Why Scheduling Sex Might Save Your Relationship I Holly Randall DSH #461

There's a lot of really lonely people out there, and we live in like a very disconnected world.

And for some people, you know, it's going to be very difficult for them to have real relationships that guys with sensory process processing issues, mental health struggles, handicap.

Because you'll often hear, like, oh, you shouldn't be on OnlyFans, or you know, be hiring escorts or be engaging with sex workers.

Go get yourself a real girlfriend.

It's not that easy for everybody.

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All right, we got Holly Randall here.

She's sober now, has a three-year-old.

Times are changing, right?

Yes, I would say my life is significantly different now than it was 10 years ago.

Did you see this coming at all or did it just sort of happen?

Which part?

The sobriety of the show?

I guess both, right?

Two different verticals.

Well, I mean, I think I knew that you know, when I was struggling with my alcoholism, which really I think kind of started when I was 16, though I was definitely drinking before then, um, there was a part of me that knew that this was not the life that was destined for me, like this, this drinking all the time and basically throwing my life down the drain.

So there was a part of me that knew that I would get to the other side somehow, but I didn't know how.

So, so, so maybe

the child, I always thought that I wanted a kid.

And then I went through a divorce with my first husband.

And then I sort of thought, well, maybe not because I'm getting older and perhaps the opportunity won't present itself.

And I have to be okay with that.

So I sort of let go of the idea.

And then I ended up getting pregnant at 40.

Wow.

Yeah.

Because you're on the clock as a woman.

Like 40 is like the last stop, pretty much, right?

Yeah.

And I didn't actually realize that until I started trying to have a second one, which I don't think is going to happen now at 45.

But yeah, you're, you're definitely like, you start to decline around like 35 or something like that.

It's sort of a slow thing.

And then at 40, it just drops off a cliff.

Wow.

Like your ability, because the cellular makeup of your eggs just degrades.

Yeah.

And it's.

I was very lucky to have gotten pregnant at 40 and had a very healthy, easy pregnancy and delivery.

And I didn't realize that until after it happened.

So I feel very fortunate.

Yeah, I was a late baby too.

I think my mom was 38, 39.

But you know what?

I think it really is kind of, it ended up being the best thing for me.

I was able to build a career.

I was able to find the right man.

I was able to go get my like mental health situation sorted out.

I was able to travel, do all the things I wanted to do.

So when I had a kid, like I was ready, you know what I mean?

Turn it up.

As opposed to people who have kids young and they haven't had that life experience yet and they haven't they don't have that emotional maturity yet because having a kid is, it's no joke, yeah, it's hard, it's a lot of work, exactly.

Because if you had it in your 20s with the alcoholism and all the other stuff you were doing, it would have been tough.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I would like to think that I would have stopped drinking when I found out I was pregnant, but like, I can't be sure, you know what I mean?

Like, so I'm so grateful that I was already sober.

Did you know quick into the pregnancy, or was it months in you found out?

Oh, no, I, um,

it was, you know, about right after, a couple days after I missed my period.

And I remember, remember, because we were sort of like, we weren't like trying, trying, but we'd removed the goalie from the nut, so to speak.

And we were just kind of like, we'll see what happens.

Leave it up to the universe.

So

I just, I don't know, when I noticed I was a couple of days late, I remember like looking at my calendar when we had sex.

And I was like, hmm.

It's right before AVN, actually.

Wow.

And

I thought, I might be pregnant.

And then, yeah, I got the test.

The rest is history.

The rest is history.

Speaking of calendars, what do you think of scheduling sex?

Because, like, some people put it on the calendar.

Do you like to have it just spontaneously?

No.

I got to admit, like, we're not very spontaneous.

Oh, yeah.

We do tend to have to schedule sex most of the time.

I mean, there are spontaneous moments, but,

you know, when you have a kid and you both work like full-time jobs,

it's hard.

Yeah.

It's really hard.

So, you know, the other day, actually,

we scheduled it.

We, you know, got a babysitter for my daughter.

I got lingerie.

We did the whole thing, you know, we filmed it.

You'll never see it,

but um yeah, and it was actually like it was really fun.

I feel that I used to film, but I just don't trust iPhone camera rolls.

I feel like you could get hacked or something.

