Andy Samberg

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Hi, my name is Andy Sandberg, and I feel

ACES about being on Conan O'Brien's friend.

Oh my god.

I messed it up.

You total slacker.

It's your whole generation.

Yeah.

Look at you with your skateboarding when you were a kid in Berkeley, California.

LANDE, right?

Oh, dig me out.

Farm is here, hear the yell.

Back to school, ring the bell.

Brand new shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens.

I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

I am joined by Sona Lovesia and Matt Gorley.

My whack pack, as it were.

Oh, man.

We should do the traffic in the morning and do a lot of sound effects.

We've done that a couple times.

Sorry.

Oh, no.

We can do it again.

No.

I just hate when I'm reminded that it's too much.

We've had too much life.

That's a terrible thing to say.

That's wrong.

I take that back.

I want much more.

You said it.

Damn it.

I noted it down.

And I let you call it.

And picturing Zeus on a cloud saying, you said it.

I throw a thunderbolt at you now.

I think the WACPA is revisitable, though.

You know, if you want it to be a bad thing.

That's quite a word, revisitable.

We just hit a landmark, which is yesterday, Sona had a birthday party for her two children.

They're twins and Mikey and Charlie.

And this is always a moment for me because they were born immediately after our last

late night show ever on TBS.

We did it at the old

theater, the Largo.

The Largo Theater.

And I remember saying farewell on the last late night show, leaving.

There was a little rap party, but it was this 28-year run.

And then leaving.

And I flew back east.

And when I'm, I think I landed and I think the next day or something, you called me

and said that I used to call them rub and tug when they were in utero.

And you said rub and tug have arrived.

Yeah.

And

that is now four years.

It's been four years.

That's unbelievable.

Yeah.

And we, you know, we have a lot of family.

We have a lot of people in our lives and we have a birthday party for them every year.

And they,

the first thing Tack did is he found

my husband.

Your husband, Tack, yeah.

He found a a clown and he has hired that clown every single year we've had a birthday.

His name is Gilly the Clown and he's awesome.

Okay, what makes a good party clown?

Seriously?

First of all, to get the attention of all these kids and then to hold the attention is how many kids would you say?

Yesterday we invited their class too.

I would say there were like 30,

35 kids.

And what is it that Gilly does that's so great?

And by the way, a shout out to Gilly the Clown.

Yeah.

Where does he, what area does he come from?

He's a Los Angeles clown.

I think his company is called the Los Angeles Clown Company.

And I think

formerly William Morris Endeavor.

Sorry, guys.

I had to do it.

Oh, my God.

I think.

Sorry.

Oh, that made me happy.

I think Tak is like kind of living vicariously through the boys because I don't think they had clowns in the Soviet Union.

So he's like.

They were just all on the Politburo.

Listen, that's a very funny joke.

If it were 1986,

that would kill, you know, around a bottle of vodka

in Minsk.

So.

Tell me, tell me about what Gilly does that's so great.

So he comes, he does a whole thing that's actually funny for parents and funny for the kids.

He does a whole magic thing.

And then at the end, he made swords for all the kids with balloons.

And then they went into the bounce house and just started fighting each other with these balloon swords.

Right.

And it's he comes, and every year it's always something a little different.

And I think we're going to just have Gilly until like the boys are 18.

I'm thinking about Tack when he was a kid in the Soviet Union, having to wait in a really long line and his birthday just to get one second with a clown.

And it was a cut-rate clown.

The clown was just had a cardboard belt, some Soviet-issued cardboard shoes.

Jesus.

And the clown would just bend a balloon that he had to keep remending.

Yeah.

And then re-inflating.

And it would pop.

Former World War II sniper.

Yeah, exactly.

He's bitter now.

Yeah, he's like, I defended Stalingrad.

I'm here with these fucking kids.

Frostbitten toes.

They're black.

Hey,

Ivan, just

you're here for the kids.

Next kid.

You didn't even do anything that we waited for six hours.

Next kid.

Shit.

Is that what it was like?

Maybe.

He takes a picture with Gilly every year.

He loves Gilly.

I want to see a picture of Gilly.

It's the first, I'll show you.

Yeah, and then we're going to post this.

Okay, go to Gilly the Clown.

He's from, what is it?

The Los Angeles Clown Emporium.

Oh,

look at that.

Oh, yeah.

That's legit.

I was expecting something a little more DIY or something.

No, he's a clown.

Okay, we can see that.

Yeah.

This guy, Denver, has to say, hey, by the way, I'm a clown.

He doesn't look at him.

Talk around about clownery.

Go to the YouTube channel or at Team Coco Podcasts on Instagram to see.

Yeah, and check out Gilly the Clown.

And it looks like he's throwing a club at the viewer.

Because he is.

He can do it all.

He can juggle.

He does magic.

He does, like, it's very funny.

He does balloon out.

Does he do political stuff?

What?

Like, what?

Doesn't have other clowns under him?

Like, I think sometimes you get like a second-rate Gillie or something.

I don't know.

We've only got

Gilly.

If I hired Gilly and I didn't get Gilly, I'd be pissed.

Yeah.

You got announced for Gillie.

I agree.

I agree.

No, he's the best.

And we're probably.

He does custom characters.

Yeah.

Gilly will create a special character just for your party.

Hey, let's hire Gilly and see if he'll do some political stuff.

Yeah, Nixon.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes, political stuff from the 70s.

Oh, you'll never get those tapes.

Kids cut to kids crying.

We want the Soviet clown who defended Stalingrad.

Even he's better than this piece of shit.

Not Ivan.

Nobody wants Ivan.

We'll have them both.

It's détente.

Do something about Spiro Agnew resigning.

Why did you visit China?

Where?

Make it stop.

Oh, man.

No, but we love Gilly, and we're probably going to just, seriously, we're going to have him for as long as we have to.

I think we're getting Gilly the clown in here someday.

I'm in.

I think he'd be great.

I would love to get now.

First of all, so your kids kids had a good time.

Yeah, they had a really great time.

They had a lot of fun.

It was good.

Did they get any good presents?

We haven't opened them yet.

We're using them as.

What's your problem?

We're using them as, like, you got to be good or else we're not going to open your presents.

Sorry, I have never heard of that shit before.

It's three days past their birthday.

Well, they got their birthday presents yesterday and then they came home and they were all jacked up on like sugar and stuff that we're going to choke.

We were like, you got to calm down.

We're going to open your presents tomorrow.

Okay, so wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

On your birthday, the thing that makes it special is you get all these presents and you open them up.

You don't have to be able to do that.

That's the fun of it.

You don't say, okay, these are your presents now.

They're going into storage.

They're going into a storage facility.

And

you're off to boarding school.

Yeah, we use anything we can to use as like a

carrot for the boys.

Like, be good, don't fight, don't wrestle.

