Rascally Nincompoop

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Sport Clips, it's a game changer. Conan O'Brien needs a fan.
Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started.
Hi, Nikhil. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan.
Hey, guys. So nice to be here.
You've been in my ears for so long. For years.
Years for years. That's nice to see you guys.
We've been in your ears for years. Very nice.
Yeah, I didn't want to start like that, but it's happened. It's what happened.
And your name is Nikhil, is that correct? It's pronounced Nikhil. Nikhil.
No, no, no. Let's try Nikhil.
Most people call me Kinney. No, I love correcting people on the pronunciation of their name.
It cracks me up. No, Nikhil.
Nikhil, and right now- Conan. Conan.
I deserve that. You are in Bangalore, India.
Is that correct? Yes. Yes, sir.
I have been to India. I was there briefly for work a number of years ago.
Actually, Sona came with me on this assignment. And I was in Jaipur, but I've never, I would love, I didn't really get a chance to experience India as much as I wanted to.
It's a fascinating country. I love the people.
It is. And I would love to go and visit.
Tell me a little bit about yourself, Nikhil. Okay.
So I live in Bangalore, India, which is in the south. Most people visit places north.
I think you should come visit the south if you end up, if your ban ends. I have to wait for my ban in a lot of countries to end.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's actually so hard for us Indians to get a visa to come there. So it's nice to hear when you guys have some difficulty coming here.
Yeah. We had, we had years and years ago, we did a sketch and it's all a misunderstanding, but it was a perfectly fine sketch.
But one of our writers went there but didn't fill out the correct paperwork or something. So we ended up on some list, but I think it's all being taken care of.
So, you know. Awesome.
Yeah. We won't even probably mention that.
You know, it probably won't even come up because it'll all get taken care of. Trust me.
I don't think it's a big problem. Awesome.
So I am a video creator and it sounds insane to say, but I'm also a talk show host. I can't believe I'm saying that to you.
But yeah, I've done 40 episodes of a show called Menu Please, where I interviewed Netflix stars over a meal. So we went to different restaurants, talked about food and about their movie, and it was a lot of fun.
Well, wait a minute, Nikhil. Nikhil, you are a talk show host.
It sounds like you're a very successful one. You've done this show with Netflix stars.
It sounds like you're eating. Now, here's the catch.
Yeah. It was a Netflix India YouTube show.
So the show was on Netflix YouTube. Netflix's YouTube channel.
Yeah. But I like to say Netflix because it sounds cool.
It was awesome. It was one of the coolest experiences.
Well, I like to say I won an Oscar because it sounds cool. But I didn't.
But Nikhil, I would say you are talking to people. You seem to be having success at it.

I wouldn't put yourself down, I think.

And you seem like a very personable, funny guy.

I think you just, you don't have to qualify it.

You are a talk show host.

You're having success.

Fair enough.

I am talk show host.

It's just surreal to say to you.

But one cool thing is you and I have actually interviewed the same person. Who's that? It's Veer Das.
Oh, Veer Das. Yes, of course.
Yeah, it's like six degrees of separation except two. Yeah, it was super cool.
I actually asked him what it was like to be on the show. He performed stand-up on your show way back.
And yeah, he just said such great things about you. It was cool.
Terrific, terrific comedian, very talented. And we'll see.
No, this is us talking shop because we've interviewed the same person. And it sounds like, and this is something that you're interested in doing professionally for the rest of your life? Do you think, well, not the rest of your life.
I'm not going to do it for my entire life, but I still have dreams. Dreams.
Dreams. I hope your dreams come true.
Thank you. Thank you.
Well, thank you for that. I would like to be a balloonist.
I'd like to go up in a hot air balloon And travel the world Oh that kind of balloonist I thought making animals Well I tried that and it didn't work The kids were like That is not a dog And I was like shut up You can't hit kids with a balloon You apparently Still counts Still counts as hitting. You sound very qualified for this job.

So let's keep the conversation on you and not on my crimes.

