Humble Baddies Part 1 - Karlie Redd Collects $18,000 Monthly In Divorce Proceedings + High Value Man debate

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Hey, y'all.

Welcome back to the Humble Daddies podcast.

I'm your girl, Ashley Nicole.

I'm Sheree Rizzotto.

And I'm Alexis Sotomayor.

And we are the Humble Daddies. We got a special guest tonight, y'all.
Who do we got over here? Who do we got? French fry. Ooh.
Are you going to say hi to all the humble daddies out there? Come say hi. Say hi, humble daddy.
Hi, Serenity. All right, you can finish drawing your girl.
Aw, she is too cute.

She is a bougie handful.

What y'all been up to today?

Okay.

Our bougie.

I'm not bougie.

Oh my gosh.

She is the humble daddy.

We have mommy daughter day today. Went to the nail salon.
Mommy. Yes.
Oh, yes. And we just came from dinner.
So. I feel like.
Oh, wait. Well, I had to move my chickens.
That's what I did today. I got them another nice little home.
So they're nice and cozy. They like chickens go really fast.
So I had to get them situated. Huh? Where did you move them to? They're in my garage.
But like when I bought them homes, they were in like this big bin. So now they're like bigger and I had to move them to like this big playpen, but they got to stay in your house until they're like eight weeks old.
So they like really like my little babies. You have to keep them like warm.
You have to feed them certain things. Yeah.
Yeah, girl, I am a whole new mom again.

I got to get the feed.

I went to the store.

I had to buy new shavings for their bedding.

I had to buy their feed.

It's a lot of stuff that chickens need,

but they're just so cute.

You got to bring some of these.

You want to go?

I'm hungry with the chick.

Yeah.

My oldest favorite son, Amare, was nominated as one of the player of the weeks. So y'all can go vote.
Everyone go vote for my son. He's playing volleyball right now this season.
He used to play basketball. So we are just like hyping him up and just very excited for him as he is like taking on this.
He had one of his best games ever. My mom was in attendance.
And so was his oldest sister and myself. And we just, I mean, volleyball, who would have thought? You know, just these different, the sports.
But he's doing it and pun intended because he had like something crazy like all these kills which means like you spike the ball and the point is dead and he is just thriving i'm happy for him so my baby is uh um you know he's just he's just doing him and he's making his own lane. So I'm happy for him right now.
So that's him. Congratulations.
Thank you. Thank you.
So it's never a dull moment. I'm just enjoying being on spring break from school.
So I'm just taking care of things at home with businesses and just things like that. Other than that, I'm just kind of flowing.
Okay. Just living life.
As you should, as you should. Now let's get into it today.
What we got going on, Ashley? What do we have going on? Girl, Miss Carly Red, she is awarded $18,000 a month from her divorce settlement.

So they married.

Oh, I didn't even know she was married, to be honest with you.

I remember when she got engaged, like it was a whole thing.

But I didn't even know she had gotten married. But apparently they have been married and now they're newly divorced.

And she's walking away with a check every month. And a lot of people have a lot to say about that.
But what are the people saying? What is the people saying? The people, you know, of course the men feel like, you know, she did it for a paycheck and that, you know, she doesn't deserve to be paid monthly. You know, they weren't married, I guess, too long.
So they feel like, you know, she got married for a paycheck at the end of the day. He must pay no coins.
I mean, obviously somebody is saying that she deserves this, whatever it is, but that number is very high. I mean, it's very high.
$18,537. You know, that's a lot.
I mean, I don't know business-wise. Usually that's a part of it, but that's...
They wasn't very bad long. I think that's...
Serenity? Baby, if you're going to be a special guest, you have to be quiet, okay? Serenity got something to say on this matter. Serenity, how do you feel about it about it? Yes.
She said she's for it. I mean, what y'all think? I mean, I personally feel like, you know, time is money.
And if men want to go into it and say that it is, you know, a contract of some sort, you know, then you need to make sure that you agree to the terms so that if you get into a divorce, that it ends amicably. I can't say that word, but y'all know what I'm trying to say.
You know what I mean? So I feel like if they agree to it, they agree to it. What is y'all problem? Why are y'all upset? He might have, you know, deep pockets.
That might be pennies to him. That might be pocket change to him.
You know what I mean? And I feel like if you're married to somebody and y'all have an agreement, you don't know what their marriage was set up like. You don't know if, you know, she quit her job, you know, to be a wife.
He may have asked her to step down from a role or something. You know, you don't know what agreement they had.
And so maybe this is, you know, payment for whatever they had agreed upon. I just, I don't think it's a problem.
It's tough. It is tough.
You know, when we did our show, we had our prenup scene. And, you know, my lawyer came with and I was like, okay, you know when we did our show we had our prenup scene and you know my lawyer came with and i was like okay you know whatever but even listening and looking at you know what was being countered and going back and forth i just i wouldn't in real life like in actual actuality i would not agree i would not agree upon that I just feel like

