Pride & Prejudice (2005)

This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asked the question: why pay Netflix eight bucks a month to watch Bridgerton when you can go online for free and watch a costume romance that might not have a ton of pussy eating, but makes up for it with a lot of glances and letter writing?

I'm Jordan Morris, and I'm Emily Fleming.

Today's movie is Pride and Prejudice, an Oscar-dominated Jane Austen adaptation starring Kira Knightley and the guy from Succession who ate his own cum.

With us always is super producer matt hitting us with those dignified art house drops are you so severe on your own sex

lots of sound effects in that one i love it i love it before we talk about this movie which is as of this recording streaming free with ads we're going to talk about something else we saw for free on the internet this week

emily uh you had a video you wanted to share with all of us okay so i have a big crush on crisp Glover.

Oh, yeah.

I don't know.

I don't think that's very surprising to anyone.

Nope.

The original Marty's dad from Back to the Future, who was replaced for the sequels.

Yes, because

he's a weird guy.

Was he replaced for the sequels?

Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

They had a different Marty McFly's dad in Back to the Future.

There's quite a bit of controversy about that because supposedly there's like a digital

replication of his face on somebody.

Or they tried to make it look like him.

I don't know.

I know that people in the comments and on Reddit will set the record straight about the history of

Back to the Future.

I can't wait.

No, honestly, I love you.

You're so smart.

You're such smarty.

Now, hang on.

Hang on.

We do love you.

I do love you.

I do like knowing some things that people put on there.

I do.

And I don't want to look this up.

So y'all do it.

I love that.

Anyway, so I think he's very cute.

He's also in the uh, one of the Charlie's Angels movies, you know, the ones with uh Drew Barrymore and stuff, and he's very hot in that.

He's just got a good head of hair on him, I guess is what I'm gonna say.

But he's also like artsy, and I don't know, he seems kind of misunderstood and deep and stuff.

Is he the original rat boy?

No, he is Willard,

right?

Well, he was in Willard as well, but also like

his look is his look

as rat boy, like that hot thing that people like.

I don't know if I'd constitute him as Rat Boy.

He might be Mouse Boy.

I don't think that women like that.

I don't think he's either one.

I'd call him Raptor Man or something.

He's got a little bit of a dinosaur image.

He doesn't look like a boy.

And he can open doors, too.

So Chris McGlover did learn to open doors.

Clever girl.

Anyway, that's interesting.

There's some rat boy issues I'd like to bring up with today's movie.

But

that's what he's saying in podcasting.

I can't wait.

Anyway, I've always thought that Chris Viglover had this aura of mystery.

And then I saw that he made a song, and I don't think he's that

interesting or mysterious.

I think he's just a weird little guy.

And

the song changed your opinion.

This song changed my opinion.

Please play Chris Viglover's bop.

Here it is.

Should I read the caption on here?

No.

Okay.

All right.

Here we go.

We're going in blind.

Here it is.

I was walking on the ground, I didn't make a sound.

Then I turned around and I saw a clown

had a frown, stood on a mound, started barking like a hound.

So...

How many more rhymes we got?

Oh no!

friends.

Oh, my God.

Late in life

got sick.

So you guys need to understand what's also happening in this music video.

It's very, I don't know how to put it,

Manson family coded.

Like,

there's people wearing pig masks.

There's a lady in a mask who just threw up.

Of course, there is a clown.

And there.

And he's got, he gave, like, I don't know if, like,

what's that website we always use as writers rhyme a rhyme zone rhyme zone yes yeah rhyme zone rhyme zone

this guy I bet that rhyme zone was invented just for this moment

yeah I hear this song was actually the first dance at Tim Burton's wedding oh that makes

kidding me I am kidding I just thought this would be a weird I don't know anything about Tim Burton I don't know

that sounds right though it just sounds like that was too close it's too close to a possible truth That's true.

Yeah.

It's pretty fucked up, but like, I like the first stanza, and then I kind of like, move on.

You don't need to watch the whole thing.

You know, here's what I would like to hear from people.

And maybe

we can play some of these on the show.

I don't necessarily want to hear your corrections about things we got wrong,

but I do like this category of music.

This like a celebrity who maybe

has never been told no,

gets to do a music project.

I think we talked about Burt Reynolds' weird country album.

Yeah, that shit slaps.

I think it was kind of in this zone of just like, oh, you did some blow and went into the studio, and they had to put it out.

Some blow and into the studio.

Oh, there you go.

Oh, there you go.

Yeah.

Take that, Chris McGlover.

We can do it too.

Damn, it was like a rap battle.

Yeah.

For people with cognitive issues.

So if you out there have a favorite celebrity wacko vanity music project, send it to us.

Send us a video.

Send us a link.

Free with ads at maximumfun.org.

And we will try and find the weirdest celebrity music vanity project.

I love it.

Oh, man.

This should definitely be a theme that we've got going because

it's amazing.

It's a gift that keeps on giving.

I didn't realize until you did the Burt Riddles thing just how many there are.

Yeah, and like, obviously, these are classic examples, but I'm sure there's like real housewives out there recording music.

Oh, and I'm sure Jordan, Jordan.

Um, Tom Hanks' wife fancies herself a country artist.

The great Rita Wilson?

Wow.

Okay.

It is Woof City.

It kind of makes sense.

Chet Hanks makes more sense with that context.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, but so during the pandemic, there was a live like show at the Ryman that they did to benefit the musicians in Nashville, I guess, during COVID.

Right.

And also they had just lost John Prine, who is a kind of folk bluegrass country, like country rock, you know, musician.

But they would cut to people from their homes all across, you know, the world or the nation.

And we had a, you know, Rita Wilson

singing with a big Nashville hat, those felt hats that girls in Nashville love to wear that are just horrible, and a wood room singing to a audio recording in the background.

And it, I've never felt more cringy in my fucking life.

Rita Wilson, who's probably not left Malibu in 20 years.

No.

Like, maybe COVID's good.

I think that Tom Hanks is just so famous that he's like, nobody will ever, like, everybody needs their moment in the sun.

So he just lets people do whatever they want in his family.

And I think he needs to step in.

Yeah, Tom.

I think he needs to step in.

Chet, no more saying bumba clutch.

You can't keep saying bumba clutch.

