Rascally Nincompoop

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Speaker 3 Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/slash call Conan.
Okay, let's get started.

Speaker 4 Hi, Nikki. Oh, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.

Speaker 5 Hey, guys, so nice to be here. You've been in my ears for so long.
For years.

Speaker 5 Yours, for years.

Speaker 1 That's great to see you guys. We've been in your ears for years.

Speaker 5 Very nice. Yeah, I didn't want to start like that, but

Speaker 1 it's what happens.

Speaker 1 And your name is Nikhil. Is that correct?

Speaker 5 It's pronounced Nikhil.

Speaker 1 Nikhil. No, no, no.
Let's try Nikhil.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I love correcting people on the pronunciation of their name. It cracks me up.
No, Nikhil. Nikhil, and you write.
Conan.

Speaker 1 I deserve that. You are in Bangalore, India.
Is that correct?

Speaker 5 Yes. Yes, sir.

Speaker 1 I have been to India. I was there briefly for work a number of years ago.

Speaker 1 Actually, Sona came with me on this assignment, and I was in Jaipur, but I've never, I would love, I didn't really get a chance to

Speaker 1 experience India as much as I wanted to. It's a fascinating country.
I love the people.

Speaker 1 And I would love to go and visit. Tell me a little bit about yourself, Nikhil.

Speaker 5 Okay. So I live in Bangalore, India, which is in the south.
Most people visit places in the north. I think you should come visit the south if you end up,

Speaker 5 if your ban ends.

Speaker 1 I have to wait for my ban in a lot of countries to end. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah. It's actually so hard for us Indians to get a visa to come there.
So it's nice to hear when you guys have some difficulty coming here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we had

Speaker 1 we had years and years ago, ago we did a sketch and it's all a misunderstanding but it was a perfectly fine sketch but one of our writers went there but didn't fill out the correct paperwork or something so we ended up on some list but I think it's all being taken care of so you know awesome yeah we won't even probably mention that

Speaker 1 you know it probably won't even come up because uh it'll all get taken care of trust me I don't think it's a big problem Awesome.

Speaker 5 So I am a video creator, and it sounds insane to say, but I'm also a talk show host.

Speaker 5 I can't believe believe I'm saying that to you. But yeah, I've done 40 episodes of a show called Menu, Please, where I interviewed Netflix stars over a meal.

Speaker 5 So we went to different restaurants, talked about food and about their movie, and it was a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 Well, wait a minute, Nikhil.

Speaker 1 Nikhil, you are a talk show host. It sounds like you're a very successful one.
You've done this show with Netflix stars. It sounds like you're...

Speaker 5 Here's the catch. Yeah.
It was a Netflix India YouTube show. So the show was on Netflix YouTube, Netflix's YouTube channel.
Yeah. But I like to say Netflix because it sounds cool.
It was awesome.

Speaker 5 It was one of the coolest experiences.

Speaker 1 Well, I like to say I won an Oscar because it sounds cool, but I didn't. But Nikhil, I would say you are talking to people.

Speaker 1 You seem to be having success at it. I wouldn't put yourself down.
I think, and you seem like a very personable,

Speaker 1 funny guy. I think you just, you don't have to qualify it.
You are a talk show host. You're having success.

Speaker 5 Fair enough. I am a talk show host.
It's just surreal to say to you.

Speaker 5 But one cool thing is you and I have actually interviewed the same person.

Speaker 1 Who's that?

Speaker 5 It's Virdas.

Speaker 1 Oh, Virdas. Yes, of course.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 It's like six degrees of separation except two.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 It was super cool. I actually asked him what it was like to be on the show.
He performed stand-up

Speaker 5 on your show way back. And yeah, he just said such great things about you.
It was cool.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's terrific, terrific comedian, very talented. And we'll see, no, this is us talking shop because we've interviewed the same person.

Speaker 1 And it sounds like, is this, and this is something that you're interested in doing professionally for the rest of your life? Do you think? Well, not the rest of your life.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to do it for my entire life. But I still have dreams, dreams.
Uh-oh. Dreams.

Speaker 5 I hope your dreams come true.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Well, thank you for that. I would like to be a balloonist.
Oh. I'd like to go up in a hot air balloon and travel the world.

Speaker 3 Oh, that kind of balloonist. I thought making animals.

Speaker 1 Well, I tried that and it didn't work.

Speaker 1 The kids were like, that is not a dog.

