Josh Was Almost Harry Potter and Working Out with John Mulaney?!

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Speaker 2 I'm Josh Peck, and I'm Ben Soffer. And we're the good guys.

Speaker 5 There's a lot of guys out there, and we're the good ones.

Speaker 5 muscle morons welcome back to the good guys podcast i'm sitting here with the head of i don't know he looks like he could be my brother but we're not related it's been soft for everyone yes we are brothers josh we're we're header of life mates we are we are we're actually sisters we're sisters i love that have you ever read sisters of the traveling pants no i've seen the films with a young blake lively and an amber tamblin but yeah i said that as if i've read them i've never read them and I've never seen the movies.

Speaker 2 I was just curious if you had. Do you read? Uh, no.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 What would you read if you read? I feel like you'd read like a sports autobiography.

Speaker 2 That's like what you like try to read when like you don't read. Like the last book I read was that Phil Knight.

Speaker 5 The Nike one.

Speaker 2 The Nike book. Yeah.
Like, and like I want to read. I absolutely want to read.
I read Claudia's book. The last full book before that that I read was The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I think I was 14.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no. But it's funny, like on those rare occasions where

Speaker 2 you can actually get lost in a book, it's an amazing feeling. Like once you're in, but it's kind of for me like going to the gym.
Like I don't want it.

Speaker 2 And then once I'm there and once I'm in a groove, it's not that bad. But the physical act of getting there is the absolute hardest part.
You're a big reader though, aren't you?

Speaker 5 I am a big reader. And that's that's why I'm jealous of like a place where mass transit actually works because it doesn't work in Los Angeles.

Speaker 5 Cause like the idea of being able to crack a book for the 25 minute train ride downtown feels like heaven.

Speaker 2 And do audiobooks not do it for you?

Speaker 5 Weirdly, no. And you know me, I'm podcast Polly over here.
I crush hour and a half of podcasts a day, but audiobooks just. I don't know what it is.

Speaker 5 It's like, as soon as it's like a narrative structure, I'm not interested. But when it feels like it's improvised, I'm in.

Speaker 2 I would say that the last books that I really enjoyed reading were Harry Potter. My dad literally read the first two to me, and then I read the rest of them.
I loved those books so much.

Speaker 2 And they're now coming out with a new series. Did you see that?

Speaker 5 I did, but they're coming out. You mean a new book series or TV series?

Speaker 2 TV series.

Speaker 5 On Max, right?

Speaker 2 Yes, on Max.

Speaker 6 And who is who is Voldemort?

Speaker 2 It was an amazing. Oh, your boy from Oppenheimer is playing Voldemort.
Yeah, I could see

Speaker 2 it. Killian Murphy is playing Voldemort, and I think it's an amazing casting.

Speaker 5 He'll kill it. I mean, Ray Fines played Voldemort in the movie, and Rafe is one of our great actors.

Speaker 2 How do we get you in that? Who would you play in that? Neville Papperman?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I definitely. Did you make Neville a Jew? Isn't it Neville Longbottom?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did you call him

Speaker 2 Neville Peffers? Neville Papperman. Who is my parley?

Speaker 5 get your mind out of the gutter, Ben.

Speaker 2 Oh, man. All you can think of me is a Nickelodeon person.

Speaker 2 You're for sure Hufflepuff, though, right?

Speaker 5 I think Hufflepuff or the fat, fat, so smarties, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 5 What was Raven's Claw? The dumb pretties?

Speaker 2 I don't know what they were.

Speaker 2 Raven's Claw. Ravenclaw.

Speaker 5 Slytherin was the evil and Gryffindor were the heroes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Slytherin was like sketch.

Speaker 5 Hufflepuff was like, you know, it was like Philip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Giamatti.

Speaker 2 Like, go away.

Speaker 2 Hufflepuff was just like,

Speaker 5 just us, Nebbish.

Speaker 2 Like, like,

Speaker 2 Hufflepuff was like all the reject Jews. They're like, the motto for Hufflepuff was, I.

Speaker 5 That's so funny. I told you the story of when I was a kid.
I was 12 years old as an already acting. And they put out the press release that they were going to do a Harry Potter movie.

Speaker 5 And at this time, the world was on fire over Harry Potter. I think only like the third book had come out at this time.
And they're like, we're doing a worldwide search for R. Harry.

Speaker 5 And I was like, I have dark hair.

Speaker 2 I'm 12. I'm an actor.

Speaker 5 I left out the part of, I'm morbidly obese.

Speaker 2 I'm a bad actor.

Speaker 2 I'm not British.

Speaker 5 I left that part out, but the first part I was like, and I was like, I had really deluded myself to being like, I'm going to be Harry Potter in the movie.

Speaker 2 I'm going to be fucking, if only they had a role for Hagrid's son.

Speaker 2 Shut up, you piece of shit.

Speaker 2 So you can't be Harry Potter, but we do have a fun role for a 300-pound 12-year-old.

Speaker 5 You're going to play Snape's metabolically challenged nephew.

Speaker 2 Hello, Harry.

Speaker 5 Oi, oi, Harry.

Speaker 2 I'm starving.

