Titanic, with Jon Gabrus

It's free with ads, the podcast that asked the question: why pay Disney plus 10 bucks a month to watch Avatar The Way of Water when you can go online for free and watch another water-based James Cameron movie that won't constantly distract you with those sexy-ass blue cat people?

I'm Jordan Morris.

And I'm Emily Fleming.

Today's movie is Titanic, the 1997 Oscar-winning classic that is responsible for hundreds of deaths from drunk assholes slipping overboard during booze cruises while yelling, I'm the king of the world.

With us, as always, is super producer Matt hitting us with those dope-ass drops.

I'd rather be his whore than your wife.

Fuck yes.

Yes.

I love that line so much.

And with us today is an actor, improviser, and I'll say it, one of the funniest podcasters to ever podcast.

John Gabris.

Hi, John.

Oh, my goodness.

Thank you for having me, Joe Moe, M.

Phlem, and Matt Lee.

Doesn't hit as hard as the others, but, you know.

I'm so stoked to be here.

When you asked me to do the pod, I was pumped.

And then when you followed up with the movie, I was like, oh, three and a half-hour homework for a podcast.

Got it.

But sorry.

Not to shatter this fucking podcast premise, but I wasn't about to watch that with ads.

No, it could be four hours, and you could watch the same DraftKings commercial ten times.

I watched my double VHS.

Oh, hell yeah.

Really?

No.

Dude, I had a double VHS too.

We all did.

All of us elder millennials got right on Titanic, even hetero boys.

At my house, we had a triple VHS of it's a mad, mad, mad, mad world.

One for each mad.

Sort of also your origin story for who you've become.

Yeah,

that explains a lot.

By the way, those are all free with ads.

Gotta be.

Really, they are.

Hey, we're gonna talk about Titanic.

Woo!

Before we do that, we have an amazing guest, and we're gonna talk to them in a segment we call Talk to Guest.

Talk to Guest.

John Gabris.

We're recording this betwixt Thanksgiving and the winter holidays.

What's a John Gabris holiday?

What happens on a John Gabris holiday?

You know, that's a great question.

Raised Catholic, so I do the Christmas thing.

I celebrate Christmas, but I celebrate Christmas like a Jewish person.

My Christmas tradition is Chinese food and a movie.

Hell yeah.

Since I stopped going home and spending 5G, home being my mom's house,

which is another thing I should wrap my head around.

That's not my home.

I'm going to my home this year for Christmas.

What's your order?

What's your Chinese food order?

I go fucking ape shit at Genghis Cohen.

Shout out Lili.

Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah.

But

they usually have like a click here for like the full Christmas dinner pickup.

But the things I like a lot from them are their no-name duck,

the princess chicken, which is their general sews, their crab rangoons, while are not the best crab rangoon you can get in L.A.,

that is my favorite Chinese food dish, so that's always part of my order.

Me too.

But Genghis has bananas good egg rolls.

They have like the best egg roll I've had since I moved West.

And not to be like New York Chinese food supremacist, but like that shit.

I have not been able to find General So's as good as like the scariest place in my hometown

in L.A.

Genghis Cohen is such a great like LA institution.

I like last year, they have a little back room and I saw a really grimy punk show back there.

Like they like a really kind of like nasty Packed in punk show where like the singer was yelling, like, kill your local transphobe.

And like outside, it was just these elderly people, like all eating Chinese.

Dipping crispy noodles in sweet noodles.

And talking about us.

Yeah.

There used to be comedy shows back there, right?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

They have all sorts of kind of comedies.

I think there still is one back there called Kvetch.

And yeah, it's pretty good.

It's a fun little space and a great little restaurant.

Yeah.

Hell yeah.

I saw when my brother lived out here for a year as a nurse, I saw an anesthesiologist's RB ban there.

No way.

Yeah.

He's like, I got to go to this colleague's thing.

And I'm like, bro, that's around the block from my place or close to my place, freaks.

Don't find Gaberson, kill him.

If you think you'll gain his powers,

if you do find me, please kill me.

Was there a big audience or did you have to sedate people to get

in the door?

It was not a huge audience.

It was small enough that we were kind of guilted into staying for way longer than we wanted.

You know, when you're like two, you're like, I can't leave.

If the four of us leave, we'll

cut a third of the crowd out here.

Our loud footsteps will echo through this empty ass room.

But at least there you can like dance because it's music and

talk.

When it's like an improv show or something, you can't move, dude.

It's like, it's brutal.

I think I have the power to walk out of improv shows, and if someone sees me, they'll just be like, He's been doing it for 30 years, let the guy go.

Yeah,

because he hates what we're doing, right?

He's been through too much.

Let him go.

I've seen, I have like ITSD, improv traumatic stress.

Here's something I wanted to ask you about, and this is like a pretty common podcast topic, but I think, you know,

we're a new show, and I think we need to like hit all the tropes.

Sure.

let's do a little nog talk when you when you're drinking during the holidays do you do a nog i'd like to go around the horn and hear how people feel about nog

i used to be like i used to love nog before i was a drinker i would just be so happy that it would be like something like a milk something like a milkshake is in my house briefly you know yeah yeah yeah we never had treats in my house we never spent money on anything is what i'm i've learned as a grown-up is that like if it costs money like we weren't allowed to have it.

But sometimes during Christmas, Nog would show up in the fridge, and like it was gross enough that my brothers didn't like it.

So that meant like I could have two glasses before it, like, you know.

And now, if I'm gonna drink, if I'm gonna have a couple of adult bevs, it's kind of hard to make it Nog.

But if right, if it's the thing, if I'm somewhere and they're doing Nog, I'll have one.

Okay.

Emily, Nog?

Okay.

I fucking love it.

The funny thing to me is that

eggnog on its own tastes like there's alcohol in it.

Yes.

And so it's like there's all these non-alcoholic wines, non-alcoholic like beverages.

I think that eggnog is the king of non-alcoholic beverages because it tastes like you're drinking alcohol a little bit.

Imagine if you were like a sober person and you just brought nog to parties all the time, like in July.

I got some nog in the cooler if anyone, you you know, I'm six months sober.

If anyone wants to try and get the feeling back,

you can add your own brandy if you want to, but I'm here.

Just drinking.

Exactly you put it in.

I mean, my family's done alcoholic eggnog, but I've always been like, what do you put in there?

I've never actually made alcoholic eggnog.

Is it brandy or is it rum or is it?

I think it's what

I think you can do any one of those three.

Oh, okay.

And I think you want to keep it in the Brown family.

So no gin.

This is passion.

Yeah, gin might be, I would say you could probably get away with vodka in there, but I think like a bourbon,

a brandy, and like a spiced rum, like a Cassin's or something like that.

Damn, I'm hungry now.

Just dump a couple buzzballs in there.

Yeah,

although the Horchata buzzball is lit.

It's like a little bit eggnoggy, I highly recommend.

But yeah, you got to be a bitch.

That's what you always have.

You always have in your cup holder in your car, right?

I always say that.

I don't drive.

No, I don't drive.

But if I did drive, you better fucking believe it, man.

Well, I mean, that's what you did before you got your car taken away.

No, pretty much no one,

the American powers that be have never allowed me to have a car, and I've never had one.

No, you're not.

Sometimes

the government is right.

Yeah.

Listen, every time I'm sitting next to someone that's driving, I'm like, wow, I'm glad I'm not doing this.

Like, every time.

It doesn't

matter.

It seems horrible.

That's going to be

Trump's first presidential duty, second time around, and Emily Fleming gets a car.

Yeah, I'm like, I will be the head of transportation.

She can fill it with empty buzz balls.

They're drinking buzz balls.

They're driving Priuses.

We got Emily Fleming.

Fuck no, I wouldn't drive a Prius.

I would be driving like an old Mazda pickup truck that's stick shift, and I don't know how to drive stick shift.

That would be it.

Well, yeah, I think if you've never, if you're not a driver, you want to drive stick shift.

And if you are a driver, you have no desire to drive stick shift in Los Angeles.

Just being stuck on like an Echo Park Hill in fucking neutral, just like,

nice.

I have to get to Squirrel.

I need more brunch at Squirrel.

I'm the only one who still gets their jam.

Oh my God.

Oh, okay.

For people who are listening, who don't know, Squirrel is a kind of a

bougier hipster institution in my neck of the woods.

I'm in the like

little Armenia, Los Filas area.

But I just learned about the jam stuff.

I just learned that.

And I ate a fuck ton of jam the other day.

Squirrel had a jam scandal a couple years ago.

Bougie Brunch Place, great place to see Orion Gosling.

Good pastries.

Great pastries.

And yeah, so it's this place.

They're charging you an arm and a leg for jam.

And then some undercover reporter got a shot of their jam barrel or whatever covered in mold.

So yeah, I don't know if they ever recovered from it.

I have not been back post-mold scandal.

But

yeah, maybe that's like the unpasteurized milk of jam.

Maybe that's like we're supposed to eat the mold.

You know what I mean?

I know the husband of the squirrel lady.

And he, he to this day is just like, everyone just doesn't know how jam works.

It's supposed to be moldy.

It gets a little moldy.

And I'm like, yeah, man, I don't know.

I didn't go there.

Why are you yelling at me?

But

he insists to me constantly about this goddamn thing.

Say it on your podcast, Matt.

Say it on the podcast

that moldy jam is normal.

It's fine.

And $30 is a good price.

Mold should come on something called preserves.

Yeah, that's true.

That's very true.

Well, hey,

I guess it's time to talk about Titanic.

Let's first just do a little temperature check.

Emily, this was your pick.

You were excited about

this.

I think, as Gabris mentioned, we all four of us were like so fucking in the pocket for this movie in 1997.

But do you have a personal relationship to Titanic?

I saw it five times at the theaters.

I owned the box set.

I had a t-shirt.

I also had the sheet music because I fantasized about being able to play the piano, but I could not.

And they got me piano lessons just because I bought that sheet music.

And that's, oh, and then I got a penny whistle so that I could learn how to play this song on a penny whistle.

