SUPERFLY #69 - Housekeeping

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Speaker 2 Let's do a high five

Speaker 2 before we. No, you got to go backwards.
You got to get over to where my hand is. Where, fool? What's wrong with your brain? I'm not good.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I can never do the weather.

Speaker 2 Hope we have a good

Speaker 2 podcast.

Speaker 1 Good one. Hey,

Speaker 1 wow, sweet.

Speaker 2 Geez, I'm sorry I have giant hands. I apologize.

Speaker 1 No, mine are bigger. Look.

Speaker 1 Ah, if you ever take a picture of your wiener, really put it right in the the camera like that.

Speaker 2 Like that?

Speaker 1 And then it looks normal.

Speaker 2 Well, I just want to bet with Heather that you would say, Wiener.

Speaker 2 Corneli.

Speaker 2 Heather, you owe me.

Speaker 1 No, listen, I have bigger fish to fry. I'm going to start off with a story.
How to fly.

Speaker 2 I want to hear your story. And you know what? I'm not going to try to sabotage you by interrupting you constantly.
Okay. I'll interrupt yours, though.

Speaker 2 Okay, ready? Here's what happened. All right.
I have a roller on the ground, like this,

Speaker 1 for like my neck. So I was laying on it in the middle of the day for no reason just to open up the excruciating pain I'm constantly in.

Speaker 1 Even though people in the comments feel free to poke at me, it's fine. You know, I'm used to it.
I'm like Rudy. You know, I take it.
I have so here I am laying there like this.

Speaker 1 And then a housekeeper that has been here for years

Speaker 1 comes in. And she said,

Speaker 1 she said,

Speaker 1 David, do you wear a sleep mask at night? And I said, no.

Speaker 1 Why, did you find one? She goes, no, but do you wear pads on your eyes or something when you sleep? And I go,

Speaker 2 no.

Speaker 1 Where's she going with this? You will never know.

Speaker 2 Because she goes, I think I know.

Speaker 1 Because I saw you on Jimmy Fallon and you look so puffy and your eyes are such big bags. I thought, oh, my God, what's going on?

Speaker 2 What did you say to me?

Speaker 1 Why would you jump to that from that? Why would I even connect that? And I go, no, I was fine. And And then she goes, Oh, I just thought, oh, maybe you drank all night.

Speaker 1 Maybe you stayed up all night, or maybe you haven't gone to bed in weeks. I go,

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 2 I didn't.

Speaker 2 You're not exaggerating.

Speaker 1 I'm not really exaggerating. And I go, No, I didn't really do anything.
I had dinner with Nate and I went to bed.

Speaker 2 And she goes, Oh,

Speaker 1 and then it's not over. We walk outside because it's kind of dim in my room.
We get in the light hallway, and she goes, Oh, there they are again.

Speaker 2 What? What are they? The bags?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like a magic trick.

Speaker 2 Oh, hey.

Speaker 1 Like she went like that, pulled him up. I go, yeah, they're always here.

Speaker 2 And she goes,

Speaker 1 and then she's like, I'll mind my own business now.

Speaker 1 But then all day, I'm like this.

Speaker 2 Well, that literally, we had Larry David on a couple of weeks ago on our sister podcast. And that literally could be

Speaker 2 a curb episode. The over-familiar housekeeper is very personal.
Are you going to

Speaker 2 wear those jeans? We had one who spoke mostly Spanish. I don't know if

Speaker 1 your housekeeper

Speaker 2 in California.

Speaker 1 She can't.

Speaker 1 She can't.

Speaker 2 She can't.

Speaker 2 Well, I quick fix. I visited you a lot over there and I'd run into the hallway and stuff and she'd go, huh,

Speaker 2 do you put an ice cold compress on underneath your eyes? Because you don't have anything going on.

Speaker 1 No, she said, no, no, no. She says, is Dana okay?

Speaker 2 And I go, why?

Speaker 1 She goes, just want to know if he's okay. Cause I just took a glance and it's probably not my business.
I go, oh, it's 100% not. And she goes, I just wonder because his hair is a little frizzy today.

Speaker 2 Well, maybe she's lost her college. She should be a life coach.

Speaker 1 No, sometimes she goes like this.

Speaker 1 Your shirt is a little wrinkly.

Speaker 1 But you, this is what you wore and you picked her wear.

Speaker 2 And I go, mm-hmm. She goes.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 well we i'm kind of disorganized you may have noticed and um well your house looks like a mess behind you well yeah i know this well i i am i'm under house arrest so this is yeah i mean honestly obviously i'm wearing an ankle thing i can't leave obviously

Speaker 2 i mean no one would try to you know the thing about this though Some people said, oh, it's not good to have a door, but I feel like it's kind of like tension.

