Ryan Reynolds

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Uncrustables are the best part of the sandwich.

I mean, we've been thinking that.

Why does he say it, right, Sona?

Yeah, like, who needs a crust?

You've been saying that since the day I met you 15 years ago, Sona.

You said, who needs the crust?

And I said, first of all, my name's Conan.

You know,

anyway, it's the perfect grab and go for all of life's moments with unbeatable soft bread and a variety of flavors, like, well, peanut butter and grape jelly, peanut butter and strawberry jam.

Hello.

Peanut butter and raspberry spread and so much more.

No mess, no prep, just thaw and eat.

Yep, get them in the freezer aisle today.

Hi, my name is Ryan Reynolds.

And I feel

philodendrous

about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

Little who's Harry Crumb reference there for you.

Philodendrous, look it up.

Look it up.

I believe he says Philodendron, but that didn't work.

So you changed it to Philodendris.

Correct.

You know what you are?

Yes.

And I'm sorry.

You're a son of a bitch.

Oh, I am.

Fall is here.

Hear the yell.

Back to school.

Ring the bell.

Brand new shoes.

Walking blues.

Climb the fence.

Books and pens.

I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Hey there and welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend and I do.

I need a friend.

It's never too late to become my chum.

Joined by Sona Movsession.

How are you Sona?

Good to see you.

I'm nine.

I'm doing all right.

You're doing okay?

Yeah.

And Matthew Gorley.

Hi.

And Sona, quickly,

we should address the fact that you did lose your house in the fire, but you guys have found a new place that you might be moving into.

We have, yeah.

In fact, I was there yesterday for an inspection and I ran into a really nice man named Richard walking his dog.

And he said, I usually listen to you while I'm walking my dog.

And yeah.

And I was like, I get to live by a fan.

That's nice.

Yeah.

That's nice.

Yeah.

It is nice.

You hesitated for a second.

No, I mean, like, you know.

There's no way.

No, that's great.

It's good.

It's good.

It's a good thing.

He's really nice and it's a really nice place.

And I'm excited not to live at my mom and dad's house.

Yeah, that sounded like, I mean, I love your mom and dad,

but it can be difficult to live with your parents.

Yes.

Not meant to at a certain point.

Nope.

I'm guessing, is it Nadia?

Is it your mom who can kind of, she can wear on you a little bit sometimes?

You know, yeah, she can.

Yeah.

And she means well.

She's well-intentioned.

They are unbelievable.

It'd be so nice to let us stay there.

But they also, they watch a lot of Turkish soap operas.

What?

yeah it's like all day i mean not all day but it's like a lot of turkish tell because they're from turkey they're armenian it's important to note that but they're from turkey well wait a minute where do you where does one get because i'm constantly looking for turkish soap operas

do you really

know what's up youtube

oh so they watch them on youtube yeah do you follow the stories no i don't watch it with them i'm in i'm in my room watching tv on a on my laptop like a yeah like a turning you're watching the pit or something like that i've got really into the pit lately.

Yeah.

Would you, do you ever, I mean, I'd just be curious what happens in a Turkish soap opera.

Are they the same kind of model as every soap opera everywhere?

It's just, oh, it's Turkey.

I think the lighting is different.

They're all gorgeous and have beautiful skin.

And then they, Eduardo, yeah, everything feels very dramatic.

I'm only familiar because my mom watches a Turkish novella novella.

It's basically a Turkish soap opera, but the Spanish channels have put subtitles and there's people speaking in Spanish over there.

And I asked her where they were from.

She's like, oh, it's in Turkey.

So they're popular, I guess.

Yeah.

There's certain countries that have dominated like Korean soap operas are legit.

My mother-in-law watches those.

Oh, really?

And in my travel shows, whenever we can, I try to do a local soap opera.

Yeah.

And we've done them in a bunch of countries.

And I cannot tell you how many times someone from Mexico has said, I look familiar to them, or they know, they kind of know who I am, but they're not sure.

And I say, I'll show you who I am.

And I call up when I was on the telenovela

that was in the Mexico City episode.

And I show it to them.

And they always enjoy it because I'm speaking Spanish the whole time, my version of Spanish.

Yeah.

And I have a, and I love it because I have a mustache.

Oh, yeah.

You always have a mustache.

I always try and have a mustache and try and exude authority.

But I love

being in foreign soap operas.

And I realize I haven't done a Turkish soap opera.

I'd love to be in one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, you don't seem to be aware of it.

I think you could do it.

Well, you could do it.

I did an Armenian show.

Yeah, you did.

What was it?

A crime show?

I played a crime boss.

You played a crime boss.

First of all, they tried to make you look Armenian and it did not work.

Oh, that's right.

I don't know what they did to me, but they like painted dark wrinkles on me or something.

They put dark eyebrows and then they put a dark wig on you.

Yes, on the palest man in the world.

Yes.

They gave me a jet black, curly hair and a crazy eyebrows.

And I'm a drug lord.

Yeah.

And you just cater

guys to beat up another person.

Yes.

And I had to say it in Armenian, which was very terrible.

Do you remember your line?

No, I don't remember.

Hedike.

Or Herikea, which means enough.

Herika, like they were breaking up.

They were beating him up, and I said, Enough.

Hedika.

And then you had a cigar in your mouth.

I had a cigar in my mouth, and I just sort of was trying to be like the Tony Soprano of Yerevan, Armenia.

But I have to say, in the new Max series for the second season,

I think, yes, I did a medical drama.

Like their version of the pit.

Yeah.

I did a medical drama in, and it was

in New Zealand.

And I'm really excited for that to come out because I had to know all of this.

They gave me an impossible amount of medical jargon because I think they really wanted me to fuck up badly.

Did you do American accent or in New Zealand?

I didn't do, I didn't attempt the accent.

I did not.

So sorry for that.

But I think I did nail the

medical jargon.

Do you remember your lines?

No, I don't remember my lines.

Do you guys, did you guys ever watch American soap operas?

I did for a summer or two.

Me too.

Yeah.

My friend once lied to us when we were like 12 and said she made out with Austin Peck from Days of Our Lives and we believed her.

So we watched Days of Our Lives and then we found out she didn't ever make out.

How old was she at the time?

She was like 14.

Oh, so he'd be under arrest.

But we didn't like think of it that way.

We're like, oh my God, she made out with Austin Peck, but she just lied to us, just blatantly lied to us.

And we believed her.

And we all got into days of our lives to support the guy that she made out.

To support her.

Oh, wait.

So, how old was he at the time?

He must have been in his 20s.

I had no idea.

He had no idea who she was.

What an interesting.

So she just stuck with this lie.

She just lied about it.

Did you still talk to her?

No, that broke everything up.

Yeah.

She lied about a lot of stuff.

She also lied.

She said she was a model, and we were like, You're 5'2, but okay.

Like, we believed everything she said.

I don't believe it.

I should say I know you then because you were very gullible.

Yeah, no.

Hey, can you give me some money?

I'm an ATM, and I ran out.

Okay, you don't look like an ATM.

I don't remember having to put cash into an ATM, but okay.

I guess they do have to be restocked.

But you do have arms and legs and a head.

Well, anyway, I'm a baby that only eats wallets.

We're just so gullible.

We really, it wasn't just me.

It was like my friend group.

But you were unfailingly honest.

You didn't lie?

No, what do you mean?

Lie about what?

You're a very honest person.

