Cube, with Jordan D. White
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Transcript
This is Free with Ads, the podcast that asked the question: why pay 40 bucks to go to an escape room when you can go online for free and watch a movie about one?
That way, you don't have to drive to a depressing strip mall or get awkward drinks with coworkers after you're done.
I'm Jordan Morris, and I'm Emily Fleming.
Today's movie is Cube, the 1990s sci-fi thriller that proves Cube is the best shape.
Fuck off, cylinders.
With us always is super producer Matt hitting us with those big chunky drops
down the hatch.
That's when he throws the guy off.
Yeah, in the hatch.
Down the hatch.
It was pretty great.
Yeah.
Yeah, love, love that hatch.
Before we talk about this movie and all its hatches, we've got an amazing guest with us today.
He's an editor for Marvel Comics and one of the hosts of the horror movie recap podcast, Nature Trail to Hell, Jordan D.
White.
Hi, Jordan.
Hi, thanks for having me.
I'm really thrilled to be here.
Yeah, we've decided to
cut through the confusion of having two Jordans.
You will be Mr.
White.
Very cool.
Very mysterious.
I'm like a clue character.
It's perfect.
Yes.
You got someone sneaking up behind you with a candlestick.
Or like one of the reservoir dogs.
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Which one was Mr.
White?
One of them, probably, right?
Yeah.
I think so.
There was a Mr.
Orange, Mr.
Pink.
I'm sure there was a Mr.
White.
There's got to be.
It's definitely my favorite guy in the Blue Collar Comedy Tour for sure.
Yeah, yeah.
Ron White.
Oh, no, it was Harvey Keitel.
Harvey Keitel.
You're right.
Harvey Keitel.
Oh, tight.
That means I'm the good guy.
Oh, very nice.
And I'll be Mr.
Foxworthy.
We're all just going to be members of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.
I want to be Bill Angville.
I'm Mr.
Guy.
Mr.
Guy.
Well, Cable is his first name.
Right.
Yes, Larry the Cable guy.
Last name guy, first name Larry the Cable.
Yes, that's right.
It's Lithuanian.
Before we talk about this movie, which is, as of this recording, streaming free with ads, we're going to talk to our guest in a segment we call Talk to Guest.
Talk to Guest.
Jordan D.
White, you host the horror movie podcast Nature Trail to Hell.
It's got a really cool concept.
You go through whole series of movies.
Like,
you go through franchises.
I want to know of the series you've covered, do you have a favorite and a least favorite?
Oh,
absolutely.
Absolutely.
So my favorite is definitely Friday the 13th.
It's the reason that we do this podcast is I was literally just going around going like, I feel like I need to start a podcast because I want to spend more time talking and thinking about Friday the 13th.
And my good friend Stefan was like, I've never seen any of them.
Let's do that podcast.
And so that's how it started.
And we went through all of that one definitely the worst one though is the leprechaun series because it's
a horror movie franchise with like eight i think eight movies in it none of which are good wow
not even the one where they go to space not even not even and we did and again since the concept is stefan has never seen any of these He didn't know that going in.
So he went through about half that series going, is this where it finally gets good?
Before he realized, oh, hang on a second.
These movies start to get good when they go to space.
Yeah.
So, Friday the 13th, that's Jason, right?
It is.
It is.
Okay.
And it's still not the first one.
It's true.
Horror movie Actually Guys Will Tell You All the Time.
Oh, yeah.
That's right.
It was the mom, wasn't it?
That's the trick question at the beginning of Scream.
He comes out of the water at the end.
Or is that a dream?
That's probably a dream.
But I love it.
The reason I love it, Jason, that's a technicality that I think you could deploy, Emily, if you ever get the actually from a horror movie guy.
You could say, well, I'm not going to try to argue it.
I just, honestly, it was more of a question than anything.
Can you imagine, imagine trying to stay in the conversation with that person?
Just talk to this guy longer.
Well, yeah.
I mean, I love horror movies, but that's definitely not one of the things I would argue about.
There's other things I will argue about when people say like a horror movie is bad that I like a lot.
I will stick around for that argument.
But
the thing that I think is so much fun about the Jason movies is that, well, first of all, I feel like they're fairly consistent.
Like they're not shooting to be amazing movies, right?
But they hit sometimes and sometimes they're really good.
But what I think is so much fun about it as a franchise, especially, is that it's horror movies made back when franchises were really
slapdash and
how do we make another one of these?
Like nobody was planning for sequels.
And that's exemplified by the thing you just talked about.
In the first movie, the whole concept of the movie, spoiler, everybody, is that Jason's mom is killing people because Jason died.
And then they went, let's make a sequel.
What if the kid that was dead wasn't dead?
What?
Right.
Like, that's the dumbest reversal.
It undoes the entire reason the first movie existed.
And then eventually, you go to space.
Yes.
Well, also, okay, now that I'm thinking about it, we have this thing called Hunk Watch on this show, which I hope you're prepared for, Mr.
White.
But if I go from Michael Myers, Jason,
Freddy Krueger, it's definitely Jason.
Jason fucks.
Like, out of all three of those,
we fuck Jason
for sure.
Yeah,
you marry Freddy for the lols.
Yes, exactly.
Always got a quip.
I don't know.
Fuck Mary.
Fuck Mary Kilford, the three of them.
I kind of feel like you marry Jason because he's very emotional and devoted.
Interesting perspective.
I feel like you want to have sex with me.
He seems like a sports guy.
I don't know.
Well, that's true.
I feel like having sex with Freddy is good too because he's very
creative and adaptable.
Like, he can do anything.
He's got a bad thing.
He can't finger.
He can, with one hand.
Yeah, that might be a jail breaker.
That's a big deal breaker for me personally.
He can't finger.
Freddy can't finger starring Tommy Rain.
Freddie can't finger.
That's the sequel we never got.
This is what they took took from us.
Daddy, would you like some slices?
Yeah, exactly.
That is such a specific parody.
Emily and Matt, do you guys have like a franchise that you always go in for?
You're like, I will see all of these no matter what.
Matt, you go first in like terms of horror or anything.
Yeah, any old thing.
I mean, Lord of the Rings.
Okay.
You give me a Lord of the Rings.
I'll watch it.
I don't care what it is.
It's just
it's good no matter what.
The thing is, they don't make a lot of them, so they do now have the TV show, which is sick.
Did you just watch the cartoon?
I did.
I did.
I re-oh, wait, no.
There's a new cartoon.
There's a new one.
Yeah.
Just came out.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm very excited for the new cartoon.
No, but I did re-watch the A Great Adventure thing.
I loved those.
And I was like, yeah, yep, this rules.
I have a story about the ones that are from, are they from the 80s or the 70s?
Those Lord of the Rings.
They feel 70s.
yeah, 70s.
My sister locked herself in the bathroom, and she was like, I think two or three, and there was this little lock that was beneath the doorknob, and she was playing with it and locked herself in, and then couldn't figure out how to get out again.
So, every parent in the whole neighborhood is trying, is yelling, turn the knob, not that knob, the knob beneath the knob.
