Benny Had a Baby!!

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Oh, hey.

Hey, thanks for meeting me here on such short notice.

This place isn't bugged, is it?

Bugged?

Wait, Jamie, what's going on?

It's just, you're my only lawyer friend, and I need your professional opinion.

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Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject too small for the good guys.

A mother's dream premium podcast team, make it your weekly routine.

It's a good guys.

And if you don't give us five stars, what are you nuts?

What are you nuts?

They were the good guys, they're not the great guys.

Things are so good, good of the good guys.

Whoa, Benny and Joshi, Joshi and Benny.

Benny had a baby boy, Ruby Booby.

I love him, we love him.

Everybody loves him.

Benny and Joshi, we are here.

The only thing worse than gluten brain is lack of sleep.

So, what do I remember any?

I don't remember anything.

hold on we have to welcome him into the kingdom

okay

henceforth for all of time

prince ruby

all hail prince ruby he's so cute those cheeks oh those cheeks in russian we call them shootskis shootski shotsky and like how does it feel that you have seen pictures of him, but nobody ever will?

He's gorgeous.

He's gorgeous.

You can attest, he's gorgeous.

He's just like the perfect mix of like me and Claude.

Really just like, she is fucking crushing it.

We'll talk about it.

Claude is crushing it.

She's doing so great.

And that's why he's so beautiful because she's doing so great.

Unbelievable what women go through.

Unbelievable.

All right, so start us from the beginning because everyone wants to know unless they subscribe to the toast Patreon, in which case, what are you, rich?

Okay.

So we stopped recording the day before the C-sex.

We had the great Rain Wilson on shout out.

And then

I sent you off into the wild.

We said, we've pre-recorded for a month and now, henceforth, go have your beautiful baby.

What did I do?

I'm just saying.

I'm just saying, how great are we that we pre-recorded?

No time off.

You get episodes.

We get time off.

We plan.

This is planning, okay?

And we can talk about that.

I think I'm so, I think there's somewhere in the middle.

This whole idea of time off is what are you nuts?

But also, I think I'm such a broken child actor that I'm like, no, no time off.

You just pre-record.

No, but no, but we don't need time off because we can pre-record.

Right.

And if you, and if you think our episodes are dated, you can suck it.

Okay.

We're going to talk about Love Island today.

Okay.

Even though the episode that you watched came out today, which will end up being a month later, whatever.

Starting from the beginning.

Okay.

I need to, I need to jog my memory, but hospital, Josh.

What time?

What time of day?

Morning.

Morning.

We went in in the morning.

Okay.

And it was Claudia's first ever surgery, right?

Like she has never, forget pregnancy.

She's never been under the knife for anything, for anything.

No anesthetics, no nothing.

Not a rouge canal, not a knee replacement, nothing.

Nothing.

Not a nothing.

Not a renegade

fibroid fibroid.

I don't know.

Nothing.

And so she was very scared.

We went in very early.

And I'd say the scariest early part of the morning was they take you from this like room that you're like sitting in for two hours for what, by the way?

Okay.

Let me show up 15 minutes before.

You don't need to hold this hostage for two hours while all of these pent up feelings prep before we come.

What's wrong with that, Josh?

Prep before we come.

It's like somebody asks you, okay?

Josh, we want you on local KTLA.

Okay.

We want you to show up two hours early so we can put up all of the lights and all of the cameras while you're there.

Make it make sense.

You show up, you do your interview, you leave.

They can prep before.

I'm just saying.

We're in that room.

So crazy.

We're in that room and they say, Ben, we're so sorry.

You need to stay out here.

We're going to bring in Claudia for her epidural.

You need to stay here.

And that was like pure waterworks.

Claudia could not do that.

Very uncomfortable.

being away from me.

I walked her.

Actually, I missed one part.

I missed one part.

Before that, and Claudia, is, this is not nearly as bad as it sounds, or at least as the way that she made it sound.

Our doctor came to me.

He's like, Ben, you look really tired.

You want a cup of coffee?

I'm like, yeah, I would love a cup of coffee.

Where did you get that coffee?

It was just, it was a normal coffee.

I thought he got it, Josh, in the hospital.

He's like, oh, I poured it into a different cup.

I got it at Starbucks this morning.

Let me go get you a Starbucks.

I'm like, oh, no, no, no.

I don't want you to do that.

I don't want you to get me a Starbucks.

He said, no, I insist.

I'm getting you Starbucks.

The doctor left, got me Starbucks downstairs, brought it back.

I've never seen Claudia so angry.

She was furious, furious, because her doctor's leaving to get me coffee.

I didn't want him to get me coffee, Josh.

I didn't want it.

He clearly had something, something else.

He was in the mood for an egg white feta wrap and he said, I'm going to look like a real mensch getting in my

scapegoat.

I was the scapegoat.

I was sacrificed.

Yeah, yeah.

Claudia was mad at you.

Yes.

She's like, how can you get Starbucks from my doctor that's about to perform surgery while we're doing this?

Like, what are you nuts?

I'm like, I said no.

I tried to say no.

That fight lasted two minutes.

