Tag Team At The Teeth: Beyond The Shroud | Critical Role Melbourne Live Show 2025 Part 1

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Hey there, Critter Podcast Listeners. We have a special new membership service at beacon.tv, where you get early access to all new podcast episodes, including Critical Role for the first time ever.

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Hey there, critters, this is Ashley Johnson. And Talis and Jeffy.
And we're popping in here to talk about our new podcast on Beacon, Weird Kids.

In this series, we're diving into our lives as former child actors, from unraveling our eccentric upbringings to embracing all the delightfully odd interests we still have today.

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Welcome to WeirdKids. New episodes release every Tuesday.

G'day, critters! Travis Willingham here, and welcome to the Critical Role Podcast Network. We are thrilled to have you here and thank you for making us a part of your day.

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Now that we've got all that covered, let's go ahead and get this adventure rolling.

7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 4!

Melbourne, how we feeling?

Rod Labour, how we feeling?

Oh my lord, Rod Labour Arena. Are you kidding me? I told my friends that I was going to go watch a game at Rod Labour Arena.
They said, singles or doubles? I said, no.

I said, there's going to be eight people playing, and one of them is a sexy warlock.

And they said, I didn't know Novak Djokovic was in town. Whoa!

That's a tennis joke. My name's Tom Cardi.

Thank you. Thank you.
I'm going to be your MC for this evening and I'm going to play some songs for you.

I'm going to warm you guys up, but I've got to say, you guys are looking pretty fucking hot right now.

All right, we've got three songs, guys. This first song is a very special song to me.

It's about when you love someone and you're kind of growing in love and you want to play a little bit coy, but you have to play a little bit hard to get you might do some things you don't necessarily mean.

This is when you have to send mixed messages to someone, okay?

This song's called Mixed Messages. Thank you.

It's Sunday night, and you're at home alone.

Last night was great, it was our very first date. So now it's time to pull out my phone.
I'm gonna send you something real quick. It ain't gonna be a tick pic, no, no.

Romance needs clarity, but baby, that don't work for me. I'm sending

mixed messages.

I send the first text in a cute way, and then I don't reply for seven fucking days, yeah.

Mixed messages.

Oh, you text me, what night am I free? And I reply, yes, full stop. I send you a little smiley face, so you send me back a little smiley face.

And then I say, hey, and you write back hey and I say hey what and you say you said hey first and I say okay

chrisante emoji fuck you

mixed messages

one second I say you're very pretty and then I show up at your house and I kick your dog yeah

it's a shih tzu

I paid for the dog's veterinary bill but then I punch your deck in the dick haha

now we're going to a hospital hospital, just me, you, and your dad in the back of an ambulance. And even with your dad's broken dick, the air is thick with sexual tension.

I'm really sorry for punching your dad in the dick. I won't do it again.

You make me shake his hand and promise. But as I do, I ball up my other fist.
And I

yeah, I punch your dad in his broken dick again.

You think I'm sexy because I'm mysterious. Sending you these mercmix messages.

Stop punching my dad's dick.

Okay, but then I wink.

Grab both of my hands. Stopping my third attempt to punch your dad's dick.
Okay, you've played this game before, but I've played more, Rod Laver. You got both my hands, so I use my head.

A headbutt, your dad's pants in the back of an ambulance. And between the headbutts, our eyes lock as we're holding hands.
We can't help but kiss over your dad's not once, twice, thrice. Broken dick.

Nick's messages.

I'd say I love you in a cute way. And then I punch your dad's dick every day.

Tell your dad that I'm sorry, but then punch him in his cock again.

Explosions!

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you. Critical Role said I would have $20,000 in pyrotechnics.

Not yet. I think they're saving it for the next two songs.

Guys, this is literally a dream for me to be opening for these bad boys, these bad motherfuckers at D and D, all right?

But I gotta say, guys, I have a very specific dream and I've had it ever since I was a little boy. But I'm very shy, even though I'm standing wearing a mirror ball suit in front of 12,000 people.

And I don't know if I should tell you my very specific dream. I don't know.

Okay.

My dream since I was young was to play and open for the biggest DD game in the entire world.

And no, no, it's not, it goes more.

And the place where the game is held has to be at one of the four major Grand Slams.

And these guys are blackballed at Wimbledon, so it had to be here.

And during that set, I would sing a song about monster trucks. That was very important.

Thank you, thank you. And during that song, I would divide the audience in two halves and I would make them sing in harmony

Yeah?

Yeah, we can do it. We'll give it a shot.
And Jacob Collier's gonna cry because he couldn't get this opportunity.

All right, you guys are beautiful. When it comes to the time, you sing as beautifully and loud as you can.
Imagine I'm a three-year-old right now. I wrote this song when I was three and a half.

This song's about how you shouldn't touch my monster truck. It's called Don't Touch My Monster Truck.
Thank you.

Daniel, Michael's here for your sleepover. Please quickly,

please play nice. You can touch my Lego, you can touch my Pokemon cards, you can watch Ninjago or play with Thought of Asgard.
You can touch my fidget spinner, my dad bought me 18.

You can play with anything, but please don't touch my monster truck.

Cunt, you can play my Fortnite. You love Fortnite.
You can touch my bike or my kite or my Spider-Man light. You can touch my fucking slap base.

But if you touch my monster truck, I'll stab you in the face.

You can touch the pills that my dad keeps in the bathroom. You can smell the things in my sister's bedroom.
You touch my Tonka truck? I couldn't give a fuck. What's the one thing I said?

Don't touch my monster truck. If you touch my monster truck, I'll fucking bite you on your arm.

And then my mama gonna call your mama and say, take your dumb ass kid back home. And I know for a fact you got no dunkaroos, you got no fruit roll-ups in that two-bedroom apartment.

All you got is a marriage on the rocks. And the feeling that you're fucked up by touching my monster truck.

World labor.

Oh, ador.

If you tell anyone at school that I cried when you touch my monster twap,

I'll tell everyone at school that you got no TV at your house and you shit yourself. My dad could beat up your dad.
My dad is John Cena. I'm allowed to drink Coke.
You've got a weird cock.

My mum says that your dad is a cuck. I don't know that world.
Here we go. This side.
Alright, listening? Monster truck, a monster truck. A mummy, monster truck.
A monster truck. Now sing it back.

Monster truck, a monster monster truck.

Get that up. I'm gonna call this incredible.
This hot. Monster truck, a monster truck.

Monster truck, a monster truck, all together. Monster truck, a monster truck, a monster, monster truck.
Oh my god.

I am a little shit. The kind of kid that you'd love to hear.
But you can't, cause hitting kids is wrong. So you're settled for watching me get hit by my mum in a crowded supermarket.

A crowded

Then take the opportunity while I'm stuck To kick the shit out of my monster truck

You wanna kick the shit out of my monster truck

You wanna kick the shit out of my monster truck

You wanna kick the shit out of my monster truck

Explosions

It's alright.

That's alright. They must be saving all the explosions for the third song.

I'm very excited because it's all of us here. There's a lot of people here.

There's a lot of people here. But also, also, we've got some cameras here.
This is being streamed to America. People are watching this in theaters over there.

Right?

And so I thought it would be kind of fun because I think the rest of the the world does kind of like the funny little things that we say in Australia.

You know, like huru, get a dock up, you can't fucking let's go sort of business. And it's like, that's cute, that's kind of fun.
We're like,

so I thought we'd just do like an educational thing because I do a lot of Australianisms in my songs sometimes, right?

So specifically in that last one, I mentioned, where's the camp?

Hi, guys. Hi, Dad.

I imagine he's in America now.

I know where he is.

I mentioned something in that last song, Dunkaroos.

Right?

Dunkaroos, I don't know why I'm bending over like you shouldn't. You remember that, America?

I mentioned something called Dunkaroos, which is something very Australian. And in Australia, a Dunkaroo is a sex act.

Don't laugh. Chocolate dunkaroo will cost more, right guys?

Very expensive. Guys, you guys have been incredible.
I got one more song, and then we're gonna bring Critical Role out here, and we're gonna start this shit off, all right?

Yep. This next song is a very sexy song.
I was watching Titanic, I got halfway through. Jack was painting Rose.
It was so sexy, it was foreplay when he was painting her.

