Twerkin’ on Your Last Nerve with Matt Matthews

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The following podcast is a Dear Media production. I'm Josh Peck.
And I'm Ben Soffer. And we're the good guys.
There's a lot of guys out there. And we're the good ones.
Mazel morons, welcome back to the Good Guys podcast.

I'm sitting here with Bernie Madoff's money manager. It's Ben Soffer.
And you know him. You love him.
He's currently on a nationwide comedy tour. Bougie on a budget, aren't we all? Let's all give a big Good Guys welcome to Matt Matthews.
Matt, thank you so much for joining us from Birmingham, Alabama. What's it like being in L.A., given that L.A.
is such a cesspool of hate? It's a shithole. When you come from such a lovely, quaint, all-American town.
It's a shithole. It's a shithole, right? Tell Josh to his face.
It's a shithole here. Say more.
I mean, like, I don't know how you live here. Okay.

But, you know, I feel the exact same way when I

go to New York. Yeah, you hear that, Ben?

You hear that? What?

I feel the same way

anywhere that I have to go with people

at all. I live on 104 acres.

So, like, you

can walk outside just buck naked, you know?

And, like, nobody's gonna see you. Yes.
Except for your

animals. So, like, that's what I

don't want people to talk to me.

I don't want people to talk to me. We were literally, I've been talking about this all because we just did a, I did an interview right before this and we were talking about that.
And like, people think that I'm such an extrovert because of social media and because I'm a standup comedian and like all these things. But in all honesty, like I'm very much an introvert.
Like I don't like big groups of people. I don't like, like, I just want to stay at home.
I don't want, I don't want nobody to bother me. Yeah.
Let's talk about, let's talk about 104 acres. When did that happen? And how did that happen? Well, I bought my first farm, which is where you see like most of the videos and stuff.

It's 11 acres.

I bought that in 2015.

That was the first place that I ever bought on my own.

I lived in a trailer park before that.

So, you know, we're trailer park hoes.

Double wide?

Yeah.

No, baby.

I had a single wide.

Single, babe.

A humble beginning.

Single wide. Okay.

I grew up into projects with an alcoholic mom.

Okay.

So don't get it twisted.

And then we leveled up and my dad got custody of me when I was nine years old. And then I moved into a trailer park with him.
And I was a little redneck trailer park kid with a mullet. Yeah.
Can you believe that? Look at me now, bitch. We know the projects.
Like growing up in New York, the projects were these giant, they are these gigantic brick buildings, you know, 35 floors, all very. No, we didn't have that.
Yeah. What is Alabama Project? Government housing for us was they were shooting everybody outside.
We had like maybe three floors. We had like a little communal laundromat in the middle.
And my mom was like a psychopath. And so she would like yell out the window while they were shooting each other.
They're like, I got a baby in here trying to sleep. And I'm like, this is it.
This is over for us. Here we go because this bitch is about to get us killed.
Wow. Yeah.
So it was a struggle, you know, and this is what my first, my actual, my first, my first tour that we just finished. We just wrapped my special and we filmed my special in Birmingham.
And this was kind of what my first show was, was about my life, kind of growing up with an alcoholic mom and in government housing and moving to the trailer parks and, you know, learning to break cycles. And, you know, I grew up with very alcoholic and addicts in my family.
And I knew that statistically I should be an alcoholic or I should be an addict like the rest of my family because kids perpetuate this shit that they see. Right.
And so I made a promise to myself at a very early age to break that cycle and break that string of addiction and be successful for myself. And I always had a mouth on me, you know? So I was like, let's be a comedian.
And it worked. And was it ever, like, I grew up differently, but in New York with, you know, extremely humble, mean, single mom in 12-step.
So there's some similarities. And we would kind of vacillate between like if my mom was having a good year like we were very like you know like at the bottom end of middle class y'all had good years we had good years oh boy you is I got a nice new pair of nikes excuse my brother was a crackhead and he would take all of my shit and pawn it at the pawn shop for drugs so But were there ever moments where it was like, I guess, did you know any different? Were there sweet, happy moments in the project? When my mom wasn't drunk.
Yeah. I mean, like, and here's the thing too.
This is kind of what I tell people. My mom passed away from addiction in 2007.
So I don't paint the picture of her being this terrible person because she wasn't. she loved me the best way that she knew how.
She just struggled a lot with mental health and addiction and she didn't have anybody to help her, you know? And so that was like just a big moment for me to realize like as a kid, as a young kid, like you can follow in these footsteps and be just like your mom and just like your brother and just like your sister or you you can be better for yourself. And so that's why I had to make that promise to myself.
Like, so I grew up and I never drank. I still don't drink to this day, even though some of these folks make me want to, you know, I never tried drugs.
I never did anything like that because I knew I'm like, look at these hoes over here. You know, like they don't have nothing.
They don't have anything. So like, I'm not going to be that.
So I just made very conscious efforts not to do those things. What do you do? Do you ever get mad and black out and eat like a hundred Snicker bars? Uh-uh.
If you did drink. I do have an adult gummy.
Okay. I can't fucks with that.
Oh, sorry. Can I cuss on here? Please.
Okay, guys. Because I be cussing.
I got a mouth on me. If you did drink, what would you drink? I don't know.
I mean, have you ever seen a ghetto white gay guy after a couple of slippery nipples? Like that's the thing is I cannot, I want to fight, you know, like when I drink, I'm not a, I'm not a happy drunk. I'm a mean drunk.
And so I'll be trying to hit people. And you know, I just, it just doesn't make me feel good.
It doesn't make me feel good. And I don't want to go to jail.
I'm too cute to go to jail. So I just have me a little

