Rehashing Eddie Murphy Beef & Farting Pastor

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Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 3 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is now streaming on Hulu.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 3 Watch Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundled subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 2 Welcome to the podcast, Dana.

Speaker 1 Yes,

Speaker 1 we're going to

Speaker 1 do a hot take in a few minutes about what is the current best live streaming show to watch. We may have a bit of a disagreement, but stay tuned for that.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 That I would not change that dial. Don't touch that channel.

Speaker 1 Just hang with us for a minute. We just want to kind of warm up to you, our listeners.

Speaker 2 First thing I have to mention from this week

Speaker 2 is that I know you're worried about me and Eddie Murphy hammering everything out, but that did kind of blow up.

Speaker 1 Eddie Murphy has a documentary. Go ahead, tell the story.
It's just the story that won't die.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he has a documentary. I didn't see the documentary, but I do love Eddie Murphy.
And we had

Speaker 2 some bumps in the road along the way.

Speaker 2 Early on, it was weird going from being a super fan to having him hate me overnight and to try to win him back for the last time.

Speaker 1 In 10 seconds, explain the exact thing that happened.

Speaker 2 oh i was on weekend update on s n l new to the show making fun of all the celebrities and i made fun of him and it didn't go well and he uh called me and we had it out actually he had it i didn't fight back really and then uh because i did feel a little guilty about it and he did make some sense uh i just didn't like that uh because you know he was a hero so we've got to the point i saw him i've seen him once or twice then i saw him at the 50th and we talked a little bit and everything's fine.

Speaker 2 And then he admitted on the show, not admitted. They just asked him about it.
And he said, yeah, we're all good. So we're all good.

Speaker 1 We kind of mentioned that with Mike Myers and his brother on our last podcast.

Speaker 1 Just things that seem so important at one, this is a wisdom alert for our younger listeners. Things that seem so important.

Speaker 1 Time heals all wounds. And later on, you go, well, really? What was I so upset about? You know, and so this is what happened.
He just totally let it go. I mean, I, I made Johnny Carson angry.

Speaker 1 He was kind of like it's in our time. Johnny Carson, the tonight show was just gigantic.
And I did him a few times. He liked it.
Then he was sort of upset about one of the episodes, long story short.

Speaker 1 And then I was never on the show again. And,

Speaker 1 but he didn't go public with it that he was mad.

Speaker 2 I mean, listen, I, when I left SNL, I think they had a sketch, someone playing me like three weeks later.

Speaker 2 I'm like, let the body get cold, let me get out of the building all the way before you come at me.

Speaker 2 And, you know, it's hard because you want to do jokes about everyone, and comedians can get a little attention because you go after anyone and then you get to go, it's comedy. What are you mad about?

Speaker 2 But obviously, people get mad. I mean, it's human nature if someone goes a little too rough on you.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I just lately, it was, I don't do this often, but I was on Twitter just going down, you know, and I thought, man, I'm first of all, I'm addicted to everything and everything is either conspiratorial, anger,

Speaker 1 rage, criticism, super hard

Speaker 1 takes on people, trying to take things down.

Speaker 1 And I had to, I threw the phone out of my hand and I took a cold shower. I just immediately, with my clothes clothes on, just got like just freezing water on my head.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 When I get like that, I just stop everything and masturbate. The way, this is what my doctor said, you've got to know when to stop.

Speaker 1 You always told me you masturbated first before you went online.

Speaker 2 I do it first just to clear my head. And then I look at about three tweets.

Speaker 2 And no matter what they're about, I do it again.

Speaker 2 No, my Twitter is such,

Speaker 2 but it's all, the thing is, it's based in reality. So it's not just, hey, get mad about this.
It's like they show you something that you go, Oh, this is real.

Speaker 2 Most of it's real because it's videos you see, and some of it's most of it's hearings or things or laws. And you go, This

Speaker 2 so you start to get worked up, but that's the part you can't get

Speaker 2 can't let it ruin your day.

Speaker 1 And it's kind of it's very interesting how, really, and except for Trump, we can talk about him later, as far as someone who can take punishment and just somehow treats life like it's a video game.

Speaker 1 But Kate McGinn was on our, our friend Amy Poehler's podcast and just said her big mistake was reading the comments about her performance. Now she's considered one of the all-time greats, right?

Speaker 1 Kate McGinnon on SNL. But it really got in her head because even though it was like people just attacking for no reason, she felt there was a kernel of truth in it that just really got in her head.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 2 If you read comments and that, and there's a common theme that's negative, like you always do this, you always just, it is something that you think about and go, okay, well, maybe they have a point.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's not all just hate. Sometimes people go, I think you're great, but I wish you wouldn't.
And if you hear that enough, you go, maybe I should tweak something,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 it could be constructive.

Speaker 2 Right. Mostly just believe the good ones.

Speaker 1 I think that's the rule. I was scrolling down last week, and I'm not, again, I'm not a big online guy, but I saw something I said, and it was about our podcast.

Speaker 1 I hate when Dana Carvey always, and then I just press, I go, get out, get out.

Speaker 1 Because,

Speaker 1 like, I know Conan. I don't think this is a secret.
I don't think he's ever listened to or seen his podcasts. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just because of the self-consciousness may outstrip whatever constructive criticism there is.

