Don’t Look A Gift Horse Meat In The Mouth Yet Again

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Okay, let's get started.

Oh, ah!

Hi, Asia.

You've caught us at an odd time.

Welcome to the show.

Hello, Asia.

Hi.

Oh my God, I can't believe this.

Now, Asia, normally on Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan podcast, I say it's nice to meet you, but I must tell everyone, we have already met.

I was shooting my travel show in Austria when suddenly

I was accosted by a young woman who approached me.

You accosted me, and I love using that word.

I was accosted.

You came up to me on the street.

You saw me shooting and you walked right up to me and we had a quick conversation, which, by the way, made it into, I believe, the Austri Show.

I saw it on a trailer.

I mean, the short episode of it.

And I was amazed, really.

Yeah.

I didn't think that you would really make to the show, and I was really so shocked.

But I can't believe that I talked to you again, and I see you again.

First of all, let's paint the picture.

I was in Vienna and I was standing on the street with a camera crew.

And what made you come over?

Did you know what we were doing?

Did you see me or did you just come over to investigate

um okay so the story is a bit strange um i was on my way back home but i had this strong intuition that i want some chicken sandwich and there is a very good like store or shop um right next to the spot where you were with jordan and i was like Am I that hungry really to walk there?

But my intuition was so strong.

Like, go there, go and get your chicken sandwich.

And I was like, okay.

And I was on my way.

And then I was like, something weird is happening because that's the street I walk on every day to get to my work.

And it was a bit loud.

And it's so unusual to Vienna.

And I'm like, okay, what's going on?

And then I see you.

And I was stunned, really.

I was like,

that's not possible.

So it was such a surreal experience.

Well, you know, I love that you,

Acia, you portray this as this this instinct or this karma drew you to me.

It was a chicken sandwich.

That's how I got this job.

Yeah,

exactly.

What I do, what I'm going to do from now on when I travel to other countries is just stand next to the chicken sandwich store.

But Asia, it was really fun to meet you.

And I could tell right away you've got a great personality.

And you told me that you're from Kazakhstan.

Is that right?

Exactly.

Yes, yes, yeah.

And so you are a representative of Kazakhstan.

I've never been to Kazakhstan.

And you know, I like to travel.

I like to find out about other countries.

Were I to go to Kazakhstan

and you were to show me around, first of all, what would be your mission?

What would you want to show me?

What would you want me to learn about Kazakhstan?

So, yeah,

actually, Kazakhstan is the ninth largest country in the world.

So it's pretty big.

And it's very important really to pick a certain region or certain city.

And I originally come from Almaty, so it used to be a capital, but not anymore.

And Almaty actually has beautiful, beautiful nature.

So mountains and lakes and

it's really mesmerizing the nature.

So I would

really

invite you to Almaty to visit this city first.

Yeah.

But it's very beautiful.

it's very are there what are the are there stereotypes about kazakhstan that you would want to correct

oh yeah

probably you know the borat movie

so um it's it's a pretty triggering topic for us um i know yeah there is a specific irony behind the movie and then um specific i would say type of humor and so on but as a citizen of kazakhstan it's um a bit sensitive topic for us.

Do you think the Borat movie, he's clearly, you know,

he's not pretending to depict the actual Kazakhstan,

but

it upsets the people in Kazakhstan that that's how it's portrayed in the movie Borat.

But this is you.

So you know that, okay, that's not real Kazakhstan.

But I met a lot of people who actually think that that's Kazakhstan.

And I grew a bit tired to kind of correct them, that that's not actually Kazakhstan.

So So the movie was filmed in Romania, and they actually use

real

national symbols like our flag and then the geography of the country and then the name of the country.

So it was a bit painful to watch, to be honest.

But of course, I understand that it's a humor and it's an irony, but I couldn't really

bear and bring myself to watch more than six or seven minutes of that movie, really.

Well, I thought you were about to say I could only watch it six or seven times.

On the seventh time, I decided that's it.

