Ben Almost Died?!

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Whoa, Benny and Joshi, Joshi and Benny.

Nicks are down a gaming.

This is not good.

Benny and Joshi, I almost died this morning.

morning.

Benny and Joshi, the Knicks are also bad.

Benny and Joshi, Ben, I wasn't sure whether you were speaking in hyperbole or you were being serious.

It's hard to tell tone through text.

Josh, I almost died this morning.

Okay, so the worst part, and the worst part, it was 100% self-inflicted.

All right, say more or less and all the things.

I'm going to go into crisscross applesauce.

Okay.

Because I want to fucking gossip.

No, I want to have an actor right now.

I have to like dig deep for my great, great storytelling.

Before that,

can you tell the flexibility of my hip flexors?

Are you jealous?

And could you do this right now?

I'm not jealous at all.

Do you understand that my hips that way are like literally unbelievable?

I can't because of the shape of my hips.

You wish.

You wish you can't.

Really, motherfucker?

Wow.

Really, motherfucker?

Okay.

And that's with, and that's literally with like this chair has like arches on the side.

Yours is flat.

Okay, well, can you do this?

Yeah, Josh, I can, but I can't, I can't miss.

I'll break something.

I'll break something.

No, but this is important.

This is important.

You're not a yogi.

You're yogurt.

This is important.

Do you understand that I have like ballet level flexibility with my legs?

I can turn my feet all the way out.

Can you see?

Or no?

I think that's an anatomical issue.

I don't think that's a, I don't think that's an asset.

Oh, really?

What about this?

Is this an anatomical issue?

Is this, Josh?

This?

That's just called...

You're splayed-footed, which is a Jewish thing, which I have too.

I'm not

criticizing you.

Look, look, I can literally go one in front, one behind.

But you

peak flexibility.

Yeah, but then you walk like Donald Duck, which I do too, by the way.

We're knock knead and we walk like Donald Duck.

Or I could turn in my toes.

I could do it.

I've been trying to turn in my toes and pretending that I'm not knock knead for literally 33 years.

It's impossible.

Same here.

Hang on.

I digress, Josh.

I almost died this morning.

Okay, I'm ready.

Okay.

one other thing no i'm kidding

before we get there the knicks really it's terrible like what the

i went to the worst knick game of my life okay i spent josh what do you think i spent game three tickets knicks go up to nothing on the celtics it's the hottest game in town i had no choice i had no choice god forbid the knicks give me a ticket okay i'm literally god forbid they give me a ticket josh comes to town they give us 13 throw just because josh is there they literally they're putting these losers front row losers okay let's break down the loser row

because celebrity row was timmy shall's gotta go 100 who was it benny stills tracy morgue spike spike lee like those guys deserve it who didn't deserve it this this first of all first of all this celebrity row Fine.

I wasn't asking to be anywhere near courtside.

Anywhere near.

Yes, the Timothy Schall the world.

Eli Manning came with Justin Tuck, okay, and his son.

Marischka Hargate was there.

Oh, please.

The Queen of New York.

Yes, with what's his name?

No, not Dick Wolf.

Whatever.

There was another SEE.

Chris Maloney?

I think so.

I think Maloney.

I think Maloney.

Have you ever seen the keyter on Chris Maloney?

Have you seen the tight, tight, tight, tight, tight?

It's butt.

It's a bubble butt.

Oh, my God.

I go to the game.

My God, was this a bloodbath?

How much do you think I spent?

Corner, 11 row, 100 section.

Corner, corner, lower bowl.

Sure, sure, sure.

11th row.

A good, a fine seat.

A fine seat.

Near the home or the away tunnel?

Near the away tunnel.

Near the away tunnel, 11th.

Closer in or further towards the aisle?

Right in the middle.

Smack dab.

Single ticket?

Two tickets.

Well, yeah, single ticket price.

I didn't go alone.

Single ticket price.

But you bought two at a time.

I bought two at a time.

That was a mistake.

And I want to sit next to him.

What do you mean that was a mistake?

Meetup at the Sabaro in between corners.

Yes, I bought two tickets at a time.

I wanted to go with a friend.

Big mistake.

What do we think I spent?

At what time and what day did you buy them?

I should have bought them a week before.

I saw tickets that I loved.

I ended up buying them two days before.

I'm going to guess you spent

$1,200 a ticket.

$1,787.

And when I tell you that was it, yes, and when I tell you that was a deal before tip, those same tickets were 2,900.

So I went into it.

I'm feeling good.

And everybody in the section, it's hilarious.

I guess this section had a surplus.

The guy to my right is like, can you believe it?

I got these for $1,900 before tip.

I'm like, hello.

I got them for $1,700.

The guy on my left is like, I got them for $14.50 last week.

And then the person all the way on the end was talking about how they spent almost three grand.

Okay, now you tell me this, because for me, I could never, ever, if this was like they could win the championship that day.

Yes.

Yes.

I could justify it, but I could, I couldn't, the joy of being there live would not be circumvented by me, the joy I would feel sitting on my couch with a perfect view of it, having $1,700 in my pocket.

Yes, for me, I'm a very experience-driven spender.

There's nothing to me like being in the garden.

And why have money if I can't do things that make me happy?

That's it.

Some people like, you know, I don't wear a watch.

Some people like lavish watches.

Some people like lavish cars.

We'll get into it, Josh.

I did get a new lease.

New lease on life.

Wow.

I like spending money on trips, vacations, games.

