Your questions from the Christmas mailbag – Football Weekly

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Max here.

Barry's here too.

Hello.

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Hello and welcome to the Guardian Football Weekly.

Happy Christmas, everybody.

It's the world famous Christmas special.

Four of us just answering your questions and happy that for just one hour we don't have to talk about Arsenal's corners or consider whether Chelsea are title challengers or if Anne should stick to his principles or PSR or VAR or Papsar or Ibrahim Barr.

We have a Glen Denning, Wilson, Bruin around our Christmas table and a host of Christmas messages from the rest of the family who weren't invited.

Thanks for the messages, which cover pretty much as wide a range of football and life as you could imagine.

And thanks for listening.

If you didn't, we probably wouldn't be doing it and then we'd have to get proper jobs.

And if we're honest, that ship has sailed for all of us now.

This is the Guardian Football Weekly Christmas special.

On the panel today, Barry Glendenning, welcome.

Ho, ho, ho, Max.

Hello, Jonathan Wilson.

Happy Christmas, Max.

And happy Christmas, John Bruin.

Compliments of the season to you all.

Marvelous.

We start with some very exciting news from the Offaly Express, which says, could Guardian Football Weekly podcast host oust Santa and turn on the Christmas lights in Burr in 2025.

Listening to the latest episode of the podcast, it certainly sounds like Burr native Barry Glendenning would be up for the job and Max Rushton would be up for joining them, etc., etc., etc.

The greatest line of it says, as the always excellent banter continued, Barry,

why are you laughing, Wilson?

Max said he would not rest until Barry got to the countdown and pushed the button.

To the end of the article, it says, to the organizers of the Burr Christmas Lights, the choice appears to be yours, Santa or Barry Glendenning and the Football Weekly team to turn on your lights in 2025.

Surely you won't hold his hurling skills or apparent lack of them against him.

This is exciting news, Barry.

We have a campaign for the year.

This is huge, Max.

This is absolutely huge.

The Burr

sort of arts centre

is

literally across the street from my mother's house.

This

yesterday's just idle chit-chat about me turning on the Burr lights has now officially gathered traction.

I put it in my Burr WhatsApp group and one of my friends'

sisters has already

said she will put you up if we go to Burr

next

December.

Wow, how exciting.

Will she put my whole family up?

Yeah, probably.

She's got the arrangement.

Okay.

Right, yes.

Sounded slightly dubious to me.

Yeah, I was like, this is not.

If I'm going to plan to have an affair, Barry, I don't think this is where I'm going to do it.

Just, can I be clear?

You're the one who dragged this into the gutter.

Didn't the sheep

have a stable out back where you could

find accommodations, Mr.

Religion?

Absolutely.

Are you saying I'm the after David Ike, the third coming of Jesus, Wilson?

Well, I was thinking he was more in the cock-old Joseph role, but

right, okay.

Fair enough.

I like the way how you phrased it in such a football-y way, as well, as well, didn't you?

Just there in the Joseph role.

Um, anyway, we will keep uh, we'll, you know, it's not like me to hammer a joke, but and it's not a joke, of course, because Burr, we're coming for you 2025.

I will not have Burr condescended to on this podcast notice.

I was just going to say, you know, that they always say if a you swip a headline has a question mark in it, the answer is always no.

so i predict this won't happen so

well the thing is i think it really could happen okay okay but it all hinges on max basically and his availability right okay uh next early next december that's the only sticking point i can think of if we planned a lot i think we would fill borough art center it's about 400 450.

okay

uh i think we could fill it i'm pretty confident we'd fill it.

Or at least not embarrass ourselves.

They could put, you know, one of those black curtains halfway like they do when we do some of our bigger venues and live shows.

And there's 2,000 empty seats.

Well, I look forward to it.

But let's see.

We probably need to plan a bit more of a tour, but and then I'll see if I can get it past Mrs.

Rushton.

I mean, I know she doesn't listen to this, so it's fine.

We can plan it openly on this.

Harry says it's Christmas Day at at your place you can invite four managers past or present to come and celebrate with you they will bring their own booze you must provide their food who are you inviting and why and will you be cooking them turkey jonathan wilson

i think i think the the booze aspect is key here so yes i'll be cooking them turkey all the trimmings uh stuffing i'm very proud of my my sausage meat stuffing sage and onion bread sauce I think bread sauce is essentially Christmas.

Bread crumbs, which I'm led to now.

I thought it was universal, but apparently it's a northeastern thing.

Nobody else seems to have heard of it.

Just for the record, I have heard of breadcrumbs, but I wouldn't.

Oh, they go so well with turkey.

The sort of buttery crunches that gives a bit of texture, and they soak up the gravy as well.

And

cold the next day when you have any leftovers with a jack of potato, magnificent.

Because turkey isn't dry enough.

You really need something to soak up that gravy

and make it even more dry.

If your turkey's dry, you're just not cooking it properly.

I think, if turkey's drier than chicken, it's harder to cook than chicken, but it should be moist.

Have you thought of not cooking it for as long?

Yeah, it's a a good idea.

Who are your managers?

So, right, I'm gonna have Ugo Meisel, the great Austrian, because I think

at Zweig or maybe Speppegunde would go really well.

I think it goes really well with Wutke always have Speppegunde.

So, he can bring one of those nice, sort of light, earthy.

I mean, that could be a wine or a footballer.

I don't know, but carry on.

Austrian Reds.

I'd bring in

Martin Bukovy, who I think is the greatest tactical mind of the 20th century, famously grumpy man.

So, when he was at Olympiakos, he didn't have a TV.

This is in the early 60s, but he loved the cinema.

So, after training, he'd go to this street in Piraeus, where all the cinemas were, and he'd go into the box office and he'd say,

Is my wife here?

And if they said yes, he'd move on to the next cinema because he didn't want any distractions.

He wanted to watch his film alone in his own thoughts.

And I approve of that.

I'm very much like that myself in the cinema.

But he could bring some tockeye to go with the Christmas pudding.

Valerie Lobanovsky, he could bring some nice Armenian cognac, which I think was his tipple of choice, which you have to go with a coffee afterwards, which then leaves you free.

Who's the other one you're going to bring in?

You could bring in somebody French to get some champagne to start with, but I think I just go for Marcel Bielsa.

