Joshy Had a Baby Too!!

The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

good guys.

Whoa.

Benny and Joshi, Joshi and Benny, they both have babies.

It's so amazing.

La la la la la.

La la la la la.

Benny and Joshi, I didn't know where to cut in, so I froze.

Benny and Joshi, Josh has their kids.

How much does that cost you in child care?

Oh, bro.

I'm already doing, I'm doing the numbers in my head and it's not looking good.

It's so expensive.

And the thing is, you don't want to pay less.

Like, I have these friends.

They're like, dude, you have no idea how cheap my nanny is.

I'm like, do you even care if your kid comes home?

Like, there's a, there's a bar for how cheap a nanny should be, right?

Like, you should be, of course, like anything else.

We should negotiate.

We should make sure that we feel good about the money that we're spending.

But, Josh, there is such thing as too cheap, no?

Yeah, my sister-in-law is on her third nose shop with the same guy because he keeps giving giving it to her for free.

So at a certain point, hon, it's him.

Free nose jobs is a wedding nuts.

You need money exchanged to ensure that they're trying,

right?

Otherwise, they're not trying.

Yeah, there's certain things you don't want to go bargain basement on.

Plastic surgery, child care, medication.

Like, it's like people that go to other countries to get their medications.

Like, I know you can get lucky or super unlucky.

Totally.

No, we're not, we're not getting, we can get name brands overseas for sure, because I think they're the same thing.

Are they?

Or, or are they counterfeit?

Now I'm thinking about it because people love to buy Ozempic in the Mexican airport.

And it's like, is that Ozempic or is that Ozempique?

I think it's probably, I think the airport pharmacies in Mexico are probably good, but I don't know.

I got a couple inhalers in Cabo San Lucas and I was still wheezing.

You were still wheezing.

They tasted sweezing.

They tasted

sweet.

They had a nice puff to them.

You, I just have to say, for somebody who it's, it's only been, it's been, what, four days?

Yes.

You look wonderful.

You look wonderful.

How do you feel?

I'm sure much less wonderful.

How do you feel?

Well, let's see.

How should we start this?

Okay.

I was going to say, we should also probably tell the people, Josh, Josh had his third child

or Paige did.

Or Paige did.

And so we have just like this big, gorgeous family.

So beautiful, so American, so fantastic.

And I don't know why I slipped an American there.

And yeah, you know, and yeah, you know, it's just such a blessing.

And to have Ruby, and I'm not going to spoil the name, you can tell the people the name, but to have Ruby and just like Ruby's friends that are the same age, that are just going to be able to like hang like once every two years when they cross coasts.

Totally.

Just a gorgeous, beautiful thing.

And I'm very excited by it.

And I want to hear everything.

Rubelicious go.

Rubelish.

I don't know.

I'm just, I'm feeling a Fergie collap.

Okay.

There's so much to say.

So let me, let me see.

Let's, let's get it started.

You know what?

I'm going to do this, not for the listeners.

I'm going to do this for Olivia because she's going to get a kick.

Okay.

And I will tell you all that I texted Ben earlier, like over the weekend, and said, I'm going to fillet you on the podcast.

And I only meet 20% of it.

Just so you know, I love you.

So Thursday, Thursday, we do our last recording of the week.

We move recordings because I said my wife needs to give birth a week early.

The doctors want her to give birth.

They're saying, you know, we're playing with house money.

We think it'd be better for you to go a week early.

Yes.

We have the wonderful Isabella Merced on.

Isabella Isabella Mercel.

Isabella.

Isabella.

She's wonderful.

We're talking.

I say, I'm having a baby tomorrow.

She goes, that's great.

So wonderful.

Friday, Benjamin and I, were talking,

we're getting

talking about the wonderful Isabella Merced interview.

We are.

I go, all right.

Well, I guess we'll talk later.

He goes, oh, wait, I have something to tell you.

I go, this guy, he doesn't forget about me.

Wait, we can't share this.

We can't share this.

I won't say something really good happened to me.

That makes it so much funnier.

I didn't even remember.

Oh, my God.

That makes it so much funnier.

I shared my good news with you.

He's like, you're never going to guess.

I'm like, you're right.

Oh, my God.

I'm just the worst.

But that said, he forgot I was having a baby.

But once I remembered, I went into overdrive, you were probably like, stop texting me.

You stop it.

You didn't remember.

We reminded you because we sent you pictures.

You did.

You did.

You did.

I completely forgot until Saturday.

I completely forgot.

Forgot.

And then he hit me.

And finally, like, cause my wife put it up on the group chat because I was like, I'm not actually mad, but he's not getting the cute little personal text I was going to give him.

So my wife throws it up on the group chat with me and Claudia.

And then Ben wrote me on the side and he's like, How's it going?

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I said, fine, you forgot.

and to men's credit he goes i know i'm the worst like you didn't defend it which i appreciate you were just like and you know what in in you immediately taking just like a little bit of ownership i was like i forgive you it was it was terrible i felt terrible but then i went into overdrive i was like how's it going three hours later everything good do you have a registry crickets okay i'm just saying i wanted to shop on the registry, crickets.

