Tag Team At The Teeth: Beyond The Shroud | Critical Role Melbourne Live Show 2025 Part 2

Tron Aries has arrived.

I would like you to meet Aries, the ultimate AI soldier.

He is biblically strong and supremely intelligent.

You think you're in control of this?

You're not.

On October 10th.

What are you?

My world is coming to destroy yours, but I can help you.

The war for our world begins in IMAX.

Tron Aries, suited PG-13.

Maybe inappropriate for children under 13.

Only in theaters October 10th.

Get tickets now.

I'm going to put you on, nephew.

All right, huh.

Welcome to McDonald's.

Can I take your order?

Miss, I've been hitting up McDonald's for years.

Now it's back.

We need snack wraps.

What's a snack wrap?

It's the return of something great.

Snack wrap is back.

To protect your brand, all the content your company creates needs to be on-brand.

Meet Adobe Express, the quick and easy app that empowers marketing, HR, and sales teams to make on-brand content.

Now everyone can edit reports, resize ads, ads, and translate text.

Brand kits and lock templates make following design guidelines a breeze.

And generative AI, that's safe for business, lets people create confidently.

Help your teams make pro-looking content.

Learn more at adobe.com slash express.

Hey there, Critter Podcast listeners.

We have a special new membership service at beacon.tv where you can get early access to all new podcast episodes, including Critical Role for the first time ever.

Beacon members also get things like live event pre-sales, merch discounts, access to a private community Discord, and new exclusive series like Critical Role Cooldown.

Think of it as our digital Critical Role land.

Head on over to beacon.tv to check it out for yourself and start a seven-day free trial.

Thank you so much for your support, for being a podcast listener, and for being a part of our community.

Hey there, critters.

This is Ashley Johnson.

And Tellus and Jeffy.

And we're popping in here to talk about our new podcast on Beacon, Weird Kids.

In this series, we're diving into our lives as former child actors, from unraveling our eccentric upbringings to embracing all the delightfully odd interests we still have today.

We're covering so many topics like anti-toys, taxidermy, Japanese pop culture, and honestly, anything else we come up with.

Weird Kids is available exclusively on Beacon.

But good news, we're offering a one-month free trial on beacon.tv so you can take a look before you become a member.

Just use the code weirdos at beacon.tv to start the trial.

You can also find fellow weirdos by following the series on our at the weird kids pod Instagram and using the hashtag weirdkids.

So to all the misfits, outcasts, and weirdos out there, come take a seat at our table and celebrate all things unconventional, nostalgic, and wonderfully weird.

Welcome to Weird Kids.

New episodes release every Tuesday.

Hi again, critters.

It's Sam Regal, and you're listening to part two of this episode from the Critical Role Podcast Network.

If you haven't checked out part one yet, pause this now and head over there first.

Otherwise, enjoy part two.

Friends.

We love you all.

All 11,08 of you.

We love you.

Look at all those hearts.

Look at all.

man.

So many modes of possibility.

No care.

Hang on, before we get started, where's my mom?

Mom?

Oh, hi, mom.

Hi.

I was wondering where you were.

I kept looking for you.

Hi.

Look at a lot of people.

Love you.

I'm your mother.

You did good.

Please let me be your mother.

You did good, mom.

I'm your mommy.

I'm your mommy.

Friends.

Sorry, not sorry.

As you clamber

ever close to the northeastern edge

of the island's seaside cave,

you have a breath amongst yourselves as you glance into the switchback pathway that leads into the dark interior.

The beginning of traversing what awaits you within the island proper.

Is there any way you wish to prepare?

Well, before we do anything, do we want to.

I mean, I think some healing may have to happen.

Yes, yes.

Yes, we do.

Physically or emotionally?

Well, I can't do anything about the emotional damage right now.

That's really up to you.

Emotional damage.

Mr.

Caduceus, are you going to do some healing, or do you want me to, or should we both?

I mean, you're welcome to do some healing if you like, but I was going to do some healing.

We could do...

We could both do that.

I wouldn't mind from both of you.

Oh.

At the same time?

Just a little dunkaroo action?

I don't know what that means.

I don't know fully what that means.

Is there about to be

a tag team at the teeth?

Oh, no.

He's on fire.

Bull cow fawn action.

Bull cow cow.

We call this.

Wow, the Nicodronis Tower.

The only thing, Mr.

Cadoos, is I was going to do a prayer of healing, but

I don't know who to pray to.

Have any suggestions?

At the moment.

At the moment, I've been thinking...

Do you want to just get on your knees and pray to me?

Wow.

I stopped playing sultry jazz flute.

I've been through a lot and

I've been praying to

my loved ones' safety.

I've been praying to the people I know.

I have not

necessarily

tried to connect to the wild mother yet.

What if you don't have any loved ones?

Well, I think that perhaps this is a

I think perhaps this this would be a great way to start having some loved ones,

sir.

All right, so

I'll do as the lady asked, and I'll

get on my reverse knees.

I'll join you in a prayer of healing so that we can actually both

how many levels do you want to take?

I'm going to do.

What level do you want to take this to?

Let's go five, baby.

Oh, wow, really?

This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

You go first, and then I'll.

I'll go first.

I'll see how it goes.

Anybody who needs...

How many people are hurt, by the way?

One, two.

Is there only three people hurt?

Notice which side of the table they're on.

Oh, I'm not going to do prayer.

You do prayer.

I'll just deal with what's left.

All right,

I close my eyes and I say a prayer to you, Lady Fern,

for

your faith in me,

for your

large

heart,

for your heaving

trust in me,

and for your dewy,

sort of pillowy decimal system.

That's for the olds in the audience.

Last time the Dewey Decimal System got a laugh and brought light over, you know.

To your breast, to your health.

To my health.

Okay.

32 points of.

Oh, wonderful.

To who?

To everyone around me.

Oh, wow.

Oh, thank goodness.

Does anyone else need a little bit of healing or are we we good?

On this side, no.

Hold back.

Fern, you're good?

You need a little more?

It's not great.

I mean, listen.

Oh, okay, here we go.

All right, in that case, I'm going to just cast.

Where did it go?

That snake really.

Snee Snake really did a membrane.

Yeah.

They do that.

I'm going to cast

Cure Wounds at fourth level then, just to finish that up.

That ought to do it.

Where's my dad?

Clerics are so cool.

Yeah, we are.

Yeah.

They're pretty great.

We are the best.

What would you do without us?

Oh, you'd die.

Five.

Oh, wow.

That's 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 12.

27 points of healing on that one.

Two eights on some of that.

Yeah.

I'm doing good.

I'm doing good.

Can I ask, like, if without hit points, I know that's like feeling hurt.

What does it feel like when we lose a hit dice?

It feels like a tiny shard of your physical confidence is stripped away, let alone.

You know, when you have the onset of a flu and your body begins to sweat but still feels freezing on the inside,

it's like that, but it doesn't go away.

And it gets worse with each one lost.

I'm sweating a lot.

A

So we have to go up this mountain?

No,

we gotta go.

I'm so sorry, that's what I meant.

Inside it, not up it.

And we're doing this

solely on the recommendation of the new guy.

Oh, okay.

No.

And Aurim.

You saw something.

Aurum's tripping balls, so.

I'm keyed in, baby.

I see everything.

Okay, Wall Wall Street.

Ethel, do you have any idea why these jellyfish, all these creatures are keyed into the emotions of everything that's happening here?

I mean, you've been here the longest.

Surely you know something.

I don't know, and that's what's most upsetting.

I don't know why I'm the only one, why everyone I know has been turned into either stones or I'm just surrounded by these spirits that vaguely look like people that I knew, but at the same time feel like a whole nother lifetime to me.

What was it that you did that they didn't do?

I don't know.

Did you run?

Were you a big pussy?

No, I'm not a big pussy.

I'm not.

It's okay.

Don't admit it.

If you don't, please don't say that to me because I'll cry and then I'll be attacked again and I'll cry because I was attacked and then it's a vicious cycle of self-flagellation.

You've been here this long and you haven't had all your

hit.

You don't feel.

I just don't understand how you've been here this long and you don't feel all sweaty and fluey.

You know what I mean?

And it's that's not, I do, I don't feel great.

You're absolutely right, but

it doesn't feel like that all the time.

It feels like I'm kind of missing something intrinsically.

Well, maybe

compartmentalizing your emotions is just a short-term solution.

Maybe you need to confront them.

Okay.

That sounds dumb.

I go and stand next to

no, I mean, they're right.

There's

there's part of part of them missing.

What do you mean?

I

heel is different than everything else I've seen here.

I noticed.

There's a well, beyond that, but do you want to have another go with the jellyfish?

What's your deal?

You are super aggro tonight, Imogen.

Look, I told you in this owned truth.

Yeah, no, that's fair.

Also, he started it.

Well, listen to your friends, purple hair.

They're cool.

You think you're buttering us up, but that's actually not going to work.

Okay, so I appreciate it anyway.

Yeah, we've decided to work as a team here, so perhaps we will follow your lead to this cave, and hopefully something will reveal itself.

Something that turns the tide in our favor.

Okay, and as we go down there, as a show of good faith, I'm going to say something I didn't expect to say.

Thank you very much for helping me.

I appreciate it.

Shut the fuck up.

Let's go.

I'm going to do an insight check just to see if he's being.

Make an insight check, Ethel.

Roll a D20 and add either your persuasion or deception.

Don't tell me which.

Just tell me what the total is.

It's going to have to be a 20.

Dirty.

Dirty.

Dirty 20.

It's a dirty 20.

Did he say 20 or 30?

You said a dirty 20.

158.

Natural.

22.

No!

Is he evil?

Does he eat poo?

What sense of your honesty does Breyus glean from your person?

You get a sense that

through the heart exterior and the darting eyes, pretending to be like trying to re-tune his flute, but you can't tune a flute, so he's just fucking around with it.

You can tell that he is...

there is definitely a hidden shaded thankfulness and gratefulness that

isn't just some malevolent like tricking you.

There is a deep thankfulness.

Alright.

There's a deep thankfulness.

Sam, every time I look down at you, I can't fucking not laugh.

I know.

Well, thank you, my love.

Oh, possums.

Thank you.

I love you so much.

My sweet possums.

Oh, my God.

Feels perfectly normal for me.

Look, if you don't trust me, you can talk to the spirits.

I'll get them back over here.

They can talk to you.

No, no, no, no.

Trust is earned, and I think you've earned it here.

We should keep going.

Wait a second.

Why are you guys here?

Well, we were actually separated from the rest of our group, and we made landfall here on this island, searching out a powerful archmage named Ludnis Deleth, and we're trying to find the rest of our group, but also to try and glean where he might be in all of this.

Perhaps he is...

He's caused it, but we've come upon you, and your people have been affected, and now we're trying to figure out maybe if we can help you would also help us in the same turn.

Where you've lost part of your group.

Yes, yeah.

Have.

Exactly.

And he touches the sort of part where you saw that kind of whole black hole.

And he's like,

I think we should go down

the cave.

We should go all the way.

Stop smiling at me.

We should go down

and we should stay down

until the job is done.

Yes.

Is that boat?

Is that checkout?

Yeah, it's easy.

Yeah, easy.

Easy.

Hold your breath.

One by one, you trek in line down the sea cliff pathways, hearing the crash of the ocean against the rock and glancing down into the brackish dark ocean waters that give different texture and color than the familiar physical world of Xandria that you're used to.

You swear you can see ten feet beneath the waves shapes that look like mournful faces, eyeless, the mouths open,

looking up towards you, fading into the shadow as they shift and churn.

I want to punch a ghost so bad.

I don't.

If I say hello to one of those faces just as we're walking by,

does it acknowledge a hello?

How do you say hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hey, Sub.

It does not seem to acknowledge me directly.

The ocean shifts as you look down.

The face seems to vanish beneath another wave that crashes over onto the nearby stone.

And you glance back where it was, and you have a hard time finding it.

You can't tell if it's an illusion or just the shaded memory of

hundreds of drowned individuals over the millennia this island has existed.

This is the plane between life and death and it is here, especially in the absence of the matron at the time being

the laws of the purgatory realms are a bit up in the air.

Following Ethel a bit further, you turn the corner into an opening.

This seaside cavern that is about 200 feet across from end to end.

And as the water inlet pours into the interior cavern, the dark lit inside itself greets you.

Those of you with sources of light or torches, you can make use of it.

