview on YouTube of someone like interviewing her in Kensington and I just think about the family that she came from and it was a really great family and like like, I've been to her house and like we had sleepovers and like, I just can't under, like I, she never talked about trauma.
She never talked about anything ever. I never saw anything happen to her.
So like, I can't, I think, understand it from that. And then I think about my mom and I'm like, I just don't understand it.
But you know what also too, is sometimes people can have trauma and they speak about it and people look at them and say, how, that's not even that bad. How's that trauma? But to them, it's the most intense thing they've ever experienced in their lives.
Even if it seems small to us or we're like, what really to them, it's the biggest issue of their lives or one of them. I think a big misconception about trauma is trauma is not what happened.
It's how you reacted to what happened. It's not the event that happened.
It's how you perceived that event. Felt or how you, yeah.
And how you behaved in result of that thing happening. So like a dog dying, like, oh my gosh, like people be like, oh my God, it's a dog.
Right, you're only sick for four years, but a person could be like, no, that ruined me. That's trauma.
You know what I mean? It depends on the person. So it's not, trauma's not what happened, it's how they react to what happened.
That's why in treatment, they always say, don't judge people for their trauma because trauma at the end of the day is trauma. Even if it seems small to you, it's big to them.
And I think comparing trauma is stupid. I think it's a pointless thing.
No, I don't mean to compare. No, I know.
I guess for me, I don't understand it. So it's really – like I have a hard time with it.
Okay. So are you curious to know? Yeah.
No, I want to know. Like I want to know how you got – did you get surgery and then you were on Percocet and then it just like like spiraled from there a body like dependency thing yeah because I think I think opiates is a little different ball game right because that's like literally physically your brain saying hey we're gonna die if you don't get this opiate in you but if you're talking like alcohol heroin cocaine like hardcore drugs I mean nine out of ten I'm like a major intervention lover every Every single episode you watch, it's either divorce, it's a sexual abuse, it is not having their parents.
It's always linked to trauma. That's so interesting.
And even the ones that come with a great family, something happened. Something happened.
That may seem small to us. So maybe one day, so what's not trauma to me could have been trauma to them.
So who knows, maybe one day you might find out what happened to your mom yeah but even then you're like i'm gonna go drink or it's like a gradual thing like i i don't it could be gradual for somebody yeah but i think it's okay to admit that hey you're stronger than your mom but to be curious enough to know why your mom went that route does she even know i mean i don't know maybe not because why would she still be using it you what I mean? So obviously she has unresolved healed things as well. Yeah, because through my therapy, there was stuff that came out that I was like, wow, I never would have looked at that as trauma.
Right. I think that my whole life was that way until I started therapy.
No, it is, right? I was like, oh, I thought this happened to hell. Yes, and there were some things where I was like, holy shit, like that is traumatic as hell.
And I needed therapy to really realize those things, you know? And sometimes our parents, like my mom hasn't, maybe your mom hasn't, but they don't go to therapy to figure it out. What was it for them either? So that's sometimes they don't know.
I don't think my mom's ever been to therapy that I know of. See, I think what separates us is that we actively are trying to figure this out.
And I think staying curious about your own journey and why you do the things you do will lead to healing. It's inevitable.
You just got to stay curious and not get hard and not just, you know, label it and let it go. Right.
You got to keep evolving. For sure.
And also I think from a young age, I always had a drive of my kids will never have this. I'm going to do, like I always had that thought process.
I always wanted to be a mom and I wanted to do things differently. So I just lived by that.
I feel like you're given two paths when you grow up in households like us. It's either I go down the same path or worse as them or I do completely opposite.
Yeah. I think luckily I just didn't get the addictive gene because otherwise I think I had access to all this stuff.
You know what I mean? Right, right. I was so traumatized by how my mom was as a person when she was under the influence that I was just repulsed me more than

I don't even know how to and I think also just like being around people who took me in when my mom was not in her best state of mind yeah was helpful but I'm glad that we got to talk about it yeah me too feels like therapy it does it does I think if you like therapy right so where can people find your podcast and where can people find you on social media Kate and and Ty, break it down. It's all of our social medias.
TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, anywhere. Spotify, Apple, anywhere you listen to podcasts.
Well, thanks for coming on Barely Famous. Thanks for having us.
All right. I may not be as funny as Nikki Laser.
I want to pitch a series of like calendars where men are just crying in a therapist office or punching a pillow and working out their anger towards their dad but I do have my moments I actually have full conversations with the moon yes I try to keep it pretty balanced on this podcast a little fun dance between comedy therapy self-medicating oh and sorry if you haven't guessed hi I'mistow, host of Off the Vine podcast, where we like to just keep things loose and keep them raw and keep them real. Like when we have listeners call in and give confessions.
And then that glass of wine progressed into me becoming a unicorn for them. But we do, and I promise you this, try to keep it honest and vulnerable.
So jump on the wagon, not off. Grab your favorite bottle of wine, preferably Spade and Sparrows, and join the Vinos.
Have yourself a time. The Off the Vine podcast is available wherever you get your podcasts.
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