213. Exploring Growth, Resilience, and Personal Strength with Kimi Donahue

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Speaker 8 Just to kind of circle back on everything we talked about, it all comes down to my favorite word, respect, right?

Speaker 8 So, regardless of somebody's, you know, gender, spirituality, whatever, you know, everything that we're talking about, right?

Speaker 8 If

Speaker 8 you respect them and where they're coming from,

Speaker 8 you're going to give them the opportunity.

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Speaker 2 Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the show.

Speaker 2 Today, we have a tremendous episode for you, a conversation with Kimmy Donahue, agency success maestro at OpenLee, and just an incredibly dynamic individual who I enjoy talking with so much.

Speaker 2 Our brains work very similar, and she is able to bring a unique and diverse perspective from her career, her experiences, what she's trying to achieve.

Speaker 2 And then she also went to a couple really cool conferences recently

Speaker 2 around professional development. And she shares those experiences, not just what she actually learned at them, but what she learned, what questions were generated out of the experiences themselves.

Speaker 2 And it's things that we can apply to leadership, to our own growth, to how we handle our teams, how we recruit. Incredibly interesting, awesome conversation.

Speaker 2 This is the second time Kimmy's been on the show. I hope there'll be many more as I just love talking to her because the way that our conversations tend to roll, we just get so much out of them.

Speaker 2 I hope you enjoy them as well. I hope you'll share the show.
If you find value in it, share the show. It gets more people to learn about what Kimmy is doing,

Speaker 2 what her vantage point is. And she's got a lot of interesting things going.
And I would love for more people to connect with her as well.

Speaker 2 We'll have links to like her LinkedIn, et cetera, in the show notes.

Speaker 2 So if you you want to connect with her directly, go to the show notes on whatever platform you're listening, whether it's, you know, Spotify or Apple or YouTube, and make sure you subscribe, share the show, connect with Kimmy, do all that good stuff.

Speaker 2 Guys, you may have heard if you've been listening to the show that about a month ago, SIA decided to go a different direction and shut down Rogue Risk. Rogue Risk no longer exists.

Speaker 2 So what I have been working on the last month is what's going to be next in my career. And here's the first thing that I'm going to be launching.

Speaker 2 As my career kind of moves more into consulting, speaking, coaching,

Speaker 2 I do not want what we learned at Rogue Risk to die. We figured something out at Rogue Risk.
We absolutely did.

Speaker 2 When I sold Rogue Risk to SIA back in April of 2022, we were doing $164,000 in revenue. 17 months later, when Rogue Risk was shut down, we were doing $694,000 in revenue.

Speaker 2 That's a three and a half X growth in small commercial during the hardest market our industry has seen in 20 years. We figured something out.
The one call closed system works. It works every time.

Speaker 2 And basically what we saw was reps who would come in, they would be closing inbound business around at about a 40% clip.

Speaker 2 And after learning and kind of growing into the one-call closed system and really adopting it, they were seeing north of 80% close ratios with my own personal kind of top being 89.2, which I achieved over a year and a half of selling.

Speaker 2 And most of our reps kind of settled right around 85%. Imagine if your reps were closing 85%

Speaker 2 of all the qualified leads that came into your business. Absolutely incredible.
I do not want that knowledge to die with Rogue Risk. It's certainly,

Speaker 2 so, so. If you want that information, I'm going to be launching a course and a masterclass.

Speaker 2 That's going to be coming in January. That's going to to launch.
If you want to get on the wait list, go to masterclass.insure. So masterclass.insu re.
That's masterclass.insure,

Speaker 2 masterclass.insure. Get on the waiting list.
You'll be notified of when the course launches. Basically, I'm going to use this platform.

Speaker 2 as a way to share everything that I've learned from the amazing agencies that I've worked with over the last 18 years of my career, as well as all my personal experience. This, This, I want to be my

Speaker 2 brain dump, my give back to this industry.

Speaker 2 So, if you want the information that's in my head, that I've learned, the battle-tested practices, ideas, concepts, thoughts, mindsets, framework, et cetera, that I use

Speaker 2 to grow an insurance agency, to grow an insurance business. If you want that information, this is where I'm going to be sharing it.
And that's masterclass.in

Speaker 2 s-u-r-e. Go to masterclass.insure and sign up today.

Speaker 2 Guys, I love you for listening to this podcast. Let's get on to Kimmy Donahue.
So, what's going on?

Speaker 8 Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 8 Like, everything. Life, life has been really good.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I went and got my certification to be a master practitioner of NLP and a bunch of other cool stuff and really just been diving into personal development, like,

Speaker 8 you know, 10X. So feel really good about that.
Excited to be on this. I am

Speaker 8 really proud of you. I've seen your numbers just like start climbing.
Like your Instagram has grown, your LinkedIn has grown.

Speaker 8 You're putting out content like a madman. So props to you.

Speaker 2 Well, being unemployed helps with that.

Speaker 2 There you go.

Speaker 2 So that's, that helps.

Speaker 2 But I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 You know, when I feel like my life is in chaos, which, you know, when the company that was your baby gets shut down,

Speaker 2 like completely unbeknownst to you, and you're shocked by that. Like one day you have your thing and the next day you don't, quite literally,

Speaker 2 you know, it generates chaotic feelings, right? And I'll say, this is what, you know, a lot of people ask me, like, why do you put all this content out? I get that from local people.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? I think people who know me professionally and have like seen kind of the way that I am outside of this area, the Albany area.

Speaker 2 maybe get it a little more but like inside of Albany like I don't have a big network in the Albany area Like, and in the area, most people mostly know me as like a kid's coach.

Speaker 2 So when they see me putting out like personal development stuff or whatever. And

Speaker 2 one of the things that I found over the last six months or so, or maybe even, maybe even longer than that, is that, and, and I, I want to someday, I don't have the time now, but someday I want to write a book about this or do something bigger, more

Speaker 2 with some longevity to it around the idea that

Speaker 2 I think we misunderstand why we do these things. I think there's a general misunderstanding or a topic that is not addressed enough when it comes to personal development.

Speaker 2 I'm super interested in your take on this too.

Speaker 2 I see it all as preparation. I think too often we wait for something bad to happen.
We have a health scare, our wife leaves us or our husband or our boyfriend or whatever, or our

Speaker 2 family.

Speaker 2 Some major, awful thing happens. Yeah.
And then all of a sudden we're like, I got to get it together. I got to do this and do that.

Speaker 2 And unfortunately, at that point, it's not too late so much as you can't get better, but it's too late to stem off the

Speaker 2 emotional tidal wave that you are going to feel.

Speaker 2 And what I have found by consistently focusing on personal development, by focusing on physical health, mental health, habits, discipline, all these things is that

Speaker 2 when I found out that they were shutting Rogue down, I wasn't even really upset. I was disappointed.
I thought it was a shame because when you look at our numbers, we probably rank

Speaker 2 top 5% in the country in terms of growth rate. I mean, we grew our agency from 170,000 in revenue April 2022 to $695,000 in revenue in September of 2023.

Speaker 2 So that's three and a half X growth in 17 months.

Speaker 2 I mean, mean, I would put that up against just an entirely organic and done off a relatively small marketing budget, I would put that up against the other agency in the country.

Speaker 2 So, looking at that side, it's a shame because I feel like we were close. Now, I understand why they did it, and I'm not knocking them, and I have very positive feelings towards SIAA.

Speaker 2 And I, you know, there's no hard feelings towards them. They did what they had to do for what they were going through.
It's all, it's fine. But

Speaker 2 what I didn't do was fall apart. And that to me is why we do this work and why we do it before there's a problem.
Um, and I feel like we don't talk about that enough. What is your take on all that?

Speaker 8 I think a thousand percent.

Speaker 8 I think the the last maybe couple of months, what I am learning is specifically in western culture, they teach us what you what you want to grow up to have, what you want to grow up to to do, right?

