Guys: Episode 147 - Gym Guys with Jon Gabrus

Speaker 1 Welcome to guys, a podcast about guys.

Speaker 1 I'm Brian.

Speaker 1 Chris is here. That's what guys at the gym say.

Speaker 1 No, they don't. Yeah, they do.
I heard about it. I went to the gym.
Listen, I'm going to sound really gym guy.

Speaker 1 Oh, I went to Planet Fitness and they hit the lunk alarm on me and now I'm kicked out for good.

Speaker 1 Is that a thing, John? A lunk alarm? It is a thing, I think, from the commercials.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 The gym guys, the gym guys I surround myself with, they would call Planet Fitness a globo gym, and you would want to skip it.

Speaker 1 Oh, I see. It would be like kind of like a bolero or whatever.
If you're a bowler, it would be

Speaker 1 yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 You don't want to go to a globo gym, you want to go to a fucking gritty garage where you're banging weights with the boys clanging iron and you know, Henry Rollins poems printed up on the wall.

Speaker 1 You know, now that's funny. That's what I used to when I was we would joke around about it when I was younger.

Speaker 1 Now, this is going to shock some people because if you've seen photos of me, you've seen my build, but I'm not a big gym guy, but we would just- You've been described as anemic yeah i've been i've been

Speaker 1 people have been calling him a pussy for years oh that's not the feedback i've been getting a lot of people sort of ask me you know what's my routine what's my regimen but um but we used to that what we would always say is uh you know we'd see some hey where do you bend bar brother like that would be like that's a real kind of gym guy now brian what was the thing you said

Speaker 1 i uh lunk alarm yeah okay so that's at the planet Fitness. That's specifically a Planet Fitness for people who are clanging and banging.

Speaker 1 Yes, if you grunt too hard, they can hit the lunk alarm and kick you out of there.

Speaker 1 If they think you're putting on a show, is the way it was described to me as, or not personally described to me, but as I read, you're in there putting on a show. They don't want you doing that.

Speaker 1 So it's specifics for grunting, or it's just for anybody

Speaker 1 dropping the weight now.

Speaker 1 You know how they drop the weight? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything that's sort of like just getting kicked, any person that's like getting kicked out of the gym, basically, for any reason.

Speaker 1 The thing I've learned, the thing I've learned over the past three days of prepping this episode is that like I thought getting kicked out of the gym was primarily perverts.

Speaker 1 Like that was, I just figured most of the people that get kicked out of gym are perverts. And what I ended up learning is most of the people get kicked out of the gym for being annoying and gross.

Speaker 1 It's nastier than that. It's like, like, like, I mean, you, you you immerse yourself in, you know, so much disgusting content all the time that I think maybe your brain might go there.

Speaker 1 I found them very disgusting. And listen, look, I've been to the gym.
I once showered at a gym. One time, I showered at a gym.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because I exercise there or did you just run in just to take a picture?

Speaker 1 I was exercising there at the time in my own poor way. I hired a.

Speaker 1 In your own way? In my own poor way. I hired a trainer.
This is years ago. uh i hired a trainer at la fitness oh yeah

Speaker 1 and he was like 21

Speaker 1 and like he would be like hey go ahead and uh do this 25 times and then the whole time he'd be like yeah i'm gonna start a business soon i gotta hold these business ideas and he would just tell me about his business ideas

Speaker 1 and then i made the mistake Because you're like trying to get to know the guy in some way.

Speaker 1 So now you're out 40 grand grand as an investor and this guy's fucking like you're handing out spires for him.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, I'm like,

Speaker 1 I'm feeling a tinge of less shame than I usually do. And I'm like, I'm a podcaster.
Oh, so this was not, this was recent.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. Like 2022.
It would have been right before we started guys.

Speaker 1 Like the year before we started guys.

Speaker 1 And I was like,

Speaker 1 he was talking about his business. And then he started saying, like, you should hear some of the stuff me and my friends say.
Oh, no. Like, when he found out about the podcast.

Speaker 1 And it just, like, he was never paying attention to my form. And he was sort of never really.

Speaker 1 By the way, that is the one job you want from your fucking trainer is to keep an eye on your form and help you with that. But that's so funny.
That's not what he was up to.

Speaker 1 He was more up to looking at his phone and explaining to me some podcast ideas he has. I was like, I don't even, I don't have like a fucking, I'm about the king of podcasts.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't even, anybody can do a podcast. It's not, like, I'm not gonna get you in anywhere.
You know what I mean? But he's smart. He's networking.

Speaker 1 He has that brain where he's thinking, you've had an established podcast. He gets in with you, comes on for some guest appearances.
All of a sudden, they're like, hey, I kind of like this guy.

Speaker 1 You know, does he have anything going on? Then all of a sudden, they check out his gym marketing podcast.

Speaker 1 He was so like this guy, I don't think he really knew how to do training.

Speaker 1 I personally think they just hire whoever to do that. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I don't think there's a big barrier. Like, you can just be certified and ASC

Speaker 1 and in America, and they'll just like you can get hired at most of those globo gyms. It's truly like a salesman job more than it's an actual personal trainer job.

Speaker 1 As someone who's had assorted coaches and trainers over the years, as I've been in and out of every fitness trend that exists,

Speaker 1 those Those guys are like practically, you know,

Speaker 1 like ATT kiosk employees.

Speaker 1 They are like just a different color polo from a fucking like cutco knife salesman. How do you get certified?

Speaker 1 How does that happen? Is that anything that I guarantee it's

Speaker 1 based on the people I know who've gotten certified, I don't think it's an elite barrier to prevent you from getting, I don't think it's Navy SEALs.

Speaker 1 I think it's a little more in the National Guard department. Yeah.
Oh, this guy, I don't believe this guy knew how to do anything.

Speaker 1 Because, like, you go in there and you're like, I kind of don't know how to eat either.

Speaker 1 And he just told me, of course, he told me to, I eat too many vegetables, which is crazy because I only eat french fries basically my whole life.

Speaker 1 No personal trainer should tell anyone they eat too many vegetables. No, you got to beat me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, wait, why did he, what do you mean? Well, he said more meat. Oh, he just said more meat.
Like, did you did you? I told him I wanted to be big. Gotcha.
So he just said more.

Speaker 1 Are you sure he said less vegetables? Because, like, he just said, like, that's a great misinterpretation, like, as like Brian, who we know has, like, the, the, like, the, the palate of a 10-year-old.

Speaker 1 Like, you less veggies? You got it. I can't wait to tell my mom.
He said, it's just a waste of time. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 He's kind of like that totally. This guy's got 20 fucking dead.
He's got bodies in his past. He's got 20 dead clients.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's like, it's just a waste. They don't don't really do anything.
You got to eat more. And then he's like, eat more meat and then also take the protein powder.

Speaker 1 And then that's when I took it and I got all the farts and I was like, I'm done working out for another four years.

Speaker 1 Because I hate farting so much and it made me fart. And I was like, I'm just done for now.
2020. You can exercise without eating protein if you want.
Like,

Speaker 1 you can, yeah, you can. I'm running now.
And you also can get protein from other places other than the protein powder as well. Like the meat, the aforementioned meat has a lot of that protein as well.

Speaker 1 But I just, I'm doing the math on that, and that was 2022. You said four years.
That sounds like you're about to get back into

Speaker 1 I'm running.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 I'm running now. I want to.

Speaker 1 You're kind of famously a walker. And now you're telling me you're speeding things up a little.
That's kind of fucking interesting. I mean,

Speaker 1 under the umbrella of you hosting the podcast, I guess we can pretend it's interesting that you've gone from walking. Oh, it's interesting.
Gamers, it's interesting.

Speaker 1 I think it's definitely interesting. And based on the shit your listeners are interested in, I can guarantee they like this stupid.

Speaker 1 This makes more sense than a challenge call.

Speaker 1 He's been walking for an awful long time.

Speaker 1 I know he's got golf tan because he walks so much. I've never heard of him running before.
I've never seen him running before. To be honest, I've never even pictured him running before.

Speaker 1 He wants you to do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I do it. I do it.
Not suit. A 12-minute mile.
Make fun of it. I don't care.
Not just story. That's great.
Yeah, there's nothing to make fun of.

Speaker 1 Anybody who's running for a mile, there's nothing to make fun of. We're not in competitions here.
It's just like the end of the exercise. Just a 12-minute mile.
But anyway,

Speaker 1 you bought $500 running shorts, right? That you're like, yeah,

Speaker 1 I am being good. I bought shoes.
I bought running shoes because I thought they were fucking.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I went and bought a pair of on-class.
Now it's starting to make sense now. I went to the running store.
He needed to justify this purchase of running shoes that he really wanted to do.

Speaker 1 I better pick up running. I spent way too much money on these shoes.
What ended up happening was I bought the running shoes and I was like, oh, but now I want another pair of shoes.

Speaker 1 So I just bought another pair of shoes. Like when my wife was like, why do you need a second pair of shoes for running? And I was like, well, I can't walk in the running shoes.

Speaker 1 I definitely think you can. No.

Speaker 1 I've never seen walking shoes, like shoes labeled as these are for walking keep it under a certain speed this guy they blow off

Speaker 1 this guy at r slash fitness says help me win an argument i'm trying to win an argument against a friend he has the verdict that the gym is purely for aesthetics and has no practical implications while i'm defending what i'm defending the point that the that depending on what you want to train, get depends on what you want to train.

Speaker 1 Give me some solid points in my favor with examples would be preferable. I seriously want him to consider joining the gym.
Now,

Speaker 1 you're going to think,

Speaker 1 like, his friend's an idiot. And I'm going to tell you right now, these guys, his friend's an idiot.
Like, I'll explain. So the first guy goes, I'm confused by this.

Speaker 1 Does he not think that lifting weights builds strength? Is being strong not a practical benefit? What about improving cardio to help with endurance if you're hiking?

Speaker 1 So then the OP replies and goes, he thinks it does, but believes there are better ways.

Speaker 1 Also, he thinks that since dumbbells are regular shaped as compared to many real-life objects, so lifting real-life heavy weights is harder, like bags of rice.

Speaker 1 So he's just like, he's like, he's just kind of lifting things around in his everyday life. So he's like, why would I be going to a gym and paying money to do this?

Speaker 1 Well, I have heard this argument, you know, hey, I'm always lifting stuff up anyways. Why am I paying to do this?

Speaker 1 I understand that from like the most blue-collar human being you've ever met. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I lift fucking hay bales all day long. I'm not going to go to a gym and do like, you know, bench press at the end of the day.
But this is, this is an insane fucking angle.

Speaker 1 And I love that this guy's like, how do I tell him what it does? It's like,

Speaker 1 you can't just articulate this to the guy. Also, the gyms nowadays have sandbags and shit and kettlebells in them and other unusual kinds of winter.
There you go. That's a good argument you could use.

Speaker 1 It sounds like that could actually sway his friend.

Speaker 1 But I think his friend is like

Speaker 1 from other posts, I think his friend is really against standard things.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like a standard

Speaker 1 shape is that's what bothers him more than anything, is that these things are a standard shape when really a bag of rice is all sorts of shapes, if you think about it. And that's my

Speaker 1 helpful

Speaker 1 different shapes.

Speaker 1 This guy goes, your friend's a full-blown clown, unfortunately.

Speaker 1 I would quote the great Mark Ripito, a strength coach that's kind of famous. Stronger people are harder to kill than weak people and more useful in general.