You live in Bangalore, India, Nikhil,

and you've had some success doing a talk show.

And what's your living situation like?

Do you live with your parents?

Do you live alone?

I currently actually live in a

four-bedroom house with three other guys. And it's a very unique situation.
So I'm currently on the top floor. And we live in lowering degrees of relationship status.
So I'm at the top. Yes.

I'm a single guy.

Below me, not literally, is a guy who is in a situationship. You know, one of those things.
Next to him is a guy who's in a very nice long-term relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. And below them is a guy who's currently engaged.
Oh. Yeah, it's quite unique, actually.
So as you get further down the apartment, you start at the top. The more respectable.
You were single. Yes.
As you get down, this sort of, yes, the more serious the relationships become. And are your roommates, you all get along? We do.
It's very surprising. There's been no problems except for one guy.
Okay, tell me about this one guy. Is it you? Yeah.
No. Oh, wait.
They probably say that about me. But there's one guy.
His name is Jeet. And all he does is he's a serial rascal.
Is that a thing I can say? Serial rascal? He's just a rascal.

Yeah.

Yeah, wow, you really blew the doors off.

You can't talk that way.

You can't use the,

you can't call someone a rascal.

His reputation may never recover

if this was 200 years ago.

No, you can call someone a rascal.

That basically just means

they're kind of fun. Amazing.
Next, I'm going to call him a nincompoop. Wow, your language.
We're going to have to put a warning on this podcast. It's going to be all beeps.
Yeah. I mean, if you're a child and you're living in 1820, you might not want to listen to this podcast.
Although it's still probably okay. Yeah, exactly.
Nin't come poop. Rascal! So, okay, so your roommates, it's a good group.
Like, if I visited you, you, me, and the roommates would get along, you think? 100%. There's one tall guy, so you'd have somebody to look in the eye with.
There's one guy who's super responsible, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, so I guess you can not do those things with him. And there's me at the top just making videos.
So I guess we could do that. I'm not very interesting, to be honest.
And then there's the annoying guy who we can call an income poop together. That'd be great.
Yes, rascally income poop. We'll call him.
Yeah. So, okay.
And will any of your roommates be familiar with me or my work if we if i visit uh yeah so one of them the tall guy actually i put all of them in i i spread this podcast like the plague i've been listening to every episode um so anytime we're doing a long road trip that this is what i put on um my favorite is the john krasinski episode it makes me laugh out loud. So one of my roommates Anis, his name is we

yeah he I put on. My favorite is the John Krasinski episode.
It makes me laugh out loud. So one of my roommates,

Anus,

his name is,

we,

yeah,

he's a big fan.

He's asleep right now.

But if he knew

that I was talking to you

right now,

he'd lose it.

Oh, really?

He's a Conan fan?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you didn't tell him?

I didn't tell him.

He's asleep right now.

He's a big fan of mine.

He's asleep right now.

And he doesn't,

and you're in Bangalore, India,

and you and I

are having a conversation

and he sleeps

Thank you. I didn't tell him.
He's asleep right now. He's a big fan of mine.
And you're in Bangalore, India, and you and I are having a conversation, and he sleeps not knowing that the greatest hero of his life is speaking to you on the top floor. That is exactly right.
How would he react if I walked into his room? So he doesn't know that you and I are talking. If I were to walk into his room what how do you think he would react after his stroke i think he just like i don't know hug you and he's a fun guy he's like one of those extreme polar opposite uh personality guys where when he's in work mode like he doesn't talk he just walked through the room and he's just like a white walker from game of thrones and he's very focused but when he's out and having fun he's just the most fun guy making everybody you know just have a great time so i think he turned into that mode after this said stroke this guy i like this guy yeah he's a big conan fan uh and i would love to it'd be fun to surprise him i think you know i know, I think, and then we could all go out, have a good time.

What would we do for fun?

Okay, so Bangalore used to be the garden capital of India.

Then it became the Silicon Valley of India.

