2024 Memorable Moments: Conan, Sona, and Matt

One thing about the entertainment industry, it's easy to earn a reputation even if it doesn't reflect who you really are. For example, everyone thinks that Discover is a card that isn't widely accepted.
Can you believe that? I can't stand people who think that. Yeah, me neither.
Those are my least favorite kind of people. In reality, it's accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide.
This is a flawed concept.

99%. Yeah, it's almost all of it.

Yeah, almost, but just 1% away.

So maybe now you'll think twice before judging a book by its cover.

Hello.

Unless it's a celebrity cookbook.

Just stay away from those.

Celebrities can't cook.

In that case, judge.

You know what I mean?

Whenever a celebrity is making a cake, I think that's a bad cake.

Based on the February 2024 Nielsen Report. learn more at discovery.com slash credit card.
Sona, wouldn't you say that life is full of personal wins? I would, Conan. Thanks, Sona.
Whether it's cleaning your house, getting that dream car, checking off your to-do list, winning at life is a great feeling. I'm pretty good at winning at life, aren't I, Sona? Are you? Okay, keep moving.
State Farm helps you win by helping you create an affordable price just for you. Doesn't that sound like a win, Sona? Dad, I like an affordable price just for me.
Yes, you do. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan.
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on ratings plans that vary by state.
Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amounts of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state.
That's my low voice. Fall is here, hear the yell.
Back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walk and lose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Hello, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

That was very official sounding. I know, I was trying to channel Conan, who is not here today.
That's right. Sona Moffessian has moved from second chair to first.
I would move? You would move. What are you talking about? No, no, no.
If he left, which he is not here, you would take over as the guy. No, absolutely not.
Well, yes. Okay.
But anyway, Conan is not here because sadly last week his mom and his dad both passed away within days of each other. His dad, Dr.
Thomas O'Brien was 95. Conan was actually shooting overseas for his Mac show.
He came back to Brookline and then while he was there, his mom, Ruth Reardon O'Brien, died at 92. And today is actually her birthday.
I didn't know that. No kidding.
Today is her birthday. And so you never got a chance to meet his parents.
I never did. No.
No. So, you know, I worked for him for a very long time.
And his parents were very impressive, very remarkable people. In their fields, they were celebrities in their own right.
His dad was a microbiologist. He retired at 90.
And I'm hoping Conan will also retire at 90. Really? I think he's gone too far already.
You do? Yeah. No, I want to ride those coattails until the very end.
Don't you? Yes, of course. Just like wheeling in a decrepit Conan into the studio.
This is terrible. I'm so sorry.
I'm like sweating because I have to talk about serious stuff. But yeah, his dad is a legend in his field.
And his mother was actually one of the first graduates of Yale Law School. And she became a partner at her law firm when she had five kids.
And like the second female to do so, right? Second female to do so. I mean, she was practicing law when there were like dining halls that women weren't allowed into.
And so she would sit outside these dining halls and men would be inside and she'd be sitting on her own little table outside. And she was like a partner at the law firm.
So it was like, they're just incredible people. It's a huge loss.
So Conan's with his family, all 800 of them. And he mentioned to us that he wanted us to do this and to set up the context as to why he's not here.
Right. And be transparent about it, that he's with his family.
And so we've cobbled together some of our favorite moments of the last year. So this first episode will be from the intros and segments, which you, Conan, and I do together.
And then next week, there'll be an episode of some of our favorite moments from the various guests that have been on the show in 2024. Okay.
I mean, I'm acting like I don't know what you're saying. You are.
We had a whole conversation beforehand. Yeah.
are you doing that? You're thrown by having to be serious on Sirius XM. It's in the name.
I know. But it is a really sad thing.
I mean, I've you know, over the time working for Conan, I really got to know all of his family, all his siblings, his parents. They were always really nice.
It's just a really hard thing to talk about. And i think that it's beautiful that they passed away within days of each other really is it's it's strikingly poignant i know i know and yeah like you said i haven't met his parents he wouldn't allow that but he kept you away we haven't thinking about him a ton and i saw my extended family and everybody yesterday at my, people who he's never met.
And he's met some of my extended family was like, please tell him I'm thinking about him anyway. Yeah, we are thinking about you.
Yes. Yes, yes, we are.
We are. It's it's a really hard time for him.
But, you know, he's still Conan. He made fun of me this morning.
So I think he's doing OK. I think his exact words were the show must go on, but you guys have to do it.
We could still call him a dick. Even though he's not here.
No, none of this changes that he's still a dick. A grieving dick is still a dick.
Exactly. Yeah.
I think that that's okay. A grieving dick is still a dick.
Wiser words. Yes, and that's why I'll be delivering the eulogies.
Oh my God, what am I doing? I can cut this. Why can't I do this normally? You can.
In the end, it'll sound fine. Okay, all right, okay.
Okay, so let's move on to our first clip. I think an all-timer, not just for 2024.
Oh my God, this is one of my favorite things that ever happened. I agree.
It's Conan makes a stranger take a selfie with him. I will say I have watched this clip over and over again.
Like once a week, I'll just go back and watch it. The schadenfreude that you love with the feeling of Conan's like desirous ego being quashed.
It's a perfect story. It's told perfectly.
It's so funny. It has payoff.
It's just great. Okay, let's roll it.
I have a tale to tell, and it's an embarrassing tale. And I think these are the ones you guys like.
These are our favorites. This is a true story.
I just flew in from boston i was seeing my family there and uh

i uh you know i check out my family i check out my family hey you guys are looking hey mom dad you guys are looking good sexy nuclear unit uh no i was checking in on my family uh and uh seeing my my fam, my sibs. And then I go to Logan Airport and I'm going to take the flight from Boston to Los Angeles.
And I am in the line. You wait in the line to hand your stuff over, put it on the conveyor belt.
So you're a little distracted, but I'm taking my belt off. They always say you can leave your belt on, it always sets it off so now i take everything off i'm pretty much naked when i go through that thing but i'm taking everything off i'm putting it down into this bucket and this very nice kid who's wearing a white sweater and he has glasses and dark hair and he says oh hi conan and he could not have been nicer he said um your show means a lot to me or your TV show meant a lot to me.
I've listened to Conan O'Brien needs a friend all the time. He is Armenian.
He introduces himself. And I think he said his name was Arman.
He could not have been nicer. And he's talking about he's very beautifully talking about what what the work is meant to him and all that.
And I just had like the nicest conversation with him and he was kind of holding his phone, but we were just about to go through whatever the x-ray machine. And so he had to put his phone in and I was kind of thinking, I think he wanted to do a photo, but he didn't.
Okay. Hold on.
But anyway, we go through and I'm thinking that guy was so nice. So then they want to look again at one of my bags.
I think it's, you know, how many men travel with nine bottles of hairspray? So it was suspicious. And it's Aquanet.
It's for old women. They don't even make it anymore.
It was like a two day trip. It was a day and a half trip.
And it's not all for my hair. But anyway, no, I'm saying I inhale that stuff.
It's an incredible high. Shout out to Aquanet.
But anyway, I get through and I get some of my stuff and I stand up and standing there, white sweater, glasses, dark hair, sky. And I walk up to him and say, hey, let's do a selfie.
And he said, okay. And he starts to fish around in his luggage for his camera.
And I'm thinking he was just holding his camera and he doesn't seem that interested. And what the fuck? That's weird.
I thought I was being super nice because he said all those nice things. And he starts to pick it up and he goes, okay.
And I went, I look at him and I go, wait a minute. Oh no.
It's not that guy. I just, I swear to God, I just.
So this guy who's just a a guy who's wearing, and I look over and I see the other guy. Listen to me, I see, listen to me, I'm not kidding.
I swear to God, this is all exactly happened. I see the other guy, he's wearing a sweater that is practically identical.
They look very similar and he's got glasses and I see him standing over at a post, holding his cell phone. And he's thinking, why wouldn't he take a selfie with me? And I'm looking at this guy and he goes, okay.
And he takes a selfie of us. And so look at it from his perspective.
He's sitting there waiting for another relative, a girlfriend or whatever to come through. And Conan O'Brien walks up and goes, hey, let's do a selfie.
He must have thought you were insane. He thought I was fucking insane.
And so then I started to go, no, no, no. I thought you were him.
And I'm pointing to the other guy and the other guy isn't even looking at me at that point. He's looking at his phone because he just got a text.
And there's no good explanation for why you would walk up to a stranger and say,