gummy at night and take my ass to bed. And have you always been this svelte? Have you always been this skinny? This bitch just called me skinny.
You're skinny, Dillard. Oh my boy.
You are trim. I don't even have my Spanx on.
We have a Spanx. We're with Skims.
We are a Spanx. Let me tell you something.
I wore Spanx on every show that I performed. I did 120 shows last year.
Me too. 120 Eps of Drinking Chash.
I wore Spanx every episode. Because this bitch commented one time on the internet.
I was like, Matt Matthews is fatter in person. And I was like, so is your mama.
What the fuck? But have you been fatter than you right now? Yeah, Alex, to me, I've always struggled with body image. So like I've never- Can't relate.
Can't relate, bitch. I mean, you're looking kind of falling.
Thank you, dear. Thank you, dear.
I have always struggled with that. You know, like I've never felt comfortable in my skin.
I've never really felt like my body was good enough. You know, I've never, I've never, I used to work out.
I did crossfit. I did all the things and I was still never happy with my body.
And so before my career as, as comedian really took off, I spent years building a career as a photographer and I was a boudoir photographer and I still have that business and I have an associate that shoots and, you know, we still book clients, but being a boudoir photographer was able to really kind of like show me that it doesn't, never going to have the perfect body. You're never going to be where you want to be.
You're never going to fully love yourself, you know? So it has to be like, you have to learn to be comfortable in the skin that you're in. You have to learn to love your body and everything that it does for you right now because you're never going to be where you want to be.
And so I started this tour that I'm on now and I was like, I'm not wearing Spanx anymore on this show. You know what I mean? Like I'm not, I'm not going to, I'm never going to be exactly where I want to be.
So like why be uncomfortable? This episode of the good guys podcast is brought to you by KiwiCo. Folks, don't you remember you were younger, used to go outside and used to play.
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I'm Natasha Leggero. We are comedians, and we're married, and we do a relationship and life advice show called The Endless Honeymoon Podcast, and here's the exciting part.
We want to advise you. We're a no-judgment zone, so anything you want to ask about, it's all good.
Yes, send us your questions to Endless Honeymoon Pod at Gmail and tune in to the Endless Honeymoon Podcast on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you like to listen. Ben, how are you feeling in your overall body journey? I was going to say, as two fat men that were previously much, much fatter, this is the most fat-phobic podcast you ever be.
I love that for you. Yeah.
Like we just like we're Ozempic Queens. Like we love it.
Not Josh. Josh talks about it as if he's on it.
He's not on it. I'm not.
It dropped too late. You know, here's my thing.
I actually talk about this in my show. Right.
I love it. I love it.
I love it. I've lost 60 pounds on Ozemp amazing.
He smokes it. I'm just.
I love it. What? I love it.
I just don't understand. Do y'all know the side effects of Ozempic? Happiness.
Pregnancy. No, by the way, there are no, there really are no side effects except for light nausea in the beginning, but if you get through it, it's fine.
Bitch. Let me tell y'all something.
Pregnancy is a damn side effect. These bitches out here getting pregnant.
I don't fucks with kids. So could you imagine if I'm like, ooh, let me get skinny on these hoes and end up fucking pregnant? I would trip myself going down the stairs.
Yes, or what if makes you hook up with a woman? Oh, hell no. I've never touched a sea monster.
I have never touched a sea monster. Ever.
I'm a platinum stargate. I didn't even come out of a vagina.
I was a C-section. You were the immaculate conception.
Truly. I love it.
I don't know how I could get more perfect. Wow.
What was that like coming out in Alabama at whatever age you did? I thought you were going to say, what was it like being a C-section, baby? I don't really remember. I'm like, what the hell kind of a question is that? I don't really remember that.
I mean, they just cut it open and there I went. Coming out in Alabama, I mean.
I wanted to fuck Uncle Jesse on Full House in the fourth grade. I know him.
So, you know. Do you want me to call him? Yes.
We'll FaceTime him. Hold on.
Should we FaceTime John Samos really quick? That was, you know, like. Yes.
That was. I got it.
I wanted. That was my crush in the fourth grade, you grade you know so like you you know that i always tell people i'm like straight people didn't choose to be straight gay people didn't choose to be gay you know like you didn't just wake up one day i was like hmm i think i'm gonna like dick today right i think it will make my life harder you know right i'm i'm actually facetiming him right now full disclosure he is at disney disney world he's a disney adult okay how do you feel about that i don't fuck with that i don't fuck with kids.
Yeah, he went alone. World.
He's a Disney adult. How do you feel about that?

I don't fucks with that.

I don't fuck with kids.

Yeah, he went alone.

I'm not sure who he went with.

Of course he's not picking that.

I'm just trying to spread that rumor.

I'm going to text him right now, and hopefully he'll call us back during the pod.

He's going to be like, I am not calling you to talk to some gay comedian.

Are you kidding me?

No, he's a fan.

He eats it up.

He loves love.

So, sorry. We were FaceTiming while you were actually being very personal and vulnerable and beautiful so you were saying that it's something that you just knew right away and yeah like i've never been attracted to a woman i mean i think women are beautiful and like i wish that i could be attracted to a woman because men ain't shit you know like men ain men ain't shit.
Say more. So, you know, I'm like, I'm like, just y'all be really twerking on my fucking nerve is what y'all do, you know.
But, you know, when you just like the TT, you like the TT. Like, what can you do? Right.
And you're married or engaged? Married, yeah. How long have you been married? Ten years.
Mazal Tov. Mazal, Mazel.
And how did you two meet? What the fuck is Mazel? I was going to say, we're also as fatphobic as we are. We are as Jewish as it gets, my Alabama friend.
Mazel Tov. Yes.
Come on, quit playing with me. Do I look Jewish? Mazel.
Yeah. We say it anyways.
We prophylize. He said yes.
That bitch just said I look Jewish. Look at my nose.
It's beautiful. I am blind, bitch.
He has a perfect nose and he's as Jewish as it gets. Oh, wow.
His 23andMe came back in Yiddish. Would you rather me say that you look Aryan from here? Is that better? I don't know what that is.
It's the white. It's the white white.
Oh, white white. Yeah, I am white white.
It's like Nazi white. That's Aryan.an.
Oh. Let me tell you something, bitch.
You're not going to get me canceled. Okay? I got a whole tour to do, so you're not going to get me canceled.
Baby, I'm out here trying to make my coin. You have, what is it, a 50s city tour? Oh, my God.
Unbelievable. That's just the first leg, baby.
This is a three-year tour. Wow.
It's time. Wow.
It's time to make the money. You love money.
I do love money. I am a money hoe.
Me too. The things I would do for money.
You know, like, I mean, it's crazy when you grow up poor and you're like, then you get money. Yeah.
You know, like I grew up real poor. Like we drank sugar water and ate mayonnaise sandwiches.
Like, because we had no Kool-Aid. We couldn't afford the extra 25 cents.
So I grew up really poor. And then I created a successful business for myself and did pretty decent and did well.
I created my candle line and my clothing line and did really well. And like things were good.
And then I became a performer and I was making a lot of money. And I'm like, okay, B.C.'s got money now.
You know, we knew money over here. Okay.
We know old money hoes. We knew money hoes.
Sure. And so it becomes a thing of like, it's still a scary mentality because I still in the back of my mind, I'm always terrified of being poor again.
You know, I'm always like, if I don't sell enough tickets, if my social media is not performing well, or if, you know, something's going wrong, it gets so mentally taxing of my career's over. You know what I mean?

