Two Dads and a Dream

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Whoa.

Do to Ben and Josh.

Josh, Josh.

Do doo doo ben and josh.

Josh.

Ooh, Ben and Josh.

I can do the ooh.

Ooh,

ooh, Ben and Josh.

This is Ben and Josh, and they're doing a pod.

You threw me off.

I was ready for Benny and Joshi back on the pod, but I like this.

I like this.

Ben and Josh.

Ben and Josh.

Can you imagine if you were the bass of a five-part harmony and just had

microphallus?

No, I can't get that.

Could you imagine if your voice was like this and you had like a incher?

I can't get that.

This is how low I can get.

I can't get that low.

Man.

But I can get that high.

What does that say about me as a man?

Here's the thing.

My wife calls it actor voice in that sometimes when I have auditions and stuff, for some reason, things will lower down here.

But I think my voice is high and like this when I'm like really people pleasing and trying and throwing some razzle dazzle kid kid actor vibes but like if i'm actually relaxed it's kind of here when i'm not trying that's interesting you're saying that i'm trying when i'm down here i've been trying to think we tend to steep a little this is me not trying it's deeper i'm not i'm not trying at all it's deeper that's high steeper how

i'm not trying tripping in tests right now i'm not trying at all

what

i've never tried less than I am right now.

I would have thought you just got injected in a Bally's locker room with just a syringe full of DECA.

It did right in my keister.

Is there anything more?

Have you ever been to a CVS?

I've only done this in Los Angeles, by the way.

They only seem to do this in LA.

You go to a random corner store and they have you take off your pants and throw the vitamin B right in your keister.

No.

You've never had that?

What random corner store?

Say more.

I don't remember where me and Claudia went.

I think it was, this was probably like two years ago.

Vitamin B shots were all the rape.

I guess they still are, but like they were really hot there.

And like we went to this place there, like we give out vitamin B shots.

And they asked me to pull down my

pants.

I obviously covered my schmeck and they stabbed me right in the ass.

I just feel like that's not normal.

I don't know.

Yeah, I mean, what's big now are NAD infusions, infusions, which I've never actually officially done, but I really want to.

What is that?

Tell me more.

I don't know what the acronym stands for exactly, except for something to the effect of like nicotinamide, something, something.

But basically, what it's supposed to do is restore the telomeres in your brain, like the signalers, or it's part of there's neurons, we're talking synapses, but basically what it helps to do is renew and revitalize relayers in your brain that sends messages around.

So what tends to degrade or what they think, I don't think there's like any hard, hard science on it, is that cognitive disease like Parkinson's, like Alzheimer's, these things are because of erosion or a degrading of these telomere sites.

So it's supposed to make you feel, feel younger, look younger, sharper, better.

They call it the fountain of youth.

And all of like the big optimization doctors that I follow and like are big proponents.

I'm in.

How do I do that?

It sounds a lot like what I have now taken for a week straight, Josh, which is lion's mane.

Doesn't lion's mane also help with the connectivity in the brain?

I think one is more actual restorative and one is more of like a

band-aid.

So lion's mane is great when you take it, but as soon as it's out of your body, I don't think it's doing anything for you.

But I take it.

You know, I love alpha brain.

I love on it.

I love a nootropic.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

All right.

NAD.

I will look into it, it, Josh.

I will look into this NAD.

If you, if there's any kind of concierge, not concierge, but like beauty spa health spa med spa types, which I'm sure there's a million around you on

Fifth Avenue.

Oh, please.

They'll just shoot it right in.

They'll either give you an injection or the real way to get it is in a drip.

But the problem is, is that it takes about two hours, which is fine.

If you bring a laptop, you could do work and or watch something.

But there's a nausea factor to it, which scares me because I hate a sour stomach.

No, terrible.

I'm now thinking, there was a period of time, Josh, I was getting IVs left and right.

I loved them.

I would have like a, I don't know, a night out on the town.

I'd wake up in the morning, text the person, IV would come to my house.

It's just like, that is crazy talk.

Like now I wouldn't, I don't know why I wouldn't do that now.

Back then it seemed completely normal just to get an IV in my house.

I don't need an IV.

Well, I'll drink some water.

I understand a drip with things in it, but I was just getting like a standard IV.

Just saline?

It was really just, maybe there was some other, like some glutathione or gluta, whatever.

Yeah, some vitamin Bs and Ds and all that stuff, but like I, I didn't need it.

I was doing it like, it was like once a week.

You don't need it that frequently.

Well, you were probably getting it because you were partying way more than you do, or just at least drinking way more than you do now.

Drinking way more than I do now, for sure.

I would feel awful and I would get it and it would make me feel like a million bucks.

It is the cheat code to a hangover.

For sure.

I mean absolutely.

If you get a bag full of saline Myers cocktail in there with a little bit of glutathione for antioxidant and some paracetamol, some acetaminophen, so they put in some that put this man in the pit.

