Law & Order: Petty Crimes Unit

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The following podcast is a dear media production.

Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject too small for the good guys.

A mother's dream, premium podcast team.

Make it your weekly routine.

It's a good guys.

And if you don't give us five stars, what are you nuts?

What are you nuts?

Yeah, we're the good guys.

We're not the great guys.

We're just a good, a good, the good guys.

Whoa.

Look, to all of our new listeners, we have to say this every episode.

We have the Drake Bell listeners.

They're here.

They're here in troves.

They're looking for Drake and Josh.

They're like, who the hell is this fat man that wasn't wearing glasses that is now wearing glasses?

I'm Ben.

It's nice to meet you.

I will be ushering you through life on the Good Guys podcast.

This is mine and Josh's podcast.

Welcome.

We have a great time.

We talk about a bunch of nonsense.

Sometimes we go a little bit deep.

We'll always talk about Judaism.

So if you hate Jews, this is the wrong podcast for you.

Did I miss anything, Josh?

Only that this is probably like six episodes after the Drake episode.

So I feel like we've lost all of the ones that we gained from that app.

Oh, no, they're gone.

They're gone.

I saw in the YouTube comments, came for Drake, stayed for the guys.

Stayed for Ben.

How great would that be?

So good.

Imagine if you're a fan of the family.

And they were like, I need Ben.

You get a massive Latin American fan base.

I would love it.

I would love it.

I'd move in a heartbeat.

So would I.

Where?

Where are you moving?

Oh, man.

I mean, based on the way that Drake just pumped up Mexico, we could go to Mexico.

Oh, my God.

Just beaches.

Beautiful weather, a little hot sometimes, but I'm sure that during the winter, it's just beautiful.

I'm better by the equator, and I always say that, don't I, Olivia?

Yes, you do.

Thank you so much.

That is something that you frequently say.

You're better by the equator.

The equator is lovely.

You get a golden tan.

I feel like at what point do you, do you always need to put on sunscreen, Josh?

Or do you think that if we lived there, we could eventually develop a nice base coat?

Yeah, I, you know, I don't think deeply about melanin, but when I do, I say, yeah, I think so.

You think so?

You think that we could perhaps develop a nice base coat?

And the question is, if you develop a nice base coat, do you then transfer that melanin to your children?

So if you have more children, okay, and let's say, I don't know, Mexican Josh is there for 20 years and pops out another baby.

Is that baby significantly darker?

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I think I hope that my kids are thin, right?

Like, I'm like, did I override my genetics enough?

But I think that's impossible.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Genetics.

Speaking of genetics, my sister just got married.

Maggie.

And we had, thank you, we had a beautiful, beautiful wedding celebration Friday to Monday.

It was wonderful.

And I bring up genetics because she is the only thin soffer, only thin soffer.

Interesting.

She, Josh, got lucky, and I put this in my wedding speech for her.

She got lucky that she was diagnosed with an allergy, a severe allergy to gluten and to dairy.

And that's why she's skinny.

That is a blessing.

That is the definition of a blessing in disguise.

Blessing.

Everybody else, my dad, not my mom.

My mom is upset that I roped her into the Ozempic conversation, but everybody, everybody needed Ozempic, except my sister.

Yes.

She's just no gluten, no dairy.

I don't know what about gluten and dairy doesn't agree with us, but there's something that doesn't agree with us, gluten and dairy, because she's

a stick skinny.

Yeah, I think it's all relative, though, because I know fat vegans.

I just think if you overdo it, you'll find a way whatever your diet is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You'll just overdo it.

I remember Rick Rubin.

You know the great Rick Rubin?

Sure.

Brilliant producers, produced some of the greatest music of the last 30 years and now has an amazing podcast, which I'm crazy about, but he was a 300-pound vegan because he's like, I would take down half a can of almond butter a night.

Oh.

Yeah, you got to be really careful with the nut-based milks, the nut-based spreads.

Very, very caloric.

Very caloric.

Just because you think you're doing yourself a favor with the sunflower butter, that by the way, does not taste good, okay?

Sunflower butter is not a proper substitute for peanut butter, in my opinion, okay?

Very caloric.

In everyone's opinion, my son straight up was like, this sun butter, miss me on it, dog.

It's a no for me, big dog.

Bad, really bad.

And I remember that sunflower, maybe sunflower butter was like the first of the alternatives to peanut butter because I remember them at camp.

All these kids are allergic allergic to peanuts, peanut-free camp.

So then you have the sunflower butter and people are making sunflower butter and jelly sandwiches and this just tastes terrible.

This is no good.

The sunflower butter almost has a chalky taste.

It's awful.

Who's milking a sunflower?

No clue.

No clue.

Get a life.

And we've spoken about this at length.

This whole, this whole alternative, nut butters, nut milks, it just, it's not milk.

It's almond skin mixed with water.

That's what it is, Josh.

That's what it is.

I'm out.

I don't want it.

I don't need it.

No.

Oh, I love it.

I love almond milk.

It's so good.

It's so calorically light.

30 calories for one cup.

I could take it down.

Hold the Kerragegan.

But other than that, is that what it is?

Kerragegan?

Karragegan Thompson?

It's calorically friendly because it's water.