Speaker 2 Like, is something going to come through that door? Sure.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Everyone's thinking that in the comments.

Speaker 2 But sometimes when I was foolish, I had a little extra shekels in my pocket and I'd go to the ATC.

Speaker 1 My pants and my jeans.

Speaker 2 I didn't really, a lot of times, my pants

Speaker 2 would go into the laundry with lots of 20s and 10s in the pocket. Thousands.
And then they'd go through the dryer. And then, so I'd go down there and she would, she's incredibly sweet, totally honest.

Speaker 2 She would line them up on top of the dryer, like all these

Speaker 2 dollar bills or whatever. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 You want to know weirder spade? When I was probably 11 or 12, I would get all my money, obviously bored. Dad's gone.
What do I do? So I would take the spritzer from the iron,

Speaker 1 and I'd go

Speaker 1 on them. And then I would iron them and I'd spray a little water on them, iron them flat.
I liked them nice and crispy.

Speaker 1 And then if that wasn't weird enough, by the way, should have been an insane asylum. Then I'd go to the top of the stairs and I'd let them go and they'd go

Speaker 1 all the way to the front door. Is that crazy? And Brian would walk in, deesh, grab one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was, I was a busboy and I'd get paid, you know, maybe 10 bucks. So they just came out crunkly, crinkly, and I'd just throw them in a basket.

Speaker 2 And everyone thought I had a lot of money, but it was all ones. It was like $60.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you want to hear about my travel?

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's hear about your travel while we got to go through.

Speaker 2 I'll just go through them. Here we go.
Going to Chicago with my wife. So we go to the airport because we have our cars and

Speaker 2 chicago what's it what's the real pronunciation i think you said chicago instead of chicago chicago i call it chicago okay so we get to the airport flights getting we're getting a little late and we go round and round and round and round and round in the parking garage she's following me long story short there's no parking unless you park where electric cars could park now i lax i'm sorry i'm interrupting you on your way there okay we drove there and then we went into the parking garage next to United, and every single thing was taken, except there were some open if you had an electric car.

Speaker 2 Now, I have a hybrid. My wife has a regular car, just a dirty car, um, a Volvo.
But so we just decided we're gonna park and it said $250 minimum a day.

Speaker 2 So we thought we'd come back either with them towed or like a $5,000 bill, but they were left. So anyway, that was the first time.
Wait, wait, $250 minimum fine a day.

Speaker 1 Oh, fine.

Speaker 2 Well, hybrid, I would count in my head. Yeah.
So I don't really understand those because what you plug them in, they go away for a week and they're still plugged in.

Speaker 2 I mean, so I didn't really get how they takes that long to charge one. So that was a little stressful.
Now, this, this has never happened before. We go through the security.

Speaker 2 I know people have security jokes. I go through, I look back.
There's the little cartoon person, and it's got a big red block over my crotch, just a big red square. My wife comes through behind me.

Speaker 2 Same thing, big red square. We have two people in front of us kind of going, huh?

Speaker 2 Would you, they asked me, would you like to go to a private room for a pat down? I said, no, I'm married.

Speaker 2 So I said, no, and they asked my wife, too. We don't.
We just thought it was funny. I don't want to exaggerate for comic purposes.
I think it was a six to seven minute pat down.

Speaker 2 You had to turn away, put one foot forward and crouch down. Then they're up underneath.
There's nothing grabbing, grinding, looking. And there were people who kind of thought I was

Speaker 2 your friend from Fly on the Wall. And they're looking, there's a little crowd gathering.
They're patting. Then they come to the front.
Boom, boom, boom, grab, boom, boom. So that was kind of exciting.

Speaker 2 At the same time, it's happening to my wife. So the both of us are just doing this grope and dance.
And this shocked me. As I'm leaving, the guy who patted me down lit up a cigarette.

Speaker 2 I go, dude, this is airborne.

Speaker 1 Did you know what you should have said? Can I just pat down my wife and we'll let you know what happens? Because what was the big square in your crotch? What do you think?

Speaker 2 Was it we were hiding a gun in our pants or an explosive device? I mean, we don't look like that. I mean, I did say to him at the end, I, because I get a little passive-aggressive sometimes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, sure. I said, because I felt there was one grope that was for him.

Speaker 1 One too many.

Speaker 2 There was one squeeze.

Speaker 2 One for the team. Yeah, one for him.
It was a little bit. So I said, I just saw, are you happy? I said, I wasn't leaving.
I go, go, are you happy?

Speaker 1 Ah, you gave him that one.

Speaker 2 And he goes, he kind of nodded. And then I high-fived his blue gloves.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then I smelled it.

