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the good guys.

Whoa. Monster Morons, welcome back to the Good Guys Podcast.
I'm sitting here with a guy who I love deeply, even though we have little debates. We have our little spats and we go back and forth.

But that's just because we're both fucking smart. We're smarter than you.

I love you. You do love to do it.

You do love to push my buttons. But do you not think you're pushing mine? No, because I don't ever bring it up.

You are the creator of the button. I then, once you have created the button, okay, me.

No,

turn up the volume if you want to learn about it. Gaslighting.

We're sitting in our room, okay? Me and you. We're sitting in the cave, Josh, okay? And you invented the wheel.
No, okay.

I then dreamcast. You used the wheel.

I used the wheel. I didn't make it.
I used it. I used your cart.
Okay, well, you were, you didn't even, I didn't ask you permission. You went off.
You were scavenging.

I used your cart to carry all of my vegetables, but you made the cart. First of all, what's in this cave? Did we order dominoes? I don't know.
It's in the cave. We're probably having sex.

Yeah.

You know, I could easily be in love with a man. I just don't want to have sex with one.
I just, all that I, I just want to say, it's impossible that you just had all of these just humans.

in caves, these men in caves, they're animalistic men. They were having sex.

I think that's assumed, right? If we had zero social,

because right now we're living, by the way, I'm doing it now. I'm introducing a button.
Maybe you agree with it. Maybe you don't.
I think maybe you do. Oh, you do.

This is the first time I've ever done it.

This is my first button. This is my first button.
You DM me clips. But you're like the drunk uncle at Thanksgiving who goes, So, Obama.

Yeah, by the way, so he's great. I love him.
He's amazing. I love him.
By the way, what a speaker. Woof.
That man can talk.

No, I really did love Obama. I voted for him too.

On the, what was I saying? Social contract. Josh, if we didn't live in a society that pointed out everybody's sexuality, a lot more people would be fucking.
Okay. A lot more people would be fucking.

It's really a shame. And it is a shame.
And that's why we look at 1700s. It was fashionable for men to wear heels.
Why can't we get back there? I'm down to wear a heel.

Okay, it was it was the fashion. We just we just took away all the fun from guys.

Sidney Sweeney is the new face of Jimmy Chu. Could you imagine Flatfeet Peck over here as the face of Jimmy Chu? Me in four-inch stilettos strutting?

It would be amazing. Nobody would buy them, but it would be amazing.
You would need to shave your legs. Are you down to shave your legs?

Yeah, and I'm not an excessively hairy kid like you like i'm you're hairy enough that if i saw you on an ad i wouldn't buy the shoe could you imagine with jimmy shoes like this with my with my blunt stones but like you're on the six train and i'm on top of the of the seating area like this hello shaved i think it's a 10 out of 10.

i think it would sell like hot cakes i've done otherwise i've done more for a brand deal i think we should do it i think we should make the heel for men do you want to know i don't know the name of it but man heels meals meals meals.

That's it.

It all comes back to food. It's always

we're so fat.

I know. I uh do you know how depraved I am?

I remember I was, this is like at the height of like my body insecurity, but I had lost it all the way. And by that, I mean like 2017, where like I still was like now I'm a dad and I'm almost 40.

So I don't care. Like I've worked really hard on my body.
It's not perfect. But

as what the good thing is, is as a man, as you work out and you get older, more people are giving up. So

you actually start to eclipse those people who were naturally in such better shape than you. Yes.

But I just remember like there were so many things that I would audition for or parts that I would get where they'd be like, oh, there's a love scene or there's a pool scene.

And I'd be like, over to the director and going like, hey, do you mind like if I figure out a way to like not be shirtless on camera? because I was insecure.

Anyway, I get hit up by a social media company. They go, Hey, we have a brand deal.
I'm like, I'm listening.

Like, Bravo has a new show, and it involves like this fun thing where like people are kind of like naked in it.

Like, would you and the great influencer Matt Kushal be willing to run around Austin during South by Southwest in nude underpants and nothing else? And I said, For 35k, I'm in

your picture here.

I did that shit, dog. Like, I did that? Yeah, bro.
I'm nuts. I'm really happy that you did it.
I didn't know where that story was going.

I think that you just, actually, that's not true.

I was going to say something mean, which is that I think that you just like say that you don't have a nice body so that I tell you how nice your body is.

But I actually think that somehow you don't realize that like you're in great shape.

That said, it really just doesn't matter. Like I'm not, and it took me, we've spoken about this before.
It definitely took me a while.

Like it could not have been in a more insecure upbringing like even even through my early teens like i have i have this distinct memory i was 16 years old i was on uh an israel trip during the summer and like what like all of us that's like the last year of like jewish summer camp you go to israel and every i loved polos i was in like a big polo whether it was american eagle or our apostle or whatever like classic uh classic stuff i would wear an undershirt under all of them because i didn't want people to see my nipples always because I had like big fat nipples.

And it's just so funny. It's an AOL screen name.
Big fat nipples. I still have big fat nipples, but now I don't care.
I don't, I don't know what it is. I don't know what changed.

I just, I, I do not give a shit at all. I don't.
Like, I'll be, you want me to take off my shirt here? I'll sit here, nude. I don't care.
I'll sit here on the podcast, nude.