Yeah, so I just stopped.

Yeah, I gave it, um, I gave it to my husband and then I deleted it off of my phone.

But even if you delete it, like there's another folder where you have to delete it from that folder too.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

You have to, you have to, because it sits in your trash for like 39 days.

And now they're 29 days.

Yeah, now they're saying Snapchat never actually deletes what you delete.

They just store it.

Well, good thing I didn't film it on Snapchat.

But what about the nudes you used to send and stuff like that?

I mean, I have an OnlyFans, so if you want to see those, you can pay.

You can pay for that.

Little plug.

That's already out there.

You still posting actively there?

Is it more?

You know, I am.

I am.

It's actually been way more successful than I expected.

I only shoot nudes at softcore.

I don't do anything explicit, which a lot of people are disappointed about

but I mean it's just been like it's been too financially rewarding and it's given me too much freedom in terms of what I want to do with my career to like not be doing it and it's been you know nice like connecting with fans and I've actually developed you know some like relationships with people and really I mean you know like I'm I mean we're not like hanging out but I'm like fond of these people you know and they tell me about their life and and

you know it's like, I don't know, I care about them.

Yeah, there's some interesting fans.

There's some super fans.

So, the guy that spent half a million dollars on Ruby Rose, I think, he's coming on the show next week.

It's like, wow, people are spending full-time salaries on some of these girls' only fans.

You know, there's a lot of really lonely people out there, and we live in like a very disconnected world, especially, I think, since.

And I think it just kind of points to how isolated people generally feel these days,

you know,

and finding that connection online.

And for some people, you know, it's going to be very difficult for them to have real relationships with, you know, in-person people.

You know, you've got guys with sensory processing issues, mental health struggles, handicapped, stuff like that.

And, you know, because you'll often hear like, oh, you shouldn't.

be on OnlyFans or, you know, be hiring escorts or be engaging with sex workers.

Go get yourself a real girlfriend.

And it's like, it's not that easy for everybody

you know i have this one guy who's actually a member of my patreon and he sent me this really beautiful note about why he you know pays escorts and you know he said i'm in a wheelchair so it's very you know people say go get a girlfriend he's like i have a very hard time meeting girls who want to date me you know they're generally not looking for a guy in a wheelchair.

It's very hard.

And, you know, I, so when I have these sex workers and I, and I pay them for their time, sure, but like, you know, we still have a connection and a relationship, you know, and, and I enjoy their time and they seem to enjoy spending time with me.

And it's a transactional relationship, but it's something that, you know, fulfills the needs that I otherwise wouldn't have met.

I could see that point of view.

Yeah.

So my dad had really severe autism.

So he had trouble connecting with people.

Yeah.

So he had trouble dating.

Yeah.

But yeah, he would hire like escorts and stuff.

It's really interesting.

Alice Little was one of the most fascinating interviews I had on my podcast.

she worked at um the bunny ranch for a while and she like kind of specialized in um men with sensory processing disorders like autism and stuff like that and she had like a very specific way of learning how to how to even touch them you know some of them like wanted a very hard touch they didn't like a light touch and it was really interesting to hear her talk about it and she really saw her work as a kind of physical therapy which i know you know may sound laughable to some people but when you hear her really talk about it, it makes sense.

Yeah, could see that 100%.

Now, you mentioned OnlyFans earlier, as someone that was directing adult films for like almost 20 years, when OnlyFans first came out, did you embrace it or were you kind of apprehensive?

Oh, I thought it was a joke.

I was like, this isn't going to go anywhere.

I bought.

I bought.

I registered my name because I just, you know, whenever a new platform comes out, I want to get my name because I don't want anyone else to take it.

But I was like, this isn't going to go anywhere.

And I remember at the time they had like the automatic retweets on.

So if someone signed up if you connected your twitter it would say like someone just joined my join my only fans it was like so irritating

you know um but yeah i really didn't ever think that it was gonna take off and then sure enough would hit and you know that that loneliness that we talked about just now i think really manifested itself in that time it blew up only fans blew up yeah and did that kind of take away from your business a lot um

no just like only fans because you were directing adult films right So, did the transition a lot of these girls left that to go to OnlyFans, right?

