Humble Baddies Part 2 - High Value Man debate (cont.) + Benny Blanco's relationship advice

This is an iHeart podcast.

There's more to San Francisco with the Chronicle.

More to experience and to explore.

Knowing San Francisco is our passion.

Discover more at sfchronicle.com.

Is your AI built for everyone?

Or is it built to work with your business's data?

IBM helps you integrate and govern unstructured data wherever it lives.

So your business can have more accurate AI instead of just more of it.

Get your data ready for AI at IBM.com.

The AI Built for Business.

IBM.

Tired of doing the dinner dash?

Walmart delivers delicious, low-cost recipes with just a few clicks in the app.

Who knew?

Get crowd pleasers like creamy Tuscan chicken and easy beef and broccoli delivered in the time it usually takes you just to plan dinner.

And if you don't love our produce, contact us for a full refund.

Goodbye, dinner drama.

Hello, dinner at your door in as fast as an hour.

Find it all in the recipe hub.

The Walmart you thought you knew is now new.

Subject to availability, fees and restrictions apply.

Every business has an ambition.

PayPal Open is the platform designed to help you grow into yours with business loans so you can expand and access to hundreds of millions of PayPal customers worldwide and your customers can pay all the ways they want with paypal venmo pay later and all major cards so you can focus on scaling up when it's time to get growing there's one platform for all business paypal open grow today at paypalopen.com loans subject to approval in available locations

I get in my weight never out of my lane feel like you're the one and the more one.

So what is gonna be, baby squat?

Nor do some women shame each other for for wanting a man with money?

Is it gold digging or it's just setting the standard?

I think Lix answered that one.

Because a lot of people may call us gold diggers because of our answers of what we why we explain what we

tell you something.

I don't think y'all sound like gold diggers.

I think y'all have been hurt.

And

I feel like y'all have been through so much.

Yes.

I think y'all have been through traumatic like situations and relationships with men.

So now the love part part of things isn't don't hold as much weight.

You know what I mean?

So I disagree.

I think whatever you've been through,

I disagree.

Cool.

I'm just

giving you my person.

It's a conversation.

I'm just giving you my perspective, my outlook on just what I'm hearing.

I just feel like because you guys, because y'all are saying, well, we've been divorced, you haven't, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So obviously that has changed your perspective on how you would go about dating and whatnot so outside looking in to me it seems like weight the love that the weight that love holds is not as heavy you know in a relationship that shifts you're looking for now it's other things that are more you know important

so and i'm not saying like y'all are y'all something is wrong with you or whatever i'm just saying like the way i look at love the way you look at love is different

yes to me right now love is very much um i want intention i want also the space of

experience too same

love is possible i know i think we have we want the same things but i'm just saying like i think

there's other things

that y'all are saying are more important.

Yes, my bar is better

because of your past experiences.

And it's not coming from hurt it's coming from experience and was right right right yes that's all about to say okay it's not the hurt okay not the hurt so mine comes from a bar setting it high i'm not gonna lower my standards of cookie cutter hurt because i'm thinking i'm talking about emotionally like

i was trying to think of emotionally like

where you would because we're talking about love and love is an emotion.

I'm not talking about things, like experiences are kind of like things.

So, I was talking about more like emotionally, what would fulfill you, and

you know, love.

I feel like

y'all got this much room for love, and then this much,

the love will continue to grow, huh?

The love will continue, the love will continue to grow, especially if whatever my bar is

getting into this relationship is there,

the love will grow.

There's no like little and let me add to this, Traville.

The love that I have comes from experience, it comes from hurt, but it also comes from healing.

So, this love over here is nurturing because I have children, it's nurturing because I love life and you know, my sense of adventure.

It is so abundant and like elevated as well as like electric.

That becomes more attractive.

I gotta get them off of me.

You know what I'm saying?

It's just like, you know, I'm setting that standard and that resume.

You know, when you have a resume of a job, there's the A pile, the B pile, and the C pile.

I'm definitely at the top of the A pile.

I mean, it's a lot going on over here, but at the same time, I'm bringing stuff to the table and I expect that from my partner.

It is what it is.

That's that.

I understand.

And I, I, I mean, I love that.

I love a major portion of that.

That's wrong.

Like, I hope y'all didn't take that from what I was trying to say.

I, like I said earlier, I just want Cheryl, stop looking like that.

Cause that's the look.

What's the look?

What's the look, ass?

Let me see.

This is how she looks.

My point is, I don't want women to miss out.

on a good man because he may not have on the outside what you think a man should have like blah blah blah blah like standards it could be anything it could be like you know how women are like i don't want a man who's not six foot four or i don't want a man

to your point

i've met guys who are have everything and then they treat their kids like shit that's all red flag for me so or things like that you know what i mean i see how they're talking to staff i see how they're talking to people i see how they're talking to someone that's cleaning up after them red flag for me you know what i mean so i get exactly what you're saying i just yeah

was my point.

That was all I was saying.

I'm saying, consider, consider it.

Just consider it.

Like, it may not be what you thought you wanted or the ideal situation.

