A Horse’s Dose of Ozempic and A Helen Keller Kerfuffle

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The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Two Jews, both big and tall.
No subject, too small for the good guys. A mother's dream premium podcast team.
Make it your weekly routine. It's's a good guys and if you don't give us five stars what are you nuts what are you nuts yeah we're the good guys you're not the great guys we're just the good guys no people like the intro maybe we ask them because now we have the song what are we going to intro it also we have an intro song i realized i don't care what the people think same i don't are the worst i was saying the worst the people the people aren't the core listeners josh the people are fringe listeners that's we call them fringe god bless the moron community god bless the core listeners but i was thinking about feedback and i think when you're doing what we do which is we're you know we're the apple of podcasts so of course yes i take a page out of steve jobs book could you be drinking from a bigger water bottle right now what's happening oh God.
Did you become a gym bro in 2025? Oh my God. Everyone, he's drinking from a water bottle that's the size of his torso.
Oh my God. I'm just trying to stay hydrated.
I'm just trying to stay to stay hydrated just trying to stay hydrated oh boy sorry for distracting and if you're not watching on YouTube you don't see I have a water bottle the size of my head listen I'm drinking coffee from 7-Eleven shout out love it and there's protein powder in here and I'm off the you don't even want to know what my new process is in 2025 because it's wild.

You need to just shift your mindset, okay?

Yes.

Enjoy everything.

Enjoy everything you're doing.

Oh, I know.

That's it.

You start doing something.

You think you don't like it.

Tell yourself you like it.

All of a sudden, you're going to love it.

Trick yourself, folks.

That's really insightful. I'm not going to lie.
Trick yourself into loving everything. It's the key to happiness, Josh.
Love what you have. I don't even know what the key to happiness other than Wellbutrin.
I just want to thank the proprietors and the makers of Wellbutrin because over here on 150 milligrams XR tablet once a day in the morning. Such a game changer, man.

Good stuff.

You think you're happy now. You should microdose antidepressants.

I can't even imagine how happy I'd be.

Can you imagine?

Because I'm sitting here telling you

that I'm incredibly happy.

I'm incredibly thankful for my life.

I have great gratitude and I am very, very, very happy. Very.
And by the way, I just want to say, I'm not afraid to say that. I think we've almost become a society that is afraid to say that their life is good.
I think that we thrive off of telling everybody how bad our life is and how much pain we're going through. I go on TikTok, everybody's crying.
Nonstop, They're crying. All these influencers are crying.
What are you crying about? What are you crying about? How much money you're making? What are you crying about? Everybody's crying. Can't somebody just say, hey, my life is amazing.
So you tell me if I'm wrong here. I love that about you.
And I think it's an admirable. And I would hope that for my children.
So I don't know how to do me. It took me a very long time to feel this way, by the way, just so you know, I didn't always feel incredibly happy and grateful.
Took me it. It honestly might have taken me 32 years, but I very recently every day I'm happy and grateful.
Do you think at all that that it's maybe a byproduct of being slight growing up a little bit sheltered? I don't think so. Only because I do, in my core, think that you think I grew up more sheltered than I did.
There's a level of sheltering. You can't be that sheltered growing up in New York City and going to public school until age nine.
You just can't be that sheltered. I agree with, I have unbelievable parents, sheltered for sure.
But living in Manhattan, you're automatically less sheltered than, I think, even somebody that isn't sheltered at all in the middle of the country. Is that fair to say? Well, I think if we're defining sheltered in the same way, I think you are one of the most cultured, savvy, you know, entrepreneurial, like you are a hundred times 10 X in spades.
And I think part of that's who you are. I think part of it's what you inherited from your parents.
I think part of it's how hard you work as a person. And I think part of it's growing up in a major city, but I don't, I don't attribute that to shelter.
I guess I wouldn't define that as sheltered. I just think, yeah, if you grow up in a, in the country or you probably, you're just exposed to.
Sure. I think, though, I want you to continue your thought, though, on the sheltered piece as it relates to happiness and excitement and a positive outlook.
Yeah, I think it's I think it's more possible when you've been exposed to less pain and heartache during your formative years. Perhaps, perhaps.
I will say though, that it was a conscious decision and whether or not this is possible for everyone, I don't know. It was a conscious decision to ignore the things that were bothering me and come to terms with the fact that those demons in my head, which I had like crazy, weren't real and that I was torturing myself.
Am I fortunate enough that the things that I'm facing are things that I can mentally turn off? Yes. I'm privileged in that respect for sure.
Because the things that I was being faced with weren't life or death. They were being created in my own brain.
But it took me a very long time to be able to say, Hey brain, shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear that anymore because that that's not real.
And that involved people in my life that involved work that involved everything. Like just being able to tell my brain, no, no, no, no more.
I don't want to hear that. It's not true.
Whatever you're telling yourself is not true. And ever since then, I've been much happier.
I think it's great. I great i listen it's the goal for my children so i don't know how to give you a higher compliment that the way you are is what i want for my children that i i in no way think think that my like trauma or you know first of all that's also a big you tell me what you think about this and josh g our great producer who we love and is here here and covers for Olivia when she's out.
You tell me this. I'm done talking about weight loss as it applies to me.
My weight loss in 2025 and for the rest of my life. Unless we make jokes about it and it's fun between us.
I'm done with that. I'm done with the child star thing to an extent.
I love I just don't need, like, I love what Robbie said.

