Jen Gottlieb On The Power of Gratitude, Dealing with Depression & Toxic Relationships | DSH #137

Talk a lot about the importance of mindset, having a positive mindset, right?

I want to know what it was like when you were at rock bottom dealing with all that.

Were you positive back then or did you have to sort of grow?

No, I was a very negative person.

And I like to say that in interviews and tell people that all the time because they're like, no way.

Because for a really long time, I was in a lot of toxic friend groups.

I was an actress.

Nothing against actors and actresses.

And maybe this isn't all actors and actresses, but the friend groups that I was in, everyone was like really cutthroat and like really had a scarcity mindset.

I was such a negative person that when I was in the wedding singer on that show, there were people in my dressing room.

I can't believe I'm saying this out loud that actually asked to be switched out of my dressing room because I was such a negative person.

Whoa.

Welcome back to the digital social hour guys.

Got with me an amazing guest today, Jen Gottlieb.

How's it going?

So good.

I'm so thrilled to be here.

Man, I saw you crush it in front of 7,000 people last week.

That was pretty dope.

That was crazy.

It was crazy.

Were you nervous?

Yeah.

I could tell.

Could you tell?

I saw you backstage.

You were, you were.

Listen, I've performed.

I used to be an actress.

So I've performed in front of thousands of people my whole life.

And I always get a little nervous.

Even when I was doing, I was in a Broadway national tour and I did 10 shows a week.

Every show, I got at least a little nervous and i like that because without that nerve like without that little bit of adrenaline it's like you don't it almost feels like i don't care right so i like having that because i'm like oh that gives me that adrenaline and then i get up on stage and the second that i get up there all of it goes away yeah yeah that's facts how long were you doing broadway that was a full year on the road yeah so you were changing locations every week basically oh yeah so it was like on a bus get to the theater unpack your stuff do the show go to sleep that night in the hotel wake up get on the bus, go to the next theater every single day.

Yeah, I can't imagine that.

Traveling is pretty stressful.

So for a year straight.

So that experience, like I, that role that I played, by the way, the show was The Wedding Singer.

Have you seen the Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore movie, The Wedding Singer?

I think I might have, actually.

It's a great movie.

You should watch it if you haven't seen it.

And there's this character in that movie named Linda, and she's the that leaves Robbie Hart at the altar.

She's like the kind of the villain.

And when I saw the show on Broadway, I was like, that's my dream role.

I don't know why.

I was like, I want to be the bad girl.

Like I want this part.

And she was like this rocker chick.

And I end up booking my dream role, like the role that I always dreamt of.

And it wasn't easy.

I had to be the understudy first.

I didn't get it a bunch of times before.

And

the act of being on the road and playing, even though I was playing my dream role, it taught me that the thing that I thought that I wanted the most was to be an actress and being a working actor and performing all the time.

It kind of showed me that that's not what I really wanted because it was really, really, really rough.

And I was like, holy crap.

I thought I wanted this for so long.

And maybe this isn't my purpose.

And maybe this isn't the thing.

And that actually like scared me.

Wow.

So you must have been at such a low point after dedicating so many years to doing what you wanted, you thought you wanted to do.

So what was that like?

Well, it kind of

didn't, the lowest part wasn't that moment.

So when I got back from doing that show, I actually got booked on a TV show on VH1 all about heavy metal music.

Really?

Yeah.

You don't know any of this.

Okay, so I was on a show for five years about heavy metal music called That Metal Show on VH1.

And if you go and you Google me, I looked much different.

I don't like heavy metal music.

I didn't then.

I don't now, but I was an actress and I got back from playing this rocker chick on the road for a year.

And I'm like, okay, this is the next gig that I should get.

I'll get, I could play heavy metal girl.

Why not?

But before I knew it, I had built this like brand and this presence online and this presence.

in the world that was live.

And it wasn't really me, but I was, I was me because it was a talk show.

So I was Jennifer, but I wasn't real me.

I was basically like hiding behind this facade of this girl that was like super like sexy and hardcore and heavy metal.

