David Flies COACH?? & The Booty Sniffer is Caught

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Speaker 1 Dana, you'll never believe what happened to me on the road. Okay, uh, a lot of stuff happens to you, so what are you talking about? I mean,

Speaker 1 you just won't believe it, it's too much.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 okay, well, my brain goes to is this something dire, something fantastic,

Speaker 1 something

Speaker 1 gig, giggy, great audience. You know, what's the list of what it could be? Cold, cold, cold.

Speaker 1 Welcome,

Speaker 1 you're not getting any warmer.

Speaker 1 Fella, give me something. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, Dana,

Speaker 1 you know, I'm out there. And I'm,

Speaker 1 no.

Speaker 1 No, I flew a coach. That was it.

Speaker 1 No, I flew coach. Actually, Heather, will you send that picture? I'm going to explain this.

Speaker 1 I,

Speaker 1 you have to wait for this picture.

Speaker 1 Anyway, I flew coach. Have you ever flown? You know what coach is, Dana?

Speaker 1 I was born in coach.

Speaker 1 That should be, that's like a country song. I was, you know, and by the way, in a minute, I'm going to

Speaker 1 show you

Speaker 1 a billboard. I'm going to show the audience, which kind of a

Speaker 1 sort of about our friendship.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I'll show it in one minute. I'll hang in there for that.

Speaker 1 So, but first, now that

Speaker 1 we're at 3.15, what do you got? You flew coach? I flew coach, but they have a way of showing you it's not coach. Look at this.
So here I am in coach, roughing the shit out of me. No, coach is fine.

Speaker 1 I don't mind it.

Speaker 1 I got a neck thing. So if I sit up straight, I'm fine with it.
Anyway, they put this little four-inch thing. I go, this cannot be what you have to separate.
It used to be a curtain. Remember, they go.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. They go, hey, sorry, this is first class.

Speaker 1 Don't try to, don't try. You're not coming up here.

Speaker 1 And, you know, every once in a while, you're up there and someone wanders through the curtain and it's like a major D. No, you must not be here.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. And they have a baby and they're trying to use the first class bathroom.
I go, let him in, let him in. And they're like, no.

Speaker 1 I know someone that says, I always flight coach. I walk up to first to take a dump.
I'm like, no, you cannot. No.

Speaker 1 You cannot. You cannot.

Speaker 1 But I went up there just to, anyway, the flight was okay. What I'm getting at is my precious neck.
I get to New York.

Speaker 1 It's fun in New York. Oh, I'll show you a video I took.
I'm a bit of a street influencer. I feel like I'm part of the audience right now.

Speaker 1 I've got videos. I've got stories.
Are you going to jump? Shut the fuck up. Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, I.

Speaker 1 was doing a boner for those of you at home. A boner is when you call in at a a gig

Speaker 1 you usually have you have to do it for most gigs just to make the city aware you're there before you so i said i'll do a phoner for jacksonville it's sort of a fundraiser it was a gala for the jacksonville hall of fame okay they had jim feerick they had that's a golfer and they had some people there oh yeah super super fun little uh show so i'm doing this phoner to the local zoo crew of you know jacksonville and then i have these stupid things on that i hate their guts These things that stick in your ears.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And with my precious, I wake up neck trouble already, boop, but I don't have a show that night.
I just have this phoner. I'm going to go do a set at the stand later in New York.

Speaker 1 So this story is fucking riveting. It's riveting.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So far. Don't go anywhere.

Speaker 1 No one at home. Pull over.
Skip work. So I have, if you can't watch me, I have headset in on the phone.

Speaker 1 It quietly, there's a drawer in my desk. I'm sitting there.
It's under hooking under the drawer like this.

Speaker 1 You know what's coming. My neck hurts so bad in my middle of my hysterical interview.
I get up to walk somewhere else.

Speaker 1 Yanks on the drawer, yanks me down, snaps me. Oh,

Speaker 1 I fall. I land on the ground.
I've fallen. And I'm pretty sure I can't get up.
And these are popped out. My neck, C4 through 12, is like,

Speaker 1 and now i'm on the ground like this and i hear

Speaker 1 it's a zoo crew he's still there and i'm like this

Speaker 1 flatlining it's horrible

Speaker 1 yeah and i'm like this and they hear me like this oh

Speaker 1 just noises and then i go

Speaker 1 then i get my bearings and i'm like this plug-in plug-in phone stand up and i'm like hello and they're like david will be at the jackson bill igloo tonight he's still still talking I'm like,

Speaker 1 so this is Tommy and the Bull in here with Joe Dirt himself, David Espade. Hey, hey, partner,

Speaker 1 you blacked out for a second. You're all right there.
You need a little bit. I like that.
Yeah. And I'm literally full concussion.
Just like this neck snap. Now my headache's worse.
And I'm like,

Speaker 1 and anyway, that was pretty much the long and short of it. But

Speaker 1 I didn't like it. And then I got home and I got my PT, Dr.
Jenna, who ripped me apart yesterday, my neck.