Speaker 1 And I was like, shut up.

Speaker 1 You can't hit kids with a balloon. You currently still counts as hitting.

Speaker 5 You sound very qualified for this job.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 So let's keep the conversation on you and not on my crimes.

Speaker 1 You live in Bangalore, India, Nikhil, and you've had some success doing a talk show.

Speaker 1 And what's your living situation like? Do you live with your parents?

Speaker 1 Do you live alone?

Speaker 5 I currently actually live in a four-bedroom house with three other guys.

Speaker 5 And it's very unique situation. So I'm currently on the top top floor

Speaker 5 and we live in lowering degrees of relationship status.

Speaker 1 So I'm at the top. Yes.

Speaker 5 And I'm a single guy.

Speaker 5 Below me, not literally,

Speaker 5 is a guy who is in a situationship.

Speaker 5 You know, one of those things.

Speaker 5 Next to him is a guy who's in a very nice long-term relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. And below them is a guy who's currently engaged.
Oh,

Speaker 5 yeah, it's it's quite unique, actually.

Speaker 1 So, as you get further down

Speaker 1 the apartment, you start at the top, the more respectable you were, you're single. Yes, as you get down, uh, this sort of yes, the more serious the relationships become.

Speaker 1 Um, and are your roommates, you all you all get along?

Speaker 5 We do. Um, it's very surprising.
Um, there's been no problems except for one guy.

Speaker 1 Okay, tell me about this one guy. Is it you? Yeah, no,

Speaker 5 oh wait he they probably say that about me but uh this is one guy his name is jeet and he all he does is he's a serial rascal is that a thing i can say serial rascal he's just a rascal yeah yeah wow you really blew the doors off

Speaker 1 you can't talk that way

Speaker 1 you can't use the you can't call someone a rascal

Speaker 1 he might his reputation may never recover if this was 200 years ago

Speaker 1 no you can call someone a rascal that basically just means they're kind of fun.

Speaker 5 Amazing. Next, I'm going to call him a nincum poop.

Speaker 1 Wow, your language. We're going to have to put

Speaker 1 a warning on this podcast. It's going to be all beeps.
Yeah. I mean, if you're a child and you're living in 1820, you might not want to listen to this podcast.
Still probably okay. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Nincum poop, rascal.

Speaker 1 So, okay, so your roommates,

Speaker 1 it's a good group. Like, if I visited you, you, me, and the roommates would get along, you think?

Speaker 5 100%.

Speaker 5 There's one tall guy, so you'd have somebody to look in the eye with. There's one guy who's super responsible, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 5 I guess you can not do those things with him.

Speaker 5 And there's me at the top, just making videos. So

Speaker 5 I guess we could do that. I'm not very interesting, to be honest.

Speaker 5 And then there's the annoying guy who we can call an income poop together.

Speaker 1 That would be great. Yes, rascally incompet.

Speaker 1 We'll call him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So.

Speaker 1 Okay. okay.
And will any of your roommates be familiar with me or my work if we if I visit?

Speaker 5 Uh, yeah. So, one of them, the tall guy, actually, I put all of them in, I spread this podcast like the plague.
I've been listening to every episode.

Speaker 5 Um, so anytime we're doing a long road trip, that this is what I put on. Um, my favorite is the John Krasinski episode.
It makes me laugh out loud. Uh, so one of my roommates, Anos, his name is, um,

Speaker 5 who he, yeah, he, he's a big fan. He's asleep right now.
But if he knew that I was talking to you right now, he'd lose it.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? He's a Conan fan. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And you didn't tell him? I didn't tell him. So

Speaker 1 he's asleep right now. He's a big fan of mine.

Speaker 1 And he doesn't. And you're in Bangalore, India, and you and I are having a conversation.
And he sleeps not knowing that the greatest hero of his life

Speaker 1 is speaking to you on the top floor.

Speaker 5 That is exactly right.

Speaker 1 How would he react if I walked into his room? Does he know? So he doesn't know that you and I are talking.

Speaker 1 If I were to walk into his room, how do you think he would react?

Speaker 5 After his stroke, I think he just like, I don't know, hug you. And he's a fun guy.
He's like one of those extreme polar opposite.