Then the nurse came in.

I love that she's already a Jewish, like a Jewish mother goes, you send our doctor to get Pete.

You're sending, oh, our doctor is DoorDash.

It really was crazy.

It really was crazy.

He was DoorDash.

He came back up.

He even got my two pumps of chai.

Okay.

It was.

if you tip him, you fuck you.

No, of course not.

It was fantastic.

Okay.

Then we walk in.

She was crying.

I was able to come in and you just see curtain up.

She's on the table and it's go time, baby.

It is go time.

She said afterwards the epidural was the most painful part of the whole thing.

She said it was unbelievably painful.

Hated every minute of it.

Does Paige say the same?

Apparently, those things are terribly painful.

It can be.

It depends on who's giving it, but it is a nice-sized needle into the spine.

Right into the spine.

I will sympathize, too, with Claudia.

I remember Paige similarly was such a soldier because our baby was breached, but then it flipped right at the last minute.

So what was supposed to be a C-section turned into, okay, we'll just induce because the baby's in good shape.

But Paige, in the back of her mind, was like, I know I'm going to wind up with a C-section.

So she soldiers it for 30 plus hours, right?

Insane.

Insane.

And halfway through, she then gets the epidural.

So now her legs don't work and she's been laying in bed.

And it was only that was, and by Saturday night, we'd been there like 30 hours.

And finally around like seven o'clock, the doctor said, let's do it.

I don't want to risk that the baby goes into distress and then we have to rush this.

I think we should do the C-section.

And it was only then where she started to cry.

Cause it just, your fate, it's so emotional.

And it's such like a lead up to like, okay, let's just freaking do this already.

No, it's also awful.

The fact that she mentally prepared for a C-section for so long, I'm sure, then got that just like burst of energy.

Yes, he flipped.

Yes, I can deliver regularly to then only end in a C-section.

Oh, my God.

Such a lead up.

Oh, terrible.

Yeah, so I walked into the room.

She

was on the table.

Seven.

It's a lot.

Six or seven.

Six or seven people.

Yeah, there's the anesthesiologist.

There's the nurse.

There were two doctors that did the delivery.

They were fantastic.

Yeah.

Fantastic.

I don't remember the other guy's name, but our doctor, Dr.

Fox, unbelievable at Sinai West.

Unbelievable, Josh.

He did such a great job.

I remember he pulled out Ruby, threw him on Claudia's chest.

I was like, oh my God, that was vicious.

And all of a sudden, he's just there.

He's just sitting there.

He's looking at us.

You're crying.

I'm kissing Claudia.

I'm looking at him.

I go around.

I just like see this ball of mush that looks exactly like me.

I'm looking at him.

I'm like, and they say that they are born looking like their fathers.

That's like nature's paternity test.

And it's so true.

So you don't throw them.

This was me.

I was thinking, imagine he came out Chinese.

That would be a real fight.

Amazing.

I'm looking at him and I'm just like, oh my God, who are you?

But you are me, and you are mine.

And it was just insane.

Insane.

And from there, we went to this like private room and we spent two days there.

And those two days were dark.

I'm not going to lie.

Okay, we'll get there.

We'll get there.

We'll get there.

Okay, for the people.

I am the people.

We are the people.

Yes.

Okay.

Yes.

Okay.

Was there music playing during the delivery?

Nice.

And was it a Claudia approved playlist?

Or did the doctors pick?

It was Claudia's playlist.

She played it.

She played it.

Wow.

Like on her, on her phone, I kept it like next to her head.

It wasn't like speakers going.

No.

The playlist was playing next to her head.

It was a combination of like Taylor Swift, Peace.

That's her favorite song.

She loves Peace.

Right.

And then I'm saying a combination is if I remember any of the other songs.

I think that was the song that was playing while he was born.

I wanted Teenage Dirtbag on the playlist and she vetoed it.

Yeah.

But I thought that would have been rad, right?

If he's born to Teenage Dirtbag or Maybe I Do Anything for Love by Meatloaf, those are my two.

And they were both nixed.

in favor of Taylor Swift's Peace.

Oh, well,

thankfully, you're going to have more kids.

Yeah.

And then it'll be an exclusively meatloaf playlist.

Dude,

good name, Loaf.

Oh, I love it.

I love it.

First name, meat, middle name, loaf.

Wow.

And then, okay, so you've got the playlist rocking.

We're talking Taylor Swept.

We're talking the New Jersey Klezmer band.

And, okay, and then

what?

What are we?

And the Miami Hebrew Boys Choir.

Who are those kids?

What are their names?

No, the Miami Boys Choir is amazing.

There's also the Yeshiva Boys Choir, but miami really popularized the genre

that's miami they're sick and then yes so that's rocking that's bumping did you notice one thing during page's c section was we noticed small talk that there was just like i mean you know for those people it's a day at work and not until like right when the baby was coming out did everyone zero in on that otherwise it was like cutting tearing so my husband's gonna go do this.

And, you know, I haven't paid my taxes.

My house is in default, you know, things like that.

I didn't hear anything.

Yeah.