Hey, hey buddy, let's get a selfie. You're going to want this.
You're going to want this. So somewhere out there, there's a guy who isn't a fan, doesn't care, maybe actively dislikes what I I came up to him and made him take a selfie.

And I can, I just, and so then I walk up to the other guy and I said, I'm sorry. I thought he was you.
And the other guy, I'm just, you know, there's no, now he just thinks, oh, so all non-celebrities look alike to you. No, I think what happened is there was no first guy and you just got a bad reaction from someone you wanted to take a selfie with.
And this first guy's your like fight club, Tyler Durden guy that gets you to do selfies. Nice, nice try.
Yes. That I see phantom people.
No, I loved, it was so perfect. And I don't have photos, but if I could show you a photo of what both of them were wearing, you would laugh because it's though it's as if it's as if a higher being god said this is going to be really funny i'm sending down two people who look somewhat alike and they're both uh in a and they're both wearing this very similar sweater and uh and like dark jeans so whatever that that happened my God.
And I just keep thinking about this guy,

just like, okay, where's Sarah?

I just gotta wait for Sarah to come through.

Hey, hey, let's take a selfie.

What do you, let's do it right now.

Come on, get the camera out.

Like you're doing him a favor.

Like, hey buddy.

And now I think I've chosen you.

Hey, guess what?

Randomly every hundredth person

gets to win the ultimate lottery.

You think you're about to be selected

for improved security?

No.

No.

You're going to win the ultimate lottery. You think you're about to be selected for improved security? No.
No, you're getting a selfie with Conan O'Brien. I'm sorry, and you do what? Come on! Late night show, 90s, 2000s, NBC, TBS.
Come on, come on. Podcast.
Come on, come on, get the camera. Let's do this.
Incredible.

That's it.

That's it.

That's just happened.

That happened 36 hours ago.

And I, the minute it happened, I said, these exist.

This is why I have the podcast, because this is fresh.

This just happened.

Hey, buddy, let's do it.

Get the camera out.

Let's get that selfie.

I love that you said these two selfies still exist, but that guy probably just deleted it. He never took it.
Yeah. He went, she's like, yeah, oh yeah, I took it.
Oh, there you go. And you know what he said? He said, click.
He said, click. And I was like, I didn't think he pushed the phone.
And then I saw him walk up to a trash can and throw his iPhone away. And it was the new one.
It's the new one with the funny new cord. Oh, man.
That is true. That picture is probably out there somewhere.
Yes. If this person, like, has this never made its way back to that person? I want to see that photo so badly.
Armand, it's me. It's Sona.
He said he's Armenian. Maybe he's my cousin or something.
But yeah, just show us this picture. Wait, no, we don't want his picture.
We don't want it with Armand. We want it with the other guy that he, like, went up to.
I just love to see it. Yeah, I know.
It's awesome. That was one of my favorite stories.
Also very sweet that he was visiting his parents, he said, in the beginning of that clip. And I do have to say, Conan visited his parents constantly.
So, I mean, he was always... Anytime he was on the East Coast, he stopped by Boston.
He made them do selfies with him as well. I know.
All right. This next segment is called Conan Tries Sona's Lip Gloss.
We've had a few things with my chapsticks. This one is more recent if it's the one I'm thinking of.
Is this the one where I kept reapplying because it was really tasty? Yeah. And then he basically ate a whole tube of it.
That's right. And I wouldn't touch the stuff.
Yeah, I know. He stuck it in his mouth, I think.
And yeah, he I don't even know where that chapstick is. I actually think I may have thrown it away.
I think he ate it all. Yeah.
Oh, God. That's gross.
I'm a chronic lip moisturizer. Yeah.
What's that all about? But the thing is, I got a new one. And I was like, this will be nice because it's like a tube.
Yeah. And then it comes off and then it tastes so good.
I keep licking it off. So you're basically eating it.
You're eating it. Sona.
Can I see it? Can I take a look at it? Would you hand it to me? And will you say what you called it when she was putting it on? Oh, well, she kept putting it on and I said, what is that? Say something stupid sauce? Because you sure are using it a lot. Give me some lip, it's called.
We're just giving these people a free plug. We are.
Do you mind if I put it on right now? I promise. I don't mind.
I really don't. I have a sore that appears monthly.
You knew that. Why are you looking at your hand? Are you going to put on your hand? No.
Okay. On your lip.
Yeah. It tastes good.
And also it doesn't, it doesn't stay on that well. I have other stuff that kind of just like stays on.
Oh my God. This tastes fantastic.
That's what I'm saying. I keep eating it.
And so, Oh, this is delicious. I'm not kidding.
It's delicious. Oh my it.
You gotta keep it now. You have to keep that.
No, I'll give it back to you. It's like he's just sucking on a go-gurt.
This is amazing! What's in it? Oh, God. Do not ingest.
Now it's 40% less asbestos. This is incredible.
This really does. I see now why you keep applying it because it's very delicious.
Do you ever put it on the finger and then use the finger to apply? I don't. No, I just go straight from tube to mouth.
But you're putting on a lot. Do you see what I mean? You know why I'm putting on a lot? I don't think I've ever moisturized my lips.
Oh. Not once.
Have you ever seen me moisturize my lips in all the years you've known me? No. Do you moisturize your lips? I always have a chapstick with you.
I never do. I don't.
Eduardo. Actually, never do it.
It's foreign to me. Yeah, I agree.
Your lips are so shiny right now. Well, they should be.
You know what? Draw attention to the mouth. They are so shiny.
I've got two chapsticks with me for some reason. That's just weird, but why? I don't know if I'm doing something wrong, but Eduardo, back me up on this.
I don't participate in that. Yeah, I don't.
I just think, well, we're in the world. We didn't, when we evolved from the great ape, he did not moisturize his lips.
So then you don't need to use sunscreen? Oh, snap. That's just, that's cruel.
That's going after my disability. That is, that is.
Wait, you're, oh my God, you're putting on so much of it. Oh my God, this is disconcerting.
But you know what the thing is? I laugh a lot and I smile a lot. If you can see this on video.
Don't. Don't.
Zoom in. Skip.
Zoom in. Skip it.
Help me. Help me.
Oh my God, with your, five o'clock shadow. I'm over-moisturized.
God. You should lube up.
What does it taste like, though? What's that? What does it taste like, though? Try it. Go ahead.
No, no. Oh, come on.
It's fine. No, listen.
The sore I get erupts once. Shake it with your fingers.
Don't even open it. Just try it, you coward.
Put it on, Eduardo. Eduardo, I promise you.
You're all talk, dude. Come on, Eduardo.
Put it on. Don't be a little bitch, Eduardo.
Just do it. You've never kissed Conan on the mouth? Come on.
No, Eduardo, I'm telling you, I... Where do I lick? No, don't lick it.
It's for your lips. Put it on your lips, but then lick your lips.
But then it tastes really good. Lick your lips.
I mean, it has a tint. Eduardo, lick your lips.
Good. Look at that.
What's it taste like? I don't know. I've never used lip balm before.
I don't know if this is what it normally tastes like. You know why? This is why Eduardo's never been hired to do an infomercial.
Try this amazing new product. What do you think, Eduardo? I don't really want to try it.
No, Eduardo, it's the amazing new lip balm. Try it on your lips.
I'll just put a tiny bit. But Eduardo, doesn't it feel good? I don't know.
I didn't say it was bad. I just, you know.
I didn't say it was bad. Oh, great.
You heard it from Eduardo. He didn't say it was bad.
Call 1-800-555-2525 and get your not-so-bad lip balm. What is your problem, man? It's delicious.
It is really good. Seriously, you keep it.
And don't worry about whatever sores I may have. I don't, I'm not, nobody puts it in their mouth.
I know, but. I don't want it after that.
Why? What are you afraid of? Be honest. I don't want, your saliva is all over right now.
I know, but what do you, what do you worry is on my- Well, the visual is forever tied to that, too. Have you just- I know.
Have you like rod, like deep throating my chest? Did you say rod dogging it? I said rod dogging. I was like, that's not the right one.
Then I changed it to deep throating, which is what you were doing with it. I didn't deep throat it.
I know what deep throating is. Yes.
Well, you definitely filleted it. You blew my chest.
I have never, ever filleted a penis that small. That I promise you.
That's the Conan guarantee. With the lip gloss.
You heard it here. Oh, God.
I've never filleted a penis that small. Oh, God.
Oh, my God. And then we've come to find out, he did tell us after the recording, he has.
He has. That was not true.
What did you say? I don't participate in that. That made me laugh.
What listeners would have never seen is that Adam's in the background, too, having never even been asked at this point whether he wants to try it, just shaking his head going, no. It made the rounds.
I didn't even know. By then, especially getting it as a fourth person.
It did make the rounds. Conan's whole mouth was on that thing.
You and you have French kissed Conan over. Ew.
Man. Oh, God.
Was it last year that he asked Julia Louis-Dreyfus to put on her lipstick? That's right. There's something.
Oh, God. Was it last year that he asked Julia Louis-Dreyfus