it's too short of a term

to be afforded

if you don't have kids together

I don't even think they've been

I didn't even know they were married

but you don't know what their agreement was

they might have signed a prenup that said

if we divorce in two months

there's no longevity

if you get divorced in five months then you get... There's no longevity.
There's no... There's no...
If you get divorced in five months, then you'll get this much. So we don't know.
You know, terms. We don't know.
There's no longevity. To Sherelle's point, you know, there's no children.
There's no legacy. There's nothing involved for you.
That's the wanted. But I don't know that.
Y'all don't know what she gave up. Y'all don't know what her terms were.
He agreed to it. If he agreed to it, he agreed to it.
What if it's just, you know, the system for what it needs to do? Then he should have signed a prenup that said that she doesn't get spousal support. He only gets this amount.
Like, nobody's tricking you. But if she was awarded spousal support, I only gets this amount.
Nobody's tricking you. What is spousal support? I mean, what? Would you be awarded spousal support? Didn't they just get married? How long have they been married? Spousal support is usually It's not about that.
Y'all are missing it. When you get married and you sign in the contract and you do a prenup, you can put whatever you want in the prenup.
You can say she don't get a dime. You can say, you know, we walk away with our own stuff, whether you're married for a day or you'll be married for a hundred years.
In our world today, prenups are not talked about. What if they didn't do a prenup and it's just they went to court and that's what she was awarded that's why we have to teach our people to about prenups and sign prenups and that's right and to be fair you know given someone that has has been through a divorce um spousal support is to keep the same energy i I'm just giving you a lack of law terms, but same energy of this is the lifestyle that it takes to, you know, if you were my spouse, this is what I chose to show you, invest in you.
This is how the kids should live. That's what spousal support means.
Exactly. And I just feel like there wasn't enough time for him to be but that's like yeah but they got married not thinking they were gonna divorce yeah no one should go into it so if I if I agree to marry somebody I'm agreeing thinking I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with them so he changes his mind one day.
That's not fair to me that he changed his mind two days in. That's not my fault.
I might have made decisions. I might have made life decisions at this point that might have altered my income, that might have changed my lifestyle.
So I just feel like... In put in six months yes you never know I'm just I'm just I'm fighting I'm talking about it as if I'm in court and we going through a divorce and I didn't want the divorce he's asking for the divorce you know what I? And I just feel like you have to protect yourself.

And back to what you were saying, Sherelle, we do have to educate.

You know, we have to talk about it more.

And I think it goes back to another conversation we had some other day when I spoke about, you know, like doing marriage counseling and stuff like that.

There's reasons why, like, there's things that you're supposed to do before you get married, because that way you have the tools. That way you're not doing something blindly and you're not making decisions.
Freshly, impulsively. That'll mess you up in the future.
So like you were saying, I think, you know, the system is set up in ways that can be seen unfairly, but there are ways that you can protect yourself as well. So it's like we can't on one hand be upset.
My question is, would you have also being educated about the situation where you can protect yourself? Would you give the same advice if the roles were reversed and he went to get spousal support from her?

I would always say protect yourself, both parties. I agree with that, Ashley.
Both parties. So in her, if he was asking for spousal support, I would definitely say the same thing.
But I will also, whoever is the person who needs the spousal support though, I would make sure that my whatever I need is written like it's in the prenup or it's written in whatever needs to be written down legally so that both parties, you know, are happy with the term. I just feel like.

You're right.

I just feel like everybody sucks that you have to.

We have to talk about it. Oh, serenity.
It sucks that we have to talk about it, but it's just crazy. 18,000.

18,000 is a lot. I mean, I know there's shared assets, mortgages, you have businesses, whatever you've invested in or whatever the case may be.

But again, I'm going to say I'm a lean on the fact of building these investments, building children and legacy and expenses and, you know, tuitions and book supplies and travel and nannies and staff and groceries, all these things. I mean, it's just very much tell, you know, alimony is different.
Alimony has usually stipulations where it's like if you get married or it should stop because you're accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Now, again, I don't really know their situation.
I don't know how long they've been married or together, whatever the case may be, but it seems very short-term. There's cause of annulments and also just a lot.
That's a lot of money, regardless of how much you're making. Just to say, here's a cushion to just because we didn't make it in marriage.
Again, we don't know what any contract says. We don't know anything what the paperwork says

and obviously

paperwork means something.

But I think it's excessive.

I think it's a lot.

It is.

But this goes to tell you

like Ashley said before,

you definitely need to

put everything in writing.

You have to.

Because you don't know

a lot of times

we go in

you know,

with the butterflies

thinking we're all in love

but you don't know what's going to happen. Yeah, it's real stuff.
Five months, 12 months, 20 years. Well, you have to take care of yourself because the way you love, love can end and it's a disaster.
That's right. So, I mean, again, I'm all for agreements.
You should have things in writing. You should have, you know, handshakes and very much say this is what we think because it is health concerning.
It is legacy building. It is generational.
It's a lot that goes into it. But you just have to be mindful of what you want, what you're bringing to the table and also what, you know, you're willing to give up just in case something does happen.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. But what about, I mean, also, you marry somebody and you think you're going to have this lifestyle, right? You think you're going to live a certain way and, you know, things don't work out.
Would you rather stay in the house with them, let them live with you, you know, continue basically paying for their lifestyle or would you rather just pay up the styles of support? I think it goes two ways. One, to give a lump sum at the beginning so you can just be like, you know what, I don't want to deal with you anymore.
Go your way. That's if you have it and you want to have that energy of just like closure.

but at the same time if you have a family you have like these investments you have other things that are like have been built over years i think you need to do a better a better service of protecting

that legacy you know of not getting emotionally tied into these things, but also very structurally and emotionally intelligent, being intelligent, making wise decisions about, you know what, we've invested in our children, we've invested in education, we've invested in longevity of like, this is what we want, we see for the future of our nest egg that's a difference so it's also depends on how you end in the relationship too if it's very bitter if it's very heavy if it's very angry it's going to be a lot of like you know me versus you but if you because you know they say like it's cheaper to keep it is cheaper to keep I'm like to keep her. It is cheaper to keep her.
I'm like going through it.

It is cheaper to keep her.

But you just financially,

for financial reasons,

stay with the person

and not get divorced.

It's cheaper to keep her.

But move on.

Y'all are seeing other people.

Could you do that?

It's cheaper to keep her,

but health is wealth.

I'd rather my health,

my mental health of us

being in a separate household

than me over here being combative and showing a horrible example for my kids because you're making it worse you're making it worse trying to stay in a situation where you're not happy they can't pick up on their energy it's just it's better sometimes they say it's cheaper to keep her but it's best to just exit the relationship and pay what you have to pay.

Healthy separately.

Yeah.

And you never know.

Like, sometimes things can change.