Huh?

Consider what?

Consider.

I don't know if you happen to meet a man, if you happen to meet a man who is financially stable, by the way, and does have all the things.

What?

She sleep.

Stop.

This is how she about how you

respond.

Okay, well, I'll stop talking then.

Matter of fact, I'm going to go have some.

Where are we?

We're going to go over here.

Where are we sleeping?

Happily married situation over here.

Okay.

Because

I live in my point of view.

That's all I can.

And y'all don't want to hear it.

We are listening and we are hearing.

I'm hearing it.

I need another person on here with me because y'all are not going to be ganging up on me.

Are we ganging up?

Yeah.

It's three against one right now.

Three against one.

What am I sharing at?

Yeah.

Somebody.

No, I'm sure the chat lit right now.

But no, I'm just saying I want us ladies to have the bar standard high.

That's it.

I just, I believe in old school courting.

I believe in, I also believe in picnics and what you can, I don't want you to go and be out and be above and beyond and be in debt.

Like, I don't want that.

But nobody said that.

Y'all keep saying that.

Like, y'all know, I'm just thinking about my parents.

I would not date nobody who can't pay the bills, who couldn't take me on a date.

Like, y'all know that.

So, I don't know why y'all keep saying that.

What wasn't your response in the beginning?

Hold on, hold that thought.

Let me go take serenity to bed.

You keep saying, like, my standard, your standards are here.

I think everybody has high standards.

What I'm saying is don't miss out on a good man because he's not presenting in a way that you think is up here or whatever.

Like he may be up here in other ways, but you haven't gotten to meet him and that part of him yet.

Because

I don't know, y'all need time to get there or whatever.

I think it's probably not predictable.

Where we're traveling, where we are, what rooms we're in, how we're moving.

We're also meeting those kind of guys too.

I'm going to be real with you.

I mean, I'll wait till Sherelle gets back on that, like back, back and locked in, but it's about that too.

I mean,

I was saying,

to be honest, what'd you say?

I was saying, like, we are in these rooms where we, the way we travel, we're in these, these rooms, we're in these boardrooms, we're in these events, we're in the back rooms of a concert.

We're around these type of men, you know what I mean?

That approach us.

Well, we can't have to write the wedding game.

Would you say?

Well, we don't have to play the waiting game.

What waiting game?

Where they just doing them financially And we're doing it.

We're being approached by men that are established, right?

That understands what the woman wants and needs and what makes her happy.

So they're trying to be an addition to.

I don't know.

Y'all lost me now.

But it's

because you're contradicting yourself.

How?

Because you said one minute you started off saying, I just don't, it's okay.

She pay her bills.

he pays his bills.

No, I didn't say she didn't pay his bills.

I said, Yeah, she

pays her bills and he pays his bills.

And it's just nothing financially there.

It's just whatever.

Y'all just falling in love.

Like, y'all do realize a lot of people in America, they be paying their own bills and be married.

Like, that's the thing.

It's not just that.

It's like we want more children.

They just have a good conference.

People who are,

you know, so when I'm speaking, I'm speaking to an audience of people.

Then I started speaking on me specifically,

or really y'all, because y'all are dating.

I'm just saying, like, what if you, what if you met somebody, he's financially stable, as in he pays his bills, you know, he's, he can take you on dates, he can do things, but it might not be the standard of up here, like, like what you were saying, you know, that you want him to go above and beyond.

Like he's doing things above and beyond, but maybe it's not the expense of above and beyond that.

It's not about expense.

So that's.

Yeah, it's not about that.

So, well, that's what it sounded like before.

It's love languages.

It's time spent.

It's, it's a lot of.

And I said he's doing all those things, but y'all were saying, like, no, like, he needs to be able to

my question in the beginning was a broke boyfriend.

And I'm sad, nobody wants a broke boyfriend.

So then we moved it on to saying, okay, he's financially stable, but he may not present as somebody who can do like the expensive things for you.

But he.

But it's not about the expensive things.

It's about like, it's small things like, okay, you surprise me with a form and you surprise me with roses.

You're going out your way to do those.

A man doing that.

Yes.

That's what I'm saying.

He does that.

He does the thing.

But I thought y'all are staying.

No, we're okay with that.

What I was.

Understanding from what you were saying in the beginning, you was like, he do his thing financially, she do her thing financially, and y'all just have a good conversation.

that's what i was getting i don't know maybe serenity was moving around too much but he wasn't going above and beyond with other things i don't care about your expenses like it clearly came out to me that y'all were talking about and you alexis saying about you're how well traveled you are and he needs to be able to do this and do that like all these things so i'm saying he may not present that he does all those things but he is showing effort like he's he's going above and beyond but it might not be those

with your ex-husband.

It might be, you know, something else, but it's still going above and beyond.

But what is above and beyond?

Like give like how you were just saying, like writing poems, showing like interest and effort and, you know, being sweet, surprising you.

To me, that's above and beyond.

But to Alexis, that might not be.

So that's what I'm saying.

I don't know.

