RE-RELEASE - Nikki Glaser

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Dana, we've got a republished episode of one of our favorites, Nikki Glazer.

Nikki Glazer.

Nikki Glazer.

She's fun.

She's fun.

This was a fun one.

Super fun.

She, you know, the good thing about Nikki, a lot of these comedians that I see or hang out with, she is a good laugher.

You know, comedians that don't give it up at all.

It's kind of tough to have goofy conversations.

She laughs a lot.

She is always writing, which I like.

She always wants to keep that act moving.

It's hard worker, dedicated.

Yeah.

She's a grinder.

My God, her road gigs.

I look at her Instagram.

It's like microscopic.

I can't even read all the cities she's going to.

And that takes its toll.

It's a tough job.

She's always upbeat on the show.

We play Vegas together.

And it was fun.

You guys are friends.

I was invited to a dinner with her.

Oh, that's right.

During COVID?

Yeah.

And

she's...

You know, her act is very adult,

but she's actually sort of old-fashioned, but incredibly sweet and doesn't have any airs about her it like in this episode you're gonna listen to she was sort of

kind of on a roll but she said this will be the hottest i'll ever be it was after the tom brady uh roast i believe if i have this correct uh is that right i think so and i think it was before golden globes i think Yes, it was before Golden Globes after that.

And she blew her up again.

She was kind of self-effacingly saying, I've just peaked.

I had a run, you know.

And so.

But she's still killing it.

She's selling out.

She's doing great.

Like I said, we're at the Venetian in Vegas this weekend.

So, a lot of fun with her.

Actual friend, actually, someone I text with.

Absolutely.

She's incredibly easy and fun to talk to.

Here she is.

What's the state tax?

Are you taxed in your native state?

I would never know that.

I live in Missouri and I rent an apartment and I don't own a home.

I don't own a car.

I don't have kids.

But I do spend a lot of money to see Taylor Swift and stuff like that.

And I eat out for every meal.

You don't have a car?

So you just Uber everywhere?

I have my, I bought my mom a car and then I took her car.

And so I'm driving my mom's car.

I paid for it.

That's a great present.

Just keep taking it back.

How are your parents?

No, my mom's old car.

Oh,

that's insane.

Handling having a famous daughter who's really successful.

How are they?

Oh, Oh, they love it.

How does that?

They're famous, Dana.

She's there on her Instagram.

Yeah.

Well, my parents, there were five kids, and so tons of pictures on the refrigerator.

And then as I got more and more successful,

eventually it was just all me.

And I said, Mom, what are you doing?

So it was, did she have ambitions or your mom or dad to be in theater arts?

My dad is a musician and plays around St.

Louis in grocery stores and different

bars.

Don't lowball him like that.

I know he feels, he hates when I start with grocery stores, but he mainly is groceries.

But he's really, he's a great musician.

He just, he just wanted a family and safety.

So he chose like a career in

cable, which was safe for many years until he got out right after he got out.

And then

yeah.

So it was, so he took the safe route.

And then I, he really believed in me and always supported me.

I knew when I first like started, it was going to take, I said, eight years before I wouldn't depend on them to like help me out a little bit here and there.

And it was like eight years on the day where I didn't need them anymore, where I got that first check that kind of made it so

warm.

But in your own mind, I can talk for David or me.

It's like, it didn't seem like a risk.

I was like, well, I'm just going to try this.

I mean, were you one of like, oh, I don't know, maybe I should have a plan B and be the junior house?

No, my plan B was like kill myself someday.

I mean, honestly, like, that was kind of like, I was like, I guess I'll just, I don't know what I'll do if I don't find an in some way, because I tried all the other ends.

I tried acting, I tried singing, and, um, and no one cared to hear any more of that.

And I, I mean, I wanted to go to theater school and be like an actress.

And then I couldn't even get booked like in my high school play.

I was always like, you know, in the diary of Anne Frank, I was Jewish townsperson B, and that was my senior year of like, this is going to be my role.

And so I was getting all the feedback that I did not have.

Frank, that's not.

Tell me.

Her plan B was just a pill plan B.

That was.

That's the only plan B we've heard of.

I had no, but did you guys have a plan B?

Like, was there, did, did you even, I think that's part of why I was successful is that I didn't even, there was just no chance that it wasn't going to happen.

Maybe I let that thought in for 20 minutes of my whole time struggling.

Maybe.

I just, it never even occurred.

I feel like I hear about like Jim Carrey and manifesting stuff.

And I don't, I think I unintentionally manifested this career because I never let in a thought that it wouldn't happen.

Well, I think that's good.

I mean, for me, it was like, I think after a few years, I don't know, the eras of comedy booming, but at some point, I was averaging $500 to $600 a month, a $50 gig, $25 birthday party.

So then I was like, in those days.

Too bad for the younger generation, I could, that was my job.

So now this is my job.

I was a winner before this, and a damn good one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But

I love my waiting tables too.

This is my job.

So then I just went wherever.

But I just thought if this is what I do to make money on planet Earth, this would be a good way to go.

Yeah.

Even if it stayed at that level, you mean?

Yeah.

What a waiter.

I always said a waiter's wage.

And now it would be like $2,000 a month, $2,500 a month, probably.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I did the same thing.

Yeah, my overhead, like you, Nikki, when you start, everyone, when they start is a minimal overhead.

So I quit too early.

I was in Arizona State, but I was working at a clothing store, and I was also quit.

And I quit because I was making 80 a week.

I was making four gigs that are $20 a pop.

And I was like, I feel like I got this because I wasn't.

And then I got out of school.

My mom was like, God damn.

I'm like, listen.

I wanted to be a radio DJ because that was the only other thing you could sleep in and then maybe do the afternoon shift.

And it didn't seem that hard.

But I thought, I can't have

everything was too tough school started to get hard i got distracted by stand-up so if you what were you studying to be like lofty goals were you in school to be something it was not it was a little early on because i was still like in anthropology and things that didn't matter but it was to ultimately be in

advertising because my dad was and my brother andy was Okay, that makes sense.

And advertising is the thing that you go, okay, if I, that was always my fallback to I'll be like, because it's creative, but apparently it's even more soulless than what we like.

It's apparently, it's you're so creative all day, and it's sometimes fun, but it's like you're ultimately just trying to manipulate people with your art, and that's got to be kind of depressing, which we is what we are doing a lot of times as well.

Like, so we've asked people this before, but like, okay, your first set,

yeah,

yeah, and and

where was it in the day of the first set that you know you're gonna

do always good again.

Do you know how many comedians that would be like just legends right now that just had a rough first set and couldn't

couldn't even imagine how good it feels to have a good set because that is what keeps you coming back is that memory of the the good one no amount of bad ones make you forget it and chase it but um yeah of course it was good um it was at uh university of colorado it was my freshman year and i was like really uh not doing well mentally i was i had an eating disorder i was like on death's door literally i i was about to die um and i was praying to die because it's just a miserable life.

You, you don't eat, you can't eat because that's part of the disease.

You're hungry all the time.

You're cold.