Speaker 8 And there's this famous saying about we are human beings, not human havings or human doings, right? So, it's more of a question of who do you want to be?

Speaker 8 So a lot of other cultures teach you from a young age your purpose. You know,

Speaker 8 you are here to go find your purpose, you know, and

Speaker 8 I would say probably you and I were taught, well, what do you want to do when you grow up? You know, what kind of things do you want to have?

Speaker 8 So here we are focused on, you know, material things and, you know, some skills, but not necessarily interpersonal skills and nothing, definitely no self-reflection.

Speaker 8 I definitely didn't learn or even understand what that was up until very recently and so i think to circle back to what you're talking about is it's a lot of knowing who you are and your boundaries and your values and

Speaker 8 being able to stay true to those you know that way if if you're in a place that are not aligning with that you know you can you know pivot and get out um if something's you know not going the way you want it to you can still stay within your you know your limits so to speak um

Speaker 8 i you know props to you for not having a,

Speaker 8 maybe as

Speaker 8 a reaction that maybe some others would, you know, I think it's definitely, you know, and I follow a lot of your stuff, you know, on Instagram and LinkedIn and the stuff that you post.

Speaker 8 And there's a lot of very, you know, a lot, a lot of stoicism, which I'd like to subscribe to as well. And I think it's a matter of, you know, how do you react to something rather than,

Speaker 8 you know,

Speaker 8 something, something that you can't control, basically.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I think I do love stoicism.

Speaker 2 I think I found personally that a mix of Stoicism, Christianity, but like from the Bible Christianity, not derived Christianity, which we can talk about the difference, my personal opinion of what the difference of that is.

Speaker 2 And then a little bit of like Emerson, like, what is it, Transcendentalism,

Speaker 2 which

Speaker 2 is moves, it's tough to put Christianity and Transcendentalism together, but there are some really interesting takes.

Speaker 2 And if you mash those three together, in my opinion, I get, I get this really interesting for me worldview.

Speaker 2 This is the problem that I have if you go pure

Speaker 2 Bible. And I have friends who, who love, who are, who are devout, and I think it's amazing.
I think whatever framework works for you is exactly what you have.

Speaker 2 And I'm a believer and I talk to God and I read the Bible almost every day, right next to my bed. But I struggle with the purist,

Speaker 2 those words are the words of God piece because I just,

Speaker 2 I have a hard time time with the fact that it was written over 300 years by possibly thousands of different people and like

Speaker 2 the selections were handpicked and we don't I want to know what did they throw out and why did they throw it out because there was there are all kinds of obscure records around things that were written that just weren't put in and they don't know what they were and they but they know there were things that were written that didn't make it in the book so and it's been translated through different languages over and over again and if it's a literal translation versus something like a metaphor of some sort, you know, it definitely can be misconstrued.

Speaker 2 And take the word, take the word. I'll tell you one that I was just listening to Jordan Peterson on Chris Williamson's podcast the other day, and I devour Jordan Peterson.

Speaker 2 And he's talking about this idea of the word meek. So meek shall inherit the earth is a very well-known

Speaker 2 passage from the Bible. And

Speaker 2 he is of the opinion, and I believe him because I've done the research after I heard this that we completely misunderstand this um

Speaker 2 this

Speaker 2 the the the the scripture's longer but this particular phrase this idea of meek is completely mistranslated and misunderstood because today meek means like mild inward

Speaker 2 um you know we think of someone who can't defend themselves etc okay

Speaker 2 And that's 100% not what the original word, what meek actually meant, originally translated from the Greek word. It's not what it meant.

Speaker 2 What Meek actually meant was someone who was a warrior, but sheathed their sword, right?

Speaker 2 So, so his whole thing of be a monster, right, but know how to control it, that is actually his derivation from this piece of scripture, the meek shall inherit in the earth.

Speaker 2 And what it meant to the Greeks when they wrote it was

Speaker 2 the word meek translated

Speaker 2 in from Greek in that time period, right? 2,000 years ago, meant someone who was strong and robust and a warrior and can defend themselves, but knew when to keep their sword sheath.

Speaker 2 So basically what, if you, if you then read, reread that scripture with that meaning, you're like, whoa, this makes completely different. Totally different.
Yeah. Totally different, right?

Speaker 2 So it's like, I feel like if the Bible is our, and again, people who love the Bible are going to, are going to hate this, but, but, and my mom and I debate this all the time, but like, um, I feel like you have to have your own relationship with God, and you can't take the Bible as the only input as to how to live your life, I guess, is what I'm trying to say.

Speaker 2 So that's a very long-winded way, especially because I'm coming back from the gym. You can tell my ADDHD is off the charts.
I love saying that.

Speaker 2 Yes, Stoicism, Transcendentalism, essentialism, all mixed in with a core of Christianity tends to be a pretty decent framework for living your life.

Speaker 8 Yeah, a thousand percent. I would say that, so the event that I went to last month was really cool.
It was such a diverse group of people.

Speaker 8 And, you know, some of the topics we talk about is, you know, spirituality, and they do a really good job of, you know, leaving it open for everybody's different type.

Speaker 8 And as you know, I love music, right? And one of my

Speaker 8 favorite musicians that I really look up to was Ronnie James Dio. And a lot of people, he caught a lot of flacks.
A lot of people said, oh my gosh, it's devil music. He worships Satan.

Speaker 8 And when you listen to his interviews, it's quite the opposite. I think he's a very spiritual guy,

Speaker 8 but leaves room for what else could be out there. There's a line in one of his songs that says, We pray to someone, but when it's said and done, we're really all the same.

Speaker 8 They're really all the same with just a different name.

Speaker 8 So it all kind of comes back down to that, that core, a lot of different beliefs still point the same similar way. They still have those values that everybody's still going after.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 the event that you went to, you know, you said you just got NLP certified. I don't know what that is.

Speaker 8 Yes. Yep.
So paraphrased, NLP is the programming in your brain. So your unconscious or your subconscious, however you want to call it.

Speaker 8 Basically, programming in your brain to develop lasting changes or habits. So prior to learning NLP, which stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming,

Speaker 8 I really followed Lanny Basham's mental management. He's got a book called With Winning in Mind, which is one of those books that really changed my life.

Speaker 8 Basically, he teaches how your unconscious mind and your subconscious really drive everything that you do and then how to manage that you know come uh time to perform you know uh so times under stress you know how you view yourself doing things uh so really the learning nlp just validated all the stuff that i already kind of followed and really just helped me.

Speaker 8 I went in with an open mind and went in with with it was so much fooler. I'll see that you know what I mean?

Speaker 8 um and it's really cool they have all these different techniques to change habits in different ways so whether it's a strategy that you have uh towards feeling motivation or towards uh

Speaker 8 you know basically how you do things and reprogramming the strategies that you take to get there uh because let's say it's something that you're a procrastinator right you can use anchoring techniques so if you follow like tony robbins at all he uses a lot of these techniques and things like that What'd you say?

Speaker 2 No, I just was, I was

Speaker 2 reinforcing your point. Yes, he uses anchoring quite a bit.
Yeah, Tony Robbins.

Speaker 8 Yeah, huge. So, so we learned how to do that.
We learned how to, basically, it's a lot of it's about visualization, how you talk to yourself, how you talk to others.

Speaker 8 So, the whole reason I went to it, because this is, this is a question I get a lot, is, Kimmy, what the heck? Why, why'd you go to that?

Speaker 8 About a year and a half ago, I was introduced to NLP and it was sold to me in a way of, hey, you can become a better communicator. And I'm like, heck yeah, let's go.

Speaker 8 You know, everyone would benefit from being a better communicator.

Speaker 8 And I know you'd agree, because that's literally what you've been talking about in a lot of your reels that you've been posting about, you know, speaking engagements and

Speaker 8 how to connect with people. Right.
So that's what I went in there wanting to learn and come to find out that it is so much more about

Speaker 8 how you can build your confidence, how you can change habits. And a lot of it is, you know, taking action, which is one of my favorite things to do and tell people to do.