Are y'all talking about like expensive stuff?

Are y'all talking about?

I'm saying the men that approach me

and as well as the confidence to continue just understanding what kind of woman i am they're very much attracted to this is what it is i travel i am a philanthropist i do these things x y c i i'm well traveled so it's just that saying the same thing over and over but it's fine i get it we see things a little differently.

Like I still think that whole love weight thing is there.

And I think that

it is because y'all have different experiences than I have.

It is what it is.

Hear you, what?

I said because you only got one damn experience.

So you can't, we can't, you don't understand what we're.

we're saying and what we've been through because you haven't experienced

i actually do experience i actually do understand i do understand i'm just saying,

again, I just don't want women to miss out on a good man because he might not have,

you know, whatever standard is.

And I said, if your standard could be that he's six foot four and he does this, that he's that.

Like whatever your standard is, like sometimes you might need to look somewhere different or at something different.

because you might be missing out on something.

That's all I'm saying.

Yeah, but I just don't want to give bad advice to men or women by just settling.

Bad advice.

I'm not saying settle.

Nobody.

No, I didn't say, I didn't say you were, but I'm just saying my question in the beginning was, would you date a?

And we said, no, we wouldn't date a broke boy.

Right, right.

So that's what we're focusing on, but you're not settling.

Oh, just because he have a good conversation.

Maybe we can work things out and grow with it.

That's what.

where our answers are coming from.

Our response are coming from.

So to clear it up, even in the chat, we're not looking for, it's just, we know what our standard is.

We know what our standard is.

And we know at this point of age, we know what we want in a relationship.

We

expect in a relationship, just like a man know what he wants from a woman who's in her late 30s, early 40s in a relationship.

So it's not being a gold digger.

It's not saying, oh, you know, you ruthless.

Let me know when you find this, that, and the third.

It's like, I've been through this and I don't want to go through it again.

The love will come.

The love will grow.

But these are what I expect when I get into the

standards.

Everybody has standards.

Everybody wants those things.

So we are in agreeance on that.

Totally.

I don't think that makes y'all gold diggers or anything like that.

But, like you said, our experiences are different.

So the way I think we talk about it and express it is different.

But I think at the end of the day, we all want the same thing.

But the way that we express it, it's going to come out differently.

Stability

because of our experiences.

All of that.

That's true.

But we can agree.

Because I like poems and surprise.

I love that.

I love a picnic.

I love a walk.

Somebody says, stop speaking for low-income people.

I don't think I'm speaking for low-income people.

I think I'm just.

speaking for i'm trying to speak for ladies who

are hopeless romantics and want to find love that's who i'm speaking I'm all for hopeless romantics, too.

I didn't say

I'm just about me.

Yeah, no, I'm with you.

Okay.

I'm all for all of that.

I believe in alignment.

I believe in chance meetings, all this kind of stuff.

But

you know, want to turn up and have a good dinner and we're not thinking about that either.

I'm just speaking real because, you know, at the end of the day, when them,

when that love starts to get a little cold.

What about when the money runs?

And them butterflies fake.

But what about when the money runs out?

Then what?

No, because y'all going to talk about it.

Y'all going to get it going.

Y'all already have y'all businesses and everything.

But you can talk about love too, just like you can talk about business.

They need to talk about

freedoms to fake work.

You got to put just as much effort in both boats.

I agree with that.

yeah

you i feel like you i would i

i would i'm telling you it's it's both it's both like you got to work on the love keeping the love part just as much you got to work on the finance part because

both of them can ruin the relationship communication

that's true communication is communication

wants needs

all that kind of stuff

but every like going back to it everybody expect different things and they should.

We can't answer for somebody else who don't care about everyone different.

I have my standards.

I have my, this is what I need from you.

It is what it is.

That's my list.

It's for me.

I think everybody should definitely have standards and have a list.

Like, you have to.

Like, what are your non-negotiables?

What are you not, not fuck with?

Just like.

But I'm going to say it like, I'm going to say this right here, though, to back to Ashley.

I don't think it should be equal.

What should be equal?

You said the love and the

work should be equal, though.

I feel like the work should be a little bit more because love ain't paying them bills.

High interest debt is one of the toughest opponents you'll face, unless you power up with a SoFi personal loan.

A SoFi personal loan could repackage your bad debt into one low fixed rate monthly payment.

It's even got super speed, since you can get the funds as soon as the same day you sign.

Visit sofi.com slash power to learn more.

That's SOFI.com slash P-O-W-E-R.

Loans originated by SoFi Bank NA, member FDIC.

Terms and Conditions Apply, NMLS 696891.

There's more to San Francisco with the Chronicle.

There's more food for thought, more thought for food.

There's more data insights to help with those day-to-day choices.

There's more to the weather than whether it's going to rain.

And with our arts and entertainment coverage, you won't just get out more, you'll get more out of it.

At the Chronicle, knowing more about San Francisco is our passion.

Discover more at sfchronicle.com.

This is Larry Flick, owner of the Floor Store.