No one wants to be friends with you because they think you're like on a diet trying to look hot, even though like that's the last thing you're trying to do.

You're just like stuck.

It's like, it's the fucking worst.

It's having a terminal illness and everyone blaming you for it and thinking that you chose it because you want to be hot.

It's like, it sucks.

Choosing to be hot.

Yeah.

Well, it's for because it starts that way, right?

Like you get, you do a diet and it kind of works.

You get some attention.

And then I went, as I do, fucking, but I just just couldn't.

I went bananas and didn't even eat one of those a week.

And, and just, uh,

like, it, it, and so I was really good at it, but then it got really bad.

I was hospitalized and stuff.

So it was, I went off to school to like get away from my parents who were like monitoring what I was up to with not eating.

And, and it was already my plan to go out of state for school, but then I caught this eating disorder between deciding to go out of state and leaving for it.

And I was hospitalized during the summer at home.

It's, It's rough, but I tricked them all, got out, was like, I'll eat enough and I'll go to school, be responsible.

All the doctors are telling my parents, she's going to die if she goes there.

Like, there's no question.

I was like, yes, like, let me.

This is hell.

I don't even know how to get out of this.

I don't want to get out of it.

Like, it's just, it's fucked.

But then

because I looked so scary, this is my theory.

Because I looked so scary and no one wanted to be my friend.

I just became like loud and like funny and like told stories and volunteer, like, you know, when we're introducing ourselves around the dorm or at the sorority, I was like rushing a sorority.

Um, I looked like a skeleton, like, it was crazy, and but I just was so funny that people started forgetting the way I looked and wanting to be friends with me.

Or I just amed up.

Yeah.

And I'd never done that before.

I'd never needed to do that before.

I kind of just always wanted to be not noticed.

But at this point, I was so noticeable by the way I looked, I couldn't not get ahead of it.

And then that was when I started hearing, like, you should be a comedian.

And I was like, huh?

Like, is that what it, what?

I don't, I knew about stand-up, but I didn't pay attention.

It wasn't, I liked SNL.

I liked Seinfeld.

I liked Friends.

I liked Conan.

That was like the pillars of my

comedy obsession, but I didn't get into stand-up.

And then I

Googled it in my dorm room and was like, is it true you were inspired by John Bonet?

And her early 60s.

Seriously.

I didn't put the joke in my special, which is coming out

of May 11th.

May 11th.

What's the name of it?

HBO.

It's called Someday You'll Die.

And

it's Saturday, May 11th.

So it's already out now by, I think, the the time this is airing but um so just go check it out hbo someday you'll die and i but i cut it from the special but because i had too many jokes about like wanting pretty girls to die and so i had to i had to lose one of them so it was you know the the joke is a true story i've always been like insecure always wanting to be the center of attention not knowing how to like get it um i feel like that's faded as i get older and realize it's not that fun um but initially i was always like who doesn't want to be famous like do you guys relate to to that like your friends in high school or middle school but mine were like not really we don't really care about being famous and i'm like what is that everything

i think now i mean a younger generation because everyone is famous in their own way with instagram all that but i i said this to jerry seven fellow i've checked with my wife once a year i go honey did i ever say I wanted to be rich and famous ever

really early and she said no because I was just trying to win the club.

I was trying to get to the middle and then get to the headline.

I was just thinking like that.

It was too abstract that I would be famous, too crazy that I could be on TV.

And it hurt me in a lot of ways throughout my career.

I never was able to really take it in.

So, Dana, what motivated you was just

becoming a headliner.

Like, that was the first, like, I just want to be able to make a living, a good living, a decent living doing stand-up and making people laugh.

Yeah.

And I came from a track and field cross-country background.

So I I was also really, really competitive, but not in a nasty way.

But when Rob Williams was there initially and then he left to do Mork and Mindy when he came back, which I said many times, I don't know.

And he would levitate the room, as I call it.

It looked like he wasn't trying.

It was explosive.

I just thought, well, there's a standard.

So I kept saying, I've got to get more.

intense.

And I was horrible.

I would have one,

you know, joke after like a five-minute setup for a while.

You know, it's like, oh, I see a short setup and then a lot of, you know, it took me a long time.

But man, did you, you figured it out?

I mean, so quickly.

You're, you got to level.

Yeah, I mean, but relative, like, like you had it from being like bombing wildly on stage to figuring out how to elicit the kind of laughs Robin Williams gets in a, you figured it out.

And, um, but that's so interesting to me to, because there, there is a difference.

Like, I think the, for me, being famous is just like being loved, you know, like it sounds vapid, but but it's like, at its core, it's just like, I just want love and acceptance.

I want to be able to survive in the world because people like me already, you know, it's just a survival instinct.

So it's, as

I hate, I want to take some vapidity away from it because it feels like

I just want everyone to like, is that even the word?

I just want everyone to, you know,

I like that.

You're already sad.

You're already walking into a room.

And we have the benefit where people know you and have mostly a positive opinion, or at least you're not scary.

At least when you walk up to people, or you say, Oh, your kids are cute.

They don't think you're a psychopath.

They're like, Oh, this guy.

Or any situation, you can say hi to people, or you can, and they kind of are off guard already.

They're not like, Hey, fuck you.

Don't walk up to me.

Yeah, well, doesn't that make sense in an evolutionary standpoint of like wanting the whole tribe to know who you are and care about keeping you around because and and having some stake in your existence?

I mean, it's it comes from uh it makes sense where it comes from.

But Dana, I think I also have that in me too, that competitive nature that I didn't, I, I didn't know because I think I'm the same way of like, I'm not like throwing a, you know, remote control if I lose a video game kind of angry competitive, but I am, I am viciously competitive.

And you realize it when you do things like the roast, which is like, I was just thinking about this.

This is like the day after, two days after the roast.

And like immediately you walk off stage and everyone's like, this was the best.

This was the second best.

This is the, like it is a ranking thing.

And I'm like, Oh my God, that's why I like roasts because I want to, I finally found a way in comedy to like compete and in a way that I feel comfortable competing.

Like, I can't compete maybe in other ways in comedy.

Um, yeah, but and I don't look at like going up at this comedy store against people as a competition.

But this is like you have five minutes, everyone's doing the same thing, it's the same task, and who's the best?

And yeah, it brings out that nature.

The real thing is, you have five minutes, everyone's doing 23.

It's so true.

Oh my God.

I texted you during the roast.

I go, is everyone going fucking long or what's going on here?

Well, it was interesting.

They told us, like, you know, football players are getting three minutes,

Belichick's getting two, you know, and then you're getting, you're getting six.

You're getting, Andrew's getting six, Jeff's getting six.

And everyone went over because the laughs, you don't, you don't account for the laughs at the forum.

But I will say they were like, I thought they were going to be a lot more strict about you can't do this.

You know, you can't say this.

And, but get this.

I'm sitting.

So I have my set.

Like, I'm down to the wire, right?

I've been working for a month on perfecting every fucking word, every transition.

Everything makes sense.

Finally, get it down, submit it.

I'm,

and I mean like under the wire, then rush to the red carpet.

