Intrusive Thoughts: The Musical

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Welcome back to the Good Guys podcast.

Ben, did you know that Dunkin' Donuts and JetBlue just did a collab for a Dunkin' Donuts plane?

Benny and Joshi talking about planes.

Benny and Joshi.

Benny had a Starbucks.

I did not have Starbucks this morning.

He actually had Duncan.

I love Duncan.

I would pick Duncan almost anytime.

Talk to me about this collab and then we're freaking talking about Dunkin' Donuts because Starbucks hasn't given me a penny.

I was literally, I was hawking them nonstop, okay?

Yes, their app, unbelievable.

Their coffee, I have a problem that Dunkin' solves, and we'll talk about that when we start to talk about Duncan.

But I want to hear about this collab.

Well, as we know, Dunkin' Donuts is available on ChetBlue flights.

And listen, we are not being sponsored by ChetBlue in any way.

In fact,

that's all I'll say.

Chet nuts.

Yeah.

But no, it's just a super kayute plane.

And it made me start thinking about like, what could there be other collabs?

Like maybe Spirit Airlines and Taco Bell.

but I would fear that the farts on that plane would be so intense that maybe they would have to do an old emergency land.

They did Delta and Shake Shack.

Delta and Shake Shack, right?

That was a big move.

That's still happening, by the way.

In first class, you can get a Shake Shack burger.

Yeah, but by the way, Duncan is better.

Duncan, like having good, trustworthy coffee on a flight, that's awesome.

That is awesome.

Can you imagine if a flight, like that to me is the the problem, right?

You can't

you can't do a good pasta primavera on land.

You're doing short ribs at 34,000 feet.

What are you, a schmuck?

Do things

planes should do appetizers.

If they walked around with a charcuterie board, have some gaba gool and shut the fuck up, 37b.

Really?

There should be far more deli meat in the skies.

Yes.

Like, that's just a fact.

Like, imagine there was a, why isn't there a turkey carver, a slicer, a deli slicer on board?

You know, and a table bag geyser.

That's what I'm saying.

It's easy to keep fresh bread.

You throw it in a plastic bag, no problem.

And you take, you want, you want smoked turkey in 3B?

No problem.

Fresh.

It's so dumb.

I got Diets and Watson for 6D.

They're throwing up their ginger ale in the sky.

Yeah.

Imagine that, though.

The listeria outbreak on the plane.

That would be it.

It'd be

hysterical.

Which airline would partner with Boar's head?

Oh, that's a toughie.

Alaska.

Okay.

Oh, I like that.

I was going to say Frontier.

I like Alaska.

That's good.

Even though I feel like Alaska would partner with like a nice Marlboro Red.

Yes.

Bring Speaker back on flights.

Or an American Spirits.

Ooh.

You know what I've been doing much less of is vaping.

Is vaping falling out of fashion?

I think that everything

right now that is a harm to the body seems to be falling out of fashion.

The older we get, it seems like I'm finding that my friends are just drinking less, smoking less.

You have those outliers that are like still doing crazy shit, but you look at them and you're like, are you fucking out of your mind?

Right.

Like grow up.

That said,

you know, last night, it was a beautiful night.

My brother-in-law texted me.

It was like 73 degrees.

He's like, oh man, this feels like a great night for a hookah.

And I'm like, ah, yes,

I would love a hookah on my balcony.

The same balcony that I almost fell off of last week.

But that would be,

that's the only thing that like I would still do a nice occasional hookah, occasional cigarette, occasional cigar, all right, occasional joint, but nothing on the daily.

Well, tell me about Dunkin' donuts and why it satisfies satisfies something for you instead of starbucks

josh starbucks pulled the wool over our eyes at least 12 months ago and just made everybody that once drank sugar-free hazelnut you talked about drink sugar-free vanilla yeah but we didn't talk about the dunkin has sugar-free hazelnut Oh, wow.

Okay.

Duncan has it, Josh.

Got it.

And I went and i was like oh there's just a whole board of sugar-free sweeteners i thought sugar-free hazelnut because of dunkin was just sold out in general i'm like if starbucks can't get sugar-free hazelnut so as we've discussed i switched to chai i don't want chai chai was just like it was just there you know it was there in replacement of my sugar-free hazelnut but i like when my coffee tastes like hazelnut and dunkin has sugar-free hazelnut so i went this morning i got a large iced coffee a little bit of milk one splendid three pumps of sugar-free hazelnut, and it was delicious.

Have you ever gotten any of their hot bites, any of their breakfast bites?

I've gotten so much of their food.

They also have a great bagel.

Oh, and they have a great doughnut.

Do you find, I think that is the one place where they're lacking are their donuts.

I never, my, my balls are never blown off by their, their donuts.

It's not that my balls are blown off by their donuts, but their donuts are simply, their donuts are really great for a coffee shop

right they're not really great for a donut shop but if you're going there for your iced coffee and you pick up a strawberry frosted donut it's pretty delicious it's no krispy cream but krispy cream is a donut shop i feel like dunkin has really become a coffee shop am i right it has and they really and by the way we are getting zero ad dollars from dunkin' donuts i want to assure you unfortunately

they have you they have like a little draft station like a little, like where they like pull down the lever for the cold brews and whatnot.

And then they like have one of those long spoons, like they're mixing a mojido.