Well, yeah, if you're out there, send us your favorite weird celebrity vanity music, free with ads at maximumfun.org.

And yeah, we look forward to listening to them on future episodes.

But for this episode, we will be talking about the 2005 Oscar-nominated Pride and Prejudice.

Emily,

this was your pick.

And you said you had been, I think when we were talking about what movie to watch, you said you had been like watching this constantly on a loop.

Yes.

This movie is my boyfriend, essentially.

Like,

it's,

I know that, you know, romance like this is not realistic.

Of course, this also takes place in the Regency period.

Sure.

Like, you know, back when women's best, you know, option for having a nice life was marrying well.

But there is something romantic about the idea of being a somewhat wealthy young white woman in a little dress

and going to ball.

Going to ball after ball, constantly.

Ball after ball.

Ball with the ball.

The bang the bangs.

As Kid Rock.

Yes, the.

Sir Kid Rock.

Sir Kidrock.

Lord Kidrock of Bridgeton.

Kid of Rockington.

Yes, exactly.

That is like, you know, it's like porn almost.

It's like these are fantasies.

These are not, but there is the thing,

the romance about it, there is some, I don't know.

It's also edging.

All of these recent period movies are edging, and I forget how horny I could get without watching porn.

Like how I don't have to watch

standing in the rain, scowling at each other.

Almost kissing, like this palpable, like,

I don't know, like urgency and need and then not acting on it.

Fuck, it's so hot.

The dresses.

And we've got our girl, Beth Dutton, the actress from Yellowstone, playing the bitchy,

you know, side character to Darcy.

And she's so beautiful and amazing.

Anyway, I watch this whenever I am bummed out.

or I'm sick or I need to get shit done that I don't want to do.

It's great for cleaning because I'm like, I'm just a simple girl living in a cottage, and I must do my own cleaning.

Oh, if I could only marry well, then I wouldn't have to wash another dish.

Did anybody have to like read this in high school?

I think it was assigned, but I never really read what was assigned in high school.

So this was a first for me.

I was coming completely blind.

I know these characters only through cultural osmosis.

I was like, I know that Mr.

Darcy is like sullen but hot.

Right.

And I know that the sisters are

sullen but hot.

I didn't really know much about it other than it was very British.

And I was like, I like British shit.

Let's go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I never had to read Jane Austen.

It was like Jack London was just

a lot of novels about dogs.

Fucking existence.

Dogs and wolves.

Yeah, and twigs with ice on them.

And it was like, fucking shit.

Big fucking deal,

Jack Frost, whatever your name is.

Who cares what a dog thinks about?

I want to watch the movie with Ethan Hawk.

Shut the fuck up.

Yeah, exactly.

More like Call of the Mild.

Eat a dick.

Matt, that's mean.

I got his ass.

Somebody tell Crispin Glover we've got new lyrics coming his way.

Well, yeah,

let's talk about it.

Let's get into Pride and Prejudice.

You selfish girl.

Sorry.

I just had to do a sting.

Ooh, that's good.

I like that one.

Is that Judy Dench?

Judy Dench.

Yeah.

Dame Judy Dench.

Legally required to be in these movies.

Legally required.

You cannot make the funding for these movies unless Judy Dench has at least two scenes.

Yeah.

She's there for when you're edging and then you're like, got to come back to reality.

You're like, oh, all right.

Speak for yourself.

Ba-boom.

Sorry.

Sorry, pants.

Sorry, pants.

You want to fuck that chunk of missing teeth in the side of her mouth?

I do.

She has just never fixed it.

I gotta love it.

It'll never happen.

It'll never happen.

When she's a young woman and stuff, there's like these two teeth from the side of her mouth.

Just never been there.

Never been there.

And I kind of love that she's like, fuck you.

I don't have two teeth on the side of my face.

I don't care.

I love that, too.

I'm a dame.

Does a dame need all her teeth?

No, she does not.

The dame does not need her teeth.

I mean, listen, what's more British than being missing some teeth, you know?

Sure.

Having a title.

Having a title.

Oh, it's me, a dime, yeah.

I got one tooth in my mouth.

No, I'm not.

All of this.

I bet that, like, outside of America, people who listen to us, I bet we got two British listeners who are like, well, fuck off.

We're not saying.

I'll listen to you and I'm cleaning chimneys.

Shut up.

You listen to me.

I'm going to put me fish and chips away.

Shut up.

I'm going to get chips away.

I don't know.

Where are you going to put them?

Free with ads at maximumfun.org.

Let us know if you're British.

Anyway, so we have our main character, Elizabeth Bennett,

played by Kieran Knightley.

She's walking around with the book.

That means she is a modern woman and does not have time for social norms.

She's walking around with the book.

We know that's what kind of person she is.

She lives in a beautiful manor house, but it is kind of run down.

There's a lot of animals around.

I guess this is, you know, it's kind of trying to tip us off as to kind of where they are in the class system.

They are still like wealthy landowning people, but kind of like...

They're still part of society.

They still get to go to balls and things.

Right.

They still have servants.

Yeah, they have.

Yeah, and there's even a little moment where someone implies that maybe they cook their own food, and it's kind of an insult.

They get kind of insulted because, like, whoa of course we have a staff.

Of course we have a staff.

But it's also like my favorite thing about about their family.

It's like very homely.

Like, they, it's the kind of family that I think we all want.

Like, everyone's too busy, like, being a family and enjoying each other to clean or do anything.

It's just kind of messy.

Sure.

And I think that the like, the like family relationship in this movie is great.

Everybody has a ton of family chemistry.

I think that, like, chemistry between the leads we'll need to discuss at some point.

But, like, I feel like the, like,

you know, the other great love story in this is between the family.

There's like, like,

Kieran Knightley has such great chemistry with like her sisters and her dad, like, all the scenes with Donald Sutherland.

R.I.P.

Donald Sutherland.

Yeah, I know.

I forgot that he passed until I saw the Oscars last night and he popped up in the Memoriam.

And I was like, oh my God, I forgot.

Yeah, a lot of those this year.

I was like, oh, James Rearl Jones.

Oh, my God.

I remember that.

Yeah, but he was so good in this movie.

He is crazy in this movie.

He's amazing.

Can he do the British accent?

