Bryan Johnson | Club Random with Bill Maher

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Call 1-844-4OTESLA or visit Otesla.com for prescribing info, info about cost, and more. Yeah, I certainly understand your perspective.
I understand where you're coming from. How diplomatic, Brian.
I know I'm going to die by the most ridiculous thing possible. It is.
Really? Yes. Like, how can that not be true? Brian? Yes.
Bill Maher. Hey, Bill.
Meet you from across the room. How are you? I'm great.
Been reading a lot. Nice to see you.
That's what I hear. I've been reading a lot about you.
You all right? I'm great. You look a little tired.
Are you okay? Are you coming down or something? Yeah, I think I'm all right. You are? Yeah.
Okay, good. Can I get you a drink? There's quite a few things I have.
You want tequila? You know, your team made me a ginger and lemon tea, which is delicious. What about tequila? It looks great.
You want to live forever? It looks great on display. Oh, wait.
You are the guy who does want to live forever. I'm sorry.
That's the pot talking. What will you be drinking? Tequila.
I don't want to. Well, I'd love to, but not at the price of, well, let's get into that because that's, no, you're 47.
You look 19. So something's working.
I mean, not a human 19, but 19. Okay.
All right. No, you look good.
But honestly, no, I've never met you before. I always say with age, you can shave off a certain, I'm going to be 69 in a week.
I probably look a little younger because, you know, I owe it all to clean liquor. No, I don't drink very much, really just tear.
Yeah. But, you know, is it worth many, you know, 10 years off? You don't think you're going to actually be immortal, right? What are you doing for your 69th birthday party? Nothing.
I'm done with birthday party. Really? Yeah.
Nothing's happening? I hope not. I mean, because I just don't think it's anything to celebrate anymore.

You know, I don't really want to be reminded of it. I only look forward.
What does 69 feel like? That's a great question. Because it certainly doesn't feel like what I thought it would from watching my father, who was two years short of dead at 69.
but even when he was 50, I remember him, you know, we had a peach basket on the driveway to shoot baskets, as kids do. And, you know, I'd be shooting, and he'd come out and, like, throw up two shots, and, oh, my arm hurts.
He'd run three steps and be out of breath. And I played basketball.
Not like with the Lakers, but, you know, games. Okay, against girls.
But, you know, girls are good now. Yeah, yeah.
And now? What? And now? Do you still play? Yeah, I'm saying. Yeah, you hook it up.
My 69 is definitely not my father's 69. Yeah.
But when I play a long game or pickleball, I must say, like, for a few days after, I feel it. You feel it.
Yeah. But, I mean, Christ, they talk about professional athletes who feel it.
And, you know, they play, obviously, a rougher version and amazing what elite athletes do. But, you know, you hear them talk about football players and basketball players.
The announcers are like, and he's 34 and he's still doing it yeah he's 34 and he's still doing it that's what's amazing about that play yeah it's so true yeah which is kind of cray it's kind of good yeah it is but but i guess the question what everything i've read that you do look i do a lot of stuff people think is nuts. Like what?

You know, no bread.

Why don't you do bread?

Bread's bad.

Bread's bad, okay, I agree. Wheat and...

Yeah, I agree.

It doesn't hit the threshold

that it should be included.

It's not good enough.

Especially the way

we've bastardized it.

Yeah.

The way we raise it now. Put it in silos, which it gets fungacy and stuff you know um oh they definitely think i'm medically nuts yeah do you i also take like many many supplements a day i know you how many do you take uh it's like 40 or 50 now oh i take more than that you take more than me yeah well that number, but some, I guess some twice a day.
Yeah. But, you know, and it's not crazy stuff.
They're not vitamins. Vitamins, I think, you should get through food, no? You believe that? Yes, it depends on which ones, yes.
I mean, it's not just what you put into your body. It's what your body can then use and metabolize, or it doesn't contradict.
Something contradict like calcium and iron. Do you share your health practices publicly? Do people know you do these things? Yeah.
I mean, over the years on my show, does this issue come up? Of course. Health in general, certainly COVID.
The woke did not like me during COVID. I get the feeling.
You took a lot of heat. Out there today, this is right after we had the fire.
And some people are just thrilled that there's another reason to wear a mask. That's true.
Anything to bring it back. Come on.
No, the first thing I said the first week right before they took us off and I had to actually film the show here in my backyard for six months, that was so smart, was the three S's. This is how you take sugar, stress, sleep.
Take care of that. And, you know, I never thought it was going to get me.
It never did until I got the vaccine. And then I got it three weeks later.
I'm not anti-vax. I'm just saying I don't think it's a one-size-fits-all, as many people have that point of view.
And some people don't. And we can be reasonable and talk about that.
But there are pathogens where I would fight you for the vaccine. Do you agree with that? Yeah, I am a proponent of vaccines generally.
I'm glad that vaccines didn't. What about the COVID one? You got it? I did, but I regret getting it.
Yeah, me too. Exactly.
I got it because I had to continue my life. And I do not like being coerced like that.
I guess it was complicated because the government's role is to share data. It's not to sway your opinion.
And in that moment, they were swaying opinion and not providing data. And squelching opinion.
Swaying is one thing. I'm okay with swaying.
I sway you're alive. I sway both ways on a good night.
But not squelching. This is exactly what Zuckerberg...
Was just talking about. Yes.
Revealing what happened behind the scenes. Yeah.
All the maneuvering and the cover up. I think his quote was, they were screaming at us,

or calling up and screaming at us to take off stuff

that was provably true.

Yeah.

That's...

I need a drink, Brian.

I need a drink.

Can I softly try to persuade you to not do that?

Drink?

Is that alcohol?

Yeah.

Well, no, that's sparkling water.

But this is alcohol.

Yeah, that's fucking alcohol.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

Can I softly try to persuade you to-

Oh, Brian, I'm 69.

Give me a break.

You don't think I weighed the pros and cons?

Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

It's poison.

There used to be a skull and crossbones on the bottle.

I'm aware.

I'm making an adult choice.

Yeah.

Life is all trade-offs.

Yes.

Right?

Yes.

This is my trade-off.

Yeah.

I don't want to.

You go to bed at 8.30?

I'd rather be dead.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

So,

everyone's laughing. At you.
All right. You're not.
What? What is that? Have you never seen this show? Yeah, but I didn't realize with me. What do you have in there, Kolda? It's heroin and fentanyl.
No, it's fucking pot. What do you think? You're not going to die from being in the room with it.
Okay. I'll try to, does it really bother you? No, it's fine.
It's fine. It really is.
It's fine. I mean, what are we going to lose? Like 10 minutes off your life so you don't live to a thousand.
How old do you think you can live to? What's your, what's your goal? 150? Um, ever, forever. I mean, this is, this is the essence of what I'm doing.
And this is why I think that people don't understand, like when, when people see what I'm doing, they don't know what words to use or what concepts to, to construct. And so vomit.
They say, like, Patrick Bateman, vampire, Prometheus, fuckface, billionaire. Not me.
No, no. You've dunked on me quite a bit.
I have? Yeah, yeah. I don't remember ever dunking on you.
Oh, yeah, yeah. There was a few clips.
I mean, I'm cool with it. Like, I'm good.
Yeah, there were a few clips where I think you jumped in on the donkey oh yeah maybe a new rule or a monologue joke or something yeah okay well i'm a comedian i mean it's some funny stuff but it's all good but like if i really was against what you were doing as opposed to actually admiring it i hope you perfect it yeah go dude yeah just just you know i gotta get a version where i don't go to bed at 8 30 yeah so30. Here's a thought experiment I would give you.
Let's imagine we travel in time and we're hanging out with Homo erectus. That's a million years ago.
And so the cutting edge technology at that time. Not in West Hollywood.
Is an axe. What? That's their technology.
The bleeding edge technology the Homo erectus has is an axe. A million years ago they had that? They had an axe? An axe.
No, they didn't. They did.
Not a million years ago. Yeah.
That's a tool. Right? I mean, sure.
Like, tool, something, technology. Okay, but not an axe.
What we think of as an axe came out in the Iron Age. We're talking many, many millennials.
Oh, yeah. So, like, of like a...
A stone tool. Yes.
Yes, we did have tools. Yes.
Yes. Yeah, I didn't mean to insinuate metal.
Well, you did, sir. Yeah.
Okay, a stone axe. And so let's just say you're having a conversation with them.
They first, they're struggling with language, and you post the question to them,

and you say,

I tested this guy out.

It works.

I know.

I just want this one to work.

Keep on.

Zippo lighters.

I talk about it every week.

I'm not going to go.

But go ahead, yeah.

I mean, there's two over here, too.

You have four options.