So then what did I do, Josh?

I returned the gift.

I know.

That made me laugh and also a what are you nuts?

It's just because it's the nature of gift giving.

I gave you a $300 gift card from Amazon for the great Ruby Ruben Rubenstein because

which is perfect.

Diapers, A and D.

You're going to

be for me.

By the way, we should start using A and D.

We have crusty buttholes.

I'm just saying.

They could be smoother.

Yes, B and J.

Yeah, I'm in BJ's Maves.

We start our own ointment conglomerate.

Yes.

Solves.

The good ointment.

Yeah, the good solves.

I like that.

I like that.

That's good.

What would it be in India?

Oh, my gosh.

We've played this game before, and it always ends with us canceled.

You fuck.

It always ends up with you needing to edit something out.

I was going to start the episode with good news, diddy's off

but i'm like i can't have that sound bite out there

no you can't we gotta have lee more back yeah we do we absolutely do need to have lee more she was wonderful she was great but yes okay i returned the gift you gave me 300 i gave you 300.

what was there more to do I just can't believe our gifts are canceled out.

No, you gave me 301, you jerk.

I did.

That was was nice, right?

That was good.

That was well done.

It's funny.

I was thinking about it.

The antithesis of what we said was a couple of weeks ago on the podcast.

We were talking about how there's nothing worse than when somebody owes you money and they short you by a penny.

I'm going to now start giving people one extra dollar.

Nice.

I like that.

Right.

Right.

Why not?

I think you told me, like, Casey Neistat, like, oh, you 80 bucks.

He just sent you 100.

So cool.

That's like, he has like a hundred million dollars.

Right.

So he can do cool things like that, like throw 20s at friends.

But what a round number, 100.

So, okay.

So let me give you the play-by-play.

So we have a scheduled C-section.

My two other kids were C-section for five o'clock.

Beautiful Cedar Sinai Hospital.

Cannot say enough good things about this.

Honestly, the celebrity hospital.

Let's, let's not.

What?

Must we joke around?

Must we dance around the fact this is a this is an elite place being the celebrity hospital i have questions do they put you in a different spot based on how famous you are like you know that episode occurred where there's an ugly side of the restaurant and a handsome side of the restaurant like if you're not a celebrity do they just like put you in the basement no you're with the civilians but i will say that they do have the notorious suite where i think like

you know, some of the more like, I think Kardashians and people, when they're giving birth, it's about $2,500 to $3,000 a night to have a big fancy suite, but inevitably, it's just like the size of two hospital rooms.

And I think you have like a nurse that is assigned just for you.

So if you can do it, great.

Yeah.

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So, we go in, my wife's having a C-section C-section at five o'clock.

Five o'clock comes.

She hasn't eaten for eight hours, right?

And the doctor comes in.

I'll just call her Dr.

K.

We love her.

She's the best and delivered all my kids.

And she goes in, she says, I have some bad news.

There is a person who needs an emergency C-section.

So we've been bumped.

Be glad it's not you.

And it'll be about an hour.

So let them handle that.

We go, of course, no problem.

Hope they're okay.

Thankfully, they were.

Six o'clock comes around.

Dr.

K comes in.

She goes, more bad news.

She goes, now one of my patients needs an emergency C-section.

So I'm going to go do that.

Be glad it's not you.

See you in an hour.

So now it's about 7.30, but again, glad it's not us.

Thankful that it's not us.

Thankful those people were okay.

7.30 comes.

I don't the suit, put on the cute little painters overalls.

I wait outside.

You know, me, I optimize my time no matter what.

As you know, Ben, there's like a 30-minute time span when they're getting all, you know, the nerve block in, getting your wife prepared for the surgery.

I'm pacing, right?

These people, they're so cute.

You know, these surgery techs walking by, they go, they think I'm the nervous father.

I go, guys, you think this is my first rodeo?

I'm getting steps.

Assholes, you think I'm nervous?

They're like, don't worry, dad.

It's going to be great.

Have a seat.

I'm like,

I'm not worried.

Have you seen my whoop?

Yeah.

I get 1,200 steps every 10 minutes, schmuck.

Like, I'm hoping it takes a little longer to find the vein in there.

I couldn't work out today.

So I got 4,000 steps in between, Paige getting prepared for

spectacular.

My strides.

Nice and deep.

I go in and, you know, it's, it's really a ballet, as you can attest, Ben, when you go in there.

I mean, did like your doctor who operated on Claudia, did she have, did he have another doctor assist him?

Yes.

Yes, he did.

He did.

And it's, yeah, you need to.

You need to.

I don't think C-sections don't.

It's not one person ever doing a C-section, is it?

I would imagine in some scenarios it is, but I think it's much safer and efficient to have two doctors because, you know, I think the big fear is controlling any bleeds that could occur.

totally this is wild surgery they're ripping out all your organs putting you back together it's full frankenstein so yeah we had we had two doctors we had two doctors and then you have the two doctors and you have the surgery techs and the people who are helping there then you have the anesthesiologist we had like a resident end in attending and then you have two people just waiting for the baby yeah and they're on baby duty so We're there and they're, you know, and it's exciting, right?