Speaker 1 I'm like, and I'm like, I have to work tomorrow, which is this, whatever we do. I have to work tomorrow.
She's like, what, your stupid podcast? I'm like, oh,

Speaker 1 what did you say?

Speaker 1 I know. Well, I had similar problems.
Like, the remote wasn't working because I remember I watched it.

Speaker 1 I was like, I was going to, I was like, ow, ow, ow, and it wasn't working at all. So then I shook it.
Maybe the battery.

Speaker 1 I opened up the thing to see if the batteries needed battery.

Speaker 1 This is our wall.

Speaker 1 And I was watching the show and I was in a rocker and I went

Speaker 1 yeah, did you get hurt?

Speaker 1 I'm still in the act output. That's rocking? Going backward.

Speaker 1 Hello, darkness, my own rocker.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then I grabbed the headphones and I wheeled myself in.

Speaker 1 Like this.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm just inspired by your soundtrack. Jurassic Park.

Speaker 1 I'm inspired that your whole life has this soundtrack. I know.
It just helps the story move a little bit. I mean, it's funny random sound effects.
Like, hey, how are you?

Speaker 1 I'll tell you one more thing. I went to dinner.
And here's, you might not get this because you go to horror. I don't go to dinner.
You go to fancy restaurants. I'll make dinner.
Go ahead.

Speaker 1 You eat denty more beef stew out of your doomsday shelter.

Speaker 1 Well, there is a bit of doomsday shelter-ness around my environment. Dude, there's a story we're going to get to that involves you.
I'm going to bring you up. Okay, and I still have this.

Speaker 1 So, the quick story is: the waiter's like this: so I get to the nice dinner, I go to take a bite, and the waiter goes, Is everything tasting deliciously over here?

Speaker 1 And then I got to go,

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 yep,

Speaker 1 yep, so far. And then they come back three seconds later.
They say something funny. She goes, Oh, yeah.
See, I think, is everything scrumptious after the first bite?

Speaker 1 They have new ways of positioning it. I haven't heard that one.
Yeah. That's a little pushy.
It's a little pushy. Three bites of a tuna tartare later.
He's like,

Speaker 1 that's one of our favorite things here. Are your taste buds jizzing all over your mouth yet? And I go, that one,

Speaker 1 that one feels like that. Seems a bit I haven't heard that one.

Speaker 1 I know. Have you ever had this one? Like they're like, oh, open up the mouth, open up your mouth.
Here comes Mr. Caboose.
And they have a spoon and they start spoon feeding you Napoleon ice cream.

Speaker 1 And then what happened? I go like this. He goes, you're almost there.
And then he pulls his wiener out.

Speaker 1 Dana, I have to say wiener because someone made a pie chart of our podcast and it says the chunk where David says wiener and it's like 44% of the pie chart.

Speaker 1 You get a wiener, and I'm surprised it's that low.

Speaker 1 I think you

Speaker 1 get a wiener and you don't pull it out, but you get the vernacular in the podcast. I'd say more like 76%.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. But what do I say all the time? Like, hey, buddy, I must say what is it on his chart? What does he say? I don't have

Speaker 1 people in the comments really

Speaker 1 like to go. No, I would say 97%

Speaker 1 positive in the

Speaker 1 nice. I'll tell people who, um, first of all, watch us and like us, thank you, first of all.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but we, you know, you do this for long enough, you're kind of like, and there's all of a sudden a story comes into your head, and halfway through it, you realize you told that same story 60 episodes ago.

Speaker 1 We told that between Tom Hanks and Cheryl Crow,

Speaker 1 and your brain is going,

Speaker 1 just say it anyway.

Speaker 1 fireworks. Oh, yeah.
Let me see if I can get a half hour ago. What the freak? Wait.

Speaker 1 We get our screen to make fireworks. It doesn't fucking.
But we did it by accident, and then I did it. Damn it.
Life is disappointing sometimes, but we'll get to that.

Speaker 1 Well, the last thing I'll tell you, this relates to you, but it's really about me, is good.

Speaker 1 I position it like it's about you.

Speaker 1 Is that

Speaker 1 you're very excited because they're doing a spin-off to one of your favorite movies. Oh,

Speaker 1 2000.

Speaker 1 No, we've already done 2010.

Speaker 1 I mean, happy Gilmore 2.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, not Hal. Not Hal.
No, no, no. That's my friend Tony Hopkins, right? Nope.
Nope. It's this.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm going to have to fight you, Bruce Lee. However you're doing.
Oh, okay. They're doing like the character of Brad Pitt, Cliff Booth, I think.
Yep. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, that's a good plan. Yeah.
I like it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Beats up Bruce Lee.
Remember that? Or I'm going to be a little bit more. Remember that time in Hollywood.
You're kind of pretty for a stunt man. So here's a

Speaker 1 picture. He's shooting it right now.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's him. So retro, they got a retro wig on him on this one.
Yeah, is he playing me?