I was better at the penny whistle than the piano.

So is that enough?

Is that enough information?

No, I had to do it.

Arguably too much.

The penny whistle is

like piano.

was a little hard.

What about

instrument you get in second grade to play hot cross buns?

Now, hang on.

You're talking about a recorder, which I also had, but recorders are actually harder than penny whistles.

Oh, wow.

I'm sorry.

I think I don't know what a penny whistle is.

Is it what pan plays?

It's okay.

So, recorders are made out of plastic.

Man, Pan plays a pan flute.

Shin the name.

Come on.

Yeah, yeah, he plays a pan flute.

A penny whistle is just a metal tube with holes in it and then a plastic mouthpiece.

A recorder is all plastic and it's shaped like a fucking dick.

It always was like growing up, they were like ivory colored as well.

They were

very pretty.

Yeah, not, I mean, I'm being a little Caucasian-centric here, but they were the color of our peckers.

You're sure.

Oh, I definitely, um,

mine's a little purple.

Gabriel, see a doctor.

I definitely

have too much skin now.

Okay, wait.

Can we take some of the skin off my recorder?

I attempted to use a recorder for what we're talking about.

Oh, hell.

It It was too big, but I did use one of those plastic toothbrush containers that you put in your bag as a toiletry container.

They were like this big and they had ridges going up and down.

I mean, when you're 12 and you got to work around stuff.

The toothbrush container sounds absolutely perfect.

It was perfect.

Is the reason you jumped to Penny Whistle because the recorder was too big?

Or you're like,

oh, mom, I want to play this instrument now.

No, it was really because it was hard to play the

I'd like to go back to the penis riff for a second and say that my penis has nine holes going up and down.

You piss like a lawn sprinkler.

It just goes back and forth like this.

Gabris, where do you remember your first viewing of Titanic and subsequent viewings?

I definitely saw it in the theater.

I forget with who and where, but it would probably be on Long Island, most likely at the Belmore Playhouse, our local theater in our home, in my hometown.

And

I remember, you know, not to like delve too deep into 90s Long Island toxic masculinity, but I remember being like, I didn't want to see it because it was gay or for girls or whatever.

Two things that are sort of mutually exclusive.

Well, we did talk about how when we were around this age, like Gladiator was the dude, the bro-centric Titanic.

Right.

And then Titanic was the feminine kind of thing.

So it's, but it's like, they're both meant, I loved, you know, I like hunky dudes and I like

people dying in ships.

What am I saying?

Anyway, you know what I mean.

You like frozen babies.

You like close-ups of frozen babies.

Now, hang on.

I don't know.

I don't know if you go that far.

Well, yeah,

let's actually get into what happens in Titanic.

Before we get into Titanic, we wanted to mention this movie does contain suicide, so if that's not something you want to hear about, we're going to play some music and give you a chance to find another episode.

Oh, we're back.

It's free with ads.

We're here with John Gabris from High and Mighty, Action Boys, a bunch of stuff.

Matt, before we talk about the plot of Titanic, you mentioned you had prepared a special sting.

That's right.

I have a sting so that we can all get in the mood for Titanic.

Ooh.

Kate Wensbled, Billy Zane,

Bethy Bates,

Bill Baxter,

Leonardo DiCaprio,

Titanic.

Wow, they all work except Leonardo DiCaprio.

I know, I know.

I tried very, very Leo DiCaprio.

DiCaprio is too long.

Even just his last name.

He crammed it in.

That's too bad.

Amiable job.

Oh, well, like, if Leo ⁇ he fits a little in the flow of Joe Mo, M.

Flam, and Leo Dio.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

We should get him to produce this fucking video.

We should get him to produce the podcast.

That'd be it.

It'd be great.

He'd make big choices.

He says Jordan's a little too old.

Yeah, exactly.

Replaces me with a 21-year-old Victoria Secret model.

And the podcast goes through the roof.

He's got some ideas here.

From the people who are hilarious.

From the people who made Blood Diamond.

It's like impossible.

There's like no way to really promote the idea that your producer is Leonardo DiCampion.

He doesn't talk that much, but he plays a lot of sound effects.

He's got a lot of stings, and occasionally he does an Afrikaans accent.

Are you crazed?

You get full pay-me-force for damn.

I've memorized that fucking movie.

I love that movie.

Blood Diamond.

Love it.

Whenever me and my brothers are on vacation together, we always say, Are we going long sleeve or short sleeve?

Which is what they say about cutting a person's arm off and using it for tank top versus t-shirts.

Sounds lovely.

Probably didn't age well.

Should I leave?

I don't know.

I don't know what to do.

No.

You don't know what Blood Diamond is?

Jennifer Connolly, Leo Dio.

I don't know what it is.

You don't care.

You've never seen it?

Are you crazed?

I haven't seen it either, Emily.

I haven't seen it, but I know if I had seen it, I wouldn't know all of this anyway.

Like, I wouldn't know all of this.

Come on, guys.

That's fair.

In America, it's bling-bling, but here it's bling-bang.

Listen, I buy diamonds.

I don't watch diamonds.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So, okay.

Titanic starts with good old Bill Paxton.

Billy P, he's making a documentary.

He's got weird,

kind of like frosted-tipped hair, and he's got an earring.

He's such a fucking delightful douchebag in this.

I really love what it is.

He's the star of his own movie here.

He's acting like a full-blown star.

It's almost as if Jim Cameron didn't tell him that we're going to shoot all this stuff that happens that we're talking about.

Because it does feel like he's such a big deal.

And I'll also throw out, is he playing Jim Cameron a little bit?

Yeah, I kind of feel like that's the case.

Because they became like really good friends.

And if we want to talk about the little submersibles that, you know, they, that he had, that he was connected to, those were like the proper submersibles, not the ones we've heard about, where people have a game controller.

But he, he, like, went down with.

James Cameron a lot.

Like, Bill Paxton and James Cameron became buddies and really interested.

And I guess it, I think Bill Paxton and his little buddies are supposed to be there in place of us, you know, like

we're listening to this and feeling it all and like getting satisfied through looking at hot Bill Paxton's earring.

Yeah, he looks amazing.

He looks like a dangle in the moonlight as he's like, you know, learning about this and shedding a little tear.

Fuck me.

Daddy is so hot.

He is.

Yeah, this part is like clearly in it because like this is the shit that James Cameron's interested in, right?

He owns little submarines.

He likes going on little voyages.

And, like, I think at the time when I saw this, I'm like, do we need this stuff?

Can it just be the period stuff?

This time around, I fucking loved it.

I was so locked in for this stuff.

I loved all the little visual matches when they went from like the wreckage to like the ship in the movie.

I don't know.

It all is great.

It all worked on me this time more than ever, especially when the Gabris character who's the operates the robot arms is like.

No, that's not you that's who I went to the Gabris I will say who I think the Gabris is in this movie and not this guy

we'll get to him

I I really in enjoy him ex like it's a funny scene the way it plays out but I love him explaining exactly how the Titanic went down like dot dot dot like Morse code everything leaked in here break flip because then it justifies it explains the craziness that we're about to see that you might not wrap your head around why it would go straight vertical before it all fell apart.

But then there's also the joke of just like saying it to Rose, who's like, this is wildly triggering, but like, you know, she's just sitting there listening.

Yeah, yeah.

He's excited to show anyone new this thing that he figured out.

Right.

And he hasn't like thought about, oh, this is probably traumatizing to this old lady.

He's like, can you believe how smart I am, Grandma?

It's a little Chris Farley show.

Like, remember when the Titanic sank?

That was cool.

And she's like, I was on this show.

Sure.

Yeah.

This tech guy is showing her a bad PlayStation 1 CGI model of the Titanic sinking.

Rose is,

you know,

this is the Kate Winslet character, old.

They've brought her on because they're looking for the heart of the ocean, a diamond that supposedly is still aboard the Titanic.

The ugliest fucking necklace in the history of movie necklaces, in my opinion.

Yeah, for such an iconic necklace, it does just look like something you would get at Party City.

It looks like people who went, we found a big blue diamond.

I don't know, just fucking put it.

Yeah, like

just went put it.

I don't know.

Yeah, this scene where they're showing her the Titanic sink in CGI is kind of weirdly hilarious.

And yeah, it's like this guy was just like, and here's the freezing water where people watch their loved ones die.

Well, it did feel a little bit like,

Nana, are you proud of me, Nana?

Nana.

Like he was kind of like his mommy didn't tell him that she was proud of him.

Do you think the graphics are cool?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you're proud of me, mommy?

So this gets into like Rose telling her story.

We go,

we go to

London in whatever year it was, the Titanic sink.

I didn't retain that.

Was it London where they were?

They do some classes.

My friend, a podcaster, Jess McKenna, was telling me about she went to Belfast to the Titanic experience because that's where it was built.

And she, and a lot, and she said that James Cameron must have done insane research because so much of the stuff that's in this, it's like a museum, but they call it an experience.

And

she says so many details that are mentioned, like the couple who were spooning in bed as the water comes in, is real.

Like,

oh, God, how do they know that?

Was someone in there?

I think you find frozen together bodies, unfortunately.

And like the band leader's violin was rescued because some stuff was still floating there two weeks later when they came back to go through the wreckage.

But early in the movie, they're like, oh, yeah, this British ship.

It's like, it's actually built by Irishmen, you know, like, and it's like, that is true.

And it felt so weird when I watched it on this viewing that the guy was so proud.

It felt like they were blaming the Irish.

Like a mean, like, oh, yes, Irish craftsmanship.

Jess did say, I'm quoting another person constantly, which feels weird, but Jess did say that a big portion of the experience, the first portion, is kind of like, we did it right.

We gave it to them.

Like, you know, it's a lot of like,

they went nuts with it.

And then they show that in this movie where they all the wrong decisions.

The binoculars thing is real.

Right.

So

much stuff is like all the fucking dominoes that lined up for this to happen were all real.

Yeah, I am.

I also, when I was young and I saw this, for some reason, I thought they were just taking the Titanic from one part of North America to another part.