I think Biels and Lobanovsky discussing pressing would be that that is what you want over the sprouts.

Fucking hell.

You speak for everyone there, John.

Sorry, God.

Literally, listeners around the world all saying exactly that in unison.

They won't have heard you say it because they were saying it at the same time.

Coming in, I'm hoping, John, for a very much for a very route one Christmas dinner for you.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I had a few thoughts about this, but a couple of managers that probably need a Christmas at the moment.

Russell Martin and Gary O'Neill recently departed.

I mean, they're still alive.

Well, are they though?

You know, know

in the world of uh

of uh football um

i don't know i was thinking maybe with johan croyf because you know russell russell martin could tell johan croyf where it it all went wrong for him but then again i was thinking like do i invite someone who is a bit more

you got you've got two choices you've got do you want someone to have like an arthur fowler christmas yeah someone who he's an angry manager or a miserable manager so who's who stole the body from the club raffle?

But let's not go into that, but

let's give the lawyers

an easy Christmas.

No, he literally stole the money from the club raffle.

Well, he did the raffle.

That was to do with depression, being the 80s,

all that.

Go and watch those classic episodes.

I also thought,

So, someone like famously miserable managers like your Ron Saunders or your Alf Ramseys,

you know,

But then I thought, nah, you need a root one manager, and who's the king of the root one manager?

Sam Allardyce would be cracking, obviously.

He'd bring the he would be really good.

He'd be great, Sam.

He'd be great.

But one that I've actually chatted to, and maybe I've told you this anecdote before.

In fact, I'm sure I have actually.

Hey, it's never stopped any of us before.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's Tony Pulis.

And my

Tony Pulis anecdote is: I had been to the wedding of a dear friend up on the Wirral, but my assignment for the Saturday

was to go to Southampton at Manchester United in the David Moyes season.

I think you know the result.

You can work it out.

But as I hung over, traversed the world's oldest railway from Liverpool to Manchester, the world's worst railway as well, actually,

I was hung over to Boogery, let's put it that way.

And you know, know, when you're so hungover, you just, everything is almost like psychedelic, and like the anxiety, the, you know, you don't know whether

your bowels might go off at any point, you know, the full thing.

You just completely like.

So I sit in this room at the Manchester United press room, which to this day remains

the type of place that the Gestapo would have thought a bit uncomfortable.

You know,

it's not a particularly warm place to sit with big, big lights beating out.

And then suddenly, Tony Pulis comes and sits next to me and starts chatting as if we are best friends.

Because this is what Tony Pulis does, he's a very sociable guy.

And we start chatting, you know, what about the game today?

And I'm thinking, my head's falling out here, and I am chatting to Tony Pulis.

This is a bit weird.

Well, anyway, so I've just about righted myself.

Who should come in through the door next?

Sir Geoffrey Boycott.

Hello, Toby.

Hello, Jeffrey.

Lovely.

And these two start talking, involve me in the conversation.

And my head is just falling off at this point.

I'm just like, oh, God, what is going on?

So I said to Sir Geoffrey,

please take this seat.

And I went and sat outside and breathed in the sort of winter air of old Trafford, the damp air of Old Trafford, to try and pull myself together.

But Tony Pulis, very nice man, I'm told, always gets his rounding as well.

So there you go.

And serving?

Just Boddington's?

Boddington's bitter.

If Russell Martin was there, I know he's a vegan, so that could be interesting.

Vegan cuts.

Johan Croy from sort of Dutch Christmassy type of thing.

That got me interesting.

Gary O'Neill doesn't look like he eats much, but

you just don't know.

Maybe he's just one of those people.

Have another plate, Gary.

And he's.

Well, he might be one of those that he can just eat all day and put on no weight.

No, no, absolutely right.

Nervous sensitivity.

That Pulis boycott anecdote reminds me of at one point being caught in between David Bumble Lloyd and Jeremy Kyle at Cheltenham.

Wow.

Why am I what conversation am I in?

Am I in here?

This is ridiculous.

Barry, who's coming to dinner?

Well, interestingly, I once had lunch at Cheltenham and was seated beside Jeremy Kyle.

And he was incredibly nice, really polite, very friendly, you know, asking me questions about me and taking an interest in me, which is always

a good sign of what someone's like in real life.

And then you see him on television, and it's just like, wow,

poles apart.

And then someone came from behind the curtain and accused you of being the father of fathering their child.

Well, the answer to the question, which manager, dot dot dot, is always Sean Dice,

and I'm I'm going to have Sean Dice round for Christmas dinner.

I reckon he'd bring

12 cans of Guinness, probably a bottle of brandy as well.

I'm going to have Ian Holloway because I love Ian Holloway.

He divides opinion a bit, but I love him.

Hopefully he'd bring Mrs.

Holloway, who's also a very entertaining lady.

I'm going to bring Peter Reed,

mainly because I haven't met a huge number of football managers in real life, but Peter Reed is one of them.

And he just walked into the room and went, hello, everybody.

I'm Peter Reed.

And he was wearing

really skinny jeans and Winkle Picker boots.

And I thought, you know, he must have been about 60-odd, but he was able to carry it off.

So I was impressed with that.

And he's just a lovely, very entertaining guy.

We had common ground in that a friend of mine was signed by him to play for Sunderland many, many years ago.

And we got talking about him and Peter Reed.

I'm going to say was not hugely complimentary.

Something I never tire of reminding my friend about.

And

I'm going to bring Roy Hodgson as well.

Lovely.

Purely because

Ellis James...

went to the PFA or some fancy dinner one year.

He was invited along and he was at the same table as Roy Hodgson he was hugely impressed by the fact that before the dinner started Roy Hodgson stood up and went around he was England manager at the time he went around and introduced himself to every single person at the table I don't know it was seven or eight people I'd quite like that because if it was Christmas dinner in my house I'm pretty confident I would be the only person who knew who he was.

But presumably Sean Daish and

Peter Reed would know.

Oh, okay, they'd know who he'd hope so.

Also, Roy Hodgson hates Parmesan, but you wouldn't have that at Christmas Day, would you?

So that's fine.

No complications.

I've lunched with Roy Hodgson.