Speaker 1 That's not you, and that's not Heather?

Speaker 1 They're doing Joe Dirt too, starring Rat Kit. That's obscene.
He's kind of got sideburns, too.

Speaker 1 No, I guess in the show, they're trying to de-age him back to the, well, in the show, it was the 60s, so I don't really understand. Well, did he have this look in the movie?

Speaker 1 No, no, he didn't have long hair, not longish hair like this.

Speaker 1 Can we show a picture of him? It looks like Montezuma. He's a Gonzalez with him, but it probably isn't.
That might be early 70s.

Speaker 1 People like my dad hated the goddamn long hairs, you know, and he used to shave our head. These goddamn long hairs.
And then by 75, he had hair over his ears. They adapt later.

Speaker 1 So maybe that's Pitt in the self. Do you think, I think he's playing a Hollywood fixer.
Yeah, see, there he's kind of Steve McQueen. Oh, it's more Stephen Queen.
And it's, you see his ear.

Speaker 1 He's not doing

Speaker 1 the buffon.

Speaker 1 I guess he has to have a little different, but I think he's got a wig because

Speaker 1 from this thing I saw on this story about he's playing kind of a Hollywood fixer back in the day. That makes sense with his skills.
Which is interesting. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I think it's a good idea. Probably to make money, you're a stunt man.
It's like, what do you do? And maybe he got old, too old to do stunts. He's out there beating people up and shit.

Speaker 1 Well, in the other movie,

Speaker 1 he wasn't getting stunt work because he's too much of a hothead. You know, he beat up Bruce Lee.
So then he was just

Speaker 1 the gopher. Hey, man, I'm your gopher.
And I like when you're out of town, kind of house sitting up there in the Hollywood Hills. Let's face it, I haven't worked as a stunt man in a long time.

Speaker 1 The way I look at it is a lot of things worse than going to Italy and making some spaghetti westerns i don't want to go do goddamn spaghetti western how many seen one

Speaker 1 two

Speaker 1 come on man yeah sorry i like the movie saw it 11 cars he's great and the only thing is the director's really good but i don't think it's quintin it's david fincher right but but that's great though quenton we're on first name basis he is a great director

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Speaker 1 We should have Quentin on. I don't know why we don't.
Why don't we? Why don't you want to?

Speaker 1 I,

Speaker 1 when I hosted for Jimmy Kimmel,

Speaker 1 I said, they said, who do you want? I said, can I get Quentin Tarantino? And they said, yes.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I wanted to talk to him like on a podcast. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, it's all these commercial breaks. And I was doing impressions of people in the movie.
I don't know. But yeah,

Speaker 1 I am a huge fan of the team. We'll put out some feelers.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We'll talk to his team.

Speaker 1 Your team. Talk to your team first.
Speaking of movies,

Speaker 1 this is Tombstone with Val Kilmer.

Speaker 1 Can you read that? I love it. If I thought you weren't my friend, I just don't think I could bear it.
So he plays Doc Holiday in this movie so brilliantly. You know, wow, you be my hucklebar.

Speaker 1 Whoa, if I thought you weren't my friend, I just don't think I could bear it.

Speaker 1 It's almost Jimmy Stewart. But this movie is incredible.
Is that the one with Kurt Russell? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because there's two. Kurt Russell.
I think he does two, but Tombstone had Kurt Russell, and it had Billy Bob Thornton play when he was kind of chubby, plays a guy who Kurt Russell threatens in a bar.

Speaker 1 It's just great Western. And Val Kilmer is brilliant in it.
His famous line I had wrong. Did you know this?

Speaker 1 His famous line I had wrong. I'll be your hucklebearer.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? I thought it was, I'll be a huckleberry. Huckleberry, I think.

Speaker 1 Why, if I was, if I thought we weren't friends, I don't think I could bear it. I haven't seen the movie lately.
My impression is a little wobbly.

Speaker 1 Well, I used to say, I'll be your Huckleberry because he says it to a guy in kind of a flirty, like crazy person. They're going to go to a gunfight and try to kill each other.

Speaker 1 And it's all kind of feminine and like a high school dance. I'll be your Huckleberry.

Speaker 1 But what it is is

Speaker 1 it's Hucklebearer because that's what they called the Paul Bears to carry the guy's coffin. God, that's amazing.
I've seen the movie at least five times.

Speaker 1 So he, it's so cool because he goes, I'll be your Huckleberry. Like, I'll be one of the guys that'll carry your coffin when I kill you.
I'll be a Huckleberry. Like, I'll do you a favor.

Speaker 1 When I kill you, I'll be one of the guys that carries your coffin. That's inside baseball, man.
That's cool. Isn't that cool? Because I did not know that.

Speaker 1 His accent was so dense that you just couldn't tell.