So there are kids that will just say stuff.

Like my brother Neil, growing up,

he went to a different school than I did.

And he would come home and he would just, I'd say, what did you learn today?

And he'd say, oh, today we learned.

And then he would just tell me things that were completely untrue.

And i was just a little kid so i believed him yeah and you'd take them back to school thinking you knew yeah i'd say my brother said like he's so cool yeah he told me oh today we learned that there's a hole that they found like in the earth and they lowered a camera in it and it went to the center of the earth and they took a couple of pictures with it

um and uh and all when they and when they then they felt it tugging on the line and they pulled it up and it the camera was all mangled but they were able to develop the film and they could see a t-rex charging and i was like what?

And he went, yeah, proof that there's a T-Rex at the center of the earth.

And Neil's a couple years older than me and knew better.

Oh, Neil did this.

Just as Neil.

No, no.

Luke was always like a priest.

He was just really good.

And like, well, I wouldn't tell an untruth.

Neil would just fuck with me all the time.

He told me so many lies and still does.

I talk to him every day.

He's always talking about it.

Did you do that, though, to Justin?

No, I didn't lie.

No, no, I didn't lie to Justin.

Justin was 10 years younger than me.

He was a little kid.

And so what I did to Justin was just broke his mind

with strange games.

So he just wanted to play cops and robbers.

And I would say, oh, I told you this, right?

And I would just tangle him up in paperwork.

You drew your pistol.

You drew your pistol.

And he'd be like, what?

You drew your pistol.

There's paperwork.

And I would get pads of paper from my dad's office.

We need to fill out these, fill out forms.

It's a bureaucracy.

That's a big part of being a cop.

That's worse than what Neil did to you, I think.

My neighbor saw The Shining before I did and told me about it, recounted it and completely lied about it.

And then when I saw it, was just forever wondering where he said that Jack Nicholson got his arm cut off.

And you know how a human can grow an arm back.

He grows an arm back and all this stuff.

And I just was excited.

Was it a kid?

It was a kid, yeah.

He was my age.

Oh, that's okay.

Kids are just crazy.

I think it's okay if you're a kid.

I just, for a moment, I pictured like a 35-year-old neighbor.

And then it's time to call someone.

Wait, why are you guys getting on my case about believing that my friend made out with Austin Peck when you guys believed all the shit your brothers and your friend told you?

They were all dumb.

Can I say something?

You just stood up for yourself in a way that I thought was deserved.

Yes.

And

I don't know.

I still think you're dumb, but it doesn't change anything.

It doesn't change anything.

It's impressive what you did.

Yeah.

But

it's crazy that you believed that, though.

It is pretty stupid.

Yeah.

All right.

Well,

let's get this podcast going.

My guest today, I am thrilled he's here.

He starred in the Deadpool films and the FX series Welcome to Wrexham, which returns for a fourth season on May 15th.

Absolutely delighted he's here today.

He's an incredibly talented screen actor, television actor, but also one of the funnier people you will run into in life.

He's crazy talented and a good soul.

Ryan Reynolds, welcome.

I didn't leave the pause.

Oh, sorry.

Let's keep this.

Oh, what did I do wrong?

You didn't leave the pause.

We talked about this last episode.

Before you say the name, you're supposed to.

I think I'm just excited that Ryan's here.

I understand.

And I should have told you literally seven years ago when we started this podcast.

He was 15.

But you did remind him right before we started recording.

Yeah, but you know what you have to do is you have to hold up a sign that says pause because I'm a busy man.

Okay.

And I get excited when it's Ryan Reynolds.

Okay.

All right.

Let's give you the pause.

All right.

I'm thrilled he's here today.

Ryan Reynolds, welcome.

Oh, the mouth noises.

I have to say, and this is, well, there's no rhyme or reason to these interviews, but I've talked to you about this a while ago.

Just friends, I watched that with my wife.

It was a movie that may have been mismarketed.

I don't understand.

It came out, didn't make a big splash.

Hilarious.

One of my favorite Christmas comedies.

It has so many hilarious performances in it.

And then we showed it to our kids.

And I mean, but everybody, it is a relentlessly funny movie.

And I remember telling you a bunch of years ago, I swear to God, that movie will endure.

It's going to, it's going to stick around.

But we don't know about those kinds of movies.

I mean, you never know.

You ever know when you're making it, you're going to be like, oh, this is going to work.

This is not going to work.

You could.

When you're older, I think you can trust your experience and your instincts that line up.

But then when you're older, you also go, nobody knows anything.

So, but just friends, I, God, that was, we shot in Regina, Saskatchewan.

It's one of my few times that I've ever been scared of like going to jail because we, just as a joke, me and the art department, we made a sign that would go over, it would snap over the Welcome to Regina sign.

And it just said, Welcome to Regina, which rhymes with fun.

And

they, I got in trouble, though.

You got in trouble?

But then they thought it was funny because it snapped off.

So at first it was vandalism.

Right.

And then it was a, then it was class.

Then it was an art installment that could come down.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I come from RCMP.

My dad, my brother is currently an RCMP officer.

I always say, you guys just say agent.

It sounds better.

You're an RCMP agent.

Isn't that Royal Canadian Mounted Police?

I believe I was

a Royal Mounted Policeman in Canada.

We did a week of shows in Toronto a long time ago.

And one of the remotes I shot, I either was sworn in temporarily or we just stole the costume.

Either way, I operated

at the border.

I threw snowballs at people trying to come in and out of Canada dressed in that outfit.

And man, I've never felt more power in my life.

And polite.

And polite.

Yep.

I had pancakes in my pockets.

Oh, my God.

Instead of a gun.

Yep.

Yes, exactly.

Syrup, little cartridges of syrup.

My dad used to bust guys with confetti.

He would just walk up and throw the confetti at you.

And it's always fun when you and your brother have three older brothers.

So it's just mayhem.

It's actual mayhem.

I mean, this is a horrible situation because I'm the youngest, so I'm the moving target.

They're brothers.

You know, I'm just moving target or harvestable organs.

And, you know, we would, but as I got older, we would get out

on the lawn and it would be like an old-fashioned, like Tom Cruise and far and away with like the knuckles up and we would just beat the living shit out of each other.

The neighbor would call the cops and the cop would be my dad.

That's not a cop we wanted to mess with.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, but my dad got out of copping.

You know, I don't, I mean, he wasn't big on the truth, so I don't know why.

But he, yeah, he got out of copping and then became a food broker, which we're like, come on, that's CIA, right?

Yes.

And he wrote, no, I'm really am a middleman for jars of jam

and

tiny yogurts.

What?

He works for Megan Markle.

Yes.

Yes.

Really tiny jams.

Harvestable jams.

Yes, exactly.

Made from the oils of Montecito.

If Jimbo Reynolds wasn't dead, I would say he is Megan Markle.

Adjacent.

Many people have likened the two.

I have to say,

there's so much to talk about here.

I am thrilled that you've come on the pod.

And

you fascinate me because, and anger me, and enrage me

because you have the leading man looks and all the abilities that come with being a movie star.

But when you send me a text, it is one of the funniest written texts that I've received.

And I read, you blasted me a couple of weeks ago with these texts.

And I was reading them and I thought, this is a class A comedy writer.

You have a comedy writer's brain.

It's 121 days to compose that one.

And it was a just in case.

Before that, I had no idea I was going to be on the show.