I thought it was so direct and perfect when we started the podcast with the great Robbie

Hoffman.

And I said, you know, you grew up in a very religious Orthodox household, which is a really

big part of her story because she has since become this sort of, you know, wonderfully

secular, outspoken, sort of the anti-version of ultra-Orthodox, you could say.

Thank you. has since become this sort of wonderfully secular, outspoken, sort of the anti-version of ultra-Orthodox, you could say.
And I started there and she goes, let me stop you right there. She's like, I've talked about this a lot.
So if you have a specific question, and obviously she said it much cuter and funnier than I'm saying it now, but she's like, if you have a specific question, I'm happy to answer it. But I don't want't I don't want to do this because like it's well recorded.
And I was like, yeah, that's called setting boundaries. And yes, I absolutely think that you should if you haven't already.
And the hardest part, which I think goes back to what I just said, is you can't set boundaries for other people. You can't tell somebody what they can and can't say to you because they're not going to listen to you.
Right. Right.
So you need to mentally say, when I receive that, it's no longer bothering me. You know, because people are going to come up to you on the street for the rest of your life and tell you how proud they are that you lost so much weight.
Sure. Until you die and you no longer can feel any way about it.
You say thanks and it didn't even enter your brain. It went in one ear and out the other.
That's what I was saying, if that's helpful. Honestly, I had to toot my own horn.
Maybe I should become some type of a psychiatrist. I think that was some good advice, me and my big water jug.
Yeah, look, I don't know what's in that water jug, but it's, you know, it's clearly insightful, isn't it? It's making the synapses fire. It's insightful.
Maybe it's the double dose of turmeric. I took two turmeric, Josh.
So in a few weeks, I'll tell you about how I accidentally overdosed on turmeric. One negative part about turmeric.
One, the positive, obviously, is it gets rid of inflammation. Okay, if you're not taking turmeric every day you should you're so funny inflammation bone inflammation everything i just love you inflamed you take your am i inflamed have you met me the negative is it gives you nasty heartburn that's all if you take too much it gives you a nasty heartburn it's so good i just love that you're like on it's like because i i also know you're on a horse's dose of ozempic and i just love that there's like some more holistic some more hardcore super pharma you're like i take a little bit of oregano oil and just a cap full of fentanyl every morning and i am perfect today today i am on a full horse's dose of ozempic i am on did you shoot up today no no my my shoot up day actually is is today what day is today thursday wednesday thursday today's thursday my shoot up day is tomorrow so no by the way i actually feel great for day six i really am taking a horse's dose for the first time i'm flying is it.
Is it still getting smuggled? Yes. Yes.
I'm still getting it smuggled, but I actually, I have a new dealer. It's not brand name.
Ozempic. It's semaglutide courtesy of Dr.
Sharon Giese and Dr. Sharon Giese.
You might know from real housewives season one. She's been shooting up the ladies forever.
She's fantastic. Puts in a little vitamin B, all the good stuff.
Yeah, so it's not smuggled. Not Canadian or something.
Well, she probably smuggles it from somewhere. I don't know where she...
Do you not know how this works, how the GLP-1 works? It's just a peptide. Yeah, but I feel like if you get it from a person, they're kind of brewing it somewhere, no? No.
witch's brew it's a it's from a compound pharmacy oh now i can't now i can't drink this water how much water do you need how much hydrating you're gonna do over here what are you going for an award no look i'm telling you it's the combination of the ozempic or sorry semaglutide the turmeric the overdose on turmeric the elderberry, the echinacea, the zinc, the lack ofutide, the turmeric, the overdose on turmeric, the elderberry, the echinacea. Oh my God.
The zinc, the lack of fluoride, the lion's mane, lion's mane. I started it today.
I don't know how long it takes to kick in. I took two today.
This episode of the good guys podcast is brought to you by Caraway. 2025 is all about eating clean, eating good and eating non-toxic.
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Caraway, non-toxic cookware made modern. I'm Iyal Booker and this is It's Not That Deep.
I'm here to ask the question, is it really that deep? This giant spinning ball we call earth, 8 billion of us, 8 billion different realities and perspectives, all living so beautifully intertwined, yet we can feel so isolated and unique in our experiences. Spoiler, we all have a lot more in common than we realize.
I'm going to be getting into the nitty gritty of what makes us human, how through shared experiences we can help each other and all, create a safe space for healthy discussions and growth.