I'm just imagining your friend that you're texting and their mother going, who's big fat nipples at aim.com? Oh my God, he just took his shirt off you should be more worried about that shoulder hair g

no the shoulder hair is it's the shoulder hair for me it looks like you're it looks like you're wearing a sweater vest the shoulder that is it's my sweater that's what they always said the shoulder hair is a constant reminder of my lineage josh okay this is where i come from where is bratis this is bratislava this is this is

can i put back on my shirt or we're should i how long should i stay no one wanted it off by the way you

just quit you absolutely need to watch us on youtube because otherwise you're just listening in the car and you don't see that i'm shirtless i'm shirtless my belly's out my dudes are hanging dude and i just look really good i don't care even if i didn't look good josh i don't care i'm that fat old man on the beach that doesn't care i i swear 95 pre-ozempic ben isn't ripping his shirt off you don't think so i don't think so

50-50. Let me put, I'm taking up my headphones to put back on my shirt, even though I don't want to.
Let it be known that I've been peer-pressured to put my shirt back on.

Leave it off for the whole time. My shirt was off the whole time.

Maybe we get, maybe what we do is we figure out a way to get tokens, right? And people,

we should do the reverse OnlyFans. We start naked and people pay us to put those on.

I love it.

Please!

That's a big tip, Ron. I guess I'll button one more.

Oh, that's so good. Wayne wants me to put on a turtleneck.
That'll be 2,000.

It ends with the ski mask. That's so good.

That is unbelievable. Oh, my God.

Oh, man. What are we doing? Josh, we need a Patreon.
Should we? Can we handle one more episode a week? I think we could handle more. And I think, Josh, I think that,

and I like talking about this live because I would like people's opinions. Like, I don't want to put out a Patreon that people don't want.

But we have a difficult time being topical on this show because of the way that we record.

And I do think that if our Patreon was literally just me and you FaceTiming on our phones at home or zooming on our computer at home.

The second that there's some type of a current event that we want to talk about and releasing a 30-minute episode. I feel like people would love that.
And it's so, it doesn't have to be high tech.

Like that's Patreon is not necessarily high tech. Patreon is just, you're getting exclusive inside access to us.
And like, I feel like

the same way that we talk, like we, we could talk all the time. Like it's five o'clock and we want to rip it for a half hour and we're both in our house.
Why not? What do you think?

I actually think that if we did a daily 30-minute show that we filmed and uploaded and I but the problem is I don't I think it should be on YouTube too.

But yeah, I mean, I literally think Benny and Joshie morning show would be a fucking monster. I love it.
I absolutely love it. I don't think we need to jump straight to five E's, but I love it.

No, I think that

I don't even want to do one, but

I think that if we gave them one, how about we do this the patreon it starts at one episode a week and it's the equivalent of a weekend roundup every monday morning we recap what happened that weekend but is the weekend exciting for the news cycle i feel like that's when things go quiet okay or every friday i like it week week roundup okay where everything that happened that week we discuss

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Hey, everyone, it's Maddie here, host of the Bad Broadcast.

If you're looking for some good, clean positivity, I'm not your girl because over at the Bad Broadcast, we dive deep into all the things we love to hate.

Bad dates, bad bosses, bad roommates, all while finding the humor in it. We also chat pop culture, relationships, food, and all things nostalgia.

Think of it like a sleepover with your best friends where you get to vent, laugh, cry, and watch your favorite chick click.

You can listen to the bad broadcast every Monday wherever you get your podcasts, or you can now watch the full episodes on YouTube. Remember to be safe, be kind, be hot, and I'll see you on Monday.

Have you been free farting more lately? Because I find at 38, I'm just letting them go. I

think

I feel terrible for Olivia.

Poor Olivia. Is she okay? Is she on the floor? Not here, not now.
No,

I still abide by the social contract. But today at Equinox in the locker room, I was like, hey, Jim,

I'm loose as a goose in a locker room. I used to not be.
Thousand percent, you could catch me walking around naked. I'm not that guy that's brushing his teeth naked because that is just unnecessary.

But yeah, it used to be

I'm wearing a towel, putting on my underwear under the towel.

towel no I'm taking off the towel and I'm putting on my underwear and if you're in there with me you might see my pecker yeah well it's part of the

it's fine it's just me it's just me being me do I sometimes uh release farts absolutely I will not release farts though Josh willy-nilly if I had a beef stew last night But if I'm eating normally and I think that it'll be like a nice, respectable, it could smell, but it's not anything that will murder you, I'm in.

But if you're bubbling, you got to hold that in. Me and the peck boys, we rip them non-stop in front of each other.
And, but now my son, Judge.

But he's in. Welcome to the club.

But now my younger son, Shai, who's almost three, is becoming more verbal. And

it must be the vaccines. And

yeah.

He's becoming more verbal. And so now he just, when I do it, he looks at me and goes, dad, you pooped.
I'm like, nah, son.

Don't put that on me, dog. Like, not like that.

I can't believe you're gaslighting your son and he's three. I sharded.
I did. That's what he's saying.
You sharded. You did what I told you not to do.

You can do it when you had a normal meal, not when you had a beef stew, not when you had a big fat hot dog. God.

Got to be careful, Josh. Yeah.
Got to be careful ripping ripping all those toots. You never know.
It's just in the safety of our little living room.

Although the other day, I

was, it was early in the morning, it was like 5:30, and I just woke up early. And as we know, I like to crack an ice-cold energy drink when I wake up in the morning.
It's a real treat.