I really, like my head, I was so unbelievably worried about her.

Like Paige, you mentioned like she's, she's a warrior for sure.

She's done this before.

Like I, I'm not, not saying by any means it's routine for her now, but I wonder if for

Max, it was different.

Like, I was so worried about Claudia the entire time because her tolerance for pain up until this point has been zero.

Like zero tolerance for pain.

So the idea of her undergoing surgery, the only thing that we'd hear, we would hear, okay, time to put back in the uterus.

And that was nuts.

Like that, like hearing, hearing that they've taken things out of her body and they're now going to put them in, those are the only things that we heard.

Maybe we tuned out all the other noise.

But other than that, I was just so focused on her talking to her, kissing her, listening to her.

I couldn't hear anybody else.

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Hi, I'm Caroline Stanbury, star of the Real Housewives of Dubai, entrepreneur, wife, and mother of three.

Once divorced and now remarried to a much younger man, uncut and uncensored with Caroline Stanbury follows me as I live my life unapologetically and shows you that there is life after 40.

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Okay, so I'm not asking, oh man, I don't know who I'm allowed to ask this.

Okay, I'm not asking

this about Claudia because this is your wife and I would never ask this about your wife.

Yes.

So Olivia,

feel free not to answer.

Is there like a general thought of like, if a woman is going in to give birth, like let me do some grooming because I'm going to have an audience?

1000%, actually.

I was just on a family vacation and I was talking to my cousin who has a one-year-old and she was like telling me her whole birth story and everything.

And she said she scheduled a Brazilian wax for a Thursday and she got induced on like a Sunday or something.

Oh my God.

That's fascinating.

But yes, you do have an audience.

I don't see why you wouldn't do that.

Why not?

Imagine the wax is too aggressive and the baby comes out.

That's a freebie.

Oh my God.

A Brazilian wax while you're nine and a half months pregnant.

That's how you induce.

That's crazy.

So much pain.

Yeah, that's how you induce.

That's how you induce.

So then you go to the room for the next two days because you got to be there and you're healing.

It's major surgery.

Why is it dark?

It's dark because.

And look, I already mentioned how unbelievable Dr.

Fox was.

Okay.

What mattered most was unbelievable.

But he clocks out.

These doctors.

He's gone.

An hour later, they're like.

Yeah,

he's gone.

And then we're left left with the nurses and our room was situated right outside the nurse's table.

So you walk into the hospital, there's a nurse's table, and then rooms flank down the halls away from the nurse's table.

But at the nurse's table, Josh, they are kicking all night.

Love that.

They are partying.

You hear them.

Like it just.

We would hear them.

And then the second that we like got one second of sleep, the second we were able to go to bed, up time to check your blood pressure.

It's like, lady, you've checked her blood pressure 19 times.

Her blood pressure is fine.

Like stop checking her blood pressure when she finally fell asleep.

Like it just, there, I don't know.

That it was just, it was just brutal.

And she had no interest, no interest in narcotics because she heard that Matthew Perry had some light narcotics.

Oh, she's Meshuga.

She's Mesuga.

Regardless if she's Mesuga or not, I'm so proud of her because she made it through on Tylenol and Advil, josh tylenol and advil that is it they would come in though she had two tylenol and she'd say hey you know can i have two tylenol a little bit earlier like no we can't do that but we can give you a perco set and it's like what are you nuts like you'd rather give her hard narcotics than give her two extra tylenol i could go i could go downstairs and get tylenol from the gift shop may i push back you can i'll push back again

keep it pushing push push push away yes i think claudia is perfect she's amazing and and i think that's fabulous.

I would say, in addition to two things, one,

which I'm sure she was on the maximum dose of Tylenol, taking it a little early is so bad for your liver.

Tylenol, especially the big, like, it is given as one of these like massive, because it's such like a, we grow up with Tylenol.

We think of it as something rather benign, but it is like one of those red light will give you liver failure if you

will fuck around and find out with Tylenol quick and it's

so many things so let me tell you that was her advil her advil it was a combo of advil and tylenol around the clock her advil was that horse pill right even though that horse pill was still only 600 milligrams which is only three advil and ibus 600 her tylenol was 400 milligrams which is two tylenol i chewed that on my way to the podcast yeah you could take like two a thousand yeah she was they were giving her 400 josh and we were just asking for another 400 an hour early.

Got it.

I'm telling you, they were trying to push these narcotics because they make more money.

Just saying it was a lot of, sorry, we can't give you time.

Oh, we can give you Percocet.

Oh, you don't want Percocet?

We can give you Dilauded.

Okay, no.

Okay, no.

Okay, no.

I would say the Matthew Perry thing is not, that's recreational drug use by a drug addict in a hot tub respect.

Yeah.

You are so far from that line in a hospital, in a controlled setting.

And I think what Claudie did is perfect.

she's the greatest ever and and she has my admiration because i'd be like give me give me give me welcome to the candy shop i want to lick your lot like i'll go down on you doc but

but i think sometimes people unnecessarily suffer it doesn't sound like claudia was but and I think that can be deleterious to the healing because you're so, you're able to endure the pain, but you're so stressed and tight and not sleeping that in fact, you you prolong healing by trying to not take it in a controlled, safe setting in, in some cases.