You know, I mean, yes, there were definitely some of my favorite performers who weren't really coming back to work for the studios anymore because they were making so much money on OnlyFans.

But I know a lot of directors and producers have seen that as a negative thing.

I don't necessarily think that that's the case.

I only want to work with people who want to be on set.

Not everybody wants to be on set all the time, work all the time, work for a one, you know, one paycheck, no residuals.

That's all you get.

You go home.

And so I think it's created a more egalitarian industry, you know, where performers now have the kind of power that they've never had before.

Yeah.

And brands and studios recognize this.

And so they're starting to treat creators in a different way.

And creators are starting to,

you know, demand the things that they deserve and be able to make choices that work for them.

And I just think it's just made an overall better place to work.

Yeah.

I have a question about the come shots on set.

So I'm seeing some stuff online saying that they're faked.

Yes.

So it depends.

The so generally we shoot stills before we shoot video, right?

And you usually don't want to ask a guy to come twice because often we will shoot all the stills, we will cut, we will bring in different lights for the video.

And so we use fake cum for the stills.

Also, the real cum doesn't show up as well as like the fake stuff that we use.

Cetaphil is a very popular

kind that we use, and it has to be the face wash, it can't be the lotion.

And it's sometimes hard to figure out which one's which.

One has like a green label, and one has like a blue label.

And if you get the wrong one, it just looks like somebody just it just looks like lotion on you.

Um,

so uh,

uh, daiquiri mix also works sometimes, and that is obviously easier to put in your mouth than cetafilm with a face wash.

Yeah, that sounds gross.

Yeah, it's it'll like numb your mouth a little bit.

It's pretty nasty.

Wow.

But yeah, so often we will use fake come for the stills and then hopefully real come for the video.

But, you know, sometimes it's like, I can't finish.

We've had to come up with creative ways to make it look like he did.

Is that common?

It depends on who you're working with.

I had the privilege of working for a lot of the bigger brands

and therefore being able to hire top-tier male talent.

And those guys

pretty much always finish.

It's a very difficult job and there's only a small group of men who can do it.

And so in my experience, most of the guys that I work with, no problem.

Faking come shots is something that sometimes is necessary, can be definitely a messy job.

And I know not everybody at home wants cum all over the place.

And if you, if you want to keep your cum

in one specific place, you could wear a condom, wear one of these condoms, and then your cum could end up in this condom and not in your mirror, all over your face.

I remember actually, these guys sponsored my podcast for a hot minute.

It's got a lovely magnetic box.

Fancy.

Oh.

And I actually like how, how, look how like lovely this is presented.

You know, if you had a lady friend over and you're like, Madame,

would you like a

would you like a condom, madame?

And she'd be like, oh, thank you.

I feel like I'm picking out like tea bags for like my tea.

Yeah, it's definitely a baller vibe for sure.

Keep those at nightstand.

I love how he left me the XLs.

Of course.

Of course, that's the only

size that he has.

Okay, let's see.

Because I haven't used the condom in a while.

Really?

I mean, I'm married with a kid.

So these are, ooh, these are like very thin.

Let's see.

Let's see how they smell.

Rubbery?

They smell like rubber.

Yeah.

But yeah, I mean, I feel like these look, damn, these are big condoms.

This would hold a lot of, a lot of sperm.

You heard it here, guys.

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How have you seen the genres evolve over time, like the ones that are hot?

And have you seen those change or have you seen them kind of consistent over the past 20 years?

I would say, like, the biggest change I've seen is like the MILF genre.

That definitely did not exist when I first started back in like the,

God, I think it was 2000 when I started, 1999.

Damn.

Yeah, I know.

I'm born in 97.

So you were doing this when I was a baby.

Yep.

Yeah.

I was 20 years old.

So,

and yeah, MILF was not a category at all.

It was generally like all, you know, the top stars looked the same, thin, blonde, big big tits, and,

you know, young.

And the MILF craze has really taken off and it's stayed and it's remained, right?

It's like it hasn't ebbed.

It hasn't gone down.

It's still incredibly popular.

And so that's been really interesting.

So that's definitely like a genre that I've seen really grow.

And then obviously like the trans genre

and the BBW genre.

And I think it's also a matter of brands

being more inclusive of different kinds of body types and that kind of stuff.