If you want throwing.

If you want nutrition and food, you better be good.

If you want to get a full night's sleep, you better be good.

It's hard.

We're just saying, like last night, we came home and we're like, you guys have to sleep and behave, or else you don't get to open presents tomorrow.

And we

mean it.

And it works.

Yeah.

No.

It doesn't work.

It doesn't even work a little bit.

Whoa.

Yeah, no, it doesn't work at all.

It doesn't work.

You don't get that antibiotic until you're good.

And fever at 106.

Yeah.

Better be good.

Or no, a psilomycin for you.

Jesus, I don't like this.

Again, this is stacked Soviet upbringing.

All joy must be withheld.

Yeah.

In order for you to be good.

Fall into line.

Big brother is watching.

Right?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Okay.

I don't know.

Sometimes it works, but it didn't work yesterday.

Of course it doesn't work.

No.

It doesn't work.

Happy birthday to the boys.

Hey, happy birthday to the boys.

That's the important thing.

And Gilly the clown, wherever you are,

you're apparently very good at what you do.

Yeah, he is.

And I hope to meet him because he and I have something in common.

We're both entertainers.

And I was a clown at a birthday party once with my good friend who has since passed away, a guy that I did a lot of improv with back

in the olden times, Mike Castagniola.

Someone saw us perform together at a groundling show and said, we want to hire you.

And they hired us to play a birthday party.

Maybe you could team up with Gilly.

Oh, let me tell you what happened.

What?

We didn't know what it was.

They said, we want to hire you.

And we said, we're in.

And then it turned out it was in the park, like in Santa Monica, and it was a kid's birthday.

And these were little kids.

And we showed up and we bombed.

We brought our guitars.

We were trying to.

I don't remember us even, we weren't dressed as clowns.

Big mistake.

Yeah, I know.

That's the first mistake.

Yeah.

But I don't think we appreciated, oh, these are little kids.

I think we thought, oh, we can improvise our way out of anything.

No, these were little kids.

We didn't know what we were doing.

Mike Casignol and I bombed.

And if he were still with us on this earth, Mike would share the story of how we got nothing and we walked away gutted.

We walked away gutted.

And I, this is your origin story.

This is my origin story.

Years later, you did a late-night show with an all-child

children audience.

Do you think that was to make up for this clown party?

Possibly.

It was another masochistic need to return to my old feral pain.

But no, so I know, I know how hard Gilly's job is.

And so I'd like to meet the man.

Yeah, he's awesome.

He did not bomb, crushed it.

Okay, well, now you're just rubbing it in.

Yeah, he crushed it.

Little kids.

Good for Gilly.

Good for Gilly.

Crushed it.

Okay, I want to listen to it.

He'd be even better at podcasting.

Oh, yeah.

What if Gilly then gets a podcast and destroyed, eats our lunch, and then he's on Sirius and his channel

is the next channel over and destroys it.

He just has a podcast called Gilly Doesn't Need a Friend because I have a ton of friends.

Gilly is over at a My Donahue.

Just totally, no one's heard of me again afterwards.

Just disappear.

All right, my guest today was a cast member on Saturday Night Live and starred in the hit series Brooklyn 99.

Now you can see him in the new movie The Roses and in the Comedy Central animated series Digman.

Very excited he's here today.

Andy Samberg, welcome.

You're a laid-back dude.

That's what I love about you.

By the way, sorry I didn't shave, fellas.

I'm preparing for a role.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Lazy guy.

As lazy guys.

And then after that, I'm doing beard dude.

So I walk in to

the dressing room.

We'll call it the dressing room.

It's not really fair stuff.

It's not some fair stuff.

It's just an office.

But anyway, I walk in and you greet me and you're wearing like a nice shirt, a button-up shirt.

But down below, you've got the sloppiest sweatpants I've seen in a long time.

Wow.

And you were like, I'm sorry.

This is the harshest I've ever been to anybody.

And I said, hey, man, come on.

You got to dress up for, I think you called him the Conemeister.

And I said, you got to, you know, put a little effort in.

You said, hey, they don't shoot from the waist down.

I did say it in that exact voice yeah

you went hey

hey man

and you said and then you said when's 420 i said yeah

but you're obsessive compulsive about it you're like let me know when it's 419.

yeah because i gotta have my toquage ready yeah

and then when i toke i gotta have easy rider plan yeah

i love an obsessive compulsive 420 guy but

I gotta have everything.

All my stuff has to be lined up.

All my shit has to be lined up.

And the right song has to be playing.

Set the alarm for 418.

God, I used to do a bit about a Rasta who's like, you know, smoke deeper at the marijuana.

Smoke deeper.

None for me, though.

My wife's pregnant.

She could go into labor at any moment.

But everyone else, don't be gone.

But obviously, I must refrain tonight.

She could go into labor at any moment.

I got to be totally focused if that happens.

I got to be with her.

We're on this journey together.

I was thinking about this today.

This is totally random, which means I'm as comfortable with this chap as I am with anyone, this incredible Andy Sandberg.

I was thinking about this this morning on a run.

Yeah, you got to get this, got to work out to get this body.

I exercised this morning also.

So

not like me.

Anywho,

I hired nine guys to attack me with hammers.

That's what I did

throughout the day.

And my doctor has said this is not contributing at all to you.

I just hired nine guys to attack you with hammers, too.

That's funny.

Today, 18 guys attacked me with hammers.

Mine were for a different reason.

Oh, okay.

But guys, this is just hard math.

Yeah, yeah.

I was running, and it started to occur to me that the Roxy music song, Let's Stick Together,

is the craziest rock song ever because it's one of the coolest, sexiest Brian Ferry vocalists of all time.

Wow, that was quick.

That was a huge.

How was that?

What the fuck did you just do?

What did you just do?

Let's call out Eduardo.

Eduardo, what's going on?

Maybe someone else is 420 started.

I was getting ready to queue up the song just in case somebody here hasn't heard me before.

And I accidentally pressed play on the last song that I had going on.

And it was Harry Belafonte.

Who was IQuebec?

It was some jazz.

Oh, okay.

Oh, nice.

I like it when I come in here and you've got a little jazz club going.

It always puts me in a bad mood right away.

Didn't mean to interrupt your story.

But I'm running and I'm thinking about.

I liked it.

It's rock and roll.

And it reminded me of a bit I used to do for Odenkirk,

which is it's a rock and roll song that

is all about being responsible.

Yes.

And it cracks me up because it's the song is all about, you know, we've been, we should stick together.

It would be good for the children, you know, for tax reasons.

It makes sense to expect too much excitement.

This part of our life is overreaching.

Let's stick together.

And it's crazy to me.

And it reminded me of this thing I used to do for Odenkirk, which was sort of a

Robert Plant singer.

And he's singing about Get Eight Hours of Sleep.