Speaker 2 Hello.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 5 I've been drinking butterbeer all night, and I think I'm in a diabetic coma.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 5 So good.

Speaker 2 So good.

Speaker 5 Harry Potter was great. And then before that, might be before your time, I used to read goosebumps when I was a kid.

Speaker 2 Of course, that was hot. Loved.
Loved.

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Speaker 2 I also read The Hardy Boys.

Speaker 5 The Hardy Boys. What about Anamorphs?

Speaker 2 No. What is that?

Speaker 5 That was another series about kids who could turn into animals to fight bad things.

Speaker 2 That sounds pretty chill.

Speaker 5 It was pretty chill.

Speaker 6 Olivia, what did you say?

Speaker 6 Did you watch like it?

Speaker 5 Oh, go with the other one. Olivia, what was your book series of choice as a young person?

Speaker 3 I loved Nancy Drew.

Speaker 2 Cute.

Speaker 3 In like third grade, I read every Nancy Drew book.

Speaker 3 And then I also really liked the Magic Treehouse, which was like these two kids, brother and sister, they'd go up in this treehouse and they'd travel through time to all different places all over the world.

Speaker 3 It was incredible.

Speaker 2 Cute. Yeah.
I feel like I feel like the magic treehouse, or am I just thinking of the magic school bus?

Speaker 2 Right on the magic school bus

Speaker 2 with that freaky Miss Frizzle with the fire crotch.

Speaker 5 I know. She was one big redhead.
She was the original Reba.

Speaker 2 She was the original Reba.

Speaker 2 God bless her.

Speaker 2 In other news, I got a call yesterday from a friend who said that he was on a long flight and two hours in, a 95-year-old man died. Confirmed died.
And because he died, they just continued the route.

Speaker 5 Right. They put the sheet over him.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Is that crazy? That's pretty fucking traumatic.
That's, to me, that's a pretty big what are you nuts?

Speaker 2 Like, like you just have, you're sitting near, there's a dead guy on your flight because it's like a 12-hour flight. Two hours in, 10 hours of the dead guy.

Speaker 5 I don't know if it's what what's what are you nuts is when you land do they come take the dead guy first or do they let you deboard because in my opinion i'd be like listen he's not gonna become alive so no come get him last let me get out let me make my way to the carousel, please.

Speaker 2 I completely agree. He's not rushed.
He's got all the time in the world. He's good.
He's fine. But now I'm starting to think about it logistically.
Where was he from?

Speaker 2 Because if he was from where they just took off from, they really should have circled back because they're two hours into a 12-hour trip. Right.
If he was going to where

Speaker 2 he was from or wherever he wanted to be buried, then continue the trip. I guess there was nobody really to ask.
You don't turn back.

Speaker 5 You got, you know, a 12-hour trip. It's a big airplane.
There's probably 300 people on it. You go.
You don't turn back for one unalived man.

Speaker 2 No. Oh, unalived.
You're so TikTok. That's right.
You think I want to get demonetized?

Speaker 2 No, thank you. Yeah, no.
Yeah, unalived. True.
But we're not going to. Us saying dead is what's going to get us demonetized, not us talking about anything else that we talk about.

Speaker 5 Not talking about how Fanta is a Nazi creation.

Speaker 2 Hey, by the way, facts.

Speaker 5 Did you watch the new Ellen DeGeneres' comedy special on Netflix?

Speaker 2 Unfortunately, yes.

Speaker 5 Say more.

Speaker 2 I want to start off by saying that I cannot believe that I actually watched something current and can talk about it. Do you know how good that feels? It's amazing.

Speaker 2 I think Ellen is really, really funny. Like you watch like old Ellen stuff.
Like she's hilarious. Like there is a reason why she became so so famous.
And I thought it was genius.

Speaker 2 Like the whole world hates you. They think that you're mean.

Speaker 2 And so you say, I'm going to go out with a bang. I'm going to do a comedy special.
And if it was so funny, Josh, all that we'd remember Ellen for is being hilarious.

Speaker 2 Like if she did like a kick-ass special where I was crying, laughing for 90 minutes, I would have told everybody Ellen's new special is hilarious. It's amazing.
You got to go watch it.

Speaker 2 Instead, I only watched the first 35 minutes because that's enough time to give a comedy comedy special if it's bad and the first 35 minutes she made a 15 minute joke about windshield wipers she made a 10 minute joke about an animal i forget what kind of animal and then she said oh yeah like i was canceled i was mean and like maybe she was getting to it Maybe the last half hour was a knee slapper.

Speaker 2 You can't give, you can't wait 30, 35 minutes. Like, I think she should have just come out and said, yeah, I was canceled.
I was mean, but I'm funny.

Speaker 6 So suck it.

Speaker 2 And then been funny. I just, that's my take.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I think you're right.

Speaker 5 And I also think that the nature of the job, whether it's late night or a daily talk show, is that I think you start getting to a point and it doesn't excuse any bad behavior.

Speaker 5 It just is interesting, this idea of like every single day, you're jumping out of an airplane.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 5 Like, every single day, you're the one jumping out and all you can do to everyone around you is go, did you check the shoot? It's good, right? It's good. I'm going to be good.