I didn't understand that I was but a young boy. It was too sexy for me.
I turned the TV off and I said, I have to write a song about this, about my future wife. This song is called Paint That Lady.

Thank you very much.

It's very sexy.

Don't get too horny.

Serious.

We lock eyes from across the room.

And you say what's up. And I say what's up.
And we know that it's good. Do you want to be my lady?

I want to raise your baby.

My only job is to pleasure you.

But first, I'm gonna use my thumb to measure you. You know you're dealing with a gentleman.
When I got a woofing in my mind, uh-huh. Lovely lady wants a gentleman's dick.

But first, you get in the acrylic I'm gonna paint you

With my watercolours

We're gonna have sex

But not just yet First, I'm gonna paint you

It's an Aphrodisiac, yeah

Get the Monet like Leo da Vinci I pay your clam like a botticelli Before I let you get it with this dick I get to painting and I make it erotic You can be my rose, I will be your jack But we're not on a boat, we are out the back of my mother's house

but the sexual tension is still titanic. I can't wait to please you when I'm finished.
Painting you in about five hours.

Hour three, and you move your head slightly to the left. Well, I think I better start again.
Hour eight, and the sun's coming up, and the life has changed. So, I think I better start again.

The sexual tension has been greatly magnified by this 12-hour Bob Ross joyride. I made you wait, now I know what you want, and I'm gonna give it to you, baby.
I'm going to do you.

I'm gonna do you,

Rod Labor. I'm gonna do you

with my charcoal.

I'm gonna paint you

with my charcoal.

We're gonna have sex, definitely, tonight. But first, I wanna get your head right.
I'm gonna paint you.

I'm definitely not stalling for time.

No, I'm not. Definitely not.
Definitely not. No.

I'm not stalling for time. I really do want to have sex.

I'm not stuck at the tallen. I'm not stuck at the tollin'.

No, No,

I'm not stalling

Explosions

Guys, thank you so much. I've been Tom Cardi.
Are you motherfuckers ready for critical roll?

You're gonna have to make one more big cheer. Are you ready for critical roll?

Let's bring them out.

Put your hands together for Laura Bailey.

Mauritia Ray

Keep it going for Liam O'Brien.

Make some noise for Tallison Jeffy.

Let's bring her out, Ashley Johnson.

Travis Willingham

Next up, Sam Rango

Make some noise for your GM tonight, Matthew

Mercer.

Oh shit.

Australia's rowing.

It never gets old. No big deal.

Hello, everyone.

And welcome to tonight's special live show here in Melbourne, Australia.

We're so happy to have so many of you here.

So, this is genuinely incredible, memorable, terrifying.

But before we jump into our session tonight, we do have a few announcements to get through.

Marisha, if you don't mind.

Hi, friends.

How are you? Everyone doing good? Yeah?

No, like mentally, are you feeling healthy and well?

That's fair. Yeah, that's very fair.
Yeah.

I just wanted to remind you,

you know,

you all are here. You're seeing this first.

You're very lucky. You're seeing this before literally anyone else.

And other people will see it in time. So, may I kindly ask you not to post spoilers and don't be a dick.

Feel free to post cosplay pictures, post things, post about your experience. Just don't post any big spoilers.
Thank you very much.

Thank you very much, Marisha.

And I believe with that, that concludes our announcement. Oh, Jesus.

So, let's go ahead and jump into tonight's live episode of

Critical Role.

The adventure begins. begins, they were always beside you.
Your nerdy best friends, and the DN to guide you. And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead.

Villains, beware, cause you're about to be dead.

They got magic and flare, they got fountiers and cunning. They will see over there.
There's a monster incoming. Inspiration is waiting.
Rise up, don't think twice.

Put your fate in your hands, take a chance, roll that dice.

Can you answer the call? Digging deep in your soul. As the legend unfolds, now it's your turn, God,

God.

To roll,

As the ghostly green mists have swallowed you and plucked you from the physical realm where the rest of your friends reside,

you seven find yourself standing on the deck of the nine heroes, but in a space that feels different.

It feels wrong.

The colors, the lights, the shade feels almost like a photo negative.

The surrounding space, the mists remain, but they still maintain that odd green glowing composition.

The shape of the dark mountain ahead of you,

its cracks, its sundered piece, its stonework,

completely exploded and frozen in space and time,

like it was halted at the moment of cataclysm. But where darkened shapes and lightless cracks would riddle the exterior.

Instead, a pale light glows from within,

slightly shifting, like some odd, sourceless glow.

The ship itself, in this moment of realization,

sorry, sorry,

runs aground onto the beach.

And indeed, you have found yourselves

on

land. What did you do?

It wasn't

it wasn't me.

I swear, I'm a good guy now. Here, Imogen, read my mind.
Why do you have lipstick on your teeth?

I was trying to add some color to my wardrobe. And you guys see, even though Breus is all mostly black and white, his hair has a little purple sheen to it.

He's got a little red in his lips. Why are you stealing my thing?

You just make it... You make it work so good.
I thought that it was a tried and true combination, that's all. I am going to read read your mind.
All right. I'm gonna talk to you.

Are you serious? You didn't do this?

I'm so scared right now.

It wasn't him. Oram's gonna flea jump his way up the mast and grab hold of a rope and swing 360 all around.

Lodna, Chetney, Yasha, Ash, Yasha, Caleb Widow Gas! More names.

Can I see them anywhere all around the ship? Make a perception check for me, please, Oram.

That is a 25.

You stare out beyond the green fog, the shape of the island surrounding you. You can hear the crashing of the waves.
You do not see any sign of your friends

anywhere within the horizon.

What you can make out amongst the nearly monochrome expanse is the distant gold and green aurora-like aurora-like glow that seems to push through the faded fog that encompasses the skyline.

And at the peripheral edge of the beach that you can see,

there are shadowed shapes,

almost humanoid, but barely there.

Mostly faded, drifting, massive, just stalking.

Almost a sense of loneliness or being lost.

Like

an echo of a history past, now doomed to wander aimless.

But no sign of your friends. I'm gonna

open up my mind and see if I can hear the thoughts of our other companions.

You release the bindings on your consciousness.

And you hear the whispered

words and concerns of all your allies present.

But none of your lost friends meet your mind.

I look over at Bo and I say, I leave you on the wheel one time and you run us aground and lose half the crew? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I just...

It was chaotic. It's all right.
We all make mistakes.

I look out at the shadowy figures on the ground. Can I use my divine sense? Haha, one action, baby.
To see if they are celestial, fiend, undead, or anything of that sort.

What's the radius of your divine sense? It is 60 feet. I'm sure they're that close.

Unfortunately, a little beyond that range. The closest ones you can see, and you can barely make them out once Orim points them out.
They're just

like wisps of green mist and fog with just the gentle outline of some sort of distant shadow.

That only when you focus can you kind of see it stalking through the waters almost, like odd ghostly sentinels that surround where the beach meets the surf.

It's okay, the wild mother has told me we're in the clear.

Wait, she has how?

Oh, okay.

That's fine. I sincerely doubt that at this point.

You know,

I don't know. We should be on our guard.
This could be something that Vlutinus is making. I don't know.
This is.

I don't know where we are anymore, but I think we're.

We're somewhere different. We're somewhere very, very different.
And our friends... I can't sense them.
Up in the crow's nest, Oram pulls out the sending stone and says, Dorian.

this is a test of the emergency broadcast system

can you hear me

I think we might be back late babe

as the enchantment causes the stone to briefly glow and send these words somewhere into the ether You're uncertain if they found purchase on their intended target and there is no response.

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We have to hope that they're.

that they're gonna push forward too. But if they're dead,

we can't think like that. They might be dead.
No,

no. Does that mean, Auram,

you're single?

The Dorian wasn't even on the ship, Reyes. Oh, right.

You have asked me that every day for the last two weeks.

But the law of averages.

No, that's not how that works. I'm pretty sure it is.

It's like a one in a hundred chance from what I understand. Listen, it's like a new one.
I'm not a cowman here. I think I know what I'm talking about.

Fern, are you saying that your group couldn't survive such an ordeal? I'm pretty sure the Mighty Nine are well in hand.