Put him in the pit.

Dude, I'd crush it.

The reason when you feel drunk is because your body doesn't have enough water to run its crib cycles.

And so, oh, I'm sorry, that's why you feel hungover.

And so basically what you're doing is you're flushing the body with everything that it's sort of been begging for.

So yeah, I would do it too.

But when you get these at home, here's the problem, Josh.

These are the nurses that, I don't know, I don't know if they can't work at a hospital.

I don't know what they're doing in my house, but they're terrible, typically terrible at finding the blood vessel.

They're terrible.

They always, I get like three or four stabs.

I don't know about you.

I have bad veins.

I've always had bad veins.

Like if you come looking for my veins, they're going to be hard to find.

I don't know why.

Once you get them, no problem.

But I would get stabbed frequently.

It was, it was, it was no good.

It was no good.

But have you ever been this thin?

Because I used to be, that was when, that's the same as a seatbelt extender.

When they go, we're going to have to draw from your hand.

I'd be like, yes, they would draw from my hand.

Oh, you're saying that's just because I was morbidly obese.

Yeah, because you were a fat bastard.

so they couldn't find my veins through all of my triglycerides that's what you're saying you are so hurtful

when you go into go get when you go into quest labs and they're like get out the ultrasound

dude that's my life bro they used to like my mom used to always say like you're gonna have to do it in his hand i'd be like ma yeah they would just i don't need your help i i would always get it in my hand always always no matter what i never really thought about it No, I'm still looking.

I just don't have very good veins.

They're just not.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm still too fat.

I'm also better.

I was going to say, I'm here talking about how I'm skinny.

I'm still a little too fat.

You are skinny and your arms are thin.

Here, take your hand and grip your bicep with whichever,

whichever, grip it really tight.

And now ball your hand in a fist.

Yep.

Pump in it.

Do that for like, just hold it for 10 seconds.

I see.

And then I have one.

Go tight.

And now take your left hand and palpitate, go like that.

Palpitate the vein.

Like, no, no, no, right, right where you're on the other side of your elbow, on the opposite side.

Yeah, right here.

And what it should make your vein come to the surface.

You notice it?

Straight.

Straighten your arm.

Straight.

This is as straight as it goes.

I'd be such a terrible phlebotomist.

No, I have.

I have two veins.

Straighten your arm, Fatty.

I still have, by the way, I can't.

This is as straight as it goes.

I have, I have, I found my vein.

I broke my arm

No, but I have two.

Okay, yeah, there's two right here.

Ooh, looking sexy veins.

Happy to help.

Such hot veins.

Veins are hot.

Mascularity is hot.

Olivia, am I right?

It's hot.

Yeah, it's great.

Big veins are in.

Little veins are out.

Varicose veins are in.

So good.

They're hot.

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Love you, Mean It.

Yeah, it's interesting how I remember I was doing this movie, this cold weather western in Romania, and it was at such a funny time in my life.

Basically, this director, nice enough guy, but he was like,

I don't think you're going to know this reference.

Have you ever seen the movie Rushmore?

No.

You've seen Olivia?

Yes.

Is it about our forefathers?

You'd think.

It's one of the greatest movies ever.

You must see it.

It's with Jason Schwartzman, and it's Wes Anderson's second movie.

So it was like really the movie that put him on the scene.

It's Jason Schwartzman and Bill Murray.

And basically, he plays like a young kid at a prep school who's like a director,

but he's obsessive, right?

So he's like one of those.

Basically, one of his favorite, one of the famous lines from it is like, do not fuck with my show.

Like, don't fuck with my movie.

And so we're dealing with a director like this on this Romanian cold weather western.

And it's a $2 million movie, which in Romania at the time was the equivalent to having almost $7 million.

So we had a little bit of scratch.

And we're shooting and it's negative 50 degrees.

We're at the top of the Carpathian Mountains.

It's so cold that we would get back to the hotel and the medic on set was a Romanian paramedic and he goes, No problem.

I know you're a little depleted.

I'll give you a IV intervenus cocktail.

And I said, moosh, great.

So, me and the other actor, we're getting hooked up to IVs every night.

But I've told this story before, and I'll never forget where we've got horses.

It's the coldest day we've shot, negative 54 degrees, and the winds are whipping.

And the animal wrangler slash craft service guy comes up to the director and he goes listen not a big deal but frost is beginning to develop on the horse's belly

and if we don't stop shooting

it will be minutes

oh my god yeah bro and i was like i quit i just i went up to the director and said listen to me.

This movie, no movie is worth an animal dying.

This movie in particular, not worth an animal dying.

Okay.

I'm like, get that horse in some warmth or otherwise I quit.

And thankfully they did.

Josh Peck, the equestrian.

Josh Peck, the lover of horses.

Lover of horses.

Love.

I love horses too.

Horses are magicians.

I think it's stupid that we ride them.

I hate that we ride them in a New York City.

I don't mind

sometimes, and maybe this is wrong.

