Cōnānus et Jordānēs Show - Luke Ranieri

Speaker 1 Say hello to the all-new Alexa Plus and see how Alexa can do so much more for you.

Speaker 3 Need last-minute concert tickets?

Speaker 4 Craving your favorite restaurant?

Speaker 5 Just sit back, relax, and talk naturally.

Speaker 6 Alexa's on it.

Speaker 8 It remembers what you love, anticipates what you need, and makes it all happen.

Speaker 3 Whether you're using Echo, Fire TV, or any compatible device, Alexa Plus brings thousands of possibilities to life.

Speaker 11 Everything.

Speaker 12 The fact that you can just order concert tickets through her, that's that's crazy.

Speaker 13 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 14 You didn't know that?

Speaker 15 Even I knew that.

Speaker 13 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 10 And I fought in World War I and I know that.

Speaker 17 Ready whenever.

Speaker 3 And yeah, and you were born in the second Obama administration.

Speaker 11 This is incredible.

Speaker 18 Ready whenever inspiration strikes, amazon.com slash new Alexa.

Speaker 9 The holidays are nothing, nothing without family, friends, and flannel.

Speaker 22 The flannel you can always count on?

Speaker 5 Well, for my money, that would have to be from LL Bean.

Speaker 25 It's the shirt you wear when you pick out the tree or you eat a candy cane.

Speaker 8 It's the shirt when you come down and you look at all those presents under the tree.

Speaker 22 You've got that shirt on from LL Bean, that flannel.

Speaker 24 All those holiday traditions.

Speaker 29 I'm going to get on a toboggan and roll down this hill.

Speaker 25 Yeah. I've got to wear that shirt.

Speaker 5 I've got to wear that LLB flannel.

Speaker 12 Oh, look at Santa Claus. Hello, Santa.

Speaker 21 I hope I'm wearing that LLB flannel.

Speaker 22 It's all things cozy.

Speaker 33 Ah, it's effortless. It's made to last.

Speaker 10 LLB.

Speaker 7 They know what they're doing and they have for a very long time.

Speaker 21 Go check out LLB and Flannel.

Speaker 5 Invited to the holiday since 1912.

Speaker 35 All right. Well,

Speaker 36 if we're listening to...

Speaker 37 A, I guess a hyperactive version of what are we listening to here, Jordan?

Speaker 39 Explain what this is.

Speaker 32 I'm gonna say that I hear nothing there's apparently a turn the knob on your headphone oh my god what an audio

Speaker 35 what an audio is I should have I should have explained that apologies Jordan that's my fault all right now let's take a listen

Speaker 35 this like a Duran Duran 12 inch like a knight version well oh I see you know what it is yeah this is a souped up version of Tom Sawyer Rush let's let's kill it now because I think we're the idea is to get listeners not drive them deep into the woods where they commit suicide.

Speaker 35 Mindless self-indulgence is the name of it.

Speaker 45 Yeah, which is the maybe the correct title for this episode.

Speaker 8 Welcome to the Conan and Jordan show.

Speaker 27 And we usually begin with the Rush song Tom Sawyer, which is that's your favorite band and maybe your favorite song of theirs.

Speaker 39 And then this was a hyped up version by the band Mindless Self-Indulgence.

Speaker 38 And that was a surprise for both of us.

Speaker 42 I didn't know that was going to play.

Speaker 35 Well, what I'm saying is we've had a bit of time off, and there's been a lot of time to think of ideas. And

Speaker 35 that's what you guys came up with.

Speaker 16 Don't include me in this. Oh, okay.

Speaker 20 I am. I am.

Speaker 14 What they did,

Speaker 44 imagine a Soviet-era space capsule. Right.

Speaker 33 And they put two chimps inside.

Speaker 24 Now, the scientists, the Russian scientists, have been working hard on blasting the chimps into space, but you and I are the chimps.

Speaker 49 Okay.

Speaker 48 So I am was unaware that that was going to happen.

Speaker 42 Okay.

Speaker 8 And I've done no preparation for this podcast. Right.

Speaker 35 Yeah, likewise. Now, is that the sense, do all your podcasts involve the same lack of preparation? Or do you somehow devalue this one with

Speaker 35 respect to some of the others?

Speaker 8 Colonel Bryan needs a friend.

Speaker 52 I actually care about those people. I see.

Speaker 24 We're talking about big stars like Al Pacino.

Speaker 42 I'll read his book. I'll think about all the things I want to talk to Al Pacino about.

Speaker 53 Makes sense.

Speaker 50 Or if I'm talking to President Barack Obama, I really...

Speaker 37 put a lot of thought into it.

Speaker 25 When they say,

Speaker 50 when I call in, as I do in the morning and say, who am I talking to today?

Speaker 6 And they say, It's you and Jordan, um, I actually stop off at UCLA and have a portion of my brain removed

Speaker 25 and destroyed.

Speaker 35 You know, I've heard you talk about when you have a big guest like Harrison Ford, that there are some extra people out there in the waiting room.

Speaker 35 You know, the whole staff shows up, people that don't need to be here. People are excited.
Yeah, I couldn't help but notice. I walked in, it is empty out there.
There is no one there.

Speaker 23 There's one tumbleweed.

Speaker 49 Um, and then the tumbleweed left. Listen, we have a lot to talk about.

Speaker 8 And Jordan, you know, I do treasure our friendship, if you can call it that.

Speaker 54 I don't know what it is, but we have a

Speaker 8 we have some kind of chemical bond which needs to be eradicated, like smallpox.

Speaker 24 But people are fascinated.

Speaker 39 They like to listen to us.

Speaker 36 They like to watch us travel the world.

Speaker 8 You've come with me on some of my adventures.

Speaker 24 And we have this show that we do, which

Speaker 55 people do enjoy, believe it or not.

Speaker 14 There's been great.