Absolutely.

Wait, you said trans genre, Zoom?

The trans genre, yeah.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

I didn't even know that was a thing.

Oh, yeah.

So, what does that look like?

Um,

generally, looks like uh, tits in a

tits and a

wow, so you have, yeah, so you have a lot of like big trans stars

that you know are doing scenes with either other women or other men.

And that's, I think, you know, it's probably always done well, but it's been more underground before because it was so stigmatized.

And now as you know, people have become more accepting of it and trans people have come out and become more vocal,

it's had more visibility.

And you have brands like browsers shooting trans scenes for their sites.

I shot a trans scene for browsers.

Wow.

Yeah.

Interesting.

And how many hours are you on set typically for one video?

Generally 10 is average.

10's a good day.

Just for one video?

Yeah.

Wow, because people just watch it.

It's like 10 minutes, but I guess they don't assume what goes into it, right?

Yeah.

I mean, there's a lot, right?

So there's obviously makeup and hair.

Then there's the setup.

There's the stills.

There's the dialogue, if there is

dialogue to it.

And then there's, you know, the sex scene.

Hopefully you break break for lunch and you feed your crew.

So yeah, there's a lot that goes into it.

But again, it depends on what you're shooting.

There have been brands that I've had to shoot like two scenes a day for and that was a bit more rushed.

But in the last, my last like year of shooting, I was fortunate enough to just shoot one scene.

But there was a lot more attention to detail in those scenes.

Do people still watch the dialogue stuff?

Because I used to just skip that to be honest, but like, I know it was popular.

we'd like to tell ourselves that they do because we spend the most amount of time on those parts but I probably most people skip it I feel that yeah because it just feels I don't know how to word it like the acting I don't know they're not actors so it's yeah I mean you know I think though you would be surprised there are some scenes and some movies that I think there's like been some really impressive acting and I think that adult performers have evolved a lot in that skill but I know what you're talking about most of them are pretty much like oh i'm stuck in the dryer like hi stepbrother how was school you know that kind of thing so um but there's definitely exceptions to the rule for sure yeah i feel like the step thing got overplayed the stepsister stuff oh yeah it's still being overplayed you'll still do that are you kidding me really yeah it's it's such a big that is actually another genre that um really blew up that did not exist back when i started wow i don't get it must be a southern thing or something you know I think that there's a lot of like, um,

there's a lot of families that, a lot of people that have grown up in, you know, disjointed families, children of divorce and stuff like that.

I've heard that that's a theory, right?

That they, um, so they're introduced to this new person who becomes a part of their family, but they didn't grow up with them.

They're not related to them.

Yeah, I don't know.

Interesting.

There's got to be like a whole psychology behind it that probably

a therapist could speak more intelligently about than I.

I love that.

You probably directed, what, hundreds, if not thousands at this point of videos.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, yeah, thousands.

Wow.

Do you have a few that stand out to you as like your favorite?

Oh, man.

It's tough to pick.

And I've, and I've shot so many different genres of things, right?

I've shot like stuff for Playboy.

So that would be just like solo girl, you know, pretty girl stuff.

And then obviously I've shot, you know, actual full-length feature movies.

Some of them have gone to Showtime.

And I've shot you know individual scenes

so it's really hard to say i think probably a lot of my favorite work was shooting for twisties which is an all girl girl site and um i would shoot their treat of the month stuff this episode is presented by ps guys are you sick of using products that aren't effective or even good for you ps has created products for men that you actually want to use These guys have done a ton of research and it shows they got thousands of five-star reviews across all their products from condoms to supplements.

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so it was like girl of the month and i got to be really creative and artistic with that stuff so that's probably like my favorite series of work would be the twisted street of the month stuff that's how i started girl and girl when i was 16 i think yeah Came across it on accident.

Really?

Yeah, I didn't even know what masturbating was.

Really?

Yeah.

wow, super interesting.

How did you come across it on accident?

I just like looked up

your fingers slipped on the keyboard.

Yeah, I looked up girls kissing, and then I was like, oh, that's hot.

And then I was like, oh, girls kissing naked.

That was my next search.

And then it came up.

So that's how it happened, man.

At 16.

All accidental.

I was late, though.

Apparently, most people masturbate way earlier than that.