Labor Day is the last sale of the summer, but this one is our biggest sale of the year.

Now through September 2nd, get up to 50% off store-wide on carpet, hardwood, laminate, waterproof flooring, and much more.

Plus two years interest-free financing, and we pay pay your sales tax.

The Floor Stores Labor Day sale.

Don't let the sun set on this one.

Go to floorstores.com to find the nearest of our 10 showrooms from Santa Rosa to San Jose.

The Floor Store, your area flooring authority.

This is Larry Flick, owner of the Floor Store.

Labor Day is the last sale of the summer, but this one is our biggest sale of the year.

Now through September 2nd, get up to 50% off store-wide.

On carpet, hardwood, laminate, waterproof flooring, and much more.

Plus two years interest-free financing and we pay your sales tax.

The Floor Stores Labor Day sale.

Don't let the sun set on this one.

Go to floorstores.com to find the nearest of our 10 showrooms from Santa Rosa to San Jose.

The Floor Store, your area flooring authority.

It's not an equal thing.

It's just like a balanced thing.

It's like a sometimes the love part might need more work, more time, more effort.

And then some, or it might be the business part.

Y'all need to work on y'all finances more.

Like, especially if you're in a long-term relationship, shit gonna be like this,

you know,

40-50s.

So,

relationships steady doing,

you know what I mean?

So, I don't know about it being equal, but I just think they're, they both got to be tended to.

Everything be tended to.

I'm, I'm on my fuck tour.

I see.

love and I'm stressed.

And fuck love meaning you don't want to be in love or you want

to get not right now

or until that person comes.

I'm going to take, I'm going to, when did, I need to, I'm going to take you on a date, Sherelle.

You need some love.

I'm going to take, can I flip you loud?

I need to rub off on you a little bit.

Girl says she has love.

Show me, y'all.

I'm joking.

I'm joking.

I'm joking.

I'm joking.

It just sounded good.

I'm gonna hold you.

I definitely turned up right post-divorce, post-breakup, but then I went on a whole sabbatical.

Like,

uh, Lance, we need to have a conversation.

I've been doing it, y'all.

I've been doing good for you.

Okay,

will we move on to the next topic?

Because y'all stressing me out, okay?

Y'all stressing me out.

What's next?

I done lost my spot.

What we?

I said, Ash out.

Ashley.

Oh, Lord.

I am stressed.

I mean, I don't know.

Whatever.

What's the next topic?

Where we at?

Look.

Well, now since, you know, I talked about my tour, the question is.

Should women date multiple men at once?

Yes.

100% yes.

I'm scared to answer.

I'm going to say yes.

Let me speak on this.

Yes, speak sexually.

Oh, you're going to put that?

You're adding that one on there.

Okay.

All right.

Yes, they should.

The reason why I'm saying this, until

he says, and y'all say,

we are together.

We are committed.

I don't want to see you with anybody else and you shouldn't see anybody else.

Until then,

you are single.

You are not committed.

And you're very much single

according to the government until you have a paper certificate that says you're married.

So until there's a committed, a verbal committed, you know, conversation of we are together, this is what our relationship looks like, meaning we do not seek other people, we do not date other people, whatever it looks like.

Until you have that conversation, you are free to be liberated and to understand who you are.

Meaning, date all disagree, date them all.

So, you, so, if I'm, if I'm engaged in a relationship, we have to stay engaged.

I said, if you have a committed relationship, then you're the

if you're not, until you have that conversation,

be free like the bird, be free like Lady Liberty in New York, be free.

Okay,

what you got to say about this girl?

Date.

I do.

So I do believe, I feel like it's okay for women to date multiple men at once.

You don't have to sleep with every one of them.

You can have one that's, you know, that lays it down.

But you can, it's okay to, but then again, it's hard because.

you get emotionally attached to that one who lays it down and you get blindsided and foggy and you miss out on the good things that the other men can provide in the experience because you're sexually attached to that one that lays the pipe down to Mr.

Plumo.

The whole point is to date.

Date means to sex.

Right.

So, I, so, my, my thing is: if you're gonna date

multiple men, I wouldn't have sex with any of them until you pick out one that I'm not condoning multiple partners.

I'm just

no, I'm not like you.

I know, I'm definitely condoning like dating different men, just experiences, types.

And I want the ladies to choose.

You know, I just feel like I'm an advocate for us to

let them court us, to let them see what they're going to show us and for them to, the bee to come to the flower.

I'm very a proponent of that.

I teach my boys this, to court women and to show them who you are.

And I expect my daughters to be like, you know what?

Let me see what's going on.

I encourage dating them all.

Date them all, have fun, and be very much, like Sherelle said, you know, not sexual with everybody because I believe in sexual energy.

I believe in soul ties.

I believe in all that exchange.

But at the same time, I do believe in going out to eat, going to have a coffee, having guy friends.

Just understanding how men think and who you like.

Who do you like?

That's what it really boils down to.

Who do I like?

Who do I really can be a friend with?