Speaker 2 I will. Now you're on Kate McKinnon.
And I think we're going to have Sarah Sherman jump on next week. But I wanted to say that Marcelo.
uh on s n l was very funny this weekend

Speaker 2 and when he played sebastian

Speaker 2 i cracked up i cracked up within five seconds i was like oh this is funny i didn't even see the whole thing i got about 20 seconds in i was like this is great

Speaker 1 well sebastian was on our podcast he's a friend of the podcast and

Speaker 1 i had just tried to figure out a way to encapsulate his style because he is singular in his own way uh and i said it's it's um musicality and physicality yeah but that my thing was when he had a bit about being by the pool and a guy was clipping his toenails.

Speaker 1 He was sitting on the pool deck clipping his toenails over here.

Speaker 1 But here's my takeaway from Marcello's fantastic impression. He did every single physical move.

Speaker 1 And it takes a guy in his 20s.

Speaker 1 To be able to do what Sebastian did in his 40s. The physicality, I mean, it's just because it's really tight, sudden moves.

Speaker 1 And then when he jumped over the guy, Marcelo, that was a he really got his knees up. And you think, man, if somehow he clipped, that would have been, but he had real good clearance as well.

Speaker 2 But yeah, but you know, also the voice, the whole look, he had a funny suit on, he was great. And he's like, going, and this guy,

Speaker 1 he had every single hook. Every hook.

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 2 I like when Sebastian says, huh?

Speaker 1 Huh?

Speaker 2 Can I put this in yours?

Speaker 1 What do you want to do?

Speaker 1 That's always funny. His character on stage is so defined

Speaker 1 that he just goes, so I went to my friend's house. You know,

Speaker 1 I got to take my shoes off.

Speaker 2 Everything's normal.

Speaker 1 Everything's kind of normal, and you know, he's about to wind up, but he's holding it back.

Speaker 2 You know, my wife says, take your shoes off, huh?

Speaker 1 Huh? huh

Speaker 1 i gotta take my shoes off in the place

Speaker 2 marcelo not seeing dice that we grew up on i sometimes do sebastian and i go into dice but without having that in his head marcelo just gets to focus on on sebastian there's some some dice influence there but you know sebastian just different yeah he made it completely new

Speaker 1 You know, you always wonder when you do stuff,

Speaker 1 where does it come from? Like, I don't know where the church lady came from, honestly. I don't know because it's not Ma Frickard, you know, of men in drag.
It's not Milton Burrell.

Speaker 1 So I'm not really sure where it came from, except from my childhood, I suppose.

Speaker 2 And I think Sebastian's got kind of the hook of Italian dad, tough dad, tough neighborhood, grew up tough.

Speaker 2 And then he was talking yesterday about when his dad mows the lawn, lawn, drenched in sweat and comes in with grass all over him and sweat and sits at the dinner table.

Speaker 2 He goes, I don't know if dads still eat at dinner with their shirts off.

Speaker 1 Does that happen anymore?

Speaker 1 I don't remember my dad eating dinner with his shirt off.

Speaker 2 It's a funny idea, though. My dad did.
He just walk in and sit down. If he was ever around,

Speaker 2 but he left when I was four. But thanks for bringing that up, Dana.

Speaker 1 I once said, well, why are you eating dinner with your shirt off? And he had a big glass glass of water and he threw it at my face. And he said, why are you wet?

Speaker 1 Why, Dana?

Speaker 1 What are you doing, Dana? True story. Oh, Jesus Christ, why are you wet? I can't talk politics with you because you don't know shit.

Speaker 1 That's exact quote. That's right.
Exact quote in the exact voice of my.

Speaker 2 All right. Tell me anything else that happened and we'll get to some news stories because I'm out of stories.

Speaker 1 You're out of stories? I don't have much. In the day of odd Lord,

Speaker 1 when did you ever

Speaker 1 18, 2025? Dave Phineas Spade, comedian and sometimes actor, officially was out of quips.

Speaker 2 Terrain, I'm running on low fumes. No, I just had a sort of, it's been pouring rain in LA, and that's a story.
It's not an interesting story, but that's all anyone in LA talks about.

Speaker 2 And there's nothing funny to say about it.

Speaker 1 It's just well, nothing funny. Well, how did you respond to it? Fear?

Speaker 2 Fear and

Speaker 2 realizing that everything's different when it rains because you're so used to it not raining. So when you go anywhere, you got to walk 10 feet.
You got to go, you have to have an umbrella.

Speaker 2 My umbrella was the little shitty kind I used to get in New York that are five bucks. And they go wind comes up and then they're like, they barely cover your head, but it wouldn't.

Speaker 2 It kept coming down.

Speaker 1 So I had to hold it all the way up to the top the whole time I'm walking and hold it tight so it doesn't cave in on me. Oh, dang it.
That's New York.

Speaker 1 If you don't plan ahead, you don't have an umbrella, all of a sudden it's fucking raining and you have to duck it.

Speaker 1 What do you want? Do you guys have any umbrellas?

Speaker 2 They just pop out umbrella salesmen with like 80 umbrellas. You're like, give me, give me.

Speaker 1 But it's like a Kmart umbrella, and they go, that'll be $99.

Speaker 1 Nah, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 You need it. But you got to buy it.
You got to.

Speaker 1 I like the rain because where I live, the plants are desperate for rain. Everything is yellow and sad and droopy.
And then the gusher of this

Speaker 1 scent from heaven, gushing, gorgeous water comes on the plants. This would be something you would do.
And the plants kind of like, oh, when will it rain?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're parched. How would you, how would you act that out? You'd have a sound effect for the plant, right? Like,

Speaker 1 the plants are like this.