You ignite a series of your arcane spheres that alight the path as you curl inward.

And here you can see towards the deep back of it, there is indeed

a number of caverns that seem to splinter off from a somewhat shallow beached area to the far end.

Also, glancing about within, you can see

the rock walls are smooth from extended centuries, perhaps even longer periods of time of the seawater at different tides rising up and smoothing the surrounding stone.

But you see almost like marbled veins of hints of shined ore that on the far end look like they've been broken and chiseled in places or carved away.

As well as, as you focus still,

the hint of

thin

glowing spider-like webs of light that seem to extend amongst parts of the wall.

Like some sort of an alien vein network that seems to have burned its way into the stone.

The second thing that catches your eye towards the back of the inlet

is a mighty ship, a galleon of some kind, that sits

kiltered to one side.

It looks dilapidated and beached onto that interior sand.

The sails themselves tattered and gone.

The hull of it, filled with three or four larger holes.

A wrecked ship that remains abandoned here in this ghostly cavern space.

I rush forward, searching for any sign of a name of this vessel, along the side of it, any indication of what this ship could be.

Make an investigation check for me if you could.

Can I use my dancing lights to light his path so he can have a better view?

Certainly.

Kick-ass.

Not as good.

25.

Investigation.

25.

You gather the portion of the ship where the title itself would have been is unmarked, meaning this ship does not belong to any sort of...

pardon me.

Any sort of a fleet.

The name of this ship has intentionally either been scraped, lost, or not printed upon it.

It does look like it was fitted once with exterior cannonwork.

The second thing you noticed is as you begin to investigate his exterior and look within, there is

shattered and sea foam-logged furniture that is overturned.

You can see there

are elements of a lived-in interior

as well as a few scattered tools.

You see some splintered crates and some pickaxes and other other tools that don't normally accompany a wandering sea vessel

and with that investigation rule you also notice that there are clusters of mined ore that were taken from the edges of these veins that seem to be clustered and set within this ship like it was a a shipment of some kind.

It was being gathered and mined from this interior.

And indeed, some of these caverns that splinter off, these large cracks that wind upward and further into the heart of the mountain, it looks like some of them were chipped away from some sort of prolonged mining endeavor.

You also

feel the air chill

as the shadows of the space grow darker

and a slight voice hits the wind.

It's been so

long

since the warmth has been felt.

Yo, Fern.

Yeah.

Is this that ghost pirate that you always tell us about that you fucked?

He sounds just a little different.

Okay.

This could be another one.

Boy.

I don't think that's him.

Please

remind me.

At which point,

bring the blue one.

You watch as glowing shapes, spectral figures begin to rise out of the ruined ship.

You see what looks like partially decomposed figures, humanoid, with long, tattered coats and hats.

You see, as they reach down and draw actual rusted, barnacle-covered

blades, scimitars, and ancient pistols that look like they've been waterlogged and lost to rust in time.

But as they lift them up, they seem to take on a spectral, renewed visage all their own.

As three of these pirate spirits begin to rise up and float in the air above, and one feminine form with a massive tricorn hat and long, tattered locks rises.

I would like you all to roll initiative.

Oh boy, you gotta be shitting me, Matthew, fucking Mercer.

Plus the D8.

Oh my god.

Oh, no fucking way.

Not in Australia, man.

Crikey.

That's where all prisoners go.

All right.

25 to 20 31

oh my god

dirty 20 crazy all right dirty 20 dirty 20

dirty 20 rollies rollies rollies a three-way rollies

three-way wait I think it's just

two oh you also got a dirty 20 they also got a dirty 20

16 seven so we're gonna go Aurum

Araith.

Yes, Batty.

And then.

And then.

Alright.

20 to 15.

19.

15.

17.

Okay.

Ford.

Ford, Cadus, Imogen.

Perfect.

Alright, 15 to 10.

At 12.

Okay.

What you got, Ethel?

Rolled a one.

Oh!

Ethel bringing up the rear.

That's okay.

Can Aurum's bountiful luck counter that since it's a d20?

It's an ability check.

Sure.

Okay.

Yeah, we're a little late in the game.

He let's try it.

Ethel, roll again.

Yeah.

Let's go.

Okay, that's better.

That's 18.

18, that'll put you after

Ford above Cadoosis.

Thank you very much.

Actually,

rollies, roll 1d20 for me.

Oh.

Oh, 20.

Oh, yeah, you win.

All right.

So I get a one-year

than Ethel.

Got it.

All right, top of the round.

Beauregard, you're up with Oram on deck as these three pirate spirits lift up, and what appears to be a figure of

influence and authority rises above them all.

Listen, you know that crazy ex that just won't stay away.

So convenient.

She waited till Jessa was out of town, too.

Crazy.

What a coincidence.

She's been on your Facebook, bro.

All right.

First and foremost, I am going to spend key to

I'm gonna spend four key points.

I can do this for freezies to do empty body,

where I go invisible and I have resistance to all damage, minus four samage for one minute.

Alrighty.

Let's go, level 20 mark.

And then, um, I'm assuming I recognize the uh alpha.

Yeah.

I'll allow you to make a perception check if you'd like.

Oh, really?

For okay, sure.

Why why now?

Why this natural 20?

Yes!

Yes!

Okay.

That could have been on my attack.

Shut up, don't you hear that?

This ghostly spectral captain figure in the large tricorn hat you see has dense braids that kind of billow beneath and you see the toothy skull jaw below a mostly tattered face.

The attire

that first caused you panic

is not as familiar as you thought.

And in this instance...

Thank you God.

Whoa.

Okay.

This does not appear the, I assume, you thought was Avanta.

No, I wasn't sweating it.

I don't know what the fuck you guys were talking about.

But

a different female, more skeletal captain to a ship that is unrecognizable in this instance.

So I don't recognize her?

You do not.

But they are floating about 20 feet above you.

Fuck her.

Floating?

They're ghosts, Beauregard, yes.

Good thing I punch ghosts.

Let's go, baby!

Okay, I'm gonna call her not Vantica.

Great, groovy.

I'm gonna run up.

So she's floating 20 feet above me.

Yeah.

Awesome.

As I run up, I am going to punch my fists as I sprint off, activating my lightning gloves.

Awesome.

And I'm going to run and it's like kind of with my unarmored movement, kind of like skip across a few puddles, do a big barrel roll, and I'm going to do a pop-pop with my lightning gloves at a distance.

Fantastic.

20 feet.

Let's go.

A pop pop, baby.

This is against the captain?

Yeah, go for the boss, bitch.

Let's go.

Okay, these are plus 13 hits.

Two pop pops.

National 20 again, bitches.

Let's go!

And the second one is going to be an 18 to hit

18 total.

Yeah.

That just hits.

That's where you see it.

Okay, okay, okay.

Let's first start with the

natural 20.

Let's go.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Big money.

Yeah, that's good, baby.

That's a nine on the damage die, so nine eighteen plus another

seven

is 31.

34.

34.

34 points of damage.

Stunning strike.

Can you stun a ghost?

Unfortunately, this is immune to stun.

He did that on purpose.

Alright, that's fine.

And for the second attack...

Gotta be Ghostbuster to stun a ghost.

14 damage?

14 damage already.

I'm gonna spend a key point.

Hang on, let me keep track of my key points.

So that was.

I'm assuming that was one for the stunning strike.

No, okay.

I'm going to do one more to do flurry of bows.

Let's go.

Two more strikes.

Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

That's a one and a two.

It giveth and it taketh away.

How close is Beauregard to Aurum?

Beauregard, I'd say, having charged forward and done the spin-off, I'd say about 25-30 feet from you.

Cancel the one.

I get to re-roll it?

Reroll that one, yeah.

Let's go.

Reaction.

Yeah, that's fantastic.

That is going to be 30 to hit.

That'll hit.

Fantastic.

Here we go.

That is going to be another 14 points of damage.

Alrighty.

Extract aspect.

Extract aspects.

Extract aspects.

Alright.

These.

So vulnerabilities, damage resistances, damage immunities, and condition immunities.

Indeed.

They are immune to cold damage.

Immune to cold?

They are immune to necrotic damage.

They are immune to poison damage.

Cold.

Cold, necrotic.

They are vulnerable to radiant.

They are vulnerable to radiant.

Okay.

Amazing.

I'm just going to shout out to the...

To the crowd.

Avoid cold shit and hit him with holy shit

after these series of attacks on the captain camp is like oh, you think you're the smart one here?

Newsflash, I am, motherfucker.

Bring them low.

We must return.

Bring them low.

Alright, that finishes Bo's turn.

Oram, you're up with Brace on deck.

Orim had already started running and is flying through the air over Bo's head and Seedling out slashes the air three times, sending shockwaves through the air.

I'll use Seedling attacking at range at her above.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

First is a

27 to hit.

That hit.

Okay,

that is.

And we'll make this a goading attack.

Sure.

That is.

3 plus 7 plus 14 plus.

F5.

So 19 on the first.

She has to beat wisdom

of 19.

21 beats it.

Okay.

Next attack.

Goading attack.

Same attack roll.

Alright.

That hits.

Roll damage.

Goading attack.

2.

This is 13.

So if I was 18, has to beat a 19.

18 damage.

Alright.

That is another 22.

Goading attack.

That's not going to hit.

So that is a 19 to hit?

No, 19 to hit.

Oh, that hits?

Yeah.

Goading attack.

4 plus 15 plus 10.

19 points of damage.

19 points of damage.

Slash of the air, 19 wisdom.

It's a 24.

I rolled really good on those saving throws.

Yes.

For a goading attack, which is great.

Got it.

We'll see if I can carry that luck over into their turn.

So finish your turn, Orm, are you up?

Yeah, I'm just testing this ghost lady, and I splash down below next to Beauregard.

Into the center of this cavern space, the ocean itself as the waves are coming in.

Finishing Orm's turn, Breyus, you're up.

Matthew.

Yes.

The Natvantica lady is hovering above us?

About 20 feet above the ground, yes.

I can't get there.

And what about the other ghosties?

They're about 10 feet up.

Hmm.

I think I could probably reach them.

With a decent, I'll say with a decent athletics check, I'll allow it.

Okay.

I want to hit her so bad,

but I can't.

Make me fly, someone.

Matt, I use my reaction to make Sam fly.

Alright, I will go for one of the ghosties instead.

Fair enough.

The three other kind of like gnarly-looking spectral skeletal ghosts lie there.

I'll say you choose the one to the right, which is closest to you.

You run and try and leap towards it, make an athletics check for me.

Oh, come on, come on.

16 plus stuff.

20e3.

That's funny enough to do it, so go ahead and roll your attack.

I will use Divine Smite at level 3 and also Shining smite

as my bonus action.

Sure.

And I will attack.

20 to hit.

20 hits?

I swing my flail around and I deal a whole bunch of damage.

Okay.

Seven, eight,

fourteen, eighteen.

Uh-huh.

Twenty-four.

Oh man.

Thirty-three.

40 damage.

And

some of that is radiant.

How much of it is radiant?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Um.

Ten is radiant.

You did divine smite on this?

Is divine smite radiant?

Yes, it is.

Oh, well, then a lot more is radiant.

And these are considered undead, so you do an additional d8, by the way.

Oh, God!

Well, then that's another

one.

Okay.

What's the total of radiant damage on that?

Radiant damage then would be 20 radiant.

So that'd be 40 radiant.

Okay.

That you do this massive overarching strike.

Wham into this one ghost powder.

Withdraws back.

You hear this hissling, sissing sound.

Hizzling, sissing?

It's a new one!

It's hissling and sizzling-sissing?

You were here for it.

Why do I do this?

We were here for it.

Melbourne!

Kill me.

I want a nice hissling, sissing kangaroo burger.

I want to hear this for the next 10 years, thank you.

Boy, I can hear the whole audience shivering and queefing right now.

Oh,

boy.

As it sizzles and hisses and withdraws about five feet behind you, that's your first attack.

You have a second attack.

I have a second attack?

I should really learn this character.

All right, I'll swing again.

That is 22 to hit.

That hits.

Go ahead, Rolling.

This will just be

normal damage, which is pretty good.

18 of 25.

How much is radiant?

I don't know, Matt.

What if your D8 should be Radian?

Okay, then it was the 4.

That's a 4.

It should be an extra 8 on that one.

Okay.

Got it.

So,

heavy impacting strike on a second swipe down with your flail as it impacts this spirit.

