RHS 164 - Never Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

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Speaker 2 Hello, and welcome back to the show.

Speaker 2 Today, we have what I hope will be an incredible episode because it's going to be a solo episode, so I never know what is going to come spewing out of my face when I do these episodes.

Speaker 2 Obviously, I have a plan, but

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 we're kind of letting it fly when we do solo episodes, and I hope you enjoy it. That being said, this is going to kind of be a little more of a fluffier conceptual episode.

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Speaker 2 That is the new community that I created where I am sharing, you know, basically.

Speaker 2 my process, my thoughts, the things that I'm researching, what I've done, what I've learned over the years in creating peak performance in business, in my life, which

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We launched it first week of November, and we're not even to December yet.

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Speaker 2 if you want all that, go to Finding Peak. Also, want to give a huge shout out to my friends, my colleagues

Speaker 2 over at SIAA. Guys, you know, a lot of people actually have asked me since I joined SIA, like, what, you know, what has it been like? What's it like? Well, first and foremost, I can tell you that

Speaker 2 Matt Masiello,

Speaker 2 the CEO of SIA, who purchased SIA in conjunction with a few other entities, purchased out his father in a previous ownership group. And

Speaker 2 the way that Matt handles himself, the way that he leads this organization, the way that he is driving growth, it's a new SIA. It's a new thing.
And, you know, you never know what to expect.

Speaker 2 I like the people. Obviously, I had a tremendous amount of respect for Matt.
Many of the people that I respect have respect for Matt.

Speaker 2 And that was why I initially engaged and then getting to know the people and then ultimately making the decision to move forward with the acquisition of Rogue.

Speaker 2 You never know what you're going to get, right? And I've talked about this before,

Speaker 2 but they have been nothing but absolutely tremendous. And I know there's 5,000 plus agencies in the network and everyone's experience is slightly different.

Speaker 2 And if you do Google searches on SIA, you're going to find great comments and you're going to find negative comments and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2 And that's just the nature of a large, you know, kind of enterprise level, best best in class um organization like sia but i will tell you if you're looking to optimize the revenue of your agency if you're looking for growth if you're looking to uh get into a community with people who are driving forward where massive change is happening um then I would highly consider SIA.

Speaker 2 I mean, I know you're going to say, well, Ryan, these guys own you. So obviously you're biased.
And, you know, some of that is true. I mean, I work for SIA essentially now.

Speaker 2 So there is some of like, these are the people that pay my bills. But at the same time, like, they don't ask me to do this.
I've told you guys this many times, like SIA does not own this podcast.

Speaker 2 Like, this is mine still. And I can do whatever the heck I want with it.
And I'm choosing to use this time to share that.

Speaker 2 that if you are considering a network and there are many great networks out there. SAA is not the only great network and SIA is not for everyone.
So I don't want it to be like that.

Speaker 2 I mean, there are some really tremendous networks, both small and large, that might be a better fit. But what I would like to just put in your ear is:

Speaker 2 if you're looking to maximize the revenue of your agency, if you're looking to be part of a larger ecosystem with an incredible supportive network that has made major changes

Speaker 2 in both the way they handle their contracts, the way they handle their members, their master agencies, the way they deal with carrier partners and vendor partners, and get in at a time where growth, where technological innovation, where education are becoming major priorities, then I think you at least should give SAA a chance.

Speaker 2 And the best way to do that is to go to SAA.com. So with that, guys, I love you for listening to this podcast.
I love you for being part of this community.

Speaker 2 I do this podcast because I just like sharing with you. Like, I think...

Speaker 2 I think if you're taking the time to give me your earspace, then that's a wonderful gift that I do not take lightly.

Speaker 2 And I've said this to you a thousand times, and hopefully I'll send it to you, say it to you a thousand times more. I love you for listening to this podcast.