And if it was up to me, if I had my drothers, like one day, it'll probably make you sick.

But like, I want season tickets, great season tickets, where I'm not afraid to spend like, I don't know, somewhere between $25,000 and $50,000 on the seats.

Like I want good good seats for the season.

I think you're,

I might be wrong.

I think you're mistaken.

I think great seats, you're saying like first 10 rows in the 100s.

First 10 rows in the 100s.

Nowhere near courtside.

I'm talking, it's probably right now, if you can get them, they're about $400 a ticket.

41 games.

I would think for two games or for two seats, it would be closer to 100,000 for to the next.

That was per ticket.

Right, right, right, right.

Because for the Lakers, like for my friend has four, but he buys it through his company because they're always taking clients, and it's four tickets for the season, 250 foul for the year.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

You can write that off, though.

Taking him through the business, the move.

As long as you're entertaining, as long as you're entertaining, it's half price.

There are no problems.

But, Josh, I spent $1,787 or $84, whatever I said, to watch them get...

Fucking obliterated.

And all that I could think of, all that my brain could think of is, God, I wish there was ticket insurance.

I would have paid 10% more, Josh, to know that if they lost, if they ever went down by 30, I get half my money back.

And then the flip side, if they win by 20 or 30, I pay a little extra.

I'm locked in.

I have no problem.

Sitting there watching them, Josh, I wanted to puke.

This was a terrible, terrible game.

No, you're not.

What do you think of a ticket insurance idea?

What do you think of that?

By the way, genius idea, almost as good as your time release melatonin and then caffeine on the end.

it's a brilliant idea but to your point just like insurance you don't have to pay you pay more in the beginning you don't pay more if they go up 20.

it's just then it then it was great but you what you're buying the insurance of is the negative experience so correct that's brilliant correct yeah i'm buying the i'm buying the negative i was trying to figure out because it's a bit of a there's they're like if you think about the insurance business all of the things that we insure against aren't are not even close to 90, 10.

They're like 99.9 to 0.1, which is why insurance works because we all pay, let's say, for tornado insurance, depending on where we live.

We're all deathly afraid of having a tornado.

The chances of us get our houses getting hit by a tornado, very, very slim.

But for that one person who had it, he's thankful that he had it.

For this ticket insurance thing, there are bad games.

They happen.

They happen more often than we would like to see.

So I was trying to figure out like, okay, I'll pay a little bit more if they win to sort of balance out the equation.

But yeah, Josh, boy, do I wish I had my $1,700 back.

It'd be fun if you could do an insurance against bad experiences in general, right?

Like insurance against going to your mother-in-law's, you know, or like going to your racist uncle's house.

Like if he brings up immigration five times or more, you get.

a thousand bucks

you know because your uncle's a scumbag

you go to to the club and, you know, you just like don't have as good a time as you wish you did.

Yes.

So, so subjective.

I love it.

Holiday insurance.

I love it.

Okay.

I mean, this also, travel insurance would be great, Josh.

You go to the Dominican Republic, you spend a couple of grand.

You take the kids.

You take Paige.

All of a sudden, it rains for a week.

Travel insurance.

Give me my money back.

The great Brian Kelly, our points guy, love.

He always says, and I never do this, but he's totally right.

He's like, I don't buy trip insurance domestically.

I do buy it internationally.

And he's so right.

Like, cause those are expensive tickets when you have to move like, you know, expensive international flights or what have you.

And I'm like, I got to start doing that.

That's a good tip.

That's why he's the points guy.

Interesting.

Yeah.

I don't do it domestically because I find that all these airlines post-COVID, let me change for free.

So what am I doing?

They're saying pay an extra 200 bucks to change your flight.

I get to change it anyway.

Yeah, I guess if you had anything like a resort or something that you couldn't or like, you know, if you had an expensive hotel room that you had to cancel within 24 hours so you're gonna have to eat the first night i guess it would be good but most credit cards i think have domestic some sort of travel insurance anyway yeah there is something no there is for the nicks game i saw you beforehand or at least with a lovely tick tock you posted with your wife you were wearing a nicks jersey which is fine i guess even though grown-ups in sports jerseys

grown-ups should not wear sports jerseys i completely agree it or this is a one-time thing this is a one-time thing it's unacceptable but you also had on a chain, like Flavor Flav Nick's chain.

Did you wear that?

$29 at dicks, baby.

Boy, did I wear it with pride?

You're nuts.

It was great.

Oh, my God.

It was heavy.

It was heavy.

I didn't realize it.

Once I got home, I had a hunchneck.

You know how long I've worked to eliminate this bump in my back?

Like fat man bump?

Like, I don't want this fat man neck bump.

And the flavor flav Nick's chain, honestly.

It might have brought it back.

I have to go to my chiropractor.

Ben, what happened?

Flavor Flav Nick's Chain.

Wouldn't you know?

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Okay, so how did you almost die?

Oh yeah, we want to talk about how I almost died?

Yes.

Okay, so there are pregnancy projects, right?

My wife will wake up and she'll say, hey, can you, I don't know, reorganize this or take off these paintings or can you move this furniture?

And my pregnancy project, this one, my last one was to move our honestly no joke, 300 pound Jonathan Adler bar, move it onto our terrace.

Okay.

I was going to Home Depot.

It was in an area that we no longer wanted it in.

We really don't use the the bar.

And we wanted it on the terrace.

We have a second terrace that really we don't use Josh.

It's kind of like just a great area to be able to store some shit.

