Mob Adjacent with The Queen of Melrose

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Oh my gosh.
Father Karis. We're for Klempt.
We're for Mished. We're all the things.
The Queen of Melrose is here. Welcome, girl.
Hey, how you doing, Joss Pack? How you doing, girl? Nice to finally meet you, boo-boo. Or should I say boo-balicious? I'm going to say boo-balicious.
Cool, here, let me help you with, you need your help with the headphones here, Doc. I'm having a conundrum.
Please. What you guys can't see is Josh is adjusting Queen's headphones, and they are looking fantastic.
Blame the hairdresser. Blame the hairdresser.
The Queen of Melrose, I can't quite explain to you how excited we are to have you. When I told our dear friend, do you know the points guy, Brian Kelly? No.
If you don't know him, he wants to know you. Where is he? He is your biggest fan.
Boyfriend material. Oh, really? He's super rich.
Is he here? Is he in the back? Is he going to come out? We should have. We should have, Josh.
Damn it. We'll set up an intro later.
Yeah, we'll set up an intro later. It's great.
He's two young boys. He's single.
He's in New York. I'm going to set you up.
Oh, he's single. I'm ready to mingle.
He's a big tech entrepreneur. Ungopped as our people say oh you're just and he's handsome six seven six eight yeah and yeah these proportions gotta have a piece probably yeah yeah when they're that big yes yeah like an aircraft carrier yeah yeah you can land the aircraft on that thing.

Call me at 737.

Queen, I fell in love with you on the Out and About podcast,

the great Joey Camasta.

But you're having a moment, aren't you? I'm having a moment.

Tell me about that.

It's kind of longer than a moment.

It's been like a year and a half now.

It's like constant podcast and lap dances and all the things. No, it's been really good.
It's been really good. I started on Soft White Underbelly.
That's when I went on and basically my sponsee, because I'm in the program. Oh, okay.
How long do you have? 17 years. What? Just turned.
Double digits.

Here we are.

Daddy.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Congratulations.

We're in its status at Harlem.

Harlem.

Harlem.

It was Harlem.

So I grew up in Spanish Harlem, you know, and it was Spanish and Italian.

So it's like where they made the Godfather.

Yeah.

Okay.

So they use my grandmother's apartment to make The Godfather.

Okay.

They rented, they gave her $75.

I remember the check and it was like two weeks and like they were filming in her apartment.

Also, my older brother, you know, did you see the scene in The Godfather with Sonny

where he's beating the shit out of his sister's husband?

Classic.

Yes.

Classic scene. Okay.
So my brother was under the Johnny pump for two weeks, okay? So he got pneumonia right after he got his check. So that's how I remember Harlem growing up with the mafia.
My father was in the mob. He wasn't in the mob.
He was like hanging out with the mob. You know what I mean? It was like a thing.
Mob adjacent. Mob adjacent.
Mob adjacent, yes. Ben's from harlem too he's from 62nd and madison what i'm mob adjacent that was i actually i went to school in the heights so a little bit a little bit higher than spanish harlem in washington heights but i i am familiar i pop out look to the left going up the fdr and i think god it's great that i'm passing this

thank thank god i didn't have to take the streets so you're there your father's mom adjacent the fbi starts sniffing around right some things she did her homework yes okay josh back guilty i'm not mad at you boo boo yeah so anyway grew up in harlem you know and then then we moved to queens my grandmother became a jehovah's witness to vow catholic yes okay true story they come to the house they never left okay so now you can't be gay no birthday no this no that i'm eight years old i'm like what the fuck is going on they're throwing all my barbie dolls okay i'm like what the fuck trauma traumatized so my mother my father's in the mob his mother is a jehovah's witness so he's telling he's in the bronx gambling and whatever doing his thing and he's telling my mother take the kids to the kingdom hall so meanwhile my mother is trying trying to do the right thing because my grandmother's the matriarch of the family. And then the little cut to two years later, my mother's like, fuck this, kids.
Let's go. So it was back to Christmas.
Because no birthdays, no holidays. No birthdays, no holidays.
You can't be this. You can't be that, basically.
No blood transfusions like yeah it's like the ends what a what a list of rules i don't know how michael jackson's in it i'm telling you and prince i wonder where the blood transfusions was prince of jehovah i think so oh my god it's brutal it's tough brutal brutal brutal brutal especially when you're catholic and you have all these things growing up. Yes.
And then you're not allowed to have them. But it's in work.
So my grandmother stood Jehovah. And then my Uncle Junior, my father's brother, worked in the Palm restaurant out here.
So in those days, it was like Johnny Carson. It was Merv Griffith.
It was all. It was like I Dream of Jeannie.
It was all the, you know, it was just like the hangout to get steak and lobster. I think they just closed the Palm.
I think there's one down. There's no more in LA.
There's no more. The downtown one's gone.
The Beverly Hills one. Oh, really? Have you ever been in there? I went to the one on Santa Monica, the original.
That was the one. That's where they all worked.
I mean, Ben, imagine like, I know the Palm in New York was popping, but this was like don rickles at the bar carson like i when i went there i saw the first time i saw denzel washington eating with his family second time schwarzenegger was eating there when he was governor no secret service around i found that weird you know yeah but he was crushing a 50 50 i knew the palm was gone the second i saw it at newark airport yeah that's. That's when I knew the Palm is done.
If you can get a stake in the airport, that means that the brand is dead. It's over.
No, they sold their soul. They sold their soul.
It was the times of my life. It really was.
It was the 80s in New York. It was the 80s in LA.
So basically, I was 17 years old and we moved to Queens. My grandmother had a house in Queens.
So my father was kind of implicated in that Goodfellas Lufthansa thing where FBI agents were following me to school. They were in my backyard, and they were trying to implicate him, you know, indict him.
But he literally had nothing to do with it, but he was hanging out with all the guys. So basically court case,

court case,

court case.