I didn't notice the Parmesan, but obviously the two most important times I've seen Roy Hodgson is once, and I can't retell the Mick Cucknall Pele anecdote.

Oh, come on.

Come on, it's good.

It's good, isn't it?

If you haven't heard, if you have, you can just fast forward.

I've sat next to Roy on a plane.

That very nice guy.

Did he hog the Aram Rey?

No, no, he was one of the most.

And then we won the same flight back, and all these,

it was one of the European finals.

And Roy waved at me as I came back to sort of say, you know, and we sat next to each other again.

And all the crew from a radio station that you two might work at looks really disappointed that he was talking to a scruff like me rather than noticing them.

So

yeah, well, I'll tell the Mick Hucknell Pele out there if you haven't heard it.

If you have heard it, it doesn't matter.

But it's a charity dinner.

It's a really good one, Nordolph Robins.

It's a great charity.

I think Richard Keyes is hosting.

I think it's Keesey.

It might be Jeff Shreeds.

My apologies to which everyone isn't.

And Pele is the guest of honour.

It's pretty cool.

It's Pele.

And then he just at some point stands up and goes, and as everybody knows, you know, Pele's great friend is Mick Hucknell.

They're virtually best friends.

And everyone knows.

That's got to be Richard Keyes.

Well, maybe it's Richard Keyes.

And everyone nods, and I'm looking around, going, that doesn't seem right to me.

And as everyone knows, you know, he's the godfather to Pele is the godfather to Mick Hucknell's son.

Or the other way around.

Either way, I'm not sure.

Everyone's going with it.

And I'm like, what the fuck is this?

This is ridiculous.

And then they said, and as everyone, and of course, Mick wouldn't miss this night for anything.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mick Hucknell.

And then Mick Hucknell walks on on stage in very sort of very sort of tight white jeans and winkle pickers and sings stars to Pele.

But the thing is, in between I am watching, I am watching this and the two people in my eye line and the table next to me are Roy Hodgin and Ray Linglington.

Did you think someone had spiked your drink?

I was, do you know, I was just looking around for someone to confirm that this was ridiculous.

So I'm watching Mick Hucknell sing stars to Pele while Roy Hodgen and Ray Lewington are, they're sort of looking around, but when they look back they're looking at me and they're both mouthing the words to start.

I mean I would say it's the greatest musical performance but the other time I saw Roy Hodgson was at the PFAs where the dark this the musical act was Retch 32

and so Wretch 32 came on a lot of people had left And in my eyeline again was Roy Hodgson tapping his feet as Retch 32 rapped along and if I can tell my Peter Reed anecdote which may not make it make the cut oh i think we've heard this one as well have you heard this one oh you've told them all right many times

i'm i'm at a charity dinner i think you can tell it and we can bleep out producer joel can judiciously use the beep button i'm at a charity dinner there's one spare chair i don't know who's sitting there and uh peter reed walks up

he looks at me he goes venge is a fucking

peter lead nice to meet you and i was like that's some way of introducing yourself to anybody.

But anyway, yeah, good choices, everybody.

Do you think

if

he was sitting beside Arsenal Fengler, would he introduce himself the same way?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Anyway, what's good is

we've got through one question.

Producer Joel says, I was once sat between the Wombats and Katie Hopkins in the Global Canteen.

That's good.

That's good.

That's amazing, isn't it?

Anyway, that'll do for part one.

Hopefully get through more questions in part two.

But here are a few festive messages from the great and good of Football Weekly.

Max, Parry,

listeners.

Listeners who send nice messages.

Listeners who send other messages.

Merry Christmas.

And a happy new year.

To everyone that appears and works on Football Weekly.

Honestly, it's been brilliant to be a part of it this year.

Long may it continue.

But most of all, happy Christmas to all the listeners and to Robbie Mustow.

I hope you all have a brilliant one and that Santa's very, very kind to you.

Up the villa, happy Christmas.

Hello, it's Jonathan Liu.

Merry Christmas to everyone.

Thanks for listening.

Thanks for putting up with my nonsense.

I've talked some absolute bollocks on the pod this year.

Maybe some interesting stuff, but mostly bollocks, I think.

So thanks for dealing with that.

Have a great Christmas and New Year, and I'll see you soon.

Hi, Pod fans of America.

Max here.

Barry's here, too.

Hello.

Football Weekly is supported by the Remarkable Paper Pro.

Now, if you're a regular listener to this show, you'll have heard us talk before about the Remarkable Paper Pro.

We already know that Remarkable is the leader in the paper tablet category: digital notebooks that give you everything you love about paper, but with the power of modern technology.

But there's something new and exciting: The remarkable Paper Pro Move.

Remarkable, a brand name and an adjective, man.

Yeah, it's their most portable paper tablet yet.

It holds all your notes, to-dos, and documents, but it's smaller than a paperback and an incredible 0.26 inches thin, so it slips easily into a bag or jacket pocket.

Perfect for working professionals whose jobs take them out of the office.

Like maybe a football journalist, Barry.

Although not like you.

A proper football journalist, mate.

Exactly.

Too much technology draws us in and shuts the world out.

This paper tablet doesn't.

It'll never beat or buzz to try and grab your attention, so you can devote your focus to what or who is in front of you.

It has a display that looks, feels, and even sounds like paper.

Think and work like a writer, not a texter.

And the battery performance is amazing.

No worries about running out of power before the end of extra time.

The Remarkable Paper Pro Move can keep going for up to two weeks.

And if you do need to recharge, you can go from naught to 90% in less than 45 minutes, Barry.

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Yo, yo, yo.

Big up to Barry, big up to Max, big up to Joel, Silas, all the behind the scenes crew and all the listeners at this festive period.

Hope you all have a fantastic time.

And I just want to say that I really, really hope that everybody who's been abusing me because of my Chelsea take gives me the exact same energy and apologies when we do see, as predicted, Chelsea fall away pre-March.

Have a lovely period off.

Love you all.

Take care.

Well, hello, everyone, from rainy southwestern Norway.

Merry Christmas to everyone listening to this, including Max Barry and all the panelists, but mostly mostly to you guys listening.

Can I just say as my festive message that I strongly believe the Christmas Eve episode should be recorded in the studio with everyone there as God intended it, but apparently people want to spend time with their families.