No.

Does it matter?

No.

Wait, wait, wait.

He's not British?

Donald Sutherland?

No.

Yeah.

Donald Sutherland's not British.

Oh, he's Kiefer's dad.

Yeah, he's Kiefer's dad.

I've heard that.

I know a British person would name their child Kiefer.

I don't know.

I don't know.

That sounds kind of British.

The more you say that.

It sounds like a name.

Yeah, it sounds like a name you could say with an overbite.

It sounds like something that's cockney rhyming slang for something else.

Roll me a Kiefer.

Get me Kiefers up the apples and pears.

Free with ads at at matrimonyfun.org.

Coda Bobbies.

Free with ads at macrofun.org.

Disowned by all of our English listeners.

We're going to get British cancelled.

So, yeah.

So she lives in this kind of rundown mansion with Donald Sutherland.

It's her dad and all of her sisters.

And the dogs.

I love all the dogs.

Yeah.

Great animals.

And the big news is a man is coming to town.

Not a man.

A man is coming to town from the north, and he makes get this 5,000 pounds a year.

Everyone knows how much money everyone else makes.

I love it.

They have the information off the dome.

Kind of amazing.

Not something we do in America.

In America, everyone keeps their income a secret.

They will die with that information.

But I guess back in the day in Britain, everyone was like,

oh, I make 5,000 pounds, I think.

Yeah, it's pretty fun to me that, like, right now, everybody, you know, there's a lot of men with microphones not the two of you of course

but who would like for women to go go back to being just wives and things like that but the thing is during that time period you knew how much the men made and that was why those women would pursue those men and now it's like

Yeah, I don't, I don't, it doesn't matter.

You're a gold digger.

You're a gold digger if I make a lot of money.

And it's like, bitch, what do you want from me?

You lie on your taxes.

you're definitely gonna lie to me yeah exactly

so this 5 000 pound a month man is coming to town and there's going to be a ball a ball so this is what i realized watching this movie i i don't know what a ball is it's like a school dance but why why do they throw them and who throws them is it just like a rich person showing off someone makes a comment about public balls though so does government have balls what why do you

Why does a ball happen?

Okay, so I know this from Bridgerton because I also love watching Bridgerton.

Explain balls.

So I think that when there is a house, like a, you know, a house, a family that is out in society to, it is a,

it's a good look for your family and it elevates you in society to throw a ball that everyone else in society gets to benefit from.

So it's like you're being a host for a big party

lavish party.

I guess you do it in your house.

Yes.

So you have to have a big house.

You do.

You have to have like a drawing room, like a big,

you know, big room.

Did they ever have like kickers back then?

What's a kicker?

You know, just like a chiller.

You know, just

like that.

Sober people learn is named for party.

No, it's like you have to go to San Diego more.

Yeah, somebody.

Yeah, somebody puts on a movie, crack open a door.

Yeah, exactly.

Play Mario Kart, you know, maybe like 10, 15 people.

Not all this glancing, not all this.

Can I tell you, I picked this movie so that we wouldn't have to talk about any of the bullshit you're talking about right now.

So this is my moment.

And if you say Mario,

Mario Kart, I will reach my hand through this computer screen

and take the father away from your daughter.

I just think that Mr.

Darcy could have actually, like, you know, hung a little bit better with Elizabeth.

He's a bad hang.

He's a bad hanging.

Yeah, he's a bad hang.

He's not 100%

a bad hang.

He's not a man.

He's not a good person at all.

So, yeah.

So there's a ball.

Everybody's there.

And in walks the man from the north.

They've all been talking about Mr.

Bingley.

Now, Emily, I'd like to throw this to you.

Mr.

Bingley, rat boy, question mark?

Yes.

Okay.

Oh, he's a rat boy.

100%.

Rat boys are getting hotter and hotter now.

Eventually, they're just going to be hot guys.

Well, that's the thing.

It's like it's not that.

I thought you need to be a little

ratty, you know, like a little...

Because to me, he's not.

Was he ratty?

He was hot, too.

Who?

Mr.

Billingsley or whatever the fuck.

Bingley?

Bingley.

Bingley's hot.

He's definitely hot.

The thing is, I think it's more about...

I don't know.

I speak for myself, but i find prominent noses on men to be very attractive yeah and i think that that's where this comes from like you know how like adam driver we're just like this guy has got it going on yes he's rat boy completely 100 and i think it has to do with the prominent nose and there's something very sexy about a of like i don't know a nose with character that stands out um hell yeah yeah so

Bingley's here.

Oh, I was just also thinking they kind of announced recently-ish that like Amazon bought James Bond, and we're probably going to have a bunch of new James Bond

at some point.

The next Bond's going to be a rat boy, right?

They're going to pick some

rat boy belliener.

They can't do rat boy bonds.

Bond needs to be, he needs to be hot hot.

That's what I say.

Yeah, he's got to be

like powerful, at least, because James Bond has got to do a lot of escaping.

Most of James Bond is trying to do something and then running away from it.

Like,

you can't have a big-ass rat nose if you're trying to escape from

a car door.

It's going to be some little rat boy who can't fill out a tuxedo, going, Help me, money penny,

help me, Q.

Hey, Judy Dench.

Help me, Judy.

Anyway,

so, so, but Mr.

Bingley has a friend with him.

It's Mr.

Darcy of Pemberley and Derbyshire.

And this guy makes, get fucking this, 10,000 pounds a year.

Everybody knows it.

Everyone knows he makes 10,000 pounds a year.

Oh, yeah.

He acts like it.

This is Matthew McFadden from Succession

in the breakout role.

I think he's the tallest person in the movie.

Tallest guy.

And he's scowling.

Oh, he's scowling around at everybody.

This guy's.

He's an asshole at first.

Get to know him.

And

Elizabeth overhears him talking about her, and he calls her barely tolerable.

And then we go to some dance, and everybody's looking around.

Elizabeth's sister has a thing for Bingley.

So they're looking around.

The fucking glances are firing off.

Glancy, glance, glance.

Everybody's just giving hot, horny glances at each other while they do a big synchronized dance.

When do people learn the dances?

How do you learn the dance?

Well, you know what's so funny?

I thought thought about this.

No, no, I think about this a lot.