That's very common, though, where comedians make something and then there are people who don't, who, who see it and think, oh, Borat's a real correspondent.

And, but yes, I could, I understand.

I understand there have been depictions of my hometown of Boston, which portray us as loud, abrasive people that wear Red Sox caps backwards and just eat chowder.

And they're absolutely right.

There we go.

Yeah, that's

Well, okay,

let's

pretend here, Asia.

First of all, I'm curious, when you saw me in person, was there anything that surprised you?

Some people are taken with my in person that I'm quite different than I am on television.

Say my virility.

Hello.

Is this thing on?

Is this thing working?

No, I'm just curious what you thought when you first saw me.

I was shocked how tall you are, really.

I was like, wow, you're huge.

And then the second fact is that your hair is real.

So that was really interesting.

You thought I've been, all these years I've been wearing a wig?

You thought this is a wig that I've been wearing?

I don't know.

I don't know.

It's

interesting.

It's unnatural.

Asia, I am,

my hair is very strange.

It is real, but I am contemplating at some point when it's necessary switching to a wig.

Just a wig.

It'd just be so much easier to strap on a Conan wig.

You know that they sell them somewhere.

Like those generic talk show host wigs.

Yes.

That kind of thing.

It's something that just looks like a helmet that I just put on.

The pompadour is ready to go.

It's made of nylon.

It locks in place.

It's also got a digital clock and a pocket for me to keep little trinkets in.

So that's coming.

No, no, no, but you look very good.

You look very good.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

That's what I was looking for, and I got it.

And we'll edit out everything else except that I look really good, and then we'll put an echo on that.

So, okay.

Make a note of that.

Yeah, It's okay.

It's just going to happen naturally.

I come to Kazakhstan and you, Asia, you show me around.

You will be the ambassador.

You'll be showing me around because we're friends already.

We've already met.

What are the kind of activities that we would do or the customs that you would teach me?

Hunting, maybe on a horse.

Hunting on a horse?

Wow.

Yeah.

You, you, like, steps, you on a horse holding an eagle and then hunting some

small, small animals.

You think I could ride a horse with it and hold an eagle at the same time on my arm?

And that's how I hunt?

Why not?

No, no, I mean, first of all, yeah.

I mean, I am very athletic, and I have great command over eagles with my mind.

So the eagle needs to, I can't train the eagle.

The eagle's pre-trained, right?

The eagle knows what it's doing.

Yes, yes, yes.

And what are we hunting?

They're also pretty heavy.

Go ahead.

They are pretty heavy, but I think you'll get this.

Yeah.

They're pretty what?

Heavy.

Heavy.

Oh, the easy.

Heavy, heavy.

Have you seen these guns?

Did you look at my arm in person when we saw each other?

This thing, I could have, you could put a panther on this arm.

That'd hold it for all day and all night.

Yeah.

Why would you hold a

panther all day?

That's so weird.

And all night.

And all night.

So it's a close relationship with me and the panther.

You ask the dumbest questions.

I do.

When I'm talking about having a panther perched on my arm while I'm on horseback, and then you come in with these insane allegations.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You took what I was saying about having a panther on my arm on horseback in Kazakhstan and then made it silly.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah, anyway, an eagle can be on his arm for a long time.

There'd be an eagle on my arm.

And I'm just curious, what is the eagle going to, when I say,

First of all, what is the command I give to the eagle in the native tongue?

What would I say?

I didn't know know, scream something like, hey, or

what?

I don't know how to do it.

That's how

it worked out.

Wait a minute.

Are you from this before?

Are you from Baltimore?

I think this is all a put-on.

You hear the Baltimore Orioles playing behind you in a stadium.

Yes, Kazakhstan.

Oh, what do I yell to the eagle when I want it to get going?

She got all her information from Borah.

Yeah.

I just thought I said.

No, no, no.

I just, I only said that I can imagine imagine you being like on a horse with an eagle and then giving some commands to you.

Well, guess what?

I would do that in a second.

I would eat that up and spit it out.