Speaker 2 They're dying. And I go, heard about there's a cloud,

Speaker 2 just chemtrails, and then it does rain a few drops, and like this,

Speaker 2 they just go, I just need a little something,

Speaker 2 and then it pours, and they go, that's enough, and then it's like, pour, and they're like,

Speaker 1 okay, then the third day of pouring sometimes, the plants are under the ground, and then it rains,

Speaker 1 and then one hand goes,

Speaker 1 it's like they're being born, yeah,

Speaker 2 They're like so much rain. They don't realize they're not getting any fucking more for six months.

Speaker 1 You said there was no shtick about rain. You know, we're shticking.
We could do an album with this.

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I mean, you can get scents in there that just make you feel good, enhance your lifestyle.

Speaker 1 It's like a design aesthetic, actually.

Speaker 2 Right. You can give it to someone and they can have it for their house, their car.
You do it from your app, of course. It's obviously all the futuristic technology and

Speaker 2 it has a power. You know, when you smell something it reminds you of something

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Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 2 You know, when it gets colder, I always fall in the same trap. Heavy meals, too much takeout, and suddenly I'm like, why do my jeans hate me?

Speaker 1 I know. Yeah, me too.
I mean, I'll open the fridge in December and it's like half a pizza and an orange from 1997. Not a lot of healthy options, David.

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Speaker 1 Just heat it, eat it, and boom, you're not calling DoorDash for the fifth time that week.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's not just about eating better. It's about time.
I'd rather spend 30 minutes working on a bit. for my hilarious act than 30 minutes staring into my oven going, is this thing even on?

Speaker 1 Right?

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All right.

Speaker 2 That's forkfulmeals.com, code POD50.

Speaker 2 That's Pod50. Seriously, don't wait.
Your future self will thank you.

Speaker 1 Yes. Thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th time.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's name because we said we would, let's name the best live streaming show you can watch right now.

Speaker 2 Is there one you're thinking?

Speaker 1 Well, you mean like

Speaker 2 Netflix or something?

Speaker 1 Or Apple? Oh, there's live streaming,

Speaker 2 which is like Bieber has a new live stream show where it's on all, like it's on for hours.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's yeah, that's and uh

Speaker 2 and Aiden Ross. There's, there's, there's two.
I might go, I might go on some of these and just see what it's all about. But you're talking about like stream shows like Netflix or Apple.
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 So, which ones are good?

Speaker 1 There's one I like Nordic Nero.

Speaker 1 It is an actual

Speaker 1 category because I'm Swedish and Norwegian.

Speaker 1 I'm Swedish and Norwegian, and a wee bit of Scottish and of course Irish. So Pluribus

Speaker 1 Unum seen Floribus.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I haven't seen it, but I've heard about it.

Speaker 2 I'll watch that.

Speaker 1 Her is kind of cool. There's a show called R-A-R-E, and it's a murder mystery filmic film

Speaker 1 Nordic Noir. Now, let me ask you a question.
Can you handle subtitles?

Speaker 2 Yeah, because I get some, even if it's English, there's subtitles on there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I wind up reading them. People mumble.
Have you noticed? I thought maybe it's my age, but people are just mumbling.

Speaker 1 Get the subtitles.

Speaker 2 If it's any accent, I'm fucking done. I can't do it.
I was watching Task, which I really liked.

Speaker 1 And Task

Speaker 2 is,

Speaker 2 I don't know, is it Austria?

Speaker 1 I can't remember anymore. No, it's American.
Mark Ruffalo. That's a Ruffalo.

Speaker 1 Task is up there. I'd recommend that.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's

Speaker 2 not Boston. It's Philadelphia.

Speaker 2 Fucking can hoogie, I can understand it, but if it's Irish or English and they talk fast, I cannot.

Speaker 2 But when I did my special, they put, this is what happens when I see clips online of comics.

Speaker 2 They put it at the bottom, but the joke on the bottom is a hair ahead of how they talk, and I don't want to know the joke before they say it.

Speaker 1 Well, sometimes I think it would be like an acting class for people when you're watching the subtitle, right? And you're getting it right before they say it.

Speaker 1 So you kind of go, oh, that's how they're saying it, you know?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Making a choice. Well, it's a head.
They put the jokes and you read them and then they send them like, I want to see, I just want to hear it and one or the other. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I don't watch comedy much.

Speaker 2 What do they write on every coin minted since 1941?

Speaker 1 E pluribus unum. Nope.

Speaker 2 E pluribus unum.

Speaker 1 Nope. No one, you know what they write on every coin?

Speaker 1 This is a coin. If you look at it really small, this is a coin is on the back.

Speaker 2 When I'm with Lovitz and I always drive him crazy, because I go,

Speaker 2 guess

Speaker 2 where I went? No, guess what I had for dinner last night? And he goes, steak and fries. I go, nope, steak and fries.
And he goes, that's what I said.

Speaker 2 But I'm already ramped up, so I have to say it anyway.

Speaker 1 But he gets it right.

Speaker 2 And then I do it all the time to him. And he goes, banana.

Speaker 2 It's a good bit to do on people.

Speaker 1 I have a game with Mark Pitta just texting, and you do a random thank you when it makes no sense.

Speaker 1 so uh hey the 49ers won yesterday thank you

Speaker 1 that's kind of funny yeah we do it a lot and it sometimes it'll go months before you just land a perfect thank you where the does not belong try that with your friends i do i said uh

Speaker 2 i drove by a pickleball court today you're welcome I do the other.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there you go. That's your welcome is funny, too.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Take credit for things you don't. Yeah, I go, I thought you did a little long last night.