Is and maybe this isn't the same for Girl Scouts all over the country, but in the South, there's a lot of historical, like, you kind of learn about the area that you live in when you're Girl Scouts.

They would have like events where you, like, I don't know, you, you like learn how to butter churn and there's quilts and all that shit.

Right.

But they teach you how to contra dance and square dance and things like that.

So there were like, it's kind of, as as a girl, I've had to learn weird historical dances.

And I feel like that was more commonplace then, just like piano playing, which is a tradition in my family that I fucking broke.

And I'm so sorry to my ancestors, but like the every girl in this movie was expected to play the piano and draw.

And I was like, if it was just drawing, I would have fucking killed it back then.

But playing the piano, and it's like this whole playing the piano tradition you have to know how to dress or dance play the piano and draw i thought that was so funny yeah drawing is really funny yeah yeah yeah that's interesting that they were supposed to be able to draw i thought that was draw me a woman with big titties

yeah

um okay mr

darcy

so everybody everybody's dancing everybody's glancing uh and then elizabeth talks to mr darcy remember she heard him say the shitty thing that he he said, and then she claps back with this.

Matt, play the clip.

What do you recommend to encourage affection?

Dancing.

Even if one's partner is barely tolerable.

Oh,

the oh, shit!

Jane Austen Slam!

Got his ass.

God, hello.

Hell yeah.

She's always clapping back with stuff like that.

So, later at home, her and her sister.

Oh, her sister is gone, girl, right?

Rosmond Pike.

Yes.

So fucking beautiful.

So they're under the covers, giggling.

This is like great.

They like have such good sister chemistry.

Is it weird that when people talk under the covers in like movies in this time period, I'm like, that breath is boot nasty.

And you know that those under those covers, it is rough in there.

Like, you know it is.

Especially like whatever century Britain this is.

exactly.

This is what I mean.

There's like no toothpaste, and everyone's just got mushrooms growing out of their own.

Think about the stink when you're watching this movie.

Somebody's got to get under the covers with Judy Dench.

Everyone in this movie stinks.

Everyone in this movie just smells so rank.

They're wearing

nine layers in the swampy British summer.

They never, they only drink ale and mead.

Yes, these guys are

mead sweats and fucking mold.

Boiled stomachs.

Yeah, these people stink.

Anyway, so

she's, you know, she's got a thing for Bingley, her sister.

And then the next day, or eight weeks later, I don't know how long it takes these people to get information.

Whatever.

Sometime later, a letter arrives from Mr.

Bingley.

And

he wants her to go over to his house.

And her mom has this fun little trick where she makes her go to the house on horseback instead of the carriage.

So she gets caught in the rain, gets sick, and has to stay there.

Mom, tricky.

Yeah, mom, you could have killed your daughter.

Yes, you basically die of being wet in this time.

Exactly.

You get the flux.

But it works.

She's over at the house, and you know, so she's like staying with everybody.

Elizabeth goes to check on her.

She's kind of, she's kind of messy and does the, you know, kind of does those put downs to Mr.

Darcy.

He loves it.

We can tell he loves it.

She's not like other girls.

This is a very like...

She is not.

She was reading a book in the beginning.

She's not like other girls.

She doesn't know.

And she walks.

She likes to walk.

And reads.

She hates norms, social norms.

She doesn't need them.

Anyway, we see this thing.

All of her other sisters are.

are really excited because the troops have arrived.

I don't know a lot about English history.

I don't know what they are arriving back from.

Probably some sort of horrible colonizer.

X Year's War.

Just put in whatever number.

Yeah, let's not let it.

See, this is why, like,

we were talking earlier about Downton Abbey and why I haven't gotten into it.

It's because those wars are ones that I know about.

Right, those are modern wars, like World War I.

Yeah, and I'm like,

don't want to know.

This one, it's like wars.

Okay, just wars.

What were the British soldiers doing?

We don't know, and there's no way to find out.

There's no way to

It was probably fine, whatever they were doing.

Whatever it was, they were fighting France, and the worst

guys.

The worst was like, you know, there was like 15 guys who died.

Like, it doesn't matter.

Yeah, yeah.

Nobody died in those wars.

They all played chess and then went home.

Yeah.

They shot slingshots from 300 yards away.

And if one guy died, they said, never mind.

You can have the land.

So there's another ball that happens.

and then

a cousin comes to town, Mr.

Collins.

He is their rich cousin who is going to inherit their land because there's no male heir.

He's not even rich, though.

He's just the only female heir.

He's a preacher.

He's a pastor.

He comes in wearing one of those giant kind of vampire hunting priest hats.

I think this is the worst hat in the movie.

Oh, yeah.

The worst hat.

And that haircut, too.

Woof.

This guy is like the stealth MVP of this movie.

He is

so creepy and so funny.

This guy is such a hilarious creep.

I really, really love this performance.

He's incredible.

I don't think he's a creep.

Really?

Okay.

I think he's socially awkward.

Yeah.

And his eyes are too wide.

Sure.

But, you know, he's trying to get a lot of stuff.

I think that he's been in seminary.

He's becoming a man of the cloth.

And he has spent his time with nose in a book and doesn't really understand women and has avoided them at all costs.

And now he has to take a wife in order to secure the estate that he lives on.

And he's like, okay, I'll pick the prettiest one.

That one.

And then she's like, sorry, she's going to get engaged.

He goes, I'll take the other one.

I'll take the second most private.

Like the other one.

And then he's just kind of like, he's doing his fucking best.

Okay.

And he's a dweeb.

He's a dweeb.

He just reminds me of a lot of nerdy boys that I went to like school with who had no friends and were trying their best.

And then you would try to make friends with them.

And then you went, nope, I can't do it.

I can't, because then I have to hang out with you in front of other people.

No, no, I just had to hang out with you and you're not fun to be around.

And it's like, but you deserve to have happiness.

Yes, he deserves love.

He just because

he doesn't deserve Kira Knightley.

Let's be honest.

Fuck, no.

But it's like the most painful, one of the most painful moments is when he's at the ball pursuing Kira Knightley's character.

And the poor thing, it's like, and then he wants to talk to Mr.

Darcy and he's just being ignored by everyone.

Yeah.

And no one, he's just, you could tell he's nervous.

He's trying so hard.