We're making sure I get high. Bless me.
Go ahead, yeah. I mean, there's two over here, too.
You have four options. We're making sure I get high.
Bless me. Go ahead.
I want to know about this. Okay.
But again, not an axe, a crude stone tool, but a tool. Yeah.
And so they don't really have well-formed language. Maybe they've got some ability to draw pictures on the wall, and they have some kind of primitive characteristics.
And now we have some way to communicate, and we say, tell me why the future is exciting. Tell me what there is to live for.
Do you really even think people of that era thought in those terms as opposed to day by day? Exactly. You're exactly right right so like their their mental models of reality they could say well we forage we fight we fuck i think they have these general concepts of reality and then you say what what does the future bring and maybe they speak about tomorrow only tomorrow is the only concept they don't speak about years or months or years right right but they have maybe the have- Maybe the next moon.
Yeah, exactly. Or even yearly, because certainly they noticed days getting shorter, which freaked them out.
The reason why Christmas is December 25th is because it's modeled on the pagan holiday of the same day, which is the first day of the year that primitive people noticed the days were getting longer. So it was a big celebration.
Yeah. Yeah.
So let's just say they have these primitive models of whatever they're constructing for reality. Right.
In that moment, Homo erectus is blind, of course, to concepts like atoms, the microscopic world of atoms and molecules. Germs.
It's blind to this concept that we have the ability to create a little white pill that you swallow that takes care of infection. They have blindness to the ability to have technology like silicon fabrication.
So they're blind to like 99.9% of our current reality. Let's not rub it in.
Come on. We're cavemen.
What are we, bigging ourselves up saying how stupid they were? No, I take your point. Yeah, so the legitimate question I'm proposing right now is that we, just like Homo erectus, we have models of reality, right? You have models of reality, how long you live, how well you're going to live, what you want to do with your time.
And so you have this well-constructed world that Bill has created in 68 years of time. Right.
And so you sit down and you tell me with confidence, like, Brian, I'm not going to go to bed. My life is, I would rather die before I go to bed at 830 because...
I see your point. Okay, so here's a question for you.
Yeah. On the eve of giving birth to superintelligence...
AI? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
And whether you think it's going to happen in a year, five years, 10 years, like whatever, it's pretty soon. And it's reasonable to imagine it's probably going to change our reality beyond our ability to comprehend.
Right. So given that, it's possible, possible that we are as primitive as a caveman.
Yeah. That the ideas we have of ourselves, of the world, of life, of what consciousness could be, are all idiotic.
It's certainly that way on TikTok. Yeah.
These kids today, don't get me started. No, you're absolutely right.
I mean, the reality, I'm always amazed that the world is still here, that with all the stupidity, that we somehow don't blow ourselves up and we have

the weapons to do it and the stupidity and faith and people believing in just crazy shit and not just believing, but like the super is kind of doubling down. And yet we still are here.
It is mayhem out there. Well, yeah, civilization is just an inch deep.

You rip off the least little you know no when the cops don't decide not to show up yeah you know it's just it's that yeah like order breaks down for like 15 seconds oh right i totally agree i mean the question for you was like is like are we on the eve of what could be the most extraordinary experience of conscious existence that's ever happened in this part of the galaxy? Like on a galactic scale. That we can't know.
We can't know what they are doing out in the galactics. Thing is, I think.
Or if there is even other life. This is the thing.
I think it is worth gambling, foregoing temporary pleasure that may accelerate aging, disease, and death so that we can have an opportunity to say, could this be the coolest thing to ever happen to intelligent life? Yeah, I get your point. I mean, it's a better point to be made at this moment in history because if you made it 100 years ago, I mean, we were a zillion miles.
We didn't even have computers from ever-reaching immortality. Yes.
That's not really the case. I've said jokingly before, I don't mind dying.
I just don't want to be the last guy. Yeah.
You're like, right after me, they got it. What would you do? And that is kind of the pot.
That's one reason for your argument to say, you know what? Just cool it with the pot and the liquor. And I really don't even do that much.
But OK, because you know what? You're going to thank yourself in 10 years when you just bought eternity. That's what I'm saying, Bill.
Okay. I mean, that's a bet, but I'm not going to take it.
No, I'm not. Because, you know, also, Brian, look, the last thing I want you to have happen to you is get hit by a bus tomorrow.
But I'm telling you, if it happens, I would take no joy in it. You'd also do a segment on it, though.
Come on. you don't feel like i i don't like i i give you full permission like i know i'm gonna die by the most ridiculous thing possible it is it is yes like how can that not be true well because irony i mean irony always wins right and so like how can that not be true you You know what also always wins is not really being able to figure out what you think you might have figured out.
I agree. Life has that kind of way of doing whatever you think.
So that's why I keep smoking pot and drinking a little water. Because, like, you know, and I take, look, I admire you greatly.
You know, I like anybody pioneer pushing the envelope in an area that I am intently interested in. I do not want to die.
Some people do. I've heard a lot of people say that, oh – and I always say, when you're 80, trust me, you'll want to be 81.
So don't fucking slough off on 80. I think, yes.
So you you get this i mean yeah but not every some people feel like no yeah if i'm not at my peak you know and there are passive suicides you know people who just they don't really commit suicide but they just you have to want to live yeah if you don't and you can kind of slowly kill yourself and you know you're doing it you just don't care it's like's like, yeah, but this is my pleasure now. And that also has to be respected.
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But so let's go through your routine. You know, when you asked me before what do i do that people think is crazy i mean that was one thing whatever i said i forgot because i small pot but uh another one is i i ground garlic yeah like raw garlic in a grinder and and make a big gob of it and i hate garlic and.
And I put it like a big wad and take it like a pill. So I just swallow it because I don't like it.
And sometimes it makes you really nauseous for two minutes. Yes.
It doesn't make me nauseous every day. I know what I can eat it with or almost never does.
But people think that's weird. I jump on a trampoline every day.
People think that's weird. I mean, there's just a lot of things that I've read and talked to doctors, doctors, Western, Eastern.
Like, I'll not believe, I'll listen to anybody who I think has something to say. And it is not always from conventional medicine.
That's why I'm kind of like in the crosshairs of those kind of people who just, from my point of view, they're scared. There's nothing scarier than dying.
So they just want to believe, like with religion, that there's this priesthood of men and women in white coats who have all the answers. And just whatever they say, just do that.
Don't even ask questions. And I don't believe that.
I found that out the hard way through my own life. And of course, it's so obvious because doctors always say themselves, get a second opinion.
Well, that tells me, A, it's an opinion. Yeah.
And it's not the only one. Come on, doc.
Yeah. So you've got to really, in my view, be your own best advocate.
And I am. One of the smartest things I ever did at a time in my life when I was not doing many smart things was from 19 on, I kept a fairly detailed log of every malady that came my way, every medication I took.
That's not a normal thing. And do you still have those logs? Yes.
So you've been structurally on this since teenage years. I learned a lot of stuff along the way that I certainly didn't in that first 10 years.
If you asked me in my 20s if antibiotics had any deleterious effect, I would have said, I never heard that. Which to me is like basic information that antibiotics, of course, they mostly work on what they're supposed to work for.
But they also have a very bad side effect. You really don't want to ever take them.
I mean, it's right in the title, anti-life. I don't think I knew that in my 20s.
I mean, you learn everything at a certain moment of your life, and it's not all right at once when you get out of high school. When you look back at your former self, at your 20s self, does that version of you make sense to you now? Is it still cohesive, or does it? Oh, God.
I mean, he's such an idiot and was making so many unforced errors. I've said it before on this show.
As much as it would be great to be young again i wouldn't do it if i had to be in that head again because i know what that stupid head causes so much pain and i don't cause myself really hardly any pain now you know the only pain i'm gonna get is like you know at some point you are your body is going to probably break down unless you come up with the answer, right?

And I certainly hope you share it with your friends now that we're friends.

And I take back every bad joke I ever did.

I'm going to wipe them off.

You did a pretty good job with the jokes.

You know what?

Sometimes you just got to go where the joke is.

Unless it's actually something that I really don't. I throw away lots of good material that I, I'm sorry, I don't believe in the premise.

I think it's actually something that i really don't do i i throw away lots of good material that i i'm sorry i don't believe in the premise i don't believe that i mean there was when i started doing this i started sharing it but i i never in my wildest imagination imagined it would trigger this tsunami of hate like that was not in my mental model and so when i saw these patterns of how people do it, there would be very common takes, but I really learned to appreciate those with a really fine sense of humor that they could find, they could find these lines that no one else could. Everyone else took the very obvious ones, which was kind of like real lowbrow, but I really appreciated like, you know, South Park, really craft this it's a compliment yeah that you rose to this level 100 i really absolutely so like uh so yeah so you really accomplishment you did you you carved out some really nice spots so i thought that's yeah i don't think i would but as to your first point about being surprised um come on, man.
This America, we're haters.

And it says a lot about the psyche of this country, which would be better if they were healthier, which is kind of ironic. that, of course, no matter what you do,

no matter how pure,

no matter how rightly intended,

no matter how much it doesn't hurt anybody else,

it's all just fodder for the people who live on their phone, who live on the internet, who live to just shit on everything anybody else does. Just because that's something they would never do in person.
It's sad. It really is.
The psyche of America, or at least so much of it, is very sad. That's, to me, a huge indication of it.
Yeah. That we're going to—I mean, why? How's it hurt you if this guy wants to try to push the envelope on longevity? If you could live longer and be healthy, wouldn't you? So sometimes I even lose my own place.
There was someone who posted this yesterday on social media. He wrote this well-thought-out, reasonable critique of what I'm doing.
He wrote down data and science. This is like this and that.
But a very thoughtful and kind assessment. But accurate.
And the contrast just reminded me of the viciousness

that I see every day. I just lose track.

Horrible.

I just forget sometimes. It is absolute

warfare. It's why I drink.

Why I drink, Brian.

And smoke, and sniff glue,

and occasionally take fentanyl

with ketamine.