They're all like yelling at this girl.
She's like, I don't know.
So, they put all of us, all the kids in the neighborhood in a room, and we watched those movies and ate blue blue corn chips.
Wow.
And then all of our poops were green, and
we thought the movie made our poop green.
Wow.
Because that movie is just like poop green, that whole movie.
We were like, did your, was your poop green?
Everybody, but my sister got her.
What happened to that girl?
It doesn't matter.
Look at my
that's why when I watch Zack Snyder movies, my turds are gray and crimson.
Yeah, we got her out.
They had to like bust open the window to get her.
When I watch a J.J.
Abrams film, my poops have lens flare.
Mr.
White,
is there like a sequel that surprised you?
Is there like a, you know, the fifth movie in this franchise really hits?
Is there something like that?
Well,
I guess the thing I should mention then would probably be the remake of Evil Dead, which is not, it's only kind of a remake, because I always liked the Evil Dead movies one, two, and three, Army of Darkness.
But when I went and saw Evil Dead, I had no idea that the remake would become my favorite movie of all time.
Wow.
So scary.
Like, I love it.
My back was sweaty in the theater.
Like, I think that is definitely in my top five scariest movies I've ever seen.
I don't think I could do it again.
What I love about it.
What I love about it is I feel like, and I don't, I assume this is not true, but I feel like they sat down and made a list of what's all the funniest stuff from the first two movies.
We're going to do that stuff, but it's going to be fucking horrifying.
Yeah.
And that's why it's funny.
I contend that I think that movie is weirdly as funny as the other ones because it is so crazy.
It just like
now it's raining blood.
I don't know why.
It just, yeah,
I'm with everybody.
I think that movie is funny.
Hey, if we ever do those, we could definitely do the fingering story sting.
Oh, yes.
Trees can finger too.
Is Bruce Campbell in the remake, too?
He has a little bit part at the end of the credits.
All right.
Oh, okay.
That's fair enough.
And it doesn't go anywhere.
No, no.
They were talking about doing a thing to link the movies up afterwards, but it never came together.
I know.
That bums me out.
Me too.
Me too.
Although they're making more.
Fucking do it.
Yeah, they're doing more.
Supposedly, they're doing an Evil Dead cartoon because he said he would stop, he was not playing Ash anymore, but then he changed his mind and said, I'll do it if it's a cartoon because I don't have to physically do anything.
Okay, that makes sense.
And they're doing another movie as well,
but not with him.
And they did Evil Dead Rise, which was also pretty fabulous, just not
as scary as the other one.
I like that movie a lot, too.
Yeah, okay.
Well, hey, speaking of movies that have sequels,
we're talking Cube today.
It's got a sequel, a prequel, and a Japanese remake, I learned.
But let's go around the horn.
Emily, you've been stumping for this movie hard.
You're a cube head from way back.
Well, I was.
I saw it in high school with all of my nerdy theater art kids, and we all like...
I think I didn't realize how heady this movie was.
But I just remember the kills being really crazy and disturbing when I was in high school and stuff.
And we all decided it was one of the scariest movies we'd ever seen.
Oh my gosh.
And now I think different.
Yes.
Yes.
Interesting to watch Cube not in high school.
And I'm sure we'll,
as we say in the podcasting industry, we'll get to it.
Matt Cube?
Never seen it before.
Was really excited to see it.
Waited about 30 minutes and realized Jennifer Lopez was not going to show up.
And realized I was thinking of The Cell.
Oh, if we could ever watch The Cell.
I love the Cell.
I can't imagine we won't get to The Cell in this podcast.
It's a film.
It's a very free movie.
It does.
It's a free-ass movie.
Because I did not see it as a high schooler or some sort of teen,
I
was pleasantly surprised by it.
I thought it was pretty cool.
But we'll get into it.
Mr.
Weitz, have you seen this movie or its sequels or its Japanese remake?
I saw this movie when I was either a freshman or sophomore in college,
which would have been like a year or two after it came out.
And then it was a year or two ago.
No, no.
Same, same, buddy.
Same, dream.
Yeah, no, and I remember even back then thinking it was a very like much a Twilight Zone episode of a movie, which is fun, and it still was.
It still was.
I have not seen any of the sequels or the remake, but definitely because I'm very much built for franchises, I was sorely tempted.
I was like, should I try to watch all of them before we record?
And I did not have time to watch it.
I've heard the second one is wild.
People, like, I actually live streamed while I, uh, on TikTok while I watched this because I was scared to watch it at night by myself.
And everyone was like, Oh, wait till you get to the second one.
Wait till you get to the second one.
The second one's crazy.
So I guess a lot of people recommend the second one.
This is, I have seen, I have seen the three American cubes, Cube, Cube 2, Hyper Cube, and
I love it.
So you've seen Cube Cubed.
I've seen Cube Cubed.
I know.
A missed opportunity there, not to just call it Cube Cubed.
Well, wait,
if the third one was a prequel, then
we could make one now and still call it CubeCubes.
Oh, shit.
Oh, f ⁇ .
Someone call whatever offshore oil company owns this movie.
Well, if you have, if Jennifer, okay, if Jennifer Lopez and the cell combined with Cube, it would be Jenny from the block.
Whoa.
Oh, oh my.
And mine.
You're getting a standing ovation.
Jenny in the block.
Jenny wakes up in the block, doesn't know how she got there.
Jenny in the block, yeah.
Beautiful.
Please don't Photoshop that poster, please.
But you, so you haven't seen the Japanese one, though?
I have not.
No, I only learned about it when I was just, you know, was browsing the Wikipedia.
And yeah, I'm excited to watch it.
I think if there's any movie that I think a Japanese remake of would fucking rock, it's this movie.
That was exactly what I was thinking.
And then I was like, well, let's just see if it was supposed to be good.
And everybody was like, no, it's no good.
Yeah, that's what I've heard.
But,
you know,
maybe people are wrong.
Yeah, they could be wrong.
I will say that I love that Cube 2 is called Hyper Cube.
I just, I like, I like funny subtitles.
I like, you know, The Secret of the Ooze, Electric Google Ooh.
I think Loki Hyper Cube is my favorite weird subtitle of all time.
I like Squeakwill.
The Squeak will be good.
Cube Tube, Pig in the City.
Babe wakes up in the Cube.
What the fuck?
Cube 2, 5-0 goes west.
Well, yeah,
let's actually talk about this thing.
Let's talk about Cube.
Where are we?
That's what it's like.
Oh, yeah.
I'll do it again.
That works pretty good.
Yeah, almost.
We start a close-up of an eyeball, and that eyeball belongs to a guy who wakes up in a cube.
The movie has begun.
Yes, in a cube.
We never leave.
Well, one guy leaves at the end.
Does he?
That's a great question.
That's a great question.
Does he?
Anyway, this guy who wakes up in the cube, his head's a weird shape.
He's got a.
Not important to the plot.
Not important to the plot.
Jordan just wanted to shit on this guy's head.
One of the many booby traps.
Get all
beautiful.
So this guy's looking at it.
One of the rooms you go in is just Jordan roasting your head.