Speaker 5 I'm jumping out at three. Like, and so I think people get tense and intense.
And you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Yeah. And to that point, like, if the shoot doesn't work one day out of 3,000, like you're not being complimented for the 2,999 days that the shoot worked.

Speaker 2 You're just being scolded for the day it didn't. And so it definitely creates a very, very difficult environment.

Speaker 2 She also mentioned something that I thought was a bit of a cop-out, but it was interesting nonetheless, that she never signed up to be the boss. Like she is talent.

Speaker 2 And because her talent became so big, she became the CEO of Ellen. But like her running the show, she just like claimed that like she didn't know how to do that.

Speaker 2 Like that wasn't like something that like she's not a business person. So she claimed.
I thought it was a bit of a cop out. Yeah.
Like you can't become that successful and not be business-minded.

Speaker 5 You can give up power as long as you don't take the money.

Speaker 2 That was the other thing.

Speaker 6 She was like, she was like, yeah, I didn't have a boss.

Speaker 2 I'm like, you probably could have asked for a boss. Like, like, if you really wanted one.
Nobody wants a boss. Like, like, that's not a thing.
I do.

Speaker 5 And her name is my wife.

Speaker 2 True. Facts.
Hard facts.

Speaker 5 Speaking of Netflix, there's another thing I watched which was freaking fantastic. Have you heard of the new Doc, Harper, and Will?

Speaker 2 No, I've just strictly been watching Gilmore Girls.

Speaker 5 Well, it's right in line with that.

Speaker 2 Okay, cool.

Speaker 2 Harper and what?

Speaker 5 Harper and Will, or Will and Harper. It's basically Will Farrell.

Speaker 5 This woman Harper was born a man who was the head writer of Saturday Night Live during the time when Will Farrell was just coming on the show and during his ascension to one of the greatest ever.

Speaker 5 And, you know, there was Molly Shannon was there and then eventually Tina Faye and Tim Meadows and all all these great luminaries of the show.

Speaker 5 So once that was done, over the last 10 years, she had transitioned to a woman and she had written an email to Will and everyone in her life saying, you know, I'm transitioning to be a woman and here's why and here's the things I've been feeling and I hope that, you know, you'll accept me.

Speaker 5 And so she and Will go on a road trip.

Speaker 5 across America, which is something she had done her whole life to go to like crappy, you know, greasy spoon diners and to sit in Walmart parking lots, like all the things that she's always loved, but she's done it.

Speaker 5 She had done it previously as a man, right?

Speaker 5 And like going across this country and she's like, this is something I love, but now as someone who's transitioned, I want to see if this thing that I loved still loves me back.

Speaker 5 And it's this beautiful trip and it's an opportunity for Will to better understand sort of the origin of these feelings and where it came from and what her life is like now.

Speaker 2 and it's very well done loved it is it is it actually the two of the minute huh oh that's amazing on a road trip wow super cool and good for will what a guy love it one of the i think one of the funniest ever yeah i don't even he's so talented i don't ever want to meet him no i i totally agree with you he could only let me down he could only let me down like i i hold him to such a high regard i've never ever seen anything will farrell's one of those where like i look at his face and i'm laughing before he speaks.

Speaker 5 It's wild. It's wild the swings that he takes.
It's wild the way his mind works.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Talladega nights, just

Speaker 2 a plus.

Speaker 5 One of the jokes is in the dock as Will is having breakfast with Harper's kids and the kids are kind of talking about how it's, you know, important that going to different parts of the country that, you know, they're, they're smart and that they just keep their safety in mind because maybe not everyone would be as welcoming as certain parts of where they were and Will's like well do you guys know that I practice jujitsu twice a month so I think we're fine and the kids go can we really we didn't know that can we see can we see something and he says I don't I don't like to do my practice on a full stomach so

Speaker 2 it's just like dude it's just so good What's your favorite Will Farrell movie?

Speaker 5 I don't know. I mean, I think I like the bloopers from Anchorman even more than I like the movie.
And that's Sainilock because I love the movie. But that's his magnum opus, right?

Speaker 5 Anchorman's his greatest.

Speaker 2 I think so. I think, like, his most underrated and my favorite movie is Blades of Glory.
So good.

Speaker 2 I just am obsessed. Like, it is just so, like, the way that he takes on these roles is just like completely genius, which is why I was actually sad.
The only movie I didn't like him in was Eurovision.

Speaker 2 I just didn't think that the movie was good but then he was

Speaker 2 so eurovision is do you know what eurovision is in general or no yeah it's a concert in europe right so it it's basically like american idol meets the olympics for everybody but the us

Speaker 2 got to it's a singing competition outside the us and i've actually been to eurovision with brian kelly with claudia in israel during pride week nuts nuts and like i remember thinking to myself like this is like a crazy thing and when i heard that will farrell was making a eurovision movie i was like oh my God, this is fucking genius.

Speaker 2 Because it's such like a nerdy, hilarious concept. And he's going to play a singer in Eurovision.

Speaker 2 And I saw it and it just, I just, it just wasn't it. That's probably why you haven't heard of it.
But it is, in fact, a movie.

