Hitched For The Holidays

It's free with ads, the podcast that asked the question: why pay Netflix eight bucks a month for a bunch of weak sauce knockoff Hallmark holiday movies when you can go online for free and get the OG uncut good shit that pure Hallmark Christmas cheer shot directly into your veins, making you feel like a holiday god who is getting your ass eaten by Santa himself?

I'm Jordan Morris.

Wow, and I'm Emily Fleming.

Today's movie is hitched for the holidays, the 2012 2012.

What the fuck?

2012 Hallmark Channel Original.

That's the highest budget of any of their movies, costing about as much as a high school production of Bye-Bye Birdies.

With us, as always, is super producer Matt hitting us with those big soggy drops.

I'd rather be his whore than your wife.

I have an updated from last week.

I'm so

it's a great drop.

You can coast on that drop for a while.

We'll tell you if we're getting sick of it.

I mean, listen, I feel like everyone knows Titanic is also a Christmas movie, much like die hard so i figured to keep the drop through the holiday season so let me get something straight

i requested that you do a different fart sound every episode and you said you were going in a different direction and then you didn't go into a different direction at all in any way possible this time uh this time i decided the different direction was same direction which is different from my previous direction of same of different direction yeah so right honestly this is the biggest curveball you could have possibly thrown us exactly it's like when the hobbits went into Mordor and people were like, what?

It was like that.

I did that.

I feel like I'm being gaslit the way both of the families were in this movie.

Oh.

Right now.

Excellent tie-in.

This will not stand.

Well, hey, before we talk about hitched for the holidays, we want to talk about something else we saw for free on the internet this week.

Other free stuff.

This free thing is actually a post on the Reddit for this show, R slash Free With Ads.

It's a fun place to go to discuss this disgusting show with other sickos.

You can also go to r slash maximum fun

and discuss the show there too.

We love it every time you post about us.

This post on r slash free with ads is from environmental hyphen i373.

And this is a they have posted a social media post from at J Wright the Kid.

J Wright the Kid says, everybody got their favorite little crappy movie that they'll defend to the edges of the earth.

And this caused a wonderful discussion in the comments, people defending their crappy little movies.

It being listeners to this show, everything people post, I'm like, wait, that's a good movie.

What are you talking about?

Yeah.

It's like The Godfather 2.

Someone likes that.

Someone's saying Anaconda and Deep Blue Sea

to fucking Stone Cold Animal Attack Classics.

A lot of good stuff in there.

There's some Grease 2 fans.

Yeah, some Mummy folks.

But I wanted to know, we could just go in there and post our own, but we could actually just use it for content.

So

I would like to know, do y'all have a crappy little movie that you'll defend to the edges of the earth?

I mean, I guess I'll start.

Mine, and I actually, you know, the funny thing about this prompt is that

it

like requires you to call the movie really like crappy and little.

Sure.

Actually, I have a really amazing, big movie that everyone should like, but everyone's stupid.

Okay.

Martin Score says he's the aviator.

Oh, I like the aviator.

I was thinking about the aviator a lot when we were standing.

Stame season.

Big piss in the jar fan.

Yeah.

Dated quite a few men like that.

The way of the future.

The way of the future.

The way of the

future.

Show me all the blueprints.

Wait, do people not like the aviator?

I just remember in college getting a lot of shit for it.

I still have friends to this day who, whenever I talk about a movie, that will say, don't listen to Matt.

His favorite movie is The Aviator.

And

I'm like, it's a good movie.

It's a good movie.

I mean, it's got Leonardo Caprio.

Sure.

It's got Adam Scott playing a small bit part, but he crushed it.

It's got Kate Blanchette talking like that.

Oh, and Kate Blanchette is from the olden times.

I sure do love it.

When Kate Blanchett is from the early 1900s.

It's like, it's an incredible movie about a really cool guy,

a guy who make planes.

So, yeah, I just love it, and I'll always defend it.

Oh, interesting.

Emily, do you have a crappy little movie?

Once again, I don't know how little it is, but I love Garden State.

Okay, okay.

I know a lot of people think it sucks, and it is very like, I mean, it came out, I guess, in 2004, which is when I graduated high school.

And I just remember the trailer and the music was so cool.

And I really loved it.

And I had a big crush on Zach Brath from that movie, not from Scrubs, not that goofy ass character, but in this movie.

And I don't know.

And then the main movie Dream Girl thing came out.

And I went, oh, I'm stupid for liking this.

And then I know it's a fucking movie, guys.

It takes place at a really weird like weekend where two people are madly in love each other.

Speaking of another movie where people fall madly in love with each other during the course of like one week, which is another movie we're talking about tonight.

But

I loved the soundtrack.

I thought all the characters were fun and quirky.

I love that she had a million hamsters in her house.

Did she have a million hamsters?

I saw that movie exactly once.

I went with my like college girlfriend to see it and we like only listened to the shins for like six months after that soundtrack was i burned a ring in that thing yeah

i haven't revisited i just watched it that one time and i definitely remember liking it but it definitely like i i think has just become kind of a punchline for like tweet indie movies a little bit yeah it's unfair i feel like the manic pixie dream girl meme uh like came out and everyone retroactively started pretending they didn't like Garden State.

Yeah.

And I was just like, what are we doing?

Like, that was like a good movie.

It did well, at least from what I can remember.

Isn't there some sort of like Garden State soundtrack tour or show coming to the Hollywood Park?

There's a concert, yes.

And all of the artists, yes.

Whoa.

Wait, Cold Play is going to be there?

They're not on the soundtrack.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know if they're on the soundtrack, but they are.

They do.

Their song is like the opening song of the movie.

It is?

We live in a beautiful world.

You know that song?

It was was beautiful, Matt.

That was beautiful.

That's back when

it was really good.

I would call the soundtrack Cold Play Core.

It is Cold Play Core, though.

Honestly.

Can you get us nine other Cold Plays to be on the soundtrack?

We have the one Cold Play.

I like the play.

Make it colder.

Also, I'd say Cold Play is the crappy little movie of bands that I would defend to the public.

I love Cold Play.

I love them.

I remember the first few albums that came out, we were all excited for them to come out.

It's so funny.

I literally think you're brave for saying this.

Yeah, and then I had to pretend to like Radiohead, and I was like, God,

how much longer do I have to pretend to like Radiohead to get Radiohead?

Radiohead is way so boring.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

It's just like, give me something palatable.

It is palatable.

You just don't understand art.

Listening to Coldplay is like watching a dude play Halo.

Listening to Cold Play or Radiohead?

No, no, no, no listen to Radiohead.

Sorry.

Listening to Radiohead is like, that was such a good joke, and then I fucked it up.

Listening to that joke was like, Matt fixed the question.

Fixed the joke in editing.

It was good.

I'm going to do

AI Emily saying the joke.

Yeah.

Do the joke and then add Godzilla Roaring after that.

Because the thing is, people are going to rip me apart on Reddit for this.

And I know that.

