Jessica Williams

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Speaker 4 Okay, hi, my name is Jessica Williams, and I feel pressured about being Conan's friend.

Speaker 4 They make you say it. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 They make you say it. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
This is a hostage situation. And I can't leave until I say it.
It should feel like pressure because no one naturally becomes my friend.

Speaker 1 Fall is here, hear the yell. Back to school, ring the bell.
Brand new shoes, walk in blues, climb the fence, books and pens.

Speaker 1 I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Speaker 1 Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Speaker 1 Hey there, and welcome to another edition of Conan O'Brien. Needs a friend.
Let me explain what's going on. Of course, joined as always by Matt Gorley, son of Obsession.

Speaker 1 I've had a lot of dental work this morning. I went in, my dentist, she does a wonderful job.
She's really terrific.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 she had to work on the front of my face, and she had to work on the back on a molar. And I like the way I said molar.
And

Speaker 1 she shot me up with so much Novocaine that my face is all floppy. What are you also kind of drunk? You seem drunk.
You didn't even say hi. You just came in and was like, let's go.
Press record.

Speaker 1 I am not

Speaker 1 drunk.

Speaker 1 What a terrible thing to say.

Speaker 1 It is 1.40 in the afternoon. No, I am not.
I just wonder. Are you drunk off the Novocaine? Like, is it affecting you?

Speaker 1 I don't think Novocaine. I'd like to have a psychopharm here who tells us what the effects are.
But no, I don't think I'm...

Speaker 1 I think I've been sitting in a chair at a dentist's office for three hours while they played some Spotify playlist, which I didn't enjoy. Yeah.

Speaker 4 What was it?

Speaker 1 You don't want to say I don't want to. Can you say the genre?

Speaker 1 It was

Speaker 1 just a lot of wailing.

Speaker 1 Maybe that was Patience from the Other Reality. No, it wasn't.

Speaker 1 I like the patience more. It was Halloween sound effects.

Speaker 1 No, it was, it was, it wasn't, it wasn't doing any good. Any hoots.

Speaker 3 And there was no opening like after we were, we record this podcast?

Speaker 1 Uh, no, they could. Okay.
I thought it was going to be this morning, and it got pushed a little later. And I actually went in much earlier than I was supposed to.

Speaker 1 I was like, you know, I got to record today.

Speaker 1 And I care about my fans, the people out there. Also, there was part of me in the back of my head that thought, I really want to get on mic while my mouth was so mushy.
Because I thought

Speaker 1 it's kind of funny. I mean, literally, if I had a drink right now, it would all come out my mouth.

Speaker 3 Can you do it? No.

Speaker 1 Take a drink.

Speaker 1 Please. I don't want to dribble all over myself.

Speaker 1 Go do it. Make a fool of yourself.
Yeah, I have other ways to do that.

Speaker 1 I don't need a prop drink to make a fool of myself. I can just talk and share my opinions and thoughts that occur to me.
Thoughts.

Speaker 1 Thoughts.

Speaker 1 Suffering. Fuck a tash.
No, but you know, here's the thing.

Speaker 1 She gave me an injection up here by my, what's this, the incisor? What's this one? The fan. The canine? The the canine

Speaker 1 what'd you say to me i said i don't know fucking teeth i know what a molar is but once we get past the molars what are you softening in you're the mother of two little boys and you just went i don't know fucking teeth

Speaker 1 and you grab your crotch like take it easy there

Speaker 1 so what happens is when they get this nerve up front it deadens your nose it's going up to my eye i think she gave me way too much and i think it's because i mentioned to her,

Speaker 1 well, first of all, I'm a redhead. And the old saying is that we're harder to anesthetize.
So I think she gave me a lot extra. And she actually did inject my eye at one point.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Just for fun, to see what it would do.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I don't feel this side of my face.

Speaker 1 And I raced in here. I swear to God, I was bombing down Shun Shet Boulevard to get here fast before the...
Sunshet Boulevard. Well, I put a little English on the ball.
Okay. But

Speaker 1 I bombed down here so that I could get here before it wore off because I just want the content.

Speaker 1 And I swear to God, I think my face looks a little shaggy on this shot. It does.

Speaker 3 It does. I looked at you and I was like, something's off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Sean's way. Does he look at me straight on? Oh, yeah, a little bit.
And you sound a little bit like Holly Hunter. You've got those extra-ish and like a Connery-Holly Hunter mix.

Speaker 1 Sean Connery and Holly Hunter had a baby. And little James Stewart.

Speaker 1 And then I'm putting some James.

Speaker 1 Do you know me? Do you know me, Mr. Gower? It's me.
It's George Bailey.

Speaker 3 Knock, knock. Who's there? Dishes.

Speaker 1 Dishes who?

Speaker 3 Dishes, Sean Connery.

Speaker 1 Yeah!

Speaker 1 Knock, knock.

Speaker 1 Who's there? Dwayne. Dwayne, who? Dwayne the tub.
I'm drowning. Oh, no.
This is the best ever. Knock, knock.

Speaker 1 Go fuck yourself. There it is.
I'm busy trying to jerk off in here.

Speaker 1 You didn't see that one coming, did you, kids?

Speaker 1 How's it guy supposed to jerk, huh? Are you aware that Dwayne is still in there with you? Oh, no!

Speaker 1 There's a dead guy in a tub while I'm jerking it.

Speaker 1 This mini play brought to you by Masterpiece Theater

Speaker 1 as narrated by old Mushmouth Joshua.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Man, I really don't want this to go away.
I'm enjoying it. I'm the only

Speaker 1 what's wrong with me that I raced out of the doctor's office. I know.
There's a parking garage. I drove through the little arm.
I didn't even pay.

Speaker 1 Shattered it and drove 90 miles an hour down Sunset Boulevard. I was like, get out of the way.
Well, my face is so mushy. I got to record.
You cut through Central Park and we're not even in New York.

Speaker 1 We're not even in New York. Bodies everywhere.

Speaker 1 You know, good times. Good times.
And may this never wear off. Well, let's get into it.
We've got to do. Tell us about our guest today.
Let me put on my glasses.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 3 Shoot me face and sunglasses.

Speaker 1 I got other regular glasses on, but they're not as funny as these. My guest today

Speaker 1 was a correspondent on the Daily Show and now stars in the Apple TV Plus series, Shrinking. I'm thrilled she's here today.
Of course, when I talked to her, my face wasn't shut up with Nova Cain.

Speaker 1 Jessica Williams, welcome.

Speaker 1 I want to do a little backstory, which is I

Speaker 1 have, like like a lot of people, been a fan of yours for a long time. And then there was an event that we did together and we got to be together on stage.
And it was a Broadway production of Gypsy.

Speaker 1 You too? And Gypsy? Yeah, we did it. I mean, it was so great.

Speaker 1 I went for it.

Speaker 4 For 15,000 people.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, but we did this event together and I had so much fun with you riffing, just we could finish each other's sentences.
It was really fun.

Speaker 1 I walked off stage and I called my booker Paula Davis and I said, why hasn't she been on the podcast? So he screamed at her. I screamed at her and then I realized later on that I was off my meds.

Speaker 4 And we had a terrible time actually.

Speaker 1 And then they told me later on, all you did was scream at Jessica the whole time. Awful.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 And then he made us go out and play the slots.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was like, quarter me, quarter me.
Quarter. Quarter.
Where have you been? I never heard that phrase before.

Speaker 1 It's not a phrase.

Speaker 1 Um, it's got to be more than a quarter now, right?

Speaker 4 Of course, it is.

Speaker 1 I need a cap, right? I don't gamble. I've never, I don't know.

Speaker 3 And then, is someone standing next to you with your quarters and handing you the quarters?

Speaker 1 Well, it used to be you, and then it was David Hopping.

Speaker 1 Um, and I'd say, quarter me, and you'd give me like 15 quarters because that's what it costs now.