Speaker 8 And then, of course, just having a positive focus on it, meaning you can't let your eye off the ball. You got to consistently take action towards said goal, basically, or said habit.

Speaker 2 You know, what are your feelings on the concept of like manifesting?

Speaker 8 So this is a good one.

Speaker 8 It's such a broad word, and I think a lot of people have different definitions of what that looks like. So for me,

Speaker 8 I was introduced to what we'll call it positive affirmations, right? When I got into the shooting sports. So, you know, growing up, I was not a good athlete.

Speaker 8 I'm probably one of the most uncoordinated, coordinated people you'll meet. So I didn't necessarily get that.

Speaker 8 you know, kind of coaching that you get from standard sports, you know, where they teach you how to, you know, visualize something and go after something. So I had to learn this in my adult years.

Speaker 8 So when I got into the shooting sports, I was introduced to positive affirmations where let's say you've got, you've got the physical skill, right?

Speaker 8 But most everything in sports, in performance, right, is all up here. Probably 90% of it is actually your mental state.

Speaker 8 So I had to, what I found was I was consistently getting like, so the way they rank you in shooting is percentage. So let's say first place is 100%, right?

Speaker 8 And I was consistently in the 60%-ish, which just, I don't like to be mid-packs. It's just driving me up the wall.

Speaker 8 And, you know, through some self-development and reading that book with winning in mind, I found it was because I didn't believe that I could win.

Speaker 8 For whatever reason, you know, who, you know, years of baggage from childhood, whatever, maybe the environment that I was in at the time, for whatever reason in my brain, I didn't believe that I was capable of getting first place.

Speaker 8 So I spent,

Speaker 8 I've read that book probably three times, listened to the audio book as well. And what Lanny teaches is visualization and positive affirmations.
So he teaches there's three parts of your brain, right?

Speaker 8 There's conscious, unconscious, and your self-image. Conscious would be like,

Speaker 8 let's see here. Do you drive stick shift?

Speaker 2 I can, yes.

Speaker 8 You can? Okay. So do you remember when you were first learning how to drive manual transmission? You were like, okay, I got to push in the clutch.
I got to shift it.

Speaker 8 You know, it was a very conscious effort.

Speaker 8 And then eventually, you know, throughout however long it took you, it now becomes an unconscious thing, right? You turn up, turn the car on, and you're at your destination.

Speaker 8 Well, your self-image is how you view yourself doing that. And I think that's one of the things that they don't teach us when we're young and

Speaker 8 coaches don't teach this is how you view yourself because that's what's going to change your habits. That's what's going to make you.

Speaker 8 You know, who is Kimmy? Who is Ryan? You know, your self-image. So, so what he teaches is visualization and positive affirmations to basically change that.
So,

Speaker 8 you know, for whatever reason in my little monkey brain back here, I was thinking, I'm not allowed to win, or maybe I'm just not capable of it. So, I literally wrote down, I am a winner.
I always win.

Speaker 8 I always shoot perfect shots.

Speaker 8 And it's all stated in present state and it's all... positive.
So you can't say, oh, I never miss. Oh, I

Speaker 8 don't do this. Because what happens is your brain only focuses on the don't piece, right?

Speaker 8 For example, if I tell, you have kids. So do you remember like when they're little and you tell them not to spill something? What do they do?

Speaker 2 Yeah. They're all over the place.

Speaker 8 Yeah, they spill it all over the place, right? So instead, you could, you know, you can reframe it.

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Peace. Let's get back to the episode.

Speaker 8 And say, hey, please be careful or, you know, please hold on with two hands, you know, whatever it might be. But, but it's programming that positive aspect of it.
Because

Speaker 8 both, again, both Lanny's book, NLP, a lot of these self-development things that, you know, you're involved in, I'm learning. it's all, we're programmed at a young age

Speaker 8 negatively, you know, whether it's society, the environment, being told no,

Speaker 8 being told to focus on one thing,

Speaker 8 you know, it's, that's what we grow up around. And

Speaker 8 we're not taught to do self-development. I think we were talking about that.
I'm not sure what part of the recording you're going to be using, but when we first started, we were talking about how

Speaker 8 we're not taught to focus on self-development, you know, when we're, when we're young.

Speaker 8 I would say I had a really great English teacher in high school that kind of planted that seed for a lot of people, but I think that's really rare.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Think about for all the parents out there, think about your ratio of do more of that to don't do that that you give to your kids.

Speaker 2 I mean, just every day your kids walk through the house, living their life. How many do more of thats do you give them? Like, hey, that's great.
Awesome. Do more of that.

Speaker 2 And instead, it's don't do that. Don't sit there.
Be quiet. Don't listen to that.
Don't watch that.

Speaker 2 Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. And then it's like, why don't my kids want to be the best at this? Or why are my kids getting C's in class?

Speaker 2 And it's like, because everything they do, they get a don't. And they're not, you know what I mean? And it is very limiting.

Speaker 2 That's part of it. You know, for me, it's, it's funny.
I thought manifesting was the biggest load of bullshit I had ever heard in my entire life. I read the secret.

Speaker 2 I blew through it. I thought it was stupid.
And I was like, this is all just kind of,

Speaker 2 this is like foo-foo-y, hippie shit that they sell to people who are, you know, just willing to spend their money on nonsense. That was my original thought.

Speaker 2 And then about three years ago,

Speaker 2 I was listening to Andy Fursella, who does the Real AF podcast, who love him or hate him

Speaker 2 has a lot of value to add to the world.

Speaker 2 And he talked, he had an episode where he talked about how manifesting is a big part of his life. And it shocked me.

Speaker 2 I literally had to re-listen to like the five, like, I had to like rewind five minutes in the show and like listen to it again because I was like, this big, tough, bearded, strong, this big, like, I'm like, manifesting, really?

Speaker 2 So I started listening.

Speaker 2 So I listened to it and then i started like searching other podcasts that i listened to that i respect and trust for episodes on or that were related to manifesting and it was crazy so i started so i started doing all this research and

Speaker 2 like what ultimately sold me was kind of a very trivial example but it it rings true to me and it was like when's last time with like when you bought a car right so say you're you're you're you buy a car all of a sudden you see your car everywhere, right?

Speaker 2 So like

Speaker 2 you never see that car. You've never seen that car before.
You've seen two of them ever in your life. And then you buy it and there's two every time you drive the car, right?

Speaker 2 And it's because what you have done, and this is what manifesting, this is, this is my understanding at its

Speaker 2 take, take like the universe out, which I don't necessarily not believe in this anymore, but like, you know, the, the, take the universe stuff out, take any of the, the

Speaker 2 psychoactive aspects of it out of the equation. And simply, what you're doing is telling your brain to look for that thing.

Speaker 2 That's just all like at its core, at its simplest, at its most basic, all manifesting is saying, you want to sell more

Speaker 2 by telling yourself that you can sell more, that you will sell more, that you are selling more by telling yourself that, by I will sell this.

Speaker 2 What you're doing is just telling your brain, look for those opportunities. So now all of a sudden, you look for these things to sell more.
You look for,

Speaker 2 you know, maybe it maybe goes for a partner if you're looking for a partner. I'm looking for someone who inserts a thing.
All of a sudden, what you've done is say, don't worry about these things.

Speaker 2 I'm not so interested in these, but these particular things I want you to focus on, brain, because, and one of the most important books that everyone can read is The Untethered Soul.

Speaker 2 If you haven't read The Untethered Soul, make it the next book. Like literally stop whatever book you are reading now and read The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer next.
Have you ever read that book?

Speaker 8 No, I'm putting it on my list now, though.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's it's fucking incredible, and you'll fly through it.