Let me tell you, I'm really not an expert,

and I've messed up a fair few times,

but I'm learning as I go, just like you.

So let's go on a journey down the rabbit hole.

But I need you to remember one thing.

It's really not that deep.

Listen to It's Not That Deep wherever you get your podcasts out every Monday.

Should we get to a story? Yes. And then I want to hear from some morons.
I want some speak pipes. I miss them.
I need them in my blood. Let's do it.
So surprisingly enough, Dave Grohl, marriage still on the rocks. Foo Fighters rocker Dave Grohl and his wife, Jordan, are still figuring out their future in the aftermath of his shocking baby announcement.
Grohl55 revealed in September that he was the father of a baby girl outside of his 21 year marriage to Bloom. And a source tells people things between them are still rocky.
You think? They would be rock. Yeah.
Yeah. They would be rocky forever.
It's January. It was September.
No, no. You're also.
He's done. That's it.
Like that like that's such how old is the daughter i don't know you say 20 baby or oh oh oh no no i think yeah a baby girl oh so now this is recent cheating right okay even worse so he just cheated on her had a baby it's gonna take at least five years. At least.
At least. Although I've seen,

you tell me i don't know if you've been been privy to any great fun cheating scandals but i've seen i've seen a really a wide dearth of cheating in my days of friends of my wife and i we've had couples in our lives that have gone through cheating scandals i'm gonna be honest and you know who you are i haven't seen one it could be sheltered no i'm kidding no i don't know why maybe they'll come like maybe that's more of like a mid-30s thing where people start to cheat. Don't say it like that.
Mid thirties.

Cause I'm almost 40.

I mean,

I'm early thirties.

I'm just saying maybe it's a mid thirties thing.

The cheating were the people that,

you know, cheating five years ago.

Okay.

So maybe it's an LA thing.

I knew that possible.

You guys are all vain and sad and cheat.

Definitely.

But I do think people cheat all over the world,

but this was even people who I knew were cheating that weren't even married yet but were we're going to get married and basically had been together forever and and of course let's never forget scandival but what's fascinating is and I told my wife this when it was going down with certain people we know I was like I will be surprised if they break up and she was like i would leave you so fucking fast and i'm like yeah oh i know i was like but i don't see it for them because i think and because these were both couples who had had at least five to ten years already together that the idea of abandoning this thing that they had invested so much time into was like an even bigger failure that yeah the only thing that could be worse than the cheating would to be if the if the relationship fell apart after and they're they're both you know the the examples i'm giving these people are still together it's a case by case each, each their own. I think that if it was personally, like obviously, God forbid, but if Claudia were to cheat on me, right, if she were to cheat on me one time, it was an accident, really upset about like, she's really upset about it.
One time, I don't, I think that I would stay. Do you get her back? I think so.
Of course. Oh no, would I get her back? You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta.
I mean, I mean, I guess. Of course! You go into your DMs and you find that barista at Starbucks that's been giving you side eye since you started going in five years ago and you thought it was because you don't spend your points, but it was really because she's into Rubenesque 33 year old Jews maybe this is what happened to Dave Grohl maybe this was revenge and we don't know the first part of the story who knows Josh revenge doesn't hopefully doesn't end in a kid no it's really dumb really dumb also at you said he's 55 yes i feel like he should be older by the way but like 55 if you're that sexually active are you not thinking vasectomy i don't know i think you should be probably right like it would that would make sense otherwise who knows but yeah don't cheat or if you do cheat get i don't know hopefully your spouse doesn't care i don't know it's like you know we had the great jojo siwa on and she said that her within her her relationship with her partner that she would be okay with them having

like some physical interludes and then as long as it wasn't emotional which some people are okay i i love jojo siwa i loved her on that episode nuts for her i'm not she was amazing all that i will say though is she's young fair enough and i'd love to i i hope it never happens to her but I'd love to see how she feels after that happened to her.

Right.

Because even me i'm here saying oh if my wife cheated on me one time who cares that's so easy for me to say having had that never happened to me you know like if it happens i'm sure you're destroyed because it's destroyed. It's everything.

Take it personally. You're like, what the hell is wrong with me?

What's wrong with my Johnson?

Huh?

Yeah.

What?

I don't make you enough bagels.

Like I don't make you enough beautiful breakfast.

Like I would be thinking to myself, like, what did I do wrong?

God, it's everything surrounding it.