Speaker 1 And under a blanket statement, you're kind of right. Like, you know, I guess stronger people can be more useful than we.

Speaker 1 If the weak people aren't like scientists, I guess. Yeah, it depends on the scenario, of course, like what you need done.
But in a lot of scenarios, yeah, it's very helpful to be

Speaker 1 stronger than weaker. I mean, one of the things we learned on the knife guys episode is it's hard to kill a guy by stabbing him whenever he's regular.
Now, imagine if he's muscular,

Speaker 1 how much hard, because they're like, oh, you don't know how hard it takes a lot of strength to stab a guy to death. It's like, I'll bet it takes 10 times more strength on a strong guy.

Speaker 1 Oh, I mean, I think that's, I mean, that's a big guy is harder to kill with a knife.

Speaker 1 You're going to need a chisel. You're going to need a hammer.
You're going to need to put the knife on him and hit him with a hammer.

Speaker 1 You're thinking of him as kind of a rock-like guy.

Speaker 1 What's the

Speaker 1 muscles are? I don't know. Again, I'm trying for cardio.
I'm a cardio guy. Yeah, that's obvious.
Yeah. Well, that's what I'm trying for.
I'm not trying to be big and strong. It's safe to say that

Speaker 1 that place on the podcast is already

Speaker 1 occupied. You know, we don't need a second big, strong guy on the podcast because then it gets like weird.
It's like, holy shit, are these guys. I'm the alpha.
Well, I mean, I'm the captain now.

Speaker 1 Movie.

Speaker 1 By the way, showing this podcast to any like real man and being like, look at these three people arguing who's the alpha, they would just fucking drone strike our houses.

Speaker 1 Yeah. This guy goes, he has the verdict.
This guy goes, ask him where he thinks professional athletes train. And he goes, I did.
He's of the opinion that they aren't fit either.

Speaker 1 Because in his eyes, you're only fit if you're well-rounded overall. He thinks that unless you're directly involved in some sort of sparring sport, you're not fit.

Speaker 1 As this is, that is the only sport that targets every muscle for a practical situation. I know it sounds absurd.
Trust me when I say I've tried to reason with him.

Speaker 1 So, his friend also thinks that, like, his friend sounds like his friend is like, also, every single combat sports athlete, every single one lifts weights.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, and then later on,

Speaker 1 shrink it down.

Speaker 1 We're saying lifting weights, but another way to develop muscle is just the phrase resistance training, which could be push-ups, squats, you know, heavy carries, things that aren't fully weights. Now,

Speaker 1 he thinks that all his favorite combat sport athletes and all these guys who have fucking six-packs and shit aren't lifting weights. No, they just fight.
Yeah, they don't.

Speaker 1 They go to the shit and they fight. You can't just spar for exercise.
You will have CTE.

Speaker 1 I will tell you that later later on in the thread, and I did not cut this later on in the thread, a guy says, Why would football players lift weights and stuff?

Speaker 1 Then he was like, Well, football players aren't that tough. All they do is football.
Like, they're only strong in football ways.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, Okay, dude.

Speaker 1 Oh, I can, I've, I've, I've turned myself into a well-oiled machine, but only for football. Yeah, no, nothing else.

Speaker 1 None of those guys could, like, run a race pretty fast or fucking, like, jump far or jump high or probably most of these elite level athletes, by the way, if you just like put a fucking lacrosse stick in their hand or whatever, be like, this is how you play lacrosse.

Speaker 1 They just pick it up. And the reason they don't play lacrosse is because you can make millions playing football.
Yeah, man. I do see those sometimes.

Speaker 1 I'm like watching the football players play on TV and I'm just like, well, you guys are like big and strong in football terms, but I can sort of, you guys seem like I could beat the shit out of you, honestly.

Speaker 1 You don't seem like tough. You know, you don't seem like tough guys right yeah you gotta go up against like a six foot three 297 pound lean defensive end yeah

Speaker 1 take your helmet off take your helmet off

Speaker 1 and fucking throw down like throw hands with me with the helmet off and then we'll see who like the real man is like you know when you don't have your little football pads on we'll see who the real man what a crazy opinion

Speaker 1 yeah this person it i i sort of feel like maybe this friend might be doing like a long

Speaker 1 joke.

Speaker 1 I think this friend's a stupid idiot because this is the type of thing. He was like molested.

Speaker 1 He was like molested by a personal trainer or something like that.

Speaker 1 He's got some like dark fucking thing against it where he's like, it's actually bad for you because he, or like his pants fell down while he was deadlifting and everyone laughed at him or something.

Speaker 1 Something bad.

Speaker 1 He feels

Speaker 1 nobody's ever seen my penis. Sorry? I said nobody's ever seen my penis.
No one's got a single penis.

Speaker 1 You have a child.

Speaker 1 Well, my child's never seen my penis. That's not what I meant.

Speaker 1 What's wrong with you?

Speaker 1 I was a little confused too.

Speaker 1 I was like, I do remember seeing my dad's penis. I didn't know that was part of it, but I know you have a daughter.
So I was like, I think it has to be a little different that way.

Speaker 1 I saw my dad's penis, too. I always wonder how big it was.
Because I saw it. Yeah.
When I was a kid. Yeah, I saw my dad's penis at one point when I was younger.

Speaker 1 But now I'm like, was it really big or was it big? It seemed big, right? Because

Speaker 1 you don't see it after you're like 13.

Speaker 1 That's true. Think about it.
It's like, I remember I went to my, like, my elementary school seemed super big as well when I was little.

Speaker 1 And then I went back there when I was older, and I was like, this is actually super small.

Speaker 1 Dad, your penis is not at all as impressive as it was when I was six. And my dad was 6'5.
So I don't know if it was big or not. You know, I have no idea.
But based on genetics, I would say

Speaker 1 it was a big.

Speaker 1 That's the way I think. I haven't seen my maternal grandfather's hog, but I don't know if it's the same thing as hairlines.

Speaker 1 Oh, I could have seen my grandpa's because when he died, my parents were like cleaning out his stuff, and he had some pretty racy pictures of him and his wife.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to say when he died, he was buried naked for some reason. Yeah, that's why I went to the bottom of the city.
Oh, yeah, so we could jerk him off real quick.

Speaker 1 his last wish was

Speaker 1 open casket news.

Speaker 1 Only the bottom is open, the top is closed, just his dick and legs are visible for everybody.

Speaker 1 This man loved his casket. I really pictured that as well.

Speaker 1 Is him in a

Speaker 1 open casket new?

Speaker 1 He was a bit of a hippie.

Speaker 1 Well, I said this before. I should, well, fuck it.
My dad never will listen. I did in his room one time.
I found a pair of underwear with a tassel on the front of them.

Speaker 1 Like the thing you have on your cap and gown when you graduate from high school. It had one of those on the front.
And I'm like, is he fucking swinging that thing around? I'm like, what's going on?

Speaker 1 That's 100%. That's an insane sex toy to own if you're a guy.
You know what I mean? There's got to be a better sex toy.

Speaker 1 No, that feels like someone you buy, you buy that for someone as a joke, more or less. I hope so.

Speaker 1 I would say this would be an episode to not recommend to any family members of yours to listen to.

Speaker 1 Hi, Dad. I talked about your penis several times and I believe it's probably small.
This is what's great about that's what's great about my dad being dead. I could talk about this stuff

Speaker 1 as well. Yeah, yeah.
So that's

Speaker 1 a drawer full of pocket pussies, like a dozen of them. I think they were just like a funny gift someone got.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, when you see it find a whole like, it's what to find one of them is like, oh, I guess that my dad's wanting a pocket pussy.

Speaker 1 But if you find a whole bag of them, he's either like really, really into them or it's like just.

Speaker 1 Honestly, if I find a pocket pussy when my dad dies, I'm going to smell it and see if he used it or not. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 So this is honestly. That's the smell of my dad's cum.

Speaker 1 That's absolutely cum, that smell. That is a horrifying, horrifying episode.
I went to R slash Planet Fitness members.

Speaker 1 This guy goes, well, it took 15 years, but finally had something stolen. I've been going to Planet Fitness for 15 years and never once used a lock on my locker.
Never had a single issue.

Speaker 1 Lately, though, I've noticed people lingering around the locker room and thought it might be smart to finally get one.

Speaker 1 Ironically, today, the very day I had planned to pick up a lock from Target, my jacket was stolen. I take full responsibility for not locking up.

Speaker 1 Lesson learned, this post is just a friendly reminder to everyone. Please lock up your belongings, even if you think it won't happen to you.
So. Brutal feeling.

Speaker 1 This guy's lying also about I was just going to go, I was going to do my, I was going to get a pump in and I was going to go right to Target and buy a lock for the next time I come in.

Speaker 1 There's no way that was his plan for the next time. Yeah, no, he was just moments away.
What a brutal, brutal experience for him when he's literally just like

Speaker 1 moments away from buying a lock and then having this thing. Here's a weird guy.

Speaker 1 First guy goes, I see many unlock lockers at mine. People are a lot more trusting than I am.
And then somebody else goes, same, but also some people leave their duffel bag on top of the lockers.

Speaker 1 Now, this guy, very weird guy. Oh, I know.
I used to go to one in a really nice area. I remember one morning at around seven, I went looking and I saw a free locker, and this is what I saw.

Speaker 1 First, BMW keys, second, Mercedes keys and wallet, third, iPhone and wallet, fourth, Toyota keys in their work attire for the day. Just sitting there.

Speaker 1 That would give me so much anxiety during my entire workout. Another time, this guy writes down everything he's seen.

Speaker 1 It feels like he, because he goes, another time I saw a $900 show a motorcycle helmet with a 400 cardo communication unit attached to it just sitting on top of the lockers

Speaker 1 so i think this guy is tempted yeah

Speaker 1 i think he looked up the value of a fucking motorcycle helmet which is a crazy like i can't believe this guy left his motorcycle helmet out i wonder how much this would sell for like

Speaker 1 i would i would do that though because i like to know how much everything costs I like to know how much everything in the room I'm in costs. Not this room.

Speaker 1 I don't want to know what any of this stuff costs because. In your own room, you don't want to.

Speaker 1 I never understood why people don't lock up their stuff. Nothing bad ever happens till it does.

Speaker 1 It usually takes me three or four tries to find a vacant locker because the ones I open are occupied despite no lock. And you'll see the person's car keys hanging out of a pocket on the backpack.

Speaker 1 While you're focusing on your workout with headphones on, someone can take your car keys, go to the parking lot, hit the button until they find which car be steal your car, and get a half hour head start with it before you even notice anything is missing.

Speaker 1 A half hour head start. Like when you find out your car is stolen, you run and like, you're like, we gotta find this guy right now.

Speaker 1 He's only, you know, you're all of a sudden you're Tommy Lee Jones and the fugitive. Like, we gotta search every outhouse, bathhouse, and dance house in the area.

Speaker 1 I mean, people do think of their life as a movie a lot of the time.

Speaker 1 we notice in these posts where it's just like they're thinking of a movie yeah like they're thinking of like okay 30 minute head start.

Speaker 1 Like, we need to like walk down the, like, you know, get a perimeter. Like, they really are thinking like a film they saw.
And, like, it doesn't matter if it's 30 minutes, 10 minutes, or an hour.

Speaker 1 Once the car's gone, it's fucking gone.

Speaker 1 None of that matters. Yeah.
And if you, unless you have like a tracking thing, which then it wouldn't matter.

Speaker 1 Well, no, it's like, I guess, what if they get across the border, holy shit, into international waters? They get out on a barge and they're in international waters. That would be fun.