Speaker 2 It's a fairly easy read, but but the concept is something that I have believed for a very long time, which is you are not your mind and you are not your body, you are your soul or your spirit, or you know, depending on what religion you are, what you are as a different name.

Speaker 2 But the idea is, we are not our mind, your mind is just a

Speaker 2 computer program that operates the body, right? But neither one of those things are you.

Speaker 2 So, what manifesting is your soul telling the computer in your brain, hey, dummy, start looking for these things. I want this thing, start looking for it.

Speaker 2 Like, if you want to buy a new car, hey, I'm, I want a new, I want a new Tahoe.

Speaker 2 All of a sudden, you start seeing Tahos and you start seeing sales for Tahos, and you start seeing used Tahos, and you start seeing

Speaker 2 accessories on Tahoe.

Speaker 8 Because Facebook listens to you, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yes, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, all of a sudden, both of our phones will be filled with Tahos after.

Speaker 2 Oh, absolutely but the i but the the concept but that concept to me all of a sudden i was like well that makes complete sense like okay manifesting isn't the universe you know aligning with my psychoactive you know whatever bullshit which which may or may not be true i'm not gonna comment on that but but this simple idea of the computer that runs your mind

Speaker 2 you're just giving it the programming that's all you're doing you're just you're just executing a function uh inside your your mental computer and that to me makes sense.

Speaker 2 And I can say that early results are very positive.

Speaker 8 Yes. So literally everything that you just said is NLP in a nutshell.

Speaker 8 It's all about that programming, you know, and you could call it, you know, the soul or the self-image or your identity, your unconscious mind.

Speaker 8 It all, you know, ends up being the same thing at the end of the day. And it's how you reprogram yourself to do X, you know, whatever it is you might want to do.

Speaker 8 That is so cool. And I'm going to go get that book now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the book's good.

Speaker 2 Untethered Soul is,

Speaker 2 it was, it was recommended to me by three people that I really respect like at different times. And finally, I was like, fuck it.
Like, I need to go get this book.

Speaker 2 If three people now have referred it to me, I read it and now I recommend it constantly. It just,

Speaker 2 because I believe that so much of the trouble that we face in our lives is misunderstanding

Speaker 2 the signals that we're getting from our mind and our body with our soul, right? Like

Speaker 2 we feel physical pain from a workout, and we somehow think that's us. That's not us, that's just your body.
It's not even, it's not even real.

Speaker 2 Like, it's not you, you, your spirit isn't feeling physical pain. Your body's feeling physical pain.
That's it.

Speaker 2 So, you can work through it, you can push through it, you can tell your body it doesn't hurt.

Speaker 2 And some people, like Wim Hoff, get so good at it, they can literally reprogram their body in real time so that they can operate despite physical pain or whatever, you know, exposure to different things.

Speaker 8 I mean, yeah, to ice cold elements.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
And you see those things and you're like, holy shit, how does he do it? Right. And it's when you really break it down, what he's, yes, what he, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 For those not watching the video, Camille's pointing at her head. Um, you know, the, the, what he has figured out how to do is disconnect.

Speaker 2 his what i call it soul so your soul or your spirit from his mind and his body and just basically say, Yeah, that's not real. Like, stop doing that.
Like, I don't want to feel, I'm, I know I'm okay,

Speaker 2 so don't feel physical pain right now. And

Speaker 2 that is incredibly difficult to do. I'm not saying that this is something you can just snap your fingers on 100%.
I mean, obviously, there's courses, there's all kinds of things.

Speaker 2 This is years and years to like be able to get to that level. Nor do I think most of us, the vast, vast majority of us, need to get to Wim Hoff level of connection and/or

Speaker 2 ability to disconnect from those things. However,

Speaker 2 the reason I bring this up is to come back to my original statement around preparation, which is if you are mentally healthy, if you are physically healthy, if you are emotionally healthy, and by healthy, doing the work, right?

Speaker 2 We all, it's always, but you're doing this work, you're preparing yourself. Then, when that thing happens, that person leaves you, the job ends, the

Speaker 2 investment you made goes belly up, the company you started doesn't end up becoming what you thought it was going to be, whatever the thing is, right?

Speaker 2 You can disconnect and say,

Speaker 2 this is not who I am, right? To your point, I am not

Speaker 2 founder of Rogue Risk. That is a thing that I did.
That is something that happened during this brief period of time for this physical body, but it's not who I am. I can keep going, right?

Speaker 2 And that, that, that preparation allows you to weather these storms and keep going. And that, that to me is, um, that to me is the key.

Speaker 2 You keep hearing people like, um, someone said the other day, it was either Cody Sanchez or Alex Ramosi, one of the new like thought leaders that have popped up in the last, which are both great.

Speaker 8 So anyone listening to this who don't follow them, go follow them.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're tremendous. Yeah, absolutely tremendous.
They're like the next wave of really, really, I mean, really good. They're very good.
I, I keep trying to find holes in their game.

Speaker 2 Um, and I, I struggle with it. They're doing a really good job.
Um, but one of them just said the other day, and this isn't new, but they just packaged in a really interesting way.

Speaker 2 And it was something like,

Speaker 2 the only reason I'm successful is because I outlast every, I'm willing to outlast people. Like, that's literally dietrician, baby.

Speaker 8 Let's go.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And when you think about it, you're like, that really kind of is it.
Like,

Speaker 2 just are you willing to keep going when everyone else stops? And if you are,

Speaker 2 most likely going to be successful. Like, man, that's, you know, that's, and I think that goes back to preparation and being, you know, all this stuff.

Speaker 2 So it's, it's, I find this stuff to be incredibly interesting because,

Speaker 2 you know, I'm, I'm 20 years into my insurance career, 26, 27 years into my working, you know, kind of real world working career. And

Speaker 2 I can't find one example in my life where tactics is the reason anyone failed.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Everybody,

Speaker 2 every time I failed, every time anyone anyone I know has failed, it's been because of emotional shit.

Speaker 2 It's been because they couldn't keep their shit together. They told, you know, they didn't do this properly.
They couldn't handle the stress. They were too egotistical.
They were too insecure.

Speaker 2 They didn't have the right communication and or personal skills. They couldn't read a room.
They couldn't listen. They couldn't, you know, whatever the thing is.

Speaker 2 it wasn't because they couldn't figure out a fucking lead funnel right now those things help don't get me wrong but like it's because

Speaker 2 the, the, the, those are, you know, maybe small wins and losses in there because of tactics, but like true, like, game over, you have to start again,

Speaker 2 in my opinion, is 100 out of 100 times because of this stuff, because of

Speaker 2 personal development stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Yeah. Kind of to circle back, like around the sports arena about it being 90% mental, 10% physical, it goes exactly what you're talking about.

Speaker 8 You know, you could have the physical skill, you could have the, you know, tactics down, right?

Speaker 8 But if your mental game is not there like game over you know and and to circle back you mentioned um like wim hoff and the you know people that that are

Speaker 8 that can dissociate themselves from the emotion or from a feeling uh that is that's something that i just recently learned how to visualize and how to do through you know through the trainings that i've gone through recently about when typically when people are feeling an emotion when you're like in it right you're seeing it through your own eyes so you are very well associated it is bright and clear and you're like

Speaker 8 right so what what they've taught, especially these, you know, very successful leaders, you know, whether they're CEOs, entrepreneurs, whatever, right?

Speaker 8 They've learned how to take a step back, disassociate it from it, basically see themselves in third person to release that emotion, right?

Speaker 8 And I don't, anyone watching the video, let's see if it shows here. I recently posted this on my Instagram.
It says, take a step back and observe the emotion. So that's something that I am

Speaker 8 learning to do and learning to release that yuckiness so that way you can make good decisions,

Speaker 8 dissociated so that you're not doing it from emotion. Because I will tell you what, I am one of the most emotional people out there.
I cry.

Speaker 8 I threw a temper tantrum, you know, when I was a child, like crazy, right?