I don't think so.

When have you been ripped?

Have you been ripped apart for anything you've said on the show?

I don't know.

Not on the show.

Not on this show.

Now you're challenging everyone.

I think this show,

from what I have experienced,

is a safe place for talking about liking stuff that may be like the mainstream.

Yeah.

You know, poo-poos a bit.

Disliking something, I think, is less what we're about.

But it's like the Radiohead thing, I acknowledge that they are

art.

I don't fucking know.

You didn't get shit for not liking Godfather 2.

You're not going to get shit for not liking Radiohead 2.

Well, I was right about that.

But, like, the Radiohead thing, I could see me being wrong about that.

I could see it.

I'm sure there are like weird noises that people find good, and I don't know why.

How dare you?

There's like a guy, this shrill little man who lives

in the cup.

Why did you say how you makes these noises?

I don't know.

Why did you say how dare you when you have a perfectly good stinker?

Oh, people have been asking for it, Matt.

People have been wondering where the how dare you.

So let me set that up again.

Emily, say something nasty about Radiohead.

Radiohead is like watching a dude play Halo.

Oh,

you know what?

I'm good.

There it is.

Thank you, Eddie.

Thank you,

Eddie.

I will do mine before we move on to the movie.

This is a crappy little series that I really love.

And so I know there's like,

it's weird because what's popular is so relative.

Like, so the, the, the movie series I like, there are six of them.

So somebody likes these things.

Uh, I just don't know anyone who enjoys these.

Six series or six seasons?

Six moves, six movies in a series.

The Mila Jovovich Resident Evil movies.

Solid.

I have seen every single one of them.

I think they are all a hoot.

Um, I realize that they have shortcomings.

I think they're very fun.

I think there's like a fun mix of CGI and practical.

They're a little scary.

They're really fun.

They got some good stunts in them.

I think they're always a hoot.

I have never been able to find anyone to watch one of these with me.

I'm like, we will watch them with you anytime.

I absolutely will watch the full series.

If it's free with ads, I'll watch it.

They were all on Pluto last month.

I know some stuff comes and goes, obviously.

But anyway, so yeah,

I might take you up on that.

Maybe we'll just do like the middle two Resident Evil movies or something.

Okay, so R/free R slash with ads and R slash maximum fun.

Get in there, chop it up with the other freebies, and let them know what your favorite crappy little movie is.

Speaking of crappy little movies, wonderful segue into this.

You know, I don't know.

Is this crappy?

Let's talk it out.

This is hitched for the holidays.

It is a Hallmark movie.

It came out in 2012.

Do either of y'all like Hallmark holiday movies?

No.

Never tried.

Wow.

This is your first one, Matt.

Yeah, I mean, I think I have, I don't think I've ever seen a Hallmark holiday movie that wasn't for a podcast.

There are two audiences for these movies: like

80-year-olds who are in a nursing home where they're teaching people.

They're dying people tune to Hallmark podcasters.

Have you watched these for a podcast, though?

I did a

like

riff track sort of thing for a fundraiser where we watched a like a Hanukkah version of one of these.

Okay.

And they all look the same.

They all look exactly like this.

They all have some fucking pun title.

And

the premise is always like,

what if you were Jewish?

You know, that's kind of it.

There's a little bit of that in this movie.

A little bit of like, what if Jewish people did a Jewish thing?

Okay.

Yeah, and they're fun to like talk about.

And to be honest, they are,

I think they are usually pretty competently made.

Like, I am, I'm not enjoying myself.

Sometimes I'll get a little bored, but that's, I mean, that's fine.

Yeah, Emily, you had a strong reaction to this.

Do you, have you like, have you been made to watch these?

Or do you have like, have you, have you

actively disliked them?

As someone who loves like romance movies, I love Bridgerton.

I love all that stuff.

This just feels like it was written like women will just like it if there's a guy and a girl and they do whatever.

Who cares?

They'll just like it if there's a guy.

They'll just like it if there's a guy and then they end up kissing or just putting it, just put whatever.

Camera at a man.

Film a man.

It's like you're not even trying.

I don't know.

It's my

okay.

I've never watched a Hallmark Christmas movie.

I have watched quite a few like lifetime Christmas movies, I think.

And then I've watched the Netflix Christmas movies.

They know they're bad and they kind of lean into it.

And I like that.

Also, they get like, I don't know, like people in there that I want to see.

I don't know if Joey Lawrence is exactly my or our generation's like hunk or heartthrob.

He's definitely someone's.

He's like the radio head of heartthrobs, whatever.

Anyway,

sorry, I'll stop doing that.

No, you can keep doing it.

It's funny.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

But, and I looked up Lifetime Holiday Movies into the Google machine.

And the first thing that came up was Hallmark Plus.

I looked up Lifetime.

And the first

search is Hallmark Plus, and it says it's sponsored.

And then below it is Lifetime.

That is also sponsored.

So Hallmark is outpaying Lifetime to beat it in its own game.

Wow, gotta give it to you, Hallmark.

Competition is strong between

those two brands.

But yeah, I'm sure that they're all kind of similar or whatever, but I judging based on this movie, I just never been drier in the pants.

Never in my life.

Okay.

A little peek at the rating, I guess, that's going to happen.

Well, yeah, let's actually talk about this thing.

Hitched for the holidays.

We opened on some beautiful shots of New York City.

It's 28 days till Xmas.

Hey, it's kind of like New York City's another character in the movie.

Anyway,

we see Joey Lawrence from Blossom.

I actually have pretty positive feelings about this guy because we were a big Blossom family.

We're the Blossom.

Little Crush on Six, Blossom's weird friend.

I love her.

I saw her in a store in Nashville once, and I didn't really watch Blossom, but I remember her being super cool.

I wanted to talk to her, but then I was like, oh, yeah, that is.

I loved Six, but I was afraid afraid of seven.

Wait, why?

Because seven, eight, nine.

Yay.

Thank you.

Thank you.

If we're podcasts, if we're doing a separate movie,

I might as well do that joke.

Do you guys ever worry that we're getting a little too smart for the internet?

We might be.

I think we might be getting too smart.

Yeah.

I know.

Too intellectual.

Too intellectual.

We haven't talked about fingering yet.

Telling hilarious jokes.

Listen, you couldn't fit a finger in there with the dry bullshit that's happening in there right now.

Emily, it's Christmas.

It's supposed to be dry.

Yeah, I guess.

So,

so yeah, so he's in a cab.

He's breaking up with a girl.

He's a business guy.

He just, he doesn't have time.

He's got too much business to do.

What business?

Unclear.

He's selling

a horse.

Yes.

He's a New York guy.

I'm a Catholic.

I sell gabo ghoul at the fucking advertising agency.

Yeah.

His face is as smooth as marble.

It's like somebody just cinched the back of that head and went.

It is wild how young he looks because I'm watching this movie going, like, isn't he

50?

Yeah, like a senior citizen.

Not like 50.

Isn't he like 60?