And I think that is something that I've been like really struck. And I actually posted this on my Instagram yesterday that like mental health is so important and it's swept under the rug so

much. And I'm not really a person that has struggled with depression or things like that.

But like my life lately has just been very overwhelming and I'm very much an overthinker

and like I worry about everything and anxiety and it's kind of like just taken over lately. And I've gotten to the point where I'm like, I can't worry about how many fucking views an Instagram reel is getting.
Like I can't worry about like stupid things like that. Thinking that my career is over because I didn't have a million people watch my shit.
You know what I mean? Does that get to you if something doesn't perform? Yeah. Because I'm thinking like they hate me.
Right. It's in the back of my head that people hate me.
They don't love me anymore. They don't.
They don't have a peak. Yeah.
It's the end. Like, and it's wild because my very first tour, this is my second tour, my very first tour, first time ever.
Like, no, I never opened for anybody. I opened for two comics in my town two times and that was it.
And then I signed with an agent and I did my first tour, first headlining tour, 120 cities, 150,000 tickets sold in the first year. And we wrapped that tour, filmed my special.
I signed with CAA. I signed a three-year tour deal with Live Nation, which is the tour that I'm on now.
And it's like, bitch, you're doing, you're out here working. You're doing stuff.
You're never going to be poor again, you know? And it's like, you have to just change your mindset to realize that like, you're never going to go backwards if you don't allow yourself to go backwards. But you have to do it in a healthy and a positive mindset or you will fuck your shit up.
And if you fuck your shit up, then you do go backwards, you know? So it's like continuing to be positive

and like putting out, I'm a big believer in manifestation and like putting negative, if you put negative shit out, negative shit happens. Speak on it, Benjamin.
Speak on it, Benjamin. You put positive shit out and positive shit comes.
Yeah. We talk about it all the time.
And I'm, I'm just fascinated at your sort of arc from entrepreneur into sort of being this comic. And I can certainly relate to that.
What do you prefer? Do you like building businesses and being in the background? Or do you prefer to this version of yourself where you are the business and you're peddling yourself? Yeah. So my entire life, I grew up wanting to be a performer.
Like that's

what I wanted to do as a young kid. That's how I knew I was gay because I would perform for my

teddy bears and act like I was Britney Spears. You know, I'm like, oh yeah.
And I would have

thought it was the loving men. Yeah.
You know, isn't that an indicator? Sure. But baby, when

you take them glad, them glad trash bags and you wrap them around your legs like they are your

Britney Spears jeans. I mean, your Britney Spears leather pants.
Oh yes. Like don't play with

I mean, your Britney Spears leather pants. Oh, yes.
Like, don't play with me. What Britney era are we talking like? 90s.
Yeah. Oops, I did it again.
Oh, maybe one more time. Yeah.
Yes. Not.
Pre-toxic. Yeah.
Oh, before all that. Dating Justin.
Yes. Gotcha.
That was my girl. I'm in.
I mean, that was, I'm still a Britney. I'm still standing with Brittany.
I think you could save her. I think I could.
I think we would be best friends. And I feel like I could, I could like, because you know, I'm like, I'm a 90s kid, you know? So like, that is, I'm stuck in the 90s.
Like truly. Like every, this is so bad.
Every year for my birthday, for the last four years, I rent out the skating rink. Like, cause it still looks like the nineties.
It's like a nineties time capsule. And so we rent it out.
And like, just me and my friends, we go and we skate and we dress up like something from the nineties and we have just nineties playlist. And it's just the most fun ever.
Like this, all the music that I listened to, like today is, is that what's your favorite music? What's your favorite music? Like just if I'm just driving down the road yeah right now or like just totally in general because i'm curious because i'm looking chapel ron has me in a death death grip really like i'm obsessed and i'm like i am a grown-ass man why am i listening to a 20 year old lesbian and what are we listening to at your roller rink birthday parties? Oh, TLC. Yes.
T-Boz.

Oh. God.
Sleep well,

Lisa. Let me tell you something.
I have a chicken named Lifta. I love that.

In memorial. In memorial.

Yeah. That's a living memorial.
I also have a

Mary-Kate and Ashley. I have a

Drake and Josh.

We have a Zach and Cody.

Who's that? I don't know

why I brought it up. I did a movie with Mary-Kate Ol, and she was everything.
I wanted her to be a more. Thank God.
I don't mean to brag. She was wonderful.
Because they say don't ever meet your heroes because they're usually dickholes. Meet the Olsens.
When I met Jewel, I was literally talking to my publicist about this on the way over here. I was like, it's funny when you grow up idolizing somebody and thinking they're so great and like loving them, being such a fan.
And then your career makes you one of their peers. You know, like that's a weird thing.
You know, I grew up loving Jewel. And then I, then we were both in the entertainment industry.
So our paths crossed and we just clicked. Yes.
And so now it's like, I'm Jewelules friend you know which is a weird thing because you're like you grew up loving that person and i remember meeting her i was thinking like i just hope she's not a bitch like i hope you know and like we just eat immediately like she's as unhinged as i am so it just like it clicked and i think people don't realize that celebrities are just real people you know like but sometimes they're sometimes Sometimes're cunts oh sometimes they're fucking they are the worst josh who's your least favorite celebrity steven seagal told me to go away when i was 12 that's an easy one but my least favorite celebrity currently i don't know i i i as i'm getting older i have more of a respect and appreciation for celebrities who act like old school celebrities that don't comment on every event, that aren't too much on social media, that just do great projects and kind of go away for a while. You know what I'm saying? I literally said today, I said, I'm hoping that I make so much money on this tour that I get to be like Adele and I can just disappear for a while.
Yeah, that's a dream.

And then like when my coin starts to come down a little bit, then I can bust back out, do another tour.

And then just boom, you know, just.

But I also hate Vegas.

So what's upsetting you about as a lover of I assume you're a millennial like us.