And I really spiraled into a dark place because I was completely out of alignment.

And I knew within me that I was like living this lie, but I couldn't get out of it.

Wow.

And it was, it was the perfect example of being seen, but not being seen as who you truly are.

And when that happens, I believe, well, for me, I was so out of alignment and I couldn't get myself back in because I couldn't get myself to quit.

I couldn't get my, so I was like, what would I do if it wasn't for this?

You know, I was, and so the universe stepped in.

I believe in God.

God stepped in and smacked me back into alignment and the show got canceled.

The guy that I was with at the time that I thought I was going to marry this on paper perfect relationship, which was actually very toxic, he ended up leaving me for one of my friends.

Whoa.

And everything kind of just like shopped for the shift to happen, basically.

And I ended up in this tiny little apartment with six other actors with a window that faced a wall.

And I had to start over.

Jeez.

And that was the moment where I was like, is this really

what I'm supposed to be doing?

Rock bottom.

That was it.

Yeah.

Man.

Yeah.

What a journey.

Now here you are.

Speaking new stage every week.

One of the biggest motivational speakers, I'd say, in the world right now.

Thanks, buddy.

Yeah, it's crazy.

I mean, what got you on the path of speaking on these stages?

Was that something you wanted to do for a while?

I had no idea that there was anything like speaking, like motivational speaking for a really long time.

It's funny because I always thought that my purpose was supposed to be to be an actress and read other people's lines and sing other people's songs and wait for someone to pick me and play a character and audition.

And I thought that was that was the life that I was going to live.

And I was very certain of that.

And the crazy thing is, is you can't connect the dots looking forward.

You can only connect them looking backwards.

The Steve Jobs quote.

I love it so much.

Because now that I look backwards, oh, duh, this is totally what it was all for.

All the training that I went through to perform because now I use all of those skills when I'm speaking.

But when I first became an entrepreneur, speaking was not even an option.

First of all, I didn't even know like how to speak on stage because I was always used to playing a character and acting is much different than public speaking.

It's a totally different skill set.

And I remember the first time I ever had to speak on a stage.

I tried to memorize my whole talk.

Like they were lines because I was an actress and I was like, oh yeah, you memorize your lines and then you go up on stage and you read the lines or you recite the lines.

It was terrible.

But then the second that I got the hang of it and I was like, wait a second, I need to let the audience really see me.

And I need to just allow whatever I want to say to come through me and

remove everything that I learned from acting, but just keep my stage presence and all the things that I learned as far as like how to connect with the audience.

And the second that I figured that out and I started doing it, I was like, holy, this is the greatest thing in the world.

And it's so much better.

So sometimes you think your purpose is something and you have to go down that route to see that it's really not.

But sometimes it's, it's a little bit of what you thought it was, but something so much better.

And you have to be able to pivot in order to figure that out.

Yeah.

And so the process of building a business and becoming an entrepreneur gave me this opportunity to see what public speaking was and fall madly in love with it.

And now it's like my main focus.

I love that.

Yeah.

I've tried to memorize speeches like word for word and it doesn't come across authentic when you when you go about it that way, you know?

No, it's no.

And no one wants to watch somebody recite a

speech that they memorized because you're disconnected from the audience.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

So are you going out there just completely raw, like each time you don't know what you're going to say?

No, definitely not.

I know what I'm going to say, but it's not memorized.

So my focus is like, all right, I'm going to know, I know the first thing, like the first few words that are going to come out of my mouth, I know what those are because that will usually set me up as long as I feel really confident about that.

I know the last thing that I'm going to say and I know the transitions and I know the stories I'm going to tell, but nothing's memorized.

And when I'm up there, I just say like, okay, God speak to me and through me.

I know the stories I'm going to say.

I know the person that I'm speaking to And I'm going to focus on just providing value to that person in my mind and tell the stories that I have planned.

And whatever comes out comes out.

Love that.

Yeah.

You talk a lot about the importance of mindset, having a positive mindset.

Right.

And I feel like I would say most people don't have a positive mindset.

So I want to know what it was like when you were at rock bottom dealing with all that.

