Spade CLAPS BACK at Critic (Salesforce CEO CONTROVERSY)

1h 4m
A emergency intro discussing David caught up in the Salesforce CEO drama. Then, Dana and David recap their recent Vegas gig and having to bow to high rollers. David even shares fun facts about cards before they do all kinds of impressions of their manager (Marc Gurvitz), discuss the week of Trump and various house issues they are facing. They get into other news, plus explain the full ins and outs of the crypto world and how to crush a corporate stand up gig.

To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Listen and follow along

Transcript

Dana, what does a confident smile say to you?

And maybe more importantly, what does it say about you?

With smile generation, it says you're taking care of more than just your teeth because confidence doesn't start and stop at a bright smile, it's about your whole body wellness.

Smile generation reimagines oral health as the gateway to long-term confidence.

Why?

Because oral health issues have been linked to heart disease, diabetes, and even cognitive conditions.

When you care for your smile, you're investing in your future.

And that confidence it starts with feeling supported.

With Smile Generation trusted providers, you're not just another patient, you're a partner.

They prioritize personal, patient-focused care that truly listens to you.

Plus, with education and preventive care at the core, Smile Generation empowers you to understand the connection between your mouth and overall health so you can stop issues before they start.

Here's your chance to take the first step: Smile Generation is offering a $59 new patient special that's a comprehensive exam, cleaning, and x-rays, a $290 value.

New patients only.

Offer not valid for TRICARE or Medicare Advantage.

May be covered by insurance subject to plan restrictions.

Book by December 31st, 2025.

Visit smilegeneration.com slash fly for full terms and to book now.

All right, introducing your new Dell PC powered by the Intel Core Ultra Processor.

It helps you handle a lot, even when your holiday to-do list gets to be, you know, a lot because it's built with all-day battery plus powerful AI features that help you do it all with ease, from editing images to drafting emails to summarizing large documents to multitasking.

So you can organize your holiday shopping and make custom holiday decor and search for great holiday deals and respond to holiday requests and customer questions and customers requesting custom things and plan the perfect holiday dinner for vegans, vegetarians, pescatarians, and Uncle Mike's carnivore diet.

Luckily, you can get a PC that helps you do it all faster so you can get it all done.

That's the power of a Dell PC with Intel Inside, backed by Dell's Price Match Guarantee.

Get yours today at dell.com slash holiday.

Terms and conditions apply.

See Dell.com for details.

Okay, hey guys, listen, we're starting the show.

We already taped the show, but we're adding a little addendum because

something just happened.

we tape it a few days before but then this just happened i want to tell you about it it's not life-changing but it's very interesting to dana and i uh it's yeah it's uh an emergency podcast

yes drop everything well no we just thought we'd do it you know sunday afternoon what so david um

tell us your story

so what happened is

uh like uh you know dana and i talk about doing these corporate shows uh now and then for these big companies It's usually a lot of fun

and pretty harmless.

And sometimes they're a little tough because not a typical comedy setting.

That's fair, right?

And by the way, let me insert this.

You are a sideshow.

You're not the show.

The corporate party, the event, the president speaks, the slides and the awards, that's the show.

You're kind of a secondary show.

So

it's not like a regular gig.

Go ahead.

Right.

So sometimes you're getting a burned-out crowd or something.

They've been in meetings all day.

Sometimes you're a surprise.

They start to leave the meeting.

They go, wait a second.

Here's an hour with someone.

And they're like, ah.

So, and usually not drunk.

They're usually, you know, it's whatever.

So I get a call, quick story, which we can never do anything quick, but,

hey, do you want to cover?

for someone to do a corporate show in San Francisco.

I go, it depends on what day.

I'm going to Arizona to see my brother Brian.

And they said, well, it was Monday night.

It's Thursday morning.

You'd have to go.

It's actually a daytime show, which immediately rings slightly tougher, but I don't mind.

And I said, okay, it's usually kind of a favor.

Someone got sick.

We don't know why, whatever happens.

Yeah, yeah.

They don't tell me.

So I said, let me see if I can maneuver it.

So by the end of Tuesday,

yes, I can do it.

And then I'll go straight to Arizona.

Right.

So it's Salesforce.

I said, okay, I've actually done this before.

I think, Dana, you might have to.

I've done a couple with them.

Mark, is it Benioff is the CEO?

Mark Benioff.

Yes.

So unbeknownst to you, what's going on?

So unbeknownst to me, they say,

I think Heather finds out, oh, I saw, I think it was going to be Kamale Nunjani.

He should put in parentheses in his name.

Did I say that right?

Because I like the guy.

I see him out.

He's been on the show.

Super nice guy.

KJ.

That's easier to say.

Alana Glazer.

Yes.

From Broad City.

Another funny comic.

I don't know her well, but I think she's very funny.

So two comics that are pretty potent, going to go up there and do a thing.

And they say, she will still open, but you're still going to do 45.

I said, that sounds great.

Okay.

I'd like to see her.

It'd be fun.

So I get up there.

I'm already in San Fran.

I'm going there to the gig.

And

there's an article that gets sent to me.

Hey,

they fell out.

They both fell out now.

They both cancel or fell out.

Let's see.

Yeah, fell out lingo because of

possible political things.

Well, we couldn't.

I heard the word Trump thrown around.

Benioff initially had sort of welcomed the National Guard because he's had his big event every year.

He has to hire extra

protection and private police because it's a huge event.

So

he kind of invited that, saying I would support the National Guard kind of policing my event.

And then what happened?

People

backlash.

Now, that's not why I was told.

I was told nothing.

And then there was a rumor Kamale had COVID.

So I'm like, so I'm on the way going, wait, am I supposed to not do that?

You know, there's a weird feeling of like, oh, am I going into some situation?

Yeah, you had no idea what you're stepping into.

And by the way, by the time you hit the stage,

Mr.

Benioff had kind of retracted what he said.

He misspoke or whatever.

So it wasn't, the issue was sort of gone.

Right.

I'm, I'm getting trickled information.

All I saw in the article said these people

stepped out, but David Spade basically gladly did it.

It was sort of like that.

And I'm like, that sounds, it just sounds a little itchy.

So anyway, I get there.

I look at the room.

It's in the round, about 3,000 people.

It's daytime.

The lights are up, like you're in Ralph's or something like a grocery store.

No focus on you.

Everyone's lit.

Big screens.

Well done.

They had Metallica the night before.

I mean, they're not fucking around.

These places that do these corporate gigs spend the money.

They get people.

Matthew McConaughey was reading from his poetry book.

Katie Couric was there.

I think Maria Sharon.

So they're peppering through all these events.

I'm another event.

So I said, okay.

And they said,

okay, so anyway, long story short, I go do it.

It was pretty fun.

Listen, it's not going to be my Netflix special, but it was pretty fun.

Moments of glory and some good laughs and some stuff that that was sort of did okay.

But that's kind of the drill in these things.

So the thing is, when I leave, all good,

high fives, I leave.

Okay, we got it done and we got it covered.

The next day, I see on Yahoo,

there's a talk about it.

And they're kind of talking about the comedians that dropped out.

Yes.

And it was kind of an indirect review.

From maybe not a reviewer though.

I think he was a tech guy.

No, I've looked him up.

He usually reports on AI and tech businesses.

He's new to SF Gate, which is sort of the big online newspaper

in San Francisco.