Speaker 2 So with that, we're going to put a transitional moment in here

Speaker 2 and get over to what I wanted to talk about, which is inspiration in a conversation that I had yesterday. So

Speaker 2 you're listening to this, know that very recently from whenever you're listening to this,

Speaker 2 I had another episode queued up for this week, the week that this episode is being podcast and another episode or published.

Speaker 2 I had another episode of the podcast scheduled to be published, and I bumped it for this particular topic, which came out of a conversation that I had with Chris Paradiso.

Speaker 2 So Chris and I, just because we're both very busy and with everything he's got going on, everything I have going on and life and the holidays and all that kind of stuff, we haven't caught up in a while.

Speaker 2 And we had a chance to, and we talked for a while, and it was awesome because Chris is a tremendous guy.

Speaker 2 And he's always got very interesting interesting and probing questions that you know force you to think and and it's wonderful to have him as a friend and a mentor and and as someone that I can reach out to and have these conversations with and you know he brought up an idea that I wholly agreed with which was you know he said

Speaker 2 I and to be honest with you I can't even remember the context in which this vein of the conversation came up but once it did I had a hard time getting off of it and it was this idea that

Speaker 2 the concept or the quote or whatever, which you can find all over the internet, if you search for this term, you're going to see thousands and thousands of articles that have been written on the idea of

Speaker 2 get comfortable with being uncomfortable. And what Chris's comment was, I hate the idea of getting comfortable being uncomfortable because

Speaker 2 there is nothing comfortable about being uncomfortable. And if you,

Speaker 2 you know, the idea of the concept obviously has merit, right? Like put yourself in uncomfortable situations and accept them and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2 But the term being comfortable with being uncomfortable is

Speaker 2 a fallacy.

Speaker 2 It's a misguided goal. It's going to lead you down a path ultimately to the type of failure that isn't productive.

Speaker 2 It's going to lead you, in my impression, it's going to, you know, I believe it's going to lead you to failure and to quitting.

Speaker 2 Not the kind of failure that you learn from, but the failure for when something that you really wanted doesn't actually happen and

Speaker 2 isn't going to happen.

Speaker 2 Because if you're hoping that if you go for a run every day for a week or you make a couple cold calls, or you do a couple videos or whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable that's holding you back from your goals,

Speaker 2 right? You take a couple cold showers, or you

Speaker 2 start being honest with your spouse or with your friends,

Speaker 2 or

Speaker 2 you take a leadership position, or put yourself out in front of an organization for a not-for-profit, or whatever that thing is.

Speaker 2 If you think that you're ever going to become comfortable being uncomfortable, then you are wholly mistaken.

Speaker 2 One of the things that I

Speaker 2 am proud of in my life is that I have

Speaker 2 resisted pure, you know, being purely comfortable for most of my life. I tend to need and seek out uncomfortable moments, situations, activities, things that hurt or are hard or

Speaker 2 make me

Speaker 2 question what I'm doing, make me, you know,

Speaker 2 create negative feedback or criticism or, or just criticism in general, not necessarily negative. You know, these types of moments,

Speaker 2 they're incredibly uncomfortable and they're always

Speaker 2 uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 If you're chasing the concept that somehow you're going to like wake up one day and be like, oh, cold showers are like super easy. Or, hey, cold calling, I'm like, this is easy.
I love being rejected.

Speaker 2 That's amazing. That's bullshit.
That's complete and utter bullshit. When people say that stuff, they're selling you something, right? Cold showers suck every single time you get in them forever.

Speaker 2 I did cold showers for two and a half years. I haven't been doing them for the last year or two.
And, you know, that's me failing at that particular activity.

Speaker 2 But when I start doing them again, which I want to, they're never going to be comfortable. They're purposefully uncomfortable, right?

Speaker 2 Joe Rogan, I don't know if you guys like or dislike Joe Rogan. I love Joe Rogan.
i think that he's a national treasure and um believe him to be one of the great

Speaker 2 one of the great people and thinkers of our time for sure um as much as to some of you uh that might sound weird um he posts images of himself and or the thermometer in the sauna that he has in his podcast studio and he'll have it cranked up to 190 200 220 degrees at times and what he'll say um and and you know I'm looking at like one of his Instagram posts that he put up is basically he does this not for the first 20 minutes, but for the last 10 minutes, saying he sits in there for a half hour when he does it.