I don't mind like the cowboy type riding them.

I like using them as transportation, I think, is like, is really cool.

I definitely think that like some fat fuck, we've spoken about this at length, with like his five daughters on a carriage in the city, having the horse pull the carriage with its hooves on the boiling concrete.

This is no good.

No.

But I don't mind Montana horse.

Yeah, you know what?

The horse can't tell me if he's in pain.

I think the horse doesn't mind it.

That said, if you're too fat, don't be on a horse.

Like I, I've told this story.

I rode, ironically, a horse named Olivia.

I think Olivia, I told this story before your time.

It was in Utah.

And I was probably 275 pounds.

And the horse, Olivia, was a Clydesdale.

She was enormous, enormous.

That said, she still took my ass up a mountain and there's no way she was happy.

Oh my god.

No way.

No way.

It wasn't like we were just like going in circles.

I was mountain climbing on a horse.

Can I this is no good?

Can I play Olivia the horse?

And yes.

And you give the play-by-play of like, you walk up to the horse, you, you throw your leg over.

Yes.

I, I, first, I pet the side of the horse.

I'm like, hi, horse.

It's nice to see you.

We're friends.

I like you.

Trust me.

Trust me.

I hop up and now I'm caboose on the horse.

You just see the guide go up to the horse and give her a nice shot of an inhaler.

He's like,

that's so terrible.

So yeah, Olivia's dead.

I hope not.

I hope not.

The glue factory, where the hell did that come from?

That's not true, right?

I don't know.

Did they make horses?

Did they make glue out of horses?

Well, they used to say that they would make lampshades and soap out of our jewish ancestors from the concentration camps you've heard this yes yes i have i have is that true i don't know maybe

it's keepsake sorry i hope me too i hope not it is a keepsake sure i mean are we not allowed to find silver lining victor frankl a memento for a memento of the times i don't know i don't know

it's

yes yeah it got dark quick.

No,

it's not so dark.

Listen, these are the times in which we live in.

I've told you that I think we should start doing things with the foreskin.

I would remember that, so no.

I'm just saying right now, you're taking, you're taking a son's foreskin, eight days old, and you're typically throwing it in the trash like it's nothing.

How about you make something, right?

Like maybe it's, I don't know.

I wouldn't dehydrate it and turn it into a chip, but maybe you could frame it and maybe you could put it in, or maybe you could taxidermy it and use it as a part of a larger schmeck.

Or are you following me?

Are you on this path?

Or we don't need to do anything with the foreskin.

You put it in the lab, grow a new Ben.

I love that.

Yes.

I'm in.

Yes.

Okay, good.

I'd love a new Ben.

Another Ben.

Tell me this, because

we have

very different childhoods.

and I think you look back at yours more fondly than I look back at mine.

But, you know, we both grew into wonderful men.

What's one thing

with your beautiful boy coming into this world that you're like, I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that he doesn't go through or develop this thing that you have or went through in your life?

Is there one thing where you're like, I had a great life, love my parents, loved my adolescence, but there's one thing in particular I really want to shield my son from do you have something

well my life is a giant one no yeah i mean i think mine is i really i don't think your life is a giant one by the way but continue it's not i have for me it's you know stability that i really want to give my kids

because I lived a cool, interesting life and it worked out and I feel very lucky.

But I think they're,

I think that kids up to a certain age having really secure roots is a gift and important, and it makes them willing to take risks later in life.

Yes.

Yes.

Totally.

What would I change?

The question was, what do I want to shelter him from that maybe I experienced?

Yeah.

It's a really, really good question.

One, I want to shelter him in general.

I, I, there, I think that people go back and forth on this, and I guess it changes if you don't live in a big city.

But when you live in a big city, you can only shelter a kid so much.

But people look at sheltering as if it's such a terrible thing.

It's only a terrible thing if you raise the kid to be like

a racist bigot, right?

But if you teach them right from wrong and to have empathy and to love everyone that they come in contact with, I think that sheltering them from the terrible depths of the world is is an enormous blessing.

Like kids don't need to grow up so hard.

I didn't grow up hard, but I'm saying in general,

trying to think of something specific that I would change.

I definitely have like some anxiety around, I would say eating, eating is the one thing that I would want to make sure of.

Like I would, I want to try my hardest.

to not have my child have what is a version of an eating disorder.

Typically, people think of eating disorders when they think of not eating like bulimia or something like that, but we both had eating disorders.

I think in general, my every member of my family at one point was obese.

And I think that that diet culture, I think that the country is changing.

I think that our foods are changing, which I think is awesome.

So automatically he's coming into a world that's just a little bit better.

Like I was thinking yesterday, Claudia's been loving having cereal when she's pregnant.

And like you just like look at the back, like she can have whatever, she should have whatever she wants.

But like you look at the back, these cereals have 20 grams of added sugar.

And it's just crazy to me.