You're absolutely correct, we could not. We could!

They've got Laudna.

She's very capable.

Wait, Bo, I'm really sorry your wife is gone.

That really sucks. It's okay.
She's very capable.

You know, um, to Burrius's point, though.

Is this about the law of averages?

I mean, I guess kind of.

Maybe they're not the ones that are dead. Maybe it's us.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Why would you go there? I don't know.

There's so many steps before we get to where all of us are. It's really ghostly.

It feels like if anyone said it's us. Yes.

I don't feel comfortable doing that right now.

Did you feel it? I did. Okay, then we're fine.
Okay.

I feel like I would know.

Go ahead. I feel like I would know if we're dead.
I'm not saying we're not anywhere

living, but I just became a good guy. I don't want to be dead yet.

I respect that.

I think.

We should hope that they pushed forward and we should do the same. All right.
The answer has to lie in front of us.

I'll lead us onto the shore. You mean you'll forward across the water?

I don't remember you being quite this dashing the last time we met you.

It's all because of my fiancé. She really put me through quite the glow-up.

I have a Pinterest page for our wedding and everything.

Speaking of,

if you're shopping for more best men or groomsmen. No.

I'm just saying my outfit is already sort of a tux. Okay.

Bo, I don't know. I mean, it is kind of a small group, and just your side's going to be very large.
Which you mean? There's like 16 of us?

Oh, well, then you could probably add another one and not even know, right?

That's true.

I will head to the front of the ship, and as I look at the maidenhead, I notice that that small, old, 400-year-old gnome has chiseled a beautiful, very busty woman at the front of the nine heroes.

And there's a small RTA along the ribcage.

And a C-pop industries right where the hip goes down to the party area.

Chetney insists all his work is anatomically correct. Oh, he's very um exacting.
And I will leap

from the ship.

You land in the surrounding sands of the beach.

The black sands you had seen before now almost have a pale gray tone to them as they crumple beneath your boots and you sink an inch or two into them.

The temperature is quite chilled here and you see the shattered shapes still moving on the horizon.

The jungle itself, maybe a couple hundred feet from where you stand, the beach just this dense expanse of texture before you. The jungle

you catch an odd bit of color to it. Mostly still monochrome from this distance, but hints of purple and red catch your attention.

This is an odd island, to be sure.

You as a paladin, and to an a certain extent, that divine sense picks up definitely shades of,

we'll say,

negative energy that permeates the air and the sky around you. Cadus, you as well, being a death cleric, you have sat between the realms through prayer and through study.

The very magic you call, the very magic you rely upon via the instrument of the wild mother, has has made you very capable of understanding a shift in planar existence.

This is not too far from the shadow realm. This is a space between and beyond the realm of the living.

I take a second to see if anything terrible happens to Ford after he jumps off the boat.

Ford, as you stand there taking in this expanse for a moment,

you're fine.

I take out the star razor and I say, Galasva, and it glows with radiant light for 30 feet.

It glows brightly, and you watch as the distant shadows all of a sudden

seem to vanish from view. Oh, shit.

Wild mother coming for you.

You do hear

at the bright glow of your sword, scattering some of the surrounding negative energy, what sounds like a flute.

Or two flutes. Two notes, almost discordant, ringing through the silent surroundings.
Ugh, it's this jazz flute. Ugh.

Let's not throw a rock

into a still pond. I think that was...
Let's try and keep quiet for at least a...

I take out a ball bearing and I throw it into the still pond. Hello, first mate for a reason.
What happens? So throw it at one of the shadowy figures since it's running.

Well the shadow figures have vanished from view. Oh great.
You just have the tree line of the jungle ahead of you.

You know they saw these guns and uh

went running

We are

somewhere between

between realms. I don't know.
I

it's possible our friends are

just

possibly slightly off in another realm themselves. I'm gonna invoke Havoc's embrace and float up into the air and up and over the edge of the ship.
Wow.

And gently glide down next to Ford without touching the ground.

The vain rattle of kind of purple velvet energy that surrounds Imogen, very reminiscent of like a plasma sphere just

scattering around, and the radiant energy that emanates from Star Razor.

A pair that makes you feel fairly clear of any immediate danger on the beach. Though that whistle sound strikes again, that distant flute, almost coming from the jungle line itself.

It seems wise to follow that sound, doesn't it?

Yes, and since you're not touching the water, why don't you lead the way?

We'll find them. I will.

Okay.

Those two have sort of a tension between them and you. I noticed that as well.

I push forward and I look back at Bell's Hills. Are y'all coming or what? Orum drop bears down from the crow's nest.

Lands on Brace's shoulder and then springs off and lands on Fern's shoulder and nestles in. All right, Bestie, let's go.

Okay.

Um,

Mr.

In a burst of flame, the small monkey companion of Fern Calloway operates, its tail still flickering and flaming as it curls up on the other shoulder.

All right, let's go. I'm just gonna awkwardly put my leg over the side,

and then the other

hoof leg.

Do you need a hand? No.

I do. I could use a hand.
This is...

Somebody hold my shield. This is a...
Okay, just one foot and another.

Okay.

You got this, Fern.

Okay. I feel like I'm awkward enough to do this.
Here I go.

Fawn leap.

Right now, I'm going to jump. Just do it.
Just hop on in. Just right this second.

Give her a shove.

Fern, I'd like you to make it. I'd like you to make an acrobatics check to the disadvantage.
Oh, great.

Okay.

All right. I'm going to make one.
It's a straight roll.

That was really good. Okay, disadvantage.

Oh, that's not good. Alright.
Yay.

Eight.

Seventeen.

Diem, can I misty step and try to catch her?

Sure.

As they both tumble end over end, Auram catching yourself on the sand beside the rest of your allies. Fern goes into a full acer tea kettle spin.

Just before you impact on the sand, strong Minotaur arms catch you upon the spectral beach. Oh.

Alright.

Thank you. Sure, I

just thought that

you needed a oh.

Thank you. Thank you very much.
Three. How many? How many do I have? Three?

Three. That sounds about right.

Thank you, Braius.

As they're all kind of gathering themselves, you see a shape shifting in the distant purple-red jungle edge.

A spark of blue.

An odd humanoid figure stepping from the shadows with the glimmer of metal in one hand. Solid.

Yes. Okay.

Everybody,

company?

Tiny dancer?

In fact,

to describe what you see, Auram,

can we please have Tom Cardi come to the table?

This is the giveaway song.

You see this huge kind of blue Goliath figure hunched over, just counting. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

In his hand, he's got this sort of jewel golden flute mechanism that he's kind of like looking at impatiently, just holding, and his eyes are just darting around.

Oh,

this could work.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Yeah, there we go.
Oi!

Yeah,

You're seeing this? Use your words. I see it.
I'm going to talk to him in his mind. Okay.

What do you want? Oh, my God. What?

Is it safe? Are you...

Oh, I don't know. Are you trying to mess with us?

Is that...

That's me, hi. Purple.
The one with the horns? Nope. Purple hair.
Okay, sorry. Floating.
Oh, really impressive.

Thank you.

You got to get off the beach.

Why? What's on the beach?

You look around. You're going to get it back soon.
I mean, that's just sort of how it works around here. That's why I'm not on the beach.
I'm gonna insight check him, see if he's uh let's go.

All right, go ahead and make an insight check for me. Can you make a persuasion or deception check on your choice, depending on if you're telling the truth or if you're lying?

And just tell me what the number is without having to tell me what the skill is.

It is a sweet 18.

Rolled a 16.

16.

Seems trustworthy. I think we should believe him.
Let's get off this beach.

Okay with that. Come on.
Lead the way. All right.
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Slowly you all begin to step across this gray grain beach.

You see now as you get closer into the island, those strange spectral shadow shapes begin to appear again along the ocean line, slowly shifting, their bodies, their outlines kind of morphing oddly.

You can see what looks almost like faintly glowing eyes where a head would be as they turn and move, these oblong shadow giants just watching from a distance until you meet the edge of the purple-red tree line where your

new

friend has called you over from the ship. What happened here? What is this place? This pa this

half, I don't know, but half obviously some sort of spirit realm.