And everyone's hyped in the room because we don't know the sex.

And so they're like, you don't know.

We can't wait to find out.

And I'm like, I know, don't ruin it.

It's, hey, I'm the dad.

I get to do it.

By the way, you knew.

Did I?

I knew.

You didn't know.

I told you.

You can look back in our texts.

Nobody has two boys and then a girl.

These boys come in threes.

These boys come in fives.

Once you start rolling, you could have 10 boys.

Can you imagine 10 boys?

Or poor page

or lucky page she's the queen or lucky page she's the freaking queen so true poor dad who needs dad when we have 10 other boys that are all younger strapping

less gynochomastia than their dad maybe not shy sorry bud god not me

you're so cute you forget that we're gonna like our kids are gonna listen back to this shit and we will have embarrassed them no they're gonna love it they're gonna love it because we love them.

We champion them.

They are our princes.

We went to King Cullen today, not to go completely off topic, but it's like a grocery store in the Hamptons.

And Claudia said that I am King Cullen and Ruby is Prince Cullen.

And I just thought that was really touching.

The king and prince of the grocery store.

What are the prices like at a Hamptons grocery store?

Wonderful.

Same as anywhere?

Yeah, probably.

I mean, it depends on the type of grocery store, but like you have your King Cullens and your stopping shops, and those are just normal prices, very normal.

And then you have your Citarellas, and Citarella is woof, so expensive, but it's an experience, Josh.

This is like, this is like Erewan, if Erewhon specialized in like fish, like fresh fish and like meats and like all, it's just, it's a gorgeous store.

So you don't mind paying more because it's a gorgeous store.

You can get like tuna off the boat.

I don't want shop right tuna.

What are you nuts?

Like getting a big eye tuna from shop right?

I don't want to see a sale tag on a piece of fish.

Not good.

No, but I digress.

Can you see you talking about the birth?

No good.

No good.

No good.

So they open her up.

They're doing the thing.

And then the baby comes out and they pull down the curtain.

They go, What is it, dad?

I go, it's a boy.

I'm like, oh my God.

Three boys.

And then you want to hear something scary and crazy.

Yes.

Well, no, but yes.

My son, my son, Meyer, little Meyer Lemon.

So good.

Meyer and Ruben, are you kidding me?

They're going to fight organized crime.

Or they're going to do organized crime.

Sorry, they're going to do organized crime.

I didn't mean to say that they would be cops.

They're going to be mobsters.

They're going to fight it or do it.

They'll either be twin district attorneys or twin mobsters.

I see them doing it, feeling guilty, and then fighting it, which is the exact plot of Amelia Perez.

Yes, the Jewish Amelia Perez.

That's what it is.

All all of a sudden they just start speaking hebrew in the middle but they can't speak it

who's gonna who's gonna be our selena gomez though natalie palman yeah

totally

so what's crazy is that meyer's umbilical cord in a full knot oh in a knot isn't that crazy a perfect knot a sailor's knot how'd he even do that that means he like swam through it yeah wow that's sick.

You got to get him in the water.

He's a Phelps.

Yeah, can you imagine?

I find myself doing that.

I'm sure you do it too.

Like Ruby like holds his head up and I'm like, that is so advanced for six weeks.

Totally.

I'm just like, nonstop.

You tell me that your son in the womb made a knot with his umbilical cord.

And I'm already like, he's an Olympic swimmer.

Can you imagine the Jewish father how unbelievably embarrassed he would be if like somehow one day he was in the Olympics and they interviewed me and be like, did you know at a a young age?

I go, Actually,

when he was born, they'd be like, Fuck, dad, shut up

at Cedar Sinai.

We knew

that's so funny.

No, right now, I'm in that point within the first week where, like, you know, babies' eyes roll in the back of their head a lot, or like they'll go cross-side.

And there is a part of me that goes, See, we pushed it with three.

I go, you know, we had two healthy,

smart people.

He's fine.

He's great.

Don't even put it out there.

But yeah, I'm not going to lie.

Ruby makes a lot of weird noises.

It's just like, are you okay?

Like, are you like, he's

an old Jew.

It's like, are you okay?

And he's like, I'm fine.

Like, all right.

Well, go back to bed.

Exactly.

Like, you're just like in the middle of the night.

In the middle of the night, he's just.

The other night, Meyer goes,

the noises are crazy.

They're really scary.

And you just have to like, you could freak out at all of them.

You just have to, I guess, remind yourself that this is normal, totally normal, especially for C-section babies.

They have a lot of stuff to clear is what I've been told.

Yeah.

Like when you go through the birth canal, you naturally clear a lot of stuff.

Well, because you get squeezed.

Exactly.

exactly.

But no, they weren't squeezed, so they just got like all this junk in their sinuses.

It's unbelievable.

And so, then when the baby comes and they're like doing the whole thing, and it's so wonderful at this point now, we're yenting with the anesthesiologist.

You know, we're taking a

lap, you know, a winner's lap.

Paige, by the way, is like, I'm still being closed up here.

Like, Paige, stop it.

