Mob Adjacent with The Queen of Melrose

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Speaker 4 The following podcast is a dear media production.

Speaker 2 Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject too small for the good guys.

Speaker 2 A mother's dream premium podcast team Make it your weekly routine, it's a good guys

Speaker 2 And if you don't give us five stars, what are you nuts? What are you nuts? There were the good guys, they're not the great guys We're just a good of the

Speaker 2 good guys

Speaker 2 Whoa, oh my gosh

Speaker 4 We're for clempt We're for mishd, we're all the things. The queen of Melrose is here.

Speaker 2 Welcome, girl. Hey, how you doing, Josh Pat? How you doing? Nice to finally meet you, boo-boo.

Speaker 2 Ben, can you see me?

Speaker 2 I'm going to say boobalish.

Speaker 4 Let me help you with. You need your help with the headphones.

Speaker 2 I'm having a conundrum. Please.

Speaker 6 What you guys can't see is Josh is adjusting Queen's headphones and they are looking fantastic.

Speaker 2 Blame the hairdresser. Blame the hairdresser.

Speaker 6 The Queen of Melrose, I can't quite explain to you how excited we are to have you. When I told our dear friend, do you know the points guy, Brian Kelly?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 6 If you don't know him, he wants to know you. Where is he?

Speaker 6 He is your biggest fan.

Speaker 6 He's

Speaker 2 super rich. Is he here?

Speaker 2 Is he in the back?

Speaker 2 Is he going to come out?

Speaker 6 We should have. We should have, Josh.

Speaker 2 Damn it. We'll set up an intro later.

Speaker 6 Yeah, we'll set up an intro later. It's great.
He's two young boys.

Speaker 2 He's single.

Speaker 2 I'm going to set you up. He's single and ready to mingle.

Speaker 4 He's a big tech entrepreneur, ungerstupped, as our people say.

Speaker 2 Ungestupped.

Speaker 4 And he's hands 6'7? 6'8?

Speaker 2 Yeah. And you think he's proportions? He's got to have a piece of it.
Probably, yeah. Yeah.
When they're that big, yes. Yeah.
Like an aircraft carrier. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You can land the aircraft on that table.

Speaker 2 Call me at 737.

Speaker 4 Queen of the. I fell in love with you on the Out and About podcast, the great Joey Camasta.
But this is, you're having a moment, aren't you?

Speaker 2 I'm having a moment. Tell me about this.
This is kind of longer than a moment. It's been like a year and a half now.
It's like constant podcasts and lap dances and all the things.

Speaker 2 No, it's been really good. It's been really good.
I started on Software Underbelly.

Speaker 2 That's when I went on. And basically my sponsee, because I'm in the program, they say, oh, okay.
How long do have 17 years wow

Speaker 2 double digits here we are daddy

Speaker 2 congratulations we're in it starters at harlem harlem

Speaker 2 it was harlem so i grew up in spanish harlem you know and it was spanish and italian so it's like where they made the godfather yeah okay so they used my grandmother's apartment to make the godfather okay they rented they gave her 75

Speaker 2 i remember the check and it was like two weeks and like they were filming in her apartment.

Speaker 2 Also, my older brother, you know, did you see the scene in The Godfather with Sonny when he's beating the shit out of his sister's husband? Classic, yes. Yes, classic scene.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So my brother was under the Johnny pump for two weeks. Okay.

Speaker 2 So he got pneumonia right after he got his check. So that's how we remember Harlem growing up with the mafia.
My father was in the mob. He wasn't in the mob.
He was like hanging out with the mob.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? It was like a thing.

Speaker 4 Mob adjacent. Mob adjacent.

Speaker 2 Mob adjacent.

Speaker 2 Ben's from Harlem, too.

Speaker 4 He's from 62nd and Madison.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 I'm mob adjacent.

Speaker 6 I actually, I went to school in the Heights, so a little bit higher than Spanish Harlem in Washington Heights. But I am familiar.

Speaker 6 I pop out, look to the left, going up the FDR, and I think, God, it's great that I'm passing this.

Speaker 2 Thank God I didn't have to take the streets.

Speaker 4 So you're there. Your father's mom adjacent.
The FBI starts sniffing around, right?

Speaker 2 Some things.

Speaker 2 She did her homework. Yes.
Okay, Josh Fact. Guilty.
I'm not mad at you, boo-boo.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So anyway, grew up in Harlem, you know, and then we moved to Queens.
My grandmother became a Jehovah's Witness to vow Catholic. Yes.
Okay, true story. They come to the house.
They never left.

Speaker 2 Okay. So now you can't be gay.
No birthday. No this, no that.
I'm eight years old. I'm like, what the fuck is going on?

Speaker 2 They throw out all my Barbie dolls. Okay.
I'm like, what the fuck? Trauma. Traumatize.
So my mother, my father's in the mob. His mother is a Jehovah's Witness.

Speaker 2 So he's telling, he's in the Bronx gambling and whatever, doing his thing. And he's telling my mother, take the kids to the kingdom hall.

Speaker 2 So meanwhile, my mother is trying to do the right thing because my, you know, my grandmother's the matriarch of the family.

Speaker 2 And then the little cutsuit two years later, my mother's like, fuck this kids. Let's go.

Speaker 2 So it was back to like Christmas.

Speaker 4 Because no birthdays, no holidays.

Speaker 2 No birthdays, no holidays. Can't be this.
You can't be that. Basically, no blood transfusions.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's like

Speaker 2 the ends. What a list of rules.
I don't know how Michael Jackson's in it. I'm telling you.
And Prince. I wonder where the blood transfusions are.
I don't know. Was Prince and Jehovah? I think so.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. It's brutal.
It's tough. Brutal, Brutal, brutal, brutal, brutal.
Especially when you're Catholic and you have all these things growing up. Yes.
And then you're not allowed to have them.

Speaker 2 But it's in work. So my grandmother stood Jehovah.
And then my uncle Jr., my father's brother, worked in the Palm restaurant out here. So those days it was like Johnny Carson.
It was Merv Griffith.

Speaker 2 It was all it was like, I dream of Jeannie. It was all the, you know, it was just like the hangouts against steak and lobster.
I think they just closed the palm. I think there's one down.

Speaker 4 There's no more in LA.

Speaker 2 There's no more.

Speaker 4 The downtown one's gone. The Beverly House.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? Have you ever been in there?

Speaker 4 I went to the one on Santa Monica, the original.

Speaker 2 That was the one. That's where they all worked.

Speaker 4 I mean, Ben, imagine, like, I know the Palm in New York was popping, but this was like Don Rickles at the bar, Carson.

Speaker 4 Like, when I went there, I saw the first time I saw Denzel Washington eating with his family. Second time, Schwarzenegger was eating there when he was governor.

Speaker 2 No Secret Service around. I found that weird.

Speaker 4 You know, but he was crushing a 50-50.

Speaker 6 I knew the palm was gone the second I saw it at Newark airport. Yeah.
That's when I knew the palm is done.

Speaker 2 If you can get a stake in the airport, that means that the brand is dead.