Speaker 1 I, I, that's exactly what you do when you steal a car. It's like, anytime somebody steals a car, they point it right towards international waters.
Yeah, drive right into the ocean, sink it.

Speaker 1 All right, next, let's go get another one, boys.

Speaker 1 They type it in the GPS, international, where laws don't happen.

Speaker 1 I feel like people,

Speaker 1 that is a little weird that people don't lock shit up. Like, I do feel like you probably should lock stuff up.
I guess people don't shit. And that's coming from a Canadian.

Speaker 1 I feel like in Canada, like, people don't lock shit. Everyone's like,

Speaker 1 we're all friends. Hey, and me, we're all friends over here.
People do lock stuff up, definitely.

Speaker 1 That's not what Michael Moore said.

Speaker 1 Oh, Michael Moore, the documentary filmmaker.

Speaker 1 Which episode of guys was he on? Is he Canadian?

Speaker 1 Is he a Canadian guy? Is he actually? No, he's a Flint guy, but he's a Canadian guy. He's from Flint, Michigan or Detroit, but he is definitely...
He's like my dad. He's a Canadian guy.

Speaker 1 Like, he loves Canada. But he's not from Canada.

Speaker 1 I mean, I feel like, yeah, that it makes sense to lock stuff up, but I guess maybe if you go to a gym all the time and you feel like you know the people at the gym or whatever, and you're just like, I don't know, some people are more trustworthy.

Speaker 1 Well, this guy, I live in a small rural town where crime is extremely low, and everyone leaves their doors unlocked. I used to as well.

Speaker 1 One time, I stopped at a corner shop just to get a bottle of hot sauce because I had pizza on the way. Very cool, weird

Speaker 1 jail for a while. People are so fucking boring.

Speaker 1 People are so boring. It's crazy to imagine being able to do that.

Speaker 1 What are the scovos on that? I would love.

Speaker 1 Brian, do you know the other day I looked up the Scoville's?

Speaker 1 I was having some hot sauce and I looked up the Scoville's because it was like pretty hot.

Speaker 1 And it was so low. It was like...

Speaker 1 20,000 or something.

Speaker 1 That's not low. But yes,

Speaker 1 that's low because every time we look at a hot sauce, it's

Speaker 1 a nuclear asshole or whatever they're all called. Yeah, but it is like, yeah, the numbers are, the normal numbers are pretty,

Speaker 1 pretty low compared to what we're looking at. Yeah, we look at stuff that people use to keep squirrels away from their power lines and stuff.
Like, it's like insane.

Speaker 1 So he goes,

Speaker 1 I left my, he goes, I came back out to find my car gone. Some meth heads stole it.
Thank God. I can't believe they stole my two slices.
One chicken, bacon, ranch, one meat lovers.

Speaker 1 And I even had a garlic pinwheel in there. And thank God I got my hot sauce.
I at least got to keep my hot sauce.

Speaker 1 That is funny to get your car stolen if i if i had like pizza that i was looking forward to eating and someone stole my car i'd be like the car thing is so annoying but i'm really mad about the pizza right i was doing a barbecue one time i was so excited because i'm pretty good at the grill oh what's your specialty there i can just smoke a pork butt like i'm pretty good at it um not anymore i can't i live in an apartment building i'm not allowed to i don't think have a smoker so wait you move you moved right yes i live in a place where people do not fall through the floor.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. That's probably a little better.
I mean, for now, you know. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I went to go pick something up at the store,

Speaker 1 and I had the music up really. I'll never forget it.
It was an Action Bronson song for some reason. I was a big Action Bronson guy for a period of time.

Speaker 1 I like your like, for some reason, I was into Action Bronson. That's like the most on-brand shit ever.

Speaker 1 So I'm listening to it, and the light turns green, and nobody's fucking going.

Speaker 1 I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Come on. Come on.
And so I go. Turns out there's a police officer coming down the other side of the road to a robbery and I swerve to avoid him.

Speaker 1 And for some reason, like my foot didn't come off the gas. I don't have any idea why it.
pushed down on the gas and I ran into the side of a Chinese restaurant.

Speaker 1 I can't even begin to imagine the geography of this story. I'm trying to picture.
It's a four-way intersection, and then I go to make this turn, right?

Speaker 1 I go to make this left turn, and nobody's moving, and I'm in the turn lane. I'm like, well, fuck it.
If you people aren't going to fucking move, I'm going to move. That cop came back.

Speaker 1 This is how you know.

Speaker 1 This was like one of the first times I was like, yeah, white privilege is insane. This cop came back and he apologized to me.
They got my car.

Speaker 1 And I was like, fuck, man. I'm stoned.
Like, I had to, like, run and hide a bowl after I got pulled over. Like, ran over to the side of the store and smashed a bowl.
So, like, I,

Speaker 1 I, like, I, yeah, I wrecked, I uh have wrecked a car or two. Actually, I've wrecked a ton of cars, to tell you the truth.
I'm a car wrecking machine.

Speaker 1 This guy goes, Are you 100% positive it was stolen? Very recently, you're bragging about how good of a driver you are. I am now, I haven't wrecked in years.
You can be both, yeah.

Speaker 1 This guy goes, uh, there's no, this guy goes, the camera they have is a good deterrent. And he gets a reply.
They don't have cameras in locker rooms.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 If your gym has a camera in the locker room for security, switch gyms, dude.

Speaker 1 They're selling fucking dick pics online. Oh, for sure.
For sure. All right.
So let me

Speaker 1 get to.

Speaker 1 A story here that I found a bunch of versions of this. And this is, so this guy tried to fight me at the gym.
Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, that must happen quite a bit, right?

Speaker 1 Because people are all jacked up on steroids and they're aggressive and they're like, when you're lifting, you're like, fuck, yeah, like, you know, like, I got a fucking max that shit.

Speaker 1 Like, they're really getting their testosterone going. I've seen some pretty good fight videos at the gym as well.

Speaker 1 I have, I found that, I guess it was the neighborhood I lived in at the time. I found that the gym was just a bunch of people like trying not to look at each other.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, that was the whole thing. And I read that a lot on the Planet Fitness one too.

Speaker 1 Have you ever been in a fight?

Speaker 1 Not at the gym, but yeah, I've been in a few fist fights. It's awesome, isn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's really rare. Like I thought it was more common based on like, but like, you know, I'll be hanging out with other like 40 somethings.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, yeah, man, I was in like 20 fist fights by the time I was 25 or whatever. And people are like, what? Yeah.
I've never. And I was like, wait, you've never been in a fight?

Speaker 1 They're like, no. And I'm like, I've been jumped.
I've jumped people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Brian is a good guy. You guys could talk about that all day.
Oh, come on.

Speaker 1 I haven't been in a fight.

Speaker 1 I mean, I haven't been in a fight in 20 years. And I've only been in like three fights in my whole life.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I've been probably

Speaker 1 in a dozen or so. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I would say maybe 10 if I exclude like fights that escalated from a rugby match. Yeah.
I see.

Speaker 1 Did you have any of the guys like in your friend group? Guys that like weasel kind of not weasely guys are like just like little like kind of this isn't going

Speaker 1 I had a

Speaker 1 bunch of obnoxious drunk friends that I would

Speaker 1 I've definitely been in a handful of fights that are my fault for getting into them or were absolutely necessary for my own protection or my own like honor.

Speaker 1 But I've also been in a handful of fights because I have a piece of shit friend and now I'm like getting the shit kicked out of me by like a guy I don't know that I didn't want I didn't want to fight at all but I'm also I've always been a bigger guy too so when I'm with my friends it's like they're like let's kick that fucking guy's ass like wait no I'm just a big guy I'm practically gay like you can't beat me up

Speaker 1 that's different that's different I think that yeah that's I was thinking yeah they used to they used to say

Speaker 1 The big guys wanted him to do it. Yeah, that was my job.

Speaker 1 Situation, his job was to go in and like aggravate somebody into wanting to fight or whatever. But that's how I like knew I could maybe talk for a living at that point.

Speaker 1 Where that where these big dumb lunks were like, man, this guy's good at getting people so mad they want to fight him.

Speaker 1 And so I would go do that, and then they would beat him up. That's how three five.
It's funny. I found out I was good at talking because of the opposite.

Speaker 1 I got myself out of getting my ass kicked a handful of times. And I'm like, oh, I'm pretty cute, funny, and charming.

Speaker 1 Based on like, you know, I just eventually get a guy laughing and not wanting to beat my ass. And I'm like, ooh, okay, maybe this comedy shit's for me.
Maybe I should. Yeah, it's okay.

Speaker 1 I think a guy at the gym wants to fight me. So this young guy, maybe half my age, I'm 48, hates me.
He's an upper body day, everyday type. And yeah, he lifts, but I ignore him.

Speaker 1 He doesn't like that, apparently. One time he was stacking 45-pound plates and did push-ups with his feet on them.
I couldn't help but laugh because it was so ridiculous.

Speaker 1 So now whenever we're at the gym, he hangs in my general vicinity and flexes hard. I ignore him to no end, and that generally works.
But today, he started stepping in front of me at the dumbbells.

Speaker 1 I love that. Like, the guy's going to get his dumbbells.
This fucking 28-year-old kid just

Speaker 1 jumps in front of him and says, I want those dumbbells.

Speaker 1 And he's flexing. He stands by you and flexes.
It's such a fun. That's, this is a person who has protagonist disease where you're like, this guy clearly hates me.
He's always flexing by me in the gym.

Speaker 1 I'm like, that's a crazy fucking thing to say.

Speaker 1 And also, just like I laughed at him one time, and now I'm like, I can't believe this guy wants to fight me. Like,

Speaker 1 I'm sure the guy doesn't even know.

Speaker 1 He doesn't remember being laughed at at all. You know what I mean? Because it's kind of cool to do that, by the way.
I don't think that's like anybody that can do a push-up.

Speaker 1 I'm like, hey, I can't even do one, half of one. I don't think

Speaker 1 people in the gym feel that way. I don't think they're impressed by people who could do one push-up.
But this kind of shit annoys me, though.

Speaker 1 I think once you're inside it, real meatheads, real fucking gym freaks, they're just happy anyone else is in the gym.

Speaker 1 And you're not judging people on their form. You want to help them have better form because real

Speaker 1 fucking, like the real lifters, their ego goes out the window and it's more about like, I just want to share the gospel of iron. You know,

Speaker 1 I want you to be able to push steel like and I I trust me I watch millions of gym Instagram videos a day I would say and it's like a problem obviously it's a problem It's I don't I spend more time looking at gym reels than in gyms these days and these guys like and so like to be like I laughed first of all laughing at a guy who's doing an exercise you don't understand is like just shut the fuck up like just trust trust the process of this stranger but then to be like and now he hates me is a full fabrication of of like, like you're writing the narratives for other people in your life.

Speaker 1 That's like so fucking, that's so embarrassing. I mean, for lack of better word, you laughing at them makes you the cueber in that situation.
You started it all. Yeah, for lack of better words.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You're trying to antagonize somebody. They couldn't help but laugh.
Like, I think you could help but laugh. I don't think you're watching like, you know, some of the...
greatest comedy in history.

Speaker 1 You're not watching Burke Kreischer. You can stop yourself from laughing, obviously.

Speaker 1 So it's like you're doing it to antagonize him, to be like, hey, man, I want you to know that I think that's fucking silly what you're doing. And it's not funny.
Like what he's doing isn't even funny.