Yeah, but it's delish.

You throw that in some nice cereal.

Ooh, delish.

Yeah.

And you don't feel like all that crazy, like, that's the thing.

And I know there's like the whole raw milk debate and whatnot, but like milk is pretty nutrient dense, but it comes with a lot of

came out of a cow's udder.

It's bussy.

It's bussy.

I agree.

That's a little strange.

But you're not drink.

I'm not drinking the whole bowl of milk after I have my cereal.

You're not one of those.

No, I simply use it as a softener.

That's it.

It softens my Cheerios.

It softens my tricks.

It softens my Reese's puffs.

What a cereal.

I'm worried about calories and milk, and I'm having Reese's puffs.

That's right.

I'm telling you,

it's, yeah, I don't mind it, but it's crazy.

Sunflower butter is, it's the true what-are you nuts.

What are you nuts?

What are you nuts, sunflower butter?

Make it taste better.

Make it taste better.

No good.

But back to the wedding, Josh.

This was an affair, okay?

Yeah, yeah, this is an affair.

This is true.

I love this.

This is an affair.

Well, we'll start, okay, Friday night dinner hosted by my parents lovely at their house.

Okay, now tell me why.

So it's your sister, the software daughter.

So

technically, old-fashioned terms, you guys are footing the majority of the bill?

Yes, in old-fashioned terms, but they split.

Okay, and then because usually if the

bride side, you know, pays for the wedding and then like the groom side will do the night before dinner and maybe the brunch the next day, but you're saying that you guys did the night before dinner.

Yeah.

So I think it's a little bit different because Maddie's husband is an only child.

So this was their only chance to throw a wedding.

Sure.

So they have that.

And Friday night, they actually did separately, which I thought was interesting.

There were a ton of out-of-towners that came in on her husband's side, like 70 people from like Canada and Germany.

So they did something separate.

And we had like a 14-person dinner at the sofa household.

Maddie's bridesmaids, Claudia, myself, Ava, and Bruce.

That was it.

Let me tell you something, Ben.

You win.

Yeah.

14 people.

What do you want to have a look?

My wife has said this from jump.

Do not have a wedding before the wedding.

Do not have a 150-person plus welcome dinner.

No, you can't do it.

You can't do it.

You're just going to end up exhausted.

You're going to end up exhausted, which we did end up exhausted because Saturday morning, we all show up to synagogue.

We have what's called the Ufruf.

Max goes, reads from the Torah.

We throw candy at him.

You try and take one of those sunkists and you pelt it right at the back of his head.

Sometimes, if you're lucky, you'll hit the rabbi.

And then after you're eating, you're drinking.

It's wonderful.

That night, I go back over to my parents' house.

We ordered in sushi.

That's what my sister wanted.

Wake up call, Josh.

Time on Sunday, 9 a.m.

We're there at 9 o'clock in the morning.

Claudia, pregnant eight months there at 9 o'clock in the morning.

And let me tell you, not only was she smiling, she was fantastic on her feet for 12 hours.

12 hours.

She was unbelievable.

Comfortable shoe?

Yes.

Comfortable shoe.

Good for her.

I think it was a two-inch heel.

Yeah,

a kitty heel.

A kitten heel.

Well, gun joe.

Yes.

A kitten heel.

Yeah, kitty cat heel.

We got to do more with Joey Camasta.

We got to do more with him.

Agreed.

The kitten heel.

Great shoe.

Yes.

From nine o'clock in the morning, they're getting dressed.

We're taking pictures, all the pictures.

We're going to the bridges.

We're going to classic New York city spots, those classic pictures.

And then the wedding starts.

And, Josh, let me tell you, catered by Bruce Sofford, this was the event.

This food, outrageous.

Wow.

Outrageous.

He did a tuna tartare, Josh.

He bought just the tops of cans of tuna.

So you opened a can of tuna and you saw a tuna tartare.

That was a past hors d'oeuvre.

I've never seen it before.

It was genius.

Wow.

It was genius.

I like that.

He did mini spring rolls.

He did hot dogs.

He did all the things that you needed.

Pigs in a blanket?

Of course.

Of course.

They're cold.

They need a blanket.

They need to be warm.

They're freezing.

Let me talk to you about some of these stations.

We had a sushi station.

My dad went very worldly.

He had a taste of Cuba.

He had a taste of Cuba.

He had a taste of India where he served fresh naan and curried chickpeas.

This man went wild.

Wow.

Unbelievable.

He went from Delhi to Havana.

He went from Delhi to Havana.

And then we danced, we had speeches, we drank.

It was wonderful.

You had two options, Josh, for the main course.

You could either go with a skirt steak, chimichurri, or you go with a nice salmon.

Both tasted delicious.

I, of course, tried both.

And then a beautiful dessert.

He had a chocolate fountain.

So you'd take your strawberries, your breads, like a pouring

fondue of chocolate.

You dunk in all your fruits or whatever.

Beautiful red velvet cakes and Eclairs.

No, I'm not asking this to, I swear, I'm not asking to pick a fight.