Speaker 1 Um, but we were just talking. I mean, here's the thing: I walked in the door, you got here just before me, and we start talking.

Speaker 1 There's no artifice. It's so, it's

Speaker 1 so easy to talk to you that we started getting into stuff right away that was really good.

Speaker 1 The next thing I know, we were talking about how we'd love to take a like an Orient Express train ride, all of us. Yeah.
But that there'd have to be a murder.

Speaker 1 And then I remembered Sona was on a cruise where there was a murder. And you want to hear about that.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that's my question. So, because sometimes I hear when there's a murder on a cruise, they have to put them in the freezer or refrigerator somewhere.
Yeah. Do you, what do you know?

Speaker 4 Tell me everything.

Speaker 1 I know I care about that stuff. And all the witnesses have to go in the the refrigerator too.
We've had an investment that she was the murderer. Oh, it was you.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 We were at dinner and then you could.

Speaker 1 Who's we? Who's we?

Speaker 3 Me and my husband, Tak, and then two of our friends who went on the cruises. This was in Alaska.
And then a voice comes on the intercom. The entire cruise can hear it.

Speaker 3 And you go, all metal clone security personnel to the ninth floor. And you could hear the panic in their voice.
And then we were like, oh, what's happening? But we didn't stop eating our dinner.

Speaker 3 Like, we thought we were like, it could be an act of shooting.

Speaker 1 I don't know if they did it on on Titanic.

Speaker 3 We're like, oh, that sounds bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, we've got two hours before we go under, so we'll have more of the veal.

Speaker 3 And then we heard it again, and you could see all the employees start to get worried. And then the next day we were docked and we were supposed to be still cruising.

Speaker 3 And the captain came on and he said, yesterday there was a domestic disturbance and a woman from Utah has died. And then we were all searching and there were all these news stories.

Speaker 3 Her husband killed her.

Speaker 1 It's always the husband.

Speaker 3 And the security came in while he was dragging her body to the balcony to throw it overboard.

Speaker 1 Security came in because I guess they heard the noise, you told me. And can you imagine? They like pushed open the door.
The door was open.

Speaker 1 They go in, and the guy has her body halfway out the porthole window. And he's like, uh, I can explain.
I was pulling her in.

Speaker 1 She died.

Speaker 1 Then a a bird pulled her out, and I'm trying to pull her back in.

Speaker 1 Now it looks like

Speaker 1 insane.

Speaker 4 So he was caught.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. He was actually caught in a murder.
I feel like that never.

Speaker 4 I watch a lot of true crime and dateline. And it just never happens that they're caught right in the middle of it.

Speaker 1 No, it's so sad.

Speaker 3 And then, well, it got even sad. Like, he, the FBI came on board.
They were interviewing people. And then we followed the story.
He got convicted. And then he lost his appeal.

Speaker 3 And then he killed himself in his jail cell.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.
Wow. Oh my God.
Sorry. That's

Speaker 1 down here. It happened.
That's all the time we have, Jessica. See you later.
Thank you. I think my time.
Thank you. You were pressured.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Let me just stop it. Exactly the way I imagined it.

Speaker 1 We're going to get into more murder, but first. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to say

Speaker 1 you were the youngest.

Speaker 1 I think still to this day, the youngest Daily Show correspondent ever. You were seven years old.

Speaker 1 I thought it was too soon. I was like,

Speaker 1 maybe. I never understood.
Your take on the news was terrible. Yeah, I know.
I know. It's always like, I'm tired.

Speaker 4 That's what my poopy dipey.

Speaker 1 Poopy dipey. Poopy dipey.
You know, because we talk about like complex issues in the news that needed real.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I thought that was.
That was a little early for you.

Speaker 4 But that's the thing about Jon Stewart is he really pushes satire, and that's what he's known for.

Speaker 4 So when he saw first, nobody knows how I got it. Like, I remember I was auditioning.
We're on Larchmont right now. Allison Jones casting office used to be here.

Speaker 4 I don't know if she's still here, but I was auditioning for something else. And there was a Will Farrell movie, and they were looking for six-year-olds.

Speaker 1 And I was auditioning.

Speaker 4 And then Allison Jones was like, You might not be right for this, but they're casting the daily show. Do you want to come back and put something on tape?

Speaker 4 And I was going to Cal City Long Beach at the time.

Speaker 1 That's Ron Went. You did? And did you do Comedy?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I did Connie Sports since high school.

Speaker 4 What?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Did you grow up here? Uh-huh.
Whittier? Cool. Whittier? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Dude, everybody I know from Whittier is always like, I'm from Whittier.

Speaker 1 Trust me. A day doesn't go by.

Speaker 1 I mean, I've been behind him.

Speaker 1 I've seen him at a traffic stop, true story, get out of his car and start shouting at the driver, stopped behind him, waiting for the light to change. I'm from Whittier.

Speaker 1 I'm not from that part of Whittier. I'm from Whittier.
I'm from Titania. I'm from Whittier.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't hear me?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I'm from Torrance.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. And she's from Hacienda Heights.
Oh, cool.

Speaker 4 Yeah, awesome. Hell yeah, locals.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I was born in Casas.

Speaker 1 No, stop Casas delivering it. Del Blanco.

Speaker 1 What? Casa del Blanco? Yeah, it's 40 minutes outside of Casitas Las Muchachas.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you,

Speaker 1 we had a great air hockey team.

Speaker 1 Do you guys have air hockey in here?

Speaker 4 This office is really cool.

Speaker 1 Spring for it.

Speaker 1 You know what I do remember? I remember when I was hosting the late night show, and we were always under so much pressure early on, like, we're going to get canceled. This isn't going to work.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Is this?

Speaker 1 And I think it was maybe the second or third Christmas when the nickel finally dropped that we were doing okay. There was really good press.
The network seemed happy. And Christmas hit.

Speaker 1 And I was, you know, when you take off a backpack after a long hike, you feel like you can fly, like you're floating. That's how I felt.

Speaker 1 And so we, I just started running around buying presents for everybody. And I remember I was buying presents for all these people at the show and so full of joy.

Speaker 1 And we were doing our last show before the Christmas break. And we never used to get breaks.
And then I went insane.

Speaker 1 I ran downstairs and ran through the streets to a store, like a Brookstone, and bought a giant air hockey table that was bigger than I was. And I was carrying it down the street.

Speaker 1 And people are like, I think Colonel Bryan's, he's got a giant box and he's laughing like a maniac. And I took it upstairs and I went, hey, everybody, I got us air hockey.

Speaker 1 So it's so funny you would bring that up.

Speaker 1 But you actually did.

Speaker 4 no but didn't you bring it up maybe i don't know i felt it that was what happened in vegas around the slots it was like but i love that feeling i really like giving gifts i really do especially like i like when you just like nail it like i love when you nail it and that's like exactly the person you thought about it ahead of time that's like the best feeling like this year i'm all about like a little pizza oven so now i'm thinking about like i think this will come out after we wrap it i think for my like glam team i'm going to get them like little pizza ovens for their house

Speaker 4 there's like the Ghazni and there's the uni now have you thought of the solo stove pizza.

Speaker 1 Yeah, those are cool

Speaker 1 Do they still advertise with us? It's been a while the solo stove

Speaker 1 the solo stove

Speaker 4 you got it because they advertise

Speaker 1 why you love the solo stove I first of all I I do legitimately I never ever I will never shill a product that I don't honestly believe

Speaker 1 that I don't believe in and I think those missiles are doing their job

Speaker 1 Our best advertiser is the Rand Corporation. And they make a missile.

Speaker 1 I mean, it kills everything.

Speaker 1 But no, the solo stove is, I do like it. And they do make a pizza oven that we have back here.
But I'm saying this.

Speaker 1 Hey, solo stove, if you wandered away from Conan O'Brien, you made a terrible mistake. But I think a pizza oven is a great idea.
It's nice.

Speaker 4 It's nice. It's like they have like their houses that they're doing.
And I just built a pizza oven at my house and I just use use one of those DIY pizza oven kits.