Ketamine

was shown to slow the speed of aging. That was one of the...
So it was heroin. Heroin does? Oh, my God.
Do you ever know a heroin addict? They look fantastic until they die. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, absolutely. I've never seen data.
It kind of preserves you. Interesting.
I've never seen data on heroin. But ketamine, yeah, it was one of the highlights that it actually had data showing it slowed the speed of aging.
All right. Well, Brian, don't take this the wrong way, but I'm very interested in your erections.
I've read a lot about your erections. I'm flattered.
And I really don't think that should happen. But no, it's funny.
One time, I used to smoke for 20 years, which was the stupidest thing I ever did, talking about how stupid you were back in the 20s. But I remember always trying to quit.
And I went to the dentist once, and he was really a real asshole. But he scared me.
and he was saying, you know, when you smoke, you're going to get cancer in your gums. And you know that it affects your penis, the blood flow to your penis? I quit the next day.
Yeah. I went back.
It was like it took that shot. What? Threw it right in the garbage.
That's why I talk about erections. What about them? When you're assessing somebody's biological age, so somebody can be chronologically 47 like me, but you can have your heart.
My heart is age 37 on average. My left ear is 64.
My speed of aging. 64? 64.
Why? I listened to loud music and shot guns as a kid. Wow.
At the same time? Yes. I mean, it's reckless.
I mean, as a kid, I grew up in this small town. And ears don't get better, do they? Exactly.
You cannot fix hearing right now. Are you working on that, Brian? We are working on that we've had we've had zero success well you

got to start somewhere yeah but like i have my body is hundreds of different ages and so like for example so my nighttime erections and what about your dick yeah exactly it is better than an average 18 year old yeah but these kids today are such pussy that is not surprising the data set is from the 80s and 90s.

Okay, the original

data set, but now we have this new data set, so we have multiple decades. So it's not just in the past 10 years.
But basically, whether you get erections at night is one of the most powerful... My own doctor said that to me.
Exactly. And you can't go to and work out your dick, right? You go to sleep and you either have erections or you don't.
You can't think about it. You can't try to do it.
Right. It just happens or not.
And so it's one of the strongest indicators of somebody's actual health. And so you can measure it.
So I had this little device. It's about an inch cubed.
And you put it on the base of the penis. You go to sleep.
You forget about it. And then throughout the night, you typically have between three and five erections.
They begin mostly in your REM cycle. You could have one in your early deep.
Like when you drink alcohol or smoke, you're going to have zero erections tonight. It basically makes the dick.
Oh, you don't know that. It makes it.
Actually, when I smoke and drink, I wind up getting more. I'm just saying it's a lifestyle thing, Brian.
I'm telling you. I brought a dick measurement device here for you.
Oh, I'll take out just enough to beat you. Yeah.
But that's just. Okay, so you're going to put something on your dick when you go to bed at 8.30.

Yeah, I'm not doing that. Yeah.
And also, you know, that's, yes, is this part of the issue? It is. But what really affects erections is what you eat, blood flow.
like most of ed is because people in this country are fat and they eat the wrong things. No arteries are clogged.
There aren't blood there. Then it's, they're not that attracted to who they're fucking.
Okay. They've been doing it for a long time.
There's no spark. You know, I'm just saying these are the things i think affect erections yeah even more yeah be hot for who you're fucking yeah don't eat perfectly you know yeah i that's what i try to do for my erection yeah eat perfectly yeah and not be married yeah yeah that's that's you know we all have our own formula what an interesting discussion yeah but so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so

so not be married. Yeah, yeah.
That's, you know, we all have our own formula. What an interesting discussion.
Yeah. So about the ones you get, you're talking about nocturnal emissions.
Exactly. Which sounds like something NASA is working on.
Yes, exactly. Nocturnal.
Some secret ops. Yeah.
So my nighttime erections are the length of the movie Titanic. So over three hours.
Yes. You have three-hour erections.
That would annoy me. Yeah.
You know, I sometimes feel them when I'm like sleeping on my stomach, and it's like, oh, okay. It kind of wakes you up.
Yeah. And so you turn on your side so that you have more room.
Yes. Yeah.
Because when you're, you know, otherwise you're fucking the bed. Yeah, yeah.
Which I've done. Yeah.
But not anymore. But a three-hour, I feel like a three-hour erection.
I feel Titanic was too long. A little erection.
And I like the movie. And I like erections.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

The average 18-year-old is two hours and 30 minutes.

And so by the time you're 70 years old, the average goes down to 50 minutes.

So as most things happen in age, there's a slow decline.

We're talking about erections, but what I mentioned before, nocturnal emissions is when you actually ejaculate in your sleep. Yeah.
Do you do that? I don't. I mean, as a kid, I did.
Well, would you like to see a program? I have some literature here, Brian. Yeah.
That's such a wild experience as a kid to go through. Well, especially if you're Catholic.
Iolic exactly i'm raised mormon holy fuck really yeah but you got away i did they don't let you go easy i mean it's they they really they really get you well also i mean your whole social world you're in reality you are you are really excommunicated yeah from you know they're not mean like Scientologists. You know, they're not going to like, you know, fucking send the investigators and the spies.
But they do cut you off. Like you are persona non grata.
Yeah. Like the way I think about it is, so I'm 35 trillion cells.
And so if you think about it, like how many of my cells were Mormon? 35 trillion. They are so deeply integrated into your cellular structure.
Whereas if you're Catholic, or maybe five trillion of your cells, you're kind of weakly associated with it, but you're not really deeply. But Mormonism, you get in and it defines your entire existence.
We're talking about a religion that believes that God is a six-foot-two man, right? I mean, we know what he looks like and it's not that different from us. He's on the planet Kolob.
Well done. Oh, yeah.
I made a whole movie, Religious, about it. We went to Salt Lake City, got thrown out of the temple.
But a six-foot-two human man with erections that last four hours. I'd like to see that in the Book of Mormon.
But that, I mean, that to me is just astounding that the things that religions can tell people and they just nod along. And again, it's apropos to our discussion about medicine, because I really see people looking at doctors as a similar sort of priesthood.
Now, of course, what doctors are saying is not nearly as based on absolute thin air, but so much of what they've told us in the past, and we will find out, are telling us now, is way, way, way off. I think if you actually could calculate the amount of sickness and death from bad medical advice, it would be astronomical.
Yeah, that's like a natural arc, right? I mean, my life has followed that same arc where you begin trusting all things, authority, structures, history. You're a kid.
And just bit by bit, you arrive at a certain point in your adulthood. You're like, I don't think I can trust anything.
Like, what, what, I mean, if you actually, if you actually narrow down, what do you actually know? It is such a small number of things. I certainly don't trust anything in the media yeah unless i bet it i don't trust history i don't trust the media i don't trust authority i don't trust i mean like i just here's a great example just read this you you follow baseball yeah you do i mean like i understand when the world series happens okay i understand it's a sport in america people play they get into big stadiums they throw this thing around and okay so you don't um i didn't even know you were gay um so so you know ty cobb is you've heard of ty cobb yes one of the greatest players of all time uh i think he played in like the first two decades of the 20th century um added a very different era.
Led the league one year in home runs with nine. This is before Babe Ruth.
How many did Babe hit? Like 40 a year? 50? The Babe famously hit 60 in 1927. That was the record until Roger Maris in the 1960s hit 61.
And now Barry Bonds has it with 73. Did he get discredited because of the steroids? Yes, Barry Bonds, although I think that's kind of bullshit.
I'm sure he was on steroids. I mean, one year, you know, it's one thing to show up in spring training and you have a different pant size, but a different head size.
Okay. But what were his nighttime erections? Anyway, the point is ty cobb forever has had this reputation that he was a horrible racist and just the most unpopular guy you just hate you know because he was a fierce competitor came in with the spikes yeah and some guy finally like went back and did the research that the lazy people had never done it's a new book i just read the.
It's fascinating. And, of course, he has the actual data from the time.
He wasn't unpopular, and he wasn't a racist. We have quotes.
It just shows, like, something becomes ossified as the truth, and everybody goes along, and everybody else is too lazy to look it up until somebody does, if they ever do. And you're right.
I mean, I just know when I read about myself in the media, that's what I think. I go like, wait, I know me.
Actually, I know this subject really well. So this is like you're writing about this person.
It's like two degrees away. It's just, it's like a fictional character.

So if you're that wrong about this thing that I know so well,

what else are you wrong about that I don't know that well?

But I just have to assume you're possibly just as wrong.

Exactly.

So the starting point, I agree with you, is like we don't really,

we have to just, like the starting point is you're probably better off distrusting everything you think you know.

Yeah.

And also free speech.

Thank you. The starting point is you're probably better off distrusting everything you think you know.
Yeah. And also free speech.
Let people talk. I know it's annoying when they say things that are horrible.
That's what free speech means. Let other people then tell them they're horrible.
You know? And that's what it's going to be anyway yeah you know i mean they they tried to tamp down uh stuff the the blast administration and now we're going to get as we always do in this country not the medium the sensible center we're going to get the backlash and it's going to be terrible on the other side of it let's can we just the pendulum from going all the way? It's a gravitational force, right? It just moves. That thing that everybody had on their desk.
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and Subject to Policy Terms. But okay, so like my holistic doctor has this great sort of

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But, okay, so, like, my holistic doctor has this great sort of serial name. Current doctor.
Yeah, current. Yeah.
For 20 years. The great sort of serial, I would call it, made from healthy grains and seeds that you put in a ground and put in a thermos, leave overnight in hot water.
And it kind of looks like oatmeal, but it's better. And then you eat it with a couple of fruits.
And okay, so there's some sugar there. It's meant to be eaten first thing.
I was eating it last thing. So I was eating a really good thing at the exact wrong time.
Yeah. Did it kill me?