And I take all the liquor out of the bar, probably takes it from, it probably brings it down to like 250 pounds, let's say.

Okay.

I have a step up from my apartment to go over onto the terrace.

There's a step, a large step.

The door is elevated, but I figure, you know, okay, I'm going to prop open the door.

I'm going to lean the bar up, push it over, and then catch it on the other side and slowly just move it down.

I had pre-tarped the outside.

I went to Home Depot, got heavy-duty tarp, put it on the floor.

My plan was to drag the bar over the tarp and then put the tarp on top.

Foolproof plan, no problem, as long as I could get the bar onto the terrace.

I push it over.

I push it over and I come and I grab it on the other side.

And all of a sudden, Josh, this bar weighs far too much for me to hold.

And my back is against the the rail of the terrace.

Bad.

And I am like, oh my fucking God, oh my fucking God, I'm either going to fall off the terrace or this 250 pound, very expensive bar is going to shatter on the floor.

So of course, the better problem would be a shattered bar versus my guts all over the floor, but I'm committed.

I'm like, okay, I'm going to be able to do this.

I somehow willed the strength to just move it slightly.

And the corner of the bar hit the floor.

I was able to nudge it, moved it over, fully tarped it.

When I tell you, I don't know if I told this story with enough drama, I really almost fell over the railing.

I really almost died.

Ashunda.

That's it.

That's my story.

Now, is it...

You're going to ask, why didn't I ask for help?

I don't know.

Claudia has the same thing.

No, because I get that.

What I don't get is storing things outside.

Is it covered?

Yes, tarped.

Tarped on top, tarped on bottom.

So I took

a full tarping.

I did a full tarping.

tarping.

It is completely sealed in.

I can take a picture for you later.

Completely sealed in, a weatherproof tarp.

It's perfect.

In a, I guess another option would have been to rent a storage unit, have somebody come, you haul it out, put it in storage.

Because despite said tarp, and I believe said tarp does exist, exhibit A.

I asked the great people of the state of New York.

And you judge, during these hot, hot, hot summers that are literally weeks away.

I'm talking 100, 105 degrees humidity.

Yes.

Yes.

And then before you know it, here comes winter.

Snow.

Big time snowy.

Oh, yeah.

This thing, I would bet you within six months will no longer be, it will be a shadow of what you once thought it was.

It's going to be beat right up.

Why not just get rid of it?

They claim, according to the tarp company, that this is a weatherproof tarp.

There's a little snow icon on it, and there's a heat icon on it.

They claim that this tarp is weather repellent.

Okay.

This tarp is a great tarp.

Why not just get rid of it, Josh?

That's a good question.

I could have gotten rid of it.

I could have, but that's so much more involved than what I thought I was going to do, which was move it onto the terrace versus selling it, having somebody come or having somebody come.

But let's be honest.

George unit.

With people of our celebrity and right now, I know people are turned off.

I know they're feeling like we're elitists, and we are but we have real problems we do we're too famous to sell ben we're too you're gonna have joe schmo off facebook marketplace come in and go like oh yes claudia baruch hashem she's gonna have a gun out you know your wife yes she's yeah she's gonna be like get this stranger out of my house

So what do you do?

What do you do if you have an expensive piece?

Josh, this is an expensive bar.

You make your piece with the reality that with a little gorgeous Broch Hashem Tatala running around and what will probably be one or two more unless you move before then, you're going to have no place for this bar.

It's never coming back in the house.

It's never coming back in this house, that's for sure.

But it's a timeless, expensive enough piece that it would work really well in a future apartment.

All right.

All right.

I believe you.

I think it's going to get.

But you're going to

live on the terrace for the next one to three years.

Yeah, it's a problem.

It's a problem.

It's a problem.

And I immediately, the second I got it out there, I'm like, fuck.

Oh, I know.

And for somebody to bring that thing back in and not die, honestly, it'll stay with the apartment.

We'll move.

It'll just stay on the terrace.

It's somebody else's problem.

Give your apartment.

Yeah, sell your apartment.

Where it's a Joey Camasta.

I'm selling the apartment with nothing in it, but everything on the terrace.

Okay.

It's not furnished, but whatever's left on the terrace is yours.

Oh, perfect.

I love it.

I really almost died.

I don't think you understand.

It was horrifying.

It was fucking horrifying.

I believe you.

Did you almost die this weekend?

No, I did drive by a shooting.

Not a drive-by shooting, but I...

You drove by somebody who had already been shot?

Yeah, there's this beach on the way to my, the beach where I live called Doc Wiler Beach, which is...

There's just a lot of shenanigans.

That sounds like a place where you'd see a shooting.

Doc Weiler Beach.

There's a lot of nuts.

Yeah, it sounds like my favorite rapper.

Like you heard Doc Weiler's new EP.

Doc Weiler Beach.

I'm Doc Wilding.

Yeah, I saw, I was, I drove my kids into the park because we love this park in Marina Del Rey.

And then we're driving back.

It was like seven o'clock at night.

And the thing about Doc Wiler is basically, which you never think about this, but basically all beaches are closed at night.

Like at sundown, you really aren't allowed on the beach.

Sure.

But this is a beach that allows for RVs and like bonfires.

Like they have fire pits.

And it's cool if you're down to maybe get shot.

And

but there's always some shenanigans there, man.

And yeah, as I was driving back, I saw that the entire road was blocked off by police and that all the exit, I've never seen this.