And they're just like

giving you your delicious

mojido.

Mojido.

I like putting the emphasis a lot on different parts of the word.

The emphasis on the mojido.

On the mojito.

Yeah, I love it.

And their egg bites, their sandwiches, like their egg sandwiches, all that stuff is good.

Honestly, the food at these coffee shops through the roof.

I love the food at Starbucks.

Love, love.

Yeah, we've spoken about this, but I will say it again.

Nothing like that spinach-fed egg white wrap.

Double baked.

That will keep me coming back.

You love it.

Double baked.

That'll keep me coming back to Starbucks.

The only thing they're lacking is in the app, it doesn't allow you to pick one and a half.

Let me pick it.

Let me do it.

Because I'm telling you, if you get one cold bite in a spinach egg wrap thing, it's that'll ruin your day.

It's really bad.

It's really bad.

Really yucky man starbucks does fulfill a need i have especially in la new york a little less just because i feel i feel like even then they hold the bathroom over your head like you may or may not get in there but like when you got to take a nice pish and then you need something to get you from lunch to dinner you get that nice bite you get that hit of caffeine they killed howard schultz crushed it Yeah, Starbucks is definitely king, but there's something inherently, you feel very like a real New Yorker when you go to Duncan.

I can't explain it.

There's just something about the Dunkin' Donuts in New York that feels like, I'm going to run into a cop.

Go to Dunkin' Donuts.

I'm not running into a cop at Starbucks.

The cops are not going to Starbucks.

And I think that has everything to do, Josh, with the

cup of Joe or the box of Joe, where you can just get that big eight servings of hot coffee, 10 servings of hot coffee, and the donuts, of course, and bring them to your local precinct.

There's something very New Yorker about Dunkin' Donuts.

Man, do I want to hang out in a precinct?

Right?

I'll code switch for a precinct all day.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I'd love to see you stepping into a precinct and hear the way that you speak to cops.

Yeah, my beat's 10th Avenue.

You know what I mean?

A couple vagrants over there.

You know what I'm saying?

Come in a couple fucking B ⁇ Es.

I got B ⁇ Es up to my hoo-ha.

Right now, I wish I had a bacon, egg, and cheese right now instead of so many B ⁇ Es.

You know,

you tell them.

You tell them.

That was good.

That was good.

They'll call me, you know what they call me?

The big blue line.

BBL?

The big blue line?

Could you imagine my reality show as a cop?

I love it.

I'm in.

I loved Blue Bloods.

You ever watch Blue Bloods?

Of course not.

Great show.

With Donny Wahlberg?

Yeah.

Nah.

I loved it.

It was great.

I hold the line at Donnie Wahlberg.

No.

Can you believe that I literally,

all seasons of Blue Bloods before I watch The Sopranos?

That's nice.

That's really nice.

Can you just tell me, does the therapist stay in for all seasons?

No, right?

Of course.

Integral.

Dr.

Melfie?

I was really hoping she got killed off.

Lorraine Brocco, how dare you?

Yeah, I was really hoping that they just...

Oh, God.

You're nice maybe she gets maybe she gets better her and Edie are the her and Edie Falco or Carmel they're they are the women in Tony's life understood oh so it gets even deeper okay I love it I love it tell me no don't tell me more I won't tell me more I won't oh trust me I won't don't tell me more

so wonderful oh so glad you have the sopranos to look forward to and to enjoy

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Are you watching anything, Josh?

What am I watching?

I'm watching The Agency, which is a Michael Fastpender Richard Gere show on Paramount.

Very my style.

Very good.

Quite good.

I am watching The Last of Us, which plenty of people, as expected, had opinions about me being on that show.

And I'm enjoying that.

I am enjoying it.

And am I watching anything else?

Oh, well, yeah, my beloved pit.

Now I got to wait.

Man, they're doing season two of the pit right now on Nax, and it shoots at Warner Brothers in Los Angeles.

And people usually ask me, they go, what would be like a dream job for you?

And I always say, I don't have one because

I never thought I was going to go work for, you know, on Oppenheimer for two months, nor did I think I was going to do five episodes of iCarly and have a gas.

But how do we get you in the pit so you can just film locally, be in a show that you love?

You'd also make a great, I don't know, I'm trying to think, would you be a doctor?

Would you be a med student?

Would you be

too old?

Yeah, but like, they can always make you look younger, no?

Isn't that a thing?

Like wherever, where they always say, like, oh, she's 18 when she's 30.

Well, no, I could be like a third year, like a second year resident.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

I wouldn't wouldn't be an attending.

I'm not, you know, you wouldn't be an attending.

No, you wouldn't be in attending.

No, I'd be, yeah, I'd be like, I'd be a resident, maybe not even the senior resident.

I would.

Would you want to be a doctor?

Yeah.

What would be your dream role in the pit?

Walk me through it.

Please pitch it.

It would be a dream role to be.

That show is crushing it so hard.

I already know how these shows do it, right?

This is how it's going to happen.

First of all, I love the show.

I'm crazy for it.

Then I want some behind the scenes and half these people have british accents oh does that stick in my craw that means they went far and wide to find these great actors what for what no it's good

they're good they're so perfect it's annoying they're so good

how wonderful would it be josh if you could just wake up and go and film in los angeles yeah dude it's how it should be this should this is what i'm saying a new local should feed local local should feed local stop trying to drag everybody to Ireland.