This actor has, I think, some of the funniest, he's some of the funniest British eyes I've ever seen.

Like, he's just able to do this wide-eyed stare.

His name is Tom Hollander, and he was also in the HBO miniseries John Adams, where he played, he played King George

in the moment when John Adams comes to England and is like, we've won the war.

And he just, he doesn't say anything, but he has one of the best roles in it where he's just staring and he's mad and his eyes are watering.

I was like, who is this genius?

He's incredible.

Yeah.

Well, Emily, and

your empathy for Mr.

Collins is admirable.

We should all

be so understanding of the ways.

Well, I don't think that they should marry the guy or whatever, but it's like

he was just doing his best.

And he's very honest about it.

He is honest when he's like trying to propose.

He's just like,

I'm doing this for a reason, because my parish demands I take a wife.

Yes, my parents demands it, and because I know a really fancy lady who will approve, and

this is the best I can do.

And you're kind of hot.

He's up front.

He's not fucking with anybody.

He's laying it all out on the table.

Yeah, I mean, everything ended up the way it was supposed to for his character and the woman that he married.

I think that they're a perfect match, honestly.

Yes.

But, like, he, the funniest line that everyone talks about in this movie is him trying to

compliment the boiled potatoes during the scene.

Him just trying to find a compliment.

And there's something else.

Failing miserably.

There's something else I noticed other than the potatoes at dinner.

The potatoes did look pretty good.

They have something

on the table.

There's a lot of stuff.

They have huge, huge meals.

There is something that has been molded into the shape of a chicken.

What is it?

Is it chicken?

Is it chicken meat that has been molded to look like a whole chicken?

Did anybody else notice that?

I didn't notice that.

But I have seen cake molds that are like the bunt, like right pancake.

Is it a cake?

It looks like it's pieces of something.

Anyway, I don't know.

What was the chicken on the table?

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Everybody comment.

We want chicken on the table and war stuff.

Yeah.

No, no, no, no war stuff.

That makes it not fun.

Okay, don't do any of that.

Chicken stuff.

Chicken stuff.

Okay.

So there's another ball.

We meet.

We meet the soldier, Mr.

Wickham.

He'll kind of of enter into the plot later.

He's got long blonde hair, very attractive man, Wickham.

Yes.

He tricks all of us into making us think he's the good guy.

I know.

It's quite a twist what happens with Wickham.

He's dead the whole time.

He's dead.

Yes.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Yes, that is it.

He's the Wickham man.

They give him the bees.

A bunch of bees.

Yeah, Nicholas's cage, head in the cage.

Very weird easy.

No bees.

Gabby's.

So Mr.

Collins the next day comes in and proposes to Elizabeth.

He gives her a very sad flower.

He has this one little sad flower.

They're so funny because there's flowers all over everything.

And he finds the saddest, like,

most ejection.

I'm telling you, he's doing what he can.

No, I appreciate that.

It's so bad for him.

But Elizabeth turns him down.

They go to see Judy Dench, who is Mr.

Darcy's aunt.

She's She's really mean to everybody.

It's really funny.

Great to see Judy Dench.

We love her.

So then Mr.

Darcy kind of, they're all staying at like his house.

I guess in this time, if you were another rich white person, you could just stay at whoever's house anytime.

You could just go to their house in your carriage, and they had to help you.

They had to let you stay there.

Well, probably because they had fuck tons of rooms.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

We see Darcy's house and it's fucking gigantic.

I can't wait for a time in my life where I have another room.

Yeah,

that's going to be so cool.

I just have one room, you know.

I know.

That is part of the fantasy of these movies.

It's like, oh, remember when you had so many rooms?

One room and a guy that, like, is, I don't know, likes touching my hand so much that it frustrates him.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Yeah, that is so sick.

So, Mr.

Mr.

Darcy, he kind of comes in to try to talk to Elizabeth, and he just runs out.

You know,

he's so weird and he has such a hard time talking.

And like,

it's interesting because I'm like, oh, this is one of the great romantic characters in fiction, right?

Like Mr.

Darcy, like Matt, you said, like, even if you've never read this or seen this movie, you know who that is.

Yeah.

And I'm like, huh, this is such a strange, genuinely uncomfortable guy

giving such a weird performance.

And it is like, I don't know how Jane Austen heads think about this movie, but I wonder if his weirdness was like off-putting.

I wonder if like this is supposed to be this

suave character.

Yeah, tell us what you think, Emily.

Okay, do you remember our second episode ever?

He's just not that into you.

Yes.

I think this

is the start

of

that thing where you're like, oh, he was in love with me.

He just didn't know how to say it.

Yeah.

And so there's this guy that you have a fantasy about that like, it makes makes you think that all men are like this and all men are in love with me, but they just can't tell me.

And it makes life a little bit more pleasurable when you just think everyone's in love with you and no one can do anything about it.

If they randomly run out of the room after staring at you for two weeks straight.

I mean, look at Twilight, too.

We've done Twilight.

This guy wanted to barf when he smelt the bitch.

So this guy is basically that.

This is just an archetype that has been going on probably since this fucking book.

Sure, yeah.

This is the beginning of it.

But it's also like, I think that, and I don't want to generalize,

but I think this movie might be about men on the spectrum.

Like, I was thinking this too.

This is exactly what I was thinking, especially considering the what is his name, Hickam or whatever?

Wickham.

Wickham, sorry.

We said we did the Wickerman joke.

You can do this.

I don't care their names.

They're all British.

It's Wickham.

It's Billingsley.

Their names are Teapot.

Yeah.

Big

They're all Divey Beckham.

Okay.

So

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It's so British.

Wickham, Wickham's character, you know, is you're tricked into thinking because the beef that he and Mr.

Darcy have, you're tricked into thinking that Mr.

Darcy really is an asshole.

Because on the surface, he seems like one.

Yeah, he seems like one.

And meanwhile, you know, Wickham

says, like, oh, he only hates me because his dad loved me more than he loved his own son, Mr.

Darcy.

And later, as, you know, the movie goes on, you realize who's a villain and who's not, you do kind of realize that it's like, oh, this is about, you know, like, yeah,

how not having the social skills to properly explain yourself can get you into trouble.

Meanwhile, people with those social skills

can con you really easily.