I didn't, because everybody's accent is American.

There are no, there's like one Italian guy, and then everyone else is American.

So why would I think that

they're in

another country?

Why would I think that's completely different?

We're going from one side of America to the other side.

Like, I didn't know.

We're going from Connecticut to Maryland.

It'll take eight months.

So, yeah.

And all your art.

Make sure to bring all your art with you.

So, yeah, so our main characters,

Kate Winslet, she's going back to America.

She doesn't like it.

She wants to stay in Liverpool or London or wherever they were.

And she's dating Billy Zane.

Billy Zane.

I think he's the tallest person in the movie.

Oh.

Oh.

Yeah.

Tallest guy.

Yeah, I think you're right.

And he's got a voice on him.

He sounds like this is what Matt Berry is maybe doing in Impression of

the Billy Zayn voice, and this is why.

Can I also, I would like to request another sting.

Whatever the fuck that hair piece is on Billy Zayn.

Oh, is that the worst hat of the

worst hat, baby?

Oh, shit.

The worst hat.

And hey, if you want to get yourself an actual hat that says the worst hat, why not go to Maxima MaxFunstore.com and get yourself some free with ads merch anyway?

Billie Zane is maybe my favorite part of the movie on this viewing.

Very good villain.

Very good.

He adds so much to this film, and he makes the most villainous choices.

Yeah.

And like the back third of the movie.

Woo!

Just on a, pull them, zoom out for a macro conversation on this movie real quick.

I watched, I watched it in two parts because I was going out to dinner with some friends.

I did.

I watched the first part up until they hit the iceberg and I left to go to dinner with friends.

And I was A, so juiced to come back for the second half.

It was like parking downhill.

But at the same time, I was wildly impressed with the first half of the movie where they haven't even gotten to all the fucking spec like there's still so much spectacle and so much acting and so much crazy awesome shit happening yeah everyone remember you remember once the sinking starts to happen that's the wild stuff but this movie has got 90 minutes before they hit an iceberg that is all banging it's so good well what's crazy to me so i watched the first half of the movie with my sister over thanksgiving break and she was like i don't want to see the second half i know what happens i don't want to watch people you know die And so we just watched the romance story and had a blast.

And then I was kind of dreading the second half.

And then I watched it and I'm like, this is like fucking speed.

This is like an action movie.

This is like a badass action movie.

Billie Zayn has a gun.

What?

When?

I don't remember that.

I didn't remember half of the action pack shit

from this movie until I watched it again.

Bangers only.

This movie is bangers only.

I love it.

And it's kind of interesting that, like, I bet, just kind of like knowing James Cameron, I bet the shit that interested him was like, let's try and recreate exactly how the Titanic sunk.

I'll go down in my little submarine with my friend Bill Paxton.

And like, the plot is pretty like

the plot is pretty like by the numbers, right?

And I could see a world where they like wanted to do the Titanic shit.

They figured it out and they're like, okay, well, let's...

kind of throw together this story.

And I think it like just a combination of like how fucking good the two of of them are and how it is actually a good script like the shit people remember from this movie the iconic shit is everything that happens before the crash like all of the catchphrases all of the shots that you see over and over again in media

before the propeller guy I was gonna say

the propeller guy

that's the thing that's the thing that stuck with me the most because I would eventually work after this movie came out I would work as a pool lifeguard and I would constantly visualize people hitting themselves on the diving board because of this, like

that.

And there's another person who falls the other way and kind of hits one of the banisters and flips.

And I just the physics of it is like burned into my head of like, oh, yes, that is what would happen if you hit half your body on something on the way down.

I think the second half of the movie, quite a big chunk of it, is about physics because

I thought about it a lot.

And I can't wait to get to talking about this because I have a lot of science-related science-related questions that none of us have the answers to.

I can't wait.

Yeah, I didn't even know.

I didn't even know like what country they were coming from.

I didn't know

this took place.

I don't know.

I will have no information.

I want to know how much suction would have happened if you just got off the side of the boat when it was snapping in half.

Why you got to go from the top?

So, okay, so Billy Zane, they're boarding the Titanic to go back to America or whatever.

And he's like, the ship, it's unsinkable.

Unsinkable.

Okay,

so

shouldn't you just assume that when you're getting on a ship?

It's like saying that, like, before you eat a meal, and you cannot choke on this.

No one can choke.

Yeah, that's, I think that's

the ideal outcome.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's funny.

Yeah.

So, yes, very weird to make a meal out of the fact that a ship is unsinkable.

Were ships sinking all the damn time?

Maybe, yeah, maybe it was just a problem.

And yeah, they're like, this one.

Not this one.

But yeah, there's a lot of like funny irony in this.

Billy Zane's character does a lot of like just saying things that the modern audience knows is ironic.

Casso, he'll be nobody.

Yeah.

Like, like, it wouldn't be weird if he said, like, phones will always have cords.

They'll always have cords.

And there'll never be Hulu.

They will never be Hulu.

Mark my words.

There'll never have been Hulu.

Yeah.

It is pretty corny, but it is like a ton of fun.

So they're on the ship.

Kathy Bates is there, the unsinkable Molly Brown.

She's new money.

She's great.

She's pissing off the rich people.

She's awesome.

In 2024, the classism stuff hits even harder than it did in 12 years.

Like it just feels so

weirdly topical.

It's like so zeitgeisty, where it's like it crashes because it's opulent and people are too hubristic about everything.

And it's like, guys, is this a metaphor for yeah because a rich guy wanted to be in the newspaper you know like all of these people died

a rich asshole wanted to be in the newspaper

which is considered famous for then so if you say a rich person wanted to be famous caused irreparable damage right right that might be relatable to the modern people the modern audience modern american society so there were no picasos or degas or anything like that on the titanic just Oh, interesting.

I was going to ask that.

I found that very odd when I watched this movie because I thought, oh, were there like priceless pieces of art found in the ruins of the Titanic?

No, they never even were there.

I don't know why he added that, to be honest.

I don't think it was necessary.

To make it plausible that, you know, fucking Leonardo Caprio's titty cartoons would still be there.

Yeah, well, or to make it plausible that she would be interested in his drawing.

That she's a fan of art and that he's knowledgeable about art and that Billy Zane doesn't give a fuck about it.

But that's weird because

like that's like saying I like

art so I watch hentai.

Like it's kind of, you know,

I don't know.

Which actually, that's me.

Beautiful analogy.

A beautiful analogy.

I don't see anything actually wrong with what you just said.

Oh, fuck.

I'm Jack Dawson.

So yeah, speaking of Jack Dawson, we meet him playing poker.

He's a rap scallion.

He's a rambling man.

And he wins tickets to the Titanic in a poker game with his friend, the most Italian man to ever live.

I would say this is the John Gabrist of the movie.

The Fabrizio?

Fabrizio.

It is wild how long we don't see Fabrizio in the movie.

I was like, didn't Leonardo DiCaprio have a little friend he brought with him?

It is so like exactly what happens when you're on vacation with someone and they hook up with someone.

Yes.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

I felt for Fabrizio.

I was like, I know that feeling man yeah i can't believe we meet up at dinner i'll see you at dinner i'm just gonna go and i'll see you at dinner and like you gotta stop doing these fucking booze cruises with jack he's always getting pussy yeah they just end up because they win a poker game getting tickets from someone else which justifies the fact that there's no records of anyone named jack dawson on the on the boat but then they go into the bunk room with a bunch of germans who are like what the fuck is what are these guys and I like those guys do straight up say like what happened to Sven

I want a movie about Sven, like, the day after.

The huge bullet dodge that he had?

Yes.

I think my lucky stars every day, it's a good thing I'm German and a war's not coming.

People in England and America will always like me.

See Sven dodging bullets for the rest of his life.

It is fucking wild.

Like, on this viewing is when I remember, like, I

realize that Leonardo Cabrio won his tickets in a poker game and barely made it on.

And it is this extra layer of like Deus Ex Machina: like, Sven, you don't know how important it was that you lost, brother.

Yeah, but also, it's like Leonardo DiCaprio almost survived.

Like, he, if he had lasted maybe 30 more minutes, he would have died.

I know that drives me fucking crazy.

It drives me fucking crazy too.

And then James Cameron's like, answer is like, he had to die for Rose's story.

And I'm like, I,

you

love science, sir.

You're not Shakespeare.

Fuck you.

Like, you got to give us more.

Give us more.

This man invented unobtainium.

This man is Shakespeare.

He's the modern Shakespeare.

God damn it.

So, yeah,

we got our two main characters, our Star Cross lovers.

Kate Winslet, she's super bummed that she's got to go back to

Billy Zage.

To Cal Hocklin or whatever his name is.

Did we ever see the ring, by the way?

I like.

Yeah, you see it.

She like points to it at one point.

Unimpressed.

So she's so, so forlorn about her future that she, she goes to the edge of the ship and she

gets over the rail.

It looks like she's going to jump.

And Jack, who's been kind of like staring at her this whole time,

he like talks her out of it.

This scene where she's about to jump and he's like taking off his shoes to talk her out of it, darkly funny.

I loved this scene.

It's like, it's, yeah, it is like weirdly dark.

There's like a little comedy to it.

There's also some great foreshadowing of like, well, yeah, it's freezing cold.

Like, it's like the coldest.

And they're like, if cold the water is, if landing in the water doesn't instantly kill you, the water is so cold.

You know, like, and they keep bringing up shit that we're going to just watch play out in two hours and 58 minutes, of course.

But we will get to see all this fucking drama then.

Somehow, you just kind of, there's something about this movie that you know what's going to happen, but your brain just chooses to forget it.

In like the first half of the movie.

Maybe they'll make it.

Maybe they'll make it.

Even though I've seen it five times in your brain, you just go, maybe they'll make it.

Two-part answer, two-part response to that.

I think part of it is the length of the movie does let you like kind of like 51st dates yourself a couple of times.

But I think it's a the power of the love story is so hard that you're like, maybe on this viewing, they make it.

Right.