Like, how old is Joe?

I don't know.

Anyone's supposed to be in this?

Yeah, very unclear.

That's true.

Yeah,

they act either 19 or 50.

Yeah.

Yeah, so very unclear.

So his parents, big Italian family, they're giving him shit for not settling down.

The sound in this movie, just like the

microphones are bad.

I had to fuck with the settings on my TV.

I'm like, do I have some sort of fucking sound version of motion smoothing on?

Why does it sound so bad?

But I think they just had one microphone and they like they put it in a box.

Yeah, everyone project.

Everyone just yell in this direction.

It's theater.

And so we learn a little bit about his character when his Italiana mama asks him if he wants veal or eggplant.

And he wants both.

This guy can't make up his mind.

That's his character trait.

He can't commit.

So, actually, so Joey Lawrence, for the younger folks, he was a heartthrob in the 90s.

He was on a show called Blossom.

It was the TV version of The Worst Hat.

It was the TV version of our Sting.

Joey Lawrence also

had a pop music career.

Really?

And yeah, yeah.

Actually, we have one of his songs queued up.

This is not like a bit.

This is one of Joey's songs that charted in 1992.

Yeah, here it is.

Why is my baby blue?

Can't see the cup of love of a sunny day.

So, like,

very new kids on the block, very Marky Mark and the funky bunch.

It's not horrible.

It isn't.

It's pretty good.

It's just not what I thought his singing voice would sound like.

I'm going to be like, oh, hey, I'm a pop star.

Yeah.

You thought he was going to do just O's the whole time.

Oh, yeah.

When the moon hits your eyes, like a big

beat to pipe.

He does that 90s pop thing where he ends his words.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And your words.

Yeah, there was a whole generation of like child actor turned pop star attempt or attempted pop star guys who all kind of modeled themselves after Michael Jackson.

Yeah, that makes sense.

And so like, yeah, he's of that particular school.

I mean, his voice is.

Pretty.

It's not bad.

And also it's just different sounding than his speaking voice.

I listened to a lot of his songs.

I went down a little bit of a rabbit hole, and he's got some good ones.

Maybe we'll listen to some more Joey Lawrence music.

I love this cover of Hurt by Nine Inch Nails.

Yes.

To Jay,

pretty woman.

Upon your liar's throne, knock.

So, well, hey, that's the boy story.

Now let's go to the girl story.

It's this, hey, great to see this actor.

It's Emily Hampshire.

She's from

Shitt's Creek.

And she is, so she did these, and I think she kind of like got famous after this from Schitt's Creek and now does, you know,

work that people might consider higher quality than this.

So she kind of, yeah.

So, you know, it seems like maybe these movies are where people that you can kind of get your start in them or you can kind of like settle in them.

I mean, it's work is work.

You know what I mean?

That's how I think of these movies is work is work because I would die to be in any of these movies.

I mean, all trash talking aside, I would be in any of these movies, no problem.

The dirtbag, who she works with at the office,

great part.

I would love to play that.

I don't like a character like that.

The foot fetish

podiatrist.

Yes.

Give me that role.

Totally.

Great part.

Her mom.

Fucking Mary Lou Hanner.

Mary Lou Hanner in this,

she is in like two of my all-timers.

She's in Noises off an la story she's like a great comic comic actor she was a sitcom actor in the 70s and she's just fucking nailing this yeah um she's so she also never ages too yeah she looks she looks incredible uh i looked at her imdb she does four of these a year she does four hallmark movies a year no yeah totally and it's one of those things of like yeah fucking sure i mean you you're you're very accomplished but these are probably like fun and easy she also has that um there's a, it's not,

it's like a mental, it's not a disability, but it's like this, what do I, it's this thing where she has perfect photographic memory.

Like she can remember literally anything.

Every day of her life, yeah.

I don't know how you like necessarily prove that, but that's

Mary Leonard.

You know, you can prove it.

There's a comic in the Bay Area named Larry Bubbles Brown.

You give him any date.

He'll tell you

what he was doing that day, and he'll tell you that date's proximity to uh a plane crash that happened whoa yeah

he knows everything i've like googled it while he was doing it and i was like whoa this is real how do you huh yeah and it's like

it's not something he does on stage he does it in the green room for fun

okay he's not even on the show it's great he's yeah it's not something that's really useful or anything i guess unless unless you're like a star witness for something but um yeah, don't let Mary Lou Renners see you murder somebody.

You're fucked.

You would be fucked.

But okay, so it's called Highly Superior Autobiographical Memory, H-S-A-M.

Oh, my God.

It allows her to recall details from almost every day of her life.

So there'll be things like

weather and stuff like that that she can remember.

It's pretty crazy.

How bad the trailer bathroom smelled after Joy Lawrence got out of it.

I wonder if we could just like ask her shit about this movie.

I don't know if Joy Lawrence has nasty shits.

I was just, you know.

I mean, let's go with it.

Okay, yeah.

So, so anyway, she, Mary Lou Henner, plays Emily's, Emily's mom.

She, you know, it's another thing.

Why don't you get married?

She's not getting married.

And so they set her up with a guy that Matt alluded to.

Not my mom, by the way.

The other, this actor.

Yeah, the character.

No, no, yes.

Yeah.

I know.

I'm going to call her her character name.

So

Julie.

Julie.

There we go.

Okay.

That's that will help this not be confusing.

I don't know if this is a meme that is kind of tailored to my algorithm.

Have you guys seen the hardcore guitarist meme?

No.

Possibly.

So what happened?

The meme is when a hard, when the hardcore guitarist looks like this, you know you're going to die in the pit.

And then they put up a photo of the nerdiest guy possible.

That is so fucking the spodiatrist.

Yeah.

If like this guy was.

I don't know that meme, but that is a great meme.

That's a great meme.

And they do, do, like, it's like Toby Maguire from Spider-Man or something.

Okay, Matt, cut this part out, but I'm going to make a note to do that meme for

Instagram next week.

Oh, yeah, that'd be great.

Yeah, anytime we're there.

And we'll put ourselves in it or something.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Anyway, but I also wrote down the first time I saw this guy of like, he's like set up as the like lame,

like the guy who's not the love interest, right?

He's the guy she rejects.

This guy, I was like, this guy fucks.

Like, this guy, this guy seems like a

polyamory sex party guy.

Absolutely.

Yep.

We saw you from across the bar.

Yeah, we liked your vibe.

Yes, totally that guy.

Come to see my hardcore band.

Yeah, this is the guy that you'd give a chance to, even though you're like unattracted to him.

And then you'd hang out with him for a couple months and be like, all right, he's okay.

And just when you start to fall in love with him, he dumps you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is that guy.

And we find out appropriately that he's a he's a foot guy.

He's a foot guy.

Oh, yeah.

I kind of like that.

Me too.

I know.

And I feel like it proves my thesis.

This guy, this guy fucks.

And yeah, you should ask someone before playing footsie with them under the table.