No.

Yeah.

Did it shave off some?

I don't know.

But you know, I can't go through my life.

I mean, I do all the time, beat myself up.

Why didn't I know this that I know thou now that?

And it's just pointless.

I can't stop doing it. Yeah.

Because I'm a perfectionist.

Are you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it does always bug me when I could have done something better. Yeah's like, why was I so stupid? Because you were.
Yeah, what do you think 90-year-old Bill would look back on this moment and say? If only I could have Brian's erections. Which is honestly, right? If the erections are right, life is right.
I agree. Honestly, it is that simple.
And when I need to address this issue, I will come to you. But, yeah, I agree.
I mean, look, there are many people my age or approaching 70 who, you know, especially women, I've heard many women say this, public women also, like, it's closed up down there, you know. And I respect that, and I get it.
You know, I'm not as horny as I used to be. It's not closed up down there.
But I can foresee how at some point in your life, and maybe it's appropriate that you're not having sex at 90. Maybe that's a little greedy, you know, that you, there is a season for everything.
I don't know if that's the season. Now, this is still, hopefully, I'm still in season and I want to be because I don't feel old and I don't act old and I don't do old.
And I think a lot of that comes because I never did get married. So I did not like pass on to another generation.
Okay, here's where all my energy is going to go into making your life. I understand that.
And I know people, you know, obviously make that choice and are very happy with it. It just wasn't my choice.
But I do think for me anyway, it's kept me young because I've never been in Bill Phase 2.0. And when you're always in 1.0, maybe you're Peter Pan Complex.
I've been called every bad name for that. I don't give a fuck.
That's me. Obviously, if it lasted for this many years, it's what I was supposed to and destined to be.

I travel light.

I'm a lone wolf.

I like it that way.

And it just was always the way I've been.

I basically do everything I always did my whole life.

I play basketball.

I like girls.

You know, stand-up, my show.

It hasn't really changed in decades. You know, could change tomorrow.
Yeah. Yeah, it seems like the patterns, they've gone through all those stages of life.
I think in general, I put more faith in the mental aspect of longevity and maybe you're concentrating more on on the physical i don't know we haven't really talked about where you think the mental part plays in this do you think it's 10 of it do you there are people who think it's over 50 of it yeah are you on that uh i always just go the data like what it's hard to have data on that yeah it's hard to have data what's going on your side inside your mind yeah i think in many so i i've become the most measured person in human history and not just your dick yeah like there's no all of it yeah like i am of of all the humans like whatever how have lived? Oh, in all of time? Yeah. Well, there's 8 billion now.
Yeah. I would guess twice that many.
Okay. So whatever number it is, I'm the most measured person of all those humans in history.
Right. There's more data on my body.
And what we, what I have found, what I've learned is that it's, you can, in fact, extract insights when you're doing this kind of comprehensive measurement. Absolutely.
And a lot of what we thought was subjective or qualitative, you could actually pinpoint with very clear patterns. I totally, data is everything.
Yeah, and this is why I go to these, when I try to piece together reality, like every generation for the past couple thousand years, they try to solve the riddle of existence. Like Buddha was like, hey, like I'm suffering.
I want to go through an ego death. There's planes of existence.
There's this eightfold path. Then Muhammad said, submit to God.
Jesus said, I am the son of God. Adam said, there's the invisible hand.
America said, we the people. Karl Marx said, you know, class warfare.
Throughout the centuries, the number of ideologies that we have as a species is very, very small.

Wow.

I've never heard all of human thought that was put on a T-shirt like that.

That's... I mean, if you try to just...

That's an amazing summation.

I mean, obviously, for the kids watching, I would say do some further reading.

I mean, you can't quite sum it up.

But I get what you're saying.

I get the big point.

Yeah, try to smooth it out, right? If you if you basically just say, what have we been doing as a species? How do we understand reality? It's less than 10 ideas. Yeah.
And also comes from a very small number of people. Exactly.
A very small number of people make all of the comfy life that we live possible. You know, it's literally maybe a couple of dozen of scientists through the ages who came up with and then maybe refined, stood on each other's shoulders.
And, you know, Isaac Newton, you know, just the basic things where otherwise you'd be in the brush wiping your ass with a leaf. Stinging niddle.
Yeah. My friend did that in Wisconsin school.
I went to pick him up in fifth grade. We were going to walk to school.
It's like, Kurt can't go today. And Kurt's at the top of the stairs and he's hurting.
On a scout trip, wiped his ass with stinging niddle. Yeah.
That was a can't make my own electricity i've tried yeah it doesn't mean and i know somebody did that yeah and it wasn't me yeah and you know who do you really owe a lot to you know i know that doesn't go over well in the uhality of transgender diaspora courses, but that's the truth. That's the truth.
The people who, starting with the guy who figured out fire, made a big difference. Made a big difference.
I mean, Yuval Harari in Hisapian says, when there was fire, then we can cook food.

So we didn't need quite as large an intestine to kill all the parasites. Exactly right.
So a lot of the evolution went to our brain, and that's why I have such a big brain. Yeah.
The question now, this is what I was trying to raise before if if every era has attempted has offered up a framework to try to solve reality like what is the riddle of existence in this moment that speaks to our technological abilities to our place in times of species what is the proposition for this moment well first of all you have to start with the idea that about, I would say, at least even now with the trend slightly moving the other direction, at least four-fifths of the planet believes this is a question we do not need to ask because they know and it's Allah or it's Jesus, you know, somebody like that. I mean, and for the people who, I have many religious friends and, you know, they present queries like, you know, how did we get here? To which I always say, I don't know the answer to these questions as you don't, but my answer to them isn't to make up a story.
Their answer is to make up a story and then get fully behind it so we're only talking about at best at this point 20 percent i even that's probably high okay so what if humans who even think that this is an issue because they already have the answer and it's already parked okay so here what if the riddle for this existence right now was not a no but but a yes and explain that so typically ideas come to the world and it's like my idea about reality is correct and you should subscribe to my idea of reality yeah and then throughout history it's kind of been this threat where it's like and if you don't

subscribe to my reality

it might kill you

right

right

that's kind of the proposition

we have here

right

in a very tactful way

yeah

of course

yeah

I'm asking you so politely

right

and so

the

what

the entirety of my efforts

is attempting at putting forth a hypothesis of the riddle of existence for this time and place as a species in this part of the galaxy.

How much does it cost a year?

That's what people are wanting to know.

Yeah.

It's an infomercial, didn't I tell you?

Yeah, yeah.

And if you'd like to live forever.

Four equal installments.

Right.

1999.

Right.

And you throw in the hamburger mix.

Yeah.

No, but what does it cost you a year to, like, do the things you do?

Yeah.

That's not a normal person or a normal salaried person.

Like what salary would you need to do it?

Like 80 to 90% of the benefits that I achieve

can be done for $10,000 a year,

including groceries.

That includes food.

Wow. Tell me more.
It it's very very low cost it's very low cost so there's something exotic like a hyperbaric chamber i mean you can add that but that's an additive thing do you do it i just finished my first hyperbaric cycling i did 60 sessions in 90 days sessions yeah so the the protocol is the protocol is you want... So I got the chamber at my house

because you spend 4,500 minutes

in the chamber over 90 days.

So it's over 70 hours.

How much is that per day?

It's roughly 90 minutes per day, thereabouts.

What do you do in there?

So my chamber allows me to have 21% oxygen, so just like the so I can work. I can just do it.
I have a mask on my face where I'm breathing 100% oxygen but outside of that I can just work. So I just fit it in my routine.
Oxygen inside the chamber it couldn't explode could it? Because that would be ironing. Yeah.
I know. I definitely thought through it.
Definitely crossed my mind. Because I think oxygen is very highly flammable.
Yeah, so in some chambers, they fill the whole chamber with 100% oxygen. So in that case, you light it and you're ablaze.
But in this chamber, you're just breathing the oxygen. And so the chamber itself is 21% oxygen.
But no smoking in there. Yeah.
I mean, Bill, if you came over, would we make it an exception?

Michael Jackson had one of these. Did he do it? Yeah.
You don't remember that? No, I didn't. Oh.
Well, yeah. That was like back before he was known with the kids.
Yeah. uh he was known for kooky things like having a pet monkey and, you know, sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber.
That's where I heard about the hyperbaric chamber originally. And I've heard about it.
I'm asking you, somebody recently suggested it to me. And I'm like, I'm open to anything.
Yeah. Yes, we just completed, I did 4,500, over 70 hours in 90 days.
I measured about 50 things before for baseline measurements. I just started the 50-thing measurement today.
So I'll have the data in two or three weeks. What are you expecting the data to say? Did you actually feel different or would it all be just in the data? The only thing I saw was my skin improved significantly.
Really? Yeah. Your skin improved significantly.
The data shows. So the way it works is you sit in the chamber and normally when you breathe in oxygen, your blood cells take oxygen throughout your body, but it's very hard for oxygen to penetrate deep into the plasma and the tissues.
So in the oxygen chamber, you're getting 10 to 15 times the concentration of oxygen throughout your entire body. When that gets to skin, it increases collagen production, it increases elastin fibers, it reduces senescent cells, like dead cells.
So it's actually the most effective skin rejuvenation therapy in the world. My friend told me that there's two kinds.
One is just like the thing I saw Michael have, which was, you know, just like a chamber. Like it's like a casket, quite frankly.
You just lie in it. Yeah.
But there's ones now that are bigger. Yes.
That like you can sit in there. Is that the one you have? Exactly.
It's just like I have a chair just like this and it has a hard shell so I can sit and work in comfort. And then it's like when you're laying down, that's kind of tough.
You get sleepy and it's hard to hold the phone or something.