Speaker 1 It's not that weird. Yeah, it's a gym, man.
It's like people are doing different. It's like, and the idea, it's like, oh my God, this shit is so performative what he's doing.

Speaker 1 Even if it is, it's like, yeah, it's a gym, man. Like, people are doing that shit all around you all the time.
They're all showing off.

Speaker 1 I think you have to look at yourself too.

Speaker 1 It does help to, like, you know, a mirror can help you with your form and stuff like that. Yeah.
Totally. I mean, that can help with things.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like, I go to boxing, and a mirror is obviously very, very important when you're like, yeah, doing boxing stuff or whatever, because you can watch yourself and see how it is.

Speaker 1 I hate looking at myself.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 I hate watching myself box as well because it's like when I'm not watching myself in the mirror, I can tell myself that I look like a regular guy boxing

Speaker 1 a a boxer, you know. But then you look in the mirror and you're like, oh, I don't look anything like the coach who's helping me out.
He's actually doing a different thing than me entirely.

Speaker 1 Part of what I like about lifting weights is like in the moment, you're feeling very strong and you're like, wow, I've got good form and I feel really strong. And then I look at myself.

Speaker 1 If I see myself in the mirror, I'm like, my belly is sticking out so far. You can see my hard nipples in this shirt.
I look fucking repulsive. My hair looks like this.

Speaker 1 I'm looking at like hot chicks at the gym, like, yeah, how's it going? We hang out at the same place, and they're looking at me like, this guy's got fucking visible ass sweat. Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 I have no fucking clue. Yeah, it's helpful, but it is, yeah, sometimes it can be, it's not that fun to look at yourself.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I mean, it's, yeah, it's the idea of getting mad at somebody, it sounds like, unless we're misreading this entirely and that guy is like, just like following him around, staring at him the entire time, you know?

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 To be fair to be fair we are going no man you're just paranoid but in real life this guy is like single white mailing him or whatever it could be like some guy who's just like the most jacked up crazy dude ever who's but yeah it sounds to me like this guy is just like uh yeah like john said he's decided he's he's writing a lot of this guy's dialogue this really weird guy this is a really weird response You're 48.

Speaker 1 You should know how to handle children by now. I would handle him like a child.
Whoa. Yeah, you don't like that.
Like, I just don't like the way he worded that.

Speaker 1 And I don't know what that even means. Like, you would do it.
Spank him and

Speaker 1 spank him, I guess. That's the only spank I can think of

Speaker 1 that he could mean is to spank him on his mom. Yeah, or say, if you stop doing this, I'll give you some strawberry milk.
Oh, yeah. So, possibly milk, possibly,

Speaker 1 you know, I'll take away something, privilege his iPad or something like that. Yeah, you ain't watching the Lion King tonight, brother.

Speaker 1 Bedtime's 10 p.m. for you, tough guy.

Speaker 1 Next guy just says, crush him.

Speaker 1 But then the OP replies and goes, I think I probably could, but he's just a kid. He wants to be an alpha and he knows I'm the silverback.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. So

Speaker 1 never mind. Never mind.
No, there is no. I'm immediately on the push-up guy.
So 100%.

Speaker 1 Fully on his time. This guy, this is like, this guy needs to be chemically castrated.

Speaker 1 That was so good. How it just was, you know, know, I was kind of like, hey, maybe, who knows, you know, and then he just comes in like, daddy's the silverback gorilla around here.
And it's like, oh.

Speaker 1 I'm going to read some reviews of a pre-workout called Bucked Up.

Speaker 1 So in case your listeners don't know what pre-workout is, it's usually like amino acids, caffeine, and like,

Speaker 1 you know, L's carninine and like all these kind of like things that invoke like that give you like energy or make you sweat.

Speaker 1 And like, you know, I have people in my family who don't drink coffee, but every morning have like two pre-workouts before the gym. They're like, I don't like coffee.

Speaker 1 I drink, you know, watermelon fucking, like, watermelon bucked up. And they all have names like that, too.

Speaker 1 When I was a kid, there was something called Ultimate Orange, which ended up getting banned because it had so many fucking weird substances in it. But we were obsessed with it when we were kids.

Speaker 1 We're like, we got to get an 18-year-old to buy us Ultimate Orange. So it's so good.
So it's like it's fucking yak to the gills. Like it seems like you can mix it.

Speaker 1 Like age and orange, it seems like it's like close to that. It's a little close to something that was like famously bad for an entire generation of Americans and I guess Vietnamese too.

Speaker 1 Well, Levi gives it five stars and he goes, not recommended for the weak or new users.

Speaker 1 Love the flavors and the pump it gives me. My body noticeably looks more swole when taking it.
Nothing like that itchy and tingly feeling before a workout.

Speaker 1 Can't beat the pump or the endurance it gives you. Go from just one more rep to let's do five more reps.
So this is like energy drink guys. It has similar stuff to it.

Speaker 1 It's giving them the itch the energy drink is. They love the energy.
It's crazy how much these guys love the like I'm I almost OD'd on caffeine.

Speaker 1 Like that they love they love to be like, this is how you know. Like all the Instagram reels are always like,

Speaker 1 POV, you just drank your pre-workout and are ready to work out. And it's like blurry vision and shit like that.

Speaker 1 So that's very similar to the this is a lot of overlap with the energy drink guys because they're the same thing.

Speaker 1 They seem to want to like get the feelings of like being nervous and anxious and scared. Yeah, like that's not what they're looking for.

Speaker 1 I drink until I see, I drink pre-workout until I see the Hat Man or whatever.

Speaker 1 The jester. The jesters show up.
It's that thing also where like when you're young, when you're very young and you're, I don't know, you'd be watching the new.

Speaker 1 The big example for me is the the pass-out game. Yes.
Back when you were in school, you're watching the news and they're like, some kids died playing the pass-out game.

Speaker 1 And it's like, we got to play the pass-out game.

Speaker 1 The Strides and

Speaker 1 Strides and Strides and Effect or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 We won't die.

Speaker 1 Yeah, pussies. For Loco.
For Loco is like, you know, this stuff is like, what was this? What was the. I love talking about the, Brian used to drink it, the charged lemonade or whatever.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, the charged lemonade.

Speaker 1 Charged

Speaker 1 You know, that was like on the news. You know, a bunch of people went and started.
I got to get like it's when it was killing when it was killing people or whatever.

Speaker 1 But sparks, John, I had a friend that would come over with like five sparks and just drink them when we were taking a lot of pills too. Me and him would just sit around.

Speaker 1 He'd drink like five sparks and take like five Percocets.

Speaker 1 And we would just sit in the apartment and talk all fucking night because I was like all suited up on the Percocets. We'd turn on Fox News and be like, can you believe people?

Speaker 1 Look, people believe this crap. This is crazy.
Like, it was so loud. That's funny that Perkin and Sparkin radicalize you guys with good politics.

Speaker 1 The guys I know who Perkin and Sparken are like, we have to go execute the minorities.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is 2004, right? During that election, Bush versus Kerry. And I'm like, I'm a fucking John Kerry guy.
Let's fucking do this.

Speaker 1 I'm fucking, I'll get my own swift boat. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This guy goes, tastes good, but didn't do much.

Speaker 1 And he gave it four stars, by the way, which is insanely high for the review he's about to give. First off, I would like to say people need to stop complaining about a half-filled container.

Speaker 1 You're buying the product for the number of servings. It doesn't matter how empty or full the container is.
If you get the correct number of servings, that's what you're paying for.

Speaker 1 And if they gave you a full container,

Speaker 1 you would lose powder when you, I love this guy explaining the container, like for the first first paragraph of his research Someone had a negative complaint that were like hey I opened the container.

Speaker 1 It's only half full. Yes, it's the exact amount that's labeled on the label how much is in there.

Speaker 1 They just have now I will say that guy's accidentally making a case for there is ways to use less plastic in this industry for sure. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But at the same time, it's like

Speaker 1 there was a there's that little space in my Poland Spring water bottle in between the cap and the thing. It's like they're they're ripping me off.
I could have an extra sip of water.

Speaker 1 It's like that's a packaging. Yeah, it's a packaging thing across all products, really.
That's like chips and like people have been talking about this forever.

Speaker 1 But you're supposed to leave a little room, too, because you don't want it to explode with pressure.

Speaker 1 That's like going to a restaurant, and when the plate comes out, going, hey, there's so much fucking extra space on this plate. Can you fill it in with steak and potatoes, please?

Speaker 1 It's like, sir, that's not how this fucking works.

Speaker 1 It's Coke, no ice guys are kind of like that. You know what I mean? You go and they're like, I'll have a Coke, no ice.

Speaker 1 And you're like, well, they're like, it comes out cold and you get more Coke if you do it that way. It's like, come on, man.

Speaker 1 I'm rarely drinking soda,

Speaker 1 but I am a no-ice guy because I just don't like when the soda gets watered down a little. I need it like as harsh as possible.

Speaker 1 I'd rather have room temp Dr. Pepper than

Speaker 1 have

Speaker 1 Dr. Pepper over ice.
That's disgusting to me. That actually makes me sick to think of having room temperature pop.
I hate, I really do. I need, I like ice cold beverages, so I love it.

Speaker 1 I prefer it, but I don't want it over ice. Yeah, I want it over ice, and I, and like, so that I can drink it going through the ice, so it's as cold as possible.

Speaker 1 But you're right, it does, you do deal with, you have to drink it fast, or else it's Chris quickly explaining how ice in a drink works.

Speaker 1 I like the ice in my drink, so when I sip it, the ice gets the drink colder.

Speaker 1 You know, if you're listeners, you might want to just clarify. Hey, don't.
Hey, gamers, our listeners are smart, okay? They're very intelligent. They're very intelligent.

Speaker 1 And also, I do want to clarify that because we did have a little, we were talking about marijuana, about how the weed goes through the bong over the ice and how that cools it down.

Speaker 1 And some people disagreed.

Speaker 1 I disagree with it. I don't think it does work.

Speaker 1 That's the intention, but I don't think it actually works. It does not.
Yeah. It does.
It does. And please comment.
It makes it a touch less harsh for people.

Speaker 1 Comment below on, I guess, Spotify lets you comment on episodes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, comment below if ICE. Comment right below.
I was about to say, comment right below.

Speaker 1 We're talking about ICE, and Spotify is putting ice ads on this.

Speaker 1 Antonio gives it one star. What? Antonio? You're a dirty workout.
You look bucked up, Antonio. He goes, no, deer antler, not labeled.
Very disappointed in a product.

Speaker 1 It does not have deer antler in it, which is the main reason that I order the product. It should be clearly labeled when you change the formula.

Speaker 1 my understanding is amazon was not allowing that in order to sell it so they changed the formula that's reasonable but you should let the consumer know i bought it with the assumption that the product has deer antler in it and that's noticeably different oh well i did not i thought he was i was like what an idiot this guy just saw you know antlers on the

Speaker 1 for those of you the packaging has antlers on it and he thought oh there must be antlers

Speaker 1 it's called buck cup but now you're starting to say like oh it's named because it had deer antler in it in green. But it sounds like, unless he's completely crazy, it sounds like.

Speaker 1 No way the guy commenting on the post-workout, on the pre-workout

Speaker 1 reviews page is potentially crazy.

Speaker 1 It sounds like they actually did

Speaker 1 used to have deer antler in this.

Speaker 1 But deer antler can't do anything. It's like, I like deer antler.
It'll help me grow some antlers. That's the kind of thing that you would put into something like this.