to put on her lipstick?

That's right.

There's something going on.

Well, and he did that remote in Texas

when he was doing, was it Mary Kay?

Where he put makeup,

there's this insane image of him.

And I think I've seen it in a GIF.

Like someone's probably sent it to me

where he looks like a crazy person

peering through a window and he's got like lipstick all over his face right am i wrong you're absolutely right okay yeah yeah that haunts my dreams every night i know i didn't even know the context of that i've just seen that picture and it is harrowing you should watch that remote he did where he meets with women who sell mary k products and it's it's really really funny i mean we don't even really talk about it on this show, but I've always been a Conan fan and I've seen most of, if not all of these remotes at some time or another. Yes.
Yeah. Yeah.
His remotes, I think are pretty legendary. And you know, that one is a really funny one.
I also, this has never come up on the show. I submitted a packet to be a writer on his show.
You did? Because I knew Todd Levin

and he asked me.

You're kidding.

We've never talked about it

on the show. Girls, you would have been a really good writer on the show because you just have such a similar sensibility.
Well, I didn't get hired. Oh, well, okay.
You know what? Sweeney's here. We should just ask him why he never hired you.
Oh, yeah. Let's go straight to the source.
All those Sweet James billboards are everywhere, you know? Everywhere I drive, I see them. I see them all over.
They're everywhere. I've crashed into a few of them.
They're hard to avoid. And then I call Sweet James.
Yeah, that works out. No, it sounds like I'm joking around, and I probably am.
But the work they do is pretty serious. When you're hurt in an accident, insurance companies that promise to protect you will try to deny your claim or pay you the least amount possible.
We all know that. Sweet James Accident Attorney is a world-class law firm with over 25 years of experience taking on billion dollar insurance companies on behalf of their injured clients and winning.
They've recovered over $1.5 billion for injured accident victims with a 98% winning record. That's crazy.
It's a high percent. I wish my name was Sweet James.
My life would have been different. Sweet Conan.
Yeah. Having the right attorney by your side after you've been hurt in a car or a truck or a motorcycle accident can mean the difference between $2,000 and $2 million.
Sweet James have some of the best attorneys in the country. They've been awarded best attorneys in America.
I mean... I've never won that award.
Well, you're not an attorney. I know.
That's probably the reason. Yeah.
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Oh, man. I do a lot of traveling.
Yeah, you do. I do the travel shows.

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That's good.

Isn't that nice?

It starts the moment you take off with free in-flight Wi-Fi,

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Obviously, that would be this show, I would think.

Yeah, you go in a plane and then you stream your podcast. If I'm anxious about a flight, the thing that calms me is seeing myself.
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I like to know that when I land in that other country, I'm covered. I'm there.
Yeah. I can text you and say, hey, I got here safely.
Yeah. I forgot to feed my cat.
Could you feed my cat? Oh, yeah. You could remind me

I don't have a cat.

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It's all good stuff.

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Wi-Fi where available on select U.S. airlines.
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Throw an egg in their face. Yeah.

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Sucker! This next one, oh boy, Sona. This is called Sona is a Bad Grandchild.
I don't want to do this one. Listen, recently my mom, after we watched this clip, you'll understand this more.
I mean. I love it.
I don't want to do this one. Listen, recently, my mom, after we watched this clip, you'll understand this more.

I mean.

I love it.

I don't want to do this one.

But after we watched the clip.

I know.

I don't want to do this one because my mom did come up to me and she's like, you need

to tell everybody what a great woman your great grandma was because I made her sound

like a crazy witch.

I'm sorry.

We don't have time for that.

No, go ahead.

This is the time.