Don't cheat yourself with sicks, get your protein in many forms.

And uh, all the songs have like sick, uh, you know, leads and stuff like that.

And it sounds very crunchy, yeah, but it's incredibly responsible.

And I realized, oh, it's Brian Ferry did that with Let's Stick Together, hit it,

you prick.

Yeah,

so you got this great great thing going.

Yeah.

And then he's like, in the long run, it makes sense.

I've talked to my accountant.

You know what I mean?

Anyway, tax breaks and whatnot.

Yeah.

Let's talk about you and then more about stuff I thought about on my run today.

Okay.

You run through the neighborhood?

Do you go to a place?

No, I run through my neighborhood often screaming.

I was going to say, I imagine it

can immediately imagine it like the beginning of the movie about your life where everyone's like, how you doing, Conan?

Hey, Conan.

Hi, pal.

I do this when I see people, when I'm driving around LA and I see people jogging, I always pretend they're fleeing.

It makes it much really fun.

I do.

I always imagine.

What are they running from?

Yeah, I just imagine them running really hard and they've been running really hard for hours from like a monster.

Yeah.

Well, I want to talk about you because

Andy Samberg.

Oh, yeah.

I've been thinking about you today.

Is that on your run?

No.

I think about important stuff on the run.

Oh, sorry.

I was thinking about you because I think you are

this comedic linchpin between one era and another in comedy that's crucial.

I think you were doing YouTube internet comedy before such a thing really existed.

Sure.

And I think you and your

lonely island chums had, and I'm going to call your chums.

We're unequivocally chums.

No one's ever said chums with

unequivocally, but you guys were working on this thing and perfecting it.

And before there was the delivery system, and then the delivery system, so comes along.

You said you, I think you formed Lonely Island in 2001.

Yeah, 2000, 2001.

We moved to LA from Berkeley where we grew up together.

Okay.

Yeah.

All growing up in Berkeley, laid-bag dude.

Oh, yeah.

You were a skateboarder.

Yeah, I was terrible, though.

They were both pretty good skaters, though.

You were a 90s kid who was obsessed with 70s music, which is really interesting to me because I was a

80s.

guy who was obsessed with 60s music.

Yes.

I went back 20 years, so I was not listening to, whenever people say, oh, my God, so you graduate high school, the early 80s, and you head off to college, you must be listening to, and they come up with all these amazing early REM and all that.

And I'm like, no, I wasn't listening to that.

I was listening to all British Invasion stuff.

Yes.

And then I drifted before that and I went into Sun Session Elvis and all that.

And, but you were out of time a little bit.

I mean, I think for kids that are into music, you go back, right?

I mean, you, you know what's going on at present, but like now kids are listening to the 90s.

It's all 90s.

Yeah.

I've had a couple depressing moments with this recently.

Like I have Apple Music and there's a section in it called Dad Rock.

Uh-oh.

Yeah.

And it's like bands where I'm like, they just came out.

I know those guys.

And then I'm like, oh, right.

I'm in my 40s and a dad.

But it hurts.

I'm like, no, they're the fucking coolest.

You got to check them out.

Oh, man.

What?

Dadrock?

Nah, this dad.

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You, Yorma, Akiva, you guys know each other from Berkeley,

and you put together this thing.

I'm going to say 2001.

You say 2000, 2001.

No, fuck you.

2001.

You guys put this, start working on this comedy.

And it's fascinating to me because I don't know when YouTube came along officially,

but it's a huge event because I remembered immediately the day someone came into my office.

I think it was Frank Smiley, who's a producer.

He came into my office.

And I'm sure he produced all your segments on when you came on the show over the years.

But he came in and he said, It's insane.

Whatever you want, just type it into this site.

And so you would.

You'd say, I don't know.

I remember seeing a thing on Green Acres once where suddenly he's in Paris.

It's like this, he's upside down, and he's in Paris for no reason.

And there it is.

And it broke my brain.

But you were crafting this comedy that I believe kind of changed many things.

And

I'm not a scholar, so I can't say you alone did this, but you, you guys had a huge impact because

Lazy Sunday, Dick in a Box, I'm on a Boat, the stuff that you guys were churning out, I think was the essential DNA of what everybody's been chasing.

Does that feel to you fair?

I mean, it feels great to hear.

Yeah.

I've always thought of it this way, which is like I heard of YouTube the morning after Lazy Sunday aired i didn't know that it even existed yet and then there was this big wave of like press also it was the christmas show so it like took it into the holiday which is great because it marinates yes and everyone's like we're all at home watching your video over the holidays over and over again and there's no like new s and l episode to wipe it clean or whatever right right right but it became this wave of press not about us but about the existence of youtube and about streaming video and how it was here it's been this thing everyone had been talking about.

Like before, when we lived in LA, we were making videos.

We were just like trying to get people that had bandwidth and websites to upload our stuff.

Right.

Be like, oh man, we might get like posted on heavy.com or, you know, like stuff like that.

And you like have to submit it.

You send like a VHS tape in and they're like, maybe we'll upload it.

And then all of a sudden, it was like, here's YouTube.

Anyone can do it immediately.

It's easy.

It's free.

And here's the video that's like the crest of the wave.

Well, I think the first time I heard it's gone viral was Lazy Sunday.

Yeah.

Me.

I mean, I'm sure other people had heard the term, but people were telling me this thing's a monster.

And I watched it and I was like, what?

I don't get it.

No,

I was like, I'm going to have him on what's called a podcast.

I'm going to tell him I don't get it.

Fair enough.

Yeah, I could always see the future very well.

Couldn't see the present.

Couldn't see that that was really funny.

I say that to myself all the time when I watch new things.

I'm like, I don't like this, but eventually I will.

In time, I'll love it.

Those videos were events and you made so many of them and

that felt to me as a person at that time.

I had...

was doing my own show, but had written for SNL.

And I remember when I was at SNL, always thinking short films are the way to go.

And SNL had always done them a little bit, but I was always a little frustrated by live in some ways.

And I thought, why don't we just get it?

I mean, because all my heroes were, it's Monty Python.

It's all this amazing sketch comedy that has been, it's SCTV where they've got it just right.

And there was part of me that really wanted to do that.

And yes, there had been short films on SNL, but when you guys started putting those out, it felt like you were doing the thing that I had been kind of daydreaming about in some weird way.

Yeah.

Why does someone do that?

Yeah.

Oh, well, I'll go back to bed.

I mean, it was also

because digital video at that moment, I just think about how lucky we were on so many fronts.

Like it was right when YouTube was becoming a thing that people are talking about.

It was right when digital video could be made affordably and look good.

It also like looked different from the live show.

So it was a nice way to step out and be like, hey, this is our thing that looks different and feels different.

The same way like the very first episode had an Albert Brooks film or something.