Oh,
head there, weird head.
You're getting your boots, you dork.
Oh, you sucking on a button there, baby.
I hate this room.
This room's bad for myself.
Oh, man, I'm gonna go into the one that acids me in the face.
So, you know, this guy with a beautiful normal head
is way he doesn't know where he is.
He gets a look on his face like, oh no, I just got chopped up into chunks.
And god damn it, that is what
a wire scrim came down, chopped this guy into little bits, and you are like, fuck yes.
I'm going to watch this
hard with a ton of awesome kills, and then no, it's just a bunch of arguing, but this part is very cool.
Yeah, best special effects in the film by a long shot.
Oh, cool.
Yeah.
Followed by the beginning of the early, early days of CGI effect.
Yeah.
Right afterwards.
You get that as well.
But the cubes is...
But isn't it a bummer that they never run into this guy's cubes?
Like,
I wanted, I kept thinking at some point they're going to find these cubes and go, ew, but they don't.
Or like
something.
Or like,
oh, my God, there needs to be a cube movie about the janitor who works at the cube.
And he just sweeps up all the chunks.
That's the peacock series.
Yes, yes.
Just the guy who cleans the cube.
There was a purge series
on the USA network, and I thought it was pretty cool.
Big purge head over here.
Oh, me too.
Huge.
I have Purge Night marked on my calendar, and I celebrate it.
Oh, what's everybody doing for Purge Night this year?
That's what I ask people.
They usually say nothing.
Kill some family members.
Yeah.
As a drinker, it's always either, you know.
Thursday purge day.
Buffalo Wild Wings, great purge specials.
$2 Corona Ritas during the purge.
Anyway,
something I was about that purge series is they do have these funny little vignettes where they go into the logistics of it.
There's a great scene where they are casting the
actress that does the purge announcement, and it's like people auditioning her.
And I'm like, what a great little, you know, what a great little aside.
It doesn't really go anywhere in the plot, but it's like very, very cool.
Anyway, I think that is where the cube janitor series comes in.
Anyway, so now there's two more guys in the cube, Worth and Quinton, and then a lady comes in, Holloway, and then another lady with broken glasses.
This is Levin.
So now this is kind of the cube, the cube for.
Nobody remembers how they got there.
Oh, there's also an old man.
This is Ren.
He'll get acid in the face soon.
He tells them all to suck on a button so they can have moisture in their mouths.
Smart.
Yeah, it is smart.
Yeah, I wonder if that would work in a survival situation.
I wonder if that has merit.
I'm sure that the benefit
is that it keeps your mouth moist.
So you can continue drinking your own water?
I'm not really sure, to be honest.
I just was like, well, he's a...
It keeps your mouth from getting dry and then, like, you know, it's just,
it's something.
I bet it, like, it seems like maybe he was a ballerina in a past life or something.
Yeah.
This was a tactic.
He's so lithe to lithe and lithe and sinewy, like a ballerina.
What's his nickname?
He's because he's an escape guy.
He's the wren.
He's broken out of.
They call him the wren.
Yes, right.
Yeah, he's like a famous prison escape guy.
Yeah.
You know how we all know, like, who, what's your top five prison escape?
Oh, don't make me choose.
Okay, well, The Wren, of course.
I love the Wren.
I love the Wren, of course.
Barbender.
Yeah, yeah.
Mickey Slip Through Bar was one way to do that.
The guys from Grand Budapest Hotel.
Those guys are great.
Love them.
And Andy Dufran.
Andy.
Classic.
A classic.
Classic.
Yeah, everybody's favorite.
So, yeah, this guy's a famous prison break guy.
Side note, this movie was filmed in Canada.
This is the most Canada-ass-looking group of of people ever.
Like, such a degrassi ass.
You can't do that on television-ass group of people.
Tough guy is like, Are you sure?
Like, it's like,
it's like you couldn't, this was the mustache for the guy who's like kind of a big, mean guy.
Okay.
What's this cube all a boot?
We got to get ood of this cube.
We got to get ooh to the cube.
But they definitely talk to the cube.
They definitely talk about
they're in the U.S., right?
They're supposed to be in the U.S.
because they talk about the Southwest, don't they?
And they're not talking about like.
Oh, I don't remember that.
Because when they're when she thinks about Vancouver, right, right, exactly.
No, you got to get out of this cube and back to Regina.
I mean, maybe that's what she means.
Like, oh, they probably built the cube in Vancouver because of the tax cuts.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
More like Vancouver, eh?
So, you know, this guy's a famous prison break guy.
He's kind of, he's smart.
He says you can throw your, like, if you throw your boot into the room ahead of you, you'll see if there's a trap or not.
He does it, and for some reason, it doesn't work.
And an acid shooter shoots him in the face.
Ah, it's pretty cool.
It burns off his face.
He turns into like a skeleton face guy and screams.
That is one of my biggest fears.
The acid in the face thing.
Like, it's like, it's probably
that and like stuff about injuring eyeballs.
And
yeah, it's just like especially if there's nowhere to get it help, you know?
Yeah, yeah, but
especially if you're stuck in it in a cube.
If you're stuck in a cube, sorry, no dentists in the cube.
But yeah, that was rough.
That was a rough one.
So then we start out.
This movie's only like, what, like 20 minutes in, and we've got two crazy kills.
Surely it's just going to get crazier from here.
It doesn't.
This is about as cool as it gets.
Yeah.
It's wild.
And there's a room that would have been cool that we were all looking forward to seeing someone get skewered.
Oh, yeah.
And, you know, the CGI isn't great, but you're like, well, certainly they're going to do a cool practical effect.
No, they just escaped that one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a real.
When are they going to get to the fireworks factory?
They never fucking.
But
skewer room.
Yeah, right.
If you see the skewer room in the first act,
somebody's, some Canadian's got to get skewered in the fifth act.
So what are we going to do?
We don't know.
Levin, turns out, has a character trait, and that is that she's good at math.
She's a math
person.
Good at math person.
And,
yeah.
Well, I was going to say, this is like around the time I think they, I forget whose theory it is that they're all there specifically them for a reason because of the traits they all have.
Like, oh, this guy is a scapeguy, and you're the math person, and I'm the cop who bosses people around, and that's super useful.
Yeah, why was he there?
Like, it was, he's the worst one.
He's the one.
No, he's the trap.
Remember, like, he thinks everyone else is a trap, but in reality, he's the thing that could just throw the monkey ranch
into everything because he doesn't have any use except to be an asshole.
Yeah, except to fucking kill people and be kind of a creep.
Well, also his athleticism, I'd say.
He could climb things and stuff.
Scary people and stuff.
I'll tell you, it took me by surprise the turn of him being worse and worse, because especially because for our current season on Nature Trail to Hell, we're watching the Romero zombie movies, which have
a running theme, at least for a few of them, of like a really assertive and competent black dude who knows what's going on, but who is kind of the smart one.
Like the one who is reasonable and right.
And so when this movie started, I was kind of like, oh, they're doing that thing, like in Night of the Living Dead.