Speaker 1 And he looked like a stud. Cool, cool, cool.
But, you know, really good. And I'm looking forward to that Cliff Booth one.
That, a quick Hollywood story, kind of fun.

Speaker 1 So I'm doing a movie with Nicholas Cage and John Lovett's Trapped in Paradise. It's a holiday treat.
No, it was a bit.

Speaker 1 But anyway,

Speaker 1 this movie, Tombstone, is out at that time, you know, and Kurt Russell is threatening Billy Bob Thornton, like I just mentioned, the bar scene.

Speaker 1 And he says, and Kurt Russell goes, you know, instead of saying, you're going to draw a gun on me, you're going to throw down, boy.

Speaker 1 You're going to throw down? So that became a big running phrase between me and Nicholas Cage. If he thought I did good in a scene, he goes, Oh, you threw down, man.

Speaker 1 That was, that was, that's,

Speaker 1 I like it. Um, and when does that come out?

Speaker 1 Uh, 2081.

Speaker 1 Trapped in paradise. It had a lot of potential.
John Lovett, Nicholas Cage, and I, but it's a, that's a whole podcast.

Speaker 1 We'll bring in Nicholas Cage and talk, and John and bring him talk about the movie. Eight podcast series.
Were you ever in a stinker?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 of course. I mean, you don't plan to be, but sometimes.
Well, movies are hard to make. They're so there.
The worst part is it's hard to make the bad ones. It's still the long hours.

Speaker 1 You still have hope. You just don't know.
Sometimes when you're shooting, you go,

Speaker 1 this isn't coming out like we thought. I mean, you can just tell and you go, but maybe with that today and you add some funny noises and some sound and some song.

Speaker 1 There's only so much much you can gussy up a pig. You know, you can't really

Speaker 1 well. Let me do a little bit of inside

Speaker 1 baseball. That's twice I've mentioned on this podcast.
And it's not baseball. Is that in the early 90s and 80s, some of those big classic comedies, we did not have digital film.

Speaker 1 So to make an edit, you would go and the film would be like this giant size of a tire and you'd spool it, go like that. To make an edit was a big deal.
Then it was like,

Speaker 1 So I did a scene in Trapped in Paradise. I'm playing kind of a Mickey Rourke kid who's not too bright.

Speaker 1 And he's up in front of the parole officers and he gets a jawbreaker in his mouth right as they ask him a question.

Speaker 1 So, I took like, I made a meal out of it, but it was hysterical in a held shot. But then I saw the edit, I was like, put the jawbreaker in, and then I spit it out.
It's like, boom, boom.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, you know, editing is big in movies. It could take a comedy scene and make it unfunny.

Speaker 1 Oh, let me see. A movie that I did that thought it was okay, but ended up doing great.
Well, you know, there's movies like PCU where we shot that.

Speaker 1 You might not remember this one, but it was Politically Correct University.

Speaker 1 I do remember it. Yeah, I don't know if I saw it, but I remember the title.

Speaker 1 I think about it a lot now, and it comes up like on Twitter because PCU

Speaker 1 in this day and age is almost the same movie.

Speaker 1 It holds up as far as there's different factions. There's people that are offended by everything.
There's this and that. So, of course, I play the bad guy, but that one

Speaker 1 was the fun thing about that one, is it didn't do Blockbuster, but it was pretty good and it hung in there over time.

Speaker 1 But Jeremy Piven, me, Jon Favreau, there's a lot of fun people in it. But when we did it, it was an R-rated movie, and I've never had that happen.
So

Speaker 1 I think that's the one where I go, open the door, fucko,

Speaker 1 when I'm looking in the door for something.

Speaker 1 And then they go, when you go in there and do the takes on the set, the last take, they say, let's do one for the airplanes, basically for cable

Speaker 1 when they can't air an R-rated movie. Yeah.
So what did you say? So no one even cares about this. So I go, open up stakehead,

Speaker 1 right? Whatever. That's funny.
Because it's stupid and funny and like, whatever. So you always do a PG airline version.

Speaker 1 And if you swear, and it sort of waters down, but it's, they need it for whatever

Speaker 1 to sell it. So anyway, the movie.
Calvaro is a great director. I mean, didn't he? He was not the director.
He was in the movie. Oh, he's the actor.
But he's a great actor, too. Elf, I think.

Speaker 1 But anyway, for me, it's, you know, the shocking thing was Wayne's World for even both Mike and I that it became this global smash. I mean, I just thought, we thought it'd be pretty good.

Speaker 1 You know, it's kind of funny. You know, I had no expectations it would take off.
So, yeah.

Speaker 1 PCU didn't really quite take off like that.

Speaker 1 It was PCU.

Speaker 1 It was probably my

Speaker 1 third year of SNL, something like that. And

Speaker 1 I only did like three weeks on it. Yeah, it was probably the end of the 90s.
And, you know, they released it when I saw it on the poster. I think that's the one.