Because if your partner is like, I found a, you know, a lady of the night and i had this one thing i needed to do it or the lady of the midday i don't know how you get off i love that expression lady of the night so good i had to get off i'm a sex addict you almost look at them you almost look at that like oh my god like that person's really sick like wow like that person has an addiction for that kind of behavior josh there's no if you're a sex addict you really really really just it's gonna be hard to be married like it's hard unless the other person sex sex addict should find a sex addict that way they're just non-stop you know No i agree i i think but what i'm saying is not that that's excusable but that's almost better the problem with an affair is everything that surrounds the canoodling like because you start doing the forensics and you go oh they met and then they exchanged texts and then they might have talked on the phone and then they flirted and then they had a first kiss and then they booked a hotel room. And did they use our like Marriott Bonvoy points? And like, totally.
Did she bring like, you know, toiletries? Did they have to call down for like a toothbrush? You know, she had my house. Did they order room service? What'd they order? Tomato soup and grilled cheese.
It's their meal. It's their thing.
That was our meal. That was our thing.
Every time he sees an Andy Warhol, he goes, babe, that us, you know, the Campbell's soup can. But it was us.
Yes. See, that's the problem.
Did they get cake pops from Starbucks? You know, that's our thing. Who knows? How did they get them so moist? Who knows, Josh? Okay, well, there's another story, which is a bride makes gut-wrenching decision.
Fiancee gives her surprise gift that left her blindsided. A bride-to-be is questioning if she overreacted by calling off her wedding after receiving a surprise gift from her fiancee, a fixer upper home for them to live in.
A bride-to-be can't help but wonder if she overreacted by calling off her wedding after her fiance surprised her with a gift that brought their future into question. The woman, 30, made a post on Reddit's Am I the Asshole Forum on Tuesday to explain why she made the gut-wrenching decision.
Okay, she and her fiance, Mark, have been together for three years

and engaged for about a year.

She explains that he pulled out what looked like a box from a special jewelry store.

My heart raced with an excitement as I assumed it was a lovely bracelet

or a special memento for our wedding day.

But when he opened the box, I was stunned to find out that he had gotten us a home. and in the box was a key to a home that mark supposedly bought for us called off the wedding i have a couple of thoughts the first is i can't trust her because she has read it and uses it i'm sorry this is the cesspool of america folks yes i digress i digress I think it is incredibly strange for a husband to buy a wife a home without the wife seeing it.
Like, that's very strange to me. I get it potentially being nice.
I feel like she probably overreacted, but it would make me feel kind of weird if my especially if it's not a gorgeous new. I don't know.
A little weird. No, like what if page just bought a rundown shack and said, this is where we're going to live now and didn't consult you.
It's weird for sure. I think the only reason you call off a wedding day on the day is because you find out the person's cheating.
Like that such an injurious action to your life and like you're now giving everyone in your life a story of like hey remember when that i think in the net she fucked up more because you could always sell the house i agree in the net she fucked up more but i do think that it says a lot about a husband to think that he would want his wife,

like to think that that would be a good gift.

Like me, at least speaking from experience,

if I bought even a beautiful house

for me and Claudia to live in

that she didn't see would make her feel

as if her opinion did not matter to me whatsoever.