Actually, you don't want a phone

because they're going

to stream oxygen.

But yeah, this one

was very functional.

But I'm very intrigued by it

because it lowers,

the data shows

it lowers inflammation.

It eliminates

up to 40% of senescent cells.

So cells that die in your body

and they just accumulate.

And then when they hang

on the body, they're emitting all these bad chemicals, these cytokines that create all these bad effects right uh it uh increases uh vo2 max your cardiovascular ability it uh increases oxygen muscle perfusion like the list is very very long so we'll see like this is why i did no i'm intrigued because when my friend was telling me about it i remember thinking when did Michael Jackson ever make a bad decision? I think that this is why it did. No, I'm intrigued because when my friend was telling me about it, I remember thinking, when did Michael Jackson ever make a bad decision?

I think that this is probably, especially in the area of health.

The gold standard, yeah.

I'm going to call my doctor, Dr. Conrad Murray.

So you want to be careful because if you do more than,

if you look at the curves, you can have oxygen toxicity

to your central nervous system after about two hours.

Oh.

So you want to, yeah, you really have to follow a evidence-based protocol. You don't want to go out there and just wing it.
I definitely don't want to do that. Can I call you? Yeah.
Really? Yeah, yeah. I'll get the whole thing set up, yeah.
You're like me now, right? Yeah.. Because I'm saying we, okay, here's a statement for you.
I am the healthiest person on planet Earth. I believe it.
Yeah. I have the best comprehensive biomarkers of anybody.
Not just 47-year-olds. Bro, you earned it.
Anybody in the world. You go to bed at 8.30, and you're in the chamber.
I mean, yeah.

I don't doubt it for a second.

Yeah.

And it makes sense.

I mean, who's doing more than you?

Exactly.

And so this, like, but what's with it?

But, like, and it doesn't, like, impede your just sense of happiness that you spend so much time.

Like, again, we were talking about trade-offs, you know, the present for the future. Here's a piece of cake on the table.
It would feel really good in the present to eat that piece of cake. Or the future is, yeah, it'll make me fat and it's sugar.
Me, I never go for the cake. That's one thing, because it's easy for me to refuse that one.
Yeah. This, no.
I like getting high. So tell me about this.
What does this do for you? Liquor or pot? Either one, both. Like tonight, what's it do for you? You never got high when you were a kid? Yes, I have.
But I'm saying like, why do you, like what does this do for you? Why do you choose it? I feel good. Yeah.
You know, drugs make you feel good. I hate to let the cat out of the bag.
But you know, that's why people do them. That's why they're popular.
That's why people get addicted to them. I'm lucky I don't have an addictive personality.
You know, I do what I do when I want to do it. It doesn't, cigarettes are different.
Cocaine is different. It says, do me now.
No, no, no, I'm not asking. That's not where I am with liquor and pot.
I don't think about liquor from one end of the week to the other. How do you think you'll feel tomorrow? Fine, because I'm only having one and a half drinks.
My body can handle that. Now, you know, may there come a day when I would feel that? No, but I know what I'll feel.

I mean, trust me, I have had terrible nights where I drank way too much. I mean, I've had to be picked up off that driveway, you can't.
Literally picked up. I mean, I'm not proud of it, and it was not that long.
Well, at least you're honest about it. Yes.
No, no, being drunk is fun. Yeah.
so yeah

I mean

I

totally agree with you

like

that these things

they could No, no. Being drunk is fun.
Yeah. So, yeah.
I mean.

I totally agree with you that these things, they create this window of time that is pleasurable.

Agreed.

I'm with you.

Yeah.

It's the follow-on consequence that I.

You're saying this like it's news.

It's.

But it is. Of course.

Okay. So here's, like, this is what people people find so we're just making a different decision yeah about past versus future and we're making a different bet it's all about placing a bet it is you know i'm placing a bet that um if i do something very uncertain about the outcome in the future, like sacrificing my whole life for the possibility of ultimate longevity, there's a very good chance at some point life is going to go, you thought you could outsmart me? And that's hysterical.
That's hysterical with all the times I've shown you you can't. So I'm just going to live now.
I'm going to live in the moment, Brian. I'm in the moment right now.
That's why I love doing this show. That's why I love doing it high.
There's a good answer to your question. I'm more in the moment.
I'm not thinking about anything else. We've had a rough week out here with the fires.
I was thinking about that, driving in. Rough.
Yeah. Rough shit then i'm right as i'm going back to work which i'm glad because i need to vent about this fire shit on friday yeah and luckily i have that some people most people don't have a place to vent as much um although i guess they all do with the internet now but um rough you know i need a drink yeah i was really looking forward to this, really looking forward to talking to you.
I mean, life, yeah, I want to live it. I love the things that I love about my life, like this thing.
I mean, the fact that people like you, really interesting people with a lot to say and come over here once a week and talk to me. What a privilege.
What a lucky thing that is. I never lose sight of how lucky I am or the things that I have.
I was saying this to Harvey on the TMZ thing today. You know, when people say, well, it's horrible when you lose your house in a fire, but it's just things.
Eh, yes and no. It's things that mean the world to me.
Nothing material. I don't have jewelry.
I don't have cars. I don't have any of that bullshit.
Expensive art. But the art I have all has sentimental value.
It's cheap or not expensive. Anyway, but it means the world to me.
And to lose it and my clothes and my record collection, this is the accumulation of a lifetime.

Everything has great meaning to me.

I wouldn't get over that by just going, well, it's just material things.

Yeah, I'm more glad I'm not one of the things dead.

But it's not just things.

You know, sorry, I guess I'm not a Buddhist with no possessions. But things, I'm connected to them.
Especially everything in this room. Gilbert Gottfried did this.
Yeah, I saw. You know, I mean, I did this when I was 11.
I wallpapered my room with this, cutting these things out of, obviously, a time when most of the magazines were in black and white. I mean, that sign was behind me on Politically Incorrect for nine years, my first television show.
I mean, made me the man I am today. Yeah, these are things, things that would make me very sad if I lost.
So I'm against fire. Yeah.
Where were you in the fire? I'm down the street. So, yeah.
So I'm on West Side. Is that right? Yeah.
So I wasn't, I mean, right here, like you are minutes away. Well, we don't need to say where, but yeah.

Yeah, right?

But who wasn't?

I had people from the Altatina fire,

friends who live in Pasadena,

said, can I come and stay in your guest house tonight?

Of course.

They came, and then the next day,

dude, we all got to go now.

Exactly, yeah.

Yeah, I had friends calling, like, can I come over, come on over like yeah yeah everyone's succeeding getting kicked out yeah yeah i mean nowhere to live yeah nowhere to live it was a pretty insane moment like it was it was a you had no idea how to even think about the situation like that kind of destruction rolling through an urban environment like you just wouldn't even imagine it would just bulldoze. You see, you think fires in the mountains, sure.
Like just burning entire towns that you wouldn't associate with hills. Yeah.
I mean, I can't even start because I'll wind up talking for 10 minutes on it because it's all that's in my head right now. And I don't want to do that because I'm enjoying this so much.
And I'm going to assume that we are going to live past this moment. And when we do, I do want to keep living.
I mean, that's another thing that I love is California with all its craziness. And boy, there is a lot of craziness.
And this city, which has been my home for 42 years. I moved here in 1983.
I'm dug in. I looked at moving once to Miami when we had fires in 2020, and I could not see the sun for a week blotted out.
Okay, I was like, I'm not going to live like this. But you know what? When you're my age and you've been here this long.
Yeah. Driving here, I wondered what your mindset would be, whether you were going to dig in or whether you were saying.
At this age, wherever I moved in the world, I'd always be thinking, when am I going to get to go home? To my home. And this is my home.
The first night when they made us leave, I did.

Second night was like, well, you should.

And I didn't.

I was like, you know what?

I'm going to defend this house. Because I saw somebody, a friend of mine,

who did that with a hose.

And he won.

Won.

Yeah.

He actually stopped the fire.

Well, yeah.

You see it often where like every house on the block

is burned down except for one.

Yeah, because that guy got up on the roof. Yeah.
With a hose. And I said, I'm going to do that.
And look, I'm not going to die in a fire, I hope. But yeah, I think that's where we're going to have to be.
It's like they can't be everywhere. I have my issues with how the government handled, and that's what I'm going to talk about Friday night.
But no, I mean, people are going to have to do a little bit of it. It's just almost analogous to the doctor thing.
Like, I'm just going to not take notes about my life. Why do I have to take notes? Well, let the doctor decide.
I mean, I went to doctors sometimes, like somebody would recommend somebody about something, and I would go and the doctor decide i mean i went to doctors sometimes like somebody would recommend

somebody about something and i would go and doctor would have no knowledge of my history and start making all sorts of pronouncements and i'd be like you don't know me i know me because i can look up because you forget unless you write it down yeah but i can look up oh no that's right i had a uti in 1995 yeah yeah it's also something that you you don't really know it about yourself but when your life is in danger and you're there having to make the decision are you going to pick up the hose and defend your house right at the risk of your life or are you going to bail like it's very hard to imagine that moment and make a decision. Well, I think you can do both.
I think you can defend your house and then get out. I mean, it's pretty tough in here.
The roads are pretty clogged. It's not a clear path out.
No. It's not that clean.
No, not a— It may sweep faster than you can move. Yes, and it can.
That's what I'm saying. So it is not, you don't know.
No, you don't know. It is you either, you're going to make a stand.
Right. There's a possibility you're going to get burnt alive.
There is. Or die of smoke inhalation.
Yeah. I mean, you can jump in your pool, but the smoke will probably still kill you.