We're like, whoa, what was that?

That was on film.

Like in the beginning, we just Shoemaker and Higgins, who, you know, Higgins is still a producer there and now Shoemaker runs Seth's show.

They knew we had made videos.

Keevin Yorman made a video while we were working there just for fun.

And they were like, if you guys could do more of these for basically nothing, which is what we had been doing, and use the cast, like we're always looking for things to change over sets, basically.

Yeah.

So it kind of happened very fortuitously and kind of under the radar.

And we did a, we did one with Forte called Lettuce, where we're eating heads of lettuce.

And then we tried another one that didn't air till later.

And then the third one we shot for SNL was Lazy Sunday.

And then it was like, oh, that went better than we were expecting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's the Oppenheimer white flash, you know, kind of thing.

But I mean,

I think that specific kind of comedy, to me anyway, starts with you guys.

Well, certainly on SNL, I think the pace that we kept in our editing and stuff, you can see that now influencing the stuff being done, which makes me so happy because I'm very antsy about my comedy.

I want it to just be like,

so, but we're all children of Monty Python.

Yes.

That's what you're saying.

Like, and Mel Brooks, like when I was a kid, Peepee's Big Adventure, like, Those things turned into Spongebob and they turned into us and they turned into, you know, Mr.

Show and Stella and all the things that influenced us of like, what if it was real life, but really it's just a cartoon and anything can happen and the world is spongy.

And that's what, when I was a kid, made my brain go crazy, like Billy Madison, Tommy Boy, things like that, where you're just like, I can't feel happier about watching something because it just allows me to disappear into it.

Right.

And there's a, I mean, music also an important part.

Yes.

I'm a huge music guy.

And so obviously dick in the box.

Yes.

There's a strong musical component to this stuff.

Yes.

And we also, again, got really lucky where it was like Timberlake

hottest thing in the game being like, I want to do one with you guys.

And us being like, use all of your powers, Justin.

And him literally being like, all right, here's how we're going to do it.

I'm going to stack all my vocals.

These are all harmonies.

These are split to the left.

These are split to the right.

And we were just like,

oh, my God.

Like, oh, my God.

This is like how he's making the biggest songs in the world right now.

And he's applying it to our song we're writing about sticking your dick in a box at Christmas.

You know what I mean?

It's like you're in a room with Mozart.

Yeah.

And he's like, what do you gentlemen have?

Yeah.

All right.

You ever seen the movie Diner?

Like, I love it.

Oh, so we'll do this.

Our dick on the box.

Yes, yes.

Like, and I'm also here.

When you were in college, you did stand-up, I think, for seven years,

which I didn't know.

Yeah.

And I'm trying to imagine you doing stand-up because I was in, I never thought about doing stand-up.

I always thought, no, that's not me.

I always wondered if you did because I think you would destroy.

Well, I later on went and did it in different ways.

And of course, you build that muscle doing a late-night show every night where you're standing in front of an audience.

And yeah, the thing that got me into it was I wanted to do very silly things

in a late night show.

And I I wanted to create an insane world

that was sort of in the spirit of what Dave had done, but very different, which was cartoons, very cartoony, like you were saying.

And I've always thought of myself as I'm a cartoon character.

The hair, the name, I like to be thrown around like a cartoon character.

I like to throw people around like they're cartoon characters.

So

you can attest to that.

Yeah, no, it's very true.

Okay, that's enough out of you.

Okay.

Happy to be here.

You signed a waiver.

So many NDAs?

Terms and conditions.

Yeah.

You own a timeshare.

Oh, yay.

It's not a good one.

You're way behind in banks.

Yeah, it's a lot of bad news here.

It's like a timeshare in Baltimore?

It's in Baltimore.

Yeah.

But it's built.

Hey, no shade, no shade.

We love Baltimore.

Shout out to Baltimore.

Hey, Baltimore.

And you have to stay there 50 weeks out of the year.

It's so behind.

But it's also built as a Mediterranean bungalow.

So it's very cold in the winter.

But it's in the middle of the road.

Yeah.

Strong through all the time.

Open the door again.

Why?

Structure sucks.

It is a scam.

So

you find your people first, which you did.

I think I did.

I found my people.

And then

like a Robin Hood, I was like, okay, I got my gang together.

Now we're going to head off on this, on this adventure.

Then you find your, you're, you know, I'm going to go on my trip now with my gang and we're going to try and accomplish this goal.

Yeah.

Go through Sherwood Forest and do something.

And, but you got to get the people first.

And that was crucial.

And I think that kind of has to happen in your early 20s a lot of times.

If you're lucky, but if you're lucky, yeah.

I mean, and before you have kids, because it gets way more complicated obviously.

There are kids that you're willing to acknowledge legally.

Yeah.

Well, I had all kinds of kids in the 80s.

And, like, what are they up to now?

David is one of them.

I'm right here.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

That's hella.

She contacted me and said,

you do something with him.

Yeah.

So he's been here and we fired Sona and put him on mic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then after this, after I leave, you're going to like hug him like too tight and be like, I fucking love you.

You've been creaking?

No.

Maybe I've mentioned this, but it's one of my favorite things for the wrong reasons.

But the Green Lantern movie that Ryan Reynolds made.

Yeah.

There's a moment where

the scientist who ends up being the bad guy in that Green Lantern movie.

Spoiler.

Thank you.

He has the ability to read minds.

And his father's a tough general.

And the father comes over to him at one point and he praises Ryan Reynolds.

You're a great guy.

And then you can hear his voice thinking like, yeah, he's really great.

And then whatever.

And he says goodbye to him.

And then he turns to his son.

And

the son says, father, well, I've been working on these experiments.

And he gives him a hug or shakes his hand and goes, good job, son.

And then you hear him,

he hears him think, what a disappointment.

It's literally like the Joe Montana sketch.

Yeah, but it was for real.

It doesn't bother me.

I'm exacerbated.

It's not supposed to be a laugh line.

I laughed.

I laughed.

I saw it in the theater.

Someone was coming on from the late night show, and I saw it in the theater and the general hugs.

Son played by a famous actor.

Anyway.

Brett Pitt.

No.

Ryan Reynolds.

Clark Cable.

The little tramp himself, Charlie Chaplin.

Well, I was going to say no, but because you said the little tramp himself, Charlie Chaplin, it was Charlie Chaplin.

Anyway, the idea that I would hug my son and go, good to see you, son.

What a disappointment.

So I told my son this, and I do it with him all the time.

I hug him and I go, I love you.

What a disappointment.

Look at his ear.

Anywho, Eduardo, why don't you just miscue another track?

She's fucking shot.

I'm fucking sorry.

Shots fired.

Yeah, left and right.

Peter Skarsgaard?

Peter Skarsgaard?

No.

Damn it.

That's why I didn't say anything.

Anywho, it doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter.