So

this is great. There's like seven of you now.
We're definitely going to be able to do this. Wait, what are you doing here? What am I doing here? Yeah.
I live here. Duh.
Oh.

You live here.

Are you solid? I have two questions. Okay.

One, what's your name?

Oh, that's very respectful. I'm so sorry.
I don't think about these things when I'm afraid for my life sometimes. My name is Ethel Rivergold.
Hi, how are you?

Thank you. Yeah, I'm a bad.

What does that mean?

I don't fucking know. I'm sorry.

What was the second question?

Are you single?

Yeah.

Stupid. Cool, cool, cool.

Over the last minute.

Over the last minute, Aurum has watched this twat being a dick to his friends and has been reading him for filth. And I use know your enemy, my fighter feature.
And I want to know if Ethel,

in comparison to Aurum, what

their class levels are and current HP in comparison to mine.

And what levels?

Higher.

Higher than

Bell's levels.

What are your hit points?

181.

Higher than your hit points.

Where are you going?

Oh, hi, little fellow.

Why are you staring at me so much, little guy?

We're gonna talk about this later. The halfling slowly unsheaths a small short sword and puts it at his side.
In your head, you hear.

We're good.

What got you on edge?

I don't know this guy.

Well, yeah.

We're walking into nothing.

Don't be jealous.

Don't be jealous that he's at our table. Are you psychically busting into this combo? Nope, this is Marisha

Tybel's dad could bait up your Tybal's dad.

We have the same dad, okay? You can't punch my dad in the dick because I don't have a dad. Check me.

Are you sure about that? No.

Bore.

As you pull your blade out and kind of have this this careful conversation, a bit of the shadows deeper in the jungle catch your attention. You see

other shadowed shapes, humanoid, not as large and ominous as the ones on the coastline, but almost like the whisper or a ghost of a person.

Multiple people.

Like

eight people walking deeper into the jungle for a brief second before they fade from view. And for a moment, you smell a familiar smell.

You catch the scent of

chetney.

A very pungent and

memorable scent that seems to just catch your nose on the wind for a moment as they pass before it's gone. I make a beeline towards Ethel and start to slide under his legs.
Oh shit.

And try to get a better look at what I just lost in the haze.

Nothing. It's gone.
Just the sounds of a strange jungle ahead.

You do, as you look in front, it's like when you stare into the blue of the sky for too long and an odd peripheral static kind of begins to shake at the edges.

This deep, dense jungle thicket filled with red and purple vine and thorn and leaf, gathered with paths kind of cracking and breaking through.

You see just the faintest glimpse of tiny little spectral shapes that drift aimlessly between the branches. Like small, gentle jellyfish.
Barely visible, barely present.

Dozens of them, hundreds of them, just kind of

moving through the space.

Aurum?

Yeah.

You seem- you seem like something caught your eye there. We got something on the periphery here.
Okay. And every time we approach something fucking adorable, it goes south.
Well,

that actually is kind of true.

Well, not

everything adorable is here to kill you.

I think.

You've met my wife.

I have.

And

your wife is adorable. Yep.
And I always go south.

Goddamn. Show's over.
Good night, everybody.

I expect it.

Damn.

I can,

yeah.

I don't even know what that means.

Okay, I feel like we've gotten off on the wrong foot. That's why no one's trying to follow me as I keep leaving.

You've just noticed Ethel keeps like walking off as if he's leaving a party and he's like... Ethel, it's okay.

I mean, obviously, we're very impressed by your two flutes and obviously your large stature, but do you mind telling us what you're doing here?

We've been separated from the rest of our group, and yet you seem like you have a reason for being, and I don't know what that is.

Okay, so this is it.

I live here, and something very bad has happened, because this isn't what it's supposed to look like. These spirits, it's not what it's supposed to look like.
Oh.

And what's it supposed to look like? Just like normal people like you and me.

How long has it been like this? Shadows drifting in and out?

I don't know. It's very confusing.
All I know is that I've been walking around and I've been trying to find out what to do, but it's kind of dangerous to go one out.

And I know that up there, up that mountain, there's a weird energy, but

the strangest thing is

I'm very, very scared of what's down there and I point down to like the base of the mountain. Alright.

Side note,

did you see an old elf wizard come this way? Because that's actually why we're here. Yes.

Oh, let me check. And can I try and like call out to like some of the smaller spirits? Uh-oh.
Sure, yeah. Go ahead and

roll a persuasion check to call the spirits of the island to aid. Nice.
I pull out my, well, I already have my double flute. And I roll a beautiful, just a very handsome 2029.
Damn!

Yeah, I'm a stupid motherfucker, but I can play the flute.

As this gentle, ghostly melody emanates from the flute of your new

supposed ally, Ethel,

you watch as the surrounding kind of spectral mists seem to match the sound of the music and this beautiful swirl progresses.

And you watch out of the nearby shadows, other small spirits begin to emerge, like small rodents with elongated bodies and odd glowing green eyes and strange, almost

monkey-like spectral entities that drift down from the trees above, and they all at first feel ominous, but they gather with a non-malevolent energy around Ethel and seem to almost sit like children enraptured by a story.

And they all just gather at the base of this blue-skinned Goliath.

Some of these spirits begin to look up to you, and you hear the voices of the island nature spirits in your mind.

Before, yes.

Yes, the elf came. It walked beyond and scattered us.

It's

up beyond us all now.

We know not where, but its foot did fall here. Another spirit goes, Indeed.

The odd elf

climbed and flew and is gone.

Save us.

Save us. And all the spirits begin reaching out and grabbing at your leg and pulling at your clothes and reaching and grasping onto your ankle.
So Mr.

V watches these various animal spirits begin to gather and climb, swarming the base of Athel.

Uh, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, it's good.
It's good climbing. Is it?

Does it feel like good climbing?

Make an insight check.

27.

27.

Best that you can tell, both by the disposition of Ethel and these spectral entities, there's a desperation that doesn't feel dangerous or aggressive yet. They're just seeking guidance and safety.

This is the best thing that's happened here since the whatever cataclysm happened. And I could just talk to these things and they talk back to me.

They wouldn't do anything wrong. They're just like hugging me.

I'm going to make my way over and

as I said it, I felt it.

And I'm.

It's all right. I'm just going to put my hand

calm, buddy.

There's no mouth. I don't know where to.
Yeah, you don't want to know what a spirit will do.

What will they

do? I do want to know. That's why I'm

putting.

I feel like I'm getting a lot of mixed messages here. I don't know.

I didn't mean to do that either, and there we are. All right.

I've gotten down and sitting down and just seeing what comes over and talks to me, or if anything comes and

I notice this, and I kind of

as the music picks up once more and Cadus sets down, kind of your own personal energy kind of sitting in this space.

The rest of you notice here in the spirit realm as Cadus sits, it's almost like the very presence of Caduceus expands. It's hard to describe.

An aura of some kind almost settles and begins to change the space around him.

Cadus is here in this spiritual realm. A space between life and death, a space where the Clay family has long worshipped and held the Wild Mother's presence.

You watch color begin to grow more vibrant around him, and the spirits begin to shift and move and surround you. And you hear the spirits' voices in your head, Cadus.

You

find us the spirit of the island.

Please.

The spirit of the island. Destroy the light.
The light that takes our brethren, that eats of our forces.

I'm saying all of this, I'm repeating it as I hear it.

When did this light come?

I know not.

The passage of time is strange.

There is no day or night here. And without the full spirit of the island,

we are all more or less lost.

The light. The light that corrupts the mountain.

The light that corrupts the mountain. The light, the light, the light, the light.

All the spirits begin to shout in unison. The light, the light, and it grows angrier, angrier, more desperate.

the light the light the light the light the fight the light i cast eyes of the grave really quickly i want to see what's happening around me uh

it's uh uh so detect undead within 60 feet or just to see if this is

just ghosts or if there's anything weird happening fair uh i'll say you do not sense any immediate undead but you do notice all the spiritual presences not just those that have gathered around you but dozens and dozens of ones that are hidden amongst the surrounding thornbrush and canopy.

You've sensed the actual spiritual nature of this island around you. A strong spiritual presence from

Ethel that you had just met, though a

void of some kind, a gaping absence in their torso.