Were you positive back then or did you have to sort of grow into that?

I was a very negative person.

And I like to say that in interviews and tell people that all the time because they're like, no way.

Cause a lot of people think that if they have a bad mindset or they're in a negative place or in their bad spot in life, that it's impossible to shift and it's impossible to change.

I'm a living, breathing example that it is possible to change.

I was such a negative person that when I was in the wedding singer on that show, there were people in my dressing room.

I can't believe I'm saying this out loud that actually asked to be switched out of my dressing room because I was such a negative person.

Whoa.

Yes, I was always like, I, I just always thought of like, I was a complainer and I just didn't have that mindset.

And when I, and I think it was because I was really just trying to figure out who I really was.

And I was so in this internal argument with myself.

And I don't think, I think I was living my life for other people and like living my life based on what I should be doing instead of like what I really desired.

And I could, I didn't figure that out yet.

So when I hit the rock bottom moment, I remember there were so many nights when I would stare out that little window and I would like just start journaling.

I didn't even know what journal, like I had never journaled before in my life, but I was like, I guess I'm going to journal.

I don't know what else to do.

And the only thing that I could write is, one day I'll know why this happened.

One day I'll know why this happened.

And then my mom, this was a big moment for me.

My mom is really into personal development.

And I wasn't at the time, right?

Obviously.

She was always trying to get me to read books and like believe in positive thinking and all of that.

And I was like, no, mom, I'm not here for it.

But she came into the city one day.

I live in New York.

I was in New York.

And she gave me a book when I was at like the lowest point of my life.

And the book is called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay.

And I was like, oh, geez, thanks, mom.

Like, I'm not going to read this book.

And she knew it.

She's so smart.

So she, it's a, it's a book full of affirmations, like positive affirmations.

And she photocopied one of the affirmations that she thought would be the best for me at that time.

And she wrote on the back of it, Jenny, I hope you find yourself again.

And so I got home and I opened this book and I pull out the photocopy.

I'm like, mom, you're so smart.

You knew I wasn't going to read it.

And I said to myself, okay,

all I'm going to do is I'm going to put this affirmation on my refrigerator and I'm going to read this stupid thing every single day.

And this was the first commitment I ever made to myself, really, and stuck to like real commitment.

Like I'm going to read this every day.

I don't care if I believe it.

I don't care if it makes me feel better.

I don't care if it doesn't make me feel better.

I'm just going to read it.

I have nothing to lose.

So I put that on my refrigerator and every single day I stuck with that one commitment with myself.

And I don't know if it was the actual affirmation of saying the positive things to myself every single day, or if it was the act of sticking with that commitment and then feeling like, okay, I did that one thing.

That felt good.

But something about that kick-started momentum for me and kick-started me like kind of getting out of my apartment and going and building my very first business and starting to go to Barnes and Noble, sit on the floor and like read every personal development book and starting to listen to podcasts and starting to expand my world and expand my mindset and starting to kind of believe in some of these tools and starting to implement them.

It really was like that.

And if you want to come full circle, full circle,

that book, You Can Heal Your Life, was written by a woman named Louise Hay.

This woman, Louise Hay, she's passed away, but before she died, she created one of the most successful and biggest publishing houses for personal development books called Hay House.

That book

is published by Hay House.

Louise Hay.

So, which is just a crazy full circle moment to think back again of how all the dots connect.

Yeah.

So full circle.

So you'd attribute, you know, those affirmations early on as a pivotal point for changing your mindset.

One of the things, there was a lot that went into it.

I had a lot of therapy,

a lot of different podcasts and books and different tools that I started to use.

Simple ones, simple, simple, like being grateful for things, right?

And just doing a little bit of journaling in the morning.

And it wasn't all perfect.

And I wasn't like the perfect student of personal development.

And it wasn't all an uphill thing.

It was actually a really rocky road.

But it was like sticking to those simple commitments with myself every single day built my confidence over time.