Speaker 1 He goes, Sometimes the house wins.

Speaker 2 I didn't do that.

Speaker 1 You get to grab your balls. Yeah, I haven't.
I told you, Dana, they go like this.

Speaker 1 Back, I'm going to go to your crotcholaria. Yeah, the back of the hand.
You want the back of the hand? I go, let's go front.

Speaker 2 Oh, you just give him a, give him everything.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I go, let's have some fun. Come on.

Speaker 2 Okay. So this part is not an exaggeration either.
So

Speaker 2 we fly to Chicago. We're coming in.

Speaker 1 Chicago now.

Speaker 2 St. Louis had a tornado and blew up a dust storm.
So as it's flying, we made all the news. We're just, we see it in the distance from the plane.

Speaker 2 It's 100 miles wide and 20 miles tall of dust. It envelops Chicago.
There's tornadoes and thunderstorms and 60-mile an hour gusts. So the guys are like, we're going to have you agree on a minute.

Speaker 2 We've got a dust. dust storm, tornadoes, thunderstorms, winds out of the southwest at gusting to 70 miles an an hour.
We'll have the ground in just a minute.

Speaker 2 So when we were coming into Chicago, we couldn't even see it. It was so covered with dirt.
And

Speaker 2 it was a little light chop. You wouldn't have liked it.

Speaker 1 A little dirty air, literally.

Speaker 1 I will add in this part of your story. Dana does not love flying.
And you add in all this chaos. What was Paula doing?

Speaker 2 Paula is the opposite of me. She is so relaxed.
Like, because on the way back to LAX, we're coming in, the gear's down.

Speaker 2 All of a sudden, the gear comes up like 40 seconds from landing, and the guy does a steep left bank.

Speaker 1 Wait, he does? He gives up on it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I go, Oh, we just screwed the pooch.

Speaker 2 We got to go around. Then he comes on and goes, There was a plane that was on the runway, so we're going to go around.
Probably take us about 15 minutes to get back in line. We'll get back to you.

Speaker 2 To do a U-turn? Jeez. No, there's planes, you know, and so then two minutes later, he takes a steep dive with the gear coming down.
Clearly, the tower said, if you do this, you can go in.

Speaker 2 And then we made a really hard landing. I had someone on the aisle behind me who said it was their first flight.
Wow.

Speaker 1 That shit.

Speaker 2 She goes, I don't like this. I've gotten much better than I've been because I've been flying so much.
I'm kind of like, fuck it. But my wife's more like,

Speaker 2 hey,

Speaker 2 and I use this too. In World War II, they were flying and getting shot at.
I mean, you know, what are we? We're such babies.

Speaker 1 Anyway. I mean, we are babies because it's definitely,

Speaker 1 you know, they all, they pretty much all land. It's just, it's very upsetting and it scares you and tightens up your stomach.
And you land a little rocked, you're a little dizzy, a little.

Speaker 2 Well, it's, it's, you know, like I always say, if you surf the web for an hour, go on Daily Mail or whatever, you're hypnotized into darkness.

Speaker 2 So when you're reading all the time, it seems your brain feels like planes are crashing about every two to three minutes because it's boom. So that's where the fear comes up.

Speaker 1 Well, that Newark airport thing doesn't really help relax you.

Speaker 2 I probably avoid it till they get it figured out. Call me crazy.

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Speaker 4 Hey, everybody, it's me, Bill Maher. If you're not watching or at least listening to Club Random, you're really missing something good and something unique.

Speaker 4 Because I don't think we look or sound like any other podcast, and that's by design.

Speaker 4 My life's quest has been to do some kind of show that captured the level of intimacy and the lack of artifice you would see if you saw me off camera talking to a friend.

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Speaker 1 In a fun story, my mom saw Tom Jones in Arizona. Where did she go? The Arizona Financial Center? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 Tom Jones can, I think it's a 5,000-seater.

Speaker 1 For Tom Jones, wow. I knew he's a big star, but he's raking him in.
And they really took care of my mom. They gave her, she had a knee operation.
They gave her a box.

Speaker 2 Moved her into a box.

Speaker 1 Isn't that nice?

Speaker 2 Sweet. I want to thank that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she just got her knee replaced. Maybe I'll go to Arizona and just hang out with her.
I go, I'm surrogate, Dave. We're around the same size.

Speaker 1 I said, why did you get your knee replaced? She goes, it wasn't that bad, but I want to fight Dana. So I want to have it as strong as possible.

Speaker 2 I was like, ooh, why?

Speaker 1 She didn't even tell me why.

Speaker 2 By the way, just this for a second. Tom Jones is my wife's, I mean, might be her favorite.
Oh, really? Now, he's had a renaissance.