And like,

I'm going to lose my father.

My mother's like one day,

one day we're riding around in a Lincoln.

The next day she's on food stamps.

And it was just the life,

but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Got you here.

You know,

it was just like,

wow.

You know what I mean?

It's like growing up.

It was like literally a Martin Scorsese thing.

You know, we had a similar upbringing. I was on Drake like growing up.
It was like literally a Martin Scorsese thing, you know?

We had a similar upbringing.

I was on Drake and Josh and Ben's the son of a caterer.

It's very similar.

But my grandma did live in Queens.

I was going to say, where in Queens?

Astoria.

Okay.

I mean, Astoria.

It's where the nanny's from.

Fantastic food.

Fantastic food.

Where were you guys from?

Forest Hills?

I feel.

Yeah, Forest Hills.

So you guys were the uppity Ancelot. hills i feel yeah so you guys were the

uppity enchilada like you guys were the forest hills you guys were the bougie crowd but there

was a lovely key foods i love the key foods oh key had a great diner key food oh my god then it

was path mark yeah key foods is great and there was a great diner in forest hills i don't remember

the name clock tick the clock something tick tock yes yes yes it's in bayside no

Thank you. is great and there was a great diner in forest hills i don't remember the name clock tick the clock something tick tock yes yes yes it's in bayside no yes excellent yeah they have the best supreme tuna supreme tuna they have the best queen's tuna in new york agreed the best tuna the best food period yeah yeah yeah You guys are making me hungry.

Can we order a pizza?

You're speaking our love language.

Is this great?

I'm telling you, I remember this Russian guy, Russian guy,

I know who got sober, would always talk about the TikTok liquor store. And he said, I would drink a half a pint.

He goes, in the morning, a pill of Prozac and a half a pint, and my fucking hands would be shaking. 20 years later.
That was Eugenia's cousin. There you go.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, you guys.
I feel like, wow, this is great. This is great.
Give me a hug. Air hug.
I need a hug. Give us some insight.
So sweet. We're a bunch of married sifs over here.
Olivia's been in a long-term relationship. Ben has a beautiful baby on the way.
Baruch Hashem. I have two.
I have a third on the way. Okay.
You are single, ready to mingle? Yes. Where are we at? I have a few very strong relationships throughout my career yes yes yes and where are we today today