Speaker 1 It would get certain guys absolutely fucking jacked up. Like they would, just in their mind, they would be like, holy fuck, like that, that is real fucking strength.
Like, you know, like a deeper.

Speaker 1 They're really strong. I look at a buck and I'm like, that guy is fucking crazy.
And their fucking antlers, man, like they could fucking impale something, dude, man.

Speaker 1 And they're like, you know, like, that's like, that's the type of shit. And it's completely meeting us.
And there would be such a small amount of it. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It would be like this crazy small amount. And you'd be able to get it because they're always getting their racks.
They

Speaker 1 get, you know, they like change them or whatever. So you hit them with your car all the time.
You can take their answer and grind answer.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 When the supplement, when the supplement. Hey, John, sorry,

Speaker 1 we missed the flubs.

Speaker 1 I didn't miss it. But what did he say? Anters?

Speaker 1 Answer, sir.

Speaker 1 Answer. It's not more like answer, I think.
That's not a big deal. But anyway, like,

Speaker 1 while we're on the topic of flubs, Brian texted me this morning to say,

Speaker 1 give me the link to the stream yard, then wrote, well, we'll see you there in 26 minutes. Now, he sent it to me at 8.34 Eastern, so it was actually 26 minutes away.

Speaker 1 But when I looked at it, it was one minute later. And then I watched it go, he edited it down to 25 minutes.
Because 26 is a weird number. But it was right.
Like, it was funny.

Speaker 1 Oh, I know, but you didn't say 26.

Speaker 1 And I was like, did I just get a text flub? I got to relay this to Chris.

Speaker 1 I appreciate that. That's great.
Him editing it. The idea that he's just like, oh, God.

Speaker 1 I don't want Gabris looking at this and thinking 26 minutes. Why did he send 26 minutes?

Speaker 1 I stared at my phone for one more minute to see if he'd bump it down to 24.

Speaker 1 I'm like, is he just sitting there hoping I just give this the thumbs up as he keeps editing the exact time that we were.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's just like, I don't know if Gabris has read it yet, so let's just keep this post updated. I wouldn't want him to come to the stream four minutes late.

Speaker 1 So I went to R slash Equinox gyms.

Speaker 1 Now, Equinox, for people who don't know these chain gyms, Planet Fitness is like kind of famously cheap and not for like real fitness ads because they don't let you use chalk.

Speaker 1 A lot of gyms don't let you use chalk, but like they don't let you grunt. They don't let you like bang weights at Planet Fitness.

Speaker 1 And a lot of people roast Planet Fitness because they have like bagel Fridays and shit and stuff like that. And now, Equinox is like the bougie version of all these gyms.

Speaker 1 It's a Globo gym, like it's a chain, but they usually have like nicer amenities. Like they have to grunt.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure you're allowed to grunt. I got a lot of grunt.
I got it. Five is a little classier there.
I gotta grunt.

Speaker 1 You gotta grunt in the steam room the whole time, right? Yeah, I know. Oh, yeah.
Just to be, yeah. I don't lift weights.
I just go in the steam room and fucking.

Speaker 1 I love that one, the air release one that the guys do sometimes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I get a lot of water on those rocks, and I get it super steamy in that room, so you can't even see me. I'm just in the corner

Speaker 1 in the smoke, and I'm just grunting. I'm just grunting.

Speaker 1 Something like that.

Speaker 1 There's an equinox near me where I live in West Hollywood, which is famously a gay neighborhood. And people would say, like, the Equinox Steam Room is like, might as well be a truck stop.

Speaker 1 Well, I did see a lot about the Equinox Steam Room being like, oh, I was just sitting in there and a guy just kind of started jerking off.

Speaker 1 And that's not ideal. I want to say

Speaker 1 if it's a public place or whatever where some people might not want to be doing it, like, yeah, it's different than like

Speaker 1 a bathhouse or whatever.

Speaker 1 Couldn't they do like every

Speaker 1 two hours there's a half hour where you're allowed to jerk off in a steam room. Yeah, I don't know that Equinox is like getting up.

Speaker 1 You look at your watch and you're like, oh, fuck, I'm actually in here for the crank sesh. But

Speaker 1 it's all I can really do because of my work schedule. So I'll just sit here while these guys do fucking ookie cookie in the steam room.
Yeah, totally.

Speaker 1 You're like, you know, it's literally posted up on the schedule outside, but you're like, yeah, this is the only time I could do it. I need a steam.
It would be every hour and a half.

Speaker 1 And they would call it jerk o'clock. And you could go in there and fucking,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? Anyway, mine are nit, but I'm really sick of ESPN being the only channel that has ever played in the men's locker room. Every single time it's ESPN.

Speaker 1 Does Equinox not think that guys have other interests or that a lot of us don't give a fuck about sports?

Speaker 1 Why not mix it up a little or go with something that's more universal and still bland and uncontroversial?

Speaker 1 Uncontroversial. Sports is controversial.
Very uncontroversial.

Speaker 1 At a gym, it's in the locker room. It's like,

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, buddy. That's like, hey, I went to an axe-throwing place and they had like IPAs on tap.
It's like, yeah, man, that's what happens at these fucking things. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 There are some, like, if you want to go, what, and are you posting? How long are you in the locker room for?

Speaker 1 That's a great question.

Speaker 1 I want to watch a few good men with commercials on AMT or something.

Speaker 1 I want to watch some of my programs while I, you know,

Speaker 1 while I change into my, while I shower. So he goes, it's bad enough that the main gym floor TVs always have Fox News playing.
It's like Equinox has run out of Oklahoma or something.

Speaker 1 Oklahoma catching strains.

Speaker 1 I, I, yeah, the gym, the gym, I mean, listen, that's a, that's a different thing because that's like, that might be a little bit divisive, right?

Speaker 1 Because if you're putting on a political news channel that's like a partisan channel, then it's like that might annoy some of that's that seems like odd to me that they would do something.

Speaker 1 It seems like a lot of them do Fox News, Chris. Like, really? From

Speaker 1 the stuff I read, and like, so, uh,

Speaker 1 wouldn't that annoy, Wouldn't like if people

Speaker 1 go work there like a like a wine mom, liberal wine mom or wouldn't she not want that? What about if a guy like me is working out there? I need it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I hear you, I guess, but like, yeah, just again, it would seem to me like sports would be less divisive than that.

Speaker 1 Well, listen to this one. Women's locker room at NYSC is usually showing the news, which I hate.

Speaker 1 But on one merciful day, it was showing nature documentaries, and I still recall how lovely and Zen it was.

Speaker 1 And then the OP replies and goes that sounds perfect instead I get to watch an ESPN host that spreads lies about teenagers sexual history talk with other adults about games with balls.

Speaker 1 Oh sports. Oh, you're watching your sports ball.

Speaker 1 You're in a gym, man. It's almost sports.
It's basically sports. It's like you're in a gym.
It's definitely athletics. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It's like the sports, it's in the Olympics. A lot of the stuff is in the Olympics.
I don't know, man. It feels like you're in the sports realm, right?

Speaker 1 I feel like this is the wrong complaint about gyms. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I understand there's a lot of things to gym culture that turn people off.

Speaker 1 But I think, like, what's on the TV in the era of everyone has a television in their pocket or a television

Speaker 1 or like unlimited amounts of shit. Like, you could just put...
your headphones on and watch Netflix on your phone on the TV. That's what everyone does.

Speaker 1 They listen to stuff on their headphones, obviously. This is actually one of my big complaints is my current gym plays like club and pop music so loud

Speaker 1 and then I look around the floor and almost everyone is wearing headphones. The only people who aren't are being actively personal trained by someone, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 So it's like that's a thing where you're like, they should be able to hear each other talk.

Speaker 1 I should be able to hear the fantasy audio book unless the wheel of time book 12 I'm listening to while I lift weights. I should be able to hear that without having to pump gaga over everything.

Speaker 1 And it's like, just understand we're all on headphones. Most people are on headphones now.
We could just lower the volume of the music in this gym overall.

Speaker 1 There's like never really at this point at a place like that, I don't think there's ever really any need for that. Like, because everybody that goes to the gym is wearing headphones.

Speaker 1 Nobody like shows up there and is like, I love this weird club mix of a song because like that music, I'm telling you, there's like, I call it either hotel lobby music, where it's like music that nobody's ever heard in their entire life life except in a hotel lobby or at the gym.

Speaker 1 Nobody's ever heard any of these songs in the gym. So yes, I'll tell you this.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's an EDM version of Buffalo Springfields for what it's worth.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What? It's like, fuck.

Speaker 1 I saw a guy yesterday in a lifted truck. Hell yeah.
And he had a red hat on backwards and he was listening to break stuff. Whoa, it might be a good one.
And I went like this. I go like this.

Speaker 1 Thumbs up to the guy. I did a thumbs up to him because, and then I was like, oh no, that red hat could also

Speaker 1 be something else. I thought it was like a red Yankees hat and he was going durst mode, which I do sometimes.
But it also could have been the other kind of red hat that people wear.

Speaker 1 And I fucking thumbs up the guy. I was like, I want to go back and go like this to him.
Hey, if the hat's a MAGA hat, it's a no from me.

Speaker 1 I think we could, you know, you know, based on Ohio lifted truck red hat. Yeah, I I don't think, like, unless it's a Buckeye's hat.

Speaker 1 It could have definitely been a Buckeye's hat, but let me tell you whether or not he was wearing the hat on that particular day.

Speaker 1 That fella in the lifted truck listening to break stuff in Ohio. I don't know.
I mean, I think he's like,

Speaker 1 he might be a time traveler from like 1997. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, well, first of all, Limp Biscuit didn't really get going until 98. Oh,

Speaker 1 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 Watch how we talk about Limp Biscuit on here. Okay? He got makes it all uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 This guy goes, you sound like an HGTV guy. Oh,

Speaker 1 shit. That's almost a slur.
Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 it is. I think that's what he's shooting for.
Yeah, he's looking for it. Yeah,

Speaker 1 looking for the nature documentaries and stuff at the gym. It does seem fucking bizarre.
Like, it's Zen.

Speaker 1 Like, what depends on, like, are you doing a meditation thing or are you fucking you know trying to get yourself extremely big like it seems like i i don't know what's up john what do you think is a perfect type of music if everyone weren't to be on uh like headphones what do you think is the best type of music oh for lifting weights it's hard because the thing is i think if you're doing cardio you kind of want something that's got a high bpm and that can like uh that you can like match a pattern to and keep you hyped but then if you're doing like a one rm squat or you're going for like a heavy set, you kind of want like something heavier, like metal or industrial or something like that.

Speaker 1 Corn. I've always been, yeah, corn works, not for me, but I get it.
Uh,

Speaker 1 writing around the rosy pocket full of bugs. Chris learned about that.
I know, I learned about it watching Chris learn about it at the live show in the coup. Chris was there, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the one song. I wish they didn't, I knew they were going to play it because they play it at every show because it's one one of their big songs.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, you guys should stop playing that song because then Chris hears it and he's like, oh, I'm just going to make fun of that for the rest of my life. Man, I'll tell you,

Speaker 1 that song, the lyrics to it, and the whole idea behind it, that just that it crossed, it goes through my mind so much.

Speaker 1 I'll just be watching something and it'll be like someone will talk about something having darkness or whatever behind it. And I'll just think about him saying how those

Speaker 1 fairy tales or whatever have so much darkness behind them. Like that idea, that song is like become a big part of my brain.
And it's like, it has a big part of my brain.