I will never understand you people, but here we are.

This is what you get.

Merry Christmas.

Hi, this is Lucy Ward.

Just here to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and have a marvellous 2025.

To all the listeners, especially Max Max and my best mate, Barry, in particular,

really enjoy being part of the pod this year and looking forward to joining you all again next year.

Have a marvellous one.

Bye.

Hi, all.

Mark Langdon here.

Just want to wish Max, Barry, and everyone else a Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

It's been a very busy 2024.

I think the highlight for me was being live in the room for Barry Chef's Kiss.

Welcome to part two of the Guardian Football Weekly.

Paul says, What was your annual of choice as a kid, shoot or match?

John Bruin, we've prepped you for this.

Well, the answer is shoot.

And I actually...

Okay,

during lockdown, we all went through Dark Knights of the Soul.

Maybe you didn't.

I did.

And so I decided to hit eBay and bought myself a collection of old shoots, some of which I actually bought back in the 80s, which are from the 70s.

But I thought I'd turn to shoot 1989, which I would have got for Christmas.

Oh, this is in my wheelhouse, John.

I'm so excited.

You could just read this for the rest of the pod.

That's the year I left school.

Okay.

89.

Oh, no, sorry.

It's not 91.

Okay.

So on the cover, we have Brian McLare being tackled by Clive Wilson, I think that is, of Chelsea.

Yeah.

A picture of Rushie in a Uve shirt in 1989 so obviously this was made uh uh probably sometime early in 1988 um

get gary lineke barcelona shirt and the everyman who has survived all this apart from gary lineker ali mccoyst the man who is still everywhere do you know what um what clive do you know what clive wilson's middle name is Clive Wilson's middle name.

I mean, this is really stretching.

This is.

It's.

Valentine.

It's, I would say, a, no, I'd say it's a a non-traditional middle name or name at all for anybody born in the last, I don't know, 6,000 years.

Zebediah.

Okay.

If I said he had a great understanding of the geometry of defending, does that help?

Pythagoras.

Pythagoras, yeah.

Euclid.

Euclid.

Wow.

Okay.

That's what you're here for.

That's what you're here for.

Anyway, carry on, John.

Do so, yeah, we start with the captains, Abel, Brian Robson's column.

Yeah.

A tribute to Liverpool FC.

I must have enjoyed that at the time.

John Barnes,

Big Quiz,

how the game's changed for battling Bonzo.

That's Billy Bonzo's still playing at this point.

Yeah.

Peter Beardsley, the great creator.

I mean, you know, a picture there of Peter Jackson and Sheffield Wednesday midfielder, Gary Megson do battle at Hillsborough.

I mean, the juices are flowing here.

This is how you get your turkey.

You know,

yeah, Peter Bitt,

Kevin Richardson, Paul Parker, Paul McStay confesses, I'm not a great player.

Interesting headline.

Dennis Wise smash hits.

There's a cartoon of, well, Robert Fleck, famously Hollywood looks of Robert Fleck.

Like to shoot early, they always said of him, didn't they?

That was always his thing.

Jerry Francis.

But actually, there's a duo mulleted.

There's a late-stage Frank Worthington and still playing at this point.

And Jerry Francis looking tanned and the mullet resplendent.

Brian Clough and son, of course.

Terry Butcher with wife, sort of, you know, those ones where they're sort of over the sofa and cuddled.

Are you?

I did wonder, are you reading the whole of the shoot annual?

I thought you were going to like pick out a couple of bits, but you know, I'm happy to listen.

Can you chuck us a couple of questions from the course?

Yeah.

Okay, yeah.

Well, there is actually, there is Peter Reed with

what looks like dyed hair at that point.

Reedy was trying to hold the

quiz.

Where are we?

Excuse me.

Great listening, this, but okay.

We can edit out the silences, Johnny.

Please.

This isn't.

You're not lying.

Producer Joel will work his magic.

Here we go.

The shoot quiz, 1989.

Is it first on the buzzer?

What's the rules, John?

I reckon your name is your buzzer.

Yeah, okay.

Why did Watford skipper Wilf Rostron miss the club's 1984 FA Cup final defeat by Everton?

Seasick.

Wilson,

was he suspended?

I think he's for the Sunday player, Wilfrostron.

Suspended is such a boring answer.

Yeah, that's why I hesitate.

Honestly, I mean, so these questions, I mean, this sort of.

But this is back in the day where there's no way a footballer would miss a game to go to his

birth of his child.

Manchester United Steve Bruce joined the club from Norwich.

Which other league club has he played for?

Blackpool.

Wilson?

Gillingham.

Correct.

Oh, really good.

He's so good at it.

What was the Will Frost for an answer?

He was suspended.

Oh, okay.

Here's the last one.

And I think Max could get this, but I know it's one of your favourites on the other radio show.

Rushdon.

Trevor Hebbard.

Trevor Hebbard.

Here we go.

Yeah.

Yes.

Rushdon.

Oxford United.

Correct.

Yes.

Delighted.

What was the question?

Well, it was scored the first goal for Witch Club in the 1986.

Lovely.

i knew max would kill that one trevor hebbard me and max share i think a love for trevor hebbard whoever he was yeah yeah he was sold by jack charlton from the castle for passing the ball too much brilliant that's glorious isn't it that's like steve claridge being subbed off by john beck for cutting inside even though it led to a goal i think

don't do that i've got a feeling trevor hebbard might have been newcastle's record signing at the time as well Fred says, what's the best goal you've seen in the flesh?

Obviously, Barry has his header, but what about the floating brain in a jar, the progue rocker, and obviously yourself, Max, the wet lefty cutting in from the right?

Best goal you've seen in the flesh.

Let's go for

pure quality of goal.

So I guess no context,

no romance, just absolute sheer best goal you've seen.

I've no skin in the game whatsoever.

James Dart, who's the boss man on the Guardian football website, is a Plymouth fan.

We used to take in a Plymouth game every year when they played in London.

And they got drawn against Barnett in the fourth round of the FA Cup in 2007.

So myself and Dorothy went to Underhill, where Barnett played at the time.

Famously sloping pitch.

And Plymouth were playing down the hill.

Attendance, so it was January 2007.

Attendance 5,204.

I've told this story many times before on

Football Weekly.