And like you're thinking to yourself, if you're predisposed to sugar making you feel a certain way, like an endless pit.

For me, sugar is an endless pit.

If I have added sugar, I'm going to be eating

just for sport.

It's just something that happens to me when I have sugar.

So like being able to just help him

understand that you can eat whatever you want in moderation, that you shouldn't have too much sugar, that it's not a flex to overeat.

I think trying to shield him from that kind of stuff would be awesome.

Diet culture in general, I would love if he never had to go on a diet.

That said, he will.

And he's going to be so cute and fat.

Yeah.

Well, to your point, I think like

I don't think your parents even knew.

Like, I don't think they didn't.

My mom knew.

Right.

Like, you talked about being on Slim Fast when you were a kid, right?

Like, yes.

We didn't know.

They didn't know any of this stuff.

And so

they were so our, I'm speaking in general terms here because our parents, my mom's older than your parents, but it's of a certain Northeastern Jewish cultural generational parent.

This is a generation of people so obsessed with food.

It is of a, it must have been also as a byproduct of having the greatest generation as parents.

So that coming out of World War II rationing, there was such a surplus of

just access to as much as they want that it became like the joke amongst my Jewish relatives and family is just like.

What is spoken about at lunch is what we're having for dinner.

And what's spoken about at dinner is what we're having tomorrow.

And it's just like, I'm so glad to not give my kids that.

Yeah, it's going to be really hard like the idea of watching TV without without a snack like you can't do I don't ever remember a time where I would do any activity in my house without eating but it's not like you're coming from it's not like you're having this kid four or five years ago where you had those not as great habits and you were at your biggest like you've really done an incredible job like you've changed so many habits you eat so much healthier you're in such great shape now like don't you think you're already starting so much ahead?

Yes, because I'm very, very aware.

I don't want to speak for my parents.

I don't know what they thought necessarily.

I'm very in tune with what makes me not feel good.

Like we've spoken about this before, whether I'm celiac or not.

If I have a bagel during a podcast episode, I'm going to fall asleep.

So I try to avoid bagels during the day when I know that my brain needs to be alert.

I'll save it for a time where I don't need that, right?

Or I'll try to avoid added sugars because they don't make me feel good.

I'm more anxious when I have too much added sugar.

I think that there are things like that.

But at the same time, as I'm even talking about this, Josh, this concept of like I need to avoid things is also bad.

Like it's not bad to have something unhealthy.

It's bad to have, it's bad to need to have so much of it.

Like I still have this problem.

I love dates, right?

But I found a way to have six.

Nobody should be eating six dates at a time seven dates at a time

that much

you don't know like I guess the serving size on the backs is two to three I have seven that's what makes me think about it but are you doing that a few times a day no I'm doing it once every two days when it's I mean if that's like the major snack I don't think it's like some horrible thing

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Folks, we're talking about the group chat today, okay?

We have a boys' trip.

Maybe we're going golfing.

We love a good golf trip, okay?

But accommodations are always an issue.

That is before I discovered booking.com.

If I could find my perfect stay on booking.com, then anyone can.

Find exactly what you are booking for on booking.com,

Yeah.

One year we went to Sea Island in beautiful Georgia.

Okay.

It is an absolutely gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous golf course, gorgeous place.

But, you know, the rooms are a premium at that resort and the houses are just so gorgeous.

And I found a house on booking.com.

That's right.

I booked a beautiful estate.

We were looking out at this gorgeous water.

This beautiful house came with a hot tub, a pool, six bedrooms.

It was absolutely fantastic.

Of course, I took the master suite.

I did find it, okay?

Don't come for me.

I found it.

I deserve the nicest room, don't I?

Should I not have taken the nicest room?

I don't know.

But, folks, if I could find my perfect stay on booking.com, then anyone can.

Find exactly what you are booking for on booking.com, booking.

Yeah, book today on the site or in the app.

I guess my point more is just like I just still eat when I'm not on Manjaro or whatever the hot drug is, I still eat in abundance.

That's still my problem.

It's not what, it's how much.

I will eat a salad, but I will eat the biggest fucking salad you've ever seen with 250 grams of chicken.

And even when I'm full, I will eat and eat and eat.

And I would love nothing more than for him not to have that addictive personality towards food because it's crippling.

It's a crippling feeling to

know.

that you are too full

and to eat more.

Yeah, it's an interesting thing.

And I think it's all, I remember what Paige and I do a good job, I think, with, and that's because of Paige, is like, we don't embarrass.

I feel like people, grown-ups growing up when I was a kid in the 90s, grown-ups had no problem embarrassing you in front of other people if you hadn't had food issues.

Of course.

And I think my mom actually, I give her credit because she was sensitive to it because I think she had had her own struggles.

But you'd have aunts, uncles, cousins, these nebishi, these big mouthed Jews, like, you're eating too much.

You're a walking heart attack.

I'd be like, I'm nine.

And they'd be like, I can see them writing on the wall.