We did it.

Don't be negative.

The anesthesiologist is from Long Island.

I'm like, this is, oh my gosh, we are just chatting.

She's like, I don't think I ever want to have kids.

I'm like, weird thing to say in the middle of this.

But she was awesome.

The whole team, everyone at the hospital could not have been better.

And so like, I'm like starting to like be, you know, I'm like helping Paige.

Like they're, they were like, oh, we need to get another person to transfer Paige onto the bed.

And I was like, another person?

I watch the pit, you know, bring me in.

So I'm like transferring Paige.

We're all yenting.

And at one point, I totally code switched in the operating room.

I look at Paige's scar, which her Dr.

K, you know, just closed beautifully.

And I turn and I go, nice close, Dr.

K.

She literally looked at me and went.

You and Claudia are the same.

I overheard her talking to her friend who also is having a baby and she was in the hospital.

And Claudia said, how is triage?

I'm like, like, are you okay?

Or she's like, oh, you're in triage, right?

Like they were FaceTiming.

I'm like, you can't use that term.

That is so good.

Nice close, Dr.

K.

That's rich.

I'm so glad.

She didn't give me an inch.

She was like, get out of here, brother.

And I'm like, you're right.

It's funny.

But thank God she was okay.

Little, little baby Meyer, seven pounds, seven ounces.

Our perfect little boy chick.

Wow, seven, seven.

That's great.

He should go to Vegas.

I love that.

Wow.

Better than 11-11 if we're going craps numbers.

Better for Paige for sure.

Oh, my God.

11-11.

My God.

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Okay, so beautiful baby boy, Meyer comes, Meyer Peck.

And then what happens?

Because, you know, I had a lot to say after the birth.

We had the nurses, we had all this stuff.

How is the room?

How is your experience?

And then I have something to say to the nurses, but continue.

Oh, boy.

Well, I will.

Look, I'll say this again with the steps.

And I did this because, and I told Paige this, and people might have opinions, so be it.

I was like, Paige, if A, we have kids at home, which I would like to see just because this is a big, obviously my in-laws who are the greatest on earth and

my brother-in-law, sister-in-laws, like they just are so helpful and amazing.

But it's, you know, it's a big adjustment for two kids who are already here.

So I just wanted to try to be there every day, at least for an hour, to reassure them that, like, this is only going to be great, although temporarily a little bit odd and new and different.

So I told Patrim Jump, I'm like, I've stayed in the hospital with you two times now, and there's no bed, there's no cot, which is fine.

I'm like, if you allow me to go home for five hours and see the kids and go to sleep at home, I will give you an amazing 19 hours.

I said, if you want 24 hours from me, you'll get it, but they'll all kind of suck because I'll be a zombie.

And she was like, yeah, of course.

She couldn't have been better about it.

And my sister-in-law Taylor came and covered me during those times where I would just run home, go to sleep, see the boys, kiss them, and come back.

So I'm, I'm walking the halls all day because I'm there all day, right?

I'm like, Paige, you sleep.

This noisy baby, he's going for a stroll.

I'm strolling the postpartum wing all day.

I know that I annoyed the nurses at a certain point.

They're like, this baby gets a lot of walks.

I'm like, you better believe it, hon.

I said, I would take him down to the cafeteria if the alarm wouldn't go off.

Okay.

Is there anything better than that bassinet that rolls?

It's so convenient.

I love it.

I mean, okay, June 28th, the day after we gave birth, I'm clocking in at 18,735 zips.

Sunday, I'm at 23,000.

Wow.

I was like, let Paige sleep.

I'll walk him around.

I became besties with the nurses.

Paige also put together like a bunch of element packs, a bunch of pens, a bunch of energy drinks, like things that nurses like.

So very lovely.

For the delivery nurses, the postpartum nurses, she was giving them little care packages.

I got element salts coming out, my yin-yang.

I was happy to clear them out of the house, but it was also generous.

Right.

Shout out, Element.

You're amazing.

Amazing.

You gift too much.

It's too much.

You gift too much.

My sister is fully stocked.

My parents are fully stocked.

I think I get 100 element packs once a week.

It's the Jewish grandmother strategy, I think.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

But it's shout out Element.

Their stuff is great.

I drink it every day.

I must say very quickly, I was told by Josh, I don't read comments.

I don't check any of this stuff.

I don't do it because it gives me a juda.

But I.

I heard that we got a couple of nurses that said, Ben, what are you nuts?

We're not pill pushers.

Okay.

So what I would like to quickly address and say is that I did not mean to call you pill pushers, right?

When we were in the hospital, we did find that narcotics were being pushed more than we thought they should be.

And I would like to revise my statement to say that I think that the pharmaceutical companies perhaps are advising that you, that somebody push narcotics.

It's not the nurses.

Don't shoot the messenger.

Totally get it.

And I also now understand that you can't legally give Advil before the time is up.

So if somebody's in pain, you try and help them out.

So I would like to apologize to the nurses.

I absolutely love you all.

If you could have seen me in that hospital, I love nurses.

I love nurses.

I love them so much that I went outside naked.

I gave you all a show.