She was my great grandma who I made used to make cry just for funsies was actually a really incredible human being. And, you know, I was OK.
Well, your mom has seen this. She has.
I don't even know how she never talks to me about like, hey, I saw you talk about this thing on the podcast. It's just like every once in a while she brings it up.
So I don't know if someone sent it to her or if she just watches it and just doesn't want to talk to me about the things that I say. Wow.
Yeah, which it could possibly be the second one because she doesn't like some of the things I talk about. Roll it.
Sona, you lived with? Oh, my. Yeah.
Your grandparents. Yeah.
Yeah. And they both lived into their 90s.
Into their 90s. Yeah.
And they came from? They came from Istanbul. Yep.
And I mean, my grandpa started. He was a butcher when he was 12.
Like, they just put him to work really early. early right so it's like the idea that you are trusting a 12 year old with slaughtering animals is just feels like a completely different world but also just the fact that then they come to this country and they're living with you and it's you're going out to in and out to grab a burger yeah and whatever else you're up to.
It's just this amazing clash of cultures. I find that stuff fascinating.
Well, my great grandma also lived with us. And she was old as shit.
She was really old. You don't say old as shit.
She was really, really old. And I remember she was this old wrinkly lady.
And I was really young. I was maybe like 10.
And my mom's like, she's going to sleep in your room. And I that it from then on, I was terrified of the dark because I thought she was like a old witch lady.
And she was just like when you say she was what did you say? Old as shit. Yeah.
How old is old as shit? She was I mean, when I was 10, she was like 95. Because there are young comedians out there that now see me and go, you're old as shit.
So it's all relative. That's right.
I was 10 and she was 60. No, no.
Seriously, how old do you think she was? She was 95. Yeah.
But she was like an old wrinkly lady and I was young and I was like, why is this old person in my room? And I got terrified of the dark. But you sound like an awful grandchild.
I was really bad. I love this.
Like old and wrinkled? Why is that in my room? I have, we did something else. I don't want to, I shouldn't wrinkled.
Well, we got it now. This is really bad.
So she had a son who passed away that no one told her passed away. And then my uncle, who was still in Istanbul, and we'd hold up two fingers and be like, Menzi, touch one of them.
And she would touch him and be like, oh, that's, you know, Bejo Dai Dai, who was my uncle. And she'd just instantly start crying.
And we thought it was so funny. Wait, I understand what was happening here.
Because we kept reminding her of these people she hadn't seen in a long time. And we'd instantly make her cry.
And Dani and I were like, let's go make Menzi cry. Whoa.
Oh my God, you're a monster. You're a sociopath.
How is that? We were just fascinated with her instant sadness. I thought you were the true sociopath, but it's you.
It really was messed up. What a twist.
No, no, no. To be fair, I did it to my grandmother, Maddie, too.
I used to go, remember that loved one that perished? It was fun. We used to call it, it was the old fun,

we called it the perish game.

Hey, let's go play perish.

And we go into Monty's room.

Remember the one you loved who perished?

Look at them waterworks.

You're an awful, awful person.

No, no joke.

That was really bad.

Yeah, you're a bad person.

It was bad.

We would make her laugh just for fun.

All right, well, listen, let's have some good come from this.

You don't need to clarify no joke.

We know that it's bad.

We would make her cry just for fun.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

I'm sorry. person no no joke that was really bad yeah you're bad it was bad we would make her laugh just for all right well listen let's have some good come from this you don't need to clarify no joke we would make her cry just for fun yeah because we were terrible let's have some good come out of this if you're listening right now and you're tempted to go mock a very very old relative by reminding them of someone they lost long ago think twice yeah that's a little word from Conan O'Brien.
Needs a

friend.

What if

one day your great-grandchildren

come up to you and you're old

and wrinkly and sleeping in their bedroom

and start doing this to you?

Will you laugh?

I'll be so

old. Look, I think

did you ever do anything when you were younger

where you were like, that's a shitty thing.

I used to egg houses and now I'm like, that's

not cool. Did you ever

play Dead Man? No. Where you'd

lie half in the street, half

on the curb like you're dead and wait for a car

to drive by and stop and

go like, are you okay? And all the other kids are hiding in the bushes listening. No.
And you just go, no, I'm just looking at the stars. Matt, really? Don't act so surprised.
That's nowhere near what you did. That is a horrible thing you used to do.
No. That is so bad.
Uh-uh. Look, my mom, unfortunately, saw this clip.
My mom, that's my mom's grandma, Medziek. She's my great grandma.
She was an incredible woman. I can't believe I called her old as shit.
And I think that that's a terrible word usage that I had. But I she was an incredible, incredible lady.
I do feel bad. I think I just kind of said it in a flippant way.
But I do feel bad that I used to make her cry just for fun, which is an awful thing to do. How old were you? I was like, I think I was around 10 or 11.
And it is definitely old enough to know better. You know what? That's the thing.
I was, I was old enough to know better. I think people are hearing you, your true self right now.
Yes. Yes.
I do think like the older I get to the more I realize I can cry very easily. So I think that we were just kind of like look at her have emotions just from us saying a name.
And I feel like now as a you know a human I would be like I shouldn't do that. It's kind of true.
Most kids are sociopaths and then you learn empathy as you have trauma. Again don act so shocked.
Look, if there's any 10 or 11 year olds listening and you have a great grandma who can cry very easily, like just don't do it. Okay.
Yeah. We cleared that up.
Oh, geez. That was hard to watch.
That was hard to watch. It's hard to be a partner sometimes.

This next one is Conan's Hot Ones recap.

This was quite a moment in the pop culture last year. And then we got to have Conan just kind of recap his experience on Hot Ones where he broke the system.
I don't even like this is this was a fun moment for our podcast, But the Hot Ones episode, I think in terms of Conan's career, was probably one of the most unhinged, just funniest things I think I've ever seen him do. Yeah.

But yeah, it was really I mean, it was incredible how many people were talking about him after that.

And so, yeah, this one, this one's really funny.

Let's listen. How are you? I'm doing great.
Are you? I am. Okay.
A lot of people are asking me, how do I feel? Because you ate a lot of spicy food on Hot Ones. Yes.
I went on the show Hot Ones. Yeah.
And I did not, I was aware of the show, it's very successful show i hadn't really uh can't say i was an expert on the show i went in thinking uh well whatever happens i just have to eat all the wings and and just go for it and make a fool of myself and so that's i kind of had that plan in mind, but didn't know much beyond that. The host, very good.
Excellent. I like that guy a lot.
He's a very good interviewer. He is.
He's a really good interviewer and, um, and they do a really good job on that show. So Sean's asking me questions and I was just determined to just keep stuffing these wings in no matter what.
And then of course, me being me, I start drinking the sauce and rubbing it around on my face and my chest and everything. And, um, the whole, and I've, so when I walk around now, because a lot of people have seen this, people keep asking me if I'm okay.
I wonder the same thing. Well, I also just watched Conan must go, which is fantastic by the way.
And in Thailand, you get pretty floored, albeit comedy comedically by some sauce. So I thought you're going to go down when I see Hot Ones.
Yeah. No, well, we played that up for comedy and you're allowed to, in a sketch world or comedy world, you can fake things a little bit.
I'm aware of. Yes.
Is that how comedy works? When I look at you two, I think an explanation

might be in order. So what's the deal? Do you not have taste buds or something? How did you do that?

I have never seen you eat spicy food. I don't eat spicy food.
You know, there's people who like put

Tabasco or Tapatio on stuff. I've had so many meals with you and I've never seen you eat spicy

food. I have a theory is that the only thing worse than that amount of thermal spice would be you not

Thank you. Yes.

Yeah.