I had an unbelievable flavor today, Josh, of an energy drink. What was it? I had a Celsius

cherry apple. Oh, wow.
I love that one.

It was delicious. It tasted like a candy apple.

Insane. The thing about Celsius is like the people that they've decided to sponsor, I feel like Celsius might be a little too naughty for me.

I think that Celsius is just so fucking huge that they know that anybody, everybody in the world is a potential customer. They should be advertising on porn sites.
Have we spoken about this before?

The cheapest CPM is to advertise on a porn site. You can get the most eyeballs, spend no money, but nobody will do it except for a porn company because it's porn.

And then you have association with porn. Celsius should really be advertising in porn.
It's also efficacy because I don't think I've ever skipped an ad quicker than when I'm on Pornhub, my boy.

Sure, but what about product placement? All of a sudden, she's being... Oh, I gotta go.

What about product placement?

She's knocking at the bathroom door. Let's go.
No, I'm kidding.

Product placement, Josh. What if you see they're shipping stubbing and there's a Celsius can right on the table? That I'm for.
Like, Manuel Ferrara's got to like get some energy before.

I don't know, male porn stars, but I'll just.

What if Manuel? Manuel Ferrara is finishing in a can of Celsius.

James Dean goes, looking cute, honey. One set.

Hold on.

Yeah, take off those Espadrilles.

Take off your Meryls. Yeah.

Oh, I see we have the same search history.

60 and over.

60 and over wearing Merils drinking Celsius.

My keywords are meta-musal.

Those are my pronouns, Meta Musal. That's funny.

By the way, if we don't get a Celsius deal out of this, capitalism is dead.

We're not getting it. My wife.
They don't want us. We're not cool enough.

Celsius once was like, we'd love to send you some product. I said, thank you.
That would be so nice. My wife drinks Kiwi Guava every single morning.

Like she has one type that's all she drinks, Celsius, Kiwi Guava. They go, here's a variety pack.
I'm like, dog, you missed it, guys. Send me Kiwi Guava.
Send my man Kiwi Guava.

Again, if you don't show up to your house with a fucking palette of Kiwi Guava,

there's a problem going on, okay? This is a big celebrity.

I know.

Yeah, energy drinks are cool. What's your favorite energy drink?

Well, I'm gonna say Celsius now. We're too noisy.

By the way, we're too deep. And why are you gonna do a whole Celsius snake and be like, actually, I like C4? Yeah, no, no, we're no, you're right.
We're too deep. We're way too deep.

We're way too deep. I, um, yeah, I've been having some

rough.

I, I, I, I got to tell you about my eating day on on Sunday because tell me I I literally I decided I took a week off from working out and I just did cardio and I let the tendons heal let things the fibers connect and I really felt great but Sunday I said I'm not going to work out at all but I'm going to eat smart because I'm not burning any calories day started off great I had my typical Starbucks double baked egg white feta wrap love that delicious.

So good. Then I said, I probably need another one.
Then I got bored. I had two protein bars.
I go, whatever. I'm still crushing health, right?

Then my wife says, we're going to have some family over for dinner. Let's watch football and we're actually going to do something fun.
We're going to do a Houston's inspired home menu.

I said, are you trying to get lucky?

By the way, I'll answer that. She wasn't.

So her sister, the great Blake, made the spinach artichoke dip.

The wonderful cousin Maddie, she made the kale,

chicken, like the mambo salad, kale chicken, Asian vinaigrette, beautiful. My wife, she made gorgeous sushi rolls.
She

had the stacked Osaka style

that you love. Go Paige.
And she made a macadamia nut roll because she's vegan, but it was, it was like a spicy macadamia nut beyond.

Healthy fats coming out the yin ying. Then she makes the fried chicken sandwich.

Yeah.

And then my mother-in-law made ice cream cake. Ben, I ended the night not knowing where I was

in my own home. I don't even, I can't think of a time like

You talk about privilege, Josh. Oh, I'm privileged now.

It took me a while.

You having your wife just say, hey, tonight, it's Houston's night at the house. What? Are you kidding me? Yeah, Dodge.
That is.

I love my wife to death. That would be, hey, can you make me Houston's tonight? And by the way, I prefer it that way.

I actually said this to her yesterday because I cook basically every single night I make her dinner. And I've come to realize

that 1,000% is my love language. I love making her dinner.

I love it to the point that if she doesn't want me to make her dinner, I'm hurt. I'm hurt.
I don't know what it is. It's a recent thing.

Did I tell you that I'm baking bread, Josh? I'm becoming a baker. Oh, like young Jacqueline.

Yes, I'm

on day nine of my sourdough starter. I'm feeding that bitch every day.
You want to hear the name? I'll announce the name today.

I'm naming. You ready?

Mrs. Dough Fire.

Nice.

You like it? Euphigenia Doe Fire Dear? Love. Because it needs to be a bread pun.
It needs to be a bread pun.

No, by the way, I didn't know that. Somebody told me.
I said, yeah, I'm going to name her. What did I say? Sally Mae.
And everybody jumped down my throat.

They're like, that's the name of the student loan office. I'm like, I didn't know that.
Like, leave me alone. No, I said Fannie Mae.

I said Fannie Mae. And they're like, that's the name of the student loan office.
No, it's Sally Mae. Okay.