So I believe, and I can't prove this, that he decided he should review you and he used AI.

Because it sounds...

Oh, maybe he used AI.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

I think he's an AI expert.

By the way, we were looking for one if he wants to come on.

But I believe it was written kind of like a cliche review.

So it feels like a generic AI.

I don't know if you want me to read it, but I'll read a little bit of it.

He's reading a few because it's sort of negative, let's be first.

He's talking all about the dropping out of the comedians and the controversy.

Then, and then he goes to a paragraph about well, he's talking about actually the whole show.

He's like, So, and then this day, and this day we did this.

So, he's sort of reviewing or just talking about the whole week.

I don't know if it's reviewing, but he's just sort of, here's what happened in San Fran for our one of our biggest events of the year.

And then he gets, the part is two disappointing cancellations, so that's all right.

There was a comedy show Thursday.

It was an exciting prospect.

Nanjani and Glazer are a pair with different comedic styles, unafraid of punching up at tech's excesses and power structures.

And then it goes, but unforeseen circumstances, so they don't put a sharp head on it, but no one really knows why.

they both dropped out.

Uh, fellow comic David Spade replaced them.

This part stings.

I would have loved to see the company's list of B-list talent backups.

That's me, I guess.

I was like, oh, I didn't think of that.

I go,

well, look,

I'll say two things.

First of all, I do believe that's AI generated.

And secondarily,

this young man who doesn't do this for a living, he used AI.

And the idea of a B-list, I don't know the actual definition, but let's just say, let's say he's 21.

He hasn't seen grown-ups.

He hasn't seen Tommy Boy.

He would have maybe no idea of this long career where you're selling out theaters all over the country.

So fucking AI does.

Philly, if you're a B-list, that

I don't know what,

I don't know where I would be on that.

Well, he's here's I'll continue.

Yeah.

so he delivered

david delivered 40 45 minutes of rambly down-home storytelling

uh he made much use of his classic sarcasm but joked little about the conference its themes or san francisco and then he continued which is true uh well and and he says because it feels like

spade had heard about the gig the day before flew up there jotting down the occasional ideas that's kind of true well you did this parent or whatever you were

You didn't have weeks to plan it or whatever.

Right.

He talks about traffic, hotels, planes no longer having TVs, dot, dot, dot.

You get it.

Ah, that's the biggest burn of all.

It's this type of dog shit.

You get it.

And then he said, blah, blah, blah.

But so what I think is that's about it.

But just that was a little stingy because When you're doing these gigs, first of all, they take the edges off your act.

You sign a contract and they send it it ahead.

Hey, we don't want you shitting on the CEO.

We don't want you going political.

We don't want, just keep it nice and fun.

Nice and fun and light, airplanes, all that kind of stuff.

Nothing controversial.

You're just there.

The people are going all over to these symposiums.

They're in class, basically, and they have a little reprieve.

of some nice comedy, but you're not there to levitate the cow palace or, you know, make sure

I'm not there to punch up and get and make the focus me and have people go, holy shit, do you think what he said?

Now, if I'm doing a theater gig, you know, you're not going to take any bullets out of my gun.

I might go after San Francisco and the crime and the home.

I might go after whatever because there's no real boss.

People are coming to see me.

But I have to kind of,

if you're a worker bee and you've grown up working and doing these things, when they sort of stipulate this, they can either not pay you.

And for two people to fall out, in the old days, that's a little tougher.

Like corporations said, we'll sue you.

You're not going anywhere.

Yeah.

Like, that was like we, you know, but nowadays they go, okay.

And that, and that's nice.

Yeah.

But I'd met these people before.

I had a perfectly good time there this time.

Crowd was friendly.

Very nice.

We didn't have a good time.

We got out.

Yeah.

Very nice company.

Mark Benioff, very nice guy.

And, you know, there are jobs.

This, you playing a 2,000-seat theater, David Spade, you're just, you can do whatever you want.

Anything.

Anything.

When you take these corporate jobs, they just want it to be in a certain frequency.

That's all.

I can do most of my actors, certain things.

I'm not going to drop an F-bomb or something or things like that.

And it's still fun and it's no big deal.

But this thing was written by AI.

But anyway, he can come on and rebut us if he wants.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not really shitting on the guy.

I'm just saying, it's all like, I don't think I've gotten a corporate review.

It's sort of a hidden secret of the world.

Have you?

I never have.

I've done a thousand or more

and I have never gotten a review.

This is highly unusual to get a review for because usually there is no review.

I've never got for corporate reviews.

I thought it was a little kick in the balls to me because if he doesn't like my act, that's okay too.

I mean, it's like, sure.

But he felt like he went a little out of his way to go, I would love to hear these people really go after the system and punch up.

But I don't know if that's what they were there to do either.

No, I mean, you can throw in a couple of things, but they want you to be David Spade and do your stand-up.

They hired you for a reason.

This guy didn't hire you because they know you're great.

You know what you're doing.

You have a great act.

And you get laughs.

So, but yeah, I mean, I just think it was kind of funny that you're the only one that I have

comedy.

The history of these type of events that got reviewed in a snarky way when you're kind of doing a favor last minute, you're on your way to Arizona to see your mom.

I mean, it wasn't your thing you were in the mode to do.

So, anyway, that's that's pretty much it.

That's it.

Now, listen, in my defense, I made fun of the setting.

It was a very sort of unique, in-the-round, fully bright

with trees everywhere.

Talk about that.

Did a couple of chat GPT bits.

You know, just to let those tech guys really light up on those.

But overall, yeah, there's no porn stuff.

I don't put my stuff that, you know, there's a couple of things that work well.

You go, this isn't right.

And you can.

It isn't really a freedom of speech thing.

I could say whatever I want, but do I want to get hired back?

Yeah.

Do I want the word in the corporate world to go, this guy is too much of a wild card?

He's going to try to take your company down.

Like,

no, what's my job here?

It's a job, it's a different job, you know.

I mean, so they, um,

I don't know, I

still think the guy just did it, was AI, and we should send him, uh, Tommy Boy, do a direct thing so he can.

Here's something I did 110 years ago: take a look.

Of the canon, you're building all this stuff.

You wrong Missy, the biggest comedy of the pandemic on Netflix, like a billion views.

So it, I know, these.

I got a review.

I played San Francisco after my first years

on Saturday Night Live, and the review from Mick LaSalle, and I think he was right.

He goes, he fell in love with his own adorableness.

I think I've done that.

That's fucking fun.

And I was a lot younger.

I was cute.

Oh, I'll tell you.

But I got a shitty review there.

But this one is just AI AI and the guy's 21.

That's it.

Well, anyway, no hard feelings, but it was kind of funny to get a review and talk about it.

Okay, so we're back to our regular beginning, folks.

So here's where we started the podcast.

Yeah.

Different outfit.

Oh, my God.

We started.

This is hi.

This is going to be a banger.

Just don't, you know, don't go anywhere because this is going to be a bad thing.

That's good.

Look at that.

Look at my hairs getting all lit up again.

Just don't move your head too much.

Listen, I'll just state this unequivocally.

The Beatles 65,

they had uncoiffed hair.

It was just sort of messy.

And so that's what I've always been trying to get because I've maybe said this before in the podcast.

My dad was an Army type guy, and he would basically give us crew cuts

in the mid-60s.

And he wanted to look like a Beatle.