If you exit out of a relationship healthy, maybe y'all can come to terms on something else.

Which is amazing.

You want that.

Oh, it's good.

And I think that's what, like, mediation is for first, right? you have to go to mediation and try to like come to terms and agree to something that both parties you know can deal with but we go to court things get nasty you start seeing different different sides of people that you start coming out the lawyers start lawyering. That's what, with my divorce, it was like, you know, I leave with what I came in and you leave with what you came in with.
Your business is your business. My business is my business.
Like, I don't want to get the courts involved. It's not that serious.
Like, we both know how to make money. It is what it is.
It gets tricky when you've built something together, though. We had a house and everything built a lot, and I invested in those things, but I wanted, I chose my happiness and my peace more than anything, and I would rather just exit out and let it be.
Some people say they don't care about peace or happiness. They want that coin.
Yeah. But see, I'm a woman that know how to make coins.
So I'm not going to continue to fight and just, just thaw out things when it's just, I'd rather just leave out the situation because my husband... And Cheryl, to your point, lawyers don't know who you are.
They don't know the pillow talk. They don't know the time that you've invested, the trajectory that you built with somebody, the generational curses you want to stop.
So to me, it's getting real disrespectful when you start to have these lawyers really fight against each other and they're expensive. And no offense to any lawyers, I know we have tons of friend lawyers, but at the same time, they're taking hard-earned money and they are really saying, you know, pitting people against each other and saying, you know what, she deserves this because X, Y, and Z.
He deserves this because X, Y, and Z. But at the end of the day, it should be about the kids.
Like, what is best for them? And it becomes difficult because now you're spending money to have other people delegate what's best for your children. It's just, it gets tough.
You know, it just gets really tricky. But at the end of the day, it's business.
It's contractual. And, you know, it just becomes...

It sucks, though, because you have something so beautiful. You're in love.
And then when you go

down that road where it's like, now y'all begin to hate each other. Y'all have beautiful babies

together. And it's like, y'all are at war.
And then what makes it worse is your lawyers. So it's just,

it sucks that we can't... Who don't know you.

Exactly. Like you said, they don't know you.
So it makes it even 10 times worse when they get involved. Yeah.
Right. Well.
Do y'all feel like, do y'all believe men should get spouse support? I mean, I think it goes both ways. Like I said, you have to protect yourself but as if I was a man I don't know seems like these men these days do want to check you know what I mean like they'll take the check but I don't know I would feel some kind of way I think as a man taking money from a lady that I no longer want to be with.
It's really showing his true colors at the end of the day.

Like,

if you're like going around

and saying,

you know what?

She owe me this.

Like,

come on, bro.

Like,

you really gonna sit there

and pay for a round of drinks

and be like,

yo,

because my girl got it.

My ex-girl got it.

Like,

that's not a flex.

Let's be real.

I think Halle Berry

is known to have given

all her husbands

a lot of money,

her ex-husbands

a lot of money.

I think,

it was just the bread one.

I don't know.

We'll be right back. lot of flex.
Let's be real. I think Halle Berry is known to have given all her husbands a lot of money.
Her ex-husbands a lot of money. I think it was just the red one.

I don't need it.

J-Lo.

Like, it's a lot of celebrities out here

paying out

to these ex-husbands.

And I mean some big checks, too.

We gotta ask the humble daddies.

Humble daddies, y'all in the chat.

Y'all feel like the man should be awarded spouses support

or is it just a woman's thing?

What y'all think about that?

That's a great question, by the way.

I already know what they're going to say.

I already know.

They're going to say, run it up.

Run it up.

Run me my money.

I don't know.

There was somebody else.

There was somebody else that I feel like just recently was saying they were, they have to pay support. I was watching.
A woman? Mm-hmm. Yeah.
That's all I see now, really. It's the first time in a long time we've seen a lady in the chat.
What's the process? Like, the women process too. Let's not get it twisted.
Oh, yeah. We gotta be the new targets now, right? Is that what it is? You gotta, we gotta.
Women gotta make sure they got their paperwork and. Yeah.
But I'm down for signing prenups. It is what it is.
I'm okay with that. It should be fair, though.
But when you start building together, then you need to start understanding what that really means. I'm curious what the chat has to say about that.
But I think it is a double standard, though, between men and women, for sure. Because historically, women will get spousal support and alimony.
And I know women who have withdrawn from getting married so they can still get that alimony check. Because they know that the guy that they're dating is bringing in less than what they're getting from their ex-spouse, too.
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That leads us into our next topic.

Oh, does it?

Oh, well, look at that.

Time value man versus the broke boyfriend debate.

Look at that. Serenity say no broke boys allow.
Should women only date men who are financially established or is love more important than money? Are modern dating standards setting women up for success or struggle? Okay, well, let me speak. I don't want y'all to give an answer for the world, just a political answer.
I want y'all to give this answer. And if y'all were answering it, what type of man would y'all date? As someone who is dating currently,

and as well as someone who is established,

as well as someone who has seen a lot of the world

and will want to continue to see a lot of the world,

I'm dating a certain caliber of man.

It is what it is.

That's what I expect.

That's what I'm attracted to.

That's what I'm going to date.

