502: Terrain

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so yeah then we hear from florence nightingale yeah right that beacon of modern medical insight florence nightingale

we had a lot fewer treatment options in the 1800s yeah right

because what she's saying is she's like just like man just go out and get uh you know you'll walk it off get a good get a good breath of fresh air get some fresh air yeah you need fresh air and light and you lack punctuality i wrote in my notes you don't have covet you lack punctuality.

Me to Marsh.

God awful

movie.

Movies.

Movies.

Movies.

Welcome back to the Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema or something equally wrong in all counts.

I'm your host, No Illusions.

Heath is off this week, but sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick.

Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir?

I think this might be wronger than religion.

I don't want to nitpick your instruments.

No, I think

we found if anything was going to break that record.

Yeah.

And we're also excited to welcome guest masochist Dr.

Alice Howorth, co-host of Skeptics with a K and person wildly overqualified to debunk this stupid movie.

Dr.

Alice, welcome to the show.

Hello.

Thank you so much for having me.

All right.

So tell us, Alice, what will we be breaking down today?

Well, you have accidentally stumbled on an absolutely killer film for us to watch together today.

We watched Terrain, a film that takes basically the entirety of my PhD thesis and threads pseudoscience through every single layer of it.

And claims that germ theory isn't real.

Yeah.

Yeah,

it's so funny.

I was going through your notes before that.

I always read through everybody's notes to make sure I make room for them beforehand.

And the extent to which this movie nails everything that Dr.

Alice knows and loves is just amazing.

This movie might as well be about your favorite color not being your

favorite colour.

Yeah, it is absolutely just, I mean, some of the experiments they talk about, some of the particular, you know, they spend a long time talking about cell culture.

I

done so much cell culture in my career to the point that my ribs are slightly deformed because of the amount of cell culture I have done throughout my research research career.

And Eli.

Lab nerds and the audience are loving it.

Lab nerds and the audience are getting it.

How bad was this movie?

Well, if you're a refuse to believe in the moon landing till NASA sends you personally to space level skeptic, but you wish your doubts could have been assuaged in the sixth grade science class you dropped out of, you will love this movie.

It's a conspiracy theory that Joe Rogan wouldn't waste time on.

I feel like if we looked back through his back catalog, we'd find a couple of these motherfuckers.

We'd find Koffman and Joe or something.

Right, yeah.

Also, hey, before we get too deep into this week's movie, I want to revisit last week's episode long enough to acknowledge that we all spaced out and forgot that Seth Andrews actually was on the show before.

He did an episode of Bible Man with us back on episode 100.

And based on the terabytes of emails that we got correcting us on the fact that we missed it, it seems that the only people who didn't remember that fact were on the record.

So our apologies for that.

I challenge you to remember the 100th time you did anything 500 times on Ryan's listener.

All right, so is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best to be the worst at?

For me, it's definitely the best, worst producer narration.

Sure.

There are entire chunks where the two producers, well, not even the two producers.

I looked this up.

One of them is the producer of the film and a director.

The other is Jason Lindgren, who is just a narrator and the sound engineer for the film and also directed a film called Shoot the Moon, which describes itself as a man named Crow set out to shoot the moon and then uploaded what he saw as Crow 777.

I'm in.

Bizarre enough.

I'm in.

That these are the two people having the conversations midway through the film, but also like having a conversation midway through the film that is completely not relevant.

And it's also, why are there two narrators?

So much of this movie feels like it was a compromise between the two moneyed interests, right?

Like they both showed up with their their own narrator and they're like, well, my narrator showed it.

And no, my narrators do it.

They seem unclear whether or not this is a TV show with commercials in it at one point in the movie.

Yeah.

And they're trying to work it out on air.

Yes.

And then they leave it in the film.

Yep, they do leave it in the film.

They do.

All right.

Well, I'm going with,

I originally had best worst compromises between two money to interests, but I'm going to go with best worst podcastiverse character appearing in the film.

I'm not going to say anything else about it, but if you know and love the podcast-iverse and watch this movie, there was a point where you're like, holy shit, is that actual podcast-iverse character X?

I feel like we have a lawsuit.

Someone has a lawsuit.

It's either us or depending on the existence of that person, I think it might be us.

Yeah.

And I'm going to take the easy one.

I'm going to go with best worst Chirons.

Oh, my God.

Look, whenever we watch a bullshit documentary, they usually sneak in one or two horseshit Chirons there, right?

That are like medical doctor, and you're like, okay, well, that's a weird non-specialized researcher and author.

Yeah, right, right.

Every single Chiron in this film

is

more terrifying and bat shit than the last.

Oh, but there's a clear winner.

We'll get to it earlier.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, to be honest, I don't think any of us was quite prepared for something as foundational as defend germ theory when we walked into this thing.

So we're going to take a break to fortify ourselves, but we'll be back in a minute with all the exponentially increasing idiocy that is

terrain.

Thanks for agreeing to do the ads with us, Alice.

Yeah.

No problem.

Now, obviously, we didn't want to bog you down with a ton of copy on this first one, so we left your lines nice and short.

Oh, great.

Thanks.

Hey, podcast listener.

I'm Eli Bosnik, paid spokesperson for HelloFresh.

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But did you know that HelloFresh is a medical prescription from a real doctor?

Isn't that right, Dr.

Alice?

And either or also, do you like dogs?

Yes.

Sorry.

Wait, what?

I don't know, Noah.

Don't those meal kits get kind of samey?

Well, with 50 wholesome hassle-free meals to choose from each week delivered to your door, there's always something new to try with HelloFresh.

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Isn't that right?

Your name is Alice.

I mean, my name is Alice, but...

I don't know, Noah.

Have you actually tried it?

I sure have.

I love that HelloFresh unpacks into my fridge in seconds.

It's an easy way for me to eat great while sticking to my heart-healthy diet.

That's why I, no illusions, just like Dr.

Alice here, personally endorse HelloFresh.

You've just written the word yes on a piece of paper three times for me to read.

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Isn't that right, Alice?

I'm not saying it.

Yes, crumpets.

Did you add crumpets just because I'm British?

Yes, I did.

All right, everyone.

Welcome to the second writer's meeting for Terrain the Movie.

Wow, wow, wow.

Now, I'll admit we did get off to a bit of a rocky start last week.

I admit that when I agreed to run this film about the COVID virus.

So-called COVID virus.

So-called COVID virus.

Yes, thank you.

I was unaware that we also just didn't believe in viruses.

at all.

Or germs.

Or germs.

You can fucking see germs, Craig.

Yeah, but they don't make you sick.

All right, fine.

Sure, right.

So we'll start off by explaining that viruses aren't real and that germs don't make you sick.

But then I guess we'll need to explain why there are vaccines that.

It's an evil plot.

Okay, about what?

Uh-huh.

It's not my job.

Oh, all right.

Well, yeah, so, okay, so we'll just explain that vaccines are some kind of evil plot.

Oh, and my girlfriend could talk to water.

I would like her to be a very prominent person in the film.

Does she talk to Water about COVID?

Not really, no.

Would she?

Sure.

All right.

Okay, great.

It's in the movie.

Of course, that doesn't leave us any time to really explain what terrain theory is or anything about it.

I feel like it's implied.

You feel like our medical hypothesis about the physical world is implied?

Yes.

Yeah, fuck it.

Why not?

Can she talk to Soda?

No, just water, I asked.

Got it.

And we're back for the breakdown, and we're going to open up on a very involved graphic that just is telling us that the movie's right around the corner.

Right?

Like, I thought it was a really nice production logo, but it's not.

It just says like feature presentation or whatever.

I feel like it's just there so that the first thing that we see looks high quality.

Right.

It looks like a stock graphic type thing.

Yeah.

And then we get to the actual production logos.

One of them is Andrew Kaufman Films.

And I started getting this feeling like Andy's just been alive this whole time and he's just doing this movie as part of a long-term borat bit or something.

Planning the long gun.

Yeah.

See, I just keep thinking about Charlie Kaufman for some reason, and it just puts me in that space of watching being John Malkovich and how weird and unsettling that film is, right when we were about to sit down to watch what turns out to be a weird and unsettling film.

Yeah, I'd like to argue that this movie is a lot more unsettling than being John Malcolm.

Yeah, yep, no, I think

so.

We get this opening quote, and it's like a really long and like verbose way of saying it, but what it says is you can't prove a negative, right?

Right.

And at first, I'm like, why would you guys be pointing that out?

But then later, we'll realize that that's because their whole argument is, no, you guys are wrong.

And so that's them basically insulating their argument against any counter.

It is such a nothing quote attributed to somebody who I'd never heard of.

And usually, like, when you see a quote from somebody, you kind of assume that it's either a really meaningful quote or it's a really important person.

Right, right.

So, the first thing I did was Google this guy, Dr.

Stefan Lanka, because he must be interesting.

Turns out he is quite interesting.

I don't know if you guys have Googled him and had a look at this.

Apparently, he had offered 100,000 euros to anyone who could prove the existence and size of the measles virus, like the Randy Million Dollar Challenge.

And then when a doctor did provide six publications to that effect, he refused to pay up.

A court ruled that he had to pay.

Ultimately, it was overturned on a technicality, but it was, it was ruled that he had to pay.

Oh, wow, he got Mike Lindell.

That's amazing.

Oh, amazing.

Well, so we see him for a second here.

He's, he shows up on like the world's worst Zoom call.

Yeah.

At the beginning of the movie, he's basically on a fucking Game Boy camera.

And what Luck is going to to introduce here is what Noah was just talking about, right?

This notion that you can't prove a negative, which they actually misunderstand.

What they mean is you can't disprove whatever the fuck I just made up instantly.

Basically, right?

Because you can prove the existence of germs.

What you can't do is prove the existence of germs according to insane standards of non-science that I just pulled out of my ass.

Exactly.

And that's what they mean by you can't prove a negative.

That's the whole fucking movie.

So our narrator says nothing over pictures of birds talking about like looking at things in new ways or whatever.

Yeah.

I really like this part because the narrator comes over saying sometimes looking at things from a new perspective is so easy and fluid.

And they're showing pictures of the underside of flying birds, which is just the normal perspective.

That's not a new perspective.

That's how we normally see that shit.

And then we cut to the fucking opening of the 2012 London Olympics, and I'm like, what is this about?

But apparently in that opening to the Olympics, there was like a tribute to the NHS that they're all upset about or something.

Yeah, they're explaining that they had NHS doctors and patients participate in the opening ceremony and they were there.

They were in the little mountain area, like waving gently at the crowd that applauded for them.

They were not the dancers doing dances around the hospital beds.

I wrote in my notes, hey, if they were having having the patients do that dance, that cannot be therapy.

I agree, movies.

That was a bad idea.

Well, they start talking about this kids' hospital, and I'm like, oh my God, is the bad guy in this movie a kids' hospital?

And sort of, yes.

Yeah, I mean, all hospitals, if you think about it.

Yeah, really, really.

So, okay.

So then we see this.

Now we're going to get into the COVID bullshit, which is what this movie is really, well, mostly about.

We see this Newsweek article about a California hospital being overwhelmed by COVID-19 patients, right?

But then we see a citizen reporter who went to that very same hospital and couldn't find anybody at all.

It didn't look very busy.

And it was just only like six days later.

Yeah.

So what happened?

What are the chances that a large administrative hospital might work out the outside lines that were leading to the deaths of hundreds of people in a mere six calendar days?

Well, so the other thing, too, is, and this happened a lot during the pandemic.

A lot of these idiots would go to hospitals hospitals and say wow this hospital is so empty for there to be a pandemic well but like nobody was having elective surgeries or anything during the pandemic so there were parts of hospitals that were completely shut down right there were like whole wings of hospitals that we didn't need at the time and that's what they were getting video of yeah especially on new year's day oh yeah right

And then there were those magic teenagers who tried to go into the hospital to cure everybody's COVID and they didn't let them.

And it makes me sad.

Yeah.

Yep.

So, but then we're going to get this like opening montage where we sort of speed meet all the talking heads that are going to be in this movie and we get just this series of ever dumber Chirons starting with holistic psychiatrist Kelly Brook.

I'm not just a psychiatrist for your brain.

I'm a psychiatrist for your anus as well.

I'm like,

I'm listening.