Out of the red carpet, I go, do I have time to go to prompter to see what this fucking looks like?

Even read through the prompter.

I'm in the prompter room.

All the comedians, all the people on the dais are in the room.

So I'm like, can they get behind?

Like, so I'm reading through.

Kevin's behind me.

I'm like, Kevin Hart, will you not look at it?

But he couldn't see over everyone's shoulders anyway, so it didn't fucking matter.

So I was like, I was, can you raise the monitor?

And so he,

so

I'm reading through, I like, um, and then, and then rushed right on stage.

I sit down.

Kevin comes up to do his set first to open,

and he does one of my jokes.

Classic roast situation.

Do you think he saw it on the prompter?

No, no, no.

Oh my God.

That setup sounded like I thought he stole it.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah.

No, sorry about that.

Parallel development.

Yes.

Obviously.

And, but I was just like, how did they not catch this?

But the truth is, like, the writing team is getting jokes last minute.

Kevin chose his jokes very last minute.

They're entering them in.

No one cross-checked it.

So his joke is that Tom Brady got out of his divorce and then he's been fucking around town so much his dick has CTE.

And mine was about masturbating to him to research for this.

And my, my clit has CTE.

And, but I, but on mine, I have like a tag that I'm like, okay, that kind of, that makes it different.

So I'll just blow past the fact that I do the same joke.

But I'm also like, at first, I'm just my face.

I can't even, I'm on camera, but I'm like, how do you get it off the prompter?

That I mean, during the show, you can't get it off the prompter.

No, it's a live show.

There's no producer to call.

We're on stage already sat.

There's, I don't have, I'm like, do I talk into my lav and

think maybe someone hears me?

I don't have an in-ear to hear if they hear me.

Jeff comes, Jeff Ross, who's the producer, comes and sits down next to me.

I go, I have the same joke Kevin just did, and I can't take it out of the prompter.

The prompter guy is not going to build.

I haven't worked with him enough to, hey, if I do this, just go to the next one.

I had it set.

So then I'm looking at one of my friends who's in the front row and she knows my set backwards and forwards.

And I go, and she's like, dear and headlights look too.

And I go, what do I do?

And she's just like looking at the carpet because we're trying to think of another joke that will fit coming out of Tom, you were on my fantasy team last night and then transition after the CTE, like into something CTE without saying it.

Can you jump the line without the prompter freaking out and blowing up?

No, but that's the thing.

I'm like, I don't think I I can't, because I'm like, I don't even know.

And then I, and it would ruin my flow entirely if I stepped and go, hey, can you?

And then I go, okay, maybe I'll just say the joke and go.

That would have gotten better had it not been already set, like address it.

But then that's like, do I need to?

I've never performed for even this big of a crowd before.

It's at the forum.

So it's like, I don't know the dynamics of the sound and what people like.

And so, but then I did the math on it.

I was like, okay, there's enough time between me and that joke that they might reset.

Like they'll subconsciously know that isn't as funny as it would have been without hearing it, but maybe they will be able to place it.

I think so.

I mean, I just noticed it and I went, oh, oh, well, the head didn't talk to the tail.

That was just, and there was going to be.

Yeah, no one's going to be like, she stole that.

Other people talking about how beautiful Tom Brady is, how attractive he is and stuff like that.

Or is he gay?

How do you, can you not have overlap?

There's going to be bumps.

Definitely.

And I was surprised that there weren't more, like, when I submit, because after that happened, it was one of his first jokes.

And so the rest of the time I'm watching his, the teleprompter, like, where else?

Like, how, what am I going to do?

Like, it was just that moment of, you know, live TV, which obviously you guys are used to, where it's like, you're, I got to make a decision.

And let's just see if it's the right one.

But you have the best line of the

I thought it was the most clever.

It was hard-hitting.

It was, but it really made me laugh out loud.

And that was, how does it feel?

I won't, won't even say

that when he

he can kick your ass while he eats.

Yeah.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'd say that I talk about Tom Brady.

Um, now

Giselle, his ex-wife is dating a jiu-jitsu instructor.

I was like, that's got to hurt knowing your ex-wife's new boyfriend could beat your ass while eating hers.

I like how you know.

I love that you like that because I was like, oh, I can't even say that.

Poor Giselle.

Oh, it's so outrageous, but it was constructed really well.

And you said hers.

You didn't say ass twice.

It was a reason it was palatable.

Thank you.

That really means a lot.

Well,

I'll just tell you point point.

Like, it doesn't matter that you're on the thing.

I thought you won the night.

You saw how Kevin Hart reacted.

If there is a competition, there isn't.

He was a good reactor, though.

He really did give it up to you.

You know, me, me, not no money line and all that.

I mean, he sincerely in that moment was giving it up to you.

Like, that's how it's done.

It doesn't get any better.

So you must have felt good after that.

I mean, amazing because you guys know, like,

that we are all kind of in competition sometimes.

And for another comedian like Kevin Hart, who definitely has achieved that level of success by making things about him and probably not making it about other people and shining the light on them, that's how you get there to use that time to break.

I mean, he literally went up and was like quoting people's jokes, just saying them again.

He literally, after, after I got a standing ovation, which I didn't even know about, he goes, I want everyone in the, in case you didn't see it at home, Nikki got a standing ovation to give me that.

Like he didn't, I know why he was doing that because he wants to build me up.

It wasn't so that people actually, it was, it was designed that way.

And I thanked him afterwards and I said, I know you did, you didn't need to be as generous with, you know, the laughter and saying things afterward as you did.

And he was, he did it for everyone.

And it was, it was an example of what I want to like be more like in this position.

It made it more fun.

It made it very likable, too.

Yeah.

It's, it's the way Kiss Allen, you know, when you go on his show, when you do stand up on his show, he comes, which is terrifying.

And it kind of, you kind of do, you don't go up cold, but you're coming back from a commercial break.

It's obviously, it's like all of a sudden, this person just standing there who's no one's seen.

It's like kind of going up cold a little bit for an audience, but he comes out before, warms them up, tells them, Oh, I love this girl so much.

Like, even if he doesn't, and then he is like cackling at his desk and just his silhouette moving, he probably isn't even making any sound, but he's giving us that.

And the audience is watching him to decide how to feel about me subconsciously.

It's the way that

I feel about YouTube comments, which i hate so much i hate that everyone gets to just comment on things all the time and david i always when i talk about this i always say how you um you told me that the hollywood what minute what was it show business yeah hollywood minute on snl was the only time like

like celebrities got roasted or like kind of got made fun of or ridiculed directly like that yeah it was all people magazine and all everything was like fawning fawning yeah but that was the only place for it in the 90s like and look at it now we that that seems insane that that would be the like it's it didn't exist angry mob yeah and so i yeah youtube comments are constantly there to tell you how to feel about a video like even i'm a pretty savvy consumer and i feel like you know i want to watch content and think really make my own decision about how i feel about this and not be influenced but then a little youtube comment pops up and if it's like you know, if it's one of, if it's fly on the wall or whatever, commenting like one of the greatest things I've ever seen.