So what are we hunting?

What is an eagle?

I mean, it's not like the eagle has to capture something that's smaller than the eagle, I'm guessing, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe some rabbits.

I don't know.

Are you into rabbits?

Okay.

What do you mean, am I into rabbits?

I think she's making this up as she goes all the way.

Josiah, You are so full of shit right now.

This is just nonsense.

Yes, you would have an ego.

What would I say to tell?

I don't know, something that people in Kazakhstan say.

And what would we get?

I don't know, rabbit.

What do you think?

What do I think?

You're talking about this.

You went on and on about how Kazakhstan is so important to you, and you want to right all the wrong things that have been said about Kazakhstan.

You don't know shit.

Come on.

Your name is Claire.

Olivers.

Hey, Claire.

Claire from Baltimore.

This message is brought to you by Airbnb.

Twice I've used Airbnb in the city of San Francisco.

I've loved it because I can feel like a person.

You know how it is when I stay at a fancy hotel.

Yeah.

They're always like, oh, Mr.

O'Brien, a legend.

I can't believe it.

I'm like, please, please, it's just, I'm just a person.

No, you're a God.

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Oh, wow.

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Nice.

That was me that said that.

Anyway.

And for those reasons, I won't stay at the Comfort Inn again.

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I like this experience of just feeling like a person and you can wander around.

You feel like it's a very personal space.

You can chill.

And I know, Blae, you're a big Airbnb person.

Yeah.

And I like to, when I go on trips, I like to put my place up to host so I can make a little extra scratch while I'm away.

And I just got this cool new big glowing egg lamp that changes colors.

So it's very, very cool.

And you've had no offers.

Loved it, except for the glowing egg.

Yeah.

You know, it's sci-fi.

It's relaxing.

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Blay, I've been to your apartment many times.

Look, I don't know if you know this, but I'm an interior decorator now.

I've heard, yes.

Specifically with Ashley.

And you have great taste.

I think you need to zhuzh it up a little bit.

Okay.

Especially your sofa.

Your sofa is horrendous.

I play a lot of video games.

Honestly, the couches are sagging and it's my back is really hurting.

So I really could use some new furniture and your help in picking out something.

It's going to look nice and it's going to last me for a long time.

I picked out a few.

sofas that I think might fit your vibe a little bit.

Okay.

This has a recliner.

It's got lights on the bottom and it's got cup holders.

I like this a lot.

Now, would you see me as a leather guy or a cloth guy?

Look, I run hot.

I'm sweaty all the time.

Me dad, you know what?

I'm not even going to make fun of you for that because so am I.

That's what friendship's all about, sweating together.

Let's see you the next one.

I like this a lot.

I like the speaker in it.

I like the color.

I like the cloth.

Yeah.

Here's the thing, dude.

I don't want to go to the store to pick this up.

I understand.

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That's cool.

I love saying it.

I know.

I could tell.

Ask me my status.

Hey, Conan, what's your status?

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And this magenta status sounds amazing.

Blai, tell me, I think you get magenta status.

What's it entail?

What's included in magenta status?

Yeah, I have T-Mobile.

I have had T-Mobile for a long time.

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And, you know, when we went to Thailand, I got great coverage and great high-speed data, which means that I could...

I hear it's up to 15 gigabytes.

That's right.

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Wow.

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Hey, football season coming up.

Yeah.

I'm excited.

Do you have a football team you like?

I mean, I grew up a Raiders fan.

My brother was really into it, but now I'm a Rams fan because I like any team that's in LA.

I don't

from Boston, so it's Patriots all the way.

It's got to be Patriots.

I love it, though.

I always get excited from tailgates to a watch party, celebrating all season long means more moments with the coolest people in your life.

You know, I get my crew together when we watch football.

Because they love football as much as I do.

Coolest guys.

Yeah.

They'll come in their little cutoff midrip bearing t-shirts.

Rodman, Greg, Rob Lazebnik.

We all have a blast.