Is it, do you have to do non-dairy dessert because it's meat yes so the parv and you wouldn't have even known it the egg clairs the red velvet everything the chocolate mountain is no dairy everything and my dad really is an expert

is what it's called dessert creator and knows great places to order from you wouldn't have even known the dessert was delicious oh I believe it dairy free so much sugar that's what you get when you have dairy-free desserts enough sugar to kill you yeah because that's that's what you need if you have a flourless If you have like a flourless chocolate cake, anything where they take out the main ingredient and somehow still make it delicious, you could build a schoolhouse with it.

It's absolutely

dense.

It's like a meteorite.

It is.

It's thick.

It's really thick.

My dad makes a great mousse.

That's thick.

What's also moussellinando?

I kind of like that.

Ooh, what a great name.

Tot.

You suffer.

Todd.

You can also make a meringue, meringue, which is probably my favorite.

I love like a soft meringue on a nice vanilla cake.

Great.

It's so good.

Fire it up.

The best part about this wedding, Josh, you know what time it ended?

10.

10.30.

Perfect.

Class.

Class.

Okay.

That's class.

We're all there since 9 o'clock in the morning.

The actual event started at 4.30.

Six hours is perfect.

These weddings that go from 4.30 to 2.30 in the morning, you can't leave.

You can't leave.

Right.

We left.

It was perfect.

We were home.

We got a good night's sleep.

I woke up.

I felt great.

This was a wonderful event.

Wonderful event.

How religious was it?

Could men and women dance together?

It was very religious.

Men and women can dance together.

Yes.

There is ceremonial, like separate Jewish dancing.

Like it's just more fun when it's not mixed, in my opinion.

Like you do like a nice hora.

We're lifting separate chairs, but like then regular, we're dancing together.

Separating?

No, no, no, no, no, no, none of that, none of that.

So maybe very religious as a stretch, religious, religious, but mixed seating, mixed eating, mixed dancing.

But like the ceremony itself was traditional, religious, Jewish.

The seven, it's called, they're called Sheva Brachot, seven blessings.

I did the seventh, very cantorial.

There was a wonderful cantor.

His name is Simcha Leiner.

He was there.

Shout out.

He was unbelievable.

Yeah, he jumped.

He was the second night of Coachella, no?

Yeah.

Sahara tape.

Simcha Leiner liner in the Sahara.

We have to talk about Ultra after this.

We have to.

Don't let me forget.

The Simcha liner, Josh.

I just want to say he put me on his Instagram and said, I had a great voice.

Nice.

Wow.

You think he was just looking for Instagram followers?

I think he considered the source.

It's not Whitney Houston saying it, but it's nice.

It's Simcha Leiner.

Co-signed you.

I've been co-Simcha lined.

You have been the Simcha highlight of this night.

Oh my God.

That's really funny.

How many followers does he have?

21,000.

This is pretty good.

This is not bad.

This is pretty good.

I'm very impressed.

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So tell me about Ultra because my dream, the Ultra Music Festival, which is in Miami, it's a weekend.

It's the equivalent to EDC or, you know, it's like an electronic coachella, but it's in Miami.

It's one of the originals.

It's to the top.

I'm, my dream is to go.

My dream, I've been invited before, but I haven't gone.

But I need to be single and not sober if I'm going to go.

So Josh, let me explain to you.

I went in 2013.

This was the heart of house music.

This is like Swedish House Mafia, Avici, Nikki, Romero, Lessso, Armin Van Buren, Armin Van Buren,

DJ Tiesto, Paul Van Dyke,

yes, all of them.

And

Paul Oakenfold.

I don't know about Oakenfold.

Steve A.

Oakie.

For sure, Steve.

Yes.

For sure, Steve.

Script.

For sure.

With the Avici remix.

That's what he played there.

Probably for the first time.

Absolutely.

20.

Ted Mouse.

Cats.

Keep going.

Keep going.

Keep going.

I want to see you.

I don't want you to name.

That's all I got, I think.

This was the height of this music, Josh.

A decade ago, 12 years ago, whatever it was, this was the height.

All the Ultras since I've heard have been fine.

This year, this was Ultra's 25th anniversary.

And apparently all of the DJs got together and said, we are going to play the music people actually love, which was from 2010 to 2014, like when this like progressive house music was amazing, when Avici was alive, when we were alive.

Yep.

And I saw clips on TikTok and I watched them for like three hours last night.

Claudia's looking over at me.

I'm about to cry.

There's something in me that needs the music.

Yeah.

So, Josh, we need to go.

I would go.

I had a moment, and it was like the first two years I was dating Paige where I would go to these shows and I would dance.

I was stone cold, sober, and I would leave drenched in sweat.

I didn't care.

I was just living

life.

Man, I don't know what it, I don't know what it is about that music, but you really, you really don't need drugs.

You don't.

Like, you can go there and you feel it in your body.

Of course, it's better when you're on drugs.

Yeah, but you don't need them.

You don't need them.

Like, it's so the lights, the energy, the people.

Honestly, watching people on drugs makes you feel like I'm on drugs.

So if they're all on drugs, even though I'm not on drugs, I'm on drugs.

I was once at the Hollywood Palladium.

There was this huge electronic show.

and all of a sudden, DJ comes out and you hear this like whisper come over to the crowd.

And then all of a sudden, you hear.

And then he really milks it and he gives it a beat.

And all of a sudden, you hear

this.