I love nurses, but I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

You're a moron.

Cut it out.

The nurses are the greatest.

Nurses are the greatest people ever.

Wait, was that a nice apology?

It was.

I think that was a very nice, very nice thing to say.

And I want to say thank you to you because you and your stories from postpartum with your lovely wife, Claudia, were the topic of conversation with Paige and I and the nurses at Cedar Sinai.

I said, you're never going to guess what my friend did.

In my defense, the way that you described it, you said, you're like, Paige, I can either give you 24 hours or 19 great ones.

And I can't sleep.

The hospital was the equivalent of an airplane.

can't sleep in places like that.

So for the first two days, I didn't sleep.

So when I was doing this, like I said, the combined three hours and 48 hours, I was completely delusional.

Like I, I, I had no sleep.

I don't know, would I have done anything different, though?

Like, maybe that's just the real me coming out in that time.

I would have thought it, I would have thought about it more.

I didn't even think about it.

I was like, oh, no problem.

Like, it's not anything they haven't seen.

And it's like, actually, it is something they haven't seen.

100%.

They've never seen it.

Dude, what I was like, so he went out in his underwear.

And they go, in his underwear.

They love the

hope.

It makes it a little bit better that I wear black briefs.

Imagine I went out in like white.

tidy whiteys not good

by the way white underwear what are you nuts like that is just like asking for shit stains.

Sorry for the graphic, but it's too much.

One fart, you're done.

Oh, I would never even, I wouldn't go near it.

I would, I would probably go commando before I wore a white underwear.

Disgusting.

Yeah.

Disgusting.

Yuck.

Did you ever, did you have a commando phase?

No, too fat.

Too fat.

Fat people can't go commando for two reasons.

Number one, most importantly, the chub rub.

Imagine me commando in jeans.

I'd be bleeding.

I'd be bleeding commando in jeans.

Two, you know the trick that I love to do.

You do a similar trick.

You hike up your undies.

Undies are essentially a girdle, okay?

They're a girdle.

Without them, I'm muffin topping.

It doesn't matter how much weight I lost.

I'm muffin topping.

So, no, never had a commando phase ever.

I did, and I think I thought I was super cool.

But you did it when you were skinny.

Yeah, I did.

Yeah.

See, this is privilege.

This is thin privilege.

Does Olivia.

I'm not even skinny enough for it.

Like, it's thin privilege.

Not asking about you, Olivia.

That would be wildly inappropriate.

Thank you.

But is there like, do,

because, okay, hear me out.

I'm here.

I'm here.

I'm listening.

I don't know.

Okay, I'm just going to say it about my wife.

Like, my wife wears thong underwear, right?

And so it's not like already it's pretty minimal.

So if she went to Commando, I'd be like, yeah, that, that tracks.

You know what I mean?

So like, is there a massive difference between commando and wearing like a pretty like skimpy undergarment shut up ben i think in denim like ben said in denim no shot i think that there is a difference but i do know people who go commando and they swear by it apparently they think it's better for your nether regions i cannot say i am one of those people but the chafing can happen if it's like a harsh fabric and there's nothing so even if it's like a skimpy thing like imagine a denim like the seam oof no good Oof.

Yeah.

But then now that I'm thinking about it, the difference is a penis.

Like you need to, you need to hold in the junk.

Like, I think it's very different for men and women.

I'm not saying that women can't, like, I would actually think that women can go commando easier.

I would think so.

Well, are there certain, like, I don't think there's a single piece of men, men's clothing that requires you to.

I feel like there's some women's clothing where you kind of have to.

Yes.

A dress for sure.

Yeah.

Well, I don't know.

I know.

I mean, it's more proper, of course, with a dress, but I feel like that's one of the easier ones to get away with

sometimes, or sometimes if it's something that's like fitted and you don't want lines, like that's a thing too.

So

I'm not totally sure about that.

How do we get here?

Let's get far away.

Let's get far away.

But oh my gosh, can you imagine like

what women have to do is incredible.

Like having to sit bare butt on sequence?

no thanks.

Like, it's like sitting on Legos.

Terrible.

Imagine going to a movie theater in a sundress and you just have your ass right on the movie theater seat.

The dress, you put it under your butt.

You put it under your body.

Yeah, how short does his chest been?

I don't know.

Talking to a lot of floozies, I see.

Oh, my gosh.

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Okay, so you're in the hospital, Cedar Sina.

It's unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

Nursing is great.

It's hard, but everything is fantastic.

When did you go home?

We went home Monday.

So basically, by like 10 o'clock at night, Paige was in her room on Friday night.

And then she could have gone home maybe Sunday night, but as I told you, our boy Meyer had a little bit of the Jondis.

So they were like, why don't we have him stay one extra day just so we can make sure he doesn't need to go under the lights?

Like our boy RFK.

Already.

Already, my boy got his priorities in order.

You know what I'm saying?

And then Monday, he was cleared, and we went home.

I have two follow-up questions.

One, how unbelievable is it to be in your own bed after that experience with your son?

It's the best.

You're just like, at least me, I was just equally overjoyed that I had a son that I had a son not in the hospital.