But it was Scott Sinclair,

who was 17 years old at the time.

He was on loan at Plymouth from Chelsea.

I think Holloway had signed him.

Ian Holloway was manager of Plymouth.

He'd signed him about 10 days previously on loan.

And he came off the bench.

picked up the ball on the edge of his own box.

I can't remember the nitty-gritty.

The goal is on YouTube, but he

ran up the inside left, beat at least three players.

And when he approached the baronet penalty area, he was shepherded wide by a defender.

He managed to rifle the ball into the roof of the net with the outside of his right foot, beat Barnett keeper Ross Flitney.

And that is the greatest goal I've ever seen in the flesh.

Flitney said afterwards, things like that happen in football, and you've just got to applaud it.

Ian Holloway compared him to Dash from the Incredibles.

And

I had a look to see if Scott Sinclair is still playing, and he is.

He's playing for Bristol Rovers.

He's 35 now, which makes me feel super old.

So he went from

I think Chelsea to QPR, Charlton, Crystal Palace, Wigan, Swansea, Man City, West Brom, Villa.

He was a Celtic as well, I think, for a fair old stint.

But yeah, currently at Bristol Rovers and still playing regularly.

I think, Barry, for you to accuse Bruin of doing a boring section and reading Scott St.

Clair's Wikipedia.

Yeah,

have that, Glenn Denning.

I am probably going Gareth Bales overhead kick in the Champions League final in Kyiv.

There was a silence before everyone realised what had happened.

I think that might be the best goal I've seen in the flesh.

Hamas Rodriguez for Columbia against Uruguay.

But if goals we've been ourselves involved in are allowed, I'll keep this brief.

So it's my final game for my college.

We've already won promotion.

We need to win this game to win the title.

We're playing as a college explorer, a big derby.

There's 150 people turned up, which in college football is enormous.

We've run out to Rider Valkyries to try and whip everybody up.

Within three minutes, I've won the ball in the centre circle, slipped the ball inside the fullback.

The right winger, like Mark Alexander, he dithered on the ball all the time.

But this pass was.

I went to school with him.

Yeah, you did, yeah, yeah.

Um, I can't kill him in Jarvis, but you know, we've all got our stories.

And um,

he, yeah, no, he often dithered on the ball, but because the pass was weighted in such a way, he had to cross the ball first time, otherwise, we would have gone out of play.

And it's like James Walmsley comes in the back post with a header into the top corner.

And the thing was, it just looked like a proper goal, a professional goal.

I hadn't really thought about that goal for quite a while.

Then I saw James Walmsley for a drink earlier this week.

I hadn't seen him in about a decade, and he's got two kids now, eight and ten.

And apparently, he's taught them my role and the Alexander role.

And he gets them to act it out.

And he does the head of the back post.

That's amazing.

But that is the thing that, you know, and people listening to this will remember, like, goals they scored or they're involved in that mean nothing to anybody.

But like inflicting it on your children.

Oh, we'll get to that, Matt.

Oh, my God.

Well, I don't know.

Like, the running order, it's slipping down the running order.

Yeah, but inflicting it on my children, actually a brilliant idea.

John, if you could be slightly briefer than the previous two respondents.

I'll go for two players

readily compared.

One is Gabriel Battischuter.

I was at Old Trafford on the Stretford end when he walloped that one.

And it's seared towards us in that end.

And then just it's in the net.

And you think, wow.

Yeah, that is a beauty.

And the other is Macclesfield Legends John Beast parking fellow podcaster opening day of the season 2004 5 mac at late and orion i'd taken a group of friends uh and the uh girl i was sat with couldn't believe that john was an actual footballer uh such was his uh body shape after a good summer by the looks of things and

He scored two of the best goals you're ever going to see.

One, a speedy rounding of the goalkeeper scoring from impossible angle, then a great volley.

And I've always thought he was a great player who gave men of a certain body shape hope that they too could achieve great things in football.

But yeah, back to Students' goal.

Unbelievable.

Derv says, Hey, Barry, Max, and the gang.

I have a signed picture of Ethan Pinnock.

Is there any way that I can get it signed by Baz?

So it's a one-of-a-kind holy relic kind of thing.

Awaiting further instructions.

Yeah, absolutely.

If he wants to get in touch with me,

social media, Blue Sky, or

yeah, Blue Sky is probably the best because I'm still struggling to figure out how what's that other one that

Instagram works.

What's that?

Or email me at The Guardian.

Email me at The Guardian.

I can certainly arrange that.

I actually have a C D cover for the Super Furry Animals.

debut album Fuzzy Logic which has

the illustration illustration, it's just loads of different pictures of the famous, famously charismatic drug dealer, Howard Marks, in his various guises.

And it's signed by all the band and Howard Marks.

So

I reckon in 200 years,

Fiona Bruce and some expert will be telling some distant relative of mine that it's worth five million quid.

Wow.

I mean, it's now time that I say, before the quarterfinal of the FA Cup in 1990, when Cambridge was playing Crystal Palace, my dad rang the club because he didn't have a ticket.

And they said, oh, we'll put you in the press box because that's how it worked.

And he sat next to Trevor Brooking, but he always took a book to the game just in case games got boring.

Even the FA Cup quarterfinal.

So he was reading Plato's Republic.

So I have a copy of Plato's Republic that when you open the public says, dear Max, all the best, Trevor Brooking.

I mean, if you could get Pleasure to sign that,

yeah,

absolutely right.

Me and Jonathan used to do a bit of a routine of Trev, which was the way that he always had to

sort of explain everything.

He's like, Yeah, it's a book, if you like, something that you read.

You know, so you have to define what it is.

It's like, you know, it's a philosophical text written by a Greek philosopher.

Well, Simon, no, which is so collected sounds, which is how you identify me.

It's like

none of you probably watch the voice.

It means nothing to you, but Tom Jones on The Voice.

You know, the

reality show where they're facing away from the act.

And, you know, all the other guests press their button and spin around.

I go, Rita Aura says, Oh, I thought you were amazing.

And Tom Jones presses the button and says, I've pressed my button.

So that means my chair, it turns around.

And now I can see you.

And previously, I couldn't see.

I was just listening to you.

And now I like what I see and hear.