All the exits to the parking lot, everyone was locked in by like cop cars like people were not allowed to leave and I'm like somebody got shot at DocWiler I'm cracking up in my head thinking like what happened like man give me your s'mores

yeah

totally speaking of

and I open this up to you and the wonderful Olivia are you familiar with the phrase code switching yes I'm not familiar.

Gen Z, Olivia, please expound on what this is, code switching.

Code switching is when you are in a different environment and you change the way that you speak according to the environment or the people that you're around.

So, like, for example, you would speak differently to your mother than you would your best friend.

Got it.

My, I don't think I've mentioned him on the podcast.

One of my best friends, his name is Matt.

I don't think you've met him.

Josh, he, we've been friends for, I don't know, 19 years.

The way that this guy code switches, he'll be having a conversation with me.

And then, like, he talks very normally, laughs, he'll pick up the phone.

Hello.

I'm like, are you?

He gets like such a deep voice when he whenever he's on the phone with somebody that he doesn't know hello weird i mean i that's code switching right yeah like i code switch when i'm ordering takeout just so they don't call me ma'am but

let me get the low mane

i i was always ma'am on takeout always maybe something changed recently i haven't gotten in a while but like the first i don't know 30 years of life It was thank you so much for your order, miss.

I'm like,

really?

Really?

Oh, yeah.

I'm ma'am all day.

But recently I did, I think I code switched and you guys can tell me whether or not I did.

I'm not sure, but I was, so I'm in the sauna at the Great Equinox, as you know, I love.

And so we're all sitting in there and there's like these two tech bros in there.

And so we strike up a conversation and I'm like, oh, yeah, you know, the thing with learned language models is that, you know, sometimes AI has hallucinations and it can be illusory.

So if it doesn't know the answer, it will sort of create an answer that that isn't actually factual.

So, that because it wants to come up with any answer, right?

We're talking.

This is what the conversation is.

And so, then the tech bros leave, and I'm left there with this, like, I would say, late 40s, early 50s Latin man in full tattoos.

And so, he looks at me and he goes,'How you doing?' And I look at him and go,'I can't call it OG.'

And I think I code switched.

You said to him, I can't call it OG.

Have you ever said that?

That is, that is

unbelievable.

I can't call it OG.

Oh my God, you code switched?

That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.

Oh my God.

It would have been much better if one of the tech bros stayed in until they could have seen it and looked at you and called you.

Like,

what are you talking about?

I realized it because the look on this man's face,

it wasn't negative.

Like, I felt like he had a deep appreciation for, like, I could have been like, I can't call it Unk.

Like, you know, but like, I gave like, OG, like, that is a sign of respect.

For sure.

And he knew.

I mean, he was, you know,

i i can't call it big ben

joshi gangs the og

i just love showing respect my wife always calls me on that she's like stop it and but

like it's fun Claudia kind of does that too.

I've told this story.

She loves calling people by their nicknames when she's not friends with them.

Oh, I know.

And I think it's so weird.

She'll be like, yeah, you know CJ.

I'm like, what do do you mean CJ?

You don't know him.

Like, you can't call him CJ.

Totally.

Like how I call Mr.

Beast Jimmy.

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

I know.

I know.

What's his real name?

Jonathan?

No, his name's Jimmy.

Jimmy?

He's not a full name.

Jim?

James?

Jim?

James.

That's it.

All right.

Jimmy.

Don't shoot, Doc Weiler O.G.

Don't shoot.

I find like it's such an endearing thing, and I'm willing to be called out on my code switching.

Like, whenever I meet someone who like speaks another language, I immediately try.

If I see someone, like if I, especially growing up in LA, right?

Like, if I meet someone from Israel, manishma, khobisera, like, you know what I'm saying?

It's just fun.

If I see someone

someone,

you know, from Iran, like, salam, merci,

you know, it's just fun.

It's cool.

If I see a Latin person, you know, I can't call it OG.

Come in damos compa, companero.

Like, it's fun.

It's fun to throw around a little bit of another language.

I completely agree.

Yes.

Merci, merci.

Merci.

Thank you for my baguette.

Merci, bo ku.

No, but in in Persian, too, it's merci.

It is.

Merci.

Merci.

In Farsi.

In Farsi.

Love it.

Wow.

Listen, dog.

You know me.

I love like MMA.

I love UFC.

When I meet someone from Brazil and I go, Bondia, they go, What the fuck?

I go, I know Portuguese.

And then they speak to me in Portuguese, and I'm like, I got nothing.

No, it's nice to have.

You have a couple of words, and it's more than enough to be endearing.

I completely support this.

Thank you.

Completely support.

There's nothing wrong with it.

Nothing wrong with it.

It's a good name for a show, Code Switchers.

It is for sure.

I don't think it's super offensive, but

it is.

You put somebody like undercover

just

it's like punked, but not funny.

It's just like a white guy like doing incredibly racist things, trying to convince other races that he is of their race.

It's so good.

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We want a gorgeous, sun-soaked backyard so that our beautiful baby can frolic.

Well, he can't walk, so he can sunbathe.

Well, we shouldn't have him in the sun, so he can sit in the shade.

Okay.

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Do you find that will you act a certain way sometimes and Claudia might look at you?

Like if you're in a situation with someone or in an environment where claudia will look at you and be like who are you like and i want to be like i am this just not around you for sure for sure this is me this is me but she but she like she like she's become accustomed to it like i use the word brother a lot

everyone is my brother like for sure i'm like yeah what's up brother and she like for the in the big in the beginning she was like brother and like she's like oh yeah homie brother dog good to see you homie brother dog like she would like rip me for it But now she just knows like, this is me.