But this guy clearly has a robust, interesting sex life.

Yeah.

I love it that

too, because it was like the only edge that the movie had.

It is like

almost entirely smooth movie.

It's such a soft measure.

It's soft.

There's like no conflict.

There's like every conflict gets resolved immediately.

Yeah.

And so like the only like ooh thing is a guy is a podiatrist with a foot fetish.

I was like, okay, you know what?

I'll accept it.

That's funny.

Cute.

Let's go with it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So her,

so what is it?

What's the character's name?

I won't keep wanting to call her.

Julie.

Good old Julie.

Okay, I'll give you a mnemonic device to help the game.

thank you.

Would you please?

Julie is a Jew.

Honestly, that's going to help me remember.

I don't like that about myself.

It helps.

So she has a very rom-com job.

She works at a newspaper where she is, and this is her words, not mine, theater reviewer.

I'm a theater reviewer.

You mean a critic?

I yelled at my TV every time she said, I'm a theater reviewer.

Who fucking calls themselves that?

Maybe she's just humble.

She's like, let's be honest.

I'm not a critic.

This movie was written by a dude who's like, do women have jobs?

What jobs do they have?

Dude, they like plays.

My wife's always dragging me to the

play and saying.

Put a guy who likes feet in there.

The women will go for that.

They'll love it.

Yeah.

You get so wet for this movie.

I got three hours to write this movie

or I don't get my cocaine from Allmark.

Oh, look at that.

Look at that going by.

It's a tumbleweed from Emily Fleming's pussy just going down New York City streets.

This movie was written

on Joey Lawrence's character.

Yeah, exactly.

I think it is.

So Joey Lawrence, we learn, has a sick grandma and she wants nothing more than to see him

get a wife before she dies, which we learn is like going to be New Year's.

The doctor is like, well, after New New Year's, she's gonna die.

So, like, a very, we're just gonna take her out back and shoot her.

Yeah, I mean,

that's when her health insurance runs out.

Multiple times, they talk about maybe the doctors don't know anything, and she goes, They know, and it's like they don't, yeah, they clearly don't, they don't know.

She makes multiple miracle recoveries in the movie, yeah.

There's a lot of like parallels to Moonstruck in this

movie, um, at least with regard to the dying Italian mother/slash grandmother situation.

And they're both bad.

Yeah.

I get to do a radiohead thing, too.

Yeah, what's watching Moonstruck like, Matt?

What's it like?

I want you to know.

I want you to know the Fleming family watched Moonstruck together for Thanksgiving, and now it's one of our official Thanksgiving movies that we're going to watch every year.

So

you come fight us.

Enjoy your time.

Catch these Fleming hands, motherfucker.

Catch these.

Oh, boy.

The leaves are watching the aviator on retail.

Honestly, we would love to come over and watch that.

That sounds really fun, actually.

Can I come?

Please, everyone show up.

And then me and my dad will definitely come watch Resident Evil.

Why do I sound like this now?

Why do I sound like this?

You watch enough Joey Lawrence terminal.

It's infectious.

Whoa.

Yo, yeah, I think we don't think we've even mentioned his catchphrase on Blossom was, whoa, was whoa.

I was trying to remember what it was because I remember he had one, and I thought it was A.

That's like what I thought it was.

Oh, yeah.

It's really close.

You're not far off.

It is whoa.

Yeah, they gave him a leather jacket and they went, oh, we can't do A, so we got to do what?

What else?

That's Tim Allen.

You just did Tim Allen.

Let me try a few.

Let me try a few.

Yahoo-hoo-hoo-wee.

No, it's goofy.

Okay, okay.

Woodpecker.

Hey, what's up?

We'll get it.

We'll get it.

We'll get it.

What's up, Doc?

Oh, whoa.

Let's go to London.

Wait, wait, wait.

What was that?

What was that?

Do that again.

Whoa?

Yeah.

Hey, that shit was diet.

It's like the trailer first straight out of Compton.

He's in the booth and he's like, yo, do that again.

That's the biopic, the Joe Lawrence story.

Him in the booth going, whoa.

Do that again.

And then he has a drug problem from doing whoa too good.

And he gets too rich.

No, he's like, I can't do this anymore, man.

His mother tells him, Whoa, ain't gonna put no food on no table.

Whoa, ain't gonna put no food on whoa table.

Yes, you can't eat whoa.

Yeah, you can't eat whoa.

So,

so his so grandma's dying, and he lies.

He says he has a, he says he has a girlfriend, and it's one of those gags where he's like looking around the hospital room.

He's like, so he sees roses, and he's like, My girlfriend, Rose Mary.

Like, there's a world where he just like looks in the wrong direction.

He's like, oh, my girlfriend's name is shit, caked bedpan.

Dying grandmother.

No.

Sure.

No, that's you.

Let's see.

So, okay, so there.

So they both have this dilemma.

So that

mom's

trying to set Julie the Jew up with multiple guys.

I will.

That's a gangster.

That's now an attack.

That's now a gangster.

It's one of Dick Tracy's villains.

We got Joey.

Joey the House.

Joey Bananas.

Joey the House.

Julie the Jew.

Julie the Jew.

Mario the brother.

Ooh, I should have done another long deleted scene bit to go with this.

Also, his name is Rob in this movie.

So it could be

Robbie the guy.

Robbie the man.

Robbie the man.

Robbie the lead of the movie.

The male guy.

The mail man in the movie.

The mailman.

He delivers mail.

So

they both need a fake relationship.

So they go on the movie's legally dissimilar from Craigslist website, Ricky's list.

They both go on Ricky's list.

So this is 2012.

This was fucking cutting edge at this time.

They go on Ricky's list and they put up an ad for needing a fake relationship.

So they both just want to do this scheme.

And so we see her like going through like people answering her ad.

I paused it to look at the screen names of the people who had answered her ad.

Big dude, gentleman55, Mr.

Nice Guy, I want to meet you, Humbug Harry, and Satan Spawn.

Emily, just based on the screen names, which one of these would you answer?

Going for humbug Harry.

That's him.

That's

yeah, I know.

I just, I wish I had a funnier answer, but all of those just felt too real.

I know, yeah.

Like it felt too real.

I was, I, too, was in New York City at this time.

And I was

on trolling Ricky's list.

I was on Craigslist looking for, like, I got my bed from Craigslist.

I remember.

Oh, okay.

But, and luckily, a lot of stand-up comedians in New York were movers.

That's, like, what all stand-up comedians did for work because you'd only have to work during the day, and then you could go.

So I just get a bunch of comedians to pick me up in their truck, and then we'd go get stuff.

And then I already had dudes who would not defend me if it was something sketchy but at least they were there i don't know yeah a witness yeah a witness bring bring mary lou henner with you she remembers everything

yeah but i definitely used it then and it was i think i found my first um apartment on craigslist oh yeah me too crazy my first la apartment was a craigslist person

for your little year and some change um yeah she was a monster energy drink promo model and she had a lot of bands sleep on our floor

uh and then someone moved into our closet.