Yeah, that's especially for a boy.

Yeah, because the hormones you guys experience through puberty is pretty.

Yeah, I think I was late, though.

Yeah, ninth grade for me.

It's the first time.

Interesting.

What about for you?

That's a good question.

Definitely not 16.

I mean, I lost my virginity at 16 and I was late, like compared to all the rest of my friends.

16 is early for me.

I know.

I lost mine at ninth.

I was like the last one of all of my friends to lose my virginity.

Damn, who are you hanging out with?

Bunch of hoes, obviously.

Wow.

Yeah, I don't know.

Masturbation probably,

God, I can't say.

I mean, preteens for sure.

I think.

Is it true a lot of girls lie about masturbating?

I'm sure they do.

Women are not exactly encouraged to embrace their sexuality.

Yeah.

So it's like look down on it.

Yeah.

It's weird.

Definitely.

I mean, like for men, too, you know, there's a lot of shame around self-pleasure and sexuality.

And I think that that causes a lot of problems.

Yeah.

You think it's kind of like religious?

A lot of it, I think, stems from religion.

Yeah.

You know, it's this

fear of sexuality,

fear of,

you know,

I don't know.

I mean,

being judged, I guess.

Yeah.

Attempt to control people and their pleasures.

But, you know, I find that the more that you try to suppress people's sexuality, the more that it comes out in other kind of sick and twisted ways.

So I think it's an incredibly unhealthy thing to do.

I agree because you hear that with children that are raised in like a environment that's so strict.

Like, you got to be home by a certain time.

And then they go off to college and they just go crazy.

Yeah.

Yeah, definitely.

Drugs and parties.

Definitely.

And also like countries where, you know, sexuality is incredibly repressed.

You see a lot of violence against women in societies like that.

You see a lot of.

interesting kinks and fetishes come out of that.

You probably see some interesting kinks and fetishes.

I mean, I learned something really interesting about Bukaki.

What about it?

Which I thought, you know what Bukaki is?

Yeah.

Okay.

I've seen a couple of videos.

On accident.

Yeah, on accident, of course.

So Bukaki was something that was started in Japan.

And in Japan, they blur out the genitals, right?

But they don't blur out the cum.

So it was kind of a way for

them to get around the whole blurring out genitals thing.

So it kind of like manifested in this whole like dumping loads of cum.

Wow, that's how it was invented.

Yeah.

I didn't know they blurred the balls out there.

Yeah.

And the or just the balls?

Oh, no, I think the whole thing.

Wow.

And the balls and the.

But not the face or anything?

No, not the face.

Just the genitals.

I wonder why they do that.

It's a government thing.

Wow.

Yeah.

And I know some governments ban entirely, right?

Yeah.

A couple of countries like that.

Yeah.

But then people just use VPNs probably.

Yeah.

Definitely.

Damn.

U.S.

got to be one of the biggest consumers, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think the biggest consumers and producers of damn.

Yeah.

I think they've done studies on like what percentage of people watching something absurd.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, people are, we're all sexual creatures, right?

That's how we got here.

Yeah.

You're in the right industry.

Yeah.

Directing these.

You just won an AVN Hall of Fame, right?

Yes.

Congrats on that.

Thank you.

What was that like?

It was about time.

You know, 25 years I've been in the industry.

I was kind of like, come on, people.

Come on.

Like, it's time I get that.

So yeah, no, it was really nice, you know, I mean, to be recognized.

felt really good.

It's very, I've never won an AVN award before.

Wow, and you've done a lot of stuff.

I know, it's very embarrassing.

Our friend Damon Dice has won quite a few, so yeah, yeah, no, I never, never won one.

Damn.

So, I got the Hall of Fame one.

It's a very sturdy, heavy trophy.

That's like the best one.

So, you're just coming out with a statement with that one.

Yeah, yeah.

I think it was, I don't know, sometimes I wonder if it was more of a like, all right, Holly, we'll give you a Hall of Fame trophy.

Shut up about it, will you?

Damn.

So you were really, that was like the one final checklist item you wanted, huh?

In that industry?

Yeah.

I mean, I think, you know, it was,

like I said, it was, it was time.

Yeah.

You've done so much at this point, worked with the biggest names.