Anyway, great talking to you.

We got to have dinner sometime.

Well, yeah, it's. So, yeah, so this is, this is the, my hypothesis is that the next major global ideology is don't die.
It hasn't always been? Exactly right. Don't die has always been the pitch of humanity.
And so it's be professionally epic and your reputation won't die. It's have kids and you won't die via your lineage it's obey these commandments and have an afterlife it's you know go through this so every pitch has been do this don't die and the the contemplation right now is this is the first time in the history of the human race where the actual do this don't die is here and that And the thing is, that is a yes and.
You can be Christian and say yes to this new ideology. You can believe in an afterlife.
That's fine. Nobody wants to die right now.
And the reason why it's so elegant is don't die is the only framework that begins with the laws of physics, with entropy, and walks up through math and computation and biology

and memetics and narratives.

It is the only thing.

So typically, capitalism says we're going to have this economic structure.

Democracy says we're going to run society this way.

Religions say do this, you have this afterlife or whatever the prize is.

Nothing plays full stack from physics through memetics.

Nothing plays through the computational mathematical realities of this this universe what's memetics uh like memes like so it's just like the we we evolve the species through memes to these ideas narrative stories government is an idea exactly so this and what is what is what was the rationale for selling government?

Because it's fairly recent.

Why were people willing to give up so much

what you have to do in government?

Rights, money, taxes.

Why?

What was government selling?

I'm asking you.

You don't die.

That's it.

That's the original function of government. Protection.
It's true. You're a serf.
Barbarians are coming. Work the land.
And when they come, you can get behind the castle wall. We'll pull up the drawbridge.
You'll be inside. That's true.
And it's still. It's subscribe this and don't die.
It's still. That's why we give so much money.
Because I can't build a cruise missile or a nuclear bomb. Yeah.
And yeah, I mean, Russia and China and Iran or South North Korea, these are not our friends. And we do need, you know, we need some defense.
I think we spend way too much money on it. But, and also crime.

I can't fund my own police force and my own fire department.

Although people do have private fire departments.

But that is the function of government. And that, you know, again, not to get on this fire thing, but that I think is what people are looking here in Los Angeles now

and saying,

well, that's what the Democrats forget.

The basic function of government.

They're so into their boutique issues

that they forget about the bread and butter

of what government is supposed to do.

Protect you from crime and violence

and fucking fire.

Don't die. Don't die.
We like living. I mean, people, you know.
I mean, you gave an impassioned speech on what you love about life. I mean, why you love to get high and why you like to drink.
And I honestly, no, I'm serious. I think it's a beautiful expression that you love to exist.
Yeah. You want all the experiences that consciousness has to offer you.
I wouldn't if I was born 5,000 years ago. I would be a Buddhist.
I get why it's old men. Because life sucked.
So let's not feel anything. But that's not the case now.'s good there's porn on my phone okay yeah i don't yeah yeah i don't want to i don't want to die and have it all burned up yeah yeah i want to sit here and keep smoking and talking yeah and having a good time i mean not three hour erections not that good but you know.
I mean, so what do you do all day? What's your happy hour for you where you can just not do anything that's helping your health? Because you've got to have some time when you're just enjoying the fruits. Yeah.
What's that like? Where is that in the day? You must get up super early if you go to bed at 8.30. Yes, that's right.
And that's because we're solar creatures and you want yourself aligned to the sun. I get all that.
Yeah. Well, I also just love the mornings.
No one's there to bother me. I do too.
I just can't have both. I have six hours where nothing happens except for what I want to happen.
And it's like my favorite part of the entire day. But I mean, for fun, my son and I do a lot of stuff.
So my 19-year-old is my best friend. Oh, wow.
We do everything together. Like what? We go biking.
We play pickleball. Right.
Yeah, we do these trips. Basketball? Yeah, we play basketball.
Oh, come over here for basketball. Yeah over here for basketball.
We're very active. Right.
That must be joyous for you to have your offspring be. And of course, when you go out, the chicks go, you guys must be brothers.
Funny you should mention that. So yes, they do.
They do. Oh, come on.

No, I promise.

Also.

Wow.

Also, they say, how long have you guys been together?

Oh, because they think you're gay?

Yeah, yeah.

And we say, you know, just like six months.

No, you should say 19 years.

I do.

Yeah.

Let them figure it out.

It is, yeah.

The people, we get the gay thing so frequently. So it sounds like you're in bars a lot.
Where do you meet these women who are confused? He's such a cool guy. We do.
We get along so well. We have so much fun together.
We've never been in a fight in our entire lives. We've never had a disagreement.
Is that healthy for a parent? Because doesn't a parent have to be not a friend,

but the person who tells you what's up and what's right from wrong?

Yeah.

I mean, the kid was never wrong about anything that you had to straighten him out.

Yeah.

He has exercised really good judgment.

And I have a very light hand.

I mean, he has all the freedom to do everything he wants to do. And every time encounters a sticky situation like you know okay i've got this thing what do i do and i say okay here's a few ways to think about the situation right no you definitely sound like the ultimate cool dad yeah you know it's like it surprises me i never imagined like i i had, I had a father, that certain thing, whatever, happened there.
But I never had a model in my mind of what my son and I would do. I had a typical detached father.
You grow up and it's like this, you don't really speak much to each other and just kind of a present in the moment. But never- That's what your father relationship is like? My father had troubles when I was younger, right? He was doing drugs and he had some professional challenges and so I didn't really see him very much.
Right. But like, you know, that kind of stuff happens.
I never imagined that, that I never had a, there was no parent-child relationship that I saw that was like what my son and I have. I mean, what about children in the future? I mean, your sperm must be like healthier than Jack LaLanne.
Yeah. So we quantify my sperm.
So I... Yeah.
Wait, wait. What about your sperm? Yeah.
I mean... We've measured it.
We must have studied the fuck out of it. I mean, everything else, right? Yeah.
What's going on in your sperm? Yeah, I have- Knock me over. So I have the most measured penis in the world, as you might expect, which includes- It's different than the best measured penis, but okay.
So I'll tell you a few measurements we've done. It's like when you want to quantify your penis.
Like there's a checklist. Keep talking, Brian.
Yeah. Yeah.
So I mean, sperm is one thing you want to measure. You want to find motility.
You want to find counts. You want to find ejaculate volume.
And you want to make sure those things are doing well. It's like, yeah.
I actually would be very happy if they weren't doing well because the last thing I'd want to do is have a baby.

Not that I'd take any risks.

I'd be thrilled if my sperm were like,

nope, we're not in the game anymore.

So we're testing right now.

So there's a friend of mine who set up this scientific experiment

where he has sperm race each other. So you can take two people's sperm, put them adjacent to each other, and then you give them a biochemical signal to come this way.
And you can have the sperm compete to see whose sperm is more robust in seeking out the... Bring the whole new meaning to beating off, huh? Right.
So, and it's good the faster? Yeah, you want robust sperm abilities, yeah. So this is what I'm saying, that the levels of quantification, like once you actually get deep into the body, you can see all these biological functions and the cause and effect relationships.
It just helps you think about yourself and the world very differently. You just see these patterns that otherwise hide.
So if you ever do want to have a kid again, I bet you you could almost pick the date of birth and make it happen, right? Because you would know like she's ovulating, you'd have all the data, and my erections are like even more. By the way, here's a question for you.
Does the full moon affect your erections? Oh, you know, we haven't measured that. That's a good question.
I think it does. We have not included lunar cycles.
I think it does. Men have cycles too.
That's a good question. We have the data.
We could look at it. And what is your guess? No idea.
No idea. But you do admit that men have cycles, just like women, to a degree.
Like anytime you have blood tests or anything done, it's a snapshot. Now, you do a snapshot like on a daily basis.
Yeah, yeah. Like most people do it once a year.
Yeah, some things are snapshots, some things are stable. So it depends on what you're measuring.
Like some things fluctuate throughout the day. They do.
But some are very stable. Like what? Like your HbA1c, like your measurement of your blood glucose, right? That's a composite measure over a certain duration of time.
It's not going to fluctuate day to day. Whereas, you know, your cortisol levels depend upon stress can have broader fluctuations.
Right. That's the one that, for example, when you get up in the morning, as soon as you get light in your eye.
Why do you cut that? Because I'm a health nut, Brian. Yeah.
So I'm unfamiliar. So basically, you smoke it, and then the ash.
I cut this because I'm a moil, professionally. I just do comedy in my spare time.
No. Yeah, so you don't smoke ash.
Yeah. That's right.
Yeah. And you can't tap it out.
You've got to cut it because the paper's partially burnt. Well, why if I have a scissor right here? Yeah.
You know. Yeah.
Look, again, my life is an amalgamation of the things I did bad and the things I did good. Yeah.
Now, it's almost like a mortgage where at the beginning you're paying all interest and then by the end you're paying, right? It's like that. At the beginning I was doing all bad.
I was drinking, I mean, cocaine, just everything and not enough sleep. And I used to get sick way more than I do now because as I learned what, and of course, your body allows you to do less as you get older.