I could tell it took a long time to compose.

Also, like, you said day nine at one point.

You broke up the sentences.

Day nine.

Me, Wilson, you.

I basically,

I think it was about like the, you know, dwindling licensing rights at the Academy Awards show,

how the fate of the future of film and television, of course, is on your shoulders.

Please don't fuck this up.

There are a few hundred thousand people who are like, you know, very selfish and dependent upon, you know, food and shelter.

Yes, yes.

And, you know, adequate medical attention.

I was, I was reading this thing and I don't ever do this, but you sent me this really funny.

And my son, my son loves your work, really loves Deadpool.

And he is a 19-year-old gentleman.

And I just said, I never do this, but read this email.

And he was laughing out loud.

Oh, that's great.

No, no, I mean, just, just,

and it's, it's, it's really funny because I don't know you're in a class by yourself of people that can,

I think, work both ends of that spectrum.

Flowing at the top.

Oh, I know.

I know you know.

We're up there together, just holding each other.

No, no, no.

I'm at a different top.

Oh, sorry.

You're at the big top.

You're at that top.

I thought you were.

You're at the top of like Everest.

I'm at the top of a hill.

An anthill.

Oh, no, quite a El Sona.

I'm in the Prairies, Canada.

I'm in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, where the tallest hill is.

It's a man sled on my hill that I stand in.

It's a mouse from the curb.

Yeah, well, that's a very kind.

No, no, no.

I know you're not going to like a compliment, but

your facility, and also it's so perfect.

I know it took you forever to get

Deadpool made.

And there's a whole saga of you saying,

I know how to do this.

This needs to be a movie.

And I can't believe it took so long to make.

But the

Deadpool's facility with language and his sort of rubber, it's not just physical rubber man quality, but also the verbal alacrity you have to have.

You've got that.

And I'm thinking that's because your brothers beat you.

Yes.

Because I had older brothers too that beat me.

Yes.

And I don't have as much of it as you.

They weren't as strong as your brothers.

And my dad was a microbiologist.

So he couldn't.

Fuck off.

So I'm saying he couldn't come in with that heavy cop energy.

My dad came in every now and then with like a slide of a paramecium and he'd say, now that's enough of that.

Yes.

I'll release this paramecium.

Spare the rod.

Exactly.

So what I'm saying is,

you developed,

you evolved into a higher being because you had more, more to contend with.

That's what I say to you, sir.

I have exited some rooms through drywall.

I'll say that.

And

my father was, yeah, he was definitely very,

well, I'm just going to say it, emotionally abusive, but no, it was amazing.

No, no, no.

My dad was, it's actually odd because my dad was tough and he was very, very like coiled.

And I think when you, as you get older and he's been, he's passed away for, I don't know, 10 years now or so, cause of death, uncertain.

No, he, he, he died of something tragic.

But anyway,

it was, uh, it was.

How do you get laughs with that line?

You shouldn't.

He died.

It was something tragic.

Big laugh from this side of the room.

Out of trust, I'm going to leave a large air hole now.

Okay, and as I was saying, no, he was, he was,

the story changes.

When people pass away, too, it's like

your memory becomes like a less of a reliable narrator and it becomes more of a feeling.

Like I was saying, you know, I've been, I'm

pushing 50 here.

I've

had some experience.

I have some experience under my belt.

And I'm listening to, I'm realizing I don't know as much now as I thought I did then.

So when I think about my dad and I think about how I internalized, however, he was raising me and the other brothers and certainly his relationship with my mom, it's not what it, I started asking myself, is that true?

Yeah.

Is that true?

Was he really that?

Or was that more romantic to think of it like that?

And he was not great in some ways.

And in other ways,

he was great, like he really was.

And I think it just, in time, that changed.

When you die, they will love you

we don't have to worry about that

we will not have to worry about that

for four years so let's just settle down everybody true the um it's gonna be like an ex-president he's gonna have a huge effigy built the

Conan O'Brien library

library

Bruce Valange Bible yeah he'll be giving the tours oh God yeah no it's uh it's interesting you say that because I have the same experience.

First of all, my therapist would say your dad did the best he could.

And then I would say to my therapist, no, he didn't.

Wow.

See, I'd cry.

And then we'd fight.

But let that sit for a second.

Your dad did the best he could, given what he had.

Yeah, he did.

But he really did.

My dad's dad would come home.

from his job.

He was like a city councilman in Alberta and then moved to British Columbia.

They bought their house for, I don't know, like a half glass of water and spit and like lived in this house.

But he would get out there and mow the lawn after work and he'd take his jacket off, not his tie, and he would fold his shirt up one cuff and then mow the lawn.

Like, this is this is not a man who knows how to fuck.

So, you know, like

very like conservative, right?

I mean,

very conservative.

Oh, wait a minute.

Maybe.

Every term is sacred.

Put up one and then the other and then jackhammer.

A makita power drill

i mean i'm saying oh how are people assume i might fall in that category

but what i do is i put one

and then i put the other up loosen the tie a little and i show them how the vikings took iceland

yes um

no

well that's what happened

yeah

it's every bully has a bully right you know so that so he had those elements but he also was he showed showed up.

You know, he once went a long, long time without speaking to me.

And it was over some, yeah, something trivial and dumb.

And then he, but he would never miss a game.

Never miss a football game, never miss a baseball game.

Always there for a catch, even though it would be silent and super fucking awkward.

He would do it.

Yeah.

And he had, that, that guy had a right arm that you would not believe.

He had a, he could, he broke the little bone in my finger.

I had to switch to a catcher's mitt.

And he did that underhand.

Like, so when people are like, oh, that's a softball question, I'm always like, have you ever fucking caught a softball from Jim Reynolds?

No, you haven't.

Shut up about that sport.

God, if pickleball were around, there'd be a lot of dead people.

I've always believed that your home should be an expression of who you are.

That was my mind.

I have that like tattooed on my low back.

Oh, wow.

I could have had so many things tattooed down there, and that's what I chose.

Down there.

Yeah.

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Yeah, we didn't let them have lunch.

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Wow.

I hear people going 15 gigabytes.

Yeah, that's incredible.

Yeah.

But it was great.

I was connected and it really helped.

Well, this sounds great.

Find out how you can experience travel better at t-mobile.com/slash travel today.

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So, my question is, did your dad get, obviously, I think the answer is yes.

He must have seen your career blow up.

And was it unalloyed joy or was it complicated?

No, it was joy once I kind of, in his eye, whatever his measure of making it means.

Then it was accepted.

You know, he didn't go to university, but he didn't talk about that.

He had Parkinson's.

He said the word Parkinson's maybe three times in his life.

Also former boxer, former, who knows, but, you know.

So he was very reserved with that, with praise, which is why I have an insatiable desire for validation.

So

we can unpack that later.

Never.

I love you guys.

You don't need that.

Well, I don't know what you're talking about.

Someone who has no need for validation.

Absolutely not.

But he would, when I made, quote quote unquote, made it,

I think then he accepted it.

He's very bummed that I didn't go to university.

I did, though.

I went for, I'm not making this up.

I went for 45 minutes.

I wanted to meet the one teacher.

He was like a guy that, Dr.

McClain was his name.

He got his doctorate in prison.

He was, I think, a Hells Angel or something, but went to jail for 20 years or something, long time.

And then, but got his education in jail and became an author and wrote a book.

And I read this book.