And then it's, it's like, once you start to pick up that momentum and you start to actually be able to like build that trust within yourself.

you're able to to trust yourself a little bit more to take a little bit more action and the more action that you take over time the more you prove to yourself that you're capable of doing hard things and so then i started to figure out who i really was and what i really wanted and i started to become successful and and i just created more proof for myself as i went i didn't know like i didn't have full clarity that I could do anything.

I just kept taking action, even though I was afraid, even though I didn't feel like it 100%.

And that affirmation really definitely like was the Kickstarter.

And I love that story because it's like, oh, Louise, hey, hey, house.

So full circle.

It's crazy how life is like that.

Cause I'm seeing stuff like that in my life too.

Even just filming here, John Gofford, who owns this place.

He was the first person to ever speak at one of my events.

No way.

And now I'm filming at his amazing office.

Of course.

Yeah.

It's just crazy how life is like that, you know?

Of course.

Yeah, I don't think it's a coincidence.

Yeah.

So do you believe in like karma and energy and all that?

For sure.

For sure.

And I talk about it a lot in the book.

I believe in the law of attraction because I've manifested a lot of things in my life.

However, I don't believe that a lot of people on the internet will think like manifesting is like you visualize something and then it magically appears.

It's like, okay, I'm thinking of a Ferrari and then a Ferrari is going to pull up for me, you know, tomorrow.

That's not how it works.

Cause when I look back at all the things that I was able to create in my life, it was a combination.

I did a lot of visualization, like, and I still do to this day.

Visualization is such a powerful tool to visualize as if you have the thing that you desire and start to embody the person that has the thing that you desire.

And I know a lot of people do vision boards and like, you know, thinking about things as if as if it's already theirs and using all of those tools to do that.

But all of that.

visualizing and all of the vision boarding and all of the believing that you have it as if it's yours, all of those are just tools to help you take action with less fear.

So if you don't take action and you don't do something, then none of the stuff you're thinking about is ever going to come to fruition.

But you can absolutely use visualization as a tool to reprogram your subconscious because your subconscious is the thing that's actually like

guiding you towards your decisions.

I believe your subconscious probably guided you here without you even necessarily really realizing it, but you kept noticing the opportunities because it was on your radar.

You know, it's, it's on your radar.

And then so I believe that's like why there's a neon sign in the cover of my book because opportunities will suddenly look like neon lights and neon signs when you visualize and believe that the thing is already yours.

It's like, oh, duh, I totally have to go in that direction.

Of course.

And if you weren't visualizing and you weren't believing that you could do it, maybe you wouldn't see that opportunity.

Maybe you wouldn't walk towards that opportunity.

Maybe you would be too afraid and you would just go the other way.

Yeah, it's pretty crazy to think about, right?

Because as humans, we think like we're in control of everything, right?

But then you see these statistics where your subconscious is like 95% of your thoughts or something.

Something crazy like that.

And you're like, wow, I'm really just following a script almost.

Yeah.

I mean, think about it.

Like, how many times have you driven somewhere or you've driven home because you've driven there so many times and you don't even remember how you did it?

Yeah, that's, I've done that a lot.

Right.

Or it's like you, we get up, we do our whole, like, we brush our teeth, we comb our hair, we do the thing.

We're not thinking about that.

Our subconscious is actually like just making those decisions for us and we're not consciously thinking of it.

So if we can reprogram our subconscious mind by creating fake memories, when I was, I told you that becoming Linda and the wedding singer was my dream role.

Leading up to that, I spent months and months laying in my little, little twin bunk bed that I lived in.

Like I was in this little dorm room when I was in New York and musical theater school.

And I would just visualize myself playing the part.

Like I would sing myself to sleep and I would envision the costume on my body and I would see the audience and I would see, feel the lights on me.

And there was no way in hell for me to get this part at that time, but I was just in like imprinting a fake memory in my mind that it was mine

so when the audition presented itself i was like done here we go like i have practiced this in my mind a bazillion times i'm not even scared let's go and i walked right in there and when i heard no again and again and again and i didn't get it again and again and again i was persistent and resilient because i had built this fake memory and my subconscious was like i'm just going to figure out another way to get it and i'm just going to push even harder and i'm going to try even harder and i do believe now as an entrepreneur and booking really big stages like this and getting a book and building businesses, all of these tools, like believing that I can do it and visualizing it as if it's done, they help me to take action so much.