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Speaker 5 Speaking of genius comedians, I last night was at the Montage, Laguna Beach. Maybe I should cut out the name of the hotel because I'm about to say something else, but we'll leave it in.

Speaker 5 It was really nice and I want to stay there more. I was staying at the Montage in Laguna Beach.
I was doing a big press event for Roku, which my new show, Best Bite Wins, comes out October 18th.

Speaker 5 Give it a watch.

Speaker 5 I was sort of hosting their advertiser, sort of, what would you call it, like expedition? I don't know. I don't, I'm not a

Speaker 2 schmooze fest.

Speaker 5 Yeah, big schmooze fest, two nights, beautifully done, wonderful advertisers. I had to sort of host their day of showing off all of their new shows.
I did fine.

Speaker 5 Anyway, I walked into the gym and who's there?

Speaker 2 John Mulaney. Wow.

Speaker 5 I know, Olivia.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 5 And, you know, I tried to do the move, celebrity to celebrity. Hello, famous, you know, hello, fellow famous person.

Speaker 5 You know, I tried to do that eye contact of like, I, I know you see me, so I see you.

Speaker 2 Didn't happen. It did not happen.

Speaker 5 I gave him the eyes. Like, I kind of like gave him like, as I walked in, because I was starstruck, so I'm such a fan.
And he, listen, he was lovely, but he was in his workout.

Speaker 5 And I can totally respect that. Cause we kind of like, I like tried to give him the eyes and he was not giving me the eyes back.

Speaker 2 And I said, all right, I'm going to hit the elliptical.

Speaker 5 I'll give you the eyes in 20.

Speaker 2 Do you think he thought that, do you think that he thought that you wanted to fuck him?

Speaker 5 No, I just think he's not my demo. God damn it.

Speaker 2 How many?

Speaker 5 Maybe you just didn't think that you were his type.

Speaker 5 Maybe. I don't know.
I just think it's tough.

Speaker 2 i'm just saying it kind of sounds like you tried to hit on him at the gym no i gave him the celebrity gaze ask diddy we do it all the time hold on how's how old is john mulaney i'm telling you i know that he's not in my demo 42 not my demo i i mean nothing to gen x and i've always said that yeah 40 no you you do that's it's true it's true you're you're definitely very very popular with the boomers right and you're very very popular with gen z generation

Speaker 2 actually no you're you're gen x no because what's what's above gen x boomers no i think there's something in between baby boomers i think yeah by the way you're not popular in boomers boomers are dead well maybe it was the greatest generation what are what are our parents baby mine is a boomer mine My mom no, the greatest generation fought World War II.

Speaker 5 Then it was the boomers, then the baby boomers, and then Gen X.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 I think there's something in between no you're forgetting the silent generation yeah in between the greatest generation and baby boomers but then it's gen x millennial gen z and gen x millennial millennial millennial is the the literally the one that we are that's who we are okay yeah 100 no i'm like millennial what we're missing one okay yes you're big in baby boomers and millennials Totally agree.

Speaker 5 Exactly, right? Because like, you're right. Gen X didn't have kids that would have watched Drake and Josh, and they were also too old to watch it when I was on it.

Speaker 2 Correct. Correct.
If they were watching it, we ought to call the cops. Word up.

Speaker 5 Well, he seemed lovely. He was fit as a fiddle, and he was taking his workout very seriously.
And I just wish we'd had some small talk.

Speaker 2 And I've seen him. I've seen him.
He is so unbelievably funny. He's brilliant.
Like, he's brilliant. Like, I think, I think, honestly, a very underrated, underappreciated comic.

Speaker 5 And he took a phone call during this workout and I wanted to eavesdrop, but I didn't.

Speaker 2 You should have just like tried to connect to like his Bluetooth or whatever.

Speaker 5 I think we've got some stories, no?

Speaker 2 Yes, we do.

Speaker 5 I know that there was something that was really pressing, which the New York Post recently reported that now you can dress up as a sexy Ozepic shot for Halloween. Is anyone surprised?

Speaker 5 This might have a shot at the best Halloween costume this year.

Speaker 5 Online Costume Emporium, Yandi, has has cashed in on Ozempic weight loss drug craze with a new Halloween costume inspired by fat fighting injections.

Speaker 5 Everyone's doing it, wrote the costume bazaar on its site, where the company has infamously hawked sultry, if strange, Halloween getups inspired by current events like a COVID-19 pandemic-themed hand sanitizer getup of 2020.

Speaker 2 I love it. Yeah.
Come in. Come in.
Do they come in kid sizes? Can we dress Max as an Ozempic needle? Love it. I love it too.
Ooh, ooh. And if it comes in baby, Shai can be a Manjaro needle.

Speaker 5 Love it.

Speaker 2 And if it comes big, you could be Zepp bound. Paige could be Semaglutide.

Speaker 5 Or she could

Speaker 5 go as my other favorite medication, Crest Store.

Speaker 2 She could.

Speaker 2 I think you should all go as different pharmaceuticals. Love that.
I love it too.

Speaker 5 I love it. Are you going to dress up for Halloween?