Speaker 2 He's been on these talent shows, and he's somebody who just has not lost his voice. And he sings like Pavarotti, but as a rock star.

Speaker 2 So if young people are listening, just YouTube, you know, Tom Jones.

Speaker 1 You know, the funniest thing is my mom is so stoked and she's waiting, waiting, waiting. It was last Tuesday.
And I'm.

Speaker 1 I went to Las Vegas to that gig and I had lunch with Nikki and I look over his shoulder. It says Tom Jones playing here tonight.
I was over at the wind.

Speaker 2 He was playing there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Isn't that crazy? I would have seen him if I wasn't doing the show.
And then I thought, if I see him, I'm going to go, my mom is coming.

Speaker 2 I would have seen it. Well, I saw him once, quick story here at Harris, I think in Tahoe.
And his clothes, his pants were incredibly skin tight. I mean, they weren't even pants.

Speaker 2 So it was like, you know, and then

Speaker 2 he would turn around for a drink of water and that you'd hear a lot of the women scream. And then he would turn back and say, literally, I see we have some fanny watches tonight.
Oh, boy.

Speaker 2 Every time he turned around, they would scream, I see the fanny watchers are still pleased. Then he turns around and goes, I see some weenie watchers are here.
And Dana goes.

Speaker 1 Now, he puts his wiener on the outside of his pants. He goes, they're too tight.
I got to put it on the outside.

Speaker 2 He was famously gifted downstairs. And I guess famously, Milton Burrell had the same problem or dilemma or whatever and came to him and wanted to show him.
And so this Tom Jones told this story.

Speaker 2 And then Tom Jones said, yes, he had me beat, but I turned around and I heard a little sound and I knew he was a fanny watcher. Fanny Watcher.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what?

Speaker 1 I didn't even check with my mom if she's a fanny watcher. I did not even.

Speaker 1 you know, ask her ahead of time.

Speaker 2 Well, does she find, because he was a

Speaker 2 full-blown sex symbol in the 60s with women throwing things and all that.

Speaker 1 Her favorites are Elvis, then Willie, and then Tom Jones. We went and saw Willie once together.
It was great. And now Tom Jones.

Speaker 2 And what about Engelbert Hunker D?

Speaker 1 You know what? Last night I looked up Tom Jones on YouTube. No joke, because I wanted to hear Green, Green Grass at Home, Tear Jeeker, Tear Junker, and Delilah.

Speaker 1 And it was an old video of like the old, cool 70s shows. Yeah.

Speaker 1 a weird kind of bright set and he's in a Engelbert singing who looks like Brad Pitt and Brad could easily play him in a movie. He looked exactly like him in this clip.

Speaker 1 And then Tom interrupts him, and then they start singing each other's songs like that old innocent, kind of cool. They both have tuxes on.
They start taking them.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Anyway, they're great. They're both great.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Okay.

Speaker 1 Boring, that stuff.

Speaker 1 Lastly, I would say before we get to the stuff. Oh, the Cannes Film Festival's on.

Speaker 1 One thing is that all the people that showed up that were, you know, in a little bit of hot water, we'll say. But I just saw the list of James Franco,

Speaker 1 Ezra Miller, Kevin Spacey,

Speaker 1 Shia LaBeouf. So they're all there on the carpet doing different things.

Speaker 2 Wow, that's an interesting game.

Speaker 1 Isn't it interesting? Like, maybe they've served their time in jail of career jail. I just, it's always like a varied time of how long, but are you ever allowed to work again? Are you not?

Speaker 1 How rough was the crime you did? You know, it's such an interesting thing of like, they're all there, but it's not even America. It's France.
So are they grading it on a curb? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I know. I mean, it's like, are you convicted in a court of law or not is one bar.
Yeah. And the other is just, you know, public opinion.
Public opinion misunderstanding or whatever.

Speaker 2 But yeah, I think the canceling thing is tamped down a little bit. We can't like.
whack-a-mole.

Speaker 1 I actually saw Shila Buffo. I think it's kind of cool in the movies.
It's a great actor.

Speaker 1 He was walking down somewhere. It's kind of like, let's say you're at the airport and you're walking and you see a bunch of people that know you.

Speaker 1 So they're following him and they want him to sign stuff. And I see him.
He's getting more and more pissed. But he was very cool about it.

Speaker 1 I think he's self-aware enough to go, these guys are all in my face. And the second he takes one photo, like if people are walking behind him, he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, take a photo.

Speaker 1 And then they all get in front of him to block him so they can get one. Tries to walk again.
No, no, just sign this one thing for my nephew.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, but he was very cool because they're really like yelling at him. And people get mad.
And he had to keep moving. So I give him that.
He didn't flip out.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's hard not to.