Like I'm, I'm a big, not bro.

Like, hey, bro.

Honestly, bro, I consider too curt.

Like, if you say, hey, bro, it's not enough.

I need, I need brother.

How are you, brother?

It's great to see you, brother.

And that's my thing.

That's not around her.

Our wives have, and Olivia, feel free to jump in here.

Like, I want to be like, Paige, you think you're the only one getting icked out here?

Like,

I know I give you the ick constantly.

I'm like, hon, I get it plenty.

I get it

from you.

I need an example.

Whenever she gets excited around other girls or like is trying to be like overly friendly with other girls, like, oh my God, so cute.

I'm like,

you know?

Yes.

I do.

I do.

I absolutely do.

You give an example, so I'm not the only one in trouble.

I'm trying to think.

I'm trying to think.

Olivia, you know what?

Does Ethan ever give you the ink?

I'm sure not.

I know Ethan's perfect.

He's perfect.

He's beautiful.

He's everything.

But he does sometimes, like when his hair gets too long, he puts it, like if he's going to the gym or something, he'll just like throw it back as best he can.

And I hope he doesn't listen to this.

But sometimes he'll like, I just talked him into getting a headband before he gets his haircut.

Cause like, I can't handle this little half up, half down situation for much longer.

And it's, it's temporary like whenever he's got it in but i can't handle it i can't handle it totally she she never gives me the ick but she does ask me to do outrageous things and she does outrageous things like i've spoken with this before i guess this is an ick she's a sweeper and what that means is i will come home and everything i love will be in the trash

like she just she'll and pregnancy has made her the sweepers worst like the the the final boss of sweepers.

Right.

Like, like she just, anything that she sees that she no longer connects with, gone, Josh.

Gone.

Wow.

I guess that's an ick.

Like coming home and just like all of my socks are gone.

Like I liked them.

What?

They were like a little bit dirty.

I liked them.

They were cozy.

They were finally soft.

I know.

That doesn't really count, but I get it.

Okay.

Okay.

I have nothing out.

I have nothing.

Way to go.

Way to leave me out here all alone, Ben.

I I mean,

my wife has no icks.

Yeah, cool.

Anyway, should we get to some stories?

Because there's a new pope, baby.

Yeah, there is.

And he's from Villanova and he's fucking rad.

And he's also from Chicago.

And he is going to convert me to Christianity.

Only if the Knicks win the championship.

Definitely.

He's like Peter Progressive over there.

And I like it.

I love it.

There is something weird about an American Pope.

Like, I can't explain it.

Like, the Pope feels very biblical, even though they're all just like, it's kind of like when you found out that Picasso, like, lived in the 1970s, at least in my head.

Like, Picasso's like 1600s.

It's like, the Pope, really?

Like, the Pope was born

around the same time as my dad.

That's the Pope.

Yeah, I mean, how old is your dad?

My dad is 65.

He's four years older than your dad.

Crazy.

My dad could have been the Pope.

Would have been a king.

Imagine that.

Can you imagine that if my dad was the Pope?

The white smoke would just come out of his kitchen.

He's just like burning a steak.

They're like, Bruce, Papis Bruce, what do you pick for your Pope name?

And he goes, I'm not going to miss an opportunity for branding.

I'm going to be Pope Bruce Saffer Catering LLC.

People have to say it every time.

It's funny.

Okay, so what is this guy's real name?

Prevost, but

Pope Leo, but the Prevost is his last name.

And you just make it up?

Like, do you fully make it up?

Like,

I don't know if we've spoken about this, but like in college, this is a very, like, everybody has this exact same experience.

You sit down the first day of any class and you have some of the Asian students that came in.

They are not from this country.

Let's say Chinese.

And they read their...

given name and they will immediately say no please just call me chris and i've asked them before i'm like how do you, where does that come from?

Jason, Chris, Stephanie.

They're like, we just picked these names based on characters that we loved in movies.

You think that's the same with the Pope?

Well, I mean, what I will say specifically about that, it was funny.

There is a comedian who does a bid about this.

So I, I want to honor them.

I just forget their name, but I was talking.

This is not my bid is what I'm saying.

I was at the doctor the other day for my horrible TMJ that our audience seems to not be able to help me with.

Please, my DMs are open.

I will take any TMJ suggestions.

And I go to the doctor, my lovely, just, you know, primary care.

And she goes, I'm going to give you a, you know, physical therapy rec.

And she's like, and also we have like UCLA has like an East-West type center with acupuncture and whatnot.

She's like, there's actually this amazing doctor who just practices Chinese medicine.

And she's like, their name is a bit hard to pronounce, but they're fabulous.

And I said, isn't it amazing?

And this is the bit of like these people who like immigrate to this country, do such incredible things, like work so darn hard, are so massively educated, all to be called Barry.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like literally, yes.

It's Chris.

Like, I want to be like, no, no, no, what is your full name?

Like, let me do the work.

Let me honor you by doing a little bit of work to learn how to properly say your name.

You are also absolutely not stealing a bit from any comic.

This is ubiquitous, right?

With anybody that went to undergrad anywhere, like this happens.

If you went to a school that had other people in it that aren't just you, then you 100% have experienced a very, very long Chinese name being cut to Stephanie.

It's not cool.

No, but it's their choice.

It's their choice.

They don't come in and say, call me by my name.