Speaker 2 No, they sold their soul.

Speaker 2 They sold their soul.

Speaker 6 It's

Speaker 2 the times of my life. It really was.
It was the 80s in New York and it was the 80s in L.A.

Speaker 2 So basically, I was 17 years old and we moved to Queens. My grandmother had a house in Queens.

Speaker 2 So my father was kind of implicated in that Goodfellas Lufthansa thing where FBI agents were following me to school.

Speaker 2 They were in my backyard and they were trying to implicate him, you know, indict him. But he literally had nothing to do with it, but he was hanging out with all the guys.

Speaker 2 So basically court case, court case, court case. I'm like, I'm going to lose my father.
My mother's like, one day we're riding around in a Lincoln. The next day she's on food stamps.

Speaker 2 And it was just the life. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Got you here. You know, it was just like, wow.
You know what I mean? It's like growing up.

Speaker 2 It was like literally a Martin Scorsese thing, you know.

Speaker 4 We had a similar upbringing. I was on Drake and Josh, and Ben's the son of a caterer.

Speaker 2 It's very similar.

Speaker 6 But my grandma did live in Queens. I was going to say, where in Queens?

Speaker 2 Astoria.

Speaker 6 Okay. I mean, Astoria.

Speaker 2 Fantastic food.

Speaker 6 Fantastic food.

Speaker 2 Where were you guys from? Forest Hills? I feel fast. Yeah, far, forest.
So you guys were the uppity anchalon.

Speaker 2 You guys were the bougie crowd. No, but there was a lovely key foods.

Speaker 6 I love the Key Foods.

Speaker 2 Oh, Key Foods. They had a great dining.

Speaker 2 Key Foods.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Then it was Pathmark.

Speaker 6 Yeah, Key Foods is great. And there was a great diner in Forest Hills.
I don't remember the name. Clock, tick, the clock?

Speaker 2 Something tick-tock up behind it? Yes, yes, yes. It's in Bayside, no?

Speaker 6 Yes, excellent.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they have the best tuna.

Speaker 6 Supreme tuna. Supreme tuna.
They have the best

Speaker 2 in New York.

Speaker 2 Agreed.

Speaker 4 The best tuna?

Speaker 2 The best food, period. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You guys are making me hungry. Can we order a pizza?

Speaker 2 You're speaking our love language. Is this great?

Speaker 4 I'm telling you,

Speaker 4 I remember this Russian guy, Russian guy I know who got sober would always talk about the TikTok liquor store.

Speaker 2 And he said, I would drink a half a pint.

Speaker 4 He goes in the morning, a pill of Prozac and a half a pint, and my fucking hands would be shaking.

Speaker 2 20 years later that was Eugena's cousin there we go

Speaker 2 oh my gosh you guys I feel like wow this is great this is great give me a hug Eric

Speaker 4 here we are give us some insight

Speaker 2 we're a bunch of married stiffs over here Olivia's been in a long-term relationship Ben you know has a beautiful baby on the way Baruch Hashem I have two I have a third on the way okay so you are single ready to mingle yes where are we at no I was you know I have a few very strong relationships throughout my career yes yes yes and where are we today today we're single i'm seeing somebody okay for like seven years met him in the gym i was on herbalife i was really i was really skinty like 10 years ago that was legal speed right long hair and i would walk around my gym in burbank with two fake asses

Speaker 2 So they were calling me Cosmo Kardashian. Okay.

Speaker 2 So this guy comes up to me, literally like six foot seven okay he goes i don't know what you are but i like it you know so here i am in the gym all freaked out and that's it so basically just keeping it open and fun you know yeah i had a few tight like i still have the rings these are i was going to get married twice

Speaker 2 But, you know, in gay years, you know, it's,

Speaker 2 it's not the same. You know what I mean? And it's like, so I just keep it open.
You know what I mean? And I literally let him do what he wants to do.

Speaker 2 I'm like, you want to do whatever eight years later, and then I do what I want to do.

Speaker 2 But you know, if you love somebody, you know, there's that old saying, if you love something, you let it set it free, but it always comes back, you know?

Speaker 2 Because I see there's no institution of marriage anymore, like really not, like, especially when you're a celebrity. Like, look at J-Lo.
How many times? Come on now. You know what I mean? Too many.

Speaker 2 They married. Too many.

Speaker 2 Holly Berry. It's like, oh, she was on Oprah.
How do you cheat on Holly Berry?

Speaker 2 Yeah. It was in six months.
It was done. You know what I mean? So being that they have like the, you know, the social media and hot trannies, I'm sorry, but I don't think we have a chance.

Speaker 2 You're hurting here first.

Speaker 2 Clip it.

Speaker 2 Period. Speaking of

Speaker 4 what do we think about that? Because recently at the Oscars, you know, Holly Berry came 20 years later and recreated her famous kiss with Adrian Brody on the red carpet.

Speaker 2 Of of course it was in front of his girlfriend so you know a little different than 20 years later what what what did we think about that you know hopefully his girlfriend was a good sport honestly because you know what people get jelly no matter how gorgeous you are and she is absolutely strikingly gorgeous his girlfriend Yeah, and so is Halle Berry.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 2 Holly Berry looks good, but she's getting a little up there, honey. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, but still, she still gets free drinks, I'm sure.

Speaker 6 She's had unbelievable longevity, that Halle Berry. I was talking about it with Claudia.
I'm like, what the fuck has she been?

Speaker 6 I haven't seen her in anything in 20 years, and she's still, like, she gets on that carpet and she is the momentum.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I would be pissed if I was the girl for her.

Speaker 2 She killed it. She killed it.

Speaker 4 What would Claudia say, Ben?

Speaker 2 If I made out with Halle Berry,

Speaker 6 she would throw me off a roof if I made out with Halle Berry.

Speaker 6 I think I would have a better time if I made out with Adrian Broden.

Speaker 2 He's a Jewish kid.

Speaker 2 Agreed. Agreed.

Speaker 4 Is he a piece?

Speaker 2 He's handsome. So he comes in my store.
He used to come in my store with these hot, beautiful, it might have been the same girl. He was dating her.
This is like a few years ago.

Speaker 2 And she's in there and she's trying on clothes. And like, she's like absolutely gorgeous.
Could be the same girl when he was, he's been with her for a while. I don't know.

Speaker 2 So she goes, well, I have all these clothes. And she goes, I'm like, well, are you going to buy them?

Speaker 2 Do you want to report the credit card stolen? I mean, just, are you going to get the, you know, because my primary purpose is to sell a schemata. You know what I mean? Yes.
To sell the dress.

Speaker 2 I was raised by Israelis, by the way. Oh, thank you.
Remember when Melrose was all Israeli?

Speaker 2 Well, those were my bosses. I walked in when I was 21 and coked out.
And I just couldn't stop selling them.

Speaker 6 I could feel there was a tethered connection.

Speaker 2 Oh, now I understand. I could feel the schmata.

Speaker 2 It's the queen's

Speaker 2 food. And bull bullbooks.
It's the Israeli settle. I love it.