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Asiya,

what are some of the unusual delicacies that we would be eating in Kazakhstan?

Okay, so

riding horse.

So besides riding a horse, we can actually eat horses.

So horse meat.

The national dish is called, yeah.

The national dish is horse meat.

Yes, what's it called?

It's called besh parmak.

And it translates into five fingers because we eat it with fingers.

It's that's besh parmak.

Okay,

five fingers.

Oh, that's like Turkish.

Yes, oh, okay.

Yes, parmak.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's funny.

Uh, you walked in today eating horse out of a bag.

Yeah, besh parmak.

Yeah, and you lost your five head.

It was a full head of horse.

You got it at a drive-thru.

Yeah.

I'm curious.

So you eat horse.

You said, I don't want to eat the horse that I rode.

That just seems like a betrayal.

You know, if that horse just, if I just rode a horse and it, and it we got food together, I would hate to then say, I know we just caught a rabbit, but guess what, buddy?

You're up.

Of course, of course, that's a different horse.

So yeah, that's not the horse that you would ride.

But actually, horse meat is very tasty.

Is it?

It's very tasty.

It's very, very it is it is that's why we eat it so does it taste like any other kind of meat that we would know yes like beef but even even better really better than beef yeah that's tough tough who is who is

i feel like then if this is true if horse really does taste fantastic and it's better than beef

that um someone has why is it not more yeah why why are our pets eating horse and not us you know yeah pet food is usually horse meat Is it?

Often, right?

Isn't it like horse gelatin and hooks?

None of my dogs eat foie gras.

Oh, geez.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Just to find it.

Actually, here in Austria, they also eat horses, some horse sausage here in Austria.

So I eat a lot of sausage in Austria.

Oh, there you go.

So probably.

Yeah, and then I gallop for the next two weeks.

Oh, boy.

That's how that works.

Yeah, it's true.

So, what do you want to have a hamburger?

I chew cud

and I nuzzle up against a moo and I nuzzle up against a fence.

What do you do when you say have octopus?

Oh man, I'm all hands on a date.

Oh God.

Wow.

I've gotten in a lot of trouble after I've had octopi.

What about some of the traditions?

I'm sorry.

Asia, I wish we were.

I wish we were a smarter podcast.

I wish we were better people, but we're not.

And this is your fault because you came up to me.

I didn't come up to you.

What about some of the things?

I know that there's some, sometimes there are customs when I go to a country where you'd think, oh, this is not a big deal, but it's actually a huge deal.

And it's something very simple.

Do you know what I mean?

Like

how you consume manners at a table or ways in which you eat something.

I know that in Japan, you can commit an incredible faux pas and not even know it unless you've studied up on the culture.

Tell me about that in Kazakhstan.

We also have something like this in in Kazakhstan, and it is, we are very big, so tea nation.

We love tea.

You love tea?

We drink tea.

Yes, very much in the morning,

throughout the day.

So it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter whether it's cold outside or warm, we always drink tea.

And there's also a special way to pour tea to someone.

And for example, in my region, so my family comes from the south of Kazakhstan, and it is very disrespectful to like you have a cup and then to fill the cup and then to give this cup to a person to drink.

So it's very kind of disrespectful.

So we show the respect.

Wait a minute, it's disrespectful to fill the cup with tea and hand it to someone?

Yes, yes.

So what's the alternative?

We should only pour a little bit.

We should only pour tea.

You just give them a little bit.

Okay.

Yeah, so that the tea is hot.

And then after you're done, after like a few sips, and then you get another tea.

So, and then you can drink tea for for hours for example and and when a person gives a couple that is full with tea then it's a kind of sign that

probably

yeah

you should go home or something

wow that's serious business okay i i feel sorry for the uh the waiters and waitresses

because you come by you give someone a little bit of tea you move on they take one sip yeah and then they you're like hey

you leave me hanging here?

I want more tea.

You gotta get right back.

And I'm like, hey, I got 15 tables to get to.

What do you think this is?

A chicken sandwich restaurant?