Speaker 2 It's hard not to because they're, you know, it's a big country and there sometimes it's just 15 or 20 people who are not. It used to be in the old days, gee, Mr.

Speaker 2 Clark Gable, could I get your autograph? And now it's a, it's a monetary thing, I guess. And so it's very, it's, it's aggressive and sometimes feels a little scary

Speaker 1 yeah you know you know it used to be all fans now it's not really fans just people that fake fans that say sign this or you know equipping an asset sign sign sign sign

Speaker 1 and then you don't sign one and they hate you and then they go sign sign everywhere you sign please you can't win also you know i don't love hearing about these standing ovations maybe i'm cynical dana

Speaker 1 But 11 minutes, nine minutes. Do these people have nowhere to go.
Who can clap their hands in the Guinness Book of World Records for more than like 30 seconds? 10 minutes.

Speaker 2 It's become a thing. So there was one director is outside and he was like, he's actually was looking down and tears coming down his eyes.
And they asked him, what happened? He goes.

Speaker 2 We only got the six minutes standing ovation.

Speaker 2 That's just like nothing. That's literally zero.
I think they've done an hour, haven't they? Yeah, that's a bomb.

Speaker 1 I think I would say start the standing ovation in the last 20 minutes of my movie when I play mine, and then just so it'll wrap up by the time the movie's over.

Speaker 2 I want to be if you, if Bus Boys does have a premiere, I'm going to be there.

Speaker 1 It'll definitely be in France, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to

Speaker 2 lead the applause. Maybe it'll just be at some kind of local whatever, Busby's

Speaker 2 theaters, theater.

Speaker 2 Listen,

Speaker 1 I've heard the word Oscar bait with Bus Boys, just on rough.

Speaker 2 I think that there's nothing, there's no bigger compliment.

Speaker 2 I mean, the 20 minute San Ovation, but there's no bigger compliment than reviews of actors, people who pretend in front of an electronic lens.

Speaker 2 Daniel Day Lewis's performance is Abraham Lincoln

Speaker 2 is nothing short of a miracle. It's miraculous.
Yeah. David Spade is

Speaker 2 a revelation as Busboy number two.

Speaker 1 As Marky the Busboy.

Speaker 2 He's exquisite.

Speaker 2 He will reorientate the Earth's access as it revolves around the sun. David Spade is a miracle as Busboy Billy.

Speaker 1 Instead, they'll be like... David Spade struggled.
It seemed to get to the end of the movie in this.

Speaker 2 David Spade puts the phone, phoning it in as he pushes his way through bus boys

Speaker 1 it he unbelievably took out a rotary phone that's how slow his phone says

Speaker 2 david spade looks lost and david spade is in a different movie than theobon

Speaker 2 what's happening does anyone understand this did they play it backwards what's going on yeah if i could understand it i'd give it a rating but for this

Speaker 1 i couldn't get through the poster this cub reporter has to say it's a stinker this cub reporter i've never seen a movie before and this is what i start with

Speaker 2 they had the camera set up surely people were talking and moving about but the whole thing is like a fever dream i don't remember one second of it was anyways One long run-on sentence.

Speaker 2 It might have had one laugh, but I fell fell asleep too long to know if there were more laughs. Hi, I'm a cub reporter for movies.com/slash fly.

Speaker 1 I sat in the audience, and in an hour and a half, I heard one Twitter and one chortle.

Speaker 2 Here's my

Speaker 2 titter. Here's my slow-motion act out of the premiere of an audience.
The audience,

Speaker 2 The best in the world.

Speaker 2 I haven't done that before. Good assistant.

Speaker 2 David Spade and Dana Carvey's act out of happy audience member. Yeah.
There's a tag team extravaganza, one doing sound effects and one pretending to be in slow motion. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 1 Before we get to some stuff, I'll say thanks for watching the Amazon special. It's doing well.
And if you want to go on my TikTok, I put up one of my E.T. jokes, which is gives you a little taste.

Speaker 2 And remember, everybody, newest movie

Speaker 2 released on social media, it's a huge universe. So, Dandelion is just there, like a book on a bookshelf.
So, that's why we mention it in the ensuing weeks after the premiere. Dandelion,

Speaker 2 Amazon Prime.

Speaker 2 Yeah, thank you. Pop in.

Speaker 1 All right, let's look at some stories. Okay,

Speaker 1 and we're gonna

Speaker 2 keep it snug. We're moving right now.
Yeah, let's snug it up a little bit. We're good.