Speaker 4 And I'll tell you, we used it for the first time a few weeks ago. The joy of like putting a pizza in there, and you're just like, What?

Speaker 3 It rises in 90 seconds!

Speaker 4 Like, it's like you're laughing. Like, we were like, it felt like we were going to live forever.

Speaker 1 We were doing that. It was so great.

Speaker 3 I was like, This is amazing!

Speaker 1 Like, wow, we knew that heat and dough, yeah, you know, ancient, yeah, cut to ancient Greeks,

Speaker 1 Stone Age, pre-Bronze Age man.

Speaker 1 But it is funny how removed we get. Yes.
In our world, we have apps, we have all this stuff. And when someone really introduces us to this is what a fresh orange tastes like, we lose our minds.
What?

Speaker 1 This old time? Yeah. Like how to orange starbursts.
Someone explains to me kind of roughly how the planets move. I'm like, what?

Speaker 1 We've got to get the word out. It's crazy.
It's crazy. The moon moves with us.

Speaker 1 Insane.

Speaker 4 I saw like a, you ever just catch a SpaceX launch and you're like, what the? You know, and they're like blasting like eight satellites in the air that you have no idea like what that is and why.

Speaker 4 That's insane. This guy's just blasting satellites out into the like unregulated, like just non-stop.

Speaker 1 He is a bond villain. He is a bond villain.
A bond villain. It also feels like metaphorical the way he's like, forgive me, spreads his seed on Earth.
It's like he's doing it in space.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like splooshing. Splutions, yes.
It's tough, man. He's colonizing massive erect rockets.
They look so phallic more than just a normal rocket.

Speaker 1 And it causes them. It's like cock one, cock two, cock three.

Speaker 1 We've had a failure of cock four, which, by the way, I've been there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's tough. I want to ask you because

Speaker 4 Cock 4 was tough.

Speaker 1 I mean, at least you have four cocks. It was tough to see Cock 4 go down.

Speaker 4 It was really a dark day for space travel, dude.

Speaker 1 It's funny because I'm always curious when I'm talking to someone who I find effortlessly funny and real. Okay,

Speaker 1 please tell me where does this come from? What is your origin story, your Marvel origin story? Who's showing you stuff when you're a kid? And what are you watching and what are you seeing? Yeah.

Speaker 4 My grandma was really into comedy. So she would watch you.
She'd watch Conan. She lived in the valley.
So she would let me stay up and watch stuff with her. She liked like early adult swim.

Speaker 4 She liked South Park.

Speaker 1 This is

Speaker 1 cool. How, I mean, this is a very cool thing.

Speaker 1 My grandmother, had she lived to be 120, would not have shown me Space Ghost. Yeah, yeah.
We watched a lot of Space Ghost. That's very cool.
I know.

Speaker 4 Isn't that weird? And I could say I watched Saturday Night Live, Mad TV, and she was kind of immobile because she was like diabetic and had a lot of health problems.

Speaker 4 She was like a Vegas lady, like she lived really hard, like cult 45 every night, like smoked for a long time. Like she was like very cracked, like ah, like in a fun way.

Speaker 4 So it explained there was like a bodiness to her that I really like loved. So she, I think she really got in there.

Speaker 4 And then the year I tried out for comedy sports, my high school improv team, I think she passed away. So that was when I started my improv career.

Speaker 4 But aside from just loving comedy and always feeling like it was a valid medium, I'm just, I do think everything's kind of inherently interesting.

Speaker 4 And I think that I'm very curious about the way the world is. And I feel like I know a little bit about a lot of things.
And it's interesting.

Speaker 4 And I also like when I'm talking to people, finding out what they're interested in. It's like interesting to me when someone lights up about shoe shining or something.

Speaker 4 And so that's just kind of how I live my life.

Speaker 1 Well, that's what I got right away is genuine,

Speaker 1 you have that light of I want to know, I want to play. And combined with humility of, I don't know everything.
There's a lot of stuff I don't know.

Speaker 1 And whenever someone comes into a room telling me how much they know, I know that they're not a smart person. Yeah.
No.

Speaker 4 Wisdom is you don't know anything.

Speaker 1 Yeah, wisdom is the more you learn, the less you know.

Speaker 4 That's right. And every few years, I find, I'm 35, every few years I find I look back and think, oh, I didn't know as much as I thought I did even three years ago.

Speaker 4 But there's something very comforting in like not being done.

Speaker 4 You know, there's something really on shrinking, the show that I'm on, there is something really cool about watching Harrison Ford's arcs because there's, this is a guy who's still in progress.

Speaker 4 And there's something to like, you know, even somebody who's in his 80s is like still learning lessons. And there's something really comforting about that.
So I really care about that.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 I look at Harrison Ford that way. I look at Martin Short that way, who I just saw in New York.
I look at Steve Martin that way. I love looking at people who are from,

Speaker 1 you know, the generation ahead of me who they're killing it. They're trying things.

Speaker 1 They're up on everything.

Speaker 1 They're not calcifying. and I think uh that's the one thing I never wanted to do: be the person who's like, I don't know what this new comedy is.
That's tough. I don't, you know, what is this Tim Rob

Speaker 1 making his face? You know, I just think I'm always trying to, and it, you know,

Speaker 1 let's, I want to access, I get excited when I see new people being really funny, funny in ways that it never occurred to me. It makes me enthusiastic.
That's another thing.

Speaker 4 I don't, I think we were talking about this too. I don't like pretension in comedy.
Like if there's like when I was coming up in comedy with all of the like companies that I did and whatever,

Speaker 4 now in retrospect, there were like these guys that were just dicks about comedy like teaching me that I think about all these classes that I took where it was just like someone who really understands improv and sketch teaching class, but being so mean.

Speaker 1 There's nothing worse than the young improv man. Oh my God.
Like so mean for no reason.

Speaker 4 And then when I got the daily show and I got to work with John, it was like a revelation of like,

Speaker 4 oh, you don't have to be a mean boss. Like you don't, you know, there's guys.

Speaker 1 I disagree here.

Speaker 1 I think cruelty has its place.

Speaker 1 Right, Eduardo?

Speaker 1 Sure. He let you go a while ago, Eduardo.
Eduardo's weeping. I don't know if you can say this.

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Speaker 1 The fact that you can just order concert tickets through her, that's crazy. Yeah, exactly.
You didn't know that? Even I knew that. Wow.
Yeah. And I fought in World War I.
And I know that.

Speaker 1 Ready whenever. And yeah, and you were born in the second Obama administration.
This is incredible. Ready whenever inspiration strikes, amazon.com slash new alexa.

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Speaker 1 It's the shirt you wear when you pick out the tree or you eat a candy cane. It's the shirt when you come down and you look at all those presents under the tree.

Speaker 1 You've got that shirt on from LL Bean, that flannel. All those holiday traditions, I'm going to get on a toboggan and roll down this hill.
Yeah. I've got to wear that shirt.

Speaker 1 I've got to wear that LLB flannel. Oh, look at Santa Claus.
Hello, Santa. I hope I'm wearing that LLB flannel.
It's all things cozy. Ah, it's effortless.
It's made to last. LLB.

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Speaker 1 I also find there's something about,

Speaker 1 and it would be true for John and the Daily Show, I think it was true for me, when there's a volume of work that needs to be done. Like we've got to make these shows all the time.

Speaker 1 You find that when someone else has a good idea, when someone else can get the laughs, it doesn't cost me.

Speaker 1 The boat, it's a rising sea that lifts all boats. Like I'm good.
I don't care who gets, and I think that is,

Speaker 1 I think sometimes, I mean, I haven't, I imagine that sometimes when there's very little space, like sometimes I saw bad behavior at Saturday Night Live because it's one, there's 20 shows a year, which when you think about it, if you take away the music, it's not a lot of real

Speaker 1 a lot of people fighting to get their sketch on. And if you've been working all week and you come in to see the board on Wednesday night to see if you got in or not, and your sketch

Speaker 1 is in the dead man's, the little index card has been moved to the bottom of the board, it's devastating. And so people,

Speaker 1 you know, there can be some sharp elbows because there's less space, I think. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And the turnover there is really crazy. You know, it's not just like, oh, you had a bad few weeks.
It's like, oh, no, no, it matters my livelihood.