There's something missing in you.

How

how do you how do you know that?

Well

I can see some things and this place feels

familiar, comfortable.

Is there somewhere where we can find

perhaps spirits that were once

um

sentient men?

Is there a city? Is there a... Do you have people here? Do you have family? Good idea.

Yeah, I haven't been there for a while, but yeah, there's a village around the other side of the jungle.

Orum,

I can maybe help you see things if you're interested in maybe

having a little bit of augmented vision, seeing into some of the things that I can see.

If that works.

What do you mean, goat man?

Well,

I don't really know how to explain it. Bo,

you remember that one time. Wait, is it the rest of the suit? Oh, boy.
Is it the spice? No, it should be spice. Are you doing drugs?

No, it's that one time. The eye drops.
I don't think that's a good thing. That's okay.
That could make things a little easier right now. Wait, are you guys

doing drugs right now? No, no, we're not tripping balls. No.
No. I mean, I had some tea earlier.
What, you guys want to get hot? I'm so confused.

I'm I'm going to

walk over to Auram with a little eyedropper. Yeah, trust the strange man in the colorful coat.
It's true.

You're like seven feet taller than me.

So I take a couple drops of this oil and I gently spread them just above Auram's eyes and the oil seeps in and I cast,

where did it go? True seeing.

So that is

any willing creature you touch gains the ability to see things as they actually are.

For the duration of about an hour, the creature has true sight, notices secret doors hidden by magic, and can see into the ethereal plane out to a range of 120 feet.

Welcome to a VR Pink Floyd album. Enjoy.

I look around at the party. My eyes land on Breas.

He's wearing a purple wig.

How did you know?

Bo.

Yeah. I want to know where we're going.
Let's take a look at this mountain. And I start parkouring up one of the trees.
Did you need my help with that? Okay, he's gone. Come on.
Uh-uh. Go get him, Bo.

Okay. Now, Orm, as you leap through these trees, with the vision now clarified to where you are seeing between multiple layered realms,

these

jellyfish entities now are crystal clear in your vision, and there are hundreds slowly swarming throughout this jungle.

They seem to pass by you, and they brush past with no ill indicator or sensation, but they do seem to acknowledge your presence as you move by, some kind of slowing and stopping before

drifting off and around.

But they are everywhere in this jungle. For years, I've asked myself if I could see too much.
Wait, hang on. They're not there yet.

Okay, what'd you say?

You get to the top and Orm is just looking at his hand.

Whoa.

Why'd you need me?

I'm feeling real weird. Make sure I don't fall off this tree.
Okay.

And I raise my hand up to Bo's shoulder and turn her so that we're both looking at the forest spreading out before us and the mountain raising up out of it.

I'm looking for any threats, any signs or clues to our friends, any sign of lewdness or any weird shit at the mountaintop. All right, if you could make a perception check for me, please.

Roll high, sure guy. Does anything change with TrueSight?

I'll tell you in a second.

So I rolled a 19

and a one, which I'll re-roll. Boo.

Just in case it grits.

It doesn't. It wants a 2.
I'll take the 19 plus

the 15.

34.

Okay.

Looking across this jungle, you do see it shifting.

Trees kind of crack and move, and you can hear the sound of the branches scraping and bending.

You hear hundreds of odd shifting moans of various natural spirits throughout the jungle themselves being moved,

not quite tortured, but definitely lamenting whatever is happening to the surrounding landscape. You can see...
Who are the 34, Jesus Christ?

You can see glimpses throughout of various large stone sculptures, statues, waypoints, landmarks that show pathways through this jungle.

You see a clearing a number of miles off, a majority of the way towards the base of the mountain before the tree line begins to break away into sheer rock and stone.

And you can see what looks to be the tops of tree-built kind of

domiciles, buildings, signs of the village that Ethel had noted beforehand.

You can see, indeed, these odd spirits all throughout as well as a strange river of black that seems to curve through.

Not water, but like a spiritual curtain that winds through this jungle and it changes position as the actual jungle itself also seems to rip itself free and move, its positions always churning and altered.

You see along the mountain itself the massive cracks of it, the heavy sheets of stone that are peeled back like the mountain itself had detonated from within and then held just a few moments afterward.

These spiraling corkscrewing bits of stone and tree that rise upward and between these cracks, these crevices where dark shadow and lightless depths below would await you, instead you see that faint kind of opalescent white-green glow, a light that kind of shimmers from within.

You can't see the source, you just see the glow kind of shifting throughout. shimmering almost like some sort of muted starlight is hidden somewhere within the heart of the stone.

You You hear the sound of distant waves crashing on the nearby shoals.

The seaside, the seaside, seaside, there we go,

the seas,

the seaside waves crashing against the rocks.

Sneeze, snake. Indeed.

And you also note at this moment of seeing everything, there is an elation, there is a

strong sense of purpose, excitement and direction

within you. And as you garnish that sensation within with acknowledgement, a lot of the jellyfish kind of shift towards you.

Oh man, are you seeing this or am I super high right now?

Uh

no.

What do you see?

Uh uh the there's there's skyfish, jellyfish. Cool.
Something? Yeah, I've seen those before.

What's going on up there? Uh, two seconds. We're coming down.

I'm not coming down for hours.

Do you uh do you know where we uh need to go? Uh, yeah, and I sort of sum up everything that I've spied because I don't know if I'm gonna remember this in five minutes to Beauregard.

Yeah, big light, basil mountain, got it. Okay, but they're getting close.
They're getting close. Your shoulders are fucking sick.

We're working out together if we live past today.

You know, the uh the blue Goliath guy, he said uh something about

you know

Needing to destroy the light or whatever because Usus was talking about that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maybe we should just beeline it there.

All right,

all right. Do you need

help

getting down?

I'm great. I'm great.

Let's go, let's join the others. Okay, I will get

you go a little ahead of me, and I'm just gonna keep holding on to you, okay, bud? Okay. Okay.
Markour!

Flying tree squirrel, this one. Jeez.

As you both return to the rest of your troop below and the path kind of marked before you, you now traverse the dangerous, ever-shifting tangle on the way to this village that Ethel had said.

We're going to consider this a skill challenge of survival and direction here.

You need to succeed three times before two failures. Who is helming this first part of the journey? Me.
Oh, I'm sorry.

Would you like to roll a survival or nature check?

I know exactly where to go. I'm gonna roll a survival check.

Let's go. Fern, are you sure you're up for this?

Yes, this is. I love jungles.

This is a nightmare jungle. No, it's it's really close to what she grew up in.
Yeah, this is pretty.

What's more nightmare jungle than Nanomori's place? Yeah. Who the hell is Nana Mori? That's great.
Oh, right. You weren't there.
29. She's nine.
She's my ex-girlfriend.

All right. We'll get back to that later.

I just said I was explaining who Nana Mori was. She's my ex-girlfriend.

What? What?

Did you hook up with my grandmother?

We must snuff out the light.

it's actually

that's okay I've been here for ages we can talk about this now for a little while if we want

that is quite a euphemism

wait wait wait but which head

on me or her

point

with a successful roll on Fern's part

leading you through the first element of this dense thicket,

the long,

sharp thorns of red and dark coloration kind of tearing and scraping against shoulders as you move through. This way.
Oh boy.

Fern, you eventually stop at a certain point and you hear this.

You hear the sound of shifting brush. and you catch shifting texture between the nearby bits of tangled vine and

texture.

It's like a sense of

plates, like thick plates that seem to move and catch elements of light between this so much shaded space. You see a

massive serpentine-like entity.

Okay, I think we should go back to the boat. To the boat? What do you mean? I don't think we should stay here.
We're heading towards the mountain. What do you mean, toward the boat? Yeah,

there's like a serpentine snake situation up ahead. A creature or a path? I'm not sure.

You turn around to see where you came from, and that looks like a connection of the same creature has now encircled around the back side, like it's been subtly surrounding your troop as you stop to discuss its proximity.

And you watch

as a large, kind of dark brown-colored head descends from above its tongue.

Now,

shut the fuck up.

You see along its body

these odd like white tethers, like almost like a spider web that seems to have ingrained itself amongst its scales. But this odd webbing has got a dull white glow to it.