Speaker 2 The last 10 minutes, every time, are incredibly uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 No matter how often he's, you know, he's how no matter how well he has his breathing in rhythm, or, you know, how hydrated he is, or how mentally prepared he is, or whatever, The last 10 minutes suck.

Speaker 2 They're just terrible. And

Speaker 2 the breathing is difficult and it's painful and he's sweating and he wants...

Speaker 2 He wants to end it. And he even says

Speaker 2 he stares at the door and all he wants to do is open it and end the sucking, right? End the awfulness.

Speaker 2 But the point is that it's awful. That's the point.
The point is that it is uncomfortable sitting in a sauna at 200 degrees for 30 minutes. It's incredibly difficult to do that.

Speaker 2 And most people won't do it because it feels like you're cooking yourself because that's essentially what you're doing.

Speaker 2 You're cooking your body like a turkey or

Speaker 2 whatever, a roast in the oven.

Speaker 2 You're cooking yourself and it's tough.

Speaker 2 And it's the uncomfortableness that makes it

Speaker 2 a worthy activity because

Speaker 2 our lives today are so set up for comfort, right? We want things to be easy and automated. Just Google automation in our industry.

Speaker 2 Everybody wants everything to be automated, automated this, automate, automate, automate, easy, easy, easy. Well, it's like, if we just keep automating, then what separates us?

Speaker 2 Your ability to automate? I guess. I mean, it's not really that hard to automate a business.
It's really not. It just removes all the personality, authenticity, creativity.
It removes all the

Speaker 2 depth.

Speaker 2 It removes all the soul of your business. I mean, I wrote a book, Content Warfare, back in 2015.

Speaker 2 And one of the chapters in that book, and one of the concepts that I'm the most proud of, is this idea of digitizing the soul of your business, right?

Speaker 2 When we go online, we're not trying to replace our business, we're not trying to reinvent our business, we're trying to digitize the soul of our business. And when we seek out

Speaker 2 comfort, right? When we seek out comfort, then all we're doing is

Speaker 2 we're diminishing. We're diminishing that soul.

Speaker 2 We're making it less than,

Speaker 2 we're making it softer

Speaker 2 and we're giving the edges a fuzziness because it's easy.

Speaker 2 It's easy and it's comfortable and it feels good and it doesn't force us to think hard. It doesn't force us to make tough decisions.

Speaker 2 No one's going to question us for making easy, comfortable decisions.

Speaker 2 And we can go about our day in this, you know, kind of drugged up haze of comfortability that somehow we've got it all figured out. And then something shitty happens.
And

Speaker 2 being comfortable doesn't work anymore.

Speaker 2 What's up, guys? Sorry to take you away from the episode, but as you know, we do not run ads on this show. And in exchange for that, I need your help.

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Speaker 2 I love you for listening to this show and I hope you enjoy it listening as much as I do creating the show for you. All right, I'm out of here.
Peace. Let's get back to the episode.

Speaker 2 And, you know, I'm reading this book and it was funny that a lot of this came, Chris has just finished the book as well. It's called Anti-Fragile by Nassim Nicholas Taleb.

Speaker 2 It is by far one of the best books I've read in my entire life, and I've read quite a few books. It is a very heady, deep, long read.
It has literally taken me months to read this book.

Speaker 2 I've put it down and come back to it. The concepts are intense.

Speaker 2 He uses words and turns of phrase that are sometimes difficult to follow at face value. You have to think about them.

Speaker 2 The thing is dog-eared, and I have notes in it, and underlines, and circles, and red ink, and blue ink, and all kinds of different stuff.

Speaker 2 And it's essentially become like a textbook in the way that I've kind of marked it up. And at its core is this idea of being anti-fragile.