Speaker 4 You know, it's like, this is like our careers, you know, this is like something that, you know, we want to have sustainable jobs from this business. That would be really, really great.

Speaker 4 And I found that when I, I was at Uprise Citizens Brigade when I got the daily show. And it was sort of that thing where the next move was either Saturday Night Live or the Daily Show.

Speaker 4 And, you know, both are great. I have friends who have done Saturday Night Live and been really happy with it.

Speaker 4 But for me,

Speaker 4 the Daily Show was a great fit because I'm really gentle and like very sensitive. And I needed like someone to be really nice to me.
That's the only, I do way better.

Speaker 1 You made the right call.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you know, you never know, but, but I, I, I do really better, I do a lot better and people are nicer to me. I don't, I don't thrive when someone's like withholding.

Speaker 1 I also think my guess would be a gig on the daily show as a correspondent means you will get on air. Yeah.
It's guaranteed. I think that's a very smart move.

Speaker 1 Obviously, clearly, I can say it now because I'm

Speaker 1 armchair quarterbacking, but that is, I would like to think that's what I would have advised you to do because

Speaker 1 SNL, there are cast members who are there for a year and a half, but you didn't really see them much.

Speaker 1 They didn't get the time. They didn't, and there are people that have, that didn't work on SNL and then went on.
And I know one of your heroes is Julia Louis Dreyfus.

Speaker 1 I mean, she technically didn't work out for her at SNL, and she's become one of the iconic comedians of all time.

Speaker 1 Veep, for my money, is

Speaker 1 one of

Speaker 1 that, her performance in Veep is one of the most flawless performances

Speaker 1 and the writing on that show, and it's so

Speaker 1 precise. It's filthy.
It's so mean.

Speaker 4 It's so filthy.

Speaker 4 I think about that performance all the time. The amount of like

Speaker 4 of nuance that she has for every single moment. She's always listening.
That's like the kind of actor I want to be. And it's, I'm always like, like, even I did like high school plays and stuff.

Speaker 4 And we, I had really great drama teachers. I'm like the product of a really good LAUSD drama program that was underfunded, but I had great performing arts teachers.

Speaker 3 And they would be like, if you think we can't see you back there, because you're not in the front of the stage, we're going to throw our sandals at you.

Speaker 3 Because you think we can't see you, you better freaking smile.

Speaker 1 I don't care. You know, and this is the famous sandal technique.

Speaker 4 This is the LAUSD like sandal technique, but it still sticks with me to this day. And Julia is totally doing that.
She's always listening.

Speaker 1 I didn't catch that last part, but

Speaker 1 she

Speaker 1 and the other thing that's very cool about her is that she doesn't, she's one of those people that doesn't know she's Julia Louis Dreyfus.

Speaker 1 Like if I, any time spent telling her how amazing she is at her work, she'd be like, what are we talking about here?

Speaker 1 You know, what do you think of this avocado? Oh, that's Harrison. That's Harrison.
Yeah, exactly. It's the same as Harrison Ford.
100%.

Speaker 4 There's like people that have been famous for so long that it's like.

Speaker 1 Were you intimidated by Harrison Ford? Because when you first see him, it can be. Starring.
It can be.

Speaker 1 Well, you had that experience here on the podcast where he walked in and he sat right in that seat. Yeah.
And most like amazing actor of my life took out to me. Yeah.

Speaker 4 No, he's the guy. Yeah.
Anytime I think, there's like, you think of the guy, you've got Tom Cruise. kind of the guy like the movie star.

Speaker 1 A weird guy. Tom Cruise, weird guy.
Yeah, Harrison's weird too. Tom, Tom, you know.
I'll say this too. I'm going to say something.

Speaker 1 I've worked closely with Tom Cruise a bunch of times and spent time with him when we were shooting something. So have I, just so we're clear.
Yeah, me too.

Speaker 1 That's a different note. I was like, wait, I won't believe you.
I'm new. That was Tomas Cruz.
Oh, yeah. Oh, I went on the cruise to Tomas Cruise.
Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 to St. Tom's.
I see. No, Tom Cruise is incredibly professional and also really nice to everyone Spanish.
I've only heard that.

Speaker 1 I don't doubt that. No, he is.

Speaker 1 I'm going to stick up for Tom Cruise here.

Speaker 1 He

Speaker 1 was just great. I was really impressed.
And every time I've done something with him, I've seen the same guy over and over and over again.

Speaker 1 But Harrison, there's something about,

Speaker 1 I remember so clearly you weren't born yet, but when Star Wars came out, it was a cultural earthquake. I had never seen a, there was so much explosion of fuss about this movie.

Speaker 1 And my brothers and I went and we saw it. I had never seen anything look like that before.
I was on the, you say, edge of your seat, total edge of my seat, floored.

Speaker 1 And then it kind of changed a lot of things. It was such a, and Harrison Ford is the one that

Speaker 1 I think he popped in this way that maybe even Lucas didn't expect. But like that first scene, I think in the bar, he pops.

Speaker 1 And when he's bragging about the Millennium Falcon, and he's a wise ass, he popped the way Clark Gable popped 30 years before, the way Jimmy Cagney popped.

Speaker 1 He just popped as, and that's the thing that's very cruel about movies. Movies say this is the person.
That's right. And it's Julia Roberts, it's her.

Speaker 1 And you can do everything you want. And the camera will just say, nope, it's that one.
You're okay, but it's that one. And that was, that's Harrison Ford.

Speaker 1 And it's been his, I mean, our whole lives, you know, this is actually really perfect.

Speaker 4 I've been thinking about this a lot because we watched Andor the last the last season of Andor.

Speaker 1 Perfect. Yes.
Oh, I love Andor. I love Andor.
I love it. I'm glad you saw it.
I binged with my son. We binged both seasons.
Hold on. You can jump in here.

Speaker 1 We did this. We binged both seasons with my wife, Diego Luna.

Speaker 1 I love,

Speaker 1 I'm very much passionately in love with Diego Luna. I love love that.
Oh, that's a good idea. No, no, and I'm going to take this even further.

Speaker 1 If there's, I'm having surgery to be able to have a child with Diego Luma.

Speaker 1 It's very complicated. Let me say this, very painful.

Speaker 1 Very painful.

Speaker 4 They don't put you under for that one.

Speaker 1 No. Have you checked with him? Is he even in on this? I'm going to do this first.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, smart. And it's been suggested, you're not the first one to say, hey, should you, and I'm like, no, no, no.
I want to go to him with everything ready to, you know, so that's my choice.

Speaker 1 This has been nine months of intense surgeries.

Speaker 4 Well, so we did, did you do this? We We did Rogue One right after. Yes.
And then we just started like all over again. We just kept going.
That's next.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? We did. We did.

Speaker 1 That's living.

Speaker 1 No, it feels good. No, it feels good.
One day you'll have the money to live this kind of life.

Speaker 1 You'll have the Disney Plus account.

Speaker 1 That was your mistake.

Speaker 1 You did the same thing. I mean, I watched.
both seasons and I think it is, you know, I think my shows this year are Severance and Andor

Speaker 1 for just craftsmanship. There's TV and then there's movies.
The wall has fallen between them. Yes, technically movies are.

Speaker 4 No, they're so cinematic.

Speaker 4 I love a ride. Yes.
And I feel like Andor did such a good job with the sets and the locations and the specificity of like, God, it just looked gorgeous.

Speaker 1 And it broke my heart 35 times and it elated me 36 times.

Speaker 4 I think were you saying you liked it because it like blurred the line between?