Well, we can talk about that in

nausea, but yeah, it would be cool.

It's my dream to be a doctor in general.

I'm not even sure on television.

I think it might just be something I give up acting for.

But yeah, the dream role, especially with a third kid on the way, would be to be local doing a show like that, which is incredibly well done with these great, brilliant actors.

And like something, because in LA, you assume like if you got a job in town that you'd be like on some procedural where you show up every day and go like, yeah, I'm lucky to have this job.

I secretly don't love it, but whatever.

I'm very lucky to have a job in town.

But that is one of those rare jobs in town where every day you go, ooh, I can't wait.

Like, what's this?

Or like you're excited.

It's, and again, these are champagne problems, but it's very rare when you're on a show for a season or two or three where you're like excited when the script comes down for the next week.

Because

eventually these things get figured out and it just becomes like a formula, you know?

So when they're keeping you excited because the writing's so good, oh man, that's fun.

That's a nice thing to be a part of.

I don't see why you couldn't be a doctor, but I really like there, it's such a miss if you're not just like one of those doctors husbands.

Like the way that that guy, what was that schmuck's name?

I hated him.

i hated him what was that guy's name i know i don't know you know who i'm talking about the red the red-headed doctor's husband who's just like a shithead but he got so much air time he had so many lines there's no reason that wasn't you and there's no reason that like you couldn't be married to what's that girl's name i don't know the names of any of the doctors neither i don't know a single i know dr robbie the the that's it that's it but i don't know anybody else's names but there are tons of female doctors in that show and they really love exploring the love interest.

I'm just saying,

or the redhead that has the

ankle bracelet, you could be her new flame.

She could use you to make him jealous, and then you could raise that kid.

Fuck yeah.

It's just not fun.

All right.

I guess it's fun.

You just want,

here's the thing.

You want something to do.

You like,

this is total selfish actor inside baseball, right?

But you're saying it's just not a fun role.

That part that he played is not a fun role to me.

Is it fun to make great money in Los Angeles?

Yes.

How do you weigh that?

Because to me, it's like, okay, dream role shoots somewhere else, B.

A roll shoots here.

A.

It, yeah, it absolutely.

You have to weigh it towards where you are in your family life, right?

Like, I have three kids under, I will have, God willing, three kids under 10.

And so, their school, their stability is super important.

Although, like, I remember I got offered this show when I was doing Oppenheimer, but I was away a lot, and Paige was pregnant with Shai.

And I got offered this pilot for a show that was going to shoot in Montreal.

And at that time, Max was four, almost four, and Shai was about to be born.

And it just was like, I just couldn't do it.

Cause we had spent already a year over the pandemic in Vancouver doing Turner and Hooch.

And I just was like, it's just a lot.

And especially if she has to give birth in Montreal, like she gets a C-section, like it's a proper, she needs to be.

He's Canadian.

He can't come in.

Like, imagine that.

Imagine that.

You can't get him citizenship.

No, they would become citizens of Canada.

They get

dual citizens.

And then, but, you know, I'm there.

I'm, I'm, you know, chugging Tim Hortons coffee while Paige is giving birth without a mother there.

You know what I mean?

It's a shunda.

By the way, Tim Hortons, wonderful chain, gorgeous.

I love it.

It's there.

There aren't enough Tim Hortons.

There aren't enough Tim's.

It's a great name.

It's a great name.

Timothy.

Long form Thomas.

Is it a form of Thomas?

I think so.

It's not.

What is it then, Josh?

Oh, it's just Timothy?

Tommy.

tom tommy thomas tim timothy tim timmy timothy okay timmy

didn't in the last episode you're like what's jimmy jonathan for sure no i'm on the same i'm on the same trajectory what's timothy short for

but yeah i i think that so yes traveling when you're having a kid is a is a tough thing but i think for that show the pit in general what you want to be selfishly as an actor is you want to be in the mix And

like that guy, the husband on that show, anyone who doesn't watch the show, they're like, cool, I'm turning off this episode.

But he's like, you should, by the way, you should watch it.

Like, it's a really fucking great show.

I loved it.

Yeah.

I loved it.

You're like in three episodes and you have a good little thing, but it's not like a crazy, like, you know, like, what's great is the, um, the night shift attending, right?

Who comes in at the end?

Like, he's in the first episode and then he comes for five episodes at the end you're like I love this guy like yeah that if you're gonna do a recurring that's the part because you're like this is my dude what about the woman that runs the hospital that's a great role too great role of her

because when you see her she gets like a page of really good because it's all that's the thing with drama you want to be a part of the conflict I understand.

And he's so off to the side.

You don't want anything to do with that.

I understand.

No,

look, I think it's, you are lucky to have a job in hollywood but i've done a lot of that stuff where you get like a great 90 seconds and it's like you kind of want to like be a part of the mix and like get something fun to do every week and i think if you're a doctor on that show you're going to get something fun every week yes but i know i know this show is hot it is flaming hot they're gonna get So many good, they're gonna like get movie actors who are gonna be like, yeah, I'll come play.

I'll come play for a couple couple weeks

while Josh E.

P's over here going, What do you want, Doctor?

Feel good?