We'll edit this out.

We chop together.

You'll do a nice little.

You know who it could have been?

Blake Lively.

She was in that.

That's right.

That's where they got together and met.

Something like that.

I don't speak on things like that.

Wow.

You're principal.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's their private life.

Whoa.

And I think you're a little gassy, too.

You know, you zip your lip, but then immediately you got a fart.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because it's trapped.

Nowhere to go, but out.

Yeah.

That's a good character, the mime, who keeps zipping his lips.

You're like, oh.

All right.

So you're.

Willie, I love mimes.

You're on SNL and you worked very hard for seven years, I think.

Just a seven years.

And

it took a toll because the kind of work you were doing is very labor-intensive.

The shorts, the shorts were really labor-intensive.

And then I imagine there's all kinds of pressure.

Give us another one of those.

It becomes viral the next day.

Yeah.

I mean, there'd be, just be that here.

I mean, yes.

For the first five years, we couldn't believe our luck.

You know, they're like, they're just asking for them now.

We have like a spot on the show every week.

But not coincidentally, after five seasons, Keith and Yoram both kind of left and were

half working there, half not.

Keeve went and made a movie.

Yoram went and made a movie.

And it started getting a lot more difficult physically and creatively.

And so by the end of the seventh season, I was like, I don't think I can do it anymore, basically.

So I went back for the 50th and I was in the audience and really enjoying the show.

And then

I think the three of you did a...

short

about anxiety.

Oh, yes.

SNL.

Yes.

And I did it with Mike Diva too, who's a director there now.

And

it is about

how many people talk about the anxiety of working on SNL.

Yes, yes.

And it's funny because you're kind of taking a piss out of that old saw that, you know, it's like going into battle doing SNL and the anxiety involved.

But also at the same time, you're honoring that it is true.

And it was really funny.

I loved it.

Thank you.

Yeah, there's a whole section of it where I start singing If These Pipes Could Talk because it was talking about how everyone who ever worked there gets IBS basically from stress.

And, you know, it

that video that night,

everyone that worked there at some point was went out of their way to be like,

that was, that was really like,

that nailed how it feels basically in a fun, hopefully way.

Also at a great moment because

the 50th.

It came out beautifully, I thought.

But of course, part of the process was a mad scramble because things have to be.

I think there might be some part of Lauren that likes that.

Of course.

Also, it's stressful to be at the 50th, make no mistake.

Like, you love it, you wouldn't miss it, but you're like, it's fucking everyone who's ever worked here is all here.

And like, who's going to say hi to me?

Who's not going to say hi to me?

Who do I say hi to?

Am I going to be in the show?

If I'm in the show too much, do I like what I'm doing?

Am I pissed about that?

If I'm not in the show, are they ignoring me?

Like, there's no winning when you go back into that because it's such a vortex of everything that's ever happened there.

So I was kind of hoping it would sort of be in the spirit of that also.

Yeah, I think you touched on something that anyone who's worked there has felt.

And

it's so strange because people that,

so many people enjoy SNL as they should.

They should enjoy it without knowing what goes into the sausage.

Of course.

So they're not supposed to know.

No one's supposed to know

that

the level of anxiety that some people, some people manage to do it and not feel that.

Yeah.

That's not how I'm built.

I always felt, and I was a writer.

I was not a performer, but just as a writer, I felt like there was a gun against my head all the time.

It's designed that way.

Yeah.

It's a pressure cooker, but also like I personally went through that process and I still love it the same as when I, before I worked there.

Yeah.

Because

it gave me everything I had hoped it would ever give me and I loved doing it.

And so

you have to recognize when it's time for you to leave because you can't physically do it anymore.

And if you can do that, I think it's fine.

I mean, every job is hard.

Like you go to your doctor and they're all cheery, hopefully, but like they went to med school for like 70 years or something.

So like it's

a job and it's work and you do that work and your job is to make it seem like it's fun and just let the fun part filter through onto the show.

Right?

Yes, I disagree.

No, I disagree.

You disagree.

But say more about that.

I just think you're wrong.

And you think I'm stupid and ugly?

Stupid and ugly.

But I hope that was implied.

It's interesting because when you went on to do the very funny long-running Brooklyn 9-9,

you're working in this format that I think you and I are similar.

You mentioned it earlier.

You kind of want to make something and have it be out there pretty soon.

And if you're making a short film or if you're in a sketch, or I've always loved the world of think of it, and then it happens pretty soon after you think of it.

Yes.

And I struggle in the format of, I mean, I don't even know how people make movies.

What little I've seen of it, the idea that you would spend years of your life and not know, you would drop a nickel and not into a well and not hear it splash for seven years and then get a critique.

And it splashes when you're busy doing six other things.

Yes.

That feels very strange to me.

And even the rhythm of doing a Brooklyn 99

would be very different

than

what you got?

What you got, kid?

What you got?

What you got?

Yes.

We got to a point, I mean, in our first five or six seasons or something, we had like over 20 episodes a season.

It's like that old school series order.

So we would reach a point where we were...

They were being written and we were shooting them after the season had started airing.

And when you get into that rhythm, it's a little more stressful, but you can be like, hey,

if I think of this joke today, it'll be on the air in like a month, two months, which for a TV show is pretty good.

The thing about making Brooklyn that I loved, I mean, there were a million things I loved about it, but to your point earlier about doing the digital shorts at SNL is controlling the edit.

Yeah.

And just being like, if a joke is a dud, it's gone.

Like the freedom of that feeling of knowing we're not going to expose anyone in our cast.

We're not going to embarrass ourselves and we're going to make it as tight as it needs to be or as slow as it needs to be for that thing.

But

something I was really proud of about Brooklyn 99 is that it flies.

It really just goes and goes and goes.

And that's something I really love personally.

Yeah, pacing.

And I think of all the great clips that I watch over and over and over again from some of my favorite comedy movies, whether it's the Marx Brothers or W.C.

Fields or whether it's Peter Selwars' Clusseau.

Dude, who's on first?

I showed my daughter who's on first because I was like, you should know what this is.

They are flying.

Yeah.

Abbott and Costello, he's famous who's on first routine.

And the other thing you realize about that, to be a total comedy nerd for a second, is

what a great straight man means.

You always think of Abbott and Costello.

It's Costello who's the big, you know, clown.

And you sometimes think, what's this straight man really doing?

He's just saying, now, wait a minute.

Oh, that's the whole thing.

But he's fantastic.

His job is to keep the line tight.

Yep.

You know, so that the other person hanging on doesn't sag.

And he, what are you doing?

What are you, what are you talking about?

You know, it's just that it's so fast.

The ball is just in the air the whole time.

It's incredible.

And, you know, you can tell they've done it a million times.

And that's back then it was much more like you work your act across the country and then you put it on tape, you know, which

maybe we should be doing more of.