I love that.

Visualization is so powerful.

I mean, I just saw this one study, these weightlifters, all they did was visualize lifting more weights and they went to the gym without even lifting and they're they lifted 13% more.

I believe it.

I believe it.

It's crazy.

There's so many Olympic athletes that they spend like a full day visualizing the whole game right going exactly the way that they planned or visualize the race right or like like thinking about each step and that that way when you're in it you're like oh i've been here before yeah that arena that we were at together that i spoke at I have visualized standing on stage in an arena so many times.

Wow.

And that was the moment when the visualization, I've got goosebumps, meets the real life.

And I was standing on the stage.

I was nervous before I got up there.

But when I got up there, I was like, I've seen this before.

Isn't that cool?

So cool.

Was that your biggest stage ever?

First speaking.

Yeah.

It was packed in there.

It was so cool.

7,000 people.

But one day you'll be doing probably 50, 100,000 people.

And on that, like, and I'll be doing that.

And I'll be like, it's probably going to feel exactly the same as the 7,000.

Because for me, like the 7,000 leading up to it, like I said, I always get a little nervous.

I just did 500 people the other day.

It felt the same as the 7,000.

Like I, I get very excited about every audience because I know when I was an actor, I would always remind myself, even though I've done this show 10 times this week or I've done this show 50 times this month or whatever it is, all those people that are coming, they're seeing it for their very first time.

And I like to think about that a lot.

And I think that it's, it's an important thing to remember as an entrepreneur, as someone that's creating content or building a brand, that the person that's watching that piece of content might be seeing it for the first time.

You may have said that thing 85,000 times in your life and it may be boring to you, but that person that's watching that for the first time, that's the first time they're hearing it.

So I like to think about that person and how they're hearing it and how it might impact their life and remember that it's their first time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's so powerful.

Your mental strength is just insane.

You also dealt with an eating disorder, right?

Yeah.

Would you say having that mental fortitude really helped you get through that moment?

Yeah, it was way more than a moment.

It was like my whole teenage and young adulthood.

I talk about it in the book.

I don't really talk about it that often at all.

So and I tell the full story there.

I think it was an important thing to talk about when talking about confidence because it was such a big part of my journey of just figuring out who I really was.

And

it was,

yeah, it wasn't, I think that my mental strength definitely, a lot of it has come from being able to overcome a lot of obstacles and going through that time in my life was a really difficult time.

And I always remember that like discomfort.

for the most part, like any kind of uncomfortable situation that you're going through, whatever it is, it might suck balls.

It might be the most terrible thing in the entire world.

But no matter matter what,

God willing, you're going to end up in your bed that night and time's not going to stop and you're going to wake up the next day.

Yeah.

Discomfort's temporary.

But the growth that you experience on the other side of that discomfort, like the person that I've become as a result of dealing with all the stuff that I dealt with as a teenager and a young adult, that made me who I am today.

Right.

So that's why I have time tattooed on my wrist, just to remind me that like time doesn't stop.

This too shall pass.

Right.

And you might be in a really difficult moment right now.

And all the stuff that I learned though during that time, like of how to cope the right way when I started to come on the other side of it, like it's all worth it.

It all makes sense.

Like it's all stuff that I bring with me now in other areas of my life.

And it all equips me to be a stronger person when I'm faced with really big obstacles.

It's like, okay, I know that I can overcome this because I've overcome something way bigger and way worse.

I love that.

Yeah.

Everything happens for a reason the way I see it.

You know, for sure.

Wow.

I'm just so amazed by your story.

What are you, what are you excited about next?

What are you passionate about these days?

Did this come out yet, the The book?

No, October 31st.

I don't know when this is going to air.

So if this airs that week, then you can go get it now.

That's very exciting to have a book out there.

It's very nerve-wracking.

It's very scary.

You're putting yourself out there.