Well, and it's like, and you, and that's like the, that's like your body like just telling, like telling you like no anything is possible like love with the power of love anything is possible and then it's just like oh nope jack's dead.

Let me get well the other part is that you're you're like maybe the ship won't go down.

There's another thing like another love story where it's the love story for the ship itself

because it's so beautiful the more you keep seeing parts of it you're like this is so gorgeous.

How could this thing be destroyed?

It seems so safe.

They go to fucking church at one point in the movie, which was like, why are we,

this is three hours long and you included church.

I don't

think could have skipped that.

It is just like, it is just like,

the movie loves its historical details so much.

And

it is weirdly infuriating in some ways, but it is like part of why this is such a special, weird movie.

And it's like...

This was supposed to be a fucking bomb.

Like, this was supposed to be this huge money loser.

Everybody thought it was going to be this huge bomb.

No one wanted it to be this long.

Cameron's going to be a little bit more.

He went out of pocket, right?

Yeah, and then it became the biggest movie of all time.

And I think that is like, yeah, it is such a vision, you know, and all those like little meticulous, nitpicky fucking history dork details.

It does have a little bit of like, like

when your 12-year-old cousin just saw a movie and it runs you through like, and then there was credits, and then there was, you know, like, and he kind of just tells you, like, and this is what happened.

And did you know they had a church on board?

And then there was a guy who only wanted to drink brandy while it went down, you know, like, yeah.

Sir, you're describing this podcast.

And then, uh-huh.

And then the woman puts the predator mark on her face because she's one of the tribe and she's one of the predators.

And the predators only attack people who are armed.

You know.

And here's my Pokemon cards.

Oh, boy.

Do you think anyone placed Pokemon Go at the Titanic Ruins under the sea?

Oh, shit.

I'm sure.

I'm sure there's some fucking squirtle freaks.

There's one squirtle squirtle you can only get if you go down with James Cameron.

It's foil.

The foil squirtle.

Foil hologram squirtle at the bottom of it.

It's dancing on a child's skull.

The AR really makes it look like the Pokemon is dancing on the skull.

Anyway, so

Leo and Kate,

they've got a real, you know,

they're star-crossed lovers.

He's a rough and tumble guy.

She's proper.

He shows her his drawings.

He has a sensitive side.

He's a beautiful artist.

She loves art.

She brought on all those Picasso's that weren't really on the boat.

And he shows her all his beautiful drawings, including some French prostitutes that posed nude for him.

Jack loves of the fingers.

He's a hand guy.

Oh, shit.

That means it's time for our sting.

Yes, the one that we

have in the story.

There it is.

Jack, he's a nasty hand freak.

That's where he puts all his details.

Boy, if anything could spell fuckboy,

all of that is.

Yeah,

sure.

My favorite thing about Jack is like, okay, when I watched it, it's like, go with Jack, be with Jack.

But after dating for 30 years, I'm like, oh, that guy will still leave you.

Oh, yeah.

That's why he will die.

You will survive all of that.

He had to die so that

he wouldn't cheat on me.

Because he would fuckboy and like fuckboy her and then leave her in like a tenement somewhere.

somewhere.

I don't know who Rose ended up with, but her granddaughter is an absolute smoker.

Gorgeous.

So they did genetics right, at least.

She must have been aware of that.

Yeah, my favorite thing about thinking about this, though, is like at the end, you see she dies.

Sorry, spoiler alert.

And then she finds Jack in the afterlife.

What about that poor husband who she never told anything about?

And he's just alone in the afterlife.

That's a really funny observation.

This guy who she had kids with and led this whole life with, it's like, eh, you know, I'm so.

Yeah.

And her whole family, her daughter is dead.

Like, she's just got her granddaughter.

She's like, where the fuck is mom?

She's like, I got to go get finger blasted by this homeless man.

Like, I got to go.

I'm going to go.

When the husband finally dies, he's just sitting at a TGI Fridays and just like,

fuck is she?

She's a Porto Titanic with people.

This is her favorite spot.

Why didn't she?

She's a Porpo Titanic with people she spent one day with.

Yeah.

Like six, it's like five days or something, tops, right?

Like, yeah yeah but also

that's where you spend eternity that would be like me just ending up at like spring break cancun i mean actually wait a minute heaven's

i mean come on but also it's like maybe heaven is successfully poly maybe that's the only place where polyamory is drama free where it's like

no drama

everybody knows it's just part of the deal like it's like you know heaven is never cool heaven is never having the process ever again

Ever, ever again.

I feel like heaven being kind of like a place where you can jump to different like times in your life and be with those people again and like relive great memories and also be like, all right, yeah, I'm 19 fucking that girl from out of town rather than my wife of 40 years.

But

now I'm going to jump back.

Now I'm with my wife on the beach on this vacate.

Like jumping around like that would be see, that's like what I hope heaven is, but I've also been to church and I know what kind of parties God likes.

Like, that's it.

Church is not.

It's just you and 11 friends eating dinner, and one of the guys keeps saying, hey, that's my body.

Be careful.

Hey, that's my blood.

Wait a second.

So, wait, maybe

Jack and

Rose are in hell.

I might posit that because when I was watching this, the part where she is like the like survival part of this, right?

The speed part of this, where they're like running for their lives and she's like freezing in this water and almost dies like that's probably what I would remember from my voyage on the Titanic not the like

Banging out I got in an old-time jalopy it would be like almost dying stuff, so maybe

Rose has to relive hell like maybe she has to relive

nothing that ever happened to her anyway She's got to relive Titanic every time like every day for like eternity spoiler because she throws the heart in of the ocean back into the ocean God sends her to hell.

Oh, listen.

We all sent her to hell that day.

What's more infuriating?

Leonardo DiCaprio not getting on the door or her throwing away the necklace.

The most infuriating thing is the premarital sex that I witnessed.

Oh, I see.

Finally, someone mentioned that sex is for the marriage bed, not the

car.

The sinful car, the sinful jalopy.

I mean, you got Jack Dawson.

I guess he's, you know, ipso facto part of the pussy posse.

So, like, you just got to be prepared.

He's going to get it in when he can get it in.

I agree with you, Anthony.

He is an absolute fuckboy in this.

Yeah.

In that, like, in the scene in which he's showing the art, all of the art is just women with big titties that he drew.

As an adult watching this, I was like, I know exactly what you're doing, Jack.

You are a fuckboy to a tear.

I, I, like, it's when I was young, like, okay, also, he was in Romeo and Juliet, which this movie does feel like a, you know, a re,

like a remix of the kind of like, you know,

um, tragic story kind of thing, but so I don't know, I was falling for him immediately, but like, yeah, the drawings now, I was also like, I've seen dudes with better drawings, these are not that good, and um, I wouldn't have been, I would not have been on a bunch of trash, they were kind of trash, and um, but it was just, I don't know, it's like it's like she saw a guy with skills for the first time.

She was like a skill?

Oh,

everybody's old money.

I don't know.

Can you?

Doesn't it with your hands?

Fuck me.

Only imagine what her sex life is like with fucking Hawklin,

if there's one at all.

No, not yet.

I think more so than the drawings, she was really attracted to, and I'm not trying to be pedantic after a bit run, but I do think like she was more attracted to his surprising worldliness right that like she she her wealthy ass uh uh fiancé is not as worldly as like the street urchin and i mean that's like classic fucking bullshit storytelling no i think it works it worked on me big time of she's like you've been to france it's like not only that but i drew a one-legged sex worker while i was there oh yeah i forgot that detail and we don't see it that's kind of a weird thing i noticed this i thought for sure we were gonna see the stump i thought we were gonna see beeve i want to see beeve and stump.

Dude, have you seen Titanic?

You see stump in that movie.

Dude, you got to see Titanic.

You see Stump in it.

Yeah.

I, okay, so I have a Mandela effect thing that I, me and my sister were talking about.

I thought in the nude scene of Kate Winslet, you saw Bush.

Right, but you see the Baron Stain Bears.

No, but you see it alive, my friend.

The Baron Stain Bush.

Yeah.

The Baron Stain Bush.

No, No, you don't see a bush.

I was like, I could have sworn I saw a bush.

I don't remember what I was doing.

I think that's your brain autocompleting because I thought the same thing too.

And then even when she dropped her robe in this, I like imagined her bush.

That's more of my issue than anything else.

I'm like, we got a beautiful redhead dropping trout.

I'm going to picture that bush.

And it was like, and I just, in my brain, I was like, it wasn't red because that's not a natural redhead.

Let's be fucking real.

I'm not a natural redhead either.

Anyway, so I imagined it as this beautiful, like glossy, blonde

pubic hair.

And I just, I could have sworn that it was there and that it wasn't there.

And I was so sad.

I don't know.

Yeah, I think like this, the like nude scene in this movie looms so large, you know, like when you like, when you saw it, it's like, oh my god, like, and watching it like as an adult who has now seen nudity up close, like that scene that scene is really like sweet it's like really and i think i mean it was such a perve out for me as a you know it's a 14 year old but like me too like oh sure it's so hot it's so hot yeah it's crazy but like it is really like it is really like sweet and kind of restrained and it's yeah i don't know it's it's sweet and kind of restrained and on this viewing i really picked up on like that she's feeling seen and being viewed as an object of art something that she like is obsessed with is art and now she's literally this guy that she's falling for is making her art and like that is if you are a fan of art to become art yourself is like a wild thing and it's like she's fully bearing all like he's drawing her soul like she's like going to be

this is so beautiful he dies uh everything is ruined but for some reason this is a bridge too far for Uncle Gabris.

The charcoal drawing in a safe survives.

That was a really good safe.

Yeah.

It was a safe that wasn't built by Irishmen.

It's a good English safe.

It's a good British safe.

But it's.

Yeah, the Picasso's didn't survive.

She'll live forever now.

You know, like, just like Jack's a memory to her, she can be a memory to like everybody.

It's really fucking cool.

And the fact that she confidently, like, I want you to draw me naked.

I want to be like, draw me like one of the French girls.

She wants to be like that.