But terrible.

And what Paige and I will do with Max is we'll say, like, listen, dude, like, enjoy, great, have fun.

But like, if you're, if we're going to crush it at a birthday party for lunch or for dinner, like, then the, the meals surrounding it are going to be healthy.

And I remember once Paige was kind of getting on me to be like, make sure that he was eating healthier because I'm dad.

I'm fun.

I am.

Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.

I'm like, come on, let's crush a cupcake.

No one's looking.

And it's four in the afternoon, time to celebrate.

But we were at a party with friends and there were a bunch of kids around and they were all going to get cupcakes.

And I said, Max, and he didn't look over.

I said, Max Peck.

And he looked over when all the kids are eating.

This like sits with me.

I feel really horrible about it.

It's like a bad memory.

And I said, mm-mm.

and he just was like but everyone else is having it and i was like uh-uh

and

it was like one of the rare times because he's not that kid where i saw him start to well up like at four or five years old and i was like

damn it and i and i remember like my wife saw it she's like pick your battles what are you doing like this isn't the time and i'm like oh i thought we had a plan um

and i took max over to the side and i said go get the cupcake And I was like, and I just, I tried to explain to Lisa like, because I didn't want it to go completely brushed under the rug, but I was like, you know, we're trying to eat, you know, healthy at times.

And I didn't realize.

And we are at a party with your buddies and I want you to enjoy too.

And, but we just have to know that we'll try to eat healthier at other meals.

And he got it.

But you know what I mean?

It's, it's a balance.

It's a balance.

And it's also this idea.

I, I don't think I learned until recently that if you skipped a meal, you weren't going to die.

Right.

You know, like, I guess Yom Kippur is like the only thing that like sort of

teaches you that as, or taught me that at a young age, like you're not going to die.

But like, we put a real emphasis on you need breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.

And I think that just like constant feeding to the wrong type of person.

creates this just like,

ah, I'm a dumpster.

I was a dumpster.

And the second that I stopped eating breakfast, I became less of a dumpster.

Because if you eat fucking something delicious and sugary in the morning, at least for me, my day is fucked.

Right.

Completely fucked.

If I have French toast for breakfast, I'll see you in Vegas.

Like, it's over.

I'm not working for a second.

I just can't.

I don't know.

And it's about knowing your body.

So.

And maybe he gets great genes.

Maybe he, you never know.

He could be a walking stick.

I doubt it.

But maybe he's one of those people, fast metabolism, can eat whatever they want.

Again, doubt it, but I'm not going to, it would be,

even as I'm saying this, I'm saying like, I'm not going to limit, but like,

I hope I don't need to limit.

You will, but it'll, it'll be within reason.

Wow, we're so deep.

What is this, Jay Shetty?

I don't know.

Who knows?

Where do we go from here?

Nowhere.

Let's call it.

Okay.

Who will be the first?

Okay.

And granted, I know that you're more private than I am about these things at times.

So feel free to just cut me off at any time.

Who will be the first person to see the baby?

Who?

To visit at the hospital.

Oh, who?

Oh, got it.

Okay.

I was going to say like me or Claudia.

I'm like, probably Claudia.

You kind of see them at the same time.

I don't know.

Probably our parents would be my guess.

Yeah.

I don't know, though.

Are they going to what's the like, is the plan that they'll be like in the waiting room?

No plan.

We got to figure that out.

Yeah, no plan.

I'm still trying to get these this kid's mashuga.

I'm still trying to get my arrow mattress in there.

She's like, no, you will Instacart it if you need it.

I'm like, I'm bringing my arrow mattress.

Who cares?

What does she care?

She's micromanaging.

Tell Claudia to worry about, you know, delivery.

We'll worry about the arrow mattress.

Agree.

And the real delivery of Chinese food.

What are we thinking?

Yes, we are ordering in.

I don't know what we're ordering, but we're going to be getting something tasty.

I'm definitely getting Second Avenue Deli.

Good question.

What is she going to eat?

She loves a good chicken finger.

We'll get her a nice chicken nuggets, maybe a McDonald's nug or something.

She'll love that.

Yes.

Nothing says baby like thigh meat.

Yes.

Gorgeous.

Love it.

Delish.

I want to see Claudia housing those little boots.

Those little chicken nugget boots.

So delish.

Ooh, what, what is, that's a good.

What did Paige eat in the hospital?

Is she, is she, she's a big, she doesn't eat, I guess she doesn't eat fish.

I was going to say, like, is she like a sushi?

because Claude doesn't eat sushi So like all these like limits like oh you can't eat this Claudia doesn't eat that shit anyways, right?

Paige is vegan, but there's Jones Chinese chicken salad, no chicken salad.

It's a very famous LA salad.

You had it.

I took you there after our high lunch.

Delish.

So I know her.

She'll be wanting that.

That's an amazing spot.

They give you a nice metal bowl to eat out of.

It's class.

That's class.