So he'd be like, just, just, and if you look like you didn't like it, he'd cut it even shorter.

Oh, fuck.

We look like, we looked like cue balls by the end of it.

My mom would come in and go, Dana, in this side pocket.

You know, Beatles let it be out with a four with their beards.

I thought that was the coolest look.

Long hair and beards.

Yeah, because it was unkept.

They never had, most of those rock czars in those days didn't have like stylistically combed hair, except for Elvis.

But that was Elvis.

Or a stylist.

Or a stylist.

It was just unkept.

Dana and I just got back from a a gig, and

it was a lot of fun.

We were at Yamava.

We did a gig together.

It was very fun.

Dana crushed.

I opened.

I had a problem with my set, but I'll tell you what it was in a minute.

Okay.

Well, I'll tell you the.

How did your set go?

Because

I drove out there from where I am, and it was like a four or five-hour drive.

So I was out on my feet.

So then I just like, I saw the first few minutes sounded like it was going well, and I toddled back to my room.

Oh, me?

Yeah, no, I wanted you to go rest because you've put in a full day's work.

I was just didn't want to come in a day early, or I didn't want to, well, anyway, whatever.

I was a little tired, but I heard on the grapevine that you crushed, right?

I heard from the audience you were killing because I was listening.

Um, and they were and then I got nice comments after about you.

Uh, uh, well, that's

tell you this.

Do you remember this?

They gave us a box of our own cookies.

Oh, good.

You brought those.

This was an exceptionally nice place to play, Yamava.

I must say

this is pulled it way, a marquee, David Spade, and Dana Carvey.

That's a cookie, guys.

They made cookies thematically about our minuscule careers.

Here's a

llama.

But a llama, what is how does that

pull from your car?

Okay.

You got one from me.

Slightly beat up, isn't that special?

Everyone wants to eat the church lady.

That's

wrong.

That window behind you.

I know.

Glass of pain, man.

And here's a little hoosker don't.

That's from Joe Dirt Fireworks.

They put some thought into it.

Somebody went into like real minutia with our careers.

They had one for the Dana Carvey show that only lasted seven episodes.

They had one of me being born.

How many episodes did that last?

I'm trying to riff.

My riff skills are a little off this morning.

You can riff.

Look, Look, my only problem was

I got two into the Scarface and I didn't quite land it.

You know, we were doing 40 minutes each.

So I looked down.

I'm at 35 and a half coming off of like Christopher Walken or somebody.

You're coming off micro.

Micro impression stacked.

And I had a really good tailor guitar there.

And I thought, oh, I could grab it now because it was all set.

I grab it.

It's electrified.

I'd already done crowd work with with two people in the audience, so I sing a song about them.

It's the most surefire killer, but it's scarface.

I just went a little too long.

And I thought later, if I'm doing Tony Montana at Thanksgiving dinner, for people who don't know every bit I've repeated, sweet.

Oh,

that thing like that.

And then he gets mad at this grandma that we never identify.

Grandma, you're like a wee man, you're like a week man.

So he goes off in this minutia for like five minutes.

And I just thought he should have said the ending.

He goes, what you got to say, Grandma?

What you got to say?

And then you come back with, well, well, well, well.

We like ourselves, don't we, Scarface?

And that would have been,

fucking tie it up.

Tie it up, my God.

The lady's back.

She's taking down Scarface.

Talk about a mashup.

No, it was, it was, it was.

You always crushed.

I like your casualness.

You're not, I was actually walking behind the curtain.

It was a huge stage when Bobby was on Bobby Miyamoto killing himself.

Just to get physically used to moving.

I go out there to goombam, gombam style, and I'm dancing around.

And you kind of stroll out.

What's up?

Take it easy.

You're kind of like,

and it's much cooler.

Well, it's hard because...

As anyone knows, Dana's known in the business.

It's hard to follow.

So I just go, well, this is just a change up, different style.

They like us both.

We could have flipped it either way, and it was fun.

It worked out.

Yeah, next time

I rows if you want.

And they were nice.

I had people come in, Danny.

You didn't know this.

You know, High Rollers, if you don't know this, when you're in a casino, Caesars,

next year.

The first two rows, these shows are almost just built for high rollers.

There's a lot of paper.

They want to bring people in to gamble.

Like, that's where they have different acts.

They have Tim McGraw coming up, Carrie Underwood, they have us.

So what is you want to get every facet of the community to go, I need a reason to go to this casino.

And I've never been there, but I want to see these guys or I want to see Carrie.

So I've done that.

I go, you go there and now you're walking in.

You're probably eating at a restaurant there.

There's money.

You play a few slots, bet a few things, roulette, see the show.

Basically, they just want you to touch base in the show and then go back out.

They do not really want the show to exceed 90 minutes.

Yeah, if it was two minutes, they'd be happy because they just touch us and then go back in the casino, gamble again, drink again, have fun.

And then they have an experience like, oh, Yamava is a nice place.

And then they remember that.

So they're going to go, we could just go there on a non-show night because like we ate a nice restaurant, you know.

Well, it was very, very nice.

I played at a hotel in Vegas for a number of years that was not as nice as that.

You know, just the carpet was nice.

The rooms were clean.

I don't know which one you're talking about.

You know what I mean?

The theater was perfectly fine, but it wasn't, this Yamava place was exceptionally nice and

easy to work with.

But yeah, I just,

you know,

next time I'll go a second if you want.

By the way, it was so lucky of me that you didn't walk over and pick up that guitar.

Because I said he's killing so hard anyway.

And me and Bobby were like, oh, no, if he gets that guitar, I'm just going to go home.

Because it's too hard to follow.

No, the guy.

Well, look, I don't know about follow or not follow because

you're

the greats.

One of the greats.

Stand-ups.

Sorry, I sneezed.

I don't know what I said.

Tom COVID.

But the guitar is a lethal weapon.

I started using it in honky-tonk clubs in the 80s.

You know, show us your dick.

You know, Hell's Angels Attacked Me, Beer,

the Comedy Underground, the second show on Friday when there's a bar, they're coming right from the bar then i just started doing guitar stuff just to make noise and survive it also calms them like they it's hard to yell over that and it just gets you to listen i only regret because they went to the they got it for me they tuned it yeah they tailor and the sound was big but i'll get to it next time you know at the very end you were in slumbering but um

I'm kidding.

It goes a little late.

So they were a good crowd for being later.

The last five minutes, I kid you not, two high rollers came in and sat in the front row like this.

And I go, you are not just getting here.

And they go,

I go, you see Dana?

They go, hmm.

I go,

you know what?

I go, you know what, these are these people, because I said, bow to the high rollers, because they basically go, we're coming into gamble.

We're high rolls, front row to Spade and Carvey, front row to any other show, best restaurant, best table.

We might come to the show.

Have the tickets ready.

And they go,

that's right.

High roller, you get whatever you want.

And that's that first time I heard the phrase paper, you know, we're going to paper it.

What do you mean?

Well, they're going to have high rollers.

They're not going to charge them for the show.

And if you get 100, 200 of those, you're halfway there.

I probably told you this once, but it's a story that it relates to this.

And I'm quoting it exactly.

It was at the old,

the wind is there now.

The Tesla in or something like that.

Anyway, I was doing a sound check, which I normally do.

and this kind of like Dems and Does guys was running the show.

