Born to Be Badminton

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Okay, let's get started.

Oh my my gosh. Hi, Vibik.
How are you?

Hi. Oh, my God.
Hello. It's so nice to meet you.
Vibooti, very nice to meet you.

Goodbye.

There was just a long lag. I don't know if that's, you know, because of the technology, but Vibooti.
I just didn't know what to say. You know what? There really is nothing else to say.

Vibooti, first of all, welcome. It's very nice to have you on Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.
And tell us where you are calling in from.

I'm right now in New Delhi in India. Oh, my God.
That's cool. India.
You know, I've been to India once with you, Sona. That's right.
We did something, a little project in Jaipur, and we loved it.

I love the people of India.

And it... Of all the places I've been in the world, it was the most different.
That's all I can say. It was just

like going to another planet in all the best ways. Really loved India.
Yeah, it was an ad, right? You were in the world. Yeah, it was for American Express.
I Googled it once.

Yeah, it was for American Express.

Good payday. Anyway,

I was thinking about it the other day. I was thinking about how,

like, India has a lot going on, right? You're right. It's very different from the rest of the world.

And one big thing, of course, there's like

it's very vibrant, it's very happening.

There's so many foods and colors and blah, blah, blah. That's what everyone says.
But it's also very chaotic. And I feel like anyone who really appreciates being here has to have a high chaos dollar.

Yes, I think you will agree with me, Sona, that when we visited Jaipur and we were, I remember we were driving around

and traffic was not flowing in any one direction. And I don't mean people were going in two directions or three directions.
People, livestock, buses, everything was coming from every direction.

I had never seen anything like it. And I found it exhilarating.
Me too. I just was, I was, I loved it.
I loved the energy, and I love the lack of order.

And there was just so much beauty there, and a real zest for life. That's what I picked up on.
Am I correct?

So true, so true. I think, I was thinking, I think Sona would have, like, I feel like Sona has a great chaos tolerance.
I do.

She has to. Yeah, she has to.
She works for me and she comes from a family of maniacs. Oh, okay.
And I say that in the nicest way. Oh, do you? Yeah, I love your parents.
Maniacs. Yeah.

I'm going to tell them you said that then. No, but

if you meant it in a nice way, I'm going to say, hey, mom, pop, Conan says, we're maniacs.

They come from a very vibrant culture. Yes.

That's the nice way to say it. We're chaotic.
That's what we say about ourselves.

Yeah, maniacs. Anyway,

so

you have a high.

I think you would almost like confuse us if you came here

you create chaos wherever you go, right? Yes,

I think that if I came to India,

my level of chaos would be higher than the people of New Delhi have ever seen before. Yeah.
I think they would be saying like, this guy has to calm down. This guy is too much.

We got to get him out of here. We got to get him out of here.

Tell me about your life, Vibhuti. You're in New Delhi.
Are you married?

Am I allowed to ask that? I got married

because I was about to propose to you.

And I think it's important to know if someone's married before you propose to them. That's a good idea.
But you're also married gently. Yeah, but that thing, you know,

it's an LA.

That marriage could go at any time.

Listen, we've grown distant in the last several days, my wife and I, after 23 years. No, I'm very happily married.
Tell me about yourself. Are you with somebody?

Yeah, I got married last year. Oh, congratulations.
Yeah.

Did you have one of those

big ceremonial weddings where, I mean, some of the weddings in India are,

it's a giant multi-day affair. Did you do, did you go that route? Oh my God, it was huge.
Dude, it was too much.

And like, in retrospect, like, this is how much I'm thinking, I'm often thinking about the podcast.

I was like, if only I had applied to Kona Brian Eza fan before my wedding, I could have invited you to. Yes! I was like, oh, you say that, like, you say that opportunity.
But you know what, Vibuti?

I don't think you wanted me. I think, you know what I mean? I'm a lot.
I'm a lot. So I think on some subconscious level,

the reason you don't agree so quickly, but I think one of the reasons.

I think that's what she meant. She would invite us, right?