I went there.

I met him.

Beautiful, lots of prison prison tattoos, but also beautiful pastel sweater.

And

then I walked back out the door of Kwantlen Polytechnic University in British Columbia and I drove to Los Angeles.

So you went in knowing I'm going to meet this one gentleman and then I'm turning around and I'm going to Los Angeles.

Yes.

Okay, so you knew?

Well, no, no, I really knew once I was inside.

I just thought, I'm not ready for this.

Like, I don't think I can do this.

I only had one brother who really was adamant about going to university, and it stressed the hell out of him.

And I just thought, I don't want to be a food broker.

So,

and you don't, my dad did it without a university education.

So,

did you do groundlings when you got to LA?

I think you did.

I did do groundlings, but I moved to LA to be in groundlings.

And of course, it doesn't work like that.

You don't just show up and go ready for the main stage, everyone.

I can give you strides, I can give you everything you want.

No, you go through the class.

That's what I did.

I did it.

When I showed up in LA and I was like, I'm ready to perform.

And they said, you will take these classes.

And I said, yes, I will.

Yes, you will.

And I did, but at least I got stage time.

That's the thing.

And got to improvise with some great people.

And so.

Well, they're so good.

They're all so in shape.

And they're like, you know what I mean?

That's a muscle, like that kind of ability.

I thought you meant physically.

Physically, no, no, no, no.

At least you're comedians.

I've never been in shape.

People are driving a bad shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no, no.

They get home and just vanish.

But I would put a jar of something.

But I would think you, as an improviser, that would be, I could see you being devastating as an improviser.

I think it would be, yeah, that would be your fun space.

Just, I mean, just in the times that I've encountered you, we start fucking around instantly.

And I could see, like, oh, this is someone who wants to play 24-7 is the vibe that you give.

Yeah, but also, I would say that you are a person that does that as well, but you could also pivot quite quickly to something that's emotional because most people that are funny, I think, have some pretty, you know, deeply emotional people as well.

I think like comedy and drama subsist on the same thing, tension.

Subverting it makes it, makes it smooth you.

And if you have a, like a film that has emotion, then you can, or anything, redemption called whatever you want, but it makes all that funny stuff so much more funny and rich and powerful.

So I loved Groundlings when I did do their shows.

I used to do like once in a while, like a Thursday Cooking with Gas show they had.

And I would do our, I think I did our Mondo a couple times here.

And then I loved it because there was no limit to it.

But on a film set, I don't want to, I like, it's almost like method acting.

I'm not going to, like, when people are coming on a film set, a Deadpool film, anything, I'm not going to make my process their process.

Right.

So like, I'd never want to be that guy.

So I always, I always

chat and we talk and we say, how, how can I help you feel awesome?

And like, you know, even

an actor who's a day player who comes in for one day, it's a, that's a hard, that's the hardest job in show business because he's got two lines and he's going to over the fuck do it like you wouldn't believe.

Yes.

because in his mind, you know, there's no small parts, just small actors.

I got to crush the shit out of this.

And then you, you, but you, if you can make it safe, I always love the

liquefy you and

I'm going to snort your ashes on the top of the plastic

just to say I did it.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and but I always say to them when we're, when they're leaving, you say, hey, look,

here's me at moment, you're going to drive home.

And yeah, I mean, gay players, yeah, you drive your cell phone.

And

you have to touch everything in the car too, by the way.

You're going to get in that car and you're going to go, fuck, I should have done that.

And then I was like, then we go like, okay, take 10 minutes and think about what that is.

Yeah.

And then let's go do that.

And it's like this fun little trick.

And then you do that.

And then you say, now do the worst version you can do.

Like, I'm telling you, you're safe.

We'd never use the worst version.

Trust me.

But like, do the the worst.

And then that's always the take that ends up in the show.

Because now you've basically said, like, you're as safe as you could ever imagine.

And I love that feeling.

So I'm not like a,

my improv is like, right, I've written 10 alts for each joke, but not just for me, but for my co-stars, or, you know, and it's a, what would you, here's the menu?

Is there anything you'd like here?

Wesley Snipes was like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

I was like, you did not read that fast.

Come on, this one had a beginning, middle, middle, and end.

Like, come on.

Wesley Snipes has gotten pretty far on nope.

Oh, my God.

But then he delivered.

He is like, you know, I gave him this ice skate uphill line.

He was like, I'll do it.

Right.

So much.

You know, when I watched Teadpool and Wolverine,

I mean, I'm just, I'm thinking the credit sequence at the top, you know,

the inside.

That served nine purposes, pretty much.

But yes.

Well, but I'm thinking, I'm hard-pressed to think of how much was packed into one film and to just be watching.

So my son and I love that.

We were going to that movie and

something went awry and we got there.

And I just said, oh, trust me, we're just going to miss like two seconds up top.

And we missed, I think we missed like 45 seconds of the opening.

That would have hurt.

That would have hurt.

And you know what?

I knew that.

It killed me to the point that we went back and watched it later on.

But it's rare that you can miss 45 seconds of a movie

at the top and feel like, oh, shit, I missed some sweet, sweet syrup because the whole thing was

James.

You just missed me singing along to the Marvel theme song, the bomb, bomb, bomb, bump, bomb, bomb.

Marvel.

They're so stupid.

You know,

you know, but it was, they were, they were amazing.

You could like make, I mean, Bob Iger was, you know, he saw the film and the first time he saw the film, it was in pretty good shape.

And he, he, he said, I got to, you got to, you got to remove the one line, Ryan.

And I was like, what, what line?

You know the line.

And I went, Mickey Mouse.

He's like, yeah.

Yeah.

And I was like, the Bob, the whole movie orbits around that line.

Like, I mean, that line is the film.

It's the thrust,

the thesis.

It's everything.

Right.

And it's because my brain, when he says the one line, is like, precious.

Yes.

Must keep the line.

And so I really had to kind of like walk around his office a little bit, do a couple of laps, and then I was fine.

We were good.

We switched it up.

And he just didn't want a Mickey Mouse, the Mickey Mouse joke.

And now it got not because of me, they released this script for like WGA

awards season and stuff.

And they just shower these kinds of movies with awards.

So,

you know, I was dancing behind you and trying to suggest things

at the Academy Awards.

Yes, you were.

Yes, you were.

What we're calling the Academy Awards situation.

Yes, yes.

You were in.

In the situation.

I love that nobody knows that when I hosted the Oscars, that really was you as Dead Pokemon.

Oh, my God.

No one knows.

Well, yeah,

there's zoom arthritis at this stage.

Nope, they have pills for that too.

Did you have, I have a question, which is, did you have an idea of what you wanted your trajectory to be?

Would you have been happy if TV had hit and that had worked out?

Or did you always know like pretty much where you wanted to end up?

Well, it's so different now.

It's like now people who are in film are hoping to gain enough respect to get a TV show.

Right.

If I could get White Lotus.

Oh, my God.

Limited series.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know.

Everything happened perfectly.

My whole career was in aggregate.

It was very slow.

It was never, I never experienced that overnight fame thing.

And I honestly, I think about how lucky I am because a lot of the guys that I came into the business with are gone.

And a lot of them are passed away.