Speaker 8 And learning how to disassociate.

Speaker 8 One, it allows you to get a different perspective.

Speaker 8 You might even be able to see the other person's perspective, which really is helpful when you're coaching somebody, when you're trying to have a hard conversation, when you're setting boundaries, or

Speaker 8 you're about to fire somebody. You know what I mean? There's a lot of emotions that can be attached to that if you don't learn to detach.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I wrote a post the other day about

Speaker 2 you're not your feelings.

Speaker 2 And I got some people that are like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I got other people that are like, nah, you know, that were disagreed with me.
And I spent,

Speaker 2 you know, my time, I spent a decent amount of time reading through the disagreements. And it was, you know, your feelings are part of you and God gave you your feelings and all that.
And

Speaker 2 I struggle with that because to me, your feelings and emotions are a mechanism of the mind.

Speaker 2 And what I meant by you are not, what I meant very, quite literally about you are not your emotions is that. Your emotions are data points of the mind.
They are actually important.

Speaker 2 If you feel a certain way, it is important to

Speaker 2 acknowledge, I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling energized, I'm feeling, you know, whatever the feeling is.

Speaker 2 But, and I, I didn't use this word, but I love it, this idea of disassociating, because essentially, if you're able to steal your word disassociate or separate yourself, I think is what I used from that emotion, you see it

Speaker 2 as a data point, not as

Speaker 8 like as your interpretation, basically.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's not

Speaker 2 real. It's not real.
Yeah. Sadness is not real.
Sadness is not your soul. Sadness is a data point your mind is giving you to try to

Speaker 2 turn

Speaker 2 something something kind of ethereal and manifest it into something tangible. And so, so when we, when we feel sad, we can, we allow ourselves to be consumed by it because we think it's who we are.

Speaker 8 You, yeah, it becomes your reality because you're seeing it through your, your lenses.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 Ryan is not sad.

Speaker 2 Ryan's mind is telling him that this situation has

Speaker 2 should make you sad, but I don't have to be sad unless I choose to be, or I don't have to let it impact me unless I choose to be, right? And that concept is very hard.

Speaker 2 And so now let's apply this like to the business concept, right?

Speaker 2 So, so you are struggling with an employee who is maybe a high performer, but maybe has a bad attitude or doesn't get along with people very well, right?

Speaker 2 Well, you could, they could do something or say something, and you could, because you're feeling frustrated or you're feeling angry or you're disappointed in them.

Speaker 2 If you do not, again, stealing your word, disassociate yourself or separate yourself from that emotion,

Speaker 2 you can walk into their office and

Speaker 2 you need to do this.

Speaker 2 Or you could say, all right, what they did,

Speaker 2 I am feeling frustrated, angry, disappointed, et cetera. I feel that.
My mind is telling, giving me those data points. Okay, I understand that what they did was probably incorrect, right? But

Speaker 2 removed from the feelings, not allowing the feelings to be me, but to just be a data point, I can go in and say, look,

Speaker 2 here's the feedback I'm getting. Here's what I saw.
Let's talk about this. And you can approach it from a much more

Speaker 2 restrained, much more

Speaker 2 meaningful way, because you're not allowing that emotion to take over who you are.

Speaker 2 It's just simply a data point in a series of data points. Hey, over here, man, this one time you jumped in and you helped Sally with this, with this thing, that was awesome.
I love that.

Speaker 2 That version of you, that thing, I want more of that. This part over here, and let's get to a,

Speaker 2 and that allows you to be a better leader. It allows you to be a better manager.
It allows you to be a better husband, wife, spouse partner friend parent

Speaker 2 child whatever like

Speaker 8 we just can't allow our emotions to become who we are because they're not who we are is my particular opinion absolutely and i think the first time i really learned uh you know to go back to like your example about maybe having to fire somebody or reprimand someone, especially if you're in a leadership position, is remember not to attack the person.

Speaker 8 You're attacking the action, the choice that they made. And I think really driving that home and reminding them to hey, this is how I'm looking at it.
This is not you. Your actions are not you.

Speaker 8 It's, you know, this is the piece that, you know, whatever you don't like. And, you know,

Speaker 8 it's called like, what is it, the sandwich effect where you have something great that you give them, then give them the crap. And then, okay, here's, here's something else that you did really well.

Speaker 8 And, you know, the, what is, is it called the golden rule?

Speaker 2 My high school football coach referred to it as a shit sandwich.

Speaker 2 Hey, I really like this thing you did.

Speaker 8 I just didn't call it that, but that's basically what it is. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You did this thing.

Speaker 2 That was good this you did like an asshole maybe you could you know this over here that wasn't bad either yeah let's pass the part okay i'll take it i'll take it and you know it's actually what's real interesting this this brings me to a whole new topic is how

Speaker 8 and i did not realize this until probably just last week which sounds silly i never realized how many people don't

Speaker 8 want or are afraid of criticism or even if it's constructive criticism. I think so many people are so scared to hear what they're doing wrong or what they could do better.

Speaker 8 And I went to, do you follow Andy Elliott at all?

Speaker 2 I do. I was, that was on my topic of questions for you.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I got to, I got to meet him on Sunday and be around a bunch of people that, you know, subscribe to his stuff. And I was like, wow, literally everybody in this room are here

Speaker 8 to be told what their gaps are. And I'm like, this, you don't find that anywhere.
It's so rare. I was also floored that 99%, and this is not an exaggeration, Ryan, 99% of the people there were men.

Speaker 8 I didn't see any woman.

Speaker 2 Why did that floor you? What was your preconceived notion about men that made you think that they would not want to be in that room?

Speaker 8 So, and I asked myself the same question. I was like, how come there's no women here?

Speaker 8 So I don't know if it is.

Speaker 2 Okay, so let me reframe that. Do you think it was, were you surprised that it was all men and women weren't there? Or were you surprised that men, more men were there?

Speaker 2 Like which, which weren't, or maybe both?

Speaker 8 I guess, I guess both. I was just more, and I didn't even realize it until probably towards the end of the day.
You know, I'm doing, we're doing our thing. I'm taking on all the information.

Speaker 8 I probably got like 18 pages of notes from this, right? And I'm super excited. And when I get up, you know, to go and meet him, that was the other, I think this is where I saw it.

Speaker 8 There's a chance where you get to go meet him. You sign up for his 100-day challenge.

Speaker 8 And the 100-day challenge is very similar to 75-hard, where for 100 days, you're doing a 45-minute workout, you're eating clean.

Speaker 8 And I'm thinking, oh, the only thing in this that I'm not currently doing was reading 20 pages a day. I listened to audio books and stuff, but he said, no, physical pages.

Speaker 8 You need to read 20 physical pages. I'm like, okay.
Cool. I can do that for 100 days.
So I sign my ass up. And also, I'm like a marketer's dream.
Like, I'm a salesperson.

Speaker 8 So when someone has a really good sale, I'm like, I'm buying it. So when I go to the sales, I sign up for all the stuff, you know, because they did a good job, right? So I was signing up for this.

Speaker 8 I'm in line and I look around and there's nobody, there's no girls next to me.

Speaker 8 And one of my,

Speaker 8 so this is me being real vulnerable on this podcast. One of my

Speaker 8 intentions when I was at this NLP seminar prior to the Andy Elliot event was to make more connections with women.

Speaker 8 And so here I am at this event, like looking for some girl, you know, we can be on each other's level and talk about this kind of stuff. And they are nowhere to be found.

Speaker 8 You know, maybe there's a few on, you know, on the other side of the room, but they're walking out. And I'm like, okay, what is happening here? So I ask myself, is it

Speaker 8 because

Speaker 8 women don't want to be criticized? Is it because there's more men that are in sales? Is it because

Speaker 8 maybe this particular culture just happens to be more guys in this, you know, sales culture over here?