Speaker 2 online reviews say I'm steep rocky and a difficult trail next time I'm gonna say not if you're driving a Toyota truck

Speaker 2 we know what we're made of Toyota trucks

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Speaker 2 What a dumbass. Okay,

Speaker 2 looking at a big red ball on top of Central Park. If you were to combine all 8 billion people on Earth into a giant meatball, it would fit in Central Park.

Speaker 2 That's kind of shocking.

Speaker 2 I never, I would have thought way bigger. Well, they're saying 8 billion.
Let's say the average human, you have got kids and stuff, and Aboriginals.

Speaker 2 I mean, maybe the average person is 100 pounds times 8 billion. Heather,

Speaker 2 it's a trillion pounds, and you can fit it in a Central Park.

Speaker 1 Who asked AI this one?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think 100 pounds. That's what Heather is.
But how about the rest of the world that averages like 220 over in America? I don't forget.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 1 we're not exactly a waste model capital of the world.

Speaker 2 What are we supposed to take away from that? Eat more, become bigger people, or be proud that we can fit into Central Park? What's our emotional takeaway?

Speaker 1 I think it's... Did you think it would be bigger or smaller? And is everyone going like this?

Speaker 2 Or is everyone going like this? They're going like this. It's bigger.
Well, what was the Grand Canyon and everyone peed in the Grand Canyon?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they could not fill it up. They could not fill it up.

Speaker 2 Is this all AI or just

Speaker 2 freaks in a basement?

Speaker 1 These are all questions that everyone's asking.

Speaker 2 Shut up, Brian. It'd be eight billion.
It fits like a meatball. Shut up.

Speaker 1 How much meat is in that? Or is it all just people? Do you put meat between the people to round it out?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Did you ever see Soil and Green?

Speaker 2 Soil and greenest people.

Speaker 2 As people. Soil and green is people.
No, it was with child nesting.

Speaker 2 Soil and green. Yeah, I did see it.

Speaker 2 Scared me. Dead for thousands of years.

Speaker 2 The late, great Phil Hartman did the best, Chuck Heston, man. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, next one.

Speaker 1 Oh, this is interesting. Open AI co-founder wanted to build Doomsday Bunker to protect scientists because he thinks if AI takes over, the guy that knows the most about it.
is terrifying.

Speaker 1 He's like, I'm scared. Let's build a bunker while we're developing AI because we might have to hide.
AI will fucking find you in two seconds. What are they thinking?

Speaker 2 If AI is out there, there are people that go, it's going to help mankind. You don't know.

Speaker 2 And then there are people who really think this is humans will not be the only, I mean, we will be obsolete and maybe sort of we must be eliminated. I mean, there's been so many movies from the 50s.

Speaker 2 And there also was.

Speaker 2 A Star Trek episode about this with William Shatner. Remember

Speaker 2 Nomad, I think it was called, or whatever. It was just this metal thing that was like 10 feet tall, and it would just wander around the universe and destroy civilizations.

Speaker 2 And it did it for a trillion years until it ran into the logic of James T. Kirk.
So it's like, I am nomad, I must destroy imperfection, but you yourself are imperfect.

Speaker 2 All they had to do was say that I'm imperfect, imperfect, imperfect,

Speaker 2 and it explodes.

Speaker 2 A trillion years, it destroyed universes. It took Bill Shatner 20 seconds to wipe him out have you seen some of those

Speaker 2 over

Speaker 2 sorry go ahead you're a little piece of tinfoil

Speaker 2 you must destroy all life but you are part of that life

Speaker 2 you are really being a bummer no wonder way of shatner i don't know how he didn't just pull his neck out or something or hurt his back i you can't believe what you say.

Speaker 2 You believe it's not my best impression. We need to get Kevin Paul again.

Speaker 2 Pretty good, but uh, but it's a fun impression.

Speaker 1 So, also, I saw some Elon Musk robots, and they're really like putting on the writs.

Speaker 1 Like, they're not just like, I'm, they're like, yad, that, that, they're almost doing fucking Billie Gene out there. And you go, it's getting too fast.

Speaker 2 Well, think of it this way, David, if I may.

Speaker 2 Think of the Wright brothers on a basic homemade glider going 120 feet, then Then 50 years later, 60 years later,

Speaker 2 you've got 500

Speaker 2 silly monkeys 10 miles in the sky going across the ocean.

Speaker 2 We're going to make a leap in AI, like from a glider to a 747. So you don't know what's coming.
I know you're scared. This is a, here's my quick new impression of you about AI.
Quick impression.

Speaker 2 What's going on? I don't understand. I don't, what are we, what are we supposed to do? And what's going to happen?