Speaker 1 Maybe it was senseless, but they released it as a PG-13. So

Speaker 1 they kind of rat fucked us. They used every airplane version of every take.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 stay. You didn't even try on those take.
Yeah, so it's okay. But when you go from an R-rated movie to really watering, you go, oh, this is a different feature.

Speaker 1 Because we had Animal House, we had those movies we're trying to be like.

Speaker 1 And then you tamp it down. It's like.

Speaker 1 It's, you know, it's tough, you know, consistency of tone. I mean,

Speaker 1 if there's four or five directors, kind of, it can get a little messy, like each one, we should do this, we should do that.

Speaker 1 When you watch a movie, you know, we watch movie, everyone does, Amazon Prime or Netflix, and you're watching a movie, it's three minutes, you go, what am I, what am I watching here?

Speaker 1 I I mean, what's and the good ones just grab you. I don't know, it's storytelling, I guess.

Speaker 1 It's storytelling by committee, and sometimes there's not a clear vision, and it sort of gets turns into everybody's movie. That's how movies get kind of ruined.

Speaker 1 Yeah, um, I mean, anyway, uh, let's say this is me when I heard the box office gross from Wayne's World 1. What is it? The opening weekend?

Speaker 1 Let me see if I can find one for you, too.

Speaker 1 This will take you too long.

Speaker 1 You're still going. No, you inspired me.
I like it. I got one for you.
Okay.

Speaker 1 When it came out, you went like this. It's too much of a

Speaker 1 let me hear that. That was you.

Speaker 1 You got a boner.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, I got another one. This is fine.

Speaker 1 Here's me if, and when it didn't do as good as Wayne's World.

Speaker 1 Here's. Oh, wait, I already did that one.

Speaker 1 Here's.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not doing that one. Well, I'm not going to be left out of this game.
I've got an iPhone. I could say.

Speaker 1 Here's Dana after I accidentally squeak out a toot.

Speaker 1 No, wait, hang on. Wrong one.
No, hang on. Here's me when I toot.

Speaker 1 Dana likes it.

Speaker 1 Why are you breathing in my toot?

Speaker 1 Dana,

Speaker 1 don't try to find a soundboard and pipe it.

Speaker 1 Here's Dana when Range World worked.

Speaker 1 That was pretty good. Hold on.

Speaker 1 Challenge, watch the full hour and post it. What does that mean?

Speaker 1 This is when Joe Dirt came out with the audience.

Speaker 1 That's everyone brought their baby. It's after Joe Dird.
The audience just ran out. They ran out crying and everyone and their baby was crying.
All right, that's fair. I don't like this game anymore.

Speaker 1 It turned on me now.

Speaker 1 Well, now I've got a new toy. I love it.
It's so fun. I'll send you this thing and you can fight back.
All right. But the baby thing is.
All right, let's play a clip of something of

Speaker 1 something because we got a big day ahead of time. We got a million things going.
Yeah. Okay.
Oh, this is interesting.

Speaker 1 A Chinese company piled 11 million in cash on a table and employees could take as much as they wanted

Speaker 1 the video

Speaker 1 see that cash

Speaker 1 well that's gonna create violence I mean we'll see how polite they are beep beep beep beep

Speaker 1 oh they never pull the trigger okay so a I'd like to have a

Speaker 1 I'd like to be more toward the front

Speaker 1 You think there's more money in the front? Because I'm grubby. No, I'm saying in the front row so I can grab.
But how much would you take?

Speaker 1 Well, it depends. I mean, we're not going to see the melee that's going to happen.
Are they going to, is there a number system? I wanted them to show. They don't show it, I guess.

Speaker 1 Well, then you, what would I take?

Speaker 1 If it's free. Don't say 11 million.
Do not. No, I would take as much as I could.
Now,

Speaker 1 what would I take? And if I counted it and it wasn't what I hoped it was, you know, I would just be

Speaker 1 oh my god. He does it again.

Speaker 1 Sorry, but a quick one.

Speaker 1 Okay. Oh, there's footage of them taking it.
Let's go back. All right, let's we need to see the footage to have an opinion.
Um, I don't know if it's right there. Let's try it.
The comment says that.

Speaker 1 The comment says, I like the U.S. would give everyone a slice of pizza and a 15-cent raise.

Speaker 1 The one above me.

Speaker 1 Show these guys fight.

Speaker 6 In the comments, it says that they all grabbed and put it in.

Speaker 1 Oh, I would think, like, I think in Japan, they're so disciplined that people would be embarrassed to take more than a little.

Speaker 1 There is a culture in

Speaker 1 Japlane.

Speaker 1 So that was Japan. Yeah.
No, that was China. So I don't know.