Who can I laugh with?

who can i spend time with who can i cry with who's gonna come and help me feel better if i'm sick that's what i want you to understand you know i want you to understand what that is so yes take them all

have

well

i have been with the same person for a long time but

If I may, please answer this question anyway.

Please.

I've only had one

experience.

I'm not a married woman.

According to Miss Sherelle.

Not the boys.

I think that women should also date multiple men.

I don't think they should have sex with all of them, like y'all said.

But yeah, I mean, I feel like you should definitely get out there, see what you like.

Like you said, Alexis.

And

I don't know.

I think for me, though, it would be hard.

If I knew I was trying to find like the one, I don't think I could continue to date multiple people.

Like, I think I would, you know, it's, I don't normally like

like a lot of people at once.

You know, I'm not that type of person.

It's like, it's tough.

Once you find that one person, it's like, I'm obsessed about that one person.

So it would be hard for me to like

give somebody else some attention because I'm going to be so worried and focused about what he's doing, where he at, what, like, you know what I mean?

Otherwise, I don't really like you like that.

Like, if I don't, if I'm not immediately like obsessed with you, then I probably don't even really like you like that.

You know what I'm saying?

But if I, if I meet somebody and then I meet somebody else and I'm interested in him, I mean, like, I really, I mean, that means I'm just bored, you know, and I'm just filling up time.

I'm just occupying myself.

I'm not really interested.

It's just you caught my attention for a second.

You know what I'm saying?

I feel like

I'm, I'm kind of an obsessive person, and also, like, I kind of be knowing.

I mean, that's how it was when I met Phil.

Like,

I met him one time.

Well,

the second time I actually met him, we was obsessed with each other.

And, but I can only speak on my little one little thing.

So I'm gonna be quiet because Sherelle over here giving me faces and stuff.

And I'm already stressed out.

So you've all, you've seen, you've seen your friends, Ash.

You saw like that.

That's all I got.

Divorce, separate.

you see you've seen our friend you've seen our you've seen your friends go through some all the

yes

you know what we've been through

you know what we've been through some

you want us to you want us to get out there you want us to you know see if the grass is greener you want us to you encourage us to date and understand what it is we do you you've been very supportive in that i you know i'm the matchmaker i'll be trying to call up and do the most you know what i'm saying I'm here for it.

Like, I ain't single, I ain't gonna be single.

I'm living through y'all.

So, like, I'm here for all of it.

Okay,

Ashley, ready to set me up.

I am.

I can't wait.

Like,

hello.

Everybody, every day, somebody, like, are they back together?

What they got on?

I'm like,

by the way, Sherelle.

Let me

go.

So, you know, I'm

here to get a couple of people.

I got a couple of them.

Y'all gonna be asking me these questions.

I can only speak on my little one, little situation.

Which we

adore, by the way, and we admire.

That's no, we hate that's no shame.

We love it.

And

you know, Phil is our bro.

That's right.

Phil's from the 706.

Oh, exactly.

We from the deep down south.

We from the same hometown.

He know how to treat his woman.

That's why they married to this day.

And Ashley knows how to give it to because Ashley enjoyed it.

That girl.

Of course, y'all, y'all are.

But it's though, I'll be wanting to have my little input too.

You know, I'll be having a hypothetical.

You know, we've been giving you, but she also knows us too, Sherelle.

She knows we love her girls, she knows we want to be with one person.

Like, it's just, you know, it just don't align sometimes.

Well, I'm here for it.

Y'all need to, y'all need to be, y'all need to be dating more.

Like, as far as I'm concerned,

so I need, I need to shit, I need to start dating.

What are you waiting on?

Yeah, let's go.

Have fun.

Have fun.

Just you want a friend.

Be a friend.

That's all I did because I'm just having fun.

I'm the matchmaker.

I'm going to set it up.

So when I call you and I say, hey, I got a date for you.

I don't want to hear nothing.

I just

like nothing.

Nothing.

Y'all should do a speed dating.

Yeah, we're going to do we're going to take speed dating.

We're gonna set it up.

Oh,

it's just you want a nice Sherelle and then Ash has like 20 guys.

Yeah, if any men want to take my girls out on a date, if y'all want to do speed dating, hit me in the DM.

I'm sure.

Hit me in the DMs.

We're going to set it up because I really, we need to get this going because y'all playing with me.

But are you trying to lock us down or are you trying to?

No, it's just dating.

We just finna get y'all.

Y'all need to get y'all feet wet.

You know what I'm saying?

Y'all need to get out here.

At least Sherelle.

Sherelle need to get her feet wet.

Let's, you know, we just want to, you can lead the way.

All right.

And I'm the matchmaker.

You know, it's time.

Don't you looking like you're in a relationship?

What you got going on over there?

Look like I'm in a relationship.

Look like.

First, it's like, I can't, I can't be involved.

No, you can't

be involved.

But I'm very much a committed lady, too.

So if I'm locked in, I'm locked in.

Are you locked in?

I'm very much.

Okay,

say less.

This is about to get interesting.

What you mean about to?

I'm not fooling with y'all.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, boy.

This is y'all too much.

Okay.