Speaker 2 You got to know Bulbu. You know, Bulbu.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So, yeah. So they raised me basically how to do business, basically, you know, and now they're all in Israel, you know, and they gave me for Christmas.

Speaker 2 They would like buy me a brand new car, you know, because if you make, if you're hustling for an Israeli, they're with you, like neck and neck. Oh, yeah.
You know what I mean? Yes.

Speaker 2 So, and I was partying and we had to open the store at 11 o'clock, but they would let me sleep till two.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, Israelis are not knowing for punctuality. Right.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Noon. Noon.

Speaker 2 See you at 1.30, maybe.

Speaker 2 Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 And they would come to my house at 2 o'clock and wake me up because that was my party years on Melrose before I got my own store. And they were like, we're going to bring you falafel.

Speaker 2 Open the windows. We're going to give you some water.
You're going to come to work. It's already two o'clock, Cosmo.
And I would just sell my cunts off. I would just sell.

Speaker 2 And, you know if you're selling and making money with an israeli the best partner in the world so they sent me to israel and basically they bought me brand new cars you know very very we're still family we're still family yeah

Speaker 2 how much how amazing is israel like your trips like it's just the most gorgeous country oh my god oh my god Tel Aviv and like it was just we and the clubs there like they don't have a sick they don't have a clue here that how they do it out there is how they do it and then they have that park that famous park where it's like all the like closet cases all like the married

Speaker 2 i never i never left i mean i mean

Speaker 2 for a week it's definitely the gayest country in the world that's for sure yeah

Speaker 2 the queen bought a tent

Speaker 2 i'm not going back to my room

Speaker 4 wait before we we move on olivia ethan the wonderful ethan is in the position of Adrian Brody. You cool with the Halle Berry kiss or what?

Speaker 7 You know what? For the moment, you have to be.

Speaker 2 You have to be. You have to be.

Speaker 7 But I'd also probably like it if he kissed Adrian Brody more.

Speaker 2 Ooh, we're learning things about Olivia.

Speaker 2 Cool.

Speaker 4 There's a category for that too.

Speaker 6 Josh, you know, I'm a little bit of a disorganized person, okay?

Speaker 4 I just want you to see a neurologist. That's it.
It's all I've asked of you.

Speaker 6 I have too much going on. There's nothing wrong with my brain.
The problem is there's too much going into it from too many different places. Okay.
Too much going on.

Speaker 6 And I needed a solution, Josh, so that when I woke up in the morning, I wasn't in a frenzy. What am I going to do today? Who am I going to speak to today? I needed something all in one place.

Speaker 6 And that, Josh, is now brief. The now brief on the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra is everything and more that that I needed.
It's going to tell me what calls I have today.

Speaker 6 It's going to tell me what meetings I have today. It's going to tell me the weather.
Okay. Everything in the morning.
That way, Josh, I'm not so stressed.

Speaker 4 I don't forget things. And you're not trying to ship me off to some loony bin, okay?

Speaker 6 Now brief is saving me.

Speaker 4 I'm not going to ship you off. I'm going to fly you.
Anyway, look, the thing with Now Brief and Galaxy AI, what I love about it, it's not just in the mornings, it's in the evenings too, right?

Speaker 4 So it'll tell you the weather for the next day. It'll give you what you got going on tomorrow.

Speaker 6 Keeps you bettering yourself.

Speaker 2 Honestly, Josh, where has this been all our lives?

Speaker 4 I love it. Now Brief is, it's my cup of tea.
It makes me feel very official, very important. And if you want to feel all those things and more, get your Galaxy S25 Ultra at Samsung.com.

Speaker 4 Now Brief displays daily select information from select apps, may require internet connection, Galaxy AI features by Samsung free through 2025 and requires Samsung account login.

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Speaker 3 Welcome to Chloe in Wonderland.

Speaker 8 I don't know how many people remember this.

Speaker 2 Oh shit.

Speaker 8 You are one decision away from a different life.

Speaker 3 I know for a fact that it was her who sold this to the media.

Speaker 4 I'm willing to sacrifice anything in order to put love at the center of my life.

Speaker 2 I do explain to Mason how drinking affected me.

Speaker 3 I think it breaks them so much more that you forgave them. Every week, I'll sit down with fascinating guests.

Speaker 4 I believe you're worthy of love and you deserve love.

Speaker 3 It wasn't nearly as bad as what I went through emotionally with the pregnancy I had with my daughter. For real conversations.
You remember when we wrestled?

Speaker 2 Like straight up crazy, drunk, wrestled?

Speaker 3 That's how rumors can get started.

Speaker 8 Was it helpful for people to come in when you were with like your ex-husband and be like, you should be with somebody better.

Speaker 3 If people are broken, they have to fix themselves. This is a window into my world and the stories that make it meaningful.
Welcome to Chloe in Wonderland.

Speaker 3 New episodes drop every Wednesday on X and on Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts. See you there.

Speaker 4 Speaking of relationships, what do we think?

Speaker 4 I think Ben and I, Ben, you'd agree. We'd love to hear what you feel about the Justin Baldoni Blake Lively Michigan, right? Are you up to date on this?

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 4 Tell me. What's your feeling?

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 I think, I don't know, it could make, do you think it could just make the like a total twist at the end?

Speaker 2 Like maybe it wasn't her fault. Do you think like, I mean, I know they have receipt after receipt after receipt, everybody turned against them, right?

Speaker 2 You know, and I hear that she's really difficult. And I hear that she, you know, everything she did has receipts.
And, you know, she was insecure about her baby weight from everything that went on.

Speaker 2 But do you think there's a slight chance

Speaker 2 that Diddy will get off?

Speaker 2 You never know. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 You know what I'm saying? There's that slight chance that she's got that little ace in the hole. You know what I mean? Something he did that will implicate the fuck out of him.
Do you think that?

Speaker 2 Because it's like, wouldn't that be a twist and a turn?

Speaker 6 I think the only thing stronger is the Taylor Swift fans that are now angry because Blake called her the queen of the whatever it was dragon's den I think that once you have the swift

Speaker 6 all over you when you

Speaker 2 last night this morning when did this happen

Speaker 2 this is like

Speaker 2 no one updated the queen

Speaker 6 apparently they liked it she described that they were like dear friends and she described the relationship as just Taylor is just like the dragon queen that they all like kneel to.

Speaker 2 Not a direct quote. I don't know if this is true.
Oh,

Speaker 2 I didn't hear that one, though. But I know they're like, they're on the outs right now for sure.

Speaker 6 And once you, and once you upset the Swifties, it's no good.

Speaker 2 It's no good.

Speaker 6 We don't do that.

Speaker 6 We love Taylor Swift and we love all her family.

Speaker 2 I think we'll see.

Speaker 4 They definitely don't. Neither of them are looking great right now.

Speaker 4 But I think Ben's wife, who has a big pod, who you'll have to go on her pod when she comes out to LA, or you're in New York, much bigger than ours, if that's even possible.

Speaker 2 Really? Really? Crushes it. Ben.
I know. He married well.

Speaker 6 So did she're a family of podcasters.

Speaker 6 Tough job.