And I was like, I love this.

This is kind of funny.

It's true.

It's like all of these

Regency era like type things like I think Bridgerton's very similar.

It's all about how you can't say certain things and like

you know it's in like that's improper to say this or you can't be in this room with this woman alone and all this kind of stuff.

So it's like

a perfect recipe for miscommunication.

Yes.

And that is pretty much all of these movies where people say, they argue about the same, like, you, do you like dancing?

No, I do not.

Well, you should like dancing when a lady asks you to dance.

I don't like ladies.

Yeah, you're just like, what?

Like, it's just this.

You're not handsome enough for me.

You are, if only you were more handsome, then I would give my hand.

Your hand is dirty, sir.

Wash your hand and then kiss my hand.

It's just like, what the fuck are we talking about?

You gotta know all the rules.

And if you don't know the rules, then you're gonna look like an asshole.

But you may have a heart of gold, like Mr.

Darcy.

Well, Mr.

Darcy, he's looking like an asshole.

Will he redeem himself?

We'll find out when we come back.

On Judge John Hodgman, the courtroom is fake, but the disputes are real.

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He's just not.

Claiming to be Gumby is an un-Gumby-like claim.

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We're going to talk about the shocking, romantic conclusion to Pride and Prejudice.

So, there's a lot of stuff going on.

Mr.

Bingley has been kind of like,

you know, flirting with Elizabeth's sister, and he kind of just disappears randomly.

And then her younger sister disappears with Wickham, and they can't find her.

Very scandalous, the whole thing.

Say by Jenna Malone.

That's right.

Yeah,

a lot of great actors in this, and a lot of great, like, people just kind of starting out who we'll see later in other things.

Yeah.

It's a real, a real who's who, and everybody is very good in this movie.

So, and then, so these, these, like, little scandals are happening, and then Mr.

Darcy comes back, and it turns out he has been behind the scenes, like, fucking fixing all of this shit.

He, like,

he gets he gets bingley he makes bingley come back and propose to the sister uh to jane um the older prettier rosman pike character but i do think that we should say like um

we love

the you know the family the main family the bennetts because they are it's very lovely the fam the familiar you know relationships but they are kind of loud and

like jovial and fun and some people in society find that to be

inappropriate.

And I love the mom, especially.

Like, yeah, we haven't talked about her yet, but she's great.

She's so funny, and I feel like she's very extra.

She's too much.

She's always the best kind of lady ever.

She's the best, life of the party kind of lady, but a little bit of a boozer.

That's my kind of gal.

100%.

And, but also, she reminds me, I have a big soft spark for this movie because of my grandmother, my Mimi,

who is that lady.

She just is that lady.

She's big, larger than life too much

and I've you know she's that family member that everyone's like can you please like keep it down or whatever but I love that her dad mr.

Sutherland just lets his wife be this

bigger big personality.

He just lets his girls be who they want to be and doesn't stop them.

He's such a good dad.

I did spend most of his time.

There's a couple of moments where you're like, come on, dude, you could probably step up and care a little bit more.

I like his aloofness.

He's hot, too, in a Mr.

Darcy kind of way.

It's kind of a girl dad movie.

Yeah, he is a girl dad movie.

He's so sweet.

But I just, I really loved the parents of this.

But I guess the display of jovial, like, you know, all of that nature is something that made Darcy kind of try to persuade.

Mr.

Bingley to not propose to Jane, Rosmond Pike, and he's fixing it.

He's fixing that.

He's fixing it.

and so he also like we we kind of learn this thing about Wickham there's this subplot about Wickham that's like kind of complicated he the most boring part of the whole fucking story yeah it's tough and we kind of get it in these big info dumps so he like was supposed to get some land or something from Darcy's dad and then Darcy's dad gave it to him but then he gambled it away so I think Wickham is kind of like a piece of shit but Darcy goes in and pays for their wedding.

He pays for the wedding of him and the younger sister.

And so to make it not look like a scandal.

Because

he absconded with her, essentially.

An uncle to also give them, I guess, a dowry or something like that.

So he just kind of comes in and just explains to Elizabeth how he's kind of like made all this stuff right.

He says, you have bewitched me, body and soul.

And yeah, then they and then they kiss, and we kind of get

then they get married.

Yeah.

And

which is the closest we get to this movie.

Fucking in the movie.

Yeah, that's the closest.

Honestly,

the whole floor was wet when I was done with this movie.

The whole thing, the whole thing was like fucking in the movie to me because I don't know.

It's just a very sexy movie to me.

But the scene where like he proposes to her, but she has to go, he has to go ask permission from Elizabeth's father, Donald Sutherland.

Yes, yes.

And then she has to go in and tell him that, you know, they're like, I thought you fucking hated this guy.

And she's like, I don't.

He's all right.

He's all right.

But then she tells her dad all the nice things he's been doing.

And he, like, cries.

And so he's like, he's just like, I didn't think anyone would ever deserve you.

And all this stuff.

And I'm like, oh,

it made me go, like, will I ever have this moment in my life?

I really want this moment.

I don't care if I get divorced later.

I just want, I just want one, one marriage.

I don't give a fuck if it ends.

I just want to have this feeling.

I'm crying right now.

I'm really crying.

You'll get it.

I was.

No, I won't.

I'm old, Matt.

I'm old as fuck.

Your dad's like getting up there too.

Well, just that's when you're.

I'm going to die.

Never have gotten married.

None of us are going to die.

I was kind of constantly looking for like a way into the romance here because it is like, it is just like, I mean, it's kind of reminded me of the Nicholas Cage Stefan Valley girl, right?

It's like he's just a mean to her, but then she loves him anyway.

And I'm like, what is this?

Like, I, you know, I get that they have like chemistry, and I'm like, but, and, you know, this is from a different time.

What is this?

And I'm like, oh, I think this movie is about how the sexiest thing in the world is if someone apologizes.

Yeah.

It's about the power of an apology.

Yeah.

And like

making it right.

I'm like, oh.

He is weird.

Matt, you're totally right.

Like, if, you know, in modern times, maybe this is a guy with some like social, you know, differences, right?

Yeah.

And he fucking realizes it and he fixes it.

It's a movie about apologizing.

Yeah.

A story about apologizing.