Speaker 2 Probably, yes. Yes.
I love dressing up for Halloween. I'm trying to remember what I was last year.
I would have to go back and look. Wow.

Speaker 2 I feel like last year I might have just been like a pimp or something.

Speaker 2 It was a lazy last-minute costume.

Speaker 5 That's appropriate. Olivia, what are you thinking about?

Speaker 3 I don't have any ideas for this year quite yet because last year I did the one I've wanted to do for like a decade, which was Lindsay and Tobias with my boyfriend.

Speaker 3 So he from Arrested Development. So he painted himself blue, like really committed to the bit, did the jean shorts and everything.
And I had a

Speaker 2 dazzled stop.

Speaker 3 So I'm not sure yet for this year, but maybe I'll dabble in that Ozempic needle. Who knows?

Speaker 2 All that I have to say is that Apple is so amazing. The fact that I could search in my photos the word Halloween and my Halloween costumes from the last 10 years have popped up.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you who I've been. Two years ago, Josh, I was Ina Garten.
That one was a really good one. Three years ago, I was, I guess, Vince Vaughan from Average Joe's Gym from Dodgeball.

Speaker 2 One year I was Dr. Phil, and that year Claudia was Danielle Bergoli.
And I literally got like, like, I had a bald head, like, put on me. Let's see.

Speaker 2 One year I was DJ Khaled, and Claudia was Asad Khaled, his son. Yeah, we love, I love Halloween.
I love dressing up. Like, it's fun.
Like, it's just like, I don't know.

Speaker 5 I dress up for a living because I'm a semi-working actor. So I can't relate because I just feel like I'm going to work.

Speaker 2 It's true. It's true.
You get to play a role. It's true.
You get makeup all the time. Like us non-actors, like it's fun to be somebody different and hilarious.

Speaker 5 It really is. I want to go this year with my children.

Speaker 5 I want to go as Ben Stiller in the World Tenenbaums and then dress up my kids as Ari and Uzi because, you know, they were all in the red Adidas warm-up suits.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 5 And with like the cute little froze. So we might.

Speaker 2 Maybe we'll do that for a pick. It'll be a good pick.
It'll be a good pick. It'll be a great pick.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 good pick it's great and pay and paige can dress up as coach sue sylvester it's the same costume yeah

Speaker 5 sure

Speaker 2 hey i see jane lynch i go i want to marry that person i see jane lynch and i say i think like if i could pick anybody in the world to sit next to us on this podcast jane lynch is in my mount rush more she she is just like to me will ferrell i see jane lynch's face i'm cracking up i love her i'm obsessed you're so pure, Ben.

Speaker 5 You're really pure.

Speaker 2 And we love that.

Speaker 5 Should we get to our new segment, How About Now?

Speaker 2 We should. You want to explain it to people, Josh?

Speaker 5 Basically, I've got an incredibly viral new video trend that I've created called, Are You Having a Good Day? How about now? Where I do something that completely disrupts your good day.

Speaker 5 So we've, you know, we've researched the internet. We found fun facts, fun things to learn about, things that'll certainly change the trajectory of your day, no?

Speaker 2 Yes. And we're going to share them in this segment called, How's Your Day? How about now?

Speaker 5 Hey, you having a good day?

Speaker 5 Did you know that the universe...

Speaker 2 Shit. Wait,

Speaker 5 I almost got it. I guess it.

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 5 Hey, you having a good day? Did you know that wearing a tie can reduce blood flow to the brain by 7.5%?

Speaker 2 How about now? How about now? Oh, my God. Terrible.
Yeah. And by the way, you can feel it too.
We're strangling ourselves. Yeah.

Speaker 2 In a recent episode of the Gilmore Girls that I watched, I'm just saying that Father

Speaker 2 Gilmore, I forget his name already, was wearing a tie, tried to get it off. His wife said, no, no, no, you're not taking off a tie at the dinner table.
Rushed to the hospital, having a heart attack.

Speaker 2 Wow. Huge.

Speaker 5 Huge.

Speaker 2 Huge.

Speaker 2 I like the way ties look. I have always hated the way that they feel.
And now that makes sense. Should we do another?

Speaker 5 You having a good day?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Did you know that chainsaws were first invented for childbirth? Developed in Scotland in the 18th century to help aid and speed up the process of widening the cartilage and removal of the baby.

Speaker 5 It wasn't until the start of the 20th century that

Speaker 5 we started using chainsaws for wood chopping.

Speaker 5 How about now?

Speaker 5 God, women are so much better than us in every way.

Speaker 2 Now, that is a day ruiner. That was, I don't even know where to go from here.
I know.

Speaker 6 That's terrible.

Speaker 2 Nuts.

Speaker 5 Women are leaps and bounds, stronger, more brave, better than us.

Speaker 2 And I'm sure, like, a man invented that. Like, yeah, we're just going to chainsaw her vagina.
Like, what are you, nuts?

Speaker 2 Like, if a woman made it, it wouldn't have made a chainsaw, Josh.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 2 Fucking guys. Men.
Dumbass, dumbass ideas.

Speaker 5 Men, idiot, men. idiots, idiots.

Speaker 5 Sorry, Olivia, for us.