She didn't ask.

This girl just moved into this walk-in closet and then we had a third roommate.

Very weird.

Did you guys hook up?

We did not hook up.

Did she pay rent?

Oh, but she tried.

Let me tell you.

She was constantly trying.

And I'm like, no, madam, it would be unethical.

I'm your landlord's friend.

What about the girl in the closet?

No, the girl in the closet.

I think we got along a little bit better than me and the primary roommate.

But no, no, no, you know, no romance.

Just, you know, just to I have never hooked up with a roommate either, and I'm very proud of that.

Same.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good, good for us all.

We're all good and healthy and have good relationships.

Anyway, so they go to his, so they go to her like office party.

They go to the bar.

He orders a vodka tonic with two limes.

I guess this is supposed to be like a cute drink order.

I don't know.

And then he orders, so he says, give me a beer.

I almost get mad, but then he says,

anything in a bottle.

And I'm like, you know what?

Fucking fine.

That's fine.

That's fine.

That's an order.

The bartender would know what to do with that.

But it is a fucking psychotic drink order.

It's another thing where he it's trying to be like he can't make a decision, but a cocktail and a beer?

Fucking psycho shit.

Okay, hang on.

Joey.

Whoa.

Sorry what did that?

Slow down.

I don't mean to judge.

The fact that my drink order is a whiskey meat with bitters and a Budweiser and a bottle.

That's a shot in a break.

No, that's not psycho.

That's normal.

It's got bitters in there and it's neat.

It's not a cocktail, but it is two drinks.

And I'm not shooting it.

I'm sipping it.

I do a double sipper.

So I think you owe me an apology.

I apologize.

I would order that at a bar.

I would order a neat thing, but I don't know.

For some reason, it being a full cocktail seems psycho to me.

Yeah.

Like a vodka cranberry with a beer is weird.

That is

very weird.

You're right.

You're right.

I'm just trying, I just need attention sometimes.

No, no, no.

And you deserve it.

You deserve it.

I think what you know, that I feel like what you're describing is a boilermaker, which is a drink.

Yes, yes, yes.

It's true.

There's a kind of weird thing with like alcohol in things where you're not sure if the writer or director have ever had a drink.

Like, have we all seen The Room here?

Yes, yes.

It reminds me of when he pours a drink.

Tommy Wizzo pours scotch and vodka into the same

glass.

And it's just clear he's just never had a drink in his life.

And so he doesn't know you're not supposed to make a suicide out of it.

It was the same feeling I got watching his drink order.

I was like, I don't know if anyone would do this.

I always remember in, I've made a note to know how much you're supposed to pour, like of a one-liquor drink from like movies and TV.

Like in Mad Men, they have that decanter and like glasses, and they're drinking like scotch during the day.

And then he pours it in.

I'm like, I didn't put much in that cup.

And then I went, well, how much are you supposed to put in there?

You just pour it into the brim?

Like, what do you do?

And so I just, I pay attention to like Mad Men.

I'm like, this is how much scotch goes in there.

Oh, yeah.

That's all I know.

That's all I know.

So it's kind of off.

So he, he gets too drunk at the office party and like doesn't act that shitty, just gets a little bit stumbly.

And he's dancing pretty great, though.

Yeah, he's dancing, but I think, I don't know, I think this is supposed to, like, represent someone getting too drunk and making an asshole of themselves.

So, like,

this is the closest thing the movie has to conflict.

Oh, I guess there's, like, one little one at the end that's fucking psychotic that we'll talk about later.

Yeah.

So this is the closest.

This is, like, one of the only conflicts in the movie.

I guess he's supposed to have acted like an asshole he immediately apologizes via like this email and then like then they kind of just get along for the next 60 minutes um

they

yeah so they kind of go to all each other's like things they go to a coffee shop and he orders a mint tea and an espresso this guy this fucking guy can't commit he can't um

he takes her to his his family's home i think they don't know she's jewish at this point and they're like help us decorate the tree.

The tree at this point is already fucking decorated.

It drove me insane.

I was like, you're done.

This tree is, you're, what is she going to do?

And also, they're doing this thing where they're just like, oh boy, this must be a weird situation.

You probably never put tinsel on a tree before.

Like, what the fuck?

Like, well, it's also just like, why are they putting her to work?

You heard, like, it's just.

She acts like it's a driving stick, too.

She's like, a Jew could never place.

I could never do this.

No, I'm not.

And it's also like...

What do I do?

I stick it in my asshole.

But also, she's wearing earrings.

Yes.

Same concept, motherfucker.

Hanging a thing on a thing.

It is so weird.

It's like,

and I've seen this happen a few times.

And the other Hallmark movie that I watched, it was very much this thing where it's just like, oh, you know,

Jews, they don't know anything about Christmas.

It's like, literally, everyone knows everything about Christmas.

Yeah, it's us that know nothing about Judaism.

Yes, well, but not even that.

Even that, I was like, yeah, you wouldn't know the prayers and stuff, but like you wouldn't blow out the menorah like it's a fucking birthday cake.

No one would actually do later.

It was funny.

It was funny, though.

It was a joke.

There is a couple of legit funny things that happen in this movie, kind of in this zone, too.

The most I laughed in this movie, and maybe the most I've laughed in in a minute watching media

is when they so his family has to pretend to be jewish just because of i don't know

no reason so no reason so so the julie's family comes over and what they've done is they've just hung a bunch of dreidels in their christmas tree

i i laughed like a maniac at that

It was very funny.

And then also they had a bunch of menorahs, one for every night, which was a great joke.

And And they were not Hanukkah's, they were Kwanza candle operas.

I didn't notice that.

Yeah, no, that's what they said.

They got Kwanzaa menorahs essentially, which is a very funny joke.

That was a great joke because there's not enough

candles on it.

Well, I will say that this is strangely progressive part about this movie,

which I kind of found charming because I, when I was growing up, there were, there was like a girl from my church who was the really popular girl and she, you know, went to college and she ended up marrying a Jewish gentleman.

And all of the like old ladies at my church were like, well, I don't, that just sounds like it's not going to work.

And I'm like, why?

Like, it's why?

And they were just like, well, what do you do with the kids?

And I'm like, whatever you want.

Like, I don't know.

I feel like they'll figure it out.

Like, I don't know.

It always seems so weird to me.

So to see this in this movie where it's just like, no big deal.

Everyone's just trying to make everyone happy and nobody's weirded out by it.

It made me really happy.

I liked that a lot.

Yeah.

It is for the older audience, too.

I think like this conflict, I think for maybe our generation or younger is going to be like, wait, who the fuck cares about that?

But like the older generation is like those church ladies where they're like,

what are they going to do with the children?

Yeah, exactly.

They'll be so confused.

The children will be confused.

They'll be like, we love Jesus, but also we don't.

We do.

Yeah, I think, and I, I have not looked too deeply into what the Hallmark Company does as a corporation, but I think that like, I guess they, you know, they put out a, you know, same-sex couple having this exact plot.