Speaker 35 I haven't seen the metrics.

Speaker 51 There are none.

Speaker 40 Okay.

Speaker 35 There are no metrics. No one even cares to measure.

Speaker 15 No, who would measure that?

Speaker 59 Right.

Speaker 29 But I want to start today with some, I think, good news for you. Oh.

Speaker 41 You have many pet peeves.

Speaker 54 You have many

Speaker 46 sort of causes that you champion,

Speaker 47 which are a waste of time.

Speaker 14 One is food coloring.

Speaker 42 You've been bothered about food coloring.

Speaker 36 Do you want to take us, give us just a quick tour of what you think about food coloring?

Speaker 35 Well, it becomes most apparent when you compare some American food products to their foreign equivalents,

Speaker 35 things like M ⁇ Ms, where if you get them in the United Kingdom, the colors come from things like vegetable juice. And the colors are a bit muted, I guess,

Speaker 35 compared to America's artificial colors.

Speaker 43 Like the British themselves are kind of washed out.

Speaker 35 Yeah. Well, they'll live a bit longer because they have...

Speaker 38 I think they all have massive heart attacks in their 50s.

Speaker 35 Right.

Speaker 50 Because of all the pints they've been having.

Speaker 16 Right. But anyway,

Speaker 3 you're saying that the UK, they use

Speaker 50 natural food coloring.

Speaker 35 They have more stringent requirements about limiting the types of artificial coloring that's used in our food.

Speaker 35 And when you talk about artificial flavor, I guess I could see the appeal in it because you want something to taste a certain way and you can't achieve it otherwise.

Speaker 35 But when you talk about artificial color, I mean, how shallow are we that we just need something to look a certain way? Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Speaker 61 Well, you've made the same point

Speaker 61 many times that you think the Europeans do things better than we do.

Speaker 14 Sometimes.

Speaker 15 Well, you tend to mostly lean that way.

Speaker 61 You seem a little anti-American to me.

Speaker 43 I want to tell you that you should be quite happy.

Speaker 8 Robert Kennedy Jr.,

Speaker 47 who is now the health czar of America.

Speaker 46 He's in charge of, and rightfully so, given his medical background and his knowledge and his years and years of

Speaker 36 study. I think he has a medical degree.

Speaker 45 Does he have a medical degree?

Speaker 32 Does anyone know?

Speaker 61 Are you looking it up right now?

Speaker 36 You don't have to. He does not.

Speaker 15 It's not important.

Speaker 8 Anyway,

Speaker 26 Robert Kennedy Jr., RFK Jr.,

Speaker 26 has decided to ban

Speaker 36 the artificial colors and dyes that are used in the United States.

Speaker 47 He wants to get rid of them.

Speaker 50 And this is one of those instances where what the government's doing aligns with what you believe in.

Speaker 8 And he is getting rid of those colors.

Speaker 43 And so

Speaker 14 probably

Speaker 47 one of the places you're going to see this most clearly is Fruit Loops.

Speaker 63 Yeah.

Speaker 49 Now, do you enjoy Fruit Loops, the cereal?

Speaker 35 They're not the ideal breakfast cereal, but yeah, I've been known to...

Speaker 64 Ideal in what way?

Speaker 35 Well, I did a deep comparison of different breakfast cereals recently. And Fruit Loops, while

Speaker 35 they have a lot of sweetness, which is enticing,

Speaker 35 the texture is a little bit too airy. I like a little bit more substance, like a golden grams is a little more um fulfilling in experience.

Speaker 55 Yeah, uh, I love fruit loops.

Speaker 42 Okay, I have long been a fruit loops fan.

Speaker 35 Do you know how to spell fruit loops? What are you talking about? Do you know how to spell fruit loops?

Speaker 60 F-R-O-O-T. Okay.

Speaker 15 L, just

Speaker 20 good job.

Speaker 35 Good job.

Speaker 38 I went to Harvard. Yeah.

Speaker 42 You don't think I know how to spell fruit loops?

Speaker 15 Right. Okay.

Speaker 59 Um,

Speaker 58 so

Speaker 8 fruit loops in the future, very soon, they they have like fluorescent colors now,

Speaker 60 which I love, by the way.

Speaker 56 Those are going to be gone and they'll have a more

Speaker 8 muted tones.

Speaker 35 You may call it muted. I call it natural.

Speaker 35 The way colors occur in nature.

Speaker 8 Yeah, but I think that man's job on Earth is to improve upon nature.

Speaker 35 They will taste the same. And I don't know what pleasure you derive in looking at that.

Speaker 14 I love the blue color.

Speaker 8 And I like the way the colors change the milk.

Speaker 47 The great thing about Fruit Loops with all of the radioactive dyes that we use in the United States

Speaker 33 is that you can turn off the lights and like an alarm clock, you can see, you can still see the little

Speaker 49 that's lit up. That's what I love about Fruit Loops.

Speaker 35 I don't even eat cereal in milk.

Speaker 49 You know what's amazing? What's that?

Speaker 58 Fruity pebbles. Have you had fruity pebbles?

Speaker 35 Yeah, they're a little, their texture is a little bit too slight for me.

Speaker 38 I love that texture.

Speaker 34 I love how small they are. And they're so small.

Speaker 35 So many specifically dislike that. They're like slivers.

Speaker 36 Okay, well, this is why you and I should never occupy a cell in a prison together because we just don't get along on some of the major life issues.

Speaker 37 But the colors in Fruity Pebbles are insane.

Speaker 39 I've never done LSD. Okay.

Speaker 43 And I don't have to because I've had Fruity Pebbles.

Speaker 35 Well, you better stock up now, apparently.

Speaker 50 Well, the nice thing is I can stock up and they'll never go bad because of the dyes.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 47 There's it's true that any box of fruit loops you buy today will exist in its intact form 10,000 years from now and will be edible.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 50 Great improv, by the way.