Yeah, you're in physical condition,

right?

Yeah, you write in a whole storyline.

I'm all hopped up on steroids.

Can I take care of my patients?

I'm doing DECA in the back, and bicep girls are like, You know, Dr.

Handsome, you got this guy.

He's in cardiac arrest.

I'm like, I got to get my gains.

Like, we're going to revoke your medical license.

I'm like, well, you can't revoke these tries.

No, you can't you absolutely can have you told you've told your people to reach out to the pit people

i i try not to scream at the wind ben

josh josh you have to tell them that you want it do you sometimes go into the forest and make a wish list tell tell people that you want it okay you're gonna get it thank you freaking get it golly thank you for believing in me i really appreciate it ben what do you want in this world

i i don't want anything you're like Spritz is in Target.

I got it.

I said this last night.

It's not even that.

Like,

work aside, work is work.

I'm going to continue to do things that make me happy.

And I'm thankful that those things are making me money, but I work really hard.

And

I'm thankful that I enjoy the things that I do.

But even if it all came crashing down, I don't mean this in a corny way.

I sat in bed last night after Mother's Day, and I'm very lucky.

I'm very lucky.

And I turned to Claudia and I'm like, I have such an unbelievably wonderful life.

I'm so unbelievably blessed.

I have two parents that are just, just the best people in the whole world.

My sister is so great.

My wife is so great.

Like, I swear on my life, I want for nothing.

And the more that I find that I want for nothing, things come.

I don't know.

But when I do want something, Josh, I definitely speak into the universe and I make it happen.

That Target thing, for example, it's not like Target came and said, hey, we want to put you in.

I literally batted down the door for four years.

I found somebody that worked at Target.

I got them to try it.

I started in 100 stores.

I went to 200 stores.

I went to 1400 stores.

But I really do want for nothing.

And then when I want for something,

I'm very aggressive.

Very aggressive.

Some would call it annoying.

Some would call it annoying.

Not oh, hey, you know who wouldn't say that?

Me.

Because I support you, Ben.

I love you.

God,

we're so good.

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Want to get to a speak pipe?

No,

you got anything else?

No, I want to get to a speak pipe.

I really do.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

And just so you know, when you come up to me on the street and you say BH and then tell me that you're Christian, it warms my freaking heart.

And then when you tell me I'm a moron, there was a 68-year-old guy yesterday.

He's with his daughter.

The daughter comes up to Claudia.

She's like, I'm such a huge fan.

He looked at me.

He's like, man, I'm a moron.

I'm like, I love you, dad.

I love you.

Wow, morty's a moron yeah morty the moron love it it's our mascot just like an old jew yes let's this is our fan base civil servants the 65 and up community we should start getting like a leaflet in the arp mailings yeah we need we need to be sponsored by the aarp a thousand percent the problem is anyone over 65 can't find podcasts

we do need to maybe transition this thing over to radio josh how do you see it on radio?

Where is it?

That's the problem.

It really is the problem.

Seriously.

We would get triple the downloads if it wasn't so hard to find a podcast.

Olivia, can we syndicate this to radio?

I'll talk with our guests.

Yeah.

Let's just see.

We don't need any money.

We just want the exposure.

And by that, I mean I'm not doing work if I'm not getting paid.

Let's just have us come in and be like, 107.1.

It's good guys coming at you in Los Angeles.

It's a bomby 68 degrees.

There's traffic on the 405.

Benny, what do you got?

I don't know.

There was just a shooting at that beach.

And there's a shooting at Dockweiler.

And everybody's bugging out.

No, I would literally just take the episode and throw it straight on radio.

What do you think of that?

Does that not exist?

Does that exist?

Why not?

I think SiriusXM does it with their podcasts.

Okay.

Wow.

What a fight.

Sorry.

Well, if you want to leave us a message, get advice, go to speakpipe.com/slash good guys.

Keep it brief.

Brevity is key.

We don't want to hear your what are your nutses.

They're not great.

Here's one from Olivia.

Let's hope not this, Olivia.

Hey, morons.

Hey, fat morons.

B-H-B-H-B-H to you beautiful babies.

My question is, do you ever get any intrusive or impulsive thoughts?

I work from home and whenever I'm on a Zoom meeting with my camera on, my brain tells me, flash your tits, flash your tits.

And once I get off the call, I have to really remind myself and convince myself that I didn't do it.

I didn't flash my tits, and it's going to be okay.

I'm not going to get fired.

Love you guys.

That is the greatest speak pipe we've ever had.

So good.

Starting with fat morons, ending with flash tits.

Unbelievable.

That was a good snort.

That was a good snort.

Oh my God.

Okay.

I've got, I've gotten plenty of intrusive thoughts never to flash my my tits or like get naked on Zoom and during a meeting.

That's strange.

But yeah, I've definitely like,

I'll be like, I'm trying to think of like a good example that doesn't paint me in a terrible light.

But like I'm out with like, I'm out on the terrace with my dog and I've once had a thought, like, what happens if I just threw him over?

I was like, would he survive?

And it's like, no.

And then I have to back it up, back it up.

It's like, you love him.

You love him.

You don't want to throw him off the balcony.

You have any intrusive thoughts like that, Trash?

Sometimes when I'm sitting at a meal with someone, I just think about taking the water or the glass that I'm holding and just going, ah,

like

throwing water in their face.