It's pretty incredible when you see those performances.

It's just a whole different skill set.

Yeah, it was a different era when people would have an act for a lifetime.

Right.

Yeah.

So you would have your act and you think about what's happened because of technology is you can work on an act for 25 years and then they say, congratulations, you've got an, you've got a HBO Max stand-up special.

And you do it and they go, great.

You know, you were nominated for an Emmy, but you didn't get it.

But anyway,

who really?

What are you talking about?

No, not me, not me.

No, I know.

But no, what I'm saying is that it's a quick hit.

The rush is over.

It's a very noisy world out there.

And you just did something you've been thinking about for whatever 15 years that you've tested and tested and tested.

And now, what else you got?

Yeah, it's tonnage now.

It really is.

I mean, comedy has always been that a little bit.

You're only as funny as the last thing you did.

What if we did have that principle on this?

podcast, but it was about the last thing you just said.

Right.

Well, the last thing I said was pretty serious.

I know.

That's what what I'm saying.

You're not funny right now.

Ironically, not funny.

Yeah.

So in this second, you're not funny.

And so you say the last thing.

Right.

Tomatoes.

Now I'm funny.

Now you're really funny.

Yeah.

I'm just almost like scared by how funny you just got.

Yeah.

You're now still not funny.

And if I'm still speaking seriously, if I'm being serious and it's not funny, trigger warning, I have to kill myself.

That's the rule of your podcast?

There's a little room we have in the back.

The glass room?

It's a glass room.

So that we can watch you do it.

Right.

And there's like a samurai sword in there?

No, it's auto-ironic.

Oh, damn.

Yeah.

See, now this I could get into.

You know, I think the relationship I have with my team has been a critical part of the phenomenal success of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

For sure.

And maybe my late-night career.

David, you know, you see me with my team.

I care about my team.

You actually do.

Yeah.

And don't say actually do.

You actually do.

I stand by that.

I show a lot of caring and concern for my people.

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Are you a happy chap now?

You seem like a very happy fellow.

I'm pretty happy.

Were you always pretty happy?

Always pretty happy.

Damn it.

I know.

It's annoying.

It's a struggle to work in comedy as a happy chap, which I will now only refer to myself as that.

You're a real happy, chappy.

I feel like your SNL generation was the last one that was kind of like, it was still kind of intense and gritty.

Am I wrong?

It's possible.

I don't know.

The stories I hear, both firsthand from people and like on things like podcasts and stuff, documentaries, which I have watched all.

It seems like it was a little more like competitive and kind of grinding.

Yeah, yeah.

It was definitely that when I was there.

And then I have to credit Sandler for,

I'll never forget.

We were, you know, I got to think of something.

It's got, is this good enough?

I had something last week, but I don't know if I have anything this week.

It's, it's late.

I don't think I can write comedy.

I don't think I have.

I used to, I used to call my girlfriend at the time and say, I think I can't do this.

And she'd be like, well, you know, quit then.

That was fun.

Anyway,

I was dating the Tasmanian devil.

Way'd you go, Cody.

Sorry.

Passed out for a second.

You're a terrible lover.

What?

Does he ever get erect?

What?

Please.

That's just made-up quips.

But

I was in that state of mind.

And I think, you know, Smigo and Odin Kirk and Greg Daniels were like.

It's life or death.

And it feels like that's kind of how everyone feels.

And then this guy named Adam Sandler showed up one day and he's like, oh, pop-a-doo.

And he kept talking about, let's go get a milkshake.

Oh, milkshakes are good.

And he went, oh, I had strawberry.

It was very good.

And I just thought, what?

And he was like, this is so much fun to be at SNL.

Oh, I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

Yippee.

And he had that, I'm going to do Operaman.

I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do that.

This is great, guys.

And then I remember he came out with a movie.

And when it was, the movie was...

premiering, he got in, he rented a big bus with all of his friends that made the movie.

And they drove around and they got little shakes.

And then they went to the premiere and people recognized Adam and he was really happy.

And you're just, this is how it's, this is a possibility.

You can like this.

I mean, it's.

Why not?

It's just your childhood, right?

Like, I guess so.

I think he's just came out that way.

And by the way, obviously he's a huge inspiration to me.

And when I saw him on SNL, it was.

Him on SNL and Jim Carrion in Living Color were the first times when I was younger where I was like, oh, maybe I could do comedy.

Oh, yeah.

Not to take away from how incredible they both are.

Like I'm not talented specifically how they are at all, but it felt so like for me, your show as well, frankly, where I was like, oh, it's coming now that what I really specifically like is successful.

Yeah.

And perhaps now there's a path for me.

Like, I think it is that one-to-one.

I think sometimes real silliness used to be discounted somewhat.

But then I've always had that theory that, no, no, I just love things that are incredibly silly.

I'll use the word stupid, but then if it's really good, it's because there's some little piece of intelligence in there somewhere that I can't explain.

I mean, or maybe not.

Imagine me explaining to my parents why like, I'm under the table guy is like genius, right?

Because it is, because he's fucking off the whole enterprise.

Right.

Like it's, he's, he's continuing like Steve Martin and Monty, like, and Monty Python, we keep talking about but like the whole feeling of like I think certain people who love comedy are born into this world and we were like I have a question.

None of it makes sense though, right?

Like it's all a weird cosmic joke cartoon, right?

And I'm not like alone in that, right?

And then when you find other people that share that feeling and funnel it into laughing and enjoying themselves,

it feels like a gift from God.

You're like, you made it to Hogwarts.

Yeah.

Yes, that is exactly how it feels.

By the way, the most irresponsible school to send your children to is Hogwarts.

Say more.

Well, thank you.

If only I had a mic and a podcast.

Can you imagine sending your kids to Hogwarts and they're killed in a massive battle?

Also, like, that happens all the time.

I don't know if you should send them back next year.

Yeah.

Did you know that 11 kids died playing Quidditch this year?

People are constantly imperiled and dying.

And I think, and the school has to publish these facts.

They do have to put it out there.

I'm just saying, I watch that all the time.

This is stand-up.

You imagine getting the email for Pogwartz at the summertime.

We promise Voldemort's not going to be there next year.

I know some of the parents were concerned.

Voldemort showed up, killed hella kids.

We have taken care of it.

We assure you, our school counselor has talked to them.

You're just like, oh man yeah yeah okay he did come back

this time he's like a squishy little like widget underneath 400 kids died in a great battle that destroyed most of the school

and puts any mass shooting to shame

by its sheer scale but anyway We could use money this year for our library.

We heard there was a dementor in your child's dorm room.

We're going to give you a 20% discount on that.

Right.

That's a bit.

Should we do a stand-up special?

I think you and I should do a stand-up special.

We'll talk about the money.

Okay.

I assume 90-10 split.