And all joking aside, and also I've had a bunch of people posit that I have the red hair gene, which is there's a, you know, when I go to the dentist and they give me Novocaine, they then go to drill and it's like, I haven't had Novocaine.

and I'm going to go to the dentist and they give me novocaine they then go to drill and it's like i haven't had novocaine and i'm always saying i i feel everything right now and they would and they always say oh yeah you're a redhead i don't know if that's but i've had many dentists say that to me and they keep they give me a lot more and they say the redheads have uh whatever higher pain threshold or something i don't know what it is meaning you feel less pain you feel more pain i don't you don't well you don't feel i don't know i don't know exactly how it works and i'm just freewheeling here i just know what i've been told by people i don't think it's it i think you have it matt which is i've always been if i think something will be funny i'll do it and deal with it later.

And did you?

Yeah, I did deal with it later.

I was dealt with later. How did it manifest itself?

I spot welded an iron.

We're all thinking the same thing.

I spot welded.

I wanted it to be useful.

What and how much did you shit?

How much did your butt hurt?

Here's what I decided to do. And do your butt taste buds.
Here's what I decided to do. I decided that I wanted, after I ingested all that, I wanted it to be useful.
So I found a construction site where they were doing spot welding. And I went there and I said, gentlemen, if you want, I can weld these girders for you in about, I'm guessing about 15 minutes.
You'll need to avert your eyes because I'll be dropping my pants. And they said, okay.
And I said, I will need someone to stay behind and light it. And then we'll be all set to go.

So there's a building in the Mid-Wilshire district that's going up.

And I think I did about 65 rivets in the building.

And people were driving by saying, Conan O'Brien, his pants are around his ankles.

And I think fire is shooting out of his ass and he's welding a building. And here's the biggest problem.
I had to join the union. But that way everybody wins.
There's a building and trust me, that section of the building will never fall. That's the best.
And they've had an engineer say, whoever did this, these are heat temperatures we've never seen. So every time you're gonna weld something, you just have to eat a lot of hot wings? Yes, I'm in the union now.
And all I have to do is, I've got all the sauces from Hot Ones. You are the saddest X-Man ever.
Yeah. Meet the X-Men.
Really? He's on the X-Men? What do we do with him?

His name's Assweld.

What's this super... And I just...

And you know what it is?

I have a bandolier

and instead of ammunition,

it's just sauces.

And they're like,

what are we gonna do?

How are we gonna get out of this thing?

The bad guys have sealed us

in this lead safe.

Hold on a second.

Boom.

You have to pull your pants down.

You have to pull your pants down.

Does your uniform have a compartment?

Oh, yeah.

The uniform has.

Like a union suit, the little thing, little flap.

Well, actually, it's a very tiny flap

that's the exact circumference of an anus. It's a tiny circle that unflaps, and then just a beam of the whitest light you've ever seen comes out.
Of phosphorus. Of phosphorus, yeah.
And everyone has to put on welding goggles. Oh, God.
Do you see what I'm doing? I'm raising my ass out of the chair because i feel

like i'm just having psychosomatic symptoms of that or something you know what i think you asked

the question everybody was thinking after hot ones which is like yeah how did it come out right

uh he's he joked but we don't really know i know maybe that's true you know maybe maybe it's true

that he welded a building.

Baby.

But.

The reason why I love that is that

the reason why I love that

is that

the reason why I love that

is that

the reason why I love that

is that

the reason why I love that

is that

the reason why I love that

is that

is that

the reason why I love that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that

is that is that is that I love that clip is that I think more than most clips shows how good Conan is at improv. I mean, he took basically a thing of like, yeah, my stomach is upset and my butt was burning and turned it into like a movie.
that like it was like a three act structure and a fully developed character that's right and had to join the union exactly i mean just so many amazing i mean truly it was just a like a one-man show so that's yeah and how many welding terms he just randomly just pulls out of his ass yeah pun intended well done thank. I have to say, I haven't watched these since we recorded them.
Me either. So this is really fun.
Yeah. We should do this more often.
I agree. Just watch ourselves.
Yeah. You want to come over later and watch me? Watch you? Just me.
You edited yourself out of every video. There's just a big, goly video out there we knew we wanted to have like some reference to hot ones you know in this because that like you said such a big moment what we couldn't really fit into this episode was the dr arroyo special oh my god because it's just so long it's so long and it's consistent and it contains what i think might be the funniest line of the year on this podcast which is when he says dr arroyo i want you to come and take my pulse and then he started choking me and then dr arroyo jose arroyo hilarious writer says i thought you wanted me to take your pulse take your pulse take it away oh god that guy yeah it's so funny Well, as brilliant as Conan is at improv, he's not a great arm wrestler.
He's weak. He's a weak little man.
This also, I think, out of maybe all the segments we've done this year, is the most chaotic. I'm trying to remember.
All I can remember from this is utter victory. That's the only thing I remember, So I'm excited to see this.
Then you're in for a treat. Did you really think he would ever beat you? I knew you were going to win.
Did you really? Yeah. I don't know.
I don't know because he is, I don't know about his physicality, but he has a willpower like no human I've ever met before. So sometimes that's all you need, you know? But I also he's he is a very strong person to me.
He works out

But I also know that he would put too much thought into it

He'd be like in his own head and I'm just all animal

You're just a dumb jock

Home to my cheerleaders

Classic Matt classic all right, let's roll this I want to see this maybe we'll watch it twice and this is what we were just talking about i made a declaration that i'm pretty sure i could take anybody in this room in a physical fight except i said blay i don't think i could take you because you work out all the time. Thank you very much.
You could. I don't think I could.
And then everyone started to get into it like, no, you couldn't take Eduardo. You said more than that.
Yeah. You said I'd fight you without my hands.
Yes, well, I know that you're a huge. And I still think he'd win.
Yeah. No, I think you're a huge soccer fan.
You love Lionel Messi. It's Lionel, by the way.

And I just think you're probably like

in the back of your mind,

think I can't use my hands.

I've got to get him with my feet.

And then I just lay you out, you know?

And then Adam, I'm sorry,

but I just, it would be over very quickly.

I disagree.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think Adam's the quiet prize fighter, you know?