They want to be called Stephanie because they want to fit in, Josh.

But do you think it's that?

Or they probably don't want to be, there's probably that.

There's also a desire to like, how many times can you correct someone?

Like if you have a weird spelling and you like get your latte from Starbucks, how many times are you going to be like, actually, like, it's, you know, it's Katie with a, with a C.

You know what I mean?

Yes.

I also love just like how scared both of us are to try to say one Chinese name.

We won't.

We won't do it.

Yeah, I'm trying to think of if I, yeah, all my friends, like my, one of my close friends who's Chinese is Jeremy.

Like, and I don't, I think that's just his name.

He could just be Jeremy.

Yeah.

If he's born here, he could just be Jeremy.

So true.

But maybe not.

Maybe he's some name that I won't try and say.

My friend Len, who is an immigrant from Moldova, which is formerly the Soviet Union, but it was, you know, the wonderful Moldavian people.

He always told me that when he moved here, when he was five, much like they did this at Ellis Island, but his name is Leonja or Leonid.

which is a Russian name.

It's a sick name.

But when he got here, they offered to anglicize his name and they gave him options and it was like leo and liam like just all in the l family and he just kind of picked len which i think is sick len's a great name great name sick name so i think it's like that i don't know if it's random i just think they kind of like give you things that are close to it

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Is Lenin the mafia or is his family mafia adjacent?

Like Russian mob?

Yeah.

Well, we're Jews too.

You know what I'm saying?

So it's like.

No, we're, we're.

By the way, Jews are mobsters.

We don't talk about that enough.

We were fucking mobsters.

Claudia and I are deep in season one of the Sopranos, which we are loving.

Hesh.

Loving.

Great Hesh.

Legend.

Legend.

I want to spin off just about Hesh.

So this is your first time watching The Sopranos?

Correct.

Say more.

Okay.

So you've seen The Sopranos.

Yeah, I know you've seen nothing.

You've seen it beginning to to end.

I've seen beginning to end every episode three or four times.

I don't know what it was about the Sopranos.

We've tried to start it a bunch over the years.

And the first three times we stopped in the middle of the pilot.

And I don't know why.

We just didn't like it.

And now we're on like episode 13 or whatever of the season one.

And we are just, I'm obsessed.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

I keep calling her pussy.

Big pussy.

I'm like, yeah, big pussy.

For those that don't know, that's a character.

Okay.

I'm not being mean to my wife.

That's a character.

But I'm loving it.

I'm a little bit confused.

I wish that Tony Soprano wasn't cheating with hookers.

There's something about that that feels off.

He's such like a family man that like also would like murder someone, but I just feel like the cheating takes him into like another orbit where I don't understand Tony Soprano, if that makes sense.

But right now, Uncle June is still the head.

It seems like Tony's going to kill Uncle June at some point because Uncle June is trying to kill Tony.

But yeah, I don't, I don't know anything.

There were no spoilers for me.

And it's just

a great show.

Hearing you theorize about it 20 years later is like hearing someone go, so I'm watching Star Wars.

I think Vader

is Luke's dad.

And how amazing is it?

It's crazy.

I like, there are people that would spoil these things for themselves.

I have no interest in spoiling anything for myself.

I will read nothing.

I will hear nothing.

I know, I don't know anything.

I literally am coming into it completely clean.

And it is a wonderful show.

Wonderful show.

Oh, it's beyond.

It's a great, you have to understand too, right?

Like you're watching it now, 25 years later in an environment where we've had Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Last of Us, like some of the great television of the last like two decades, and you're appreciating it already.

It's like one of the greatest shows, right?

25 years later, right?

It's unbelievable.

It's unbelievable.

And Josh, last night for Mother's Day, I took my mom to Carbone.

And let me tell you, I thought that I was sitting at Artie Bucco's.

It was, it's literally the way that he captured the mobster energy.

I thought, I was like, I'm Tony Soprano.

This is Artie Bucco.

And I'm here eating my gorgeous spicy Rigatoni.

But imagine how the, so you're, it.

withstands the test of time 25 years later.

Imagine how the world stopped when it came on in 2000 or whenever it came on.

I can't even imagine.

Also, that's that kid.

I forget his son's name.

AJ,

that's my son.

This is a gorgeous, chubby, happy, at least now.

This is a good boy.

Love him.

He should have been casting.

He looks like he should be casting the sandlot or heavyweights.

Did you know that Jamie Lynn Sigler, a Jew, Meadow?

Yes.

Jewish.

Yes.

And by the way, ravishing, like a beautiful God, she has just matured.

So she's a mother, and I don't want to say anything out of turn here, but she's a lovely looking person.

She is.

She's especially in entourage, which is where I knew her from entourage before I knew her as Meadow Soprano, which is hilarious.

They would always say, oh, Meadow Soprano.

I'm like, oh, yeah, sure, whatever.

Yeah, Jamie Lynn Siegler is amazing.

Fun fact, if you squint really, really, really, really close, I am a background actor in the pilot of the Sopranos at AJ's birthday.

You're not.

Yeah.

Shut up.

Yeah, dude.

I was on set for the pilot.

What?

I was like, what is this show about a choir?

You're lying.

No, I'm not.

Now I have to go watch the pilot again.

You can't, you can't, you probably can't even see me.

Like, I think you see, like, my shoulder.

You were in the Sopranos?

Yeah, dude.

I was there, like, with Polly Walnuts eating lunch.

Just like, why didn't they give you a bigger role?

Why weren't you Tony's son?