And then it was like over the time, over the the course, no, that is not what is happening here.
It was kind of impressive to me because of the fact that, you know,
based on when this movie was made and whatnot, I was like, oh, okay, you know, so this is going to be our hero, a, you know, a cop who's a person of color who's like trying to lead this group of people, including this white Gen Xer who's totally like, everything sucks anyways.
I don't even want to, I don't want to even escape the cube.
And
to have him be the one who makes the heel turn, I was like relatively impressed by that because I didn't see it coming either.
I didn't see it coming either.
No.
I thought that our guy, that Gen Xer, who was like, I don't give a fuck, I thought he was there to witness everything.
Right.
And write it down.
And to make sure they all fail or something.
Yeah.
I don't know.
But yeah, so
everybody's kind of revealing why they're there.
Eleven is there.
She's good at math.
And she figures out that the little numbers on the doors,
so you know, to go into other cubes, there's the cube is made of littler cubes.
To go into a next cube, you got to turn the cranks.
By the way, a lot of cranks in this movie.
This movie, I think, was probably originally called Crank, and then they're like, cube, cube might be better.
We got to save that for a Jason Statham flick.
Right, Jason Statham has to have a movie where he shocks himself with EMT paddles.
And he gives a bird a heart attack or whatever.
Yeah.
But the the cranks in this are very gentle cranks.
Like they're like they're so easy to do.
You just kind of like
so soft.
And it's like,
well,
you got to get your face melted off faster.
Like you got to,
if the cranks are stuck, then it's like
everybody's still got their face at the end of the day.
Maybe the janitor is lubing the cranks.
Right, exactly.
Lots of lubing the cubes.
It's not just me putting all of the cubes inside of a trash bag.
I also lubed the cranks.
I also lubed the cranks.
We got a bunch of people.
a peacock.
Wait, is the porn version of this called lube or cube?
I mean, one of the
Yeah, and then you go into the wrong door and you just get splattered in the face with cum.
Yeah, she's like, oh, no, I'm drowning in comm.
Oh, I'd hate that.
Oh, no.
This sucks.
Oh.
Oh, no.
This glory hole is cube Oh, no.
Oh, no.
That guy's face that got all burnt off with acid is full of gum.
Oh, no.
It's a skull, a hollow skull full of gum.
Oh, no.
I'm going to drink it.
The skewer room is a little different as well.
Yeah, the skewer room.
The skewer room pays off in this version, actually.
You get to actually see the payoff.
We got to call the homies over at Wood Rocket.
They're the ones who make all the parody porn, like The Simpsons.
All us Wood Rocket.
Yeah, Wood Rocket.
Hit us up.
But then I'm sure then it will have the boring title of Cube a Porn Parody.
Oh, yeah.
Which is so sad.
You know, sometimes you have to do that for legal reasons.
Does Wood Rocket have a writer's room?
Oh, my God.
If they went union, we're in there.
Oh, yeah, sure.
If it's WGA, I'll write some porn parody.
For some health insurance?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Honestly, I want to write porn video games because I've seen some porn video games and I'm like, this is it?
Yeah.
Is this it?
We could do better than this.
Like,
yeah, I might learn how to play a video game.
All I know how to play is duck hunt.
Now I can do duck hunt.
If I want to.
Now, well, you could call it fuck hunt, but you know, fuck hunt.
Fuck hunt.
That's another one.
A lot of good.
A lot of space there.
A lot of space.
A lot of room to play.
Who's laughing now, dog?
Get the peanut butter.
Let's go.
Again, this is why you need a union writer's room.
Yeah, yeah, for porn.
Get us in there.
So, you know, Levin's good at math.
She figures out that the numbers are, they're prime numbers.
So you go in the doors with prime numbers.
We see a swirling montage of the public.
I still don't know what that is.
It's a number that is, I think,
it's okay.
I don't think it is.
Yeah, it's divisible by one in itself.
Divisible by one in itself.
Doesn't matter.
Who cares?
By the way, Emily, you would be stuck in the cube forever.
Oh, I'd be dead in the cube first.
I would off, I'd be like, I'll be the boot.
Throw me in the next room.
Throw me in the next room.
I was thinking, and I've said this in, I think, the last couple episodes we talked about
in Nosferatu, we talked about the idea of how we don't really want this, but where it's like, you have no excuse but to lay down and go to sleep for a long time.
Every time they were getting sleepy in the cube, I'm like, just do this.
Yeah.
Why aren't you just sleep till you're dead?
Like, I would just.
Just nap.
Sleep till you're dead.
Just sleep till you're dead in the cube.
Like, suck on that button and sweet dreams, baby.
Definitely.
Yeah.
When people ask me, like, what's your zombie apocalypse survival plan?
I'm like, die?
Die.
Sleep to death.
Or become a zombie.
That might be fun.
No.
Could be.
Automatic community, right?
There's a I don't want to do that.
I just want death.
Mine is go to the CVS and steal all the prescription medication.
It has nothing to do with fighting the zombies.
I just want to be really high before I start eating.
Oh, for sure.
Great idea.
Oh, my God.
I do think of that sometimes.
Like, I was cleaning out my apartment and I found an old one-hitter that had, like, it had, it was a little jar that had a little bit of sifted weed at the bottom.
And I was like, we'll save that for the apocalypse.
We'll put that.
And I've got like a drawer that I keep stuff in that I'm like, I'm not going to smoke that right now because it's kind of gross, but I'm not going to throw it away because what if the apocalypse is going to be a little bit more than that?
I could trade this for nine guns.
Yeah.
So, you know, they're figuring out the cube, the prime number thing's happening.
We get a swirling montage of prime numbers.
They're killing time.
There's not enough story in this movie.
There really isn't.
This is a Twilight Zone episode.
It is.
It does feel like it should be an episode of something and not like a whole thing.
Like, Are You Afraid of the Dark even?
a nice 42 minutes.
Yes.
Just a wee little black mirror.
A wee little black mirror, Governor.
Yes, governor.
And so it would be so much classier if they were all doing British accents.
Absolutely.
Right?
Yes, Canada, British Prime Minister.
A wee black mirror, Prime Minister.
Hey, fuck you, buddy.
We got to get through this cube.
Hey,
sorry about your acid fees.
Suri.
Suri.
So anyway, apologies to all our Canadian listeners.
Yes.
I love your goofy country.
So we learn from the Gen X guy, Worth, the man who thinks he has no Worth.
Oh, yes.
I love this house.
I love art.
Yes.
Art.
We learned that
he designed part of of the cube.
The outside.
Yes, the shell that the cube is in was designed by Worth.
And so the only explanation we get for the cube, which I think this is kind of cool,
I've remembered this about it, is that the cube accidentally came into being through
government waste.
So it's just everyone gets a little contract to build a little part of the cube, and no one knows how it got there.
It's just bureaucracy run amok.
Fucking get Doge in there to clean up the cube.
Get the boys in there.
Like, it's an interesting concept.
And listen, I mean, I don't know, speaking of movies where bureaucracy is the villain, like, have you ever seen Buried?
Like, that's a movie that is horrifying and awesome about bureaucracy being awful.