You know what are the best bowls?

Metal or wooden?

yes wooden i just sometimes think did you wash it metal i love because it stays nice and cold it's like when you go to a restaurant you get a metal straw oh that's class a cold metal straw with your diet coke elevates it to another dimension but a wood bowl makes me feel like i'm eating wings at the ponderosa like

it's

it is a it's a nice touch it's a nice touch wooden bowls Like ketchup on the table.

If ketchup is on the table, I know we're about to have fun.

Yes.

Condiments on the table.

Like, if there's a, if there is a jam or a jelly in one of those metal containers with the lid like this that someone could have literally put their penis in in between the meals and they haven't checked and they go, that's not our business.

Either you use it or you don't.

I like that.

Have I mentioned jelly on this podcast before or no?

You don't stop mentioning.

No, I don't know.

If I have it, if I have, it was years ago.

That said, I would go to the diner with my mom all the time, probably the ages of five to 12, and she would have to stop me from eating plain jelly packets.

I would eat three or four, and then she'd have to cut me off.

I loved

those fucking jelly packets, Josh.

Strawberry, grape.

I draw the line at orange.

What are are you, nuts?

Who put, who makes this orange jelly?

It's disgusting.

That's when you know the inmates are running the asylum when they're deciding what's crazy of which flavor it's okay to eat of the jelly.

No good.

No good.

Yeah.

Do you like orange jelly?

No, but I think it's funny that you're housing bear jelly out of the little satchels, but you're like, I draw the line at orange.

I'm not nuts.

No, I'm not nuts.

I draw the line at orange.

And my sister used to eat plain butter.

She ate the butter packets.

Or what are nuts?

Shout out, Maddie.

And clearly, she knew she was siliac early on and her body was telling her what she needs.

I was going to say, now she's unbelievably intolerant to milk.

She ate enough dairy that she made herself somehow intolerant.

What?

Really?

Yes.

And for me, I think it was the opposite.

I just ate my way through diarrhea from Fettuccine Alfredo until I got to the promised land where my stomach was like, okay, you can eat it.

That's good to know.

That, yeah, you inoculated yourself.

It's like an allergy.

But wouldn't you think she could have?

She was eating plain butter.

You know, some people aren't the lucky ones, Ben.

Different strokes.

Different strokes.

Fettuccine Alfredo.

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eastern time

should we get to a story yeah well someone said in the new york post i had a threesome with a bisexual woman and my dead husband's ghost he finally got his happy ending

he's her boo

a uk widow brought new meaning to being with someone in spirit after allegedly having a threesome with a woman and the ghost of her dead husband.

I don't believe in a literal afterlife, but I felt his presence as we hooked up.

Nikki Wake, 53, told James Press while describing her alleged post-mortem menagerie.

That's cool.

It is cool.

I don't really understand it, but it's cool.

Like, he was there watching.

This isn't really a threesome.

This is more of a spiritual threesome, right?

But there's no...

Yeah, it was a spiritual cucking.

Yeah.

Diddy's new album.

I sent you a Diddy, like somebody who claimed, like, the new lawsuit.

She wrote that

he has a penis the size of a Tootsie roll.

Now we're getting

that's tough.

That's tough.

A penis the sides of a Tootsie roll.

I can't even understand.

That's not a micro penis.

That's nothing.

Have you ever seen these micro penises?

Yeah, Nick Antonian, my friend Jonah.

He's a micropenis?

I know it.

I've seen it.

It's like an elevator button.

It's like an elevator button.

Yeah, it's crazy.

Oh, my God.

It's a lot.

We haven't spoken about Nick.

When you want to make a video, just a dumb, hilarious video, do you just have like a like, hey, Nick, I want to make a dumb, hilarious video and that's what you do?

Yeah, Nick Antonio is one of my best friends and one of the funniest people I know and he's down to clown.

He's D4W, down for whatever.

There's nothing better than that, than a friend that just like you call them and he's down.

Yeah.

We all need more friends like that.

Not ones that are going to ask questions.

Not ones that are going to say, who else is going?

I fucking hate that.

If I invite you somewhere and you ask me who else is going, you're uninvited.

Am I not enough?

Okay.

Oh,

I'm not okay with that at all.

I couldn't agree with you more, Ben.

Yeah, it's not right.

It's not right.

Who else is going?

Your mother.

Yeah, exactly.

She's going.

Yeah.

To bed with me.

Yes.

Zinger.

Zinger.

Yeah.

Just like a friend that's down to clown.

Love it.

Couldn't agree more.

Well, there's a new breed of cheating on the rise and women are fighting back.

A Perth woman has revealed she dumped her boyfriend for subscribing to a popular porn stars only fans account, stating it's the same as cheating.

And it turns out she's not alone in that view.

New data has revealed most Australians believe that if their partner looks at explicit videos and photos shared by adult content creators on the popular subscription site, that it's akin to strain from their relationship.

Olivia, what do you think?