You know,

that'd be tough.

That'd be tough.

I know, but I need to correct you here.

So it only applies when you're at home.

So

I invite you.

And then my mom pours you tea.

So that's only applicable when you're my guest, for example.

But when you're at a tea shop or coffee shop, of course, you can get a cupful of tea.

Okay, I'm glad we made that distinction.

I will be meeting your parents.

Do your parents know of me?

Do they know of my work?

How will your parents react to me?

Be honest.

I think they will be shocked, very shocked.

By

how tall you are.

I'm sorry to say this, but yes.

And you mean shocked and kind of like to be frightened?

Will they be frightened?

Yeah, because you know, my parents, they're like, they weren't that much that often in foreign countries.

So just it's just Turkey or maybe

Russia.

So for them to see a foreign person is also a big thing.

So just to be a foreign person would be one thing.

But then when

this giant clown comes in with

orange hair towering over them, that might be kind of a startling experience.

But also

we don't talk loud so loudly.

And maybe that might also be a thing.

Yeah, that they might be surprised for you.

Oh wow.

So did you think I was kind of loud when you talked to me?

N no no no no of course no.

I'm just saying that how my parents or my family would would would see is yeah, they don't have that much experience, you know, communicating or talking to foreign people.

So that's maybe just remind me if I do meet your parents, because I want to make a good impression, that remind me beforehand and maybe I will just lower my voice a lot.

Is that good?

If I just talk way down here,

that's strange.

That's that's weird.

That's strange.

Oh, hello.

Um, I am a friend of Asia's, and it's nice to meet you.

My name is Conan.

Is that creepy?

That is kind of weird.

Why?

Why is that creepy?

Yeah, it just doesn't feel right coming out of your mouth.

Yeah, do they know who he is?

Do they know that like Conan's a famous entertainer and performer?

Or

do they know he's a famous creepy?

Yeah,

please continue with your answer, yes.

No, they're just into Russian and Kazakh television.

They don't know about content, but I know that they will be really amazed by your charm.

And then you have to be aware of that.

I never cracked that Russian-Kazakhstani

market.

I never could.

And I have tried.

I have tried.

This could be a chance.

Yeah, maybe when you're on a horse with an eagle, we can get the local paparazzi there or like TV station.

I would like like to be featured.

Do you have magazines that feature celebrities from Kazakhstan and

neighboring countries?

I'd like to be in one of those magazines, you know, frolicking on the beach.

This, I don't know, but we have very like huge music festivals, so maybe you can be there and sing and dance.

And that would be...

I would think I would just come out with a guitar, but I'd have

an eagle on my arm and I would have the eagle attack the crowd.

And I'd never play one note of the guitar.

That would be cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'd make everyone in the audience dress up as a rabbit before I came out.

Asiya, this is one of the stranger interviews I've ever had.

I think it's your fault.

I blame you.

And

I think this is all your fault because I was just minding my own business in Vienna, in Vienna, mind you, where I think I'm going to meet Austrians, when someone from Kazakhstan walks up to me,

you know, munching on a chicken sandwich,

and uh, and now look at us, here we are talking.

It's very cool.

This is the part of my job that I love.

I like to meet people from distant lands and create these connections.

And I think we're friends now.

Are we not friends?

Oh, yes, we are.

So, yeah, I couldn't stop, like, really when I saw you, I couldn't stop.

I was really amazed to see you in Vienna, just in, yeah,

and um, yeah, I was very happy again to see you.

Well, it was very nice.

I have one question, actually.

Oh, yeah, go go ahead.

Ask me a question.

So

I'm a book lover.

I love books.

I love reading.

Do you have any book advice, maybe, or what you've been reading lately?

Well, I just read this massive 1,200-page biography of Mark Twain, the American humorist.

It's not a beach read,

unless you want to use the book to shield from the sun.

I loved it.

I actually thought it was fantastic.

But what kind of books do you like?

You have to give me

what kind of thing you're interested in.

Do you like true crime?

Do you like history?