Speaker 2 When I watched you do stand-up, you're welcome.

Speaker 2 It's a criticism they don't want, and then you say you're welcome.

Speaker 1 Who critiques stand-ups anymore? I mean, I did a set last night.

Speaker 2 It was at the store. It was pretty cool.

Speaker 1 I heard about it.

Speaker 2 You did?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 It wasn't pretty. I don't think.
Let me read some of the they have good lineups.

Speaker 2 It was all it was Eliza Schlesinger, me, Nick Kroll.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 2 I can't think of the rest.

Speaker 1 Well, did you crush you all? Oh, Santino.

Speaker 2 Did you crush? It was a good crowd last night. They bring them in pretty good.

Speaker 1 That means you crushed.

Speaker 2 Because it's pouring. So they're like, we're hostages now.

Speaker 1 Do you ever do that with people? Like you totally destroy and they go, good set. You kind of, well, you know, it was a hot audience.
Or do you just go, thanks?

Speaker 2 No, I go, you.

Speaker 2 And then afterwards, if they say

Speaker 2 they were, you didn't do good, I go, yeah, the crowd.

Speaker 2 I blame the crowd. I blame anything else.
All right, let's get to some basic.

Speaker 1 Top 100 standards. Thank you.
There we go.

Speaker 2 Pastor who farts in the faces of his congregation to heal them and cure them is going viral.

Speaker 1 With God's power.

Speaker 2 Look at how casual he is.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 who lets you this, though?

Speaker 2 Even if you're... I think sometimes in religions, no matter which one,

Speaker 2 they do stuff that from the outside, you ought to know. But I think this one I would think was a bit peculiar.

Speaker 1 This is my hot take on this. Hey, Brian, what, Steve? Let's try to think of something that would really trend.
Maybe get on fly on the wall. Oh, fuck.
How about a

Speaker 1 pastor who farts in people's faces to heal them?

Speaker 2 By the way, I don't know how many people get healed. I'm sure it's hovering around 90 to 100%,

Speaker 2 but it seems like when people fart on people, it's not doing that much good in my.

Speaker 1 I don't know where the healing mechanism comes in is it's God's hand on

Speaker 2 science mostly, I feel.

Speaker 1 But yeah, there was this guru show, this guy in Oregon, and he farted a lot and drank and had sex with people and drove a Cadillac or a Rolls-Royce.

Speaker 1 And because it was so wrong, people believed in it. Well, that's how he's like, he's a good person.
I know.

Speaker 2 Sometimes they get crazy with it. They go the other way and brag about how much they have.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he'll eat a Mars candy bar. It just proves that he's just a guru.

Speaker 2 God damn, there's some money flying around.

Speaker 2 All right. So, this is buzzing around.

Speaker 2 This is the sponsor by Five Hour Energy's new cranberry lime flavor: the perfect way to cut through your holiday food-induced coma. Head to your local retailer or www.5hourenergy.com.

Speaker 1 That's letter five.

Speaker 1 I couldn't agree more with what you just said.

Speaker 2 Okay, so I'm going to give you more names and you're going to make a scenario and do and be funny.

Speaker 1 Ready? Here's your scenario. I don't know if it's going to be funny.

Speaker 2 You can do it not funny. You used to be driving.
Now you're on a spaceship. That's all you get.

Speaker 1 Mike. And then

Speaker 2 maybe Trump.

Speaker 2 Maybe Elon.

Speaker 1 Maybe Matthew McConaughey.

Speaker 2 And either Travolta.

Speaker 1 Do you say Matthew McConaughey? Yeah, if you have one.

Speaker 1 Elon. Okay.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 on a spaceship. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's funny already.

Speaker 1 Doesn't have to do anything.

Speaker 1 This is Houston, the Reed Star, Starship Red One. Over.

Speaker 1 This is Lieutenant Commander Trump. Lieutenant Commander.

Speaker 1 Excuse me.

Speaker 1 Sorry, my headphone came out.

Speaker 1 Excuse me, this is Houston. Aren't you President Trump? Is that you?

Speaker 1 I'm President Trump. I'm also Lieutenant Commander, and I can fly a ship like you wouldn't believe.
You can fly. I can fly it iron fast.
We're going to Mars. We're going to Mars.

Speaker 1 We're here with Elon Musk. Elon,

Speaker 1 go to Mars. Go to Mars.

Speaker 1 We have to go to Mars. We have to go to Mars.
We have to terraform Mars.

Speaker 1 We're going to go to Mars and we're going to terraform it. You heard him? We're going to terraform it.
What? Where's McConaughey? McConaughey.

Speaker 1 We could cut it.

Speaker 1 Matthew, what do you think? All right, right, right, right.

Speaker 1 And Al Gore's here. He came along.
He's a great friend of mine. We've got to go to Mars because Earth is running out of air.

Speaker 1 It is. I heard him say that.

Speaker 1 And of course, we brought Arnold. You got to bring Arnold on these things.
He's a tremendous guy, right?

Speaker 1 We're going to Mars, we're going to find the little little stick figure,

Speaker 1 girly, girly Martians, and then we'll pumble them into dust and say, run away, little girly Martians. This is our plan now.

Speaker 2 You can break them with a little snap.