I saw three people OD right in that moment.

I'm so jealous.

Like, that is just it.

It was great.

That's it.

So good.

So good.

By the way, just so we,

for the editor, I couldn't hear anything when you were whispering, but I'm assuming it was a great story, right?

It was great.

It could be.

Okay, good.

I don't want to agree to

agree to somebody.

Come back to the toast, please, Ben.

Yeah, we will.

We will.

When?

When could it happen?

It could happen next week.

You want to do it next week?

I want to do it forever.

Okay, we're going to start.

We'll go back next week.

Can we do a what are you nuts?

I have another what are you nuts quick?

Sure.

So you go you go to a podcast studio.

These are little headphones.

How many people do you think have put this in their ear?

Oh, that's massively Meshuga.

I saw those right away and I said, I hope those are his.

No, no, no, they're somebody else's.

Do I have an ear infection?

I thought you brought them from home.

No, you cannot do an inner inner earbud.

That's the height of

Do I have an ear infection?

I just want to know.

Yeah.

I have an ear infection.

Olivia is stimming in the back.

It's making her so upset watching that.

A podcast professional here.

I have an ear infection.

And speaking of ear infections, I'm bringing it back to the wedding.

Then we're coming back to Ultra.

One of my sister's husband, his name is Max, one of his groomsmen made the mistake of telling me that he's in medical school to be an ENT.

Oh, did he get an ear full from me?

Great.

ENT specialist.

I was talking to him about navages talking to him about clearing your throat what you can do for for all this stuff having an ent in the family what what's better than that that's everything yes that's that's a jewish treasure a treasure all right back to ultra it's well it's the same thing about my wife comes from a family of lawyers and but they're also by the book you know these they're good catholics not like us and so like i'll ask certain questions and be like well i'm not really like one of them lives on the East Coast.

I'll be like, well, I'm not licensed to practice law in this state.

So I can't help.

But then I'll be like, what do I got?

A robot.

What do I work for the DOJ?

It's Joshi.

Give me an insight.

I've never understood that either.

The whole, I can't practice in that state.

Like, why can't you practice in all states?

Aren't you a lawyer in America?

What am I missing?

Because they're not federal lawyers.

I know, but it's just so strange to me.

Well, talk to our forefathers.

Every state has different laws.

Fascinating.

Rules of fascinating.

Rules.

And what is it?

If you're licensed in New York, you're like licensed in 30 states, but if you're licensed in Nebraska, it's just Nebraska.

There's certain things.

I know that is true about like concealed carry laws.

Like, I think there's one thing where you're like licensed in 38 states,

basically, like anywhere Morgan Whalen would live.

But other than,

let's talk about that, huh?

That was a little controversy with SNL this weekend.

You saw that?

I didn't.

Tell me more.

Oh, more.

Oh, you said Whalen.

I was like, Wallen.

I don't know.

I don't know that.

No, I mean,

no shade on him.

I'm sorry for the mispronunciation, but people, as they do, the internet was up in arms because he performed on SNL.

And then during the ultra-awkward goodbye part at the end of every episode that everyone's got to stick around and hug and do the whole thing.

He just walked off.

He was like, good night.

And I kind of, I'm kind of on both their sides.

SNL.

I would love to be a fly on the wheel.

Wall to fly on the wheel.

A fly on the wall to know what went down because did you see he posted like when he got home, great to be back in God's country.

That's what he posted.

So I don't know what happened, but I'm sure that he was overly sensitive.

I'm sure SNL was regular.

Like they're

right.

Like, I'm sure he was like a little, like, you know what you're going on.

You know who the cast is.

That's right.

You understand what, what this place is.

So.

Would you do SNL?

If they offered you, you'd do it, obviously.

They would never offer it to me.

Like, sorry, I'm speaking on behalf of the internet comments, trying to get ahead of those.

Why would they never offer it to you?

No, they will offer it to me if I ever somehow become of that level where I'd be interesting enough to have on.

But of course I would do it.

And I, I don't have any of the idolatry for SNL that some people have.

And that's fine.

It's just some people look at it as like the mecca, and other people just look at it like, it's great.

It's cool.

You would be so good at it.

Well, thank you.

And I would be ultra respectful of the institution that I was in.

And I, but I feel that about when I see people, I've done those terrible press junkets and they are, I mean, it's champagne problems, but when you're doing a movie junket and literally you will have 40 to 60 five minute interviews in one day where people are just coming in and out and it can become exhausting and you're getting the same kind of four questions and you're repeating the same story over and over and over.

But you know what?

Drink a Red Bull.

and get some room service because it's usually at a hotel and be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed because this is the the agreement.

You know, the interviewers, I would assume for the most part, don't want to be there either.

You know, like

they went to freaking Columbia Journalism School.

They grew up watching 60 Minutes and they're interviewing you about your shitty rom-com.

Like,

I'm sure they're not dying to know how fun was it on set, but they're here doing their job to help promote what you're doing.

And you're there to help them so that they have content to put on their show that promotes.

It's symbiotic.

So put on a good face and do your thing.

And I feel the same for SNL.

Like whether you're into it or not, it's a huge institution.

They're having you on.

You agreed.

So do the thing.