So as a lover of the 90s and as a millennial, what's annoying you about Gen Z?

They just piss me off.

About the alphas. They just piss me off.
Like the Alphas. They just pissed me off.
Like, everybody pisses me off.

Everybody. Gen Z's.

What is it? Gen X? Alpha.

Gen Alpha. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Alpha's the next. That's after us.

You gotta start again. Gen Z's after us

and then Alpha's after them. Okay, well, they pissed

me off trying to act like they created all

this clothes that we've been wearing for years.

Like, bitch, just sit down with your baggy

pants. Okay? Like, we was doing that

in 1995.

Like, please have a seat. That

pisses me off. Honestly, like...

Low-rise jeans? They didn't

make those? You didn't make them. Sit down.

I've been wearing low-rise jeans forever.

Yeah. I mean, just ass crack out.

You just gotta... And I see, like, they're pulling the thongs

up now. Yes.
Royal tails. Let me tell you something.
Lita did that on WWF in 1998. Okay.
Don't play with me. You a WWF man? I was when I was in the trailer park.
I haven't watched it in years. Oh, come back to us.
It's great. Are you still a wrestler? Best show on earth.
Stop. Shout out.
Stop. Watch the Vince McMahon doc on the Netflix.
I haven't watched it. I want to watch it so well.
It's good. I've heard it is.
I've heard that it is wild. Yeah, wrestling's the best.
Yeah. I used to believe that shit was so real, too.
Yeah, I mean, it is. That's a thing.
No, it's not. Quit playing.
Okay, it's not real. But athletically, I mean, these guys are spectacular.
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Joinbuilt.com slash goodguys to start earning points with your rent payments today guys and gals well here i have an article pulled up because we were talking about ozempic earlier and this caught my eye and i thought we could all talk about it let's talk about it basically there are tapeworm pills for weight loss excuse me you take a tapeworm they're sold on the dark web. Oh, fuck no.
No. Doctors on YouTube have more viewers.
I don't want to see your Google history. Tapeworm egg bills are being sold on the dark web as a quick fix weight solution.
Some of them can grow up to 30 feet long. Oh, absolutely the fuck not.
And they munch on your post-chewed meal. You're canceled.
You're canceled. It was worth it.
My stomach is turning. Can you imagine? Could you imagine taking a worm because you want to be skinny? Bitch, I'll put on my Spanx and call it a day.
Beauty is pain. He's shooting up.

He goes, he goes,

he goes to Zempic mainline.

You're nuts.

Mainline.

You need Jesus.

Literally the tiniest needle in my belly.

Tiny.

Tiny.

I'm going to pray for you.

And I don't even pray,

but I'm going to pray for you.

You're going to make this man religious.

I'm going to inject you with Zempic in the night.

No, you're not.

Because I'm not going to end up pregnant.

No, I'm not.

No, I am not. You got the right bitch.
No, you're not, because I'm not going to end up pregnant. No, I'm not.
No, I am not.

You got the right bitch. No,

right idea, wrong bitch.

I mean, you

have been on a body journey.

I have. Like, how much weight have you lost?

100 pounds. 100 pounds.
That's a whole

person. Yeah, that's an awesome weight.
Ask him how

long ago he lost it. How long ago?

15 years. Damn,

for real? Maybe more so. 18.
Yeah. It's been that long i'm over it yeah okay he's been he's been skinny he's been skinny longer than he's been but i was fat on one of the real peaks of my career and so people know me still see you as a fat person sure yeah let me be real with you okay i obviously know who you are, right? Because you're just whatever.
But like I was never, I never really watched like Drake and Josh or anything like that. But like, of course I saw like, like you see a person like transform, you know, like anybody, not just you, just like anybody transforming their lives.
Let me tell you something. I'm about to hype you up just a little bit okay you kind of fine so you need to like feel

you know you kind of

you can fuck these hoes up out here

yes I do

one in particular

name page my wife

yes she better

fucks her up

you better

she better realize

do I not fucks you cut this out me like Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, she is. Okay.
You, you kind of outkicks your coverage. I did.
I did. I married up.
You did. I know.
But you know what? It's just like me. And just like every person is like, we always see the person that we used to be.
Like what you look in the mirror and you see of yourself right now is not what I look at you and see. Sure.
You know what I mean? He just says that I'm skinny. Like, yes.
But what I see in the mirror is not a skinny person. You know what I mean? Like we still see the old versions of ourselves.

And that's just a mental thing.

Like it's a mental.

Do you feel though, when somebody takes a great photo of you, you see it.

Like there's a huge difference between me looking at myself in the mirror versus me

looking at a picture that somebody took of me.

I can acknowledge when I look skinny in a photo, but I can't acknowledge the same in

the mirror.

Yeah, a hundred percent.

And don't get me twisted.

I'm fine as hell. Okay.
You ain't got to tell me. I am.
I know I look the fuck like, you don't tell me that I'm ugly. Cause I know I'm not.
That's why I never pursued music. Cause I was like, you know what? You can tell me a lot of things about me.
Like you can tell me that I'm not funny. Cause bitch, I know I am.
My bank account says it. You can tell me that I'm ugly.
Cause bitch, I know I'm not. But if you tell me I can't sing,

my feelings will be hurt.

So it's just like,

it's crazy how little things

like can trigger us.

So it's the thing about comedy

and I've heard it said before

is that it's the closest thing to justice, right?

Because if it doesn't get a laugh,

it wasn't funny.

Yeah.

So you can point to proof

like these people aren't coming

to watch me flame out for 90 minutes.

They're laughing at 50 shows in a year

Thank you. It wasn't funny.
Yeah. So you can point to proof like these people aren't coming to watch me flame out for 90 minutes.
They're laughing at 50 shows in a year. And that's just the first part of the tour.
Yeah. But yeah, you're right with music or anything like that.
It's more vulnerable. What I like, you're allowed to not like.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's scary. And that's the same thing with comedy, though, is like comedy is subjective.
You know, like you can go see a comedian perform a 90 minute set and laugh your ass off where I might sit there and be like, that wasn't funny.

Right.

You know, like I didn't find the humor in that.

So it's a scary thing because you're like, help these bitches like me.

Because they see they see something on the Internet.

And like what you see on the Internet is not what you see at my show.

Like I prepare them.

I'm raunchy.