Speaker 2 She and her co-host,

Speaker 4 her sister Jackie, brought up a great point. They're like, if you have to ask how much she weighs, you can't lift her.

Speaker 2 Like, what?

Speaker 2 You can't ballpark this with this person.

Speaker 6 He asked her how much she weighs.

Speaker 4 Or the trainer or something, but apparently it kept getting back to her.

Speaker 6 You never ask a woman her weight.

Speaker 2 Never.

Speaker 4 He can't even ask me my way.

Speaker 2 I'll lie to you.

Speaker 2 I'll lie. You can ask.
We're going to take your bread.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 We will. We will.

Speaker 2 We are.

Speaker 2 We're all going to Kansas. That's it.
Yes.

Speaker 2 A lunch. Yes.
You guys are going to eat a sandwich. Yes.
That's delicious.

Speaker 4 The kibbutz room.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Do you think the LA food is as good as New York?

Speaker 2 No. No.
No. No.
No. I mean,

Speaker 2 you know, all these cuisines they're trying and it's like, it's pretty good, though. It's not bad, but New York just has more like authentically good food.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Like you could literally have a dirty water hot dog on the corner and it's so tasty, you know? So tasty. So I don't think it compares to New York.
No, especially the Italian food.

Speaker 2 What do you put on your hot dog, Queen? Well, when I go to Pinks, because they named the hot dog after me, Queen of Melrose one day, it was like National Hot Dog Day.

Speaker 2 And basically I went there and they said, we're going to do a Queen of Melrose hot dog. I was honored.
It was crazy. So, basically, I like a kielbasa.

Speaker 2 Who doesn't? Hey, hey, now delicious. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yup.

Speaker 2 Right. I like the cabasa one.
It's spicy. It's so delicious.
And it's literally like this big. Like, you can have it the next day, too, for lunch, you know? But I like

Speaker 6 Brian Kelly big.

Speaker 2 But smaller kielbasas are good too, right? We got to meet this. I don't discriminate.

Speaker 2 As long as it works we're fine yeah good yeah great cook that too please just keep saying it

Speaker 2 to my wife

Speaker 2 so a big kilbasa what are we throwing on it so basically on the what they put on it is like the bacon or like all the good things for you like all the healthy fabulous yeah bacon a little chili a little sauerkraut a little mustard but it's really because you ever order something spicy and it's not spicy i love spicy do you guys like spicy Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 6 Anything that'll clean the sinuses.

Speaker 2 That's what I like.

Speaker 2 And other things.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yeah.
Yes. But I like the New York dog.
They're the only one in LA that has the New York dog. So it's basically the hot dog with the sauerkraut and the mustard and the red onions.
Love that. Yes.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 4 So tell us about, we are a very pro-smoking podcast and you are clearly pro-smoking. Tell us about your smoking journey where you brought in this new pack of American spirits.

Speaker 4 I've never seen this before. Are these made specifically for the Queen of Melrose?

Speaker 2 No, I wish I could take that valor, but no, that's not the case, darling. But

Speaker 2 they are new and they're sky blue. Yeah.
Yes. And they're supposed to be the lightest of the American spirits.
So I'm a Marlboro. As you can see, I sound like an obscene phone call.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 But I'm a Marlboro smoker all my life. Right.
Okay.

Speaker 2 It was Reds, and then I went to Marlborough Lights. Of course.
Which I think is stronger than the Reds. It's weird because when you smoke those.
They're delicious. Yeah.

Speaker 4 You ever smoke the ultra-lights?

Speaker 2 The silver pack? The ultralights. Oh, my God.

Speaker 4 Smoke the 100.

Speaker 2 Did you smoke before that?

Speaker 4 Samahjan?

Speaker 2 Of course, I'm a drug addict.

Speaker 2 It was oxygen. Oh, my God.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 But I smoke Newports.

Speaker 2 Newports. I hate myself.
Oh, what?

Speaker 2 So, yeah, the Newports. It was like, I would go to Queensbridge and hang out with those guys, and they would smoke in the Newports, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, but it was Marlboro Reds for us.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 But so when did you quit, though?

Speaker 4 I mean, thankfully, it never had a hold on me. So now, like, Ben and I can attest maybe, you know, once a month, every other month, like I can smoke.

Speaker 2 a stogie and not you know not trip on crave another one thankfully it's like that i yeah i think they're so cool i wish i was addicted i just can't

Speaker 2 get addicted. I can't.
I smoke them and I want more. I can't.

Speaker 6 I'm like a one, two cigarettes every six months.

Speaker 2 I want a pack a day.

Speaker 2 We'll hang out with the queen.

Speaker 2 We'll have a movie day, and I bet you the next day you'll be buying a pack of cigarettes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I promise you.

Speaker 2 I promise.

Speaker 4 Are you 27 straight?

Speaker 4 First thing when you wake up?

Speaker 2 When I first wake up, I have a cup of coffee and a cigarette. I still have that.
And that's like a ritual, right?

Speaker 4 You sit outside, you have a stoop.

Speaker 6 What are we talking?

Speaker 6 That's a ritual, Josh, for a quick dump.

Speaker 2 I think I learned on the stoop in New York. You know, now I have a beautiful house in Burbank, and it has, I have huskies and all the things.
You know, I live in the Rancho district.

Speaker 2 So when you wake up, there's people riding horses, literally. So I feel like I'm not even in LA.
And I had to move from Melrose. I had a condo around the corner.

Speaker 2 And I moved because somebody tried to break in my house and my condo.

Speaker 2 So I said, time to get out of Hollywood. And my friend's like, try Burbank.
And I'm like, I will never move to Burbanks, ever.

Speaker 4 It's the Burbs, right?

Speaker 2 But when I tell you, it's beautiful. Like, I live in the horse district.
You don't even feel like you're in L.A. and I'm out there smoking just thick of that, like this.

Speaker 2 And she's smoking with her robe on. Yes.
And there's all these cowboys and Burbank people. And then there's the queen in the middle like this.
Hello, Wyatt.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, you know what? So I switched to American Spirit not too long ago because I heard that they actually, because like Marlboro has arsenic and like all those things.

Speaker 2 And, you know, you hear the tales for years, but you're like, you're still smoking, you know. Literally, my mother, God, God forgive her.
She had COPD.

Speaker 2 So basically, and my father, and I seen her with the oxygen tank. And it was me and my sister going, oh my God.

Speaker 2 Like, if you don't quit after that, it's over. It was frightening.
Like, she was like breathing like through a straw, you know, a cocktail straw.

Speaker 6 Have you seen those Canadian cigarettes with the warning symbols where like there's like a

Speaker 2 dead people? I see dead people.

Speaker 6 The dead people or the one that I loved was Josh when they that that cigarette carton that had a naked person on it and it said something to the effect in French of like smoking can cause you to get naked in the middle of the night.

Speaker 2 Like, they have these weird slogans that don't make any sense. Soaking, hanging out with Cosmos.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Or you'll never get weighed again.

Speaker 2 Never, never.

Speaker 2 I think that's what I'm saying. I love it.