So I think that what they ran, I think the problem that they ran into with Morgan Wallen then was that Morgan Wallen does not respect or need SNL at all.

Then why do it?

I agree.

I agree.

Then he shouldn't have done it because he knew what it was.

So he shouldn't have done it.

That's that's the moral of the story.

You do SNL because you need it, because you think that SNL is going to raise your status or help promote whatever project you're working on.

Like that's why you do it.

Or you do it because you're a huge fan.

Yeah, you check a box.

Like it was a dream to be on there.

It's one of the 10 cool things that maybe certain people would like to do.

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Yeah, but I'm not shocked that like a very hardcore country, definitely super right-wing guy didn't love being on SNL.

Like that's not shocking to me at all.

But I am curious, like, a Shane Gillis, who I feel like is similar politically,

I guess he had his problems with it, but I think he loved, like, he had his problems with the show, but then he went back on and he killed it.

So, I don't know.

I guess you take from it what you can.

But yeah, Morgan Wallen just shouldn't have done it.

Look, respect to Morgan Wallen to have been able to do what he's done with his career and obviously a super talented guy.

I'm not really like, I hope, please don't think that I'm coming for him.

I'm just talking about in general, like, I think Shane Gillis is a perfect example because they fired him before his first day on the show.

And he became like the public example of like, at the time, what was cancel culture and draft.

And here he, and he was able to not only recover from that, but become bigger than the show and then come on and do some of the best sketches they've had in years and completely crush it and have a great face about it.

Like, I don't know.

That to me seems like winning.

He won for sure.

He crushed.

Yeah.

His was so good.

So good.

And, like, SNL was definitely like so angry after that episode that they didn't just have him every day.

They could have had him every day.

He would have been amazing.

Do you ever think my, I, and tell me, Olivia, what you think too.

Sometimes I look at the institution of SNL and I know they can't change it because this is kind of like what the show is based on.

But I'm like, I wonder how good the show would be if they took more than a week to come up with shit.

A hundred percent.

Yeah.

This should be a monthly special yeah monthly charge go out to all advertisers i don't know if they'd agree to this and say we're now quadrupling our rates so they make the same amount of money the problem is the more shows the more sponsors the more money the more views the more money and they would say their ability to be topical because if it's just once a month it's hard to be topical about everything that goes on within those 30 days i guess that's true too but for this the sketches like they don't i think that that for most viewers, they don't need it to be that weak.

Like if they, if they like commented on a month's worth of entertainment, I would love to see it monthly because, yeah, they definitely don't have enough content week to week.

Well, I think that the schedule behooved a new emerging first ever seen type of show in the first, let's call it 20 years, right?

Into the mid 90s.

And where this hard charging, cocaine-fueled, I mean, these are all just like rumors and myth of the show, right?

And also chronicled like in the book and whatnot.

But like it all fueled this idea of like this hard charging, let's go all out six days during the week, all sort of culminating on a Saturday.

But like the people that write for the show aren't that anymore.

And like the people who are on the show aren't really that anymore.

So maybe change the way you make it.

Agreed.

Agreed.

And bring, and to your point, like maybe it is no longer just like these musicians and these quote unquote A-list celebrities that most people really don't care about and aren't funny.

Like, why don't you bring in people that people actually really like on the internet today?

Like, I think that if they allowed, they wouldn't do it because they think too highly of themselves.

But if they allowed for really, really great B-list folks that just like aren't like Tom Cruise, I think that the show would be much better because people are so talented.

They're just not, they're working with a finite group of people and they're just not as funny.

They're big names, but they're not as funny.

The funniest people aren't on SNL ever.

Olivia, I know it's your favorite show.

I grew up like watching it.

I love the show, but I agree.

I think like there's something that we're seeing right now too, that's really interesting, like the power of like a niche, you know, and like a niche comic and the draw and the amount of love that people have for Ben, to your point, like people on the internet, you know, or people who maybe have smaller followings, but are really dedicated.

And I think like, yeah, it might alienate part of the audience if you bring people on like that, but it could also expose them to somebody that's like brilliant, you know?

But again, to your point, I don't know that they would ever lean into that, but I think if they did, it would be like one of the final frontiers of like, you know, the gap between internet like fame and celebrity and like the legacy media sort of realm of Hollywood.

It's like the Knicks, Josh.

We joked about this.

Like you can sit front row at a nick game if you were on one episode of Law and Order.

Oh, which one?

Must VUCTIC.

You have one cameo on TV, you're celebrity row.

But if you're a popular.

Law and Order petty crimes.

Like, he just

stole an iced tea from the bodega.

Now that I would watch.

That's called an SNL skit.

That is genius.

Petty Crimes Unit, PCU.

It's just like somebody stealing somebody's watch.

In New York City, every day,

there are shady folks who are stealing from their local bodega.

It's so good.

That would be petty crimes unit.

Hell yeah.

Petty crimes unit.

SNL is going to steal it, by the way.

You'll see it'll come up.

They'll steal it.

If anybody's going to listening.

Yeah, if anybody that works with SNL or for SNL is listening, one, Josh would be amazing.

Bring him in.

Second, I just have an idea.

I have an idea.

For the second rung of people, why don't you do an SNL digital, Josh?

Why don't we try that?

It's a separate show.