What's next?

I don't know.

Ashley said, I'm going to get y'all together.

Let's move on.

Is it humble baddies mail time?

No, it's not.

It's not.

We got to talk about Benny Blanco.

Oh, man.

Benny, the blueprint for making women happy.

You know, I love Benny.

I'm a fan.

Go ahead.

I haven't seen the blueprint.

Oh, you haven't seen the blueprint.

Let me tell you something.

I, you know, it's, this is a, it's a beautiful thing when men have awareness of their partner.

You know, I think it's, it just needs to be commended.

It needs to be elevated.

It needs to be highlighted.

And so I'm a fan of Benny after he went on a podcast talking with his soon-to-be wife.

And

I just love how he's like, you know, I know what she needs.

I know what it takes for her to be her best self.

So if it's me spending, because he's a music producer.

So if he's in the studio a long time, he's like, hey, babe, you know, I know you expected me at such and such time.

I mean, I'm just making this up, this scenario, guys.

But

if I expect you here at this time, hey, I'm a little late.

I know that's what she needs.

for her mental health, for her awareness.

And I think it's dope, you know, and he's very much being adamant and very outspoken on this, this topic about really supporting his spouse and doing whatever he needs to be his best, the best, whatever he needs to be for his best self for her, for her to be her best self.

I think that's the ultimate, the ultimate goal for everybody.

So I like Benny.

So shout out to Benny for that.

What do y'all think about the situation in general?

Anything?

I need to see what the blueprint is.

Yeah, I don't know what it is.

So he wrote the blueprint.

He wrote what's on talking about it.

He's just like, let me,

I'll read a little bit.

In recent viral podcast, music producer Benny Blacko dropped some serious relationship wisdom and honesty, men and to take notes.

In this episode titled, How Benny Taught Me to Trust Again, Benny revealed that before getting together with Selena, he made a list.

Yes, an actual list with his therapist.

which was also a big deal because he's talking to his therapist about a potential partner.

The qualities he wanted in a future partner and this wasn't just about manifesting it's about emotional growth so in today's dating culture where ghosting is the norm he it's like don't you feel it like it's refreshing that a man is willing to like communicate and willing to just give you a peace of mind a sense of like you know what this is who i am i want you to be your best self so i feel like he is advocating for not just the couples being very much you know anchored in awareness, but it's just very much the men stepping up and saying, you know what, I want to help this lady be my, my partner.

I want her to be the best self.

So that's what it was to me that I gravitated to the most.

Well, I think that's great that we have some, a man finally speaking positively on, you know, how to treat a woman in a relationship, how to support a woman, you know, because I feel like we don't have a lot of that.

We don't have a lot.

I mean,

it's a lot of negativity, a lot of the whole 50-50 conversation.

It's a lot of that.

So it feels good to like have this conversation.

And I'm sure like men look up to him because he is in like the music world.

So he has an audience, you know, where it will be received, hopefully.

Hopefully it's a domino effect.

Like, you know, he put it out there.

Now more men, you know, jump on that bandwagon.

Something that we want them to jump on so shout out to our humble daddy

yeah

do you do you all feel like therapy should be like a almost a non-negotiable when you're dating someone or do you feel like it's later on like when you guys are like in locked in and like like together you're ready to be married like separate like each person

going to therapy just

i feel like

I feel like therapy can be communication between the both of you guys.

That's therapy to me.

Like, you know, you're understanding what each other want.

You're laying your boundaries out there.

You're laying what you expect, what you

don't expect.

And

you're learning each other.

That's therapy.

I just feel like we overlook a lot of those things,

not understanding and talking about the boundaries.

We just go straight into it.

We have the butterflies and we're, you know, we're having all the fun things, but we don't sit down and have that serious conversation of what pisses you off, what you like, what you don't like, you know, what are your coping mechanisms, recognizing if those are good, if those are good coping mechanisms or not, like just having those type of serious conversations, that's therapy.

But going into a action, going to see an actual therapist, just going in the beginning of a relationship, I think that's extreme, too extreme.

Yeah.

There's more to San Francisco with the Chronicle.

More to experience and to explore.

Knowing San Francisco is our passion.

Discover more at sfchronicle.com.

This is Larry Flick, owner of the Floor Store.

Labor Day is the last sale of the summer, but this one is our biggest sale of the year.

Now through September 2nd, get up to 50% off store-wide on carpet, hardwood, laminate, waterproof flooring, and much more.

Plus two years interest-free financing, and we pay your sales tax.

The Floor Stores Labor Day sale.

Don't let the sun set on this one.

Go to FloorStores.com to find the nearest of our 10 showrooms from Santa Rosa to San Jose.

The Floor Store, your area flooring authority.

Get Family Fresh Favorites for just $5 all week long in the Safeway Deli.

This week in the Safeway Deli, members get items like Chicken Tender's Original or Nashville Hot for just $5 per pound and 20-count chicken nuggets for $5 each.

Plus, get hot macaroni and cheese or JoJo potato wedges for $5 per pound.