Like the fact that I was just home and there wasn't anybody bothering me and there weren't blood pressure checks every four hours and Claudia could relax and be in an actual bed.

No matter how great the hospital is, you're still in a hospital bed.

Sleeping in a hospital bed is no fun.

So we loved being home.

And how is Paige doing?

How is she doing?

She's doing great.

Thank you.

I mean, you know, again, it's like it's different when you have two other kids running around and she's recovering, as Claudia knows, but it's, she's amazing.

She's beyond.

I can't, I can't really get over it.

It's just such a, it's such a crazy process.

I can't speak for one, I can't speak to any of it, but I'm going to try.

The idea of people thinking that C-sections are an easy way out, these are really dumb people.

Because I've heard, I've heard that before.

And like neither of our wives had C-sections because they wanted to, but there are plenty of people that opt for that.

And this is major surgery.

And this is a really grueling, scary process.

And so just like in general, just like, I mean, chat out women in general, but women that have C-sections, I feel like sometimes they're like discounted that like they didn't go through the whole like real thing.

And it's like, no, not only was it real, it's, it seems like way harder.

I don't know.

I think every version of it, and Olivia, feel free to like jump in here.

If, if you have friends or people in your experience, like for me, I think every birthing strategy, the way you want to do it is perfect for you.

Like, and it's great.

You want to do a home birth.

You want to do it in the pool.

You want to do it naturally.

You want to have an epidural.

You want to, you need to have a C-section.

Whatever it is, like whatever's right for you and your, the people that you love and trust is great.

And my sorry in the pool.

What are you, nuts?

Enough.

Enough of this water birthing in your house.

You're just asking for things to go wrong.

Go to a hospital.

Continue.

I, well,

I, as a Jewish father, worry about what could go bad because I've seen it.

Like we did Friday night, like how quickly it turned for two women before Paige.

And thank God she was in, they were in the perfect place to be attended to so that's it but obviously in a perfect scenario of course doing it that way i could totally see understand and respect the benefits of it but but who can plan for perfect but this is a this is a crazy thing to me i have a granted they're they're not jewish so i i guess they don't have this like i guess it's just a is it Jewish guilt.

I don't know what it is that we are so B-H-B-H-B-H until the baby comes, but we have friends who named their baby publicly.

It's month five.

They named their baby.

They're like in the middle of the second trimester.

It's just like, I pray to God every day that this, everything continues perfectly, but like things happen.

And it's just, I don't know, it's, it like gives me the heebie jeebies.

So I much prefer to plan for the worst and have the best because planning for the best and having the worst is the Jewish way.

Then you're left you know in the in the bath

with no doctor like i don't yeah i whatever it's an interesting thing because i think paige and i are like done having kids and was shy we were on the fence and so in feeling a finality to it you really i feel extremely present and i was like i didn't take any of it for granted like even leaving the postpartum ward like the nurses were joking because they don't know about our private conversations, but the nurses were like, see in two years, like see in two years.

I'm like, no, you won't.

I'm like, no, that's my dead body.

I'm like, that's going to be a series regular on something and unavailable.

Yeah, you are.

No, I just like, and so I really.

Three is a beautiful number.

It really is.

If you choose to have more, I'll say that four is a beautiful number too.

But really, three is a beautiful number i i think it's a it's a full car it's a full car really full yeah it's actually a tough number cadillac escalate iq full shout out yeah what's up what's up y'all you're gonna need a big car we're gonna need to we're gonna need to go

up you got the x7 i might need a cadillac escalate iq with over 450 miles of range from one charge that's los angeles to reading california and you're gonna need a box and a quarter of the way back with its third row seating and 37 inch screen.

You know what you really need?

My sister-in-law, Olivia, and her husband, Zach, you've met, they have a Jeep wagon here.

And by the way, they're incredibly dramatic because they only have two kids.

This fits 40 people.

That's huge.

It's a bus.

It's a bus.

It makes the Escalade IQ look small.

It's enormous.

Wild.

Yeah, but like you really feel, you're like, oh, I could go up 100 pounds and still fit comfortably in this seat, which is what what you want out of a car.

Yeah, I like everything to be ready for if I completely go backwards and put on a quick hundred.

Do you have a shirt if you go up a quick hundred or you threw it all away?

It was 22 years ago.

I have clothing.

I have clothing from

20 years ago.

Like what?

I have t-shirts.

Granted, I've stayed the same, like not the same weight, but I'm probably a, a,

now I'm probably 30 pounds lighter than I was at 16.

And what is

that shirt?

I don't know.

I have like mixed t-shirts that I'll wear.

I have like random, like they're now soft.

Like I have, what do I have?

I probably have,

at this point, they're 12 years old.

I have like 12-year-old button-downs.

I don't know why, but I do.

I like, it's funny.

I have like maybe two of them and some of them are smaller.

Like in when I was 21 or 22, I was my lowest.

I was like 209 for a minute and

like a medium or medium to large and like a 32 gene.

I have a singular pair of 32 genes.

Why?

I don't know.

But wow, you throw in that, that 209 pound dick around.