It's only online.

We start, it just goes on YouTube, but it's still produced by SNL.

It's a rung below, and there's just, I don't know.

Isn't that the digital shorts?

Like, don't they have a team that does that?

Wasn't that originally Lonely Island?

And now it's Please Don't Destroy.

And those bits are part, I love those.

I think those sketches are hilarious.

Yeah.

So this exists.

Okay.

See,

it exists.

Shout out SNL.

Good for you.

And also shout out Morgan Wallen.

You're very talented.

And congrats, neither of you need each other.

No, neither of you need each other, but you both need us.

So Morgan Wallen, come on the show and SNL buckle up.

Buckle up, okay?

Because we're coming to a digital YouTube-only version near you.

We could, that's the beauty of the good guys we could hang with morgan wallen we could have on aoc

anyone

there's no limit to our ability speak can we be let me see what time it is during the episode can we can we be political for a minute knowing that he'll probably cut this out sure go I imagine you'll agree, Ben, I think like Ben and I are very close.

I think, Ben, you're more center right.

I'm more center left.

But this occurred to me recently, and it just makes me feel like I'm being lied to by both sides.

In 2021, I watched Joe Biden, and I looked at my Democrat friends and said, he feels a step behind, no?

And they said, shut up, shut up and vote.

Stop it.

Stop talking like that, right?

I was like,

can't we call balls and strikes here?

Like, I know what I'm saying.

Now, there's this massive tech leak, and I'm watching all these people, the anti-corruption people.

I'm not going to call them out by name, but all these people that like literally won and were confirmed on this whole thing of like, we're going to clear this.

We're going to, you know, we're going to clear the corruption.

They're lying to our face, telling us what we saw.

We didn't see.

This was clearly top secret information.

This was clearly a massive, massive screw up.

And I'm listening to the powers that be going, nah.

In the end of the day, everybody's a politician.

Politicians are politicians are politicians.

On one side, you're going to run and you're going to say that when Hillary had information leaked, it was a huge problem.

Then you're leaking information, it's not a problem.

So politicians are going to be politicians.

They're always going to downplay their own issues.

But across the board, everybody has these issues.

These issues are real.

These issues come up.

One side overblows them.

The other side to quiet them down.

That is politics.

It's how can I gain an edge off of an unfortunate situation?

And it happens completely across the board.

So what I try to do in my life is not overplay, not downplay, just try my best to quiet the noise on the things that really don't matter to me.

But yeah, this was definitely a fuck up.

No question.

No question.

And every, and everybody fucks up.

I would like to see, I thought I saw it.

Maybe I didn't.

I would love to just see people come out and say, I'm sorry, this was bad.

We're working on it.

Like an acknowledgement and a fixing would be great.

I don't think it'll ever happen because it gives too much of an edge to the other side.

And we're so far, unfortunately, on both sides that any kind of an edge is seen as weakness.

But yes, totally.

And if you're listening to this and going, you're right about half of it,

or you're hearing Ben and I going, like, yeah, 50% of what you're saying is right.

You're the problem.

Totally.

This is what we're calling out.

It's like, no, no, no.

It's like, I'm saying it about both sides here.

Like, something is off, and I don't feel like I'm getting the truth.

The real deal, Holy Field, is this.

Yeah,

there's no transparency.

It does seem like this like organ, this administration is trying, or at least they ran on trying to push transparency.

So I'm hoping that there will be more transparency, but it's definitely not.

It wasn't great.

It wasn't great.

Yeah, this feels one of the first big moments to be like, okay, you're sticking to it and then be like, nah.

Agree.

Yeah.

So we'll see.

We'll see.

But yeah.

Trump's like, did we put in take backs?

Are there takebacks?

Did anyone say JK?

Cash, cash, Patel, did you, did you do the fingers crossed?

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You want to do a speakpipe?

Yeah.

All right.

If you want to ask us questions, get advice from us, go to speakpipe.com/slash good guys.

Keep it brief.

Brevity is key, and we don't want to hear your woody nutses.

This one's from Jesse.

Hey guys, Jesse here from Texas.

Love the pod.

I've got a quick question for you.

I need some advice.

So my husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for six, and we have a beautiful little girl.

She is just about two years old.

But ever since I got pregnant and had a baby, I feel like my senses have completely shifted and I cannot stand my husband's like natural smell.

And I don't mean BO, like he's a very cleanly person, showers every day, uses deodorant.

all of the things but it's just like the natural smell you know that smell that's like on your pillow.

Like ever since having a baby, I feel like my senses have completely shifted and I can't, I don't like his smell.

So any advice?

What products are you guys using that your wives love?

Thank you.

First and foremost, you should smell like whatever makes your wife happy.

The same I would say for a wife to the husband.

Like if Claudia wore a scent that I didn't like, I would tell her, Hi, my eyes are watering.

I don't like the smell of your perfume.

Similarly, to me, if I wore something, which I used to wear creed, and she developed an absolute

detest for creed.

So I threw it away.

So I don't wear a scent.

It's called Creed.

Creed.

Because I wear a nickelback.

So tell me about it.

No.

I never put two and two together.

I wear adaptory.

As you spray it, it's just like, wear the arms rotor pound

under the sun.