Speaker 2 So we, we,

Speaker 2 we, you know, so what, what

Speaker 2 Talab basically describes is what he calls the triad, right? It's the, the three, the three kind of phases or three outcomes, three, um,

Speaker 2 three stages that we could potentially be in. We can be fragile, we can be robust, or we can be anti-fragile.

Speaker 2 And the defining characteristic of fragile versus anti-fragile is that fragile has limited upside and infinite downside.

Speaker 2 Anti-fragile has limited downside and infinite upside, particularly, particularly when bad things happen, right? So the idea here is how do you create a life that

Speaker 2 allows you to be anti-fragile. And the idea is not to become comfortable with uncomfortable things, but be able to sustain through uncomfortable things.

Speaker 2 To know that it's going to be uncomfortable, that it's going to suck, that it's going to be painful that you're going to hate it the entire time that you're doing something but that you're going to persist and survive that is the goal of being anti-fragile that is the goal that i think we should strive for in our life it's what it's what i'm working towards um you know be honest with you with everything that happened in my life this year uh with my divorce with dealing with that, I fell apart at certain times and at very dark moments.

Speaker 2 And I'd like to believe that the work that I've done in peak performance in previous iterations of my life, the work that I did

Speaker 2 in dealing with all the inflammation that I had in my body for so long, and you can go back and read some of those articles. I'm happy to share them with you if you're interested.

Speaker 2 You can find some of them at ryanhanley.com, or if you just search my name in

Speaker 2 anti-inflammatory diet or whatever, you can find that stuff on the internet.

Speaker 2 You know, this work, this taking cold showers, the deadlifting, the working out, you know, for no reason.

Speaker 2 You know, it was funny, Chris even said, he goes, he goes, look at how much you work out, and I work out, and like, what are we trying to like, we're not going to be like beach body guys.

Speaker 2 It's not like we're going to spring break and showing off our muscles. Like, why would we do this? It doesn't make any sense.
And the idea is,

Speaker 2 I want to know that when shitty things happen, that when the when when bad stuff happens, and I'm, you know, it could be complete and utter catastrophe and apocalypse, which would be horrible, or it could just be something acute and awful that happens in business.

Speaker 2 A big deal falls apart, a key employee leaves,

Speaker 2 your boss or your partner gets up in your ass because you're not performing or your whatever, your spouse kicks you out of the house, or your kids are having a really tough time, or someone starts messing with you for no reason, or hating you on the internet, or

Speaker 2 deceiving you, or a partner creates a bad deal, or something really bad happened, does, something really bad in the world does happen, right? Like

Speaker 2 to be able to persist and survive and not be comfortable with the uncomfortable, but be able to drive through it.

Speaker 2 Because if you're because, because this is the concept, the concept is when you've made 50 cold calls and every single one of those have told you no, and you feel like shit and it's awful and you're grinding and every part of your body is telling you to stop because you suck at it and people hate you and your offer isn't good enough and your pitch isn't good enough and your intro isn't good enough and you keep making those calls, that's how you win.

Speaker 2 That's not, you're not going to get comfortable with that. Every time you do it, it's going to suck.

Speaker 2 It's going to be terrible, it's going to be awful, and your skin's going to crawl, and you're going to hurt, and your head's going to hurt, and you're going to get headaches, and you're going to get anxiety, and you're going to get heart palpitations, and your blood pressure is going to spike, and you're all this, and you're going to be just feel terrible but you're going to get through it not because you're comfortable being uncomfortable but because you're willing to persist being uncomfortable you're anti-fragile

Speaker 2 you're willing to push through and create upside when everyone else is experiencing downside You're willing to think out into the future and create situations of what

Speaker 2 Taleb calls optionality.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to go into that concept today. I would encourage you to get the book or just Google it.
I'm sure there's like excerpts.

Speaker 2 But optionality gives you the ability to have limited or known downside with infinite or max upside.