Speaker 1 No, I think I'm saying I think Japanese are sort of

Speaker 1 very like honorable. Like, I wouldn't, I'd be embarrassed to take too much.
Yes. Yeah.
I maybe Chinese

Speaker 1 depression. I have not been to Tokyo.
I have not been there in so long. In so long, but I do know, I knew someone who lived there.
And yeah, it's very, very polite until it's not polite. Oh,

Speaker 1 because that one, it would, if that was at like the Mall of America, that would be a melee.

Speaker 1 How can you just picture that? You just go to your work. What do you guys think you deserve? Everyone's like,

Speaker 1 I like the movies where the bad guys are getting away and they've got all the cash in the suitcase and then it breaks and then it just flies right at the end all in the street.

Speaker 1 It drops out of a helicopter.

Speaker 1 These are the people.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oinking it up.

Speaker 1 Have you said wiener? Yeah, you have said wiener when you have too much.

Speaker 1 Now I want it. Make sure it's every episode.
Okay, all right. I remember this story.
Is this about this guy's ears? Okay. Accused serial booty sniffer.
Oh, he's back again in Burbank.

Speaker 1 That's close to us. That guy was on Star Trek Deep Space Nine, I think.

Speaker 1 As Colonel Bachno.

Speaker 1 All right. Are they playing this? Is there any video?

Speaker 1 Just a.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, look, there he is in action.

Speaker 14 Or do anything to me, but I definitely didn't expect him to do

Speaker 1 like what the actual.

Speaker 1 He's digging in there.

Speaker 14 I mean, I'm fine because he hasn't said anything or touched me or anything. But then you notice that he goes over and does the same thing to this girl.

Speaker 1 And he'll crouch down low and pretend like he's doing something.

Speaker 1 I think this is produced.

Speaker 1 But he got popped. Well, who's on camera? Who's on camera? She's filming herself.
Because this has happened moments before.

Speaker 1 Either that or she's just like everyone else just filming theirself doing nothing. Yeah.
Well, first of all, what's weird about it? It's my first question.

Speaker 1 Second, Darrell. What's weird about it? Yeah.
I like he goes for two: her and the other girl.

Speaker 1 Men and their hormones and their sex drive. I don't know why women put up with this.
It is really embarrassing as part of the male species. Hey, where's that Shakespeare book?

Speaker 1 No, it's not over here.

Speaker 1 What sound effect can't you do? Well, that's just sniffing. Well, that was really good.
That's for amateurs.

Speaker 1 Here's a dog sniffing you, and then they get tired of it.

Speaker 1 Here's a cat looking at a picture of you.

Speaker 1 And then decides to eat the photo.

Speaker 1 And then it's really happy and full and goes,

Speaker 1 there you go.

Speaker 1 And then they throw up a furball.

Speaker 1 I give you cues.

Speaker 1 You're directing me now into, but I have that character, sound effecty, that I do in my stand-up sometimes. That's the first 40 minutes of your stand-up now.

Speaker 1 It's a funny character because every effect is the same thing. He just calls out what he's doing.

Speaker 1 All right, let's go next story. Big stories out there.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's read it. Breaking news: $100 million fire aid funds never reach victims.
12 nonprofits got the cash instead. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?

Speaker 1 This is such a drag.

Speaker 1 They do this big benefit for FireAid. Yeah, there are all fires in Altadena.
Palisades. Really? Is this real? They stole the money from

Speaker 1 steal it. They gave it to NGOs, which I don't even know what they are.
And non-governmental organizations. Organizations.
Yeah. So they give it to those saying,

Speaker 1 it says on the fire aid, this goes directly to the victims.

Speaker 1 But they give it to all these and say, you guys, give it. or do what you feel.
And some of those were sketch.

Speaker 1 You can go online and look at any charity you want to give money to, and you can find out what they take in and what actually reaches the people you're trying to help.

Speaker 1 And sometimes the expenses, the differential is enormous. So, yeah, sometimes 7% gets to the people, and that's when you go.
That's when you go because they have all this overhead and stuff.

Speaker 1 And it's too bad around here because no one's getting,

Speaker 1 I don't think anyone's gotten anything yet. Yeah, and they're divving it out.

Speaker 1 It's like, one for you, one for me yeah what two for you five for me three for you ten for me hey wait a minute seems like you're getting more what do you want me to do write you a check yeah 11 for me six for you it's we'll we'll monitor that story dana

Speaker 1 that's the cool thing about that we're turning into action news yeah we're action news spade carby action news

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Speaker 1 Oh, wait. Dog moves secure.
Oh, this is.

Speaker 1 Dog moves a security camera so he can eat food off the table. If this is real,

Speaker 1 it's too smart. Dog sees food.

Speaker 1 Oh, I like this music. What's up? He has the camera.

Speaker 1 He moves it over. You can turn the music down a little bit.

Speaker 1 So the cat sees that he's getting away with it. This fucking cat is unreal.

Speaker 1 Cat comes up.

Speaker 1 Well, this can't be real. So the cat is fixing the camera so the dog will get in trouble.
Yeah, that's just, it's a funny bit, but it's not true. But it is a very funny bit.