But I think Claudia is perfect.

I'm not, I'm not commenting on that.

In some cases, maybe

the same way that I said that her tolerance for pain was nothing before this, her tolerance for pain after,

she's a fucking warrior.

Totally.

Like when I, when I tell you, we're recording a month after, she's healed.

Like, she's healed.

We're going for walks.

She is healed.

Like her,

she takes, like, she takes nothing now.

Nothing at all.

No Advil, no Tylenol, no, nothing.

A thousand percent healed.

She was healed really after like three weeks.

I could not believe it.

So great.

And this breastfeeding, Josh, let me tell you, holy smokes, holy smokes.

She's breastfeeding around the clock.

I must say, I must share just because I'm proud of it.

This boy is growing.

This boy is growing and growing fast because he's on the mother's teeth, sucking for dear life.

And they say that your baby's supposed to like regain their weight from the hospital within 10 to 14 days.

Josh, he's up 30%.

Okay.

Wow.

He's up 30%.

Wow.

Actually, no.

Good boy.

He's up 50%.

He's up 50%.

He's going to be so fat and gorgeous and delicious.

We're going to have to introduce him to that fat-friendly travel.

What is that blog with where they go to Disney?

Yeah.

Plus-size Park Riders.

Plus-size Park Riders.

We're going to get him a ticket.

Yeah.

We're going to get him a ticket.

But yeah, killing it it and her tolerance for pain.

So great.

She described the initial breastfeeding feeling as, I think it was glass coming through her nipples.

And she just did it and got through it.

And yeah, she's killing it.

Have you tried the breast milk?

No, like I could.

Maybe I should.

Why not?

Yeah.

Why not?

I should.

I should.

That said, the nutrients are for, I should take like an old bag or something.

Yeah.

Because

apparently, I don't know if you've heard of this when she kisses him it sends signals as to what he needs back into her breast milk

antibodies are antibodies are created we got this validated by a doctor antibodies are created through mother's germs onto baby that the breast milk that's why if you freeze your breast milk which she's doing for like when we eventually give him bottles all that you're giving them at that point is fuel it's just calories but the breast milk that day is also medicine.

I found that fascinating.

Like the colostrum?

Well, the colostrum is gone.

So the colostrum in the beginning, yes, that is immediately what the baby needs.

But then the breast milk on a day-to-day basis also has

whatever Claudia kissed him with, like whatever germs, there are now things in that breast milk to combat those germs.

Huge.

Huge.

Do it, bro.

Add it to your little morning cough.

Yeah, just like a couple chai shots, little coloss.

they should even though how is starbucks missing that i'm off the chai josh i'm off the chai i went to i told you i'm now a dunkin now dunkin and then starbucks went to send me their last bottle of sugar-free sugar-free what is it hazelnut it's not the same sorry it's not the same i'm on dunkin until they bring it back into store i'm on dunkin' yeah they should add breast milk to the menu why not why not i'm in they do add there is an addition to smoothies it's bovine colostrum so cow colostrum okay okay i'm in for bo i like the term bovine do with that one you will that's a good children's name bovine yeah i like that first name bo middle name vine bovine soffer i like it i like it i like it too there's it's interesting like the proper name for cows is bovine There's proper names for things that we just refuse to acknowledge.

This is a Jimmy Carr joke, but it's like, you know,

what's Deutschland?

Deutschland is Denmark.

denmark it's germany germany okay close enough that's what they call it they call it deutschland yeah and we said

it was it was it wasn't disarming enough i mean it was too disarming deutschland deutschland's chill germany yeah

just like europe europeans and americans were like no you're not like

yes we are

We saw Deutschland and be like, chill, chill, relax, man.

Like, nah, nah.

No, it's Germany.

We won both world wars.

You don't get to say.

No, we get to name it.

We claim you.

By the way, do you know what Nippon is?

Nippon, Thailand?

Japan.

Really?

They never called it Japan to themselves.

Nippon.

It's amazing how we just refuse to acknowledge it.

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Okay, so now you've been home with the baby.

You guys are living it up.

And are you doing all the wake-ups and all the diaper changes and all that?

Yeah, so here's, here's my role.

Okay.

My role is I change every diaper.

My role is I feed her when she's like she she'll wake up at 3.30 in the morning or I will get him.

I will hear him.

I don't know what it is about my brain, but the second he opens his mouth, even if it's just a little grunt, I hear him.

So I will then hopefully go back to sleep for a half hour while he like slowly wakes up.

The second I hear a big whah, which by the way, pterodactyl.

Pterodactyl.

These are, they've been tricking us into thinking babies sound like babies.

Nobody sounds, babies don't sound like babies.

Babies sound like, I don't, I don't know what the hell they dinosaurs, literal dinosaurs.

Yeah.

It's psychotic, but you hear that dinosaur.

I go in, I pick him up, undo his swaddle, bring him in, change him.

Okay, we're taking off the diaper.

We're doing a nice wipe.