Even if it was a gorgeous house,

let alone a 50-year project

We're going to live here while you fix it. Like, I don't know.
I think it's incredibly inconsiderate. I could not agree with you more, though.
It's your wedding day. Just like sell the house.
Tell him he's a scumbag and sell the house. Right.
Not good. Fix it.
No, not good. Not good.
Not good. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by Robody.
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It's crazy. I don't even understand how they do it, but they have done it.
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did we come up with a name for speak pipe we what'd you say did we come up with a name for speak pipe oh oh oh yes moron mail moron mail i i prefer good high but whatever but yes let's listen to some more on mail okay in 2025 we need it to be good here comes we told we told you this so just quickly just we told you in the past make it up you can make something up embellish your life no problem just make it good we love you if you want to leave us a voicemail where we can give you advice you can ask us questions good, keep it brief. Brevity is key and go to speakpipe.com slash good guys.
This first one is from I'm not sure. Hey guys, this is Jen from Jersey.
I work at a gym and the holidays just passed. A member there gave me a Christmas card.
When I opened it, there was nothing inside. So she gives me this card every year.
Typically there's a little money gift inside. And this year there was nothing in there and I didn't say anything, but I'm just wondering what your take is.
Would you say something? I felt less motivated to even text her to say thank you. Felt weird about the whole situation.
Yeah. What's your take? It's incredibly important to know what gym franchise she works at, Josh.
Would you agree? Yeah. Like if it's a Planet Fitness, maybe the woman ran out of money.
She only has 10 bucks a month for the gym. Okay.
She's looking at purple all day. She's looking at an elliptical in purple.
She did her best the last couple of years, threw you an extra five. The woman went belly up.
Now, if you work work at equinox this is a little bit strange for sure that said you absolutely positively cannot say to the person hey you forgot my tip in the card no sorry is what it is yeah no you can't but i think she was even like should she even say thank you for the card? Oh, I missed that part. I don't think so.
I don't think you need to say thank you so much for the card. That actually is a very good underhanded way of implying that there was no money in there.
Hey, thank you so much for the meaningful card. Wow.
You're playing 3D chess, Ben, and I fucking love it. Yeah.
Thank you so much for the meaningful card wow you're playing 3d chess ben and i fucking love it yeah thank you so much for the meaningful card the card meant a lot to me yeah thank you for only the card thank you so much for the meaningful card i loved it so much i loved what you wrote thank you thank you for the bifold piece of cardboard and that's it yes thank you for the envelope thank you for handing it to me right thank you thank you for the ink and then she she and then she can say no thank you for the cash and then you can say what cash right and then she's gonna think that you're stealing from her because she remembers putting cash in there you're claiming that she never gave you cash. And now all of a sudden you find yourself in a lawsuit.
I agree. And I just want to see something, you know, Planet Fitness has been winning for so long that they could they could use a little drama.
They could. Yeah, they could.
You saw it, by the way. I'm sorry.
Planet Fitness, you ruined New Year's Rock and Eve. Did you did you see they were a sponsor all the confetti was purple i don't want to see that get out of here get out of here i don't need it and i know they're not going to sponsor the show they don't have any money i don't know how that gym runs ten dollars a month it's genius crazy it it could be or like I want to want to know the finances of planet fitness josh i listen to a podcast because you know that's how i yeah babe just like i know about fluoride and you refuse to listen to the podcast i send you i listened you listen to the fluoride pod i read no you read about it no you didn't you just looked you didn't.
You just looked for confirmation bias.

This is true.

Continue Planet Fitness. Okay, so you learned that they're a good business.
Planet Fitness is very brilliant in the sense of they found a price point and it's this thing that occurs with many consumers. where it's low enough to where the idea of having to go through

the hurdles of canceling said membership, it's easier just to leave it. So that's why it's $10.
There are tens of thousands of people that are on a flywheel, Planet Fitness, $10 a month charge that will never, ever go. And it's just too much of a headache to cancel.
Genius. Okay.
So let's say 75% of their active monthly subscribers do not go. So effectively, it's really a $40 a month gym to cover the costs for the people that actually do go.
That's right. Using very interesting.
That is very interesting, Josh. Not only that that but now they really have to give no service even though i all i've seen from planet fitnesses is that they're pretty spectacularly purple but they seem to be a fine run gym but they're very purple josh they're very purple it's absurd too much it's sickening too much it's too much it's way too much but now they don't have to offer you a towel they don't even like they don't even have to clean the locker rooms or like you want it it's you pay it's 10 bucks we're the 10 gym what do you want no lift your weights and get out it's too much it's too cheap like it's too little not too much it's too cheap i know.
I can't. All right, next one is from, I don't know.
Hi, boys. So, over Christmas, debate who pays for the first date.
The men, everyone said that the man to pay for the first date. And honestly, all the dates until you're dating.
When you're dating, it's a little bit different. But the men said they liked when the men offered.
The women said, who they married to that they never offered and they wouldn't they obviously profusely think them whatever they did pay for it but they did not offer or want to offer because they wanted more of a gentleman traditional kind of thing so curious do you think a woman should offer to pay on the first or any of the dates when you're not official? This is a different question than what you originally posed, Missy. What you originally had said was should who should pay for the meal? Absolutely.
The man should pay for the meal. Sorry.
Just is what it is. It's rude, though, in my opinion, not to offer if it's the first time you're ever meeting.
The first time you're meeting, you're set up on a blind date. I think you got to offer, Josh.
I think you got to offer. And then it's the guy's job to say, no, Missy, I got this.
Don't worry. But I think that on a first first date, true first date, the lady should offer to split the bill, offer, offer to split and the man should pay and offer to.
Yeah, exactly. It's nice if the woman offers, dude should pay for the first date.
I think it would be awesome around the third to fifth date if she pays. I think it should be like an 85-15.
I think it's a lovely gesture. I do.
Yeah, like one in every five when you're dating. If she pays, I think that's cool.
I think it's a lovely gesture. I absolutely do.
But she's got to, she's got to be cool about it because otherwise she'll hurt his feelings. She's got to be cool about it.
Not like, like, oh, the bill comes, she fights for it. No, not cool.
Some guys will take, like, we'll take that the wrong way. I think she slips the credit card in at the beginning.
She's paying the whole that's cool the bill comes at the end she's got it covered super cool my wife who's fucking super cool i'll never forget we were dating we had been dating for like we'd known each other since halloween but i was working a lot so we didn't really start dating till like march of the following year and around July, she was like my best friend and her husband, they're going to Palm Springs for like two nights. We were still young.
We're like 26 and 21. So we weren't like constantly going on like, you know, to go on a vacation, even to go away for two nights and like Palm Springs was very grown up.
Like we weren't doing that regularly. And she was like, I got us a hotel.
Let's go with them. And she paid for the hotel.
And it was so I was like, oh, my gosh, this is so grown up and wonderful. It's a cool move.
It's definitely a cool move. And it also does show the guy how much the girl really does care about him.
Totally. Small gestures like that go a really long way.