It was... caliber of man.
It is what it is. That's what I expect.
That's what I'm attracted to. That's what I'm going to date.
And what caliber, what certain caliber is that? Meaning what? Give me a scale because I'll tell you. No, that's the question.
What's your caliber? What is a high standard man to you? What does that mean to you? The question is, would you date a financially stable man or would you don't care about his finances because you're in a- 100% financially stable. I like the finer things in life.
But everybody wants a financially stable partner. That's what I would hope you would want.
But what we're really talking about is, can you date somebody who is financially stable, meaning they pay their bills? Or are you looking for somebody who's financially stable, meaning they travel the world on yachts and they live a luxurious life and can provide in ways that most of the world cannot? Let me be real with you. It doesn't have to be the right thing.
That's two different financially stables. Financially stable to me is we can still have date nights.
We can have, I don't mind a movie at home. I don't mind popcorn being popped in the microwave.
It is what it is. I'm not saying any of that.
What I'm saying is I definitely want someone who has a nest egg. At my age, I have something to bring to the table as well.
I have lived this life. It can be intimidating for just whomever that is randomly trying to approach me.
I'm attracting, honestly, mirroring the type of man that knows what is going on with all of this. I mean, I can talk about going to see the pyramids in Egypt.
I can go ahead and talk about living abroad in Israel. I can talk about these things and living in Miami and X, Y, and Z.
So it's just... So if you can't talk about those things, you're not interested.
I'm not interested because we have to have stimulating conversation because I'm also very... But he can still have stimulating conversation even though he's not as well-traveled as you.
But it's not about well-traveled either. It's still about...
It could still be a guy who is still very much a CEO of a business and grinding. He hasn't had time to travel.
He's open to the fact that I'm able to like set and plan some things, say this is what is dope here in this location and really still be able to, you know, understand that it costs this and he has time off to do this. I've talked to different kinds of guys, you know what I mean? So it's not just about like financially set.
They're also being able to be set in power and set and be empowered as well as set to be like CEOs and things like that. So they know how to move.
That's sexy. Okay, what if they're the CEO of their business? They empower, they're the CEO, but the CEO ain't making no income, but they can stimulate your mind by their conversation.
What you doing, Lex?

I mean, I love

a great conversation. I think that's sexy.

Are you dating him with no income

or are you moving on, sis? I'm not dating

him with no income. I wouldn't

want that for my lady.

He's the CEO with no income.

Ladies,

don't date a guy that is a CEO

that has no income.

No.

His business registered in

Sundance. He's the CEO of his business.

Right?

No income?

There's no income.

I think my ladies are tired of taking

care of this. Like, we want

to be catered to. We want to have something.
At least match it. I don't know, though, because it's been a lot of women out there that have been just dating for love, and they are the breadwinners.
But it gets tiring and exhausting. I mean, I feel, I feel you, but I don't know.
I mean, I'm not saying that one day for just love, but like, I don't know. I would, I would try it out.
I would not. I'm going to be honest.
I'm going to be honest for all of us. Don't be honest with me.
Just speak for yourself. It's easy for Ashley to say because Ashley is in a marriage and her husband, they're very well off.
But when you experience a situation where you have to live out on your own and you're grinding and hustling, you get tired of that. You to be a man you want a man to financially provide i'm like no relationship where i have to be the head in the finances it's not happening because i'm not gonna fully respect you as a man if i make it all the financial decisions, if I'm the brand winner in the relationship, I'm the alpha in this relationship and I'm going to run over you.

I'm not going to have respect for you.

But this is not what I'm talking about.

That's not what I said.

I wouldn't date somebody like that either.

I'm saying I would date somebody who's financially stable, period. Okay.
That means they can take care of themselves. They can pay bills.
They can, we can go on dates. My first question, are you getting a girlfriend? Oh, that's not broke.
I said, my question before we got into this topic, are you getting a girlfriend? But you're not letting me finish. Are you going for a while? No, what I'm saying is I think we're all in agreeance.
We don't want a broke boyfriend. Don't nobody want a broke boyfriend.
Okay. But I think there's a difference between somebody who's financially stable,

like they're paying their bills, they have good credit, they have a decent job, whatever.

And then there's these other men who are, you know, footing the bill for all kinds of things,

like the extras, you know, shopping sprees and trips and blah, blah, blah.

Like then that those those men, right?

By the way.

Whatever.

I'm just saying I would be open to dating the guys who are just financially stable because it's like on one hand, we're preaching that like we can make our own money.

We can pay our own bills.

We can do this.

We can do that.

So we are already doing that, why would that feel stressful? You know, why would paying our own bills be stressful if we're already preaching that we do that and we are independent and we can do our own thing? And if right now I'm just looking for love, I'm not looking for somebody to pay my bills, then I don't feel like

there's any stress involved. But if you are looking for somebody to pay your bills, then I can't see why that would be stressful.
But if we're truly saying we are just looking for love, we're not looking for somebody to pay the bills and make sure I got a house, a car, I've got the latest clothes on and blah blah blah

then I feel like

I think

it's very much transactional. It's very unconditional.
But at the same time, you want a cushion. You know, you get to a certain point where you want to go out to eat and have date nights.
You want to go ahead and do these things. things you want stability and if you are taught a certain way and if you see a certain standard and you feel like you're that value you're valued and you're projecting this merit but you're not less valued because a man can't take you on a world i want to project someone who can match my energy you know i don't want anyone a man that that's intimidated by the fact that I can travel or want to travel.
But he's not intimidated. He's just, that's not where he puts his money to at the time, because maybe he's investing in his company and he's doing things.
He's just not there yet to be able to do those things. So I'm saying like, it's not a man that's broke and that can't hold a conversation.
I'm talking about a good man, somebody we will all be interested in talking to, like has the conversation, blah, blah, blah. He may be well, Trevor, just at this moment in time, he's not offering you that.
He's offering love though. But that's what I'm saying.
Most women, they like to be catered to. They like to have those things.
You can still be catered to. They like gifts.
They like receiving things. And you're not offering anything financially.
I don't like that. Why should we lower the bar? Why should we lower the bar? It should be enough.
It's not enough episode long, Ashley.

Like, we can talk and it's stable.

Like, it has to get to that next level.

I want more than that.

I want more than that.

I want more than that, too.

I deserve more than that.

I agree.

I think that y'all need to say that y'all are looking for love and those things.

Again, I'm looking for all that.