Speaker 34 Okay.

Speaker 35 I love that we're discussing current events. I like that this has become the format of the show.

Speaker 44 What else is in the news? And we'll wait.

Speaker 14 Robert,

Speaker 35 just inform me in advance if we're going to be changing the format of the show. No, no.
I mean, we spoke for an hour about breakfast cereal like two weeks ago. If you want to continue, we can.

Speaker 35 I'm assuming this is leading to something. Where's the payoff coming?

Speaker 37 I'm just telling you that we like to occasionally cover current events.

Speaker 34 Okay.

Speaker 29 This is a current event.

Speaker 8 It's in the news today. Okay.
That Robert Kennedy Jr., the very well-qualified government official in charge

Speaker 24 in the cabinet, in the Trump cabinet, who's in charge of our health and our welfare, who's done,

Speaker 46 I'm assuming, just years and years and years of hardcore research and study,

Speaker 52 has decided that this is the best course of action.

Speaker 41 And I'm assuming it's a good idea. And I think you agree.

Speaker 35 If you're looking for a political opinion, I have none to offer. I am happy to hear that the United States is moving in the right direction with respect to artificial colors.

Speaker 20 Now,

Speaker 48 do you hate bright colors in general?

Speaker 35 No, I have no problems with bright colors, but I have a problem with artificial colors.

Speaker 47 Okay, but when you see a movie, you know that they're doing, sometimes there's going to be some enhancement to the colors and things like that.

Speaker 46 When you see your beloved Star Wars.

Speaker 35 When you call it an enhancement, I call it like an HDR color grade in the HDR 10 color space, or perhaps the Dolphy Vision color space, maybe even HDR 10 Plus.

Speaker 35 Of course, I understand that movies are graded. You're talking to an expert here.
You come in there talking about enhancement.

Speaker 43 Do you want to apologize? Yeah.

Speaker 35 I could tell you, I could tell you the IRE level, 400 nits. You're coming to me.
You're coming to me like I'm a chimp explaining.

Speaker 63 You asked me to

Speaker 63 spell fruitless. Yeah, like please.
You thought I was going to think it was F.

Speaker 11 R-U-I-T? Yeah.

Speaker 35 And let's not pretend that everyone everyone knows that it's F-I-R-E-T-I-T-I-C-S-E-L-A- Of course they know it's that.

Speaker 63 You wouldn't call them real F-F.

Speaker 63 No one would do that.

Speaker 14 No, no, no, no. No,

Speaker 30 no, no one asks for, I would like the loops.

Speaker 35 How do you spell fruity pebbles?

Speaker 37 Fruity Pebbles is actually F-R-U-I-T.

Speaker 35 Just testing you again.

Speaker 12 No, it is.

Speaker 1 Well, this is what I majored in in college.

Speaker 22 I wrote a thesis on fruity pebbles versus fruit loops.

Speaker 67 Guess what?

Speaker 17 Summa cum laude.

Speaker 20 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 39 I actually went to Oxford and was given several prizes for this dissertation, if you will.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 51 Well, we're going to move on.

Speaker 35 But I hope so. I thought this was going somewhere.
That was it.

Speaker 35 That was the climax of that particular hunk.

Speaker 44 You should be pleased with how that went. All right.

Speaker 67 Because I have great, I've listened to some of our last conversations.

Speaker 23 This is a home run compared to some of them.

Speaker 21 Good stuff. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 24 And I just want you to know that that's what's happening in the news, and I'm glad you're happy. Right.

Speaker 67 That your choice,

Speaker 1 your choice for the person who would lead this nation on health,

Speaker 41 Robert F.

Speaker 42 Kennedy Jr., has is in full agreement with you on most everything.

Speaker 38 Maybe we could talk about interest rates next.

Speaker 15 No, no, no, no. Yeah.

Speaker 55 You're also an anti-vaxxer, I believe.

Speaker 52 Just going to get that out there.

Speaker 55 Anti-vaxxer.

Speaker 45 And a flat earther, I believe, as well. You think if you go too far in Europe looking for a cappuccino, you'll fall off the edge of the earth.
Is that true?

Speaker 42 And then a dinosaur will eat you.

Speaker 1 Say hello to the all-new Alexa Plus and see how Alexa can do so much more for you.

Speaker 3 Need last-minute concert tickets?

Speaker 4 Craving your favorite restaurant?

Speaker 5 Just sit back, relax, and talk naturally.

Speaker 6 Alexa's on it.

Speaker 8 It remembers what you love, anticipates what you need, and makes it all happen.

Speaker 3 Whether you're using Echo, Fire TV, or any compatible device, Alexa Plus brings thousands of possibilities to life.

Speaker 11 Everything.

Speaker 12 The fact that you can just order concert tickets through her, that's crazy.

Speaker 13 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 14 You didn't know that?

Speaker 15 Even I knew that.

Speaker 13 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 10 And I fought in World War I and I know that.

Speaker 17 Ready whenever, and yeah, and you were born in the second Obama administration.

Speaker 11 This is incredible.

Speaker 18 Ready whenever inspiration strikes, amazon.com slash new Alexa.

Speaker 4 I'm sure a lot of you out there are plain Coca-Cola people, and that's respectable.

Speaker 5 Trust me, I'm one.

Speaker 22 Yes, I am.

Speaker 41 You've many times seen me just, I like to order just a Coca-Cola.

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Speaker 31 Jordan,

Speaker 50 you and I have spent a lot of time together.

Speaker 47 Yes. And you have certain obsessions.
One of them is pronunciation.

Speaker 47 It's important to you.

Speaker 63 Yeah.

Speaker 59 And

Speaker 47 sometimes your pronunciation

Speaker 47 of words is

Speaker 47 quite different than not just me, but what most people would think is the correct pronunciation.