Speaker 2 And the more optionality we can create in our life, the more ability we have to persist through the uncomfortable and be the most,

Speaker 2 the biggest, baddest versions of ourselves, right?

Speaker 2 We have the ability to continue, to outlast our competition, because when they're hunkering down, when they're letting people go, when they're, you know, consolidating their resources, when they're licking their wounds, you don't give a shit.

Speaker 2 You're bleeding, and you're beat up, and you're bruised, and you're miserable, and you hate your situation, and you hate what's happening, but you're gonna keep freaking going.

Speaker 2 Not because you're comfortable, but because that's what it takes to be successful.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 not everyone is going to be able to walk this path. And most people will not.
Most of you listening to this have probably already shut it off. You're like, ah, this fluffy bullshit, whatever.

Speaker 2 I don't care, right? Or Hanley doesn't know what he's talking about. What the hell does he know? And that might be true.
All of that might be true. But I believe what I believe.

Speaker 2 And I've experienced life in a lot of different ways.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 a lot of shitty things, just like everybody, just like everybody, a lot of shitty things have happened to me. And

Speaker 2 I'm as proud of who I am today as I have ever been.

Speaker 2 I'm not the fullest, most, you know, badass version of myself I could ever be, but I'm working towards that. And I'm trying to put myself in more uncomfortable situations.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to be more honest with people every day.

Speaker 2 I tend to hide my feelings. I tend to repress my feelings because I don't like to hurt people.
I don't like to create conflict.

Speaker 2 My natural mechanism is to avoid conflict as much as some of my previous bosses may not necessarily agree with that.

Speaker 2 I don't like conflict. I tend to avoid it.
I tend to be a people pleaser.

Speaker 2 I tend to, you know, get overwhelmed and stressed. And as much as I can, I'm kind of like an omnivert.

Speaker 2 I can, I can be very extroverted, but I also tend to need to back in and kind of recoup my energy.

Speaker 2 And that yin and yang is often sometimes hard to manage and I wake up some days and all I want to do is screw off and not do the work that I know I need to do and then other days I can't stop working and

Speaker 2 you know I've kind of

Speaker 2 recently accepted that I probably have like some ADHD stuff which is fine you know whatever I mean it's it's it is what it is frankly I consider it more of a superpower but but but accepting it has helped me deal with some of the times when I when I get frustrated people that they can't follow the way my brain works And I've had to kind of realize that some of that is just my brain works differently than some other people.

Speaker 2 And it's not fair to think that someone can follow the way I'm thinking, you know, because I struggle to follow the way they're thinking. And that has created a lot of conflict in my life.

Speaker 2 And I'm trying to deal with that. And, you know, and all of this is uncomfortable and hard.
And

Speaker 2 to keep up with the podcast and to get everything I need to do with Rogue and to be with, into, and to do the things I need to do for my children.

Speaker 2 And, you know, I'm seeing this woman and, you know, I'm trying to be the best version of myself that I can be for her and not make the same mistakes that I made with my spouse, which obviously were mistakes that cost me that relationship.

Speaker 2 And, you know, it just is,

Speaker 2 it's an uncomfortable world.

Speaker 2 And I hope, my hope.

Speaker 2 for you looking looking out into 2023 is we think through all these things right there's all these things that we're that we have to think that we start planning and we start you know creating goals and all that and i guess i guess my hope for you is that you will not seek comfort in 2023 or even try to be comfortable being uncomfortable that you will just embrace the shitty suck that is doing the uncomfortable things that make us fucking awesome that's my hope for you I love you for listening to this podcast.

Speaker 2 If you enjoyed it, I hope you'll share it. I hope you tell a friend about it.
I really hope that you'll subscribe to Finding Pete because I feel like I'm starting to do good work there.

Speaker 2 Still shaking out some of the cobwebs from not creating as much, but it feels really good to have fingers back on keyboard.

Speaker 2 And as always, my friends, I hope you absolutely dominate. I love you for listening to this podcast.
I'm out of here. Peace.

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