Or like, you know, things took these tragic, you know turns where you hear about it you know one random wednesday you're like what you know you just can't these are friends of yours yeah you know in in in los angeles when i when i first met you i lived in east hollywood and and you know everyone was partying everyone was doing you know this and that and i i just it was uh scary it was a scary place to yes you know to to to to be young and to have fame and money is a very very odd combination of things and i i thankfully was so slow with everything i wasn't, I wouldn't consider like I'd sort of hit it in a way.

When you asked me earlier, my dad, he never made it to Deadpool.

Like he never made it to that coming out.

He made it to, I was in post-production on October 25th in 2015 when he when he passed away.

It was three months earlier.

My daughter James is named for him.

So it's James Reynolds.

James does not like it when I call her Jimbo.

She'll grow to love it.

James.

Yes.

I know.

Yeah, I'm,

and that's our dog, Hawktua.

Yeah.

Okay, you know what?

I'm going to stop naming things.

Yeah, don't name anything anymore.

Oh, here comes my parakeet.

Parakeet Adolph.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, God.

Poor sons of bitches around that time, right?

Who had that?

Stuck with that name.

God damn it.

I mean, we had a feeling that his first speech, right?

That putsch, you know, the putsch?

It was nuts.

You were nuts.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know what the fuck we were talking about.

Well, trajectory, but you just, you took it one step at a time.

Yeah, and I think it allowed me to enjoy it like in points.

I'm always uncomfortable with the thing that I'm also in pursuant of, right?

Like your fame is a weird thing.

It has a little power to it.

It's odd.

But like I, I, I, I found a way to kind of make myself appreciate that part of it more because I love acknowledging and playing with the cultural landscape, whether it's in a movie, a commercial, sports.

Like, I don't care.

I just, I don't discriminate.

I love that they're in all those, all those areas.

So sharing fame made it way, way less weird for me.

Like when, when like a kid comes up and says, can I get a selfie with you?

I'm like, who's the most important person in your life?

And they're like, my dad, Frank.

And I'm like, video.

I switched to video.

I'm like, Frank, I'm here with.

Fuck's your name?

Will, Will.

This is not a hostage situation.

He's fine.

But he wants, he, you're the most important person in his life.

You're the one.

You were the phona friend.

That was you.

You know, and then you let it go it takes just a few seconds longer than a selfie yeah but like now it's a fucking memory for them forever yeah and it's a thing that's a great and i walk away feeling like good it's a great philosophy uh you will attest i i pursue people who don't want a selfie with me oh god yeah and say okay now come on and you're gonna like it it's gonna be funny

i've chased children into children

give me a phone it'll be good it'll be good who's the most important person in your life

i don't don't know who you are.

Oh my god.

Yeah, so

there's neediness and then there's neediness, but they will enjoy that one day.

I once made a video for Lorazapam.

You know, I mean, somebody said Lorazepam was the most important thing in their life, and I was like, okay, well, make a video for that.

Sure.

I've seen it.

They air it now.

That's a lot of money at the end.

You missed out on it.

I know.

And I just want to say, because I have to say this now every time I bring it up, is that if you're having a clay-colored stool, right?

You had a side effect,

please consult a doctor immediately.

Ratzapam.

I feel like me again.

Trademark.

Pfizer Corporation.

You can bleep those out, right?

No, no.

We're going to get that money.

Okay, thank you very much.

I will not share it with you.

You will get none of that.

The clay-colored stool thing really costs them a lot, too, because, like, you don't want that.

You don't.

Or do you?

Or do you?

You can pass it off as clay at an art class.

If you listen to it

on the toilet and you put some unchained melody on, and that comes out, you're like,

it's never gonna happen but if

you

learn a humble for your touch and tack is holding you and you're both on the tweet

yeah it's you Sona

so you can sit this way yeah

I've never done this before but can we just turn off the mics

just cut up early I used to work with a studio executive who will not be named until we stop recording.

And he always aimed it at someone, whoever saw it.

Like, oh,

Jesus.

Yeah.

What do you mean, Jesus?

I mean, yes, we'll do your idea.

It means you don't point your crotch at me.

For those at home, Conan just went back in his chair and then aimed his crotch at everyone he was speaking to.

I learned from the best.

Yes, he did.

You learned from the best.

And that man could use some underwear.

I tell you that much, because that also is a, yeah.

We are in a moment where, of course,

politically, there's some tension between Canada and the United States over tariffs.

What do you guys send us?

What do we send you?

And it occurred to me today that we have been getting some of the greatest comedians and comic minds and actors of all time from Canada.

I don't think we've sent you shit.

I don't think we've exported much to you in the comedy realm.

And I think if someone were to do a reckoning just comedically and you started to add up the Ryan Reynolds and the Martin Short and the Lauren Michaels and the Mike Myers, and it just goes on and on and on.

There's too many to even begin naming.

Seth Rogan went to the high school up the hill from me.

There you go.

No, no, Seth Rogan went to high school.

Oh my God.

He can read?

Yeah.

Fluent.

A lot of kids who go to high school can't read.

He can pass.

I had to do a commercial in French Canadian the other day, and it was sort of like a very scary thing because when you're in those schools, you have to know French Canadian to speak it fluently.

And it's just, it goes away.

It just goes away.

If you don't use it, it's gone.

So I was trying to

terrible sob story.

All the

French Canadian.

You should do a really sad tour where you go like, people think I've got it all.

No, yeah.

Ryan Reynolds, but I can't speak French Canadian.

Until I ask for a pastry in Paris.

And they're like, oh, is that French Canadian you're speaking?

Yeah, no, no, not good.

Uh, we realize that Canada does have, it does have a lot of fun.

But it's a strong thing, is you've sent us, and then I'm thinking, what have we sent you?

What have we sent you guys?

It's not a fair, there's an imbalance, yeah, yeah,

thanks, thank you.

So, there is an imbalance of trade in that respect, and that's about as political as I get, but I think it's got to stop, and it's got to stop now.

It's got to stop now.

Good,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've had the Ackroid voice in my head all day.

I can't, yeah, you've heard me doing my bad impression, but I can't get it out.

You've had some.

I can't get it out.

Out, out, kid.

I thought you were, kid, dude.

He is.

Fuck off.

Back to Canada.

Dan Ackeroid, legendarily funny guy, but not someone.

He's an unusual man.

You don't meet a Dan Aykeroid every day.

Nope.

And

one of the more underrated, though, I think,

talents.

Oh, my God.

Like one of the smartest people you'll ever talk to.

But yeah, eccentric.

But we were talking about how his communicability to, I mean, he did it on SNL in so many ways, but to fire information out of his mouth

with great authority and accuracy.

No one else could do that like him.

Like he could pump like half of the movie's boring exposition, make it funny, make it entertaining into your mind in like a third of a second.

It was the crazy.

I've never seen someone speak as fast as Dan Aykroy does.

In Ghostbusters, she has a speech that must have been that long on the page and it just comes out.

And you know it.

You still hear it all.

That's the trick.

And I just think he's, I'm kind of,

I think I'm a little obsessed with him in some way.

So he invited you to hang with him a little bit, right?

Yes.

But then he also wanted you to take off at some point.

Yeah, yeah.

Come up.

You got to come up here to Ontario, kid.

And then we're going to eat to dinner and you're going to sleep over.

And in the morning, we're going to do the interview and you're going to, you're going to fuck off back to where you came from.

That's what we're going to do.

Bring an extra order Canada pin for me.

Yep.

And put it on and I'll do it.

Let's go.

You know what I I love is there's a reason he made the dragnet movie because he is Jack Webb in some ways.