And that's not something that Hockley will ever give her.

There's like, I think there's, like, obviously the disaster shit in this is, like, filmed so meticulously and, like, you know, done with such care.

But, like, I feel like there's two other scenes in this movie that are just so lovingly shot.

It's this.

It's him drawing her and them below deck with the, like, other third-class Irish people doing the dance that is like again that is way too long but it is so fucking fun to watch and I think it is because like

a lot in like Cameron movies like he does like really fetishize like working class people like they're always like the heroes and they're always kind of like getting went over on the rich people and yeah I could you could kind of tell that like there's there's just some shit in this movie that like is so lovingly filmed that's not the disaster.

And that was kind of interesting to see on this viewing of like, what are the other like big moments in this movie that aren't the ship sinking?

I don't know.

Really cool.

Oh, I love it.

And I think, you know, we get to see Leonardo do the drawing and be charming and all this stuff.

But we're supposed to fall in love with Rose in that Irish dancing scene.

And it works.

Because she's not only gorgeous, moneyed beauty, but she is also

a gal, a friend.

You know, like she fucking is like, ah, you think arm wrestling's hard?

Here's barefoot ballet or whatever.

She stands on her toes.

She stands on her big toes.

Something funny.

Even the idea that you treat freak.

Yeah.

He's like,

why don't you try a handstand for me, sweetheart?

I let's see you stand on those knuckles, those dirty knuckles.

Yeah, she's like a pretty amazing character.

I don't feel like Jack Dawson changes at all.

Like there's no arc for Jack.

He's just Jack.

But she has always been this person, but he kind of allows her to be the truest.

Yeah,

he's her catalyst, really.

He's her fucking.

Oh, what's the manic pixie dream boy?

That's kind of

poor artist dream boy.

Manic pixie fuckboy.

The charcoal sketching.

Oh my god, I just imagine getting fingered by a guy covered in charcoal fingers.

Oh, no.

That's a

PTI.

Bad for the PH.

Although, silver cheese doodles.

Maybe charcoal's good.

Get yourself some ocean spray.

That's right.

It's like a Britta inside your pussy.

Yeah, charcoal's like a Brita.

What's your pussy mad?

Oh, my God.

Yeah, you put it in there.

It turns into a heart of the ocean diamond in like about two days.

One last thing about the Irish dancing winter.

You know, you're watching a movie that's being acted by absolute amazing actors and directed by an absolutely capable director when Rose taking a sip of beer from a pint glass is so fucking weighty.

It's like the way he looks at her, the way she goes like, yeah, I can do this shit too.

And the way it's directed, it's like, what a, what a me, like, it's not a meet cube, but what a way to like fall for a woman is just like.

And at the time, I'm sure that's even crazier that even like poor women probably didn't drink swing beer out of a glass, you know?

And it just shows her, again, totally naked to him.

And it's like this, like, awesome moment where I can't believe the weight this little swig and like he looks at her and she's like, fucking deal, bro.

This is me now.

It's so much fun.

It's such a cool, small moment.

Yeah.

So they, they, you know, he drops her in the thing.

Uh, they fuck in the old jalapi.

Do you think that's just how Jay Leno has sex all the time?

That's probably why he's covered in bruises.

Steve Johnson.

I think he fucks on top of his tonight show money.

Yeah.

He doesn't use it.

That's why he won't spend soccer.

That's why I don't stop.

So, you guys, I really hope that it I love, okay.

Auga is perfect for this sex scene.

I just want to point it out.

Yeah, you there should be, there should be a little comedy moment where they like lean on the horn and it goes.

Well, he does honk it before she drags him into the thing.

What I love about the sex scene is how they allow her to be sweaty and kind of like

she's definitely unkempt, unkempt like that kind of thing yeah sure um but also i watched that sex scene as porn like it's i don't you don't see much you don't see much but it's just the chemistry between them is so hot and then the condensation that is such a beautiful touch like the handprint condensation thing like that is

that is not in the annals of uh titanic history that is not like that's just uh cameron just making a cool fucking choice of like,

or on the day noticing the window keeps getting fogged up.

Well, the other, oh, that's true.

But the other thing is like,

they fuck, and then he's so blown away by the fuck that he's like shaking.

Yeah, sure.

And it's like her mind was probably pretty blown, but his mind was super blown from the whole thing.

And it's like, all right, badass.

I love that.

Well, yeah.

Okay, so

I think we've gone over kind of all the big kind of romance movies.

We don't want to talk about the church.

Oh, do you have any thoughts on the church other than it's a wacko little detail?

There's one.

I just want to give a shout out to Jesus Christ.

Thank you for allowing this movie

to happen.

Thank you for sinking the original ship so that this movie could exist.

Jesus, we know you were the main guy.

It was worth all the death.

It was pretty sick.

Thank you for destroying the sinful Irishman

on the sixth day.

He created ice.

Apologize.

The other

it's

sick at all.

Churchboats.

The church detail to me is

again, like, I think showing hubris and also

keep reminding us of like, this is the stuff they thought of.

Not enough lifeboats for everyone, but and enough vests for everybody.

But they thought of a chapel.

They thought of a room that could store your art.

They thought of like all these grand staircases and stuff.

But like a lot of create like specific details were not for me it was here's all this glamour and glitz and almost like hedonism like of just fabulous clothes fabulous food all this stuff and then it it reminds you that rich people life is boring and awful and i felt like as soon as i heard the church singing i went oh fuck like just i immediately was like yeah oh god boring worst music yeah yeah you have to keep up appearances as a rich person and be polite and go to church and do all this stuff.

And it's like, meanwhile, I think the people below deck are like, all right, we thank God for this piece of fish.

All right.

Like it's just kind of, you know.

But yeah, so I just everybody grab your penny whistles.

Shut up.

Everyone, take your penny whistles out of your vaginas and let's start playing.

I'm going to need a minute.

Could someone spit in my hand?

Get those whistles.

Get those whistles in those mouths.

Don't neglect the bells.

I guess they have bells too.

Whatever.

Yeah, sure.

Okay, so that's kind of like the romance subplot of the movie.

Shit's about to hit the fan, and we're going to talk about it when we come back.

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We're here with John Gabris from High and Mighty.

We're talking about Titanic.

So it hits an iceberg, guys.

Did you know that?

Chip hits the fan.

Yeah.

That's so good.

Propeller callback, in a way.

Sure, yes.

What is a propeller, but a giant fan?

This is right.

This is a good podcast.

It's really good.

Very good show.

Sounds like you're a fan of the podcast.

So, yeah, Titanic hits the iceberg.

It starts a sinking.

Okay.

Another detail McKenna told me from the, which stuck with me, was

they did have Morse code on the boat, and they were being Morse, like coded a telegraphed about icebergs, but it could only go one way.

Like, and it was busy with like rich people sending telegraphs to like New York and stuff like that.

They were trying to send, like, they were like, stop coming up the line.

Mr.

Johnson needs to tell, buy, sell, sell, buy, or whatever, you know, like, but that's like,

god damn it.

Why, why don't they have a telescope?

Also, why is it, and also one pair of binoculars?

We got one.

This is wild to me.

I feel like the crow's nest, even in Peter Pan fictional cartoons, there's a telescope in the crow's nest.

These two guys are just two white guys, raw dogging eyesight.

And apparently, when they saw the iceberg, it was only 1,500 feet in front of them is when they noticed it.

Yeah.

Like, it's so

you are near-sighted, Joe Bob, or whatever your name is.

Is that a name that you would call a guy in nighttime?

Yeah, he's probably, yeah, he's probably Joe Bob.

Yeah.

Derrickson.

I don't know.

Is that good?

Let me try.

Joe Bob Derrickson.

Joe Bob Derrickson.

I love that we're Monday morning quarterbacking the Titanic sinking.

Or like Mark Wahlberg.

If I was on that ship, it will have sucked.

Pull down.

It's your one fucking job.

You're up in the crow's nest.

If you can't find a pair of binoculars, go find other ones.

I bet there's a child with them.

I don't know.

I bet you like six wealthy people.

No one can sink it.

That's the whole thing.

Everyone just assumed it was unsinkable, apparently.

Well, then, why did they even need jobs in the first place?

Amazing question.

Probably union rules.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Let's blame the unions.

Let's do that.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know, I've been wanting, I was waiting for a tangent to get into this.

Here's some bad takes I've got.

Okay, no, never mind.

So this kind of like kicks off a big chase with Billy Zane.

They lock up Jack in like the,

you know, in the like prisoner room.

There's a big gunfight.

There's a really, so she kind of rejects a lifeboat so she can go save him.

And yeah, as of that said.

That pissed me off on this viewing more than ever.

Really?

Yeah.

And I don't, like, I understand it.

Like, to me, I'm...

Like, I was watching it with my wife, and I said, you stay on that fucking lifeboat in this situation.

Well, no, she's

two lifeboat situations.

The first one is her mom and Molly Brown going, get on the lifeboat, get on it.

And then she runs, spits in his fucking face, and they'd rather be his whore than your wife.

And then the other one is when they try to get it.

That's the one that pissed me off more because

she's on the boat and then she jumps off because Jack isn't there.

Yes.

Yeah, and Jack, if I like literally turn to my wife and I'm like, if this is, if any allegory, anything remotely echoing this is ever happening, get on the the fucking lifeboat.

I will find you.

We are either both gonna die, or just I'm gonna die.

Like, coin flip, like one is objectively better than the other.

They both die.

What if she wants to watch you die?

Oh, well,

great point.

Great point.

Some people are.

She can come in here right now.

It's been a hard year.

If she wants to see it, we can

see it right fucking now.

Trigger warning.

Cambridge, you're using your final day to do a podcast with us.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, this is my second podcast of the day.

Oh, shit.

Might be part of the

justifications.

Why?

Do you want to plug the GoFundMe for your funeral bills?

Yeah, so this is the second lifeboat that you rejected.

Yeah, yeah.

What is yes?

What is a podcast, but a lifeboat you listen to?

So true.

Yes.