we're single i'm seeing somebody okay for like seven years met him in the gym i was on herbal life i was really i was really skinty like 10 years ago long hair and i would walk around my gym in Burbank with two fake asses. So they were calling me Cosmo Kardashian.
Okay. So this guy comes up to me literally like six foot seven.
Okay. He goes, I don't know what you are, but I like it.
You know? So here I am in the gym all freaked out and that's it. So basically just keeping it open and fun, you know? Yeah.
I had a few tight, like I still have the rings. These are the, I was going to get married twice.
But, you know, in gay years, you know, it's, it's not the same. You know what I mean? And it's like, so I just keep it open.
You know what I mean? And I literally let him do what he wants to do. I'm like, you want to do whatever eight years later.
And then I do what I want to do. But you know, if you love somebody, you know, there's that old saying, if you love something, you'll let it set it free, but it always comes back, you know? Cause I see there's no institution of marriage anymore.
Like really not. Like, especially when you're a celebrity, like look at JLo.
How many times? Come on now too many stay married many holly berry it's like oh she was on oprah how do you cheat on holly berry yeah it was in six months it was done you know i mean so being that they have like the you know the social media and and hot trannies i'm sorry but i don't think we have a chance. You heard it here first.
Clip it. Period.
Speaking of words, what do we think about that? Because recently at the Oscars, you know, Halle Berry came 20 years later and recreated her famous kiss with Adrienne Brody on the red carpet. Of course, it was in front of his girlfriend.
So, you know, a little different than 20 years later. What did we think about that? You know, hopefully his girlfriend was a good sport, honestly, because you know why? People get jelly no matter how gorgeous you are.
And she is absolutely strikingly gorgeous, his girlfriend. Yeah.
And so is Halle Berry. Oh, my God.
And Halle Berry looks good. But she's getting a little up there, honey.
You up there honey you know what I'm saying like you know but but still she still gets free drinks I'm sure she's had she's had unbelievable longevity that Halle Berry I was talking about it with Claudia I'm like what the fuck has she been I haven't seen her in anything in 20 years and she's still like she she gets on that carpet and she is the moment yeah I Yeah, I would be pissed if I was the girlfriend. She killed it.
She killed it. What would Claudia say, Ben? If I made out with Halle Berry? Yeah.
She would throw me off a roof if I made out with Halle Berry. That's right.
I think I would have a better time if I made out with Adrian Brody. Because he's a Jewish kid.
Agreed. Agreed.
Is he a piece? He's handsome. So he comes to my store.
He used to come in my store with these hot, beautiful, it might have been the same girl he was dating her. This was like a few years ago.
And she's in there and she's trying on clothes and she's like absolutely gorgeous. Could be the same girl.
He's been with her for a while. I don't know so she goes well i have all these clothes and she i'm like well are you gonna buy them yeah i mean do you want to report the credit card stolen i mean just are you gonna get the you know because my primary purpose is to sell a schmata you know what i mean to sell a dress yes i was raised by israelis by when Melrose was all Israeli well those were my bosses when I walked in when I was 21 and coked out and I just couldn't stop selling I could feel there was a tethered connection now I understand it I could feel it it's the queens it's the key foods it's the Israelis I love it the Israeli.
I love it. You got to know burbu.
You know burbu. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah.
So they raised me, basically, how to do business, basically, you know? And now they're all in Israel, you know? And they gave me, for Christmas, they would, like, buy me a brand new car. You know, because if you're hustling for an Israeli, they're with you, like, neck and neck.
Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Yes! So, so and i was partying and we had to open the store at 11 o'clock but they would let me sleep till two yeah well israelis are not knowing for punctuality right what do you mean noon i see you 1 30 maybe yeah right and then it comes to my house at two o'clock and wake me up because that was my party years on Melrose before I got my own store.
And they were like, we're going to bring you falafel. Open the windows.
We're going to give you some water. You're going to come to work.
It's all right 2 o'clock, Cosmo. And I would just sell my cunts off.
I would just sell. And, you know, if you're selling and making money with an Israeli, the best partner partner in the world so they sent me to israel and basically they bought me brand new cars you know very very we're still family we're still family yeah how much how amazing is israel like your trips like it's just the most gorgeous country oh my god oh my god tel aviv and like it was just we and the clubs there like they don't have a sick they don't have a clue here that how they do it out there is how they do it and then they have that park that famous park where it's like all the like closet cases all like the married i never left i mean i was there a week.
It's definitely the gayest country in the world. That's for sure.
The queen bought a tent. I'm not going back to my room.
Wait, before we move on, Olivia, Ethan, the wonderful Ethan is in the position of Adrian Brody. You cool with the Halle Berry kiss or what? You know what? For the moment, you have to be.
You have to be. You have to be.
But I'd also probably like it if he kissed Adrian Brody more. Ooh, we're learning things about Olivia.
Cool. There's a category for that too.
Josh, you know, I'm a little bit of a disorganized person. Okay.
I just want you to see a neurologist. That's it.
That's all I've asked of you. I have too much going on.
There's nothing wrong with my brain. The problem is there's too much going into it from too many different places.
Okay. Too much going on.
And I needed a solution, Josh, so that when I woke up in the morning, I wasn't in a frenzy. What am I gonna do today? Who am I gonna speak to today? I needed something all in one place.
And that, Josh, is Now Brief. The Now Brief on the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra is everything and more that I needed.
It's gonna tell me what calls I have today. It's gonna tell what meetings I have today.
It's going to tell me the weather. Okay.
Everything in the morning. That way, Josh, I'm not so stressed.
I don't forget things. And you're not trying to ship me off to some loony bin.
Okay. Now brief is saving me.
I'm not going to ship you off. I'm going to fly you anyway.
Look, the thing with now brief with galaxy AI, what I love about it, it's not just in the mornings. It's in the evenings too, right? So it'll tell you the weather for the next day.
It'll give you what you got going on tomorrow. Keeps you bettering yourself.
Honestly, Josh, where has this been all our lives? I love it. Now Brief, it's my cup of tea.
It makes me feel very official, very important. And if you want to feel all those things and more, get your Galaxy S25 Ultra at samsung.com.
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Welcome to Chloe in Wonderland. I don't know how many people remember this.
Oh shit. You are one decision away from a different life.
I know for a fact that it was her who sold this to the media. I'm willing to sacrifice anything in order to put love at the center of my life.
I do explain to Mason how drinking affected me. I think it breaks them so much more that you forgave them.
Every week I'll sit down with fascinating guests. I believe you're worthy of love and you deserve love.
It wasn't nearly as bad as what I went through emotionally with the pregnancy I had with my daughter. For real conversations.
You remember when we wrestled like straight up crazy drunk wrestled. That's how rumors get started.
Was it helpful for people to come in when you were with your ex-husband and be like, you should be with somebody better? If people are broken, they have to fix themselves. This is a window into my world and the stories that make it meaningful.
Welcome to Chloe in Wonderland. New episodes drop every Wednesday on X and on Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.
See you there. Speaking of relationships, what do we think? I think Ben and I, Ben, you'd agree.
We'd love to hear what you feel about the Justin Baldoni, Blake Lively, Mishagas, right? Are you up to date on this? Oh, my God. Tell me.
What's your feeling? So, I think, I don't know, it could make, do you think it could just make like a total twist at the end? Like maybe it wasn't her fault. Do you think like, I mean, I know they have receipt after receipt after receipt.
Everybody turned against them, right? You know, and I hear that she's really difficult and I hear that she, you know, everything she did has receipts. And, you know, she was insecure about her baby weight from everything that went on.
But do you think there's a slight chance that Diddy will get off? You never know. You never know.
You know what I'm saying? There's that slight chance that she's got that little ace in the hole.

You know what I mean?

Something he did that will implicate the fuck out of him.

Do you think that?

Because it's like, wouldn't that be a twist and a turn?

I think the only thing stronger is the Taylor Swift fans that are now angry because Blake called her the queen of the whatever it was, Dragon's Den. I think that once you have the Swifties all over you, then you are gone.
Tonight, last night, this morning? When did this happen? This was like over the last month. No one updated the queen! Apparently, she described, they were like dear friends and she described

the relationship

as just,

Taylor is just like

the dragon queen

that they all like kneel to.

Not a direct quote.

I don't know if this is true.

Oh,

I didn't hear that one though.

But I know they're like,

they're on the outs

right now for sure.

And once you upset the Swifties,

it's no good.

It's over.

It's no good.

We don't do that.