Speaker 35 That may be the case. I can't speak for how people interpret the things I say.

Speaker 50 When you and I were doing the travel show for Max.

Speaker 26 And we were in Argentina.

Speaker 47 I said it would be a good idea if we took lessons and learned how to dance the tango.

Speaker 47 You corrected me and said it's the tongo.

Speaker 42 That's the closest I've ever come to hitting you.

Speaker 43 I've slapped you before, but I've never struck you with a closed fist.

Speaker 47 That's the closest I ever came to striking you. You insisted it was the tongo,

Speaker 47 and it was an insane moment.

Speaker 61 Okay.

Speaker 46 And I think if you go online, people will realize that you were in the wrong.

Speaker 20 Well,

Speaker 47 you're constantly correcting my pronunciation, and I think you're errant.

Speaker 47 I decided to bring somebody in who actually knows about linguistics, and I believe you're a big fan of his YouTube channel.

Speaker 15 I'm talking about Luke Ranieri. Oh, yes.

Speaker 26 Excellent. Luke Ranieri is here, and he's going to come in now.
I think he's being probably...

Speaker 44 Oh, here he is.

Speaker 55 Hello, Luke. How are you?

Speaker 69 I'm great, Quinnen.

Speaker 2 How you doing?

Speaker 52 Tell me a little bit about yourself because I'm not knowledgeable about your YouTube channel.

Speaker 8 But thank you so much for joining us.

Speaker 47 Tell us a little bit about how you became fascinated with pronunciation, linguistics.

Speaker 72 Oh, thanks for having me. Yeah.

Speaker 69 I just fell in love with Italian and then later Latin. And for whatever reason, I wanted to speak Latin.
I was just, for no reason, I was just a weirdo like that.

Speaker 69 And so wanting to speak an ancient language, I wanted to just figure out how it's actually pronounced. And thankfully, lots of people smarter than me wrote lots of books about that.

Speaker 69 And so I studied that. And then eventually I started talking about that on YouTube, how to pronounce Latin and ancient Greek in ancient pronunciations.

Speaker 47 Well, I don't know how familiar you are with my dynamic with Jordan Schlansky, but for many years now, he and I have

Speaker 56 sort of like the coyote and the roadrunner, we've been at war

Speaker 54 and

Speaker 47 we disagree about a lot of things. Jordan is constantly correcting my pronunciation of certain words.

Speaker 23 There are times where I'm convinced he's wrong.

Speaker 47 He thought instead of tango, the word was tongo.

Speaker 7 I don't know where you weigh in on that one, whether it's tango or tongo.

Speaker 69 Well, in Spanish, it's it's tango, but so that's a short a sound, and a short a can go either towards a

Speaker 17 depending on

Speaker 8 anything, but it's not, he was saying tongo the way Tarzan would, would Tarzan would name a fellow ape.

Speaker 23 Hey, tongo, come here.

Speaker 65 Would you agree that tongo would be incorrect?

Speaker 70 It could be tongo, a quicker A.

Speaker 49 I accept that, but I will not accept tongo.

Speaker 69 I liked your Spanish pronunciation when you said tango. That sounded good to me.
Tongo, si.

Speaker 17 Oh, diochmio.

Speaker 20 Yes.

Speaker 44 But okay, as for English, I think you can go a lot of ways.

Speaker 37 Okay, would you just please agree with me before we proceed that tongo, T-O-N-G-O, with a long-term

Speaker 35 T-O-N-G O, it's El Tango. It's El Tango.

Speaker 35 I didn't make the word up. I'm only reciting it.

Speaker 64 Luke,

Speaker 35 there's no shortage of Spanish-speaking people in this town.

Speaker 35 You've got a celebrity here. You've got one of the few men on earth that can currently speak Latin, both classical and ecclesiastical.
And you're asking about Spanish.

Speaker 35 We have 10 people in the building that speak fluent Spanish. Luke? You're wasting this man's time.

Speaker 65 Would you say tongo or would you say tongo?

Speaker 69 Tongo sounds too much like Star Trek.

Speaker 34 Yeah, thank you. That's all we need.
Star Trek, D.C. Thank you so much.

Speaker 27 Now, before we continue, I'd like to know how to pronounce your name.

Speaker 44 Is it Luke Ranieri or is it Ranyeri? Ranieri?

Speaker 60 What do you prefer?

Speaker 69 So, in English, I do Ranieri, boo. And in Italian, it's Ranieri.

Speaker 67 I think Ranieri sounds better.

Speaker 69 I like it fine.

Speaker 34 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 70 And how do you go with Luke?

Speaker 64 Are you Luke?

Speaker 62 Like, Luke, I am your father.

Speaker 47 That would please my compatriot here who's a big Star Wars fan.

Speaker 52 It's his religion. Me too.

Speaker 60 Do you go with Luke

Speaker 62 or just Luke?

Speaker 14 I have a brother and I call him Luke.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 35 Yeah. You're not going to divide us.
We have a pre-existing relationship. Do you understand? You're the,

Speaker 35 I see where you're trying to go with this. I'm going to spoiler alert right now.
He and I are aligned.

Speaker 12 Oh, really? Have you ever?

Speaker 63 You guys are aligned.

Speaker 31 We may have small times. Have you ever danced?

Speaker 12 Have you ever danced the tongo together?

Speaker 69 Well, gentlemen, later we may have a chance to test this and

Speaker 69 with a little bit of a competition. We'll find out later.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 59 Now,

Speaker 24 there are some words I think you and I have spoken before.

Speaker 27 You'll often give me what you say is the correct Latin pronunciation of certain words

Speaker 37 or names, like Julius Caesar.

Speaker 37 We say Julius Caesar, and what do you say, Jordan?

Speaker 35 Gaius Julius Geyser.

Speaker 37 He says Gaius Julius Geyser.

Speaker 63 No, that's not what I said.