Oh, oh, my gosh, to have Matt and Sona and Aaron

and Eduardo and everyone. everyone.

But then we have to have Conan, right? We don't. No, we don't.
We absolutely do not. So you had this big wedding, and

I want to know who you married. Because this is a, I want to say this.
I'll say a kind thing. This is a lucky, this is a lucky person.
You're very beautiful. You're very funny.
You seem very smart.

You've got a great personality. Who is this person? He is.

Well, now anything I say seems not good enough, but he's amazing as well.

I don't know.

So his name is Casey. Casey.
He works,

until very recently, he worked with the UN in Ukraine, informing their humanitarian. Oh, wow.
That's very good work he's doing. That's very good work.
And very important work.

So he sounds like a really cool guy.

You've been married now a year. Yes.
And where are you right now? Do you guys have your own place? So for the past two months, we've been living here at my parents' home.

You're living with your parents right now? Yeah. Because that can be tough.
And I'm going to tell you how I know that for a fact.

Until I was 18, I lived with my parents.

That's more of a legal thing. But Sona

had to, because she lost her house in the Altadena fire, moved back in with your mom and dad

and your husband and your two children. And why don't you jump in here?

And my dog. It's a lot.
It is a lot to move back home after you haven't lived at home for a while. And, you know,

you need your space. Let's just see.
You need your space, right? I mean, I need my space. Have you found it difficult, Vibudi? We don't want to put words in your mouth, but has it been difficult?

And why has it been difficult? And it sounds difficult.

Who is it who really gets to, your mom or your dad? Mom. Your mom.
Wait, no, that's your.

Oh, sorry.

I want to put it on the record because my parents are going to hear this. They are angels.
I love them so much. Okay.

How about we don't have them listen to this? We'll make a second one that they can listen to. But I want the truth.
Oh, oh my gosh.

Who can be a little bit, who can, who can be a little rough? And they can still be wonderful people, but who sometimes creates a little bit more of a problem? You're going to ruin her home life.

Would you shut up?

Matt gets it. Thank you, Corley.
Oh, yeah, he gets it. This is not a good podcast.
That's all.

Oh, let's get the fizz out of this soda. Okay, so now it's better.
It's nice and flat.

So

my dad has been so warm and loving and welcoming. And at the same time, I can see that he

has a hard time seeing me as an adult.

Yes. And he's

just...

And sometimes he says it, you know, to me, you'll always be five years old. You'll always be a little girl.
And I'm like, that's very sweet. But I'm also not.
I'm married. I pay taxes.

I've lived in a couple of countries, you know? Yeah.

So he sometimes, how does this come out when he's treating you like a child, does he ever say, you know, go up to your room?

Does he ever turn into the dad of your childhood? Why do you smell like weed?

Okay, you're projecting, Sona. First of all, you're projecting your childhood and last week.

Today. Yeah.

This morning.

Mother's Day.

It's Mother's Day, brah.

Yeah. You deserve a break,

Sona. Yeah, it's Mother's Day.
So, Vibooti,

just tell me,

what kinds of things specifically does your father do? It's okay. You're saying it with love.

Yeah, with love.

With love, last week I had a flu and he was like obsessed with the idea of me going to the doctor. And I was like, it's, you know, it's just a flu.
It'll pass in three days.

I don't need to see a doctor.

And he was like, no, you must go. These days it can be so strong and it can turn into something very bad.
And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, cool, cool.

And I just wanted to, like, I just wanted 48 hours to pass and to see if it's going to be fine. And it was fine.

Yeah, I'm still with your dad on this one. No, I've been there.
My dad, I had a cough. My dad's like, go to the doctor.
I'm like, I know I don't need to go.

They just don't, they're very parental that way. And it's sweet, but also, you know.
But Vibudi, it's a two-way street. Have you found that you've regressed at all?

Sometimes when I would go back home, even when I was in my 30s and 40s, if you can believe it, I'd act more childish around my parents. because I was back in the home where I was a child.

Now, I know this is a strong dose of weirdness and no one can understand it. Hard to believe.
But I would act more childish around my parents. Do you find that you do that sometimes?