I think the line gets drawn when you're paying for content.

Like, there's so much free pornography on the internet that if you want to see something else and that's something that you choose to watch, then like you can get it for free.

I think like paying for it and like you can talk to people to like chat with them on OnlyFans, like I don't like that.

That feels gross to me.

That feels really gross.

This is interesting.

This is the, this is the first time that I felt the Gen Z.

You used to only, you had to pay for porn.

Like there was a time where like to get good porn, you had to, I never did.

I would use like a friend's browsers account.

That's where you got the good porn.

But I feel like pornhub's been around for forever, I hear.

And

before that, there was like some like, weren't we like torrenting it from like LimeWire or something?

Like, I don't know.

Or the Robin Bird show, which we've discussed at length with the 67-year-old Bush

on cable.

But I agree, Olivia, on the OnlyFans, if you're talking to them, cheating.

Also, in today's day and age, you don't need to pay for porn, certainly.

You don't need to.

This is a waste of money.

This is a waste of money.

It's complete, there's unbelievable access.

It's fantastic for those that watch it.

Not me, the devil.

When we had Kid David on the pod, he was saying how, you know, Gen Z sort of has these new norms with filming and they're much more sort of open and free with the idea of sort of documenting their

romantic interludes.

Olivia, and feel free not to answer, but do you find like women are more into porn lately or no?

I don't know if it's more into it.

I think it's just more vocal.

Yeah, more open and like vocal about it.

Because like girls probably, I mean, I don't know, like all my, everybody has, like, you know what I mean?

I don't know.

It's not like as much of a taboo, I think, for women as it once was, but I just think there's more of a conversation around it now.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Fascinating.

My wife makes makes fun of it all the time, and I'm like, can I make fun of your interests?

So, what if, so what if I like fat chicks eating sandwiches?

Like, what do you, what's it to you?

Yes,

what's it to you?

So, what if I like short kingsporn?

What do you

yes,

so what?

I like to see a nice 4'11 guy dominating.

So, what if I like BBW X

BYOB?

You know?

So, So what about Glattinx, BBW, B-Y-O-B?

NSFW.

My favorite is that, again, there's no porn being watched.

That said, I have heard that when you go to another country and you're watching porn, all of a sudden the porn is in their country.

You ever see that?

It's working in Canada so much.

No, I'm kidding.

If you don't think that your phone is spying on you, go on pornhub and see what comes up when you're in another country.

They're all speaking speaking the language.

They know where you are and they know what porn you're watching and they're going to use it against you.

It's not the language.

They just know because everything changes on your phone when you leave the country.

Is that true?

Yeah, you're on a different wireless plan.

It's different.

You're satellites, hon.

You are, yeah, but you could be on Wi-Fi.

It depends.

I'll get it on Wi-Fi.

But it knows that you're in a different country.

I guess that's true.

It's probably going through the plan.

That's true.

Okay, so it's the Verizon.

They're sharing our details.

Well, Taylor Swift subpoenaed as witness in lively Belldoni case.

Taylor Swift's being dragged further into the plate.

Lively, Justin Baldoni beef.

She just got hit with a subpoena in the case.

I mean,

no matter what side you're on here, I would feel like

I would be terrified at the prospect that someone as big as her is being asked to speak because her fandom is going to just turn on anyone and everyone, right?

100%.

I feel like it's actually pretty crazy that she's being asked to speak.

I don't know why I would have assumed that, like, if you're so famous, like you get out of jury duty, she couldn't get out of court.

Like, there's nobody else.

It's a subpoena.

Yeah, that's crazy.

My God.

My God.

Yeah, I wouldn't want.

Subpoena?

Yeah, girl name.

I love it.

I love that.

Yeah, subpoena.

Sepina savor?

Subpoena peck.

Love it.

Love it.

It's great.

Okay.

We'll do one speakpipe real quick and then we'll get to what are you nuts.

Speakpipe moment of the week.

Basically, if you want to get advice, ask us questions.

Go to speakpipe.com/slash good guys.

Keep it brief.

Brevity is key.

Oh boy, keep it short.

We beg of you.

Let's hit up

Anonymous.

Hi, good guys.

I was calling because my husband has an extremely creepy uncle.

I'm talking like comes to Family Easter and talks about like the girth of his wiener, his dog's wiener, just like, you know, generally uncomfortable things.

And then he actually started sending Victoria's secret catalogs to our house with his name on them.

And then just making like obscene comments to my husband of like, oh yeah, I just got done banging your wife.

And, but, like, way more graphic than that I could never repeat it's been horrible my husband has completely cut him off and just said like absolutely not not okay I'm out we're good on that but my husband's aunt just like acts like none of this is happening she's very aware of all of it but nothing changes she doesn't do anything different and she continues to bring him to family events Do you think that I should just make a blanket statement of, he is not allowed.

Don't ever come back.

Or should I just continue to keep the peace and know that there's this creepy ass man

at event around my children?