Speaker 8 So it's something that I'm still exploring to find out what it is. But I was just, that was the one thing I really walked away from that.
Like, damn, like, how do, how do we recruit more women to that

Speaker 8 mindset of

Speaker 8 I want to be told what my gaps are because that's how I grow.

Speaker 2 So that is a hyper-masculine culture for sure. So I think that's probably part of it.
I think that

Speaker 2 I think that

Speaker 2 while present culture seemingly wants to sell us something different, men and women are very, very different, both in the way their brains are wired and their incentives and all different kinds of things.

Speaker 2 Not that that's bad or one is better than the other, just different.

Speaker 2 And not knowing anything about the program, I think that

Speaker 2 in general, there are just an absolute shit ton more men in sales than women.

Speaker 8 Just, yeah, just there are, which also was very, it just boggled my mind because, yeah, like you said, I absolutely agree with you on there are absolutely differences between men and women.

Speaker 8 And, you know, we, that's a whole nother polarizing topic that we can get into. But I agree with you on that.
So, so I leave room for that.

Speaker 8 But when I think about, you know, even in the insurance industry, there's, there are very many women in sales, very many women principals and leaders.

Speaker 8 But yet, to see the, I guess, the lack of women, which

Speaker 8 was,

Speaker 8 let me rewind a little bit. That was never important to me until recently.
And not specifically because I'm looking for, you know, some sort of gender equality, you know,

Speaker 8 thing.

Speaker 8 I was just more like, I really want to connect with other women, other moms.

Speaker 8 you know, other people that I could relate to on a feminine level that I can't, you know, around a guy, you know, plain and simple. Because, like you said, we are different.

Speaker 8 So you're going to have very different conversations with the genders, you know?

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, there's, there's a whole,

Speaker 2 I mean, there's a ton of viewpoints,

Speaker 2 ideas, activities, thoughts, feelings, et cetera, that I simply could not empathize with that you could say to me. And it's not that I don't care or don't think they're important.

Speaker 2 It's just, I just don't experience them or see them from the same view.

Speaker 8 And vice versa.

Speaker 2 And vice versa. And vice versa.
To me,

Speaker 2 you know, and I have, you know, I think, I think,

Speaker 2 so,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 there's been some stuff in our industry recently, some shake-ups and different groups, et cetera, that I don't want to necessarily name explicitly, but

Speaker 2 have involved

Speaker 2 women in particular. And I think that

Speaker 2 I'm of two very different minds on the gender thing. Part of me says, one,

Speaker 2 like, so, so I I am a staunch equality of opportunity guy,

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 I hate equality of outcome. I loathe it.
I, I am, I, I cannot even, I can, I can't, like, the idea of it, I find very hard to swallow.

Speaker 2 And I'm sure there are exceptions to that that I would be willing to accept, but they are very, very rare. However,

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 have

Speaker 2 even more

Speaker 2 I have even more distaste for individuals who remove opportunity for people. So, like, I look at something like,

Speaker 2 um,

Speaker 2 you know, look,

Speaker 2 more women are nurses than men, right?

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 is there, do we have a equality of gender nursing problem?

Speaker 2 No, because women, for whatever reason, that I don't understand because I'm not a biologist or a psychologist, they choose just out of their choice, choose nursing more than men choose nursing. Okay.

Speaker 2 And for whatever reason, in sales, men choose to be sales professionals more.

Speaker 2 So there shouldn't necessarily be an equal number of men and women in those professions. However,

Speaker 2 every woman who wants to be a sales professional and every man who wants to be a nurse, who

Speaker 2 has the skills to do it, should be allowed to to do it and should be given every opportunity to do it and this is the battle that i feel like we're missing like because today there's so much non completely nonsensical socialist talk i mean this is all socialism nonsense this is postmodern marxist bullshit that that somehow we need to have equal number of every ethnicity and every gender and all it's like There's literally not even the same number of humans of all these things here to have equal numbers.

Speaker 2 Like the percentages don't match. Like, if you were to have 50-50, you can't have 50-50 white people and black people in every industry in the country.

Speaker 2 There's simply not enough black people in the country to do that. There's not enough Asian people to do that.
There's, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 If you were to take white people and put them in Nigeria, there wouldn't be enough white people to do that. Like, it's

Speaker 2 this is the nonsense.

Speaker 2 However, the thing that we have to fight against, I believe, tooth and nail with every ounce of energy that we have is to make sure that anybody that wants that thing gets an opportunity to get it.

Speaker 2 They're not blocked.

Speaker 2 They're not talked negatively to. They're not discriminated against.

Speaker 2 They have every opportunity to be the thing as everyone else. So

Speaker 2 when I look at situations like

Speaker 2 the one you were presented with, right? Highly masculine, highly sales-oriented thing. What I think more often is the case is probably,

Speaker 2 and I think this is particularly for sales, I do believe that women are still not given the same opportunity to sell that men are given.

Speaker 2 I think that if you put a man and a woman applying for a sales job, that

Speaker 2 if they're both equal, the benefit of the doubt today is still going to skew towards the man if their skills are equal. And that's the thing that we have to fix.
Exactly.

Speaker 2 That's the thing we have to fix, in my opinion.

Speaker 8 I will say what I will give big props to Andy that I didn't get to mention before. So one of his top salespeople is female.

Speaker 2 And I wasn't making a knock on him. I don't.

Speaker 8 I'm just in case he was listening. Like, don't worry, Andy, we're not talking smack about you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I'm not 100%.

Speaker 2 Not talking about his event, just talking about the fact that there is such a disconnect in numbers. I feel like

Speaker 2 if

Speaker 2 more women were given equal, more of the women who wanted to be sales professionals were given the same opportunity to be sales professionals that men were, they're most likely to be more in that room agnostic of Andy's program.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 yeah, 100%.

Speaker 8 And I think, too, one of the situations that you're referencing, I'm privy to as well. You know, we don't have to dive down that.
But what to

Speaker 8 around that topic and kind of every, just to kind of circle back on everything we talked about, it all comes down to my favorite word, respect, right?

Speaker 8 So regardless of somebody's, you know, gender, spirituality, whatever, you know, everything that we're talking about, right?

Speaker 8 If, if you respect them and where they're coming from,

Speaker 8 you're going to give them the opportunity, you know, plain and simple. And I think that's what's been really cool about everything that

Speaker 8 I'm diving into is now I get to learn about these things because I will be the first to tell you I was so naive to, you know, everything that we're talking about, honestly.

Speaker 8 This is all very new to me, stuff that I'm just diving into. You know, I grew up, you know, in male-dominated sports and, you know, and I got into sales at a very young age.

Speaker 8 So for me, it was just, oh I'm in sales I never I never realized oh well I'm a female in sales or oh I'm a you know some sometimes I forget that you know my heritage is considered a minority and I never I never put a label to that so it wasn't until recently that I you know start hearing these labels and and

Speaker 8 becoming more aware of what other people are seeing and why there is a need to fight for opportunity like you're saying because I never I never realized that until recently until people bring that my intention I'm like well wow Like, well, what, how come I didn't see that before?

Speaker 8 And what's positive, though?

Speaker 2 Like, do you think it's a positive?

Speaker 2 One,

Speaker 2 assume like in a, in a, in a, in a, um, in a fictional scenario in which there are no barriers of opportunity.

Speaker 2 Does it, does it matter? Like, do you want, do you want like this constant and unending like focus on where we're from? Like, I, I, I struggle with that. Like, I'm like, I get it.

Speaker 2 Like, what I miss is when it used to be fucking cool that we were different. Like, right? Now I'm in high school.
Like, I don't know. The,

Speaker 2 I hate to say, you know, like, I don't know. Like the, I always looked at the black kids and I was like, they're so much cooler than I am.
They can dance better. They can sing better.

Speaker 2 They've, their, their style's way better. I was always like, I wanted to hang out with them.
I was like, they're fucking cool. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 They didn't want to hang out with me because it was a dorky white kid from the country, you know?