What would you do? Oh, sometimes I'd do long bits or act silly or jump around or do long interviews that had no real point or run-on sentences. I'd comb my hair up to a big pompadour.

I would do a dance where I pretended strings were attached to my hips. I mean,

I would regress.

Wait a minute. I'm describing my career.

Yeah, that sounds like a day in the life of Conan. Yeah.

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Yeah.

This person's a very good sport. Anyway, whatever you're looking for this holiday, find the perfect gift on Amazon.
I've been traveling a lot recently. Yeah.

Very important that you have your whole phone situation figured out before you travel. Yeah.
It's the worst when you look down at your phone and it's just, it's just shrugging at you.

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I mean, it did.

For the first time, I noticed you really clicking in on your job. Finally.
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Hey, holidays are upon us. They really are.

I don't know about you, but holidays make me think of Miller time. Yeah, me too.
Really,

same with you. My favorite light beer.
I look around, I see my friends, my buddies, my pals. Yeah, your entourage.
My entourage. And I just, all the guys I used to play football with in my mind.
Yeah.

And

in your mind. Yeah, I couldn't, didn't really play football.
But anyway, and I know, hey, man, it's Miller time. Yeah.
You know why? Why? Because it's a taste you can depend on.

You know what you're getting. That's true.
It's the holiday season. It's the 50th anniversary of Miller Light, so it's Miller time.
Come on. What are we talking about here?

Still iconic 50 years later. Best holiday beers are the ones you don't expect.
Miller Light, great taste. 96 calories.
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Or you can pick up some Miller Light pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Tis Miller time.

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Vabuti, I'm going to try a different tact here.

Let's say that I were to visit you, okay?

And let's say that I were to stay with you and

your your husband whose name is again is Casey Casey Casey

I'm sure I'd be welcome there and your parents

would they be aware of who I am would your parents know who I am

yes they are so aware my dad has seen you live he saw me live years ago Wow yeah live

he

many many years ago he worked for General Electric and

there was some sort of opportunity to see you yeah exactly yeah General Electric was my boss when I was employees. Yeah, General Electric owned NBC.

And so back in the day, occasionally they would need some kind of an orange-haired chimpanzee to go out and entertain the GE crowd. And I would do that.
That's exactly how he described you.

Did he like, did he enjoy my show?

Yeah, he did. And he also said, like, the one thing that I guess everyone says is that, oh, he's so tall.
He's so tall. Yeah, yeah, they don't really say funny.
They just say tall. But that's okay.

Most comedians want to be described by their height. He really likes you.
Okay.

But listen, so it sounds like I'd be accepted by your family. Your mom's a fan.
Your dad's a fan and has seen me live.

You know, Casey, your husband would tolerate me.

You're a fan. He would, yeah.

So I come and I visit. What would we do? What would you want me? Is there a way that I could help you?

Yes. Well,

there's a way in which you could help me. And then there's also something that I

so recently I went to a fort close to New Delhi and I'd love to take you there. It's a few hours' drive.

Wow, you had me at a few hours' drive to a fort. Sounds pretty good.

Okay, it's cursed and it's

better. And there's a jinn that lives in the fort that people worship on a daily basis.
The Irish also worships.

Come to offer sweets because they believe the Djinn will grant them their wishes. Wait, so it's a cursed fort, but we would go there hoping that the djinn would grant our wishes.

Yeah, yeah. Sometimes if we want our wishes to be granted, we have to believe that they are not going to be able to do that.
But that doesn't sound cursed. Is anything bad potentially going to happen?

Well, so the story goes that the reason it's cursed is because

there was once, it was once a bustling township and fort and whatnot, and there there was a beautiful princess who was desired by this evil magician who tried every technique to bring her under his control, and he always failed.

And then one time he tried to give her a magic potion which she immediately recognized.

He disguised it as a perfume, but she knew what it was. And she threw it on a rock.
And then the rock became possessed and it crushed the magician to death.

But before he died, he cursed the fort and he cursed the people and

he cursed the land for that it will be barren forever. Just say

magicians are not good people.