And I see a little check mark next to your name even if I don't know what it is I'm like oh someone with a check mark thinks this is the best thing

I like I like this more no matter what I just do even me who knows that it's trying to get me to like it so that's what uh I think it's really detrimental when it's negative but when Kevin kind of co-signed it really I think that's why there's been this fervor afterwards that I've never felt in my career before of people being like

you had a standing ovation you were the best one I'm like thank you Kevin Hart I mean I did well, but that really, that boost helps so much.

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Dana, what does a confident smile say to you?

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it's hard to have no glitches it's hard to go through a set it's hard to go later I when they introduced you I said fuck yeah she's got to go soon because Andrew Schultz who's great and by the time they got to him I forgot he was going on I'm like oh my god he's still he's got to follow every joke I told him and he still did great I told him I said you if we swap sets this could be a different conversation because he's like you did the best don't even fucking try to tell me I did too and he and he's being very sweet but I go but we know it was about they didn't have any juice left, and we were two hours into a show.

I couldn't believe how well Tom Brady did three hours into a show.

I was like, but it was a good time, though, all around.

Who did you guys in your career?

Like, do you feel were there any moments where someone went out of their way to vouch for you or say you're funny that is like stands out to you?

I know you have tons, but

well, uh, for me,

um,

I guess Brad Gray and Bernie Berlstein, they were,

um,

they just championed me.

I had other managers and people didn't get me.

I, I was sort of a cutesy guy.

I didn't look like a comedian.

I did a lot of weird

sitcoms because I didn't know that I'd be on Saturday night live in three years, you know?

Whoa, really?

They were the first ones that said, yeah, you, you, yeah, you, you've got it.

And

directed you towards SNL and that kind of thing.

Were they the ones that say, this is where you belong?

Yes.

And Bernie managed managed Lauren Michaels.

He was, Bernie was Lauren's manager.

Got it.

And we were all in the ecosystem there.

So it was a lot of luck.

But just want for a second,

being competitive, like Kevin Hart, I'm sure is.

Maybe he's like, who can get to a billion or whatever?

Is a separate lane from generosity.

Yeah.

And being, you know, it's like I can imagine you meeting a version of yourself who's like 22 in the clubs and you catch something good about

Tanya Harding her.

You just make sure.

Well, just to be honest, you probably would squash her.

Right, because of the amount of time I've been doing it versus her.

Yeah.

And you pull out the tricks

and then the baton.

But yeah, I am that's what I was talking about.

Like the Jean Bonnet story that I didn't get, like, I'm threatened by girls who are like younger and prettier and I can see potential in them.

Like, of course, I want them to go away and to get, you know, get a boyfriend, like, you know, Britney Murphy out.

I hate to, yeah, I'm making obviously a joke, but I want them to get a boyfriend who controls them and then they don't get to succeed and beat and reach their potential.

There's a secret deep part of me that, yes, because when, if, to me, this is survival of the fittest.

And if she's out there, then that's one less spot for me.

And people say there's room enough for everyone, but there is a threshold for how many people people can know.

So there is,

you can say it all day, everyone can be famous, but we don't, not everyone can.

There is a threshold.

So there is a spot.

If someone goes, another spot opens up.

And, but now I fight that disgusting part of my brain that is so jealous and so

critical.

And when I, I challenge myself every time I get threatened by a girl on Instagram, like I see a clip of a young hot girl and she's being hilarious, like Catherine Blamford or what is her name?

Caroline Benowitz.

These two like cute, blonde, hilarious girls.

And I'm just like, what the fuck?

And I just want them to not be funny so bad.

I'm watching it.

Like, please don't be funny.

And it is, because it is every time because they're just naturally hilarious in a way that i feel like i'm not i now instead of when i feel like go away bitch i i post it on my instagram story and i say this girl's hilarious i just like i have to do it it's my rule for myself to like fight that because

that people did that to me early on in my career and tried to like

you know,

get me canceled in different clubs and told people I was sleeping with comedians to get stage time.

And I was like a virgin.

I didn't even, I was scared of sex.

And I was suddenly like this whore that was blowing people, disgusting comics for stage time.

And it was, it really held me back.

I had to like move out of my home club town because it was, like, no one respected me.

And everyone thought I was stealing jokes from guys.

I like that move still works.

It's like, she's a whore.

It's like, she sounds like works through the history of time.

Yeah.

And it just everyone's like, what?

And

she was, these guys were right.

She's blowing Polly Shore and he's writing for her.

And I was, I was like, I don't know which I should be more insulted by.

Not because Polly's hilarious, but like,

how could you think he could write these jokes for me?

And that I would trust him to write to my voice.

Like, it was just like, it was, it, so I try to just do the opposite, even though they're absolutely, I res, I really relate to that bully, the person, you know, the people that even bully me.

Well, what is the phrase rumor monger?

Is that the phrase?

People who cultivate rumors to destroy people.

It's easy to do, isn't it?

Like,

Schottenfreud, you know, the German word for

taking joy in your friends' failures.

So, that we all, we all are five years old.

Okay, we're all 10 years old inside.

So, there is all those reflexes.

You know,

it's like Toy Story.

There's a new kid in town.

You know, all

the next, the next Nikki Glazer.

It's instinctual.

You're being replaced.

There's someone younger.

They get more attention.

They're more fertile.

Like, these are all the things I talk about in my special.

But yeah, it makes sense.

Like, I remember,

what was I just going to say?

The oh, but when my bully in my hometown, like who really devastated me, and I really did have to leave town because she got all of my friend comics against me, like my club that I started at, like I just couldn't get stage time because she convinced everyone I was a hack whore.

And so

when she

hack whore.

I think that's like the Japanese translation of my, of the, the one that's out now.

I was

like, that's your poster.

I see.

Tokyo.

be all.

But I remember

I had told Amy Schumer was, we were dear friends, and we were talking about, and she knew all about her.

And oh, we both hated this girl.

And we're like, oh, you know what?

You, this is going to drive you to succeed.

And I finally got to a place where I was doing really well.

And I remember texting Amy one day, like, I found out she's pregnant.

And I was kind of like, oh, she's like, got a husband and a boyfriend.

And Amy just goes, you won.

And it was, and I was like, oh, you're right.

We're not going to hear much from her now um so yeah that's when you think is wishing girls pregnant yeah you wish him to get pregnant to get rid of yeah because instead of death just pregnancy it buys you some time yeah

when we did the roast for rob low i saw rob yesterday actually we did the roast for rob low why did i say that um we uh

he's because you can't not see him and go like i'm looking at a perfect yeah it's it's jarring what he looks at i'm sure you never get used to it but yeah when we were doing the roast it still bothers me.

It is.

He's my Jambonet.

So

when I did

the Roast with Nikki, that's the only one I've done, was for Against Roblox or whatever it's called.

It was Roblo Roast.

And then I thought one of the interesting things, because I never did it, was the respect and quiet unwritten rule that regular people don't seem to know.

When I go to the improv, if Jeff Ross is on stage, I don't go in.