You see it kind of pull back.

It kind of shakes in space, and its form kind of quicks.

You know, not going to say the word.

It quakes.

It's not dead?

No.

I did like a hundred points of damage.

I think you should recheck your math.

Yeah, no, it's fine.

Have you seen how strong I am?

I did, and it wasn't strong enough.

Brey as that finishes your turn.

The three spectral Wanderman ghosts swoop down and retort.

One of them is going to

throw my pen down.

I got a pen here.

That's fine.

Fuck that pencil.

I didn't need it anyway.

First one's one's going to go ahead and sweep down

and move within range to you, Braus, after you struck it heavily.

It's going to go ahead and do multi-attack of part of its ghost slash and spectral pistol one to one.

So the first attack is going to be a 22 to hit.

Oh, that's my armor class.

That hits you, and the pistol is even higher.

So you take 21 points of slashing damage from the first working strike as it backs up, its spectral pistol lights up

and lets loose this massive puff of spectral energy and smoke, and you take an additional 15 points of piercing damage.

The second specter is going to swoop down and come after you, Beauregard.

I am invisible.

Why?

It's going to swing and fire in the direction it thinks you are, and it has disadvantage on the attacks because of it.

Empty body.

Level 20 monksha.

That is a miss, because it rolls really bad with the disadvantage.

Second one, with the pistol shot.

Oh no, with a natural three.

Takes two shots, no impact, has no idea where you are, splashing in the water.

The spectral gun pistol just explodes into nowhere.

Third one is going to swoop around

and

come after you, Ethel.

But I'm so cute.

First heavy strike.

Nope, no, no, no.

It's going to be an 11 to hit.

Out of the way.

Pistol shot is going to be better.

19 to hit.

Yeah, but as it goes to shoot me, I go, oh, but what if you missed not?

All of your friends would hate you.

A searing word.

Searing word.

All right, so go to 4D 12.

Come on, baby, big money.

That's a natural one.

Oh, boy.

So wait, what does that bring it down to?

It brings it down to an 18.

That's one more than my armor class.

This still takes the 2D.

Oh, yeah.

Hell yeah.

Okay.

So.

Enjoy this.

Ah, 12.

That's pretty good.

There you go.

12 points of fire damage.

And ignite that one ghost opponent trying to fire fire at you.

It's swinging its blade and pulls back.

Ah!

Mistress!

This one feels different.

No, I'm just the same as these idiots.

Hey.

We're all the same.

Oh, I'm so scared of you.

Then let's feast up its life for us.

Finishing the ghosts go.

They're all game.

One's close to you.

Once close to you.

Alright, cool.

Got that.

Ford, you're up with Ethel on deck.

DM, can I ask a question?

Yes, you may.

As Orm is is watching with his 35 passive perception and true sight,

does the ghost ringleader have two arms

with complete?

With that combination of spell and passive perception, you see live shows next year.

Oh my god!

Their arms are indeed complete.

Okay.

Who did you think it was?

Ripley.

Ripley.

Not everything's connected to you, Lore, guys.

But nevertheless, Ford, what do you want to do?

With my bonus action, I will use Hex Blade's Curse to curse the ringleader, the pirate.

The undead, yes, the captain.

And then with my action, I will use Eldritz Blast.

Let's go.

And at level 20, I will get four attacks and I will fan the hammer.

Let's go, baby.

I rolled two of these already.

That's another one.

So it's a 30 to hit on the first one.

That hits.

20 to hit on the second.

Does that hit?

23 to hit on the third.

That hits.

And 13?

Nah.

Fair enough.

That's 17 points of damage on the first, 15 points of damage on the second.

14 points of damage on the third.

Alrighty, is that

impacting with your eldish blast

smashing into the spectral ghost captain as it pulls back?

They got some fight in them, they do.

Let's save it off.

We'll be free from the shackles.

Bring them to me.

When you watch it, she almost seems to swell with fury.

The weird kind of ghostly green-blue color almost starting to burn like an orangish-red color.

So I finish your turn for you.

You may have a small business, but every entrepreneur knows that a small business is a big commitment.

That's why Shopify is here to help.

Shopify's point-of-sale system is a unified command center for your retail business.

It brings together in-store and online operations across up to 1,000 locations.

Plus, Shopify not only helps you find new customers, but also keeps your current shoppers coming back with personalized experiences and first-party data that give marketing teams a competitive edge.

It's actually a proven fact.

Based on a report from EY, businesses on Shopify POS saw a 22% better total cost of ownership as well as an 8.9% uplift in sales on average relative to the market set surveyed.

So, get all the big stuff for your small business right with Shopify.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash critical.

Go to Shopify.com/slash critical.

Shopify.com/slash critical.

Critical Role is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Look, there's a difference between venting to your GM and actually talking with a licensed therapist.

That's where BetterHelp comes in with clinically trained and licensed therapists.

They've been around for over a decade, helped millions of people, and out of 1.7 million client reviews, they've got a 4.9 rating.

Now here's what I love about BetterHelp.

They help find a therapist that works for you so you can focus on your life's adventure.

You fill out a short questionnaire that helps identify your needs and preferences.

And if you aren't happy with your match, well, you can switch to a different therapist at any time.

It's fully online, and you can pause your subscription whenever you need to.

With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally.

As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise.

Find the one with BetterHelp.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash critical role.

That's betterhelp.com/slash critical role.

Tron Aries has arrived.

I would like you to meet Aries, the ultimate AI soldier.

He is biblically strong and supremely intelligent.

You think you're in control of this.

You're not.

On October 10th.

What are you?

My world is coming to destroy yours, but I can help you.

The war for our world begins in IMAX.

Tron Aries, rated PG-13.

Maybe inappropriate for children under 13.

Only in theaters October 10th.

Get tickets tickets now.

I'm gonna put you on, nephew.

All right, huh.

Welcome to McDonald's.

Can I take your order?

Miss, I've been hitting up McDonald's for years.

Now it's back.

We need snack wraps.

What's a snack rap?

It's the return of something great.

Snack rap is back.

He's done.

You got it.

Finishing forwards go.

Ethel, you're up.

Ethel turns to the ghost captain and something that he's been thinking of to say for quite a while.

You can see he's been ticking over.

He says, hey, you don't like holy stuff, huh?

Well, is this holy and he points to his flute and

oh my god but in saying that this kind of like hunched over like he seems like six foot hunched over sort of like awkward he like opens up to breathe and only now do you realize that he is like seven and a half feet tall and with that uses musical exorcism his eyes glow and he just breathes in and just

this huge sound rushes out of both sides and like bounces off this wall.

Go ahead and see if you can aim that note.

I'm going to aim that note, baby.

That note.

Gotta aim that note.

Gotta aim that note.

That's a 28.

28 of the status.

Yeah!

Now, because this is an undead creature, you do additional damage as part of this ability.

Go ahead and roll that.

Yeah, I get to roll lots of dice today.

Good day to be a dice, huh?

That's 6, 12, 13, 14.

22.

22 points of psychic damage against this entity.

As you rocket into its brain, like the note careens into the cabinet

and pulls back, you see its eyes go wide, the blackened kind of vacuous skull spaces with the little flickering flames in the middle kind of turn towards you angrily.

And it shifts back to you.

Ford, and back to you.

I would like Ford and Ethel to both make persuasion checks to try and chuck off the attention to the other.

That's gonna have to be 19.

18.

The captain furiously turns his attention as the spiritual energy burns a bright red and it comets towards you, Ford.

One of the other ghosts kind of holding its proximity next to you.

It gets the captain's focus, that within his targets within five feet, the captain has advantage on its attacks.

It's going to unleash its vengeful frenzy.

It'll make a ghost slash attack at you.

If the attack hits, it makes another attack and it keeps making attacks until it misses.

Oh no, no!

Matthew fucking Mercer!

Is she still at a range?

Is she still floating?

No, she's like drifted down on top of Ford now, so she's about 10 feet off the ground.

Okay.

First attack.

Ooh, yeah, no, that's going to be a 30 to hit you.

Jesus!

You take 21 points of slashing damage.

Oh, no.

21 points I will take with my reaction.

The Star Razor will with Radian damage, 12 points of Radian damage flash against you.

That makes it 24 points of radiant damage because the captain

has a vulnerability of radiant furiously attacks again for a 24 to hit you.

Yeah, bitch, that hits.

Take another 21 points of slashing damage.

Oh, my God.

The next attack is going to be a 20 to hit you.

That also hits.

You take another 21 points of slashing damage.

The next attack is going to be a 21 to hit you.

Jesus!

That hits!

Take another 21 points of slashing damage.

Oh, my God.

This is a lot of math, you guys!

Next attack is a natural 20.

Fuck!

No!

No!

Silvery barbs!

No, you don't even have to.

I'm just gonna do, I have a, I'm gonna use.

I have silvery barbs.

Okay, that'll got you?

Yes.

Alright.

My favorite spell.

Okay, that'll turn it into a 23 to hit you.

That hits!

Take 21 points of slashing damage.

Okay, I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm I'm cool.

The next attack is going to be a 27 to hit you.

Now here's the thing.

Now remind me, you have armor of shadows, right?

And you have this creature hexed.

Oh!

I do!

I just remembered that.

I was just so taken with it.

So for each of those 21s,

let's go ahead and roll the dice and see if you take it.

Four.

Wait.

That cancels it.

Because that misses.

Yeah.

So the first attack you missed entirely.

As Ford is carved down by strike after strike, you watch as your friend is bloodied and pulled apart.

And then we pull back from the eye of Ford as he sees this possible reality.

Channeling his friend Caleb in his glance into the beacon and goes, not today, Satan.

As the first strike of the captain goes wide and is consumed with the shadowy darkness.

How about just to keep it fair?

Because you thought of it and I didn't.

We'll stop it there, and that'll be the one that misses.

I love that.

Let's go for it.

Yeah, but now I'm covered with blood and cuts, and it makes me look fucking sexy.

That's true.

Fair trade.

All right, well, that finishes the captain's turn.

The captain is going to glide up and fly beyond your reach, which gives you an attack of opportunity.

Yes, it does.

Or did you use your...

No, you have to use reaction for that.

So yeah, I still have your reaction.

Go for it.

Oh, I don't because I used the radiant burst from

reaction.

So yeah, the captain just shoots up about 30 feet above the water.

Would she go past me?

Not past you, but above you.

Sentinel, I meant.

I'm curious if.

Unfortunately, you and Ford are in separate parts of the battlefield.

Okay, okay, that's what I was curious.

You clearly never mind.

It's hard to do.

I'm glad you reminded me of that armor of hexes.

It's just one of the things on this giant fucking page of level 20 Ford shit.

Cadus, you're up with a middle on deck.

All right.

First thing we're going to do is I'm going to

make my way over to Auram and play.

I don't know why I bother.

Where did it go?

There he is.

And I'm just going to kind of

very quietly

ninja run my way behind, you know, the Naruto run.

Naruto run, that's what they call it.

Yeah.

Grab you by the shoulders.

How you feeling, buddy?

This is the best day ever.

It's about to get better.

And I tap him and I cast holy weapon.

Let's go.

So, all your hits now have an extra 2d8 radiant.

Enjoy.

That's awesome.

And then I'm going to make

a path.

Make it a path.

Path in your way!

Trying to get a nice center point, and I'm going to cast turn undead.

Woo!

Woo!

And yes, I can do both in one turn, I checked.

Yes, because holding weapon is a bonus action.

Yes, it is.

Alrighty, let's go.

So for the captain,

that's going to be...

It's a wisdom?

I believe.

I'm trying to find it again.

Yeah, it's a...

Let's see.

Or is it Constitution?

I think it's a Wisdom Saving Rule, I believe.

I believe it's Wisdom as as well.

That's going to be a 13.

I'm trying to find my number for that.

Sorry.

It's your spell DC, buddy.

Oh, spell DC is 19.

Ah!

Yeah, that's a failure.

Yee.

Other ghosts, natural two, that's a fail.

That's going to be...

It's an 18, that's still a fail.

Out of curiosity, also, what are their last one?

All of them fail.

So my other question there then is also,

what is their

level their

challenge rating challenge rating challenge rating the standard ghosts are challenge rating five captains yeah never mind they're fine then but they are fearful they are fearful yeah they are

okay

that means their attacks are a disadvantage and they move away from you on their turn yeah no evinced is going to image and you're up with front on deck all right

I am going to

activate my my runes on my cloak on my robes okay which

bamps up my spell DC DC

by two.