Like I get in the trenches and I'm offensive. Like I am waiting to get canceled.
Like what's, who are we offending? Yeah, everybody. What type of? Everybody.
I'm offending everybody. When has the show gone truly off track or like off the rails where you were like, that was wild even for me.
There's a clip that I posted on my Instagram not long ago and it blew up and people were eating me alive because there was a son and a father on the front row of my show and two straight men coming to my show. You know, like I'm very aware that my my audience is primarily women.
Women spend money. I don't want an audience of full of men.
They ain't gonna buy no fucking merch. So, like, I'm here for it, but I'm like, these two men and this guy, it's his son and his dad.
And the son looks like he's fucking 40 years old. Okay.
But he was 18. And so I said, I was like, are y'all here together? And they were like, yeah.
I was like, oh, I was like, wait, y'all are, you know, and he was like, no, that's my dad. I was like, oh shit, I thought y'all was fucking, you know, like I had no idea.
And I do a lot of crowd work. That's my favorite part to do in my show.
But I was like, wait a minute, how old are you? And he was like 18. And I was like, you look 40 years old.
You know, like I had no idea that you were 18. Like I had no clue.
And I don't have a filter, y'all. So if I think it, I say it.
And I was like, wait, how tall are you? And he was like 6'5". I was like, bitch, stand up.
And he stood up and I got off the stage and I was like, I was like, oh, you is, I would

climb you like a tree, you know?

And the internet ate me alive for that.

And they were like, that's disgusting.

He's 18.

I'm like, first off, bitch, he ain't even my type.

It's called comedy.

It's called, you know, reading the room.

Everybody thought it was hysterical.

I said, second off, he's legal.

So suck my ass.

Yeah.

Like it is.

Also, just suck my ass in general. Fuck these people fuck these people fuck em I love it too fuck em and the most important fuck em go get em Ben you tell em you tell em, should we do a speak pipe? A what? Fuck him! Yes, yes, we should.
Welcome to our show. So a speak pipe is basically we have people call in and leave messages for the show.
Okay. They're asking for advice, things that they need us to like, you know, just some insight from the good guys.
And now we have three great guys here. So let's hear.
The first one is going to be from someone great. By the way way go to speakpipe.com slash good guys if you want to leave us a message this first one is from i swear to god okay this one's from joy hi josh and ben this is joy josh i just want to let you know that you were my first crush as a kid nobody at school compared to you chubby chaser she was trying to fuck i I love you from my heart.
She's like overweight. I want to know what you think.
I wonder why you picked this one. I just turned 32 and my dating life has been a little dry lately.
So I'm trying to make a point of being more active. Oh, she's trying to fuck.
Handling things. I recently had a guy I went to high school with reach out to me and I had a crush on him.
And I guess he had a crush on me too. What a hug.
And we had a phone date and it went really well. It lasted several hours.
Oh, it lasted several hours. And he started getting really weird and talking about his healthy sexual appetite and how he expected a partner to participate in activity every day.
Now, I was caught off guard because it didn't relate to anything we had been previously talking about, and the word expect made me feel uncomfy. So I want you to know what you think.
Is it too long ago to try and see if there's any spark there? And is this just a booty call? Or should I pursue this and see where things things go see if it's a romantic chemistry she's pissing me off go off she's pissing me off bitch just said her coochie has been dry for how long and a man is trying to fucks and she's like I'm just uncomfy you can pick one or the other hoe you cannot be on both ends of the spook like come on come on. Yes.
I'm pissed. Wow.
Agreed. Josh, I'd be pissed if I was page two.
She says, I love you, Josh. By the way, I've been sexually inactive for quite some time.
Nuh-uh. He's taken.
What? You think she's, Joy's trying to get me? She's trying to get it. Yeah, she is.
No, Joy. No, Joy.
Joy came up and said, Josh, I had a huge crush on you. By the way, I haven't had sex in a while.
She also had a huge crush on her. She's got crushes on everybody.
But I have a resentment against people who had crushes on me back in the day because I think they're a little bit too accepting. Here's the thing.
Where did he mention that he wants to be sexually active every day? Because if they're like at Benahana's and he's like, you know what I like to do? Fuck. You know what I'm saying? And I'll have the fried rice.
It's weird. Yeah.
No, by the way, he definitely sounds like a bit of a creeper, but to Matt's point, she's saying that she wants to have sex with people. Choose one or the other.
You manifested it. You wanted a guy to fuck you.
Now he's fucking you and now you don't want him to fuck you. If you're going to be Virgin Mary, then be Virgin Mary.
Nobody is shaming you for being a Virgin Mary. But don't try to say, I got cobwebs on my cooch, but I don't want nobody to fuck me.
Yes. Baby, you got to choose.
She's bipolar. Yes.
And we're sponsored by bipolar medication. We are? No, but we should be.
This next one is from, this is an update. Okay.
This is from a woman who called us, said she was moving in with her girlfriend that she had only a two-month relationship with. Okay.
That they were leasing an apartment together. Okay.
And she wanted advice about how it was going to go, and we said horribly. I said it would be a bad idea.

No good.

Let's hear from Allie.

Hey, guys.

It's Allie again.

I sent you a sneak pipe a couple months ago.

And Ben roasted me and tore me apart.

And Josh told me that my girlfriend might be growing marijuana in the closet.

Well, turns out it was a horrible decision.