Speaker 2 You can, you can't see below peeing my pants of joy or fear fear

Speaker 1 okay kind of like the guy at the airport so planes went from kitty hawk to newark

Speaker 2 newark yes

Speaker 2 ai

Speaker 2 Well, look, what we'll do, what we'll do to be ahead of ourselves soon, soon, because Google AI came out and they're making movies that are totally accurate.

Speaker 2 What we're going to do is we're going to ask AI to make a podcast with digital copies of us

Speaker 2 and then see if it's better than what we actually will be, Dane.

Speaker 1 I'm scared.

Speaker 2 It won't be. And then come on at the end and go, well, sorry.
Or we make tons of podcasts and sit back and collect cash.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. I think all the comments will be, that was a perfect show.

Speaker 1 And I'll be like, well, that was the AI one. They're like, oh, get back to that dog shit you normally do.

Speaker 2 We like that. Guess what's possible? With AI and, you know, RoboTaxis, Waymos all over the place.
Somebody could buy 10 Robo taxis. It might cost them

Speaker 2 200 grand or something. I'll do it.
And then the RoboTaxis can monetize 24-7.

Speaker 2 I guess they just have to

Speaker 2 recharge themselves. But while you sleep, get

Speaker 1 what do you hate money? Are you not going to do that? Or do you like money?

Speaker 2 Is it possible that I have Robo-Taxis working for me right now? Right now, right now, dude. Sorry.

Speaker 2 Sometimes the future arrives sooner than you think. Welcome to the money machine I can afford and the jean jacket I stole from Photoshop.

Speaker 1 There better be a pile of money behind that wooden balsa door.

Speaker 2 Well, you go every day, you're trying to find out what you're going to wear. I put on my uniform and I realize you're like pink today, maybe a gray hooded hoodie.

Speaker 1 No, the problem is, the people at home don't know this.

Speaker 1 I reluctantly relinquished black t-shirt t-shirt to Dana. So Dana loves black t-shirts.
We all do.

Speaker 1 But I always think, okay, if he's wearing a black t-shirt, I have to wear one of my frilly little numbers because he's cornered at market. So this one's purple.

Speaker 1 I didn't go black because everyone goes, are you the same person?

Speaker 2 Can you tell it's purple? Hmm. It's kind of dark.
Well, I won't, just FYI to our audience. I may spiff up this a little bit.

Speaker 2 Whoa, like I could put something behind me.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, we got some stuff coming.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, so we'll see. I mean, you know, don't panic or don't throw a party, but just know that there's possibilities.
I like where's Waldo.

Speaker 2 I like when I was in the New York hotel or when I'm at the hotel down in LA, or I'm at a farm. You never know.
It's where is he?

Speaker 1 Where's Dana?

Speaker 2 They always

Speaker 2 know where you are.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because they can hear the construction up front. Beep, beep,

Speaker 2 brrr.

Speaker 1 Oh, I might get a funny thing I'm going to bring on this only for you. And it's a write-off.
I'm not going to look it up. I'm not going to say, I'm not saying one thing.

Speaker 2 You're not telling me what you're thinking?

Speaker 1 No, I will. I'll do it and I'll bring it.

Speaker 2 And then you'll be like, oh, okay. But I got to order it.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 1 I'll charge it to Auto.

Speaker 1 Look at my nose. It's so bendy.
Look at that.

Speaker 2 It's so weird. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 I just got a text from hi it's david's housekeeper his nose is also very bendy what the his no he goes she goes you ever gonna get rid of that dent in your nose up there and i go why should i she goes maybe it's just the lighting in here but it really sticks out like a sundial

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 okay well are the So anyway, I had a MRI yesterday that I actually enjoyed, and I think I fell asleep just for like a hip thing.

Speaker 2 But I was in there for 45 minutes in the tube, and they are, they are funny because right in front of you is, is two bolts and a little open slit. So it looks like an AI face, kind of.

Speaker 2 It looks like a face.

Speaker 2 And then it just, I don't know if people have been, you've been in one recently. It's like,

Speaker 2 but it starts out.

Speaker 2 And it's quiet.

Speaker 2 And then it's like,

Speaker 2 and then it's funny.

Speaker 2 You know, it's like, it's crazy. And then it goes silent for like 15, well, only one time that I almost tried to sit up, but they had me strapped in.
It's like,

Speaker 2 and then it stopped. 15 seconds, I'm like, you know,

Speaker 2 yeah,

Speaker 1 it's so hard to like, if you do it for your head, or I've done it for my neck, obviously, but you're in there like this, the guy's like, Are you okay in there?

Speaker 1 Are you freaking out? And I go,

Speaker 1 because you have to go in like this. And it's so tight.
You get to right here and you go, you start. They go, you might have an anxiety attack.
Are you okay? You want to have a chance?