And then

I'm going to cast at seventh level

psychic lance

on old pirate what's your fuck.

Leave no doubt.

I think it's Rashawn, guys.

All right, what's that intelligence saving throw?

That's an intelligence saving throw.

Larkin Watch.

Ooh, that's gonna be a four.

Fail.

So she takes

she takes 10 d6 psychic damage and she is incapacitated until her next turn.

Go ahead and roll that damage.

Oh no.

Yes, ma'am.

Eight.

You still just have one?

I know I didn't do it.

Eleven.

Eleven of the three dice to roll in them.

Woo!

Okay, wait.

How many roll dice did I just roll?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 2, 3, 2, 7, 8, 9.

Okay.

Oh, God!

Okay, 15, 19,

24,

33 points of psychic damage.

33 points of psychic damage.

Just above average.

And she's incapacitated.

She's incapacitated.

Yeah, which I don't know what does that mean?

It means means on their turn they can't take actions, bonus actions.

That's pretty great.

Is she still flying?

Yeah, she's like still hovering there, like,

just kind of like locked into this terrible psychic static in the middle of the spectral bar.

Does that finish your turn?

Uh, yes, it does.

Alrighty, Fern, you're up with Bo on deck.

Okay, hi.

Um, I am going to cast

Flamestrike, which means anything that's a deck save, she fails automatically.

Oh, hold on.

Let me just double-check this then.

Okay.

Yes.

All right.

Flamestrike.

The old magic spelling.

Yes.

Alright.

So, um, Flamestrike at sixth level.

Yeah.

Um, so that'll be a dex save of 19.

No.

No, just kidding.

Yes, I'm serious.

Sorry.

That's a fail one.

A natural one on the second ghost,

and an 18 on the third ghost, which your spell DC is 19, you said?

Well, so, okay, so hold on.

There's a vertical column of divine fire which roars down from the heavens.

Each creature in a 10-foot radius, but it's a 40-foot-high cylinder.

So I was trying to aim for

her.

For the girder?

Okay, so just her?

So just her, not the other ghosts.

Well, I mean, if they could get in there, they'd have to get away.

I think you got one other one.

I'll see you.

Okay, good.

Okay, good to know.

All right, so one of them you got, and the captain automatically fails.

So go ahead and roll damage on that.

Alright, so I believe that's 5d6 fire damage and 5d6 radiance.

That's correct.

Roll the fire damage first.

Hold on, hold on.

Give me a minute.

All right.

Okay.

That was a good idea.

Thank you for the dots.

Okay, so that's.

I won those back.

Aww.

15 points of fire damage

already

big money big money

20 points of radiant

doubles to 40 points of radiant damage against both those targets.

Fern, how do you want to do this?

Two for two, baby!

Wait, on the on the bad bitch?

On the captain.

Yeah!

Yes!

Play for real!

How do you want to do this?

As the captain is held aloft, pierced by a psychic lance that keeps it almost pinned in the middle of the air of this dark cavern, the sound of the waves crashing nearby, the spectral ship also itself giving off a ghostly glow like they're in the process, like the captain is in the process of calling forth other members of its vanished crew.

You reach up and call down this column of divine fire and light and describe to me how you finish this.

Oh boy.

Alright, I wasn't quite prepared for this.

Alright, I'll shoot the flame cylinder up into the air.

I'll say, get down here, you dumb bitch.

And I'll pull it down.

You watch as the rock above you seems to crack and other bits of stone fall forth, almost like an additional fissure in the mountain above opens.

And where it does, the single stream of red-orange light

kind of peers down slowly, gently hitting the watertop before

it opens up and

explodes.

This blast of white-hot fire seems to burst from the water itself and engulf the cabin.

You hear the shriek.

You're welcome.

And as the flames subside,

you watch as the ghost itself

vanishes the slight phrase that says,

And her spectral form is dissipated.

The other ghosts that were already fearful suddenly go wide-eyed and scatter to the side of the chamber and vanish.

The glowing ship itself goes cold once more, and the cavern is now still

and empty.

Oh, Gecko, I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico app.

Could you sign up?

Sign what?

The app?

Yeah.

Sure.

Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it.

Could you sign it again?

Anything to help, I suppose.

Get more than just savings.

Get more with Geico.

I'ma put you on, nephew.

I don't.

Welcome to McDonald's.

Can I take your order?

Miss, I've been hitting up McDonald's for years.

Now it's back.

We need snack wraps.

What's a snack wrap?

It's the return of something great.

Snackrap is back.

New vitamin water, zero sugar, pineapple, passion fruit is packed with vitamins, just like the amount of peas we packed in that sentence.

It's packed like your tote bag, the one you stole from your ex, or your overpriced half a studio apartment, or extra rushed rush hour traffic.

Packed like your calendar, triple booked at five, of course.

Grab a vitamin water.

Did we mention it's packed with vitamins?

Lowe's knows you've got a job to do, and we help get it done.

With the My Lowe's Pro Rewards Program, eligible members save more with volume discounts on qualifying orders through a quote of $2,000 or more.

Join for free today.

Lowe's, we help you save.

Offer can't be combined with any other discount contract and/or special pricing.

Exclusions, more terms, and restrictions apply.

Details at lowe's.com/slash terms.

Subject to change.

Was that it?

That doesn't feel like this is it.

That's it.

The ore that they were mining from the veins in this wall.

Can we identify what the ore is made of, what they were trying to collect, and perhaps use as shipments on this?

Sure, if you want to make an intelligence check for me.

Oh, I'm...

This character, no problem.

16.

16.

There is a quartz-like crystal here, but you're not quite certain what this material is.

It doesn't feel like something you've seen often or in trade circles.

It's a unique sort of crystal.

But you also notice amongst parts of it, and parts of the nearby stone, that weird, like,

light, gossamer, spider web-like texture seems to be spread in places that until you get close and focus, it's almost impossible to see.

But as you're also looking and inspecting the space, you see some of the nearby cracks and the nearby caverns.

Light beams seem to pass through.

Like a massive lantern or torch is like passed in front of slats.

Light

seems to come across.

Like some

burning, massive source of energy.

And light is kind of coasting through the core of this mountain, beyond your vision, but enough to send brief beams and scattered shadows throughout your chamber.

And this low buzz, this weird, ominous hum kind of

can I pocket the ore in the bag of holding, and can can I point in the direction that the light seems to be emanating from and direct our party towards the source?

Indeed, you all catch both Ford's glance finger-pointing and the kind of source of this light, especially you, Orim, you're saying everything.

But it seems like some of these kind of snaking cavern entrances that pour and curl upward deeper into the mountain above,

something, some source of this light is nearby and passes, maybe drawn by the sounds of recent combat before drifting back into the heart of this mountain.

We must pursue.

Can we move forward?

Yes, immediately.

Unless we want to know anything if we think there's anything in that ship.

You said sounds of recent combat.

That's us.

That would be what we just did.

Poison us?

Yeah.

Or do we get a sense that there's combat elsewhere?

Make a Make an insight check.

Okay.

Guidance.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You know, she's insiding right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fern's just always touching Beau for no reason.

I was just like, I just.

It was just so.

Her arms were.

Yeah, I'm just kind of pressing.

She's like, checking.

Correct.

Careful.

Billy Fisher drawn by 40.

Wait, be dead if that was the case.

23.

23.

You gather the recent sounds of battle would be the battle that you all just had for it.

Loud and massive spells and explosions and fiery columns and screeches of spectral entities scattered away, destroyed before there could be any conversation or information gleaned by a conversation or a gentle defeat.

Okay, I got it, I got it.

Setting them aside, any of the emergent story and or details that surrounded the destruction and haunting of this pirate crew immediately scattered and lost to the winds with the destruction of its captain.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You ascertain this was probably the battle that drew the light.

Great, thank you.

Wow.

Good to know.

We could.

A mystery lost the time.

I mean, do I recognize any of the gossamer threads?

Has it been around the island as I've been searching?

You look over and get close to it, and you see flashes, and you recall

some of the

plant life before it turned kind of began to give off these little like light branches, almost like roots of glowing white that seemed to emerge.

Some of the spirit friends, friends you've known for so long, those that live and guide the other living beings in this island,

seem to act stranger.

and indeed carry these same veins of white hidden amongst their spectral forms.

You see...

Yeah, this...

Corruption is often considered

a dark tint towards dark magic.

It's odd to see glowing light, the source of corruption.

But as you look at this, you can see the very rock and stone of this place here in this spiritual side of the realm.

This light corrodes and it spreads.

And you've seen it take the minds and spiritual sanctity of

friends.

Arnar.

That's absolutely right.

Oh, no, indeed.

Arna.

That's absolutely right again.

Say it one more time.

Preach it.

Are?

Yeah.

Nar.

I don't need to tell you guys that this isn't a great place.

We were literally just attacked by the most monstrous things I've ever seen in my life.

So,

well, you should get out more then.

That was actually not that bad.

We've had ghost pirates, yeah, kind of a thing that happened.

Okay, you don't have to talk down to my experience.

I'm just saying, those four ghost pirates particularly were the worst that I've experienced.

You should go to the moon.

Yeah.

What?

Yeah.

I should go to the moon.

They start on about this.

It just becomes a thing.

Why have you been to the moon oh it's a long story yeah

i'm a god eater let's keep going

i go stand the opposite part of the party that imogen is of she tells me

yeah we gotta keep moving okay we're moving we're moving we're going we're going we're going into the mountain go go go

who is guiding the troop in the direction they believe they're following of the strange

source of sound and light.

Orm will follow the sound.

And as

CAD's blessing runs through the sword, Orm sees and feels it wrapping like tendrils around his entire body.

Dick.

I have some bad news for you.

Yeah.

It only lasts a minute.

Oh, and it fades away and goes.

We could try that again later.

And then I lean on my 35 passive perception as I

head through the mound.

Absolutely broken.

Oh, wait, I'm so sorry.

It's up for an hour.

It's my problem.

Never mind.

I thought it was a minute.

Never mind.

No,

your blessing is up, but TrueSight means.

True sight might be down, but

the blessing is still up.

Full erection.

Man, when you get a roll in the hay a day, it totally changes your outlook on life.

Let me tell you.

Falling behind, Aurum, deeper into this cavern upward, the kind of

curling climb leads you to geode-like interior caverns of broken quartz-like crystal and various pockets of ore that carry the strange inherent glow.

An ore that doesn't exist in other physical realms.

This is like a spectral material that seems to have been caused by some sort of a detonation between

dimensions.

And here it resonates with that strange, bassy sound, that heavy.

You feel the chamber kind of vibrate.

Your vision shakes whenever it goes by, and you feel in the depth of your stomach almost like it's beginning to churn and rise.

It is an uncomfortable, sickly feeling every time it begins to get louder.

and louder.

And as you climb behind Aurum, eventually you come to a large central cavern,

a

200 foot, 150 to 200 foot across cylindrical opening in the core of this mountain, blown outward, almost a spherical detonation, then rises upward.

And I would say at this moment you could see the sky if it wasn't blocked by a bright beaming star.

A source of light so bright your eyes must avert it burns into your retinas, but take a glance.

It's like

staring deeply into the center of the sun at its zenith, if only white and ominous.

And that hum, that low bass, is just ever-present and

cutting through your senses.

You almost feel your knees begin to buckle at the sense of sickliness in you.

You, Ethel.

You know that whatever this is when it awoke, this is what splintered this space.

This is what splintered splintered this mountain.

This is what splintered you.

And you feel something, a part of you, that exists above as you all begin to hear the sounds of familiar voices shouting.

You hear these echoing, distant cries of battle.

You hear the voice of a familiar teeth shouting out over the fray.

You hear blasts of distant arcana.

You hear the unveiling of massive blade strikes and hammer blows.

Until the sound of a divinely blessed angelic barbarian strike brings low

a loudly screaming and plummeting entity.

And there you see the burning bright star diminish

to about half its brightness

as that distant entity

falls towards you all.

As your eyes begin to focus, what was once a light too hard to see is now a snaking, breaking serpent of bright, burning crystal and rock, itself churning and flaking and burning and breaking itself as it screams.

and falls towards you all angrily.

You all back up as it

hits the ground floor around you in the center of this mountain heart.

Whatever tethered it onto the opposite side of this two-realm space, shattered and broken.