I will never do anything against y'all's judgment again. It's been terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible.
Had to call the cops. It's been a whole mess, and I'm stuck in a lease unless I can get out of it.
Long story. Just wanted to give you an update and also ask your opinion on Chapel Rhone because I would love to hear Ben talk about her and her performance with Olivia.
Love you guys. Goodbye.
Okay. Wow.
I'm just saying you want to talk about manifestation. The fact that she brought back up Chapel Roan.
I think, I think me and Chapel are going to end up being friends. I see that.
You might, we might perform together. You might end up being friends.
Now the, the reason that Josh and I didn't like this is because you don't know somebody after two months and living with them. She could have killed her in the middle of the night.
I don't know what happened. This is true, but in her defense, I truly am a believer in like when you click with somebody and you just know like that something can work because my husband moved in with me after four months.
Wow. And we've been together for 10 years.
How'd you guys meet? On Grindr. No.
Yeah. Okay, same more.
By the way. Yeah.
Great. Yeah.
And was it just a hookup? He was trying to get this. No.
So he wanted a hookup. Right.
I had already been such a hoe, and I was like, why can't I keep nobody? Like, I'm cute. I got good personalities, you know, so like, got a couple good personalities, but like, I didn't understand why I couldn't keep nobody.
And I was watching Million Dollar Matchmaker, And she said, no sex before monogamy. Is that the one with Patty Stanger? Legend.
Let me tell you something. If I ever meet Patty, she's a crazy bitch.
But I have to hug her because I'm married because of her. Wow.
She's a legend Patty. And she is, she just did my world right.
But I was doing a lot of adult activity, but I couldn't keep anybody. And so finally he messaged me.
He's trying to get a little something something because he was in town for a wedding. And I was like, not happening.
So we talked for like back and forth, built a connection, started dating. And we didn't have sex for four months until we were official.
That was the first man that I had never like went on a date with, or didn't just like, if I wasn't, if I was attracted to him, I just didn't hook up with him. Yeah.
First man that I made wait four months until we were officially like together monogamous before we started like doing the thing. Bitch, he put a ring on it and we've been together for 10 years.
So it worked. Wow.
Yeah. It's like Taylor Swift lyrics.
Yeah. I mean.
It's a love song. That was beautiful.
Did you know, I heard this recently and tell me, what we all think. And please, Olivia, feel free to weigh in on this.
Two men getting married, the odds of success are only 25% as of today end in divorce. A man and a woman, it's 48% divorce.
Two women, 72% divorce. Damn.
Thoughts on these statistics? Okay, so I'm going to be, you go ahead, you first. No, I was going to say, so you're saying that the chances of divorce of a gay married couple is the lowest.
Yes. And lesbians is the highest.
Indeed. Yeah, because there's a lot of emotion there.
I was going to say, I can't opine. Are you married? Like Matt, you go first.
I'm married. I've been married for seven years.
Okay. To a woman? To my wife and we've been together for 12 years.
Okay. I think that if you marry the right person, then it's great.
Okay. I can't even fathom being married to the wrong fucking person.
I'd want to kill myself. So I'm kind of nervous to even say this because I've never said this.
I've never, I don't talk about it publicly because it's, you know, like I'm waiting to get canceled for it. So my husband and I have been together for 10 years.
Very incredible marriage. Incredible.
Like I'm obsessed with him. He's obsessed with me.
We are very, we have incredible communication. Like the longer we've been together, the better our relationship has gotten.
And I am, I think more emotionally. So I am more emotional.
He is more straight up dude, like drinks his beer, like, you know, straight up. I'm married to a straight man.
Yeah. That just likes, you know, penis.
So he encouraged me for a minute, you know, to to be a little ho, you know. Now, I never I never would because I'm like, no, not happening.
And then I met this guy and click. And I'm like, what the fuck? And so we're like, were like we can't be together because I'm married you know but then like we were just best friends what does be a be a hoe mean like like fuck other people okay so you wanted to open up the relationship no he didn't want it to open up like he just wanted me to like yeah so I mean I mean y'all don't have to use this if you don't like I've never said this publicly but I'm we're just talking about it.
So I became best friends with this guy. And like, I mean, immediately clicked.
So he came and spent the weekend with us. And like, him and my husband clicked.
Like, not romantically, just like best. Like, he's also like, I'm a drink a beer, like, dude.
Redneck. Three Mormons clicking.
Yeah, pretty much. So they became like really good friends.
And my husband's like, you should try, like, see what happens, like relationship. And I'm like, wait, what? Thruple.
Yeah, but my husband and him weren't romantic. It was just me and him.
But he would be part of the system. Yeah, he's a part of the system, but they're not romantic.
They're just friends. And when I tell y'all, it made me and my husband even closer.
Insane. Now, it was the craziest shit I've ever done in my life because I'm like, I've never, my millionaire self thought that I would never do that because I'm not interested in other, you know what I mean? But it made me realize that people, you can be in love with more than one person.
I truly believe that. And it made me and my husband so much closer.
And I don't know, I think maybe because there was another level of happiness that I had because of my husband, because I would have never done it if he didn't want me to. But that's what we were talking about is like gay marriages to men.
Yes. The statistics being lower because like for me, I'm emotional.
My husband's not. So there was no jealousy.
Like he's not jealous of anything because he was so confident and secure in our relationship and our marriage. He was like, I'm not worried about it.
Like you do you, you know? Yeah. And like you, you had to say it before I said it, but there are just different rules for gay men than there are for straight men.
Like it's just, it's just different. Like there is, I think so much more experimenting.
Like it's, it's acceptable. Like they're just, I don't don't think so? I don't think that it's a gay thing because there's a lot of straight couples out there that are, that are open and like, there's, you know what I mean? Like.
But, but they won't talk. They don't talk about it.
Like in the same way. And I don't really talk about it just because my life is so public, you know? And like half of my fans would probably be like, oh my God, that's an affair, which it's not because my husband knew exactly everything.
You know what I mean? Like I never hid anything from him.

And like me and that guy are still best friends.

Like, you know, like we are everything is great.

Like we have a great relationship.

But I think at the end of the day, it all just comes down to the person, you know?

Right.

Like, I mean, it sounds.

So then what's wrong?

So then what's wrong with the lesbians?

There's so much emotion there, you know, like and I have a lot of emotion because I think more like a woman, where my husband is definitely a dude. He doesn't have that.
And like both of them, like they are very much dudes. Like, whereas I am very jealous.
I am very overthinking. I am very like I have all of those.
And majority of women, That's how they feel as well. You know, like they're emotional and like emotions make or break relationships.
But do you think I would I would I would argue that Josh and I are the emotional ones in our relationships? Yeah. I mean, I didn't say everybody, but it is like because there's a lot of women that think like dudes.
I'm a dude, but I think like a woman. But I think my, I would venture to guess that my wife would hate both versions, but the thing that she would be more hurt by, and Olivia, if you feel freed away and you don't have to, but I think she would be even more hurt by me, not just having a random romantic interlude with someone, but more so that I was being vulnerable and had a new best friend relationship, right? Like an emotional connection with someone who was hearing about my life and that we were do, you know, cuddling and affectionate because the physical part, maybe someone could chalk up to like, Oh, you're just like, it's just sex.
Yeah. But like the emotion part would kill her.
Olivia thoughts. Yeah.
You don't have to have them. If you don't want to, if you don't want to share.
No, no, thank you. But yeah, I'd agree with that.
I think like having that level of an emotional connection with somebody, it's so sacred in a relationship that that's like your number one, you know? So I think that having like finding that out would be a lot more hurtful than just the physical element.