Really long way.

Yeah, you plan like any kind of planning makes someone go, oh, you think about me when you

don't have to.

Totally.

Agreed.

Agreed.

Agreed.

Oh, I'm getting butterflies all over again.

Love you, Paige.

Okay, next one's from I don't know.

Hey, guys, this is Jen from Jersey. Oh, Jen, stop it.
We just talked to you, Paige. Okay, next one's from, I don't know.
Hey, guys, this is Jen from Jersey. Oh, Jen, stop it.
We just talked to you, Jen. Next one from, a twofer from Jen.
I thought I deleted these last two, but maybe not. Okay.
Hey, good guys. Moron from Missouri here.
I have a mother-in-law, what are you nuts? So my mother-in-law is one of those people who just talks out of her butt all of the time. You know, like complimenting everyone out the wazoo, you could be the ugliest bitch in the world.
And she will go on and on and on about how you are so beautiful. Well, she does this with my daughter, which is fine because my daughter is very cute.

She's a baby.

But lately, she's been calling her weird pet names, too.

Like, she'll walk in and go, where's my mistress?

What, mistress?

Or she'll say, how's that goddess doing?

She's six months old.

Just call her baby girl.

Sweet pea.

What are you, nuts?

Where's my adulterer?

Honestly, the mother-in-law sounds like a good time.

Yeah.

She sounds unhinged.

Yeah, she sounds great and nuts.

I'm in.

I don't know.

Egg goddess.

She sounds like a queen.

Mistress is off the rails, though. It's it's psychotic hello philanderer no it's completely nuts it's an absolute what are you nuts but like just just own it you got a kook over there own it and just like be kooky with her like yes she's she's not she's not gonna change you're stuck with her like she's a kook all right so she called your baby girl a mistress say to her say to her what are you nuts people are children will bring out the weirdest parts of you like i max when he was born i think like i don't know three months in i started calling him stunk and it just was a word that I created because when i saw that little smushy fair i was like oh you little stunk and now he's stunky and like everyone calls him stunky in the family jackie calls her kids like hilarious names too like i and we do that with our dog like i know we're gonna do that with our son the hbhbh like she calls her youngest charlie she calls him stonky and like that's because i think her other son harry like says stinky and she's like stinky stonky and they just call him stonky and like it's not like it doesn't mean anything like it just or means something to her but yeah obviously the weirdness is brought out in parents for sure but like that that, like comes from like a cute place.
Like, yeah. Hello mistress.
Mistress is weird. That one's so weird that it becomes hysterical.
It becomes hysterical. It's so strange.
Next one's from, I don't know. Hey, good guys.
Happy new year. I just have to ask Ben.
Ben, during the Robbie Hoffman episode, did you confuse Anne Frank and Helen Keller for a second? Because you said she certainly doesn't need to be living so lavishly if she's blind and deaf. And Josh, like, you just let it slide.
So I was wondering if Ben's neurology referral came through yet and if that's what happened or am i crazy you're not crazy i got a lot of dms about this i did definitely mush them together i mushed them sorry it is what it is it you know what it really is what it is isn't it it is what it is it is i mushed them what do you want from me not you know how many things we talk about on a daily basis how many people you're lucky that we can even do this this is such a skill you bitches could never like you have no idea okay you have no idea so yeah and frank helen keller they're kind of they're close they're close they're not close but they're close you get it you get it they're close. They're close.
They're not close, but they're close.