Can you imagine being that type of person that like flips tables?

You're like angry and you just like flip it yeah like teresa juduche

you with the terrible pronunciation

judice

i don't think so i think you're wrong dude

hi i'm teresa gadouce

am i wrong Yes, it's Judice.

Teresa Judice?

Yes.

Okay.

Yes.

Whatever you say.

Yeah,

flipping tables.

Privilege.

Privilege.

For sure.

Oh, my God.

Olivia, have you ever flipped a table?

I don't think I've ever flipped a table.

I actually have not flipped a table.

That's good.

That's good.

It's not good to flip tables.

Have you ever punched a wall?

No, but I like to, my interest in things, I have thoughts of, like, throwing random things like this like mic flag i would just love to like chuck it not at anybody just to throw it just to throw it yeah yeah interesting i've never punched through a wall josh have you no i think that's corny i think it's like really losery it is it's really illusory it also like

it's such like a short-term boost for such Long-term pain, both on your fist and you have to go get drop.

You have to go patch it.

Like, that sucks.

Totally.

Now, it's not cool to punch things like that.

No, anger management class should be taught at a Home Depot, and they should give you lessons on, like, once anger management's done, like, and then this is how you spackle.

This is how you put in the drywall.

Exactly.

Here's how you rectify your problems.

Yeah, you're the hole in the wall.

I love Home Depot.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it, except no one works there.

It's funny.

I think that there's, so there, not, I think, there's a brand new Home Depot in the city.

And when a store first opens, oh my, everyone works.

They're all under surveillance.

They're all so happy to be there.

It's all brand new.

But yes, once a Home Depot's been there for a minute, Nobody works there.

It's impossible to get anybody's attention.

And Home Depot, really, you need to have somebody telling you what you should and shouldn't get.

Otherwise, you're going to leave that store with a bunch of shit you don't need that doesn't even work for your problem.

I need you to help me find this screw.

Okay.

This exact screw.

If you're not here to show me this exact screw, I'm not going to find it.

I'm going to go home with the wrong screw.

I like Home Depot for the pomp and circumstance as you get into the store.

I don't know about in the city, but most other locations, they probably have a hot dog vendor outside.

There's probably a fruit stand.

It's fun.

No, not in the city.

Not in the city.

Ours is a lot of plants, tarps.

Where is it in the city?

Upper East.

Upper East.

East.

I know.

Is it more compact?

It's not a full-sized Home Depot.

It's actually, you know, there's one in Flatiron.

that is more compact and the one upper east is it's pretty big it's like fascinating Actually enormous.

It's enormous.

Okay.

Not quite as enormous as a suburban Home Depot, but yeah, it's big.

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Well, let's hear from another speak pipe from Anonymous.

Hey, good guys.

I would love to know your thoughts on children's birthday parties.

I was invited to a two-year-old birthday party, and the invitation explicitly said, please no gifts.

Do I really not bring a gift or am I going to look like a total jerk if I'm the only person who doesn't bring a gift and everyone else does?

What would you guys do?

Also, would love to know your thoughts on children's birthday parties in generals for one-year-old, two-year-old, three-year-olds.

Are they just a waste of money?

Or what's the point?

Josh, would you like to go first?

I think you got to bring a gift regardless of if it's a really young kid.

I think I do like the sentiment and I do understand it, especially if you have like a certain amount of income.

And I think the bane of most parents' existence is how much crap you wind up accruing with a kid.

So I like the idea of it.

I would suggest a donation because I think people like me feel guilty.

But if you're like, no, we prefer you give 50 bucks to

habit for humanity or something then i'd be like okay or habitat for humanity sorry habit for humanity is my own place

we could that's where we work on humane habits

it's funny habit for humanity

what are your thoughts on children's birthday parties in general

i have

i don't know and you guys tell me growing up

I think

like everything, because we are selfish, selfish, selfish, that kids' kids' parties have become about the parents.

And it's all about like

boozy three-year-old birthday at 11 a.m.

Like,

can you put your fucking blue moons away?

Like, I don't, I just don't want you to see, like, why?

Like, is it that bad?

Like, that's why I like when recently one of my son's best friends' parties was like at a trampoline park.

And it's just like,

it is dedicated to the time.

We had it at Chuck E.

Cheese.

Don't mean to brag.

But it's like, yeah, we're going to crush this in two and a half hours.

The kids are going to play for an hour and a half.

They're going to eat cake and pizza for a half hour and we're going to leave.

Like, that's what it should be.

It doesn't need to be about like parents socializing for three hours at 11 a.m.

on a Sunday, I think.

I agree.

I think that it should.

Well, first of all, I completely agree that it needs to be all about the kid.

Let's start with the birthday party.

My mom, they weren't expensive.

They were just creative.

My mom threw the the most creative birthday parties for me ever.

I still remember some of them.

One year, it was a paper airplane class where literally like a guy came in to teach us all how to make cool paper airplanes.

And I remember that.

Like, it's about being creative.

It's about the kids.

I'm sure that like there was food for the parents, but I don't remember any of that.

Like, it's got to be about the kids.

I think Jackie does this incredibly with her kids.

Like, she'll, she, she throws,

they're definitely lavish, but like a bouncy house or like a guy making balloon animals or like things for the kids.