But I live much healthier than I do.

I mean, you're seeing me at my unhealthiest right now.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like the unhealthiest thing I do.

So what life lessons would you share with me?

Well, again, like the things you asked me that I do that are nutty with the garlic and blah, blah, blah,

and the trampoline, two meals a day.

I don't know why people have three.

I guess it feels good, but they should know

that that's just made up.

I mean, somebody pulled that right out of their ass.

I'm not saying it can't work for you,

but like for most of my life, it was just locked in my head.

Of course, you have three meals a day.

I would sometimes force myself to have three meals. It's like, what the fuck? And finally, I was like, it was just locked in my head.
Of course, you have free meals a day. I would sometimes force myself to have free meals.

Like, what the fuck?

And finally, I was like, it's one of those things again.

Why didn't I think of this when I was younger?

Because you didn't.

I just didn't.

But I wish I had, because you don't need three.

Now, coffee, what do you think about coffee?

Great.

Oh, good.

Oh, thank you, Jesus.

No, because some people are anti-coffee. Why? Because it's acidic oh good oh thank you jesus because it's no because some people are anti-coffee why because it's acidic yeah but there's anti-people for everything exactly there's people who hate you for no reason yeah exactly like you're like you're luigi yeah you know or the anti you're the health guy that luigi shot you're the bad guy yeah yeah um what else but so So you have a Luigi.
Yeah. You know, or the anti- You're the health guy that Luigi shot.
You're the bad guy. Yeah, yeah.
For sure. Yeah.
What else? But so you have, when do you have coffee? But see, cortisol, like you shouldn't have coffee right away in the day. Like people have the first thing, I have a cup of coffee.
No, because your cortisol levels spike as soon as you get up. That's right.
It's the last time you need. That's right.
The least time you need coffee in the day. Yeah.
Wait an hour. That's right.
And then, you know, that's one reason why it's easy for me to only have two meals a day because I do intermittent fasting with the aid of coffee. I don't really, it's not really a goal, but I hear it's good.
You think intermittent fasting is helpful? Yes. Okay.
I mean, there's also been reports recently. Of course, there is always revisionism.
Somebody's always going to go, oh, they like this now? You think eggs are good? Oh, well, wait a minute. You read about it.
And then two months later, no, they are good again. But intermittent fasting, yeah.
I think it, look, I just, I go by common sense. Like to me, common sense is give your digestive system a rest rest i fast a couple of times a year five day fast not a complete fast it's a kit they give you that prolon i'm sure you're aware of it i can't get through a real one but this one as they say it's the amazing fasting mimicking you pay them to not eat not amazing but as long as that gets me through it You know, it's psychological.
Like, oh, at 4.30, I can have an olive. But it's something.
I recently tested, so I've been measuring, there's this technology called DNA methylation, where it measures how fast your body ages. So there's chemical patterns inside of you, like there's rings on a tree.
And so I've been doing this measurement measurement for the past couple years and recently i did a three-day fast and it actually increased my speed of aging so it didn't actually help me and so we we were we actually were kind of well so the fast didn't help me so but we were hypothesizing that basically but my daily routine but that's a snapshot again, isn't it? Is that long-term? We do such high-frequency measurement. It's definitely responsive to that therapy.
But it was interesting because my body is in a fasted-like state almost all the time. Right.
And so doing that therapy, for most people, it probably would work.

For me, it didn't.

It actually backfired.

Look, I hate doing it.

Give me a reason not to do it and I'll do it.

But one great thing that was an outcome of fasting is that it makes having two meals a day easy.

Like after you fasted and basically had nothing for five days,

the idea that I'm not going to really eat until four in the afternoon, of course, I get up at 11, you know, is easy. At least I'm going to eat something.
It's all relative and it's in your mind. Exactly.
So how many meals do you eat a day? So it depends. Two to three.
Yeah. What's your routine? You get up? My first meal of the day is at 6 a.m., but it's not really a meal.
I just, I have, I ate exactly 2,250 calories, exactly. Yeah, yeah.
Hey, every single calorie fights for its life. Every single calorie is tested extensively.
And what's in these calories? What are we talking about? Primarily, it's vegetables, legumes, berries, nuts, seeds, extra virgin olive.

In a shake, you're talking about?

Oh, so in the morning, it's a protein shake.

And then next meal is broccoli, cauliflower, black lentils, hemp seeds, ginger, garlic.

Next meal is macadamia nuts, walnuts, flax seed, berries.

And then the next meal is like some berries, nuts, seeds, legumes.

See, I eat all these things.

Yeah.

But not as full meals.

Yeah.

I mean, that's quite, so you never, so you're a vegetarian. I'm a plant-based, yeah.
Plant-based. Okay.
That's rough. And you never have a fish? You never have, no.
So, and no bread, like me, no bread. Okay.
Yeah, once you apply the filter that every calorie has to fight for its life you have to say like go to the edge of the science what has the highest evidence threshold for what actually has the highest impact in the body it's a really cool exercise oh i'm sure it's true and i'm sure you're right i just you know again it's the trade-off i'm just not gonna do it it's like so also, my way is not the only way. It's one way

and other people can do their thing.

If you're going to eat meat, great. Do meat.

Do your thing. That's fine.

My general assessment is that you

are going to look

at my age slightly

younger than I do.

And you are going to live slightly

more unless

you're hit by a bus.

Which, as you said, good.

So to me, is it worth it?

No.

Because I feel like I'm making a very reasonable amount of sacrifices.

I do a lot of things. Sometimes I forget what I do because you accumulate them over time and you incorporate them into your life.

And then, oh, yeah, I do make green tea and this tea and this tea every you know you know the thing bill is i uh i don't disagree with what you said and here's what i would say for clarification i'm not doing this for lifespan i'm doing this because i am an ideology. You are an ideology.
I am an ideology. And if I Wikipedia'd that ideology, what would it say? Don't die.
Don't die. Here's the question.
If God wakes up one day, what is the first thing God does? See if he's still 6'2", because as you age, sometimes you lose, you shrink a little, and you don't want to be on Kolob and be like 6'1". You want to be 6'2".
Yeah. No, I mean, you believe in God.
No, whether you believe in God or not, God is a representation of omnipotence, right?

Whether you believe in God or not, it doesn't matter.

It's a concept to say

the most supreme form of intelligence

that can exist in our minds.

Right.

What does that most supreme form of intelligence do

when it wakes up and it's God?

What does it do?

I don't know.

I'll ask Elon.

No.

You know, first of all, it doesn't wake up. I mean, you're positing human traits to something.
But like when it's, just like go with me as a thought experiment. Just imagine it wakes up.
Like what does it do? What does omnipotent intelligence do? Check its emails. Like we all do, first thing.
I mean, see? You do that? Do you check your email? Do you wake up? Not first thing. Is your phone next to your bed? Only because to turn off the alarm.
So you set an alarm. Well, the alarm on the house.
Oh, I see. No, I wake up naturally.
I think that's something most people don't do. I hate the alarm.
Well, you need to get the full complement of sleep. Most of the good sleep on my right comes in the last couple of hours.
Both, early and late. Early and late.
Yeah, you have a deep window. When you go to sleep, your deep sleep happens in the first two to three hours.
And that's- Oh, that makes sense.

Because I sleep for like two, three hours and then wake up.

Yeah.

So that's like the deeply restorative sleep that cleans the brain.

Oh.

You don't want to miss deep.

It's like it's really important for brain health.

Right. Well, it's hard to miss that one if you get any sleep because that's the first two or three hours.

Yeah.

And if you miss your first, if you miss your bedtime, you don't make it up later in the night. That time is gone and your deep is gone.
Well, your bedtime is when you go to sleep. Sure, but you're, so you have some, so whether your bedtime is like a two-hour window or a 30-minute window or whatever, your body has some kind of circadian rhythm and it's going to allocate some amount of resources to say deep is this window.

So if you miss, like your normal bedtime

is between 10 and 12 or something

and you go to bed at two, you've missed it.

What if your normal bedtime is two?

Let's just say a random example.

Yeah, asking for a friend.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, so long as you're on a rhythm,

the rhythm happens every night. So you're not on the page that many holistic people are, that the healing happens between 10 and 2, and that you have to sleep to be healthy in the morning with the sun and sort of wake up with the sun.
Because I can find no evidence of that. Exactly.
So I don't care what anybody says. Like, show me the data or it doesn't exist.
Exactly. And there is no data.
So the only study I saw recently was that there was something like a 60% chance of increased diabetes for those that didn't get half their restorative sleep before 4 a.m. So it seems like you can go to bed anytime you want, but it gets too early in the morning,

too late in the night,

too early in the morning.

There's some point in time where it crosses a threshold,

but so yeah,

I think there's like some window

that's the body

just can't push too much.

Then you get into

like night shift mode.

And last time I had a conversation

with Quincy Jones,

he told me what time he goes to bed.

You know what time he goes to bed?

What time?

9.30.

At night?

A.M.

Wow.

That's such a weird, that's such a weird bedtime.

Why?

He's Quincy Jones.

He could do whatever he wanted.

Because he was cool.

Yeah.

Like, fuck.