Dude, the ironic thing is I wrote the book called Be Seen.

And I'm talking about how to be seen and how to build a brand and how to have courage when doing it.

I'm literally like, I need to read my own words because this is a whole nother level.

And I would be crazy to not talk about the fear and the imposter syndrome and all the stuff that comes out when you're writing a a book, no matter what level you're at.

And I think it's like actually an important thing to talk about because we see all these authors like, put these books out into the world.

It looks really easy and it looks like it wasn't a big deal, but

it is.

And

it's a very vulnerable activity.

Yeah.

It's a goal of mine, but it's definitely a scary moment.

So when is your book going to come out?

Let's declare it.

Yeah, let's do it.

I'm 26 now, so maybe by 30.

Done.

Yeah.

And so it is.

Manifest it.

Can't wait.

But yeah, you'll be on the New York Times best-selling list in a month or two from now.

Let's go.

Let's go.

From your lips to God's ears.

So how do you choose the people in your circle?

I'm sure when you made this shift, you had to cut some people out of your life, maybe even some family.

How do you decide to choose your circle?

Yeah, it's a big, big, big part of success is connection and relationships and people.

And that's why like the third part of the book is called Be Connected, because you can't be seen without being connected to the right people and the right people that support you, that lift you up, that encourage you, that inspire you, that don't bring you down.

And for a really long time, I was in a lot of toxic friend groups.

I was an actress.

So the mindset, nothing against actors and actresses, and maybe this isn't all actors and actresses, but the friend groups that I was in, everyone was like really cutthroat and like really had a scarcity mindset.

Like, oh, if she gets that part, that means I can't get it.

I got to bring her down.

I got to bring him.

Like no one was supporting anybody.

And like I said, I was a negative person.

And most people were kind of negative.

And it had very much of like a victim mindset.

Like, it's happening to me.

And

listen, I attracted those people because I was that way.

Right.

And so I would, it's not, you know, I mean, I take full responsibility for that friend group that I was in and those relationships that I had.

But often what happens is when you start to expand into like a place of personal development and you start being obsessed with growth, which I became obsessed with growth, I'm like, I don't want to be this way anymore.

I want to change my life.

I was actively trying to.

When you start to read new books and listen to new podcasts and get new mentors and the friends that you had don't necessarily like, I started to kind of want to take a shower every time I was done hanging out with them.

Like I just felt like gross.

Like I felt like, oh my gosh, this isn't working for me anymore.

And there was, there's always a point in time where you're like, but I have to hang out with them because I've been friends with them for so long.

And you feel

the moment that I allowed myself to understand.

that some friendships are there for seasons and reasons and that's okay.

And you can move on to a new season was the moment that everything really shifted for me.

And I'll never forget the day that it all changed.

And I didn't break up with anybody.

I didn't say, hey, we're not going to be friends anymore.

Don't call me.

I never did that.

All I did was I put more energy into making new friends.

And so I had no time for anyone, want to know something crazy that happened.

When you put more energy into something, you have less energy for something else.

And so I started going to events.

I went to this one event.

It was Lewis House's event.

It was his first event ever.

I went by myself.

I got on an airplane and I'm like, I have to meet new people.

I have to meet people that are into this stuff because I have no one that gets it.

No one understands me.

And I met a bunch of new friends and I started spending time and energy with those new friends.

And then the old friends, they just stopped calling me.

It wasn't even me.

So usually when a friendship or a relationship is starting to die down, the other person can feel it too.

Right.

And it just slowly kind of fizzled away.

And that's great.

And now they're doing their thing and I'm doing my thing.

And

I think it's okay to give ourselves permission to be able to understand and know that sometimes we grow in and out of relationships and

that's okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a powerful message.

Some people think, you know, you become friends, you should be friends for life, but that's not really good if you're not evolving at the same pace, right?

It's wonderful if you are.

And then that's so great.

So special.

That's amazing if you're evolving.

But one thing that I've learned is also you.

You can't change anyone.

You can't force anyone to change.

And I get this question a lot, which is why I know I get to speak to it.