I'm not just looking just because you're financing for me.. I pay my bills and you pay yours.
Then say that. I said that.
No, you said that. I never said that I just want you to be financially stable.
I said I want you to make. Well, I thought the question was.
And I want you to take care. Like, I don't want to always have to take care of myself.
Like, if I want the man, I want you to go above and beyond for me. Be that man.
That's what I feel like. I feel like a man can go above and beyond and it not be, like, in a financial way, is what I'm saying.
Like, he can go above and beyond. I want both.
I want all of it. Exactly.
I want all of it. I mean, and I deserve it.
I'm just saying, I think it's still possible to be fulfilled by love and him not doing all these over the top things. It doesn't have to be over the top.
It has to be thoughtful. It has to be intentional.
That's not over the top. I haven't listed things.
I love him. Youitting.
You said you want him to go over the top. I love hand-britting.
That's what I get from my man. If I'm with you and I'm giving you my stuff and I'm giving you all the expect for you to do things, then just be financially stable and allow me to pay my things and you pay yours and all just because we're in love.
I want more from you. Mm-hmm.
I do. Like, eventually, that shit will fade.
I'm sorry. Sorry, babe.
A couple years. Eventually, that will fade away.
You're going to want more from them than just, oh, we carry a good conversation. Yeah.
I'd rather have good conversation for a lifetime and somebody that I can... Because material stuff doesn't fucking matter.
It's not even about material things. It's not about material things.
I'm not saying that. I'm just saying I'd rather have someone that is, I love unconditional love.
I love, but I also want to see acts of love. I want to see time spent.
I didn't say he's not giving you acts of love though. That's what I said.
I didn't say that. I said, this is a good man.
He got good conversation. He's doing things.
He is going above and beyond. He may not be traveling all over the world or whatever y'all are saying.
Like he might not be doing those things that can be expensive or whatever, but he's still showing you. He's doing the things.
He's doing the things that make you feel cared for but you're saying that that stuff doesn't matter you said earlier Ashley you said that he's not doing these doing financial things he's just you take yours that's what I'm saying he's doing things but not financially like he's not paying for extras. Like, you may be paying for your car,

your regular shit,

your regular bills that you're already paying for.

That's why we're paying our own bills,

but again, it can't stay stable.

Like, we have to go to that next level

where you're surprising me.

You're doing things for me that isn't...

He is surprising you.

Still, he is surprising you.

Let's get... It is what it is i guess i'm trying to we agree to disagree that's what we're going to have to do because i'm just i know what i give off maybe i'm not understanding i just know what i give off.
Maybe I'm not understanding. I just know what I give off.

I mean, I know I am attracting men that are very much sitting in their power, very much have this ego, this very much like, you know, that's the ex-wife of X, Y, and Z.

She's dated such and such.

She travels this way.

She dresses this way.

There's wine like this in the whatever the case may be. I understand that.
I also understand what I'm also attracted to too. Like I like doing certain things.
And so it just comes hand in hand. So the kind of guys that are approaching me and very much want to start investing.
Yes, it is intentional. Yes, it's unconditional, but it's also monetarily.
It's also experience wise. It's also very much trying to match my energy because they know what I'm bringing to the table.
I encourage my girls to elevate their levels of like the bar. Like, why should you want to be trying to really like pay for everyone's everything, like dinner and and trips and all these things.
Time is spent very much well. Like we can have good conversation.
We can have nice walks, things like that. But we also have to have experience.
We also have to have elevation and we also have to have going forward. Like that's what a relationship is.
You don't want to stay. I don't agree with anything you're saying.
I think that a financially stable person wants those same things too. You say what, Ashley? I said, I'm not disagreeing with anything you're saying.
Okay. I'm saying, but just like a financially stable person wants those things too.
Somebody who's just interested in love also wants those things. I agree.
Everyone wants to elevate. I mean, it's in our palms every day.
We see it. We scroll it.
We subscribe to it. We want to encourage it.
All those things, 100%. But, I mean, we just definitely want to live.
Everyone wants to live and be the best that they can be. No? You know? It's just...
Absolutely. I think, I just think that...
Don't want to suffer. No, I just don't want, I don't want women to miss out on somebody great because maybe they have an idea of what they want their man to be and what they want their relationship to look like.

Because, you know, people change, people grow.

So I don't know.

I just feel like you might miss out on somebody

if you're looking for a certain financial status.

Because I feel like really that's what we're talking about.

And there's a lot of great men who are on their way there.

And there's a lot of great men who will have the financial status

and then they lose everything.

So it's like, then what?

So I don't know.

I just feel like...

I think it's a hard situation to be in

because when you're used to a certain lifestyle

and you know what you attract, right?

You find this nothing against somebody working

and they're, let's say,

they are a shift manager at Burger King.

You don't know that.

They're an amazing person.

You are who you are. This person you meet, you don't know what he does, nothing.
Y'all have conversations. You didn't even ask what they do.
You skip past that because y'all were so intrigued by the conversation. And you get to like him, right? Y'all have amazing conversation.
Y'all are going on dates or whatever. You start liking him.
Y'all carrying time together and you find out that he is a shift manager at Burger King. You cannot sit here and tell me that you will continue on.
You will feel some type of way. Yeah, I'm sure I would, but I think I would weigh my options.
I think I would still consider it. If love is really what I'm looking for, I think I would consider it.
Especially if it's really love that I'm looking for. But people have different things that they're looking for.
So I just... You're right.
It's per person. I could want a companion or a fill-in or just a sexual companion or...
The baby's here. Sorry, I was going to turn up.
You don't want to turn up. I was about to turn up.
But you know, it can be for a certain reason. Whatever I want to put in based on like my fill in the blank, I'll look for it.
You know what I mean? So like with that being said, I feel like we have to, we're doing ourself a dishonesty and a disservice if we are just going to settle. I think that's what I feel at the end of the day.
But why is that settling? I never said to somebody else that might not be settling. I just want more for myself.
Do you really? I just want more for myself. If you have another, something else in mind that you're looking for, then that would be.
But when you have the love,

I've seen this situation happen so many times where a lot of people,

especially women say,

Oh,

I just want love.