That's a really that's that's pretty insightful.

So amazing.

I guess this is like, that is the like thing that's, I'm like, oh, okay, I kind of get this relationship a little bit more now.

Anyway.

But that does show you why he's so sexy to women.

Yeah.

That not only did he apologize, he went out of his way

to make it right and help other people and stuff like that.

Does he have 10,000 pounds a year to do this?

I guess.

That's very true.

That's really true, Jordan.

That's very true.

But he's also a miserable guy who doesn't want to do shit.

He doesn't even want to dance.

He's just like

this hot, hot, rich guy who's like...

He wants to write poetry.

I think he likes sonnets or some shit.

Yeah, I think he doesn't write it.

He likes that.

I don't know.

I can't really tell you anything he likes other than being a little bitch.

He likes to hang on in quiet desperation.

What's wrong with that?

Although, I will say this: the hand thing, which everybody, we watch clips of it quite a bit.

Oh, yeah.

He helps, he helps Elizabeth into the carriage, and then he does this like tension thing with his hand.

There's like because he just touched her hand.

I think that counts for a fingering story.

Oh,

because I felt fingered.

I felt fingered during that.

The fingers are the window to the soul.

Yeah, the window to my pussy.

Scandalized.

Scandalized.

So,

yeah, we're going to talk about what we think of this movie overall, but first we've got to talk about the hunks.

It's time for Hunk Watch.

It's Hunk Watch.

You know, a rat boy, he may be, but I am a Bingley fan.

I think he's a hunk, and he has kind of a red mohawk.

He's kind of got a very modern

mohawky red hairstyle.

So, yeah, he definitely looks like he, you know, played bass in My Chemical Romance for one album.

But it's a cool look.

I like him.

He's a rap.

He's a rap boy I can get behind.

Hell yeah.

Matt, any thoughts?

We'll let Emily, I'm sure you have an essay prepared for this.

So Matt.

God.

Let's.

Mine is going to be,

you know, whatever.

Donald Sutherland, whatever his character's name is.

The dad.

The dad.

He's my hunk watch only because that truly that scene where

he and Kira Knightley are, you know, talking about Mr.

Darcy and he's like, you know, trying to understand

when she's explaining what makes him so wonderful and he realizes, wow, you really are in love with him.

I burst into tears.

Like, I was like, oh, this is really touching because, like, he's so happy to see his daughter in love.

And I was like, this is what a hunk.

That's what I said.

I know.

Oh, my God.

I'm like crying all over again.

Just like remembering that scene is emotional.

It is.

It's so sweet.

Emily, thoughts on hunks.

I mean, I agree with both of you on this, but it's going to be Darcy's hand.

Oh, yes.

Just the hand alone.

I have to, like, I'm crying.

It is a beautiful scene.

It really is so good.

I mean, they show that clip of the father-daughter scene and a lot of stuff when people talk about this movie.

Yeah.

But yeah, I mean, Darcy is a a fucking hunk in this movie.

Just, I don't know.

I love his face a lot.

That actor.

There's a super cut on YouTube called 10 Minutes Straight of Darcy Pining.

It has like 2 million views.

Text it to me.

Text it to me now.

Text it to me now.

Show me T, please.

Show it to me, Rachel.

Show it to me.

Show me.

Show me.

Rachel.

Rachel.

That's from TikTok.

It is.

So, yeah, wonderful.

Well, we are going to talk about what we thought of this movie overall when we come back.

It's hard to explain what Jordan Jesse Go is about.

So, I had my kids take a stab at it.

Probably weird stuff.

You talk about jobs that are annoying.

Business.

I think you probably learned your lesson after talking about business a couple of times.

Grown-up jokes that I don't understand,

and there's no push in making.

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We're going to talk about what we thought of Pride and Prejudice.

Matt, as the one who has never interacted with the story other than kind of knowing it from pop culture,

why don't you go first?

I'm going to have to give this an eight.

This was

one of the top movies for me.

It was really, really good, enjoyable all the way through.

Didn't really want it to end, which is how I know I like something.

I know.

Yeah, just because like I just,

every time, you know, they would get pulled further apart, Darcy and Elizabeth,

I was like, oh, good.

That's going to prolong the movie.

And that's, yeah, fantastic movie.

Love it.

Yeah, I'm going 8-2.

I think we haven't really talked about it, but Karen Knightley is so good in this.

She's got an Oscar nomination for it.

She's like 20 when this is being being filmed.

Wow, really?

She was 20?

Yeah, and she makes all the like old-timey dialogue sound supernatural.

Not like it's a ghost, but like, you know, she's saying it naturally, like it's how she speaks.

Right.

Yeah, and she, she's terrific and she nails the humor.

There's those like Jane Austen one-liners, and she's very good with them.

Yeah, she like...

has like tons of chemistry with everybody in the movie.

Yeah, it's interesting because I feel like we had a period in movies where we were trying to cram her into these blockbusters.

And it's like, she's good in some of those.

Like, she's totally good in those.

But, like, this is her lane.

Like, this is so her lane.

Yeah, so I think, you know, we were kind of looking at her IMDb not too long ago.

And, like, I think she's been in, like, kind of prestigey BBC stuff since then.

I'm like, ooh, I'm going to look at some of these modern, like, BBC mysteries or whatever that Kieran Knightley's in because I bet she's awesome in them.

Because, yeah, she's really, really great in this movie.

As are many, many actors.

Yeah, it's terrific.

It's such a great one of these.

And, like,

you might be thrown a little bit because it's a pretty modern one of these that's not commenting on them.

Like, Bridgerton, right?

Like, Bridgerton's just a big comment on these, right?

And it's interesting that it's just down the middle and it's not trying to, like,

and, you know, like the, I think a little bit about the

little women adaptation that came out a couple years ago.

And that is kind of like pulling.

Snooze.

Oh, I really like it.

I'm a big fan of that movie, but it is like pulling apart the story a little bit, right?

And saying,

I think the story was good as it was, but that's you know, yeah, we can agree and disagree on the modern literal name.

Hated it.

Okay, we'll talk about it later.

Sure, I think, you know, I think I thought they weren't little enough.

Should have been littler.

So, you watch this movie and you're like, oh, where's the commentary?

Like, it's not doing that.