Dems and Does.

So I accidentally asked him,

it becomes an accident.

I go, how are the ticket sales?

He said, quote, you know, what do I give a shit?

I got Indonesians dropping 16 lodge upstairs.

What do I give a shit?

I got Indonesians dropping 16 lodge upstairs.

So the Indonesians who are wealthy get their own private suite with young ladies and the whole thing, and they bet a shit ton of money.

So what do I give a shit?

I got Indonesians dropping 16 large upstairs.

It's so perfect.

Kevin Nealon, I think it was, said he did a Vegas, and he, you know, he's supposed to headline.

Do they go do like 45?

He did 48.

He got off, and the guy goes, What the fuck are you doing?

Three minutes, they could be out in the fucking casino.

What are you doing?

You trying to kill me?

He's like, Oh, I didn't.

I thought it'd be better if I went along.

He goes, Who the fuck wants you to go along?

Get off.

Yeah, well, Dennis is always somebody who

has show business.

He knows show business.

So when he played this hotel, I used to play, he would time it where he would leave his room full stride.

I don't know if he had someone hold the elevator or not.

And then he's walking right onto the stage as they're introducing him.

He's not, there's no small talk.

There's no green room.

He just walks right to the mic, destroys for an hour because that's Dennis, right?

And then there's a clock.

And as soon as it hits 60, even if he's in the middle of a bit,

thanks to him, good night.

And he just kills, but he's just like, there's no settling in bits.

Like I walk out, hey, guys.

Oh,

I used to come to San Bernardino all the time because I'm in a gang.

And so, you know what I mean?

So, and then they go, oh, ha, ha, ha.

And then, but Dennis walks out and he just goes.

Ronald Reagan will be 77.

Everyone's like, oh, we're starting.

Okay.

And that goes to, you know, what's the one where I don't even let my grandfather.

Ronald Reagan is 77 at the end of his next term, and he has access to the button.

Okay, to put it in perspective, my grandfather's 77.

We don't let him use the remote control on the TV set.

So, Dana, you have a massive house.

Obviously, I have a little

tiny shack that, you know, is just humble.

It's 2,000 square feet massive.

So

So when you need home security, which a lot of people do, it's not a bad thing.

I always watch something

online that shows someone got, and they always have video mount front, which is better to have video.

But could a home security system call security itself to respond if someone's already inside?

That's the idea.

Can we improve this?

Can we make it better?

Now, I guess we're about to announce there is a new way to actually stop someone from entering your home.

Right.

Simply say, if this is a little different, you can stop it before it happens.

The idea is AI-powered cameras detect threats while they're still outside your home and alert real security agents.

And then the game changer is the agents take action while the intruder is still outside.

I like that.

They confront the intruder.

They let them know they're being watched on camera and that the police is on the way and even sounding a siren aloud or triggering a spotlight if needed.

This is how you stop a crime before it starts.

You want to get them when they're outside your house.

That's real security.

I mean, listen, now and then, maybe it's someone on the sidewalk, but if someone's getting in your grill of your house,

you want to stop it before, and you got to let them know you're already busted.

You really want to do this?

And they're like, nope.

Yep.

And they're called monitoring agents.

Simply say it's monitoring agents.

They got your back and they talk to the intruders, even if you aren't home.

Yeah.

No long-term contracts or hidden fees.

You cancel any time.

Name best home security system

by U.S.

News and World Report for five years running.

60-day money-back guarantee so you can try it, see the difference for yourself.

Yeah.

And you know what?

It's better

because

I think something like this, these criminals, they'll probably skip your house if they have this.

You know what I mean?

Just go to somewhere easier.

That's right.

Right now, our listeners can save 50% on Simply Safe Home Security System at simplysafe.com slash F-O-T-W.

That's simplysafe.com slash F-O-T-W.

There's no safe

like SimplySafe.

Okay,

Instacart.

Instacart.

When it comes to game day, I want to spend my time actually watching the action, not standing in a long line at the store.

Driving all the way up there.

That's why I'm using Instacart.

Instacart.

it's uh more than just a grocery delivery app dane i don't know if you know this it's a care company that makes life easier with just a few taps shop from all my favorite stores i can have some snacks cool

snacks wings whatever i want deliver right to my door fast is 30 minutes buddy whoa so you don't miss the game you get all your cool stuff for your cool friends honestly i've come to trust instacart shoppers to get it right whether it's chips and salsa, you like that.

For friends, you've got a couple.

A pack of drinks for tailgating or those last-minute extras I forgot to grab earlier in the week.

Come on, man.

Instacart brings convenience, quality, and ease right to your door.

So you can focus on what matters most.

The game.

Download the Instacart app and use code F-O-T-W-P-O-D-20 to get $20 off your first order of $80 or more.

That's code F-O-T-W-P-O-D-2-O to get $20 off your first order of $80

or more.

Offer valid for a limited time.

Excludes restaurants.

Additional terms apply.

You know how we always remember the quirkiest bits.

So Dennis had another one, you know.

They're coming out with that craft-matic bed these days.

Have you seen that?

You know, getting that V going.

You know what?

You wake up and you go, wait a minute, did I blow myself last night?

Yeah, you get that V going.

It's decision time.

Should I suck my own dick?

Yeah.

Oh, is that weird?

He tagged it with that, I'm sure.

Yeah.

But the best.

The Lee Harvey Oswald.

He goes, I haven't seen choreography that smooth since the Lee Harvey Oswald prison transfer.

Boom.

Yeah.

And he goes, Jesus.

Hey, he goes,

and he goes, look at that.

They pull him in.

They go, hey, boss, Jack Ruby's here.

He owns a local strip club.

He's got a handgun.

Should I let him in?

Yeah.

Who the fuck are they turning away?

He was probably the times where I had to follow Dennis because we used to, me, him, and Kevin, went out a little bit and we'd flip a coin.

You had to deal with that energy because that last 15 Pelosi's out there.

And it's like a wave of just his rhythm and that sarcasm and all the references.

And then, here comes Dana Garney.

Isn't that special?

Take me a while, man, to deal with that shit.

I got something else to tell you.

I'm going to read you something you didn't know.

Okay.

This is very.

It's hard because I know a lot of people.

Even Heather will like this.

This is just some fun facts about playing cards I didn't know.

I learned this.

52 cards, the traditional playing cards thing.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, I thought you already knew it.

Yep.

52 cards in a deck.

Was that the question?

No, there's more to it.

52 cards equals 52 weeks in a year.

Yes.

Four suits is the four seasons.

Yes.

Black and red is day, night.

13 cards because 13 weeks in a season in each suit.

No one's shocked yet.

Are you shocked yet?

I love this.

I'm really curious.

Why it's all tied into this one.

Well, also, who invented these traditional playing cards?

I don't know what.

The last one is if you add the cards together and go ace, ace, 2, 2, 2, it's 364.

And if you add them all, and then 365 days is the Joker for leap year.

It's pretty cool.

Isn't that cool if it all fits, if it's not full-on bullshit?

Would you rather be able to...

It's fucking AR.

I got a question for you, Nat.

Would you rather be able to juggle really well?

Or would you rather be able to be one of those guys with playing cards, you know, the Lance Burton?

And they're flaying them out and then they're gone.

I think the cards.

It's too bad.

I would say the cards.

Palming cards.

I saw a guy the other day palming.