Speaker 1 This guy goes, I'm sure you can change, and this is good. This is a good question or a good comment because you two have brought it up, right? I'm sure you can get the channel changed if you ask.

Speaker 1 However, these are sports clubs, so the default thought of TV is generally sports.

Speaker 1 OP replies and goes, there are no sports played at my gym. And there are loads of people who work out who aren't into sports.
And it's like, well, there's no sports really in any gym.

Speaker 1 Like, it's not like people go to the gym, there's usually like, usually, not a basketball court or like

Speaker 1 that. Sometimes there is, yeah.
Yeah, that was actually maybe the worst example you could have given.

Speaker 1 There's not like a pool or anything. Sometimes there, yeah, sometimes there is.
A wrestling ring. Now, if there was a wrestling ring in there, I'd go there and do some Irish whips.

Speaker 1 Like a wrestling ring, you mean like a boxing ring? No, a wrestling ring. Yeah.

Speaker 1 An octagon? No.

Speaker 1 The squared circle that they use in professional wrestling.

Speaker 1 You don't have to tell me. Yeah, that's better than when the Orange Man speeches or trade war news.
Oof, definitely a shame. Oh, man.
Oh, man.

Speaker 1 And this is, wait, real quick aside. When I first moved to LA, I started working out at this 24-hour fitness because it was in the same building as the Arc Light movie theater that I loved.

Speaker 1 So I would be like, oh, it's fun. I can go lift and go to the movies.
And it was like, you know, $40 a month or whatever. And it was

Speaker 1 the low cost was a problem because it allowed people who are sort of like half living at the gym to go there, which is, you know, their prerogative, but that's just not the vibe I want.

Speaker 1 You would go into the sauna and there'd be like a guy in jeans, boots, and like a sweatshirt, like shadow boxing with a phone without headphones, playing like a loud fucking like right-wing podcast.

Speaker 1 And you'd be like, this Mexican guy is like blasting this shit, and you'd just be sitting there, like, Yeah, okay, this guy's like swimming in the pool in jean shorts and shit, and you're like, I gotta get out of this gym, but I just didn't for a long time.

Speaker 1 The thing that made me eventually leave the gym is the police killed a guy in the locker room, like he was like threatening people or something, and they tased him, and he had a heart attack and died in the locker room.

Speaker 1 I was like, I think it's time to fucking quit this.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, yeah, I was like, How much could this gym guys closer to my house and way nicer be? Let me just pay with the extra $100 or whatever. Yeah, I have a gym in my building, but...
Whoa. Yeah,

Speaker 1 we have a gym in our building. Barely a gym.
It's got two treadmills, a stair thing, two bikes, a rower, and then one of those machines. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I know I just did a move that you don't do with those machines.

Speaker 1 Just the machines with all the weights on them. You know, you can pull

Speaker 1 strings. You pull strings everywhere and stuff.

Speaker 1 And finally, this guy goes, apparently the world should revolve around op and then op replies and goes currently the world's revolving around the person that sets the channel to one thing always

Speaker 1 so yeah having it revolve around me a little sounds great

Speaker 1 good guy good fun guy uh so uh

Speaker 1 fucking gym nerd like a gym nerd that's

Speaker 1 that person i didn't really yeah i didn't really think about that type of person right i think about them all as being the big like brolic big like hey what the you know but there are the people it's like um do we need to be uh playing the sports ball all day i think it's a oh well oh one of them got the ball in the hole this time great you know like there are like because gym culture exploded uh

Speaker 1 and it's like uh

Speaker 1 like more and more people are in the gym umbrella it's not just for like classic meatheads anymore there are all kinds of like vibes at gyms that i know there are multiple like role-playing game-based gyms where you're like where they talk about like it's gaining strength and you know like and and they like put it under the they gamify it a little bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 and it's like they're like and you're like, oh shit, okay, that is fucking insane. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But because it's like a bigger tent now, people are doing weirder and weirder shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel like, I feel like I never thought of the people who are just kind of like policing everything that's happening around the gym. I guess those people people are probably like the most

Speaker 1 annoying kind of people. Now we're doing, we're doing a guys,

Speaker 1 so I have to do this one. Gym bathrooms are wild.

Speaker 1 I've been going to the gym for several years, and no matter what gym, I end up, there's always a shitload of dudes who do the gnarliest stuff in the bathrooms.

Speaker 1 I see dudes using the urinal stall while completely barefoot.

Speaker 1 I don't know if people know, but there's piss under all the urinals and toilets.

Speaker 1 I'll be in a stall and some dude comes into the stall next to me, shits, and then immediately pulls up his pants and leaves. By the way, you're watching a guy crap.
I mean,

Speaker 1 you got to stop doing that. He goes, I've always thought these kinds of things are crackhead activities, but almost daily I see wild stuff like I said above happen.

Speaker 1 Am I weird for thinking these are degenerate behaviors?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, if listen. If someone's not wiping their ass, that's absolutely degenerate behavior.
That's one of the big things in our society, I think, is you gotta be, you have to wipe your ass.

Speaker 1 I mean, just the idea that you could walk around anywhere and not,

Speaker 1 right? Like, if you don't wipe your ass and you got shit all over your ass, you stink so bad, right? Yeah, and it itches.

Speaker 1 I think it itches, too, because even when you leave a little bit of turd on your butt and you walk around all day and it starts chafing and itching, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I understand the impulse where you're like, I've wiped like 40 times. Maybe I just get up and go now and just fucking throw these underwear out or whatever.
I get it.

Speaker 1 I hate wiping.

Speaker 1 But at the same time, I can't stand wiping it's the hardest part of it's like so frustrating you guys ever thought of going bidet i did for a while yeah and it was great i got to get back into it yeah bidet is the way i feel like for that it's like makes you feel the most clean obviously and it's like less

Speaker 1 It's less horrible to do at the end. But Brian, sorry, you're walking around with shit on your ass.
I love having shit all over my ass.

Speaker 1 This guy goes, an older friend of mine got back from a hunting trip abroad, can't remember where, and he's complaining about the bidets.

Speaker 1 He says that he's never touched his butthole and doesn't intend to start. What is it with people openly not washing properly? I'd say around 50% of guys don't wash their hands in public toilets also.

Speaker 1 Not to mention at least once on every construction site. I'm on every construction site I'm on.
Some guy shits in the urinal of a port-a-potty and we have a safety meeting about it. Ridiculous.

Speaker 1 That's a prank.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's a college prank. That's a classic college prank.

Speaker 1 This is not, that is not, the guy crapping in the urinal is not making a mistake.

Speaker 1 Where do I put my shit when I go in there?

Speaker 1 Which one of these things do I crap in? It's confusing in this place. I remember the first time I went into a port-a-potty and it had a urinal.
Like, previously, I hadn't seen that for years.

Speaker 1 And it's like a huge advantage to not have to look into that pit of shit and blue water and piles of toilet paper and piss into it.

Speaker 1 Like, it's such a treat to just piss down like a little fucking tube. Like, it's such a treat is a crazy thing to say.
It's so foul.

Speaker 1 There were some porta potties downtown for a while during the pandemic, and I would sometimes stop to pee in. I'm not sure.

Speaker 1 I'd stop to pee in them. I use the urnal, but like, they never maintenance, did maintenance on me.
They were right by the biggest bus stop in the city, like the most busy bus stop in the city.

Speaker 1 And, like, I went in one time, and the turds were up up over the thing. You know what I mean? With the toilet paper.
That's horrifying. That's hardcore, man.
That is like as nasty as it can be.

Speaker 1 When the turds break ground and they like come up out of the, like, you know, when you can keep from ground level.

Speaker 1 But then I start thinking about the last guy.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Who shouldn't? Fuck it.
I got to stand on the seat and just let this drop on the body. He's like, he's booing.
He's booing and he's like, he's sitting up as

Speaker 1 he's rising. He's rising

Speaker 1 like his Stan

Speaker 1 Randy Marsh or whatever. Like the colon blow SNL commercial.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 the idea that he's just, but he's like sort of pushing himself just to keep his ass away from the shit file. That's so fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 I worked construction one summer and there was a port and I have like

Speaker 1 if I wake up super early, my entire day is dealing with my stomach is not right. So construction famously starts early.
I'd get to the site, have a cough, and have to shit.

Speaker 1 And I'd have to go and take a shit. So I took a shit in a port-a-potty like every day this one hot summer in Brooklyn.
And I fucking hated it. And I talked to my buddy who was running the site.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I can't stand going in these port-a-potties. He's like, honestly, you get used to it.
He was telling me this story when he used to work construction.

Speaker 1 Everyone would get so adjusted to the port-a-potty was not a big deal. But then a fucking guy who would like clean the port-a-potties, who would come with like the hose to like get the shit out.

Speaker 1 Like, and he said these guys would be holding a hose that's like spraying shit into like a truck, and they'd be like eating a sandwich in the other hand.

Speaker 1 Like, they were so far, like, they were so shit, did not phase them in a way where they'd be like holding, like, with gloves on, eating a sandwich and spraying shit out of a hose.

Speaker 1 It's like, that's, that's, you know, built different, as they say. Getting desensitized to a hose full of crap is one of the, is just a crazy thing that like

Speaker 1 talk to I'm talking to two parents here.

Speaker 1 Shit used to really gross me out and then I had a dog and now I'm like I'm picking it up like every and I live in the city so I lived in the city when I had the dog so I had to pick it up pick up my shit like three times a day.

Speaker 1 I'm holding hot shit inside a plastic bag and I'm like this I got adjusted to it fast.

Speaker 1 But I imagine as parents you're like if shit grosses you out you're kind of in a bad space because you're not a bad person.

Speaker 1 I mean Brian doesn't remember he doesn't remember he's not really a parent in that same sort of way he's like like an older parent kind of with an older kid but yeah i definitely gasoline induced amnesia i i definitely do i mean i i deal with shit all the time still obviously

Speaker 1 you do you do have to get you so i also have a big dog as well gabra so i find the same thing i'm like dealing with shit in a bag in the morning then going home changing a diaper a bunch of shit and it was funny how gross shit was for a while and then smash cut to me after like three months of having a dog, I have my iced coffee and dog shit bag in the same hand.

Speaker 1 I think baby and dog shit is totally different.

Speaker 1 The parenting thing that

Speaker 1 is when the shits become like regular person shits, and if they're not potty trained, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And even if they're potty trained, sometimes they're just going to fuck up and take a crap in their pants. And

Speaker 1 once it starts to feel like, oh,

Speaker 1 this is the same kind of poop an adult has, it's when you're like, I don't like this. You're going to have to learn, you know?

Speaker 1 My nephew has some light anxiety around pooping and he like holds it in for too long. But every like once a month, I get a picture from my brother of like the dog, of my nephew's shit.

Speaker 1 And it's like a foot and a half long. Yeah.
He's like nine. So it's fucking crazy to see.

Speaker 1 It's powerful. He's going to be really powerful.
I believe.

Speaker 1 He's going to be a powerful man.

Speaker 1 uh this guy's worked at a gym for about a year and the men's locker room is really where you go to get to witness the worst of people one agreed the one thing in any location you know what i mean like i do the men's locker room is the scariest place you can go no matter what the one thing that bothered me was the most was seeing massive shits in the toilet with no toilet paper now i know someone's walking around the gym with a shitty ass and sitting on all the equipment it's hard to believe that people are mature enough to go to the gym and work out, okay, but not mature enough to flush the toilet or even wipe after taking a shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's weird. They don't, they're not flushing the toilet either.
So you're seeing the shit in there. And like these people are doing...