We love, we love Taylor Swift and we love all her fans. I think we'll see.
They definitely don't. Neither of them are looking great right now.
But I think Ben's wife, who has a big pod, you'll have to go on her pod when she comes out to LA, or you're in New York much bigger than ours, if that's even possible. Really? Really.
Crushes it. Ben.
I know. He married well, and so did she.
We're a family of podcasters but tough job she and and her co-host uh her sister jackie brought up a great point they're like if you have to ask how much she weighs you can't lift her like what you can't ballpark right right yeah he asked her how much she weighs or the trainer or something but it apparently kept getting back to her you never ask a woman her weight never you can't even you can't even ask me my weight i'll lie you can ask we're gonna be good friends yeah we will we will we are we're all going to Kansas

that's it

yes

for lunch

yes

I need a sandwich

it's delicious

the kibitz room

yeah

do you think the LA food

is as good as New York

no

no

no

I mean they

you know all these cuisines

they're trying

and it's like

it's pretty good though

it's not bad

but New York just has more

like authentically good food

yes

like you could literally

have a dirty water hot dog

on the corner

I don't think it compares to new york no especially the italian food what do you put on your hot dog queen well when i go to pink's because they named the hot dog after me queen of melrose one day it was like Hot Dog Day. And basically, I went there and they said, we're going to do a Queen of Melrose hot dog.
I was honored. It was crazy.
So basically, I like a kielbasa. Who doesn't? Hey, now.
Delicious. Yeah.
Yup. Right? I like the kielbasa one.
It's spicy. It's so delicious.
and it's literally like this big like you can have it the next day too for lunch you know but I like the new like Brian Kelly big but smaller kielbasa's are good too right we gotta meet this I don't discriminate as long as it works we're fine yeah great yeah great clip that too please just forward to my wife so a big kielbasa what are we throwing on it so basically on the what they put on it is like the bacon or like all the good things for you like all the healthy fabulous yeah bacon a little chili a little sauerkraut a little mustard but it's really because you ever order something spicy and it's not spicy i love spicy do you guys like spicy yeah yeah so anything that'll clean the sinuses that's what i like and other things yes yeah yes but i like the new york dog they're the only one in la that has the new york dog so it's basically the hot dog with the sauerkraut and the mustard. Yes.
Yeah. Yes.
But I like the New York dog. They're the only one in LA that has the New York dog.
So it's basically the hot dog with the sauerkraut and the mustard and the red onions. Love that.
Yes. Yes.
So tell us about, we are a very pro-smoking podcast and you are clearly pro-smoking. Tell us about your smoking journey where you brought in this new pack of American spirits.
I've never seen this before. Are these made specifically for the Queen of Melrose?

No, I wish I could take that valor, but no, that's not the case, darling.

But they are, they are new and they're sky blue.

Yeah.

Yes.

And they're supposed to be the lightest of the American spirits.

So I'm a Marlboro, as you can see, I sound like an obscene phone call. Yes.
But I'm a Marlboro smoker all my life. It was Reds and then I went to Marlboro Lights.
Of course. Which

I think is stronger than the Reds. It's weird because when you smoke those.
They're delicious.

Yeah. You ever smoke the Ultralights in the Silver Pack? The Ultralights.
Oh my God. Yes.

Smoked the 100s. Did you smoke before ever? Play some Mahjong.
Of course, I'm a drug addict. It was oxygen.
Oh, my God. Yeah.
But I smoke Newports. Newports.
I hate myself. Oh, what? So, yeah, the Newports.
It was like I would go to Queensbridge and hang out with those guys, and they were smoking the Newports, you know what I'm saying? Yeah yeah but it was marlboro reds for us yeah but so when did you quit though i mean thankfully it never had a hold on me okay now like ben and i can attest maybe you know once a month every other month like i can smoke a stogie and not right and not crave another one thank you yeah it's like that yeah

i think they're so cool i wish i was addicted i just can't i just can't get addicted i can't i smoke them and i i want more i can't like i'm like a one two cigarettes every six months Oh my God.

I want to pack a day.

We'll hang out with the queen.

I'm not that cool queen.

And then we'll have a movie night. And I bet you the next day you'll be buying a pack of cigarettes.
Yeah. I promise you.
I wish I was that cool. I promise.
Are you 27 straight? I think 27 when you wake up. When I first wake up, I have a cup of coffee and a cigarette.
I still have that. And that's like a ritual, right? You sit outside, you have a stoop.
What are we talking? That's a ritual, Josh, for a quick dump. I think I learned on the stoop in New York.
Now I have a beautiful house in Burbank, and I have huskies and all the things. I live in the Rancho District, so when you wake up, there's people riding horses, literally.
So I feel like I'm not even in LA. And I had to move from Melrose.
I had a condo around the corner. And I moved because somebody tried to break in my house, in my condo.
So I said, time to get out of Hollywood. And my friend's like, try Burbank.
And I'm like, I will never move to Burbank, ever. It's the burbs, right? But when I tell you, it's beautiful.
Like I live in the horse district. You don't even feel like you're in LA and I'm out there smoking a cigarette like this.
And she's smoking with her robe on. Yes.
And there's all these cowboys and Burbank people. And then there's the queen in the middle like this.
Hello, Wyatt Earp. Yeah.
No, you know what? So I switched to American Spirit not too long ago because I heard that they actually, because like Marlboro has arsenic and like all those things. And you know, you hear the tales for years, but you're like, you're still smoking, you know? Literally my mother, God forgive her, she had COPD.
So basically, and my father. And I seen her with the oxygen tank, and it was me and my sister going, oh, my God.
Yeah. Like, if you don't quit after that.
It's over. It was frightening.
Like, she was, like, breathing, like, through a straw, you know? A cocktail straw've seen those canadian cigarettes with the the warning symbols where like there's like oh they have like the dead people i see dead people or the one that i loved was josh when they that that cigarette carton that had a naked person on it and it said something to the effect in french of like smoking can cause you to get naked in the middle of the night.

Like they have these weird slogans that don't make any sense.

So can't hang out with Cosmo.

Right, exactly.

Or you'll never get laid again.

Never, never.

I think that's what it is.

I love it.