It's this whole like, we're lying because we need fake dates.

And then we actually get into each other.

But I guess they, you know, so I think, I think the Hallmark Company, like, it seems like with these movies does, you know, they're trying to be a little more progressive than the audience.

They're They're a little woke.

Yeah, woke greeting card companies.

I'm sick and tired of these woke cards.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

Why don't all Christians marrying a Jew?

Why do none of these cards have the R-word in them?

More slurs in my cards, please.

I'll tell you this: don't go in the comments section of this movie.

Oh, no.

But oddly enough, I didn't see anything anti-Semitic.

I saw a lot of other stuff, though.

Just random conspiracy theories for no reason.

Yeah, there were some Italian-American discrimination.

No, none of that either.

All right, I mean, there was some trippy shit in there.

Let's keep guessing.

Yeah, okay, now I'll go.

But it was a lot of men in the comments I saw saying how much they loved this movie.

Oh, interesting.

And that kind of furthered my opinion that this was a movie written by dudes, dudes, like thinking about what they think women would want to see, but really it's what they wanted to see.

And so, I think this is a movie for women written by dudes for dudes.

Okay, that's a one, that's a one.

Yeah, if you're out there, hey, if you're out there and you're a you're a dude

hitched for the holidays fan, we want to hear from you free with ads at maximum fun.org.

Yeah, um, so they like do a couple more things.

His shirts are all really tight, they put him in some fucking tight-ass shirts in this.

Uh, not complaining about that, okay.

He's in great shape, he's in really great shape.

This is amazing.

Yeah.

This is a very like, yeah, this is a very like, his look looks very like post-emo, right?

The pants and the shirts are all real tight.

Yeah.

Anyway,

so okay, what the fuck happens in this?

Okay, he goes to see a play with her.

There's a weird thing that I think is almost a great joke in this where she's too nice as a theater critic and never wants to criticize a theater reviewer, excuse me.

She never wants to criticize anything, but when she falls in love with him, she can write a bad review.

And so she comes into the office, having written a bad review of a play they go see called Socks in the City.

Fun.

I would love to see that play.

She writes a bad review, and the whole office is clapping because she panned this play.

That was so weird.

And also, her review, they go to her review, and it has the review doesn't have a photo of the play.

It has a giant photo of her.

What fucking newspaper article has a giant photo of the person who wrote it?

This, like, movie has an understanding of newspapers like Penelope that just has a deadline with the title.

But I don't think this one is doing it as a joke anyway.

So, yeah.

And the thing about this is, it's like they just like each other.

The closest thing that happens to a fight is the drinking thing.

Yeah.

And I don't think this movie ever does a good job.

I mean, the movie doesn't fucking care about a lot of shit, but like, it doesn't do a good job of like,

why don't they just be together?

They like each other.

They have fun.

They like kiss a lot.

They like accidentally kiss.

I mean, it's probably like kind of their kink, you know?

They're like, no, we can't, we can't, we can't do it.

Well, I think it's also the who's, are you in this for the, for the gig from Craigslist, or are you in it because you like me?

I think that they're both kind of like, you know,

it's just that what dating was in 2012, too.

Don't ever show someone you actually like them.

Yeah,

play the game.

That was like

play the game.

God, I remember

when I was, I moved in, this is 2012, the year this came out.

I met this, went on a date with this guy from,

what was it?

Okay, Cupid.

It went great.

And then I followed him on Facebook the next day.

Everyone I worked with at my retail store was like, why the fuck did you do that?

That psycho behavior.

And I'm like, what?

Why?

They're like, no, it means you're like stalking him.

I'm like, oh, they'll like like wait five days to call somebody.

Yeah, I just didn't understand all of these like ins and outs of playing this game.

And I still don't.

I still don't do that shit.

Yeah.

Just don't.

No.

I'm busy when I'm busy.

I'm not when I'm not.

Fuck yeah.

Yeah.

So yeah, so they're, they're just like fucking around.

They're not, they're like being into each other, but for some reason, not just like saying they're dating.

Grandma makes a miracle recovery and comes to the house for the like Hanukkah Christmas party, but they dance too hard, and grandma

passes out.

They're like, We let the party get out of hand, and so like at the hospital where they're like tending to grandma,

they like confess.

They're like, Here's what we were doing, she was a thing.

Okay, so that's

one of the three bad things that happens in the movie.

We're gonna talk about the end when we come back.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended up.

But no.

No, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

we're back it's free with ads we're talking about hitched for the holidays so the couple has confessed while grandma is in the hospital um

up to this point when they kind of talk about what they're doing she's just like it's okay they're just little white lies They're not.

They're fucking huge lies.

You are telling huge lies.

And when you confess this, you seem psychotic.

The whole thing just makes them seem so crazy.

So then they kind of have to deal with the fact that, like, oh, you know, do we break up?

What are we?

And then, okay.

So they've been setting up this thing where she hasn't dated because she got dumped on New Year's Eve.

Yeah.

And then she's like, I have something else to confess.

I didn't get dumped.

I dumped him on New Year's Eve.

And Joey Lawrence is for some fucking reason mad about this.

Okay, that shit that you were doing earlier, huge lies.

That actually is a little white lie.

Genuinely, a little white lie.

Like, I don't, you know, you don't tell everyone the exact reasons you broke up with someone.

You don't fucking have to.

Like,

you know, you don't

only that, but like, she says, uh, I didn't lie to you.

I said that we broke up.

Like, she actually didn't lie about it.

She just kind of heavily implied that

he was the one who did it.

It's the littlest white lie in the movie.

And Joey Lawrence is like, I can't believe you would do this to me.

I'm such a good guy.

It's just like, okay, I get it.

It's the fucking third act.

It's minute 70 of this 80-minute movie.

Something has to happen.

But, like, that truly makes him seem insane that he would get mad about that.

It's like, who the fuck?

Don't, don't date this psycho anyway.

For a guy who like can't like

pick or commit or whatever, he could sure commit to a lie.

Like, you know, yeah, that's a great point.

Fully commit to lying to his family.

Like, there's several meetings a week about how they're going to lie.

Yeah, he's made a big choice.

He made a choice.

Like, he doesn't get confused.

It's just like when it serves him the most, he'll make that choice.

Like, yeah.

So they they both go off to like separate new year's eve parties he has this like kind of pussyhound friend who pops up a couple times i think he's the tallest person in the movie

tallest guy

um he says he the he's talking to the pussyhound friend this guy has some awful dialogue yeah he says like come to my party at the bar you still owe me that c note C note, that means a hundred bucks.

That is slang from the fucking 30s.

How old is the guy that wrote this movie?

You owe me a C note?

Yeah.

Insane.

That is definitely not a woman who wrote this.

A saw buck.

Give me a saw buck for.

Well, I remember there was this guy who I was dating in New York also, who was talking about like this girl who before she had a kid, she used to be a real dime piece.