And I genuinely, they introduce these people so quickly, it's like they know, hey, god-awful movies hosts hosts usually stop and Google people as we introduce them.

Let's do all 75

so that they're too exhausted by the time we get to our real bullshit artists.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah.

So we meet Kelly Brogan, and she explains that COVID is

sorcery.

Her words.

Literal sorcery, her words.

Spiritual warfare and literal sorcery.

Yeah.

So let me, since we're making claims here, I just want to throw out one of my own.

Kelly Brogan is schizophrenic and in psychosis.

So now we've all made claims about unsubstantiated medical claims about each other.

Speaking of psychosis, we then meet Bar Lando,

who is identified as a bio-terrain practitioner

in his chiron.

I have no idea what happened.

It means nothing at all.

Why don't they ever shoot Bar Lando head on?

He is, for some reason, they got Darren Aronofsky to shoot all all of Bar Orlando's footage.

It's always from like the corner of the room looking down or the camera's on the floor and he's standing over it with an open rec.

It's fucking bizarre.

Also, he's always going to be, every time we see him, he's,

the quality of the camera will be a little worse than the last time we saw him.

It's crazy.

It's crazy.

Time traveling backwards to 240 pieces.

He's going to be a Lumier's cinematograph eventually or whatever the fuck that thing was called.

You're going to have to pay a nickel to keep watching his sections of the the movie.

Yeah, exactly.

Also, also, this movie is daring me to make fun of that one big ass tooth of his, right?

I'm like, hey, you know what, Bar, I had dentures in my mid-40s.

I'm allowed to use tooth slurs.

Thank you.

Here's the thing, right?

If you're going to claim you have like a cornerstone on medicine, you need to not look like you're being turned into a chipmunk bio bitch actively while you're speaking to the movie.

Benicio del Toro, halfway to a werewolf, would would be like, are you okay, man?

You should go to a doctor.

And then we're going to meet the best Chiron in this or any movie, really.

This is where we meet Veda Austin,

Water Whisperer.

Water Whisperer, baby!

I swear I'm not making that shit up.

You couldn't have made it up.

It's so bizarre and ridiculous that she has acquiesced to them calling her the water whisperer.

Yeah, I wrote in my notes, okay, Dr.

Alice, you might have your so-called degree, but have you ever whispered to water?

I thought not.

I have talked to cells, though.

I definitely have talked to cells.

That's true.

So,

yeah, yeah, we'll put you down as cell talker in the show notes.

So, and then we also meet Sire

G, who is, he's a just boring old author researcher.

And if you think about it, like that to me is the quintessential stupid Chiron, right, that these movies use.

Author researchers, like anyone can say that, right?

Yeah.

And he says absolutely nothing, like nothing of any consequence.

So, and I believe he's the guy who is in charge of greenmed.com.

And if you're wondering what greenmed.com is, that's the website we based naturalgreenmommy.com on.

It's greenmed.com.

And speaking of bullshit Chirons, we meet Peggy Hall, who is educator/slash activist.

You may remember Peggy Hall from every town hall and school board meeting during COVID ever.

Yeah, right, right.

She's screaming about how we can't breathe with masks on.

I'm like, I breathed with a mask on.

I'm pretty sure I was breathing that whole time.

And then we also meet, and he's going to be like one of the central, one of the two sort of central voices in the movie.

We meet Thomas Cowen Cohen.

He is like, you know, one of these central germ deniers that we're going to be leaning on.

Right.

We also meet Sally Fallon, who is the president of the Weston Price Foundation.

I'm like, that's also probably nothing.

I didn't bother.

Yeah, I wrote West's and my Google was like, it's bullshit.

You know what I'm saying?

Thank you, Google.

Appreciate it.

I like Sally Fallon.

She's the one who says, when we become so fixated on germ theory, we stop looking at other causes, which is the complaint that a lot of people who believe in alternative diseases will say.

Will say that once we've stopped getting fixated on one thing, we stop stop looking for other causes, like people who have chronic Lyme, who are utterly convinced that they have some infection that the doctors refuse to look at because they're looking at all of the other causes.

Right.

And yet there's one cure that they won't consider, Alice.

I agree.

Closed mindedness.

That's a callback for the people who've been here for a while.

But ultimately, what she's saying here is, you know, it's weird how once I find my glasses, I stop looking for them entirely.

You know, that's where we're at.

Right.

Yeah.

We also meet, we meet Mark McDonald, who's just, he's just mad at Americans for not pushing back against our own health.

Yeah.

He's not mad.

He is just disappointed.

No, that's exactly what I wrote as well.

Yes.

He's disappointed in all you Americans.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

Yes.

Well, I mean, you know what, man?

I don't disagree.

Yeah, no, it's fair.

Some statements are evergreen, even when the bad guy is saying.

Yep, yep.

Also, they do this several times in this montage.

They keep showing masked babies, like, you know, like seven-week-old babies.

Nobody was putting masks on fucking babies.

Yeah, I was, but it was more of like a Halloween goof situation.

It wasn't really about the covenant.

We meet Samantha Bailey.

She shows up to tell us there's no fucking virus.

And then we finally get to the main character.

Andrew Kaufman MD himself.

Hey, he made this movie.

Yeah, right, right, exactly.

He gave himself plenty of screen time.

I like how the, so he shows up a lot, as you say, but I like that the first time he shows up, he's just wrapped up in a hat and a coat and looks really fucking cold.

He always looks chilly in almost every clip that they show of him.

The most bizarre choice they made in this movie that does not believe in germ theory and all the accompanying true things that come with having to not believe in germ theory is that they chose to shoot him in wildly different locations in wildly wildly different scenarios he's on zoom calls he's outside he's in parks he's in rivers he's in streams they follow

yes he's on a state they follow him like the what's that the long journey home where the cat and the dog find their way back so fuck it if at the end he ran into the arms of a happy american boy this movie makes it's bizarre but this is where we meet our co-narrators

yeah this is where they first enter the sound booth at the same time and they're like oh are we both narrating at the same time?

I guess we are, Suzanne.

Well, okay, it's okay, so it's Marcelina and Jason, and Marcelina's like, Hey, Jason, I'm gonna need you to help out narrating my movie.

And he's like, Oh, okay, and he starts doing it, and he's then he's like, Wait, are you still here?

You're gonna,

what am I doing here?

That, yeah, so you forgot to

go back out out of the doodly.

Right, you have a problem with Jason.

So, and then it comes up, the title card comes up, and it says, Part one,

Stork Flu.

They will never tell us what the fuck that means.

There must have been a stork something that was a major part of this movie that got cut because there will be stork imagery, stork Chiron, stork CGI just randomly sprinkled throughout the film for no reason.

Like a stork produced it, right?

Like it was produced in the nation of stork and there was a minimum number of storks that had to work on the goddamn film to get the tax rebate.

Storks are to this movie as Jews are to regular hobby.

So yeah, it says part one, stork flu.

And then it starts to explain to us right off the bat that germ theory is a bunch of tired old bullshit.

Coming for Louis Pasteur and Robert Koch.

And I was like, they're going to make me defend Robert Koch, aren't they?

And in fact, they will manage to get famous charlatan, racist, and wife beater Robert Koch wrong.

And so, so, and this is the first and not last time I wrote into my notes, like,

okay, I dare you to lick this then.

Because they're talking about, they're like, well, you know, it turns out that you actually can't get sick just from being exposed to bacteria.

And I'm like, I feel like you can, man.

You definitely can.

That's how we discovered that H.

pylori causes stomach ulcers is because the researcher was just like, I wonder what happens if I drink this

and gave himself gastritis

and proved that this bacteria

gives us nasty stomach problems.

Well, right.

It's such a bullshit fucking claim that they're like, okay, well, let's prove it with a little bit of data.

Let's go, where is all the cutting edge science done?

Well, 1918, I guess, really.

And so we go to this study that they've got from during the Spanish flu epidemic, where I guess they tried to get

some soldiers sick by introducing them to the saliva and shit of people who had Spanish flu.

Yeah.

And look, I think we can all agree that the scientific rigor of 1912 is unmatched.

There's no way anything about this experiment went wrong.

But the funniest thing is that their methods, and I'm sure this is true, are like what I would do if I was told to make a study.

Oh, we got to expose.

What if we rub them together?

Yeah, so we listen to these guys.

They're like, for a very long time, they're reading excerpts from it.

And they're like, so first we had them blow their snot up each other's butts.

And then we had them smear their tongues all on each other's eyeballs.

You guys see the weight of water?

They did that to me.

But yeah, but they ultimately determined that there was no such thing as contagion.

And so they're going to address this question of like, okay, well, then why do we always find all these bacteria or viruses in the diseased tissue?

They're like, it's just there to clean shit up.

When you're sick, all of the bacteria and germs show up to like eat your dead tissue.

And that's what they're finding.

Hey, Suzanne, I feel like people aren't quite going to get your metaphor here that you're explaining.

Do you have a really normal and chill

metaphor?

Maggots.

Okay, well, maggots is good.

Maybe what are the magnets?

What are the maggots?

Dead dog corpse.

You were talking about dead dogs for like several and and a half minutes.

Can we do some close-ups of just swarms of maggots as we do it?

It's just dead dogs.

So your dog is dead, right?

And you know what?

You get another dog.

That one died.

When they're doing close-ups of the maggots, are they more still photos?

Because

all the close-ups of anything in this film seem to be still images, not actual moving images.

Generally speaking, with the maggots, they made them writhe just to gross me out.

Yeah.

So, but okay, so at some point, one of these anti-germ people came up with this analogy and they're so proud of it that like nine different people use it before the movie's out right what they say is blaming the disease on germs is like blaming the death of a you know an animal corpse that you find on the dog

yes your pet dog that you brother's dog scruffy yeah scruffy let's give him a name yeah yeah what breed was scruffy scruffy the english terrier yeah right so but when you see an animal and it's dead and it's covered in maggots you don't go oh those maggots killed that animal, right?

That's what they're saying that

people who believe in germs are doing.

They're super proud of that one.

All right, so then we cut to Andy at some kind of convention for these idiots.

He's on stage explaining that he can't prove the virus doesn't exist because you can't prove a negative, right?

He's using that as a shield yet again.

Sometimes people say to me, prove your point.

And I say to them, No,

you prove your point.

And he has this fucking brilliant moment.

It guys, it's such a fucking amazing moment of accidentally calling himself out.

He's in this room full of people who obviously buy his bullshit.

And he goes, just by a show of hands, who thinks that we have the real story on 9-11?

And nobody raises their hand because the room is full of stupid people.

And he's like, exactly, because they never looked in.

To 9-11.

Right, because nobody researches it.

I have to mention the guy, because when he asks that, one guy yells out, one, steel doesn't burn that hot or whatever.

jackass yells I believe in science yes

but again like if you had a real idea or a real thing people would disagree on other subjects that weren't related right right but because the requirement for being in that room is be a fucking idiot

I have actually been in the room for a flat earth convention where that exact question was asked

and me and did you raise your hand well yeah absolutely

it was only me marsh and a journalist who was in the room

so this is the point where a metaphor occurred to me about this movie so sometimes when i'm talking to smart people like noanne heath and i'm wrong about something they'll be like so you know how blank to try to help me understand what they're saying and then i say no

I don't know that.

And the conversation has to stop and recalibrate to me not knowing the thing they said.

That's what this whole movie is like.

So you know how blank.

No?

No, you don't.

You're sure?

So, okay, so now the people who don't believe in 9-11 or germs are going to explain to Dr.

Alice what a cell membrane is.

Yes, this is delightful.

I mean, and he doesn't get everything wrong.

He starts talking about lipid bilayers.

There is a lipid bilayer.

He talks about the fluid mosaic model.

Those are both true.

They're not mutually exclusive.

He seems to think they're mutually exclusive.

And that there's 15 other theories that he refuses to tell us.

But the two that he does mention, the two like prevailing theories that are how we think the cell membrane looks, he's not wrong on that.

Like that's what we think.

Yeah, but his claim, though, is that we have no idea what the cell membrane is and that everybody's got their own pet theory.

Yeah, there's 17 different theories and we all disagree on what it looks like.

And they're all the same validity, all the theories.

Right, but then he says, he's like, and you know, and that's a problem because 50 to 80 percent of our pharmaceuticals work with receptors on the cell membrane.