You take the 90.

I get the 90%.

Yeah, because seniority.

Well, not just seniority.

Height.

Height.

But also quality.

Quality.

I'm Catholic.

More famous.

No, I don't think that.

I do.

But anyway, what I'm happy for you about is that I did all these things that I'm very happy about.

And then I find these things that I don't even know what they mean to people anymore, but I enjoy doing them.

It's fun.

And I love that.

And

as long as the rent's paid, I'll do the fun stuff now.

Yes.

And I really do look at these younger generation of comedians and I'm just delighted.

When I see good stuff, it makes me very happy.

I don't feel good.

Damn it.

Agreed.

They were sucking the lifeblood from me.

But you get to do these things now, like this animated series, Digman.

Yes.

Which is a really funny idea because you grew up on Indiana Jones.

Indiana Jones.

Yeah.

And the mummy and

this notion that archaeologists are like the national treasure.

Yeah, like the coolest people

in the world.

And it's just a universe where you're just, you are told to accept that.

Yes.

Where you're like, archaeologists, whoa.

So yeah, me and my friend Neil Campbell wrote a whole show where that's basically the world where like archaeologists are the biggest celebrities.

And you know what I love is that we all accepted it.

I mean,

when,

you know, I'm quite a bit older than you.

I got two decades on you.

And I remember when Indiana Jones came out and I never for a second thought.

Not for a split second did I think, wait a minute, archaeologist.

They would show him teaching at school and then

going out around the world.

And it was the most exciting thing in the world.

And when I knew that you were coming on, I thought, thought, and we're going to talk about Digman.

I thought, it's just so funny to me the idea of you could take footage of real archaeologists doing what they really do, but put the Indiana Jones theme to it.

And it's people just looking at geological maps

for years

to try and look where maybe the fault came together and there used to be a river because that, and then slowly digging, but being very careful about brushes.

Yeah, little brushes, but then

the local government has asked you to do a stay because they want to examine what you're doing more carefully.

So they shut down the site.

You respond with legal letters.

Now the site's been reopened.

Just more slow dusting.

And then lifetime over, never really found anything.

Then

roll credits.

Credits.

Really long credits.

Like there were tons of stunts.

Just lots of stunt men that you never saw proof of in any way.

And he died.

It's real.

It's real.

I mean, some of them, I'm sure, are swashbuckling and adventury.

Your character.

Yes.

The voice.

Rip Digman.

The voice.

Yeah.

Yeah, it might sound familiar to some.

I'd like to hear a little.

Well, it sounds a little like this.

Oh, yay.

I'm happy.

Men are my favorite impressions of all time.

Oh, you're the best.

No, no, seriously.

First of all, I love him.

I adore him.

Oh, he's the coolest.

And I say this, if this gets back to Nicholas Cage, I adore him.

My eyes are never off him when he does anything, which I think is proof that he's doing something right.

Yes.

But that voice,

your impression is fantastic.

Thank you.

He came on SNL and did it with me, which I know is like an SNL move.

But if I really had to think about one moment that I had live during that show, that was my favorite moment of the whole time.

It was probably when he came and did that with me.

And were you at all self-conscious about doing it with him or did it immediately just turn into, we're playing together.

It's fun.

Kind of the latter.

I mean, I obviously didn't want him to hate me because I respect his work so much.

And like, the reason I have an impression is because I've watched a thousand hours of Nick Cage.

You know, it's like embedded in me somewhere.

But I didn't even think to do it.

It was like,

I think like Emily Spivey or someone wrote me into a sketch as Nick Cage and she's like, you know, Samberry, can you do Nick Cage?

And I was like, I don't think so.

But then I tried it and I was like, I guess I can kind of do it.

And then I kept doing it on update.

And it was just so fun.

And he was the nicest when he came and he went so fucking ham live.

Like, of course.

We did an address and he was like, good.

And we were like, this is going to work.

And then on air, he just like went all in and like did the nice thing of like, I'm going to do

how you do the impression.

Yes.

You know, so it like feels crackly and fun.

Like, yeah, he was just a joy.

We used to do a horse on our late night show show called Kloppy, and Kloppy was a horse.

The conceit was I'd go like, hey, it's time to visit our friend Kloppy.

And there was like a children's theme.

And this horse would, with a big fake head, would look through the window and go, hi, I'm Kloppy.

And I would talk to Kloppy, and Kloppy would always say very depressing things and then wander off and you'd hear a gunshot

and a fall.

And I'd go, oh no, Kloppy killed himself.

And Kloppy would come back and no, I didn't.

And then there was always a very tortured explanation for what the gunshot in the fall was all about.

And he kept doing that.

And

that was Kloppy.

And we would go out with the song too.

And then I had Nick Cage on once, completely unrelated.

We had him on as a guest and he's talking.

And he just said at one point, I like Kloppy.

And with his Nick, I mean, you can do it better than I can, but he said, I like you.

I like Kloppy.

You can do it for me.

I really like Kloppy.

And he did it with a big smile.

And I became obsessed when the interview was over.

I said, the next time we do Kloppy, I want

to play the song,

it's Kloppy.

I want a little circle wipe to come up of Nick Cage's head going, ha like Kloppy, for no reason, and then go away.

And that was the magic of doing that kind of comedy was they went, okay.

And then the next time we did Kloppy, they had a Nicholas Cage endorsement

just as a little head.

But of course, he got it immediately because he liked Cloppy because he's the best.

Yes.

You know,

I like the horse that comes in with the happy song and then you think maybe he killed him.

Because that's fucking funny.

You know, he was like, yeah, man, it is.

I also want to give a shout out to The Roses, which is, I mean, talk about this cast.

You're in this movie with Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Coleman.

Yeah, yeah.

This is one of those things that you have to have a moment of, I'm sorry, I was doing really weird shit on the internet

25 years ago.

And now I'm with two of the best actors in the world.

Truly.

In a film?

Yeah, in a movie.

Jay Rhoats directed it.

Me and Kate McKinnon play a married couple who are friends with them.

It's a remake of War of the Roses, but really more of a reimagining.

Yep.

And it's written by Tony McNamara, who wrote like the great and the favorite and poor things and stuff.

And he's crazy.

Is there an intimidation factor there?

And it's okay if there isn't.

You don't have to say there is.

I'll say this.

SNL breaks you of it a little because you deal with everyone and you realize, like, all right, everyone's just people.

It's just, are you that crazy of a fan that you get a little nervous?

Which I did.

I did a movie a couple of years ago with Kate Winslet and it was a straight drama.

And after going through that, I was like, well, at least this, The Roses is comedic and I'm supposed to be funny in it.

So I was relaxing in that way.

I was also paired with Kate, and that was very comfortable for me.

But I'm not unaware that I'm like, in, I'm in a scene at one point with Cumberbatch, Olivia, and Allison Janney.