But I didn't know that it needs to be a bread pun. So it's going to be Mrs.
Dough Fire or Euthagenia Dough Fire, dear. But yeah, it's trad dad season, okay? Trad dad.
What is trad dad?

Trad dad is a trad wife, is a wife that does cooking, baking.

You don't have to be, just like it's great for people who want to be trad dad. Why not be a trad couple? Okay, yeah, I completely agree.

And by the way, share it. I do have a laundry.
I love it. Yeah.
I would say that

I think that it's, I more think of trad wife and trad dad when i think of the kitchen it's more cooking baking spin uh

spinning your own butter or whatever which by the way

chicken

yikes spinning spinning your butter sounds like the new drug

he was bent over overdose from spinning his butter

I just had the greatest idea, Josh. Ready for the? I'll be the judge of that.
Go. It's not actually a good idea, but it's genius.
Okay. It's a workout class, Josh.
It's a spin class.

And at the end of it, your wheel is spinning heavy whipping cream into butter. And at the end, you walk out with your butter.
We attach it to the front wheel. I love it.

And the heat in the class will have no effect on the butter. None.
None. There's the fan from the thing on it.
It's amazing. Love it.

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Have you ever been to a spin class? I have, but I can't do bikes. They hurt my ass.
You?

You have to develop a callus.

I don't want it. On the taint.
I don't want it. I don't want an ass callus.
Taint callus is my new band. I don't want it.
I'm out. Don't put me on a bike without a cushion.
No good.

Could you do like a group fitness class with like a nice 90s hip-hop beat and you're like stepping and moving? And would you do that? Yeah. Yeah, I've done Barry's before Barry's boot camp.

I've enjoyed that class. That's more elliptical, lightweights.
That's not, I can't do the spin classes. I just don't like it.
Like, I don't like my, it's the ass.

I think my ass is just simply too flabby and bony. I get it.
I used to, when I would do, um,

I had a CrossFit era, no big surprise. And they would have you, you know, it was just a hard rubber floor.
And so they would say, like, in addition to everything, you'll do like 50 crunches.

And my poor tailbone on that floor, I would get a raspberry? It's too much. Get a raspberry.
It's too much. It's just

not. It's not it.
Like, I don't know. Some people, they're born with asses.
They can take a

seat like that.

And others can't. And others can't.
I can't. I'm sorry.
Should we get to a story?

Yes.

Ex-astronomer, HR exec, Kristen Cabot's husband, dropped shocking twists after Coldplay Kiss Cam scandal.

The astronomer HR exec Kristen Cabot's husband, Andrew Cabot, says the two were already separated before she was caught canoodling with former astronomer CEO Andy Byron at a Coldplay concert in July.

What the hell, man? That makes it so awful for her. No fair, dude.
No fair, dude. But he, but the guy was still a cheating scoundrel.
Sounds like it.

That's just

that's very.

as I say it's unfair to her. She did know that he was being a cheating scoundrel.

So it's still not great, but it is definitely it's definitely not great that she got dragged down with the ship like that, if they were in fact separated.

Yeah, I mean,

that one was heavy. That is.

I wonder, if you ask Chris Martin. to do that all over again, he doesn't do that.

He doesn't draw attention to it like that, right? I think we spoke about this on a past episode. Like he could have easily said nothing and then this would have been nothing.

But because he said something, he drew attention. You know how many kiss cams there are? No.

I don't ever investigate and look at these people. I'm like, ooh, I wonder if they're cheating.
Like, no, I assume they're together, but I don't know their names. I never ask anything.

You think he does it differently or you think he does it the same?

I think he does it the same, but I think you can say, I wouldn't have done anything differently, but also it's a shame what happened, right, Olivia? Yeah, I'd say so.

But also, like, when the camera goes to them, they both kind of freak out in the video, if I remember correctly. So I'm like, they brought attention to themselves.

They could have been like just normal about being there, but I don't know. That's like kind of where I'm like, you made a big deal out of it.

Of like, I'm not, oh no, we're not together, but the kiss cam makes it look like we're together. Right.
Yeah. They absolutely did.

He made it viral, but they a thousand percent, if they just kept their fucking cool.

like i'm so i'm so annoyed at them for them if they literally made out on camera we know nothing yeah they definitely would have still been caught but it wouldn't have been a world event

and it was a world event

world event crazy we're so

like the things that we just like throw up on a pedestal and talk about like so dumb like

crazy fuck us well well i've never identified so much with a story in my life did you know that charlie sheen got liposuction after a prostitute called a fat wow

thin skins charlie sheen underwent weight loss surgery after a sex worker flippantly commented on his gut he revealed in his new memoir book of sheen by now the actor made the revelation while recalling the time he and his brother emilio estavez were in toronto to film the 2000 film rated x the two portrayed the mitchell brothers, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, Sheen explained that on his final night in Toronto, he decided that his celibacy streak needed closure, and he went to the matchmaking yellow pages of Bell Canada.

The two and a half men alum, now 60, proceeded to order a gorgeous brunette, his words, to his hotel room.

And while enjoying a post-euphoric cigarette with his Canadian Insta girlfriend, Sheen said that the woman reached over, slapped his bare stomach with a room-filling thwack and said, What do you say, Fatzo ya, for round two?

Oh

my God.

Ouch.

Oh my. That is

unbelievable. And they say Canadians are kind.
No, by the way, I love her. That's great.
That's good. That's good.