There's not much else you could do in that space, I feel like.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I've, I've been fortunate.

I've been really fortunate.

I've worked for almost every single brand.

I've shot almost every single big name, like you said.

I've been able to do a lot, and

it's been really rewarding.

Yeah.

I want to talk talk about the new transition into your life, how you met your husband, going sober and all that stuff.

So talk to me about that.

Yeah.

So like I said, you know, I started struggling with alcoholism when I was, I think when I was 16 was when I really like started drinking.

And, you know, I went off to college.

And I remember thinking to myself, you know, I drank all through college and I kind of wore that with like a badge as a badge of honor, right?

My ability to like out-drink men and like all my friends like it was like that was so cool like a flex yeah exactly right um never mind that it procured some really embarrassing moments

um you know that's all par for the course that happens to everyone in college right yeah i got some videos out there too yeah thank god cell phones weren't around back when i was in college oh my god thank god for that because

anyways so um Yeah, and I remember like I graduated college and all of my friends, you know, started all the friends that you know that I partied with they started to you know get jobs and like you know drink less they stopped smoking six foot bong loaves and I just kept like waiting to grow up I figured I would wake up one morning and I would just be like oh, I don't want to drink that much anymore.

I don't want to smoke that much weed anymore, you know, because I'm a grown-up now.

And I just figured it would happen.

And it like wasn't happening.

Not only was it not happening, I was getting worse.

And I really didn't know or understand what alcoholism was like nobody in my family had ever been to treatment or anything like that and i remember saying to my father that you know i said dad i think i might be an alcoholic and he said oh you can't be an alcoholic alcoholics are the you know kind of guy people that drink in the morning and i was like okay well i'm not drinking in the morning yet and then i started drinking in the morning

just at first just to stop the shakes because i was getting like the dts and then it was just like around the clock like what's dts

It said like the tremors that you get from withdrawals.

Wow.

From alcohol?

Yeah.

I didn't know you could get it from alcohol like that.

Oh, yeah.

When you drink like all the time.

Damn.

Yeah, it can kill you, too.

Holy crap.

Yeah.

So,

and then I started drinking in the morning.

And

yeah, it started to take over my life.

And I tried everything but stopping drinking.

I tried, you know, I was like, oh, I must be depressed.

If I go on,

you know, antidepressants, then I won't be depressed anymore.

I won't drink anymore.

And, you know, I just drank on Prozac.

I drank on Zoloft, which made me so weird.

And I just tried everything that I possibly could.

And then finally, one day I was like, I need to go to rehab.

Like, I just, I don't know.

It wasn't like any one specific thing that happened.

It was just, I think I just.

I don't know.

I was just tired of like every morning having that conversation with myself in the shower.

Today will be different.

Today will be different.

And it never was.

and then I went to rehab and but I didn't think that I was like really an alcoholic I thought I just need to go away for 30 days um like figure my shit out and then I'll come back and I'll be fine right like I'm gonna go and I'm gonna you know get cured and then I'll come back and drink like a lady and uh sure enough that didn't happen I didn't drink for three months and then um I went out to dinner for my birthday with my family and I ordered a glass of wine.

My mom looked at me like,

I just sent you to rehab.

Like, what the f are you ordering wine for?

And this is the scary thing about alcoholism.

I took her hand and I looked her in the eyes and I meant this with every, every part of me.

And I said, mom, I promise you, I will never drink like that again.

I know now, like, you know, how to behave.

I know why I did that.

I have all of this knowledge that I've gained, right?

From rehab.

And I know now how to, how to fix this.

I won't ever drink like that again.

And I thought that was true.

I felt like knowing these things would be able to intellectualize my way out of alcoholism.

And it doesn't, it doesn't work like that.

Wow.

And so, you know, six months later, I was back to fame.

Just because of that wine glass, it kind of spiraled.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

The minute you flip that switch in my brain, it's over.

Wow.

Like, it's just like it creates this obsession that you just can't control.

It's really strange, and it's kind of impossible to describe to somebody who hasn't experienced it.

I had it with Xanax a little bit, probably not on this level, but it's hard because you can't cut it or else you'll have a seizure, like withdrawal.

So it's a tough spot to be in.