I think he is Jack Webb.

Because Jack Webb, if you ever watch old dragnets, it's all Jack Webb just spitting out all this information really square, cop, 1960s.

These are Benny's.

Those are how he has.

If he'd have a, in his palm, he would have a list or a whole bunch of pills and he would rattle them out really quickly.

Those are blue butterflies.

You know, and it was hilarious.

And then he did the dragnet movie with Tom Hanks, and it was, he was fantastic.

Yeah.

That was back when, like, the miscellaneous line item on a production report is just like all cocaine.

You're like, and then you guys spent $80,000 on miscellaneous in one night.

What the fuck is that?

That's always the thing.

Dan also shows like a thing, a bit that Candy, that John Candy, you know, you saw, I think you saw in Planes Trains, which is where you're seeing a performance.

It's heartbreaking, funny,

vulnerable, and all the thing, all the reasons I

have always been and will always be very much in love with Mr.

John Candy.

But Dan Aykroyd, if you've ever seen Gross Point Blank,

he gives the most unexpected villain performance I've ever seen.

It wasn't over the top, wasn't it?

It was just grounded and weird and

infinitely watchable.

When I finally tracked him down, because he's elusive,

I said, I owe money because I've stolen so much from him that I believe I owe him $41 million.

Yeah.

Don't put that on paper.

No, not at all.

Because he'll take it.

I heard him jot it down, though.

But no, he's just a real gentleman, too.

Just made a good stuff.

And he sells a tequila that comes in a skull.

Vodka.

Vodka?

Skull vodka.

Because he's really into actual crystal skulls, right?

And the aliens.

And UFOs.

And aliens.

Yeah.

Did you try anything?

Did I try?

I think I've tried everything that exists.

Try any choice, right?

Yeah.

Clay-colored stool.

Yes.

That's small.

You can smoke it.

We don't have to go back.

Yeah, but don't smoke the Larazapam

because I also have another PSA for that, and

you don't want those side effects.

Oh, my God.

Or baby formula.

Don't smoke baby formula.

Are we going to list things you shouldn't smoke now?

Yes, most of them, when you smoke, you don't know you're peeing anymore for the rest of your life.

You just like, you're like, oh, it's warm.

Now it's cold.

It's warm and comforting all of a sudden.

Yeah, but now like the womb a little stingy little cold um yeah no no no no yeah but i i yeah i didn't i was never big on all that anyway yeah me the only way i'm like i was i come down a real real heavy case of alive yeah

uh um yeah i've always wanted to do a non-alk commercial for like one of those um you know i wrote one i haven't figured out how to end it all yet, but like where people do the same things drunk people do, except on their non-alcoholic beverage choice.

Where they're like, you know, the next, the next morning they're like you know there's a woman who's like I went out with Gail and the girls the other night

and I don't drink but I had a one-night stand

with this guy and then the camera just shifts over to him and he's like and let me tell you something I don't drink either and I felt everything

you know and she's like I was awakened and basically says you know we got crazy in the middle of the night and we just decided fuck it let's have a baby

and we just met I didn't know his last name

and basically experiences that each people each person has that you would normally, like the groom at,

or the, sorry, the best man at a wedding, you know, gives a speech that's just fucking profound.

You know, and it's not like just the letter L for five straight minutes and then like an anecdote about himself.

You know, just nails it.

Toe pick, everything.

So I've always wished that's that.

He's always like the angle.

That's the angle.

That would be fun with a little.

You could have been in advertising.

You missed out.

Yeah.

Because I can tell when you do your, whether it's Mint Mobile, and I'll give you guys a plug.

I think it's a fine service.

That's okay.

Yeah.

It is a fine service.

It's very good.

Your ads are very funny, and I get the impression that you are behind them or steering them because you have that kind of brain.

You like to say this is a commercial, but also call out that it's a commercial.

They know they're being, I mean, consumers know they're being marketed too.

So don't do the

it's not a very special episode of Dharma and Greg.

It's a fucking, you know, I love

a commercial, you know?

Yeah.

But it's, well, it's, I, you know, why I like them.

And it's sort of, it's not just me, certainly.

I have a, like a, I have some of the greatest, smartest people that, quite frankly, I find threatening

who are, I get to work with.

I mean, Sean Levy, who I've done three movies with now,

you know, it's like a brain trust.

And like, there's a real, I mean, every movies that you sort of, quote, control are like, you're not controlling it.

They just trust you.

You know, you said like, hey, I'm going to land the plane.

You know, I remember trying to, trying to get the My Deadpool and Wolverine movie made and I just focused on that.

I was like, I will return your investment.

Like, I will return your, I've got you.

Like, I am not a reckless

pilot.

I will land the fucking plane on a dime.

It will be a four-quadrant R-rated film.

I'm going to make Disney's first four-quadrant R-rated film.

And this is after they said no to 18 different things, including a movie where Deadpool is after the hunter who killed Bambi's mom.

They said, we don't touch Bambi.

And I said, you said you don't touch Mickey Mouse.

We We don't touch Bambi and we don't touch Mickey Mouse.

You know what?

Given the profits and what you've shown, I think you can do it now.

Yeah, I think

we did.

Yeah, it's like, but that's part of our responsibility, too, is people that have produced the movie and we co-write the movie and we're back, all those things.

It's like making sure it like works.

Because I've done movies that are.

you know,

small films that, you know, are in Sundance and all that stuff.

And I loved making them.

And they were hard to make.

And, you know, they would get great reviews and everything, but then it would just, you'd find out later, it just bankrupted whatever little tiny studio made it.

And I thought, I'm going to be out of work.

They're getting out of work.

I got to find a, I got to find a job that fits.

So it, it's a win-win.

You know, if I want to do it for the rest of my life, I'm going to have to figure that out.

And then it grew to all of it, like all the other things.

I love, I loved commercials when I was a kid.

Like if you saw a good commercial, it stayed with you.

Yes.

You know, and I, and I was one of those kids like you probably were, which you're sitting there two inches from the TV and just trying to stay up as late as you can.

She irradiates because TVs back then ran on plutonium.

Oh my God, right?

And my face was mad.

I was 22.

By the way.

And that is scarred for life.

Oh God, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

No, it's just.

We sometimes turn off the lights in the studio and I'm a grinning skull.

The teeth biting.

It's got to stop.

Sona, you and I share many things in common, but one is that we love mysteries.

We love true crime.

And frankly, I love Meesome Murder.

Yeah, I love any crime, really.

I love fraud.

I love it.

You do love fraud.

You love to commit fraud.

You've committed fraud on me many times.

It's true.

I have to say, when it comes to true crime podcasts, there's one that really delivers.

It's called Crime Junkie.

And I don't even have to say it's called Crime Junkie.

Everyone knows it's Crime Junkie.

Yeah.

Every week, the queen of true crime, Ashley Flowers, who I love talking to, by the way.

Yeah.

She dives into a new case, some well-known, others you've never heard of.

And she tells it with the kind of storytelling that makes you feel like you're right there with her, which is terrifying because she's often talking about things where you don't want to be right there with her.

It's true.

Yeah.

I feel like I'm with you committing this murder, Ashley.

But no, it's really great.

There are hundreds of episodes of Crime Junkie already waiting for you.

New cases covered every Monday.

So listen to Crime Junkie wherever you listen to podcasts.