I'm then assessing, is this a decetin rash?

Is this just like some nice A and D?

Do we want to go aquaphore?

Okay.

Then repackage up, hand him to Claudia.

She will feed.

She uses, it's called the boon trove.

Do you guys have a boon trove?

No.

Okay, a boon trove.

They also call it a haka is another one.

It attaches to the other breast and it picks up milk while she's breastfeeding the other.

So she doesn't even need to pump.

She's getting four ounces, Josh,

just from sticking it on the right tit and then flipping and sticking it on the left tit.

Because as he drains one, it drains into the boom trove.

It's a fantastic little apparatus.

I then take the milk, I put it into the bag, I put it into the freezer, and then we go to sleep.

And then we do it again in hopefully three hours.

But

he's anywhere.

He's really anywhere from two to three.

And what about, what do you do about diaper change if you're not there?

I haven't not been there ever.

Like, what if he needs to change while we're doing the pod?

She will change him, of course.

Okay.

But, like, it's not like a, it's not like a hard and fast rule.

Like, she actually, she'd love to change him because she finds, she says that that's the fun part where you get to change him, you get to put on his new clothes and he looks super cute and whatever.

But like, there are so few things that we can do.

I'm just like, let me do that.

Like, that's my job.

I hear him.

I wake up.

I change him.

i give him to you you do what you do and i try and fight falling asleep while you feed like i'll try to talk to her like i'll try to rub her back or i'll try to do something because i don't i don't know if you felt this way and maybe you have to like think back to max because now i'm sure it just feels routine but like you're guilty like at least at least i feel guilty i'm like oh you are you are a full-blown dairy cow like you are you are there being milked and i just i wish I could do something.

So I try to do whatever I can.

But I didn't feel guilty at all, but because there was, we do formula.

So okay, so it's a different story.

It's a different story.

It's a different thing.

We did formula from the beginning.

And I think

different story.

My brain really works in divide and conquer, like separation of powers.

And totally.

So like my whole thing, and I always say this to each, I say this to her when we go, like if she has a girls night, which is more like I'm out out more and we're both not out much like we're not big babysitter family like her her mom and and her family help us sometimes if we have something and we need them to watch the kids but we don't have like a lot of our friends have like a babysitter on retainer right like or like set like every friday saturday night babysitter is booked and busy and we have our standing reservations wherever Yeah, but my whole thing to Paige, right, is like, if she goes out with her girlfriends, I'm like, you are not going to hear from me unless it's an emergency.

Totally.

Right.

Like, go have a great time.

You don't, you know, if I'm dealing with a little something here, somebody doesn't feel good, whatever, like, no need for you to know about it.

So I'm big on that too with like, with the baby, I'm like, I'm on duty now for the next six hours or nine hours.

And like, go sleep, do your thing, recover, watch a show, eat.

And like, I'm on this.

And then when I hand them off, I need it too.

And like, and it's helpful because then we can both recover.

Totally.

So that is something it's, we're just living completely different lives because breastfeeding versus formula allow you to do completely different things.

Like we are in lockstep.

We tried one night.

She skips a feeding, I bottle feed, I skip a feeding, she breasts.

Yes.

Right.

We tried that.

And we looked at each other the next morning and we were like, that hour.

was so unbelievably lonely in comparison to what we've been doing that we would rather wake up.

And like, I don't feel nearly as bad as I, I was nervous for this podcast.

I was like, okay, I exclusively sleep.

I've exclusively slept in two to three hour chunks for the last month.

My brain is not what it was.

I need a full night's sleep and I'm fine.

And I think that we are just getting enough bulk sleep.

Like last night, last night we slept from 9 to 12, 1 to 3.30, 4.30 to

6.30, 7 to 9.

And you add it up and it's eight hours or nine hours.

Yeah.

And we're up together.

And I don't know.

I'm not just saying this.

Like,

I think we're enjoying it as much as one can.

But it's, it's been, we, when we separated it, we've, we just, I don't know.

I think it would be different if I like handed, if we handed a feeding, which I couldn't do, like handed a feeding in the middle of the night to my mom.

I guess I hypothetically could, but then she'd need to sleep there.

Then I think it would be different.

But knowing that she's awake, just, I'm just like not sleeping well.

I feel bad.

And I, I don't know.

So I'm sure that that will change over time.

He'll also end up sleeping more.

Like, I'm very excited.

When does he start to sleep through the night, Josh?

He's already at like three, three and a half hours.

When do you think he can get to six?

Oh my gosh.

Well, you know, I don't want to

incite the masses because we've gotten, we've gotten mean reviews over this because there are very different schools of thought.

In my experience, the baby doesn't need to eat in the middle of the night after four months.

And by in my experience, I say any pediatrician worth their weight.

And so it's at that point where if they're crying out after three or four hours,

it's just because they're used to it and they want you to come in and console them.

And then if you can get through two or three nights of that, they realize, oh, I don't need to be consoled and I'm not hungry.

And they feel so good because they're sleeping for a six or an eight hour stretch.

That's been my experience.

Different for everyone.

Four months, but you have to be proactive about it.