I would probably get liposuction too. That's tough.
Would you you have round two? I'd move past it. I'd be like, hey, if you're offering, that hurt.

But like, I'm, you know, let's keep our eye on the prize here.

Yeah, I think I would just,

you paid for it already. Yeah, your money's worth.

I don't know. Like, whatever.
Like, maybe say something back.

Like, yeah, I'm fatass. She's like, I can't.

Ben say to the hooker, like, do you take amex? I'd love the points. Yeah.

It's only only been 59 minutes we have 60.

is there any kind of rubber jails program should we in the final minutes spin a dreidel

would you like me to dive in for one of your family members in poor health

only five people are gonna get some of our jokes and i love all of them They me too. I order specifically 10 hookers so I can have a minion.

That's good.

That is good.

Should we listen to a speakpipe? Yes. I agree.
I really, I agree.

If you want to get advice, ask us questions. Go to speakpipe.com slash good guys.
Keep it brief. Brevity is key.
Let's hear from someone good. I want someone really, oh, this is great.

This is a rare, very good Woody and Nuts.

now oh we don't want your woody and nuts they're not good but every now and then and trust me even though i say this every week they call i can hear it right away i know josh says we don't want your woody and nuts

but what's the deal with traffic delete

it's literally that

i'm like are you just reading did you just have ai come up with bad seinfeld bits

what's the deal with traffic

I'm like,

by the way, what is the deal with traffic? It's horrible.

Awful. But this is a good one.
So this is from Kimberly.

Man, you know, someone else wrote in on, and they were like, Josh, why are the speak pipes so hard for you? And the title was

from dot dot dot anonymous.

I don't like when people know the show that well. I feel like you know it.

Yeah, okay. From

in the meantime while we wait for this to load want to talk about gun control

okay good guys i know you say not to send in the what are your nutses but i have to so do with this what you will so i was at a european wax center i went to a new location and i saw a new girl and i went to get a brazilian wax now usually when they do the butt part, you're supposed to, or my girl usually says, bring your knees to your chest.

This time, she told me to turn over and lay on my stomach and then wanted me to hold my butt cheeks apart with my hands.

Now,

when I tell you, my soul left my body, I don't want to be in this vulnerable position. I don't even want to be showing you my areas, okay?

But, you know, I have to make sure everything's looking good. But now you're having me lay on my stomach and spread my butt cheeks apart with my hands.

So I do it. I'm not happy about it.

And as she's waxing my ass,

she goes, oh my God, I love

your manicure.

Like, don't be looking at my hands holding my ass apart. I mean, this is already a weird enough situation as it is.
I think just say nothing.

Just get the job done and let's move on with our lives and pretend like we never.

saw each other right i mean all you have to say is what are you fucking nuts i don't know that's all i have to say Pretty good, right?

That's pretty good. The whole thing,

I feel like she maybe made the what are you nuts about her manicure. The what of you nuts is the spreading of your ass.
That's the what are you nuts. The whole thing is nuts.

European wax center is nuts. There are people just going to like have strangers wax their buttholes.
Like, can't we do this in a in a different way? And why is it called European Wax Center?

It should be an at-home service, Josh. This should be something you can do yourself.
Does that not exist? It's so intimate.

It's like a spray tan. It's better if you can have it at home, but sometimes you got to go to Suntan's to go in Sherman Oaks in the Valley.

You know, sometimes you need to get waxed at a strip mall because you found a Groupon and you're feeling adventurous. Have you ever been waxed? I have.
I told you this about my

back waxed before I went to Hawaii with Paige when I was 26.

I'd never been on a vacation.

Retell this story. Just in case people missed it.
I was 25, maybe 26, 25. I was 25.
I'd never been on a vacation before.

I was dating Paige for a year and I was like, I had just gotten a residual check that I was not expecting. I'm like, let's go to Hawaii.
So

we go to Hawaii and we have a wonderful trip. Except before we go, I had noticed I had a couple back hairs.
Now, as you can tell, I'm just, I have chest hair.

I'm just not, I'm not like a hairy dude, you know, like crazy. So it was like a couple, but I'm like, I should get it waxed.
I go, they wax me hard body karate,

and they didn't tell me, hey, we just exfoliated a huge part of your skin. Go home, take a shower, go to bed.
I went to 24-hour fitness after,

and I did a little lifting sesh, did a little chess pectorals laying on the bench, back to the bench, doing full.

So halfway through Hawaii, Paige goes, did you get bit by sea lice?

I go, I don't think so.

And when I tell you, this was one month of me, the first doctor said, put this cream on and lay in the sun and let the sun bake the cream into your back.

I felt like a baked salmon roll out there.

And then finally, I had to see a dermatologist who was like, oh, you need medication. So, yeah.

No good. This is, you don't need waxing, Josh.
We are as God made us. Hairy, very hairy.
I'm so hairy. My back is so hairy.
It's gorgeous. Olivia, I mean, I love it.
It's normal.

Yeah, it's very normal. Very normal.
Like a very regular thing. But I guess a European wax center too would be like the fast food version of like, you know, a home setup or something like that.

But the spreading, back to this, the spreading of the cheeks. But this is pretty vulnerable to that is no good too.

Or it's like they have you get on your knees and but like you're you would be on your stomach on your knees, you know, like kneeling and then bent over. Okay.
Oh, yeah, like in child's position.