I know.

I was at 10.

I was like, I guess I was 9 or 10.

That would have been great.

Imagine you as Tony.

You could have been Hesh's son.

It would have been great.

But I will say, other than Edie Falco, I guess, I mean,

it is such a generation-defining show.

It's really hard to see any of those people outside of that show, right?

Oh, of course.

No, they were made for that show.

They were made for that show.

I don't know.

Did James Gandalfini do anything else before he died?

Yes.

Yes.

I don't know.

He's one of the great.

Yeah.

I have no idea.

But Gandalfini had a huge career before.

Yeah.

Gandalfini was like the dude, and he was so good after that as well.

And he was on Broadway.

And I told you my Gandalfini story.

I think you did.

You can tell it again.

Nah.

Yeah, man.

He was the dude and then okay so you're enjoying this you're how do we get on to this the pope what i will say

you were gonna read a story about the pope and then i immediately interrupted you and you never read it

Well, I will say this too, to your point.

Like, he's like them sleeping with their gumars.

Like, every man on that show cheats on their wife and has a gumar for every season.

I'm not ruining anything for you, but it ain't just hookers.

It's gumars non-stop for the entire show.

And like that is, that's the fascinating thing too.

And I know I'm spoiling this, but I don't care.

And I think great shows do this.

And if you look at the parallels between Breaking Bad and Sopranos, from episode one, they go, this person is despicable.

Walter White kills those fools that are trying to hold up his RV.

Like he locks them in there and basically poisons them.

In episode one, so basically what it's telling you from episode one is on the grand scheme of things, this this guy is going to have to die.

But what a ride this is going to be for the next eight seasons.

Totally.

And that's great writing, right?

It's taking a villain and making you love them.

So Tony, you're telling me Tony dies?

No, no.

No, he doesn't die.

You know he doesn't die because no one knows what happens to him.

But you know, there's a version of like,

that's the urban lore is that he's got to die.

You never know what happens to him.

I would never ruin it.

I understand.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No.

It's an amazing show, amazing writing.

I'm loving it.

And it's literally in my backyard.

It's like, it takes place a half hour from New York City.

A half hour.

That's where my family is from, Short Hills, Caldwell.

Caldwell.

And

there's some and some Montclair and that part of Jersey.

It's so interesting.

It's also so Jewish.

Like those areas are so Jewish, but they were also so Italian.

mobstery but i guess they were also jewish mobstery coming back to hirsch you've never have you ever seen the movie bugsy no oh my god you You know about the great Jewish gangsters?

I do.

I do.

Yes.

Yes.

And I have to watch it.

So that's about, that's about Jewish gangsters.

It's about Bugsy Siegel, who started Vegas.

Okay.

All right.

So I'm going to watch Bugsy because I love that shit.

I love it.

And we need to tell more Jewish mob stories, but clearly I just haven't seen them and they've told them Bugsy.

I love, I don't know, I'm sure that you picked up on this, Josh.

Obviously, in the first season of The Sopranos, they they talk a lot.

They talk terribly about everybody, but they do talk terribly about the Jews.

And I love the way that they do it.

It was clearly, it's like, they're also like pro-Jewish while using slurs.

I can't explain it.

It's the perfect, just like middle ground where it's not offensive.

It's exciting.

You know what I mean?

Like,

yeah, it's like when Paige calls me a hook nose in bed.

Oh, I was thinking about that too, because

Paige and I, and by that I mean just me, like the name Meyer for a kid.

Love, love, love, Meyer Lansky, Meyer Lansky, great Jewish, great Jewish mobster.

And so I was thinking about the fact that if, in fact, we have a third boy, we really missed out on the great three Jewish gangsters were Bugsy Siegel, Mickey Cohen, and Meyer Lansky.

Can you imagine having three fucking boys named Muggy?

Sick.

Bugsy, Meyer, and Mickey.

That's ill.

Sick.

Sick.

You give them the middle names: Bugsy Siegel Peck, Meyer Lansky Peck.

So good.

And like, they're mathletes.

They're fucking nerds.

So good.

They're in this, like, and now Meyer Lansky Peck in the sound of music.

No.

Fucking nerds.

And now being called up to the BEMA, Mickey Cohen Peck.

Well, the Pope, what's exciting about the Pope is that what you need to know about the Pope somebody.

Last thing on the Sopranos, literally after, I don't know, the first couple episodes, the next time I was out walking around, I had to just pick up like two grand in cash.

So I now just have two grand in cash in my pocket, just in case.

You never know.

You never know, Josh.

You never know who you're going to be.

I'm cutting it out, bro, because everyone knows you're a fucking mark.

Like, they're going to see you on the Upper East side.

I and i have no money they know you're not gonna put up a fight i know you're right i'm a mark shit i have to toughen up yeah i bring back do you know do you know that i used to wear a pink earring love that i should bring it back olivia should that would help would that help toughen me up i don't i don't know about that

i don't know about that she's like ben nothing in the world could possibly toughen you up

That's an ex that's an interesting one.

The thing about the Pope, though, is that it's amazing to see that you can eventually one day become Pope and still have a loser brother.

Like, this is not good for the Pope.

Like, his brother is a liability.

Yeah, he's Chatty McChatterstein.

Oh, I saw...

I saw something.

He's like,

I can attest that the Pope was never, ever a Chicago Cubs fan, ever.

I don't know where that came from.

He's a diehard White Sox fan.

Maybe mom was a Cubs fan, but he's a diehard White Sox fan.