And that's all true.
But I just can't imagine a world where bureaucracy leads to someone going, I don't know, what do we need here?
Like a skewer room?
Yeah.
Like, what?
How?
How do you accidentally build death traps?
I'm the guy who builds builds the acid gun who's that guy what what could this possibly there must have been at some point someone intending something there had to have been i mean i haven't seen the other movies i assume they try to explain it in the other movies no i don't know yeah i don't really remember the sequels so yeah i think it stays kind of sort of a mystery i think the prequel cube zero it's a little you this cube's a little steampunky and i think you get characters like there's like the guys who are watching the people in the cube.
So I think you do learn a little bit about cube infrastructure.
Oh, like a little cabin in the woods, yeah?
A little cabin in the woods, yeah, exactly.
Or like a little squid game-y, like, you know, right.
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which I'm so impressed that this movie, which
I was told, which I'm not entirely sure if this is true, that it was made for like $10,000 and that every cube that they go into is essentially the same set.
They just change the lights like
around it and stuff.
So it looks like a different color, which is brilliant.
I do think that the set is cool looking.
Yes.
Set design looks cool.
I believe it.
The acting is incredible, considering that it's just one movie.
True.
It is impressive.
But that this movie caused such a buzz that they got multiple movies, that's pretty crazy.
Like a movie that only costs, like, costs less than $100,000.
I think, oh, Jordan, you look like a camera.
Yeah, according to the internet, it was 350,000 Canadian, which comes out to 200,000, but still, that's only 240.
That's pretty amazing.
Yeah,
10,000 would have been ridiculously low price.
Someone said that, and I was like, how?
I don't know.
That set is too nice.
Maybe in $90.
I don't know.
Maybe some sort of
reverse inflation.
Yeah, yeah,
yeah.
But yeah, no, it is one of the things that impressed me watching it.
I was like, this is a really creative way to do a low-budget movie.
So, you know, I like it.
And I think it was made with like Canada art funding money, too.
I think this movie, you know, in a weird way, is
part of, is like, like the cube itself was made with government waste.
Government waste.
Yeah.
No.
Spend the money on guns, not on art.
Thank you.
Anyway, so yeah, I mean, I think we're figuring out the cube.
Quentin has his heel turn.
They figure out you can kind of like
get to the end of the cube and they hang.
Oh, gosh, what's your name?
What's your name?
They hang Holloway outside with like they can make a rope from their jumpsuits.
They're all wearing like jumpsuits.
They make a rope from her.
Holloway was my favorite character by the way.
Holloway is a great acting performance.
I think she's terrific in this.
She's the only one who stands up for like everybody looking out for each other she stands up to the big scary dude and boy does she pay the price but she also has my favorite line which is holy cats
yeah i like no idea why i'm gonna assume that's something they say in canada um well before they hang holloway out the door we do have a new character that is introduced oh yes you're right um yeah let's let's let's talk about this guy who uh who's kind of instrumental to the end of the movie uh he kind of falls through a top hatch This is Kazan.
I'm not sure what to say about this guy.
I think, you know, he's being a very broad, like, character who I think is.
I'd say it's a rainman type situation.
Yeah, you're not sure if he's autistic or if he's supposed to be mentally challenged and some.
He's definitely a savant.
There's like eventually.
Well, we find that out later.
Yeah.
But they, yeah, at first you think, like, oh, this just seems like sort of a cheap way to have a character that accidentally kills people,
you know,
but it's it doesn't end up actually doing it once again.
Uh, you know, the skewering room was sound activated, so you had to be really quiet going through it.
And Kazan's character makes a lot of noises and had to be quiet.
And I was like, okay, so they're really, they're literally introducing this character, like this entire thing just to kill a guy.
And they actually get through it.
Yeah.
So so thanks to Holloway, who like really
sticks up for Kazan and
is really patient.
And everybody is like, it's there could have been another version of this story of, you know, everybody, you know, helping each other out
and sticking together and everybody being a team and being really, but there's somebody who throws a big old shit wrench in there.
Shit wrench.
Yeah.
So as they're dangling Holloway outside the cube, Quentin lets go and she kind of falls into the black void that is around the cube.
He lets go on purpose.
Is it a purpose?
On purpose, yes.
Yes.
Because yeah,
what was it that she did in like the previous scene that like
she stood up to him and then realized she knew him?
Oh, she said something mean about his wife leaving him, right?
Yes.
I don't know how she knew that information, but he said that at the beginning when
he said something that implied his wife was dead and then was like, no, she's not dead.
She just left me.
And it was like, ha ha, what?
And then she said something about how you probably, like, because of how violent he was being, she's like, I can already tell you probably beat your wife.
You probably beat your kids too.
And you were like, oh, shit, Holloway, Roland.
She's about to get dropped into a void.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And he snaps.
He just snaps.
Yeah, the kind of like final, the final bloodbath is about to begin, and we're going to talk about it right after this.
You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years, and
maybe you stopped listening for a while, maybe you never listened, and you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years, I know where this has ended up.
But no, no, you would be wrong.
We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.
Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.
The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.
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We're here with Jordan D.
White from the Nature Trail to Hell podcast.
We're talking about Cube.
Quentin, he's had his heel turn.
He's going crazy.
You know, I just noticed looking at the cast list.
Sorry to interrupt.
Oh, no, no, sure.
Please interrupt.
Because they all know each other's names because they have them printed on their cell or prison things.
They're wearing like prison jumpsuits.
Yeah.
But everybody else has their last names.
Worth is his last name.
Kazan, I assume, is his last name.
Levin, Holloway, Ren.
Interesting.
Quentin, according to this, his name is Quentin McNeil.
So why did it say Quentin?
Because he's the trap.
Oh, yeah.
I like that theory.
Yeah, I may not know what prime numbers are, but I can do pattern recognition to DHD, motherfuckers.
But I know who's trying to betray me.
So also, that also implies, because they're trying to figure out what's going on.
And, you know, one of them lands on the idea that this is just an abandoned government project that they just happen to land in.
And it's like, well, wait, but someone had to print out the shirts.
Yeah.
Who's printing the shirts?
Someone had to make sure that the jumpsuits.
I think that they were embroidered.
I think.
Were they?
Which is, I love the idea of some old grandma just going, I can't wait for these little death servants to wear my jumpsuits.
They look look so handsome in the cube, they will.
Guys.
Boots.
Group Halloween costume.
Oh, yeah, let's do it.
Let's do cube.
But also,
I was wondering about like bras.
Sure.
Yeah, good question.
Because a bra would be pretty.
good to use for certain things because the elastic there could probably be some good slingshot stuff you could do and then i was like if i woke up there and they took my bra i would be so dead like so dead I'd be tripping all over my titties.
I can't run.
I can't run.
I can't climb.
I can't lay down.
I'd choke to death.
Like, you know, it'd be bad.
I love
the first room where the guy gets sliced into cubes.
It tries to go through your tits, but it can't.
He's like, God damn it.
We're going to need another scrim.
What if you get your period in the cube?