Speaker 1 Heather, can cats do that? I don't want to look at my cat cam right now. No, she's looking at her cat cam.
That just reminded me. She's taking care of a cat.
She's going to check that.

Speaker 1 Cats are very smart. Cats are very smart.
And they don't always do these tricks, but I heard they don't like dogs. I see it in cartoons.

Speaker 1 Well, sometimes they meow, and now with AI, we can slow down their meows, and it actually sounds like English. So, hey, Frisky, did you move the camera? Yes.
Yes, I moved it. So Bisco

Speaker 1 would get in trouble.

Speaker 1 But all you heard before AI, all you heard was meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. There's an indicator cat to make him come over.
Yeah, I gotta try the me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. M-A-A-H.

Speaker 1 You go ma-a to a cat, and they stop what they're doing and walk over.

Speaker 1 We'll video it, and then we'll play it on the next show.

Speaker 1 Here's another story. Here's a logger.
Okay. Oh, they have to cut this and try to smash a can.

Speaker 1 So see that log? Now look at the end of it. That can.
They missed it.

Speaker 1 What did they do wrong? Oh, they're cutting it in a way that it'll fall the way they want. It'll fall and they want it to nail it.
See that can in the bottom right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 The first guy, I guess, missed it.

Speaker 1 He's using his felling sights, whatever that means. Falling sights, right? No, they said felling.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So he's so far

Speaker 1 from my point of view, he's doing good.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's going to go too far this way.

Speaker 1 Nope.

Speaker 1 Get it right, Jack.

Speaker 1 Come on, he's got a little help.

Speaker 1 Get it right, Jack. Taking a lot of time, Jack.
These usually hit houses in these scenarios. No, he's got to do a little bit.
You got to be careful.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's what he's trying to hit? Yeah. His little circle.
Okay. Good luck.
Anytime. Come on, buddy.
Yeah, we're ready, guys.

Speaker 1 That's good. We got an hour show.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, he got it.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's like a Lager League competition. That's going to be a Marvel movie.
Where was that filmed? A quarter mile from your house? Welcome to Logger League.

Speaker 1 We got bus stars up here. We got all kinds of stuff.
Yeah. I know.

Speaker 1 Dan, are you a bit of a logger? Are you? Yeah, I am. I can't, I came from logging country up in big timber, Montana.

Speaker 1 Um, oh, yeah, you're from Montana. Okay, let's do one more.
We got to get out of here. One more, we got it, we got to get a question, too.
Got a life to lead, okay.

Speaker 1 This is frustrating. This is not my video from New York, we'll show next week, but this is

Speaker 1 only New York, a whole

Speaker 1 video,

Speaker 1 okay, okay, um, a whole garbage truck blocked by one guy. Oh, this guy's in the bike lane, so he can be there,

Speaker 1 but he's blocking everyone.

Speaker 18 I just don't understand why

Speaker 18 people do this. This is not the first time I see this in New York.
Garbage truck is trying to do its job, pick up the garbage. But this guy on the bicycle is so selfish, he's crazy.

Speaker 19 I'd freak out. They're just trying to do their job, like move out of the way.

Speaker 18 This guy would have been so frustrating for me if I would have been doing this job. Like, you could just go on the sidewalk or just move along.

Speaker 19 Why do you guys

Speaker 1 stand there?

Speaker 19 Fly on the wall?

Speaker 18 It seems like he's doing it on purpose.

Speaker 1 Maybe he's looking at my Joe Dirt Morgan Waller. Well, yeah,

Speaker 1 he's strolling through our clips for this podcast. So

Speaker 1 he's a little absorbed.

Speaker 1 Does he move? The guy told him. Does he move now? Come on, guys.
The guy told him.

Speaker 1 Nope.

Speaker 1 He's still not moving.

Speaker 1 Why is he being so defiant? We got to get him on this podcast because that's bad manners. You know what? This would be a bad manners corner.
I mean, yeah, what a dick or that behavior.

Speaker 1 Miss Rachel say.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy. But, you know, he was scrolling, and here's David Spade and Joe Dirt, and here's David Spade on Fly on the Wall.

Speaker 1 So, you know, he was a little absorbed.

Speaker 1 Here's Dana's OnlyFans.

Speaker 1 All right. Okay.
So let's do.

Speaker 1 Well, let's do a question. Yeah, a question.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 Danny. No, you go ahead.
Let me come in for my close-up. My question is for both of you.

Speaker 1 Obviously, you both had much success in the entertainment industry. Thank you.
Yes. Was there ever a time where you were ready to give up?

Speaker 1 You're ready to throw in the towel and say, I don't want to do this anymore. As for me, I'm an airline pilot.
Whoa, got my props. And I know I've had that thought at times

Speaker 1 happy that I stuck it out as I now fly wide-body jets around the world.