Speaker 1 I loved that that writer, creator is so talented. Yeah.
And all the performers are so amazing. And as you said, they created these worlds.
All of them seemed completely authentic.

Speaker 1 It was true to itself, meaning it would give you really bad news. It would give you good news.
And that's everything a movie does.

Speaker 1 So now that commercials are no longer part of these streaming shows, it's really the same magic. We used to go to movies because I'm going to give you money not to show me a commercial.

Speaker 1 You can show some shit up front, but once Star Wars starts, you're not going to 15 minutes in go, you know, we've got a new soap for the cracks and pits and everywhere in between.

Speaker 1 Which, by the way,

Speaker 4 I hate when they're graphic.

Speaker 1 I hate when it's like, so you're like, I was sweating all over, even under my tit. You're like, what is that?

Speaker 1 Are you tired of tit odor? But, you know,

Speaker 1 we're going to take a sidetrack here because those commercials are everywhere. They are.
And they say things like, it's for pits and privates and, well, assholes, too. And you're like, we get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're okay. You said enough.
Yeah, we used to have an ad for something like that here.

Speaker 1 Lux Bidet. Yeah, Lux Bidet.
Lux Bidet. A bidet is different.
A bidet is like, we're the only ones.

Speaker 4 Americans are the only ones that use bidets. We should have more bidets, I think.

Speaker 4 But this, this whole thing, they got to come with a warning. I'm watching basketball.

Speaker 1 Yeah, go ahead. And this lady's like, my tits reek.
And you're like, okay. And then also, don't tell them.

Speaker 1 Don't tell who.

Speaker 4 Don't tell everybody else. Our tits reek.

Speaker 1 It's kind of weird. But they double down on it too.
They keep doubling down and they'll say, and you'll say, no, no, I really get it. And then later in the ad, they'll say, and remember the taint.

Speaker 1 That small area.

Speaker 1 Inch to one inch and a half between genitals and asshole. Yep.
When yours stinks.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I'm horrified. What's happened? I asked,

Speaker 4 I was thinking about Harrison and I

Speaker 1 forgot.

Speaker 4 I was like, dude, what's your tits? Like,

Speaker 1 he's like, what?

Speaker 4 No, I asked him. I was like, I liked Andor so much.
We were in the middle. I was like, have you seen Andor? And he's like, what? I was like, have you seen Andor? He's like, what is that?

Speaker 4 And I was like,

Speaker 1 it's the thing where it's like, and he was like, no, I would never.

Speaker 4 He's like, I would never watch it. And I was like, right, of course not.
Like, you don't want to talk about this anymore at all.

Speaker 1 You're hung solo.

Speaker 4 But when I watched, when I watched him again, well, because we're still in production for the show, we're like finishing up. It was so surreal to see this like guy is so deeply hot in Star Wars.

Speaker 4 He's just so, he pops in that way. And I cannot believe in my insane, goofy career that I get to work with this guy.
And

Speaker 4 a couple Fridays ago, there was a really tender scene that we shot for season three. That was just he and I.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 I stayed to like run lines with him while they were setting up the scene. And it was a big, it was a big scene between our characters.
And

Speaker 4 he just,

Speaker 4 the whole crew was silent, which is what happens when it's like they know it's a big scene.

Speaker 4 And he's like coming into my character's office and he's sitting across like as far as Conan is, and he walks in and he sits and he does this scene.

Speaker 4 And it was like, almost like you know, in Oppenheimer, when the blast actually goes off and they put on their glasses and it's like silent, it was that.

Speaker 4 And he was destroying, he was like absolutely destroying the scene in every way. Like every single line, he was weeping, he was joyful, he was all of those things.

Speaker 4 But it was one of those moments where they had to come in and be like, okay, Jessica, you're like weeping. So I don't know if you'd be weeping as the character.

Speaker 4 I was like, no, this guy is giving me like, this guy is the best. This guy is the best.

Speaker 4 He's the goat. And I see a lot of great, I've seen a lot of great actors, but it was, it was one of those moments where I just felt like, no, this is actually like the greatest living actor.

Speaker 4 And this is someone that I get to work with. But it was like being too close to a fire.
It was insane.

Speaker 4 And I work with him all the time, but it was like chill, like I was getting chills while he was doing it.

Speaker 4 And I think you'll know the scene when you see it, but it was like very like, what did I get to do in my life to be here to work with this guy? It's insane.

Speaker 1 Do you have the number of your surgeon? Because I might want to get

Speaker 1 it. Oh, right.
And you're going to be awake.

Speaker 1 Anyway, it turns out he's not that good. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 There have been some infections.

Speaker 1 uh it was crazy but you know what's interesting is i have learned i've had the same feeling of how did this get to happen for me and i'm learning uh i'm quite a bit older than you i've learned over time to just my grandfather who was a a traffic cop in worcester massachusetts in the 19 20s and 30s he used to have this saying he was kind of like w c fields when he was older he was really funny w c fields sorry thank you um

Speaker 1 I think one of the great comics. My little chickadee.

Speaker 1 He was always playing.

Speaker 1 It's

Speaker 1 a loony Susie. It sounds like chickadee.

Speaker 1 You bother me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah, I'm with you.
He worked with, you know, May West.

Speaker 1 Everything I'm saying is digging this I'm old reference, but I do think people should know W.C. Fields because he might be one of my favorite comedians of all time.

Speaker 1 and his stuff is as funny today as it was in the 30s, 40s.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 4 amazing.

Speaker 1 So anyway, he was this kind of had all these sayings and used to say, take what you can get and ask for more. Like he was going against the Catholic, I don't deserve this.
I shouldn't have this.

Speaker 1 Oh, who me? He was like, when something good comes your way, take it. Yeah.
You know, and I think you've grab it and just take it because there's some trouble coming down the road for sure.

Speaker 1 So just enjoy this. We're all going to die.

Speaker 1 I have a way around that. Hi, you have a surgeon.
Yeah, I have a surgeon. Hold on.
I think I'm going to keep this and put it on my board on the right.

Speaker 4 Do you mind if I write WC fields so I don't forget? Yeah. Cool.
Can I say just from what is this?

Speaker 1 It's true. It's a calligraphy.
No, it's an ink pot.

Speaker 4 That's an expensive pen. That's a nice pen.

Speaker 1 That's a very expensive pen. This is a $20-something dollar pen, which is, you know, not

Speaker 1 a big pen.

Speaker 1 Can I try it? Can I see it? Yeah. I really love it.
You use this the most. I draw and scribble all the time.

Speaker 1 And I love that. And it has little

Speaker 1 cartridges. Anyway, I should do a

Speaker 1 third. Calego.

Speaker 1 And a special pad. Conan, stop it.

Speaker 1 Inner voice not helping. Inner voice too late.
Hey, I have a question for you.

Speaker 1 I have a question for you, which is, there's this path, people like us that have this affinity for comedy where you're going along, you're doing stuff, and then there's a hard right and a hard left.

Speaker 1 Stand-up or improv. I don't know about you because I think you'd be,

Speaker 1 but you chose, I'm guessing you chose improv to the exclusion of, that's what I did. I kind of knew, I really love great stand-ups.
I admire what they do. I'm fascinated by it.

Speaker 1 I'm always telling John Mulaney, I don't know how you do that. I really have great respect for them, but I always knew my thing is over here where I'm in scenes and I'm babbling in the moment.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah. I have that too.
I like like if we were in school and it was like

Speaker 4 doing an exam and I had to do like an essay in an exam as opposed to like an ABC, like I would do an essay and just get like an A ⁇ on it because I could like bullshit my way through and figure it out and just babble, babble, babble.

Speaker 4 But I started in high school doing, doing improv because we had an improv team. Like the layout of comedy sports is, or they used to just have high school teams.

Speaker 4 Like you would have a football team and then you would play whose line is it anyway against different teams.

Speaker 1 It's so hard to make it competitive, but also it was fake competitive. Yeah, it was like the rap pit decides.