Have you been in many physical fights? Very few. Very few.
Very few, sir. Sona, I think, rightfully said that she couldn't see me getting, like, working up enough rage for the fight.
Yeah, I think, first of all, you remind me, and the listener is probably thinking, well, we can't picture this Adam Sachs. Imagine a milder Michael Cera.
Is that fair? Like even milder and not as strong. I don't know.
Like Michael Cera is like on steroids compared to- No, no, but is Adam tall and live? I think, do you want to arm wrestle across the table? Oh, yes. Come on.
Come on. No, I can't.
This rotator cuff. Oh, really? I'd like to see this.
My money's on this guy. Well, wait a minute.
Whoever wins an arm wrestling struggle does not win the fight. No, it is a one indicator of strength.
It doesn't mean I would beat you in a fight, but it means I'd beat you in a single feet of strength. Well, this thing's in the way.
No. But listen, let's keep the conversation going for a bit first.
And then we'll see if this so-called test of fighting aptitude gets us there. So every time you're in a stressful situation, or let's say you're walking down the street with your wife and some thug stands in the way and says, give me your money.
You're going to say, we'll arm wrestle and see who gets my gold. Is that what you'll say? It's, I mean, it came to mind.
We can figure out other ways to test. How about I fight you? I fight you.
But you're blindfolded. I mean, I can't do that, you know, mic'd up.
It's easier to sit at the table. And what about now, Matt, what do you, when you see me, when you see you coming after me, I know you're ageist and stuff, but come on.
I mean, look at this guy. No, you look great.
You're super fit. Free range.
And I want to say this. The only thing I've got going in my corner is a desperate need to prove something to you, my father figure.
Yes. And so that might be enough to take me over the top.
Also, I'm betting, just because I know you've got a lot of flea markets and you love to buy weird things. I bet you have a Flemish suit of armor at home.
And probably some kind of antique brass knuckle. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. With that knife cane.
You have all kinds of weapons. Ironically, I bet you have those.
What's an ironic? Oh, you know, like a bumbershoot that has a little. That's what I just said.
A little knife that comes out. That's what I literally just said.
I know. But it comes out.
But one that has like a James Bond. What I just said.
You didn't say one that has a little knife that comes out. I's what I literally just said.
I know, but it comes out, but one that has like a James Bond. That's what I just said.
You didn't say one that has a little knife that comes out, did you? I did. Did he say that? Yes.
Oh, I think I would lose this fight. I wouldn't even know I was in a fight.
I'm telling you, as my body grows stronger and it does every day, ladies, I think my mind is going. I didn't hear you say that, but then again, I was yelling at you and I wasn't really listening.
You need your mind. You know, you can't just be fleet of foot.
You need your mind in a fight, you know? Yeah. And coordination.
You have no coordination. You have no coordination.
Let's get to the bigger thing. And I think Sona could take you.
I can easily take you. And you know I can take you.
You know what? I do have the rage. I will say this.
An angry Sona beats everyone in this room. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. I think we're all agreed.
And I've seen you when your blood is up. Yeah.
And you are the Khaleesi. It's insane.
The dragons, the whole thing. But you don't have, yes, you are a strong person.
And I have a lot of inner rage. Oh, for sure.
You do, but you also, you don't have very much coordination. And I think you'd be doing a lot of bits.
I would do bits. You'd be putting the pen and be like, hey, mustache, a pen.
Yes, yes. yes i would do bits as i fought which i think is very impressive uh i managed to do bits when i fight people i don't think that is impressive and i think you get beaten beaten up unless it's a distracting tactic oh it wouldn't be distracting it's a lot of me using glasses if i have a pen i make it a mustache or i make it like like i'm a wal one with one tusk I'm a walrus with one tusk there's only one way to decide this and that is right now Fight Club why don't you guys go right now okay so what are you doing trying to swing at you already I feel like I don't know anything about arm wrestling technique but I can tell it's not right I know nothing about arm about arm wrestling.
All right. And I don't think it's a chest of strength.
All right, on your mark. And we hold these hands.
Ready? Wait, what are you guys doing? Hold the bottom of it. No, hey, try to say something.
Matt reached over and held my other hand. This is over the top rules.
If we don't have the little joysticks. Wait, what? But why did you hold my hand? This is what you do.
Hey, do you want to get one milkshake and two straws? Yes. Hey, how about we both, we both start on different ends of a strand of spaghetti and move our way out of the middle.
Have you people never arm wrestled with someone you loved dearly and wanted to get closer to? And can I say something else? Shona, give me your hand. He held my hand and he did a little bit of that.
It was a little bit of a rub. No, you do this.
Why are you doing it? You do this? No, that's on the side. That's not in the middle.
That's on the side. There's nowhere for your arm to go.
That's blocking then. What are we doing? A disagreement is broken out in chess club is what's happening.
This is the weirdest. I have never seen this technique.
My microphone is over here. What are you doing with this hand? I have never seen this technique before.
Wait. Okay, but.
Ah, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
wait a minute. Wait a minute, he's, wait a minute.
You're on this side of the table pushing that way. What the fuck did you do with that? Gourley won easily.
No, but you saw what he did. I'll let's do a rematch.
You're on this side of the table. There's no way.
Well, let's switch places then. Arm wrestling.
No, just stay there, but get here. This is chaos.
Here we go, ready? Yep. Wait, wait, no.
When, when? When, no. One to one.
One to one. One to one.
Easily. One to one.
Hold his other hand, Soda. Oh, come on, I'm not doing shit.
I'm not holding anybody. Go, go.
This is. He's using his arms.
Lift down his arm. Oh, wait.
You're okay? You okay? What happened? He said I'm wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with you? Can't you arm wrestle? Oh my God. Oh my God, look at that.
He broke my skin. Stacked him with a pen.
Here's the thing. Dirty.
You have a little poison dipped umbrella. Look, when I said I would win, what I'm telling you is I would win.
I would use anything in the room to win. Yeah, you know what? You would.
I think you would. I think you're the best cheater.
Yeah, that's true. I don't call it cheating.
Is it cheating when Jason Bourne uses, he uses something in the kitchen when the Russian attacks him and beats him? That's not cheating. He does use a pen, but he uses the pointy nib.

And you just took like the blunt, curvy ends.

Because I didn't.

Look at that.

Matt, I didn't want to hurt you.

Do you realize if I'd use the sharp?

I thought about that.

You did.

You could have killed me.

I would like my dream is that all of you attack me at once.

That's my dream, too. Okay.
That's so weird. I think we all have the same dream.
Oh, wow. Still feels good after all this time.
Part two. Yeah, exactly.
That really was. Yeah, Noah will.
I forgot how much he went after. He just totally dismissed.
I think we need to have a tournament. Like, have you guys ever seen Over the Top, the Stallone movie? And that's what I'm talking about when I reference those joysticks when you do professional arm wrestling.
And so when you're doing it at truck stops, like I often am, you have to grab each other's hands underneath. That's how you do it.
I defend this. And there are people online that will come to my defense on this.
I think the interesting thing was you just assumed Conan knew that. That's true.
Maybe that was my mistake. So that you like went to hold his hand and he just didn't understand what you were.
But it's not hand-holding. I think we were all like, why are you? It was confusing to everybody in the room.
Really? Yes. You guys got to get out, you know.
To truck stops? Yeah, truck stops and dive bars and honky-tonks. It's like a switch.
Exactly, yes. He turns his hat around and that's when he goes into arm-wrestling.
But we need to have a tournament. How does that work? So you just, everybody does, everybody arm wrestles everybody and then the winners proceed? I don't know.
Do we have to have one? It's either round robin where we all. Yeah, we have to.
It's either, there's three choices. Yes.
It's round robin where we all arm wrestle each other or we come up with heats into a bracket or we don't do it. I think the third option is probably the best.
Honestly, that was, there was so much testosterone in that segment. Which is rare for this room.
It is. That's what is so crazy is that you guys are not like, you'll kick anyone's ass.
You're not, nobody in this room is like that. No.
But we had an entire segment where we just talked about whether or not we could all beat up Conan. I would like to do maybe this summer, now that we're talking about this, maybe a podcast Olympics to find out which one of us is the best podcaster.
And it could be different events that aren't necessarily all, you know, who has the best pronunciation of different words perhaps. Who, you know? Oh, okay.
Maybe not. I didn't know what goes into being a good podcaster i stand only to lose my technique i've almost been doing this for 20 years and if i don't win this i'm gonna that's a huge embarrassment the stakes are high i'm just saying it could lend itself to a competition eduardo you're right sure i just sure thanks buddy what is good you forget your retainer today i'm a great podcaster i just love i retainer today? I'm a great podcaster.