Speaker 1 So there's no sort of confirmation that people aren't wiping at asses. There's sort of like

Speaker 1 some detectives that are on the case and they feel like maybe people in the gym aren't wiping their ass. I just, I find it hard to believe.

Speaker 1 I just don't know how you could, like, you know, if you're a person who's like, you know, participating in society or whatever, that I don't think you can do that with a dirty ass.

Speaker 1 I think people will, like, ask you to leave places.

Speaker 1 You know, like, I just don't. I don't think that's true at all.
You are an

Speaker 1 unusually comfortable with confrontation person.

Speaker 1 Whereas most people, if you're sitting on a bus and a guy gets on a bus and he's got shit all over his ass, most people are like, damn, I have to see him with the shit smell. Or even in anywhere.

Speaker 1 But it's different. It's different on a bus.
Like I said, I mean, you do definitely definitely deal with that. Someone who's like an unhoused person or something,

Speaker 1 I'm even talking about that. I'm talking like someone with a shitty ass at another place.

Speaker 1 I just mean you're going out with, like, if you have like a friend, you're going out with your friends or whatever.

Speaker 1 You're going to meet your, like, you know, your somebody for dinner and you have shit in your ass and you smell of shit.

Speaker 1 Are they not going to say, is the person in your life not going to say you would not say if you like went and met your brother, for example, for dinner and he had very clearly shit in his pants, and he smelled of shit in the restaurant.

Speaker 1 You would just not say anything. I wouldn't know.

Speaker 1 I don't think I would. I don't like confrontation.
I'd be like, you know what? Once I'm done, I'm not going to have to smell his shit anymore. He can go home and clean up.

Speaker 1 Gabris, if you went and hung out with one of your friends and they had shit them or they had shit all over their ass and you could smell it, would you say, like, hey, man, it smells like maybe you didn't wipe it?

Speaker 1 You got to,

Speaker 1 I think I'm probably in between the two of you, and I'd be like, like, did you fart? Yeah. And

Speaker 1 they're like, no, I didn't. I'm like, well, you kind of smell like shit.
Yeah. That's all I would do, too.
I wouldn't be like crazy confrontational.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You shit your pants.

Speaker 1 Wipe your ass, you fucking

Speaker 1 rub their face in the fucking dark. Like a doncha, yeah, like a horrible dog odor.
Yeah, yeah. No, I am the same way.

Speaker 1 I think I would just, I'm not going to sit there and smell shit for the whole dinner.

Speaker 1 I think I'll mention it.

Speaker 1 I think you'd be pretty surprised at what I'm willing to put up with so that I don't have to talk to somebody about something that makes me uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 How much would they have to smell of shit for you to mention it?

Speaker 1 I guess, like, if so, the wiping thing I think is a different smell than like just having a full turd in your butt. You know what I mean? When you're wiping it,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is this conversation?

Speaker 1 It's guys, a podcast about guys.

Speaker 1 We're talking Jim Guys. Now we're on an extended etiquette conversation, like writing into the weirdest magazine.
Dear Abby, my friend's ass reeks of shit.

Speaker 1 How do I broach the subject when we're out to dinner? Say hypothetically it's my brother and he's got visible shit in his little white umbies.

Speaker 1 Like, it's like, so we are actually having this conversation.

Speaker 1 I guess it depends on the level of friend, too. If it's like, you know,

Speaker 1 you might want to just get out of it without ever interacting about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 If it's like you're going, if you're going out to like, yeah, meeting a friend you haven't seen in five years or whatever, and you show up and they've clearly shipped their pants and they're like,

Speaker 1 I'll never hang out with this guy again. Yeah, you're like, hey, I'm just going to like, I'm going to grab it.
Oh, I just got to call. My wife is fucking.
And then you just bail on that.

Speaker 1 I would have some issues, too, because because of the way I look, when someone else farts, like someone I'm friends with farts or smells bad, I get assumed it's me because I'm like the big, bearded, bearded, sloppy guy, and I almost famously smell good.

Speaker 1 Like, I actively pursue being clean. Both of you guys, both of you guys look like you could stink.
Yes. And people say, well, you know, but and both of you smell very good.
And I, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a, it's a reaction to that. Like, while you'll, you'll be somewhere and your friend will fart and you'll get mad.
You're like, everyone thinks it's me. Yeah.
Like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I'm in a tank top.

Speaker 1 I had, I've talked about it before. I had the, the, the, there's a thing that happened in ninth grade that was just like, I will, I let a girl borrow my coat

Speaker 1 and she went to class with my coat. And then people were like, oh, she,

Speaker 1 your coat smelled so bad that we had to put it outside of the room. And she brought it to me and handed it to me.
This is a fruitful story.

Speaker 1 I like to laugh at Brian's hijinks from when he was younger and stuff, but this, this story breaks my heart. This story is still.

Speaker 1 The stories that brian when brian tells stories from his youth you can laugh when he's the asshole yeah you know like that's when it's fun where you're like oh yeah you're making the bad choice here but the second it's just like

Speaker 1 a fucking uh pearl jam jeremy moment yeah totally like

Speaker 1 everyone remembers those moments where you just like everyone no matter where you stood in high school you had those moments where you're like were felt where you felt so embarrassed in front of everyone.

Speaker 1 And it's just

Speaker 1 burned into my head. Fourth grade, Mr.
Garuba's social studies class. Every crazy name, he ate popcorn like a lizard.
It was very weird to watch.

Speaker 1 He was talking about how in ancient times, people's last names would be based on their profession.

Speaker 1 And we had in the class someone with the last name Baker, someone with the last name King, someone with the last name Hunter.

Speaker 1 And then I remember specifically a bully of mine, a woman, I guess a girl, a fourth grade girl who bullied me all the time.

Speaker 1 Shout out Jade, who made me the most powerful person I am today. She goes, Then what about Gabris? What was his family like? Were they gay? And it fucking crushed me in fourth grade.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I never really unpacked that my name had the word gay in it. Now I'm like, oh no, is my family lineage gay? Like, all of a sudden, I'm like, I have no idea.

Speaker 1 And I'm just like, this fucking broke me. I like can't deal with it.
And I snapped and like ran out of class, like crying. And then that made things, of course, way worse.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I was already, this was when I went to like a school where like only a handful of white people went.

Speaker 1 So I was already, I was just being bullied for being white, which was like tolerable because it was like, I can handle

Speaker 1 that too. It's like, it's completely reasonable.
Yeah. And the power dynamic, in hindsight, it's like the power dynamic is correct.
But that's also something.

Speaker 1 And now I stood out, though, as now it was just not one of the seven white kids who gets bullied. Now I'm gay briss.
and that stuck with me for my fucking life and it broke me it

Speaker 1 i moved schools and when i went to a more white school eventually i moved towns and i went to a more but it was more jewish heavy and they knew what a briss was so it opened up a whole new level of roasting where i'm like finally i'm out i'm not and then like so you you are looking to move schools to get the joke over with instead you actually turned it into a bit of a riff i think we were moved yeah i don't think my parents would say we moved schools schools to prevent my son from being bullied.

Speaker 1 I think it was because my mom got a full-time job. Like she went back to college and became a nurse.
And we were like, we class jumped from like whatever class to lower middle.

Speaker 1 We made it all the way up to lower middle or whatever. And we're, and we were kings of a tiny kingdom.
But I,

Speaker 1 I'm sure I've talked about this on a podcast, maybe not, guys, but in

Speaker 1 junior high and high school, the football coach who was also my history teacher called me Gay Boy.

Speaker 1 um for real that was my nickname was gay boy from a teacher and coach i played football for all four years of high school um

Speaker 1 my gym teach my gym teacher who was the weightlifting coach called me grabass

Speaker 1 and then the dean of admissions who was also the head of athletics of the school called me garbage those are the those are my three nicknames from grown-ups that that it it it it it it blew my mind people like uh i remember on the dit the in the discord they were saying

Speaker 1 i couldn't couldn't believe how mean, how openly, like, rude the teachers were, Brian's teachers. And, like, I don't think I really had that.

Speaker 1 Maybe we had a couple of kind of, but I don't, I don't think it was like that for me where, like, they would never, the idea of a teacher calling a student gay boy.

Speaker 1 They announced me at the fucking pep rally for the football team when I was a senior. And it's like, they said, John, gay boy Gabris.
It's like, I'm going to fucking.

Speaker 1 And my joke that I say is like, if I wasn't afraid of guns, I'd be a school shooter. So instead I just became a comedian.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That is, that is like, that idea of it is wild. I mean, that was, that was that thing like I had said

Speaker 1 that,

Speaker 1 listen, I feel like this is how I think about it is like, if you were dealing with me when I was 15, 16 years old, and you're a teacher, and you can't, I mean, they can't hit you.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean so like they can't really yell at you in any real way so they kind of would sneaky bully you

Speaker 1 know because I just remember I had that teacher Mr.

Speaker 1 Schwendeman man and he'd be like there was a prison riot at a place called Lucasville Prison in Ohio it was like kind of a famous prison riot in like the early 90s and he would just every day he's like ah you're gonna be in Lucasville you're definitely gonna be in prison someday And then it was like, okay, then we got our yearbooks and we were like having people sign it.

Speaker 1 I was like, you want to sign my yearbook, Mr. Schwinman? And he fucking drew bars over my picture.
And he wrote his name under it.

Speaker 1 But it's like, dude, he was like, it has to feel helpless.

Speaker 1 I've said this before. I used to volunteer when my daughter wasn't.
I volunteered for like her kindergarten, first, second, grade year. Then in third grade, I volunteered one day.

Speaker 1 And I realized third grade is about when they turn into bad kids. When the bad kids discussed,

Speaker 1 that's what they are, though.

Speaker 1 Not all of them. I'm not saying that's when they start acting up.
Yeah, that's when they start an aversion to that.

Speaker 1 If we're going to talk about childhood stuff, I think that's a really bad thing to say about kids. To call a kid a bad kid is

Speaker 1 where you think me and Brian got that idea from.

Speaker 1 It's a different thing, though. We went to American public schools.

Speaker 1 It's a thing that people self-identify as, I guess, is what I would say.

Speaker 1 Like I did. I was like, I'm a fucking bad kid.
Everything I do is bad. Yeah, they, well, that's bad, though.

Speaker 1 Anyways, we

Speaker 1 should go to the bottom. Anyway, this guy goes worst.

Speaker 1 There are people right now, by the way. I want to apologize to the listeners who get really mad when we don't do enough covering of the topic.
Who are like, oh, gym, guys, this is going to be.

Speaker 1 So I just want to. Join the Patreon.

Speaker 1 This guy goes, worst thing I found was while getting dressed in a nice hotel's gym, I put socks on and stood up and felt a pain in my foot a thick nail clipping in my sock

Speaker 1 penetrated by a nail clipping

Speaker 1 just in his socks

Speaker 1 it's his fault right true fair that is true but still yeah wait was it it was it inside his or did he step no no no he stepped on it on the ground and it was on the ground his foot on the ground through the sock so this was someone else's jagged nail clipping Fucking penetrated him and cut him open.

Speaker 1 That is horrible. When you step on a real nail, you need a tetanus shot.
When you step on a toenail, you need a fucking shot to the

Speaker 1 brain.

Speaker 1 You need someone to fucking put a gun in your head. You need a circular saw at the very least.
Yeah, you got to go full zombie movie and just chop it off.