Speaker 44 What did you say?

Speaker 35 No, I said Gaius Julius Geyser. Okay.

Speaker 37 And is that correct, Luke?

Speaker 69 For a classical Latin pronunciation, I think that's very good.

Speaker 35 Now, do you think you're not going to win here? I see why you're trying to go. Keep trying.

Speaker 35 Now, is it perfect? No, of course not. Is it better than what you're throwing out of that pie hole? Of course it is.

Speaker 49 So, my speaking is hurling things out of a pie hole.

Speaker 1 So, what you're saying, Jordan,

Speaker 49 is do you say Jordan? How do you pronounce it? Jordan. Jordan? Yeah.

Speaker 64 Oh, I say Jurian.

Speaker 63 Gaius.

Speaker 1 And what do you say, Julius?

Speaker 14 Julius and Geyser.

Speaker 35 Geyser. Well, that's the classical Latin, of course.
It's Cesar in the Ecclesiastical Latin. You should know that.
You're a Roman Catholic.

Speaker 24 So Cesar Romero is your favorite joker.

Speaker 57 Sure.

Speaker 38 Okay, how about Socrates?

Speaker 37 What do you, first of all, what do you say?

Speaker 52 Socrates. Socrates.
What do you say, Luke?

Speaker 69 So, Socrates is the modern Greek pronunciation. Jordan did it perfectly.
Ancient pronunciation, say classical Attic pronunciation, Socrates.

Speaker 8 Oh, you never did that one. That actually sounds like if I was getting directions, you know, in my car, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 36 From a GPS,

Speaker 28 you know what I mean?

Speaker 41 And it said that I had to take a left on Socrates Boulevard.

Speaker 55 It would go, take a left on Socrates Boulevard. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 34 That's what a little bit of what it sounds like.

Speaker 37 I think most GPS voices are probably programmed to speak.

Speaker 54 in the correct ancient Latin.

Speaker 56 And that's why it sounds so weird to us.

Speaker 37 Do you agree with that?

Speaker 35 I have a real agenda with this man. If we have his time, I have questions.
Okay. I know you have bits that you have planned.

Speaker 63 I'm not doing anything.

Speaker 35 I'd like him to rattle off every astrological sign in Latin. I'd like you to tell me how to pronounce Tyrannosaurus Rex in Latin.
I want to know how to say Brontosaurus. I want to know.

Speaker 14 All right. Okay.

Speaker 35 I have real questions here. Okay.
All right. I think our viewers would.

Speaker 37 I'm going to

Speaker 8 ask the astrological signs because that's just cheesy, and you're probably going to use that on some dating website.

Speaker 52 Tyrannosaurus Rex, what would be the correct way to say Tyrannosaurus Rex?

Speaker 69 Tyrannosaurus Rex with a classical Latin pronunciation.

Speaker 61 Wow, that's a real deal-breaker for me.

Speaker 34 I mean, you're talking to a kid.

Speaker 8 Let's say you're talking to a kid and you just want to say, oh, and let's go to the museum.

Speaker 17 I don't want to go.

Speaker 20 I don't want to go.

Speaker 17 No, come on.

Speaker 6 It's really cool. They have a T-Rex there.

Speaker 12 Oh, cool.

Speaker 23 I will go to the museum. I love a T-Rex.

Speaker 1 Jordan, when he's talking to his kids, he's going to say, Do you want to come see a Turanus

Speaker 18 And the kid's going to go, no,

Speaker 18 I don't. And so your kids are never going to see a natural history museum in their lives because you're such a freak.

Speaker 38 Okay.

Speaker 55 Brontosaurus.

Speaker 36 How do you say it?

Speaker 69 Brontosaurus.

Speaker 69 From the word bronte, meaning thunder in Greek. And of course, the saurus means a lizard or a reptile.

Speaker 44 Of course.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 72 Now, caveat.

Speaker 69 We have all these Latin words.

Speaker 49 Is caveat the way to say it?

Speaker 17 Or is it caveat?

Speaker 44 Oh, I say caveat.

Speaker 69 Caviat means may he or she be careful. Watch out, kawiat.

Speaker 69 But the caveat I would bring up is the fact that we have these names from Latin, ancient Greek, other languages, and we've anglicized them like Caesar. And, you know,

Speaker 69 we can say,

Speaker 69 if we're speaking in Latin, we'll say gaisar or geisar, potentially. But in English, yeah, we have these English pronunciations like Caesar and Tranosaurus Rex.

Speaker 37 I mean, I would like to see you go,

Speaker 61 you know, to

Speaker 2 an olive garden and ask for a Geysar salad and see what you get.

Speaker 66 You know what I mean? It's not going to happen.

Speaker 52 Okay.

Speaker 23 So I think sometimes it's off-putting.

Speaker 38 I guess that's what I would say to you, Luke.

Speaker 8 I appreciate your knowledge and I appreciate that someone is making sure they understand the

Speaker 46 long-dead pronunciation of these names.

Speaker 43 But when Jordan does it in real life, it can feel like a down

Speaker 39 and it can be socially a little awkward.

Speaker 24 Could you see how that would be...

Speaker 69 Having done that for a long time and then changing my own behavior, yes, I can understand that.

Speaker 49 So you modified your behavior because you realize I'm not going to say Geysar.

Speaker 8 I'm going to say, yeah, well, Caesar was stabbed on the eyes of March

Speaker 8 by the senators.

Speaker 37 That's what you would say.

Speaker 64 You wouldn't say Geysar, right?

Speaker 69 Usually talking about history, yeah, Caesar was stabbed by Brutus and Cassius and the rest of the conspirators.

Speaker 23 So you learn that Luke, because he's a human and has lived among humans, has altered his behavior somewhat, even though he is an expert

Speaker 8 far more than you at all these pronunciations.