I just love, I love your idea of like being a great podcaster is do you enunciate and

then do you have good mic technique?

That also felt like a Conan joke to you.

Oh, yeah.

With the hard Gs.

Oh.

I did not think of it.

I was not.

Yeah.

That's true.

I know of all the things.

I mean, obviously I would lose that one because also. No, because Conan does this all the time.
I'm constantly editing it out. I'm constantly editing out his.
Wow, you're going to lose. So you've been doing this for 20 years? Yeah.
Sona, where else can you go surfing and skiing the same day, huh? I don't know. Or check out a world-class art museum and then camp at a dark sky sanctuary that night, huh? Yeah.
Yeah, where else can you hike through Redwoods and then get a luxury spa treatment? Where? Well, you live there. California.
California, Sona. No matter where you go across the state, you'll find a way to play.
I'm a California resident. Sona, you are a lifelong California resident.
I'm a lifer. I love this place.
This is a beautiful state. Gorgeous.
So many different, wonderful ecosystems in one state. You can hang out by a Palm Springs pool.
you can go whale watching. You can go hiking in Yosemite.
And then talk about the great cities in California. You get all this amazing food, sushi, whatever you want.
They got it in California. Hey, if you can't find it in California, man, you got a problem.
Yeah. I shouldn't have done that.
I made that up on my own. Anyway, I love California.
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Speaking of enunciation. Oh, that's right.
And this was from a summer s'mores with Conzi and the Chill Chums where we played the camp game, Chubby Bunny, which like holding hands under the arm wrestling, you guys didn't know or Conan didn't know. I didn't know about Chubby Bunny.
You guys, you got to get to truck stops and summer camp. Well, here's the thing.
I remember you talking about how you learned about Chubby Bunny at summer camp. But then I feel like shortly after you were saying you never went to summer camp.
I learned about it when I taught at an improv summer camp at Biola Bible College. Wait, is this the same? Is this when you were also talking about when you kept getting homesick? That was a different improv camp that I taught in Goodwoods.
You were saying that you were homesick at camp, and then it turned out you were not a camper. You were homesick.
I was a fully grown adult. You said Biola? Wait, so you weren't even that far from where you lived? No, it was La Mirada, and I lived in Whittier the next town over.
No, I lived in Long Beach at the time.

Oh, that's better.

Also, this was improv camp that was not affiliated

with the Bible college.

It just rented the thing.

But there's,

on that campus,

there's a building

with a photorealistic

40-foot tall Jesus.

And every time

you're doing improv,

you look up at this Jesus

just staring down at you.

Is he at least laughing?

Well, he's got a mouth

full of marshmallows. All right, let's roll it.
When you guys were at camp, did you ever play Chubby Bunny? I don't know what that is. You don't? I don't know what that is.
Okay, we don't have to do this, but this was just an idea that came up when we were discussing this season.

What happens is everybody takes a marshmallow, you put it in your mouth, and you say the words chubby bunny. And then we take turns adding a marshmallow each time until someone can't say chubby bunny anymore and they're out.
All right. Okay.
Can we eat the marshmallow? You have to keep it in your mouth. All right.
This is the game Marlon Brando was playing when he secured the role for The Godfather. Can I keep drinking? Yeah.
Will it dissolve the mouth? Oh, no, you can't drink. No.
You can't drink. All right.
So, Sona's out. Chubby bunny.
So, you can't swallow it. You can't chew it.
You have to keep it in your mouth. Let me just hold on.
Let's all go. Let me stock up.

Never ever heard of this.

You've never heard of this?

No.

God, you grew up in a strange way.

I did.

Yeah.

You.

No, no, I have strange tales and stuff, but there was no Chubby Bunny in my background.

Who's played Chubby Bunny?

Every hand goes up.

Oh my God.

No, Eduardo's giving me the thumbs down.

Never heard of it.

Never played it? Never. Okay.
Okay. bunny Wait, does that count as you saying chubby bunny? That didn't sound like chubby bunny Chubby bunny She's out She's out First of all, you can't articulate things when you're You should go in a snake order Yeah, snake order You're like...
Just... Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh God. Oh my god.

Oh god, you alright for me?

I was gonna throw up!

You're out!

Okay, wrong!

This game brought to you by Dr. Heimlich.

I was gonna...

I was going to throw up.

I was actually going to throw up. These are the biggest marshmallows of all time

Girl stuff in your mouth squirly I'm just burning.

Sunday.

I'm burning. I'm just burning.
Oh, no. Wait.
oh god there's so much spit there girls

oh my god oh my god a giant mouth.

This is so stupid.

This is so dumb.

This is the dumbest thing I've ever been a part of.

This is the dumbest thing I've ever been a part of. I just love that you can't talk.

I apologize that the point I was talking to you is listening to you.

What is coming out?

It's so grotesque.

Oh God, it's so gross.

Are you doing the Gettysburg Address?

Yes, I am.

This means I'm... It's so gross.
It's an old man. Oh, God, it's so gross.

Are you doing the Gettysburg Address?

Yes, I am.

This means I win.

Okay, that's it.

Ah! Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Oh, God.

Oh, more napkins.

How'd you guys do more than one?

There's no winners in Chubby Bunny, only losers. I don't know why.
I have one question. Yeah.
I developed this fastidious way of talking. I was going, a chubby, a bunny.
And I wasn't even trying to. Thank you.
But in my effort to over enunciate, it came out as a chubby, a bunny. And I wasn't trying to do that.
It's just what happened. Could you tell it was the Gettysburg Address? Yeah, I could.
Oh, yeah, definitely. Well, there you go.
Also, if there's anything you're reciting, it's usually the Gettysburg Address. Oh, man.
Oh, my God. Chilchum's is so fun.
Yeah, because we get to drink. Yeah, although this year, not until much later.

I know.

And so I remember just, like, downing those drinks you gave us,

and I got pretty hammered pretty quickly.

That's nice.

Yeah, I made up for lost time.

Yeah, good, good.

We got to change that rule for next year.

We do, but I don't think Conan's going to want to.

Well, he doesn't have to know.

He's like, why do you guys have to get drunk? Because he's not, he doesn't, he can't hang with us. No, he can't.
That's why you and I will pregame. Yeah.
We're going to go to Pechanga Casino. We're going to pregame there? Why can't we just go somewhere else? Okay, that's fine.
That's fine, too. What was I going to say? Okay, so in order to promote the Chill Chumps, because we recorded it in Altadena, Ruthie and Sam are two of the awesome people in our marketing team, got in touch with the Altadena Chamber of Commerce.
And then I ended up joining the Altadena Chamber of Commerce. And then very recently I went to one of their events and I had a blast.
Wait, don't you have to have a business to be in the Chamber of Commerce?

You don't.

Not in Altadena, at least.

I just was like a normal person, and I just signed up to be in the Chamber of Commerce.

What do you do, and what kind of blast did you have?

It was something called the Sip and Shop.

Oh.

Yes, and you sipped, you shopped,

and then there was a live band,

and you could just dance

and have a really nice time in Altadena.