And then she has a nice cold brew station josh where you can go and get a nice coffee the way that you want it because it is 11 o'clock 10 o'clock in the morning you deserve to have a coffee but it's all about the kids i love fun nice things all about the kids in terms of the gift you gotta bring a gift can be very small very small but i agree you should bring a gift it is interesting though I imagine that it becomes the bane of your existence trying to return these gifts when they're from everywhere.

That's That's why I love a registry.

I don't think you can register for a birthday party, but it would be interesting if you only shopped at one place.

That way you could get one big credit.

Otherwise, it's like, it becomes a job.

I hate the job of having to return things.

That's not fun at all.

And then you have like an ancillary credit here and here and here.

I don't know.

I totally agree.

And wouldn't you say, I know we've talked about this before, I find you get to a certain point with adults where you don't give them gifts anymore.

And I think the ROI

on a gift, if you make a rule, if you have a code for yourself, that if I am invited to a party where someone is not one of these, you know, Fakaked, you know, Williamsburg, Silver Lake parties where it's like everybody's splitting the tab.

At that point, no.

But like you have these lovely parties you had at the Second Avenue Deli and whatnot where you're being treated to a lovely meal where you know someone probably shelled out a grand, two grand for their birthday.

A lot of adults don't bring gifts.

I think the ROI is so big when you bring a gift, no matter what the age, even if it's small, even if it's like a $25 fun thing, people remember that.

I'll never forget if somebody gave a shit enough to give me something,

which is why I always give gifts.

Always.

I love gift giving.

You're the same.

It's almost selfish.

I love the feeling.

I feel good when I give somebody a gift.

And I definitely would feel great receiving a gift.

I will say that I do not receive enough gifts based on the parties that I have had from my friends.

No, there's no question that to your, like,

I don't know.

I, I've, I've consistently over the years, like, it's very rare, like since, I don't know, maybe early 20s, like we were still going to dinner and splitting.

Since then, like, if you come to my birthday, my birthday is handled.

And I'm not saying that you owe me anything, but it is a, it is a, it does feel really good to receive stuff.

That's all.

Right.

And the worst thing you can do, and I will say this too, and again, if you are strapped for cash, I would say I give you a pass.

But again, there's a more elegant way to do this.

My friend has a lovely scumbag friend.

Ooh, I want to name him, but I won't.

But my boy Kid David, God love him, friend of the podcast, has a scumbag friend who we all went to dinner for kid David now

Kid this birthday is in his early 30s at the time and most of his friends are like artists and you know not like the most flush and so like we all it was one of those birthdays where it was like we went to like a low-key restaurant and we took kid out we just split the bill to take kid out for his birthday it was great and his scumbag friend didn't put any money in and i wound up covering his friend and i looked at his buddy and i said hey boss you owe me 25 bucks Or I'm sorry, I didn't say that.

I said, hey, you didn't put in for dinner.

We're, we're covering kid.

And he goes, okay, bet.

And it really broke down to about 25 a person.

And he gave me 10 bucks.

And I was like, that was worse than you giving me nothing.

I'll never forget that.

Yeah, it's also when you are a giver, you end up being the person that covered for the other person and you're always hung out to dry.

I've had that exact experience where like nobody wants to put down their card.

I'll put down my card.

And do you know what a fucking job it is to go and hunt people for Venmos?

Like, like fucking pay the second that the bill comes, pay.

Don't have me text you tomorrow.

I don't care if it's $500

or $5.

Just send it.

I send it the second I'm owed.

The second I owe it, it's gone.

I never want to think about it again.

Ever.

Like I recently had this with Nick's tickets.

I put the two Knicks tickets on my card and I had to follow up with my friend two hours after the game.

Hey, do you mind sending me the money for the ticket?

Like, please don't make me send that text.

Right.

Don't make me do it.

Is it a big deal that you didn't pay me that second?

No, but there's no difference between now and in three hours.

Don't make me send that text.

It makes me feel like a schmuck.

I'm taking advantage of good guys.

Is this the $1,700 ticket?

Yes.

That's a lot lot of money.

I would never, like, if it's 50 bucks, I might be like, oh, sorry, dude.

I forgot and I'll get you that night.

But like, I try not to.

But if it's $1,700, you're getting that before I get there.

That's a huge amount of money to put out for someone.

Yeah.

What about the two days before?

It's not even like I bought them that day.

You had three days.

Crazy.

That's a lot, a lot, a lot of money.

I know.

I know.

Nuts.

That's nutty.

I remember once Casey Neistat did such a playa move.

We're at the farmer's market.

Road switching.

Playa.

It was some sweet dog cool shit.

Do you feel me?

No, I'm kidding.

We're at the farmer's market in Santa Monica when he lived in L.A.

with our family.

And you know me.

I'm Carrie Cash over here.

You know what I'm saying?

I'm Christopher Cash.

I got cashish on me all the time.

And he goes, crap, I don't have any cash on me.

He's like, can you just throw me like 40, 50 bucks?

Just so, because we're going to buy some stuff from the farmer's market and, and I'm Venmoing you right now.

And I was like, yeah, sure, dude, whatever.

And I don't even look.

And so I give him like, you know, whatever, 50 bucks.

I don't even look at the Venmo until later that night.