So true.

Yes, yes.

Have you ever seen the movie Lifeboat just while we're talking about it?

I have not seen Lifeboat.

It might be free with ads somewhere.

It's as good as Blood Diamond, which I've always seen.

It's not as good.

Nothing is as good as Blood Diamond.

It's an Alfred Hitchcock movie that takes place entirely on a Lifeboat.

Whoa.

And

it's really cool.

I'm going to see it.

Yeah.

I enjoyed it thoroughly.

How many now?

Are there a bunch of people?

Yeah.

Do they show Bush in Lifeboat?

Yeah, Silky Golden Bush.

A running joke we used used to have in high school, and it might have been quoting something else, but we would say it all the time about movies: great flick, tits, no bush.

We might have been quoting like a friend's dad, even, but we would always say that in reference, like great picture, tits, no bush.

You're talking about Schindler's list, right?

The list got bush, baby.

The list got bush, baby.

Trust me.

Yeah, it's got both.

Oh,

what?

My boy Oscar?

He saw Bush.

Oh, yeah.

There's some titties in that movie.

I'm trying to think of movies where they do show Bush.

Chandler Bliss.

First Resident Evil.

Really?

Yeah.

I know I've seen Bush in movies, and it made me feel like it was okay to have one.

And then

the media told me otherwise.

Killer Joe shows Gina Gershon's Bush.

She answers the door, and this is the best part.

She answers the door in a shirt, no bottoms.

Excuse me.

What a way to show Bush.

You have a laptop to shut and a movie to watch.

I know.

This podcast, Mr.

Gabriz, is a Gina Gershon

lovers podcast.

Have we seen Killer Joe here?

I have, yes.

It's fucking

crazy.

Is McConaughey in this movie?

Yes.

Yes.

I've seen it too.

I don't know why I don't remember.

Here, let me see if this reminds you of anything.

McConaughey, at one point, holds a chicken wing out of his zipper, and

Juno Temple, right?

Who's like the young one?

Or is it a triple?

Yeah, Juno Temple is the young one.

But Gina Garshan is who he makes suck it.

Yeah, makes him suck a chicken wing that's out of his.

It's written by the guy who wrote August Osage County and who played Pally's dad on Peacock, who's named.

Yeah, he's a brilliant playwright.

And you can tell when you watch this movie, it's meant to be a play.

But

it's wild.

So anyway, we're at the point in Titanic where

screenplay by Tracy Letz, directed by William Friedkin.

Totally forgot about that.

Yeah, Tracy Letz.

That's who the playwright is.

And then I just to quickly confirm, Lifeboat is written,

is directed by Hitchcock based on, I think, a play or a story written by Steinbeck.

So it's like

starring Tallulah Bankhead.

It's got everything you want, Lifeboat.

Okay.

All right.

So where were we in Titanic?

Speaking of Lifeboats, there's not enough of them on the old Titanic.

Victor Garber is so fucking good in this movie.

Which one is he?

Is he the captain?

No, he's the guy who oversaw the building of it, but didn't.

I made it.

Oh, yeah, he's the best.

He's in so much stuff.

He's so good.

He's so powerful in that moment when he grabs Rose.

He goes, Do you remember what I told you earlier about the life jackets?

And like, whatever, you know, like, because they were like, well, that many lifeboats, but there's over.

And and Victor Garber's like,

and funny, it's funny.

Kate Woods was like, I did the math.

It's funny that she, there's a scene of her, like, doing an equation about the lifeboats.

Well, I also love Billy Zayn's character, like, looking at her while this guy, who pretty much is the creator of the Titanic, is telling her, We've spoken about the ins and outs of this entire ship.

And he's like, She can read.

Like, he's just like

blown away by the fact that he's talking to her instead of him.

He's violently angry that his future wife can do math.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love that Victor Garber character so much.

He ends with the like staring at the clock and fixing the time on the clock based on his watch.

Such a cool fucking moment.

And especially juxtaposed with the guy who did ideate the Titanic, who jumps on the lifeboat and is kind of like looking away, like, nope, I won't make eye contact with any of the police officers because I can't have them know that I am

not going down with the ship.

Yeah, it's so fucking cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This, this whole, this whole like section of the movie is so like filled with like those great like character actors just doing these little parts.

And we don't get a ton of backstory for these guys, but yeah, it's all like these little great performances and these little great moments.

And it like they feel very robust and fleshed out, even though the movie's like not really about them.

Yeah, let's go.

Can we talk about the action sequence of her getting him out of that basement and then going up and going down again and going up and going down.

It's so stressful.

There's a great little moment that I had totally forgotten about where he's handcuffed and she has this axe and he's like, take a couple of practice swings and

she like hits this dresser and then can't hit the spot again.

It's so funny that they take a minute to do that comedy bit.

I really like that.

That's enough practice.

Yeah.

It's such a funny kind of yuck yuck.

I think that's like a joke out of a goofier movie.

It's like somebody from Demolition Man or something.

Well, that's why it felt like an action movie.

As soon as this was happening, it was like, okay, I'm not feeling a ton of dread.

I'm feeling hopeful.

These people are in it to win it.

I know that they're smart and

I like them a lot together.

Like, it's fun.

Emily, what you're saying, it's like almost off of the idea that I'm just happy they're together, even if they don't make it off this boat.

The fact that she's back with him and they're trying together.

Now, Jomo, we are both big fans of swimming.

Now, you're right.

Would you go to an experience where you got to swim through a building full of water?

Like, I think, like, swimming in and out of rooms, where maybe the water's not full up and where you can drown, but like, the idea of swimming down a hallway seems so fucking cool.

Gabris, I thought about that constantly.

I said it to Tiffany.

She's like, you're so weird.

I'm like, no, because I also watched Poseidon Adventure again this year for New Year's.

By the way, great New Year's Eve movie.

They do the countdown.

You can time it up and watch like the ship starts crashing.

The ship gets capsized during the midnight hour.

So you can watch it at like 11.58 or whatever.

It's so perfect.

But during that, I was like, oh, I would love to swim through a room.

Like, just like, it feels like it would be...

And I kept saying to Tiffany, and she was like, you are fucking crazy.

And I'm like...

Especially as an actor, like being on that set, be like, hold on, let me just fucking swim underneath this.

That seems so fucking cool.

and like this there's so many like this movie like is has these big loud moments but it also has these little moments of quiet dread you just see these rooms filling up with water with nobody in them and that's when you're like oh i would love to just like stand on that table and dive in yes um but yeah

great speaking of tiny moments filled with dread great moment when when uh jack is like jesus christ this is bad this is bad news and then water comes under the door like for the first time and he's like he had just declared that this is bad news and didn't even know about the water coming in yet.

Well, okay, so the tiny moment of dread for me is when, you know, Rose finds him and he's like, go get help because they can't seem to figure out a way to.

So she's got to run back up, go to the next deck up, and she's asking for help, screaming for help.

There's some guy who tries to drag her away and she punches him in the face.

And then she uses the hose to break,

well, before she uses uses the hose to break into a thing to get an axe out of the like fire thing, the lights go out.

Like the power goes out in the hallway.

Oh, yeah.

And she can't see anything.

And she's like, oh, fuck, oh, fuck.

You can feel her panicking.

You're like, oh, no, this is bad.

And then the lights come back on and she just jumps into action.

It worked on me, too.

It's already such a stressful thing.

It was scary.

It was scary.

And there's sparks.

They're going to get electrocuted.

Later on, when the ship is actually sinking and then the lights finally go out,

I'm like, whoa, now it's really scary.

Like, it's like so funny that you're like, we are on an inevitable path to death and destruction.

And the second the lights go out, you're like, oh, now it's all so dark.

Nobody ghosts.

It's super scary.

But yeah, that moment.

There might be an it follows in there or a smile.

The dag organs.

I love when I love, we saw her earlier drop like that hot satin robe to expose her full nude body.

We get like a weird callback to it when she drops her jacket off to swim for Jack, which is kind of weird.

She like drops a layer and dives in, and it's like now she needs to be ready to like rescue.

And then that also sets up getting Billy Zane's jacket, too.

Yeah, yeah.

So, so, so, you know, there's a big chase going on.

We see all these kind of little moments with people who are like resigned to death.

Like, you see the guy we mentioned who like wants to just drink bourbon while it goes down.

You see the band who keeps playing even though the boat's sinking,

that'd be fucking me, bro.

I'd be podcasting as the ship was going down.

I'd be talking about Alien versus Predator.

Shout out to Athletic Greens, promo code Hype.

I'd be selling fucking Casper mattresses.

Gentlemen, it was a pleasure to riff with you.

Yes, yes.

We might go on a few tangents.

Oh, no, baby, meundies are going under.

Sorry.

Just drowning, doing a Sherry's Berrys ad read.

I have a nope of this movie.

We have Mac Weldon now.

No, me undies.

Just want to play a clip of the music scene because I do find it to be one of the most touching moments of the movie.

So I just love it a lot.

Yeah.

I did a Godzilla remix.

Yay, Godzilla remix.

Gabris, this is a running joke on the show where Matt puts Godzilla because it's really funny.

People like it.

Fans like it.

I'm picking up on that a little bit.

You're like, yeah, these are like running bits.

Again, not to be pedantic right after a bit, but the sound mix on the violin and the footsteps and screaming in the background is fucking

amazing.

It translates just audio only.

Like anybody listening to me.

That got me.

That was like triggering.

Yeah.

It was so heavy.

It was

wonderful playing with you, gentlemen.

Oof, oof.

So the ship goes down.

Rose is in the water.

She's floating on a door.

Before we get there, yeah, we got a little bit more going on.

I just want to run through a couple of those character actor vignettes we discussed.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Also, fun thing to watch.

If this is inspiring you to re-watch Titanic, watch the extras for like the back half of the movie.

They can't really just like run and leap off the side of the boat.

Like, so they like run over to the railing, like, look, run down, look over the railing again, grab a tube, look over.

Like, they don't, you know, when you're told to like look frantic and busy, like as someone who's been an extra, you understand?