And I've tried it.

Sometimes like we're moving in a forward direction.

We're like, oh, you really got to come with me on this.

Like, and you try to make your friend believe and you try to make your friend change and you try to make them like get on the boat.

And if they don't want to, they're not going to.

So the only thing that you can really do is like live your best life, shine your light, be unbelievably successful.

Show them how great it is when they, when you do the right thing.

And if they want some of that, they'll follow along and they'll evolve with you.

And that'll be amazing.

And that's how you have lifelong friends.

And if not, then they're going to go the other direction and it's important to let them go.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

That's so relatable.

Now, what about family?

Is there a difference there in your eyes?

It's hard.

Family's harder.

So I'm not an expert in this and I don't ever want to claim to be because the thing is, is there are some relationships that you can't really, you know, distance yourself from.

Friendships are a lot easier.

But if you live with somebody in your house and they're part of your family and they're constantly bringing you down and they're constantly being negative and it's just like really getting to you, the.

I have found from my experience, the only thing I've ever been able to do is to ask myself, okay, what do I want my relationship with the situation to be?

Because I can't change what's going on around me, but I can change my perspective and I can change the way that I show up.

I can't change the way they show up.

And if I try to force the way that they should like to change for them to change the way they're showing up, I'm just going to be disappointed all the time.

So I need to accept the situation and I need to change my relationship with it.

What does that mean?

So for me, what I do

is if there's somebody that is just constantly spewing negative energy all over the place and all over me, and I think everyone that's listening can think about that person right now.

They know.

I do, my friend Jamie Kernlima, she's a wonderful, famous author.

She's the founder of It Cosmetics.

She sold it for like a billion dollars.

Wow.

She talks about in her book, I love this.

I resonated with it so much.

She's like, I envision everybody has like a microphone like dial and a volume dial for their microphone and just envision turning the dial down a little bit, like turning the volume down.

So I've got people that when they talk, I just turn the volume down.

And they're talking and the volume is just all the way at zero.

And I'm just like living my best self.

I can't hear you.

That's amazing.

Great.

Your volume's down.

But someone like you or somebody that I really resonate with, like a good friend or someone that's supportive and it's got energy that I'm just like feeding off of, I turn the hell up.

Right.

That makes sense.

So you've talked about the importance of the subconscious.

So are you really selective with the information that's coming in your mind?

Like the stuff you're listening to, the music, the shows you watch?

Very much.

Very much.

I don't really watch the news.

I curate my algorithm very carefully because I believe that you find what you're looking for.

So you can open up your phone and you can see the world as a bad place if you choose to.

You can also open up your phone and see the world as a good place if you choose to.

It's really all about what you surround yourself with and the information that you're putting in your mind.

I never want to be delusional and I never want to be like, oh, there's not bad things going on in the world.

But in order for me to show up as my best self, I want to make sure that the majority of the stuff that I'm putting into my brain is positive.

Like, why do I need to worry and be anxious all the time?

I get triggered very easily.

So I can't control a lot of the stuff that's coming at me but the stuff that I can control like the books that I read the podcasts that I listen to the content that I consume I make sure that it's it is like it's positive stuff I love that I used to watch the news a lot growing up I mean it was normal in the household and it's it's pretty negative like a majority of the news yeah I mean that's what it's based on like they they want you to be afraid right and that's the whole point so I don't really want to be afraid so I I make sure that like the conversations that I'm having this is this again, the stuff that I can control is more positive stuff.

And like I won't, I also don't like watching scary movies before I go to bed.

I don't understand why anybody does that.

So if I watch a scary movie or like maybe like a really crazy like mental movie that like makes you really afraid of something before I go to sleep, I am up all night worrying about that.

And I just, I had this aha moment the other day.

I'm like, why am I doing this to myself?

Yeah.

What?

Like, why would I do this?

I only watch happy, funny things before I go to sleep at night.