You get it. You get it.
They're close. No, they're not.
Just that they were around in the early 1900s. They're close.
They're close. You get it.
I don't know. Next good eye from someone.
Hey, good guys. I would love your advice on just my boyfriend's listening skills.
Oh, this one. I can't listen to this.
I'm on his side. Sorry.
That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Listening skills. Okay.
Hey, Josh and Ben. Long time moron here.
What are you nuts? I just left UPS and I had everything packaged. The label was paid for.
I got charged $2 for them to tape it. Please tell me that is insane.
Love you guys. This is not the best speak pipe.
But I recently, I just went to UPS to send my brother a pair of Garrett Light sunglasses. Shout out, Garrett Light.
Nice. You want a pair? You want a pair, Ben? Sure.
Why not? I'll take them. Shout out, Garrett Light.
Thanks, bub. And I happen to be, you know, I brought them with me because I was thinking I'll just go, you know, I didn't pack them because I'm like, oh, I'll just get a box at the UPS store.
So I show up. I mean, this is glasses.
They're in just a little box. So they go, no problem.
We got the box. They charge me for the box.
And they go, it's fragile. So we'll give some bubble wrap.
They go, we charge you for the bubble wrap. Okay.
We charge you for the shipping. Okay.
And then there was a $3 handling fee. And I was like, you're messing up.
You're like, you had me, you almost had me UPS. It's too much.
It's rough. It's too much.
Let me say, let me say two things though, Josh, first to start UPS, FedEx. These are just awfully greedy companies.
It's awful. It's awful.
And I know this because shipping alcohol, Josh, our number one issue at Spritz Society is the cost of shipping product in the mail because it's heavy. It's so expensive.
Everybody's like, why do you charge $25 online? And it's $12 in store because we pay $25 for a box. It's so expensive, so expensive.
That said, that said, not every UPS store, I could be wrong, but I think not every UPS store would have charged that woman to tape her box. I think that there is there are UPS franchises and there are UPS owned locations.
And I think that the franchise location, how else are they going to make money? How else do they make money? You handed them the box, you prepaid for the label on UPS.com, so UPS got the money. But the mom and pop shop that's now shipping out the box for you, they have to make money somewhere.
I think it's strange. I was saying it's not strange.
It wasn't mom and pop. I was at a UPS store.
Your example is fucked up. I'm saying her example.
Okay. Yours.
All right. They nickel and dimed you out the wazoo.
Right. It was terrible.
And if they were smart, they would have given you one all in fee. They would have baked the handling fee into something else.

Make bubble wrap an extra 50 cents.

Make this an extra 50 cents.

And I was thinking about this before as I was leaving.

Or bake it all into the shipping cost.

All of it.

I've had people go, I could do this all.

See those padded envelopes over there?

It's a it's a it's already in a case and it's small.

Just go to that's three bucks.

Go get that envelope, put it in and seal it. I got the rest.
The truth is, Josh, you got taken to the cleaners. I'm a little bit, did you end up paying for it? Of course I did.
You know me, I'm not tight. I throw money around.
You got taken to the cleaners. I'm not tight.
What happened? No, this is not a cheap thing, Josh. You were taken to the cleaners.
And this happens to me the second I enter a nail salon. And my wife always, always comments on it.
She'll go in for a manicure. And what does she leave with, Josh? A regular $25 manicure.
I got convinced that I needed the spa manicure. You do.
Or they're going to put this extra lotion on my foot. Yes.
And then all of a sudden, my pedicure went from 48 to 72 and hers is still 48. We are easily taken to the cleaners, Josh, because we're too nice.
We're good guys. We're not too nice.
We're not going to confront. Were you decalloused? Did they decallous those mitts of yours, those paws on your...
Honestly, no, my guess they're not callous. This is a man that's never worked in the yard a day in his life no i know listen you don't wear black air force ones you wear white air force ones we know you're not out there actually doing real work okay i'm not doing i'm not doing real work and by the way my brother i need to comment my brother convinced me yeah my guy see i got my ear to the fucking streets ben and you need to me that respect.
I'm not just some guy appropriating Native American culture in the clothes he wears. I need you to know, Josh, my brother-in-law convinced me to buy black Air Force Ones because he said they looked good on me.
I wore them once and I threw them away. You're nuts.
They're fucking ill. I can't wear them.
Because you can wear them to the club and you could also do custodial work in them. I can't wear them, Josh.
I can't wear them. They were awful.
They were awful. What was I saying before you talked about how you have your ear to the streets? I don't remember.
UPS, do better. Last speak pipe before we go from not sure.
Hey, Josh. We need to clip that.
I got my ear to that i got my ear to the street a little bit of a tribute to olivia so oh wait this is a love letter to olivia which will play for olivia when olivia's here last week pipe from i really don't know hi guys i need your opinion on this because i'm fuming right now i'm very very pregnant with my second. And my sister-in-law recently had a baby and my mother-in-law thought it was a fantastic idea to show up unannounced to my sister-in-law's delivery room.
When I heard this, I told her, please do not do this with me. Very, very bluntly.
I told her, please do not come or I will kick you out. And then I pointed out to her that she will be watching my daughter, who's going to be at home.
She agreed. No problem.
Amazing. One week later today, she calls my husband and says she will do whatever she can to be in the delivery room to, quote, support her son during the birthing process.
Excuse me? What the fuck? One, he doesn't want you there. Two, it's our second kid.
And three, he's not giving birth. So stay the fuck out of my delivery room.
How on earth do I tell her very nicely and bluntly that we love you? We love the mother-in-laws, but you don't belong in our delivery room. So stay the fuck out.
Thank you, guys. Let me know.
Love you. You don't tell her anything.
That is your husband's job to manage his mother. That's right.
It is your husband's job to manage his mother. If you feel that way, your husband goes to his mother and says, mom, it's there's no hard feelings here.
She doesn't feel comfortable with her exposed vagina out in front of you. So love you so much.
So grateful for you. We'll see you outside.
That's it. That's it.
It's the husband's job to manage his mother. Sorry.
Could not agree more. And this mother-in-law is a liability.
And just as a public service announcement to all mothers and to mother-in-laws and mothers, it is that woman's moment. She is entitled to have as many people there or no people there, whether she wants to do it completely alone or with half of the you know cedar sinai medical tower watching it is completely her call and your answer should be whatever you want and you should mean it yeah like real like mean it don't be don't be a bitch mean it don't say oh fine and then you're disgruntled and then all of a sudden for whatever reason she has to also think about your feelings that's right mean it mean it you want to be helpful you want to be helpful you say to them what's the hospital oh we're we're doing it at nyu downtown i'll so i'll go to magnolia bakery while you're delivering i'll have a beautiful cupcake assortment.
Maybe I go to