Speaker 5 uh personality guys where when he's in work mode like he doesn't talk he just walks through the room and he's just like a white walker from game of thrones and he's very focused but when he's out and having fun he's just the most fun guy making everybody you know just have a great time so i think he turned into that mode after this said stroke

Speaker 5 this guy i like this guy he's a big conan fan uh and i would love to it'd be fun to surprise him i think you know i think and then we could all we could all go out have a good time what would we do for fun okay so bangalore uh used to be the garden capital of india um then it became the silicon valley of india um and so they removed all the gardens but throughout this it's always been the pub capital of india so we have a an insane pub culture here.

Speaker 5 And I know all of you, Sona, Matt, I know you guys especially will have a great time over here.

Speaker 5 In fact,

Speaker 5 there's a pub called Toit over here. T-O-I-T.
It's like super famous. Toit.

Speaker 1 Toit. Toit, yeah.
Toit.

Speaker 1 Yes. All of the above.

Speaker 1 You know what I love?

Speaker 1 Nikhil just got as annoyed with you as we do.

Speaker 1 He doesn't. He just met you.
He's in Bangalore. He's crazy.
And he went,

Speaker 1 right. Yeah, right.

Speaker 3 I thought we were all doing the toit.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. You didn't do it.
I didn't. You maybe overdid it.
I'm going to do it with you just to make it.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 5 But the cool thing about Toit is,

Speaker 5 so they brew their own beard. I'd love for you to review it, considering you're an Irishman and you guys.

Speaker 1 I like the beer. Sure.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, look at you.

Speaker 5 You also have restrooms.

Speaker 1 And in front of the the rest of the room. Wow, I love a bar with a restroom.
Selling point.

Speaker 1 That just went to the top of my Yelp review. They have a restroom.

Speaker 1 11 stars.

Speaker 1 Okay, so

Speaker 1 this bar, please tell me more. This bar, Toit, has a restroom, yes?

Speaker 5 Toit? They have restrooms.

Speaker 1 This is important. Yes.

Speaker 5 I think it's pronounced Troi, by the way. I think it's some French words.
Oliver's Bangalore.

Speaker 1 Please. Here it's...
Yeah. Sona has decreed that it is toik.

Speaker 1 Anyway, Tawai.

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Speaker 5 So, in front of the restrooms, they have a portrait of you.

Speaker 5 What? And every time I go there and I get pissed drunk, and I have to go get pissed

Speaker 1 because I'm drunk. You have to be drunk.
You're drunk right now. No.
No.

Speaker 5 Sorry, it's 1:30 in the night.

Speaker 5 I take a selfie with that portrait every time. I have a collection.
I have a folder actually on my phone.

Speaker 6 Let's see.

Speaker 5 Images. Bring one up.
Yeah, bring one up. Images of me.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wait, why is that? That is a just remote.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute. Why does it say restrooms and then a photo of me?

Speaker 5 With a barn owl for some reason.

Speaker 1 Yeah, oh, yeah. No, that was when we were launching the

Speaker 1 TBS show a number of years ago.

Speaker 1 I guess I'm flattered that if you go to Bangalore and you go to Toit and you go to use the restroom,

Speaker 1 is it for the men's room or the women's room?

Speaker 1 Or both?

Speaker 5 What would you prefer?

Speaker 1 You know, know, I'm a gender fluid.

Speaker 3 You are flattered by this? Don't you want the picture to be more sort of out in the open?

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 I've learned that everyone goes to the restroom, especially at a bar.

Speaker 5 Yeah, footfall is high. It's the perfect place.

Speaker 1 It's the most trafficked area. So I often, if a place has a photo of me, and sometimes they do, you know, sort of downscale,

Speaker 1 you know, burger joints where I've gone and I've made them put up a picture of me,

Speaker 1 I ask them to to put me near the restaurant. But it doesn't bother you that your picture is associated with people just going pee-pee and poo-poo?

Speaker 1 No. No, those are beautiful.

Speaker 1 That's how we those are

Speaker 4 that's how we live.

Speaker 1 And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that Matt just used those offensive terms.
Yeah, I've you

Speaker 1 of course you started with you started with rascal.

Speaker 5 I was bad. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's a pirate. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Pee pee poo-poo guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 So you'll be pleased to know the portrait is in between both rooms. So the doors are on either side, if you can imagine that.

Speaker 5 Everybody can see this image when they go to peep.

Speaker 1 People associate me

Speaker 1 with great bladder discomfort.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's...

Speaker 1 No, okay. Well,

Speaker 3 you're a laxative.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Maybe. Okay.
Maybe.