Yeah.

I have no idea where he's got that number from.

I have no idea if that number's true.

That number might well be true.

I actually worked on a particular protein that's involved in regulating cell membrane receptors as part of my PhD thesis.

Allegedly.

So I've measured changes in receptors.

Like we, we might not be able to see them under a microscope because proteins are too small to see under microscope, but we have ways of detecting them.

We can see them.

I have looked at them quite a lot.

And hey, it wouldn't matter if you could fucking see it under a microscope because as he's going to explain later, none of that counts.

No, yes, right, right, right.

Then we tag in Stefan Lanka.

who he's the one who's basically going to just go like, hey, look, why does nobody have a selfie with a COVID virus, right?

Why can't you introduce me to a COVID virus and tell me its name and its wife's name?

Until you do that, I refuse to believe in it.

Show me the mugshot of the COVID virus, so it's known to be you.

And here's the funny thing.

Okay, so we've run into Lanka in previous documentaries, and Lanka's big spiel is no one has isolated a virus, which is insane because it's obviously something we've done.

Is that really what he thinks?

Are you sure?

Are you definitely sure that that is what you think?

That's what he says.

Because he's going to explain it now, how little he understands isolate, because he's going to be like, you know, isolate.

Like when the child goes to the bank and the money and a pig and he goes down and he's, you shake, shake, shake.

Now there are euros or dollars or chocolate bars.

The failure of his ability to explain the word isolate through metaphor

is so indicative of his inability to understand isolation.

It's actually perfect.

It's like he's been told that people like stories and analogies.

So he's trying so hard to give an analogy, failing miserably.

Also, I have to point this out.

Okay, so this movie was made by Andrew Kaufman and the guy with the funny accent's name is Lanka.

I just, I'm not buying this.

There's something to this.

This could be a long con.

This could be a long con.

So, but they come up and they're like, they're trying to again explain to us that viruses aren't real.

And they're like, see, when these scientists do these experiments where they give diseases to animals, they don't just introduce them to the virus, right?

They inject stuff into them.

Like, they never give mice AIDS by making them fuck other AIDS mice, right?

That's the argument that he's making.

They don't start a really repressive culture in the 1950s among the gay mice and then sort of pulled it that it turns into a hookup scene in the late 60s, early 70s.

That would be real science.

But they also claim that we've never genetically sequenced the COVID virus, which seems unlikely.

No, we've definitely, definitely, definitely sequenced the SARS-CoV-2 virus.

In fact, I found an article from the UK government from 2021, I think, that says that we had completed over 2 million SARS-CoV-2 whole genome sequences.

Jesus.

We've done this a lot.

Amazing.

So then we cut to this over busy title card in a font that we haven't seen before.

This movie, every time we see a title card, it's in a different fucking fucking font that says, Coke's postulates, have they been proven for viruses?

And because that's not enough words on the fucking screen, they add a parenthetical that says, or the rooster in the river of rats.

At least it's not a stalk.

No, that's fair.

That's fair.

Yeah.

That's fair.

And I love this part because it's literally just using the fact that most people, myself included, don't understand how words are used in medical papers.

So they seem like they're not the words we use in common parlance.

So for example, one of the first ones that he puts out here is he says that something is only an association, not a causation.

Now, I am a stupid person.

So I also think that those are different words.

So I plugged it into our good Christian friend, ChatGPT.

And ChatGPT was instantly like, oh, yeah, you're just a stupid person.

You don't understand how those words are used in medical terminology.

And I was like, thanks, AI.

Right, well, and they'll show like a paper where it's like, you know, oh, you know, the virus wasn't isolated and and then they're like see it was never isolated and i'm like in that study

you know yeah so this is this is like my favorite part because not only do they they select six papers to talk about when there are In 2020, there are 12 and a half thousand papers published on COVID, but they've picked six and they think these six are like the real killer papers.

They do the screenshots on screen so I can see who the authors are and what these papers are called.

So I looked them up to see what these papers were about because they claim that they're about SARS-CoV-2 and COVID-19.

One of the papers is from 2005.

What?

Three of them?

Jesus Christ.

Three of them are from 2003.

Really?

So only two of those papers

are actually about COVID-19.

Wow.

And those two are from the same research group.

They're from a Greek research group.

So they've cherry-picked six papers, only two of which are about SARS-CoV-2, the covet 19 virus and they're from the same research group amazing well and then after they because they're showing these quotes they're like presenting these quotes on screen and highlighting them from these papers but afterwards we just go into andy making a bunch of claims where he's like you know uh rumors and lies placed covet 19 as the cause of the pandemic without any proof that is being presented in the same font in the same style and with the same highlights as the stuff from the papers yes he's literally made slides that were quotes, but then later they're just the things he does.

Yeah, it's just whatever he feels like saying.

He just puts them in the same fucking fonts.

Yeah.

And then the narrator, the interviewer, asks him, she's like, you know, do doctors read these papers?

He's like, no, most doctors don't know how to read papers.

They're not.

No.

It's complicated.

To be fair, like, I actually, I think that's probably quite true.

Like, a lot of medical doctors do struggle to read academic papers, but like, that's not their job to read academic papers.

It's their job to treat patients.

right yeah and as long as the movie doesn't accidentally tell us that there are huge organizations that do read those papers and then explain them to the doctors it'll be oh

they literally talk about medscape i was like okay well they're just not going to mention medscape and they're like yeah they're sure there's medscape but those guys are fucking those you're fucking liars

So, okay, so, but then Cowan shows up again to confuse us about how viruses are isolated more.

So, because what he wants is he wants one single virus on a pair of tweezers, and he's mad that nobody can give him that.

Right?

Yes.

At this point of the movie, he explains to himself why he's wrong, but in a meh, meh meh, meh voice.

Yes, right.

Literally.

He's like, man, that's not how composing viruses works.

We can draw an inference on those things together.

And I was like, you can't just say the other person's point in a meh, me, meh voice.

Well, yeah,

I wrote my notes.

I'm like, he clearly knows why this is stupid, or at least he's been told it enough times that he can repeat it verbatim.

Right.

Right.

But he starts explaining to us how viruses are tested or isolated or whatever.

I don't fucking know.

Right.

So their point is, because again, like one of the real disprovers of this idea is living tissue samples, right?

Because like one could make the argument in a world where living tissue diagnosis didn't exist, that it would be hard to quote unquote prove things, things, right?

Because you couldn't prove the effects on the cells because you can't press your microscope up to Larry's fucking heart while it's going and be like, yeah, yes, I see the damage to Larry's heart.

But living tissue is a really good example.

So the whole point about all this shit about the fucking dying it with fetal serum and the fuck, they starve the bacteria is that all the damage that you see to cells that proves the existence of viruses, That's just from the additives we put into

tissue diagnostics.

Yeah.

Yeah, we see a little cartoon where they're like, I'm going to bullshit and pretend that I've isolated a virus.

Boy, that's a great idea.

And then they go into this whole big, like, what exactly is a tissue culture part of the film?

Yeah, this is where they just decide to basically explain my day-to-day life as a subject.

Oh, do they really?

And then you go out for a couple of beers with Marsh and he's there.

It's genuinely like, they give a recipe for making the media that you grow tissue culture cells in.

It's like, okay, but that's just a recipe.

I can give you my recipe if you like.

It's just the things that we need to keep to feed the cells, to keep the cells alive.

And he seems very upset that we use fetal bovine calf serum because it comes from baby cows, which like, well, actually, at first he says it comes from baby humans and then corrects himself.

Yeah.

But that's the nutrients that our cells need to grow.

If you're growing cells outside of a body, you've got to give them nutrients somehow.

Now, does Alice also make them into protein shakes occasionally?

Yes.

Has she gotten in trouble for that at work?

Yes.

But that's not what today's meeting is about.

Well, but they seem to be acting like you could just like lay the cells there on the table and they'd be fine on their own, right?

That's just the thing.

So first of all, he talks about how they're using monkey cells instead of human lung cells in the testing.

Yeah, and says that these are the most commonly used cells, which just isn't true.

If you ask any single cell biologist on the planet, they will tell you that the most commonly used cells in the lab are healer cells, which are human-derived.

Maybe they're viro cells that they're talking about.

These monkey kidney cells are used more commonly in virology, but...

It's definitely healer cells that are mostly used in most labs.

Well, I love that every time they talk about the monkey cells, they cut to this picture of this monkey with this very like, why are you, what are you doing with my fucking cells kind of a look on his face?

as though we're supposed to be going, poor monkey.

It's like, well, but you're not, but you're not trying to like not, you're trying to use human stuff, right?

Like that's not, like, if you were trying to like, if you were like, well, you know, they're using bovine fetal and there's a, you know, a vegetable version that you could use that would be like better.

That's one thing, but you're talking about using human shit.

I know it's just fucking cells and that doesn't matter, but it's just cells from fucking monkeys too.

So.

Well, yeah.

And not derived from a monkey that still exists.

These cells will have been kept in, they're immortal cells they will have been kept in culture for decades there will be no monkey still alive yeah

that's missing his kidney cells

bunch of catholic monkeys out front of the lamp

yeah there's a at one point they want to bring in the bovine fetal calf serum thing so the way that they do that is they just have the interviewer say what about the bovine fetal calf serum and i'm like that's a great question

was that someone's handsome you're saying something about a handsome

smart.

But so then the argument, though, that they're trying to make when they tell you how these cell cultures are created and everything is they're trying to say that they create these very diseased tissue cultures and then they introduce them to the disease.

And they're like, hey, look, they're diseased, right?

And that's the argument they're trying to make.

But the very existence of a control group disproves that.

Yeah, and this is the thing that's so confusing.

So the guy who's talking about this seems to know a reasonable amount of cell culture he's clearly done some of these experiments before or really got to grips with like how you do them because he absolutely understands them and says we starve cells of the fbs of the fetal bovine serum

and that is what we would do in an experiment we would take away that fbs take away the nutrients and the cells kind of go into like a suspended animation sort of phase so they're not doing anything, they're not active.

And then you add your treatment as a one-by-one thing.

So you know that it's not any of the other factors that are in the serum that are actually causing that effect.

But what you do is whatever you're treating your cells with, you put some in a in a solution and you give some cells that solution with the treatment factor in and some cells just the solution with nothing added to it.

So you've got a negative control.

Yeah.

They seem to think that negative controls don't exist in research and that they've never been done ever.

And it's incredible that this has never been done.

It is done in every cell-based experiment ever.

You would never not do a negative control.

Well, yeah, and the way that they describe it, it's like they're starving the cells as some kind of war crime.

Yeah, right.

Amnesty International is going to show up with black and white photos of cells in a Petri dish being like,

Look what Alice did to these cells.

Yep, yep.

Well, I will say one nice thing about a stream of consciousness movie is that I can put the brakes anywhere the fuck I feel like it.

So we're going to take one here, but we'll be back in a minute with even more terrain.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Okay, but if you had to guess medically.

Eli, I'm not your doctor.

Please stop.

Hey guys, what's with the Mima squabble?

Come on, that one's not real.

Appalachian slime?

Google it.

Eli is trying to get me to be his therapist.

All I said was in your professional opinion.

That's being a doctor.

Being a doctor is my profession.

Okay, Eli, why are you trying to get Alice to be your therapist?

Because therapy's too expensive and she's already here.

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all right noah thanks

sorry alice i guess i don't need your help after all good riddance can i still show you this picture of a mole though could you not We went over this so many times, Eli.

We did, it's true.

Gentlemen, thank you both for agreeing to be part of this very important influenza experiment.

It's vital that here at the turn of the century, we discover the cause of this terrible disease.

Right, home.

So, Sergeant Jenkins, you are currently exhibiting the signs and symptoms of influenza, and Sergeant Perkins here is not.

Indeed.

So, what I need you to do, for medical science, of course, is kiss.

I'm sorry.

Yes, I'm afraid it's vital for the experiment that you two boys really get your faces in there on each other.

But surely there's some other way we could.

No, no, of course, if you'd like, you could sweep Jenkins off his feet for a sort of dip if that's preferable.

Why would that be preferable?

Or perhaps you're wrestling about, sort of rolling around, almost fighting, but then you pause and realize the connection, and then you kiss.

Doctor, I have to say, I don't think that this is a fine, fine.