And when they're practicing roast jokes, I saw you the other night, your juniors, the other comics that are on the roast step aside on their own.

They go, we're not allowed to see each other.

Yep.

And when you go to the stage, Dana, they were like, that day I'm going to just look at the prompter.

Rob Lowe is there.

And they go, we got to get Rob Lowe out before you can come in.

And everyone's in on it.

And everyone understands.

Yep.

Oh, wait.

But we don't say it.

Yeah, they just go, you're not ready to go in yet.

And in my head, I go, oh, Nikki must be, someone's in there.

Yeah, we don't, that's the strange thing i've noticed that and this time around like i'm running into jeff around town and i'm you're trying to get a sense of like how hard are we going do with tombrady can we mention aaron hernandez can we mention him kissing his kids can we mention giselle even can we mention bridget moinihan can we mention him deflating balls like you don't know where the line is so i got on an early call and i'm like you know what's the vibe like you just want to get a sense of other people's jokes to see what's going on

but you can't because you you wouldn't want anyone to see your jokes so you did you go am i the one going too far that's problem.

And then you hear someone going too far and you're like, well, no, I want to go for

the bar rises.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what happened to me like a week ago.

I'm like, wait, there is an Aaron Hernandez joke?

Like, we're going to joke about a guy who hung himself in prison tragically after killing someone because he had CTE, which is what all these guys are going to get on stage eventually.

Like, oh, we're going there.

Let's, okay.

Now, there were three of them, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, might have been.

It was, yeah, there were.

Bridget Monaghan said something today.

She did.

She said,

she posted something like,

you know, I would never,

it wasn't saying her, but she said, I would never let people.

It's really what you think she'd say.

Something like, that's not something I would do.

I thought we would never do stuff like this about.

And it was like, because she gets dragged into it, I think from one of your jokes.

Yeah.

But also, Giselle took such a fucking beating that all I wanted was her to walk out at the end.

and get a standing over.

How cool would that have been?

I'm sure they tried to get her, but there's no way.

That would have been so cool.

In a fucking karate gi.

It's Brazilian with a white belt.

I love it.

It's a white belt.

It's not about a karate lesson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I haven't learned one thing.

Okay, I have a question, Nikki.

Yeah.

In the room,

and your vibe, you're looking at Tom.

You're watching him.

He's a good sport.

They say he got mad at Jeff Ross for a second.

What's your vibe of how much pain or not pain he was feeling and how how much he was expecting these level of jokes or was he surprised?

What did it

was down for whatever?

I mean, there was, you know, we all agreed not to make fun of his kids and the kissing thing.

We all were like, we don't want to bring that into it because

it, you know, his kids are in like middle school.

We want to keep them to keep that special between them.

And so

we just decided that was kind of the only, that was the only only one that I was like, hey, we're all kind of collectively not going to do that.

And I would go, okay, well, there goes half my act.

Like so much was about

because that was the only thing I knew about him.

Like that was

when that video came out.

I was kind of obsessed with it because my dad used to kiss me on the lips as a kid.

And I had a, I bit about, like, it went into my adulthood where I was like, we can't do this.

I know we do this as a family.

And my other friends would be like, you guys kiss him.

Like, I related to it.

So I had a lot of jokes about that.

And then they all went away.

But

forget what your question was.

Well, did you feel like that he was

some people might see that he co-signed for the Giselle jokes and he had a heads up that is where they were going to go to?

Dude, it was so rough.

Well, I couldn't look at him because I felt like he, even in there's this clip of me online that I'm watching and you, he cuts to him and he looks devastated.

Like he looks really shell shy.

Tight smile.

Heights.

Yeah.

And I thought he would be able to fake it more, but I also, I'm like, oh, wow.

I I thought he was going to know all of our jokes.

I honestly, because he's an EP on it.

So I thought he

and he wants to control things.

Like, I'm sure he's, he's going to deflate some of our jokes by looking at them and, you know, and making them more palatable for him to handle and hold.

And, um, but he didn't.

And he, he, because even when Jeff made the Robert Kraft joke about like alluding to the happy ending massages, he got up and was like, no, I didn't hear it happen, but I, I saw him get up.

I didn't know what he said, but I was on Stern yesterday and he said that he was like, no, that's that's too far or something.

And that was a good idea.

Don't ever say that shit again.

That's what he said.

Yeah.

Yikes.

I would, because Jeff, Jeff did sit back down and was like, did I crawl?

Like, was that, because he tried to get out of there?

God screen earths would it be about that?

What do you mean?

Why, why is he picking that?

Because I think Robert Kraft was a hard get to get in that room.

And Tom probably vouched and said, they are not going to come after you.

You cannot sit in the fucking within a mile radius.

No, but that was that he should have communicated better because jeff would have never ever overstepped the line that tom put down he and he would have made it like he wouldn't have ever so that wasn't communicated clearly because jeff was so like

conscious about it yeah it was but he was offended dude i really do think that he didn't expect it but i was checking in with jeff beforehand and he was like he's ready to go he wants to do this full throttle let's go no holds bar just not the kids like he can take it and i go giselle and you're like yep he can take it i'm like all right i and if you watch, if you watch a Greg Giraldo roast compilation,

that's all you need to do to watch, to know what you're in for.

Like, it's going to be that level because we're all watching those and we're all striving for that level of cringy, of truth and

harshness.

And yeah.

And so for him to, to ever be surprised at anything is just bad planning and you didn't, and you thought you were impervious to it or something, that's insane.

Everything we know about Tom Brady as an athlete, his preparation is perfectionism, and he would scream at,

so there is a crazy as a fox kind of vibe here.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, studying him.

Yeah.

Well, he's very, he's more vulnerable.

He's more human.

They call him the human robot.

He's about, he signed a $375 million deal to be in the booth.

So these little asides and jokes, it's all been sort of said out loud in a vicious way.

So I think it's a new day in town for him walking down the street because you kind of feel empathy for him.

There was that joke.

I think it it was Kevin Hart.

You went eight and nine and you lost your wife and kids.

Oh, yeah.

It was worth going eight and nine for.

Yeah.

There was that too.

But as far as primality, if you're talking about the male psyche and the male ego and what, however that went down, we don't know.

Yeah.

But that's a very uh that that made me empathetic toward him.

I agree.

I think I think he didn't think that angle of like losing your family would be losing family is a broadening term.

It is.

And

the truth is he did it.

Like, he wasn't, he didn't abandon his kids.

He's like a great father.

I hope that he was able to just know that that's not true.

And wouldn't you not want that out there?

Just the people that

the casual viewer goes, oh, he deserves

kids.

Now that's what I know about him.

Like anyone who doesn't, we defined who he is.

Now you're so right.

This is opening up a world in which he might face more criticism.

I do know he didn't go to the after party.

You know, like he fucking would go cry in the corner.

He would have water.

But you know, it's divorce with like a

total net worth between the two of them, about a half billion.

And their kids are living online every day.

They're 10 and 12 or something like that.

So they're seeing all these jokes.

So,

but, but then, so this,

they, they're already acclimated.