Speaker 4 It's more so you're just doing the short form style thing.

Speaker 4 But I loved

Speaker 4 acting in scenes. I knew I wanted to be an actor.
And then

Speaker 4 I learned, oh, I have an improv team and this is a way I could go. And then I just kind of stuck with that.
But I like the teams.

Speaker 4 Like I like, you know, stand-up is very like isolated and in your head and you're working out bits and then you're presenting them.

Speaker 4 And that's so vulnerable to me that it kind of scares me quite a bit. And I do admire stand-ups, but with improv and sketch and then with acting, like I knew I wanted to do that.

Speaker 4 And what I, I didn't know what the path was for that exactly because I didn't want to be like a lifelong sketch person, but being able to fold that into my acting technique is really helpful.

Speaker 4 And so even at the daily show, you're, I, I got that when I was 22. So it felt like I was college, like in grad school, because I was learning so much and I didn't finish school.

Speaker 4 And I was working with all these writers and field producers.

Speaker 4 So we were not only that, but then I was traveling, kind of doing that man on the street or sitting in someone's living room and interviewing them saying like, we should all eat babies.

Speaker 4 Like, I don't know, stuff like that, like interviewing people, you know, face to face doing those field pieces, but that's

Speaker 3 all eat babies.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of them and they're nutritious.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And yeah, so the baby eaters, I would like interview them. But I learned, and then we would have to go back and edit these things for a couple of weeks to the taste of mostly one man, which was John.

Speaker 4 So then I learned how to produce. So it became a bit more amorphous where I didn't realize this, but I was like co-producing and co-directing these little bits.

Speaker 4 And so I learned so much about storytelling in that way.

Speaker 1 It is great training if you're ever going to host a late night show. I don't know if there are going to be more of those in the future,

Speaker 1 but if you're going to host something and interview people,

Speaker 1 that is improv. It's It's listening, responding.
Don't go negative. Don't stop the flow.
Don't make it about you. Well, no, I disagree with that.

Speaker 1 Don't make it about you. Jessica.

Speaker 1 Jessica.

Speaker 1 Jessica.

Speaker 1 The one thing I've learned in this talking to you is that I'm an impressive guy.

Speaker 1 But I do. And I'm from El Cacho Nachos.
El Cacho Nachos.

Speaker 4 You're Peggy Hill Spanish from like Peggy of the Hill, where it's like,

Speaker 4 but yeah, no, I acting when I'm in the zone is just reacting 100 and even with the daily shows sometimes with a field piece you can just get out with a look like if i can just get out with like a yeah yeah yeah like a jim halpert like

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 i love it you can you can say so much and so i really like for me acting is natural listening and julia is perfect at that we're talking about especially in beep i mean she did it in elaine as elaine in seinfeld she did it throughout her career all these different shows all these different things but you know she's always in it completely, 100%.

Speaker 1 And it's commitment. Just commitment.
Oh, I believe in commitment. Commitment.
I hate half-assed bullshit.

Speaker 4 I hate it. And it works for some people.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 4 Those are small.

Speaker 1 Eduardo's watching. What football match are you watching right now? Come on, Eduardo.
We busted him recently. Were you watching something? I was watching it.
Let him watch it. No, we hate it.

Speaker 1 Let him watch it. It's great content.

Speaker 1 People watch it. He's going to watch it.

Speaker 4 He's got to listen to you guys talking about it.

Speaker 1 But you know what? We only knew because someone sitting next to him sold him out.

Speaker 1 Commitment to the bit. Commitment to the bit.
Or betrayal of a good friend.

Speaker 1 Same diffs.

Speaker 4 But I don't like half-assed stuff. I don't like cool comedy.
I don't like cool.

Speaker 4 We were talking about that. I like earnestness 100%.
And Comedy Sports was really earnest. And that got, you know, it's not like UCB is cool.
Like, and I'm a UCB person, so it's totally fine.

Speaker 4 But yeah. But there is like sort of a punkness about UCB that's different than like Groundlings and Second City.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 Comedy Sports gets goofiest dorkies. It's so why would it get why would it get

Speaker 4 Mickey and it's kind of the Disneyland of it's clean a lot of church people would come to comedies

Speaker 1 afterwards. Yeah, well, truly, if you actually

Speaker 1 if you like said a curse word or something,

Speaker 1 brown bag file, the ref would put a brown bag file. Oh my, okay,

Speaker 1 and then a record here.

Speaker 4 But, and you know, it's funny is I used to think, like, because it was so not cool, especially coming up in like the UCB heyday, I was like, oh yeah, I do some comedy sports since I was in high school, but I didn't learn anything.

Speaker 4 Like, I was like, oh, this is just some bull bull that I do. But no, I learned so much doing that.

Speaker 1 Stage teaches you to be tight on what your tools are limited there.

Speaker 4 Yeah, four minutes. You play with different people.

Speaker 1 Like stage time.

Speaker 1 I mean, time in the cockpit. Yes.

Speaker 1 the answer. And the thing that when you couldn't use foul language taught you you had to be funny, you couldn't have a crutch.
Parameters, yeah.

Speaker 4 So now I can like act. I mean, we say fuck on the show a lot,

Speaker 4 but can turn it on and turn it off. And also, that what's great about comedy sports is there's like this respect for the audience, you want to give them like a really premium experience.

Speaker 4 Whereas, other things is like, hey, welcome, we're gonna do this, we're gonna do some makeumps. Can I get suggestion?

Speaker 4 But comedy sports, it's like, hello, yeah, this is the thing that we're gonna do, right?

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 4 And it teaches you, like, in order to satire something, you have to love it as opposed to satiring something and just coming from this, like, look at this stupid show.

Speaker 4 You know, it taught me earnestness. I feel the same in a way that I'll continue to have forever.
You know, it's a good lesson. I'm not afraid to try stuff.

Speaker 1 Did you study theater at Cal City Long Beach?

Speaker 4 No, no, I didn't. I was doing Upright Citizens Brigade.
I like convinced my parents to let me go to Cal City Long Beach half, like part-time and then let me do UCB classes in comedy sports.

Speaker 4 That's cool.

Speaker 1 You know what's funny?

Speaker 1 You did exactly the right thing.

Speaker 4 Which I made a presentation. I think I made a PowerPoint presentation.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Yeah. Mother, father?

Speaker 1 You know, click.

Speaker 4 I was like, so this is the Mount Rushmore of Upright Citizens Brigade.

Speaker 1 Amy Poehler, Matt Walt.

Speaker 4 Like I was like explaining to my like black parents from Ohio, like what this upright citizens brigade thing was. And at the time, it was like Aziz Ansari.

Speaker 4 I'd see like Rob Hubel, Derek Comedy, which was Donald Glover's old, you know, I would see like Ben Schwartz, like all these really cool, funny people that everybody knows.

Speaker 4 And I just was like, oh, this is where I need to be. It was like people were standing.
It was so electric.

Speaker 1 But you knew when you know something, you know. And

Speaker 1 I do think go to where they're doing the thing that you love, even if it means, okay, I'm getting paid 50 cents. Oh, yeah.
But so I've got to do these other things to keep it going.

Speaker 1 But go where they're doing the thing that you love. And if that means you're not even in Santa's workshop, you're outside, but you're talking to some of the elves.

Speaker 1 And every now and then you get to go, I paint that. choo-choo train a little, you know, and whatever.
And then eventually you're in there. And then eventually.
It's just being around. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 It's being around and showing up. So even then, I remember I was doing the comedy sports and then I was doing, you know, UCB.
And I was, I remember sleeping in my,

Speaker 4 my car, like in between shows and going to auditions. And it was a really special time.

Speaker 1 I'm just laughing because I remember, I have such a clear memory of taking this booking. Someone saw me do improv and I was maybe 22, 23, and they said, we want you to be in this infomercial.

Speaker 1 And it was shot deep in the valley. It was for a company that made music, that it was for an association of musical instrument salespeople.
And they wanted me to do, be one of the players. So I drove.