And so they removed all the gardens.

But throughout this, it's always been the pub capital of India.

So we have an insane pub culture here.

And I know all of you, Sona, Matt, I know you guys especially will have a great time over here.

In fact, there's a pub called Toit over here.

T-O-I-T.

It's like super famous.

Toit!

Toit!

Toit, yeah.

Toit!

Yes.

All of the above are alarmed. You know what I love? Nikhil just got as annoyed with you as we do.
He doesn't... He just met you.
He's in Bangalore. And he went...
Right. Yeah, right.
I thought we were all doing the toit. No, you didn't do it.
I didn't. You maybe overdid it.
I'll do it with you just to make you feel... Wow.
But the cool thing about Toit is, so they brew their own beer. I'd love for you to review it considering you're an Irishman and you guys...
I like the beer, sure. Yeah.
Oh, look at you. They also have restrooms.
Uh-huh. And in front of the restrooms...
Wow, I love a bar with a restroom. Selling point.
That just went to the top of my Yelp review. They have a restroom.
11 stars. Okay, so this bar, please tell me more.
This bar, Toit, has a restroom, yes? Toit. They have restrooms.
This is important, yes.

I think it's pronounced

toa, by the way.

I think it's some French word.

No, it's

all of us, Bangalore.

Please.

Here it's,

Sona has decreed

that it is toait.

Anyway, toa.

Toa.

I'm so good at board games.

You ever played a board game

with me?

I haven't, but I feel like

Oh, I just feel like you probably get really competitive. I do, and if I start to lose, I flip the board over.
That's why I have an unbroken streak. I just always win because I just throw the board over, flip it over, and say, get out of my house.
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Hey, I have a question for you, Sana. Yeah says amazon do you ever think health care no maybe you should sorry to be so judgmental but amazon one medical offers 24 7 virtual care so you can speak to a provider within minutes there's also amazon pharmacies so after your virtual visit amazon can deliver your prescriptions directly to your door, hello, and refill them automatically.
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Hey, Sona. Pretty recently I got together with a bunch of my chums.
Yeah. What did you guys do? Guys I went to college with.
We all played football together. And don't laugh at that.
That's real. Sorry.
Yeah. It was one of those little table games of football.
It's actually a video game. It's simulated football.
And it was the 80s, so it wasn't a very good game. Anyway, it was a good time.

We got together.

We had a good time.

It's really nice to get together with people.

And I got to say, from game nights to parties with friends or special anniversaries, celebrating important occasions means more moments with the coolest people in your life.

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So in front of the restrooms, they have a portrait of you. What? And every time I go there and I get pissed drunk and I have to go get pissed.
You have eat because i'm drunk you have to you're drunk right now no no it's one sorry it's 1 30 in the night uh i take a selfie with that portrait every time i have a collection i have a folder actually on my phone let's see images bring one up yeah bring one images of me oh my god oh wow that wait why is that that is a wait a minute why does it say restrooms and then a photo of me with a barn owl for some reason yeah oh yeah no that was when we were launching the uh the tbs show a number of years ago um i'm i guess i'm flattered that if you go to bangalore yeah and you go to Toit and you go to use the restroom, is it for the men's room or the women's room? Or both? What would you prefer? You know, I'm gender fluid. You are flattered by this? Don't you want the picture to be more sort of out in the open? No, I've learned that everyone goes to the restroom, especially at a bar.
Yeah, footfall is high. It's the perfect place.
It's the most trafficked area. So I often, if a place has a photo of me, and sometimes they do, you know, sort of downscale burger joints where I've gone and I've made them put up a picture of me, I ask them to put me near the restaurant.

But it doesn't bother you that your picture is associated with people just going pee-pee and poo-poo?

No.

No, those are beautiful.

That's how we live.

I'm sorry that Matt just used those offensive terms.

Yeah, I've done.

You started with rascals.

I thought I was bad.

Yeah.

He's a pirate.

Yeah.