Speaker 2 You know, they do come in from Europe and stuff, and there's all these cigarettes, and there's like death and blood. And yeah, it's a thing.
But I switched to the American spirit.

Speaker 2 So at my gas station, before I come to work, I fill up my car. And the guy there is like a scientist, literally knows a little bit about everything, but he works in a gas station.
Whatever. Okay.

Speaker 2 So, anyhow, he's telling me about the American Spirits. And I hope we don't get in trouble with the cigarette people that come to my house in Burbank.
Of course not. Well, I don't like that.

Speaker 4 Philip Morris is here to see you.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He said those little rings around the cigarette, if you look at the cigarette, those are still poisonous.

Speaker 2 he goes that's why he goes if you want roll your own cigarettes they don't have these poisonous rings on them yeah so it's still horrible oh

Speaker 4 wow what isn't can we do something we enjoy our dinners

Speaker 2 how hard we work

Speaker 2 she's in the show

Speaker 2 you gotta have a cigarette My store smells like Ash Wednesday.

Speaker 4 Oh, speaking of,

Speaker 2 we're entering into life. We are.
Yes, we are.

Speaker 4 That's a wonderful cafe. Tell us, what are you giving up?

Speaker 2 Nothing.

Speaker 4 Ben, could you? I mean, Ben is

Speaker 4 semi-kosher. He doesn't eat pork and he tries to be observant.

Speaker 4 What would be the thing you'd give up for the 40 days, Ben?

Speaker 6 Wow, 40 days.

Speaker 4 Is that right? I'm married to a Catholic. I'm married to an O'Brien.

Speaker 2 Oh, you are a nice Irish girl.

Speaker 4 Damn, our kids are cashiers.

Speaker 2 I'm a little Irish.

Speaker 2 I'm Irish too. Italian and Irish.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the best of all of it, baby. Yes.

Speaker 2 What would you give

Speaker 2 me?

Speaker 4 Do I have a third on the way?

Speaker 2 Do they have your eyes? They do. Here, you want to see? Can we see the babies? They're gorgeous.
I feel like an auntie. Here, I feel like an auntsie.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. They're gorgeous.
Thank you. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Oh, you got to come to my store with the stroller and bring the wife in and everything.

Speaker 4 Get the kids ready for Bernie Man.

Speaker 2 A little fashion. Yes.
Cinnamon drag.

Speaker 4 And Ben's about to have his first in May.

Speaker 2 A beautiful baby. Congratulations on the baby train.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Queen.

Speaker 6 I'm naming him Queen.

Speaker 2 Queen Cosmo.

Speaker 6 Queen Cosmo.

Speaker 6 Josh, what I'm giving up is Ozempic. That's what I'm giving up for 40 days.

Speaker 2 That's big. Oh, so

Speaker 2 tell me about Ozempic, please, because I went on Ozempic and I had to get rushed to the hospital.

Speaker 6 Really?

Speaker 2 I want to hear more about that. What every side effect that they say would happen to you happened to me.

Speaker 6 Who gave it to you?

Speaker 2 My doctor.

Speaker 6 And what did they put you on?

Speaker 6 It sounds like they're going to do it.

Speaker 2 They put me on the lowest dose. It's so weird.
Okay, so you need to keep a roll

Speaker 2 and wake up and shit it out. Fucking a shot of a shot of Ozempic I can't handle.

Speaker 2 What's going on over here?

Speaker 4 I can do free basing, but I can't do Ozempic.

Speaker 2 Right, right. You can't snort it anymore once you turn into a pickle but anyway that's another thing

Speaker 2 josh we have to get cosmo on wagovi wagovi or zepp bound we need to switch you because maybe ozempic isn't right but there are other there are other meds to work i i just congratulate me guys tell us i just got zap bound

Speaker 2 today

Speaker 2 so i'm going to go back

Speaker 2 to have it in the refrigerator in the store because i live in the store basically and i'm going to try a shot so hopefully I'm praying. Guys, do a little prayer for the queen.

Speaker 6 I'm praying.

Speaker 2 She doesn't get a yeast infection.

Speaker 6 Put it right in your belly, right in the belly.

Speaker 2 Don't put it anywhere else in the belly. So did you lose weight on the Ozempic? Oh, yes.

Speaker 6 Oh, yes. I was, I said I wouldn't say my weight.
I will say. I was 290.
I'm now 251. I was 239.

Speaker 2 Wow, bruh. So do you guys see the total difference? Oh, yeah.
He looks like a different person. He looks great.

Speaker 2 I was fat as fuck. Now Now I'm just like fat.
No, I love food. That's another addiction.
I had to go to food.

Speaker 2 That's so many addictions, darling. There's so many.

Speaker 4 Oh, I lost 100 pounds, but I did it the old-fashioned way before there was those. Oh, you did?

Speaker 2 Like, you literally wasn't.

Speaker 2 Loser.

Speaker 4 Frick. If I could have been shooting up.

Speaker 2 No, but God bless you for doing it. I'm telling you because you know what? The old-fashioned way, I think, is the best way, you know? Ideally, for sure.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You look great and you have good arms and you're working out.

Speaker 2 I would buy you a soda

Speaker 2 what kind

Speaker 2 what kind you like roy rogers

Speaker 2 cherry coke you got it baby oh my god queen of malaria let's go oh my gosh this is it this is how it ends for me and paige

Speaker 6 can you imagine that power couple by the way i love it i ship it sorry paige

Speaker 6 This episode of the Good Guys Podcast is brought to you by our friends at BioNature. Folks, we know you've been abroad.
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Speaker 4 We should get to a story because the New York Post, our local newspaper, said has a story that goes, my boyfriend has a micropenis and here's what our perfect sex is like.

Speaker 4 The girlfriend of a man brutally mocked by his mates for having a micropenis has leapt to his defense stating, no complaints in the bedroom department here, Penny Talbot said of her boyfriend, I don't know why she had to name him of two years,

Speaker 4 but said, Everything is A-okay. He is at a lovely 2.9 inches.

Speaker 4 And she said, for her, it's not just about penetration and climax, but the foreplay and everything that leads up to that.

Speaker 2 And yeah, they're having a great time. Really?

Speaker 2 So, A, he's probably got a really big

Speaker 2 bank account.

Speaker 2 Fair.

Speaker 2 And a very long tongue.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Very long.

Speaker 6 Mom needs to stop listening, but I do want to know if the 2.9 is erect or soft.

Speaker 2 These are things that we need to know.

Speaker 6 It's erect. Maybe he's a grower, Josh.

Speaker 2 Maybe he's not a shower.

Speaker 2 I've seen, I've witnessed it. Yes, yes.
So is that the case, you think?

Speaker 4 I would imagine 2.9, yeah, erect.

Speaker 2 I'm at a penis doctor in my store he does the implants wow

Speaker 2 aren't they all

Speaker 2 aren't they all

Speaker 2 so good yeah so basically there's a way where you could actually put filler like you what they put in your face they put that in your dick so you could actually make it fatter and like a little longer plus the penis implant it'll grow like an inch and a half you know whoa they haven't put one on Chaz Bono yet.