Yeah, like child's pose. Yeah.
What do you think of the

what do you think? What percentage of women do you think fart during a wax?

A hundred?

Not a hundred. Like at one point in time, if you're a regular at European Wax Center, a thousand percent sure one time that she's asked you to go like this, you're farting.

Another generalization from Ben Sopher.

It's true. I'm sure it happens frequently.
Frequently. I'm sure it happens frequently.
I'm just trying to. My God, can you imagine being the person, Josh, doing the waxing and you just get shit on?

That sucks. That would suck, dude.

Yeah, that feels really vulnerable. Yeah.
Sorry, Olivia. That wasn't directed at you.

No, that feels very vulnerable. That was for the people.
Sorry. That's so funny.

In case you... I'm glad we have video evidence of this.
Because you're audio only.

Josh actually got ass naked. No, I didn't.
He spread his cheeks. He spread his cheeks and then we lifted it and put him in jeans.
And he was really naked. The original cut.
You know what I do?

Does the X7, your car, have an app connected to it it does and are you able to remote start

i don't know how to use it yes

it does i don't know how to use it but it does seemingly have that function do this because i know you will love this for the wonderful ruby and i know claudia would love it turning on the air conditioner yes huge do you do that

no of course not Okay, I don't blame you because I had

I've had other cars with apps and they never work. It's really, really hard.
But the Tesla app, I must give Elon his due. It's spectacular with its efficacy.
I be turning on the air conditioning.

I just know we're going to be done in about 20 minutes. My car is going to be 62 degrees when I get in.
That's so nice. There's nothing worse than getting into a baked car.

Like, terrible, except sometimes, I don't know what it is. Sometimes I'm like, oh, you know, my back was hurting me and I live for it.
It's rare.

I normally don't like the baked car, but sometimes, you know, that boiling hot leather on your skin. Nice.
I think so. Is it self-sabotage? Like, do I like hurting myself?

I left my car out in the sun the other day and it's been like 90 degrees in L.A. And then I jumped in.
It was after the dentist and I had to give money to the parking attendant and my arm.

touched the side of the car as I put my hand out to give the ticket that I'd been baking in the sun. And I literally went, here you go.
Ow!

Yeah, no good.

That's terrible.

No bueno.

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Next speakpipe is from

somebody good

from

Anonymous.

Hi, Josh and Ben. As two Jewish kings, I would would love your outsider's perspective on this.
Last year, my husband and I had our first baby boy, and he was born on Christmas.

Now we're starting to think about how do we celebrate his first birthday this year while also celebrating Christmas.

Do we spend the morning being birthday celebrations and the evening being Christmas celebrations? How would you do this? Thanks.

What a beautiful birthday. Being born on Christmas?

I hope you named him Jesus.

Let's see.

I think that, well, he was just born, right? Josh? They said he's a year old. So for now, like, it doesn't really matter what you do.

But I like the excuse of having a Christmas-themed birthday. That sounds amazing.
Like, what a, so much fun. You have a built-in theme.
Like, we're out here. We have to pick dumb themes.

Like Ruby Tuesdays and grooving with Reuben. You have Christmas? You have Christmas, though? Even though he's going to turn into buddy the elf, you got to be really careful.

He could turn into just like a Christmas freak, like such a fanatic. Because every year, Christmas is, Christmas is, elf, Santa, cookies.
You got to be careful with this kid, okay? Be careful.

I warned you. Be careful.
That's it for now. It's really fun.
What do you think?

I like it. And I think what you'll have to do with what we do with my young son, Max, is his birthday is at the end of December.
And so he's out of school. A lot of families are away on vacation.

No good. No good for a birthday party.
No good. So we do his birthday always early December.
School's in. We get to celebrate him.
We have a full-blown birthday.

And then on the day of his birthday, we do a little something. We'll do a family dinner and maybe go to the mini golf park or something.
So it's kind of like it gets a double.

I love this, honestly, especially because for kids, It really doesn't matter. Pick the date that works for you for sure.

If it's, you should do it earlier earlier when the kids are in school, I never understood this with summer birthdays. These poor kids don't get anything.

Like, do a do a birthday party before the summer. Like, because they're still kids.

That said, once you're over the age of 18, if you try and celebrate your birthday more than three days away from your regular birthday, you are nuts. It's a what are you nuts?

Your birthday came and gone. I don't give a shit that it's on a Wednesday.
It's over. It's over.
Grow up. But if you're a kid, do it two months earlier.
Who gives gives a rat?

Oh, oh, it's your birthday week?

Oh, it's been your birthday week?

Yeah, no good.

No good. Did I invent who gives a rat? That's not an expression.
No.

Who gives a rat? Not even close.

It's a rat. It's a terrible.

That's a terrible expression. Who gives a rat? Who gives a rat? I like that.

Gives a rat. Or what about, have you heard this news saying, I don't give a rip?

Yeah, I've heard it. I think I like it.
I don't know. I don't love it.

Right. What is it? Not good.
Who gives a rip? What does it mean? There's even new, have you seen the new Spike Lee Denzel movie on Apple Plus, highest to lowest? No, I need to. I love Denzel.

Not as much as you, Othello First Row, but I love Denzel. I love Denzel.
And it's Spike Lee, so, you know, it's a great duo.