But it's also like, it's just like that obsessive mind and obsessive thinking, right?

And I think alcoholism manifests itself in different people in different ways.

Like it doesn't necessarily have to be alcohol.

It can be drugs.

It can be food.

It can be sex.

It can be like so many different things.

Right.

And so then I went back to rehab and

then I was sober for seven years.

And then I relapsed on accident.

Long story, I won't get into it.

And then, yeah, next four and a half years, I struggled to get a year.

And then I did.

And now I have like five and a half years.

Wow.

Five and a half years sober.

Incredible.

Yeah.

So the rest of your life, you're pretty much going to be sober then.

I mean, you know, I try not to predict the future and speak in absolutes because you never know.

But that's the goal.

Yeah.

I'm pretty much not drinking at all right now.

Yeah.

I might have something on my wedding night, but

yeah, I used to drink every day.

I just don't, yeah, I don't, and I still, and this is how like I know I'm an alcoholic, right?

Like, I still don't understand why people like have one beer.

Like, why would you just drink that?

It's either blackout or nothing for you.

Well, yeah.

I mean, I just like, it's just like, if you want to, don't you want to feel good?

Like, alcohol makes you feel good.

Yeah.

Right.

I mean, initially, right?

Don't you want to feel that way all the time?

Like, why do you want that to stop?

Yeah.

Like, I don't, like, I want it to keep going.

And I want it to never, it's like chasing that feeling.

Yeah.

Right.

And you can never, but you can never like hold on to it.

And then you overdo it.

And it just like

you spend all this time trying to manage feeling a certain way.

It's just, it's a mess.

Were you like that with weed too?

Yeah.

All the way.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I had a little weed addiction also.

People say you can't be addicted to weed.

I think that's BS.

I mean, it's like that obsessiveness, right?

I mean, I guess it depends on what you consider addiction to be.

Your body doesn't necessarily like

need that, right?

Like, you can stop weed and you won't have like a grand malseizure or get sick or something like that.

But in terms of like the mental obsession, like it feeds into that for sure.

Yeah.

Well, I know some people that can't eat, can't sleep unless they're high.

Yeah.

So I would consider that addiction.

Yeah.

I mean, it's funny, right?

Though some people can function so well on it and like they need it to

keep them

like right and to help them eat.

Like Madison Ivey was a good example.

Like she had, you know, all these gastrointestinal issues and she would smoke weed so that she could eat.

Otherwise, she couldn't eat.

And some people function really well on it.

Yeah.

Do you care if a client when you're on set is high at all?

I mean, look, it's legal now, right?

So I can't, I can't prevent it.

There's nothing I can, I mean, you can take a vape pen.

Like, I can't stop you.

So, um, and you know, some people need it medically, and I'm, I'm not one to step in.

I'm not a doctor to say, like, you can't do this.

But, I mean, ultimately, I don't want drugs on set.

I feel that.

But if you're somebody, some people will just hide all the fucking time,

you know, and they can function fine like that.

So some people will say it makes sex better, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It works differently for everybody.

It's interesting.

Yeah.

I'm not a fan of drunk sex because I feel like you lose kind of the pleasure.

Yeah.

It's not as like intimate.

Yeah.

I'm about that.

I'm weird.

I'm like about that spiritual connection, you know?

Oh, that's so weird.

Well, these days, it is.

I mean, I don't know.

I think that that's a very healthy way to look at sex.

Yeah, I've had a lot of drunk sex where I don't remember it at all.

Wow, so that's kind of scary.

Yeah, I've definitely woken up next to a guy and been like, I have no idea what happened last night.

Damn, and I'm not gonna ask because I don't want to hear the answer.

Oh my gosh, that is crazy.

Yeah, I'd be freaking out if that happened to me.

You know, it was just, I mean, look, like when you black out as much as I did, you just kind of accept it.

Wow.

Just like, well, it's cool to see you turn a new page, though.

Thank you.

Yeah,

it's been a journey, and I'm actually very grateful for it because it forced me to take a long, hard look at myself and it forced me to employ certain mechanisms on learning how to cope with life in a healthy way.

And I'm really grateful for those tools that I've learned.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

My dad went through so many phases of it.

He would drink a case of beer a day.

Wow.

30 cans.

Wow.