And then the like, you know, it's like also the janitor's like, is this death blood?
I don't don't know.
Does it look the same?
And you also never see anyone take a shit either.
And I'm just like, you saw some pissing, but no shitting.
There's some pissing in cube.
I would have loved to have seen some shitting, like, especially going, like, shitting down one of the hatches where you're like, oh, yeah, that's a fire hatch.
So that's.
No, you just shit right into Acid Face's skull.
Like, that's the toilet.
Oh, I got a shit.
Oh, man.
Nobody looped this crank.
Oh, no.
Oh, I got a shit.
We're shitting into Ren.
Shit out the out the the empty one into the into the void into the void into the void yes that's very now's the time to take a shit guys
shit on holloway
just falling into nothing
well speaking of which the the yeah the shell guy explains that because they calculate how many cubes could be inside this based on how big he says it is.
And it's like some absurd number.
It's like tens of thousands.
But he's like, but by the way, there's going to be
a gap one cube wide between the cubes and the outer shell.
And I was like, how does that work?
What?
Like, are they hover cubes?
Like, what?
Why?
Why wouldn't they be touching it?
Yeah, I would need to see.
Like, some schematics to fully understand what it looks like.
And I just don't like cube that much to Google it.
There's got to be somebody that has broken down the blueprint for the cube.
Oh, totally.
Yeah, there's somebody online who has uh yeah rendered the cube in virtual reality that would be so cool yeah animal crossing cube edition
sure a little raccoon getting his face melted by acid he was trying to sell my turnips
i will say i i i was very concerned of because because okay you mentioned the prime number thing over the course of the movie they keep changing it.
They keep going, oh, it wasn't that it was prime numbers, it's this.
Oh, hang on, those numbers actually represent this.
And I was sitting there going,
could this be real?
And I didn't, I don't, I did not go work hard enough to go, I want to understand the numbers, but I did like look, because I was concerned, do they actually make sense to someone to whom this would make sense?
And apparently they did get like mathematic
consultants to come in and go, like, write the numbers for you.
Oh, so that's where the budget went.
Right.
Yeah.
It went to that.
And that's a thousand bucks for the cube.
$200,000 for a mathematician to to work out.
That's a fucking beautiful mind over here.
Yeah, exactly.
I was like sitting here going, because I enjoyed the movie, but the more they got into, I would have enjoyed puzzles or something that like tied them all together with like why they chose them.
But instead, we got this girl going, he's praying numbers.
And like, it's, it's that, these are coordinates and stuff.
I'm like, no one gives a shit.
Like, what is this?
I feel like I'm at the SATs and like I can't escape again.
Like, I don't like okay but it was good enough yeah is there anybody ever seen the escape room movies i think there's two of them no i haven't they're those are neat movies that's kind of maybe what you want when you're watching cube it's it yeah it doesn't have the like like memorable sci-fi shit but like it has good traps in that movie good traps yeah it was fun yeah um anyway so yeah we're kind of at the end here uh quentin's gone crazy he he kills worth uh he kills like wait wait wait wait i want to talk about Worth again.
Like, because Worth makes a turnaround.
So he doesn't quite kill him.
Yeah.
Well, Worth is like, we find out he's the one who built the exterior to the cube, right?
And he's like wanting to give up because he's like, you're not supposed to escape this thing.
I built the exterior to it.
They don't want you to escape.
I don't think there's a way out.
But then, like, he's inspired by, I think, the way that everyone treats Kazan or Kazan, like, I think that that camaraderie makes him go, I'm going to root for these people because this big, mean guy has lost his mind, and somebody's got to stand up for the little guys.
So he does kind of like, I don't know, he rallies to help other people, which is really cool.
He finds his worth.
He finds his worth.
He does.
And, but he doesn't want to live.
You can already tell that he wasn't going to make it.
Like, we all knew.
But so now.
At the very end, it's they think they got rid of big, scary Quentin.
Like, he, I remember he smashed that, the,
door up into his neck.
And then he just didn't die.
That was crazy to me.
When he like smashed this door up into his neck as he's trying to come through the door, and then he's just like, I'm going to fucking kill you.
But they're not.
No, they had a few chances.
They had a few chances to kill him and didn't.
And I was like, don't leave this guy alive.
What are you doing?
I know.
But so they get away from him.
It's broken glasses, math girl.
Worth and Kazan.
They're like the final three at that door where it looks like they're going to reach maybe a bridge where they can get away, right?
Is that where we're ending up?
Yeah, which is, which they discover is the room they started in.
And if they had never moved, they could have just gotten out, which is also very like, what?
Of course.
Of course.
So, yeah, it's, yeah.
So there's this kind of bridge that
might lead to safety.
It's like just, you know, kind of blinding white light.
It's been this very dark movie, and it's kind of just this like very shocking, you know,
like blast of light coming out of this door.
Yeah,
so, you know, the thing opens.
Kazan is about to escape.
Quentin's after him.
And then Worth kind of grabs with kind of a last, you know,
death heroism bit, grabs Quentin and like smashes him in the door of the cube.
The cube shifts.
We haven't mentioned that.
It's like a Rubik's Cube.
While it's shifting, it kind of smushes Quentin and leaves a little blood smear on the wall.
That's kind of cool.
Yeah, that was cool.
That was sick.
But he, like, Quentin, before that happens, killed Glass's math girl.
Right, right as they're about to escape.
How did he kill her?
It looked like he took one of the spears from the skewer room.
It was a crank.
It was a crank.
He ripped off a crank.
Damn.
Cranks killed.
He had to put cranks off this whole time.
He could rip off a crank.
He could have.
That's crazy.
He could have.
He probably could have just dug through the walls.
But, you know, listen, hey, it's
they only made it for $300,000 Canadian dollars.
Yeah, that's true.
We got to kill him with something that's already on the set.
What do we got?
The crank.
Either that or, I don't know,
Wren's head filled with doo-doo.
Right.
One of the two.
These are the only weapons we have at our disposal.
Yep.
So, yeah,
Kazan.
So Kazan walks out.
Walks out into the light.
And
did he survive?
Was it all a dream?
We don't know.
All a dream.
What?
No.
Most things, most movies are actually a dream, I find.
Yeah, I feel like it was just a dream.
And I'm not going to see part two or part three.
I might see part two just because everybody is telling me that it's better than the first one.
Hyper cube.
And that there is mention of what happens to Kazan.
Okay.
I would like to know.
I want to know.
Well, yeah, we are going to to rate Cube on a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials.
But first, we're going to talk about who we were the most sexually attracted to in our segment, Hunk Watch.
It's Hunk Watch.
Yeah, I mean, there's chunks in this movie.
Hunks,
it's Chunk Watch.
Yeah,
I will say, you know, Quentin, a bad, bad man, but very handsome.
Very funky
actor.
Yeah, he stuck out to me.
Anybody else have a hunk they want to shout out?
Give me that big, empty shell of a acid head, baby.
No, I'm kidding.
I like Worth.
I like Worth.
I'm like, I'm a Worth guy, too.
I feel like Worth is a perfect 90s guy.