Although the physical element, like we talked about a few episodes back, you know, also hurtful if it's not being discussed. And, you know, like you mentioned an open thing where there's communication and everybody's on the same page, like to kind of have that.
It would just make me feel left out. Yeah, and that's the thing too, is like, I feel like,

I mean,

I know people in my life that not like friends or,

but I just know people that have been married for years and years and years.

And they're like us being open,

like helped our relationship.

Cause like how do most,

most marriages end because they go fuck somebody,

you know?

Right.

And,

and they cheat,

you know,

which I'm,

that's not what I'm for.

And if my husband told me,

Hey, I want to get a boyfriend. I would be like, are you on the spectrum? Like, I would punch him dead in his shit.
Like, I would rock his shit, you know, because I'm jealous. Even now after he let you out? Yes, I'm jealous.
He's not. Sure.
So, like, jealousy plays the big part. But what if he said, what if he was like, well, there's got to be some reciprocity here.

No, bitch.

There's nothing.

No.

No.

Wow.

Absolutely the fuck not.

You're mine.

That's it.

You're like an emotional Tony Soprano.

I love it.

I'm a psychopath.

Yes.

I actually have a, I'll start seeing a therapist next week.

Okay.

Oh, welcome.

Yeah.

So, because I, like, it is, there's just, oh God, this, y'all, this could be five podcasts long, but you're not going to get me back in New York. I mean, back in L.A.
So you're going to Zoom, bitch. We'll come to Alabama.
Come on. Yes, we'll do a remote app.
Period. Love it.
I mean, there's just there's a lot that goes on there, you know, and like I don't I mean, I can't speak for everybody, but like emotions, jealousy, how people think, you know, their mindsets is different for everybody. And so I feel like that's the biggest component.
And I have friends because I have like couples, friends in their 30s, early 40s. Right.
So they kind of get to that point where their kids are grown ish. Right.
Like preteens, early teens. And the relationship has sort of gone astray for a while.
Wasn't working for a long time. And then suddenly you hear so-and-so are open, right? And they're trying this.
And my issue with it always is you never hear the reverse. You never hear it was going so well with the two of us.
We were so in love that we said, let's bring in another, like, let's open this thing, right? It's usually the last stop before divorce because it's like, things are so bad. We're not connecting we're not communicating fuck let's open this thing, right? It's usually the last stop before divorce.
Because it's like, things are so bad. We're not connecting.
We're not communicating. Fuck, let's just try this because divorce is so much paperwork.
Yeah. Yeah.
So it's hard. But I mean, it was kind of the opposite for me.
Right. That's what I'm saying.
Me and my husband, incredible. No, this is why straight people suck.
I mean, this is like, that's what I was trying to say. What is so funny is everybody says, your husband's incredible.

Like, how do we get a Rob?

You know, like, how do we?

Because everybody's like, I wish I could have a boyfriend.

You know what I mean?

Like, but I think it like it all works because I think that you can, I believe because I've

experienced it, that you can love more than one person.

Like, at the end of the day, we're fucking mammals, right?

Like, mammals aren't typically, they're not meant to be monogamous. You know what I mean? Like, the only monogamous mammal is a penguin, I think.
Penguins are monogamous? That's the only one. That is so cute.
That is so cute. And they get their color from shrimp.
Yeah, period. So, you know what I mean? So, I think it's just, it always depends on the person, number one.
But, like, me being with somebody else, and, like, this is TMI, but I don't give a fuck because I put my life out there for the world. Like we were, we were like, we never really were intimate.
Like, cause we, we weren't, we didn't date like really for a long, for a very long time. And it's all about not like she said, like leaving somebody out.
Like it's all about, you know, like communication

and always including other people, everybody's feelings.

You know what I mean?

So like you don't ever leave somebody out

and make them feel unwanted, you know?

And for me, it was the hardest for me

because I have two people that I adore,

that I love, that love me.

And I have to give both of them my time

and my affection and my energy, you know,

where they just had me.

Right. So they didn't have to fuck with each other.
You know, like I just had two people, but I'm like, I'm a bad bitch. I can do it.
It sounds like a new show, like brother, brother husband. Truly.
You know what I mean? You know, I'd watch it. It was, I mean, it's definitely, and people are, people are so going to judge me and they're so going to, you know, like whatever.
But of the day like my thing is if you're happy then people judge me for being gay my whole life

you know what I mean so like who

gives a fuck what's my thing if you

don't pay my bills or give me orgasms

your opinion of me is irrelevant it's what I

tell Ben I also don't know

why they would judge you the key

here that you've mentioned a hundred times

is honesty you didn't do anything

behind anybody's backs the

problem with us with the

straight people is we exclusively

I'm not going to be able to do that. here that you've mentioned a hundred times is honesty you didn't do anything behind anybody's backs the problem with us with the straight people is we exclusively do things behind other people's backs and then it comes back to bite us so i told somebody was judging me telling me that it was i should do better i'm in the public eye i shouldn't be promoting i said first of all i'm doing what everybody else was doing my husband just knows about it i said you're promoting honesty y all this shit behind, y'all just be cheating.
But I also, what I also would say is those couples in my life who were like kind of having their sojourn into opening relationships, what they hated was that people were talking about it. And I wanted to be like, uh-uh.
Like, you can't, you can have both, but you can have the suburban experience with your kids and the wife and the PTA and the whole thing. But if you're going to be open, people are going to talk about that too.
You can't just have like perfect little marriage. And then on the side, y'all are just randomly hooking up with people.
And here's the, like, here's what I feel about that too, is because people, everybody told me my family, his family, you know, all three of our families, that's never going to work.