Speaker 2 They haven't did that yet. They're still working on that with the girls.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 he says the NBA is his biggest client. No way.
Wow. Because they're like big guys and some of the big guys are very small, you know? Wow.
So it's like they, yeah.

Speaker 2 So that's what he said, NBA, you know?

Speaker 4 Yeah. Speaking of the NBA, sorry, Ben, what were you going to say?

Speaker 6 I was just going to say, Josh has heard me tell this story.

Speaker 6 I was once staying in a house for the weekend with a man that just had this surgery that you're talking about and he was leaking by the pool the whole weekend he would get up and there would be a puddle no

Speaker 2 urance disgusting what'd you say of pee-pee i don't know what it was it was i didn't fill her all right it was something he was leaking no good there's nothing there's nothing safe anymore that said

Speaker 4 Speaking of, we have an obsession here with the great Shaquille O'Neal because the man knows how to make a dollar and we we respect that he'll do a corporate gig what have you you've worked with shaquille o'neal haven't you i love that we transitioned from huge cock to shaquille o'neal well i was thinking i was thinking about going into it but i'm glad

Speaker 2 i was gonna go into it but i'm glad

Speaker 2 you gave me

Speaker 2 we're vibing unbelievable we're vibing i know we should stay in touch

Speaker 2 for sure i'm around the corner perfect yeah so shaquille o'neal i i did the clothing for Deontay Wilder, the heavyweight champion of the world a few years ago.

Speaker 4 You know Deontay, Ben?

Speaker 2 Of course.

Speaker 4 Yeah. So all of his unbelievable, gorgeous, spectacular walk-out ring walk looks was all the queen.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. Five of them.
Sick. Five of them.
Wow. So the last one we made had laser beams coming out.
He wanted something really menacing when he fought Fury. So that was in the MGM.

Speaker 2 We did a dress rehearsal. He's supposed to come out real menacing.
So I delivered him the costume. He tried it on because remember, he blamed me for, he blamed me for losing the fight.

Speaker 4 What did he say?

Speaker 2 He said the costume was too heavy.

Speaker 2 So that was on the front page of every magazine. But what I loved, on the cover of New York Times, it said the outfit won.
Yes.

Speaker 2 And Deontay lost, and it was voted the best ringwalk outfit in boxing history. So good.
I was like. The queen's got

Speaker 2 too heavy. But anyway, this is is what got out.
This was the rumor that got out. So

Speaker 2 I'm like, Deontay threw me under the bus. Like, we're so cool, you know? But anyway, the night of the fight, I went to go deliver the outfit the day before.
He tried it on. He loved the outfit.

Speaker 2 So the next day, I'm in the locker room and I felt tension. And I'm like, Deontay wasn't Deontay.
So basically, fury got in his head. I knew it.
So I'm like, if Deontay,

Speaker 2 if you're going to wear this outfit, you better kick his fucking ass.

Speaker 2 So he goes, I will, cosmo i will so anyway it's time it was black history month too so it was all this hype so he's walking out with the ring wall he goes where's cosmo cosmo so anyway it was just a group of us his wife we were having the best time making clothes you know that went out throughout the became best friends so as soon as we go outside and the mgm first of all they were supposed to close the lights so you were supposed to see the laser beams that didn't happen so everything was just like kind of weird energy that day from Deontay not being himself for walk drew in the walk, all that stuff.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 6 you're walking in the how much money did you put on Fury?

Speaker 2 I was good with the outfit, the price of the outfit, baby.

Speaker 2 She was good.

Speaker 4 So how did this get to Shaq?

Speaker 2 Oh, we were talking about Naggy.

Speaker 2 So this is better. This is better.

Speaker 2 So, okay. No, I'm going somewhere with this.
I'm ready. Yeah, but you know, I'm like, I'm notorious about my memes.
I'll go on and on and talk about the curtains and the bedspread.

Speaker 2 So anyway, so we go out and Teonti loses the fight in front of me. I was mortified.
You know, the next day, it's in the headlines, the outfit was too heavy. So I'm like, Teonta threw me under the bus.

Speaker 2 Long story short, he calls me up. He goes, I would never do that to you, Cause he goes, you're going to be with me to the end, you know, and I'm like, I think this was the end.

Speaker 2 But anyway, so he apologized. It was just all like propaganda.
It was all propaganda. So he meets Shaq in a nightclub in Hollywood, and Shaq goes, Who made that fucking alpha for you?

Speaker 2 Who made that alpha for you?

Speaker 2 You look fine as fucking DRJ.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna give me some of those fucking lasers.

Speaker 2 He's like, Arnold Schwartz, I gotta be Shaq. It was like a little

Speaker 2 combo.

Speaker 2 Mixed check.

Speaker 2 So then all of a sudden, FaceTime calls me and my partner, Donato, because me and Donato made the outfit. It was a beautiful outfit.
Like Google it, it's gorgeous.

Speaker 2 And he goes, Deontay passed me your number in the club. He says, Shaq.
And I'm like, oh, shit, Shaq.

Speaker 2 So anyway, he goes, I'm doing a gig in Atlanta. And I want you to come by and I want you to make me an outfit.
He goes, I'm a DJ. So I knew he was a DJ, but I thought it was like R ⁇ B Soul.

Speaker 2 I didn't know it was EDM and little glow stick girls going, Shaq, Shaq, Shaq, I'm Jim Diesel. Okay.
I thought it was like more like soul training, baby. I was ready.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So anyway, long story short, he flies me to Atlanta. No, I meet him on Jimmy Kimball.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 So he goes, I'm a Jimmy Kimball. You want to take my measurements? And I'm like, do I want to take Shaq's measurements? Okay.

Speaker 2 I fucking ran to Jimmy Kimball and he was there. And actually, we took his measurements, you know? And so we made this thing for him.
He flew me to Atlanta and I saw his fabulous DJ. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Then we hung out with him after. So he goes, how come you don't have your own show? He goes, you are so, he goes, why?

Speaker 2 So I says, I don't know. You got any connections? He goes, yeah, I own a network.
So the next day,

Speaker 2 I come back and this cameraman in my store. And he's like, we're going to film you for a week.
We're going to make a scissor reel.

Speaker 2 You're going to have your own show. So I'm like, oh my God, another pinch-me moment.
You know, I'm sober. You know what I mean? These are the gifts.
You know, you know about the right.

Speaker 2 I mean, look what's going on. I can't.
It's coming true. It all worked out.

Speaker 2 So anyway, filmed a sizzle reel. And, you know, he goes, Okay, we're going to, you know, go over the sizzle reel.
I still have the sizzle reel. And what happened was two weeks later, COVID.

Speaker 2 COVID. Bastards.

Speaker 2 I'm telling telling you.

Speaker 2 We're all going to die. You know what I mean? Like, literally, they're shoveling people in the fucking parking lot of the hospital.
It was like devastating. So that went on the shelf.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But that was my thing with Shaq. Wow.
Yes.

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Speaker 4 So I want to get your opinion. We do this thing called a speakpipe where people call in and want advice from us.
They like to ask questions and whatnot.