Speaker 1 Right. I think any

Speaker 1 job,

Speaker 1 you have to remember there is an element of work, whether it's a lot of the element or not, because our job seems fun on the outside, which it's pretty fun.

Speaker 1 But sometimes it gets tough where you want to quit. Now, we've done okay.
At the beginning, in the first five, ten years,

Speaker 1 Sure, every day it would cross my mind. I mean, you're in a sketchy job.
I mean, in our particular case, stand-up is not where you're making money. Today, it's almost a viable,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 career to go into. But back then, I was like, no scene, no one making cash.

Speaker 1 Very hard to,

Speaker 1 it's like officer and gentleman. You're like, I got nowhere else to go.
You go, this is all I can do.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I bombed a lot. I bombed a lot the first three years.
You know, I had some good sets and then a lot of bombs. I quit several times, stand-up.
And then I did a lot of TV shows and pilots.

Speaker 1 Blue Thunder bombed. And I did a movie with Kirk Douglas and Burt Lancaster.
It bombed. So everything abomined till SNL.
And then afterwards, it hasn't been pretty either.

Speaker 1 So I would just say at this point, if you do your job well, then people don't think you're working. Even though you and I know there's behind the scenes, you come out of David Spade and 3,000 people,

Speaker 1 you know, even checking your notes. You're flying in.
You've been doing this for years. You're honing, trying to fit in new stuff.
You got to be up and tight for an hour.

Speaker 1 And if you do your job right, they're like, David just showed up. I get the general judgment.
Looks easy, yeah.

Speaker 1 But you don't want a pilot to be sweaty, you don't want to go visit the cockpit and he's got a sweat coming down. Let's see if we can do this, man.
So I'm glad that he loves his job now.

Speaker 1 I don't want an angry, disappointed pilot up there. But my question for this guy,

Speaker 1 you secretly, because a lot of people tell me this: I wanted to go into show business. I always wanted to to be an actor.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 if your job is like a real job, tough, most jobs are very hard.

Speaker 1 It's nice. They always say you should love your job.
It's almost impossible because it's very rare that jobs are so hard these days to make any money.

Speaker 1 You're going to love it, but if you can just get through it, because it is tough out there. I think, you know, obviously

Speaker 1 we're not in a chain gang, but a lot of the emotional violence goes on in your head.

Speaker 1 So if you're in a movie and it sucks and the whole world's saying you suck, it's mentally, I call it an emotionally violent sport.

Speaker 1 And then there's also incredibly great things about it because sometimes you're going, I get paid to do this. What?

Speaker 1 So it's everything. Yeah, you don't want your pilot to go to the co-pilot.
You know what? I was thinking about calling it quits.

Speaker 1 You know, so

Speaker 1 you don't want that from your pilot, but this guy seems like he got straightened out. But jobs in general, I don't know if he means showbiz, but jobs in general are, it's tough every day, of course.

Speaker 1 i have a very talented brother and he was a musician but decided the lifestyle wasn't for him and he declared that he wanted a brain-dead shitbox job so he wanted like the peter principal they call he want a job that was really easy for him and then he would have his weekends so there are you know there's the money And then there's also how you fit it into your brain and your lifestyle.

Speaker 1 When I see someone on a lawn boy mowing their lawn, a gardener, and then they finish the lawn and it's truly finished,

Speaker 1 I like the

Speaker 1 metric of the clarity of that. But with show business, I'll just say it's always kind of there.
It's weird. I don't know how to describe it.

Speaker 1 You go months, then you do something, and then you don't do anything. It's just very odd.
Yeah, you're getting calls and

Speaker 1 you're cold, then you're cold, then you're hot. And you were, I mean, just to be honest, man, you were cold for a long time.
I mean, I thought of a 20-year chunk,

Speaker 1 but you've been hot the last 15, man. I don't like it.
I would never go to Disneyland with you. I would never go to Disneyland.
Thank you. Mobbed.

Speaker 1 Well, I hope that answers some of the question, and you can put your questions in. What is the question thing, Dana? You got to email it in.

Speaker 1 Fly on the wall at odyssey.com.

Speaker 1 It is? Yeah, fly on the wall at Odyssey, which is spelled A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so send us that. We'll read it.
Yeah, keep the questions kind of short, but kind of snug. We're narcissists by nature, so it gives us a chance to discuss our life and our feelings.
So we really

Speaker 1 appreciate it. But to that pilot, you may have driven me in the sky and didn't even know it, but hopefully I gave you a couple laughs.
But some pilots drive me crazy. There you go.
Good wrap-up.

Speaker 1 You guys, thank you. Dana, thanks for coming on.

Speaker 1 Thank you for coming on and welcome to and thank you for watching another editioner of Can You Say Wiener?

Speaker 1 Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

Speaker 1 If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

Speaker 1 Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese-Dennis of Odyssey.

Speaker 1 Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

Speaker 1 Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hilary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

Speaker 1 Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com.
That's audacy.com.