With apologies to Ellis James and all your Welsh brethren, I'm very impressed, Max, that your father had sufficient clout to be able to just phone Cambridge United and command a seat for a big cup tight.

I don't think he had a clout.

I just think that was how the club worked.

They were like, oh,

actually, we'll probably just get you one.

He didn't say, Do you know who I am?

Dr.

Rushton.

He said, I presume.

In 1990, he went in 1990, he said.

In

about

18 years, your son will start the glory years of a popular TV banterific TV show called Sogro.

Sonny says, Hi, Max Barry and everyone.

Following on from Chef's Kissgate and the price of crab meat today, Barkle, can Barry enlighten us as to his favourite TV chef and any culinary plans for the Christmas period?

Ooh, my favourite TV chef.

I've got to say, Ainsley Harriet.

Okay.

So much so that I, because I used to love Ready Setty Cook, you know, afternoon viewing, easy watching, red peppers, green peppers, all that.

And

I, not too long after I came to London, me and a then-girlfriend were in Sainsbury's in Clapham Common, and we spotted Ainsley Harriet out doing his big shop.

And

I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, we basically basically stalked him around the supermarket, watching what he was putting in his trolley,

just so we could get a bit of an insight into the Harriet lifestyle.

But we were too afraid to approach him or speak to him.

He's so menacing, isn't he?

He's

such a menacing man.

But I have since met Ainslie, and he's a lovely, lovely, lovely man.

So

he's a big gooner, I think.

But yeah, lovely, lovely bloke.

Lovely story about Ainsley Harriet Barry.

And that'll do for part two.

Here are some more messages from the Football Weekly family.

Hi, everyone.

Just want to wish Max and Barry a very Merry Christmas.

Who are Max and Barry?

As Eloise points out, no one really knows who they are, mythical characters in their own right.

But what a great show they put on.

And in addition to that, I'd like to wish all of our listeners a very Merry Christmas, despite very few of them giving me freebies this year and listening to my inane anecdotes.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Hi, Troy Townsend here.

Just wanted to wish the Guardian Football Weekly listeners a very, very Merry Christmas and all the best for the new year 2025.

I suppose I better wish Max and Barry the same.

Hope you two have a real blessed one and look forward to listening, being a part of and seeing you all in 2025.

Take care for now.

Merry Christmas, Max and Barry and all the Football Weekly listeners.

Buon Natale, Buon Anno.

I'm doing my best not to make the same joke I'm sure I make every year about making sure that you eat your panetone, unlike some Italian football managers.

Hi, Pod fans of America.

Max here.

Barry's here too.

Hello.

Football Weekly is supported by the Remarkable Paper Pro.

Now, if you're a regular listener to this show, you'll have heard us talk before about the Remarkable Paper Pro.

We already know that Remarkable is the leader in the paper tablet category: digital notebooks that give you everything you love about paper, but with the power of modern technology.

But there's something new and exciting.

The remarkable Paper Pro move.

Remarkable, a brand name and an adjective, man.

Yeah, it's their most portable paper tablet yet.

It holds all your notes, to-dos, and documents, but it's smaller than a paperback and an incredible 0.26 inches thin, so it slips easily into a bag or jacket pocket.

Perfect for working professionals whose jobs take them out of the office, like maybe a football journalist, Barry.

Although not like you.

A proper football journalist, mate.

Exactly.

Too much technology draws us in and shuts the world out.

This paper tablet doesn't.

It'll never beat or buzz to try and grab your attention, so you can devote your focus to what or who is in front of you.

It has a display that looks, feels, and even sounds like paper.

Think and work like a writer, not a texter.

And the battery performance is amazing.

No worries about running out of power before the end of extra time.

The Remarkable Paper Pro Move can keep going for up to two weeks.

And if you do need to recharge, you can go from naught to 90% in less than 45 minutes, Barry.

Fantastic.

Why not give it a go for nothing?

You can try Remarkable Paper Pro Move for 100 days for free.

If it's not what you're looking for, get your money back.

Visit remarkable.com to learn more and get your paper tablet today.

Bonjour, sava?

Yes, sava, Max.

Merci.

So to you, to Barry, to everybody who's been on the Football Weekly through this year, and to all of you who've listened to us patiently,

a very happy new year and a very Merry Christmas.

Enjoye Noel, and Maier Vaux pour in Bellende de Milvan Cerque.

So, see you there.

Bye-bye.

the child-free time i once had

anyway no regrets see you in the new year hi everyone sanny here wherever you are whatever you're doing this time of year hope it goes okay if you're with your in-laws i hope it's tolerable from all the rudravagulas what can we say merry christmas merry cat there merry christmas

hello everyone Commentator Seb Hutchinson here, wishing all you listeners, as well as Max, Barry, and the rest of the festive bunch a very Merry Christmas and may all your football wishes in particular come true.

This is Paul Watson saying happy Christmas to the listeners, all the panelists, to Max and to Barry.

I hope you have a lovely festive break but don't forget if you're really desperate there is Ethiopian second division football on Christmas Day.

Welcome to part three of the Guardian Football Weekly.

Sid Lowe writes, I was wondering if with it being Christmas Eve and all, if Jonathan could recommend any books that might make good presents.

Yes, yes, I very much could.

I mean, Inverting the Pyramid is a classic, but I imagine most people have that.

Enter the Dirty Face has been updated to include the World Cup final.

If you can't be bothered to read Inverting the Pyramid, there's now, it's in poster form, so you just have to look at it.

You can get that from the Blizzard website.

I think it's on Etsy as well, which is very exciting to have designed something that's on Etsy.

My Charlton's book is in paperback now.

My Clough book was updated this year, so a whole range of options.

Okay, so only books by yourself, Wilson.

I mean, the question you could have taken it anyway, but no tips.

Well, okay.

You know, what else do we need?

I think, I mean, I'll have to just say a Christmasy book, although it is like small enough to fit in a stocking.

Daisy Christadela's book on VAR, I can't help thinking about, I can't stop thinking about VAR, which is, I think, lays out all the issues of VAR and potential solutions in an incredibly sort of

intelligent and clear and quite succinct way.

That is an Arthur Fowler Christmas reading.

I mean,

imagine just, oh no, like they're ruining the game.