I'm looking for love.

Once you get into that relationship and you feel like that's the love of your

life,

then you become complacent.

Most relationships become complacent because they don't know how to carry,

carry them on.

There are issues. That's in any, that's in any relationship.
There are more issues starting coming on. Now, when you accepted that shift manager from Burger King, now it's a problem.
Because the finances are kicking in. The finances have been kicking in.
if he was a Burger King person.

Like, I just feel like in any relationship that can happen.

People get complacent.

I agree with that. You know, the bills are made.

They can be in the world.

Like, that just has to be in relationships.

I feel like I just won't set myself up for failure and allow myself to.

And you just have to be more financially stable than me. People have to be with men who are way financially stable and they ain't got shit else to offer.
And they swoop you off your feet and make you feel like they're the best and blah, blah, blah. Your bills might be paid, but the relationship ain't shit.

So that's what I'm saying.

I would rather be the other way around.

I would rather be with somebody, you know,

obviously I'm not going to get with somebody

when they're like broke and they can't, you know,

pay their bills and stuff.

But like people go through things.

Like, I don't know what our future holds for us.

I don't know if we'll always live the way we do.

You know what I'm saying?

But I know I love my husband and I'm not going to leave him. I'm not saying that you're going to leave.
I'm saying when you're getting into a relationship, that is a major thing because the major thing that break relationships and friendships up is finances. That's the number one thing that breaks up.
So before I even allow myself, of course, it's more than finances, but before I allow myself to get into a relationship and get that close to a man, my bar is set right here when it comes to finances. I'm with you.
Of course, I'm looking at everything else, but I'm not setting myself up for failure because I'm settling for someone who makes, have a lower income than me. You're adding stress.
You're adding more heaviness.

You know, we have kids involved.

Like, I'm like,

like, what am I teaching my babies?

Like, you want to know,

no, we're not doing this.

Hustling backwards.

We're trying to grow and build.

I want you,

I want my man to have wisdom.

Because with wisdom comes anything,

money, power, everything else.

But your finances definitely have to be there too. Yeah, I get that.
That's all. It's just, it is.
And we are in a different, we are different age range too. You know what I mean? We have been married.
We have been divorced. We know better.
I'm the same age as y'all. Yeah, but you've also been divorced.
You haven't been divorced either. That's a whole nother situation.
We're just saying because we're dating and really we can, we can talk about where we are now. We can also speak on how we were before, you know what I mean? So it's just like, I can't like even just men dating me now, they see the last name and they're like, Ooh, I don't know.
That deletes a lot of people. And then there are those ones that are like, what's up? You know what I mean? Like, I can match that energy or even better.
So it's just it just is what it is, you know, at this at the stage. That's it.
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We ain't at that point, Ashley. Well, we just have to, we just get in a relationship just for love and we go.
I have to. We can choose.
We want to know who's going to disturb this peace. We want to know who's going to disturb this peace up in here.
You know what I mean? Who's going to come in here and turn all the... I guess.
I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic and I want to be in love. You ain't in space and divorce and the finances

and all that.

You ain't got time

to start over, baby.

We ain't got time

to start over.

No, we don't.

We want to get right

to the middle,

nitty gritty.

I see you.

You see me.

We're intentional.

What's good?

Let's build.

Let's go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

As for that, as for that, I'm the hopeless romantic. I love it.
I love it. I love it.
I've been there. And you should.
And I am too still in this age. I believe in fantasies and all these dreams and things.
They happen. You know.
Why do some women shame each other for wanting a man with money? Is it gold digging or it's just setting the standard? I think let's answer that one. A lot of people may call us gold diggers because of our answers of what we, why we explain what we explain.
Let me tell you something. I don't think y'all sound like gold diggers i think y'all have been hurt and i look like y'all have been through so much yes i think y'all have been through traumatic like situations and relationships with men so now the love part of things isn't don't hold as much weight you know what i mean so i disagree i disagree I disagree.
I think whatever you've been through, this is my... Cool.
I'm just giving you my perspective. It's a conversation.
I'm just giving you my perspective, my outlook on just what I'm hearing. I just feel like because you guys, because y'all were saying, well, we've been divorced, you haven't, blah, blah, blah, blah blah so obviously that has changed your perspective on how you would go about dating and whatnot so outside looking in to me it seems like weight the love that the weight that love holds is not as heavy you know in a relationship that shift you're looking for now it's other things that are more you know, in a relationship that shift you're looking for.
Now it's other things that are more, you know, important.

So, and I'm not saying like y'all are,

y'all something is wrong with you or whatever. I'm just saying like the way I look at love,

the way you look at love is different.

Yes.

To me right now, love is very much, I want intention.

I want also the space of experience too.

So love is possible.

I know, I think we want the same things, but I'm just saying like,

I think there's other things that y'all are saying are more important.

Yes, my bar is very stuck with your past, because of your past experiences. And it's not coming from hurt, it's coming from experience.
Right. Yes, that's what I was about to say.
That's all. It's not the hurt.
Okay. Okay.
That's all. Mine comes from a bar setting it high.
I'm not going to lower my standards of cookie. I said hurt because I'm thinking, I'm talking about

emotionally.

I was trying to think

of emotionally like

where you, because we're

talking about love and love is an emotion.

I'm not talking about things. Like experiences

are kind of like things.