No, they do come in from Europe and stuff,

and there's all these cigarettes and there's like death and blood. yeah, it's a thing.
But I switched to American Spirit. So in my gas station, right before I come to work, I fill out my car, and the guy there is like a scientist, literally knows a little bit about everything, but he works in a gas station, whatever, okay.
So anyhow, he's telling me about the American Spirits, and I hope't get in trouble with the cigarette people. Come to my house in Burbank.
Of course not. While I'm like this.
Philip Morris is here to see you. Yeah.
He said those little rings around the cigarette, if you look at the cigarette, those are still poisonous. He goes, that's why, he goes, if you want, roll your own cigarettes, they don't have these poisonous rings on them.
Yeah, so it's still horrible. Ugh.
What isn't? Can we do something? Can we enjoy ourselves? How hard we work? She's in the schmopter business. You gotta have a cigarette.
store smells like ash wednesday oh speaking of we're entering into lunch yes we are as a wonderful Catholic tell us what are you giving up nothing perfect Ben could you I mean Ben is semi kosher he doesn't eat pork and he tries to be observ. What would be the thing you'd give up for the 40 days, Ben? Wow, 40 days.
Is that right? I'm married to a Catholic. I'm married to an O'Brien.
Oh, you are a nice Irish girl. I am.
Our kids are cashews. I'm a little Irish.
I'm a little Irish too. It's Italian and Irish.
Yeah, the best of all of it, baby. Yes.

What would you give up?

No kids?

Do I have a third on the way.

Do they have your eyes?

They do.

Here, you want to see the babies?

They're gorgeous.

I feel like an auntie.

Here.

I feel like an auntie.

Oh my God, they're gorgeous.

Thank you.

Oh my God.

And Ben.

Oh, you got to come to my store with the stroller and bring the wife in and everything.

Get the kids ready for Burning Man.

A little fashion.

Yes.

And Ben's about to have his first in May.

A beautiful boy.

Congratulations on the baby train.

Thank you, Queen.

Congratulations, baby.

I'm naming him Queen.

Queen Cosmo. Queen Cosmo.
Josh, what I'm giving up is Ozempic. That's what I'm giving up for 40 days.
That's big. Oh, so tell me about Ozempic, please.
Because I went on Ozempic and I had to get rushed to the hospital. Really? I want to hear more.
I want to hear more about that. What doge were you on say what happened to you happened to me who gave it to you my doctor and what did they put you on too high they it sounds like they put me on the lowest dose it's so weird okay like i can get roast pork and wake up and shit it out a fucking a shot a shot of ozempic i can't handle what's going on over here? I can do freebasing, but I can't do Ozempic? Right, right.
You can't snort it anymore. Once you turn into a pickle.
Anyway, that's another thing. Josh, we have to get Cosmo on Wagovi.
Wagovi or Zepbound, we need to switch you. Because maybe Ozempic isn't right, but there are other meds that could work.
I just congratulate me, guys. Tell us.
I just got Zep bound today. So I'm going to go back to having a refrigerator in the store, because I live in the store basically, and I'm going to try a shot.
So hopefully I'm praying guys do a little prayer for the queen that she doesn she doesn't get a yeast infection put it right in your belly right in the belly don't put it anywhere else in the belly so did you lose weight on the ozempic oh yes oh yes i was i said i wouldn't say my weight i will say i was 290 i'm now 251 i was 239 wow bro so do you guys see the total difference oh yeah he looks like a different person he looks great i was fat i was fat as fuck now i'm just like fat no i love food that's another addiction i had to go to food it's so many addictions darling there's so many oh i lost 100 pounds but i did it the old-fashioned way before there was those things. Oh, you did? Like, you literally was.
Loser. Frick.
If I could have been shooting up. No, but God bless you for doing it.
I'm telling you because you know what? The old-fashioned way, I think, is the best way, you know? Ideally, for sure. Yeah, yeah.
And you look great. And you have good arms.
And you're working out. And I would buy you a soda.
Ooh, what kind? What kind you like? Roy Rogers. Cherry Coke.
You got it, baby. Oh, my God.
Clean about it. Let's go.
Oh, my gosh. This is it.
This is how it ends for me and Paige. Can you imagine that power couple? By the way, I love it.
I ship it. Sorry, Paige.
This episode of the Good Guys Podcast is brought to you by our friends at BioNature. Folks, we know you've been abroad.
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J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash goodguys. We should get to a story because the New York Post, our local newspaper, said has a story that goes, my boyfriend has a micropenis and here's what our perfect sex is like.
The girlfriend of a man brutally mocked by his mates for having a micropenis has leapt to his defense, stating no complaints in the bedroom department here. Penny Talbot said of her boyfriend, I don't know why she had to name him,

of two years, Jake.

But said everything is A-okay.

He is at a lovely 2.9 inches.

And she said for her,

it's not just about penetration and climax,

but the foreplay and everything that leads up to that.

And yeah, they're having a great time.

Really?

Thoughts? So A, he's probably got a really big bank account. Fair.
And a very long tongue. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, very long. Mom needs to stop listening, but I do want to know if the 2.9 is erect or soft.
These are things that we need to know.

It's erect.

Maybe he's a grower, Josh.

Yeah.

Maybe he's not a shower.

That's true.

I've seen.

I've witnessed it.

Yes.

Yes.

So is that the case, you think?

I would imagine 2.9, yeah, erect.

But I met a penis doctor in my store.

He does the implants.

Wow.