And you watch as the serpent head turns

and its jaws open, two massive things shh protrude from within as this light-corrupted Taipan snake. Taipan

lunges towards you, Fern, since you were leading the charge on this. No!

That's gonna be a 24 to hit you, Fern. Does that hit?

Yes, it does.

All right, Fern, you take

okay.

That's gonna be 17 points of piercing damage.

And I need you to make a constitution saving throw for me, please. Oh, dear.
Okay.

Hold on, I can't really do this very well. We defeated a god.
We can do this. We defeated a god.
We can do this. You guys defeated a god?

It was a euphemism. Yeah, no, no, not real god.
Don't talk yourself down. That sounds incredible.
Oh, no, that's so bad. What did what did what did this is a constitution? Yes.
Six.

Fern, you take 58 points of poison. Whoa!

Whoa, what? It's the poisonous snake in the world. What are you gonna do?

Wait, they're usually so nice.

58 points of poison damage, and you are poisoned for the time being, meaning all of your attack rolls and ability checks are at disadvantage.

Oh my goodness.

The snake sinks its fangs in the furnace,

pulls back its massive head. What do you do? I shoot a lightning bolt at it.

Go ahead and roll damage for a lightning bolt. Okay.

At sixth level is what I had pulled up. All righty, well, definitely fails at saving throws.
Okay, great. Oh, great.
Oh, gosh.

Oh, I look, I only have one set of dice in front of me. I know, so I'm gonna just roll 11.

I didn't have time. I was doing wig stuff.
I didn't have time to pick my dice.

It's a doppelganger killer. Okay,

so six

plus three is nine.

Ten.

Uh, thirteen,

14

20

25

26

27

30

31. This is gonna take all night.
Someone for the love of God get for more dust. I got one more.
I got one more.

35 plus 3 is what? 38. 38.
38.

Nice!

The rest of you watch as this extreme burst of vengeful, kind of

violet lightning

arcs through,

tears through the nearby jungle, and the Taipan

dissipates. And you watch as its spiritual energy seems to slightly diffuse and then shh reform into a tiny little like odd, half-congealed sprite that kind of looks up at you with a confused face.

Expressionless, no nose, no mouth, just two kind of oblong, glowing eyes.

In its head, I say, I used a really powerful spell for you.

Don't believe that shit. Don't believe that.
It trances over to the base of Ethel and kind of puts its arm on your leg and says, Help me.

Yeah, that's why we did the thunderbolt at your head just a second ago. You're trying, buddy.
I'm so sorry. This is not the seven that I wanted to come to.
Tell your buddies not to attack you.

Hey, don't point at my buddy, guys.

The jellyfish suddenly

turn and

Swarmin, in. I need both of you to make dexterity saving throws for me.
Oh shit.

Alright.

I'm really good at that. Ooh, it's one more than a one.

Plus ten, eleven.

But 11 and eleven.

You both lose four hit dice.

Oh, nice again.

As the swarm of the strange spiritual jellyfish immediately

surround and pierce through the spiritual bodies of both Imogen and Ethel. And as they do, their light diminishes slightly.
You remember, these are called zeal feeders.

God damn it. Okay, just don't.

Relax. And

relax. Yeah, you got.
Is that the.

Is that what we're supposed to be doing now? Yeah, yeah. If you don't want to get stabbed by one of these things, just relax.
Okay, I am sorry for shouting at you at a second ago. Me too.
I apologize.

Would you like to shake hands?

Sure. Strength check on that crusher hand.

Go ahead and make a strength check. Really suddenly.

I have a little shit string. You're going to break my arm.

Three.

Ow, ow, ow, ow. Ooh, I'm going to shock and grasp him.

I thought you guys were supposed to keep behaving friendly. What happens when you are going to be a friend?

relationship? With advantage, because you are holding his hand. We are relaxed.

We are friendly.

34.

Does that hit? That beats your armor class, yeah. All right, go ahead and roll damage for shopping dras.

Could I possibly, just as a reaction,

use my searing words to try and like drop some of that

attack? So as

what am I seeing as the light light. Is you crushing her hand?

Your hand just lights up with a purple energy that shoots up your arm.

I say, nice hand. What is it?

I bet it stinks.

And that does five less damage.

Not five.

I can move damage for that. That was.
So that does nine damage. Take nine points of light damage.
I can take that, you stinky hand. Fuck, that hurts.

However, you get to roll your searing words down. Oh, yes, shit.

So as the energy strikes up his arm, he makes fun of your stinky hand.

And the words from his mouth cause the sides of your face to get hot.

Flames on the side of my face.

Or later actual flames. And you take...
I didn't remember it did damage, I'm sorry.

Seven damage. You take seven points of fire damage.

This fury causes the jellyfish to then swarm swarm again,

swarm both of you, instant needs you both to make dexterity-saving throws again. Oh my god.

I swear we've done this before. We know what we're doing.

That's 27.

12.

You withdraw your hand as the flames curl up her face and dive backward as all of them swarm Imogen. Imogen,

you lose three hit dice.

And you watch as they all

pierce and surround them, and eventually

drift off and become semi-ghostly around her.

Oh, I want to kill you so much right now.

I will step between them and say, you two, stop it right now.

That is not cool. Just calm down and be friends with each other.
We're the good guys. We're trying to help you.

Trying to help yourself, pal. Aurum with super dilated eyes says,

you guys remember we're hunting an archmage, right?

I'm just beside a tree throwing up. Oh, yes, I'll I'll I'll run towards Fern and I'll run over there and I trip right as I get there and I go, Oh, oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.

It's okay. I'm so sorry.
I'm engaged. Please don't.
It's really fine. I'm sorry.

It's really okay. No, it's it's really not.

No, it's really, it's really fine. I, anytime.

And I will use lay-on hands to put five

hit points and neutralize the poison inside of her.

That feels so much better. Okay, it's just a life-saving move, nothing else.
Somewhere in another plane of existence.

Jestora is really pissed off right now, okay?

She gets this like, ooh,

shit. Bo is just the John Travolta from bulk fiction.
No, no, I'm not sure.

And I look at Cadoos.

It occurs to me that I may have actually

given him the number of drops I gave you, and he's so much smaller, and that might have thrown everything off.

That's on me.

Okay. Wait, so I healed five.
You heal five and it neutralizes your poison. Yeah, you're no longer poisoned.
Oh, thank God. I'm not green anymore.
Can we?

You look great.

Hey, everybody.

I'm so sorry. I didn't.

It's just not my color. I mean, it is my color.
I think Imogen's about.

No, no, no. I'm not.
Imogen's about to pass out. Oh, no, I just feel weird.
My health is fine. I've just got shit hit points.
Hey. What? Let's just keep going.
We're all friends here.

Do you also need me to lay on hands?

Keep your damn hands off me. All right, understood.

I'm sure we're going to get along fine. And through my little flute, I play a little...

And

I give you a D12 bardic inspiration.

Spotfully.

Bo's just gonna start walking forward in the path that we were walking were walking towards. Yes, I agree.
Lead on, Bo.

All right, Beauregard. Moving forward.

No more than maybe 15 or so minutes, keeping an eye on all the surrounding spirit bits.

There is an element of the thicket that gets so dense and so dangerous that you have to almost crawl into a small burrow that pushes through it.

You could hear the cracking of it shifting good hundreds of feet away, this ever-present, like the sound of bamboo in a heavy windstorm, but it's also cracking intermittently throughout as the jungle itself is changing shape, whether to greet you or move away from you or both.

You continue forward and while you're down on your hands and knees, you see this like little alcove on the side and this cute little like spectral bunny rabbit is curled up on the inside.

You see, it has long ears that are like wrapped around it like a blanket, and it has this like massive curved horn on its nose.

And its eyes are closed, and it's kind of bundled up, and it's kind of right in your path.

Eldritch Blast!

I'm gonna cast speak with animals. Hey.

Um, excuse me.

It's still asleep, but then you kind of speak towards it.

I'm so sorry, we're just trying to get past. Can you

move?

Or you could stay sleeping and we can just, you know, waltz right past you.

It looks up towards you.

The rest of you here.