And now only that spiritual form remains, and it is furious and desperate and about to lash out.

I need you all to roll initial.

Ready for another how do you want to do this Ashley?

I know 25 to 20

22 19.

Alright

I need you to roll the 20 for me.

Who got the 18?

Cadus.

Cadus.

Roll these.

Three.

Alright.

20 to 15.

16.

16.

16.

Oh!

Three-way rollies.

Three-way rollies.

Boulder parchment shears.

Oh, cocked.

19.

10.

4.

All right, Beau, Fern,

and Ford.

15 to 10.

15.

Alrighty, we have Ethel there.

10 to 5.

9.

9.

What you got?

Me?

Yep.

I'll roll to 1.

Imogen.

As this corroding, light-giving, spiritual,

cancerous entity that has been destroying and eating the center of this spiritual core of this island writhes and lashes out.

Aura, you have the initiative on this.

Distance?

At this point, as you've all kind of backed up at its impact, about 20 feet from you.

20 feet.

He ducks down low, and Naruto runs straight at it.

On the way, bonus action.

Hex.

Let's go!

Little vines and dark blue blooms start sprouting along its head and neck.

And he just starts laying in.

I forget anything?

No, and the blade is still going nuts from CAD's blessing.

Wild Mother, I don't know where you are, but your family is doing you proud.

That is

a 23 to hit.

23 to hit?

Hits.

Go ahead and roll damage.

Okay,

so

the hit is

16 for the strike plus

1 for necrotic, so 17 plus holy weapon.

16 because it is immune to necrotic damage.

Okay, forget the hex.

Damage.

So 9.

What did I say?

16 plus 9 is 25 for the first hit.

25 damage for the first hit, alrighty.

Okay,

second strike, and he is just cutting away at its face, trying to stab it in the eyes.

Does it have a face?

Is it...

It was a snake?

It's a serpent-looking, sort of like crystal and rock creature.

There is a face-like shape that you'd see its mouth open angrily, snap around, but it seems to break and reform at other parts of its body.

It's chaotic in its construction.

Would you say it's a floral dragon?

Sure.

Does radiant matter at that point?

Because 2d8 of that would have been radiant.

Yeah, that's right.

Okay, yeah.

That's right.

For this, no.

No.

Okay.

Okay, so the next is 21 to hit.

21 to hit.

That does hit.

Does hit, okay.

415 plus the radiant 15

plus 7 is 22, and we'll make it a goading attack.

So

that's going to be

a 17.

Fail.

Fail.

30 points of damage.

It is now focused on me.

That's the second attack.

Alrighty.

Third attack.

I rolled a 17, so that's way high.

That is 12 plus the radiant.

12 plus fighters.

13 is 25 total all righty

action surge

Here we go

19 to hit rolled a four 19 to hit fail fails

next attack

four

fail

Dude, I rolled three fours in a row.

Wow action surge gone in a puff of smoke for narrow.

The first strikes fill you with confidence, but as you smash and destroy sections of its stone crystal face, you watch as they splinter and reform right around its tail.

Without realizing, you look over your shoulder and sweep three times, kind of caught off guard, but your blades go wide.

As the end of your turn hits, it's going to go ahead and use its legendary action

to do a spirit scar beam.

Legendary action?

This is a spirit scar beam scar beam?

No, it hasn't moved, so because you all scattered out backward, it can only hit one of you.

Or it's me.

It's 100% me.

Yeah.

Orman, you should make a dexterity saving throw for me, please.

Cool.

Fuck.

Oh, it's cool.

That's a 27.

27, that's a success.

Alright, so you take 17 points of radiant damage.

It's a deck save?

Yeah.

I'm Shield Master now.

I throw the shield up, block my entire tiny body, and it's zero damage.

There you go.

And you do not take it secondary effect.

As you block it entirely with your shield.

Tiny little halfling, awesome dude.

Alright.

Finishing your turn, Aurum?

Tiny little halfling, awesome.

Yeah, all done.

It is now the creature's turn.

Oh shit, it's second in the order.

Yeah, I won't take him and say shit.

It's going to unleash a furious Nova.

Excuse me.

All creatures within 30 feet of it have to make a constitution saving throw.

Is that all?

I need all of you, because you all moved back as an impact.

All of you were.

I happen to be 31 feet away from it.

Nah.

I push you forward just a little bit.

Come on.

I'm going to use Diamond Soul better.

Re-roll better.

Roll better.

Roll better.

I'm going to use Indomitable to re-roll that.

19.

19 fails.

Fuck.

You take 62 points of radiant damage.

Dude!

Wait, Matthew, before we start killing my friends.

Is anyone

within 10 feet of me?

Oh!

I am.

Is anyone within 10 feet of me?

I am.

Plus five or all protections!

Now you guys all scattered outward when it impacted, and it's in the middle of the chamber.

So I'll say as you guys pulled outward, each of you can have two other people in your radius.

You're making us choose our favorite friends?

Yeah, I'll take the two on this table.

Oh, that was such an easy choice.

All two on this table, huh?

I might be good.

I'll take Cadus and Ethel.

That's really nice considering I got you that pyramid.

Okay, Brace.

I'll take Fern and Imogen.

You've got it.

So, yeah, so so Ford, you take 62 points of radiant damage and you lose two hit dice.

Cadus?

With, is it a plus five?

From that, that's

21.

216.

So you only take 31 points of radiant damage and you lose one hit dice.

31.

Beauregard?

27.

27.

Same thing.

You take 31 points of radiant damage and you lose a hit dice.

There's a one pass.

Oh!

Ethel!

Bountiful luck!

Rero.

It's actually quite lucky.

Reroll.

Reroll.

So re-roll that.

Reaction, re-roll.

Come on, what's the opposite?

The opposite of one is a three.

Plus three, so six.

Six, you take 62 points of radiant damage

and you lose two hit dice.

God damn it, Tom.

21.

21, you take 31 points of radiant damage and you lose one hit dice.

After Indomitable, 25.

25, you take 31 points of radiant damage and lose one hit dice.

Vern?

12.

23.

23, you lose 31 points of radiant damage, and you...

Oh, you lose one hit dice.

Breyus?

12.

Take 62 points of radiant damage, and you...

Damn, really wonderful.

You lose two hit dice.

That's going to end the entity's turn.

Damn.

It does get its legendary actions back.

Stop it!

Cadoosis.

You're up first with Bo on deck.

Cadoosis, are you within 10 feet of this creature?

Say no.

I don't think so.

I'll love that.

Yeah.

All right.

Continue with your turn.

Okay.

Let's see, where was I?

Guys, there is a correct answer to that question if he asks you.

I am.

Say no.

Yeah, it's just no.

It's just no.

Okay.

Y'all all are great.

The first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to use my bonus action to cancel Holy Weapon.

So what happens when I actually stop Holy Weapon is that the light itself flashes out in a great brilliant burst.

And so any creature within 30 feet that I choose has to make a constitution saving throw.

On a fail save, the creature takes 48 radiant damage.

It's immune to radiant.

Oh, it's not immune to radiant.

It's just not vulnerable.

Okay, okay, okay.

So that's going to be...

That's a 16?

No, it's a con 19.

Okay.

So, and this might not work, but that means it takes 48 radiant damage, which you get to roll,

and it's blinded.

It is immune to being blinded.

I had a funny feeling.

Oram, go ahead and roll 48 radiant damage.

Okay, 48, 48, 48, 48.

And.

48, 48, 48, 48, 48, 48.

Okay.

17.

Okay, 17 points radiant damage.

It doesn't have as much of an impact as you think it would.

Damn it.

Alright, alright.

Well, with that then, I suppose it's time for maybe a mass heal.

So

watching all this happen, I'm just...

I'm going to sit.

Cadus kneels down, takes his staff, and just starts to pressure it into the ground, cracking the ground below it as my amethyst crystal glows in time with the rest of the crystal in the room, and I cast mass heal, and

we all get to split 700 hit points amongst ourselves.

Girl, where you been keeping those hit points?

I'll never tell.

I think there's no way we don't all go back to the house.

We all go back to full point.

I'll take 120.

Yeah, there's

so Cadus finishes us all.

Yeah, he did.

Aurum.

Disgusting, Liam.

Disgusting.

I'll allow it.

It's been a day.

Alrighty.

Yeah.

So all of you pretty much go to full hit points.

Yep.

All right.

That's your action.

Yeah, and then I'm going to just keep my distance from this terrible crystal side.

Staying where you are?

I'm assuming I'm like probably 20 feet of...

Yeah, I'm kind of trying to stay

some distance, but also with the group.

Okay.

31 feet, exactly.

With the group.

Who are you grouping with?

I want to be around.

Not you.

Okay, fine.

Trying to

keep with Ford, keep with Ethel, and then also keep with Auram if possible.

Okay.

So you move over to that kind of troop there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

End of your turn, use legendary action to do another Spirit Scarbeam.

It's going to go towards, it's going to curve, carve past Eucadus, and Ford and Ethel.

I need the three of you to make dexterity saving throws.

Plus five.

Thank you.

Plus five.

Plus five.

Dexterity saving throws?

Yes.

And natural 20.

Nice.

For a 26.

The 18 points of radiant damage to you for.

Ow!

16.

16.

You take 36 points of radiant damage, produces.

I need you to mark a death-saving throw.

Cool.

Oh!

That lasts until your long rest.

How many points of damage again?

36.

36.

36.

15.

15.

You take 36 points of radiant damage.

I need you to mark a death-saving throw for me, Africa.

You're playing dirty.

Yeah, you can heal all you want, y'all.

What have you done to him to make him do this?

I don't know.

A A lot.

A lot.

Ten years of pent-up DMing.

Try running high-level combat for eight people.

We've dunked on him for every mispronunciation for 10 years.

Yeah.

I've been keeping tabs this whole time.

All right, so that finishes the end of Cadus' turn.

Beauregard, you're up a fern arm deck.

All right, and he's down on the ground.

Yeah, he's right.

Yeah, he's right on the ground.

All right, I'm going to run up.

I'm going to pop out my belabor splat or my belabor.

Just like,

and I'm going to spin it around, and I'm gonna run in for that papa

um

I think it is

okay um

nine plus thirteen is most definitely twenty one that hits and then seven plus thirteen

is most definitely oh 22 even and seven plus thirteen is most definitely twenty

that hits okay okay okay okay I think 20 is our magic number you guys um

first one let's do this first one first.

First things first.

I'm the realist.

And then...

Okay, so that's gonna be 13 points of damage.

Alrighty.

Stunning shike.

That's me to being stunned.

Of course it is.

Next one.

That's gonna be 12 points of damage.

Alrighty.

I am going

to...

Wait, how does this work?

How does this work?

Hang on, hang on.

How does DD work?

This is a 20-level month, baby.

Okay, unarmed strike.

I'm going to spend a key point to do Flurry of Blows.

So here we go again.

Another pop-up.

Yeah, those both hit.

That's a 16-a 14.

So both definitely hit.

And then we're going to do the first one.

That's a 10.

So that's going to be

for unarmed strike that's 16 points of damage already and then that's good uh 14 points of damage I'm gonna spend three key points

to do debilitating barrage let's go

so you see uh I crack it twice with my staff pop pop I throw the staff back and I'm gonna like with just a little bit of that lingering lightning glove energy I'm gonna crack it right in its like uh

sensitive areas.

What am I looking for?

It's like a segmented serpent of crackling stone and furious light crystal.

And as you punch into its chest, it cracks and breaks, and you actually go up to the elbow inside before you release your key energy that

spirals throughout its body.

And for a brief moment, your spiritual energy connects with its spiritual energy, and you feel and sense the fury and hate, the elemental history of something that was long ago shattered and left.

Ooh, he's Angie's.

And as I do that, I'm going to grip on, and I'm going to just, like, tug just a little bit, and I'm going to make him vulnerable to lightning damage.

And I'm going to call out to Imogen, and I'm going to say,

light him up, bitch.

Yeah.

That's my turn.

Alrighty.

She's at the end of the order.

Let's see that.

Yeah, but let's see what happens.

Bo's turn is done.

Fern, you're up with Ford on deck.

Alright.

Actually, at the end of that turn,

I'm gonna spend its other two legendary actions and recharge its Nova.

Continue, please.

Okay.

I am going to cast Moonbeam.

And it is a Constitution saving throw of 19.

19.

A natural 18.

That's hit 20.