Speaker 2 Being men.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 And I'm sorry, this new segment made me queasy. I'm going to pass out.

Speaker 5 Should we do a speakpipe?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 If you

Speaker 5 want advice, if you have questions for us, go to speakpipe.com slash good guys, and we will put your question on the show, possibly. If it's brief, keep it brief.
Short, short, short, short, short.

Speaker 5 Keep it short.

Speaker 2 We don't care. We do care, but only a little.

Speaker 5 And we will put SpeakPipe on the podcast. This first one's from Rebecca.

Speaker 7 Hey, Josh in Bed.

Speaker 7 Rebecca calling in from Florida to share a brief What Are You Nuts moment I had when I was flying down from Jersey to Fort Lauderdale and I fell asleep on the plane.

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 7 woke up on the plane, uncrossed my legs, and kicked the guy's leg next to me because he was man spreading so much that it was in my leg room space on my seat. My what are you nuts is man spreading.

Speaker 7 It's awful. It's terrible.
Is there ever a time and a place for it? Let me know.

Speaker 7 I really think no.

Speaker 2 You were asleep. How do you know you weren't man spreading?

Speaker 5 Well, her legs were crossed, which by the way, blood clot anyone?

Speaker 2 Falling asleep with your legs crossed? Can you imagine? Yeah, was your foot asleep in your circulatory system?

Speaker 5 i just imagine her sleeping like this

Speaker 2 in full ego it's terrible it's terrible here's the thing about man spreading okay that i need you to think about i do my best not to but if that man was fat he's not man spreading he simply does not have the capability to have his knees touch because his thighs are so damn big.

Speaker 2 And then you add in the fact that there is a package of spaghetti and meatballs in between those two tree trunks. And sometimes for men, it's just difficult.
It just is.

Speaker 2 So we call it man spreading. Josh, I don't know what you think about this, but I really just think it's fat spreading.
Thoughts?

Speaker 5 I think we have a bigger problem on our hands, and that's the lack of flexible hips in our male population.

Speaker 2 I think you got these men. They got so much tension in these hips.

Speaker 5 They're not good lovers. You know that, right? Tight-ass hips.
They're probably like missionary for 90 seconds and done.

Speaker 2 Boring.

Speaker 5 Not good. So they literally, they can't do a tight cross like

Speaker 5 I'm famous for because they're tight, tight, tight out there. So they're already having to spread.
And then to your point, there's some anatomy in the middle, you know?

Speaker 5 But I think you are allowed to say, hey, hey, buddy, get out of my real estate here.

Speaker 2 I can't even put my knee lower than it is right now. Like, wow.
Like, people, I have to, this, this feel, this is a stretch, Josh. I'm stretching right now.
I feel my hip. It feels great.

Speaker 2 But, like, my natural resting zone when I cross my legs is here. It's up.
Wow. We need.
You need up.

Speaker 5 You need physical therapy.

Speaker 2 I'm down. I need the gentle hands of a strong man.
We spoke about this on the last podcast. No women masseuse for me.
No, no, no.

Speaker 6 All right. No strength.

Speaker 5 you say so all right

Speaker 5 our next speak pipes from anonymous

Speaker 7 hey Josh and Ben was just listening to your episode are we getting divorced you guys were talking about like apartments if you were to ever get divorced from your wives or whatever and it made me think of a conversation that my husband and I were having on a car ride recently and it really like kind of threw me back and I'd love to hear you guys's takes on this.

Speaker 7 He had said that like in the scenario where we're getting burglarized, that he would not save my life if it meant that I would then go on to get remarried and he would be dead.

Speaker 7 Is that like, what are you nuts or am I nuts? Because I was like, so wait, you wouldn't save me if a burglar came in the house. So confused.
Would love to hear you guys' takes. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Bye.

Speaker 2 This, folks, is a great speak pipe. That man, Josh, has a lot to learn.
Yep. You have a lot to learn.

Speaker 2 There's no reason for you to say anything other than you would save her life in a completely fictitious event that is never happening. Right?

Speaker 2 What do you have to lose by saying that you would save her? Even if you wouldn't.

Speaker 2 What do you have to lose?

Speaker 5 What does not save her mean? Are you just... Are you not stopping the guy? Are you going as far to say, in the closet?

Speaker 5 Like, are you giving her away why because she's gonna find another i'm guessing this guy is like a seven like why because she's gonna find another seven with tight ass hips who makes 90 grand a year once you're in the ground get over yourself rick

Speaker 2 loser

Speaker 5 you can't replace me trust me we can

Speaker 2 We'll go find another

Speaker 5 Broncos fan who daydrinks.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine, Josh, giving birth or your wife giving birth to a child? You're holding him up and you say, I'm going to name him Rick.

Speaker 5 It's hard. That's a hard thing.

Speaker 2 We should look up. How? How? I'm going to name him Rick Peck.

Speaker 5 Rick Peck's insane.

Speaker 5 Worst baby names. Let's see.
Let's look them up.

Speaker 2 I can name him off the top of my head. Morty.

Speaker 5 Well, you don't have to go Jewish right away.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay. Marvin.

Speaker 5 Marvin's a sick name. You are way off basis.