There's some freaks out there that uh watch those murder documentaries before bed you guys know who you are yeah I don't know to

hear whatever you whatever floats your boat for you but for me if I watch something like that I am up all night thinking about the worst possible case scenarios and I don't need to do that to my brain right I would much rather go to bed thinking about all the wonderful things that could possibly happen because we get to decide do we want to think about the good things that could possibly happen or the bad things that could possibly happen both things could happen I'm not saying that bad things don't happen in life because they absolutely do yeah but if we get to choose what we want to think about, I would rather be looking at, oh my God, what kind of amazing things could possibly happen?

Like, oh, look at that, like that, that dog and that baby became best friends.

That's so cute.

I would much rather like look at that than something terrible happening.

Yeah.

Is your brain like super active?

Like, are you always thinking?

Always.

How do you shut off?

Always.

I don't.

And I don't expect myself to shut off.

I mean, I guess.

So here's the thing.

I'm not too hard on myself.

And this is a new practice for me.

And

I try to just always give myself some like, some grace.

Cause I think in the personal development space and like the high achieving entrepreneur space, if that's what you're surrounding yourself with, everyone's like, yeah, you got to be perfect and you got to be 100% and you got to like shut it all out and you got to do all the things right.

And as human beings, I don't think we do all the things right.

And I know that our brains think thoughts uncontrollably, like our heartbeats uncontrollably.

And so sometimes you're going to have negative thoughts.

Sometimes you're not going to be able to shut it down.

I know that something about me is that I like energy.

I like thinking about work.

I like talking about work.

I like coming up with ideas.

And sometimes that's my brain and it doesn't shut off.

And I think I get into trouble when I try to force my brain to shut off when it doesn't want to.

And then I start to just like get anxious about not being able to shut my brain off.

So what I've been practicing is just being okay with however I am and allowing myself to have a relationship with that.

That's more like, this is me.

Okay.

And if I do just like want to stop thinking about work, the thing that I will do, and it doesn't always work because sometimes I'll be on my phone while I'm doing it.

But this is a weird quirk quirk about me that I don't talk about often.

Okay.

I love watching baking shows.

I know.

I was gonna make you love.

I don't bake.

I don't even eat sugar.

Yeah.

But I don't know why.

Baking shows are very relaxing to me.

Like baking competition shows.

Like they have to compete to bake the best thing.

Yeah.

I don't know why, but I love it.

I don't want to ruin this few, but some of those are fake.

I know.

I don't even care.

I don't even care.

Let it be fake.

You know what another good one is?

Which one?

The

glass blowing competition show on netflix i've actually seen a few of those i'm not gonna lie have you yeah it's it is comforting it's comforting right yeah i even wanted to try it myself after watching it it's cool yeah and like the the like it's kind of like um

oh what is that you know when uh esmr or whatever it's called oh the sounds yeah

like asmr okay so now everyone on the internet's gonna be like she doesn't know what asmr is um but like the act of like glowing blast glass and like seeing like the gooey glass it's just comforting yeah for sure jen it's been super fun getting to know you i didn't think we'd ended off on that but anything you want to close off with or say you know um

here's the thing my book it's it's called be seen and it's it's not just about building a brand online it's not just about creating amazing content it's really all about being seen as who you really are because at the end of the day if you don't have the courage to see yourself for who you really are you're not going to be able to be seen as the person that you're becoming and you're not going to be able to be seen by the people that you want to attract into your life.

I believe that you attract what you are.

And throughout my journey, with all the stories that I've told you, I was attracting what I was at the time.

And the energy that you put off is the energy that you attract.

And so if you want to be seen, you want to be seen by the people that you want to be, like that you want in your world.

So be seen as you, because the thing that makes you the most unique and the thing that's going to attract the people to you that you want.

is your uniqueness, is your messiness, is your humor, is the fact that you like watching baking shows, is the fact that you like watching Blown Away on Netflix, like the weird stuff.

And that's what's going to make people connect with you and see you for you.

And then, before you know it, you're going to have an audience like you have of people that love you for who you are.

Yeah, no, I love that because I'm myself on the show and I'm not, you know, faking it or anything.

So, super powerful message.

Thanks so much for coming on.

Check out the book, guys, and I'll see you next time.