Summertime, I love to hang out with my pals, my bros.

You know me, right?

Yeah, I know you.

And when I think of you, I think of bros.

Yeah.

A bunch of us get on our hogs, our choppers.

Yep.

We go up the coast, driving around, cruising with my gang.

It's prime time to gather the whole crew, and it's Miller time.

That's what I call it.

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On the train tracks?

Yeah, and I've got my Miller Light with me.

With your crew.

With my whack pack.

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really the the biggest uh change for me was was green lantern because it was uh you know didn't work and it was um it was I watched a studio throw money at problem, at the problem after problem after problem instead of creative.

Like, you know, constraint is the greatest creative tool in the world.

And that's why I like commercials because there's an economy to them.

You have to make them quick.

You have to be not precious about them.

You know, it's a fucking commercial.

Who cares?

It doesn't have to be a Fellini film.

It'll either work or it doesn't, or it moves at a speed of culture.

So it's at least relevant.

Like it's an easier way to kind of fix it.

But that movie was where I changed my life because I just saw it.

you saw this is going down or this isn't, I don't think this is coming together and they're just throwing more millions at it.

Yeah.

And it was really like, that's hard for everyone because it's, it's, you're, you're, too much money, too much time will murder creativity.

Like if you have to, if you have, you're under constraint, like the next movie I did was Deadpool, which had a $56 million budget, I believe, which is nothing.

Like I think they probably spent $250 on Green Lantern and this one had nothing.

So you had to supplant or change all of these action spectacle set pieces into movies that, like, you remember the dialogue, not the thing, because audiences also are inured to special effects.

Like, if you, the world in danger, I was like, I love that the characters.

Like, I don't give a shit about the world.

Like, I care about those people.

Right.

And no one else.

I've been saying this.

I've been saying this for years.

I refused to see a movie.

At a certain point, I declared I will not see a movie that has a portal.

If a portal opens, well,

we did use the portal.

I know, but we did call it the Marvel Sparkle set.

Yes.

Yes.

You had fun with it and made fun of it.

There are so many movies where clearly they don't know what to do.

So what they have is six people put the nine stones together, and then the sky opens, and anything can come out, and it doesn't have to make sense.

I love that this is your cause because most people are like, oh, politics and kids these days.

And you're like,

portals!

Portals!

Portals!

I saw another portal today.

Yeah, you speak to me.

Get off my lawnmower.

A dragon made of fire and lava came out of the sky and punched Captain America, who's a strong man.

Yes.

And he fell down, but then got up and punched the dragon and it went flying.

Preach, sister.

I'm sorry.

I know that there's people think there's problems with racial inequality,

gender inequality.

There's a poverty,

poverty in the world.

Don't even get us started on tariffs.

But all of that can be fixed by portals if you'll just just allow it.

No, a dragon will come in and smash it all.

Bullshit.

I watch it.

I loved the use of it because he could say anything in the Deadpool movies.

We just, you know, I loved watching, I loved watching Kevin Feige watch the thing back got together where Deadpool's like, he's like, you know, listen, we don't have to do this.

You know, there's a big fight about to happen, and they're like, no, we're going to fuck you up, or whatever the line is.

And he says, no, no, I'm not, I mean, the multiverse.

It's not working.

It's not great.

It's just been miss after miss after miss.

It's been two Ant-Mans forward and one black atom back.

And it's not working.

And, you know,

Kevin Wince on each miss after miss.

So funny.

And yeah, but then what a sport.

Like he was.

But you make a really good point, which is that I do find that that's what's missing is a good movie gives you a couple of people and you, if they're doing it right, you really care about them.

I know it sounds corny, but I was watching the third man, Orson Welles,

just

Vienna.

And I watched that a couple nights ago.

And God, they had me caring about these three people in Vienna in 1948.

And I think the movie cost $11.

But oh my God, it's fantastic.

And I do think that CGI had people thinking, oh, we don't need that so much

as long as because people really care that that portal gets closed.

And you're like, I'm not sure they do.

They don't really care if the portal gets closed, but

I'm sorry.

I knew we were going back there.

Listen to the gravity.

The scene that we've seen so many times where one character

is on one side of the glass

and there's the radiation and it's you, it's Deadpool.

I spocked him.

Yes, yeah.

Deadpool Wolverine.

And it's the parody of that scene.

And one of the things that in a weird way, I got suckered into caring.

I was caring about

the people in the scene.

And then you start fucking around.

Once we did it, I did it just to make you laugh.

And I swear to God, there's one.

It's actually, we had to realign my head a couple of times because of the going down the stairs.

Yeah.

It didn't work quite well.

So we were like rejiggering it, trying to get it right.

But I just did it to make you laugh.

Cause there he is, shirtless, hasn't had a carb since the 80s.

He's like, oh, God, like,

you know, can we just get through this scene so I can have a bagel?

And,

you know, I'm fucking a rat.

It's just terrible.

You're a horrible friend.

Yeah.

You know what's so sad?

The first time he said it, I thought he said to make you laugh.

I thought so.

And I thought he was saying, Conan, I put that in just for you.

And then I realized, no, he means Hugh Jackman.

Yeah.

And I suddenly lost interest in you as a person.

Well, I actually had the same problem with the Whitney Houston song.

Oh, the Dolly Parton song.

But I always thought it was Hugh.

I always always loved Hugh

and then I was like wait you

no she meant it she wrote it about Hugh Hefner yeah which is weird because it's yes it's very sexist yeah yeah she likes that he's commodified women's sensuality I don't know it's commodified that word's come up three times today it has yeah I was sitting next to someone who said co-modified and I was like I think you mean commodified and he's smart as shit

I was like, but I felt the power in that moment, right?

I was like, oh, I have something over you right now, don't I?

No, I I knew what I was doing because I've trademarked Co-Modify.

Oh, I got you to say that.

You and McElhenney, because it was McElhenny.

Robert.

Robert Copernicus, McEheny.

McElhenney was walking around here earlier.

You guys were working on something.

We often use your office.

I let you use my office to shoot a major film.

No, one of your, I think for your Wrexham project, you guys were shooting something, and I said yes, yes.

Of course, Mikasa, Sukasa, which I believe is, I think that's Spanish, I think.

Yeah, no, that's German.

Oh, that's German.

I guess.

Meinkasa.

Mein Casa.

Yeah, yes.

Sukasa.

But it's angrier.

Anyway, I saw you when I first walked in.

I see you and I see McElhenney and I give you a hug.

And it's like,

this is

Ryan Reynolds takes good care of himself, works out.

I hug you and I'm like, well, this is an impressive lad.

And then I turn to McElhenney.

I hug him.

That guy

is

an alabaster.

Yes.

Hard as a rock.

Hard as a rock.

Hard as a rock right now.

He is.

I'm just describing it.

Your hard as a rock.

Right, 100%.

McElhenney.

I saw him without his shirt.

How you feeling now?

You guys were expertly lit and in slow motion in my mind when I saw you guys coming together.

No, no, McElhenney.

Don't, don't, don't sleep on that body.

Well, sleep on it if you can.

Happily married, though, so don't try it.

But he's, you know, he's a rock.

He's a beast.

Incredible.

So, yeah, Rob, I treat with respect.

You better.

With kindness.

Yeah.

Occasional condescension.

And that's about it.

Yeah.

Mostly just those things.

But he did say co-modified because

not great.

Yeah, he fucked up.