Thank you.

Holy shit.

I feel like we should call the FBI.

So sorry you're going through that.

That's awful.

I'm sorry, but like the wife isn't allowed either.

Right.

Like this is not like a, oh, crazy Uncle Tommy can't come, but his wife, Aunt Linda, is more than welcome.

Like, no, Linda, you also need to be accountable for your husband's actions and you can't come around anymore that's completely unacceptable very scary very gross and terrible i'm sorry gosh

yeah there's a term with the kids it's called whiling

your uncle while'n't whiling out he be whiling He does.

And I would suggest you tell him to, this is like when someone talks like that, like you need to like, you just need need to get real clear and be like dog nah you're talking that crazy

again

and if you keep talking that crazy oh boy will you never see me or my family oh boy because

you bring up a great point it's like also the guy needs to like grow some balls like like punch him in the face

like fist fight him like if he's your crazy uncle it's not a pass that's not a thing like be a man.

Beat him up or call the cops.

This is, like, it's cops worthy.

If he's that creepy, if he's, like, going up to your husband and saying how he had sex with you, like, he shouldn't be anywhere near you.

Creeper.

Creeper, go creep.

Last one from,

let's see, let's see.

Sarah.

Hi, they're good, guys.

More on here of

pretty much since you guys started.

Bless you.

But I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I want to make sure he's doing okay, but I don't want to overstep or make him sad or uncomfortable because I was the one who broke up with him.

But I just was kind of looking to know like what is a male's perspective on the person reaching out to them if they're the one who broke up with them.

I don't see us getting back together in the near future just because of logistical reasons.

We were doing long distance, and neither of us were

really going to make that next step into moving to the other.

But I still obviously have love and care for him.

And I just want to check in on him and make sure he's okay.

Would appreciate your guys's input.

Thanks.

It's a tough one.

I have felt compelled after breakups to wish that person a happy birthday see how they're doing and it's been advised to me to not to just leave i would agree i would agree i would agree i think that it's a little selfish to be totally honest and what he would end up feeling is because this is the mind of a guy at least a guy that got broken up with He would end up feeling like, oh, if she's checking up on me, there's a chance.

Right.

Right.

You're giving him false hope.

So it's selfish because you're getting the answer that you need that he's okay, but in turn, you're hurting him deeper and you're probably stopping him from getting over you.

So I wouldn't.

Right.

Like I'm real stupid, guys, and Olivia knows.

And so I remember I had dated this girl and she reached out and was like, oh, I wanted to grab something that I left at your place like three months ago.

And I was like, oh, been wondering when you'd want that.

Absolutely.

And my friend said, she clearly wants to hook up with you again.

And I was like, nah, she just needs her Xbox controller.

And he was like,

okay.

And then later that night, I was like, I was not expecting this.

And she's like, why do you think I got my hair done?

I was like, it looks great.

That's funny.

What are you nuts?

Yeah, let's do it.

All right.

What do you nuts?

Do it, Doug.

No, you go, Ben.

People, places, and things, something sticking to your crawl.

You look at the lady on the street.

She's barefoot.

What are you nuts?

Put on some shoes.

That could be my what are you nuts.

No, but my what are you nuts, Josh, is I don't know if I'm assuming that this isn't just a New York thing, but it would be classic if it was just New York.

You go into an apartment building.

We can't have 13th floors.

Like it's really dumb.

It's really dumb.

You're on the 13th floor.

You have to call it 14,

but it's really 13.

I wonder if this is just like a New York thing, if this happens everywhere.

I understand 13 is an unlucky number.

We still have 13th as a day of the month.

Right?

Friday the 13th, we feel a little queasy about.

Maybe don't like see any black cats on Friday the 13th, but we didn't completely erase it.

Landlords completely erased it.

It's so strange.

What are you nuts?

So true.

I agree.

And if you live on the 14th floor, you know what's up.

You live on 13 and you're going to die.

Yeah.

My what are you nuts is from, as I said before, my clubhouse, Costco.

I recently was at Costco and obviously, like any great American, love the samples, always want to see what's being sampled.

And I go by one sample stand and the sample was oreos

nuts what are you nuts

i don't need to sample an oreo no one does

it's an oreo

i know what that tastes like no it's a gift

thank you for the thank you for the oreo that i knew tasted delicious which is why i picked it up it will not in any way shape or form encourage me to or not to buy oreos because i know what they taste like and i'll buy them on my own goddamn time yes

give me a sample of something I never had.

That's nuts, honestly.

And such a waste of money.

What is Nabisco doing?

That's like you're at Costco and they're sampling Coke.

Like, I know what Coke tastes like and smells like, you know, like, I know.

Like, could you imagine stopping and biting it and being like, get a couple sleeves.

This is a good batch.

Nuts.

Nuts.

You know what else is nuts, Josh?

What?

Not giving this episode five stars.

That's nuts.

What are you, nuts?

Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts.

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