He gave me 100 just because, just in case he needed a little extra.

I'm like, and now I can't give you the difference.

You know, I'm just, I accept that in good, goodwill.

But like,

you went over because that's a menshi move.

It's like, cause if he had given me 30, I'd never forget.

It's a menshi move.

Oh, that's the other thing while we're talking about this.

If you owe me $50,

don't send me $49 and think you're being cute.

Don't do that.

Do people do that?

I've had that done to me before.

Yeah.

Oh, that is.

That is low.

It fucking, it's like, what is wrong with you?

Don't send me $49 when you owe me 50 just because,

like,

God,

so angry now.

Olivia, what's the Venmo culture looking like in Gen Z?

Ooh, I would say similarly, it's like, let's try to get that, you know, sent ASAP.

And I think a lot of people are using the scan, you know, in the moment.

They have the little QR codes now.

We get a group chat going immediately at the end of the dinner if we're splitting.

And you just like, you know, kind of pull what you get in the group and then everybody sends it out.

out send your venmo yada yada just get it done within like definitely that night if it's like going on a few days or you have to request it's like come on it's cheaper

it's just not right yeah it's just not right yeah and again this this is if you if you have a a less

if you have a poor friend

pass

but i'd know that and then i'd treat them and it's not a problem.

But the friends with means fucking Venmo now.

Okay?

Hell yes.

God damn it.

Hell yeah.

And also, if you order a soda around me and you say no ice,

I know what you're really saying.

You remember that growing up?

Yeah.

You'd be at McDonald's.

Yo, let me get a soda and no ice.

Like, dog, really?

Your soda's going to be hot.

Yeah, you can drink a hot ass soda.

He's like, yeah, but I got 20% more.

Yeah, no, it's actually disgusting.

It's so gross.

A soda with no ice is vile.

I can't even drink it.

Let's hear from Tabby.

hey good guys newish listener here i came for drake i stayed for ben anyway i'll keep my question quick i am in an age gap relationship and we're monogamish he's 17 years older than me we're super in love it's our relationship is like basically perfect but the only thing we disagree on are politics which is like it's a big one right so i try to avoid it but like we disagree like big big disagree so i don't know i i guess my question is like, because the fights get really bad over it, even though we don't fight about anything else.

I guess my question is, do we need to break up?

Not to put that on you.

Do we need to break up though?

Josh Peck, I love you.

You're great.

Thanks.

Bye.

I don't think so.

Maybe we'll totally disagree on this.

I just, I hate when people let politics get in the way of actual friendships because.

All of these things that we're talking about may or may not even happen.

I'll give you one that is very current, right?

Tariffs.

Everyone bugged out about tariffs.

They're like, this could lead to this.

This could lead to this.

Oh, fuck him.

Oh, this, oh, this.

And then now that he's rolled them back, it's now,

it's like nothing ever happened.

And I'm not saying, I'm not advocating for or against tariffs.

I'm advocating against

bugging out before something happens.

And I feel like that is politics in a nutshell.

It's always like, what if this person does this?

What if this person does that?

And I think it's just people spewing diarrhea all the time.

And to let that affect an actual friendship or a relationship.

Now, I don't know, unless this is like a fundamental thing, unless this is like

he is pro-life and you're pro-choice, that is one of the only types of examples that I can think of where that would be a deal breaker for me at least.

Like,

and that to me is not even political.

Like, we've politicized pro-life, pro-choice, but this is just like a foundational way of,

it's the way that you, it's something that you believe.

It's more than political.

It's like,

could be even religious or like,

I don't know.

Does that make sense?

What do you think?

I think it's hard to, I think if you, I have family members who are, the wife votes one way, the husband votes another way.

We joke about it openly.

And I just think they are the people with a kind of temperament that can let it slide like yeah they don't mind that they're pretty on different ends of the spectrum about that yeah i think it's hard because

i think my wife and i are are not alike in many ways on the things that don't matter but that that does become very annoying because that's what we deal with most like i think on the deep things that matter most which is why we're married are the way we want to raise our kids how we feel about treating people finances our morality is aligned i believe that my wife is the greatest person and I follow her lead with the way we raise our kids.

I feel like she honors me with my work and the way I prefer to deal with finances because I come from a real scarcity place of growing up really poor and insecure and she honors that and her family is incredible.

But we're deeply different on a on a day-to-day scale and we get super annoyed with each other, frankly, like all the time.

And so, but, you know, we deal with it because the things that are super important, we, we are very aligned.

So I think it's like a trade-off, right?

Like, what do you think?

I think that just to address the day-to-day stuff, like, I think Claudia and I are different.

Maybe it's just me.

I, I no longer get annoyed by things that used to annoy me.

Like to me, and I'm not trying to simplify your problems.

I think that being annoyed is a choice when they don't matter.

When these things don't matter, you're choosing to be annoyed.

You don't have to be annoyed.

Did you lose for sure?

But it is what it is.

That's me.

On the big things that you mentioned, that you guys are so in sync, that brings me back to the things that you described are not aligned to a party.

They're not.

If you think that they're aligned to a party, you're a part of the problem.

If you think that based on the way that somebody votes changes their moral compass, you you are the problem.

You are factually the problem.

Like that, that it's just not, or or you're believing like such bullshit from either side, like such like volatile hate that tells you that based on the way that somebody voted makes them a bad person.