Not me.

I wouldn't do that.

Just finished like two years of just in the guts of something, you know, with, I always think of film, when they say filmmakers, like Sean Levy is more like a brother.

We say, we just love each other.

Three movies together.

We're going to do a fourth one at some point.

But

that like filmmaker word is not broad enough, though, because like it's so when movies work, you guys talked about this on one of the shows.

I think it was like Adam Scott.

How like

they're hard to make a movie.

A movie's hard to make.

It's impossible.

Yeah.

Like everyone has to be excellent, like really and care.

People sort of underestimate how valuable caring is.

And you know, when you work with a props department or a production designer who in his cells wants to make the best possible our Deadpool and Wolverine Ray Chan, he passed away, unfortunately, on our last fucking day of shooting, too.

It was really sad, but it was one of those things things where and post we got to put Easter eggs of them everywhere in the movie, but that movie would never have done what it did or connected with people the way it did without this guy.

And I consider a production designer a filmmaker.

Sometimes a costumer is a filmmaker, sometimes it's a cinematographer.

It's just, these are, it's a vat, more vast a pool than I think people realize.

You know, there's a lot, like it's part of why it changed my trajectory when I was at the right time was, you know, you do a movie and you're working with people who, if there's one person in charge and that is it, my way or the highway, you get everyone into a yes, sir, no, sir.

You know, like when I pitch a joke, I'm always like, okay, here's the shittiest version possible.

But, and what I'm actually doing is inviting dissent.

I want you to disagree, like disagree with me because then we're going to have fun.

It's going to get better.

Right.

And you may have an idea that it's amazing that you've suppressed because I'm like, this is the way.

But it's that pool always has to be expansive.

And you make great stuff.

And then it's why movies are like, you know, I was so happy you were hosting the Oscars because like you, I think you've now and have always understood the joy of collective effervescence.

It's why you work in front of a live audience a lot too, which is why, you know, some friends.

You make things with people, which is why

the magic is we, this is a group of us.

If you have a good audience, you can make them part of it.

I like, I think it's coming from a family.

Yeah.

I like to do things with people.

That's another example of why I love this man.

And now you got to say my name.

They might be confused.

No, he's pointing to me.

No, Gail.

Cone cone.

Has anyone ever gone cone cone?

They've never gone cone cone.

Let's not do that.

The reason I love you is that

you don't punch down.

Like, it's not your vibe.

And it's a good.

Oh, no.

I would very much like to do that.

These are the best targets.

Yes, me too.

Like, I've done it.

I did it once in

my life and I deeply, deeply regretted it.

And it was 22 years ago, and it was such a lesson they'll never forget.

And I said something on late night, but it was a little bit like

when the just the comedian or the guy with the microphone starts picking on someone, you're just like, they don't have a microphone as well.

It's not fair, you know, and it's like, and it just that land that that was a left a mark that I'll never ever yeah, you can't forget.

If you think you've really hurt someone's feelings,

you can't,

as crazy as it sounds, and you're in comedy, if you really think you've hurt someone's feelings,

unless it's Mussolini or Stalin.

Fuck, how did you know?

You have trouble.

Like, you can't sleep.

You know, you wake up and you're just, you know, wide away.

It was, yeah, and the person, it gets worse.

I wrote a long note to the person afterwards, and I said, I don't know why that came out of my mouth.

And it was because I'd seen them like a couple days before

near the apartment I was renting in Santa Monica.

This is so long ago.

And I wrote a long letter to him, sent him a case of champagne.

I don't know.

I was young,

No one drinks champagne, right?

I don't know.

And

later I read a story about his wife saying that he fell off the wagon back in June.

Oh, no.

Yeah, no.

It was, I didn't, I had no idea.

This was before you don't just Google someone.

Like, I didn't know.

So you mocked him, and then your apology was to send him the substance

that he had successfully kicked.

Fuck me.

Like, I really, and then so that's where I got the lesson to never apologize.

Never.

If you're listening right now,

don't apologize.

Yeah, no, no.

He's fine and wonderful.

And may I say thriving.

But yeah, I will tell you that I have had the same thing just like twice in my career where I said something, it just slipped out of my mouth.

I'm doing a volume business.

It got back to me that the person's feelings were hurt and it felt like I had been shot.

And I wrote a letter and sent it to them.

Like, I'm so sorry that you, you know.

That means every, I mean, as parents, you see, I may know myself.

Yeah, exactly.

And I do that all the time with the kids if you like i if you get down kneel down to their level and you say hey when we last night when you wouldn't you know go to bed and you did all the uh the sorry street art on the wall uh um

i

could have handled that better and i wasn't great i wasn't good at dadding and and i and i'll even do the do-over i'm like can i try can you

Make some more street art

over there,

but on the paper, and I will come in and I'll do it again better.

But you're asking for a retake.

Yeah, basically, that is what I'm doing.

I'm imposing again.

Green doesn't want a child.

Sociopathnic monsters.

Let's skip showbiz and just enroll you straight into cocaine right here.

And then go into showbiz with all your injuries, emotional injuries.

We have to wrap this up because we've kept you for too long and you're a man in demand.

Ryan,

you are one of my favorites.

I say that at the end of every podcast.

I know.

I'm going to react here.

Sometimes I'm talking to absolute criminals in jail.

And I say, you're one of my favorite people.

And I believe you're innocent of those 19 murders, which you would confess to.

Jay Lano fell.

We were all looking for the Hampton Inn.

Who doesn't look for a Hampton Inn?

Ryan,

you are so fast.

You are so fast and so funny and making so many people happy.

And I'm thrilled that we could spend time today and hang out.

I've never seen four hours go by as fast as it just did.

No, I'm serious.

This is one of those things where you, when I could tell in your voice, it's time to wrap it up.

And I got genuinely sad.

Oh.

Because I, you know, you are an idol of mine.

You are somebody who I've watched.

And dare I say that the risk of overpraising, look up to.

And always have, always will, because you're kind, you have integrity.

And that doesn't mean it costs you subversive comedy or any of those things.

All that edge is there.

and it is a high bar you set.

You always have.

And

that's why I did the Jay Leno thing.

I just, I,

you know, I fucking snapped.

And

I don't know what you're talking about.

I forget everything before 2010.

It's all gone.

But you didn't forget my wire numbers.

Cayman Islands.

Ryan, thank you so much.

And

God bless.

I bless you.

And I am a God.

So God bless you.

I know you are a deity.

Deus?

What is that?

Isn't there that one?

No, Deus is the thing you stand behind when you talk.

Commodify it.

Hey, at least we got

the landing going out.

That's the important thing.

Also, we talked about a lot of Canadians.

Thank you for that.

I'm saying there's a huge trade imbalance here.

Yeah, we're going to work on that.

We're going to have a caucus.

Is that what we say?

We caucus on it.

Okay, don't do that.

Legislative branches.

Your worship in Canada.

That's a fun one.

You have to say your worship to the judge.

Do you have the little honor of Canada yet?

Have you had that?

Yeah.

Okay.

You know who one of the people I think wrote the letter was Lauren.

That's nice.

It's a nice man.

I think he won't admit to it.

All right, sir.

Thank you.

Go with, thank you, guys.

Thank you all.

Go with a blessing.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Session, and Matt Gorley.

Produced by me, Matt Gorley.

Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Frost, and Nick Liao.

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Take it away, Jimmy.

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