Do you like

sexy books?

Sexy books.

You mean

like fanfic and, you know, like

Fabio cover books.

Asia, do you like a sexy book?

No, I've never read them.

No.

Yeah, I mean, thank you.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm alone on my island.

Do you like sexy?

You read Fabio books?

Of course.

I love the sexy books.

What, Fabio books?

No, like, you know, like a supermarket small books.

Like a 50-shaped berry kind of thing.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Sona broke in with her own

predilections and said that she likes sexy books.

That was not me.

I like history books where sometimes sexy things happen.

Never.

I beg to differ, sir.

I beg to differ.

Some crazy stuff went down at Fort Sumter before the firing began.

But anyway, give me a clue as to what kind of book you like.

I'm into Russian literature, so into Russian classics.

Oh, guess what?

Boring.

No, no, no, not boring at all.

I just read Brothers Karamatsov.

Oh, Dostoevsky.

I went on a Dostoevsky jag, and I just read, I finished Brothers Karamatsov a couple of weeks ago, and I loved it.

There are parts that are a bit of a slog because it's Dostoevsky, and he had a lot of time on his hands and a lot of ink, but

I really liked it.

And I liked Crime and Punishment a lot.

Wow.

So do do you like that?

Yeah.

I love it.

I love it.

Yeah.

Have you read The Idiot?

I idiot.

That's my life story.

Read it.

I'm living it.

What are you talking about?

Hey, Conan, have you read The Idiot?

That's also duh.

No, no, no.

That's also a Dostoevsky novel.

Yes, I know.

I know.

I know The Idiot is a Dostoevsky novel.

Yes.

And I have read it.

And

I just, I love Russian literature.

I think it's fascinating.

I really do.

I also love Russian history.

Right now, I'm doing a deep dive on Peter the Great and how he

defeated Sweden.

And

see?

I just count myself very lucky because

it's in Russian and C.

I read

in Russian.

Anyway, yes, I would keep reading about Russia.

Such a fascinating history, Russia.

A fascinating people with a fascinating history.

And so

yes,

you know, read letters.

Can I just count myself.

Go ahead.

No, I just count myself very lucky that I know Russian and I can read in Russian.

So, to read Dostoevsky in Russian, it's really

a thing that I can even explain

how grateful I am actually to know Russian, to actually read them

in their native language.

Also, the plays, The Seagull.

I saw a production of The Seagull in New Haven not long ago, and it was amazing.

It was great.

I mean, it all holds up.

The Cherry Orchard, it's the classics.

Read the plays as well.

Okay.

I'm sorry, we lost Sona, who's waiting for the sexy part.

Yeah.

Frankly, I am too.

The seagull, the seagull gets it on with another seagull.

All right.

That's a whole section where they get it on.

Yeah.

Asia,

I hope I get to visit you.

It would be really fun.

And I look forward to some of it, the drinking small amounts of tea, horseback,

eagle on my arm, maybe a leopard as well.

And,

you know, horse meat, we'll talk about it.

Okay.

I don't know if I'll use five fingers.

I might use an ice cream scoop.

We'll talk about it.

But clearly, I'm babbling now, and I'm being told by my producer that I'm out of control.

It's time for me to take my medication.

But it's so nice to talk to you, Asia.

And thank you very much for coming up and saying hi to me in Vienna.

I love this kind of of connection.

It's really cool.

Of course, yeah.

Really, I'm so happy to see you again and talk to you again.

And also you, Sona, and you.

I don't remember your name.

Sorry.

I have trouble too.

My name's Fabio.

My name's Fabio.

I'm sorry.

No, it's Matt.

It's Matt.

Don't be.

It's Matt.

It's okay.

It's okay.

There's too many of us to know.

There's a lot of people.

I forget my own name.

Yes.

He's in the late stages of dementia.

Well, it was nice to talk to you.

and

I wish you well, and thank you for being such a cool person.

Thank you, Quinn.

Okay, thank you.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ovesian, and Matt Gorley.

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