Speaker 2 So like, it's, I always look at it like, I loved our differences because it's what made the country so interesting. And now it's like, oh, no, no, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 We all have to be this blended version of each where we're all exactly the fucking same. And it's like, we're not the same.
That's the amazing part of it. But

Speaker 2 we have to focus on the differences if opportunity is not the same. If the access to opportunity is not the same.
And again, so my personal opinion is capitalism solves all this.

Speaker 2 Capitalism solves solves all of this. This is all postmodern Marxist bullshit because

Speaker 2 capitalism, if you're capitalist, you want whoever's the best. You don't give a shit.
You don't give a shit if they paint smurfs on their face and show up to work every day.

Speaker 2 If they can fucking sell, you're going to hire that person, right? Like you don't care.

Speaker 2 Well, it's metric.

Speaker 8 It's metric based at that point.

Speaker 8 And I think, and I actually think that you and I touched on this on our last podcast a little bit too, about how it's become mainstream, you know, to do this, you know, XYZ.

Speaker 8 And I do agree with you on the differences. And if you listen to, well, let's talk about Cody Sanchez or Alex Lamosi or even Andy Elliott, all of them say be unique.

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 8 stand out, really own your uniqueness, right? That's that's what's going to make you last through whatever crazy, craziness you're going through. I think, I think what I'm

Speaker 8 looking to do is figure out what is preventing, let's say, a girl from going to like one of those sales seminars or like uh

Speaker 8 what how can i help empower somebody to make them feel like they can do that too because i've always been a big big fan of you got to earn it you know obviously i'm a i like i like the idea of you know opportunity we want the opportunity to be there but you still got to earn it regardless of yeah yeah where you're from what you look like you know what gender you are right you you got to put in the work and have the results especially in sales you can't just show up and you know sit there with your

Speaker 8 well i won't say what i was going to say next but yeah, you can't just sit there, right? You actually have to do the work and show up every day.

Speaker 2 I bet that if you, I bet that if you reached out to 20 women and said, hey, I'm going to this, I went to this thing last year. It was amazing.
There's only like 10 of us there last year.

Speaker 2 I want to get another 10. I want there to be 20.
Who wants to come?

Speaker 2 I bet simply by opening that door and reaching your hand out, I bet half of them would take you up on it. Because I think a lot of times, I think a lot of times people just want to know, like,

Speaker 2 so I think, I think, one, look, you're, you, you're, you have a stage presence, right?

Speaker 2 You have a, you, you post these pictures and you're screaming into a microphone and you perform and, and, and I'm sure you have your own insecurities and things that bother you, but you, at the same time, you, you have a confidence as well.

Speaker 2 So that is a unique quality of you. It's also unique that you're simply willing to post that stuff as much as you are.

Speaker 2 So many people aren't willing to put any aspect of their life out there in that regard. So

Speaker 2 I do think that, and I'm not, I don't want to go all like Spider-Man here, but I feel like, I feel like with, you know, with great power does come great responsibility and being blessed, whether by nature or nurture, to have any level of confidence, I think not everybody has that naturally.

Speaker 2 I think they can develop it. And it is beholden to those of us.

Speaker 2 And I would put myself in this category too, because although I have just as many insecurities as anyone, I also do have a a lot of confidence in things.

Speaker 2 It's why I do this podcast is simply reach out to people and say, here, virtually take my hand and come along on this fucking ride with me because,

Speaker 2 because, because I don't want to do it alone. And there's, there's so much, there's so much here if you come.
So I think that if you did that, you'd get 10.

Speaker 2 And then the year after that, if you said all of them, hey, reach out to 20 of your girlfriends and

Speaker 2 bring five more people each or two people each. Now all of a sudden there's 40.
Then there's a hunt.

Speaker 2 Now all of a sudden, you know, now you you have half the audience is women who feel comfortable and supported and energized.

Speaker 2 And I think that's how you get there is just one by one linking this chain of saying, here's my, take my hand, come along for the ride. And that's how you get there because everybody

Speaker 2 show you the world.

Speaker 8 Oh my gosh. Also, for anyone listening, like people pay really good money to get advice like this.
So if you're next to a pen and paper, write this shit down because what Ryan just said,

Speaker 8 I'm going to go take action on. So thank you for sharing that.
That's probably been the best part of the podcast is what you just said. And

Speaker 8 I will absolutely admit and tell everyone listening, I was not born with confidence. Let me tell you a little story.
When I was in kindergarten, I had a presentation where I'm literally...

Speaker 8 just telling some i'm telling the crowd about what a fraction is like how to explain half and quarters right and it gets to my turn, I probably turn paper sheet white and I just burst into tears and run away.

Speaker 8 I run away. I don't even do the presentation.
I totally run away. And now, you know, now I am, I'm on a stage, I'm talking to crowd, I'm singing, you know,

Speaker 8 heavy metal music, you know, and it's,

Speaker 8 it was absolutely learned. It was not natural for sure.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 what I would probably say is actually true is that there were always aspects of your life that you were confident in, and there were other aspects that you weren't.

Speaker 2 And that what you have learned to do is allow the parts that you were confident in to start to disseminate into the other parts of your life.

Speaker 2 Because, um, and that's that is not like that's something I've learned over time. My mom says, You've been confident since the day you came out of me, you know,

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 but what's funny is I don't remember myself as a, you know, today I feel very confident in myself.

Speaker 2 And, but, and I feel like not that I'm always right, but simply I just try to walk through life as this is who I am and et cetera. But

Speaker 2 that is taken me years and years to allow that to break out of these very small pockets of confidence that I had into the rest of my life.

Speaker 2 And I think that, so, so one of the things that I have learned.

Speaker 2 And look, I've learned all this from reading. I'm a ferocious, verocious reader.
I just read,

Speaker 2 I wouldn't want to show you my,

Speaker 2 like books because it, you'd think I was a fucking crazy person. You'd think I was like a, like a cat lady who just sits inside with, I don't have a cat, but like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, I just, I have my reading chair with my little blanket and my pillows and my books stacked up next to them. And like, I love it.

Speaker 8 So I love it. I do have a question for you, though, Ryan, because I know that you are ADHD.
I want to know how many books do you read at a time?

Speaker 2 Right now, I have three books going.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 I have Thinking Fast and Slow by Nano Kamen. That one is really heavy and it's just taking me a long time to get through.
And to be honest with you, sometimes I just don't want the heaviness.

Speaker 2 I am reading the 48 Laws of Power, which

Speaker 2 is

Speaker 2 becoming a must read for me.

Speaker 2 But it's very chapter based. So I tend to like, I'll read one chapter and I'll be done.

Speaker 2 And then I just started because it's kind of a fast read, Patrick Bett David's new book, Choose Your Enemies Wisely. I'm a huge Patrick Bett David fan.

Speaker 2 I just love him. I love his story.
I love the way he approaches life. I love his position on what it means to be a man because

Speaker 2 I feel like

Speaker 2 men in particular have lost their way. They've lost their role in society.
And I know. And look, I love women.
I love strong women.

Speaker 2 And please don't take this the wrong way, but feminism went way too far.

Speaker 8 Oh,

Speaker 8 I will absolutely get behind behind that.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I think that one, women had been treated fucking horribly for a long time. Some of that was because we didn't, so I don't want to get to that topic.
That's a different thing.

Speaker 2 But the idea is men have lost their way, right? We, we are meant to be the protectors. Our body is built to shield women and children from shitty things.

Speaker 2 Like we're literally meant to be the cannon fodder so that they can keep going, right? Like that's that's why we're here. So, but but men have relinquished that.
And it doesn't mean you get to be a,

Speaker 2 again, that doesn't mean you get to be a fucking asshole. It just means you have, you know, come back in, be it, get your shit together.
Stop doing fucking drugs and masturbating all the time.