So I just saw what it did to him and i was like wow i know it's tough it is it's um you know it's it's something that really damages people but you know also a lot of people can imbibe in a healthy way it's like

too you know like people talk about how is an addiction yeah and

but most people are not addicted

but you see these people call out for you know outlawing

because it's it's damaging and it damages family and it damages relationships well so does alcohol.

And I'm somebody who experienced that firsthand, but I'm not, you know, calling out for all alcohol to be banned for all people.

Yeah.

You know, that's crazy because there's plenty of people who can drink alcohol in a healthy way.

So why would I take that away from them just because I can't manage it in a healthy way?

It's the same people for the people, it's the same for those, you know, who believe that addiction is because they have addiction.

It damages everyone and it should be outlawed.

It's just like, yeah, it's hard to give broad advice.

I will say the red pill movement seems to be against right now.

Yeah.

And I want to hear your thoughts on that as someone in that industry because they are advocating all young men pretty much not to watch it at all.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, again, it's kind of like what I just mentioned, like

studies have shown that is actually not an addiction, but what it is is like a compulsion.

Right.

And so people are compulsory, are following this compulsion to constantly like reward these, you know, pleasure receptors in their brain.

And that can manifest itself in so many ways like

Instagram social media Netflix food like so many things but like the what what defines addiction um does not apply to

and again like I would say that you know a psychiatrist can explain this in a much better way than I can I'm not going to try to pretend to because I'm going to misspeak in some way have you seen the numbers go down at all since this red pill movement started gaining traction

so it didn't even affect it.

The only thing it does is just make people feel ashamed

about, you know, about their sexuality and about self-pleasure.

It did actually.

Yeah.

I mean, I kind of stopped watching most of the, I used to watch a lot.

I mean, look, if it's if anything that is taking over your life in an unhealthy way should be something that you should look at.

Right.

But again, like there's so many things besides

that also do that to us, but you don't see people, you know, out there starting a movement against Instagram.

Like, how many people like waste hours doom scrolling, waste hours on social media, waste hours on their phones?

Lots of people.

I mean, so many people, but do you see people like going out there?

You know, they want to ban all phones.

No.

They actually did go off through TikTok.

Did you see that?

Yes.

Yeah.

So I think the state of, what was it, Utah?

banned it

for kids, which is interesting.

But yeah, no, I agree with you.

Social media is way more addicting.

Yeah.

I mean, hours a day.

Easily.

And look, like, I understand the situation with children.

And obviously, like, children, you know, no one's going to advocate for children watching.

But, you know, any

of these media types that like encourage, you know, a constant like watching and to keep you like locked in is not healthy.

But also, too, you know, we got to look at.

what we're allowing our kids to watch and how much media we're allowing our kids to consume and how early we're giving our kids phones.

Yeah.

And I think that this is something that a lot of parents didn't really think about

because phones are and all that stuff's kind of new.

So I think about this stuff with my daughter, you know, who's three.

And I think like, how am I going to manage her media consumption when she gets older?

And I think we'll have a lot more knowledge and

ideas about how to do that by the time she she's of age.

Yeah, it's going to be tough.

I caught the tail end of it.

Like Instagram came out when I was in high school, but I looked back at my childhood and I'm so thankful I lived without that because I played outside with real friends in real life.

Yeah, totally.

I mean, my parents limited my TV watching when I was a kid.

I could only watch it on the weekends, like Saturday morning cartoons and then sometimes like after four.

And I could watch the Nova special with my dad, like on Mondays, which was an AV show, but that was it.

And you probably hated that at the time, but now looking back.

Yeah.

So grateful for that.

Right.

Yeah.

They were like, no, you're not sitting in front of the TV all day.

Go read a book.

I love that.

Holly, it's been fun.

Anything you want to promote or close off with?

Uh, yeah.

So, I am obviously have a podcast, Holly Randall Unfiltered.

You can find that on YouTube, on all podcast platforms.

And I'm actually working on putting out my very first personally curated art photography book, which will be launching on Kickstarter in the next few months.

You can just follow me on all my socials to find out about that, hollylinks.com.

Love it.

I'll grab a copy.

Thanks for coming on.

Thank you.

Thanks for watching, guys, as always.

See you tomorrow.