Oh, boy.

And I was like, what does that mean?

And he goes, a 10.

And I was like, just say that, you piece of shit.

You

makes you.

Yeah, exactly.

But it's also like, God, if you want to be a douchebag, just stop making it confusing.

Like, just be a douchebag.

Don't talk like you're from Boardwalk Empire.

I know.

But it's like, that sounds like the guy who said that wrote this movie.

So she, she goes to her office Christmas.

Give me that C note and then we can meet some flappers.

Yeah, we'll go to a gin joint and listen to Andy Kirk and his 12 clouds of joy.

Jesus.

Um, so

so she goes to this New Year's Eve party.

She looks great at at this thing.

She looks like she's

a girl group.

Me too.

She looks awesome.

And clearly, like, she was dressed by people who don't understand the fashion of 2012, but I think it makes her look kind of cool and reckless.

Yeah, it does.

And she, like, yeah, there's this like jerky sports writer who's being like really creepy to her, and she kind of tells him off.

That's a thing.

The podiatrist is there.

He like sees this other woman rubbing her feet.

That's kind of a funny joke.

And he's like, I gotta go.

Guy loves feet.

But then they,

so

at the bar party where the guy needs the C-note, Joey Lawrence gets a call.

Grandma got better.

He runs to, yeah, I know.

Grandma just randomly gets better and then passes out.

She loves the drama, is what I think.

She's a messy bitch.

I'm dying.

I'm not.

I'm dying.

Marry someone.

I'm dying.

Yeah.

Fucking grandma.

Messy.

So

they're like running to find each other.

Cell phones exist, just fucking call each other, whatever.

Um, he sees her get in a cab, and he, like, jumps on a police horse to chase, and that's like the big climax of the movie.

This, like, they haven't talked about horseback riding at all in this.

I'm like, did I miss something?

His horse, anyway, whatever.

He steals a horse.

Yeah.

Well, his mom predicted, like, his mom has visions, which they added into here for some reason.

She's like, I have this vision

that you're going to get on a horse and you got that he steals a police horse and doesn't get arrested.

And I'm like, this is not New York City.

New York City is not the main character here.

To be fair,

he is white, so he can take any police horse he wants.

It's really funny if the movie ended where he's beaten to death with a nightstick.

I mean, I.

New York City cops all open fire on him.

Yeah.

And then a bullet, a stray bullet hits shitty Elmo in Times Square.

That hello darkness, my old friend, just fucking fucking falls down in the snow.

So they, you know, the horse thing happens.

They kiss.

Everybody like watching them claps, even though they don't know what's going on.

It's like they were just watching the movie.

We see a big clock in Times Square.

There's no ball.

There's no ball dropping.

It's like, do you have to pay for the ball?

Whatever.

There's just a big clock.

Make this be in another city.

I don't get it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so you get a little, yeah, I know, right?

I'm sure they just shot it in Canada.

It's like, what does Canadian New Year's happen?

Like, what happens there?

Anyway,

you get a little

wrap-up, text wrap-up with what happened to everybody.

So strange to do that.

It is weird for a fictional movie.

It's really weird.

Yeah.

It's not a biopic.

You don't have to be like, Grandma went on to live another six months and then died tragically in a car accident.

She died in Vietnam.

You can make up anything.

It's like, Grandma turned out to be the reincarnation of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

And Iron Man was there and Dorothy Tater.

Just a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a kid making shit up.

She's dancing herself to death again in hell.

Yes, dancing in hell.

I love a post script for a movie that's just fiction.

Not real, exactly.

All right.

So that's, yeah, so that's hitched for the holidays.

We're going to rake it.

But first, our famous segment, Hunk Watch.

It's Honk Watch.

Yeah.

Yeah,

I think it's Joey Lawrence.

I don't know that he's great in this, but he handles himself pretty well, genuinely hunky.

Maybe he

has had some bad tailoring decisions made for him.

But yeah, I don't know.

I think he handles himself pretty well, and I think a genuine hunk in the 90s and in the 2012s.

Yeah.

Any other opinions we have?

Mary Lou Renner.

Oh, Mary Lou Henner.

Yeah, she's great in this, and she looks like it.

Wait, is it Mary Lou Henner?

Mary Lou Henner, yeah.

You were thinking Mary Lou Retton.

Damn it.

You combine them.

And why not?

Yeah, and why not?

They're both great.

Yeah.

And yeah, Mary Lou Henner is so good and clearly like,

you know, clearly like better than all the other parents in this movie.

And I think she probably could be doing like prestige TV and shit.

But like, I don't know.

I kind of like that she likes doing these things.

It's probably like literally one,

like, it's probably one, two days of shooting.

And then

She probably has a great day rate.

I'll say it's definitely not the sag minimum, you know what I mean?

No, no, no, no, she's wonderful.

Yeah, my hunk watch feet guy.

I like the podias.

Yeah,

all right.

I see myself in him, you know

I get it, bro.

Yeah, sometimes you look at some tootsies and you're like, ooh, this little piggy is going to market.

They did scan down to

Julie, Julia's feet at the party when it's like, and she had the ugliest shoes on.

And I was like, yeah, they are not meant to be together at all.

I think she's great in this, too.

She's really good.

She is fantastic.

Yeah, so she definitely

just kind of like nails this kind of like rom-com dialogue.

Both her and

Joey Lawrence are doing their best with.

Yeah, they are.

They really are.

They're fun.

They got a little chemistry.

They're having a good time.

All right.

We are going to rank hitched for the holidays i can never remember the name of this movie hitched for the holidays

uh

when we come back

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

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Same episode actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

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We still haven't learned everything yet.

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Woo!

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Ella Hubber.

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I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

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We're back.

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We are going to rank the Hallmark Channel original movie Hitched for the Holidays on a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials.

You know what?

My instinct says that maybe

I'm going to be the most charitable to this.

So maybe I'll start.

Matt, we'll go to you.

And then Emily,

you can deliver the kill shot to the brand.

Okay.

I think.

I think.

I don't know.

I don't mean to presume.

All right.

You know, so I'll

a little glimpse into my process.

For all the process nerds out there,

I usually like.

try and like watch these movies that we talk about pretty closely.

I kind of like try and make it a distraction-free viewing experience.

Just because, you know, I know I have to talk about it.

If I get shit wrong, it's going to be confusing.

This is the one movie I've watched for this podcast high out of my mind.

I was so stoned when I watched this movie.

And I like laughed a lot at the intentional jokes and at the like bad shit that her giant photo in the paper next to her review.

So I like kind of weirdly had a good time watching it.

It's yeah, it's like not great.

It's super creaky and definitely like, yeah, written by, you know an 80 year old man just like guessing at the what a woman is like

um but yeah i don't know i think it's i think it's kind of fun i think it is like you know if you are with your elderly family members during the holidays and need to put something on the fucking tv that's not fox news or whatever yes um this this is a pretty pretty fun option yeah i don't know maybe this starts a tradition for me of just like watching one Hallmark movie a year.