Speaker 2 Take care of your partner. You know what I mean? Like, like, teach your children lessons that are meaningful and useful.
Get a fucking job and make money. Like, it's important.

Speaker 2 Like, get off the counter.

Speaker 2 You must. Yes.
What is up with the Disney songs today?

Speaker 8 They're just flowing out of me.

Speaker 2 It's like, I just, I, I like, look at it and I'm like, what are we doing?

Speaker 2 Like, I'm far from perfect, but like, God, you know, like, hold the goddamn door for the woman when you take her out to dinner. Like, I'm like, what are you doing?

Speaker 2 It's not sexist to open the door for her. God, I don't get it.
Like, and if you're dating someone who thinks that it's sexist for you to open the door for her, get fucking rid of her. She's terrible.

Speaker 2 She is not someone that you want to be dating. So, like, I just, I, I just don't, I don't understand.
So,

Speaker 8 yeah. So,

Speaker 8 I'd love to ask you a question about that. So, let's say, alpha woman, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 8 Let's say I'm Alpha Woman over here. What can an Alpha woman do to help support a man be a man?

Speaker 2 Yeah, just don't knock him down. Fair.
Just don't knock him down. He's, he's trying just like you are.
Now, he should not knock you down either. Yeah.
Yeah. Come back to respect.

Speaker 2 He should not knock you down.

Speaker 2 Personally, I need a strong woman. I, I, I, I am,

Speaker 2 I, I, the women, you know, I'm single right now, but like the women that I date that I'm attracted to, I have to have a strong woman. I need a woman who is going to push back against me.

Speaker 2 I am crazy as fuck. I know that.
Just listen to this podcast. Like, I can't help this.
This is how I am.

Speaker 2 I need someone who's going to be able to take all this and then push back on me and be like, you know what? That shit you just said, that was nuts.

Speaker 2 But, but have the respect to say, okay, well, shit, maybe she's right. Not fuck you.
This is who I am. That's the way most guys react, right? No.
So

Speaker 2 most women react as well. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. There's a balance between like, I need a, I, I want, I love strong women.
Very important. It's very important to our culture, to our society, to our children, to our future, 100%.

Speaker 2 But that doesn't mean that men should be betas, right? You need, you know what I mean? There needs to be a balance.

Speaker 2 And I think Patrick Beth David, you know, contextually, you can tell, again, my ADHD is off the rails right now.

Speaker 2 Patrick Beth David is a wonderful, I believe, wonderful example of how to be

Speaker 2 a strong man while still

Speaker 2 takes care of his wife in the way that she needs to be taken care of, not like she's this princess who can't handle her shit. You know who's a better example? Alex and Layla Hermose.

Speaker 2 The way Alex and Layla Hermose interact as a couple, obviously, we don't know their backstory, but you can watch her socials and stuff.

Speaker 2 They have a, uh, what, what seemingly is a very functional relationship between two individuals who are both very strong alpha personalities. And I think that's wonderful.

Speaker 2 Cody Sanchez and her husband, you know, I mean, that's another one.

Speaker 2 And I think you, I think the rise of these people is because they are with someone who matches their energy and strength, not someone who is pushing them down or that they have to lift up, if that makes sense, right?

Speaker 2 Like it doesn't matter where you are in the spectrum, find someone who matches your energy and can rise with you, not someone who you're either pulling or someone who's trying, you know, quote unquote, above you trying to push you down.

Speaker 2 I don't know. And I think that goes for everything.
It goes for business partnerships. It goes for friendships.
Like, I think it's very, very important to find people. who match your energy

Speaker 8 and align with your values. I think that's,

Speaker 8 you probably see me getting emotional because I've been there where you're just

Speaker 8 constantly, your energy is sucked out of you from trying to pull people with you because you see it in them. You're like, I see it.
You can do it. Come with me.
And they're just not, you know, and

Speaker 8 there's everything you just said just like resonated with me super deeply because that it goes back to the whole, you know, that's, that's kind of what I'm doing right now.

Speaker 8 I'm trying to find, trying to find my tribe, you know, like, cause that's, you know, that, the cliche saying of you're the average of the flag people. Like, it's it's true, though.

Speaker 8 Who you surround yourself with is such a big deal in how you show up every day. They're the people that are going to hold your ass accountable.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 8 If, if I can't, if let's, if I slip up, I want someone to tell me, hey, that that was dumb, Kimmy. Like, let's, you know, let's fix this.
Otherwise, how the heck are you going to grow?

Speaker 2 So, I'm going to get, I'm going to give you something, and then we can call this, we can call this quits. Um, so, um, there is a, there's a program, um, and it, it's a book.

Speaker 2 It's called Living Your Best Year Ever by Darren Hardy. So Chris Paradiso originally introduced me to this.
I tried to do it on my own two years ago and failed miserably. Okay.

Speaker 2 This really needs to be done and is meant to be done with an accountability partner. So I have an accountability partner this year.

Speaker 2 One of my very good friends, we talked for almost a month. Before we decided to do this, right?

Speaker 2 It was like, do we feel like, because we're friends, do we do we feel like this is going to work right and we had that talk okay boom and then we've spent basically since september doing the pre-work etc

Speaker 2 and my point in saying all this to you is that

Speaker 2 he is the type of individual who

Speaker 2 if i say something I can trust because of using this program and the structure that it gives us to have conversations, the accountability associated with it, and then to your word, the respect between us to make sure that we stay on task.

Speaker 2 And I can tell you, we haven't even gotten, so the program technically is supposed to start in the new year, right? You go, you go calendar year is when the program starts.

Speaker 2 And in the fall, you do the pre-work, which is what we've been doing. And although you can start at any time, just so people know.

Speaker 2 But I can tell you just in doing the pre-work and surrounding myself on a regular basis with a high functioning, highly successful individual who is willing to give me honest and real feedback.

Speaker 2 Just in the last two and a half months, I have seen an ascension in my day-to-day

Speaker 2 life. Just the way that I approach things, the way that I, the decisions I make, you know, don't eat that.
You don't need it, right? You're not that kind of person.

Speaker 2 You're not the person that eats that cookie at two in the afternoon, right? Like, or whatever it is. And, and, so, finding that person or people

Speaker 2 is almost like if you, if you're unhappy with where you are right now, now, make that the next thing that you do.

Speaker 2 Like the very next thing you do is, is who are my one, three, five people that I want to surround myself with? Because if you do that, just by osmosis, you'll fucking become happier. You just will.

Speaker 2 Absolutely.

Speaker 8 And imagine if you had business partners, a romantic partner, a you know, whatever, fill in the blank that can do that for you, that can have those kind of conversations. Like,

Speaker 8 imagine what the world would be like, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, I'm excited for you.
Ooh, report back.

Speaker 2 I'm excited for, I'm excited for you. I love it.
And any, I mean, just outside of this, anytime you have thoughts or, hey, did you see this or whatever, send it over. I, I love it.

Speaker 2 I'm so happy for your journey. I'm happy you came on here.

Speaker 2 Come back again. Well, let's do this again in six months or so.
We can do check-ins. We can talk.
I think it's wonderful. I love, I pulled, you pulled out some great stuff.
I love the training.

Speaker 2 I love.

Speaker 2 What is it? Winning the mind within. What's the book?

Speaker 8 With winning in mind. I'll send you the link on it too.

Speaker 8 I probably have 10 of those books here. I just give them to people when I hear them struggling.
I'm like, read this.

Speaker 8 And

Speaker 8 it's about shooting sports and it's about mental management, but it all applies to everything, right?

Speaker 2 Love it. So we'll have with winning in mind and untethered soul linked up in the show notes for everybody.
I love the word disassociate.

Speaker 2 I think that's a wonderful way of viewing it. Disassociate yourself from your mind and your body.
I think that's tremendous. And that we should all treat each other with respect.

Speaker 2 I'm going to shabbooz.

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