Persian fella? Aren't they all? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. They put that in your dick.
So you could actually make it fatter and like a little longer plus the penis implant it'll grow

like an inch and a half you know they haven't put one on chas bono yet they haven't did that yet they're still working on that sure with the girls but and he says the nba is his biggest client no because they're like big guys and some of the big guys aren't very small, you know? Wow. So it's like they, yeah.
So that's what he said, NBA, you know? Yeah. Speaking of the NBA, sorry, Ben, what were you going to say? I was just going to say, Josh has heard me tell this story.
I was once staying in a house for the weekend with a man that just had this surgery that you're talking about and he was leaking by the pool the whole weekend he would get up and there would be a puddle no of urine disgusting what'd you say of pee pee i don't know what it was it was probably the filler oh right it was something he was leaking no good there's nothing there's nothing safe anymore that's speaking of we have an obsession here with the great shaquille o'neal because the man knows how to make a dollar and we we respect that he'll do a corporate gig what have you you've worked with shaquille o'neal haven't you i love that we transitioned from huge cock to shaquille o'neal well i was thinking i was thinking about going into, but I'm glad. I was going to go into it, but I'm glad you did.
I'm here for you, Dave. We're vibing.
Unbelievable. We're vibing, baby.
I know. We should stay in touch.
For sure. I'm around the corner.
Perfect. Yeah, so Shaquille O'Neal, I did the clothing for Deontay Wilder, the heavyweight champion of the world a few years ago.
You know Deontay, Ben? Of course. Yeah.
So all of his unbelievable, gorgeous, spectacular walkout ring walk looks was all the queen. Oh, wow.
That's sick. Five of them.
Wow. So the last one we made had laser beams coming in.
He wanted something really menacing when he fought Fury. So that was in the MGM.
We did a dress rehearsal. He's supposed to come out, real menacing.
So I delivered him the costume. He tried it on, because remember he blamed me for losing the fight.
What did he say? He said the costume was too heavy. Oh, God.
So that was on the front page of every magazine. But what I loved, on the cover of new york times it said the outfit won yes and dionte lost and it was voted the best ring walk outfit in boxing history so good i was like the queen's god so anyway but anyway this is what got out this was the rumor that got out so yeah so i'm like Deontay threw me under the bus.
Like, we're so cool, you know? But anyway, this is what got out. This was the rumor that got out.
So I'm like, Deontay threw me under the bus.

Like, we're so cool, you know?

But anyway, the night of the fight,

I went to go deliver the outfit the day before.

He tried it on.

He loved the outfit.

So the next day, I'm in the locker room,

and I felt tension.

And I'm like, Deontay wasn't Deontay.

So basically, fury got in his head.

I knew it.

So I'm like, Deontay, if you're going to wear this outfit, you better kick his fucking ass. So he goes, I will, Cosmo, I will.
So anyway, it's time. It was Black History Month too.
So it was all this hype. So he's walking out with the ring wall.
He goes, where's Cosmo? Cosmo! So anyway, it was just a group of us, his wife. We were having the best time making clothes, you know, we became best friends.
So as soon as we go outside in the MGM, first of all, they were supposed to close the lights so you were supposed to see the laser beams. That didn't happen.
So everything was just like kind of weird energy that day from Deontay not being himself, from doing the walk, all that stuff. So...
So how much money did you put on Fury? I was good with the outfit, the price of the outfit, baby. She was good.
So how did this get to Shaq? Oh, we were talking about... This better this is better so okay no i'm going somewhere with this i'm ready yeah but you know i'm like i'm notorious about my memes i'll go on and on and talk about the curtains and the bedspread so anyway so we go out and teante loses the fight in front of me I was mortified you know

the next day it's in the headlines

the outfit was too heavy

so I'm like Deontay threw me under the bus

long story short he calls me up

he goes I would never do that to you Kaz

he goes you're gonna be with me

to the end you know and I'm like

I think this was the end

but anyway so he apologized

it was just all like

propaganda it was all propaganda

so he meets Sha It was just all propaganda.

It was all propaganda.

So he meets Shaq in a nightclub in Hollywood.

And Shaq goes, who made that fucking outfit for you?

Who made that fucking outfit for you?

You look fly as fuck with the other day.

I'm going to give you some of those fucking lasers.

He's like, Arnold Schwarzenegger means Shaq. It's like a little it's like a little mixed chat.
So then all of a sudden FaceTime calls me and my partner Donato because me and Donato made the outfit. It was a beautiful outfit.
Like Google it. It's gorgeous.
And he goes, Deay, pass me your number in a club. This is Shaq.
And I'm like, oh, shit, Shaq. So anyway, he goes, I'm doing a gig in Atlanta, and I want you to come by, and I want you to make me an outfit.
He goes, I'm a DJ. So I knew he was a DJ, but I thought it was like R&B soul.
I didn't know it was EDM and little glow stick girls going, Shaq, Shaq i thought it was like more like soul train baby i was ready you know what i mean so anyway look straight short he flies me to atlanta no i meet him on jimmy kimmel okay so he goes i'm in jimmy kimmel you want to take my measurements and i'm like do i want to want to take Shaq's measurements? Okay. I fucking ran to Jimmy Kimmel.

And he was there.

And actually, we took his measurements, you know?

And we made this thing for him.

He flew me to Atlanta.

And I saw his fabulous DJ.

Oh, my God.

Then we hung out with him after.

So he goes, how come you don't have your own show? He goes, why? So I says, I don't know. You got any connections? He goes, yeah, I own an F-R-O-A-R-O-A-R-O're gonna film you for a week we're gonna make a scissor reel you're gonna have your own show so I'm like oh my god, my God.
Another pinch me moment. You know, I'm sober.

You know what I mean?

These are the gifts, you know.

You know about the, right?

I mean, look what's going on.

It's happening.

It's coming true.

It all worked out.

So anyway, filmed the sizzle reel.

And, you know, he goes, okay, we're going to, you know, go over the sizzle reel.

I still have the sizzle reel.