Are you kidding? Nature was like, we don't dare fuck with that yeah 9 30 exactly yeah because he was still having a good time at seven probably yeah yeah that's weird like almost like you get the sunrise you get the first early hours in the morning then it's like back well i sleep and then that is very helpful to me. Okay, so I got my restorative sleep, and then my problem is it takes me an hour to get back to sleep.
Exactly. Yeah, so I'll tell you.
So if you're interested, I recorded the best sleep score on record. The best what? Sleep score on record.
They score it? Yeah, yeah yeah so through a wearable so you can you can actually see why not you can measure everything so i have eight months of perfect sleep so by a wearable standards what is deep what is ram how long to go to sleep how much is this the thing on your dick that measures no is it no it's different oh it's different where's this one this one. Okay, so you are something on your dick and something on your wrist.

Exactly.

Anything else?

Any other apparatus while you're sleeping? My bed is full of sensors.

Full of sensors.

Right.

If you have a partner in bed, does it measure them too?

Does it confuse?

Yeah.

It does?

Yes, but I never sleep with partners in bed.

For health reasons?

Yes.

Yes.

Why?

Because they kick?

Yeah, that's right.

Really?

Yeah, because-

They could have disturbed your sleep?

They're a-

Bitches.

Jesus Christ.

Chicks.

Always kicking.

Fucking disturbing sleep.

No, really.

They're a variable in a control experiment.

It's true.

You got to find a chick who would sleep like a log.

That's the secret of life.

It's very disruptive.

It is very disruptive. Oh, there are plenty of people who sleep next to a snoring machine.
I know. My mother did.
Like really loud. It's crazy.
It's crazy. It's crazy.
It's so normalized. Nobody can see it.
Right. It's insane.
So, okay. So, bitch, be gone.
I got to get my sleep. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, so I've had this conversation and like sometimes it's tough, right? Yeah.
So when I go on a date with someone, I'll say, I'm just going to be up front and tell you the 10 reasons why you're going to hate me at exactly eight months. Oh, you're a billionaire.
I don't think you need to go into that. I think you're fine.
But what restaurant serves seeds and legumes? Just what I'm saying. When you go out to the polo lounge, are the leaves fresh tonight? Yeah.
I really try to not be a dick. But how do you go on a date when you eat like this? Yeah.
I'll try to find the most low-key path to not be a dick. So I'll see the menu, like the menu shit.
So I say something like, can I get these steamed vegetables, like these broccolis and carrots? Right. And like, yeah, sure, we can whip it up.
Right. Great.
And so then I'll just nibble. Like I won't eat a lot, but I just don't want to.
Because you never know what they're doing in the kitchen. You don't.
I don't. So I...
No, it's true. I don't trust.
I've now tested, because when we were doing this, I began testing every single thing, every single pill I took, every single food I ate, we test for heavy metals, for microtoxins, for agrochemicals. We tested everything.
You know. You know, we found the global food supply is terrifyingly dirty.
Oh. Like, I knew it was dirty.
Of course. It is bad.
And that's the good food. You're not even talking about the stuff that we know is shit, like fast food.
Totally. That we know.
Totally. Okay.
Yeah. Now, I cannot go to the store now and buy food.
I just know too much. I've seen it.
Not even air one? No. There is no safe place.
No, there isn't. Air one.
But there isn't any safe place. You're breathing air in California.
Yeah. So, Brian, you're never really going to be at that place where you want to be.
Except for my house has perfect air. I have an air filter in every room.
But you have to go outside, too, to be healthy, don't you? Sunshine. There's another one that I do.
One of those things that I didn't used to do, like make sure I get 20 minutes at least, excite my vitamin D. I'm with you.
Okay. Things like that.
I mean, I do a lot of good things for me. I did a lot of bad things.
I do a few bad now. But I don't want to give up going to a restaurant.
I'm sophisticated. I can't be fucking eating legumes.
Are you kidding? What are you going to order? So pull the menu. What are your eyes? That's the thing.
It's like I don't like fancy restaurants, which I like the atmosphere, but not the Yeah. If I'm actually going to eat shit food, I'd rather go to Mel's and have fucking diner food, which I love.
Yeah. What would you do? Like burger, steak, fries? I can have a burger.
Yeah. You know, I'll probably take off the bun.
Yeah. So you got standards.
Yeah. I have hopes and dreams, Brian.
I have hopes and dreams. That's all.

So have a good butt off.

I mean, I'll try to do, you know, fish.

But, you know, I will always joke with the waiter like, you know, if you think that that's a bass, go ahead.

But just between you and me, bro, they don't know what the fuck it is.

No one knows.

They caught something down there, and they're thankful anything is still alive down there.

So there's no such thing as Chilean bee bass. There isn there isn't we actually made it up and we drove it to extinction i love that we made up and then drove it to extinction no one knows that's so true but you know it's fish i mean everything's polluted yeah everything when i was packing the bag to bug out of here when the fire came, you know, I don't normally have tuna because it's full of mercury.
Yeah. But I put, am I going to starve there with the zombies? Yeah.
Or am I going to have the tuna? I'm going to have the tuna, Brian. Yeah, makes sense.
Okay. I understand that.
You know, there's a fire. Yeah, yeah.
And tuna is pure. Pull it out.
Yeah. So I'm aware of all these, but you can't, I mean, we're breathing, you have to get somehow from my house to your house.
You're going to breathe some air. Yeah.
You know, you can't, and I just wonder how much at the end of the day, all the things you're doing, you stack it up against, you know, some Italian dude who smokes all day, but he's got this great attitude and he's married 70 years, but he still loves his wife so much and the kids and he plays bocce. And, you know, it's just, I just think it's all as you, to your point, we don't know.
And there's an essential contradiction, really, in your thinking. On the one hand, we don't know, and it's all a mystery, but somehow I'm going to go by the data, and I'm going to get to the right, maybe.
I get why you're doing it. I admire it.
I wish I had that discipline. You know what God does? Laughs at us.
He doesn't die. The first thing he does is he secures his existence.
He doesn't say, how do I get high? How do I get drunk? He secures his existence. That is the most intelligent expression.
And then he says, or not he, then it, whatever form it says, it says, what is the available energy accessible to me in this universe? What do I have to deal with? How many stars are there? What's the energy capacity? What can I harness? What is entropy? What's the burn rate of this energy process? He's assessing what is the battery life of the universe. So don't die, then battery life of the universe.
That's what he says very first. It sounds like when you left Mormonism, you didn't quite leave the God thing totally behind, Brian.
But you know what they did? I'm not criticizing. I'm just saying.
God comes up a lot. But you know what they did really cool is Mormonism for all the flaws of that religion um there's many positive things about it they really uh went after this philosophical question of what is intelligence like what can you expect of intelligence and what is the expression of intelligence i really appreciate it and so if you if i say okay I have desires as an intelligent being, but if I were to rate what are the quality of my desires, what's the quality of my intelligence, it's primitive relative to this higher level.
And so I say to myself that every manifestation of my intelligence right now is primitive because it's inferior to this ultimate expression that you just don't want to die and the other side like once you say that people are but wait what are we gonna do everyone like you're so bored like everyone's gonna die i don't want it it's the same fucking arguments every single time and the point is we are stupid as fuck. We are idiotic.
We are short-term. We can't think past wanting to get high one second.
We can't see the unreal gift that we are conscious in this moment and that we are about to give birth to superintelligence. Fucking insane.
It is the coolest opportunity that's ever happened. And it's right here, right now in front of us.
And it could be the end of us too. Sure.
But like, this is the get, like, the insanity of this opportunity is just like, we can't even comprehend it. And we cannot get past our primitive selves to, like, overcome these base desires.
And that's what I think this ideology is in this moment. This is why trying to explain this to humans, we are so consumed by our reality that we can't see past one step.
And I've been doing these don't die dinners at my house. I invite 15 people over.
We have a conversation and I give them five. What do you serve?

Well, what are the sex rituals?

Like, you know.

No, but like,

what are we eating at this dinner?

People love the food.

Is it your food?

All my food.

And people come in,

they're like,

I'm suspicious.

Yeah, I'd be very curious.

It's delicious.

Invite me.

Yeah, come.

I would love to come

to one of your

Don't Die Dinner.

It's a two-hour long conversation

and I serve up five thought experiments and it's almost like a mystery dinner where 15 people are trying to solve a puzzle together. And we walk through this serpentine path, and it's deeply philosophical and practical and emotional, and you arrive at an end point, and it's a spectacular experience.
I was going to do ayahuasca with Aaron Rodgers, but this sounds bad. Yeah.
And honestly, it'd probably be good. I should initiate this conversation in ayahuasca.
Brian, I don't know why you have all these haters. I think you're great.
Thanks. I thought this was so much fun.
What did you expect? Very little expectations. Like I said, I may have done a couple of jokes, but as someone who's very interested in health and trying to keep it together as long as I can and feeling like I do a lot of stuff, I was very interested in someone who's basically on that page, but just taking it to the next degree.
So I certainly never thought you were a nut. Yeah.
So. I respect your love and passion for life.
Yeah. I agree with you.
The insatiable appetite to experience existence. And a lot of people, like my father's 72.
He turned 72 today. And he also has this vivaciousness.
You gotta loves every single day. I mean, you can do all this stuff with the data and the legumes.
And if you don't have a passion for life and you don't want to live, it'll all do no good. I mean, I really believe that.
So you got to have both. But I'm glad you're out there on the front line doing the data mining.
And I'm going to be taking advantage of everything you learn. I will share everything I know.
I would love nothing more than to see you benefit from this. All right, pal.
Great to meet you. All right.
Thanks for having me. All right.
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