And it's just the four of us.

And it's like a big scene.

And the ghost of Lawrence and I.

Yeah, see, like, seriously.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, yes, honestly, like, Daniel Day-Lewis is like, mind if I pop in?

I'm trying to memorize my lines.

Get the fuck out of here.

But it's, you start and you're nervous and you're like, oh, here comes that day.

I know that day.

And then you do it.

And as soon as you do a couple of takes and it's working, and it's really funny, too, which I just know is what I do.

I'm like, all I can think is, like, this is so fun and this is so cool.

And they're all so nice.

Like, Olivia came from comedy.

Benedict's hilarious.

Jani is a legend and so funny.

So everybody's nice.

They're all like lying and saying they're nervous too to make me feel better.

It was very warm and very fun.

I remember re-watching Hot Fuzz recently.

Olivia Coleman's in it.

Yeah.

And And her name is like 15th in the credits.

Yeah.

She's hilarious and she kills it, but I think total she maybe has nine lines or something.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, she was banging around doing stuff and being really funny.

And then everyone was like, what if we let her do drama too?

And it was like, oh, I see.

You're like one of the best.

You're one of the best ever.

Yeah.

And Cumberbatch was funny because I played a detective on Brooklyn Night Nine, obviously, co-created by Dan Gore.

And Dan Gore, a former writer of mine, that's why I bring it up.

He betrayed me and fled

in the foolish thought that he could have his own hit.

Well, it never happened for you, did it, Dan?

Conan, Brooklyn 99 was a huge hit.

People love that show.

Shut up.

Sorry.

I'll do all the voices if I have to.

That's fine.

It's like a radio play.

It's good.

But anyway, when I would have like a big case-solve monologue on Brooklyn 99, I would often say, everybody stand back.

I'm about to start cumber batching

because of Sherlock.

And no one, speaking of speed, which is my fave thing, I keep telling,

doing like fast dialogue, perfect diction, tons of thought going into every line, taking you through this journey of like Sherlock Holmes is solving this crazy, intricate thing.

He was like, when it came to the detective stuff, that was my North Star.

Yeah.

Where I was like, the look and feel should be McNulty from the wire and the speed of the solves should be Sherlock.

Yes.

So it was cool to get to work with him and see him do that in person.

Well, you're living the dream.

Think about him.

I feel a little bit.

Because you're here with me.

Bam!

I made it about me again.

And bingo.

Podcast.

Podcast.

The best thing anyone could ever do.

When they're bad, it's okay.

When they're good, it's okay.

Everything's okay.

It's a podcast.

Podcast.

I've noticed that.

I'm like, anytime we do anything, and people are like, I'm like, I don't know about that one.

It was great.

Ways always like, it was great.

It was great.

It is always great.

Now it's not always great.

When you get a guy like Andy Sandberg in here, man, is it good?

Oh, shit.

But then some piece of crud like Harrison Floyd.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And if you're listening, Harrison, I'm coming for you.

That'll scare him.

I want to thank you for being here.

I also want to thank you for always being one of the nicest,

just most relaxed, hilariously funny people I've ever known.

Seriously,

you're a ray of sunshine.

Seriously, and you make me, and when you show up in your goddamn baggy pants.

What did you say?

You say quick, the quick Lawrence story at Wimbledon.

Oh, yeah.

So, because I brought that up and you brought up something and I said, oh, let's do it on the pod.

Yes, you said, you said you're wearing sweatpants.

What the fuck, basically?

In a bit, voice.

Bit voice.

Bit voice.

Yeah, I wasn't hostile.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, no clickbait.

Coden O'Brien thrashes Andy Salmon

for wearing fucking sweatpants, piece of shit, fucking slacker.

All right.

Long headline.

Do you, Internet?

So, yes.

And I said, Do you want me to change pants?

And then I said, Oh, that actually really happened to me.

I went to Wimbledon with Lauren last summer.

And he, I got it.

We were going to sit in the royal box, which is she-she as fuck, obviously.

And he, and I got an email being like, dress code, this, and that.

I was there shooting the roses, and I didn't have any like nice pants with me.

So I was like, I got black jeans.

That's got to fly.

Black jeans are not like normal fun.

I would wear black jeans to a funeral, and I have.

Exactly, exactly.

I would wear them to my own funeral.

Okay, that's just stupid.

Why?

You went too far.

Hang on, I gotta burn.

Let's get a rewrite on that.

I wish I had done it on purpose.

It was just like I couldn't hold it anymore.

All right, give it your head out.

I was like, Black jeans, the queen's box, they're not gonna care.

Like, also, like,

a little A Sandberg here.

Hello.

I'm not like unknown in the UK.

So

you're a huge star in the UK.

Someone's full jack black.

I'm not an unknown.

So we show up, walk in immediately.

You can't wear those pants.

I was just like, oh, no, fuck.

I fucked over.

I fucked Lauren.

I ruined his vacation.

And they were like, no, no, it's fine.

You just have to put on some of our Wimbledon brand khakis.

Wow, of course.

So they take me into a building,

into a giant conference room, empty with like five pairs of Wimbledon brand khakis on the table and they're like yeah whichever one's fit and then left and I was like I guess I'll get into my underwear

so I change out of my jeans into the Wimbledon khakis they're not a nice fit no not flattering not flattering I'm not a khaki guy at this point no uh and you know hugging in all the wrong places but I'm like you know it's forlorn yeah so come back out they're like oh thank you so much sorry about that sorry I'm like yeah it's fine Walk out to the queen's box, sit down.

And as we sit, there's like, ladies and gentlemen,

the person's hurt and then retired.

The match is canceled.

Enjoy mixed doubles.

And everyone in the royal box stands up and leaves.

Wow.

And we're just like, should we get some tea?

So your autobiography will be entitled Khakis for No Reason.

Khakis for No.

Or like

piece of shit.

But

I don't like that punitive inner voice you have.

Here's a fucking piece of shit.

No.

But like a little font.

So ellipse.

Ellipses.

No.

Little tiny font.

Here's a piece of shit.

No, Andy.

The point is you were a piece of shit.

In the past, but now?

In the past.

But that was six months ago.

I was going to ask you the timeline.

Super late.

I was like, give me the timeline.

You pulled it out.

Andy Sandberg, I'm going to let you go.

Congratulations on everything.

And this has been, I don't know, someone, I need to pay someone because this was so much fun.

So just name your amount and we'll.

Yeah, exactly.

Wow.

I got off easy.

Okay.

All right.

I do have fun, you know.

Andy Sandberg, God bless you.

Thank you, Conan.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom Obsession, and Matt Gorley.

Produced by me, Matt Gorley.

Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Fross, and Nick Liao.

Theme song by The White Stripes.

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.

Additional production support by Mars Melnick.

Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.

You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

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