Further, are you here?

Are you bringing more black darkness to this island? Are you in the right side?

That is the worst Australian accent.

I'm an expert.

This is real bad. More R's.

We're here to help.

We're trying to save your island. Waram steps up on Fern's six.

Make a persuasion check, Fern.

All right.

Boy.

16.

16.

The bunny kind of glances at you for a second.

I'll follow. I'll watch.

I want to keep my friends safe.

And if you're lying to me,

I'll beat you so.

And the bunny's ears flap out when it comes to picks up, it looks really cute with big eyes and

kind of bounds off into the shadow before it turns and goes

What did it say? It was super cute. It was so cute It said we can pass no big deal.
Hey, okay. Well done you're sorry and and if if we cross it it'll eat our souls.
Oh well

it said that yeah

How do you tell when when she's lying out of curiosity? I'm having

always okay because normally I'm real good at this. I've got a I don't think she lies ever.
Really? Yeah.

I can't tell if she's lying about that. No, I always tell the truth.
Yeah. I see into her mind a lot, and we're not always sure she knows.

There is a

she believes it? Yeah. Oh no.

A short time onward where the thicket widens and you are met with a stone statue. A carving of a beautiful warrior you see, holding a pose, its body itself tall and

extremely imposing, but

as a guardian would. It resembles the same half-giant shape as your companion, Ethel, at the moment.
And as it looks off in the distance, you can see...

There's just a

sense of sadness that sits around this.

It looks towards the mountain.

Ethel, do you recognize this statues? Yeah, yeah, it's my people. Can we keep going?

We don't need to stand here all day. Oh, sorry, I.

Yeah, we did. We didn't have mirrors.
What?

You know how long it took to get ready?

Right. Sure, we can keep going.
We just wanted to. I just don't think that makes any sense to stand here any longer.

Are you okay? Yes. Are you crying? No.

This is fine. This is just people that I used to be close with that now have left me for some reason.

Well, wait. I mean, is this like some abandonment issues coming out? I don't know.
What?

I don't think they left you voluntarily. What? You think people have told me my entire life that I use like comedy and just like being mean to people as a defense mechanism because

I'm scared of getting close because people are going to leave me or something? That's stupid. You're stupid.
No, I don't know. That kind of makes sense the more you say it like that.

That's actually very insightful. Are you saying these statues are statues of your family or the statues are your family?

Before he answers, I'll cast Zone of Truth.

Oh nice. Thank you.
All right, is that a charisma saving throw? It is 19. I'd like you to make a charisma saving throw, please.
Roll low, bitch.

I guess we should all roll, because it is a large zone.

That's true. All of you roll charisma saving throw? That's a natural one.

Oh!

I also got a natural one.

You re-roll yours. Bountiful luck.
Half-link, bountiful luck. Touch me, too.

17.

Still fails. Also, shit.
Roll.

13 for me.

It's a saving throw, you said? Yeah. 17?

All fails.

25. Hey, that succeeds.
20.

22.

Oh, okay.

Mighty nine is so cool.

Get your shit together, children. Come on.

I'm mean to people because I don't value my own skills.

Why'd I just say that? I'm lashing out because I'm so scared that my girlfriend is gone for real.

I can see see all the musculature of all your bodies moving in real time.

And it's fucking awesome.

I really have to poo.

That's some good truth.

I don't know what to do with any of that.

Or

with a glance at the statue as you're kind of taking all this in, there is a faint energy around the stone.

Like all the spiritual energy, the textures of soul power that you've seen drifting through this island, it's like the statue seems to itself hold a soul locked within.

The faintest aura glow around it of a

spirit sealed away.

These things were alive.

These people

and the stone.

The texture is wild, and I'm not even touching them.

I'm gonna walk over to one of the stones and probably the one that Auram is talking to and

just

examine it, touch it to see if there's anything.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I don't even know where. Zone of truth.

Why do you have to be like that? I don't know.

I don't believe that. I'm a 13-year-old.

I'm attempting to just sense how trapped, like, what is trapped inside this thing if it is someone caught in a stone body or something.

What is it?

Can it speak?

Make a religion or a conachek for me if you don't mind.

All right, let's do a

16

religion

Glancing at this it seems like it is sealed between worlds at the moment Its physical form is currently locked and like some entities that themselves befall some

tragic past

they are

themselves locked in time not unlike the mountain itself left broken and still in the sky

Auram, you mentioned a

black river when you were looking out.

Uh-huh.

Ethel, do you have any idea what that is? And I might remind you that you can't lie.

You're all looking at him. I'm allowed to look at him, too.

It's true.

Ethel, you know that this river of shadow that shifts throughout, it emanates from the core of some of the cracks of this mountain and as it moves it is

It feels like an arm reaching from the light within trying to find purchase beyond its current mountain home in hopes of maybe moving beyond what still keeps it at bay.

You do not know if these statues are caused by this

You know what? Make a make a wisdom check for me. Just roll a d20 and add your wisdom modifier.

I said, nah.

Although, 15. 15.

You have flashes of memory that come to you. Here in this space, amongst this divine circle of truth, in the presence of living beings from beyond this island who,

as aggressive as some of them may be, as outsiders, they call

a bit of hope and a bit of confidence to you.

And here, still lacking the proximity to the light that you fear, the source of this light that calls this island its terrible home and has since this sundering, you have flashes of memory.

You recall the moments that the people of this land, of the village, all gathered to seek what was causing this growing corruption, the visions.

the visions, the terrible nightmares that beset the coracle, the visionary leader of the village.

They all left to climb the top, to climb within, to find the source. Some of them went to seek the strangers, the outsiders that had taken up within the seaside cave.

And it seems that you recall that was where the dark waves first started.

These waves that as they spread out

turned

those that called this land home into the same stone they've walked upon since they came.

It's the seaside cave. That's.

I can't believe I didn't remember this before. That's so weird.
It's like in my mind. I've lived it.
That's where this is all coming from. The black rivers, the light.

That's the reason I'm alone.

Well, that's... That's excellent.
That gives us a direction,

a point to chase down.

As the sadness of the memory of the lost of all your your people washes over you, Ethel,

the surrounding jellyfish

and descend on you from the immense emotion of sadness

through your body. Then drawn by the emotional outburst, I need you to make a dexterity-saving throw for me.

It's any emotion!

21.

21. You

sobbing, wiping the tears from your cheeks, take a step back.

They all and miss in front of you and then dissipate into the surrounding jungle. You get pretty good when you're a sad person and you live here.
You know when they're gonna attack you when you cry.

So is it any any point of emotion? Joy, sadness, anger, or well, I suppose we'll find out. No,

that's bad.

This is bad. This is bad.

Oh boy. Okay.

So we should make our way to this seaside cave, yes?

Lead on Captain

Yeah, lead the way forward. All right Ford.
I would like you to make a survival or nature check to helm this next leg of the journey

one of those is a plus two one of those would you like would you like a a little help or I would I can help I can help you with that if you'd like. Oh excellent.

Yes, just grab my hoof and I'll uh uh I because I have labyrinth recall so I always know which direction is north.

Can I assist with this? Sure, if you want to assist and give advantage to Ford on this roll. I'll take your hoof.

Thank you.

I'll also...

What's the skill you're? Oh, never mind. Oh, I'm rolling nature.
Oh, you've rolled it. It's okay.
I'll do it later. Oh.

Shit.

17?

Am I rolling two? I don't know. It's your hoof.

I don't know how this works.

You said I'll help and you had no plan to do that. Yeah, I have Labyrinth Recall.
Here's your hoof.

I held up my hand. Did I also roll man? No, you helped with advantage.

So, with hoof in hand, four.

Did you roll with him?

Yes, you did. I only rolled once.
Oh. Fuck.

There, I helped.

Hoof in hand, you lead the rest of this troop beyond.

The thicket grows dense once more, and you have to crawl through a few small spaces, just barely large enough for Braeus to push through without snapping some of the nearby branch edges and long, thin thorns,

before you both step headfirst into a curtain of shadow that seems to be carving along the path. Need you both to make constitution saving throws.

23

6.

Ford, as you poke your head and you immediately withdraw, but as you pull your head out, you're like...