Speaker 1 I'm intrigued. I'm intrigued, A, that you have a roommate who's a big fan.
B, that there's a portrait of me. I mean, there's a lot that recommends Bangalore.

Speaker 1 I have one fan, and there's a picture of me

Speaker 1 near a restroom.

Speaker 1 And what about

Speaker 1 your career? Are you enjoying your work as a talk show host? Are you enjoying it?

Speaker 5 So I'm currently between hosting jobs, which means those shows are ended. So one of the show was Menu Please.
The other was Food Wars, another show where I reviewed fast food.

Speaker 5 And both of those are over because we've run out of both celebrities and fast food joints here in india um and i'm currently i guess in a in a state of figuring out what i want to work on and i'm actually thinking of working on a talk show here in india and the premise of which is i take a small crew go to a sort of enter a stranger's home with their permission set up over there and shoot every episode interviewing an ordinary person in their unique house talking about their unique items and what makes them them um that's the idea right now oh that's a cool idea I kind of like that idea.

Speaker 1 I mean, the problem is every now and then you'll get, you know,

Speaker 1 people who aren't great, but

Speaker 1 murdered. No, you won't get murdered.
But

Speaker 1 yeah, but it's like when you do a talk show, there are good nights. There are nights that aren't as good.
It's, you know, it's luck of the draw if you're in a volume business. But I like that idea.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 who knows, maybe you and I would come up with some kind of show together. You know, we could do a show.

Speaker 1 I am

Speaker 5 going to clip that and listen to that every day of my life until it happens.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 it's always possible. Maybe we could think of an idea, you know, something that works where we're co-hosts of some kind of show.
You know,

Speaker 1 we shoot an episode and we get it on the air and we get it out there to the people of India. What do you think of that?

Speaker 5 I think that's a pretty bad idea. I'm just kidding.
That's the best idea I've heard in my whole damn life.

Speaker 1 You really had me convinced it was a bad idea there for a second.

Speaker 5 Well,

Speaker 5 that would be an honor.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So we can always think of what that is.
We need that right, that spark of inspiration. Toit.

Speaker 5 There we go.

Speaker 1 Good one. Shoot it from toit.
Yeah, you could shoot it from toit. Hell, we could shoot an episode of the show.
I think

Speaker 1 you've stumbled onto something here, Matt. I have.
Yes, by saying Toit,

Speaker 1 you made it clear that we shoot the episode.

Speaker 1 We set up the, in front of the portrait of me that exists the bathrooms between the two the the ladies' room the men's room and uh you can interview people going in and out yeah we can interview people

Speaker 1 you can interview people going in and out going to the bathroom how was your bowel movement okay now you oh boy well it would have to be asked it was the obvious no that's coming on that's on the way out what you you interview them on the way in and that way the interviews have to be short because they really can't hang out long yeah because also if they come if you get them on the way out maybe they didn't wash their hands and touch them.

Speaker 5 No, fecal mouth. Are you touching them?

Speaker 3 No. Are you touching them? Did I shake their hands? No.

Speaker 1 You have to. It's talk show etiquette.

Speaker 5 You have to. You have to.

Speaker 1 You have to. Yeah, you have to shake their hands.

Speaker 1 And often, I just want to say, in all the years that I did talk shows, which was almost 30 years, often I could tell they had just used the restroom and not wiped their hands.

Speaker 1 True story. True story.
Al Roker, serial offender.

Speaker 1 Disgusting, disgusting man.

Speaker 1 You'd hear the flush and he'd come out just as he was introduced.

Speaker 1 And you could tell those hands haven't been washed. They're dry.

Speaker 1 Roker, out Roker.

Speaker 5 Like I said, great idea for the show.

Speaker 1 I love it that I'm pitching myself

Speaker 1 to Nikhil in Bangalore, India, and he's not enthused.

Speaker 5 This is my resting state of enthusiasm.

Speaker 1 It's really right now. You know what?

Speaker 5 That could be blood sugar. I'm so enthusiastic.

Speaker 1 That could be blood sugar. You know, you should look into that.
You should make sure you...

Speaker 5 Probably. It's also 1:30 in the night right now, and I feel zoinked but excited at the same time.
I feel it's just very confusing. Yeah.
And also surreal.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a little bit of a

Speaker 1 fever dream, it feels like almost. Yes.

Speaker 1 Exactly. I'm intrigued.