Speaker 37 He has altered his behavior somewhat in order to

Speaker 39 fit in society better.

Speaker 38 Yeah.

Speaker 35 He has a forum to disperse his knowledge.

Speaker 14 He has an excellent

Speaker 14 expertise.

Speaker 63 It's called Furum.

Speaker 12 That's close.

Speaker 35 He has a couple of YouTube channels where he can talk about these things. This is my forum.
Do you understand? This is my chance. Do you know what I've done here? I've started a dialogue.

Speaker 35 There are millions of people listening right now that now know how to pronounce

Speaker 35 that. And it never even occurred to them before.
Right. And they know how to pronounce the real names of dinosaurs.
I'd like to cover Greek gods.

Speaker 35 I want to talk about things like habeas corpus and Eploribus unum. We say these words every day, but where they come from.

Speaker 37 You're providing a service.

Speaker 39 So many dates aren't going to happen because you've provided this knowledge so many guys are going to be at bars and they're going to say by the way it's not caesar it's geyser and then they're going to go to say something else and the the girl is gone uh-huh so in fairness in fairness codena my my fiancé liked me because i was talking about those things that's how we met i think she's italian i he has a beautiful fiancé this man is i just want you to respect him

Speaker 12 right now okay can i just say one thing

Speaker 71 I have no proof.

Speaker 18 There's no proof here that you're fiancé.

Speaker 22 It could be the old girlfriend in Canada bit.

Speaker 71 We have no proof that this girlfriend's real.

Speaker 24 She's probably in Mexico.

Speaker 69 The pictures are right here.

Speaker 12 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 68 Oh, I've got a picture too. Do you want to see the picture of my girlfriend?

Speaker 37 Yeah, it's it.

Speaker 8 I've got lots of pictures of my girlfriends from the past.

Speaker 67 Now they're going to look a little like supermodels that you've seen, but they were really my girlfriends.

Speaker 35 Do you know that you're not an Aries? You're an Adias.

Speaker 54 I didn't know that.

Speaker 44 Yeah, I didn't know.

Speaker 35 Well, now you learn something new. And you could, for the rest of your life, you know, what is your, what is I'm an Adias too.
Yeah. Well, you're April 18th.
You should know my birthday.

Speaker 35 It's five days before yours. I shared it with Dex Weinberg.

Speaker 42 I don't know your birthday.

Speaker 61 Okay. Because I don't want to know your birthday.

Speaker 35 Maybe after 30 years, it's time that you learned these things. You could have wished me well.

Speaker 44 Happy belated birthdays. Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 21 Thank you so much.

Speaker 37 We,

Speaker 64 well, how would you say?

Speaker 24 Are you familiar with the Karate Kid movies?

Speaker 14 Absolutely.

Speaker 36 You know who they starred?

Speaker 8 They starred Ralph Macchio.

Speaker 41 How would you pronounce his name?

Speaker 69 I remember it's M-A-C-C-H-I-O, right?

Speaker 15 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 69 Macchio. That's in Italian.
It's Macchio. Yeah.

Speaker 35 Ralph Macchio, Lou Farigno.

Speaker 63 Lou Farigno, the Hulk? Lou Farino, the Hulk.

Speaker 1 But here's where we get into an interesting thing.

Speaker 28 There is how they're known, meaning how they are known throughout the world.

Speaker 8 So you could be a huge fan of Ralph Macchio.

Speaker 25 I'm sure even if you pulled Ralph, if a state trooper pulled over a sports car and the plate said Karate Kid 1, Karate Kid 2, whatever, it was a vanity license plate, and the thing went down and he said, license and registration, what's your name, sir?

Speaker 46 And it was Ralph, the star of those films.

Speaker 36 And he said,

Speaker 36 he would say, I'm Ralph Macchio.

Speaker 27 He wouldn't say, I'm Ralph Macchio.

Speaker 6 So

Speaker 24 this is important to me that you're saying what you think it should have been 10,000 years ago, but

Speaker 51 no one calls it that.

Speaker 28 I mean, my name is Conan O'Brien.

Speaker 48 What would my name have been,

Speaker 36 you know, 800 years ago in Ireland?

Speaker 69 I assume it was something like Goanan, because I think that's what it is in Irish, Goanan.

Speaker 17 But yeah, that's a really good point. But O'Brien is a good idea.
I think you make a good point.

Speaker 65 It'd be Gaelic. I don't know.
But that is not my name.

Speaker 2 My name is Conan O'Brien.

Speaker 69 That's true. Though if we Latinized your name, it would be Conanus Brienius or something like that, which would sound cool.

Speaker 69 We like to Latinize our names when we speak because it makes it easier for different parts of the grammar. So

Speaker 69 we have Conanus, Briennius, and Jordanes, Lanskius.

Speaker 31 And those work.

Speaker 37 Do you wish that I called you that?

Speaker 35 No, I like to, I appreciate all these factoids. Many people spend time on the internet watching various things.

Speaker 35 I appreciate spending a couple hours watching Luke and his excellent dissertations about any number of subjects. However, I believe in staying true to one's background,

Speaker 35 so to speak. So I would want to know more of the Polish-Russian origins of my name and Irish for yours.
But yeah, there are so many things

Speaker 35 I have to ask Luke, but I'll have to save them for another time because it appears you have an agenda of jokes and quips. So

Speaker 35 I'll let you take the lead. I'll let you take the lead and we'll converse offline.

Speaker 14 Why don't you test us, Luke?

Speaker 8 Why don't you test us on the pronunciations of historical Greek and Roman names?

Speaker 38 Do you think that's maybe a good test for the both of us, and we'll see?

Speaker 69 I think that's a great idea. Let's try that.
And let's start with

Speaker 69 what we're going to do. We're going to play a little game.

Speaker 20 Okay.

Speaker 69 And you'll both get the chance to steal.