Alright, so since you failed, so it's 5d10 plus 2d10 of rage.

You didn't fail.

You didn't fail.

What did you say?

528.

But if you failed.

But if you failed.

That's an important reminder.

Damn.

Alright, so.

Wait, what do I do now?

It didn't work?

You go home.

On the spell, does it say it takes half damage?

But I always kill the thing.

Okay, I'm.

Okay, so it's half as much damage.

Correct.

So roll the damage and tell me what it is.

All right, hold on.

So, we need

a nine.

Teeth.

We've got a four.

Thirteen.

Teeth.

I know.

19.

What level did you cast this at?

Um, uh, five.

Nice.

Um,

fifteen plus nine is

24.

So 24.

So reduce that.

So then 12.

And then 2d10 radiant damage on a failed save.

Half as much.

Or half as much.

Yeah, so it takes 12 damage.

So it's 12 radiant damage.

And it takes half of that because it is resistant to radiant damage.

So it takes 6 damage.

Cool.

The moonbeam strikes through, joins its own light as the beam burns into its crystal angry writhing form.

It sears it a bit, but it doesn't seem as bothered.

Okay, well, we know that now it radiant doesn't work.

Thanks for figuring that out Fern you got it

Alrighty does mister want to do anything yes if he's still at he's gonna throw some shit

What's a monkey to do?

Alright, so he's gonna take

oh those are double sixes

so 12 points of fire damage did he roll to attack

Mr.

Autocrits on everything I don't know why I just did that.

That's okay.

Joel D20.

That was, I forget.

It's all good.

No, you just had to make an attack.

That hits.

That's 21.

Just don't, don't ask.

Don't ask.

21 does hit.

12 points of fire damage.

12 points of fire damage.

Woo!

While the moonbeam doesn't have the desired impact, the angry elemental fire monkey's shitgun does indeed leave a chunk of the creature angrily broken and fired.

Big boy!

Heck yeah.

Alright, finishing ferns, go forward.

You're up with Ethel on deck.

Ford's gonna run up with the Star Razor, and he's gonna take three swings with Dwethvar, the Star Razor, exalted.

Ha ha ha!

Natural one, fuck you!

You bitch!

I only have one now.

I'll roll again.

Natural 19.

Oh, wait.

Oh, oh, no, it's not Hexpikes, of course.

That's a 33 to hit.

33 hits.

Yeah, and the last one is a 17 plus 14 or whatever.

31 to hit.

That hits.

Amazing.

Let's go.

On the second one, let's do 1D 10 plus 8.

That's a 10 plus 8 for 18 points of slashing damage.

Great.

And on the last one that hits, I'm going to pump a Divine Smite into his ass.

Let's go.

that's gonna be tell me the divine smite damage separate 5d8

oh there's only five 14 16 34

uh 42 points of radiant damage 42 points of radiant damage okay that'll be 20.

all right got it got it cool

Massive heavy strike carves into a blast of light energy light on light.

It's a lot of light.

It's very bright in here, guys.

The creature

curves around, slams into the side of the mountain.

Part of the mountain kind of cracks around it, and bits of stone and rock kind of

high-up boulders kind of fall and plummet.

You kind of have to step out of the way as it kind of bounces off of its body.

It is almost like spiraling in and encompassing the center of this central heart chamber of the mountain as it gets more and more furious.

Does that finish your turn for it?

It does.

Before I run away.

Okay, so you back out of its range?

Yes.

All right, it's going to go ahead and make an attack on you with its seething strike.

That's going to be 25 to hit you.

Oh no, it hits!

I use my reaction to searing words.

Yeah,

sure, let's go for it.

How do you sear it with your words?

I say snake!

Fuck you!

Poetry!

Poetry!

Simple but effective.

Hit roll ones, guys.

No.

And I don't want to to lie to you because you're such a beautiful audience and you're such beautiful people, but I'm eating shit up here.

So unfortunately it does still hit, but it does do 2d10 fire damage.

Yeah, thanks so much.

My dungeon master is the best dungeon master.

Reminds me that I can hurt the snake.

13.

13 points of fire damage.

Though the words didn't prevent it from striking true, the flames still burn up its body and

it angrily strikes at you with a success on that.

You take 44 points of radiant damage.

44 points of radiant damage.

As it bites onto you and where you think fangs would be instead just searing blades of light pierce into your body.

And you lose a hit dice.

It's searing blades of light in my body.

Yeah, and Star Razor bursts for 11 points of radiant damage.

Okay, takes five points.

Wow, there are searing lights and blades in my body.

Yes, exactly.

All right, that finishes Ford's go.

Ethel, you're up with

Breyus on deck.

Great.

I'm looking between Bo and Imogen, just like

the relationship.

I'm actually looking at everyone being like,

I've been alone for so goddamn long.

It's so nice to see people

working together and nicely.

I look over to Imogen.

I remember

when I set fire to her face.

I'm like,

as a bonus action, I send another bardic inspiration over there.

Nice.

Set fire to her face.

And I try and say, hmm, light them up, me up, light them, light every.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can hear me.

It's all done it.

It's all good.

And I,

and I use my galvanizing ballad, and I breathe in deep, and I just play the most metal shit through these two flutes.

In fact, what you hear doesn't actually seem to reflect whatever I'm doing with my fingers.

I feel like everyone will hear whatever it is that would make your blood boil and just like lift seven times as much in the gym that day.

And everyone, and we will do that for the next 20 minutes.

And everyone gets advantage on their attack rolls for the next

all of you have advantage on your attack rolls until

Ethel's next turn.

Oh, wow.

Fantastic.

Alright, finishing Ethel's go.

Breyus, you're up with a midget on deck.

Okay, I'm going to use that advantage to attack.

Is it within striking distance?

You can move up and get with this attack.

I will run right up to it and yell out in a mighty yawp of anger

and strike it.

11 plus 2.

23 to hit.

That hits.

I'm going to.

Sorry, I should have said this before.

I'm going to divine smite at first level, and I'm also going to click my foul verdict

flail and whip poison into it, causing an extra 3d8 of damage.

So

this is

7d8 of damage.

15.

What is that?

Oh, that's the three.

18.

19.

This is not a D8.

4.

That's 8.

32.

39 points of damage.

How much of that is radiant?

Let's just say half.

Oh, wait.

No, it's not, because that was mostly poison.

It was just one D8 was radiant.

So let's say 5.

Okay, got it.

It's jazz, baby.

All right, still a heavy hit as you splatter across it.

You see the glowing light emanating from this gets even dimmer on one section of its kind of churning rock torso as black, liquid kind of oil splatter

scatters across it, like Jackson pollicking the side of what part of its face.

Attack again, with advantage, right?

Yes, indeed.

Oh my god.

Incredible.

Terrible.

17.

17 misses, unfortunately.

As my bonus action, I still have a bonus action.

I will inspire our new friend Ethel

by...

I can see that he's parched from the battle, so I'll pour a little bit of water into my shoe

and hold it out to him.

Drink of this.

My friend.

It is the water of friendship.

Is this natural where you come from in your land?

It seems kind of fucked up.

My land is fucked up.

It's on the wrong side of the earth.

The flat side.

That character's dead.

Oh, I got confused.

Drink of my shoe and be inspired by my foot odor.

I say, foot odor.

Shoey, shoey, shoey.

Lug, lug, lug.

And I get dysentery, I imagine.

I thought you had hooves.

You wear shoes?

Oh, shit.

Do I drink it?

You know what?

Are they tiny little hoofs?

I drink off my hoof.

My hooves are detachable.

Hoofy, hoofy, hoofy.

I just had to

unscrew it.

Roll for mad cow disease.

This is

so off the rails already.

Oh, no.

Alright, does that finish your turn, Breyus?

Moo.

Imogen, you're up with Orum on deck.

Alright, alright.

Okay.

I'm still floating in the air, and I'm gonna

hold out my hand and I'm gonna cast Witchbolt at 8th level.

At 8th level.

Yeah, shit, and that keeps going every turn, right?

And then slightly.

Well, it returns to a regular

potentially more.

It's 8d12.

The first hit.

Doubled by Bose fuckers.

Yeah, but it's doubled by Bose fuckers.

And I'm rolling at advantage.

You are rolling at advantage because of Ethel.

Let's go.

Come on.

Come on.

Crit in Dagger Heart.

Okay, hold on.

Okay.

That would be

28.

Yes, let's face it,

plus face.

That's a successful hit.

Yeah!

Let's go!

Come on!

Okay.

Let's roll that lightning damage.

Okay.

Okay, seven.

I'm sorry, guys.

Shut up, shut up.

Who is this woman?

What is this?

Come on.

I know, I know, it's so tough.

Hey, uh, uh, 23.

Yeah.

Plus three is 31.

Worry, what's up there?

Not your face.

36.

And I got one.

One more?

That's cocked.

That was a 12, but it was cocked.

Oh, 12!

So, whatever that was,

38.

Is it 36 plus 12?

48.

48.

Times 2.

Times 2.

Come on.

Come on.

Right.

That's going to be 96.

Yeah.

96 points of lightning damage.

As this witch bolt charges up within, Beauregard with her arm like half buried in this creature and holding on to it.

You watch the light flickering through.

And as you remove your arm, Beauregard, it leaves this kind of gaping, broken chasm in the creature's torso that you release this bolt into.

And as it strikes it,

you watch as chunks of the serpent shatter and break off into hundreds of different directions scattering around.

It's now broken.

You can see the stone body of it is now broken into two different sections with one long, almost lightning tether of radiant spectral light holding them.

I'm going to wrap the tether around my wrist and yank and try to hold on to it.

And then you're lassoing this enemy.

I'm lassoing it.

And then I'm going to,

as a bonus action, I'm going to quicken Mind Sliver and try to hit it with psychic damage as well.

Let's go.

Alright, that's an intelligence saving throw.

That is

natural 1719.

Fails.

So that's...

Yeah!

What's going on over there?

That's 16 points.

I like the lights.

Oh my gosh.

I'm like the Ginyu force in Dragon Ball.

16 points of psychic damage.

16 points of psychic damage.

Nice.

Alrighty.

Does that finish your turn?

Yeah.

Alrighty.

Bring us to the top of the round.

Aurum, you are up.

Aurum slides in front of Imogen and starts slashing away at the beast's head face at advantage.

Here we go.

That is a natural 20.

Silvery bar.

I rolled a six on the dice.

That's 12 plus 11.

It's 23.

First hit.

Goading attack.

Oh, no.

Plus.

Goading attack.

He's the greatest of all time.

Three plus six.

So whatever I just said, plus six from the superiority domino.

It's probably between nine total.

And it has to beat a 19.

It is not.

So it is goaded.

So any attacks that aren't either has disadvantages.

So I'm up in its face.

That took a disadvantage against Ford last time with its reaction attack, and it continues that trend.

The second attack, that is an 18 plus stuff.

So that is three.

Plus one is 14.

I'll leave it at that.

The The last one is 14 plus 15, so 29 to hit.

That is a 3 plus 1 is 14.

So I'm just stabbing it in the eyes again and again and again to try to bring its ire on me, the smallest man in the world.

It seems to be working.

It is furious and focused on you at the singular moment.

Okay, and I stay put.

Alright, that finishes your turn.

That now brings us to initiative count of 20.

Now that it is.

Actually, you're far back?

Yeah, ish.

But never mind.

Go ahead.

Go ahead, Mac.

I'm at 30 feet away.

Actually, it's an interesting point.

Orm, you started your turn close up to it because you fought it last time.

I'm right in its face.

Yeah.

So at the beginning of your turn, you will be within its consuming corona.

Yeah.

Because you started your turn within 10 feet of it, you lose a hit dice.

Okay.

I like to consume coronas.

My corona.

Alright.

Now comes the layer action.

Now that we've been in combat for around.

Yeah.

You notice at this point so many

little spirits and sprites of the island have been gathering around the rock, following you behind possibly and watching at a distance, cheering you on.

Don't worry, they're my friends, guys.

It'll be fine.

It's good.

And you watch as the light flickers in this entity.

And for a split second, you watch as those weird white spider web-like tendrils

rocket out in all directions and seem to pierce and strike all the various small spiritual friends of the island.

And all their eyes shift to a bright white color.

And they all

descend in a cloud of corrupted, furious-like spirits.

Everybody, please make constitution saving throws for me.

You're close to me.

Plus five.

Thank you.