And what happened was two weeks later covid oh bastards i'm telling you man we're all gonna die you know what i mean like literally they're shoveling people in the fucking parking lot of the hospital it was like devastating so that went on the shelf yeah but that was my thing with shack wow yes this episode of the hospital. It was like devastating.
So that went on the shelf. Yeah.
But that was my thing with Shaq. Wow.
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So I want to get your opinion. We do this thing called a speak pipe where people call in and want advice from us.
They like to ask questions and whatnot. So I thought we could take one or two for our what are you nuts moment of the week.
If you want to leave us a message, get advice from us, go to speakpipe.com slash good guys. And our first is from anonymous.
Hey, good guys. Fellow dog parent here.
I have a very serious question. My neighbor left a sticky note on my garage that said in cursive, your dog barks all day long.
Just want to let you What would you do in this situation? Okay. First of all, I work from home.
My dog does not bark all day. Okay.
She barks every other hour, like, you know, bark, bark, bark. And then I say, Buffy, stop barking.
And she stops barking. Okay.
So I don't know what they're talking about. I don't know.
Maybe my dog barks when I leave. But like, OK, you live in an apartment building where dogs are allowed.

Like, what do you expect?

OK, please help me.

Do I go over to her?

Do I say something?

I know who left this note on my door.

Like, what do I do?

Thanks.

Bye.

It sounds to me like they live in a cheap building with thin walls.

So look, if you're not going to pay up, OK, to have thick walls, you're going to need to deal with some inconvenient noises.

I completely agree that it's not illegal to own a dog the same way it wouldn't be

a up, okay, to have thick walls, you're going to need to deal with some inconvenient noises. I completely agree that it's not illegal to own a dog the same way it wouldn't be illegal to have a crying baby.
If you don't want to hear it, you need to live in a building that has thicker walls or put on a noise machine, Josh. How about you put on a noise machine? I personally don't think, unless this dog, the way that she explained it, the dog is once an hour and the person is being dramatic if this dog really is non-stop you talk to your porter or you talk to the the person in the building who runs the building and say look 4b the dog won't shut the fuck up we have to do something but otherwise i don't i don't think there's anything to do you picked a building with thin walls queen well i just want to do something like that i have a little karen that lives next to me and girl it's like i want to you know take care of it the new york way but the queen don't want to go to jail again she cries when she leaves but so what i was recommended to do is to go over to her and befriend her like just go knock on her door you know would you like to go for a cup of coffee you know contrary action of what we would do from new york right would you like an american spirit would you like a cigarette a drink in a line of coke yes in my mind we're having that party but it doesn't work anymore but in my mind we're getting it yeah we're getting it so i would just like try to talk to her like you know that would be like try to befriend her that's the advice i got from my sponsor it's good it's good advice next one from an anxious girly hey morons bh bh that's our fandom for some advice a girly could use some advice so I've been dating the most amazing guy for a little bit over a year.
And I've always been someone that's been very intentional with dating. I've been dating for marriage.
I'm also waiting for marriage. And it's just really important to me for religious reasons to wait for big steps like moving in and whatnot until marriage.
And so I also feel very strongly in, you know, at my current age, I'm almost in my thirties that like a guy should know what he wants after a certain amount of time. And so we've been dating for a little bit over a year.
And I always told myself I wasn't going to wait that long for a guy to decide whether or not he wants to marry me. And so I've been in this relationship.
We both said that we want to marry each other. We've had all the hard conversations.
He continues to tell me. He keeps dropping hints that he's going to propose.
And he has asked my parents and keeps telling me that it's in the progress. But I'm just dying of anxiety waiting for it to happen.
We've talked about having a spring wedding next year. And I just, I'm having a really hard time waiting and waiting for it to happen.
But I want it to be his decision when it happens. What is your advice for me? For an anxious girl, what do you have for me? Thank you.
One of your only non-Jewish listeners, but BH guys, thank you. Oh man, this is sad.
Do you want me to tag? I'll tag in really quick. You're going to mess this all up.
You're going to ruin this because of your expectations, trying to control people, places, and things out of your control. And I hate to break it to you, but any sort of projection of what you once thought of, this is how it's going to go.
And I want to be engaged in less than a year and blah, blah, blah. Get over it.
That's just not live in the world that is instead of the world you think you deserve. Oh, that's deep as hell.
That's a Queen and Sober podcast right there. God, ladies, I'm I'm with you.
But I also but I also think like if she's that type of personality where she's anxious, like he should know that and he should give her some reassurance if he's marrying a nervous Nelly, you know, I don't know, just fucking do it. Rip off the bandaid.
What are you waiting for? To the same point, Josh, it's never going to be perfect on his side. So like he might as well just pop the question, add in and out after a burger.
She just wants to get married. She doesn't want anything like you can't want something special and just want it to happen.
So if she just wants it to happen, you should just do it. It's her loss on the big celebration, you know? Queen.
Bitch, you sound desperate. And nobody wants desperation, girl, honestly.
But I hope for the best. I hope for the best.
I don't think this guy, if he didn't pop it yet, hopefully he pops it. Good luck.
Good luck. Good luck.
I hope he pops it too. I met my wife.
We were young. I was 24.
She was 20. And we got engaged.
I was 28, 29. So we were in our early 20s.
So I had that runway and she didn't pressure me. And then her aunt and her mother once pressured me and I was like, fine'll do it.
I knew I wanted to do it. Same.
What I was going to say was honestly it's on your mother to go to him and say fucking propose to my daughter next week or there's going to be hell to pay. It's on somebody else to pressure him.
He screwed up asking the parents like when the day that I asked my wife's father for permission to marry his daughter i was like i'm married now because there's no waiting box ticking or turning back so i was like i asked him on a tuesday and i proposed to her thursday morning or something you know just do it you just do it but it sounds like it was already like in the bag you know what i mean like you Like, you know, you guys stood together. You had the family dynamic.
You know what I mean? Yeah. It was cool.
You just needed a little like push. Yes.
You know, a little like do it already over here, you know? But with her, we don't know if she has that same dynamic. You know, maybe he's just like being around the bush.
I don't know. So good luck to her.
Good luck. Yeah.
So our yeah so our final segment is what are you nuts we'll introduce it first and give you time to think about it it's our grievances are gripes with people places and things things big or small sticking in your craw so anything currently that you're just like what are you nuts like why would you do that why is this thing nothing too big or too small so think about it ben. Ben and I will go first.
You have time to think of yours. And then also, I wanted to give you a moment.
You were nice enough to possibly, you brought me some things because Coachella's coming up. Right.
Burning Man. Did you want to throw me in something for the pod? I want to do a little makeover to show you what I do in the store at Melrose for 30 years.
Love. Now it's Tis the Season.
It's Coachella and Burning Man. So we want to show you a little something.
Try on a little something. Great.
So should we wait till we're done? Yeah, let's do that. Let's do that first.
Yeah. Okay, perfect.
Okay, so and that'll be, first of all, plug away, where will they see that video? All of the great Cosmo life, the Queen of Melrose. So Queen of Melrose is the platform and then also Cosmo's glam squad and Cosmo and Zonato.
Queen of Melrose all platforms. And then I also just came out with some music.
It's on Spotify and it's did you hear my song? I must have. That's going to be another day.
It's fabulous. Yeah.
So we have, yeah, help me with this. Help.
LittleMelrose.com Right. QueenOfMelrose.com Cosmos Glam Squad.
Okay. Did you hear her or should I repeat that? Follow Queen of Melrose on all social media platforms.
Yes, yes. Two stores, both on Melrose, one on Fuller and where's the other one? Melrose and Fuller