It's not out of the blue.

Yeah, that's a good point.

I mean,

it's just their life.

And that was when I said some savage joke about the, I think, the eating ass Giselle joke, and which I was scared to even look towards him.

But then I was just like, you're Tom Brady.

I just, I go, you'll be okay.

Like, I really, I literally said that because I'm like, you will.

Like,

and you did ask for this.

And if you don't know how, it's interesting because I wonder, I'm, I'm going on Kimmel later today and my angle is like, oh, let me read some jokes about me that didn't make it.

Like there's a writer's room and so many jokes that, you know, people didn't use about me because I wasn't, people thought, you know, there's more, more people to talk about.

I'll read those.

And so those are coming in right now.

And I'm like, oh, oh, God.

Like, and some of them are from my like close friends who are in that room.

And I'm like, you, you see this thing about me that I thought I only talked about myself.

Like, I'm having that moment, but I think that's, I feel like it's a good move.

Cause I was going to read Rose jokes that didn't make it and just go harder on people.

And I'm like, no, what if I go hard on myself and it kind of give myself that Tom Brady treatment that I just dished out?

But it's hard, man.

It's a great idea.

But yeah, it is sort of like, you know, what are people perceiving about me that I don't see?

It's so gross.

Because you don't even, like, they would never, like, the things we said about Tom Brady, we wouldn't, he, you can't even tell him in a, you know, in a Zoom meeting of like, here's the areas that we might go to.

Like, no one did that.

Right.

No one even said,

because there are things about me I know that I just already read coming in where I'm like, I really didn't know anyone thought that about me.

Like, I really thought that was just between me and the mirror when I'm alone.

And so why you can't get roasted?

Like, i i think i asked to be roasted once and it's good money but i thought i could never handle it and that's why i never did it and i only did it as a host and in the host you're in the crossfire and i think some jokes about me got traded because we got that last minute edition and it was too juicy so everyone jumped on and coulter oh god yeah

that's she became the punch and later i was told oh you dodged a few bullets because you just switched because i'm surprised surprised you did that.

Looking, I didn't, I wasn't really friends with you back then, but knowing you now, um, I'm so glad you did.

But it was, it's brutal.

It hurts so much.

I'm glad that I kind of got brushed over.

But there was like one, one or two jokes about me that afterwards at the after party, I just was kind of a little bit like processing and being like, wait, why did he write like that?

Was that a joke or was that from a real place?

And like,

yeah, it stays with you a little bit.

So it's, you know, but it's worth it because it's the exposure.

And then if Brady's my friend, he has a he has a shirt on top and underneath he has a t-shirt and at the end he unbuttons it and it's just all the topics that were covered giselle trainer ass

so he just goes

knew it that would yes

knew it but yeah i wouldn't want to do that i mean the early ones the first one that was big was it was it chevy chase

one of the first

on the comedy central and that one because i don't think chevy was ready for it i really saw real pain and real wish I wasn't here.

I think now people who do it, I mean, the next celebrity is going to do it.

Come on, man.

You have to think of the thing.

Nikki, honestly.

You do.

You have to know.

No one is immune to it.

But that's kind of like the person we want to get who thinks they're such hot shit that

everyone else can be looked at like that, but not me.

And that's kind of what maybe was Tom Brady was feeling.

Yeah, that's a good one.

But now he knows.

Well, Nikki, would you rather be,

this is the problem I thought with the Chevy Chase one, was Don Rickles and those guys in the old days, if people know, that was the fun roast.

Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, huge stars.

And they were little pokes.

1970s.

You know, and they were fun pokes.

They're all friends.

Chevy Chase, I think it was strangers, hired assassins.

So a guy's like, hi,

I'm, you know, whoever.

By the way, you're a piece of shit.

And now it's too mean because you're like, wait, who's this guy?

And so is it worse from strangers or is it worse from your friends?

If If you were roasting me and it was too mean, I wouldn't even know how to look at you after.

I would be yeah, I felt way worse roasting Jeff Ross and Burt Kreiser.

Oh, right.

You said he was disgusting?

Yeah, I said he's disgusting to look at.

And I was going to lose that joke because I'm like, this is so harsh.

And my friends were being like, yeah, it's not really, you don't even say what he looks like.

You just say he's disgusting to look at.

And I go, no, but that's why it's funny.

It's just, it's so,

that's the reason I like it.

That's not the reason you're disgusting.

It's intentional to be

the re lion reference.

like go back to the ocean.

Oh, that was like the only woman you'll ever make wet is the one who helps roll you back into the ocean.

That was your line, right?

Yeah, yeah, it's another great line.

It's just a great joke, it's and then I had to sit back down next to him, and um, and I do love him, and I actually do think he looks better.

Like, he's looking good.

I love Jeff Ross, and then to tell Bert, I like, oh, I'm such a fan of your joke.

Like, I obviously, I told Bert later, you know, I don't feel that way.

And then, um, but yeah, I think it's strangers, it's easier to be vicious because I don't know them.

Like, I didn't even meet Tom before the roast.

So it was way easier to be,

to say sociopathic things to him because I didn't, he's just a person, he's a, just a person on a page to me.

Like, he's like, isn't Jeff Frost kind of a ladies' man?

Or, you know, yeah, he does really, he, he, I, I met him once.

Yeah, very young, beautiful one.

He's charming and adorable.

And yeah, it's, uh, but it felt, it felt in the past, I wasn't close with Jeff, or I guess it was five years ago that I I did the last one.

And this time, I just, I felt a lot, I guess I'm growing as a person because I felt way worse this time around saying these jokes than I ever have.

I really never even cared.

You know, Tony Hinchcliffe did a good job coming from the crowd.

I think coming from the crowd is a great trick.

A, no one expects anything from him.

They don't, most people don't know.

No bars.

Yes.

No bar walks out of the audience like,

I don't even know what he's doing.

And I'm a comedian.

I'm like, where is he coming on to introduce something?

And then he just casually throws a line out about someone.

And people are like, who is he?

Oh, that's kind of funny.

Oh, that's pretty funny.

And that's really good.

Then he gets like Sam J and he does gnaw, whatever that one was.

And then it was like, whoa, where's the bro?

Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

And then that king, king, king, king, king rhythm.

He was

great job.

Amazing.

I was blown away.

That was like such a moment for him.

And yeah, to walk while you're doing it, it was just, yeah,

the truth is the people who do the best on those are the ones that are just like working the hardest.

Tone, like I talking to people afterwards, it's like, what did you do to prepare this?

And we were all just so exhausted.

The ones, the, the people that really killed just tighten and tighten and start a month out and just sit down and absolutely

thinking about it obsessively, working with people all day long and then running it around town five times a night.

I mean, I did five sets a night for like a week and a half.

It's not even the same too, because you're like, these people aren't on the dais.

You're telling the crowd, picture Tom Tom Brady right here.

Picture, you know who Tom Segor is?

Picture him over there.

I would say so.

And they're like, okay.

It's not quite the same, but you can get a good feel.

Yes.

Yeah.