But anyway, yeah,

the movie's really good, but there's talk about new lingo and the alpha generation sort of

you know the fun words they're using and and that's so fun now any others come to mind

skibbity skibbity what is that I don't know I don't know what it means I I did wait wait wait in what context are people using skibbity skibbity toilet do you know what

Basically, it's like some weird YouTube thing, but like kids use skibbity as like, that's whack, or that's, that's like, that's like dope so kind of like gnarly yeah like it could be either or yes okay

what is this the dictator with sasha baron cohen you are hiv aladin

insane

positive and negative aladin skibbity is yes and no

no skibbity

i when was the last time you've seen that movie right josh of course unbelievable sasha baron cohen what a gift to the world. Have you watched all of L E G?

I watched a lot of it.

Not in a long time, but a lot of it. I like Sasha Baron Cohen is my North Star.
He's so funny. So good.

The best is when he's interviewing the guy from the DEA and they put out all these drugs on the table and he goes, what are these effects of these drugs?

And he goes, well, this one makes you hallucinate. This one could give you, you know, respiratory failure.
This one could make you collapse.

And he goes, Rot, what's the negative effects of these drugs?

Oh, my God. He's a genius.
He's a genius.

Have you seen there's a new viral video of like, I don't know, these anarchists, like,

like.

people like the Antifa types were in Brooklyn in Crown Heights and they were like giving people a hard time and you just see this incredible crowd of like Brooklyn kids like who do not fuck around literally using this word they're like yo antifa scram

scram dog and then you hear another kid go hey yo skedaddle

i was like yo antifa squibbity yeah

i was like these are my kind of kids you saw that video

scram

hell yes i love scram that's a great word scram

you gotta to bring that back. That's good.
That's good. Pretty good.
Do you have a Woody Nuts?

Here, we'll do one more. You take your time.
We'll do one more speak pipe in the interim. Let's hear from a little person named

Anonymous.

Hey, good guys. Question for you.
My grandfather recently passed away and he left his grandchildren a trust. The trust was written out to my dad's children and to my uncle's children.

Now to put that into perspective and break it down a little for you, I am 30 years old and my brother is a little younger than me, a few years younger than me.

We recently found out within the last eight years that my dad ended up having a one-night stand before my mom in college and found out that he had a child that he never knew about.

So how fun is that, as you can imagine. We ended up really loving him and getting to embrace him and he is part of our family.

He doesn't come to a lot of Christmases or anything like that because he has his own family, but he was able to meet my grandparents and establish a little bit of a relationship.

Now, the trust says to the children of my dad's name, technically, we grew up with my grandparents and we are the children of, but legally, he is also a child of my dad.

Now, the trust has a good amount of money in it for all of the kids and it needs to be split evenly. I don't know if I'm just feeling like morally it would be weird if he took it.

I don't know, would you guys take it? He has the option to opt in or opt out.

I don't know. I just feel like he didn't establish that relationship.
Like he didn't grow up with my grandparents. It feels a little weird.
What are your thoughts? This is

why I love money because this is the call. We grew to love him.
He's wonderful. He even had a relationship with our grandparents.
That being said, he's not getting a fucking penny. It's nutty.

okay first of all imagine having a trust fund like that call like hey gramps left you a sack of cash like oh my god crazy like so crazy like if you've ever been left money i need to know what that feels like like i've never been left money i thank god i'm happy that my parents are alive like grandparents nothing i've got nothing from nobody and let me tell you i have to imagine that's the greatest feeling in the world probably like winning the lottery, even though you've lost a loved one.

But you probably get over it because you have a sack of cash. Totally.
It's like a good consolation prize.

Give, like encourage this man to take the money. Okay.
Like, totally.

The children of, he's a child of. You have a relationship with him.
I thought this was going to go totally different. Okay.
There's a estranged.

family member. You never met him and you're worried.
Like, oh, you have to give him money, but you don't know him. That's such a different story.

I would still even say that he's entitled to that money because he is child of. But then, okay, there's at least a question.
You know this man. He knew your grandparents.
And this is a question?

They were alive to amend the will. They couldn't change the wording.
This is no question. This is a child of?

100% morally. But morally, I want more money.

You're lucky that you have any.

Honestly, after hearing the speak pop all of it goes to that guy a hundred percent because yes the whole sack you know what you can tell me and and and if i'm off base here and do not worry about hurting my feelings i immediately identify right because like my father came from means like he had money right he had an apartment in the city he had a house in upstate and like I and he passed away 10 years ago and I know I have siblings who inherited his money.

Now, granted, and he never paid any child support to my mom, nothing. So, like, thank God I'm okay.
You know, like, I always got a Hallmark movie in the wings. Shout out.

But, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, wouldn't I be technically entitled to some dough?

Have you seen his will?

No, I have no, no contact with his family whatsoever. I don't know if they know I exist.
I

would be curious, Josh, to know. I love it.
To know. This is how the big Jews talk.

I would be curious. I would be curious to know.
I could see your horns. If you were in that will.

I think you're in that will, Josh. I think they hid it from you.
No way.

I think you're in that fucking will.

I think that he, I think you're in that will and you have no relationship with them. So why would they ever reach out to you and say, hey, by the way, you were in the will? Nope.

I think you're in that will. You think that he didn't tell his family and didn't acknowledge my existence for 27 years, but he admitted it in his will.

People do that all the time. You hear about that, where people on their deathbed unleash.
Like, it's his way of making things right.