If you guys don't want to help science, there is another experiment we could use your assistance on.

Yes, let's try with that one.

Don't please, I'd prefer that.

Have either of you ever rubbed butts?

Okay.

And we're back for more of this shit, and we're going to rejoin the action, getting into big barma's profit motive here by comparing the price of a gallon of gasoline to the price of a gallon of vaccine.

Yeah, because that's a really sensible

vaccine.

You know, a pound of laptop costs so much more than a pound of candle.

It's bullshit.

How much is a gallon of microchips?

Do you guys know?

Basically, what I can get for a gallon of podcasts, guys.

Right.

And then they explained to us that virus photos are CGI.

And I was like, well, no, there's CGI of viruses based on photos.

Yes, right.

Well, yeah, because they're like, what about all of those pictures that you see of viruses?

And the dude goes, well, most of those are CGI.

And I'm like, well, most.

Most being the key thing.

And especially because they're the ones who complained about the electron microscopy images of viruses.

So, like, people don't want to see EM images.

They want to see pretty shiny CGI images.

Right, right, exactly, right?

So, then, and we get this fucking downright time cube of a title card.

It has, I shit you not, four different shades of purple and two different fonts.

Hell yeah, they do.

Because this is where they're going to get into our argument, right?

We were just talking about how control groups disprove their whole, you know, the tissue cultures are diseased to begin with point.

So now they have to try to pretend that control groups don't exist,

right?

So they're going to make all of these big arguments about how, like, with these cell biologists, they don't use control groups.

They're full of shit.

Yeah.

Yeah, they definitely use control groups.

Definitely, 100%.

I do not believe for a second that the virus researchers are any different to the researchers in the groups that I've worked in.

You do fucking controls.

Well, so, but, and then the one instance where you don't, of course, is when you've got human beings and there's like a deadly virus going on and everything.

And it would be unethical to deny a group of people.

So, yeah, but they conflate those things, right?

And then, like, Heath for realizing he forgot to write a segue in Skeptocrat, the fucking narrator just comes out and says, meanwhile, there are different types of microscopy.

Right.

He genuinely just spends the next few minutes explaining microscopes for no reason whatsoever.

And like, I love microscopes.

I think microscopes are pretty cool

even i was bored i'm like what are you telling me about this now now now alice i here's my question is everything that's ever been photographed by an electron microscope put into a ninja bullet and then sealed on the floor and then they take t1000 he lays on top of it and then you take a picture with a ray gun is that how it works 100 of the time always forever well so what but what they're what they're trying to do here is cast out on anything that we learn through electron microscopes, right?

Because they're like, well, you can't look at living things through electron microscopes,

which is true, right?

Like there are limitations.

But every tool we use has limitations.

Yeah, that's why we do lots of different versions and stuff together.

Yes, exactly.

It's like, well, you know, I can't read this contract at all through this telescope.

This telescope is useless.

So fucking dumb.

But we do that for a little while, and then we check in with the Oxford Oxford English Dictionary to learn what artifacts are.

Yes.

Right.

They do this several times with the whole, like, you know, the dictionary defines

over and over again.

Always with a screenshot, always with highlighter.

Like, are they in the pockets of big highlighter?

Because they use a lot of highlighting.

Really do.

Really do.

Well, the thing is, is that the only three things that they're aware of that you're allowed to put on a screen are people talking, highlighted text, and stork images.

And they've run out of stork images.

I rented this movie on Amazon Prime, and I am really glad that I did not pay extra for the HD version because there is those gods.

Yeah, no, it's not a

when Cohen shows up at this point on his even shittier camera, I'm like, man, to be that low res, normally you have to be telling me my princess is in another castle.

It's fucking terrible.

And then we see Andrew again.

We see Andrew Kaufman again.

And now he's sitting in a field somewhere and he's talking, but they've ADR different lines into him talking,

which is crazy because it's just him talking.

Why not just use the time he said those words or fucking highlight some words on a screen?

Yeah.

Maybe get one of those animated things that they do sometimes for famous speeches.

Yeah, there you go.

But he explains that the virus is just a patsy.

They're blaming the virus for something that it had nothing to do in fact that thing that we're calling a coronavirus that you see on those images that's really just a kidney protein yeah not a virus at all he goes back and forth so many times on whether this spike protein exists one minute it doesn't exist it's not real it's never existed it just isn't real and then very next minute he's like oh well no what they they want to inject mRNA to make you produce the spike protein it's like what is it yes it either exists or it doesn't exist right well because this is this is such a beautiful part of the movie, right?

Because look, these two guys, they have been sort of fringe nutbags who don't believe in germ theory, dealing with a very, very small percentage of the anti-vax population, right?

They're the weirdos of the anti-vax population.

Yes.

And so they're trying to use anti-COVID hysteria to push them into the mainstream of alternative ideas about vaccines.

The problem is most of those are based on an understanding of germ theory.

So here's the first time they have to be like, and the the spike proteins, wait, which aren't real because

viruses are thoughts real.

When you think about spike proteins, you make them real.

No, wait, what happens is they're poison.

The spike proteins are poison made to look like viruses, which aren't real, but they do affect your cells.

So listeners, to understand just how bad a job he does explaining what he's trying to say here, at the end of it, obviously the filmmakers looked over the video and they're like, wow, what the fuck is he even talking about?

And they sent him a what the fuck are you talking about email?

And they just reproduce the clarification email that he sent them back as a title card.

Right.

Right?

There's just a title card like answering the what the fuck is he talking about question.

He's on the screen for so fucking long.

Yeah, slow readers in this audience.

I get it.

I get it.

And then we see a stork again.

Yeah.

And on the fucking he and so the end of his email is, you know, something about like, don't think these people are stupid.

They're really smart, you know?

And on the fucking heels of him saying that, on the heels of him saying the other guys are really smart, we see the dumbest possible stork carrying a baby graphic.

We see a bird demic level stork.

Right.

And we're like, yeah, but

on your side, though.

Just so you know who we're working with, we made this stork.

Yeah.

And this is where he makes one of my favorite arguments in the movie.

He kind of made it earlier, but this is where he really clearly makes it.

He says that if COVID causes lung fluid, there should be COVID in the lung fluid.

And I wrote in my notes, that's like saying, if opening the dam flooded the city, then there should be little pieces of dam in the city.

So, and then both of the narrators say at the same time, like they simultaneously say, so what happened in Wuhan?

As though they were arguing over who got to use that light,

but then they just try to explain away the Wuhan virus by saying, oh, you know, they got a weird pneumonia.

And I'm like, well, that's

COVID.

Yes,

we named that weird pneumonia.

You didn't think they were going to keep calling it a weird pneumonia, did you guys?

Yeah.

Oh, and then they start telling us, and this is going to be a big part of their fucking argument, that PCR tests don't count because they amplify the DNA, and that's cheating.

That's true.

That's true.

Wait till they hear about those microscopes.

They're such a fan of.

When they do that, did you notice that they did not immediately show a graphic of a PCR?

They do eventually show a PCR.

They start off by showing lateral flow tests, which is a completely different test and does not do any amplification whatsoever.

And they do that repeatedly throughout when they talk about PCRs.

They show lateral flow tests.

It just must be a cooler looking test, right?

Well, it's also the one we're familiar with.

And to be fair, if you show a PCR test, you're like, ah, fuck, that looks a lot like science.

But the government mailed me five lateral flow tests.

That's got to be bullshit.

So, yeah, but then they explained that the COVID virus is just a mental construct.

They told us to be afraid of it.

So we brought it into existence with our fear.

Yeah.

And this was the first time I wrote in my notes.

Actually, I think the second time I wrote in my notes, I'm really pissed that they introduced us to a water whisperer at the beginning of this movie and we haven't heard from her again.

Don't worry.

She just disappeared.

Yeah, she will be back.

She'll come back.

She'll be there.

She's not like the stork thing.

Eventually there will be a reason for her.

Yeah.

I do also like this bit where they're like, oh, well, they used the PCR test to look at the SARS-CoV-2 virus and they found that when they compared it to the original old SARS virus, it was only 80% similar.

So therefore, it's a completely different virus.

Like, what are they doing?

It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's why we called it something new.

That's why we put the two.

This This is two.

That's what they put the two.

This is the two is about.

That's why we had a whole, we had a whole pandemic about this.

Why are these fucking ninja turtles in ninja turtles too?

It's supposed to be

so and then with the help of an entirely new fucking aqua blue Star Wars font, we're going to learn about next generation sequencing, right?

So one of the arguments that they're going to make is that we don't actually have a genetic sequence of the COVID virus because they didn't just like unravel one long DNA.

Right.

They didn't pull on one thread of a COVID virus's sweater and then have it spin around a whole month.

I am a deeply, spiritually stupid person.

So I've never identified with a movie stronger than I do where they're trying to be like, that's like when if you tried to, if you gave up on a puzzle because actually they sent you the one that was impossible the jigsaw puzzle that maybe your jigsaw puzzle is impossible because it's just random pieces from everywhere and there probably couldn't even be a bear in the forest on it if you tried

Well, that's it.

Well, so, okay.

So, how it's done is that they get all these little pieces of the DNA and then they look at those and then they figure out how they all sort together, right?

Using like the overlapping segments of the DNA, right?

But they're going to act like they just like they're like, okay, well, that's an A, so let's just line that up with any other A, nailed it.

Yeah.

Do they keep talking about how they use a computer to do it, like your eighth-grade English teacher who wouldn't let you use Wikipedia, right?

Like any old person can just plug any old DNE sequence into a supercomputer and use hundreds of thousands of man hours and some of the most advanced technology in the world to sequence DNA.

No, No,

you need to use the dusty cum-covered encyclopedias in the library if you want to sequence

the

SARS-CoV-2 virus for me.

Thank you.

And also, like, through all of this,

there's a moment where they have a bat graphic and he's holding a human skull as he flies.

Yeah, that's my favorite bit in the whole thing, I think.

Just randomly, a bat just flapping away with a skull in his mouth.

He came for free with the stork.

I think they bought the stork and they got to choose one on your asset because it was Halloween or something.

And then they're like, the narrators are like, well, you know, so how did they fill in the gaps in the, in the genome sequence?

And they're like, oh, I just put whatever they wanted in there.

I'm like, I don't think that they did.

that i wish that would fucking rule well they use this analogy which is actually a brilliant analogy they're like what if i had a secret family recipe and i cut it up into lots of little pieces and gave you the pieces and how would you stitch it together and then in their example they've got like fucking teddy bears in the recipe.

It's like, no, but

the point in having the recipe is it gives you the context.

So you know, this is a recipe.

It probably doesn't say teddy bears.

Let's play around some more and see if we can get it to actually work.

Yes.

Ah, but Dr.

Alice, you're not a fucking idiot, unlike me and these guys who would be like, well, the first thing I did is I put together six grams of teddy bears.

So give me fucking build a bear.

We'll make it some cookies.

But what they've done here is so fucking dumb because, again, they're acting like what the researchers did is that they just look for any spot where there's a G and an A next to each other on any two snippets, and they're like, oh, those must go together, right?

But they're using huge long strands and like huge amounts of sequences that

they find.

And of course, they've got 56 million fucking snippets, so they've got plenty to work with here.

But what they've done with this recipe is they've looked for any time like the end of one sentence ended with the same two letters as the next sentence began with, and they've put those together, right which isn't how you would do it even in their analogy no because you wouldn't think that the word like all like the the two letters at the end of one word were also the two letters at the beginning of another word the correct analogy would be if you had this recipe and like several words overlapped within the recipe yeah right or within the snap snippet of the recipe that you had you've got the same like snippets of recipe repeated so you can start to figure out the the where the overlaps the the perfect example that they actually give is a little bit earlier, where the director comes over and says, My name is Marcelina Cravert.

And she says, But you could also call me, what is it, Einak, because it's the end of her first name with the first part of her surname stitched together.

And that's a great analogy because if we were looking at like DNA this way, we'd take little fragmented pieces and see how they might fit together.

So you might have Marcy, Lena, Craver, and T in one place, but you're also going to find Ma and Avat and Inak and Selin in other places.

Right.

But you've never seen clit or Ram or Vevet

because the letters just don't go in that order in that word.

So you only can stitch together the bits that have the letters in the exact right order.