He goes, there's your card.

And he goes, no cards, no cards.

There's your card.

And it's on his.

I go.

I never know what's going on.

When they do the sleeve and they're like, there's the card, and there's no card.

You know, it's like, unreal.

I love it.

Lance Burton was always, man, was he brilliant?

Is brilliant.

Lance Burton, remember him?

Yeah.

He'd be like this.

Hey, folks, how you doing?

Then he'd have a lit candle in his hand.

You know, what's up?

He's in a tuxedo and lit candle.

And then it goes like that and it's gone.

Yeah.

He's Gervitz's guy.

You seen Lance Burton?

He's pretty good.

You got to go see him.

I'll get you in.

Half off.

What about Gervitz?

I'm doing a little check to you.

Watch.

I know.

It looks good.

That phone.

I didn't know where it went.

Lance Burton.

Yeah, he was one of Lance Burton's guests.

So, just for the people at home that like to hear Gervaise stories,

I guess Dana doesn't like money.

He goes, I'm coming to your show.

Lucky you.

And I go, Great.

Brings his kid and Tommy from the office.

And then they go, Nice boys.

Nice show.

I got a booth for us.

I know you like booths because you're a little baby.

So we got a booth, 5:15.

I go, get to your hijack.

5:15.

Are we going to get sunburned?

I go,

and we do have a quick meet and greet right before, but I go, 5:15.

I go, what do we do?

Do I go back to my room?

That's a little smidge early.

He goes, Nope.

You know, okay, it gets crazy in there.

And a lot of people come to the show, 3,000 people.

I go, all right, well, let's maybe a little later.

And he goes, why later?

And I go, he goes, we got to get on this.

I go, well, I don't want to rot for five.

I don't go on because till nine.

So we, so at 4:58, he goes, downstairs.

Everything's two syllables with a chirping positive.

Downstairs, got your booth.

Why not?

Ooh, I want a tuna sandwich.

I can't eat it.

My jaw hurts.

Oh, my neck.

That's his impression of me.

So I go, well, I'll order something, but I just got in.

I think Dana is going to lay around for a second.

So I go, I'll come down.

But I feel guilty.

He's already there.

And then I take a shower and get ready.

And then I write my set list.

And I send him an order just to buy some time.

Okay, order's in.

Within seconds, I go, order's in.

Now I gotta do is eat it.

Now what?

I got some bread.

I'll save you some.

I got you a napkin.

And napkins already.

I folded it.

I was smart about that because I did the math and said, I'm gonna relax here.

I don't, I'm gonna go over my stand-up notes and I'm gonna order room service because I know it'll be fast because everyone's in the casino.

And then I'm gonna toddle in at 6:30, have a little water because too much small talk and too much backstage chatter kind of takes a little bit energy.

So every time you go on stage, you're like exhausted.

So I felt sorry for you down there.

I go, fuck, Spade's getting wiped out down there.

I'm just relaxing up here with my notes.

I finally texted you.

I go, Dana, come.

Because I know

that was a desperate text.

Pretty much.

Where are we?

Well, we were having fun, actually.

Gervaise is fun to hang out with.

No, it is fun.

It's just energy before the show.

And it was like 6.30.

I'm like, Dana, get down here.

And then we'll all just hang out there instead of the green room because it was a nice nice place.

And then his kid goes, you don't understand.

We got here at 2.

And I go, why two?

And he goes, ask him.

And Mark goes, got to get here early.

Got to set up.

Got to make sure everything's okay.

Got him gamble a little bit.

Jackson, here's $10.

Walk around for five hours.

Spend it right now.

It just, those guys were just young, strapping guys, like six foot,

handsome young men walking around the casino.

But anyway, this is what you said to me at 6.31.

Are you coming down?

Coming spelled C-O-M-G

denotes a bit of panic.

Are you coming down?

We finished just hanging.

Yeah, meaning you don't have to order.

You don't do anything.

I said, yeah, I was about to leave the room.

What's your problem?

I said,

where are you?

I don't want to go to the Pine Cone restaurant.

Fucking, we went to the Pine Cone.

You know what happened to me?

I met a super fan.

Oh, boy, here's a Super fan because I was fluffed and folded looking like Dana Frank.

Oh, you brought them over.

Well, then she goes, Oh, oh, you're with David Spade.

Can I give this to him?

So I said, Just follow me because she seemed, she didn't seem dangerous.

So I walked in and then she handed you something, and that was it.

She goes, I'm your biggest fan.

Blam, blam, blam, blam.

I go, Dana.

No, I mean, she did get, you know, do a soft headlock, which I thought was

legal

in UFC.

Yeah, she gave me a note because I did a favor for her.

That's right.

That's what she said.

She was a very sweet person.

I kept the note, which was nice.

I can read the room, David.

I knew she wasn't.

Yeah, I can read the room.

I can read the fan.

All right.

What else did you do before we get to the headlines?

What else have you got?

Well, it's just

the week of Trump right now, so far, obviously, because of the

ceasefire and the hostages being released.

And it was really funny.

Yeah.

Well, that I wanted to talk to you about.

I mean, obviously, Time Magazine and Trump are not best friends, but this peace thing.

This is a reluctant cover.

So, somebody, somebody at Time Magazine went up to the editor and go, okay, we're putting him on the cover.

We have to.

The hostages are back.

There could be a peace deal.

What picture would you like?

Well, sir,

we have one where it's from below, which shows kind of the folds in his neck.

Yeah, what makes the worst thing?

Look like he's completely bald.

How about

he has three wispy hairs or a cloud above his head?

That is so funny that they're like, we got to put him on.

But what is the absolute worst?

Let's go right up his nose, right under his chin.

And then it's like I hate to use your term vagina neck, but he might have a little bit of it.

It's unfair because

the shirt with a tie pulls your neck together like that.

Yeah.

Well, look at us.

I mean, basically, a good photo.

Trump does a lot.

Like his mug shot, if it can find that, was straightforward.

He took one of the best mug shots through all those trials, and it's straightforward.

He juts his jaw.

And so this one was, I thought it was just funny that they must have been laughing.

Well, to go back, did they put his name on it?

They don't put his name on it.

No.

It doesn't even say Trump on there.

It said this fucking guy.

It said this fucking guy.

Yeah, I mean, come on.

Do you have any other time magazine things you can pull up, Greg, of a regular one, like with, you know, Clinton or Obama or something?

Because that is just.

I thought it was pretty funny.

I wouldn't even put that on fucking Instagram.

Christ six, you know, he's got more folds in his neck than the Ben Folds five cards.

Ben Folds five.

So, okay, there we go.

Those are.

Obama is that many.

Oh my gosh.

Man, man.

Look at Obama's straightforward like there's a couple repeats on this in the top right click on that that is a great picture and the one with hope is everywhere that that was or third from the left it's just him's face forward well they're all great that probably got him the election that hope one

yeah

that one with the three colors Trump's basically 80 and this is Obama became president at what 45

Also, he didn't have any folds in his neck.

That's the thing.

The thing I want to say, which I did, I did in my stand-up at the casino.

You did, Obama.

I was about how it's hard to compliment Trump if you have a problem with him.

So, they'd sort of.

I just wanted to say there was the peace deal was a great thing.

Releasing the hostage.

Want to give a shout out to Senator Rubio or Secretary Rubio and Jared Kushner

and

Donald Trump.