Speaker 1 I had a terrible car that I bought at the airport. It's called a 1977 Isuzu Opel that was literally falling apart.
And it had an iHeart My Poodle sticker on the back that I tried to get off.

Speaker 1 And I scraped some of it off, and the bumper was coming with it. And I'm like, forget it.
I'm just going to leave it on. But I remember getting knowing so little

Speaker 1 that they said, yeah, you're going to do this thing and take care of your own makeup. I didn't know what that meant.
So I went to a drugstore and bought one of those powder things with makeup on it.

Speaker 1 And I remember getting up at four in the morning, driving forever east of LA,

Speaker 1 like past mountains and stuff to find this place. And this is before you could geolocate off a satellite or, you know, use your Apple maps or whatever.

Speaker 1 So I had this big thick book of maps called the Thomas Guide. I went way out there and I parked in the parking lot half an hour before I was needed and took out my one little puff.

Speaker 1 And I'm looking at it. My skin is not a perfect and I'm like, gloom, gloom.

Speaker 1 And I went in and I think if you looked at it now, it would look, look, they found a body and they made it look like it's talking.

Speaker 1 But I did that because I thought, this is my way. That's right.
This is my way.

Speaker 4 Yeah, and it was that day, you know. Also, doing things that fail, like failing a lot of times.
Like, I did so much bad stuff.

Speaker 1 Just to

Speaker 1 be awesome. Yeah, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 Home run after home run. Everybody loved it.
Yeah. No,

Speaker 1 no, but you had scenes. But that is good to just stay connected to this has gone badly and it has gone well.
And that is always going to be the case.

Speaker 4 And calibrating. Like, you know what was nice, too, about the daily show is John, John would let me calibrate.
He would, you know, you worked in late night.

Speaker 4 It's like, it goes up because we need it up, you know, and then we'll, we'll attack it the next day. We'll do another show, you know,

Speaker 4 one of those days, throw it, you know, throw it up. So I learned that.
But then also I learned, oh, that didn't necessarily work.

Speaker 1 Oh, that didn't.

Speaker 4 But John wouldn't say anything. He wouldn't like berate me.
He wouldn't send me notes. And I'd had up until that point, a lot of comedy teachers who did.
He just sort of let me figure it out.

Speaker 4 And he was just kind of the teacher I needed.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 4 At that time, it really worked for me.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't agree with John.

Speaker 1 I think berating has its,

Speaker 1 it's how it's done. And I think vicious notes work.

Speaker 1 Vicious. But I'm going to say passive aggression.

Speaker 1 That is a wonderful long jokes about

Speaker 1 how the joke, the sketch didn't work.

Speaker 1 I have gone way over time with you because

Speaker 1 you are intoxicated. You're great.
You're just great to talk to. Intoxicating.
You are.

Speaker 1 No, no, I'm saying, I'm saying this has been so

Speaker 1 effortless and fun and natural. And then I'm, I, you put a red light up like 10 minutes ago.
Like, well, this is usually.

Speaker 4 Oh, that's what that is. I saw that.
That was a long time. That was more than 10 minutes.
I think it was.

Speaker 1 We went way over and it's because

Speaker 1 this is what i experienced when we did that thing together i was just like

Speaker 1 her more time with her please please yeah it's getting i'll come back anytime

Speaker 1 i'll come back anytime more in time with her please more in time with her please i don't think it's crazy more time with her please i'm gonna want you next time we talk i have to talk to you about you are quite tall and i'm wondering that's got to have influenced your it's crazy you said let's talk about it real quick it's crazy you said that to me because you're like the tallest guy I'm the tallest man when I saw you in person I was like oh my god, he's tall, you know, and it was nice though, it was more comforting.

Speaker 1 Um, is your wife tall? She's tall, yeah, she is. She's not, she's not like me.
Um, that would be that would be wrong.

Speaker 1 Um, I don't know why it would be wrong, but are your kids tall? Uh, my son is quite tall, he's a little taller than me. Wow, yeah, but he, we lived near a nuclear reactor when he was coming

Speaker 1 and he has super strength. He comes his power plant, yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 4 I'm scared of him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you should be.

Speaker 1 He turns green when he gets mad.

Speaker 4 Was there something you were going to say about me being tall?

Speaker 1 No, I was going to say it. I have heard women that are tall

Speaker 1 say, oh, it was awkward for me earlier on. And I think that's too bad because I just, I think, own it.
It must be, you know, own it. And if you're taller, oh, you had to grow into it.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 People, we have these beauty standards based on what's repeated in the media. And we develop this view based on where we live about the way people are supposed to look.

Speaker 4 And whatever you're exposed to is what people think is right. And so you're like a six foot tall black lady.
You're like, oh, I look different than what's on TV.

Speaker 4 And so you develop like this, you know, normal 13, 14 year old complex, which is what I had.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And I was tall. I was tall early.
I had like 13.

Speaker 4 And it did.

Speaker 4 But it informed so much of who I am.

Speaker 4 It made me, I don't know what it did, but it's something that as I got older, I was really happy, especially I knew I wanted to be an actor when I was a kid.

Speaker 4 I didn't see a lot of tall, tall actresses. Maybe Sugourney Weaver.
I feel like Queen Latifah might be pretty tall, but there's not like a ton. No.

Speaker 1 So it always felt like it used to be like a death sentence for an actress

Speaker 1 because it meant that the male lead, like Alan Ladd, had to stand on six apple boxes.

Speaker 4 Oh my God, one of those stories. Harrison's always like, I used to be on contract at this studio and I made a hundred bucks a week.

Speaker 1 Like he's trust me, we got in here. And he was bitching about it.
And I'm like, shut up. He's not over it.
He's not Jerry Tchaikovsky.

Speaker 1 Jerry Tchaikovsky was the guy that told him he needed to get an Elvis haircut. And he was like, Jerry Tchaikovsky.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, yeah, that sounds like a rough day in 1968, but I think it all went your way. I will say, it made me like, in comedy, like, God, that man is not over it.

Speaker 4 It's funny that you guys heard about it.

Speaker 1 Guess what? We all have our stuff. That's right.

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter who you are. It's Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford.
I don't care, you know, Tom Hanks. You pick the people at the very top.

Speaker 1 I mean, presidents are like, God damn, at the time that, you know, Iowa didn't go my way. Like, you are the president.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
But they don't, no one does.

Speaker 4 Yeah. But I think with comedy, it made me feel like equal to men that I was playing against.

Speaker 4 Like, it always made me feel not as boopy because I was like, I don't know how to describe it, like, not as cute in a way that I'm like, just

Speaker 1 baby, doing baby things. It was like, even though that's how I got on the daily show,

Speaker 1 it was like i felt like oh i'm taller than these guys so i'm just gonna sure it informed my presence well that's the way you hold yourself you hold yourself as someone who's is comfortable in you you know comfortable in your body comfortable in your skin like comfortable being you and and so to me that's the key to everything there's and the flip side's true too like someone like sabrina carpenter is like yeah i'm whatever she is 5'1 yeah she's like yeah that's and she's who she is yeah that's who i am and no one's complaining so yeah um have you ever interviewed her like i would love to see you guys standing next to to me.

Speaker 4 No, that would be fun.

Speaker 1 That's not good.

Speaker 1 So you don't want me to interview. You just want me to stand next to you.
Like, it's a circus attraction. Come see Sabrina Competer stand next to the wonder freak, Corner Bayan.

Speaker 1 Very small versus very tall. The singer and the guy with the zinger.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Wow. Or is they going to shut it down? Okay, hand scene.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Love it. It was absolutely a joy talking to you.
Thank you. Come on back.
Say hi to everyone at Shrinking and thank you for sharing your glow with us. Thank you.

Speaker 4 Intoxicating.

Speaker 1 Intoxicating.

Speaker 4 Thank you.