And get all-American foot-long sandwiches or 48-ounce Reeser's American Classic Salads like original potato or macaroni salad for $5 each.

Visit Safeway.com or head in store for more deals.

Looking to transform your business through Better HR and payroll?

Meet Paycor, a paychecks company, the powerhouse solution that empowers leaders to drive results.

From recruiting and development to payroll and analytics, Paycor connects you with the people, data, and expertise you need to succeed.

Their innovative platform helps you make smarter decisions about your most valuable asset, your people.

Ready to become a better leader?

Visit paycorp.com slash leaders to learn more.

That's paycorp.com slash leaders.

If you start dating somebody and they like, let's go to therapy, I don't know.

I mean,

it's a very progressive ass way.

Like, I'm sure there are people who, but are you okay?

Yeah, like, I don't know.

That's a bit, it's a bit much.

I think that would be a little like

weird, intimidating a little bit.

Not saying it's bad, but like, it just is.

It's just a little weird to ask somebody that you just started dating or newly in a relationship with

sort of thing.

But like you said, Sherelle, like conversation, like really sitting down and really listening and, you know, hearing the other person out and trying to understand why they are the way they are and getting to know like their childhood because, you know, a lot of us deal with childhood traumas and stuff like that and it's like do they even know that you know realize their childhood traumas and you know are they doing things to help those help

or they could be doing things to trigger them and they don't know exactly so like you said like talking about it for sure I'm a proponent of if you're already doing individual like therapy and you have spiritual advice advisors and whoever, you know, that you have as a support system mentors.

I love that.

I think that that's accountability.

But I wouldn't want to have therapy, like couples therapy at the beginning of a relationship.

I feel like that's a lot.

You know, I want you to come in with what you have right now.

If you're doing work on the side, I love it.

We talk about it.

You know, you do that, but because you're fixing things about yourself.

But if I'm meeting you right now, we just came to this point and we're just like, hey, we just, we're just now locking in and we're we're getting closer together i love that you're you're doing the work and you're exercising your your mind but i don't i don't have to be in in therapy therapy so early i think that's a lot so how do y'all feel about you know getting into a relationship and you know a lot of women feel like they have to teach their man how to love them Do you think that's an issue?

Or do you feel like, you know, men should already know how to do those things

coming in.

I feel like there's basics to how to treat a woman.

Like just want, you should know how to come in and treat a woman.

Now, when you want or expect more, then that's where that communication, you let them know, hey, this is what I would love for you to do if you can work on that.

Not just tell him to do it, but try to work, baby, try to work on this.

This is what I love.

And what is it that you look like to do?

What is it that, you know, that turned you on?

whatever.

But just trying to

just tell them

they should know the basic on how to and love on a woman.

But some don't.

Some just get comfortable.

I know I was, I knew a situation where it was just like, I don't, I'm not going to love bomb you.

I'm not going to do this.

Well, you need help because what you're showing is not.

Don't know what woman want to be with you if you're doing this.

Right.

If you're acting yeah i think some men really just they don't know how like if they never had an example of of it like if they never saw a man love their mom or you know if they just never saw it like that example then it's it's hard for them to know even if even if they did have like a father and mother at home you know what i'm saying there might not have been love there or it might have been the wrong type of you know love like it might have been a messed up situation you know So it's like, I don't want to fault a man for, for, for not knowing.

I think there are basics, you know, to showing like affection that you care somebody, care for somebody.

But when it comes to like specifics, you know, like

as women, we, we have a lot of, you know, little things that, you know, a man, he don't know how to, he don't, they don't, men don't think like us.

You know what I'm saying?

So there, I feel like there's things that i've had to like explain to feel like you know this is how i feel love like do these things and he's like you know he don't think like i think so he would have never thought of that and i think it's okay to like have those conversations you know and and tell them specifically like don't even try to like have them read through the lines because men are slow and we don't got time for that so just tell them

I don't think it's wrong with telling them specifically, like, look,

this is the way that I feel love this is the way that you know there's certain things that i need from you in order to feel love yeah

but i you know what i think it it falls down it boils down to too and i've seen it you know growing up as a child i had brothers like

if if a man cries stop acting like a little punk like draw those tears it's like we have to break those generational curses and And it's okay for a little boy to cry.

It's okay for a man to cry.

It's okay for you to express your feelings.

Let it out.

Because what you're doing is basically prohibiting when you become a man, now you have your guard up to your woman because you feel like you're a punk if you cry.

You feel like you're a punk if you express your emotions.

So we have to, especially with us in our culture, we have to change that.

We have to allow, I allow my sons to break down, open up, express yourself.

Yeah.

Because I don't want you when you become older, you're holding it in and you're building up so much anger and you explode on somebody else or something else.

So we have to teach our boys, our young men, it's okay to cry.

It's okay to express how you feel.

It's okay to say, I love you.

It's okay to kiss and hug.

It's okay to hug your daddy.

It's okay for a father to tell his son that he loves him and kiss him and guide him and open up to him.

That's when we have to break that cycle.

And that's when.