You feel like the breath was pulled from your body. You lose.

Interesting.

Only two hit dice.

Braus, as you walk forward, you feel Ford withdraw and you go to speak, but as you inhale, there's no air. There's just freezing cold.
Like your lungs are spot-frozen for a second.

And for a brief moment, as you stare into the darkness and shadow ahead of you, you hear the cackling sound of laughter from the fiery depths below that still hunt you. The sound of Asmodeus

always licking at your heels, and that fear creeps up from below. I need you to mark a death save that will remain marked.
Oh,

shit! It'll remain marked until your next long rest. Whoa.

Uh-oh. Oh, no.
That's an upgrade. Oh, no.

I thought I was rid of him, but somehow I hear a cold, hollow laughter. It sounds like 11,000 people laughing at me.

No! I walked up to the screen.

I walk up to Brace and I say, Stay, Jut, relax. It's gonna get worse if you don't pack it in and hold the emotions down.
Brace, I'd like you to make a dexterity saving first.

No, no, no, no, I'm gonna cast calm emotions.

Dexterity first.

That's terrible.

Twelve.

Braus, you lose five hit dice.

Oh!

As the surrounding zeal feeders swarm Braus at the panic of pulling away from the center of that shadow river,

Imogen, you cast calm emotions, which does cause the panic to subside and prevent any further interest from the surrounding weird spectral predators that permeate the surrounding environment. Okay.

That was terrible. I see why you're so sad all the time.
I'm not sad. I just don't show my emotions.

That's also bad. That's really

not healthy. Don't be sad.
Don't be sad by my inability to show my emotions.

That would be bad, too.

That's fair, actually. Yeah.

If we make a deal, no one would be happy.

Look at me.

No, don't smile. Oh, sorry.

Okay.

Is fake happy alright, though?

I don't feel it at all.

I haven't had to.

Do the zeal leaders come any closer when Imogen does a fake smile?

They don't seem to be drawn by the

level of sarcasm she sets.

Yeah.

Also, are we still zone of truth? How long does that last?

I think zonership has faded at this point. Faded, okay.

However, your path forward is still obscured by this curtain of shadow.

How do you wish to traverse this strange force before you?

Before we do, Orm's gonna tug on he sees Fern limping a little bit, quite a bit, and tugs on the fur of her leg. Hey, hey, come here.
Yeah.

You're looking kind of rough. Stay close to me, alright?

I'm okay, baby.

I'm really okay.

I can see the sweat secreting from every pore on your body.

Stay close.

And with that little bit of best friend magic, I'm going to use one superiority die to use Rally

to give you

nine temporary hit points. Oh, thank you.

Hey, floaty lady.

Not that I mind being on the floor of this jungle here, but maybe you could get a little elevated eyes in the sky, as it were.

Of course, I'm gonna float up and see if I can see an end to this curtain.

I would like you to make a dexterity saving throw to try and maneuver flying through this dense, dangerous canopy of thick and thorn-covered jungle.

But I look, I have one dice, and it's not enough.

How do you have one dice? I didn't have time.

Okay,

we've been here for two weeks.

Nine. Do you want to use my bardic?

Use my bardic inspiration. Oh, I'm going to use bardic inspiration.

One.

It was out of spite.

I do get a couple of dies.

Spiteful inspiration, functioning as intended.

You do manage to break through, but when you do,

you take 23 points of piercing damage.

As the thicket tears into you, you get yourself stuck to the point where you can't really move through and you can't go back, but you have to push forward as you do it.

Scrapes, you burst through the canopy,

breaking the branches, and you hear like the sound of a scream of pain, and you see a brief opening of light above where Imogen emerged.

As you kind of lift above, kind of the blood kind of pouring down your arms, and kind of feel the warmth in your scalp from the scrapes.

You look down and you can see the river of shadow kind of curling and cutting through this jungle. It seems to be moving and shifting, like it's slowly changing shape.

Like a storm front kind of moves and alters as it goes. Can I see an opening?

I mean,

if you wait long enough, it might move past.

Is it gonna move through?

Make a perception check for me. God.

Okay.

Guidance.

Unfortunately, you're not. I know, I know.

I just thought I would try. With advantage?

You're trust.

Because it's a four.

No.

Look, I'm going to change him on break, okay? When we go to intermission, it's going to shift. Oh, there we are.

He's starting to believe

That unfortunately is the second failure before three successes that really

as you glance down you see the shadowed curtain is now actually shifting in the direction of your group and the panic sets into your body and you realize you have to warn them or the curtain's gonna wash over everybody.

I send a message down to Auram.

Move out of the way that it's coming. It's coming.

Get out of the way of the curtain. Everybody.

The shadow curtain. All right, we're moving.

Stay calm when you do it. As the panic sets in, and you hear this phrase, and you see the shadow kind of pushing towards you, you all begin to maneuver in these like thin walkways.

The sweat curls in your shoulders, and the nearby zeal feeders shift across the entirety of the group. I need everybody

to make dexterity saving throws as the failed skill check consequence arrives.

Is Dexterity saving throws or correct saving throws. Is this a magical effect?

No, this is a spiritual effect.

16. 23.

Alright, Horde, you lose three hit dice.

19.

Cadus, you lose three hit dice? No clue.

It's not good. 15.

Bo, you lose three hit dice. Ethel, 23.
You're fine. You dodge out of the way.

Was that an invasion thing?

Oh, me too? Me too, or am I I above it?

But it's not damage, so no.

Am I above it, or am I rolling that too?

They're drawn up towards you in the moment of panic as well.

But because you're up and above and you can move around, I'll give you advantage on how about that.

Oh my god, I rolled twice, and I wasn't going to count the second one because I didn't roll with advantage. But the second roll, I don't know if it counts

19. 19 fails, unfortunately.

The DC on this was 20. So you lose three hit dice.
4? 24.

You flee, jump out of the way. Fern? Eight.
You lose three hit dice.

25. 25.
You dodge heartily out of the way.

As you all push into the nearby thicket and kind of move aside,

the river of shadows shifts through the path that you were taking and just narrowly avoids the rest of your troop as you slowly inch further and further back.

Only but a few feet before it kind of shifts away. The cold sensation of its presence almost gives like a a low bassy hum, like a

as it drifts off, the path you were heading towards above

now revealed ahead. And safer than it was a moment before, you all begin to push onward.

You drifting above the jungle, kind of watching best you can, keeping as an eagle eye in the sky of your friends.

You can see the village now being passed beyond as you beeline to the base of the mountain, where the various curling paths kind of rise up, the drifting boulders themselves almost blackened to a lightless vision, the kind of alternate photo-negative of the mountain as it would exist in the physical realm, and the light that bursts through through all the various winding cracks that rise up from above.

And you can see the source of light to your vision is shifting within. almost like the source of a lantern being brought up and down an elevator shaft.

It is flickering and changing from the inside of this mountain. As you all push onward, the tree line begins to eventually subside, and the base of the mountain itself greets you.

As you trek, you guide them along the northeastern path until the sheer cliffs of the northern side of the island greet you. And there, you can hear the sound of the crashing waves.

And a small winding path that leads to the seaside cave, a massive, filled, partially filled maw of the cavern that pushes into the heart of the mountain.

And that's where I'm going.

We are low on hit dice, baby.

We'll be back here in a few moments to see what the cave holds within, what mysteries might reveal as part of it. So, enjoy your rest.
We'll do our same. We'll see you here in a few minutes.

That concludes part one of this podcast episode. Part two will land here this upcoming Tuesday at 5 a.m.
Pacific, and we'll pick up this story right where we left off.

Thanks again for listening, and we'll be back on this adventure in no time.

Hey there, it's Katie Nolan, host of Casuals, the sports podcast where we don't care how much you know about sports, we're just happy that you're here.

Every week, I hang out with some of my good friends to discuss the biggest stories across sports and entertainment, but in a way that's like fun and not boring.

Wanna know Sue Bird's favorite Diana Taurasi story? Or how heavy the Larry O'Brien trophy is? Or even what baseball team is right for you based on your moon sign? We got you.

Listen to casuals every Tuesday and Thursday on the SiriusXM app or wherever you get your podcasts. Bye!

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