So I was talking about more

like emotionally what

would fulfill you. And you know, love, I feel like y'all got this much room for love and then this much room.
All the love. The love will continue to grow.
The love will continue to grow, especially if whatever my bar is into this relationship is there. The love will grow.
There's no like little. And let me add to this, Jarelle.
The love that I have comes from experience. It comes from hurt, but it also comes from healing.
So this love over here is nurturing because I have children. It's nurturing because I love life and, you know, my sense of adventure.
It is so abundant and like elevated as well as like electric. That becomes more attractive.
I got to get them off of me. You know what I'm saying? And it's just like, you know, I'm setting that standard in that resume.
You know, when you have a resume of a job, there's the A pile, the B pile, and the C pile. I'm definitely at the top of the A pile.
I mean, there's a lot going on over here, but at the same time, I'm bringing stuff to the table, and I expect that from my partner. It is what it is.
That's that. I understand, and I I mean, I'm not proportionate.
that's wrong like that I understand and I I mean I'm not proportionate that's wrong like that I hope y'all didn't take that from what I was trying to say I like I said earlier I just want Sherelle stop looking like that because that what's the look what's the look ass let me see my point is I don't want women to miss out on a good man because he may not have on the outside what you think a man should have like blah blah blah like standards it could be anything it could be like you know how women are like I don't want a man who's not six foot four or i don't want to be a point i'm not guys who are everything and then they treat their kids like shit that's automatic red flag for me so or things like that you know i mean i see how they're talking to staff i see how they're talking to people i see how they're talking to someone that's cleaning up after them red flag for me you know what i mean so i get exactly what you're saying i just have yeah so that was my point that's cleaning up after them. Red flag for me.
You know what I mean? So I get exactly what you're saying. I just have...
Yeah, so that was my point. That was all I was saying.
I'm saying consider, consider it. Just consider it.
Like it may not be what you thought you wanted or the idea that you make. Consider what? Consider.
I don't know if you happen to meet a man If you happen to meet a man Who is financially stable by the way And does have all the things What? She sleeps This is about how you Your response She's Okay well I'm about talking then Matter of fact I'm finna go half are we free quick you finna go over here and it's like a little happily married situation over here because I've just given my point of view that's all I can and y'all don't want to hear it we are listening and we are hearing I see people I mean this is not right I need another person on here with me because y'all have to be ganging up on me. Are we ganging up? Yeah.
It's three against one right now. Three against one.
What am I cheering at? Damn. Somebody.
No, I'm sure the chat lit right now. But no, I'm just saying I want us ladies to have the bar standard high.
That's it. I just I believe in old school courting.
I believe in I also believe in picnics and and what you can. I don't want you to go and be above and beyond and be in debt.
Like, I don't want that. But nobody said that.
Y'all keep saying that. I'm just thinking about that.
I would not date nobody who can't pay the bills who couldn't take me on a date like y'all know that so I don't know why y'all keep saying that hold on hold that thought let me go take serenity to bed but y'all keep on you keep saying like your standards are here I think everybody has high standards what I'm saying is don't miss out on a good man because he's not presenting in a way that you think is up here or whatever like he may be up here in other ways but you haven't gotten to meet him and not part of him yet because I don't know y'all need time to get there where we're traveling where we are what rooms we're in how we're. We're also meeting those kind of guys too.
I'm going to be real with you. I mean, I'll wait until Sherelle gets back on that, like back, back and locked in.
But it's about that too. I mean, I was saying that it's about my time.
I missed it. I was saying like, we're in these rooms where the way we travel, we're in these rooms.
We're in these boardrooms. We're in these events.
We're in the back rooms of a concert. We're around these type of men.
You know what I mean? We can't have to wait the waiting game. What'd you say? Well, we don't have to play the waiting game.
What waiting game? Where they just doing them financially and we doing us financially.

We're being approached by men that are established.

That understands what the woman wants and needs and what makes her happy.

So they're trying to be an addition to.

I don't know.

Y'all lost me now.

Because you're contradicting yourself.

You said one minute you started off saying,

I just don't, it's okay.

She paid her bills.

He paid his bills.

And we're just falling.

No, I didn't say she paid his bills.

She paid her bills and he paid his bills.

And it's just nothing financially there. It's just whatever.
Y'all just falling in love with each other. Like y'all do realize a lot of people in America, they'd be paying their own bills and be married.
It's like we want more to it than just having a good. We're talking to an audience of people who are, you know, so when I'm speaking, I'm speaking to an audience of people.

Then I started speaking on me specifically or really y'all because y'all are dating.

I'm just saying, like, what if you what if you met somebody?

He's financially stable and then he pays his bills.

You know, he's he can take you on dates.