Excuse me?

Who's that?

No, I said Kushner.

So, I mean, I did that.

I did that, and then I did it.

I hatched it on our podcast, and then I did it at the casino, and it killed.

That's always fun.

Okay, what next story?

What else?

Let's get into some stories.

My fire alarm went off.

I don't know if you want to hear about that.

I would.

Were you scared?

So boring.

I scared shitless, dude.

It was 2 a.m.

Oh, it was 2 a.m.

It's pouring rain.

Bram, bam.

2 a.m.

And not just that, not that one, which will drive you bonkers, but

like full sirens and fire, fire.

Oh, not even a questioning.

It's a fire.

So I pop out with no plan, but I'm scared.

My heart's beating a million miles.

And then it stops, and I'm like...

I don't even know what to do.

And here's how crazy I am.

I think someone did something, like put a match up to a smoke alarm to flush me out of my bedroom.

Like they're trying to rob the place.

So I freaked out.

Latest thought, it could be the hot air in the brains room.

Oh, really?

Maybe.

That's been a while.

You know, the brains of a house where you have like,

they get hot, you know, all these.

It got too warm inside a room.

And it might be kicking it off.

But it took this long.

I've been here.

three or four years.

But anyway, it went off.

I pooped my pants, obviously freaked out.

And then it stopped, but but I couldn't.

I was like, our firemen coming.

It was terrifying.

Couldn't sleep for an hour.

Oh, terrible.

And then, and then,

you know, just whacked off, went to bed or whatever I do normally and is to calm down.

And then so I wake up.

Then I'm scared all day.

We look into it.

We go, it'll never happen again that night.

Again.

Fire.

Fire.

At the same time or just at night?

After our gig when I got home.

At five in the morning this time.

And never in the day.

Too convenient.

AI will solve this, but that is.

You want to know the weirdest thing I've ever seen at night, or did you have finished your thoughts?

Well, yesterday we fixed him, and Heather got electrocuted by

no one cares.

I'm telling you, you can try everyone, and no one bites on that.

They go, Oh, cool.

So she's alive or dead.

Anyway,

so it's

electrocuted, Dana.

You did?

You did?

You like you fell away and got a...

What was the matter?

Oh, you got a shock and fell down?

120 volts one two oh volts wow what does that feel like

your whole body your whole body goes

geez didn't you no one's giving her enough empathy gloves on did you have gloves on that we did not have shit because we are ragtag mission put the ladder up get up i tried it she tried i tried to unscrew unscrew unplug forget the batteries you got to get the wires out and our guy goes it won't shock you naturally

he's like okay it might shock you a little bit.

We're like, so he came over today.

He's doing all of them, redoing all of them because I'm too scared.

I would pay money to not have it.

All that stuff wears you down.

I mean, I go, Dana, I go, I'll pay anything.

I just want this to stop.

He goes, all right, we're going to, each one's going to cost this much.

I go, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I said, I'll pay anything.

And then he goes, I'll pay anything.

Okay, they're 40 bucks for a new one.

I go, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Well, we bought a new range, brand new superstar range,

and they put it in the kitchen.

Had to take the old one out.

It's 50 years old.

Man, it's gorgeous.

But if you put it to 400, the oven heats to 350.

So you have to put it to 450.

So it was just bugging us like what was wrong.

So a guy came out, like, hey, I'll fix this.

You know, usually the customer is too stupid to understand.

He's got the whole thing taken apart.

He's on his knees in the kitchen.

He's on the phone.

I don't know, man.

I don't know, man.

So they're back.

Ah, more.

But I want to tell you, the scaredest I've ever been in the night.

Go ahead.

Living in Encino, didn't really understand, or wasn't.

I knew what a possum was, but was not aware of possums in particular.

So there's the alarm goes off.

We believe that we're looking at a rat the size of a border collie.

Like it seemed like a sexy

rat.

Yeah.

And we're both flipped out, and then we had to go, oh, shit, it's going away.

And it's 2 a.m.

Oh, it's a possum.

It's a possum.

But that one blink of a rat that big stayed with me.

I thought the scared as you had been is when you had pressure on your chest from a ghost when you're on a trip.

Well, that was more,

well, that was an actual poltergeist pressing down on me.

It wasn't an illusion.

It wasn't a mistake and possum rat.

It was just because it happened.

Then I go, I must have been in a waking dream state.

Oh, I'll go back to sleep.

Then it happened right again when I was awake as I am, you know.

Yeah, and then remember when you had that illusion, yeah.

Yeah, no, that was this heavy weight, you know, about 150 pounds on me.

Terrifying.

I realized it was you.

I woke up my wife.

Don't we have a show tonight?

I said, get on the pod.

You're like,

hey, buddy.

Hey,

Dana.

Get off me.

This is a nice hotel.

Get off me.

I'm trying to do Chris Farley.

Get off.

I'm starving.

Lay off me.

I'm starving.

Okay, let's go to that story.

This is a story you had about AI.

Okay, I just want to set this up, that this is real and this is the future.

And you're seeing this at some port in America where everything is a robot controlled by AI.

Or China, yeah.

Or China.

I think it's China, yeah.

Oh, really?

Beep, bop, boop, boop, boop.

Oh, see, they don't crash.

Nope.

There's no road rage at all.

No road rage.

Look at how close they come.

Yep.

Not a problem.

Right in.

Self-driving.

Tetris.

Yep.

I can handle that.

We would usually in America have a guy like this with a flag and something like this.

But everything, yeah, everything comes off the boat.

Everything is moved.

Everything has moved to another truck or something without employees.

And that's what I call a secular trend.

Do you know what a secular trend is?

No, sir.

It's just things that aren't political.

They're sort of like, you know, people are aging.

They're living longer.

And now we're seeing robotics, AI basically doing all these jobs.

Fighting it every step of the way.

And that's not whoever is the president or the Congress.

We're just

transitioning into this this world well it saves money and that's what's making it go that's the job of the corporation is to be more productive people that have jobs have no jobs and it's i know so

universal basic income how much do you think it should be

when there's just no jobs you got to give people oh uh

it'll probably no fifty thousand

i don't know is that it too high too low i don't know i mean every

I don't know what you'll be doing.

We need money for gas.

It will be like a microchip in your hand, and you'll have to just go, I get this.

I have carbon, but not carbon points against me.

I can't do

it takes money out of your bank.

I mean, the future, I think those things are sort of

happening.

Well, you know, the slow transition to a lot of four-day weeks and stuff with companies, you know, three-day weekends or work from home or because of the AI and machinery and automation, you know, like a McDonald's might have one or two employees instead of eight or nine, you know, because of automation.

So that's the first thing that's planning jobs.

But I think initially, you know, a thousand a month is a good barrier for people who have some kind of job and have some income, but another thousand a month net keeps them did I go too high?

Well, I don't know.

It's depend how many, how do we do it?

I don't know.

This is the, you know, Elon Musk is talking about.

We're going to have to give

money to people.

We're going to give money.

Gervitz called to people.

Gervitz, what?

Heather, check-in with him.

See what he wants.

Losing his mind.

Gervitz keeps calling and interrupting the podcast.

He keeps track of our schedule.

He knows we're doing a podcast.

No, I don't.

I talked to Steve and Marty.

It's a nice little run.

You start in Toronto.

That's all I'll say.

He has so many comedians.