Yeah, Imogen, Fern, you're close to me.

Plus five.

You die.

Yeah.

All right, starting over here, Peter.

25.

25, you're fine.

Ferns?

Real bad.

15.

15?

You're fine.

You succeed?

Oh!

16.

16.

After Indomitable, so I'm all out of that.

Alright.

21.

You succeed.

Oh, 23.

Succeed?

Beauregard?

17.

Oh.

Succeed.

Cadus is 21.

Oh,

27!

You all succeed.

The gathering of them and the presence of Ethel drives these spiritual entities, corrupted as they are, to still not fully engage in the ravenous cloud of spiritual hunger they were driven to do.

So none of you.

Mark a death save.

It wasn't a terribly high DC, but those that failed it was bad.

We all do three seconds of a dance move.

That does bring us to the entity's turn, however.

Since it did use two of its legendary actions, which it gains back,

its furious Nova recharges, but I haven't to roll for it.

Go did.

Indeed.

All creatures within 30 feet of it, which is all of you, you, I need you to make a constitution saving through.

I mean...

Do we still take an extra five?

Do we still take five?

If it's a spell,

is this a spell attack or a spell?

No, this is just a map.

This is just an emanating spiritual strike.

So.

26.

26.

You take

31 points of radiant damage and lose a hit dice.

Four?

Nine.

Take 62 points of radiant damage and you lose 4 hit dice.

Oram?

Dirty 20.

20, you take 31 points of radiant damage and lose a hit dice.

Imogen?

22.

22.

You take 31 points of radiant damage and you lose a hit dice.

Ethel?

27.

27.

You take 31 points of radiant damage, lose a hit dice.

Bo?

23.

Nice.

31 points of radiant damage, lose a hit dice.

Cadus.

25.

25.

Dang.

Alright, 31 points of radiant damage, lose a hit dice.

17.

17.

You take 62 points of radiant damage, and Ford loses five hit dice.

Whoa!

You bitch.

What'd you down to, buddy?

Actually, don't know.

Did you say five?

Yes, five.

You are?

Oh, boy, one more.

It's all because of Ethel.

It's

fault.

Ethel's fault that my hit points are so low.

That's not my fault.

Kill the Goliath.

That's going to finish the team.

The entity's turn caduces you're up with Beauregard on deck.

Maybe the entity wants a sacrifice.

We could give it Ethel.

I thought you were good, man.

Oh, you're right.

You're right.

I gotta keep reminding myself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry.

We're gonna save him.

We're saving you.

Okay,

just looking at some stuff really quickly.

Do I have a bonus action I can send it back to hell?

It's not how I work.

Why not?

Because

shit needs doing.

Steep some tea.

That, on the other hand, I can do.

Okay, let's uh.

Alright, that'll do a thing.

I'm gonna do it.

I haven't tried this.

I've been.

So I'm going to attempt some divine intervention.

Whoa.

Yes.

Oh.

But you said you weren't talking to the Wild Mother.

Yeah, this is the first time I've tried it since y'all fucked everything up.

So thank you for that.

Sorry.

Cadus, explain to me how you are attempting and what you are attempting to ask of the Wild Mother.

I have been afraid

to ask for anything.

He quietly kneels down and he

holds his staff and quietly speaks to it.

I have

been afraid of whether or not you would answer and if you answered, what it would even mean.

But right now,

this needs to be done, and we need

to walk out of this place.

And these creatures need to be freed.

If you are there, please help us free these

innocent creatures caught between life and death.

And if you're not there, I beseech whatever can hear me, whatever is here,

just

help.

Just help us, please.

Cadus, you've spent the entirety of your life

feeling through familial practice and through prayer and through routine

and piety.

Always felt the Wild Mother present.

And in this fearful moment, you reached that familiar, warm space of consciousness

and find nothing there

But instead feel warmth elsewhere

as in that space you feel the rock and the stone and the vine and the moss and the trees and the ferns and all the life that she once overlooked

still carrying

her presence, though still scattered and echoed.

You feel the island.

You feel the life force that exists to the other realm, the one that you were plucked from, briefly reach beyond that veil.

At the thinnest point, and the rest of you watch as the cracked stone of the cylindrical space begin to shake as thick vines begin to pierce through

and hold the crumbling aspects of the mountain together.

You watch as impossible amounts of root and tree begin to break through and climb the inside of this chamber.

Ethel, you feel a thrumb in your chest.

An unfamiliar heartbeat that is bigger and warmer than yours.

As you feel your hands reach back against the walls of this chamber, and roots and vines begin to wind and expand beyond the cracks at the tips of your fingers.

You feel some calling you haven't felt in a long time, and all of these trees and roots are connected to you in this instant, somewhere in the mind of this quiet little cowman.

Something stirs within, and you watch as the island fights back.

While the mother is not watching, the children still learn,

and they rise in her stead.

Branches fire forth.

You watch as trees and leaves, not red and purple as the surrounding jungle, but green and vibrant from the physical world, wrap and surround this entity.

And it is not just restrained for the time being,

but I'll say it loses its legendary resistance.

As it holds no sway in the central veil to the physical world, the spiritual form of this creature.

Does that finish your turn?

No, I have a bonus action.

So,

who's really hurting right now?

Does anybody hurting HP style?

Everyone good?

I've been spanked pretty good.

Alright.

Alright, then I'm going to heal Ford.

Hold on.

Four.

One, one.

Where'd it go?

Is it just healing word?

I got a new healing word.

Damn.

So let's heal you for like, let's say, just a little bit.

5d4 plus 5, just to put it in there.

It's pretty good.

Yeah, not bad.

So, yeah, just giving Ford a little heal.

That's going to be 5d4.

Yeah.

Roll higher.

Alright, alright.

I said higher.

10.

10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15,

15 points of healing damage.

Oh, take it.

Take it.

Alright.

Alright.

Yep, and that's what I got right now.

Alright.

It went okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Perfect.

That finishes your turn?

Yeah, yeah, I'm out.

End of your turn, it's going to spend a legendary action to do with a seething strike.

It's going to be at you, Imogen.

Is it goaded?

It is, so it has disadvantage in the strike.

Oh, I see.

Yes.

So that's going to be

25 to hit.

Yeah, that hit.

Alright.

So with that, as it's furious, like, held in place, restrained, disadvantage, it still gets its massive kind of light radiant fangs out to strike at you, Imogen.

You take 44 points of radiant damage and you lose a hit dice.

Okay, Sentinel attack.

Go for it.

Roll the attack.

I have rantage on this, right?

You do.

Okay, yeah, that hits.

This is an unarmed strike, I'm pretty sure.

Person will die.

Yeah.

So that's going to be 14 points of damage.

14 points of damage, you got it.

And it can't move, but I don't think it was going to anyway.

It just can't move at the moment because it was restrained as part of the divine intervention as well.

Yeah.

It is stuck in place.

Alright, that finishes that go.

Caduce is a new turn.

Beauregard, you are up with Fern on deck.

All right, and each one of these has advantage, correct?

Indeed.

All right, I'm gonna do these one at a time.

First attack, yeah, that's good.

That's a 16 to hit.

Second attack,

that's a 15 to hit.

So both of those definitely hit.

Okay, that first one is going to be

16 points of damage, and then the second one is going to be 9 points of damage.

Alrighty.

Yeah, might as well.

I'm going to spend a key point and do

Flurry of Blows.

Let's go.

First attack is 11 plus a bunch of shit.

20 to

24.

Second attack.

The math: 11 plus a bunch of shit equals 10.

Oh!

Natural 20.

Warm it up, baby!

Warm it up!

Did I roll a D12 on that second one?

Did I roll a D12?

Hang on.

Yeah, same, same thing.

Okay, I'm gonna keep it.

Okay, and then, okay, let's do this first one first.

Okay, good.

That is, because these aren't unarmed strikes, so that's gonna be 14 points of damage.

You got it.

And then for the natural 20, come on, big money, baby.

I Are we the three?

Okay, so that's six plus six, so 12 damage.

12 points of damage from that.

So, good round of a flurry of bows upon that.

Does it finish your turnbow regard?

Yep.

Fern, you're up with Ford on deck.

Alright, so I'm going to cast Scorching Marisha Ray.

A fifth level.

Fifth level.

Yes.

So, and that's with advantage for each hit?

Correct.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

So, I'm going to do these two.

I'm going to be kind.

Six rays.

six attacks,

six attacks,

okay.

First hit.

Oh, uh,

uh, that is uh

30 something or other.

That hits?

Do we still have advantage on the attack?

Yeah.

Six turn.

Sixteen fails, unfortunately.

Um.

Oh, my goodness, that's an after 20.

Let's go.

Alright, that's for it.

Okay.

Four more.

Okay.

Or three more.

Um, yeah,

32.

That's a hit, two more, um,

even better, even better, great, one more.

Okay, one more

great 16 plus 11.

Yeah, because that's uh, each one of those is 2d6.

So, roll 8d6 fire damage, and then we'll do 2d6 double.

Okay,

so

um, oh, great, okay, so that's uh 15.

18.

Okay.

Plus.

It's not as great.

18.

Plus.

Six.

31.

Thank you.

So.

31.

31.

And then draw two more dice.

Two more dice.

Okay.

Oh, my gosh.

What are they?

Okay, I'm going to do these two.

I believe you.

Okay.

Thanks for spending money to watch us do math.

It's so lame.

Mad.

So lame.

Your support means a lot.

Let's get it total.

Okay.

Alright, 39 points damage in that one.

Nice, Fern.

So finished your turn.

That finished Mr.

Go ahead and turned it off.

Oh,

Mister's gonna fire again.

Who has advantage?

Who has advantage?

Awesome.

Because of Ethel.

What a big boy.

Okay, that definitely hits.

And then two flaming shit.

Three points of damage.

Hey, it all adds up.

Alright, thank you, Fern.

Finishing your go at the end of your turn.

It's going to use another legendary action.

No.

Do

a spirit scar beam.

And since its placement is there, it's going to go ahead and

go ahead and strike across the punch that were close to you, Ford.

You said were you and Cadus and Ethel?

Sure.

All right, I need you three to roll dexterity saving throws.

Plus five

to you both.

Oh my god.

No.

Really?

Natural one.

No.

Is Ford within 30 feet before him?

Yeah.

And the size of this champion, because you guys were clustered in two different parts, I'd say no.

Okay.

So long, Ford.

Seven.

Okay.

Kudusis?

Twelve.

Oh.

Ethel?

33.

But I got all those ones before, so don't worry.

All right.

Ethel, you avoid that entirely.

The two of you take 36 points of radiant damage, and you both mark a death save.

Yep.

Yep.

Oh, my goodness.

How are you sitting, 40?

That good, huh?

Helo.

I'm alright, I'm alright.

I'm sub 100.

I'm sub 100.

That's fine.

That won't be a problem.

Alright, so finishing the ferns go forward, you're up with ethelon deck.

I'm gonna try and contrast the fire of fern by sending out a cone of coal,

which is 8d8 and a wisdom saving throw of 19.

Wisdom saving throw 19.

That's gonna be a fail.

I can't use legendary resistance because the...

Yeah, okay.

So it takes full damage.

That is 46 points of cold damage.

I take the star razor and I just sweep it across my face and a flurry of blizzard just shoots out across.

You watch as all of this greenery that has grown and encased this light being now becomes covered in ice like a flash winter as icicles fall below and the light is like starting to dim with each of these blasts is getting covered and diminished.

Does that finish your third turn?

Your force.

Your turn forward.

There it is.

That's the force.

Reyes I'm going to attempt to recharge my galvanizing ballad so I can use it again.

Alright, so go ahead and roll.

Yeah, six.

Great.

So one of the flutes kind of like starts to get a bit hot.

I go, ah, and I reach in my pocket, I pull another flute out.

And I quickly, I switch it over, and I keep blasting on it so everyone gets advantage for the whole next round.

Oh, man.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Yes, yes, yes.

All right, bonus action.

Any more thing about doing your show?

Yeah, I'm going to expend my very last bardic inspiration and I'm going to send one over to Fjord because he is

so

yeah, I just toot a few like quick notes over it, like pew, pew, pew,

and they just enrapture.

By the way, Ford, because you started your turn and within 10 feet of it, because you struck the last turn, you do lose a hit dice because you were within its corona.

Son of a bitch.

It's consuming corona.

Alrighty.

Does that finish your turn?

Yes.