And then you watch this and it's like, that is

kind of realistic, though.

I wouldn't know what the fuck to do.

I'd be like running back and forth.

Like, when are we letting boys on the boat?

Well, so, okay, speaking of like stuff like that, I like okay this is the physics part all right oh hell yeah this is the moment where emily who went to college in arkansas talks about physics

why wouldn't you just jump off the side of the boat like before it broke in half before it broke in half right and you just go off the side of the boat you go let's find a door or whatever or make a fucking raft like make a makeshift situation I feel like that's what I would have done.

Do you think the suction would suck you down more that way, or when the whole thing goes down and you're hanging out at the very tip?

I love that they're at the very tippity tip of the ship, too.

That feels like

not the best place to be.

I don't know.

Yeah, I think in their situation,

in their situation, I think it makes sense, and it's quick thinking by Jack.

But off what you're saying, Emily, is I think also a biology question because I think if you get in that water any earlier, earlier, you're frozen until you can eat it.

Yeah, that's true.

And I looked it up and it said, okay, so when shit went down, I guess they said it would take four hours for help to arrive, right?

And they were saying in the movie that the ship was going to sink in an hour, but in truth, the ship sunk in two hours and 40 minutes, which means that Jack Dawson could have just held on for an hour and 20 minutes.

For half the length of this movie.

Yeah.

And he could have lived.

I just, okay, here are some biology.

This is a biology question.

Sure.

What if you played little pool games and like swam around a little bit, kept yourself warm.

Cool Marco Polo.

Take your Marco Polo.

Marco Polo.

That'd be kind of messed up.

Be like, that's a dead body.

Come over here.

Sorry.

All the more reason to cold plunge, baby.

Prepare your body for the inevitable.

Thank you, Rodan.

It's been sensitive to the survivors of the Titanic that cold plunging is a thing now?

Yeah, I think that's why they invented it.

They'd be like, this would be a funny troll.

That's why Irish people won't do it.

Let's run through some of these character actors.

We mentioned

the unaliving yourself trigger warning earlier.

That moment is heavy.

Oh, yeah.

Even before he does it, it's really heavy that he doesn't want to shoot anyone and has to.

Then there's the moment where Mr.

Fantastic/slash Lancelot from the Clive Owen King Arthur, I think his name is like Iaum Griffin or something like that.

He's playing another one of the officers.

He points the gun at someone and then turns around and puts bullets in it.

He was pointing an unloaded gun, but then he realized he's got to step it up.

That's a heavy moment.

Garber fixing the clock.

The creator of it

just staring away as someone watches him go down.

Jack's Irish buddy getting the fucking shot in the chest.

Fabricio trying to do the Oh, hey, balls on him.

He's back.

I was still like, oh, it's that guy.

He runs into Jack downstairs, which is, we kind of skipped over it, but Jack and Rose meet up with the poor people in steerage, and they are being locked downstairs,

which is fucking crazy.

Now, I would almost justify the wealthy for locking them if it wasn't great doors.

Like, if they were like, this will stop water.

I would go, okay, fine.

It sucks to be in steerage, but if they think that's going to stop water from going somewhere, but to lock gates that water is going to go through anyway, it feels

like crazy.

It's a gate that you use to keep babies from going out of the kitchen or something like that.

Right, right.

It's not even like, it's not a good gate.

Right.

If we don't lock this gate, they'll all fall in the pool.

Yeah, exactly.

A dog will get on the couch otherwise.

Exactly.

I love that moment when they rip the bench up and

Rose is like, get out of the way.

She's on board with this fucking battering ram shit.

It's so exciting running through there.

She's such a badass.

I just think that this proves the Irish are the babies of Europe.

Well, I want to say one thing about Rose.

One of the coolest parts, okay, so she takes, when she has to go save Jack and she takes the coat off, it's like, okay, you're wearing a dress.

It's going to be hard to swim and hold this axe to get there.

And she like does this thing where she like monkey bars the pipes on the ceiling, and it's so cool.

I don't know, I just loved the um the choreography of her getting there by grabbing onto pipes and like

herself there.

So fucking cool, very, very action movie.

I feel like,

yeah, it's awesome.

And I'm an action star.

That's technically physics as well.

Nothing.

I love physics.

We've heard.

I also would say that

isn't falling in love kind of a physics too?

Oh, shit.

Gravity is a little bit of a tough thing.

I'll tell you that.

I don't get that.

Falling in love is a little faster than

8.2 meters per second squared, or whatever gravity is.

The other thing I love is the preacher who's kind of giving that last sermon as they rapid, like, slowly turn vertical.

I couldn't stop looking at his fucked-up teeth.

I'm going to be real.

He was, he had this, sorry.

He had this, like, the front teeth.

It was like one tooth completely overlapping the other front tooth.

And I'm like, all right, I feel like we got to got to do something about that one.

The bottom teeth.

Well, it's a little late now, Emily.

Well, yeah, I know, but I'm just saying bottom teeth can be a crooked, weird mess.

Because if you're an actor, come on, y'all.

When they all meet in heaven, his teeth will be perfect.

Or hell, they'll be worse.

Or hell.

I don't know.

Whatever they are.

God made him borel.

This isn't a pre-every actor having veneers era, too.

So I'm happy.

This ain't veneers, man.

This is

no, no, I know it's.

Space them out.

Just space them out a little bit.

I love crooked naturals.

Give me crooked naturals.

Especially in the early 20th century.

And then

last little vignette I want to mention is the lady who's hanging from the pole and Rose makes eye contact with her and then she just lets go and it's like, and we're about to hear never let go like right after this.

It's a great fucking moment.

Oh, that was so sad.

Awesome.

And And of course, propeller guy.

Propeller guy.

The guy with the propeller hat.

We're crashing.

We're crashing.

I also

did my diaper.

I very much remember the Academy Awards

that year and Billy Crystal hosted.

And the intro where he like does a thing where he's inserted into inserted?

What the fuck?

Yeah, yeah.

Inserted into every movie as a a little bit part he was the guy in the white um

you know what's oh god it was like a chef

safety jacket what am i thinking of life jacket like they call him they call him life belts in the movie oh okay yeah which is so and he's one of the only other people besides rose and jack that got on the other side yeah of the railing and they're just looking at each other and he's like perched there and then nothing else happens.

Yeah, he's like drinking from a flask and stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm not sure if he's the chef or what his deal is.

I like to think that he's like, I know that, you know, being at the tip here, there's going to be a lot of suction.

I'm going to see if the ocean, if I can get my dick sucked by the ocean.

My dick sucked by the suction of the Titanic.

I'd go out the way I came.

Yeah, he was, they had him implanted into the movie scene, Billy Crystal, as that guy.

And the Propeller Guy thing was like in the bit.

Like that, to everyone in 96 or 97, whenever this movie came out, Propeller Guy was a funny moment.

I remember in the theaters people laughing at it.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I saw it like three times in theaters.

Gotta laugh every single time.

It was funny.

It is kind of just so shocking that you're like, what?

Like it ultimately.

You've had the ultimate Pratfall.

You gotta laugh.

If you're not gonna laugh, you're gonna cry.

That's right.

And Kathy Bates get the Unsinkable Molly Brown gets a great hero moment in the end, too.

She does.

Where she's trying to get the boats to go back.

Well, I actually had a little bit to talk about Unsinkable Molly Brown.

Okay, so she was born in Hannibal, Missouri, which is where

one half of my grandparents are from.

And so I spend a lot of time in Hannibal.

It's where Mark Twain is also from.

And she has like a little, there's a little house, like her childhood

home that you can walk around in, which I've done.

But she, I guess, did a fuck ton of shit for Titanic.

She did help people get onto the lifeboats before getting on herself.

Like she, people had to basically force her onto a lifeboat.

And then afterwards, she organized like a committee of first-class survivors to help second and third-class survivors get necessities that they needed.

She's the fucking shit.

Love her.

That's awesome.

And then she, and then she broke James Kahn's legs.

Yeah,

made her write more books.

Yeah.

But

I kind of wish that we had more of her character in the movie.

Also, okay, I have this Wikipedia thing open

that I'd like to read from.

There were animals aboard the Titanic.

Not like a ton or whatever, but there were dogs, cats, chickens, other birds, and an unknown number of rats.

Three of 12 dogs in the Titanic survived.

All of the other animals presumably died.

Wait, so dogs got on the lifeboats?

I guess so.

Or they ended up in the water and found a whistle.

Women and Irish first, then dogs, then men, then the chickens, then the Irish.

Yes.

All your puppers, all your little, all your floofs, all your doggos.

We love cats on this podcast, Gabris.

So here's some cat stuff.

They had their own official cat named Jenny on the Titanic, who was the like

a mascot or like unofficial mascot and was there to get rid of mice and rats and vermin.

R.I.P.

Jenny.

R.I.P.

Jenny.

Yeah.

Well,

so a bunch of cats died and then Rose and Jack, they're floating around out there.

She's on the door.

Is it big enough for two people?

We'll never know.

But he slides out into the water and she swims out to get a whistle, and she's like

the one survivor in the ocean of dead people.

We get a couple of close-ups of some ferrozen babies, and then we go.

Oh, I didn't see that part.

Oh, yeah, they're so good.

Ferrozen babies.

Were they cute?

You know what?

They were pretty cute.

I think if they survived, they would have been

real, real, real cute.

It was adorable.

Well, like, if they were cute, then like, fuck those babies, am I right?

I'm sorry.

No, no, no.

All babies are beautiful.

Of course.

Yeah, and then we kind of go back to her telling the story to Bill Paxton and Co.

I like it that there's a couple times when they go back to the Bill Paxton storyline where they have changed clothes.

I like that.

Like, the movie is long, but her story apparently took several days to tell them.

I believe that.

Anyway.

You know how much old ladies need to shit?

Like, I've had grandmas.

I know that there's diaper changes

that need to happen.

And need to happen.

And she has to go at 8 p.m.

when CSI starts.

Yeah.

They got to go down.