Oh, my God.

Creed.

Oh, my God.

Who makes Creed?

Creed?

Creed.

You would know it.

This is like a...

It's a high-end cologne, and I've never thought of the parallel.

Regardless, we don't wear it anymore because my wife doesn't like it.

Once you're pregnant, your smells go through the roof.

You can't stand anything that you used to stand.

So if we're, we have a problem if we're talking about your husband's natural smell, like him as a human, that's tough.

Maybe he needs a cologne.

If we're talking about a cologne, it's a lot easier to get rid of a cologne than the smell of your body.

Josh, what do you think?

It's interesting, right?

Because like if your wife, your partner wants you to smell good to them, why wouldn't you just wear their perfume?

They're spraying it on them.

Wow.

Wouldn't they like it on you?

Genius.

But then your wife might also not want to be married to a woman.

Fair, fair, fair, fair, fair.

That's the problem.

She likes it on her.

I don't know if she likes it on you.

I wear Joe Malone cologne.

I wore Yves St.

Laurent for basically my whole life, but now I wear...

I wear Joe Malone.

It's good.

It's good high-end scarlet poppy, as we've said before.

That's my rap name.

And it's really good stuff.

Olivia, what are you about with scents?

Yeah, I

think

she's like, I like Sum 41.

Yeah, I appreciate it.

I wish if Sum 41 came out with a cologne, I'd buy it all.

Oh, yeah, 1000%.

You just smell like the pit, Josh.

You can smell like vans and cores like.

Oh, God, my teen years.

No, so the thing that came to mind for me, too, is I'm wondering if she was on birth control for a really long time and then got off of it.

And then now, because like that's a thing where if you're on birth control for a long time, it can like mask your sense of smell when it comes to like your partner.

And you can prefer if you go off of it, like your sense of smell will change.

And I imagine, obviously, she did because she had a baby.

So I don't know if she like went back on it or if she stayed off of it, but it could be like your hormonal balance has shifted and therefore like the pheromones of your partner are not what you were initially attracted to because you're all kind of like out of balance so i don't know it seems like kind of a tough position to be in so i guess just like try to have him use a new body wash maybe but i don't know how to what to tell you about the pheromones homegirl like that's just tough i've seen tick tocks on that no more birth control change in personality thing do we know if that's true it sounds like it would be true but apparently women are going off of birth control and they're like i

hate my boyfriend or husband like apparently according to tick tocks it masks like like even personality traits like that you don't like and then all of a sudden you go off it or that you do like and all of a sudden you go off it and you don't like them anymore I mean, I will say, I think I spoke about this before, but I was on birth control for a little bit.

And when I went off of it, well, first of all, it made me go just nuts.

Like I got diagnosed with like an anxiety disorder because of it.

Like it was crazy.

And so it can really really change your personality too and the way that you respond and react to things so there could be different i mean it's so different from woman to woman so there could be different things that like it masks more severely for one person versus another there are some people who can tolerate it some people who can't so i could definitely see that like being a thing and i think there's definitely some validity there yeah i don't know it's i'm sure hopefully there'll be more research on it and we can have more understanding in the future but yeah it's nuts look at our range josh look at our range We go from talking about catered weddings, we talk about politics, we talk about Saturday Night Live, we're talking about birth control.

The range of the good guys, the range.

Don't I know it?

And I would say, too, I don't know.

You guys, tell me your opinion unless you disagree with me, in which case, keep it to yourself.

I,

for your own sake, I have to say about my dear wife, Paige, she is maybe the one of the few, if only, girls.

And like, I think it's just because I'm uniquely, perfectly matched for her that she has no scent.

Like my pheromones mix with hers so perfectly that it's just like this beautiful, clean slate of a human every time I'm with her.

And other women I was with before, like, and again, it's like, it wasn't bad in any way, but they had like a unique scent to them, which like, I could imagine over time would have maybe gotten to me a little bit.

But with Paige, it was just like this perfect thing.

I I never noticed a smell or like her smell was always very pleasing to me.

And that hasn't changed over 13 years.

One, that's beautiful.

Two, I've never thought about it, but I am now realizing that Claudia 2 does not smell like anything until if she's going out and she puts on a perfume.

Sure.

Then I know that she's wearing that.

But as a person, I agree she doesn't smell like anything.

Yeah.

I'll third that.

With Ethan, I don't notice anything either.

Like I just think his natural smell is nice.

And like there were other people that I was like, you stink, dude.

Yeah.

On the flips, on the flip side, though, we smell breath.

You also smell breath?

I smell breath.

Sure.

Dude, my son is on his breath.

And Claudia certainly smells my breath.

I will turn over to her and she's like, I'm about to pass out.

And you go like brush your teeth.

Dude, my son is in his honesty era and he will just at night look at me and be like, your breath stinks.

I'm like, sure.

Sounds like my wife.

My wife will literally turn to me and say, did you just jump on a piece of duty?

And I'm like, No.

No, I'm not eating.

I'm not eating duty.

I was having issues with my gym clothes for a while because for like I use OxyClean with all my gym clothes just to like make sure that they smell like fresh and good.

And just like, you have to be careful with that stuff.

But for whatever reason, like our new, we had new washing machines.

I couldn't get it.