Speaker 4 So I thought we could take one or two for our what are you nuts moment of the week. Great.
If you want to leave us a message, get advice from us, go to speakpipe.com slash good guys.

Speaker 2 And our first is from Anonymous.

Speaker 9 Hey, good guys.

Speaker 10 fellow dog parent here i have a very serious question my neighbor left a sticky note on my garage that said in cursive your dog barks all day long just want to let you know what would you do in this situation okay first of all i work from home my dog does not bark all day okay she barks maybe every other hour like you know bark bark bark and then i say buffy stop barking and she stops barking okay so i don't know what they're talking about i I don't know.

Speaker 10 Maybe my dog barks when I leave, but like, okay, you live in an apartment building where dogs are allowed. Like, what do you expect?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 10 Please help me. Do I go over to her? Do I say something? I know who left this note on my door.
Like, what do I do?

Speaker 2 Thanks. Bye.

Speaker 6 It sounds to me like they live in a cheap building with thin walls. So look, if you're not going to pay up, okay, to have thick walls, you're going to need to deal with some inconvenient noises.

Speaker 6 I completely agree that it's not illegal to own a dog.

Speaker 6 The same way it wouldn't be illegal to have a crying baby if you don't want to hear it you need to live in a building that has thicker walls or put on a noise machine josh how about you put on a noise machine i personally don't think unless this dog the way that she explained it the dog is once an hour and the person is being dramatic if this dog really is non-stop you talk to your porter or you talk to the the the person in the building who runs the building and say look for b the dog won't shut the fuck up We have to do something.

Speaker 6 But otherwise, I don't think there's anything to do. You picked a building with thin walls.

Speaker 2 Queen.

Speaker 2 Well, I just went through something like that.

Speaker 2 I have a little Karen that lives next to me and girl, it's like, I want to take care of it the New York way, but the queen don't want to go to jail again.

Speaker 2 She cries when she leaves. But so what I was recommended to do is to go over to her and befriend her.
Like just go knock on her door. You know, would you like to go for a cup of coffee?

Speaker 2 You know, contrary action of what we would do from New York, right? Would you like an American spirit? Would you like a cigarette, a drink, and a line of Coke? Yes.

Speaker 2 In my mind, we're having that party, but it doesn't work anymore. But my mind,

Speaker 2 we're getting it. Yeah.
We're getting it.

Speaker 2 So I would just like try to talk to her. Like, you know, that would be like, try to befriend her.
That's the advice I got from my sponsor. That's good.
That's good advice.

Speaker 4 Next one from an anxious girly.

Speaker 11 Hey, morons, B-H-B-H-B-H.

Speaker 4 That's her fandom

Speaker 11 For some advice, a girly could use some advice. So I've been dating the most amazing guy for a little bit over a year.
And I've always been someone that's been very intentional with dating.

Speaker 11 I have been dating for marriage. I'm also waiting for marriage.
And it's just really important to me for religious reasons to wait for big steps like moving in and whatnot until marriage.

Speaker 11 And so I also feel very strongly in, you know, at my current age, I'm almost in my 30s that like a guy should know what he wants after a certain amount of time.

Speaker 11 And so we've been dating for a little bit over a year and I always told myself I wasn't going to wait that long for a guy to decide whether or not he wants to marry me and so I've been in this relationship we both said that we want to marry each other we've had all the hard conversations he continues to tell me he keeps dropping hints that he's going to propose and he has asked my parents and he keeps telling me that he it's in the progress but i'm just dying of anxiety waiting for it to happen We've talked about having a spring wedding next year and I just, I'm having a really hard time waiting and waiting for it to happen, but I want it to be his decision when it happens.

Speaker 11 What is your advice for me? For an anxious girl, what do you have for me? Thank you. One of your only non-Jewish listeners, but BH, guys.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 6 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 This is sad.

Speaker 4 Do you want me to, I'll tag in really quick. You're, you're going to mess this all up.
You're going to ruin this.

Speaker 4 because of your expectations, trying to control people, places, and things out of your your control.

Speaker 4 And I hate to break it to you, but any sort of projection of what you once thought of, this is how it's going to go. And I want to be engaged in less than a year and blah, blah, blah.
Get over it.

Speaker 4 That's just not, live in the world that is instead of the world you think you deserve.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's the queen of the sober podcast right there. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Ladies.

Speaker 6 I'm with you, but

Speaker 6 I also think like, if she's that type of personality where she's anxious, like he should know that and he should give her some reassurance if he's marrying a nervous Nelly, you know? I don't know.

Speaker 6 Just fucking do it. Rip off the band-aid.
What are you waiting for? To the same point, Josh, it's never going to be perfect on his side. So like he might as well just pop the question.

Speaker 6 Add in and out after a burger. She just wants to get married.
She doesn't want anything like he can't want something special and just want it to happen.

Speaker 6 So if she just wants it to happen, he should just do it. It's her loss on the big celebration, you know?

Speaker 2 Queen. Bitch, you sound desperate.

Speaker 2 And nobody wants desperation, girl, honestly. But I hope for the best.
I hope for the best. I don't think this guy, if he didn't pop it yet, hopefully he pops it.
Good luck. Good luck.

Speaker 2 Good luck.

Speaker 6 I hope he pops it too.

Speaker 4 I met my wife. We were young.
I was 24. She was 20.
But, and we got engaged. I was 28, 29.
So, you know, we were in our early 20s. So I had that runway and she didn't pressure me.

Speaker 4 And then her aunt and her mother once pressured me and i was like fine i'll do it i knew i wanted to do it

Speaker 2 really

Speaker 4 what i was gonna say was honestly it's on your mother

Speaker 4 and say fuck and say fucking propose to my daughter next week or there's gonna be hell to pay like it's on somebody else to pressure him not you he screwed up ask asking the parents like when The day that I asked my wife's father for permission to marry his daughter, I was like, I'm married now.

Speaker 2 Cause there's no waiting

Speaker 2 or turning back so i was like i asked him on a tuesday and i proposed to her thursday morning or something you know you just do it you just do it but it sounds like it was already like in the bag you know what i mean like you know you guys stood together you had the family dynamic you know what i mean yeah it was cool you just needed a little like push yes you know a little like do it already i'll be here you know but with her we don't know if she has that same dynamic you know maybe he's just like being around the bush.

Speaker 2 I don't know. So, uh, good luck, Zaha.
Good luck. Yeah.

Speaker 4 So, our final segment is, what are you nuts? So, we'll introduce it first and give you time to think about it.

Speaker 4 It's our grievances or gripes with people, places, and things, things big or small, sticking in your cross. So, anything currently that you're just like, what are you nuts?

Speaker 4 Like, why would you do that? Why is this thing nothing too big or too small? So, think about it. Ben and I will go first.
So, you have time to think of yours.

Speaker 4 And then, also, I wanted to give you a moment. You were nice enough to possibly, you brought me some things because Coachella's coming up.
Burning Man, did you want to throw me some things?

Speaker 2 I want to do a little makeover to show you what I do in the store at Melrose for 30 years.