Speaker 2 Marvin's. No, it's not.

Speaker 5 Okay, ready? I'll give you an alphabetical order. And this is a compiled list from emmasdiary.co.uk.

Speaker 2 Appaloosa, biggest loser names.

Speaker 5 These are the 100 worst baby names.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 5 Appaloosa,

Speaker 2 baby, boomquifa.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay. Okay.
I mean regular names that are bad. Not like

Speaker 2 Boom Kwifa.

Speaker 2 Could you just name it?

Speaker 2 Could you name their daughter Boom Kwifa?

Speaker 5 Boom Kwifa sounds like the Costco family reacting to the first time.

Speaker 2 They tried a chicken bake and they boom quefa.

Speaker 2 Boom que fa!

Speaker 2 Bromo chocolate chunk, boom quifa. Oh my god.

Speaker 2 Oh my god.

Speaker 2 Give me one more of those dumb names and then I want to talk about real names that are dumb. Boom Kwifa.

Speaker 2 Merica. Merica.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yes, these are dumb names.
That's like from a couple episodes ago. Marijuana Pepsi.
Yes, those are obviously bad names. But I'm just talking about like run of the mill.

Speaker 2 Like Rick is a bad name for a baby. It is.
Right. I'm trying to think of more.
Marvin, Bertha.

Speaker 5 I guess like Karen is a tough one now. You can't really do a Karen.

Speaker 2 Karen at all. Also, baby Karen.
Lydia. Deirdre.
Lydia.

Speaker 5 Like old school, like even my mom's name, Barbara. Like, I guess there's Barbara Palvin, but it's not very modern.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but Barb's cute.

Speaker 5 Barb is cute. It's like Dolores.
Dolores is hot.

Speaker 2 Dolores is a hot name now. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Dolores is sick.

Speaker 2 I would say Dolores is a bad baby name.

Speaker 5 I like Florence, the name Florence, because you can call her Flo. Like, I want, that's...
I want fun.

Speaker 5 Like, my, my wife's best friend's daughter's name is Carmella, which I love love the name, but I'm from New York City. So I call her Carm, and I like that even more.

Speaker 2 She's Carmella. Carmella.

Speaker 5 That's cool. It's a really good name.

Speaker 2 That's nice.

Speaker 5 It's beautiful. Should we do one more?

Speaker 2 We should.

Speaker 5 From Grace Johnston.

Speaker 2 Hey, y'all.

Speaker 7 Big, big moron here from the East Coast with a simple question for you. So I've gone my whole life by Grace, which is my middle name, but I started a few years ago at a small startup company.

Speaker 7 And I met someone on my very first day whose name was Grace. Now, Now keep in mind there were only like 15 people working here at the time.

Speaker 7 So I thought to myself, this will be extremely fucking annoying. And then I introduced myself as Callie, which is the nickname for my first name.
So since then, that Grace has quit.

Speaker 7 And I'm wondering, is it extremely fucking weird if I now ask people to call me by Grace because I want my fucking name back?

Speaker 7 And listen, I already know that it's extremely weird, but I still value your opinion. All right.
Thanks, y'all. Please never stop this podcast.
It truly gets me through the week. And I love y'all.

Speaker 2 Love you. Love you too.
I'm thrown off by the fact that she said that twice that she's from the Northeast, but she says, y'all.

Speaker 2 You never know. Did you catch that? I did.
I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 Maybe she's from New Hampshire.

Speaker 2 Okay, first and foremost, you can have the same name as a coworker. You fucked up.

Speaker 2 There can be two graces. Now, though, that you've gone non-grace.
Today you can tell your coworkers, like there's respect in the workplace for stuff like that.

Speaker 2 You say, call me Grace, they're going to call you Grace. I don't think it's a problem.
I think, say, I'd like you to call me Grace. You know, it's actually my first name.

Speaker 2 I think it's actually a very self, it's a very explainable situation.

Speaker 5 I think so too.

Speaker 2 I'm good with it.

Speaker 5 Let's ask Olivia who's actually in corporate America.

Speaker 3 I think that that's totally fair as well. I think just prefacing with like, it's my middle name.
I gave my first name because there was another Grace here. Like there are a couple Laurens here.

Speaker 3 One of them goes by LT, you know, I think there are some ways around it it to differentiate. So I see how she ended up in that situation, but I think it's totally fine.

Speaker 3 Just like give people some grace while they adjust to saying grace.

Speaker 2 Love that. Do they, like, did she, I'm curious, did she tell them that that was her first name? What was the name? Rita?

Speaker 2 Callie, I think. Callie.
Callie. Rita.
Callie. It's awesome.

Speaker 2 Callie.

Speaker 2 Like, is your email now Callie at startup that will go bankruptin3months.com?

Speaker 2 Like, is that or? Because if you need to now change your email, that's a can of worms.

Speaker 2 But if it's Grace Callie,

Speaker 2 which I don't know, like, HR has your first name, they know what your name is. It's rare.

Speaker 5 Is it really change your email? Is it a bag of

Speaker 5 dicks? What is it? Is it a bag of worms?

Speaker 5 Or is it just a call to the IT guy?