We will have more young men expressing themselves and feeling like it's okay to love.

And we don't, as women, don't have to do that.

That's right.

That's right.

I agree.

100%.

I agree.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

I love my brothers.

We really do.

We just want an awareness.

And we understand that they have emotional intelligence.

We know that.

Yeah.

We know what they're capable of, but it gets suppressed by ultra-masculinity and just so much, so much of the environmental forces.

That's true.

Fathers, it's time to change that narrative.

It's time to break that generational curse, that generational cycle.

Show these young men that it's okay to love.

It's okay to express your emotions.

To show affection, to cater to all of those things.

Tap into that.

Love it.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

All right.

Now it's time for the hummer baddies mail.

Who's doing the hummer baddies met a day?

I'll do it.

Yep.

All good, sis, ash.

What you got for us, mama?

All right.

Oh, wait.

I just lost it.

Let me find it.

All righty,

we have

Jasmine from Atlanta, Georgia.

Hey, boo, from the A.

From the A.

Hey, Alexis, Sherelle, and Ashley.

I need your take on something that's been on my mind.

My husband and I have been together for seven years, and overall, our relationship has been solid.

No major complaints.

But recently, I started noticing the smell of marijuana in his car, and it's throwing me off.

Here's the thing.

When we got together, we were both firmly against drug use.

And as far as I know, he never smoked.

Now, I suspect he might be, but I haven't brought it up because I don't want to start a fight.

I have strong feelings about this and I'm torn.

Is this something worth a serious conversation?

Could this be a deal breaker or am I overreacting?

And on that note, do you even consider marijuana a real drug?

Looking forward to your thoughts.

Thank you.

I'm going to

be able to do that.

Hey, girl, if you don't let that man smoke his marijuana,

marijuana is a herd, okay?

It's from the earth.

It's rooted.

It's rooted.

It's cultivated.

It's planted.

It's a seed.

As somebody who is an advocate for the cannabis industry, as an avid smoker, as someone who indulges in extracurricular activities,

sis, calm down.

Okay.

Even if he's smelling like it, it doesn't mean he's smoking it.

And not only that, There are many, many states that have medicinal laws that say it is okay.

There's also states that have recreational, meaning you can be outside and smoke all you want.

So I would have a conversation with him.

I mean, it doesn't seem like he's hiding it.

Yes, it might be different behavior or different, you know,

option for him now that you guys are dating and you see this.

And I don't consider it a drug whatsoever.

It is approved by the FDA.

You can get licenses.

It's doctors that are, you know, very much involved, as well as people who know how to cultivate and produce these in the agricultural background.

So at the end of the day, y'all have a discussion about what you think is appropriate, how much you think is appropriate, and y'all should get educated on what the benefits are of cannabis.

At the same time, you know, it shouldn't be a hindering of your relationship.

I mean,

different employers are getting laxed on these things.

It's becoming, again, a way to move through pain, a way through, to get through, you know, just whatever mental

anxiety.

Yes, so much.

So find out, really do your research and make sure, you know, understand that it's beneficial.

So that's what I got to say about that.

Somebody said, I think Lex is on clown now.

Yeah, sis, I feel like y'all been married for 15 years.

There's like a million other things that could have you stressed out.

So, I wouldn't let this, you know, get to you like that.

I wouldn't bring it up in such a heavy way, but I would bring it up because maybe there's other things that y'all need to address and talk about.

Maybe he is stressed out.

Maybe he's using this to relieve that stress.

Maybe, you know, something is going on that you don't know about.

And then obviously, like, if he feels like he can't tell you about it, then there's something,

maybe there's an issue there too.

You know, y'all are married.

Y'all have been married for seven years.

Y'all should be able to talk about things.

Yes.

You didn't have to hide

smoking.

Seven years is a big deal, too, by the way.

Congratulations to y'all.

Seven years is a completion of a cycle.

So yeah.

Yeah.

Talk about it.

Talk about.

I think as long as it's not affecting his job, you know, he's not in the military.

He's not in a occupation that, you know, prohibits him from smoking marijuana.

It shouldn't be an issue but maybe it's something that he's been doing but the fact that he's sneaking to do it maybe he's respecting you because you don't like weed and he's you know he's doing it before he even comes around you it's nothing to you know cause confusion over just have a conversation like hey baby i noticed you've been smoking um i i've been smelling weed have you started smoking how long have you been doing this have a conversation but nothing to act crazy about i mean he wanted to smoke his little trees let him smoke his little trees sis i agree I agree.

But thank you so much, Jasmine, for writing to us.

You guys, if y'all need some advice, relationship advice, business advice, whatever kind of advice, y'all reach out to the humble baddies at contact at humblebaddies.com and let us know what you guys want to talk about.

We appreciate you for tuning in.

We love y'all.

Until next time, see ya.

Make sure y'all subscribe to at Humble Baddies Podcast and tell your cousins, your neighbors, your sisters, your co-workers, your brothers, your side chicks, your side mans to follow us as well.

Until next time.

Bye.

This is an iHeart Podcast.