Like, it's just something about
his whole demeanor.
He just looks like one of Carrie Bradshaw's non-big boyfriends.
Like Ron Livingston, kind of.
Yeah, sort of.
The The ultimate 90s guy.
Yes, yeah.
He's just got this, like, you know, this dour glumness to him where he's just like, oh, of course I'm stuck in a cube.
You think I'm not used to this?
I've been stuck in a cube for years working at I made the cube, bitch.
Yeah, no, exactly.
I'm going to go film a plastic bag.
Yeah, a cubicle.
Yeah, this guy.
First, I was in a cubicle, now I'm in a cube.
Big deal, big deal.
Big deal.
You remember back in the day when people used to complain about having a steady job?
Like,
that is basically what that character is.
And yeah, he was like, well, this was, I mean, this was from that time in the 90s when you were making lots of movies about how the biggest problem was how good everything was.
What if things are too good forever, guys?
We'll all be bored to death.
We need problems in the world.
Yeah, wear the flare, Jennifer Aniston.
Shut the fuck up.
Just wear the fucking flare.
Mr.
White,
any thoughts on hunks?
I mean, if we're talking about the men in this movie, yeah, I definitely go with Worth over Quentin because, although a lot of that is the personality plays into it, he gets redemption and Quentin just gets worse every second.
So for sure.
The cube is also one of the hunks, I think we can say.
Yes.
Yeah.
Hunk of metal.
Just, you know, it's
a hunk of metal.
Perfectly said.
I think the red room is the best looking room.
That is a pretty sexy room.
Roxanne.
Or what about the shiny wires that make the chunks?
Ooh, yes.
That's the wires.
Yeah, the hunk watches the acid gun.
Makes the chunks.
Yes.
Hunk watch is boots.
Boots are the hook of the movie.
Sure.
They're on fight.
Yeah, sure.
Why not?
Well, yeah, we are going to go around the horn and talk about what we thought of Cube and rank it right after this.
All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.
Let's learn everything.
So let's do a quick progress check.
Have we learned about quantum physics?
Yes, episode 59.
We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?
Yes, we have.
Same episode, actually.
Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?
Episode 64.
So, how close are we to learning everything?
Bad news.
We still haven't learned everything yet.
Oh, we're ruined!
No, no, no, it's good news as well.
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Woo!
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Ella Hubber.
I'm regular Tom Lum.
I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.
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We're back.
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We're here with Jordan D.
White from the Nature Trail to Hell podcasts.
We are going to rank Cube on a scale of 1 to 10 super loud commercials.
Jordan D.
White,
you're a horror movie expert.
You're our guest today.
Expert.
Yeah.
You have a podcast.
That makes you an expert.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
That's all you need.
That's the only qualification.
That's right.
We're experts on free shit.
That's all we know.
We're experts on saving money.
Oh, no, no, no, Jordan.
I will say, I will say, I will say,
we watched this on YouTube.
I don't know if that's okay to say.
Not a sponsor, I assume.
No, no, no.
No, yeah, that's where I watch it.
That's a good idea as well.
Which is like the worst because the commercials are just in random ass places.
Like somebody will be in the middle of a sentence and the commercial comes up.
I prefer the ones where they actually put it in like scene breaks, but oh well.
YouTube, thank you for letting us watch this for free.
This movie, let's see.
I guess
I've ranked no other movies this way to put this against, but I guess I'll say like, I don't know, like a seven.
It was good.
It wasn't amazing, but it was good.
Like we said, a fun Twilight Zone episode.
And yeah,
that's a fun little intellectually stimulating time, kind of.
But you're right, it could have been better written.
Yeah.
Emily, Emily,
you're the, I think, the biggest cube head among us.
I love when I recommend a movie, then I'm the biggest whatever.
You love this movie.
You're obsessed with the movie.
You're like, no, I just wanted to watch it.
Yeah, she's only seen one of them.
You've seen three.
So it's true.
I am not the biggest cube.
Emily's obsessed with cube.
I'm no boss in high school.
Anyway,
I'm going to give it a five.
Okay.
It's okay.
I just remember it being way scarier when I was a kid.
I just remember the two big kills being at the top.
And then I just have this feeling of dread waiting for the next big kill.
And it just never comes.
And it just, it feels like, I don't know, like my first sexual experiences in college.
Like you're just like.
Never coming.
You're just, well, you come the first couple dates.
And then after that, it just never repeats.
And then you just finish yourself off and it's like I guess you watch cube in a twin bed yep and uh so it just I feel like I would have liked a little bit more high stakes in terms of the traps within the cubes I did love all the stuff about humanity and working together and the crumbling of psyches and all that stuff that was great I just needed a little more it was
It's it was a full ass movie.
It's an hour and a half, y'all.
Come on, give us something.
So I'm going to give it a five.
I do, I am going to watch the second one because I want to know what happens to Kazan.
Matt Leeb, you've never seen Cube before.
What do you think?
I'm giving it a two cubed.
Oh,
so
an eight.
It's an eight.
An eight.
You guys would never survive.
What's a prime number?
I don't know.
You would never survive the cube.
I would die in cube immediately.
Die so easily.
Dude, I barely survived school.
I would rather be chopped up into little cubes than ever take a math class again.
Oh, hell yeah, dog.
But yeah,
I had never seen it.
I didn't know what it was, thought it was going to be sell with
Jennifer Lopez.
And I found myself pleasantly surprised.
I was kind of impressed with the fact that they were able to make a movie that drew me in for as long as it did, all in the same set.
And yeah, it made me want to know more about the world, even though I did think the like
the philosophy behind it or the you know they had all these like real sophomoric conversations about like yeah it's not there is no military industrial complex it's just it's just the way the world is man sometimes the bureau the bureaucrats make cubes and i was like shut up
shut your 90s ass up you don't know
but other than that i thought your okay soda
yeah exactly fucking listen to limp biscuit and shut your stupid ass mouth.
You don't know how good you have it.
No, they have bare-naked ladies.
They don't even have limp biscuits.
That's right, yeah.
The most okayest of times.
It's been a cube.
So yeah,
I'm giving it eight.
Yeah, I'm yeah,
I'm gonna go six for cube.
Yeah, I kind of like the spooky sci-fi stuff.
But yeah, I think there's a like a there's a fun that this movie promises in the first couple scenes that it kind of just doesn't deliver on.
I think like a slightly bigger budget version of this with like where they put a lot of,
if they put as much effort into the kills as they did the math, I think this is a like movie that is both
spooky and has a little philosophical thing going on, but is also like a little more fun.
So yeah, I think, you know,
it's cube.
Give us some more cube.
Yeah, well,
that's our review of cube one.
Regular cube, not hyper cube.
Standard cube.
Medicated cube.
The prequel should have been called square.
Cube figure.
Rhombus.
Rhombus.
Oh, no.
A rhombus.
Run.
Oh, fuck.
It's a rhombus, dude.
It's fucking Texas.
Shit.
No, no, no, not Texas.
Tennessee.
Is Tennessee a rhombus?
I suppose.
Yeah.
It's a trapezoid.