I'm going to give this a charitable five.

I'm going to say

this is a nice five.

Don't go out of your way to watch it, but it might be useful to you in certain circumstances.

Matt, what do you think?

Listen, I enjoyed the movie.

I mean, I didn't think it was a good movie.

I didn't

watch it.

I wasn't riveted.

There were moments where it was merely a vehicle for food,

you know, something to do while eating.

Sure.

Which, you know, I think for a bad movie, it can ruin a meal.

And this movie was, I would say, a blank slate.

It was almost like watching a screensaver.

Like flying toast.

Oh my God.

So good.

What a great description.

Yeah.

And

some screensavers are great.

So I would give this a four.

I would say, you know, put it on with the family.

Stop them.

It's, you know, from watching something bad.

So

yeah.

Emily, we'll let you have the final word okay so i um i'm gonna do a little backstory here please yes today my apartment was uh roach bombed for the millionth time this year everything is spread everywhere i came back when they told me to come back and then i got sick in my apartment from the fumes jesus so you roach bombed yourself i roach bombed myself

and i guess i'm i'm not invincible anymore i felt like i could have any toxic chemical put into myself

fine But now I found your kryptonite.

This is my kryptonite.

So I walked to this.

We have a little strip mall down the

street, and there's a Thai place that has like four tables in it.

And I just sat in there, ate food, and watched this on my phone.

Okay.

And I had a good time watching it.

It kind of sounds fun.

It was.

It was fun.

And I wish I was, I do wish I was a little stoned.

But I had a, they let me get a, a beer from the little convenience store like next door and bring it in which was fun and uh had a big ass foster's and some bad tie but

I it's I honestly think as far as hallmark movies go this is not as bad as I thought it was gonna be I think when I think about hallmark movies I think oh my god the cheesiness or whatever this wasn't so much cheesy as it was dusty dry for me it was like

For me,

when you watch a movie that's supposed to be romantic, I don't want to

do all the boring shit, like meeting family at the holidays, like stuff.

I want to at least see like a nice dinner.

Maybe someone falls in a puddle and you take them home and warm them.

Like, I don't know.

Something romantic needs to happen.

Anything romantic needed to happen.

And it was just like, I felt like I was actually at a family event that I couldn't wait for it to be over.

Like, I visited like

great grandparents in, you know, the hospital and you're like, all right, I've been here for five minutes.

How many more minutes is this?

And then it feels like this movie felt like that for me.

Okay.

It felt like

watching a relative die.

Yes, kind of.

Kind of, yes.

So the funny thing is, you think five is high.

I guess I've haven't done very many movies that are below five, but I'm going to give it a 4.5 because I think there were some really sweet

things in the movie that were well-intentioned or whatever, but me not horny, me no likey.

So, okay, no horny, no likey.

All right, no horny, no likey.

Good, good, okay.

Um, I'm in real shit in my life, okay?

That's you know, that's, I think, I think these are lovely scores for this movie.

I think we, we, we met it, we met it where it was at.

Good for us.

That was, um, that was hitched for the holidays.

Yeah.

Um, hey, um,

fun plug segment this week, guys.

Hunker down.

A lot of fun stuff in the plugs.

Hunker down.

Hunker down for some plugs.

I'm doing it Joey Lawrence style.

Of course, if you are anywhere, even remotely near the San Francisco Bay Area, we want you to come see us live at the Punchline Comedy Club, January 23rd, 7.30 p.m., part of SF Sketchfest.

A wonderful comedy festival.

We hope to see you there.

We're going to

announce a guest.

We're going to announce a movie.

And then those tickets are going to be fucking impossible to get.

So get on it now.

Be an early adopter.

sfsketchfest.com.

Come see us January 23rd at the punchline.

Of course, maxfundstore.com.

That's where you go for all your free with ads merch, our gorgeous t-shirt, our stickers, our hats that say the worst hat.

And guys, I got the pint glass this week.

The pint glass is gorgeous.

It's a beautiful, beautiful pint glass.

It has our show art on it, and it's like raised.

It's not like printed, it's like textured on the glass.

It's a very handsome glass.

You can kind of rub your fingers on it.

A beautiful glass.

You could finger us on the glass.

You could finger us while you get drunk.

Oh, my God.

That's your dream.

Fingering cup.

MaxFunStore.com.

Hey,

if you already got all the free with ads merch for that

hard to shop for person on your list,

if that person likes a book, Maximum Fun just launched their own bookshop.org page.

This is very fucking cool.

Bookshop.org slash shop slash maximum fun.

Bookshop.org is a really cool website where if you want to get a book in the mail, but you don't want to use a bad company, they will ship you books and they work with local bookstores so you can still get your book in the mail and it doesn't destroy small businesses.

Bookshop.org slash shop slash maximum fun.

They have a page of recommendations, but also like every book that has been written by a Max Fun host.

So you can get a youth group from me and Bo and McGurdy there.

You can get Alonzo Deralde's great book, Hollywood Pride, the books written by the gang over at Reading Glasses.

Bookshop.org slash shop slash maximum fun, a good place to go to get books.

And I want to make sure folks know about mythicalsociety.com.

This is the paid platform for Good Mythical Morning, the great YouTube show that Emily, Matt, and I are all on periodically.

I just got an email that they put the spicy story video on mythicalsociety.com.

Yeah.

This is a video.

Emily, Matt, and I are all in it, although you'll just hear my voice in it, where it's a contest

for who could tell the most fucked up story.

And they were going to put it on YouTube, but Matt's story was too fucked up.

Yeah.

Listen,

I did a really fucked up one the last time we did this, and they put it on the main channel.

So I was kind of like, okay, so the baseline is me fucking a fish.

So anything goes.

Turns out anything doesn't go.

I accidentally raised the stakes.

Yeah.

And it wasn't just me.

Everyone else was also like, oh, okay,

fucked up shit too in it.

Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

It's sad because it's like, man, we have so much more to tell.

Yeah.

And I think they're going to not do that

anymore.

Don't apologize.

Mythicalsociety.com.

If you're a real one, you can enjoy the video.

Oh, I actually have something to plug about that as well.

I'm Mythical Society.

I'm a part of Role for Mythicality, which is our Dungeons and Dragons show.

Cool.

And it's myself, Lily from The Kitchen, Trevor from The Kitchen, and Michaela, who is a Free With Ads former guest from our Penelope episode.

And

then we have special guests all the time.

And it's all hosted by our dungeon master, TJ Chambers, who is also, he works at Mythical with us

quite a bit.

And it's really fun.

We've got really cool guests, and we're going to get a second season.

So this is

watch the entire first season of Roll for Mythicality on

Mythical Society.

Yeah, watch some funny folks play a little DND, mythicalsociety.com.

A lot of good stuff there.

All right, you have a lot to do.

We will see you next week on this show when our movie will be Black Christmas, the original from 1974.

Maximum Fun.

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