Speaker 1 Just because they're Martians, they're still girlies. You snap their little brains.
They got big heads. They got no doubts.
They got no abs. In a word, they're nothing, right?

Speaker 1 Lieutenant Commander Trump, yes.

Speaker 1 What about when they turn him over and you rub their head on the ground and light them like a match?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 yeah, when we get to Mars, we're gonna have a bonfire and we're gonna roast Martians and eat them,

Speaker 1 right, Elon? Uh, we kind of

Speaker 1 what he said, what he said, he's a smart cookie, he's a tough tough cookie, he's a cookie monster. This one,

Speaker 2 who's running it? Is Trump the captain?

Speaker 1 This is Lieutenant Commander Trump.

Speaker 1 But you're the president. I'm the president, but right now I'm Lieutenant Commander, and many people are saying that I can do it.
I can fly a ship like you wouldn't believe. And I know how to do it.

Speaker 1 And I can still do my accordion hands.

Speaker 2 That was good. That was buzzing around.
All right. Yeah, that was buzzing around.

Speaker 1 Cut it together.

Speaker 2 We're not cutting anything out of that. Sponsored by 5-Hour Energy's new Cranberry Lime Flavor.

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Speaker 1 5-Hour Energy. Boom.
Not for.

Speaker 2 All right, next story. We'll get right back into the hot news takes.

Speaker 1 Let's get these hot takes going. We're like the news.

Speaker 2 This is the project bluebell. Oh, this is an idea of what's going on.
Wait, I want to get this guy on, Jeremy Corbel.

Speaker 1 Hold on, go ahead.

Speaker 2 This is when all the aliens are coming and they keep mentioning ships are coming. This is one of the possible plans.

Speaker 1 Show's coming. The space show is coming.
And this is the last bitch effort. The electricity goes out, your internet's out, you go outside, you look up at the stars, and then you see this thing,

Speaker 1 Project Bluebeam. Everything goes just as planned.
The big fake space show involving sounds and extremely realistic holograms in the sky.

Speaker 1 Using this technology to get a secret from the public, but we know enough about it. Project Bluebeam's artisans will create a worldwide celestial show that mimics the second coming of Christ.

Speaker 1 This is the other part of Project Bluebeam a lot of people haven't really known about considered that the appearance of other religious figures, depending on the country in which they're displayed, different holograms will show and be played in various places.

Speaker 1 Buddha pops up.

Speaker 2 So they're saying whoever you believe in in that country pops up.

Speaker 1 But I have heard

Speaker 2 that

Speaker 2 there's an idea that, you know, first of all, Stephen Greer,

Speaker 2 true or not, was the idea what, you know, all these places already have the spaceships. They reverse engineer.
These Tic Tacs, these are all ours. 90% of ours.
But some are real, but some are ours.

Speaker 2 That's the idea. Now they're saying they're going to fake us out with some alien invasion to scare everyone.
Stay in your homes. For what reason?

Speaker 1 Who's doing this beaming Jesus in the sky?

Speaker 2 I can't tell you.

Speaker 1 Are they saying it's aliens or it's some company that's doing it?

Speaker 2 No, they're saying it would, we have enough

Speaker 2 of that.

Speaker 2 We can recreate what some of those spaceships could do. So it's us tricking everyone so they can say

Speaker 2 there's some sort of control aspect is the idea. But this guy, Jeremy Corbel, was saying that about a year ago,

Speaker 2 they're going to say there's a spaceship coming soon. It's a false flag.
And then they did say there's a spaceship six months later. They go, there's this new Atlas.

Speaker 2 Whatever that is.

Speaker 1 What if the aliens see these beaming things and go, hey, Brian, let's go to Earth now. I think we can copy that.
We can't see it. I know.
I believe you.

Speaker 2 It's very scary if

Speaker 2 we don't know that we already have this technology and then they use it. We would be like, those are obviously aliens.

Speaker 2 it's like you know it's like dana tape my dad when i was four before he ran off he said

Speaker 2 this is how easily tricked people are this is a good analogy

Speaker 2 he said we said let's play monster with the three boys me brian and andy and he said okay but you davey always gets scared

Speaker 1 this is me you being davey

Speaker 2 So he's in the living room, I'm four or five, and he goes, okay, if I play monster, I'm going to pretend i'm a monster grab you and just wrestle and tickle you but i'll be on my knees in the living room and i'm like sounds like a blast yeah he goes i go yeah it's fun and he's like i know but you don't quite get it i'm a fake monster but i'm your dad i'm like okay all right i go got it go go go go let's go i want to play monster i'm like this is boring what you're saying he's like okay i'm gonna go fake monster three two one Hey guys, I'm a monster.

Speaker 2 And I go, oh my God, he's a monster. And he went to grab me and I barely got away.

Speaker 2 And I ran to my mom and I said, there's a monster in the living room and she's cutting carrots i take the knife i run back and i stab him in the leg

Speaker 1 and how old are you five maybe

Speaker 1 so you didn't understand well when he said fake monster and then you've you were five and you thought he was a real monster that

Speaker 2 once he switched i was immediately tricked he went

Speaker 2 hypnotize yeah i go i get it i get it he goes i'm a monster

Speaker 1 Wait, what?

Speaker 2 And then, so I stabbed him. And then he kept the shorts, Bermuda Bermuda shorts for years that had blood on them.

Speaker 1 Well, what kind of knife and how deep did it go? I have to ask.

Speaker 2 It went about 12 inches in.