Speaker 5 Terrific co-hosting.

Speaker 1 I'm intrigued by,

Speaker 1 there's a lot of things that impress me with Nikhil. I think that you are a,

Speaker 1 I think he's, you just seem like a natural to me. You're very funny.

Speaker 1 And I think you'd be, I think you are a terrific talk show host. i can tell just by die chatting with you um

Speaker 1 i'm intrigued by this idea you have for uh a new talk show uh in in bangalore i'm a little intrigued by this roommate who's a fan um you say a bit you say a big fan

Speaker 5 yeah we call him anus um and we don't know why it's like one of those names you yeah that sounds like someone who would like my stuff for your name um is that not his name i thought when he first said it i thought that was his actual name oh that's my bad no his name is Anirud.

Speaker 5 His name is Anirud, but we call him Anus.

Speaker 1 And you don't know why. You don't know why.

Speaker 5 No, it's like something that entered the zeitgeist of this house without us realizing it. It just sort of flowed in.

Speaker 5 And we call him Anus now. I thought it was his name.

Speaker 1 And I was like, don't laugh, Tona.

Speaker 1 Everybody thought it.

Speaker 3 When we first heard Anus, we all stopped ourselves from laughing.

Speaker 1 We all thought it. Nikhil, in

Speaker 1 a house with all these guys, the one who's who's a big Conan fan is called Anus.

Speaker 5 Yeah, to be fair, he's not let the name stuck yet. Like when we say Anus out loud, he turns and then he gives this face of like, oh, I can't believe I'm allowing this to happen.

Speaker 5 So when you come here, if you christen him officially, I think he'll be,

Speaker 5 it'll stick. from then on.

Speaker 1 Well, I guess that's a good reason to fly all the way to India

Speaker 1 is to make sure that the name Anus sticks. Just recap.
Your biggest fan is named Anus, and your portrait is hanging between two bats or something. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is fantastic, Nikhil. I feel enlightened.
I feel lifted.

Speaker 1 Well, I like you. You're a fine fellow.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I do think you've got what it takes. I really do.

Speaker 1 I think you're a natural. Do you think that I'd be able to help you? Get your concept for a talk show where you go to people's houses.

Speaker 1 Do you think I could help you get that off the ground if I came to Bangalore?

Speaker 5 Absolutely. I mean,

Speaker 5 for starters, I'd love to do a faux pilot with you. Perhaps in your hotel room or my bedroom right here, we could shoot one of these episodes.

Speaker 5 That sounded weird the way I said it, but the episode will be completely fine. No, it's not strange at all.

Speaker 1 It's totally normal in this business to invite people to do an interview in their bedroom. Oh, that's how I got started.

Speaker 5 It would be great. It would almost be like training for me.
You could be a guest and a coach at the same time.

Speaker 5 um terrific yeah yeah either way and what are we are we do yeah go ahead sorry go ahead no you go you go ahead no you go ahead this is my show the this is how i'd be on my show i'd allow you to speak first

Speaker 1 oh well yes i could be a guest i could also maybe give you some pointers from my almost 30 years of experience

Speaker 1 and um what about my fee Do we talk about that now or is that something that comes up later?

Speaker 5 Later, like a lot later. lot, lot, lots,

Speaker 1 very late.

Speaker 1 You're gonna do very well, Nikhil. You're gonna do very, very well in this business.
Um, thank you.

Speaker 1 Hey, Nikhil, I really like talking to you, uh, and I hope we get to uh cross paths because that would be very cool.

Speaker 5 Me too, you're yeah, has been a huge, huge honor, and so nice to meet you guys, Sona and Matt, as well. Um, thank you, yeah,

Speaker 5 awesome.

Speaker 1 I really do think we're talking about.

Speaker 1 I think it's low blood sugar. I really do.
You just seem to lose all energy at different points, Nikhil. You have to keep some almonds in your pocket.
Okay. Chocolate-covered almonds.

Speaker 5 All right. I'm going to make sure.

Speaker 1 That's my first tip as a talk show host. Done.
Almonds in your pocket. That saved Colbert.
I told him that. I could see him lose energy, and he's been a superstar ever since.
Perfect.

Speaker 1 Saved his career.

Speaker 1 Hey, thank you so much, Nikhil. Very cool to talk to you, and we'll see what happens.

Speaker 5 Thank you so much. Bye-bye.

Speaker 1 Take care. Bye.
Bye-bye.

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