And then you can figure out where you've got your duplications and where you make your whole set, your whole word.

Right.

And keep in mind, I want to plant a little flag on this scene because keep in mind, they are going to spend, what, this is like a six minute sequence, right?

Where they shit all over the ah, computer's just guessing.

They're going to shit on this version of Geshing.

Let's keep that in mind towards the end of the movie when they do their own versions of, shall we say, interpretation.

Yeah, but first, we have to shit on one of the most important scientific discoveries of the last 50 years.

This is where they're going to talk about how polymerous chain reactions are bullshit, right?

And they cheat, cheat, and make you think that you've got diseases that you don't have.

Yeah, he has a Nobel Prize, but Samantha Bailey has a 480p

webcam.

Yeah, and he says, well, you know, when they use PCR, they're amplifying existing sequences.

So that doesn't prove the existence of the alleged organism.

I'm like, but it does.

What else would they be amplifying?

You can't amplify it if it's not there.

Right.

Right.

But they seem to think that you can.

It is a risk for PCR, but that's why we have, like, we know that.

And we have to be really careful and you have to like be really cautious about not contaminating your samples because it's really easy to accidentally get your own dna in your sample tube yes but like we know that so we're careful so we do lots of things to make sure that we reduce that risk right and the people who are really concerned about this stuff are doctors and scientists and medical researchers, right?

They're using it as a gotcha, but it's something that medicine and science are working on all the time.

Well, also, and it's like, so, you know, because of that, all the COVID tests that they send out are fake, right?

Because they use this PCR system.

And it's just like, okay, but like, but like, I've taken the test and then, and it, and it came up positive, and then I had COVID, and then my wife took it, and it came up negative, and she didn't.

Like, like, like, that's the level of bullshit.

She was less afraid than you.

Oh, well, that must have been it, right, right.

Because I saw mine and I got, oh, that, yep, they've got me.

I also just have to mention, I know it's such a little thing, but I do have to point it out.

The background music for this PCR tests aren't real section is the music at my Indian restaurant.

It's just like, for some reason, they got full Bollywood just blasting in the background of this section and only this section for no reason.

But the Australian lady, she cuts in real quick to explain to us, like, look, if you're looking for a DNA sequence, you know, any sequence you're looking for, you could potentially find it.

And I'm like, well, right.

Cause if you couldn't potentially find it, you wouldn't be looking for it.

What the fuck does that even mean?

Yeah, we get to this point where it's like, oh, if you look for something you'll probably find it but if you just observe it then you'll find the truth but that's how we figured out about COVID-19 yeah we observed people getting that atypical pneumonia you told us about that yes

right

we observed it we saw what was happening we figured out what was happening Yeah, exactly.

And the Australian lady, she like fails like three times.

She's like, you know, this would be like getting all worked up about diabetes.

Well, shit, no, that would be actually a good thing to get worked up at.

Be getting worked up about getting a stroke.

Well, fuck, no, that's another great thing.

She tries again and again, never gets it.

And then they start talking about how, and this is a claim that you get in every fucking anti-COVID movie because they have to explain away, okay, so why did all these people die?

Right.

So they start trying to convince us that anybody who died of anything was getting, they were saying it was COVID at that point.

One of the things that is often brought up in defense of this is how many fewer people died from the flu during the pandemic, right?

Because we were isolating.

Yeah, because we stopped passing infections on to each other because we weren't hanging out so much.

Right.

We were wearing masks and we were washing our hands more and we were isolating and we were shutting things out.

Of course people would die of the flu less.

It can't be that Noah because germs don't exist.

Oh, right.

No, yeah,

absolutely.

Yeah.

And though, so and then the narrators compare it with AIDS and we're like, oh, God, you guys are going to deny AIDS now too.

And of course, I should have seen it coming.

They don't believe in germs.

So why the hell would they believe in HIV?

Yeah, it's kind of like that moment where you're having a conversation with a 9-11 truther and like, it's not fun and you're not having a good time.

But then like somehow the Holocaust comes up and they're like, yeah, exactly.

And you're like, oh, now we got to do this.

This is a less fun version of that.

Yeah.

So yeah, but they explained that there's no evidence of a new virus.

I feel like there is.

I like this section because they introduce fear demic

and they're talking a lot about fear and and they're saying that, like, oh, you know, if you're looking for a virus, you're going to be so scared and you're going to get symptoms because you're scared of this virus.

It's like, you're a load of conspiracy people who are just talking about things that make yourselves scared.

Like, yes, you're creating the fear that is damaging for society.

Yes, absolutely.

Over absolutely fucking nothing.

Yeah.

So, yeah, so, but then, and then we get the narrators just sure agreeing with each other about how vaccines violate consent.

We get a whole long section about that.

They have a real issue with consent.

They come back to this a few times, like consent is the beginning of the end that as soon as you consent to stuff, then bad shit happens.

Yeah, they're going to go full sovereign citizen later in the movie.

And this is sort of the teasers of that.

It's the Chekhov's gun of the Fremen of the land that they'll eventually give us.

Yes.

But first, they need a break for a big announcement.

Guys, were they supposed to put an announcement here and then forgot?

They forgot.

They forgot.

They had a bunch of emails of people at the news.

No, wait.

Did you notice?

They're not fucking emails.

No, they're not.

They're not email addresses.

They're Bill Gates at Hell and Camille Harris at White House and Jack Dorsey at Twitter.

And they use the same ones several times.

Like Jack Dorsey at Twitter shows up in there like five or six times.

I don't know what the hell they, I think they were like, oh, let's, because, you you know, that big lawsuit's going to come in in our favor and we better like make room for that in the movie.

And then it didn't or whatever.

I think that's what happened.

Yeah.

And the music is gone at this point.

It is just a black screen with white writing on it.

Yep.

With all these email addresses and absolute silence.

It's fucking nuts.

And then, okay, so now they're going to tell us about Dr.

Lanka's groundbreaking study that showed there was no virus.

I think this is the announcement they were supposed to be throwing to.

Oh, is that it?

Oh, they just did it in such a sloppy fucking way that I couldn't tell.

Wow.

Okay.

So, yeah, they're going to tell us about Dr.

Lanka's study.

Now, the way that they're going to do that is we're just going to watch him like look at a sunset and drive to the shore or whatever as they have like detailed explanations on the bottom of the screen of what he did, what his protocols were.

Yeah, it's a really weird.

Really weird scene, really uncomfortable scene to watch.

In fact, I think I just kept clicking the 10 seconds plus button on this scene.

Who could blame you?

Well, so now the argument that they've been making up to this point, of course, is that when they do these tests, the tissue cultures are so diseased that they would have been diseased anyway, and you didn't have to introduce the virus or whatever it is that you're testing.

And so, what apparently this guy did is he made up two tissue cultures and that didn't do anything to him at all.

And they died.

And he said, See,

that was his.

It's so easy for cells to die that way.

It's just remarkable that he's gone oh yeah and it took five days for them to die how long do cells normally last if you just don't feed them that's probably about right right like

i wouldn't expect them to last much longer just like if you didn't feed a child or a yes or any other living thing

you're gonna be unwell after five days so i tried to look into this right from like the bullshit side and google knows that i am at least casually interested in bullshit.

So it usually offers me the crazy person right away.

The only thing I could find online about Dr.

Lanka's experiment was a Snopes article that was like, Lanka's a piece of shit.

Don't fucking listen to him.

And then I was like, oh, okay.

All right.

It's all coming together.

But my favorite part is that at the end of the montage, in his walking around the beach, we watch him watch a CGI

interspersed house of cards collapse.

Yes.

Yeah.

So, all right.

Well, it's becoming increasingly clear that this won't end until we get Dr.

Alice and Lanka together for a cage match.

So we're going to take a quick break to make some arrangements.

But first, let me give Act 3 the hard sell.

Why wouldn't you spell out what you had in mind with the stork thing?

Did you actually think it was intuitive?

Also, what the fuck was that rooster in the river of the rats bit?

Find out the answers to entirely different questions when we return for the increasingly dangerous conclusion of

terrain

you have the right to remain silent anything you say or do stop right there officer who are you i'm your new commanding officer human biologist water whisperer and super skeptic tom kamungermankang

i'm sorry did you say water whisperer indeed tell me officer what evidence do you have against this man Well, I heard signs of a struggle, and I came in here and he was covered in the victim's blood and holding that knife.

It's true, I was.

Oh, officer, you stupid rube.

That's not evidence.

That's not even

anything.

It's not.

I feel like it is.

No,

because she didn't isolate the variables.

Did you see him stab the victim?

Well, no.

So that could be anybody's blood.

This victim hasn't even had an autopsy done.

They could have had a heart attack.

Anyways, sir, I'm sorry.

You're free to go.

Really?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I am so sorry.

So little thought was put in before you were arrested.

All right.

See ya.

I hope you've learned something today, officer.

Now, if you excuse me, I have to go see why people keep getting hit by a train at the exact same spot in the middle of the desert.

Is it on train tracks?

I don't know.

And I'm not going to check.

Got it.

Hey, Dave, I totally got away with murdering that guy.

He could be talking about anything.

and we're back for more of this shit and we're gonna rejoin the action with the narrators chatting together about how profound this movie is so far

how we should all probably try to spread it far and wide there's a whole fucking segment of just hit that like and subscribe button yep yep and i gotta admit everybody I was getting a little bored at this point.

The movie was kind of dragging on.

I was wondering if they could introduce someone to re-invigorate my love for this movie the way only outfit stuff could.

I'm talking about Tony Roman, baby,

restaurateur and activist.

I wrote in my notes, well, that guy is just Tony D.

And then

they introduce him and his fucking name is Tony.

And he's like, I got me a restaurant and I'm not shutting it down for no fucking masks and COVID bullshit.

So we're going to meet Tony Roman, the anti-vax restaurateur,

who kept his restaurant open despite the mask mandates and in fact, wouldn't even let people wear a mask in his restaurant.

That's right.

And he was eventually also anti-vaccine as well.

I like the shot that they film of him actively telling somebody going into his restaurant that they have to take the mask off.

And then immediately after that, there's just a, you rock, Tony.

Yes.

yes.

And it's obviously, it's so fucking staged because the guy's like, oh, wow, I didn't want to wear this anymore.

Oh, well, now that I know that I can be free, I'm still in the middle of the day.

Yeah, right, right, yeah.

We get a little montage in the restaurants of a bunch of dead boomers.

I mean, they're not dead at the time,

they're all dead now, and they all asked for the vaccine while they were dying, which is fun.

If you think about it, it's a good time.

So, and then we see some anti-shutdown protests, right?

We get a bunch of clips of these people making asses of themselves during during the lockdown.

There's a great moment where, like, one of the people is like, you know, why isn't the media also saying the things that we're saying?

You're like, yeah, why is that?

Is it because they're too afraid?

I like this.

They say the mainstream media are absent.

They show a black screen because they've run out of things to screenshot on.

Right.

There's no highlights.

There's no headlines there to highlight.

Yeah, they didn't have

a Jewish stork refusing to report on something.

This is where we get our holistic psychiatrist back,

right?

She explains that our problem is that we love authority so much because we're so childish.

We're childish.

We have a childlike psychology.

We're highly compliant citizens, and highly compliant citizens are literally the worst.

Yeah.

She's just making up psychology terms.

I feel like Kara needs to fight this woman at the end of her life.

Alice will fight Lanka and Kara will fight.

Who do you and I get to fight, Eli?

David Ayerowai.

I was going to take Andrew Kaufman, but okay sure yeah speaking of which now we're going to watch like seven or eight minutes of his trying to go into the store without a mask and getting kicked out video imagine what a douchebag you have to be that i spend an entire scene being like i love this police officer this police officer is making great points i hope this police officer enacts violence on this person for their words and actions oh he's such a prick he is such a prick.

It's almost like they just decided to be as hypocritical as possible because he's like, oh, you know, you can't not let me in.

This is a public place.

You have to let me in if I'm not wearing a mask.

But fucking Tony Roman doesn't let people in wearing masks.

Yes, yeah.

Right.

So they have this incredibly long thing where he's going like, well, come on, that's ridiculous.

They can't make me wear a mask.

And the cop is like, well, they can,

it's private property.

They own a business.

They can set the rules and tell you that they don't want you in there.