Speaker 69 Now, let's start with speaking of the assassination of

Speaker 69 Julius Kaisar. Thir was one of the men behind it.
Now, Conan, we're going to start with you.

Speaker 69 You can pronounce his whole name or just that?

Speaker 17 We'll call it last.

Speaker 36 Well, he was stabbed by Brutus, and so I'm just going to say it was Brutus.

Speaker 69 And now you've got to try to do it in a classical Latin pronunciation. Best you can.

Speaker 64 Marcus Junius.

Speaker 69 Was that it? Not bad.

Speaker 72 Not bad. Yeah, I just did it.

Speaker 24 I did it the stupidest way I could think of, and you said that was pretty close.

Speaker 37 Now you go for it there, Chimpy.

Speaker 35 I would go with Marcus Junius Brutus.

Speaker 69 Okay, I'm going to give that point to Jordan.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 62 So when he said you too, Brutus, he was saying etu brutus.

Speaker 20 Brute.

Speaker 20 Brutu.

Speaker 64 So you too, Brutus.

Speaker 14 Okay.

Speaker 69 Yeah.

Speaker 39 That's a lot to get out while you're.

Speaker 8 I mean, he was bleeding out of, I think, maybe 35 different knife wounds, and he had to get all that out.

Speaker 69 Some historians say he didn't say anything. Others said he, in fact, said, he said in Greek, kaischute non, and you, my child, and you, my son.
Yeah. And others, etu brute is a nice one.

Speaker 42 And also, there's one account where he just went, what the fuck?

Speaker 35 What the fuck? Can you imagine if you can go back in time in a time machine and hear everyone? How beautiful is that? Even when he says something like etu brute.

Speaker 35 Can you imagine hearing everyone speaking like that, dressed in their togas?

Speaker 21 I can imagine the togas. Yeah.

Speaker 46 I do that a lot. Yeah.

Speaker 66 Okay. Continue, sir.

Speaker 69 All right. So speaking of, speaking of Brutus, this was his wife.
How is this pronounced pronounced in Latin? Jordan, we're going to start with you.

Speaker 14 Classical Latin

Speaker 35 porchia.

Speaker 63 And I'd go ecclesiastical.

Speaker 35 I'd go porcha.

Speaker 62 I'm going to go porch. Very nice.

Speaker 12 I'm going to go porchia.

Speaker 69 Not bad, but I think I'm going to have to give that point to Jordan. And it's called her porch.

Speaker 17 See how Joshua fixes it.

Speaker 20 Okay.

Speaker 69 It means

Speaker 14 little piglet.

Speaker 44 That's great.

Speaker 8 That's great. That's some real misogyny there from Brutus.

Speaker 66 Hey, Kay, little piglet.

Speaker 29 Come here.

Speaker 66 That's nice. Women love it when you call them little piglet.

Speaker 67 I'm going to go home donight to my wife and say, hey, there, little piglet.

Speaker 69 You know, it's even worse because, in a way, women in ancient Rome didn't get their own names. The usual name that they were called was just the feminine version of their father's family tribe name.

Speaker 69 Yep.

Speaker 43 They wonder why that empire fell and is no more.

Speaker 23 When you don't treat the women right, the empire crumbles.

Speaker 53 A word of warning.

Speaker 69 Well, how about a poet or two?

Speaker 69 Let's start start with this one. First, Conan, can you guess what we call this poet in English? Because it's a little bit different.

Speaker 48 I'm going to say in English, it's Virgilius.

Speaker 69 Oh, that's right. Yeah, Virgil.
Very good.

Speaker 69 And

Speaker 69 give your best classical Latin pronunciation, Conan.

Speaker 35 Vergilius.

Speaker 20 Not bad. Not bad.

Speaker 69 You know what?

Speaker 69 Because you guessed it was Virgil, and the Vergilius sounded pretty good. We pronounced the V as a W.

Speaker 29 I was going to go that way.

Speaker 27 I could have gone that way, way, but I knew that it was a fork in the road and I could take either one.

Speaker 20 I like that. That was good.

Speaker 72 I think I get that point.

Speaker 27 We don't even have to try, Jordan.

Speaker 69 I'm giving that point. Just so you know, we're keeping score.
This is a free and fair game show, so this is all

Speaker 69 correct and above board.

Speaker 36 Of the game shows that have existed in the world, this might be the worst.

Speaker 38 And I say that with kindness, but let's continue.

Speaker 72 And that may be.

Speaker 69 Well, let's take this one.

Speaker 69 Jordan, what poet is this in English? What do we call him in English?

Speaker 63 Horatio in English?

Speaker 20 Not usually. Oh.

Speaker 35 It's Horace.

Speaker 69 That's right.

Speaker 69 Conan is correct. And how would we pronounce this in classical Latin, Jordan?

Speaker 64 Horatius.

Speaker 35 Horatius? Yeah.

Speaker 20 Very good.

Speaker 49 I'm sorry.

Speaker 23 You got to give me both of those points.

Speaker 69 I got to give you both a point.

Speaker 66 I knew it was Horace.

Speaker 42 He didn't even know who it was.

Speaker 27 Well, how many points do we have now?

Speaker 69 We have three to two Jordans in the lead.

Speaker 23 Okay, let's go one more time, and you have to ask me first.

Speaker 69 Okay, let's do a Greek one.

Speaker 69 This is a mythological figure.

Speaker 34 Of course, we would know him as Odysseus, right?

Speaker 17 Very good.

Speaker 49 But in the Greek, it would be Odysseus.

Speaker 67 Adiosis.

Speaker 67 Adius, get to the chopper.

Speaker 12 It's not a tumor.

Speaker 67 Odysseus.

Speaker 12 Odysseus. Odysseus,

Speaker 64 Odysseus.

Speaker 72 What do you think? We get it there.

Speaker 69 Yes, you are. Yeah, definitely getting there.
Jordan.