It's just telling the story, but it tells it great.

It's, it's, yeah, I think it's a terrific movie.

Eight.

Um, Emily, what do you think?

It's a tippy ten for me.

I love this movie.

I will probably watch it again in a week.

I just,

I love it being on.

There's just something about,

A, there's so much nature in this movie, too.

I love how like beautiful it is to look at everything.

And I like how there's mud all the time.

I don't know.

I like.

A lot of great mud.

A lot of great mud.

It's just very pastoral.

And like, it's, I don't know.

It's very romantic

and I don't know.

It also makes me kind of miss my family.

Oh, fuck.

Now I'm going to cry again.

Why is it missing me?

It makes me miss my grandmother and my sister and all that stuff.

And I just think it's a

fun.

Are they in England?

No.

Okay.

But we probably came from that shit.

I don't know.

We're from Scotland is where it is.

Yeah, yeah.

But I'm sure.

A lot of good mud in Scotland, too.

A lot of good mud, wherever.

But I don't know.

It just, I think that every single actor was excellent.

I think the costumes are beautiful.

I think it's just, I think the music is really cool.

I just love every minute of it.

And there was, and I feel the same way, Matt, where it's like, it's coming to an end and I'm like, I don't want it to be over.

And then Judy Dench shows up and is like, don't marry my, when I'm like, sweet, another wrench thrown into the

situation and it's going to keep going.

More movie.

More movie.

And so it's,

I wish that, I wish there was more.

I sometimes watch all the credits hoping that there is a post-credits scene like it's a fucking Marvel franchise.

Yeah.

And it's not.

When Joe March comes in.

I also like to walk and read.

I'm also a walking reading woman who doesn't like norms.

Exactly.

But now I'm just going to.

have to binge watch Bridgerton again.

I

forgot.

I can't get enough.

I can't get enough.

So, I'm so glad we watched this.

I love it so much.

And I'm glad that, did your wife watch it with you, Matt?

We watched just the ending.

We watched the scene with Donald Sutherland together, and

we both teared up.

It was very good.

Yay!

Okay, cool.

Well, yeah, so that's, I'm glad we got to watch it.

It's so good.

Yeah, that's Pride and Prejudice.

We like it a lot.

Hey, let's do a little bit of plugging.

Yay!

Uh, if you are listening to this on the week it comes out, I will be at Cape and Cowell Comics in Oakland signing books with the great Derek Kurt Kim.

We're going to be signing comics there at Cape and Cowl in Oakland, 1 to 3 p.m.

Please do come to see us.

And if you are attending Wonder Con in Anaheim on the 28th, 29th, and 30th of March, I will be there all three days doing some pretty cool stuff.

Not announced yet, so keep an eye on your WonderCon schedule for me doing things and also signing books.

Matt, got anything?

Yes.

Once again, if you are listening to this and live in the Sacramento area, then come out to the Sacramento Punchline March 16th.

That is a Sunday.

And I will be performing with my wife, Francesca Fiorentini.

Not together.

We're not a duo act, but we're going to co-headlines.

We're going to do who's on first.

Oh, for sure.

Everybody's favorite.

And yeah, it's going to be a lot of fun.

So please check out the show notes for tickets to that.

Or you can see us in San Francisco if you want to wait until May.

We will be

in San Francisco May 6th at Cobbs Comedy Club.

Go headlining there.

So come out.

Emily, you want to take it home?

You want to know something interesting, Jordan.

I too will be at WonderCon.

Oh, my gosh.

I cannot tell you why.

Oh,

and I cannot tell you what the date is, but

I will be making an appearance.

Wow.

Yee.

If you're in the Southern California area, it sounds like you've got to get your ass to WonderCon if you're listening to that.

Yeah, or Sacramento.

Or Sacramento.

Two wonderful places.

Both in Southern California.

And come to either of them dressed as Sailor Moon.

Yes, please do.

Hell yeah.

Okay, so WonderCon at some point.

Anything else?

I'm trying to set you up to talk about the show.

Okay, well, I have talked about this before, but I would love to talk about it again, and I will continue to talk about it forever, potentially.

I have my own show on Mythical Society, which is a wonderful platform for big fans of Good Mythical Morning and Mythical Entertainment in general.

I have a show called Emily, Have You Seen This.

It is an internet clip show where I talk about all the fun things that I find online, which I usually put in my stories on Instagram and annoy Matt and Jordan with.

No.

But no, no, no.

I'm kidding.

And I'm really proud that I get to do it.

And the first episode has come out.

If you go to mythicalsociety.com, you can sign up to be a member.

My show is available on second and third degree memberships.

So I would really love it if you would go support it.

There you go.

All right.

Yeah.

And if you, I don't know if this is how their algorithm works, but apparently you should, if you sign up for something and the first thing you watch is Emily's show, they know that that's the show you wanted to see the most.

So if you haven't seen

society, thank you for telling me that.

Sign it up and click on Emily's thing before you click on the other things.

A lot of it's

a good thing.

Hey, and a little bit of some cool stuff happening for this show and all the shows on Maximum Fun.

MaximumFun.org's pledge drive is starting next week.

So that is when everybody comes together, does a bunch of cool stuff, does a bunch of cool bonus stuff to try and get folks to join Maximum Fun as members.

It's how this network keeps going.

MaximumFun.org slash join.

There's going to be a lot of cool pledge drive gifts.

There's going to be a lot of cool bonus content.

Everyone in the network is doing it.

You're talking my brother, my brother, and We're talking Jordan, Jesse Go.

Yeah.

We're talking Joe Rogan experience.

Everyone

experience on the network.

We're talking the daily with Michael Barbaro.

We're talking

Tomtown.

The Adam Frieslages.

Yes.

These are all podcasts.

Anyway, maximumfun.org, we're going to be doing a lot of cool bonus stuff.

So stay tuned for that.

And

because it's the pledge drive, we're gonna be kicking out some extra cool fucking episodes for y'all, including next week's episode where we will be reviewing because we know you fucking freaks want it so little

and we weren't gonna give it to you, but I guess we have to.

So, because you're so fucking gross, we're gonna do fucking showgirls next week.

Are free with that?

Showgirls, fucking girls.

Buckle up,

Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artists-owned shows.

Supported directly by you.