Peep peep poopoo guy.

Yeah.

You'll be pleased to know

the portrait is

in between both rooms.

So the doors are

on either side

if you can imagine that.

Everybody can see

this image

when they go to pee.

People associate me

with great bladder discomfort. Yeah.
That no okay well um you're a laxative yes maybe okay maybe uh i'm intrigued i'm intrigued a that you have a roommate who's a big fan b that there's a portrait of me i mean there's a lot that recommends bangalore i have one fan and there's a picture of me. I mean, there's a lot that recommends Bangalore.
I have one fan and there's a picture of me near a restroom. And what about your career? Are you enjoying your work as a talk show host? Are you enjoying it? So I'm currently between hosting jobs, which means those shows are ended.
So one of the shows menu, please. The other was food wars.
Another show where I reviewed fast food. And both of those are over because we've run out of both celebrities and fast food joints here in India.
And I'm currently, I guess, in a state of figuring out what I want to work on. And I'm actually thinking of working on a talk show in India.
And the premise of which is I take a small crew, go to sort of enter a stranger's home with their permission, set up over there and shoot every episode interviewing an ordinary person in their unique house, talking about their unique items and what makes them them. That's the idea right now.
Oh, that's a cool idea. I that idea i mean the problem is every now and then you'll get you know people who aren't right but murdered no you won't get murdered but um yeah but it's like when you do a talk show there are good nights there are nights that aren't as good it's you know it's luck of the draw if you're in a volume business but i like that idea um and uh and who knows maybe you and i would come up with It's luck of the draw if you're in a volume business.
But I like that idea. And who knows? Maybe you and I would come up with some kind of show together.
We could do a show. I am going to clip that and listen to it every day of my life.
Until it happens. But it's always possible.
Maybe we could think of an idea, something that, something that works where we're co-hosts of some kind of show. You know, we shoot an episode and we get it on the air and we get it out there to the people of India.
What do you think of that? I think that's a pretty bad idea. I'm just kidding.
That's the best idea I've heard in my goddamn life. You really had me convinced it was a bad idea there for a second.
No, that would be an honor. Yeah.
So we can always think of what that is. We need that spark of inspiration.
Toit. There we go.
Good one. Shoot it from Toit.
You could shoot it from Toit. Hell, we could shoot an episode of the show.
I think you've stumbled onto something here, Matt. I have.
Yes, by saying Toit, you made it clear that we shoot the episode, we set up in front of the portrait of me that exists. The bathrooms.
Between the two, the ladies' room, the men's room. We can interview people going in and out.
Yeah, we can interview people.

We could interview people going in and out,

going to the bathroom.

How was your bowel movement?

Okay.

Oh, boy.

Well, it would have to be asked.

No, that's coming on.

That's on the way out.

You interview them on the way in,

and that way the interviews have to be short

because they really can't hang out long.

Yeah, because also if you get them on the way out,

maybe they didn't

wash their hands

and touch them.

Okay.

Are you touching them?

No.

Are you touching them

to shake their hands?

No?

You have to.

It's talk show etiquette.

I guess you have to.

You have to.

Yeah,

you have to shake their hands.

And often,

I just want to say,

in all the years

that I did talk shows,

which was almost 30 years,

often I could tell

they had just used

the restroom

and not wiped their hands.

True story. True story.
Al Roker, serial offender. Disgusting man.
You'd hear the flush and he'd come out just as he was introduced. And you could tell those hands haven't been washed.
They're dry. Roker, Al Roker.
Like I said, great idea for the show. I love it that I'm pitching myself to Nikhil in Bangalore, India, and he's not enthused.
This is my resting state of enthusiasm. It's very high right now.
You know what? That could be blood sugar. I'm so enthusiastic.
That could be blood sugar. You know, you should look into that.
You should make sure you... Probably.
It's also 1.30 in the night right now. And I feel zoinked, but excited at the same time.
I feel it's just very confusing. Yeah.
And also surreal. It's a little bit of a fever dream.
It feels like almost. Yes.
Exactly. I'm intrigued.
Perfect co-hosting. I'm intrigued by...
There's a lot of things that impress me with Nikhil. I think that you are a, I think he's, you just seem like a natural to me.
You're very funny and I think you'd be, I think you are a terrific talk show host. I can tell just by chatting with you.
Thank you. I'm intrigued by this idea you have for a new talk show in Bangalore.