And I know that's a blanket statement, but they really are. Evil magician, to be clear.

You don't have to say evil magician. Just say he's a magician.
Yeah. You know? There's something weird.
Yeah, there's just something going on there. Oh, no, no, no.

Do you want to look David Copperfield in the eye and feel comfortable? There's no way. No, no.
I'll hang out with David Blaine. He seems cool.
Yeah, sure. That'll be fun.
That's a a fun date.

Hey, what are we doing? Are we going to a restaurant? No, I'm going to get inside this little bubble and not eat for 17 days. You can watch me in Times Square.

No, I don't think that's happening. Apologies to David Blaine.
But famously, tough date.

Vibudi,

okay, maybe we'll check out the Cursed Fort that's a couple of hours away and visit the gym. Oh my gosh, so uninterested.

And anything else that we would do while we were there?

Is there any way I can help you?

Well,

let's get to badminton. I'm sorry, I'm not kidding around anymore.

Yeah, there's the badminton in the notes. There's the badminton thing.

Sorry.

So, for the past two months, I've been really getting into badminton. And

in my neighborhood, there is this girl who is unbeatable. Her name is Tolika.
She's amazing. I'm never able to get past her.

And I could really use your help to improve my badminton skills, maybe team up, and just, you know, for once and for all, claim my spot as the best badminton player.

Well, here's the deal, and I'm glad you called Vibooti because I am recognized as an incredible natural athlete.

I have not played badminton, but I don't even have to have played badminton. I think anything that involves hand coordination.

Your height would make you very good at this. I'm very tall.
I'm a distraction to the other team because I'm quite unusual looking. The hair is flopping around.
Exactly. They get confused.

My limbs are out of proportion.

But also, I'm a fierce competitor.

I dominate. I need to win.
I could help you beat your arch-rival, Tolika, in badminton. Yep.
Yep. That would be amazing.
If you could do that for me, I would be forever grateful. He can't.

Well, what are you talking about? Yes, I can.

can i can and i will you're i mean height is like wasted on you like you can be over the net but i don't just go to the fourth have you ever even played have you have you ever even played badminton uh i think once i was i played badminton and uh only three people were killed

the booty i want to make your dreams

i'm also not that good i'm i'm not that good at badminton like my mom beats tulika it's just that i can't beat

oh your mom can beat

that she's good. You just suck.
Yeah.

Okay. But

my mom is incredible. Maybe it can be Tulika and my mom versus yeah, maybe your mom is your arch rival.
Yeah.

My mom beats Tulika once in a while. Like, she usually loses, and once in a while, she wins.
Okay. I don't win.
Okay. Well, I think

Tolika, first of all, has been probably getting professional help. She probably has a coach.
I mean, there's a reason Tolika is so good. She's juicing.
I think she's juicing.

I definitely think she's juicing. Tolika is on some kind of steroid.

Does she have massive forearms? Does she have an anchor tattoo? Does she say, I always eat some spinach?

Okay.

She's pop-up.

Girlfriend named Olive Oil.

Yeah, yeah, she does. Does she ever say, I am what I am?

When she laughs, does she go,

Vibudi?

I need help, mental help, but I'd love to help you. I'd love to be of assistance.
You seem like a very cool fan, and

I'm happy for you. I'm happy for your marriage, your healthy relationship with your parents, even though your dad sounds very domineering

and treats you like a child and doesn't understand that most things are, most illnesses are short-lived. quickly go away on their own.

But other than that, everything sounds fine. And

I'd visit a cursed fort with you day to visit the djinn and see the rock that crushed the magician because i don't like a magician i could have wrapped this up so much more easily yeah you could have but i've had a little aneurysm here i needed an assist or something no i'm done vibudi thank you so much for calling in you seem lovely you really do have a fantastic day and i do hope that we get to meet in person Thank you so much, Conan.

Matt, Sona, it's such a pleasure to have spoken to you. Thank you for your time.
Thank you, Lily. Bye-bye.
Bye.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovsessian, and Matt Gorley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley.
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