He can do things, but it might not be the standard of up here, like, like what you were saying, you know, that you want him to go above and beyond, like he's doing things above and beyond, but maybe it's not the expense of the above and beyond. It's not about expense.
Yeah, it's not about the expenses. Well, that's what it sounded like before.
It's time spent. It's a lot of.
Yes. i said he's doing all those things but y'all were saying like no like my question in the beginning was a broke boyfriend or that and i'm fed nobody wants a broke boyfriend so then we moved it on to saying okay he's financially stable but he may not present as somebody who can do like the expensive things.
But it's not about the expensive things. It's about like, it's small things like, okay, you surprised me with a poem and you surprised me with roses.
You're going out your way to do those, those like things. Yes.
A man doing that. Yes.
That's what I'm saying. He does that.
He does those things. But I okay with them.
What I was understanding from what you were saying in the beginning, you was like, he do his thing financially, she do her thing financially, and y'all just have good conversation. That's what I was getting.
I don't know, maybe Serenity was moving around too much, but he wasn't going above and beyond with other things. I don't care about your expenses.
Like, or what's the right? It clearly came off to me that y'all were talking about, and you, Alexis, saying about how well-traveled you are, and he needs to be able to do this and do that. Like, all these things.
So I'm saying he may not present that he does all those things, but he is showing effort. Like, he's going above and beyond, but it might be though the experiences that you have with your ex-husband it might be you know something else but it's still going above and beyond above and beyond like give an example like how you were just saying like writing poems showing like interest and effort and you know being sweet surprising you.
That's my point. To me, that's above and beyond.
But to Alexis, that might not be. So that's what I'm saying.
I don't know. Are y'all talking about like expensive stuff? I'm saying the men that approach me as well as the confidence to continue just understanding what kind of woman I am, They're very much attracted to this is what it is.
I travel. I am a philanthropist.
I do these things. So it's just that.
Okay, you keep saying this thing over and over. But it's fine.
I get it. We see things a little differently.
Like, I still think that whole love weight thing is there. And I think that it is because y'all have different experiences than I have.
It is what it is. I said because you only got one damn experience.
So you can't, we can't, you don't understand what we're saying and what we've been through because you haven't experienced what we experienced. I actually do experience, I actually do understand.
I do understand. I'm just saying, again, I just don't want women to miss out on a good man because he might not have, you know, whatever it gets.
And I said, your standard could be that he's six foot four and he does this, but he's that. Like whatever your standard is, like sometimes you might need to look somewhere different or at something different because you might be missing out on something.
That's all I'm saying. Yeah, but I just don't want to give bad advice to men or women.
By just settling, thinking. I don't think that's bad advice.
I'm not saying settle. I didn't say you were.
But I'm just saying. My question in the beginning was.
Would you date a. And we said no.
We wouldn't date a broke boy. So that's what we're focusing on.
But you're not settling. Oh, just because he have a good conversation, maybe we can work things out and grow with it.
That's where our answers are coming from. Our response are coming from.
So to clear it up, even in the chat, we're not looking for, it's just we know what our standard is. We know what our standard is.
And at this point of age, we know what we want in a relationship. We know what we expect in a relationship.
Just like a man know what he want from a woman who's in her late 30s, early 40s in a relationship. So it's not being a gold digger.
It's not saying, oh, you know, you're ruthless. Let me know when you find this, that, and the third.
It's like, I've been through this and I don't want to go through it again. The love will come.

The love will grow.

But these are what I expect when I get into this relationship.

I want intention.

I want... I mean, everybody has standards.

Everybody has standards.

Everybody wants those things.

So we are in agreeance on that.

Totally.

I don't think that makes y'all gold diggers or anything like that.

But like you said, our experiences are different. So

the way I think we talk about it and express

it is different.

But I think at the end of the day, we all want the

same thing.

But the way that we express it is going to come

out differently. Stability, value.

Because of our experiences.

I love that.

Well, we can agree.

Depends. I like worms and surprise flowers.
I love that but we can agree I like arms and surprise flowers I love that I love a picnic I love a walk somebody said stop speaking for low income people I don't think I'm speaking for low people I think I'm just speaking for I'm trying to speak for ladies who are hopeless romantics that want to find love. That's who I'm speaking.
I'm all for hopeless romantics too. I didn't say you.
I'm just on my meet. No, I'm with you.
I'm all for all of that. I believe in alignment.
I believe in chance meetings, all this kind of stuff. But although, you know, you want to turn up and have a good dinner and we're not thinking about that either.
I'm just speaking real because you know, at the end of the day when them when that love starts to get a little comfortable over there. But what about when the butterflies fade away? But what about when the money run out? No, because y'all going to talk about it.
Y'all going to get it going. Y'all already have y'all businesses and everything established.
Yeah, but you can talk about love too, just like you can talk about business. You can talk about what? You can talk about love.
You can talk about... Just like finances take work.
You got to put just as much effort in both boats. I agree with that.
I feel like you got to put more... I would...
I'm telling you, it's both. It's both.
Like, you got to work on the love, keeping the love part just as much as you got to work on the finance part. That's true.
Because you fully can both of them can ruin the relationship.

Communication. That's good.

It's just communication.

One's needs,

all that kind of stuff.

But every,

like,

going back to it,

everybody

expects different things.

And they should answer

for somebody else

who don't care about,

you know.

Everyone's different.

I have my standards.

I have my, this is what I need from you. It is what it is.
That's my list. It's for me.
I think everybody should definitely have standards and have a list. Like, you have to.
Like, what are your non-negotiables? What are you not fuck-wittables? Just like. But I'm going to say this right here, though, back to Ashley.
I don't think it should be equal. You said the love and the work should be equal, though.
I feel like the work should be a little bit more because love ain't paying them bills. I mean, I think that it's not an equal thing.
It's just like a balanced thing. It's like sometimes the love part might need more work, more time, more effort.
And then some, or it might be the business part. Y'all need to work on your finances more.
Like, especially if you're in a long-term relationship, shit gonna be like this. You know? It's a 2015 session.
So, relationships, they be doing all, you know what I mean? So, I don't know about it being equal, but I just think they both gotta be tended to. Everything can be tended to.
I'm on my fuck love tour. Fuck love? Fuck love.
I see. Fuck love meaning you don't want to be in love? Or you want to be in love when you're stressed out? Or until that person comes along? I'm going to take you on a date, Sherelle.
You need some love. Can I talk you loud? I need to rub off.
Sherelle says she has love. I'm joking.
I'm joking. I'm joking.
I'm joking. It just sounded good.
I'm not going to hold you. I definitely turned up right post-divorce, post-breakup.
But then I went on a whole sabbatical.

Look,

we need to have a conversation.

I've been doing good, y'all.

I've been doing good.

I'm here for you.

I'm here for you. I feel so alone.

I'm embarrassed to talk about it.

How can I help my kid if I can't help myself?

I can't remember when I wasn't stressed.

I don't want to go inside.

When you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions, it's okay to get help. You are not alone.
Cal Hope is here for you with free, safe, and confidential mental health resources for youth, young adults, families, and you. Find support now at calhope.org.
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That is one fresh carrot. Straight out of the Bosch fridge! Uh, what was that? You're in a Bosch! Uh...
I'm the feeling you get when your produce stays fresh. Can I just.
You're in the fridge, baby. Grab some.
Yeah. More carrots.
Help yourself. Carrots.
The more you bash, the more you feel like a. Bosh.
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