Unless he's just a total, and it's very possible, total bad guy, totally possible. I think there's at least...

A 25% chance that you're in that will and entitled to compensation. And we need to reach out to J.G.
Wentworth.

Did they handle it? I don't know. They handled something.
What's the entitle to compensation? Is that JG Wentworth 877 cash now? If you need an annuity, who needs announcement?

No, that's somebody else.

I'm telling you, maybe it's Barnes.

We don't talk enough about the fact that there was Seleno and Barnes and Seleno died in a car crash, but Barnes just whipped, threw Seleno off the billboards, and now it's just Barnes group.

We don't talk about that enough. Okay, but

we just stole their billboard for our good guys' billboard. We did.
We ripped it right off.

We're going to get sued and we're going to use the money that your dad left you that you're going to go and claim to pay for the lawyer.

Feel free to DM me anyone who knows how I can just get a quick bag without having to meet my siblings. I know enough people.
I'm busy. You don't need to meet them.

Somebody needs to reach out and find out if you were in that will. You have to have, you have to know.
I think you were in it. Olivia, do you think he was in it?

I think that if he was in it, then somebody, because like the siblings, yeah, the executor of the will would have to like, the lawyer, they would have to reach out to you.

And also, wouldn't you think if like, cause I remember you saying they're like quite a bit older than you, right? Like 20 years older or something.

Like if you're, you know, in your late 50s, early 60s, and all of a sudden you find out that you, like, your dad had an affair in this instance, like the siblings, everybody that I know at least would be like, well, we want to like at least try to meet them, especially if there's some kind of like legally binding contract associated with it.

I feel like there would have been a path crossed.

But yeah, that's, I'm not sure that he did that.

What if the family member is a lawyer and the executor and they're, they buried this shit, okay? I don't know, Josh. I think that there's at minimum a really good script.
Yeah.

And what if in the will the wording is Josh from Drake and Josh? I bequeath

$100,000.

Don't tell yourself short, Josh.

And I'd be like, Bequifa is my drag name.

Should we get to Woody Nuts? We should.

Our what are you nuts moment of the week is our gripes with people, places, and things, whatever's sticking in your crawl. Josh, you got one? I do.

My woody nuts is, oh, so my kids have to go to the dentist and so uh i was i don't know why but i you know you you set these appointments from your last appointment so it's like six months in advance so i look at the calendar and i realize it's at 9 30 in the morning for max and shy in the middle of september during school like a school day i'm like oh well that won't work so i call her And I say to the lovely receptionist, I'd love to find a time either before or after school.

She goes, you know, over the next month and a half, we only have time available. Like, she's like, are there any like early dismissals or late drop-offs? They go, hold on, you're a kid's dentist.

I'm like, you have no time available after two or before nine. And I was like, what are you, nuts? She's like, how about noon on Wednesday? I was like, he'll be at PE.

He can't come.

No, no, they're, look. Children's, pediatric dentists, pediatricians in general, you see

after school, before school. Construction workers, sorry, you're working in the middle of the night.
It's enough. Okay, no more construction during the day.

Wow. What was my woody nuts? I had it.
I had it. I had it.
Is that your woody and nuts? Construction? No. No, no.
I had my woody and nuts. Where did it go? Where did it go? It was in my head.
My head.

It'll come back. It'll come back.
Just give me one second. Oh, we'll give you all the seconds.
You should have taken your lion's mane. This is what happens.
He's in full turmeric withdrawals.

Unfortunately, it's Ruby.

It's Ruby. I'm going to blame him.
It's his teething. He's up every hour.

Does he have any teeth yet? Little cute canines? No, nothing yet. Once he gets teeth, he's getting a job.

Does he have teeth? Are you kidding me? You can't have teeth.

Okay.

Fuck.

He's going to have bad breath. Just as a heads up.
Oh, yeah?

Yeah,

teething's going to give him bad breath.

Ah, I got it. I got it.
I got it. I got it.
Thank God it came back. Okay.
My wedding at the moment of the weekend. First, I want to preface and say, I typically just take an Uberx.

Uber Xs, that's what you should be taking. Don't spend extra money on black cars or any of this crap.
Nobody gives a rats. Nobody gives a rats.
We're making that an expression. Okay.

Nobody gives a rats. That said, sometimes on occasion, you want to treat yourself.
Again, I very rarely do this. I really am a man of the people.
Okay. You'll see me getting out of my Corolla.

Once in a while, you want a suburban. Okay.
You're ordering a black car. You're paying up for a black car.
Josh, a black car is a Chevy Suburban or a Escalade or maybe a GMC or a UConn.

These are big, beautiful cars. You know what it is, okay? If randomly they want to send you something crazy, an S-Class Mercedes, sure, maybe I'll take it.

A Infiniti is not a black car. I don't care how big it is.
I don't care. An Infiniti QX60.
This is no black car. I'm sorry.
This is no black car. I paid, this was to the Lady Gaga concert.

I couldn't cancel it because we were running late. It was $80

for a two-row Infinity. What are you nuts? No.

Escalade, Suburban, or Wow Me. Sorry, Infinity.
You're not wowing me. Excel at a minimum.
Wow. Right.

Bad for me. All this to hear Africa Dabra four times.
I know. Terrible.
You know what else is terrible, Josh? Not giving this episode five stars. That would be terrible.
It's a what are you nuts?

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