He's like.

Steve Martin and Martin Short are his favorites to put on the road.

I went and saw Steve and Marty.

Yeah, I know.

They do a lot of dates.

They're great.

All right, next story.

Next story.

Let's see.

Next story.

Keep it rolling.

Keep moving.

We're just rolling right along.

My glowing hair.

Where does that door

go into though?

Where does the door go into the air?

Into the air?

I don't know.

Biggest question I get is where do these doors go?

I'm not a new place.

So you can actually open these doors.

We're not supposed to because they're healthy and safety stuff, but you can open them.

Yeah, I don't really like heights, so I'm not opening it.

But when you move into a place like this high, basically you've got to give them parachutes.

So if anything happens, you have to open one of them doors and just send it.

Is that true?

Is that true?

He's got a parachute in his closet, and if there's something happens, he'll parachute out.

Just Tom Cruise designed the building or something.

Well, if there was some sort of 9-11 situation, you were up there, you'd be like, if this is my only option and you're so high, I would never live in one of those buildings, but if you're so high,

what do you got to do?

Get a Phillips and take the hinges off the door first?

It doesn't matter.

What's the highest you've lived?

The highest building you've lived in?

Oh, not much.

I mean, even New York, it was probably like 12th floor.

I don't like when your ears pop on an elevator.

I don't like that.

My first year there, I was in a 44th floor at the Bromley.

Bromley, Columbus Circle.

No, then eventually I went to the Bromley.

It was like three floors.

You could jump if there was a dumpster and be safe.

You knew who lived at the Bromley?

You,

Mike,

Farley for a while?

Me first, then they all came in.

Yeah, they did.

They followed because they go, who do we know?

And someone says, oh, the Bromley's nice.

I was Upper West Side, but I never got to the Bromley.

It was too rich for my blood.

But I think even Nealon, maybe Dennis.

Well, it was great.

I mean, they had big, big windows, and you're kind of on top of a movie theater.

you could leave for a movie starting at two o'clock at 159 and still be early so you know and it was Columbus Columbus Avenue was a block away and it's Columbus Cafe and you know it's like a really really good place to live

yes oh it was by Columbus Cafe that John went to a lot love

I went there a lot yeah Columbus was cool

Listen, Dana, if you're like me, you're like me a little bit.

I think so.

Adulthood did hit me hard.

And you can't run four hours of sleep in cheeseburgers forever.

Nope.

That's why there's Terra Origin because, you know, people want to feel good every single day, not just get by.

Right.

Terra Origin makes premium science-backed supplements that actually deliver.

Their healthy gut keeps your digestion in check.

So don't feel like you swallowed a bowling ball.

Their collagen protein keeps my joints from sounding like bubble wrap.

Hydration Plus is electrolytes without the sugar crash.

And their healthy greens.

It tastes so good, you'll forget it's packed with over 30 super foods.

No trends, no gimmicks, just clean, transparent formulas that upgrade your routine from survive to thrive.

Terra Origin helps you show up stronger at the gym, at work, and at home.

Visit terraorigin.com and use code podcast for 30% off your first order and free shipping.

That's T-E-R-R-A-O-R-I-G-I-N.com.

Terra Origin.

Feel better from the inside out.

Bombas,

you know this.

They use the softest materials that actually make sense for this time of year.

Merino wool that somehow knows when you're hot or cold, like a psychic grandma.

Supima cotton that's softer and stronger than the mystery cotton in your drawer.

And rag wool, the thick, durable, classic, cozy sock that makes you feel like you live in a cabin, even if you're just in a studio apartment.

And it's not just socks.

Bombas has slippers slippers that make it physically impossible to leave the couch, shirt-beline Sunday slippers, grippy, travel-friendly, grippy slippers, and waterproof Eva Friday slides for when you must step outside.

What's the best part, Dana?

For every item you buy, Bumbus donates one to someone experiencing homelessness.

Over 150 million items have already been donated.

Plus, with their happiness guarantee, if you're not 100% into what you got, they'll make it right.

No risk, all reward.

All right.

Listen, I've got a drawer.

I've got some bombas in there.

Honestly, they've ruined the other socks for me.

You know, I put on an old pair the other day and immediately apologized to my feet.

It was a, it was a whole big situation.

Head over to bombas.com slash flywall and use code flywall for 20% off your first purchase.

That's bombbas.com slash flywall, code flywall at checkout.

Need contract help for those workload peaks and backlog projects?

You're not alone.

Robert Haft found that 67% of companies surveyed said they will increase their use of contract talent.

That's why their recruiters leverage their experience and use award-winning AI to quickly find the skilled candidates you want.

Learn about their specialized talent in finance, accounting, technology, marketing, legal, and administrative support.

At Robert Half, they know talent.

Visit roberthalf.com/slash talent today.

Okay, next one.

something about the rich richest man in

man in China just bought a facility in New Hampshire.

Now, what is he doing?

He actually bought it for his beverage company for over $60 million, way over the asking price.

And it's right next to what?

The town's water supply.

He's gathering 2 million gallons per day for his beverage company.

So now the Chinese have control of New Hampshire's water supply.

Allow a whole nother country to buy up freeways because they bought highways.

In your hometown?

Farmland.

Highways.

So the Chinese just bought the data.

You know, those fast lanes, what do they call them in

the speed lanes, yeah.

Speed lanes, right?

They just bought a highway.

I don't think that's it either.

What?

What can't they buy?

Well, I know that Chicago sold the rights to the parking meters in town to Saudi Arabia.

Saudi Arabia.

Because they needed quick money, and now

they're making a billion dollars more than they thought they would.

And so they really Saudi won that one.

But all that money goes to them now.

So I don't know.

Could you buy things in China from America?

Could you buy the same things?

I think that's the point of that whole thing is, are we being dumb?

I don't know.

That is,

that's the whole kind of issue, I guess, is like, can

they can buy our stuff?

Can we buy their stuff?

They can sell us their stuff.

Can we sell our stuff?

That's that whole tariff thing,

which every president has tariffs, but Trump went a little bigger.

We're going to go big.

We're going to go big.

We're going to go big.

And when the people get mad now, he'll go, I'm the hostage guy.

Leave me alone.

Remember, you just got to wait.

It's going to be good.

It's going to be good.

I mean, it is interesting how much the stock market just goes crazy if Trump says something.

Or Jerome Powell.

What happened with Bitcoin the other day?

Took a

shit.

It took a mother.

I don't know.

Bitcoin dirtiest shit.

It was like at 124 and in 30 minutes, it dropped to like 109.

And then the raw, I'm not going to say which ones, but there was some apps that wouldn't let you buy low.

They're like, we're having difficulties.

And

I think there's one dude that bought and then it went back up.

And he went to A.

Do you?

And I'm just going to say it's John Kenneth Center.

Now, David, you can be honest here.

Do understand

Bitcoin?

I do not.

I've had people who are, you know, this is the future, and

I've never quite grasped it.

I know, because gold is like 4,100 an ounce.

So I could see a hedge alternative currency, but I don't know why it goes up to a million dollar a coin in 2020.

I mean, someone could explain it to us, but all I know is in my

dealings with it, I buy high, sell low.

You think you should buy low, sell high.

I know.

I think I heard it wrong because I definitely got out.

I didn't really lose money, but it went up and then it sort of came back down, and I got scared.