Bake by Melissa. I have them shipped in.

You tell me when I can

come by. Not only am I going to have

cupcakes for you, I'm going to have it

for the whole nursing staff.

You're going to be getting free swaddles,

free diapers,

and free formula

till you can't breathe.

How about that, mom?

Be helpful, mom. Idiot.
Amen. Do better.
Okay. What are you nuts? What are you nuts? Okay, folks, people, places, and things gripes with humanity that make you say, what are you nuts? Mine is Starbucks.
Okay. I've come on recently and I've said that Starbucks is great.
Mobile ordering, yada, yada, yada. I have two problems with Starbucks.
First, one in every seven orders, I almost lose my lid and losing a lid is a lost day. Okay.
Fix your fucking lids. Second, second, there are some, it's not every Starbucks.
It seems to be every Starbucks in the great state of Florida, but it's not every Starbucks, every Starbucks in the great state of Florida, they make you ask for a straw. Josh, do they do this in LA? They make you ask for a straw and they have it in a drawer behind the counter.
Enough rationing straws. It's enough.
If you're going to give them to me, give them to me. Okay.
Do you know what the experience of mobile ordering ready to pick up my drink? It's there. It's ready.
And then I need to ask somebody for a straw defeats the whole purpose.

I want zero human interaction.

I'm there to pick up my drink.

That was the mobile order.

It's an iced coffee.

It needs to be drank with a straw.

I don't want to talk to anybody.

Nobody.

What are you nuts?

Such a good point.

And I was recently thinking about this as I was getting my big, big gulp of coffee from 7eleven you know who was never on that no straw shit 7-eleven yeah they fucking killed it all right they're they they know the heartbeat of america josh they do they get it they don't stand for any of this bullshit any of this crap do you need this adrian grenier bullshit do you think the higher higher ups at-Eleven once looked at each other and said, so a couple turtles? I hope so. Such propaganda nonsense.
I need to give you one stat, Josh, because it's also propaganda nonsense. How many people a year get bitten by a shark? I would say a dozen.
One in 3.7 million people those are your chances of being bitten by a shark okay propaganda jaws i wonder what jaws did to the fucking shark community poor sharks it changed everything probably down there under the sea playing chess you're nice shout out the great Steven Spielberg brilliant Jewish filmmaker

shout out the great steven spielberg brilliant jewish filmmaker i digress i digress what's your what are you nuts oh my what are you nuts so the other day it was raining in la and my kids are on uh winter break and so you know i had both of them and i'm like what do we do it's raining we can't go to the park i didn't want to like take them to a you know an indoor playground thing. So I was like, let's go to Walmart.
You know, just had both of them and I'm like, what do we do? It's raining. We can't go to the park.
I didn't want to like take them to a, you know, a indoor playground thing. So I was like, let's go to Walmart, you know, just go walk around.
So I get them. I throw them in the car to Walmart.
Love Walmart. Love it.
Love it. Love it.
Love it. Love it.
We get a bunch of snacks. We get a bunch of like just that good shit that they only have at Walmart, like those snacks you grew up on and whatnot.
And we're having fun. My son's loving it.

And so we get to the self-checkout and this lovely person's kind of helping monitor the

self-checkout.

But then I noticed that the employees are going by the ice cream cooler next to self-checkout.

And I see that the employees, or at least two of them, have made the ice cream cooler