I'm a little intrigued by this roommate

who's a fan.

You say a big fan?

Yeah, we call him Anus.

And we don't know why.

It's like one of those names.

Yeah, that sounds like

someone who would like my stuff.

Create for your name.

Is that not his name?

I thought when you first said it,

I thought that was his actual name.

Oh, that's my bad.

No, his name is Anirud. His name is Anirudh.
His name is Anirudh, but we call him Anus.

And you don't know why?

You don't know why?

No, it's like something that entered the zeitgeist of this house without us realizing it.

It just sort of flowed in and we call him Anus now.

I thought it was his name and I was like, don't laugh, Sona.

Everybody thought it.

When we first heard Anus,

we all stopped ourselves

from laughing.

We all thought it.

Nikhil,

in a house with all these guys,

the one who's a big Conan fan

is called Anus.

Yeah.

To be fair,

he's not like,

let the name stuck yet.

Like when we say Anus out loud,

he turns and then he gives this face of like, oh, I can't believe I'm allowing this to happen. So when you come here, if you christen him officially, I think he'll be, it'll stick from then on.
Well, I guess that's a good reason to fly all the way to India is to make sure that the name anus sticks. Just recap.
Your biggest fan is named anus and your portrait is hanging between two bathrooms. This is fantastic, Nikhil.
I feel enlightened. I feel lifted.
Well, I like you. You're a fine fellow, I think.
And I do think you've got what it takes. I really do.
I think you're a natural. Do you think that I'd be able to help you get your concept for a talk show where you go to people's houses? Do you think I could help you get that off the ground if I came to Bangalore? Absolutely.
I mean, for starters, I'd love to do a full pilot with you, perhaps in your hotel room or my bedroom right here. We could shoot one of these episodes.
That sounded weird the way I said it, but the episode would be completely fine and not strange at all. It's totally normal in this business to invite people to do an interview in their bedroom.
Oh. That's how I got started.
It would be great. It would almost be like training for me.
You could be a guest and a coach at the same time.

Terrific.

Yeah.

Either way.

And what are we, are we doing?

Yeah, go ahead.

Sorry, go ahead.

No, you go ahead.

You go ahead.

This is my show.

This is how I'd be on my show. I'd allow you to speak first.

Oh.

Well, yes, I could be a guest.

I could also maybe give you some pointers from my almost 30 years of experience. And what about my fee? Do we talk about that now or is that something that comes up later? Later, like a lot later.
A lot, lot, lot. Just very late.
You're going to do very well, Nikhil. You're going to do very, very well in this business.
Thank you. business thank you hey Nikhil I really I like talking to you and I hope we get to cross paths because that would be very cool this has been a huge huge honor and so nice to meet you guys Sona and Matt as well thank you awesome I really do think we're talking about, I think it's low blood sugar.
I really do. You just seem to lose all energy at different points, Nikhil.
You have to keep some almonds in your pocket. Okay, chocolate covered almonds.
All right, I'm going to make sure. That's my first tip as a talk show host.
Done. Almonds in your pocket.
That saved Colbert. I told him that.
I could see him lose energy, and he's been a superstar ever since. Perfect.
Saved his career. Hey, thank you so much, Nikhil.
Very cool to talk to you, and we'll see what happens. Thank you so much.
Bye-bye. Take care.
Bye. Bye-bye.
Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avsessian

and Matt Gourley

Produced by me, Matt Gourley

Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross

and Nick Leow

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino

Take it away, Jimmy

Supervising producer Aaron Blair

Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples

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