No.
Not Texas.
I can't believe I said Texas.
I meant to say Tennessee.
It's okay either way.
They're pretty different.
I don't think I know what things are.
What are things?
Who cares?
Let us
free with ads at maximumfun.org.
What are things?
I got big tits and I get drunk.
I don't even know math.
Fuck you.
Yeah.
Emily's shooting six shooters up in the air.
Bang, bang, pow, pow, peow.
Peow, peow, peow.
Well, hey,
I think we have a, we've got a real spicy plug segment coming up today.
Let's start with our guest, Jordan D.
White, Nature Trail to Hell.
It's the podcast.
Tell us a little bit more about the show if you'd like.
And maybe is there a couple of favorite episodes people can start with?
Oh, gosh.
Let's see.
So,
yes, as we said, it's me and my friend Stephan Lawrence.
He has never seen
Elephant Larry, right?
From Elephant Larry.
Absolutely.
They were our funny.
Yeah, when we recorded the other day, I was mentioning, I was doing this podcast, and he mentioned that he knew you from back in the day as well.
Back in the day.
The sketch comedy scene, Wild Times.
Anyway.
But he had never seen any of these franchises.
So we pick franchises he's never seen, so that it's me who's not always seen every movie, but has seen a lot of them, and him who's never seen them.
And sometimes I make him speculate about what the movies are going to be beforehand, which is really fun to find out what he thinks movies are going to be.
Like he was very scared to watch the Friday the 13th movies the first time.
He was like, oh, they're going to be like so frightening.
And then quickly learned they're not actually that frightening.
Favorites,
I'll I'll go ahead and say, I mean, again, all of the Friday the 13th, but also the purge movies as well, because I love theorizing about the purge.
The purge movies are super fun, but the best part about the purge is just the concept.
So we spend a lot of time talking about the concept and my opinion on whether or not stealing things is actually useful during the purge, which is that it's not.
And I have elaborate reasons, but I won't get into them here.
So that's super fun.
Also, you mentioned briefly that I am a comic book editor.
So, I mean, Marvel doesn't probably need me to plug comic books here as a concept, but I work on a lot of great ones.
I work on the Venom comics.
I work on Carnage.
I work on Incredible Hulk.
Hellhunters is a super fun comic about Marvel characters in World War II killing demonic Nazis, which is awesome.
A great TVA comic, a comic based on the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man series.
And
another comic that I guess I won't mention because someone else present will mention it.
Oh, yeeze!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yes.
Thank you for
laying me up for the spike.
Layup?
Spike?
I think I'm confusing basketball and volleyball.
Anyway, again, not a sports guy, not a math guy.
Just a guy.
Just never survive a cube.
No.
So
a comic book edited by Mr.
White with writing by yours truly is going to be on the shelves this week.
If you're listening to this on the day of release, it is called Web of Spider-Verse, New Blood.
It is a Spider-Man multiverse anthology.
Three stories about alternate reality spider people swinging, thwipping, and quipping
like all good spideys do.
There's a story from me, an artist Sameet Kumar.
It is a kind of a punk rock 80s vampire Spider-Man.
So if you like The Lost Boys, if you like The Hunger, it's inspired by Spider-Man.
They really hired the right guys when this came around.
Holy shit.
Yes.
So, so, so fun to do.
It turned out so gorgeous.
Sumit Kumar can draw the hell out of a comic book.
Oh, my God.
And well, and the character was designed by Luciano Vecchio, and
he designed a hot as hell vampire Spider-Man.
All of the, everybody at Marvel, when I showed them the design, was like, woo, we want to see this guy all the time.
Yeah,
he's got web gutters.
Oh, say what now?
I'm in.
Yeah,
it was in the script that he should be very hot.
And boy,
I think the fine artists at Marvel really nailed it.
Yeah, this was so, so much fun to do.
A genuine, like, lifetime dream achieved for me to get to work on a Spider-Man thing.
And yeah, I hope folks check it out.
You don't need to know too much about Marvel Continuity to read it.
Fun, three fun standalone stories, but it is leading into a bigger, fun event that hopefully you can jump on board if you like this comic.
And yeah, Web of Spider vs.
Pick it up at your local comic book store on March 5th.
Emily Fleming,
you've been teasing a plug, and now I think we can finally plug the hole, as it were.
That's right.
Plug that cube.
Plug the cube.
Yeah, tell us about your new project over there at Mythical.
Okay, so I have never in my life had my own show.
I've dreamt of this day.
This is a show.
It's your own.
It's mine.
It's mine, mine.
And I'm so thrilled that Mythical Society and Mythical has
worked on this and got me a spot where I could do this.
It's a show that exists on the second and third degree memberships for Mythical Society.
The show is called Emily, Have You Seen This?
And it's a internet clip show where I show all the stuff that I usually stack on my Instagram stories that Matt does not watch.
And Jordan doesn't watch because I usually post too many.
So now I have a place for them to go.
Forcing people to watch your Instagram stories.
Yeah, now you got to pay for it, motherfuckers.
No, it's so,
and it takes place in a really cool set.
The art department at Mythical worked with me on this.
And Hitch and Jamie, who are the producers on this with me,
they're pretty amazing.
The whole concept is basically: I work at a cubicle at an unknown workplace.
Oh, so maybe it exists in the city of the city.
I might be in the cube.
Are you in the cube, girl?
I might be in the cube.
And
my coworker, Jamie, and you, the audience, come to visit me on your break, being sneaky, trying not to get caught by the boss.
And I show you all the fun things that I saw on the internet.
And we have fun talking shit and being cute.
So please, please go check it out.
This is a very special moment in my life, in my career, and I can't wait to share it with you.
Emily, have you seen this?
On mythicalsociety.com.
Please become a member.
There's all kinds of stuff you can see on Mythical Society.
Also, Jordan and Matt are in tons of stuff on Mythical Society.
Jordan and I just did the fan fiction theater special.
Jordan was was the narrator in this.
He had to wear really cute
kind of dark academia daddy outfits.
Yes, yes.
Thank you.
It was great.
So please go check it out.
I would really love, love for you to see it.
And it'll be going on for, hopefully, forever.
I'm going to die in that cubicle.
Mythicalsociety.com.
We're throwing a link to that website in the show notes.
Get there, subscribe, watch yourself some funny videos.
Watch yourself some funny videos starring Emily.
Yay!
Matt Lieb, round it out.
Give us one final plug before we get to the end of the day.
All right.
Two dates.
Come to the Sacramento Punchline March 16th to see myself and my wife do stand-up.
Or come to Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco, May 7th, to see, once again, myself and my wife do some stand-up.
It's going to be really fun.
The link is in the show notes.
Okay.
Jordan D.
White, thank you so much for joining us.
Once again,
the podcast is Nature Trail to Hell.
The comics are from Marvel.
Get all that stuff.
You know.
Yeah.
Because you'll like it.
Absolutely.
And thank you so much for having me.
It's been a real, really great job.
Thank you for coming.
What a treat.
We've had a blast.
And yeah, tune in next week when our movie will be Pride and Prejudice.
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