Totally.

Totally.

Yeah.

Look, right now he's a hungry boy, but I would assume that he'll just be able to be like us.

You eat a shitload during the day and you sleep at night.

Oh, yeah.

And you crush

Shy still at

over two and a half years.

He'll drink eight ounces of milk a second before bed, and he knows that I'm judging him.

I'm like, there goes your intermittent fast.

Brian Johnson wouldn't, Gary Brecca would fucking spit in your face right now.

This is unacceptable.

Dana White is judging you.

Okay.

Good luck fighting in the UFC.

And David Goggins would kick you off of his mailing list right now.

Okay.

You fucking beta.

But he'll crush eight ounces of milk.

And then, well, he has a milk allergy, so we do ripple.

One of us.

One of us.

It's beautiful.

And then he'll sleep through the night.

And there have been a couple of nights where he won't be in the mood.

He'll drink like a quarter of it and he'll wake up in the middle of the night be like, I'm hungry.

Yeah.

So it's really good.

It like, he's, they're like bodybuilders.

Like bodybuilders.

But yeah, okay, I'm excited for four months.

I'll pencil that in.

I'll let you know what we end up doing.

We'll see.

Look, like right, like right now I hear him cry and I get up, but I do think to myself, if I waited a half hour, would he stop?

Not, I don't think this young.

No, no, I don't, but I'm saying that that goes into your head.

So I do wonder if at four months I hear him after we've been sleeping for four hours, I would probably give it it a half hour.

I don't think that I would let him wail for hours and hours and hours, but nobody is, nothing's happening.

I don't know why this would be a controversial take.

Nothing's happening in 30 minutes.

Like if he's hungry, he'll still be hungry in 30 minutes, but nothing metabolically

is there's no disaster happening in 15 to 30 minutes if he's crying.

Not now, but later.

But we'll see.

We'll see.

And also you'll notice you'll know different cries.

You'll be like, no, like you'll, you can tell from the cry cry if it's more of just like calling out, where are you?

Come hang out with me or like, I need to be changed.

I'm in pain.

I don't feel good.

I'm hungry.

It has a different tone.

That's one thing that I didn't know.

They are so gassy, these boys.

Holy smokes, are they gassy?

And like most of these pains, when he cries, I know he's just gassy.

And we have a, I'm sure that everybody knows the bicycle trick, but I love it.

I do like the little bicycles.

I then tilt him back and I get a nice toot.

And then I tilt him again and it's a nice toot.

And when I hear those toots, I'm like, oh, thank God.

He must feel 1,000 times better.

Sweet relief.

Same way as when you give him a get a nice burp and you get that like deep belch.

It's wonderful.

And then Frida has the thing.

It's called like the fanny whistle or whatever it's called.

What's this?

Have you heard about this?

No, and I love, I love Frida products.

Frida's fantastic.

Shout out, Frida.

We use their bath.

It's wonderful.

It's called,

yeah, the windy whistle.

And

what is it?

The Frida Baby Windy Whistle.

Windy Whistle.

And it's just like a little device that I think like helps, helps the wind blow.

Really?

Yeah.

Where do you blow it?

Yeah, out their butts.

It's like...

Oh, you stick it in their butt.

Yeah, it's like a little hollow tube with like a little small little insert for their butt.

And

it just kind of eases the flow of traffic.

Got it.

Okay, so it's kind of like a stent.

Yeah, it's a butt stent.

We're going to come out with a competitor product.

The butt stent.

You tell people, you're like, oh, I have bad news, guys.

I need a stent.

They're like, oh, my God.

Like, where are you going to go?

Like, Columbia Press?

Be like, no, like, right-aid.

My butt stent.

It's a butt stent.

Oh, man, that's funny.

That's really funny.

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what diapers are you using what diapers did you use so as i said before you know we started with coterie coterie which is so fancy so friendly

i really don't feel bad like i'm sorry the coterie okay i hope nobody please i hope i don't get in trouble these diapers just they don't need to be beautiful who needs a beautiful diaper?

It's under all the clothing.

They're cute.

They're so cute.

I find them significantly less effective than Pampers and Huggies.

Pampers and Huggies are the gold standard.

They really are.

They're OGs.

And I've been using, I was using the newborn, Josh.

NB.

Coterie.

NB.

NB.

This wasn't it for my boy.

My boy is Huggies and Pampers ones.

are perfect.

Nothing seeps through the cracks.

I put it right under his belly button.

It's fantastic.

The newborn ones, at least the codery ones, he, he was peeing and it would hit like he would be wet.

Like I would feel his back.

There's nothing more inconvenient than that.

I wake you up from a nap and not only do I have to change your diaper in the middle of the night, but I also have to change your undershirt.

And then these onesies, which by the way, the ones with the snaps, what are you nuts?

Nuts.

Okay.

Nuts.

What are you doing to me?

What am I in the 20s?

What are you doing to me with these snaps?

What is it, prohibition?

And I have to say, I prefer the zipper.