Speaker 1 12 and out the elevator. It was like, no, it was like that long.
And I went

Speaker 2 just enough to bear him go, hey. And then monster time was over.

Speaker 1 And it was spanking time.

Speaker 1 Well, we would, yeah. To me, that sounds like a blast.
In our family, my dad would get like a 10-day growth, like really heavy, sharp whiskers, which I think I'd mention.

Speaker 1 And he'd look at me that, you know, I had three older brothers. Oh, Dane, you love the whiskers.
You love the whiskers. And I'm like, oh, here we go.
Fuck.

Speaker 1 So he'd just throw you down, get on top of you, rub his whiskers into your prepubescent, soft, pink-skinned, four-year-old face. Oh, Jesus, Christ.
And you're like drowning in whisker dumb.

Speaker 1 And then I would take, I'd reach out and he had a dumbbell because he used to just sit in the Dana.

Speaker 1 Hit his head really hard.

Speaker 1 Blood was

Speaker 1 12-pound kettlebell.

Speaker 1 Welcome to our new segment called Childhood Fun.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. What do you ever get this number?

Speaker 2 Go pick the belt you'd like

Speaker 1 to get smacked with. Well, yeah, there was one belt, but you had multiple belts to pick from yeah

Speaker 1 he's like anyone i'll let you pick and i'm like i might claws it going which which one wouldn't obviously wouldn't hurt the most but well maybe a cloth one or something try to get one with no big belt buckle but when you're getting spanked on the butt like it all hurts but wouldn't he would he he would fold it and snap it snap it a few times to yeah like and the other brothers were like oh boy siblings would gather around and you had to grab your ankles and he'd go okay how many You know, and they were looking down at you.

Speaker 2 Suggesting one, and it would have fallen on deaf ears.

Speaker 2 Maybe I learned my lesson and we go with zero.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it wasn't that often

Speaker 1 memorable,

Speaker 1 different time. You know, it was more of a physical relationship with your parents.

Speaker 2 All right, new

Speaker 1 story: give us a story,

Speaker 2 this is show me your completely useless secret talent. Okay, this is, I guess, five people doing it.

Speaker 2 I'll rank them.

Speaker 1 Okay. Completely useless secret talent.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 show me your completely useless secret talent.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's good. Wow.
That is high-pitched.

Speaker 2 That I used to be able to do it.

Speaker 2 That's pretty good. She can laugh without opening her mouth.

Speaker 1 Is that real?

Speaker 1 Show me your completely useless secret. Go too fast.

Speaker 1 Discussing balance.

Speaker 1 Is that it? Oh, and now it's

Speaker 2 oh, she puts her hand backwards.

Speaker 1 Show me your completely useless

Speaker 1 balance. I'll go first.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a great one. God, are these real? That's incredible.

Speaker 2 Dude, these are like stupid human tricks. I love that shit.

Speaker 1 God, she could double-joint it. It was cool.

Speaker 2 She goes like this to pick something up. Then she goes

Speaker 1 that way.

Speaker 1 Laughing without moving her face at all. Yeah, I can watch.

Speaker 1 Watch. Watch me laugh without moving my face.

Speaker 1 Horrible one.

Speaker 1 Hey, watch her.

Speaker 1 Can you triple whistle?

Speaker 1 I used to do that.

Speaker 1 I could triple whistle, but you needed saliva.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 The birds in the morning used to be able to do it.

Speaker 1 That's good. Real quiet birds.

Speaker 2 No, the flying away.

Speaker 1 I used to do the old-fashioned telephone.

Speaker 1 That's hard with the tongue. That's a really good one.

Speaker 1 I really can't.

Speaker 2 No, you can't. I cheat.
I go, I don't know.

Speaker 2 And then you do the one.

Speaker 2 you could try to guess phone numbers by how far it went like

Speaker 2 that's a nine

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 operator give me line or four four seven I'm not old enough for that shit my mom had that well it was old timey stuff operator

Speaker 2 okay next one let's see stupid human trips are funny blow my mind in this next one I like

Speaker 1 That was incredible, the tone of that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 NASA activated its planetary defense protocol. Oh, this is 3-1 Atlas again.
We don't have to talk about it too much, but

Speaker 2 it says, oh, the funny thing is they said when this comet is coming to Earth, which is real, half the scientists think it's a spaceship because it goes in different directions and whatever.

Speaker 2 But they said when it gets to the sun and goes around it, we'll know more and it might. cause blackouts.
And I remember that day came and they go, it didn't. And I go, of course it didn't.

Speaker 1 It's not that close.

Speaker 2 It's like when you say to someone, I'm pulling up.

Speaker 1 Well, the sun,

Speaker 2 they were at the sun or they were at Mars. Yeah, they were going around Mars, this comet.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, that's still kind of far.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they always say a comet is going to be a close flyby to the Earth next month, coming within 200 million miles of our beloved planet.

Speaker 2 It's going to pop by a few galaxies first.

Speaker 1 Do you know the odds that the Earth exists?

Speaker 1 It doesn't even exist? No, that it exists, that the Earth exists with us little, sick, little monkeys on the planet.

Speaker 1 Two trillion to one.

Speaker 2 So we don't even hear?

Speaker 1 Well, the odds that it was a rock and then a little smaller rock hit it and spun around and made the moon.

Speaker 1 So without the moon being the exact size it is, the exact distance it is, we don't exist because there'll be no tides. And then little bits of bacteria became little squiddings and little fish.