I just have some, which it's at a level that I can afford to lose it.

It was just like, in case it goes to 3 million a coin, I don't want to be, you know, it was chump chang sitting there dicking my hand.

my hand.

Yeah, I agree.

I don't have any left, but

I do have a Pokemon card.

No, I don't have anything really.

I understand the premise of a company that makes goods or services that people really like and pay for those goods and services.

And then the company gushes in all this money and has net earnings and so forth.

I understand that.

But Bitcoin as an alternative currency, I can understand it.

And the built-in

scarcity that they have.

So

basically, this is what I have a hard time wrapping my mind around.

There's a seventh grader in 2009.

Hey, man, I'm going to buy some Bitcoin, dude.

I don't know.

How much is it?

It's about four cents of Bitcoin.

I'm going to buy 500 of them.

And then by 2016, that guy's worth 50 billion and gets out.

He's like a high school senior.

That I don't understand.

I definitely would get out.

I would never be the guy that keeps is all in the whole time.

I would be like, I'm going to trickle it out even if it goes up, but I'm going to get something out of this shit.

Because when FTX went down, that's why I sold mine because I go, oh, I didn't know it could go to zero.

I thought it could just go up and down, but

everything went like this is FTF.

FTX was when.

Oh, that thing.

Tom Brady was tied into it.

A cryptocurrency.

Some crypto thing just flattened.

And I go, oh, I don't like this.

Somebody could be just scamming.

Well, do you understand this concept?

The greater fool theory.

The greater fool theory is that you buy an asset, say Bitcoin, and eventually it goes up and up and up.

You bought it for like 3,000 a coin.

Now it's 100,000 a coin.

So for you to make money, you got to sell it to someone who's not disturbed by getting in at 100,000 to 2,000.

So all you need is a greater fool to sell it to.

Get out, convert it to cash, dollars, and then buy a mansion.

But I'm not against Bitcoin.

I hope it works out for friends of mine that are in it.

I hope it thesis.

It already has, you know, 120 Bitcoin.

10,000.

Anyway.

Okay, next one.

Let's see.

And then we'll wrap up.

We're getting.

We'll wrap up.

We're getting deep in the weeds.

It's been a great event.

Okay.

Okay.

This just says the word machine.

Oh, I know what this is.

I thought it's like not heavy, but they don't be close.

I watch these every night.

How much time I need to do like the same weighting?

Even with proteins?

I would say at least four years.

These guys are musclemen explaining the jam.

We have to get Anatolia.

Is it okay?

I will just try this joke for you.

These guys are the hilarious looking.

Look how fucking roited they are.

And look at his little suit and his beard.

He just picks it up.

He's a professional weightlifter, but they don't know it.

This is what the best is so great.

Look at what he looks at himself.

He's one of the strongest men for his size in the world.

We're doing like usually like this one.

They use two hands, they can barely pick it up.

I'm just son of my mama.

What do you think?

I'm naturally strong.

Look at the rock knockoff.

Are you kidding, bro?

You're to hurt yourself.

That guy's the knock off the ball.

I can't believe no one has seen it enough.

He can still go into gyms and fool people.

But Anatoly is a world-class weightlifter.

Like he can bench

500 pounds and deadlift 600 pounds.

He's incredibly strong for 510, 170.

And he goes in there, he puts on a fake beard, and he does have a bit of an accent, but he plays like the idiot.

Hey, guys, guys, you mind if I get in there?

It's like a rat coming in.

And they go, yeah, they think you're going to, they say, man, you're going to hurt yourself, man.

No, I just want to show you a great technique.

And then he does it, and then they go to the fancy team.

Yeah, I'd take John Benala.

My algorithm feeds that.

I probably watched 10 of them last night.

It's funny.

I don't really like prank ones, but that one is good because nobody gets hurt.

It's just funny.

It's not really mean.

It's just, yeah.

No, it's not.

How do I do this?

It's like, remember, we should go to a comedy club and just put on big beards and go, sorry, we don't really know.

We're first time.

Could we please do comedy?

You know,

I don't know if it would be quite.

It's like when Jewel went in and did karaoke with a wig, like she was just part of the girls from the office.

And then everyone's like, she's fucking good.

I don't know.

We probably, I'd probably bomb anyway by going too long with my scarface bit.

Dana, we all loved it.

No, it's great to have a, you know, I sort of think to myself, huh, here I am 50 years in, kind of, or 40 years in, and I still really care,

you know, that I get a lot of laughs.

And I kind of wonder, I go, it's not going to change my life, but it's the same vibe.

Same feel.

You want to do good.

Every time you get hired, you want them to say, you're worth the money.

We're glad we hired you.

You did a good job.

You were nice to people.

You made everyone happy.

That's, I'm glad I saw that too.

I don't like just walking there and go, I don't give a shit.

Oh, no,

it's the exact same thing.

When I do corporates, I know that a lot of great comedians have come before me over the years.

And so I always want them to say, well, you were the best.

It's my 10-year-old boy of competitiveness.

Right.

Sometimes they go, oh, you know, after your show, they walk you back.

They go, you know, who really killed here was, and I go, that's all.

I don't even need to hear the name.

That's fine.

I know.

You know who it probably was?

Sinbad.

I thought it was you.

I just did one where they go, Dana's on our next one.

I was like, yeah.

I go to the trouble of spending a half hour online looking at the company, and then I do stuff about them.

That's my little hat drink.

That's smart.

You know, I put in effort.

I mean, I'm in the hotel room.

I'm waiting.

They're paying me,

you know.

very good money to do what I'm doing.

You're like, is Dale Watkins here from the executive branch of sales division?

They're like,

Dale, I heard you.

I have all my shtick.

I'll say to the minions that are there to guide me through, I go, so what do you, I'm sorry, but what do you want me to do again?

Is it is it stand up or can I just play the guitar?

And they get, they take it seriously and sing songs.

Can I just talk to the people?

Yeah, is it just sort of a

am I just answering questions about the company,

right?

Am I like what?

Do you mind if, I mean, I'm not sure what I was supposed to do here.

I was hired, but

could I like to sing a little bit first, seriously?

Can we play duck, duck, goose?

Have you ever had him go, don't do literally anything about the CEO?

Don't look at him, don't say anything, don't do anything.

They say no political statements.

That's why I always say, I don't do political statements.

I roll up the whatever flag of whatever country.

I go, oh, for real?

Okay.

Oh, okay.

So there goes my chunk.

There goes my 20 minutes in the middle.

Roll, roll, roll up.

But the way I do it, it's not political statements.

It's just political comedy.

Different.

All right.

Well,

I think everyone's walking away a little dumber today.

We learned about the greater fool theory.

We learned about automation, so planning jobs.

And we try to entertain.

But if we can educate, we're very happy to do that.

I think everyone's like, this is like college.

Yeah, some people have to lie down.

They put a cold compress on their back.

They have so much learning.

They have a lot of

These two dipshits are talking about so many things.

I can't even.

God, why didn't we call this podcast these two dipshits?

It's such a good word.

It's a good word.

Okay, well, Dana, I'll see you next week, probably.

See you next week.

Same bad time.

Same bad channel.

Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us a review, five-star rating, or maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe.

We're on video now.

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese-Dennis of Odyssey.

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech.

Booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hilary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show.

You can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey.com.

That's A-U-D-A-C-Y.com.