It was like staining my shirts, bleaching certain things.

I was like, dang it.

So I wasn't using it.

So I would wash them and put in a Tide Pod and whatever, but they had like a whiff of not, not good NG.

Like you got close to me and you would smell my stream and be like, that ain't nice.

And my son once was giving me a hug at night and I had on one of my workout shirts and he's like,

he's like, dad, what are you doing?

I was like, I change your diapers.

But

he got me to go get a liquid OxyClean instead of the powdered kind.

And it's great.

It's so funny.

What is the smell, Like mildewy?

It's just like it's specific because it's B.O., but then it's washed and dried with like just a hint left of like B.O.

It's like not all the way out.

So there's a smell that's ingrained in my brain that I will never be able to get out, which is the opening up your suitcase or big bag.

What are those like big long bags with the zipper called?

Duffle.

Duffle, thank you.

God, how did that word escape me?

Large duffel.

After an entire summer at camp,

I would get home.

This smell, this was the smell of if you left a towel, a wet towel on the floor for two weeks.

Like this level of mildew.

Oh my God, that's literally seared in my brain.

So fucking disgusting.

So gross.

Nasty.

All right, we've lost all our listeners.

No, the next one is from Anonymous.

Hey, Josh and Ben.

Just a random kind of question here.

I just wanted to get your guys' take on self-checkouts.

Everywhere you go now, grocery store, Walmart, Target, CVS, etc.,

everywhere is freaking self-checkout.

And if there's a problem, there's never anyone around to help you.

And if there are people around to help you, they're just standing around watching.

Why have these people monitored a self-checkout?

Why don't they just actually work the register?

I feel like we should get some type of discount for having to cash ourselves out and bag our own groceries and whatever whatever else.

I just want to get your take on it because it's kind of starting to really piss me off.

That's all.

Thanks.

Bye.

I love our breed of just an angry listener, you know?

Love it.

Yeah, this is a problem.

I would say shout out

people.

For sure.

Shout out Whole Foods.

I think they do the best job of like, those people are helpful.

Like if I have an issue at self-checkout, I find them very helpful.

Everywhere else, they're really not helpful.

They really should just be security guards.

They're mainly there to make sure that you don't steal.

They're sure they're there to also help if you have an issue, an error when you scan, but they're really just monitoring for theft.

And yeah, I do think that we should be getting something back.

And what's funny is, in the age of self-checkout, we're also being charged for bags, Josh.

We're now being charged five cents a bag in most places, 10 cents a bag.

So they're charging us for bags.

We're checking ourselves out.

It's like, what is it?

What was the name?

Was it Orange Theory, or that's a different one?

What's the one that you go to the hot yoga?

Core power.

Core power.

Okay, you're staying after, you're cleaning up free membership.

I'm bagging my own shit 10% off.

100%.

100%.

That's it.

10% off.

Bag my own shit.

It's not right that you can go and be checked out for the same cost as checking yourself out.

Not right.

Corporate greed.

You hear that, Kroger?

Target, Walmart,

greed.

Cashback.

Greed.

10%.

Greed.

Our what are you nuts moment of the week?

Our gripes with people, places, and things, both big and small, whatever, is is sticking in your craw.

I'll start.

Please, you know, kids they love Legos.

I love Legos.

People of all ages love Legos.

I love Legos.

And I feel bad because, you know, my son loves them and he's great at it.

And people will say, like, you did this, Max.

It's spectacular.

Wow, did this big Lego must have taken you so long?

And I stand a few feet away going, huh?

Came with instructions.

What are you nuts?

Like,

you didn't come up with it.

You just page by page.

It's like three or four pieces a page.

What are you nuts?

It's not that cool.

It's not that spectacular.

What are you, nuts?

Totally, right?

Unbelievable.

Nuts.

My what are you nuts moment of the week is the overhead bin shared space on an airplane.

Okay, we're all putting our stuff.

You're putting your coat.

I'm putting my bag.

Sometimes you're putting a cowboy hat.

You're putting even a helmet.

Maybe you're going skiing.

Don't touch my shit.

Okay.

That's right.

Do not touch other people's stuff in the overhead bin.

Oh, you think you can squeeze and make room for your stuff?

How about you ask the people around you, hi, do you mind if I move your coat instead of taking your duffel and mashing my coat?

to the back of the overhead bin space.

Winnie, nuts, this is a shared space.

I got there first.

If you want me to move something, I'll move it happily.

If If we can make space for everybody, no problem.

But you showing up 45 minutes late, last person on the plane, taking your bag when you're in 36B and jamming it in.

What are you, nuts?

You're going to ruin this lovely man's cowboy hat.

It's not right.

Shout out, Word up.

Nuts.

Nuts.

Folks, you know what else is nuts?

You not giving this episode five stars is nuts.

Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts.

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We're blowing up.

Mondays and Thursdays, folks, we will see you next time.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

This is the sound of a typical cage-free barn.

Thousands of hens confined indoors forever.

But at Happy Egg, our hens enjoy over eight acres of outdoor sunshine every day.

They roam, they forage, they thrive in the open air.

Because at Happy Egg, happy hens lay happy eggs.

Happy Egg, look for the yellow curtain at a store near you.

Happy!