Speaker 1 And then alligators came out. And then we had, you know, bronosauruses or hippos and horses.
And then we had Richard Nixon. I mean, evolution is so.

Speaker 2 I like when they find one bone, and within three minutes, they go, this is 41 million years old. I'm like, shut up.

Speaker 1 41.

Speaker 2 Why do they think it's so exact?

Speaker 1 You don't know shit.

Speaker 1 If we didn't have Jupiter where it is, way out there, big old fat Jupiter blocking stuff, hitting us, we wouldn't have to do it.

Speaker 2 Jupiter's killing it. Jupiter's our bodyguard.

Speaker 2 I look at hieroglyphics and I look at things where it looked like aliens and stuff when they years and million years ago, you go, what is going on with these pyramids and how deep they go?

Speaker 2 I love all that shit. It's so nuts.

Speaker 1 I do too. And remember,

Speaker 1 we're aliens.

Speaker 2 You are. You're a bacterium.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 2 I remember I met you. You're just a bacteria.

Speaker 1 I'm just a bacteria. But it's two trillion to one that planet Earth exists.
So some scientists now are looking at seeding.

Speaker 1 So in other words, some alien race or god or whatever you want to call it came here

Speaker 1 and sort of created this scenario where they could then seed humans.

Speaker 2 What if they were like, they just pooped on Earth on when they did a flyby and then we grew out like maggots?

Speaker 2 That would be a horrible.

Speaker 1 You mean my dream scenario?

Speaker 1 What if we all lived to 100 and then age 100 we started to metamorphosize into maggots

Speaker 2 grandma you go backwards you go back into the poop

Speaker 2 all right maybe we have a new story this one's getting a little spun up yeah it's getting a little spongy

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Speaker 2 okay okay wait dana wait so the olson twins are in a new louis vuitton ad okay well let's hope these are true i okay

Speaker 2 because miley cyrus one was true when was the last time you saw the olson twins i like the scary mary kate and ashley

Speaker 2 why do i ask because they're now featured in a louis vuitton ad and they are only recognizable

Speaker 1 okay leaving their face waste too much time

Speaker 1 what happened they got to the Olson Twins? If you haven't seen the ad, take a look at this.

Speaker 2 Well, that looks like the music.

Speaker 1 Is the Olson Twins featured in a Louis Vuitton ad? Does that look like the Olson Twins to you? That's

Speaker 1 the same thing. So they disappeared.

Speaker 2 That one looks like they fucked their eyes out.

Speaker 1 I can't get past the guys. I want to get in the front.
So I don't know. I'm thinking about the Olsen twins, Mary, Kate, and Ashley, if they didn't see their names listed on the ad.
Take a look below.

Speaker 1 I don't believe anything.

Speaker 2 When someone speaks to me like that. Well, that guy's too close to camera, too scary music.
And he also...

Speaker 1 What did he look like? A bird.

Speaker 2 No, I know. It's dramatic.
I thought, I saw the Gucci ad with Miley, and this is kind of the same thing. If that's a look they're all running with, I mean...

Speaker 1 Well, so it's photoshopped, right?

Speaker 2 Well, that looks crazy bugged. I don't know if that's makeup, but I don't know if their eyes are like that.

Speaker 1 They look like the twins from The Shining.

Speaker 2 That's what I think they're going for there, maybe.

Speaker 1 Maybe the two psychotic twins in the movie The Shining, Jack Nicholson, Stanley Kubrick. Yeah, possibly.

Speaker 2 It's just the world of modeling. They're not always trying to be pretty.
They're like trying to make people just shocking or something to talk about.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 1 that one I don't think is real.

Speaker 2 The first one doesn't really shock me.

Speaker 1 There were rumors that Jamie, Jamie Foxx had been kind of transformed or a different person or cloned or something, right?

Speaker 1 Wasn't it Cat Williams?

Speaker 1 It was Cat Williams who said that.

Speaker 2 Brittany, is Brittany cloned?

Speaker 1 Cat Williams did a thing that, yeah, that somehow he goes, that's not Jamie Foxx. Right.
That's not

Speaker 2 also Brittany, they think

Speaker 1 possibly.

Speaker 2 Okay. I'll give you one more story, Dana, and then I got to get rid of you.

Speaker 1 Look at my, it's that Superman back there.

Speaker 2 Okay. I have to go close my sunroof.
It's pouring again.

Speaker 1 Thanks.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Hardcore dad does fit checks with his kids every morning.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Fit checks means oh, outfit check. Fit.
Oh, fit outfits. Okay.

Speaker 1 They look cool.

Speaker 2 I'm sure they do a whole spin.

Speaker 2 It's fun. I guarantee you people follow that.

Speaker 2 Oh, casual.

Speaker 2 Dude, shorts are kind of nailing it.

Speaker 2 I wonder if they get beat up for this.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 2 She's got a nice new look.

Speaker 1 It's cute. It's cute.

Speaker 1 Is this lighting up the global web?

Speaker 2 They always say things are trending, but it means someone goes. I like when people announce their last video went viral.
My last one went really viral.

Speaker 2 I'm like, well, you had 25 followers and you got 90 views. That's viral for you, but it didn't really break the intranet.

Speaker 1 I don't think we can pull up a picture of it, but I don't know how it's not demoralizing for today's youth when a guy, probably nice guy in the world, we should get him on the podcast, has jeans that are like 12 feet long.

Speaker 1 And he's got a huge following globally. And the only thing he does is have these jeans made that are like go way past his body.