You at 22, I would like to see that Ben.

That was the literally the day I met my wife, and I was scooped.

That was it.

That was it.

I hit 209 for a minute, got her done.

And then a year later, she's like, Who is this fat bastard?

I met Claudia and I went to Grace Papaya

right after.

I celebrated hitting my loaf with

19 hot dogs.

Babe, when I met you, I gave up.

I'm thinking, okay, this is how I imagine it.

You're wearing a Ralph Lauren pale pink button-up shirt, maybe half a collar popped.

Have you seen the picture?

You're in some kind of chino and a loafer.

You're walking the mean streets of New York.

You're buying people shots.

You're ripping SIGs.

You're doing that.

You're doing that booger sugar.

You just, you're building your credit.

Boog sug.

Boog sug.

Svelte 209.

My jaw.

Unreal.

So good.

You're starting to think about maybe other improvements that you're going to do that inevitably you didn't do, but you thought about it.

A thousand percent.

Yeah.

I almost got full jaw surgery at 29.

I regret it.

Okay.

You regret not getting it?

Yeah.

Okay.

So why don't you do it now?

when and where cedar sinai and tomorrow i can't i have too many children i told i literally i was on the phone with my friend shout out bob who's 83 years old who said to me is your wife working this morning i said she's got three children bob is it that's her job

That's what she's working on, brother.

No, she's not doing Photoshop for an asshole.

She's raising life, Bob.

Shut it, Bob.

Robert.

Should we get to a speakpipe?

Yeah.

All right.

If you want to leave us a message, get advice from us, go to speakpipe.com/slash good guys.

Keep it brief.

Brevity is the key.

Let's go to single NJG.

Hey, good guys.

Moron here.

I am in desperate need of some dating advice.

I just graduated college and will admit I've never been in any type of relationship.

So I'm not really sure what to do do here.

I've been on some dating apps but every time I meet up with someone it's either really awkward and just not the person I'm looking for or I'm totally catfish and they're nothing like their profile.

I live in a small town so I kind of already know everyone here and don't really see a future with any of the guys that I know from my town.

I'm an NJG looking for an NJV.

If you have any advice or stories from how you met your wives or any friends you know who were able to put a ring on it in a natural way, please let me know.

Otherwise, I just have to leave it up to Hashem and his plans.

And I don't know how much longer I can wait for that to happen.

Thanks.

For our non-Jewish listeners, NJB is nice Jewish girl, and she's looking for an NJB, nice Jewish.

What I will say is you said that nobody in your town,

like you know, all the single guys, right?

And you don't like any of them.

You said that you're 23 and you've never been in a relationship.

And clearly, and which would normally mean anything to me, but it's very clear that you've wanted one for some time.

And Josh, let me know what you think of this, but it seems to me like perhaps she should give those other guys a chance just to see if maybe she

not to say that her standards are too high, but I think she needs to change them.

Like, I think maybe she's going into it expecting everything to look exactly as she has it in her mind on day one.

When I have to tell you, people change drastically after a date, two dates, three dates.

Like I would get to know someone and see if they change.

Like sometimes guys are super nervous on the first date, right?

And they're really stiff.

Or sometimes they're really nervous and they drink and they're too loose.

Sometimes they say things that they think will impress you and they're turn off to you.

And sometimes it's the total opposite.

And like I find that too often girls, like everybody, every girl that I know is like, oh, I can't meet anyone.

I'm like, oh, what about this guy?

And they're like, oh, I don't like him.

And I'm like, okay, but I know him and he's awesome.

So if you're asking me to set you up with somebody, why don't you give somebody that I think is great a legitimate chance?

So that's all to say, I'm not saying that you have to date like your town people, but like ask a friend to set you up and go on a date and go on another date, even if you didn't love the first date.

Of course, if he's a creep, get him out of there.

But if you didn't love it, go on a second date like just see if he changes and if he doesn't change okay you can set him free but i think that like when people are in predicaments like this they don't give guys enough of a shot what do you think olivia and is 23 23 to me seems a little late to have never had a relationship I would agree considering that you've been through college at that point and high school, but everybody has a different timing for things.

Perhaps she's like gone on dates with people or had like situationships.

I've seen that with my generation a little bit more where somebody maybe hasn't been in a proper relationship per se, but have kind of been doing a dance with one person for a year or so, whatever it might be.

So Ben's point about just kind of testing the waters and giving people a chance.

And also since you haven't been in a relationship in that way, maybe just like kind of putting yourself out there, trying something a little different.

Find what you like and don't like if you haven't done that already.

And I think too, like leaning on your friends and meeting friends of friends and like people who you know have a good heart, that's a good direction to get started in.

You know, just being patient and giving people a chance, getting to know them as a friend first, or if your hometown really doesn't have that kind of prospect for you and you're interested in going somewhere else, you could try that too.

You don't know if you're interested in moving anywhere.

But yeah, that's my two cents on the whole ordeal.

I agree.

I would probably expand your net.

I understand if Nice Jewish Boy is a, you know, a deal breaker for you, like that's a prerequisite, no problem.