They got to go to sleep.

They got to take shits.

And then she throws the necklace overboard.

It's infuriating.

Why didn't she just sell it and give it to charity?

But whatever.

It's an emotional moment in the movie.

Yes.

I have.

Okay.

Number one, that coat that she's wearing throughout the

adventure part of this whole like back after the movie, the necklace is in a pocket, in a coat, and they are like swimming through rushing water and stuff.

And somehow, this necklace stayed in a coat.

I lose necklaces from pockets all the time.

And they are like, I just don't believe that.

That's a hell of a pocket in that coat.

But also,

my,

how did she keep her

like

children and people from finding this necklace.

I went through all of my mom's shit all the time when I was like a kid and a teenager.

I tried on every piece of jewelry she ever had.

One time I went through, there was a shoe box that said pink suede on it, and I thought they were shoes.

that it was a vibrator and then it was a little bottle of lube and then there was a bag and it looked like i don't know dirt or something and it smelled bad and later i found out that was weed And

I just held that over my parents' head in case I ever got in trouble.

And then I go, you have weed and vibrators.

You're bad too.

I would have, if I, I would have found that fucking thing, I would have found it.

Like, it's, it blows my mind that no one in her family found that shit.

I don't get it.

I don't get it.

Mrs.

Fleming, I wasn't familiar with your game.

Yeah, it's just a vibrator and weed in the heart of the ocean in a box that says pink suede.

My wife is going to kill me.

Oh, God.

That is Titanic.

We're going to rank the movie, but first, we're going to do our hit segment, Hunk Watch.

It's Hunk Watch.

This is the segment where we go around and talk about who we think the Hunk of the movie is.

I've got a Dark Horse Hunk who I think we didn't talk a ton about

while we were talking about the movie.

But I really noticed this person on this rewatch, Rose's mom.

Anybody else?

What?

Rose's mom?

Very beautiful.

Her name is Frances Fisher.

She is a great character actress and also has great politics.

So I follow her.

Oh, does she?

Oh, that's great.

Fantastic politics.

Yes, we stand a woke hunk.

And there's this, there's, I think there's a really wonderful scene where she's like, you know, talking about the, you know, pitfalls of being a woman and what women must do to get ahead in life.

She's like, she's simping up Rose's corset.

Such a cool scene.

And she says, yeah, it's great.

It's super, like, super well written, great, wonderful acting.

She says, a woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets.

Emily, is that true?

Not, I mean, I talk about getting fingered and I fucked a toothbrush holder, so I don't think I have a lot of them.

Maybe a pond of secrets.

Maybe a pond of secrets or a pond.

Symbol of secrets.

I got Crick.

But no, I think that I love that scene too.

The mom was a lot more sympathetic

this watch around.

Oh, I kind of hated her more.

Or I noticed her on the screen.

I just kind of understood her because I see Jack Dawson as a fuckboy now.

So I just, when her mom was like,

your father left us a bunch of debts and a man fucked us over.

A man who was supposed to love both of us fucked us over.

So it's, why don't you be with this horrible man?

And

I guess that maybe this will turn out different.

I don't know.

But we don't have a choice.

And she's like, but Rose goes, it's so unfair.

And she's like, this is what the life of a woman is in 1912.

And it's like,

it's true.

And, but she's trying to be kind to her daughter, I think.

She's trying, but she's not succeeding.

But, you know.

Gabritz, you got a, you got a hunk of the movie?

Yeah, I probably have to go with

Rose's granddaughter on the boats.

I think

Susie Amos.

Gorgeous.

Yeah.

She gave her daughter a better life than she had.

Yes.

So many more opportunities.

Yes.

She's absolutely beautiful.

And

I believe James Cameron married her.

And I don't know if it was like she was was his wife when she made the movie or whatever, but she also has the same kind of like SoCal blonde hair that Catherine.

Who is James Cameron?

So you're like, oh, okay, pal.

Jimmy's got a type.

They have hair that looks like they go in the water, which I think is probably important for Jimmy C., the V.

He's the oceanographer.

Emily, we'll eat this home.

I'll go to Matt next.

Matt, did you have a hunk?

My hunk of the movie, I mean, is, I think, obvious.

You guys all picked, you know, great ones.

My hunk of the movie, The Iceberg.

The iceberg, to me, it is a total

hunk.

More of a chunk than a hunk.

That's a hunky chunk, though.

I love that iceberg because it's like you look at it from the sea and you're like, ah, that's just...

That's just a little guy.

But then what you don't see under it is this massive hog that it has.

It's got straight the donk a donk.

And that's what like pokes holes into the side of Titanic.

And yeah, you know, and it's also

like a penny whistle.

It's the movie's only Jew.

Iceberg.

Yeah, it's kind of like

Goldberg.

You know what I mean?

Come on, guys.

You never heard this?

This is fun.

This is fun.

This is good and fun.

Yes.

Emily, I think we're all dying to hear.

Who do you think the hunk of Titanic is?

It is Bill Paxton and that earring, baby.

Wow.

Okay.

Oh, Bill Paxton is so beautiful.

I love him so much.

I forgot he was even in this movie.

Me too.

I just, I totally forgot about the whole, you know, story of the people looking for the heart of the ocean.

I just, I remember the old lady, you know, but I didn't remember everyone else.

And God, Bill Paxton is so beautiful.

And I, I, I don't know, this hippie, shaggy little hair thing, and then the little earring.

I just want to suck that ear.

I want to suck that earring

off of that ear, and I want to choke on it.

Beautiful.

I mean it.

I really mean it.

A love story as beautiful as this one.

Okay, we're going to rank Titanic on a scale of one to ten super loud commercials when we come back.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no.

It's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom London.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

We're back, Truth Ads.

We're here with John Gabrish.

We're going to rank Titanic on a scale of one to ten super loud commercials.

John Gabris, you are our guest.

You were kind enough to join us for this.

We're going to start with you.

And hey, something we learned during the break.

You have a little Bill Paxton earring.

Indeed, I do.

I got it way late in life.

It was part of my midlife crisis.

Talk about Honk Watch over here.

Yeah.

And I get a lot of compliments on it, which is crazy.

I think it's just kind of a surprise that for

all the rest of my look to have like a tiny little gold hoop throws people away.

Scale of one to 10, I'm just ready.

Yeah, one to 10 super loud commercials.

That's what you got to pay to watch this.

Oh, okay, yeah.

I mean, if you're looking at a three and a half hour movie that's free with ads, you're easily in the 10 super loud commercial department just on length.

But I would sit through.

I would sit through the head-on commercial 25 times just to watch Titanic.

Are you giving this a 25 out of 10?

I'm going to stay.

I don't want to shatter the system here, but I'm going to go with nine and a half super loud commercials.

Nine and a half super loud commercials.

A truly fucking awesome movie.

It is.

Emily, we'll let you have the final word as the biggest Titanic fan in the house.

Matt Lieb, what do you think?

One to 10.

I'm giving this a nine.

I'm giving this a nine.

It's truly a great movie.

And you know what?

I would have given it a 10, but it's already gotten every award and all of the money, so it doesn't need my 10.

I'm saving my 10 for something that matters, like the Belina or some shit.

Yes, Bolina, the Titanic of its time, truly.

Oh, God.

Yeah, I'll weigh it.

It's a 10 for me.

It's fucking Titanic.

It's fucking Titanic.

It's great.

Tippy 10.

It's a 10.

Emily, final word.

Titanic.

Tippy Tippy 10.

All the way.

Wow.

I love this movie.

And honestly, I was kind of dreading watching it

because I haven't seen it in a long, long time.

And

I know it's sad.

I knew it was going to make me cry, but the movie moves in a way where it is, you can't get enough of it.

It's the small moments and the nuggets and the action at the end.

It's just, you can't look away.

I want to watch it all over again.

I'm so glad that we did this.

I'm so glad we did this.

It has like, it has all these little dumb moments in it, but the dumb is really fun.

It's really fun and it's really sincere.

And yeah,

you can tell it's a passion project from everybody involved.

You can tell like people loved making it and wanted to make it.

And it was, yeah, a labor of love.

You can really see it up there.

Hey,

that's Titanic.

John Gabris, thank you so fucking much for joining us for this.

You host many podcasts, High and Mighty, a goddamn classic, an essential podcast.

You have so many cool people on there.

You get high.

You talk about something they love.

We have Jomo has been on a couple of times.

We got to get M Phlem on there shortly.

Yeah.

I got the High and Mighty is just a chat show for free wherever you get your podcast, wherever you're listening to this.

And then also I have Action Boys, which is a Patreon podcast.

So it's behind a paywall.

And I understand if you're listening to a free podcast about free movies,

you might not want to throw out the $5 to $10 a month.

So, lucky for you, we have unpaywalled, like a dozen or so episodes at free.actionboys.biz.

So, you can go over there and

get a sniff and get addicted, get hooked.

Your first hit is free, baby.

Yeah, snort it right up your little ear holes.

Also, if you go to geno.gabris.com, I am releasing a physical media cassette tape, which is really a USB drive, but it looks like a cassette tape, all with with a case, a hard case, and art, and all of that, a J-fold, fold-out

thing of all 30 episodes of the Gino Lombardo Show, a series I made for Stitcher Premium, and then fought with my lawyers for two years to get the rights back.

And now I have it.

So you can get all 30 episodes on one drive.

Just go to

Gino.gabris.com.

Hell yeah, John Gabris, one of the funniest people alive.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for having me.

Yeah, yeah.

Over here at Team Free With Ads, we want to make sure you go to maxfunstore.com and grab yourself some free with ads merch.

We got t-shirts, we got hats that say the worst hat, pint glasses, stickers, everything

you could ever want that says free with ads on it.

We got it.

And hey, we really, really want to see you out in San Francisco at SF Sketchfest, our first ever live show at the Punchline Comedy Club, Thursday, January 23rd, 7.30 p.m.

We would love to see you there.

Tickets at sfsketchfest.com.

Okay,

join us next week when our movie will be hitched for the holidays.

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