Speaker 2 Now it's tis the season. It's Coachella and Burning Man.
So we want to show you a little something, try on a little something. Great.

Speaker 4 So should we wait till we're done?

Speaker 2 Yeah, like because I'll have to do that anyway.

Speaker 2 Okay, perfect.

Speaker 4 Okay, so, and that'll be, first of all, plug away, where will they see that video? All of the great Cosmo life, the Queen of Melrose.

Speaker 2 So, Queen of Melrose is the platform, and then also Cosmos Glam Squad and Cosmo and Donato. Queen of Melrose, all platforms.

Speaker 2 And then I also just came out with some music. It's on Spotify.
And it's you, did you hear my song? I must have. That's going to be another day.
It's fabulous.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So we have.
Yeah, help me with this.

Speaker 2 Help.

Speaker 2 Queenoffmelrose.com. Right.

Speaker 4 Queenofmelrose.com.

Speaker 4 Cosmos Glam Squad.

Speaker 2 Okay. Did you hear her, or should I repeat that?

Speaker 4 Follow Queen of Melrose on all social media platforms.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes.

Speaker 4 Two stores, both on Melrose, one on Fuller. And where's the other one?

Speaker 2 Melrose and Fuller, and the other one is Melrose by the Starbucks.

Speaker 2 What street is that over there? I just got it. What are we talking about?

Speaker 4 Cursing Sierra.

Speaker 2 Curse on. Curse on it.
Love it. You know the neighborhood.
Come on.

Speaker 2 Name them. Name them.
Name them. Okay.
So Cosmo and Donato's on Curson. Okay.
Cosmo's Glam Squad, it's been there for 25 years. It's on Fuller.
That's the rock and roll store. Okay.

Speaker 2 And then we have queenofmelrose.com,

Speaker 2 where you could order jewelry. We make everything by hand.
You could order all the queen of Melrose merch. So we have all that on.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we've been trying to figure out this TikTok thing because people are getting rich.
Okay. Do it.
It's crazy. Yeah.
Get paid.

Speaker 2 So we after work, we've been on TikTok and actually been selling glasses and selling merchandise like crazy. So it does work if you work it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So basically you can find us on TikTok, Queen of Melrose.
Love. We have a lot going on.
I love it.

Speaker 4 It's awesome.

Speaker 4 So subscribe to YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, all queen of Melrose.

Speaker 2 All queen of Melrose. Yes.

Speaker 4 The content queen.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 4 So our what are you nuts moment, Ben? Do you want to get us started?

Speaker 6 Yeah, jaywalking with an infant.

Speaker 2 What are you nuts?

Speaker 6 I literally made a right. I drive everywhere in the city, as everybody knows.
I'm going to make a right.

Speaker 6 All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see a dad with literally an infant strapped to his chest, crossing against the light. Are you? Are you brain dead?

Speaker 6 Like, I just, you, you can risk your own life risking the baby. Like, it's just the definition of what are you nuts.

Speaker 2 Nuts.

Speaker 4 Nuts. So my woody nuts is actually, will be teed up by a story of yours.
Will you please just share with us about your time being in season one of cops?

Speaker 2 First season, babe. First season, queen.
First season of cops. The queen is going to Las Palmas and Santa Monica Boulevard, the unemployment agency over there.

Speaker 2 And they have like a little park there where they sold all the drugs to everybody. So the queen's there and she's like, you know, getting her little, you know, prescription.

Speaker 2 And then all of a sudden, my friend go, cops. And I turn around.
There's like a big fuzzy microphone and lights and cameras in action. And they're like, you're on cops.

Speaker 2 So there I was, like a deer in the headlight. Okay.
And they're like, do you have a warrant? Do you have this? Do you have that? And I said I was my twin brother, Joseph.

Speaker 2 I didn't say I was Cosmo because I had a warrant.

Speaker 2 Long story shit, sign this release, please. So the release was to show my face on cops.

Speaker 2 So a few weeks later, they're in New York, all my customers, everybody's like, Cosmos on cops?

Speaker 2 I hear Cosmo in my living room. So they just kept on playing that same episode literally 30 years ago.
Yeah. And they still play it.
Yeah. So you could Google the queen on cops.

Speaker 2 Well, my woody and

Speaker 2 my woody nuts is no residuals on cops. No residuals.
Listen. That's terrible.
You commit a crime.

Speaker 4 What can you do? You deserve a residual. People are making money off this cop.

Speaker 2 Yeah. A lot.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Get these criminals some residuals, right?

Speaker 2 Yes. Maybe you guys got a connection.
You could talk to somebody. I can't even get residuals, Cosmo.
It's not looking good for us.

Speaker 2 This is two people who make no residuals off their appearances.

Speaker 2 Queen, do you have a Woody Nuts? A woody nuts. Okay, so let's see.

Speaker 2 Woody nuts. Okay, something happens every day.
So in my store, you know, you're going to come in and we're going to give you a makeover.

Speaker 2 And basically, you know, you want to shop and, you know, fine, you know, we'll dress you up, we'll put one outfit on you, maybe two outfits, or we'll take a picture.

Speaker 2 The queen will do the right thing, she'll take a picture, a fan picture. But what's happening lately, people are like, I want to try on more and more

Speaker 2 and more.

Speaker 2 And then, before you know it, the fucking dressing room is up to here.

Speaker 2 And then they want to walk out without, you know, not even buying a t-shirt or a hat. Okay.

Speaker 2 This is true story. So I'm like, what are you fucking nuts?

Speaker 2 Kmart's on third.

Speaker 2 And Ross is right there too. You know what I mean? So I'm going to lock the door.
You're going to clean your mess. And so, you know, it just gets so, it's like, what are you fucking nuts?

Speaker 2 Have a little shopping etiquette. You know what I'm saying? Yes.
One outfit cute. The queen will take your picture.
She'll give you a lap dance.

Speaker 2 The second outfit, she'll show you where the glory hole is in the dressing room.

Speaker 2 But come on now. You know, don't keep on going.
Just say, listen, we're going to stop right now. Don't have the queen overwork my staff, period.

Speaker 6 It's like tasters at an ice cream store, Josh. Tasters at an ice cream store, two tops.
And if you walk out, if you try three, you can't walk out. You can't.
You're locked in for a scoop.

Speaker 4 100%.

Speaker 2 I'm so with you. I am.
I'm locked in. for a scoop.

Speaker 6 Cosmo,

Speaker 2 Queen of Melrose, this was a pleasure.

Speaker 2 This was amazing.

Speaker 2 This was a pleasure. Thank you.

Speaker 6 You are amazing. We can find Queen of Melrose cross-platform everywhere.

Speaker 2 We're global, especially TikTok shopping.

Speaker 6 Okay. Listen to us, good guys, wherever you get your podcasts.
Watch us on YouTube. Share our clips, Instagram, and TikTok.

Speaker 2 We're on TikTok to Cosmo. Just see you now.

Speaker 6 Mondays and Thursdays, folks. We will see you next time.

Speaker 12 Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Speaker 12 Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.