And if you stay in there, you're trespassing and I have to remove you.

He goes, he gives like two or three examples and they're all stupid, right?

Because he's like, well, what if it said you couldn't go in without lipstick?

And I'm like, well, yeah, dude, it doesn't fucking matter.

If I had a business and I said, I'm only serving people with lipstick, as long as I'm making everyone wear lipstick, right?

And as long as I'm not like just enforcing that against black people or whatever.

Right.

That's perfectly legal.

And nobody would do that, but that would be legal.

And he can't make up his mind why he doesn't have to wear a mask, right?

At first, because he's he's interrupting them the whole time, which is so frustrating, right?

Every time they try to answer his question, he interrupts with a new argument because he's a psychopath and a liar.

But at first, his thing is, I have a medical exception.

And they're like, cool, let's see it.

And he's like, HIPAA, I don't have to show you my medical exception, which is a fucking insane thing to say.

But then later, when he realizes that isn't working, he says that actually, it's not that he has a medical exception.

It's that the emergency thing is not the law.

So he can't be in trouble for not breaking the law.

And then they're like, Okay, cool.

Well, we're going to trespass you anyway.

And then he runs away.

Well, my absolute favorite part is they're like, What's your full name?

He's like, I don't want to tell you.

And then he goes to his car and they're like, Well, that's your fucking car, man.

We're just going to run your drive, your license plate.

He's like, Fuck, I literally didn't think of that.

That's how dumb I am.

Oh, shit.

So

fucking stupid.

Here's the other thing that's great about that.

I promise you, that's his grocery store.

Oh, gotcha.

And he was trespassed from that grocery store, which means the next week when he came in in his mask and he's not a piece of shit, or he is a piece of shit, but he doesn't always act like a piece of shit.

They were like, hey, man, you're a trespass.

You can't come here.

And he was like, oh, no, I'm not.

I was doing some theater.

What do you mean?

And they were like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, you don't get to shop here anymore.

And he's like, but this, I like your kumkoop.

This is where the good blueberries are available.

I don't understand.

You say there are consequences for my action.

So there's also, like, there's a great moment here where he turns to the, he just says to the cop, he's like, I want to speak to your superior officer.

And he goes, okay,

you'd have to wear a mask, though.

You can do that.

Dude, at one point, the cop says, what don't you understand?

And he goes, I'm very well educated, as you can tell, which I will be saying

when I am wrong from now on, baby.

bibby.

Such a prick.

Every time it is being explained to me that I am wrong from now on, I'm going to be like, hey, I'm very well educated.

As you can see, as you can see.

My favorite part is the...

the calm, quiet voice he's using the whole way through.

Yeah.

Like speaking quietly and calmly and slowly as if he's like trying really hard to not get irritated.

He looks like an absolute prick.

Absolute prick.

Oh, yeah.

And then, okay, so we get done with him.

He gets in his car and fucks off.

And then we get Alphonse Fagillo.

I don't know.

Alphonse Fagillo.

Hey, everybody.

Welcome to Big Al's House of I'm Gonna Get You in Jail.

All right, so his fucking Chiron says, quote,

common law expert.

You'll notice it doesn't say lawyer.

Sure, the fuck does this.

Alphonse is a person who turns your parking tickets into a felony.

Guaranteed, everybody.

Oh, my God.

This is a technological low point of the entire movie.

It's like he was invited to be on this film, and he was like, Oh, so you want to come and film me with like a proper camera?

And they're like, No, no, no, let's just jump on a Zoom call and it'll be totally fine.

Does it matter that I have a Blackberry from 1997 both as my webcam and my sole source of internet?

No, well, then Big L's ready to go, baby.

Don't worry, i'm sure the onboard microphone in your goddamn computer will be fine you know yeah guy's clipping every fourth fucking word the whole time he's talking but then okay so but then the the narrator cuts in to tell us about this scary pfizer document that shows how many people died from the vaccine i mean after the vaccine it's so funny they're scrolling through it and they've highlighted the ones that they want to pretend are from the vaccine but they're all next to things that are very clearly not like nasal obstruction and Crohn's disease.

Yeah, right.

Crohn's of the D, the vaccine gave you Crohn's disease.

Exactly.

He goes, look at all these claims of injuries and deaths that were reported.

And I'm like, claims.

Yeah.

Claims of injuries and deaths, man.

And the number is incredibly small, right?

He's like 1,223.

1,223 out of over 42,000.

I think it's like 2.9%.

I worked this out because I was like, that doesn't seem a big number.

And it is not a big number.

Yeah.

And Big Al explains that if you're getting fired because you won't get your vaccine you should sue your company fun fact they all lost yep but then then you're gonna file a bar complaint against the lawyer for your company fun fact those will be dismissed yes but then all of that is gonna drive up their insurance yes which

it will not well so but that could though that that's the thing though right like he was a shockingly honest thing where he's like hey you know we're gonna flood them with a bunch of bullshit lawsuits that'll go nowhere but if enough people are suing them that's gonna scare their insurance companies and that might make them give in.

And they might be right.

You know, it's just weird that they would admit that, like, you know, they're manipulating it to that degree.

We're using illegal harassment and intimidation techniques to satisfy our schizophrenia.

Right, right.

They ask one time, they're like, why isn't everybody furious about this?

And there's just this tick, tick, tick.

And then, because they're all stupid.

I bet they're all stupid by the master.

We get this great montage of people getting tackled by cops, anti-maskers getting tackled by cops.

Loved it.

Also, at this point in the montage, they explained that wearing masks is self-segregation, just like the Jewish star.

Yes.

And I wrote in my notes, I'm pretty sure that wasn't self-segregation.

So, so, yeah, it's just like the Holocaust.

I'm surprised we made it over an hour into the movie before that came up.

It does, and he's saying that it's the bad guys who are wearing the star.

Yeah, well, right.

He's really telling on himself.

Jesus Christ, isn't he, though?

That didn't occur to me.

And then we're going to devolve into my friend told me a story that their kid made up.

We're going to hear about a kid.

who came home and told his parent that one of his classmates got a vaccine and the teacher brought them to the front and said, oh, what a nice thing.

Let's all applaud for that kid.

And like, not only is that story not true, but like the moral of it is like, like, and then your kids will hate you because they're not allowed to get the cool Minecraft themed vaccines.

But the story ends.

His story ends with some theoretical kid going, mommy, can I please get vaccinated?

And mommy saying no.

Yeah, I wrote in my notes.

Well, you see, Timmy, mommy lost her sense of self when she became a mom and I have undiagnosed bipolar disorder.

So I fixated on YouTube videos while your father was having an affair.

And now measles is back.

Now, why don't you run along with me?

Well, what's so funny is he finishes off that story.

And then this chick Peggy, she cuts in and she goes, so this is where the evil sets in.

And I'm like, yes, but only because of the edit.

Hi, Peggy.

But we learned that asking children to wear masks is tantamount to child abuse.

And I'm like, well, at least it's not just like the Holocaust, I guess.

Yeah, this is again, more masked babies or more and more masked people.

And I had a COVID baby, right?

My son was born in May of 2020.

I can assure you, maybe it was just me.

Maybe we were being irresponsible.

We did not actually wear masks around my son

in our home.

Nor did he, right?

Like they're showing like a person with their baby laying on a bed, they're masked, and so is the baby.

I was just imagining you and Anna with the baby being masks.

The pug is also wearing the masks.

Gotta be careful.

So, yeah, but

they explained that like babies need to see faces as part of of their development.

I'm like, babies saw faces.

What the fuck are you talking about?

They're only half developed.

That's right.

And we get this, we get this weird sort of tear jerker moment that's supposed to happen, Jade's surprise party,

which I assume is one of their friend's kids or maybe his kid.

It's not clarify, but like she sees her friends for the first time and like, yeah.

Everyone was lonely during COVID.

We didn't have to invest in anti-mask bullshit to deal with it, right?

This is like if kids during the bombing of Dresden were like, man, I'm sad, the bombs mean I can't hang out with my friends.

So I'm going to pretend there are no bombs and just go play at the playground.

Well, so yeah, and what they're showing here is that like, okay, so their friend had their kid had their birthday party and nobody thought, you know, it was during the pandemic.

So, you know, she couldn't be around her friends, but her friends came over anyway, and the friends that she hadn't seen in so long were there for her party.

And that's what happened everywhere, right?

We made exceptions to the lockdown here and there where we're like, hey, you know, this is the, you know, the only chance I'm going to get to see this person or this is, you know, only going to happen once, whatever.

We all did that.

We all made exceptions to that.

Maybe we probably shouldn't have made as many as we did.

But what they're saying in the movie is, you know, this is the kind of moment that didn't happen.

Here's video of it.

So fucking dumb.

But then they and look, you know, some of the problems they're pointing out are real, right?

Because they're talking about how like kids had a lot of problems psychologically and how the suicide rate skyrocketed during the pandemic.

And there are very real problems that came from the pandemic.

I think, you know, when you're not weighing them against people dying in mass of the disease, they all seem really unforgivable.

Yeah, sure.

And they seem to think that we kept everyone inside recreationally.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, exactly.

Then they make the claim that...

like we were fucking up the planet with this and i'm like oh come on you at least have to admit that the lockdown was good for the environment, no?

Also, masks not recyclable.

So, yeah, then we hear from Florence Nightingale.

Yeah, right.

That beacon of modern medical insight.

Florence Nightingale.

We had a lot fewer treatment options in the 1800s.

Yeah, right.

A lot fewer.

Because what she's saying is she's like, just like, man, just go out and get, you know, walk it off, get a good, get a good breath of fresh air.

Get some fresh air.

You need fresh air and light, and you lack punctuality.

I wrote in my notes.

You don't have COVID, you lack punctuality.

Me to Marsh.

So then, so, okay, then the title card comes up and it says pleomorphism.

They will never tell us what that fucking word means, and it will never be relevant.

They're just like, look at this big word we know.

Right.

So, this, at some point, they were like, guys, we should probably explain the terrain theory.

And it's fucking stupid.

This is the closest they get to it, which is that

germs, viruses, whatever they choose to define as a thing is a phase your body is going through of adaptation to like the energy signals changing in the group.

And I read a terrain-based medical website to glean that information.

I deserve a fucking medal.

God damn it.

Oh, it's fucking nuts.

Yeah.

He's saying that there's like a cycle that the thing goes through that it's a protein and then it's a virus and then it's a bacteria, but then it goes back.

And depending on when you look at it, it'll be a different thing.

Yeah, you've got like a bacterial phase and a fungal phase.

And it sounds like he's talking about werewolves and moon phases.

Yes.

Imagine the fucking shoulders of giants you have to be standing on to survive.

being this stupid.

If people in the 1500s were this stupid, we'd be fucked.

We'd be fucked.

We'd be dying left and right.

The average age would be 22 years old.

It is only by the grace of people being smarter than this this asshole in his webcam that we are all alive on this podcast.

Jesus.

Well, Ray, because he's like, because what he's saying, the argument that he's making is that disease is sort of one of these natural cycles of this protein virus bacteria fungus that's in us.

And that so actually diseases swell.

That's your body getting healthier.

Yeah, it's homeopathy.

Really?

It's symptoms.

Symptoms are required to manage something in the body.

So we shouldn't try to treat them.

Just let them do, let it run its cause.

Yes.

Yes.

And sometimes getting sick kills you, but only if you're old and you, and I quote, don't have love in your field.

That's what we can have love in your field, obviously.

And then they, I, I shit you not.

They make the argument that, hey, look, if it's good for compost, how could it not be good for us?

You should be more like a dead corpse of a deer.

No, they say that they're like, hey, look, when, when you're composting composting and a bunch of viruses and, well, it's not viruses, but a bunch of bacteria and shit show up to break stuff down.

You don't say it's infected.

And I'm just like, well, yeah, man, but like if my innards looked like compost, there would be problems.

There'd be all kinds of problems.

What the fuck are you saying?

Compost does get quite hot like a fever.

Yeah, exactly.

No, you're right.

That's exactly the same.

Yeah.

But then Kelly, the holistic psychiatrist, comes in to explain her personal understanding of of contagion.

And I'm like, well, as a holistic psychiatrist, I guess you're something of an expert in this field.

Really interested that you're going to tell me what it is now.

Yeah.

And again, I've just gotten my notes.