Speaker 2 Is that a real guy, or is that somebody?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's the real guy, it's a real article. If you can find that picture, Greg, throw it up because Greg, David officially doesn't believe me for the first time in the podcast.

Speaker 1 No, I don't believe anything. He's called Gene Guy, and he's got millions of followers.
He's probably monetizing it.

Speaker 2 It's called Gene Gene, the dancing machine from the gong show.

Speaker 1 It's in the New York Times, it's got to be true.

Speaker 2 Wake up, spade.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 okay.

Speaker 2 Let me see if this is worth doing. What does it say?

Speaker 2 It's something gross. What is it?

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 2 The information is false. White

Speaker 1 thick.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's about lead paint. You know anything about lead paint?

Speaker 1 Well, I think it can be toxic in certain ways. You don't want to put it on your salad.
All right. Let's see what this bullshit is.

Speaker 1 Have you been down the lead paint rabbit hole? Because it may have been banned for a completely different reason than many think. Did they really ban lead paint because it was toxic?

Speaker 1 or because it blocked their signals?

Speaker 2 Oh, think about it. Think about it.

Speaker 1 Every home was covered,

Speaker 1 thick, durable, and insulating. Farley suddenly governments

Speaker 1 decided it was dangerous. But here's what they don't tell you: lead is a natural shield against radiation and electromagnetic frequencies.

Speaker 1 In other words, radio waves can't penetrate alien intervention before the ban. Your walls literally acted like armor.
No TV

Speaker 2 radio frequency. Yeah, you couldn't use your phone.

Speaker 1 Oh, I see. And then, right, as wireless communication.

Speaker 2 Well, that kind of makes sense.

Speaker 1 Radio, television, early.

Speaker 2 I'm sure lead isn't great for you, though, but

Speaker 1 what's the takeaway?

Speaker 1 The takeaway isn't

Speaker 2 it wasn't toxic.

Speaker 1 Oh, it wasn't.

Speaker 2 No, they're saying they did it so they could get all these things into your house.

Speaker 1 Okay, so it wasn't a problem, and the government came in and

Speaker 2 I was like, I'd say I'd rather have my cell phone on than lead fucking walls.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. If I didn't have my cell phone,

Speaker 1 you'd be like this. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Here's you if you don't text for five seconds.

Speaker 1 Quick impression of you if you can't find your phone. I don't know where it is.
What do I do? I must have left it in my car. Heather,

Speaker 1 Heather.

Speaker 2 Here's me when I accidentally leave my phone in the refrigerator.

Speaker 1 Where is it? Call it.

Speaker 2 I do leave it in the refrigerator a lot.

Speaker 1 Here's you driving, driving to a restaurant in West Hollywood. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know where it is.

Speaker 1 I don't know where to go. Heather.

Speaker 2 I couldn't eat my whole dinner right on my phone, especially if other people are talking to me.

Speaker 1 Driving some kind of job.

Speaker 2 Driving an 18-wheeler.

Speaker 1 I ought to pound you.

Speaker 2 That's a bus. Then you open a bus.

Speaker 1 Breaks.

Speaker 1 Why don't you sell those sound effects?

Speaker 2 They get me nothing. They get me no value.

Speaker 1 I know someone, they make these little buttons in China. You buy them for like a dollar.
They're like this. They're refrigerator magnets.
You press on them and it'll give you a recording of something.

Speaker 1 Like you could, sorry, this. This is broken.
You're fucked.

Speaker 1 You could have something like, yay, buddy, or whatever, and sell them. Here's my

Speaker 2 train chat.

Speaker 2 Hey, buddy, pick it up, buddy.

Speaker 2 Hey, boss, pick it up, boss. Your phone's ringing, boss.

Speaker 1 In the day of answering machines, I guess you still have outgoing messages.

Speaker 1 You could tell when someone didn't have a lot going on in the comedy world, when their outgoing message was better than their comedy act.

Speaker 1 I mean, I had a guy once, he's like, oh, you know, leave a beep kind of thing. Old man beep,

Speaker 1 he is a coming.

Speaker 1 Old man beep,

Speaker 1 He is a coming. And then it would beep.
And you knew that guy had nothing going on.

Speaker 2 They used to do a whole album on K Tel of

Speaker 2 messages you could leave. By the way, mine is, I'll tell you right after I plug the tour of davidspade.com.
Coming to your city, probably not. And

Speaker 2 here's my

Speaker 2 here's my message. Ready? Here's my answering machine.
You've heard it. Okay.
Hey, it's DS. Leave me a mess and I'll clean it up.

Speaker 1 Okay, there you go. Well, here's my question: How long did it take you to think of that?

Speaker 2 I actually stole that one, but it's still pretty funny.

Speaker 1 Is it?

Speaker 2 All right, Dana, I'm going to leave and then you stay on for like an hour, okay?

Speaker 1 I'm going to do another solo podcast right now.

Speaker 2 Oh, you have another one to spin off?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 called Fly on the Wall. No guests, no co-hosts.

Speaker 2 It's called Dana, Don't Need No Friends.

Speaker 1 It's called Dana Land.

Speaker 1 Okay, good.

Speaker 2 All right, I'll see you next time, guys. See you next time.

Speaker 1 We're up.

Speaker 2 Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

Speaker 1 If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

Speaker 2 Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese-Dennis of Odyssey.

Speaker 1 Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech.

Speaker 2 Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

Speaker 1 Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

Speaker 2 Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered answered on the show? You can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y.com.