Speaker 1 I'm sure a lot of you out there are plain Coca-Cola people, and that's respectable. Trust me, I'm one.
Yes, I am. You've many times seen me just, I like to order just a regular Coca-Cola.
I really do.

Speaker 1 I really do. But if you haven't tried a Coca-Cola from Sonic, now is your chance because right now it's completely free with any purchase.

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Oh.

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Speaker 1 Macy's has a new parade this year, a parade of deals.

Speaker 1 So, if you're standing on the street waiting for that parade to go by, because you took this literally, you're going to be wasting your time. Wake up, kids.
It's a parade. Where is it?

Speaker 1 A parade of deals. What?

Speaker 1 Kid crying. Every day from now through November 27th, Macy's is featuring a new must-have deal that will last only one day.

Speaker 1 We're talking about daily deals on things you'll love, like a super cozy UG fluff throw. Hey, try and say that.
Even if you say it slowly, you'll probably mess it up.

Speaker 1 Ugh fluff throw. An upgraded Dyson vacuum.
That's nice. And some of your favorite fragrancies, hair products, jewelry too.
Oh, and don't forget, Black Friday deals start November 10th.

Speaker 1 So remember, this isn't a real parade. It's a parade of deals.
I was fooled. Don't bring a balloon and get all excited.
Your daily thrill starts now. Shop now at Macy's.com or in store.

Speaker 1 This is a bit of an older post on Reddit, but a user on Reddit named Ern Payow did a replica of our studio and all of us built out of Lego. Oh, that's so cool.

Speaker 1 We're going to bring it up here on the screen, and you can go to Team Coco Podcast or, of course, watch this on YouTube. It's very good, but it's very accurate.
Look at this. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 It's got Eduardo's cap. It's got Blais and his prematurely gray hair

Speaker 1 uh this is really good

Speaker 1 it's got my need to be heard yeah um somehow for some reason your haley bieber smoothie is on my table i know it is

Speaker 1 green chairs this is this is really good

Speaker 1 i love this This person is very talented. How do you get Conan Lego hair like that? That's perfect.
Where does that come from? Is it possible that he manufactured this hair?

Speaker 1 Because look at Sona's hair. It's actually made of the same stuff that Sona's hair is made of.
You know what? No, that's a compliment. Your hair is very, it's full and thick and very made of plastic.

Speaker 1 Lego-like.

Speaker 1 You're wearing the same exact color jacket. I know.
I'm wearing a brown jacket and look, my t-shirt. This is random.
I didn't know we were doing this today. I am wearing the exact same color scheme.

Speaker 3 Wow. How do we get Lego to actually make this?

Speaker 1 Or get this guy to send us one of these or three of these. Yeah, we need to have this.

Speaker 1 I want one of these. Well, okay, all right.

Speaker 1 I love Lego. I don't know.
I know, I do too. I would like one as well, but I think it's a little greedy to go from how can we get one to how can we get nine.
I said three.

Speaker 3 Eduardo has a hat on. Yeah.
That's cool.

Speaker 1 Nice touch. I think this is fantastic.
I love how artistic our fans are. Yeah.
I think this shows a lot of ingenuity. It's so good.
Look, it's great.

Speaker 1 There's more pictures, too. If you scroll through, there's some close-ups and stuff.
Okay.

Speaker 3 I feel like you guys are big Lego people.

Speaker 1 I love Lego. And I've built some impressive

Speaker 1 Lego stuff. My son and I, I think it was during COVID.
I built, what did I build? I built a like a Range Rover, Land Rover kind of thing

Speaker 1 out of Legos, and my son built like a Bugatti. Like, we just got these two kits because it was COVID, man, and we built them.
I got that Aston Martin in COVID, that Lego Aston Martin.

Speaker 1 You know, the James Bond Aston Martin. That's right.

Speaker 3 What do you guys, you guys just like, after you build it, you're like, okay.

Speaker 1 Then it's a display piece. It's nice to have out.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Then it's a real chick magnet. Oh, is it? Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
I've gotten. Oh, look at it.
It's just a little drawing. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 The doodle. Look at the drawing.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 It's all.

Speaker 1 Look what's in front of Sona. Her phone.
Look at Sona's phone. Look at that.
She's playing, like, what is that, Candy Crush or something?

Speaker 3 I don't know what that is. And I have a coffee, a big tea mug.
Or you, that's your tea mug. That's it.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Wait, wait a minute.
We just, I didn't even even think about this. There's a bubble of me talking about my Lego Aston Martin.

Speaker 1 And look how evil you look.

Speaker 1 Look how you have

Speaker 1 your malintentions. People say I look like that actor Michael Stuhlbarg, and that does look like Michael Stuhlberg.
Who's that actor? You'd know him. He's in Cone Brothers movies.

Speaker 1 He looks like my older brother.

Speaker 3 He's the dad in Call Me By Your Name, isn't he?

Speaker 1 Yes. Okay.
Yeah,

Speaker 3 I see it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, look at this. There's

Speaker 1 Adam. Adam's just evil.
I know. It's like bizarro Adam.
Adam's like, I don't see.

Speaker 1 How is this? We're not earning enough.

Speaker 1 How do we monetize that?

Speaker 1 This is great.

Speaker 1 You got to check this out. Go online.
Look at these pictures. It's really beautiful.
We should try and acquire at least one or two, whatever, if we can.

Speaker 1 I just want to make sure I get one for my own. All right.
Well, I just meant for display here at our Larchmont offices so that all the talent visiting it can see it. Look at the movie folks.

Speaker 3 Look at us.

Speaker 1 We're so cute. Well, if we come to find out, this is all just 3D design and it doesn't really exist.
It might not exist.

Speaker 1 It could not exist. Hey, maybe we don't exist.
That's

Speaker 1 likely. We're probably three years away from them taking the essence of this podcast, running it through AI, and then generating deep fakes that are us.

Speaker 1 And they eliminate us. We're turned into some kind of grouting for a bathroom.
Wait a minute. Blaise wearing the Back to the Future clothes.
Did you notice that?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Oh, I thought those were muscles.
No. I thought he just was totally ripped.

Speaker 1 Those are weird muscles. Sona's got a French tuck.
Yes. Sona, what's going on with your muscles?

Speaker 3 I don't know. I do French tuck.
I have a French tuck right now. I'm French tucking.

Speaker 1 This guy gets all the details. He knows what's up.
Blaze dress. Hey, you know what he's missing? One thing.
My prominent eye vein.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 3 Why would you want to make a note of it?

Speaker 1 Oh, look at my little smirk.

Speaker 4 Oh, you look like an asshole.

Speaker 1 I look like a bully. You know what I look like Scott Farkas.

Speaker 4 Yes, you do.

Speaker 1 In the Christmas, what is it? Christmas story.

Speaker 1 Christmas story. Yeah.
Look at that. Look at that.
I'm going to do cry.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. That's cool.

Speaker 3 We do have really great fans. They're very

Speaker 1 creative.

Speaker 1 We have the most creative fans.

Speaker 1 And thank you. This gentleman's name? Well, his username is Ern Powell.
And sorry it took us this long time. Could be a man, could be a woman.
It could be.

Speaker 1 Who knows? I mean, Legos is probably a man.

Speaker 1 Sorry, it it took us this long to get to it. Yeah.
I was just alerted. He said, smash the Legos out of bitterness.
I spent forever on that, and they never responded to me. He's moved on.

Speaker 1 He's now making Duck Dynasty Legos.

Speaker 1 At least he'll get back to me. And listeners, you can go to at Team Coco Podcasts on Instagram and see this or the YouTube page.

Speaker 1 Well, thank you very much. Very cool.

Speaker 1 Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom Offsessian, and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley.
Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Fross, and Nick Liao.

Speaker 1 Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
Take it away, Jimmy.

Speaker 1 Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.

Speaker 1 Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

Speaker 1 You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Cocoa Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message.

Speaker 1 It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at seriousxm.com/slash Conan.

Speaker 1 And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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