Because it's just not true.

It's not.

You don't know why somebody voted a certain way.

There is this like big macro reason why somebody votes one way.

And you have no idea if that person does or does not fall into that particular agenda that somebody's trying to speak.

So bringing it all the way back to the speak pipe, I think that as long as he's a great person, you said that you get along great, unless it's one of these big, big, big hot button issues, which it doesn't sound like it is.

Otherwise, I don't think that you would get along that well.

Like, I don't think that if he was like brouhaha, I think that everybody should have a gun and you absolutely can't stand the sight of guns and he owns guns.

I don't think that you would be perfectly aligned and I don't think that you would be happy together.

Should we get to our what are you nuts?

Yes, please.

Our what are you nuts moment of the week are our gripes with people, places, and things, both big and small, anything sticking in your craw.

Ben, go for it.

We've come to accept, Josh.

They even said it in Seinfeld, right?

Nobody beats the Van Wick, right?

When did Seinfeld come out, Josh?

1989 through the late 90s.

So nobody's beaten the Van Wick, Josh, in 40 years, right?

And if that joke started then, that means that nobody was beating the Van Wick,

let's say, 20 plus years before that, right?

So we're looking at at 60 years that nobody's beaten the Van Wick.

And everybody just laughs like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

We're all going to sit in traffic going to Long Island because nobody beats the Van Wick.

And then you start to look around and you're like, huh, you know, there's a lot of construction here and nobody's working.

Huh, there's a lot of construction here and nobody's working.

Everywhere there is construction and nobody's working.

Josh, maybe it's me watching the Sopranos, but all I have to say is that there's far too much money in whatever's going on, that there's been downtime in construction for 60 years on the Van Wick.

Somebody's making a hell of a lot of money, and we've turned it into a joke.

Ha ha, nobody beats the Van Wick yet because there's a fucking mobster with their foot on whoever's throat making tons of cash on downtime construction.

If they wanted the roads fixed, it doesn't take 60 years, Josh.

It doesn't.

And the only reason that there's road closures is because of construction.

So all I have to say is, what are you nuts?

What are you nuts?

Is Tony Soprano still out there making sure that there's traffic on the Van Wick?

Solve these problems.

Look inward.

I don't want to sit in traffic anymore.

And we need construction crews available to build an 11 for Mayor Adams in the city.

You can't be on the Van Wick.

By the way, that's fine.

Do it.

Who cares?

Doesn't involve me.

The Van Wick?

I've had enough.

We need a scores in Chelsea.

Ladies of the night, bada bing.

The bada bing.

Satriales.

My woody nuts, and I know I've said this before, but I'm escalating it now.

It's gotten bigger.

My beloved Equinox, you know how I love it.

You know how I love a Schwitz.

Nothing more.

The etiquette in the Schwitz has become such an issue that I'm escalating it now.

This is corporate speak for it, leveling it up.

I'm raising it.

There's decorum, guys.

You cannot be in a small Tinder box that can only fit six people thigh to thigh, that's 190 degrees, and be on speakerphone.

You can't.

You can't be on a call-on speakerphone in a small little phone booth that's 190 degrees.

What are you, nuts?

It's 190 degrees.

Nuts.

You're on speakerphone?

What?

Nuts.

Nuts.

Oh,

you want to play some music?

No.

I didn't get a say.

There's no jukebox.

Where's my quarter?

I get to pick.

You don't get to pick.

I don't want to hear your music.

Maybe I want to listen to some Kenny G and not some.

All I'm going to say is this.

I finally made a comment.

Finally did.

I went up to someone who works there.

I said, hi,

could we possibly make a sign for outside the Schwitz?

It says,

no speakerphone or music in the schwitz

she said

you're the third person that's asked i was like you're telling me that this is enough that three people have mentioned it this is a what do you nuts

it's what are you nuts i've experienced it as well i also think that it's a what are you nuts and in a true if this is a true six-person sauna should never be six people in there crazy Ever.

No, that's a guy like.

No, I don't even, I don't.

You're like, who's who's here but the Orgy who wants to go pinky toe to pinky toe hello

Hello OG there literally shouldn't even be three people in there in my opinion like if you see somebody in there One person go sit there.

No problem.

There's two guys in there.

Just wait people can't be in there for that long Like a sauna.

How long are you in the sauna for Josh?

10 minutes top.

I do 30 minutes, but I get it.

I'm not normal.

God.

You do 30 in a row?

Okay, all right.

So that's...

Heat shock proteins, babe.

I'm burning brown fat.

Understood.

Okay, so maybe I'm not going to wait 30 minutes for you to burn your brown fat.

I'm going to come in and sit on your lap.

Like, that's a different story.

Yes.

In my world, you're looking at three to five minute cold plunge, five to 10 minutes steam, five to 10 minutes sauna.

I'm not in there.

I'm rotating.

Maybe that's just me, but maybe there are people that just go there and park it.

And if you're going in there to park it,

yeah, I don't know.

I guess six people could park it at once.

I would rather not see a maximum occupancy sauna.

No good.

Take us home, Ben.

You know what else?

I wouldn't want to see Josh, anybody not giving us five stars.

So true.

Otherwise, what are you nuts?

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We will see you next time.

We've never discussed.

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