What did you sip? Wine. You paused.
I took shots. You guys Jager bombed.
We did a Jager bomb. Oh, man, I haven't done a Jager bomb in ages.
We should do old school drinks that we don't do anymore. Like Long Island iced teas.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Sex on the beach. Yeah.
Southern comfort. I can't drink SoCo.
I can't do it because I still remember that one time I had a house party and threw up. Zima.
Four Loco. Four Loco.
That was more recent, though. I still got some.
No, you don't. Do you really? No, I don't.
Oh, okay. All right.
All right. Well, speaking of commerce.
Oh, right. Very good.
That's right. This last clip is actually not from the show itself, but an ad.
And it's kind of become infamous. It's the Lux Bidet ad.
Oh, yeah. Which I have to admit, I have never fully seen.
I've heard about it. Yeah.
But when I edit, the ads are not in the episodes. They are what's called dynamically inserted later.
And Mars edits the ads. So I've never really heard or seen this full thing.
So I'm very excited. I wasn't even, I don't, if this is the one that I think is the first one, I wasn't even, yeah, I wasn't even here for that.
Wow. Okay.
And so David was sitting in for me. And this is, since then we've done, I think, a couple other Lux bidet ads.

But this was the first one.

And this one is apparently I don't know if I've ever listened to it all the way through either.

We weren't sure how Lux was going to react.

And listeners will understand why after they, I think, see the clip or hear the clip.

But they were so thrilled about it that they kept coming back and wanting more ads. Oh, they're crazy.
Turlet paper has no business trying to battle the mess of a large holiday meal. Bidets, on the other hand, shoot a precise...
What the fuck happened to me? I'm a good guy. I went to a good college I worked hard I wrote a thesis in college I wrote a thesis I've worked hard for years I've raised a family I've never gone to jail I've never committed a crime and here I am explaining how you gotta shoot shoot water up your ass.
Ridiculous. Insanity.
What did I do? What am I? Some kind of, I don't understand how this happened. Toilet paper has no business trying to battle the mess of a large holiday meal? Do you know what they're implying? They're implying that if I eat a large holiday meal, I just am going to, my bottom's going to explode? It's going to be too much for any toilet paper? No toilet paper can handle that.
No. You need a whole other device! I'm crying.
You need a bidet that shoots water! No more smearing, it says here on the copy, no more skid marks! What happened to this? A precise stream? A precise stream! Lux bidet, oh here we go, is the number one best-selling bidet brand.

And I thought I had sold out.

Can I just say, they say people will laugh when they first see it, and we sure did.

We haven't even seen it.

Three million satisfied customers across the U.S.

and over 150,000 five-star reviews on Amazon.

Who uses a bidet and then says, I've got to go give an Amazon review.

I've checked back there seven times. Clean as a whistle.
My. This is.
I'm going to keep going because people are laughing too hard. Lux bidet offers a range of patented bidet models.
Oh, really? Including the award winning Neo Plus series.. What does that do? Yeah, the bidet comes and finds you when it's time to poop.
I think you should go. Really? I think you should go.
That was a large burrito. Luxe Bidet's Neo Plus series is the next generation of bidet attachment with never-before-seen patented features.
That's right. Never before seen.
This series features a 360-degree self-clean mode. 360-degree self-clean mode.
Are people spitting around on their ass? easy lift lift design fast slide and insulation plus all the same features as their best selling bidets oh my god then it says please talk about what you why you love your luxe bidet i don't have one but this is my favorite ad ever this is a fantastic, and this is going to go out as it is or it won't go out. Get the gifts your friends and family will never forget this holiday season.
Hey, Grandma, wash your ass! Use code NA to get 20% off bidets at luxbidet.com. That's L-U-X-E-B-I-D-E-T.com and code N slash A for 20% off.
They made me spell bidet! Oh my God. Oh my God.
Now, one of my favorite things about that ad that many people probably don't know is there's a person sitting in the back of that room. And Eduardo, do you want to explain who that person is? Shout out to Brendan Burns, who we had invited that day to come and sit in.
Unbeknownst to me, I didn't know what Conan was going to be reading that day. And Brendan, you might hear him in the credits he mixes for the show.
But this was his first day to just kind of get a lay of the studio. I met him right before the ad session.
He had never sat in on a session with us before. And then this happens.
And it's really funny to watch the video and see Brendan kind of looking around like, should I, is this how things are? He made a huge mistake. Really, really, really funny really really does kind of make you want to buy a bidet though I yeah yeah I think so I think oh man I love that you can like Conan usually gets a stack of ads starts reading and sort of like is understanding in real time what the ad is and you can see him that's like discovering the what what he's reading an ad for as he's getting further and further into the copy.
Yeah. And I do going back to what you said about his improv when he does ads.
It is so because he is reading everything and saying everything as he's recording. And then the stuff he comes up with is just unbelievable, like in the spot.
So it is it is really I mean, like I didn't think I would enjoy doing ads for this podcast with him as much as I do, but I really love doing ads with him. It's really funny.
Oh God, that's so funny. You should get a Lux bidet.
Me? They should send us like 20. You know what? Because of this ad, I got one and it is awesome.
How'd you get one? I bought one. Oh, they didn't give you one? I used the code.
Because now we're giving them double exposure. We're not even dynamic inserting this shit.
No, this is all time. This is just in there.
Send us our bidets. I haven't gotten a paycheck from this place since 2003.
So I just work here. None of us have.
No, we don't get paid. Well, Conan's a horrible boss, but he's a wonderful man.
Yes. And we're thinking about you.
Yes, we are. We are thinking of, I don't think he's going to be listening.
No, but I'm just sending that out. I know he doesn't listen.
Yeah, but you're right. But this hardly seems like the episode to trash talk him.
It's true, but we have been. Yeah, we have.
I will say it is really obvious that he's not here. He is our leader.

He always turns everything that we say into the funniest thing you could possibly hear.

And I think that he's definitely missed.

I do like just the two of us being here.

I'm not going to lie.

Do you want to just go a little longer?

I know.

Why not?

How you been?

I'm pretty good.

How you been?

Not bad.

Not bad. You got a bidet? I actually do.
You do? On that seat right now? I installed it onto this seat and I am sitting in Conan's seat. So he's going to come back with a nice surprise.
Well, we'll be back next week with our favorite clips from all the interview guests.

And we should mention, if you want to see these clips in their entirety, you can go to the Team Coco YouTube channel.

So what you've heard on almost all of these has just been a selected portion of a longer clip that you can watch on YouTube.

All right, that's it.

That's all she wrote.

Excuse me? That's all she did. That's all she did.
Who's she? She did it. Who did? She's Mrs.
Podcast. From Mr.
and Mrs. Podcast.
This is Team Coco saying, have a wonderful 2024 what's left of it. Peace out, Tupac.
That was so awkward. Mine.
That was so awkward. Whatever's left of it.
Yeah. Thanks.
Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming and thanks for staying.
Yes. Thanks for just being you.
Yes. Thank you.
Bye. We got to stop.
Just let's do it. Let's end.
Yeah. All right.
Thanks for listening, everybody. You don't want to add anything to this? Bye.

We love you.

Is that too much?

Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and

Matt Gourley. Produced by me,

Matt Gourley. Executive produced

by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and

Nick Leow. Theme song by

The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick.
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