I have to explain to a room at the laugh factory at 11 p.m.

at night, which is mostly Armenians, who Drew Bledsoe is.

So for this joke, you need to know he was injured on 2001.

And that's what, you know, like, it's just, it's exhausting to set it up.

So it was, it was fun to go out and do the roast set for the first time without being like, okay, guys, here's the, I I set the stage.

Um, but it's, you only, but it's just such a weird set to do just

one time.

That was a good thing.

Tom sitting there is a whole big changes everything.

That's how many minutes did you do, by the way?

Um, I don't know how many it ended up being, but it was planned to be, it was count, it was in the clubs, it was seven.

So at the forum, it was probably like eight, eight and a half with just the larger laughs.

But there was like jokes I put in last minute of like wanting to shoot my boyfriend in the fucking face for a lottery ticket to suck his dick.

Like that was insane.

And I added added that the day before.

And that was like a high-risk situation.

Like there were some jokes I was like, this isn't even really tested.

I don't know if this is going to, it's just, I'm so glad it's over.

I mean, don't you guys have those things all the time where it's like so much pressure?

It's so stressed.

Well, it's that kind of pressure.

I, I, I did observe you.

There was a wide shot as the show was starting.

Oh, there's Nikki.

And I thought I saw you go, big sigh.

Like psyching up.

You probably could see my side from a wide shot at the forum.

You can see my my body.

I can see the move and see.

Maybe they're panning over.

I just saw, and I thought, that's exactly the frame of mind I would be in.

Like, okay, here we go.

It's all supposed to be ha ha ha ha.

But we have a job to do.

I, I'm, this is part of my career.

This, this audience is enormous.

You don't want to think about it because the way everything is stratified, this is still playing on Netflix.

It's trending for months.

So there was, you wanted to go.

This isn't important.

I'm just roasting.

Fuck it.

But then side, you go, no, this is kind of.

It's the biggest thing I'll ever do.

It's It's the Super Bowl of comedy.

Like the amount of, I will never, literally, I'll never have a moment in my career like I had yesterday, the day after the roast.

There's nothing I, I can do as a comedian, hosting SNL, announcing I just had a baby, marrying, maybe if I like start dating Taylor Swift, that's the only amount of texts I will get.

Like this is the scale of this is unprecedented for a comedian.

Like my special will come out.

I won't even get this many texts.

It won't ever happen again like this.

And so yeah, I, but I kind of had a feeling about that.

So you can't, there's other opportunities that have gone, wow, I didn't work hard enough.

I didn't understand the scale of that.

And I fucking phoned it in, and I'll never do that again.

But this, I just had a feeling, this is going to be pretty big.

So, you got to work hard.

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What was an opportunity where you felt you phoned it in?

I'm just curious.

Oh, I, well, recently I did, I presented at the Creative Arts Emmys that was going to be airing on FXX.

So I was just like,

I had a lot to do that week.

And I was like, I'll just do whatever they write for me and punch it up.

And I should have had my own angle.

John Mulaney won.

I'm presenting it to him.

And like the thing I did for that was just so not fun.

Like it, I totally blew it.

Totally blew it.

And I'm like, oh man, this would have, this is a room of all like the people in the industry.

Like I squandered it.

And I go, okay, lesson that I learned 20 years in.

I shouldn't have learned this this late, but never like

treat these things, treat everything at least as try the best you did because you didn't do the best you could do.

Are comedians more disciplined now?

Because I mean, I know there was always Jerry Seinfeld, at least for me, in the clubs.

And he was super disciplined.

But a lot of really good comics would get a set, which is maybe like 30, and then they would do crowd work.

And they would just develop a drinking problem and they would go out across the country.

And then you'd see them five years later.

It's the exact same set.

And then we're meeting John Mulaney and Jim Gaffigan, and you, and Jerry Sunfeldt, and learning about this idea of treating it like a college essay, like every line, and then going into the club night after night.

I don't know, people did that back then.

The successful ones did.

Yeah, it's there's a component to being funny that is like just how hard you work.

Like, you can, we all think it's just

natural.

And, and, and by, it, it, and it is, that's what gets you into it.

But yeah, you can be so much funnier by doing things that aren't funny at all and are just really

just focusing.

But I mean, those guys that you listed, like, I don't work like that on my stand-up.

I've after this roast, I was like, man, if I worked this hard on my stand,

you know, and this level that I worked at, I didn't, I did for my special that is out on HBO now, but it's like, I didn't give enough time.

I worked probably about two months on an hour set.

And this, I worked for a month on six minutes.

So for the next hour, I have to work 10 months ahead of time to get this kind of precision.

And that's what I learned from this:

it takes a month to get the six minutes.

That's going to the club, recording, listening to it, and changing.

And having a script and working with a writer's assistant who's keeping track of, wait, you said this thing on stage, like who's in the room jotting things down?

Because I don't like listening back to myself.

So I just, for my special, I hired someone to like come on the road with me and keep track of what I was saying on stage riffing.

That would be fun.

Yeah, I've never, I've never heard that, but that's brilliant.

But

I just was like, why am I not treating my specials like I would treat if I was like a host of a show?

Yeah, a movie.

Like, I need help.

I want people to punch this up to make it funnier.

I want, I, you know, this doesn't have to be this solo endeavor that I've always thought stand-up is that I like about stand-up because it's about control.

And I can say, I did this.

No, I didn't have any help.

I can take all the credit.

But it's so much better if you have help and it's the, and you can take credit because it's the smart way to approach it.

It's a good way to do it.

Because you're the character.

So if someone writes a joke for you, we know kind of what your style is.

I think Kevin Hart, a few years back, I was impressed that he'd go to flappers.

He'd have just bare ideas, kind of rough ideas.

He'd have four or five writers in the room.

even though it was packed 200 seats and he would just do it and then they would sort of yell out and he goes what was that thing again and then he would do it again then they would go in the little room they'd have that rented out for the night and they compare notes between shows do this do this to do this so there are ways to treat it so it will move faster.

It doesn't have to take two years to get, say you need

Dave Attell did 35 of stand-up and five of, and it was great.

I loved his special.

God.

We did too.

Nikki, you know, I think when our Rob Lowe roast, it was just a hair early because when you guys get the benefit, of TikTok, I wish we had TikTok, Instagram.

There's so many things getting passed around after the roast that I don't think we got back then.

It was just like, did you see it?

Oh, it'll rerun soon.

You can watch it in like another month.

But A, it's live, so it makes it more of a great idea from Ted.

And B, it gets passed around.

So you're going to see it somehow.

You're going to see your set, Tony, whoever, whoever, Tom's best joke about the fucking give me 20 million.

I'll admit I did it or whatever.

That was wild.

Great, great, great.

Yes.

We should see it.

Yeah, but I've seen even seen our old clips are being re-clicked out

before coming out.

Like, I just saw, no, like, even leading up, their Rose clips are just so sticky online.

And I've seen a couple of yours, like, they're taking them from now.

And, like, I'm getting a boost.

I'm seeing boosts from like old Rose of just people regenerating that stuff.