I understand people like the magnets i'm a big zipper guy no the magnets are weird too the magnets think i make me think i have special needs like

100

it's like and i do but i can't i can't use a zipper

yeah

no it's nuts it's nuts but these snaps baby clothing with snaps what are you nuts

terrible terrible you're so lucky ben too that you love this and i love it too, because it's uniquely, it's a gift and you can't decide.

And I see so many people, men especially, but women too, are like, who are trudging through this time.

And, and you know what?

Sometimes when their kids are a little older, they're, they grow into all-star parents.

They're just not great at the baby phase.

But if you can be great and love the baby phase, even though it's gross and tiring and all the things, it's so wonderful.

I love it.

We are, we are lucky.

We are fortunate that I guess we're wired to love it.

But I think that it just comes from like somebody did that for me.

Like, I don't know if you had this same thought, but like I walk around the world differently looking at people.

The world can't be as dark a place as people claim that it is when you have this many humans that another human ensured that this person stayed alive.

It's really hard to keep a baby alive if you don't give a shit, right?

Like if people were really that evil, there weren't, there wouldn't be that many people in the world you have eight billion people in the world that means that there were eight billion other people do you think

enough to keep i do but i peacefully do but do you think the other side of that debate is true too where it's like people always go like it's so hard to have a kid and yet it's obscenely easy because there are a lot of assholes who are having kids and that like kids are weirdly i'm not making light of what you're saying because i agree with you i think in addition to like both things can be true like and i say this to parents too when they're like crazy, neurotic, terrified, I'd be like, no, babies are born pretty resilient.

Like, cause we've only had these modern conveniences for the last hundred years.

Like, they're, they're born, they're born to last if they, in most cases.

I think that people that, I think even the people that seem like assholes to you just must be better parents and more patient behind the scenes.

They must be.

Like, unless they're, unless they're truly, which would be a terrible thought, like they hear a cry and they are so upset their day is ruined that now they have to go and change this diaper like to every guy that has ever mentioned to me that like changing a diaper is a big deal like grow the up and i have to assume that you're just like trying to make conversation and trying to make me feel bad for you but grow up it is so not a big deal at all like what what is the big deal i like what is it it takes it takes a minute i i don't and like i remembered like, I've had people that have, like, there are guys that take stances, draw lines in the sand.

I don't change diapers.

You've heard that before, right?

Yeah, that's bitch boy pussy shit.

So stupid.

Yeah, fuck out of it.

Like, it's also such an easy thing to do that your wife is then thankful for.

And also, you're disgusting.

If you're that manly, I can't even imagine the poops you take, the way you smell, the way your gym bag must smell.

Like these people who would say something like that, I'm like, you're as gross as that kid of yours.

And kids are cute, even when they're gross, they're cute.

Gross.

I mean, yeah, so cute and gross.

Love it.

Yes.

Every three-year-old that my son shy plays with, like, I don't because it would be inappropriate around other parents.

But I want to be like, can I clean your kid's nose?

Like, because they're all sick.

They're all and like yellow, infected snots coming out of their nose.

And some of the parents don't catch it as quick.

And I want to be like, I'll get it.

Like, I just want to give them some relationships.

Yeah.

It's fascinating.

Baby acne is fascinating.

One day, bumps.

The next day, completely clear.

It's fascinating.

You can't touch it.

You can't touch it.

That's what they say.

I've heard you can put breast milk on it.

You can, but you don't, at least in our experience, you don't have to.

It goes away by itself.

Sure.

The rest of it, like the dry skin and stuff, that, of course, you like put the A and D or I wonder if you could just put breast milk on that too.

I wonder how healing breast milk is.

I wonder if it would dry up dry.

I wonder if it would make dry skin smooth.

The desidiness.

The desidence is cute the decidin's good you get that nice foam layer man i just want to powder up in the middle in the middle of the day i i know decidin because as a man with a lifelong chub with lifelong chub rub decetin is the best for chub rub if you really you like deciding as a grown-up i did yes i thank god with some weight loss i don't have the same level but like Bennett 285 pounds who spent an extra three hours in a bathing suit.

My God, is he rubbing Decetin in between his legs?

My buddy Len, when I was doing this movie in New York, he came and visited me during the last week.

And this is like wheels coming off.

We're both 20 years old.

We're getting high.

We're going nuts.

And so I took him all over New York and I walked his ass to the Guggenheim, down to the village, like up and down the city.

And it's hot.

It's mid-August.

And we're eating, babe.

We're eating good, that good Puerto Rican food.

We're having Italian soup dumplings crushing.

Two of my favorite stories from that trip is he got such bad chub rub that he had to lay splayed in the hotel bed like this

as i gunshot i i took an rpg of gold bond and i'm shoulder i'm shoulder holstering it going

all over his undercarriage.

And then he got so bloated and put on so much weight during the week that he was in New York that when he got home, his dog barked because he didn't recognize him

so yeah man chub rub is real take care of your rashes okay take care of them take care have you taken the roobster out for a walk by yourself yet no no we've as i mentioned we've been doing literally everything together like everything but we've but he's been out and he loves being outside yeah that boy if he if we want him to go to sleep, throw him in the stroller, take him outside.