Speaker 2 Are you claustrophobic? Yeah, they ask.

Speaker 1 Well, I not really, but then when you're like this, I'm like, I guess you have to be. And then you get like this.
Then he goes,

Speaker 1 All right, we're going to start here.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 He goes, you're going to hear some noises. And it goes like this.

Speaker 1 It goes bung, bung. Yeah.
Like you said. And I goes,

Speaker 1 you're like,

Speaker 1 you can't even hear anything. It's maddening.

Speaker 2 Be 45 minutes. Because of the tube and the way I went in and those sounds and the guy doing that.
Are you okay in there? I felt like I was in, I thought I was in 2001.

Speaker 2 You know, I mean, I felt like I was inside that movie somehow. And so I kind of enjoyed it, you know.
But I had, they put earphones. Here's what they did.
It sounds like a bit.

Speaker 2 They put earplugs and then big ear canceling on top and then started talking to me. And all I just looked at him was like,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 2 And I go, I can't hear one word you're saying.

Speaker 1 Mine, we're still,

Speaker 1 I can still hear him. He goes, it goes bang, bang.
And then there's a 10 second silence. And he goes, think your guy's going to do another grown-ups.

Speaker 2 It's funny.

Speaker 2 I thought if you weren't going for that, then I was going to go for

Speaker 2 that. So, what was up with the turtle man and master of the skies? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why wasn't Dane at the reunion?

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 what's up with Spade's hair today? What do you mean, hair today? I'm in an MRI routine.

Speaker 2 MRI.

Speaker 1 David, did you get the message I gave your housekeeper about your your baggy eyes?

Speaker 2 Is there any way I could get an advanced copy of Buzz Boys?

Speaker 1 David, if I don't have Amazon Prime, can you send me a link?

Speaker 2 Why does yours sound so metallical?

Speaker 1 It's funny. I don't know why it's funny.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 what was with Church Lady and what Spade came in and did, Hunter Biden? What was that about?

Speaker 1 If you don't go to the 60th anniversary, will you let Spade borrow your Church Lady wig?

Speaker 2 would spade fit in that wig or would you need a refit?

Speaker 1 Yours still sounds like it too. I like it.

Speaker 1 Mine's got a big squishy thing on it though.

Speaker 2 No, I took my, I took this off for a more metallic sound. Okay, go ahead.
So what's up with Spade? No, seriously. And meanwhile, in the background noise.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 I did say, can you

Speaker 2 slow down the noise?

Speaker 1 Also, in a side story, we found a huge lump or some sort of foreign object in your body. I think someone left a scalpel there when you got your hernia last time.

Speaker 1 Anyway, so what's going on with the bench warmers?

Speaker 2 Can you slow down the noises?

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 I have two more questions about Dana, so I turned the machine off for a while. I go, no, no, keep it going.
I want to keep this. I want to finish the MRI.
No, it's too loud.

Speaker 2 Anyway, what else is happening? Since my hands are like this,

Speaker 2 can you mind if I play a little blues harp? Whoa, what do you want?

Speaker 1 Last question from my nurse. Are you too old to have a TikTok?

Speaker 2 That's a good one.

Speaker 1 Simple yes or no.

Speaker 2 Oh, sometimes our job cracks me up.

Speaker 1 We could end on that if you want.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think it was funny. Yeah, it was good.
I think it was a nice tight episode for our family.

Speaker 1 I'm really proud of us.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 1 that should be our name for our podcast.

Speaker 2 I'm proud of us.

Speaker 1 We're proud of us.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we don't have the,

Speaker 2 we don't have what other people have, but we've got hope.

Speaker 1 We got us.

Speaker 2 And we got high

Speaker 2 hopes.

Speaker 2 Next week, I want to talk about why the movement to hate baby boomers. There's a lot of people talking about boomers.

Speaker 1 We'll go deep.

Speaker 2 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 We haven't had anybody on for a while. Maybe we'll get somebody on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe get Tim Dylan to talk about that. He's pretty funny about it.
It's funny.

Speaker 1 He hates.

Speaker 1 We can get him to hate anything.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's got some good hot tips.

Speaker 1 He was on CNN the other day, and he's just ripping on everything. It's so funny.

Speaker 2 That's that is entertaining.

Speaker 1 Okay, thanks for coming, Dana. Thanks for coming by my podcast.

Speaker 2 Appreciate it. I appreciate it just for a second.
You've been on Dana Carvey's Super Fly with my guest today, David David Spade.

Speaker 1 With David Spade.

Speaker 2 With David Spade.

Speaker 1 This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.

Speaker 2 Hope you liked it.