Okay, lick this then.

And then I have in all caps bring back the water whisperer.

But she is coming.

She is coming.

I promise.

She's coming.

Wait for it.

So then the narrator says these exact fucking words.

She'll quote.

Perhaps humans communicate through some sort of resonance field.

Well, I mean, technically, we talk to each other yeah that's it they got us there

they think we're all connected like they like they say mycelium and trees like there's this theory that trees kind of in the same area will communicate with each other through root systems and stuff and some they they seem to think that we're all like physically connected yes in some way Yes,

that's where we're at now.

In our alphabetical list of bullshit, that's where we've shown up.

There's also, I don't know, even understand why she brings this up.

There's this part where Kelly starts talking, the holistic psychiatrist starts talking about this heart epidemic in China and people were looking for the cause and it turned out to be a lack of selenium.

Did anybody get what the point of that was?

Because that was a time when people thought a thing might have been a germ, but then it wasn't a germ.

Right, but the science worked in that case.

No, but it wasn't a germ.

Right, but it wasn't, but it wasn't like anti-germ people coming through and going, did you check this?

This wasn't a germ, and this was the thing

the only thing that came up, motherfucker.

Not being very holistically psychological.

Just using your brain.

And now, so, and now the fucking, the movie does the whole evolution is just a theory argument, but with all the theories, right?

Look, I almost empathize with the movie at this point because they're like,

Okay,

you're probably wondering, is medicine wrong about everything?

And by definition of the shit I've said,

yeah.

Yeah.

Like everything.

It's come up.

It's going cancer theory.

And I'm like, cancer theory?

Really?

Yep.

Yep.

That's where we're going now.

Antibodies, those aren't real.

Antibodies are bullshit.

Fuck.

Yep.

Cells, stupid blood.

Do we think blood is real, Chris?

Okay, but it's magic water.

It's just magic water.

Fuck.

Yes, but then we learned that the Oxford English Dictionary defines anti-body as, okay, so I don't give a shit what he's saying at this point.

What I give a shit about is that Andrew Kaufman is sitting right next to like this image of like a

it's almost like a tribal tattoo kind of a device.

It's such a weird drawing.

It pops up right at the opening scenes of the film.

And it's like the company logo, yeah.

And then it's flipped on its side for these scenes with him being filmed in the studio, I guess.

It's so bizarre.

Yeah, I think he was probably doing a talk for a cult, and that's their symbol.

I screenshotted it and asked ChatGPT, and they were like, Are you dating someone who doesn't bathe?

And I was like, No, no,

no, I guarantee that's tattooed on his body somewhere, right?

Because that was the that was the logo for like Andrew Kaufman pictures as well.

It's very personally meaningful.

And so the narrators are like, they're doing the Eli thing right now because they go like, okay, so do we also not believe in DNA?

And he goes, Yeah, no, pretty much we don't believe believe in DNA either.

I mean, there's DNA is real, but quote,

DNA reflects the electrical vectors that put the DNA into a material form.

Yeah.

He spouts pure nonsense for five straight minutes, and then he goes, and that's how it works.

He says the DNA isn't a double helix.

It's the cell water.

that is a double helix.

He says that the DNA seems to be in the nucleus.

Like, no, no, it's definitely there.

Your DNA is only shaped that way because of your cell water, everybody.

Yeah.

And then, yeah, he gets very confused about cytoplasm, like incredibly confused about the fluid inside of cells.

Yeah.

And again, this is all a necessary extension of not believing that germs are real, right?

Because one of the evidences of viruses is how they change the DNA and the inside of cells.

So he has to be like, no, your cell,

there's no cells.

Right.

Yeah.

It reminds me, do you remember that 60 minutes interview with the guy who hit the lady in the legs with the bar?

And he was like, I worked for the CIA.

And she was like, no, you didn't.

He was like, I did, though.

Like, he just has to keep lying.

That's what this documentary is doing, but to itself.

Right.

Yeah.

No,

the one lady comes on here and she goes, you know, like, if we didn't believe viruses cause disease, we wouldn't be afraid of viruses.

And I'm like, well, we'd be afraid of fucking disease demons.

How does that help?

Right?

Just another great segue here where the narrator just suddenly goes out of nowhere.

What about antibody dependent enhancement?

I'm like, guys, think of some way to move to the next subject.

My God.

Can I say a phone call we had once?

Yes.

Yeah, there's a really weird moment where she's like, I want to play this candid phone call that we had.

And he's like, oh, fine.

Right.

He's like very pissed about it.

If you must, yeah.

And on that phone call, he says this sentence.

It might be my favorite sentence from the movie.

I can't prove to you that no one anywhere has ever done a controlled experiment.

Well, no, you can't prove that.

I can prove that it's incorrect.

Right.

Yeah.

This is also where he starts.

talking about how when they're studying this, they don't use the real virus.

They use a lab-created pseudo-virus.

Make scientists sound so evil.

I made a pseudo-virus once.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

Because I am Dr.

Frankenstein.

What color was it?

You can't see them, Eli.

Have you not learned anything from this film?

I haven't, but I'm very educated, as you can tell.

So, in my case, I was making this fake virus because I wanted to do, I wanted to make, create something in my cells.

I was infecting my cells so that it would create a set a change inside the cell superpower and you use a fake virus because you don't want to infect people or your cell oh right right okay all right yeah you leave out the infectious bits do you then exactly yeah so you you leave out the bits that would make it infectious and contagious and spread and you you make it effectively safe I assume this is true of virologists as well, that if you're researching some parts of the virus, you need to keep it in its risky form.

So we have these really really high category labs and protocols to make sure that we're being really safe and avoiding contamination.

But if we just want to noodle around with some other parts of the virus, we're going to make it safe so that we can piss about in the less high category safety labs.

Alice, I don't like to give feedback feedback on the area of expertise, but I would love it if you would never noodle about or piss around in your job.

I know, who am I to make demands?

But just if you ever find yourself in your job at a medical lab in your own words, noodling about, I would love for you to make the day off.

Take the day off.

Take the day off.

So, but Andrew says at this point, he goes, Why would you use a lab-created pseudovirus?

And obviously, Dr.

Alice has just explained to us, and there's obviously a pretty easy and justifiable reason.

But his actual line in the movie after that is, and I quote, virologists don't talk with me, so I can't ask them that question.

Like all virologists together, they have a fucking text thread where they're like, not this guy, just this.

He made this entire movie because his friends stopped talking to him.

Yeah, right, right, uh-huh.

And then, okay, so then we ask, you know, how much can we trust second opinions if they're all saying the same thing?

Are doctors even thinking critically these days?

No, yeah.

And this is where we cut back to our Australian doctor lady.

She explains that you had to know things to pass the exams at medical school, and you'd be laughed at if you didn't know those things.

Yes, yeah, right, right.

She says

you have to take on the dogmas that are taught to you, by which she means germ theory, right?

Like, so you can't get through medical school without acknowledging the existence of viruses.

Excuse me, professor.

I'll be the judge of that.

Well, and this is the first time anybody actually mentions the term terrain theory at all, right?

She says something like, if you believe in terrain theory, for example, you'll be laughed out of medical school.

And then they go on not to explain what that means at all.

But yeah, but she's there to explain that all science is wrong about all things.

And Louis Pasteur, bit of an asshole.

A lot of problems with Louis Pasteur.

A fraud, a fake, a friend of the French monarchy.

And I was like, one of these things doesn't belong.

Yeah, the French aristocracy.

I'm like, yeah, he probably had some friends in the, what?

And then, and then they say he recounted germ theory on his deathbed.

Stand aside, evolutionists, who pretend that Darwin was an atheist who recounted and became Christian.

Here come the terrain theory, assholes.

Oh, my fucking God.

And then we see this moment where there's some nobody interviewing one of their bullshit talking heads, right?

And she's talking about her FOIA requests.

Yes.

They don't, she doesn't get a Chiron.

No, she doesn't.

She never gets introduced.

We don't know who she is.

She's just some whistleblower kind of person.

I guess.

Now, what I got from this, and Alice, correct me if I'm wrong on this, but what I got from this is that she was writing to all of these government institutions demanding this very narrow and specific type of proof.

of COVID that could not possibly exist, right?

She wanted a picture of a COVID COVID virus with its family or whatever, with today's newspaper or something like that.

And then all of these companies, all these agencies wrote back and said, yeah, no, that doesn't exist.

Yeah, basically.

Right.

And she's like, see, the evidence doesn't exist.

Ah, got him.

And again, so we're highlighting, you know, because now we have the return letters to her saying this doesn't exist.

We have text to highlight on screen.

So we're doing that.

And every single one of them that we highlight, after the highlight, there's some form of now leave us alone and never send us another letter, or we'll send the fucking cops around.

Yeah, I wrote my notes at this point.

My definition of isolation is sealed into a gold bar.

Why hasn't any medical institution produced it?

So, yeah, and by the way, the clip of the interview that she's on, there's just a remnant at one point when they cut to like something like fluoride freefarmington.com or some shit.

So that's the quality of interview that we're plucking from here.

And then there's some weird, like, little background audio, including the thing that says children are particularly vulnerable to stork populations.

It does say that.

Okay, so here's the thing.

They never explain what the stork thing is.

I think.

I've done a lot of thinking about this.

I was up to like 3:30 in the fucking morning going, but why the stork flu?

What I think is, is that the analogy that they're going for is that believing that virus causes disease is like believing the stork brings the baby.

Okay.

Right.

It's a simplistic view.

And I don't think they ever feel the need to spell that out because I think that they're so far up their own asses that like everybody in that like anti-germ world already uses that analogy.

Right.

So they think that everybody will automatically associate storks with, you know, not believing in viruses.

Will Dasher missile pops into frame.

I think you're losing people a little bit.

You might want to

create a more open dialogue with your audience.

So, okay, so now it's time to unmask the Scooby-Doo villain behind it all with this actual title card.

Who controls the academic world?

And can I say, I was surprised at how little effort and time they spend on who's behind it all.

They literally just like, I mean, look, I don't know what their evil plan is.

It's probably something Jewish.

It's like you've canceled plans with someone.

They're like, oh, what are you doing that night?

And you're like,

right.

Because ultimately, this is the, what is your theory of the case moment?

Yeah.

And they're like, I don't know, probably control.

They want control.

That's probably what it's all about.

They can control you with the disease stuff,

your fear, probably.

They switched lanes to talk about how they're trying to take control of our children with social media at one point here.

Yeah.

They're just naming things that old people are scared of.

Really?

Phones, social media.

They talk about how

we probably care about that.

Yeah, right, right.

The guy goes, there's no example ever of a totalitarian government allowing free speech.

And I'm like, right, because of what the word totalitarian means, man.

but yeah but they they explain how the drug companies actually secretly love diseases because otherwise what would they cure their favorite is cancer got them yeah yeah they always want to we're gonna make money by curing by treating cancer so we mustn't cure cancer do you know how much money you would make if you cured

so fucking stupid yeah who would want a cancer cure come on get to wear that little bandana yeah and then so then they explain that epidemics don't exist and in order to get there, they tell us that Spanish flu just coincidentally happened to come about right around the time that electricity was spreading all over the world.

So was there the Spanish flu or was everyone reacting to the fact that the first energy grid existed in 1912, I believe is their claim.

Oh, so fucking dope.

So, but yeah, but what they're saying is that the Spanish flu was everybody reacting, like everybody's body getting used to the idea of there being so much electricity around.

Yeah, like he's not saying electricity is bad.

We just had to get used to it.

We had to adapt and go through symptomatic response to that change, which makes me just think: like, what are you claiming the symptomatic change is in response to when it comes to COVID?

Like, there were a lot of things that happened around the time of COVID.

We had Donald Trump's first presidency.

Obviously, like, we've got ongoing global warming.

Are these the things that we're adapting to with COVID?

Like, well, they don't make a claim, but they make a bunch of them, right?

Because they've uncorked the bottle of crazy.

So, in the, they don't say them, but we see like 5G,

EMS,

Tem Trails show up.

So, they're just sort of throwing spaghetti at the wall at this point.

There is a very, guys, we have 23 more bullshits, and there's only half an hour in this movie.

Yeah, there's a very that like at this point in the movie, we're just running, we're at a full fucking sprint.