Sasha Hammond's new novel is for

payback.

That's not that new, but The World and All It Holds.

I think that's the best novel I've read for a long time.

Okay, good.

Rick says, What's the best goal Barry's ever scored?

Oh god.

Stephen says, Can Barry explain his magnificent headed goal for newer listeners?

Esbot says, Has Barry ever headed a goal perfectly?

And if so, can he retell the experience?

Just make it brief.

Okay.

Because you were going to try and get some extra.

We were going to get some extra insight, but you failed us.

I've let everyone down.

Look, everyone knows the story of my header that

went in off the post and then Beaver the goalkeeper, which

Jordan Jared Bryan,

Mr.

Buzzkill has subsequently pointed out was actually an own goal and not my goal.

But

I had hoped to get Michael Littleton, who famously crossed the ball to me on the show to talk us through his, you know, his version of events.

I sent him a WhatsApp message.

I got the blue ticks and he didn't reply.

So I didn't want to harass him.

We are still good friends.

I did ask him.

He didn't reply.

I don't.

Maybe he thought I was taking the piss.

I don't know.

But maybe next year he,

it was a sincere request, so maybe next year he could come on and tell us.

Uh, I would also ask Beaver, but I'm almost certain Beaver doesn't remember it, and I can't remember Beaver's actual name.

I would say, absolutely categorically, that Wormsley would happily come on and describe his head as well.

I'm afraid, Mr.

Walmsley, it just hasn't reached a level yet where people are invested.

But if we keep telling it every year, Wilson, I would say my goal,

the goal Eddie and Ketia scored for Crystal Palace the other night against Arsenal,

that rang a few bells.

That was quite like my header, except he didn't hit the post.

And he was in front of a proper goalkeeper.

Yeah.

When you sold your header, I was envisaging much more than that Eddie and Ketia header in the Carabao Cup quarterfinal.

A goal that didn't even matter.

But anyway,

right, let's

do some, you know, some classic requests and some lovely emails aisha says hi football weekly team my husband harry is a massive fan of the podcast and talks about it a lot good for you harry he turns 30 on christmas eve and i have committed to the ambitious task of finding 30 non-terrible unique gifts and i'm scraping the barrel somewhat which is where we come in clearly i think i think a shout out on the podcast would count as a good gift so could i please ask you if it would be possible to do the honors on whichever episode is closest to Christmas Eve.

Thank you so much.

Best wishes.

Aisha, this feels closest to Christmas Eve with it being Christmas Eve.

Barry, Harry is 30.

Could you wish him happy birthday?

Very happy birthday, Harry.

Aisha is certainly scraping the bottom of the barrel.

If she needs any other presents, last stitch, James Dart, who I mentioned earlier, has got several...

thousand Guardian Football Weekly mugs and half and half scarves in boxes behind his desk in Guardian Towers.

John Bruin's holding up two Guardian mugs.

So, yeah, just go and get however many you need to make up the shortfall.

But yeah, happy birthday, Harry, and have a very Merry Christmas, Harry and Aisha.

Yeah, we should publicize selling that merch a bit more, shouldn't we?

Luca says, Dear Guardian Football Weekly, long time listener, I'm wondering if I can put a request in from Barry.

My daughter, first child, Orla Phelan Manella, was born this week.

We live in France, so I didn't have the nerve to spell it O-R-F-H-L-A-I-T-H, though her mum wanted to.

My paternity leave fortuitously aligns with the holiday fixture log jam, so her first days will be filled with many a nervous bounce from me.

I'd love a well-wishing from Barry, as she will likely be hearing his and your voices much more than she'd like to over the next 18 plus years.

You're confident this is going to last that long.

Also, any advice for her obligatory Arsenal fandom and the suffering and general madness I'm inflicting upon her?

Thanks.

All the best.

Lucas Manella.

So, yes, Barry, Orla is potentially our youngest listener to this pod.

Well, Lucas, I think

my first inclination is to call social services for inflicting goonerdom upon young Orla.

Do you think Orla already is a conspiracy theorist?

She hates Vars.

Referee!

She thinks I'm one of the big media, part of the big conspiracy.

We're out to do down her team.

And what was your first word?

It was agenda.

That's what I'm saying.

I understand the word here.

This is not me.

Why do I always get a blame with three letters?

V-A-R?

I am hopeful that by the time Orla is old enough to listen and understand what we're talking about, Arsenal still won't have won the league.

And Michel Arteta will be long gone.

And who'll be in charge?

Who'll be in charge?

Say in

seven or eight years it'll be Russell Martin in eight years time the Arsenal manager in eight years time it's a great question it will be

Ruben Amarim Theo Walcott Seth Fabergas

oh good show yeah Seth Fabergas is not a bad show

I could I think it could be Fabian Herzler also good show yeah

although you feel I don't know maybe maybe that's ended now the Brighton to Chelsea drift I would love if in seven years' time, when Orla is old enough to

be aware of what's going on in the football world, it will be either Sean Dice or Big Sam.

A couple of longer emails to finish with.

Pier says, that's a lovely message from Pierce says, Dear Max, Barry, and wonderful panelists.

Cleaning up for Christmas, I found this draft for an email I started two years ago, but never finished because I couldn't look at a screen long enough to finish the email.

Now I can, so I thought I'd send it to you and finish.

So we go back to December 2022.

Dear Max Barry and wonderful panelists, in March this year, I fell off my bike and I got a concussion.

Long story short, due to complications in my nervous system, I haven't been able to work since then.

When I'm in the company of my friends or family for more than a couple of hours, severe pain starts in my head and body.

I haven't been to the pub to watch my beloved Liverpool for 10 months.

I used to never miss a game there.

For a while, I couldn't even watch the games at home.

Looking at a screen starts the cruelest of pains in my head.

I just listened to the commentary and only looked at the screen for goals.

But I could listen to the pod and I have every single episode.

You helped me keep up with the footy, but most importantly, you've kept me company.

I'm getting better.

I can watch the games at home now, but I miss the gang at the pub so much.

Just hanging out, talking about footy, everything and nothing.

Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

Now to December 2024.

So thank you so much for keeping me company and being my Liverpool pub substitute for more than a year.

And thank you for still keeping me company every step of the way back to a normal, healthy life, figuratively and literally.