It's like, can the Pope live for a minute?

Dude, the Pope needs to distance.

I'm talking some, like, can you?

That's funny, right?

Like, what would be funny would be if it turned out Jesus had a brother that they kept out of the New Testament, right?

Yeah.

Because they were like, Artie, his brother, was just like around Bethlehem talking all that shit.

The liability.

He's like Jackson Mahomes.

The liability.

Like Jackson Mahomes at Bethlehem.

That's what he is.

That's what he is.

Just shut it and let your brother be cool.

Yes.

Stop it.

Stop dancing on TikTok popes, brother.

Yes.

Just relishing it.

Should we get to one Speakpipe before we go?

Yes.

All right.

If you want to leave us a message, get advice from us.

Don't give us your what-y-your-nutses.

We don't like them.

Go to speakpipe.com slash good guys.

And here's one from

somebody good.

I need to get an intern.

This one's from Anonymous.

Hey, good guys.

I don't know if this has already been talked about on the pod.

And if it already has, maybe it should be brought up again if Ben is still doing this.

What are you nuts for, you know, just taking out your contacts everywhere and leaving them all over the apartment?

My husband does this too.

And I'm constantly stepping on them, finding them in the kitchen, finding them on our baby.

I also wear daily contacts and I simply throw them in the trash before I go to bed and put on my glasses.

What is so hard about that routine?

What am I not understanding?

Why you guys do this?

Thanks.

Love you guys.

Okay, first and foremost, we have to talk about the fact that you found contacts in your baby.

Choking hazard, okay?

I don't like that at all.

I don't know if you've noticed in the last couple of episodes, if you're only listening on audio, throw it on YouTube as well.

You know, you could just have them both playing at the same time.

Double the views.

I've been wearing glasses.

I've been wearing glasses a lot.

My eyes, I think it might be just like seasonal allergies.

They've been getting very dry.

So the contacts have been bothering me.

But yes, when I would wear my contacts, I would get in bed after a long day.

I'd remember, oh, my contacts are still in.

Pluck them out, pluck them out, put them on my nightstand.

Is that appropriate?

No.

I should 100%

remember when I brush my teeth, wash my face, take them out, put them in, get in bed.

I'm only human.

What do you want from me?

That said, your husband leaving its contacts on your baby?

This is a different problem.

I don't even understand how that can possibly happen.

How can used contacts land on a baby, Josh?

I'll let you put them there.

But don't you have yours all like rigamarawaling around the apartment?

Doesn't Claudia get upset with you?

And then you have your child and they're crawling and they're exploring.

And then all of a sudden, you know, there's a near-sighted contact on their eyelash.

Okay, it's possible.

I know.

So you're saying I'm him.

You're saying I'm listening to this and I'm judging this man when this man is really me.

And really, I should be judging myself.

It's like in the Sopranos when Tony thinks that he sees the Italian dental student.

He thinks he sees her

when she doesn't exist.

It is purely his subconscious.

Yes.

Okay.

Should we get to our what are you nuts?

Yeah.

Our what are you nuts moment of the week are our gripes with people, places, and things, both big and small, whatever, sticking in your craw.

Mine is holiday posts on social media.

It becomes a soup of all the the same crap.

And yeah, we get it.

We know it.

Christmas is Christmas.

We assume you're with your family.

I don't need it.

I don't need it at all.

I get it.

You're at Coachella.

You have a mother.

It's Christmas.

New Year's.

Oh, champagne.

Peanuts.

Who cares?

I would generally agree.

What I will say, though, is...

It's just not special.

If you have a mother like me, who if you don't post for her, she's deeply offended.

That's why I post.

But like, Paige and I don't like, Paige started this in the last year or two where she doesn't post for me on Father's Day.

So I said, I'm not going to post for you on Mother's Day then.

And I prefer it.

My what are you nuts, Josh, is also Mother's Day related.

We went on a booze cruise on the Hudson.

What are you nuts?

This was, this was Josh.

This was such a mistake.

I said, I let my sister.

take the reins.

I took dinner.

We had a gorgeous dinner at Carbone.

This was A-plus back room, beautiful table.

My parents had never been.

The first time that you're at Carbon, it's like you're meeting Jesus himself.

Unbelievable.

The booze cruise before Josh.

Oh my God, this boat.

I thought we were going to die.

It was like a 200-year-old boat.

So dirty, so disgusting.

Unlimited mimosas.

I went to take one sip.

I had so much acid in my throat.

One sip.

I don't know where this orange juice came from.

The most acidic orange juice in the whole world.

They only served, Josh, shrimp in mashed potatoes.

So much bacon, just like a whole.

I have no idea where we were, Josh.

I have no idea where we were.

Couple that with the Hudson.

No booze cruises in New York.

Do that when you're somewhere beautiful.

The New York waters are not beautiful.

This is a woody of nuts.

So good.

Insane.

I'm going to send you pictures.

I couldn't post them.

That's crazy.

But I'll send you these pictures.

Come have

shrimp and bacon on the circa line.

Yes.

you it was called i forget the name of it i'm gonna send you a video of my parents dancing to ludacris you have no idea my mom my mom i look to my right my mom is alone dancing with six women she's never met god but we she's such a good time ava she's a queen she's a queen folks you know what else is a queen you for giving this five stars otherwise what are you nuts listen to us wherever you get your podcasts watch us on youtube share our clips instagram and tick tock folks Mondays and Thursdays.

We will see you next time.

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