Speaker 2 Anybody that previously had emailed you now won't be able to search you. Your email just becomes like

Speaker 2 obsolete. But imagine that.

Speaker 2 It's just an inconvenience. That's all.

Speaker 5 Should we get to our what are you nuts?

Speaker 6 We absolutely should.

Speaker 5 Our what are you nuts moment of the week are our gripes, big or small, with people, places, and things, things that are currently sticking in our craw. Ben, take it away.

Speaker 2 It's two sides to the same coin. They're both nuts to me.
The first nuts, they're both revolving around the crock pot, okay? I don't know if you've cooked in a crock pot, Josh.

Speaker 2 I cooked in a crock pot for the first time. And at first, I was like, what are you nuts? You've never cooked in a crock pot? Like, this thing is so easy.

Speaker 2 You press it 10 hours, you come back, your meat is cooked, right?

Speaker 2 Simple, easy. I check on my meat after 10 hours this morning, and it tastes like nothing.

Speaker 2 When I tell you, I put in an unbelievable amount of salt, pepper, red wine, Worcestershire, vegetables, garlic, onions. It's very flavorful things.
I came back. It tasted like nothing.

Speaker 2 I Google, and apparently crock pots, when you slow cook them, all of the flavor can go away because it simply evaporates with the meat when it cooks. Woody nuts.
Whoa. So I just, yeah, I don't get it.

Speaker 2 Like, so, so, what is, what is the benefit of the crock pot to slow cook meat, but then afterwards I need to add in the flavor? I don't even know what this woody nuts is. It's just very confusing.

Speaker 2 It's nuts.

Speaker 5 That's wild. That's wild.
Cause I see those videos sometimes on Instagram where people are like pulling apart this gorgeous 10-hour cooked meat. And it just looks like...
And you can, Josh.

Speaker 2 I'll show you. I'll take a video for you when I get home.
You can pull it apart. Yeah, but it doesn't taste good.
But it doesn't taste like anything.

Speaker 2 So I had to reseason my meat this morning after it was cooked. Wow.

Speaker 2 That's the name of my OnlyFans. Reseasoning my meat.

Speaker 5 Well, my Woody of Nuts is where we record the podcast in LA. I don't know what it is.
And Olivia, maybe you can concur.

Speaker 5 Maybe Olivia, you're a part of it because there must be an agency for models in this freaking building because, dude, and first of all, I park on the street because it's $25 to park here.

Speaker 5 And dear media doesn't validate.

Speaker 2 No, baby, Bill.

Speaker 5 It's fine, Ben. You're still not validating your parking? All it's validating is that I'm cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap.
So I park on the street, and where I like to park, I have to walk by.

Speaker 5 There's this beautiful little coffee shop in front of the building.

Speaker 5 And I'm telling you, all of these like perfect statuesque models are just there, sucking down their lattes, probably the first meal they've had in days.

Speaker 5 I'm just kidding.

Speaker 5 But, you know, and they just look perfect. And then here comes me, the mongoloid.

Speaker 2 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 Big fat, fat mongoloid walking up into the door.

Speaker 5 So I'm like, I put my shoulders back and I fix my posture and I'm like, I'm going to really give these models a run for their money. Boom.
I trip over my shoes.

Speaker 5 I'm like falling over in this like trip that will never end in front of all these models. What are you nuts, Josh? You're 37.
You have gray hair and you have two kids.

Speaker 5 You don't need to look good for models.

Speaker 2 You don't need to look good for models. What are you, nuts? Totally nuts.

Speaker 2 These models are nuts. These models are nuts.
You're not nuts. The modeling industry, it's nuts.

Speaker 5 I just like,

Speaker 5 and I've heard this from other actors. I really do believe that I'm nice looking in my heart of hearts for a normal looking guy.
I'm a nice looking, normal guy.

Speaker 5 And it's funny because I've had auditions where in the description, they would say, like, looking for traditionally handsome or like, you know, the love interest.

Speaker 5 And then you walk into a room of guys who are movie star good looking or print good looking and you realize you're not cute.

Speaker 5 When you see those that, when you see that beautiful bone structure that was just born in a place like in a faraway place like Iowa, you know what I mean? You just go, yeah,

Speaker 2 you got the goods. It's just different.
Yeah. It's different.
I thought I was good looking until I met Craig Conover. Sitting next to him, he's the most handsome man I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 2 Beautiful. It's unbelievable.
It's unbelievable. And speaking of not validating another very handsome fella, Michael Bostic.
Gorgeous,

Speaker 5 gorgeous man. Shout out, Michael.

Speaker 2 We love you.

Speaker 2 We love you.

Speaker 2 Oh, and folks, that is our show.

Speaker 2 If you don't rate us five stars, what are you nuts? Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, but also leave us a comment in the YouTube section. Watch us on Josh's YouTube.
It's fun. We're hanging out.

Speaker 2 It's a good time. You can listen and you can watch.

Speaker 2 Wherever you get your podcast, listen to us. Follow us on TikTok.
Follow us on Instagram. Mondays and Thursdays, folks.
We will see you next time.

Speaker 8 Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Speaker 8 Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.