But yeah, I mean, the scale of this, it was everywhere yesterday.

It was Comedy Central is not Netflix, unfortunately.

Yeah.

Even I did a special on there and it didn't get seen as much as Netflix.

Did your Comedy Central compare to netflix i mean yeah

hbo comedy yeah hbo hbo's not global so which is fine because it's like about okay you might not be able to tour internationally i'm okay like congo yeah because you know i

i'll go there if they want me

i'll do any i'll go anywhere i'll take any gig so i'm kind of glad that and i don't like traveling internationally i get stressed out by customs so i'm kind of like okay i'm good not going and hbo has a you know

a classiness to it that I really like.

And they're really selective.

So, um, but yeah, there's definitely a difference.

Um, yeah, my Comedy Central one Dana couldn't even find, honestly, no joke.

I was like, that's why I always check it out.

He's like, I can't, I got to get online and then I got to join.

I couldn't find it.

You can find it on YouTube, I think, but that's why that's, but that's almost good, though, because that's why when we're in Vegas and I'm like,

on, you know, at the Venetian, Dave and I have a

so you two play the Venetian on a regular basis.

Oh, yeah.

And

what's your next gig?

It'll be.

I think it's July.

We got July.

We got September.

July is a little hot.

They had me play there.

It was 117 the weekend I was there.

I think this is the last July Vegas is going to be functional.

What does that mean?

Just in terms of climate change.

Like it's we're getting it's getting dicey.

So this is one of the last summers I think that town will be inhabitable.

But actually, it's kind of all indoors at this point.

And we'll be there.

Yeah.

But it's still the crowd is wilted.

That's a that's the problem.

Yeah, they're they've been out in the sun, but they're it's it's such a fun show, but that's why I'm always like, Dave, will you just do bits from that comedy set?

Like, I know that, and you can because no one saw it.

And that I feel the same way about some stuff in the past, and I hate it because you go, God, I did it.

And I technically am not supposed to use them, but I'm like, but you can again.

I work so hard on it, and then I'm like, and who saw it?

And then you do one and anywhere else, and you go, oh, these people saw it.

Yeah, yeah.

And it feels like I did it.

Shame.

But, but you know what?

But with you're the kind of, you have the kind of jokes that you want to hear again and again.

There's like only a handful of comedians who you want.

Same with you, Dana.

Like this, that you want to see bits again.

Like the, it's, it's not just the element of surprise that makes it funny.

I think a lot of my jokes are like, it's, oh, it's that twist of phrase, turn of phrase at the end.

And once you hear it, it's like the, you know, the rabbits out of the hat.

But for you guys, I think I want to hear stuff over and over.

Well, I don't know.

Last time you saw me, I didn't have anything.

I just had bare notes.

It was.

Oh, my God, you were so funny.

Last time I wrote it was such a treat.

I'm just doing, you know, I kind of am a sketch player at a heart.

So then if I do say Paul McCartney and the audience is hot, I'll just keep going.

But I was interested in you guys on the road.

So who do you flip a coin?

Who closes?

Who opens?

Oh, Dave closes.

I don't want to touch that.

Because he's David Spade.

Yeah, he's fucking David Spade.

He's my favorite comedian.

I start sounding like him by the end of the week.

Like, that's the joy of working with him is like, I absorb his funniness a little bit.

And I, and I can spin it.

Like, I, I totally steal his like cadence, not even intentionally.

You know, it's like when Madonna starts sounding British, like you just hang out enough and you just can't help but be funnier around him.

And then I get to, it's, you know, when you're on the road, you just like, after you get off stage, I have to go do a meet and greet and I'm kind of alone.

And, but this, after I get off stage, I just get to go watch my favorite comedian.

And like, they're, they're doing stuff that I requested.

Like, I get to put in requests.

And then I look at Nikki and mention her half the time.

Yeah, and she likes a joke.

I look over and go.

It's so fun.

And we go out to dinner beforehand.

And it's just a great weekend.

It makes it a weekend I look forward to.

And we do it about four or five times a week.

Yeah, when you're solo on the road, really solo.

Yeah, it's a little lonely.

You're in the day of the hotel is so long.

And what do I do?

So if you do have another person there, the whole energy, you come out.

I remember playing, there was playing a big casino with Dennis and it was starting at eight.

And it's one of those things where they come in later, but we, we

peeked out the curtain, and all the chairs were empty.

It was like 7.58.

And he goes, Christ's sakes, Carvey, are we three dog night all this time?

It's like, so Dennis, then they rush in, they're finishing their drinks, and they rush in, and we were okay.

But at that moment, you know, all right, we got to let Nikki go.

You got Jimmy Kimmel tonight.

What's your first line?

You sit down, your first joke.

I'll probably, like, I've been, I'll probably thank him for sending me an email because he, he, that'll get us into some areas.

And I really do want to thank him because he wrote me a really nice email when he didn't need to, and he's a busy man.

So I'll probably do that.

Ingratiate myself.

Ingratiation.

Good.

Maybe talk about my spray tan, something.

I don't know.

I always comment on, I just try to get it.

It's going on to settle in.

Just settle in.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Make a joke about how I'm trying to dress like dually, but like the outfit I'm wearing.

I just, I'm, who do I think I am?

Something like that.

I love it.

Okay.

Find out if you do.

I'm going to set my VCR.

I watched you last night, Spade, on Kimmel.

I guess you were on like a month ago or something, something like that.

And I watched your set to like be inspired because you are always so great on those.

And I watched you before Howard too.

I did Howard yesterday and I was like, what's the vibe I want to go into with Howard?

Like my ideal Howard is a spade Howard.

And I didn't nail that, but I definitely listened to you beforehand to like get in the right state of mind.

So all those take work.

This talk shows, you got to, those are things you got to plan out a little bit.

Absolutely.

Realize that.

You got to, you can't just flounder and just go, I'm so interesting.

You're like, nope.

You got to have a plan and learn that the hard way as well.

Won't do that again.

I'll just leave it at this.

The business side of.

My head, my final comment is that you're still penetrating the market, not a sexual pun.

And you're, you're growing your brand.

And I do think this special

coupled with the roast and the spot you were in and how you killed.

So it's just kind of cool.

You are like your own company and it's just doing really well.

Thank you, Dana.

That means so much to me.

And like, just,

yeah, the fact that I know both of you is true.

I said it on Tiger Belly yesterday is

an achievement of my career is like getting to know.

Well, you were my favorite.

David told you that because David, he would go to dinners and stuff and people would visit.

And then you were always the most.

I got to go to a dinner with you once and then we had such such a great talk.

And then, yeah, I felt like I was friends with you afterwards.

It just took one dinner.

And it was amazing.

That was one of the best nights of my life.

Like, it was so cool.

Oh, I'd love to do it again.

I would too.

It felt like it today.

Thank you guys for having me.

Pleasure.

Bye, sweetheart.

Enjoy yourself.

Bye, guys.

Enjoy yourself.

Bye.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey.

Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all the stuff.

Smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts.

Fly on the Wall is executive and produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment, and Heather Santoro.

The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.