Part of me getting stronger and healthy again has been through walks from 10 minutes in the beginning to 15 kilometers last weekend.

Blimey.

You've been with me in my headphones for every step, except for the 15 kilometers last weekend.

I did that walk with my sister, so no headphones, but you were still with us since she's also a dedicated fan of the pod.

And we have caused debate your views on the footy and life in general.

She too has been my rock where things seemed hopeless.

I could call her, cry my heart out, and when she had helped me get a perspective on things again, we changed changed the subject to lighter matters like football and the panelists' latest points on something or other.

The pods helped us connect and cheered me and her up when there really wasn't much to be cheerful for.

But today there is.

A thousand days later, I'm back to work full-time.

I'm back at the pub for most Liverpool games.

And though I still have symptoms from the trauma, they're fading more and more.

I'm now convinced that this too shall pass.

I continue with my walks and putting the headphones on for yet another Football Weekly episode.

It just feels like coming home.

So again, thanks for keeping me and everyone else in difficult life situations company in the grand scheme of things what you do doesn't matter and at the same time it matters the most kind regards and holiday greetings from pia and my sister jita i'm sure in denmark so uh pia thank you uh we we send you our love i i cannot recommend enough uh the benefits of a very long walk they're just top drawer for clearing your head i obviously don't listen to us but i listen to ellis james and mike bobbins and john Robbins and various other people and try to walk six or seven miles a day there's there's a lot to be said for it we're going to finish on a lovely and heartbreaking email from Emily and thank you so much to writing to us generally we didn't know if this was the you know the right way to finish like a an upbeat Christmas Eve episode but it does mean so much that you shared it with us and you know this is a probably a normal holiday time family friends fun not fun normal christmas for lots of people and for us but it isn't for everyone.

And, you know, you brought that into

stark reality for me when I first read it.

Emily writes, Dear Football Weekly, I lost my husband Nick five weeks ago.

He was 44.

Your podcast remains the number one source of, I should tell him, oh, moments, which remain the worst part of what I can assure you is a genuinely awful experience.

Our shared love of this stupid, beautiful sport was one of the great joys of our relationship.

And this podcast was part of that.

I'm in the moderately unusual position of being an American woman who watches football, so I don't really have anyone here to ask about this.

Could someone please tell me about how they lost someone and they could eventually watch a match again without crying?

Sorry for the Christmas Downer.

If I've ruined someone's vasectomy, I'm very sorry.

Best of all, Emily.

I'm not going to lie, Emily, it is a Christmas downer, but

you know, without

overstating what this podcast is or, you know, what podcasts are in general, whatever you listen to.

I think it is being part of a big family, isn't it, for a lot of people?

So, you know, we try not to airbrush anything out when we talk about the game, so we shouldn't just leave you to grieve on your own.

That would be really shit.

So, thank you for getting in touch.

I'm really lucky to have no experience that can compare with what you are going through right now.

I don't know if anyone on the panel can share anything, not necessarily to, you know, say, here's the answers, because that's not how it works, is it?

My knowledge of grief is that it changes over time it never goes away but yeah well uh my old man died almost three years ago to the day

and

sorry that's right

now all i'd say to emily is

the grief doesn't go away it gets time makes it

teaches you how to cope with it better.

My dad died almost three years ago to the day and

at least uh her husband nick knew what a podcast was

which is more than sam glenning did

so yeah i i mean my heart goes out to emily um

it will get easier with time uh

but yeah it must be rough

i i'm very conscious uh that the loss of a partner is different to the loss of a parent.

That one of those is a thing that sort of feels natural.

You know, it's the way the world's meant to be.

And I think losing a partner,

and

I have some experience of this through somebody very close to, it's different.

But

I don't know if you remember when Sunday won the

Papa Johns.

Amazingly, I do, but not very well.

It happened to be on Mother's Day, and it was the 73rd day of the year, and obviously 3773, because of winning the Cup in 3773, a

sort of significant days for Sunday fans.

But

that was the first time that

I was really able to let go.

That was the, you know, coming home from that game, I was in absolute bits.

It was during COVID, there's nobody about.

It had been a very odd experience of being a near-empty Wembley.

But the thought of not just my marriage, actually, my dad, who died quite a long time ago, the sadness that they didn't witness that was what really set me going.

With parents, obviously,

my early experience of going to football was with my dad, but as you get older, you start going with other people.

And so it's not as immediate if your experience of football is always with your partner.

So

I hope that that becomes easier in time.

But I think there will always be moments with football where you remember that bond, that love, and that's a good thing eventually.

Hmm, it's one in the eye for people who think the Papa Johns, or whatever it's called now, is shit, isn't it?

If they want to get me to the adverts, I'm happy to recreate that.

Yeah, when I was in my late 20s, I lost my best friend that I used to go and watch United with, and

when she talks about it not being quite the same, that's pretty much been the case for me ever since, really, with Watch watching United.

Something

was lost with the closeness that I had with that particular friend.

And as regards the grief aspect of it, yeah, I think what both of you, all of you said, is correct.

It just changes, it doesn't really go away.

And the thing is, though, what I will say about that, that it gets to a point where I think about my friend, and you're able to smile and remember the good bits.

You know, if you see a United moment, he was there when when we watched the

United win the Champions League.

I was with him.

There was a point where I couldn't watch that at all because

of the friend you've lost.

But

you never get over it.

That's the truth.

But

it changes and becomes part of you.

Let's put it that way.

And he has missed the last 10 years of absolute shite.

Yes, well,

he had to suffer the bad bit.

That's true.

Well, no, Emily, Emily, we absolutely, our hearts go out to you.

We send you all our love.

And from everyone involved in making this, which is basically me and Joel, but I guess Barry and everyone else.

And, you know, all the panelists, everyone involved with the pods and everyone above that that helps make it happen.

We send you our love.

And that'll do for today.

Thank you, Barry.

Thank you.

Happy Christmas, everyone.

Thanks, Wilson.

Happy Christmas.

Thank you.

Cheers, John.

Cheers.

All the best.

Happy Christmas, everybody.

Football Weekly is produced by Joel Grove and our executive producer is Phil Maynard.

We're taking an extended break, and we'll be back in three days' time.

This is The Guardian.