Yes.

And every turn is going to use his last legendary action.

It's going to go ahead and do another Spirit Scar Beam on your team again.

What the fuck, man?

There's a whole other half of the table over there.

Yeah, just spread all my attacks around so nobody ever gets in danger.

Actually,

aren't you still goaded out of curiosity?

Yeah, but it's not rolling attack roll.

Oh, it's not an attack roll.

Okay, that's neat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is this spell beam a melee attack?

No, but I need you all to roll decks dirty saving throws.

It's the people who are in range.

Some people are going to be able to do that.

It's the same three people.

It's Cadus's four dicks.

Very smart.

Sneak snake.

Did you say dex?

Yes, Yes, please.

Dirty 20.

Damn.

Dirty 20, just saves.

25.

Saves, Cadus.

17.

Cadus, you take 36 points of radiant damage and mark another death save.

So what happens when you have three death saves hits?

It just means when you hit zero hit points, you instantly die.

Well, fuck.

Okay.

Oh,

physician, heal thyself.

36 points of damage.

Yes.

What's his health at?

I ain't great.

It's not good.

Not great.

It's bad.

What is that?

What is that?

28?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Nosies.

Okay, okay, okay.

Bray, it's your turn with Imogen on deck.

Oh, nosies.

Yeah, if you got something, then I'll take it.

Damn.

Damn.

Can you heal?

I can.

Not enough, probably.

It's so hard to heal at a live show.

But will you?

I'm trying to be a good person.

I'm trying to be a good person.

Trying to be.

Be a good person.

Be a good person.

Be a good person.

Be a good person.

But I also want to do awesome stuff, my kids.

Do awesome stuff.

Do awesome stuff.

Do awesome stuff.

You've got that advantage.

Shooey.

Shooey.

Shooee.

Shooee.

Now we're just chanting things.

Chanting things!

Chanting things!

That's about right.

Brace, what would you like to do?

Fuck him up, Buttercup.

I'm gonna fuck him up.

Yeah, let's go!

Alright, so you got advantage of those attacks, Brace.

Let's go.

I will, I'll take that 30 to hit.

And I will use

Divine Smite, and I will use

Foul Verdict.

I'll use all of it.

It's two, three, three, five.

Just please note to me which parts are.

I will.

I will.

Ten.

Twenty-seven.

And then the

Radiant.

So

37, but 17 of it is Radiant.

Okay, gotcha.

So that'll be.

Gotcha.

But he doesn't have

his vulnerability or his resistance is

your first strike.

Uh-huh.

And then for this one,

I'll just do blinding smite also, I guess.

Even though it's radiant damage, it'll have it, but it's more...

I mean, it does all add up.

Yes.

Yeah.

It's

29 to hit.

That hits.

And...

Tough 3.

24, but

20 of it is radiant.

So 14 points of damage.

Got it.

Yeah.

Alright, cool.

Heavy strikes from Breyus.

But he's blinded.

He's immune to being blind.

But good looking out.

But he's super blinded.

He's super blinded.

Alright, cool.

That finishes Breyus.

Let's go.

Oh, God.

He's used all his legendary actions.

Oh, thanks.

Imagine you're up with Aurum on deck before the next layer action.

Oh, God.

No pressure.

Yeah, okay.

Alright, well, I'm going to do my 1d12 of tether damage.

Okay, it's an action to do that.

I know.

Yeah, okay.

So that's seven lightning damage.

Seven lightning damage.

And I'm gonna quicken a spell.

Okay, there it is.

Look at that.

Did you see that wink?

That was awesome.

And I'm gonna

look at the spot that I have the tether in, and I'm gonna send a lightning bolt up through it right there.

What level?

All I have is a level five.

Level five lightning bolts, not too bad.

All right, swole some damage.

That is going to be

an 18.

Fails!

And I have no legendary resistances because of the...

Alright, let's go.

Okay, so that's 10d6.

Oh, that's a lot.

Okay.

Come on.

I'm sorry.

12.

14.

Apology accepted.

Okay.

And then.

36 points of lightning damage.

36 points of lightning damage?

Doubled.

All right.

Not doubled.

He's not vulnerable to it anymore.

How do you want to?

We have 35 hit points left.

I love you guys.

I'm gonna

take my tether and I'm gonna pull it like it's a rope and I'm gonna jump up and land on it like I'm riding the sneeze

and as I say yee-haw, I'm gonna slam the lightning bolt down into it.

As you slam the lightning bolt into it, it bursts from your palm and like carves through the stone and as you lift your hand it's like a it's like a massive heated plasma cutter as you're just

carving through the length of its remaining body.

As you do the light begins to flicker and fade the stone begins to crumble until eventually pieces of it break off and tumble between the branches and leaves that hold it.

And you leap off and float in the air as the final bits of its light dim

As it does,

and it crumples into pieces of shale.

The green of this chamber begins to blossom brighter.

And for a brief moment, the ever-fogged, clouded sky above gives way to a bright blue sky.

As you see shapes begin to descend from above.

The shadows of your lost comrades swan diving from the top of the mountain,

having

more or less served the second half of this battle to you from the physical realm,

and here you finished it in the spiritual,

destroying whatever strange entity had been haunting and corrupting this island for an untold period of time.

But their shadowed forms become physical as the boundary and and veil between these realms fades and you all now stand back on Xandria proper.

They all

gently land

and you can't help but immediately excitedly gaze upon your the rest of your scattered families.

But the other thing that catches your attention

is the other ethel that descends with them.

Oh my god.

I think, hi.

Hi, how's it going?

I'm fine, how are you?

We don't have to do small talk.

It's fine.

We don't have to.

I'm fine.

I'm good.

Did you?

These are your friends, I guess.

Yeah, yeah,

they were really, they were great.

Come over and say hello to me.

Don't worry, we'll just have our moment.

Are you okay?

Everything.

I missed you.

Oh, buddy, don't worry, don't worry.

No, I

don't, I like it.

I don't know, and I'm scared.

I've been,

I don't think you need me.

I just go and go and do it.

I'm nothing.

I'm just dragging you back, man.

I'm just,

I'm a dick.

They don't like me, they're just hanging around me because I could help them to my friends.

Hey, hey.

You guys can go home, by the way.

I'm not going to say,

hey,

you're my dick.

Boop.

And he steps.

Caleb lands light as a feather next to Auram and says, It's so weird, it's almost like he's talking to himself.

I know, it's so fucking weird.

Wait, how come we didn't get another one?

I want another turn.

Everybody does.

The rest of you notice that as they're having this conversation, both of the Ethels

begin to glow in their own way.

A faint, gentle, greenish light seems to surround them both in proximity.

And Caduceus, that vision you had earlier, that vacant space in one seems to match the opposite of the vacant space in the other.

Two halves of one hole.

Do you know how we

get back?

I don't know.

We're just high-fiving a bunch, but it doesn't seem to be working.

I think you have to like enter the other one.

Or maybe.

just um hug it out

that that might be cryptic

wait hang on

i don't know who your friend is yeah don't listen to her she's kind of fucked up

hang on wait hang on just do you remember when we were young when

there was that the uh before he can even finish the sentence

and he pulls the flute to his lips and plays one haunting note that kind of goes high and sits there and then comes back down and the Ethel with the lute

slides a note up and hits that same note and comes down and then between I guess it's a

trio because there's two flutes

but they start to follow each other just in the melodies and the harmonies taking turns where the other lets lead and then seamlessly letting the other instrument Take the melody and come high while the other just falls into the background and they play and they accompany each other.

As the songs merge and the sound of this beautiful music begins to wind,

the sounds of the island come alive.

The sounds of hundreds of birds beginning to chirp with it.

The sounds of the distant seaside,

waves crashing.

It's like a vibrance in life that's been long muted in this space returns

as the two of them

become one.

and it's here long divided and kept

away from the corrupting force

the spirit of the island is reunited with itself

as Ethel is no longer but a standing Goliath but is now

the living force

That has long guarded and been the heart of this island for

so many centuries.

The memories come back.

The time before the calamity, and the time since, the guardianship, the generations of Goliath that have lived amongst your trees and the jungles, the village that you helped grow and build from within yourself and for around, the children that you've watched over, the creatures, the birds, the seals, the vibrancy of this island that you have held within your heart and protected,

and finally can return to.

It's also clear now

each and every one of you came here looking for something completely different and yet you found one aspect of me and put

your other stuff aside aside and now look at all these spirits

You are heroes

As the music spreads throughout the island the various stone forms of its Goliath denizens begin to shift once more The protective stone state that was placed upon them to shield them from the corrupting force no longer necessary.

And as you all

say your kind hellos

and for the time being, goodbyes to the

joyful soul of this island to pursue the hunt, the ever-progressive hunt for that which you seek.

Take a moment,

Ethel.

we sure are gonna miss you.

I'll miss you too.

Hey, look at that.

You can brand a spirit.

And I look at the tattoo that has still seemed a little faded, maybe, because it was only one half of the brand, but

you seem to have been here for a long time.

There aren't many of these, but I'll.

Here's an egg.

Hang on a minute.

Watch out for that when she's conniving.

No, you just met the two of them.

Turn shots.

One of them.

I don't know.

You never gave me an egg.

Thank you, Ethel.

Well, one good deed deserves another.

And I look at my two flutes.

I go,

and I snap off one.

And I go, two is pretty stupid to look at anyway.

And I hand over one of the gold sort of pan flutes.

Oh, shit, I bet this does something.

Braus will go over to Cadus and put a hoof on his shoulder and I just say thank you so much.

And as I touch him, I'll pump 60 points of

lay-on hoofs into

the middle of the middle.

Technically, that means you're putting your foot.

on my

I'm not going to fight it.

But that was amazing what you did watching you pray back there.

There's no gods, but

you somehow

were visitors on this island.

We've only been here a short time.

And yet somehow you found inspiration

from

the people here.

and from the nature that they've shared with you.

And it was incredible to watch.

And I think if I can't pray to a God, maybe

this land will inspire me for the rest of my life.

Ethel?

Oh, yes.

And Ethel.

What will you do now?

I'm the spirit of this this island.

I'll stay here and look over it.

But I do have to say, maybe make some stupid songs that everyone can sing and share with each other.

But, Braus, I did notice I'm pleased that you are

you love this island and the things that it's done for you.

If you'd like, you can sample something from this island as well.

And

he strums on his guitar and a blue energy comes out and seems to make this sort of like cup mug

thing.

But it doesn't look really like a mug or a cup, it seems to look

a little like a stiletto.

He says, For anyone who wishes to sip upon the sweet juice of this island,

is it

A shimmering door raises up from the sand on the island and Caleb says, Hold on a moment.

I have 12,000 spectral cats who would like to see this happen.

Come inside

and let me get my boot off.

Oh, there's stuff floating in mine.

Australia, this is how much we love you.

Are you all ready?

Hey, are we all ready?

This is so disgusting.

Ready?

Ready?

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie.

Now put those shoes back on, legends.

Oh, shit.

You gotta put back off.

Oh, yeah, put back on, y'all.

Oh,

and that big on.

Yeah.

Oh, damn.

So with that,

the adventurous tales of the island of

Tyranna come to a close for now.

But perhaps future adventures for the hunt of Lutinus and other such chaos is to come.

But thank you all so much for joining us in this wondrous evening.

We love you, Melbourne.

And is it Thursday yet?

We love you, Australia.

Insane.

Round of applause for Tom Cardy.

I love you all so much.

Have a wonderful night.

Until next time, you all.

And that concludes this episode of Critical Role.

If you like the adventure, please consider leaving a review on your podcast platform of choice.

We love welcoming new critters, and your review could be the map that leads other kindred spirits our way.

We hope you enjoyed the story, and thank you very much for listening.

I'm gonna put you on, nephew.

All right, um, welcome to McDonald's.

Can I take your order?

Miss, I've been hitting up McDonald's for years.

Now it's back.

We need snack wraps.

What's a snack wrap?

It's the return of something great.

Snack wrap is back.

Did you know Tide has been upgraded to provide an even better, clean and cold water?

Tide is specifically designed to fight any stain you throw at it, even in cold.

Butter?

Yep.

Chocolate ice cream?

Sure thing.

Barbecue sauce?

Tide's got you covered.

You don't need to use warm water.

Additionally, Tide pods let you confidently fight tough stains with new Coldzyme technology.

Just remember, if it's got to be clean, it's got to be Tide.