He loves a nice gust of wind, falls right to sleep.

It's so funny.

I'll be

pushing the stroller, and even in the house, I'll accidentally like bump it into the side of the door before I leave.

And I'm thinking to myself, that jolt would wake me.

Nothing.

Nothing.

That said, the second that swaddles off, I'm sure you know this look.

He's laying down.

He's asleep.

No swaddle.

All of a sudden, oh, yeah.

Startle reflex.

The startle reflex, it's it's so cute

i just look at him and when he's like fully like this i just want to give him a big bear hug and that's the last thing he wants he just wants to be back in his little cocoon

You're going to start to, when you guys eventually start doing a little bit of things on your own, being able to like take him and roll calls while and he won't wake up from the calls and you just like can walk and take calls,

listen to podcasts and get some steps in.

That's my, my friend Ryan Holiday, the author says, like, do not agree to take any calls unless it's extremely necessary to do a Zoom where you are in person.

Any call without walking.

Like, it will change your life.

Sitting in a chair for calls is unacceptable.

I love it.

I love it.

It's going to be my entire personality that I'm out with him walking nine miles a day.

Facts.

I love it.

Should we get to what are you nuts?

Perfect.

Awesome.

Our what are you nuts moment of the week are our gripes with people places and things both big and small whatever whatever's sticking in your craw.

Ben, go for it.

So I'm in this hospital, right?

I mentioned there's a kiki outside.

I'm in the room.

And look, she's not sleeping, right?

She, of course, had major surgery.

So I understand why she's on painkillers around the clock.

But I, Josh, I haven't slept in, I slept like one hour, two hours the first 48 hours.

I just couldn't sleep in that hospital.

I couldn't do it.

I tried.

I could not do it.

And what happens when you don't get any sleep, Josh?

You get a headache, right?

So I thought, okay, I'm in a hospital, right?

If I have a headache, no problem.

I'll walk outside to the kiki happening at the nurse's station and say, hi, could I have three Advil, please?

I have a headache.

We don't treat the spouse.

What are you, nuts?

I didn't ask for, I asked for three Advil.

We don't treat the spouse.

That was the line.

We don't treat the spouse.

I didn't ask to be treated.

I can go downstairs to the gift shop and pick up Advil.

You can't give me three Advil?

They acted like I asked for, asked for surgery.

We don't treat the spouse.

What are you nuts?

You should treat the spouse.

Give the spouse three Advil.

It's so not a big deal.

That is a dickhead response because I could understand if they're like, we can't go into the hospital supply, but we keep a bottle of Advil because we're, you know, a bunch of, you know, tired nurses who get headaches.

Who need Advil?

Who need it?

From our stash.

Yeah, we don't treat the spouse.

I was red to filth.

I walked back in.

And, oh, I also, another, this is a me, what are you nuts, Josh?

Me, what are you nuts?

I slept shirtless in the hospital and I did on occasion, I was delirious.

I did on occasion leave my room.

Oh my God, bro.

In just my underwear.

No,

no.

You know what that we have a name for that in Yiddish.

It's called a Jachner.

Literally, I swear to God.

And especially like the first day, I was like, all right, I'm going to wear socks by day two.

You're just in Calvin Klein's?

I'm just in Calvin Kleins.

And everyone can see you?

Don't ever call me out about anything ever again.

This fool's at Sinai West walking around like Calibundy.

It was so nuts.

Looking back on it, then I'm like, I will do anything to sleep.

Anything.

And then looking back on it, it was so nuts.

What did you need outside of the room?

Advil, water.

You went up and talked to the charged nerds in your underwear.

I think I was.

I was wearing a shirt.

They turned you away.

I think I was wearing a shirt.

But yes, shirt and underwear.

Shirt and underwear.

I'm so funny.

I packed like a whole suitcase, Josh.

Like a whole wardrobe.

I never wore anything.

This is like if you were in theor media in your underwear.

For sure.

Can you imagine Michael Lamauren?

By the way, they would love it.

That's spectacular.

I love it.

okay my what do you nuts are artichokes this is a ridiculous vegetable stop it

I love artichokes we all do it is the dumbest exercise in futility ever like fair fair so good I love it too but the fact that you're getting about 10%

of meat from this gigantic thorny prehistoric looking vegetable and you have to douse it in some sort of heavy creamy like remalade or

melted butter just and then it's all to get to the heart let's get to the heart meanwhile it looks it's a crime it's a it's a vegetable crime scene with all this shit everywhere it's total what are you nuts total what are you nuts i love love artichokes me too artichoke my absolute favorite that's so good it's a good call that it's really a joke of a vegetable because in order to truly enjoy it this is not a vegetable this is a cake this is a fried fried fish this is the no no doust and butter it's oreganata that's what it is doust josh if this episode isn't five stars what are you nuts so true listen to us wherever you get your podcasts watch us on youtube share our clips instagram and tiktok tiktok we're almost at 100k i mean a million We're almost at 100K.

A million K.

So follow us on TikTok.

Mondays and Thursdays, if I didn't say that already, we will see you next time.

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Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

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