and the other one is Melrose by the

Starbucks what street is that

over there? I just got it. What are we talking

Curson Sierra Bonilla. Curson

Curson. Love it.
You know the neighborhood

Come on

Okay

so Cosmo and Donato is on Curson

okay Cosmo's Glam

Squad has been there for 25 years

it's on Fuller that's the rock and

roll store okay and then we have queenofmelrose.com where you could order jewelry. We make everything by hand.
You could order all the Queen of Melrose merch. So we have all of that on.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we've been trying to figure out this tiktok thing because people are getting rich okay do it it's crazy yeah get paid so we after work we've been on tiktok and actually been selling glasses and selling merchandise like crazy so it does work if you work it yeah so basically you can find us on tiktok queen of melrose love we have a lot going on i love it it's awesome so subscribe to youtube instagram tiktok all queen of melrose all queen of melrose yes the content queen yes so our what are you nuts moment ben do you want to get us started? Yeah.
Jaywalking with an infant. What are you nuts? I literally made a right.
I drive everywhere in the city, as everybody knows. I'm going to make a right.
All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see a dad with literally an infant strapped to his chest, crossing against the light. Are you brain dead like i i just you you can risk your own life risking the baby like it's just the definition of what are you nuts nuts nuts so my what are you nuts is actually will be teed up by a story of yours will you please just share with us about your time being in season one of Cops? Oh my God.
First season, babe. First season, queen.
First season of Cops. The queen is going to Las Palmas and Santa Monica Boulevard, the unemployment agency over there.
And they have like a little park there where they sold all the drugs to everybody. So the queen's there and she's like, you know, getting her little, you know, prescription.
And then all of a sudden my friend go, cops. And I turn around, there's like a big fuzzy microphone and lights and cameras in action.
they're like you're on cops so there i was like a deer in the headlight okay and they're like do you have a warrant do you have this do you have that and i said i was my twin brother joseph i didn't say i was cosmo because i had a warrant long story sign this release please so the release was to show my face on cops so a few weeks later they're in new york all my customers everybody's like cosmo's on cops i hear cosmo in my living room so they just kept on playing that same episode literally 30 years ago yeah and they still play it yeah so you could google the queen on on cops well my what do you my what do you nuts is no residuals on cops no residuals that's terrible you commit a crime what can you do you deserve a residual people are making money off this cop yeah a lot yeah get these criminals some residuals. Right.
Yes. Maybe you guys got a connection.
You could talk to somebody. I can't even get residuals, Cosmo.
It's not looking good for us. This is two people who make no residuals off their appearances.
Queen, do you have a what are you nuts? A what are you nuts?'s see what are you nuts okay something happens every day so in my store you know you're gonna come in and we're gonna give you a makeover and basically you know you want to shop and you know fine you know we'll dress you up we'll put one outfit on you maybe two outfits or we'll take a picture the queen will do the right thing she'll take a picture a fan picture but what's happening lately people are like i want to try on more and more and more and then before you know it the fucking dressing room is up to here and then they want to walk out without you know not even buying a t-shirt or a hat okay this is true story so i'm like what are you fucking nuts k-mart's on third and ross is right there too you know what i mean so i'm gonna lock the door you're gonna clean your mess and so you know it just gets so it's like what are you fucking nuts have a little shopping etiquette you know what i'm saying yes one outfit cute the queen will take your picture she'll give you a lap dance the second outfit she'll show you where the glory hole is in the dressing room but come on now you know don't keep on going just say listen and we to stop right now. Don't have the queen overwork my staff period.

It's like tasters at an ice cream store.

Josh tasters at an ice cream store,

two tops.

And if you walk out,

if you try three,

you can't walk out.

You can't.

You're locked in for a scoop.

A hundred percent.

I'm so with you.

I am locked in for a scoop.

Cosmo,