One guy says, We need to activate our detoxification pathways immediately.

Worst Power Rangers reboot ever,

but But yeah, so the point though is of vaccines is that they apparently they rob us of our ability to clean out our own cells.

Right.

Because then once we have?

Well, once we're dependent on them for all our cell cleaning, they have control.

And it's all about control.

You're going to have to get your cells cleaned every 3,000 miles at the dealership.

And it's always way more expensive than you think.

And they ask if you want premium fluid in your cells.

And you feel like you should say yes because you care about your cells.

But maybe your cells don't need a premium fluid

and so and then they explain how vaccines lead to more cancer and heart disease which is which is true right because people live longer you live longer yeah yes

they die of old people's shit instead of polio

so fucking stupid So, okay, so then we get a headline from a website called Vaccine Impact.

That's probably a pretty good objective source.

It tells us

that deaths among 18 to 64 year olds are up 40 since the introduction of the vaccine hey did anything else happen around that time about vaccines

i just i have to touch on one thing for this montage at one point they show a photo of white people all white people holding a banner that says medical freedom is the new civil rights movement and honestly that should be the logo for our podcast when we do these documentaries is White people holding a banner that says, I am the new civil rights.

Yes, right, right.

I don't understand why they're showing deaths up by insurance companies.

It's like the doctors won't talk to us anymore.

So we had to talk to those most reputable people who have absolutely no incentive to insinuate that people are increasingly less safe, the insurance companies.

Right.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Why wasn't according to life insurance claims?

Right.

But so, and then they have this like this weird moment where they're like you know um the numbers didn't actually work out for us what all the we were saying in terms of how many people would have to die because everybody got the vaccine right like so if the vaccine is so so deadly why don't we know people who died from the vaccine so now they start arguing that some people didn't really get the vaccine they just got a placebo Right.

And that's why the deaths aren't higher from the vaccines.

Just in the in the batches at the bottom of the list, like, you know, the most recent batches where we people

stopped giving notice of the adverse events they were happening because we all stopped being really paranoid about the vaccines or, you know, are so recently given that people haven't lived long enough to acquire normal disabilities that we acquire just from living life.

Right, yeah, because yeah, right.

They're like all the newer batches of the vaccine don't kill as many people and maim as many people.

Right.

That's the evidence that they're using.

And they're using the VERS, right?

They're using, which they claim is underreported, which is fucking nonsense.

So funny, right?

Because the thing that makes verse less useful is that crazy people literally lie on it all the time.

And they're like, you know, a lot of people say VERS isn't a reliable system because of me exactly.

Yes, because I tried so hard to undermine it.

Yes.

But they present this study that says only 1% of adverse vaccine events are reported to VERS.

That can't possibly be right.

But then they explain that the fucking vaccines are changing our DNA.

Now, it's a movie and it has to represent genetic modifications.

So, of course, we see them injecting colors into ripe tomatoes.

Yep, that is the only way to show it in the movie.

And again, keep in mind, they have already said that DNA doesn't exist.

It's just in your cell fluid.

So we get to watch them be like, no, so it's gene therapy.

I'll explain.

It's gene therapy.

Whenever you hack, hack is not a legally protected word, so I'm allowed to say it.

Whenever you hack

genes, that's gene therapy, which doesn't exist.

Fuck,

goddamn.

Cut back to Tony D's house of anti-vash pasta.

We cut back to Tony D's pasta place.

He's painting a COVID-19 bullshit mural on the side of his building now.

Slash pasta advertisement.

He's a man.

Right now.

He's a man with two very distinct core identities, and they are intertwined.

What I love most about Tony D, besides the fact that he looks like a Sopranos extra wax figure that they left out in the sun, is that he very clearly was like, Look, I'm willing to stand against this fascist government trying to institute poison into our children and control the populace.

But I also want people to see how delicious my Alvareto is.

Yes, right.

Yes, exactly.

But sell the cannolis, though.

Yes.

If I was trying to start a fight with Cecil, then I would act the way Tony acts in this film.

This is my, I need to get to the hospital to get my million dollar sentence

to get Cecil to stab me.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

So Jason and the other, the two narrators, they cut in, tell us how worried they are.

At one point, the guy narrator says, it's all about frequency and consciousness guides frequency.

And I'm like, fucking what?

And then the lady narrator is like, oh, you mean like that famous experiment with the four-tune enforcement?

Like, what do you fuck?

No, no,

we didn't derive anything from that weird shit he just said.

No.

What's worse about the weird shit he just said is that he makes it sound like that's what we've taken from the film so far.

No one's mentioned frequency, not once.

No.

They mentioned isolate a million fucking times, but they've never mentioned frequency.

Okay, but guys, let's say you were dating a water whisperer and she lets you do like butt stuff and outfit stuff and now it's her turn turn to talk.

Yes.

Does she have any water interpretations of the COVID show?

Clearly, what happened here is they brought this woman in and she says, Okay, we're not bringing you in to the last 10 minutes of the movie.

I dare you to be the most insane person in this film

in that short time that we're going to give to you.

So, yes, we're going to finally meet our water whisperer.

She, quote, communicates with the consciousness of water.

She for sure fucking does.

But how, Noah?

How?

Well, so her job is Rorschach test interpretations, but with frozen water under a microscope.

Do they look really good?

Are they very clearly the thing that she has that we think they are?

She shows one to one guy and he's like, oh, it looks like a worm.

That must mean that COVID is a parasite.

Yes, right.

Which is why Iver Mectin works so well against it.

Yes.

Her interpretation of the frozen water on top of the words COVID-19.

Yes.

I believe.

Yes, that's exactly what she did.

She put water over the fucking words of COVID-19 in a Petri dish and then froze it.

And some of the stuff that she froze looked like a little worm.

So she says, and the other one looked like a fingerprint.

So it's the Jews and a worm.

I like the bit where she's like, oh, I asked the water, do you know who I am?

Yeah.

And when I looked at it, it gave me my initials.

Yes.

Oh, God, that's so good.

Her initials, V A were on the sort of.

You got to.

Well, they weren't.

A A was kind of there.

And then there was a line attached to the A.

There were lines.

There were lines, and that's all that mattered.

Hey, guys, this girl's really interesting and dating one of the people making this movie, guaranteed.

What's her backstory?

So, yeah, so we have to talk about this one moment, though, because this guy, Cohen, who has been one of our major bullshit artists, he's been one of the two, right?

There was Andy and then there's this other guy who is an MD, right?

And I just, I feel like there has to be a moment where you, as an MD, are being asked for the purposes of a documentary that you've already invested quite a bit of time in to interpret the images of a water whisperer where you have to mentally confront what you've become.

Sure.

And I like living in that moment.

So sorry, I had to bring that up.

But yeah, we learned about her car accident and how, you know, she had eight operations and a lot of medicine, but also alkaline water.

Yeah, but she also found a secret fountain that made her skin shit out all the glass sheet absorbed.

It's so good.

We see her holding up a piece of glass and the Chiron's like, this is like the piece of glass she found.

It's not the extra clean.

Oh yeah, right.

We're apparently not telling that lie.

But yeah, but she, the Ayurvedic medicine and the alkaline water saved her life.

The doctors said she'd never have kids.

So she had one kid for every doctor that said that.

That's a weird way to make life decisions.

It's not the worst reason to have kids, but it's up there.

So, and but we spend a lot of time looking at her water images and going, no, these are really good, these are really good.

These are great things, these are great.

I'm so interested, you're such an important part of this documentary

to me.

And everyone on the crew feels this way, they don't say it, and they're really busy, but they really love that you're participating

to the extent and magnitude that you are.

And then, okay, so we're done with like Ed's girlfriend.

And now it's time for a few closing arguments, right?

They show us like a Buddhist ritual.

The guy with the one big tooth, he comes in here and he goes, you know, with waveform physics.

And I'm like, fast forward 10 seconds.

Fuck you.

He's going full quantum at this point.

He's going.

I think they've hit like every single woo that I've ever heard of.

Yeah, it was the last, they didn't have a cue yet.

So he gets quad of me, nails it.

Yeah.

She comes back in.

She goes, you know, for me, water is a spiritual teacher.

And I'm like, that's because you're an idiot.

Most of us have very little to learn from fucking water.

I think she's just drank too much and hit that like water toxicity level and gone a bit spacey and felt like well.

Glass of water passed through your ancestors.

And what happens when you're cremated?

You're salt.

salt, water.

I'm literally just saying my stream of consciousness right now.

But I put my mouth on Ed's butthole.

Yeah, right.

So I get the end of the movie.

And then we get the final title card, which basically I didn't, I didn't copy it down because it's everything in this movie is so verbose.

But basically, it just says, you know, if enough people watch this movie, that will fix the world.

Yeah, we'll get rid of war.

Yep.

Yes.

Yes.

We can solve war if only enough people watch their fucking movie.

And learn what terrain theory is, which this movie does not seem to know.

No, it doesn't.

Tune in for the sequel.

Oh, clearly, clearly.

Well, all right, well, I'll tell you what, Dr.

Alice, I can't thank you enough, nor can I apologize enough, but it was really awesome to have you for this movie specifically.

Before we let you go, can you remind us where our audience can go to hear more from you?

Yep, you can find me at the Skeptics for the K podcast.

You can also find me at the Skeptic magazine, where I do occasionally write some articles still.

But most importantly, this October, you can find me for the last time ever at QED Con in Manchester, UK.

It's QED that's ending, not Dr.

Alice.

Now, Alice, can I interest you in a murder-suicide while we're there?

Because I was going to threaten to do that to Marsh anyway, but I feel like I've got.

No, it's the last QED.

It's so sad.

It is the last QED.

It's the very best conference I've ever been to about anything.

I always say it's the best skeptical conference.

It's the best conference that I've ever attended.

I'm going to be really, really sad when it's gone all right well that but so but yes and be sure to check the show notes you'll find uh links there to skeptics with a k as well as links to get your tickets to qed again it's the best conference in skepticism you got to get there if you can this is your last chance it's the last one everybody

tuck in all right oh think about how drunk marsh is gonna be oh wow wow i bet we can get marsh to do coke with us i think so we're gonna try that's gonna be my mission Bring me cocaine to QED.

Yes, absolutely.

It's our official position as Puzzle Little Thunderstorm.

And that's our official position as QED.

Yes, that's Alice's position as an organizer.

All right, so that's going to do it for our review of terrain quick before Alice can refute that.

But it's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to pay more bills next week.

So Eli, tell us what's on deck.

Well, as we were recommended by first-time guest Seth Andrews on our last episode, a small town is disturbed when a murderous car wreaks havoc by viciously mowing down innocent victims, and Sheriff Wade Parent is the only one that can stop it.

We'll be watching the car.

Oh, fuck you for doing that on a week that I'm off.

So, with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 502 to a merciful close.

Once again, a huge thanks to Dr.

Alice for all her help and a perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon owners that helped make the show go.

If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com/slash GodAffle and thereby earn access to an ad-free version of every episode.

You can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review and by sharing the show on your various social media platforms.

And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling.

Shows the scaling atheist citation DD minus and the scaffold available wherever podcasts live.

If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodAfflmovies at gmail.com.

Tim Robinson takes care of our social media.

Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slavnick and move addressed on Mars.

All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Kirk, and was used with permission.

Thanks again for giving us a check of your life this week.

For Heath Henry, Neil, Bosnick, I'm No Lucius, promised to work hard to earn another check next week.

Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close.

Beda Austin stopped calling herself the water whisperer.

She graduated to crystallographer and now works with psychic autistic children from the telepathy tapes.

That one's not a joke.

That's literally what happened.

Noah got arrested for daring Andrew Kaufman to lick ever more diseased Petri dishes.

Eli drank some magic water and 27 pieces of this movie expelled from his system.

This content is cam-credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm at their hotline at 617-249-4255 or on their website at creatoraccountability network.org.

The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle in the Thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2025, all rights reserved.

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At Bright Horizons, infants discover first steps, toddlers discover independence, and preschoolers discover bold ideas.

Our dedicated teachers and discovery-driven curriculum nurture curiosity, inspire creativity, and build lasting confidence so your child is ready to take on the world.

Come visit one of our Bright Horizons centers in the Bay Area and see for yourself how we turn wonder into wisdom.

Schedule your visit today at brighthorizons.com.