But I would bet you're probably picky in other ways you don't realize that maybe widening the search a bit would be great.

And I would say this, whenever I find for myself that there's a self-centered energy to it, which means like something's transactional, I believe that I should be getting something for what I'm doing, is usually when I'm disappointed.

And There's so much to be gained from dating and meeting people, even if the end result is you don't meet your special someone.

And I've met plenty of people where the energy they've given off or I've been like, oh, like they have an awkward energy.

Like in my head, I go like, cause I'll feel the vibe is off and I'll be like, is it me or is it them?

And then I realize I'm a fucking fun hang.

But like I say, it's them.

It's usually them, right?

Only because I'm some people are happily disagreeable.

They don't, and they don't feel that no father, child actor need to be loved, but I do.

And it's a working, working, working.

Keep listening.

Subscribe.

So I love to like have a great time with people and entertain them and win them over.

And if I feel that energy is off, I don't immediately relegate them to be like, ugh.

Like you have, I go like, what can I learn from this person?

What can I get from what feels slightly awkward?

Instead of being repulsed and turned off and running away from awkward, run towards awkward.

Learn from all of it.

You're going to meet people.

Some of the people might suck but for the most part even if they don't turn out to be like your forever person you're going to learn about someone's story you're going to learn about something from another walk of life and that's all going to help you because we're all humans and every new story we have is sort of new ammo for getting through life so i would just try to let go of the transactional nature of like this is what i need and if you can't give it to me this was a waste of time i completely agree i would also put less stock in looks i've been saying that from jump i would put less stock in looks because if anybody's ever truly been in love, you see things like shallow hal is real.

It's totally real.

I've mentioned this on the podcast before, and I'm going to compare your relationship to the relationship that I had with my now dead dog.

But I would literally walk around telling everybody that I had the most gorgeous dog in the world.

Like when I tell you, I would say, perfect, perfect.

Oh my God, so beautiful.

I look at pictures.

He was a mutt.

I love him more than anything but your eyes are a thousand percent you're

you see what you want to see when you love someone so give them a little bit more time to fall in love with their insides i really feel that way i really do so true and also i lovingly would say at 23 what are you nuts you don't know anything you're too young you'll have time

you have plenty of time

you have so much time to know what you want and what you need and you might have to have some bad relationships to find out what you do want.

Totally.

And go for the awkward person because he won't hurt you.

Don't go for like the big mumbo jumbo.

We don't need that.

Okay.

You don't need to learn that.

I'm telling you, if he has muscles and he wears a tank top, lose him.

But if he's too awkward, like he does Rubik's Cube while holding his breath, steer clear.

Sure.

I would agree.

I would agree.

I would agree.

Unless you're interested in dating the chess champion of the world.

Josh, maybe she wants to go on tour.

Who knows?

Magnus Carlson's a fucking smoke show and his wife is kayt.

Yeah, Magnus.

Magnus has a great life.

Yeah, dude, Magnus is

you wish.

Legend.

Legend.

Yeah, I'm attracted to Magnus.

Okay, do you want to do our what are you nuts?

Yes, I would love to.

Our what are you nuts moment of the week are our gripes with people, places, and things, both big and small, whatever, sticking in your craw.

I'll go first.

On my way here, I saw a billboard.

Shout out the great Alex Cooper and all she's done with Call Her Daddy.

So she's i guess she's got a documentary coming out and so on the billboard it says call her daddy her best story yet is her own money nuts

you've interviewed kamala harris

like i think that's the best story

you've had like a lot of huge amazing stories

the whole podcast is interviewing a list celebrities yeah like your story is awesome, but I don't know.

I don't know.

Yeah.

It is the best.

But shout out.

No shade.

No shade.

Amazing.

Respect.

Respect to you.

Amazing.

My wedding and nuts moment might get us canceled.

Oh, no.

But I'm going to say it.

I have three kids.

I have three kids.

Okay.

My wedding and nuts moment.

I go into a coffee shop, Josh, okay?

And I ordered my coffee.

It's wonderful.

Great coffee.

Okay.

Great coffee.

Mom and pop shop.

You go where you pick up the coffee.

It's a small area, Josh.

Okay.

Imagine the barista is handing you the coffee and then there's a window right to the left.

It's a narrow corridor.

Okay.

So there's traffic in and out, but people got to keep moving.

You can't just stand in front of the barista waiting for your coffee.

Now, Josh, I think that when you have a really voluptuous big ass, you need to have more spatial awareness.

And I think sometimes big bootied people don't understand that their dump trucks are genuinely blocking traffic.

I swear on my life, I could not get to my coffee because of this man's ass.

It was the biggest.

And look, if it was a woman, we would have been canceled.

This was the biggest ass

I've ever seen in my life.

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me.

Do you mind?

He had to move down to the end so that I could get around to get my cup of coffee.

Woody, nuts, if you have a big ass, just have a little bit of spatial awareness.

That's all.

And, folks, that's our last episode.

But this podcast, five stars.

Otherwise, what are you nuts?

Listen to us wherever you get your podcast.

Watch us on YouTube.

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Mondays and Thursdays, folks.

We will see you next time.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.