It's never going to work. It's never going to work.
That's not normal. It's not normal.
I said, why is it not normal? Because it's not normal. It's not normal because we were taught.
We do what we're taught. Our religious beliefs are our religious beliefs because we're taught to believe them.
Our political beliefs are typically our political beliefs because we're taught to believe them. I'm like, we were taught that relationships are normal with two people.
But if you're not taught that, it's not a learned behavior. Like, then why is it not normal, you know? Right.
It's probably because we've benefited from the evolution of relationship, right? And that like, when you put a healthy level of stress on something, it's like it forges a diamond. Yeah.
So that in some, not all cases, but in many cases, like that was beautiful. That was beautiful.
I'm here, babe. That was beautiful.
That was beautiful. That was beautiful.
So that was beautiful. And I agree.
And I, and I totally agree. I will say though, that I will say though like, there is not a one-size-fits-all here.
Like, what is normal for most is not normal for all. That's true.
And so it really is just about. I mean, I would say this, like, if it never worked with the three of us, I would never do it again.
You know what I mean? Like, it was just that person. You know, that person just fit our life.
What preceded this, like, for Rob to just one day go try it can you pinpoint anything i don't fucking know it's interesting right he just woke up and he thinks that i'm the crazy person because i'm so jealous and i'm like you realize you're the crazy person right like most people 99 of the world does not want their partner having sex with somebody else you know what i mean like i'm not the crazy person for being a psychopath that's jealous of my husband, like potentially being with somebody else. Sure.
You know? No. I was like, that's the normal.
That's normal. You're not normal.
But it's, I also believe that love is a choice. Love is not a decision.
I mean, sorry. Love is not a feeling.
You don't, you don't wake up. It's not butterflies and rainbows forever.
You have to wake up every single day and choose to love that person and choose to be with that person through all the bullshit, through everything that life throws at you, and you choose to be with them forever. So, like, it has to be.
There's so much that goes into a real. I need a talk show.
This is beautiful. Like, damn.
This podcast has been funny. This podcast has been deep.
Like, truly. I'm just saying we are killing it and we have we have one final segment josh you want to introduce it yes so our final segment is called what are you nuts and it's our gripes with people places and things just like something that's annoying us sticking in our craw big or small can be anything we'll start so you can think about yours but there are no wrong answers with what are you nuts and considering you hate people it'll be easy for me incredibly easy for you but i i will start i was walking to the studio today and i passed this parking lot every day i've never really noticed they had a new special and it said 28 and i'm like oh in the city that's pretty cheap if you park a.m., what are you nuts? Who's parking at 4 and 8? Who's staying between 4 o'clock and 8 o'clock in the morning? What kind of a special is this? The duration, 4 to 8.
Not park there and you get it for $28. If you stay between 4 and 8 a.m., it's $28.
I thought that was nuts. My what are you nuts is I was working out at the gym the other day,

the great equinox.

I don't mean to brag.

I'm not an LA fitness.

And I see.

Are you sponsored?

I am.

Okay, that's what I thought.

And so there's this guy and he's in front of the free weights.

Yeah, the free weights.

And he's one inch away from the free weights doing shoulder raises.

He's raising an inch away. So now I have to go because, you know know I got to get over to the 15s because we go heavy.
Yeah. I'm going, can I get it? And finally I just have to go and walk away.
Move away. Yeah, move bitch.
Don't block the fucking free weights. And that made me upset.
What are you nuts? I have two. Can I do two? Okay.
So my first one is people that stand up on the airplane as soon as it fucking lands. Yeah.
Like, bitch, we're all going to the same. Sit your ass down.
I'm manifesting a private jet because I can't take it no more. Like that.
Private is it. That pisses me off.
Like, we ain't even got to the gate yet and you're standing up. Sit your ass down.
Yes. I can't stand that.
Number two is I can't stand entitlement. People, like I was on a plane a couple of weeks ago and there were ladies in like a couple of rows up and they were like holding their phone up to take a picture of me.
And I was just like, I felt so uncomfortable the whole flight because like I looked up and they just snapped pictures and like I could hear them talking and I'm like, if you just asked for a like I would have been fine to take a picture but like it's just the level of entitlement that people have you know I'm like bitch where is my where is my like do you still deal with that like today like how does that work for you like going in public dealing with the public people yeah I mean 95% of interactions are lovely which I would imagine is the same for you right 95 is yeah is, yeah, I think. But then some people be peopling.
Yeah. I love when people will say to me, I remember a guy once said, hey man, are people in showbiz assholes? And I was like, it's just like the world.
Like there are plenty of assholes and a lot of great people. Are people at Waffle House assholes? Yeah.
Some of them are. Yeah, exactly.
Most. Yeah.
Definitely the guy on the grill. Yeah.
He's good. That short order cook's giving me bad eye contact.
He's pissed. So good.
I miss a Waffle House. But yeah, it's just, but then there are people, the few times I've had people put a phone in my face, like where it will startle me and I'll like, I won't grab the phone, but I'll literally push the phone away from me because it feels like such an invasion yeah yeah it's just that and that's I think it's an entitlement thing of like they see you on the internet because I believe that they're your best friend and that's what I think like I love those people because without them I would not be successful totally we wouldn't have these careers if it weren't for the people that supported us but some people just need to chill the fuck out so that's So, that's my, those are my two, those are my two things.
What are you nuts? Bug away. Matt, where, where can people find you? I know that we're talking about bougie on a budget, but where can they find you? And what else are we promoting? That's, candles.
Go to town. MattMatthews.com for all of the tour and clothing and boudoir photos.
Natural candles. Listen,.
Listen, I went to your website before this.

Yeah.

I was getting a little turned off.

Yeah.

These boudoir photos and these lovely Alabamians.

I mean, they don't even,

most of our clients are from all over the world.

Like they travel now.

Like it's not even, are you going to come do one?

Yes.

Do it for your wife.

Yes.

Can I wear a turtleneck?

I'm covering up. Yeah.
True. I mean, the first thing that went to my mind was turtleneck.
Sometimes I think when I say turtleneck, I'm... Sure.
I hear that. So yeah, mattmatthews.com, matt underscore matthews on all socials.
We out here shaking our titties. Just a random question before you go.
Did you listen to the S-T podcast? yeah John B. McElroy it was right next that's the town I live in Bibb County? you live in Bibb County? oh my we have so much to talk about is that one of the greatest pods ever made? it was pretty good you know that Little Caesars? yes that you hear all the time that Little Caesars that K3 Lumber K3 Lumber? That's right.
It's five minutes from my house.

All right.

Just end the show, Ben.

I need to talk to Matt alone.

Until next time, folks.

Matt, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having me.

It was fantastic.

Folks, you can get our podcast wherever you get podcasts.

Spotify, Apple.

Make sure to rate us five stars.

If not, what are you nuts?

Listen to us.

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Matt, thank you. We'll see you next time.
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