Speaker 35 Well, first of all, we know Odysseus was Ulysses in Rome. And

Speaker 35 despite the pronunciation, which I'm not familiar with, I will tell you that a lot of people know about the Iliad, but do they also know about the Odyssey?

Speaker 35 Do people know that nobody could string Odysseus' bow except his son Telemachus, or is it Telemachus? And he had all these suitors coming after his wife,

Speaker 35 and he had a dog, and the dog was the only one that recognized. They thought he was dead, and he comes back, and the dog is the only one that recognizes him.

Speaker 35 And all these suitors are trying to string this bow, but they can't string the bow.

Speaker 35 And then Odysseus gets up there in disguise, and he strings the bow, and he executes the suitors, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Speaker 49 If you were on the street in, say, San Diego and it was two o'clock in the morning and you said all of that, the police would put a blanket around you and they would take you to a shelter and you'd be medicated.

Speaker 56 Right.

Speaker 27 And the body cam footage would totally exonerate those policemen.

Speaker 35 I understand.

Speaker 29 You just rave like an absolute fucking lunatic. Yeah.

Speaker 28 And even I

Speaker 8 mean, you have the safety of being on a Zoom, Luke, but even you retreated somewhat from the camera. Wasn't that a little bit frightening, the intensity of that speech?

Speaker 69 Well, it's kind of like, you know, Tower of Terror. Sometimes frightening is enjoyable.

Speaker 35 There are people out there that appreciate me. You need to understand that.

Speaker 14 I haven't met them. I'm not sure.

Speaker 63 I'm terrorizing individuals. Yeah, there's a Yeti.

Speaker 17 There's a Yeti out there, and I haven't met it.

Speaker 67 I've heard tell, but no one has footage.

Speaker 18 I have never seen even a photograph of someone who enjoys what you're saying.

Speaker 37 Right.

Speaker 35 What I'm saying is, you know, I am polarizing. I understand that.
There are people who are.

Speaker 67 No, polarizing means half are with you, half are against you.

Speaker 63 That's fine. You aren't polarizing.

Speaker 37 You are completely alienating.

Speaker 51 Okay.

Speaker 23 No one is in your corner.

Speaker 21 I've never met anybody who's in your corner. Okay.
Ever.

Speaker 63 All right. Ever.

Speaker 35 I understand. Ever.
The people that dislike me, I get it.

Speaker 14 I really do. That's called humanity.

Speaker 12 That's called humanity.

Speaker 18 That's the population of Earth. Yeah.

Speaker 35 But the people that can tolerate me, I get you too.

Speaker 11 I'd like to meet them. Yeah.

Speaker 54 All right. Well, I want to thank you, Luke.

Speaker 27 It has been lovely talking to you.

Speaker 24 And I do appreciate what you do.

Speaker 8 You seem like a lovely person.

Speaker 25 I am going to check out your YouTube channel.

Speaker 27 I want to give you a shout out, Luke.

Speaker 24 Ranieri, or you would say Rainieri.

Speaker 35 No, he wouldn't. He said Ranieri.

Speaker 34 Don't argue. The man who actually knows it's his name.

Speaker 35 Yeah, well, you don't know. He knows.

Speaker 1 How can they access your YouTube channel?

Speaker 38 What's the best way to find it?

Speaker 69 Well, yeah, if you search for Luke Ranieri, you'll find both of them really easily. Great.
And otherwise, the main channel is called Polymathy. It's like polymath with a Y at the end.

Speaker 20 Polymathy.

Speaker 69 And you can find a lot of my videos that way.

Speaker 27 Well, I am a fan of people who know their stuff. You seem to know your stuff, and you seem like a very affable fellow.

Speaker 36 And so I wish you all the best.

Speaker 8 And it really has been nice talking to you.

Speaker 23 Thank you for intervening here because this was an intervention.

Speaker 28 And

Speaker 65 Jordan, I do think now you may know some of what you're talking about.

Speaker 42 Okay. I still think you're completely wrong on Tongo.

Speaker 61 And I know that Luke agreed with me on that.

Speaker 47 And that'll wrap this section up.

Speaker 67 Okay.

Speaker 49 For better or worse, and I...

Speaker 36 Well, I'm going to say worse.

Speaker 25 This was the Conan and Jordan show.

Speaker 8 And Jordan, once again, I wouldn't say say it's a pleasure, but it certainly is an experience.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 25 You are so additive to the process.

Speaker 8 You're sullen, okay.

Speaker 35 If I have nothing to contribute, I'm not going to pretend to contribute.

Speaker 63 Okay.

Speaker 35 But you know, when I do say something, it means something.

Speaker 49 Okay. Are you about to snap?

Speaker 35 I have nothing to say right now.

Speaker 55 Okay.

Speaker 56 Well, for a guy with nothing to say, you are very animated and you seem furious.

Speaker 56 So we're going to go to take this out.

Speaker 50 This has been our episode of the Conan and Jordan Show.

Speaker 25 We hope you enjoyed it.

Speaker 50 We certainly have an interesting time making these.

Speaker 45 We hope you find value in this process.

Speaker 61 I'm just going to mutter on my way out.

Speaker 35 Jordan?

Speaker 35 I have nothing to mutter.

Speaker 73 The Conan and Jordan Show with Conan O'Brien and Jordan Shalansky is produced by me, Frank Smiley. Executive produced produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Jim McClure.

Speaker 73 Engineering and Mixing by Eduardo Perez.

Speaker 73 Our supervising producer is Andrew Groos. Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.
The theme song is Tom Sawyer by Rush.

Speaker 73 You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan and Jordan?

Speaker 73 Call the Team Cocoa Hotline, 669-587-2847, and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode.

Speaker 73 And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. And be sure to subscribe and tune into Conan O'Brien Radio, Channel 104 on SiriusXM.

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