Speaker 1 I always say that nail clippings aren't that gross, but whatever. He goes, which is weird in itself to be done in a gym.

Speaker 1 I always say. I do.
I always say. I've told people for

Speaker 1 $5,000, I'll do it. It used to be $200.
Can you say that? It used to be $200 like this. It makes people think you're struggling and you're in God.

Speaker 1 I'm fine. But for $5,000, if you baked a cake and you put like four toenails in it, I would eat the cake.

Speaker 1 I'll do it for $4,000.

Speaker 1 Five.

Speaker 1 I'm not going below five. Five is a difference maker for me.
But it wouldn't bother me either way. It's like a hair in your face.
It would be harder to eat a whole cake than it would.

Speaker 1 I'd rather just eat four toenail cracks.

Speaker 1 Man, my stomach hurts. From the toenails? No, I haven't eaten a whole cake in a long time.

Speaker 1 Do the other one that I saw that was very common. There's two, I'll just go to two more things that I found very common.
People do, apparently,

Speaker 1 regularly enough that it comes up, shave their balls in the sink.

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 1 And another thing is,

Speaker 1 now this was interesting.

Speaker 1 If If there was ever a confrontation,

Speaker 1 if the original post was about a confrontation

Speaker 1 and people were helping you out and they're saying like, you know, some of them were like, I'll fucking, you know, tell him to go outside. And then some of them were like, just ignore them.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, there would be all these normal things.

Speaker 1 And then there would always be like

Speaker 1 half of the responses. It's like, well, go stand over there where he's working out and just cut a fucking nasty fart.

Speaker 1 And that I found to be the fact that it's so common because of the protein powder and stuff like that. Yeah,

Speaker 1 they've all got them in the chamber ready to go. The nastiest ones you can imagine.

Speaker 1 And they're on like the most synthetic pre-workout drinks, too. That are like, it's got deer antler velvet in it.

Speaker 1 By the way, I quickly looked up deer antler, and the form that is used as a supplement is called deer antler velvet. And that really sounds insane.

Speaker 1 It's like the the stuff on the outside.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, finally, there's one last gym thing we got to cover, and that is from Quora. And it goes, how does, how long, and this is a huge gym thing.
All gym guys will identify with this.

Speaker 1 Even me, who went to a gym for a year. How long does it take to cancel a Planet Fitness membership? Well, this is a famous thing from like popular culture, even, right?

Speaker 1 Where it's like, even if you don't go to the gym, you know that gyms are hard to cancel, hard to get out. It's like a joke joke thing now, even.

Speaker 1 It drove this man crazy. He's a former probation officer.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 He goes,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 you know, I went into all caps, the club where I signed up.

Speaker 1 And then in all caps, went in person so I could sign for cancellation. I'd been going close to two years, black card.
I think that means you can go to anyone, right?

Speaker 1 He goes, when I signed up, I also signed and allowed to take monthly dues straight from my checking account on the 17th of each month.

Speaker 1 I'd been a member for over a year, so there was no cancellation fee. Anyway, I went in person to cancel on December 9th, 2022.
One worker said, Wait, when's the post from? A year ago.

Speaker 1 So right about, like, he's writing it right about that time.

Speaker 1 Because anyway, I went in person to cancel on December 9th. One worker said, you can still come in the rest of December.
Another worker said, nope, tomorrow's the 10th, our cutoff date.

Speaker 1 Super confusing. But ask for a printout showing I'm canceled.
They said the printer was not working.

Speaker 1 That's classic.

Speaker 1 These gym guys are really doing some slapstick comedy styles, JDR, where they're just like, you know, they're pretending to walk downstairs, like behind a window and shit like that. Just doing,

Speaker 1 yeah. He goes, big business and the printer's not working.
They did say, so printers don't work anywhere. They did say I would receive an email.
I did receive an email that stated pending cancel.

Speaker 1 Request date December 17th, 2022. And this was December 9th.
I was expecting to see canceled December 9th. This was even more confusing.
My smartphone still had the app on it, which

Speaker 1 that is really confusing.

Speaker 1 The app doesn't automatically delete. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When you go to Quinn Person, they go, give me your phone, and they delete the app.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 My first thought was that they're trying to trick the customer to sign in which would blow away the cancellation

Speaker 1 he's not might not be wrong might not be wrong he goes i've been dealing with businesses a long time and not to and that's such a cool that's such a badass line i've been dealing with businesses for a long time like everybody

Speaker 1 every single person has been dealing with businesses for a long time i've been dealing with businesses for a very long time that's so funny to me pending cancel is not the same as cancel is there a difference in dead and pending dead

Speaker 1 i did go back yeah but that's like a whole different philosophical question i did go back in and talk with a female desk person at first she tried to stop me from talking so she could talk i explained the cancellation and the facility

Speaker 1 First she tried to stop me from talking so she could talk. So this guy would not shut up.
I know.

Speaker 1 That's fucking crazy to come with that. Like this guy,

Speaker 1 she would not let me talk.

Speaker 1 I would not let her. He's just copying the saying.
Like, she eventually was like, sir, you need to let me talk about it. Can I just, sorry, sir?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, yeah, no, and I'm just, yeah, and I was gonna, and I, no, and I will cover that. Yeah, no, sorry, if you could just please, like, yeah, she was just like,

Speaker 1 just, sir, please, you know, and then finally,

Speaker 1 she has the answer, and she's trying to express the answer.

Speaker 1 He's just like, he's just like, and these companies are like, you know, as far as ever since, you know, everything changed when it, you know, like, he's got all these, he's just rambling, full ramble.

Speaker 1 I explained that the cancellation and the facility calling it pending cancel. She kept saying it was the same thing as cancel.
I said, for me, it was not the same thing.

Speaker 1 I asked for a printout showing I was canceled, and she said the printer was not working.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, you know that. The same printer's not working.
You know that, man. You think they got a printer guy in and fixed it already? Give me a break.

Speaker 1 She also said I could still work out until January 2023. But when another person was looking at the computer, she changed it and said, last Last day is December 10th.

Speaker 1 It feels like he goes, it wasn't until December 23rd, 2022, that my phone app no longer allowed me to sign in or check in.

Speaker 1 I checked my bank account all the time to see if they withdraw after pending cancel. Yeah, brother.

Speaker 1 They went Brian mode on the bank account,

Speaker 1 just a constant checking of the bank account. Not anymore, by the way.
But yeah, that's

Speaker 1 a function of comfort.

Speaker 1 And now he's got a few PSs.

Speaker 1 I just don't trust Planet Fitness. I don't trust their desk manager business card when no one has seen that manager in person.

Speaker 1 Whoa, whoa, does this guy even exist? He goes, I don't trust that no one working there knows corporate office phone number.

Speaker 1 Number two. I don't trust this.

Speaker 1 That is funny. In closing, here are the things I don't trust about Planet Fitness.
It's like, brother, we have stopped reading this. Only a fucking podcast host is this deep into your fucking post.

Speaker 1 He goes, goes, I don't trust their printers not working.

Speaker 1 I don't trust. Does it really say that? Yeah, it does.

Speaker 1 So they think that they're like, they're going, they're, they're pretending like the printer's working fine and that this is like part of the yeah, they're like, oh, the printer's broken.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, you're going to have to come back in another time if you want a printout.

Speaker 1 But they don't like, what does he need a printout for?

Speaker 1 Like, that's such a funny layer of like, so you can hold a piece of paper in front of like the 19-year-old who works the counter like, I fucking, December 9th yeah it could be an older person maybe because i do 100

Speaker 1 an older person an older person does love to have something printed out like you know like they're like well it doesn't

Speaker 1 meaningless meaningless on the computer on the phone or whatever i need a fucking printed out copy of i never feel older when i like to read off printed things and then even now wanting to wait until I'm at my laptop or desktop to respond or do something, I'm like, oh, I'll hit it later when I'm at my computer.

Speaker 1 And everyone's like, aren't you on your phone right now? I'm like, yeah, but I hate using it for stuff like this. And they're like, you're so old.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, God, using a fucking high-powered laptop is old. Like, tech is moving at a rate where I am ready to fucking die.

Speaker 1 It's honestly old to sit at your computer at any point during the day that you're not talking into a microphone. It's the only time you should be at your computer.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like the oldest, the oldest, most elderly thing you can do is surf the web on a desktop.

Speaker 1 I know, and that's like my favorite pastime. Yeah, going on your website.

Speaker 1 It's so much easier for me to type on a keyboard than it is on my phone. And like, people just that makes that makes me sound like

Speaker 1 I prefer cursive. You know, like it's like it's the modern version of like, I, I speak old English.
People are just like, what the fuck is wrong with you, you asshole?

Speaker 1 I drink out of a freaking water hose. Oh, dude.

Speaker 1 I used to be able to just ride my bike with my friends, and my parents never even knew where I was.

Speaker 1 We used to just ride our bikes, drink from a fire hose, play tag, and fucking yell slurs. Drink from a fire hose.
Fire hose.

Speaker 1 Our parents didn't care. We drank out of a fire hose.
Back in the day, you used to be able to drink out of a fire hose, dude. Well, now if you do it, I'll blow your fucking head off.

Speaker 1 All right, so that

Speaker 1 guy's cancel ends with, if you cancel, do it before the 10th, because that's their cutoff date.

Speaker 1 Once you go into cancel, do not, do not check into your account for any reason after the 10th, unless you want your account to stay open.

Speaker 1 I think the 10th is your cancel date, sir. I don't think

Speaker 1 I don't think it's across all accounts. Leave this guy alone.

Speaker 1 How busy that day would be at the gym. How busy that day would be at December 10th when everybody's thing renewed.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 I love Brian. Go give this guy a break.
Go easy on him. You picked it.
You read it to us on your podcast about guys.

Speaker 1 And now you're like, hey, I think

Speaker 1 you're trying to float one of your own posts as

Speaker 1 you're throwing it out to us. I'm like, yeah, isn't this guy? This guy's actually kind of right, right? I'm waiting for that to happen where Brian just like reads a podcast or whatever.

Speaker 1 We're going to go now. But I will say this: I got an email yesterday that said, Your review has 100 views on it now.

Speaker 1 Which review? What review?

Speaker 1 I looked and apparently I reviewed an urgent care center and said that I thought the doctor was so great that I wish he was my primary care physician.

Speaker 1 Dude, I got an email like that too because I got my watch repaired somewhere and the lady asked me to do a Google review in front of me and she's like, I'll knock the tax off.

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh, that'll save me like 15 bucks. Let me do it right now.
And now it's the only review on my Google account.

Speaker 1 And people constantly message me like, hey, did did you review a watch thing? And I'm like, Why? Because it's got like your picture in it, too, because it's a Google review.

Speaker 1 And now it's like a picture, and like, now it's like I'm vouching for like a random watch repair lady. He's like in this like building in LA.
And I'm like, I seem fucking crazy. Me too.

Speaker 1 Like, anytime I see a review, I'm like, What do you mean that's your favorite doctor you've ever had? And you wish he was your primary. Like, I don't remember that doctor at all.

Speaker 1 Like, this was a 2023 when whatever happened.

Speaker 1 He probably told you you can keep eating candy.

Speaker 1 He told me sweet tart ropes are perfectly fine. He sends some shit like that to you and you're like, this guy is the man.
Better review this guy, ASAP. He loves candy like me.
Well, that is

Speaker 1 the gym guys episode, and it's fun to have Gabris on every fucking possible chance we can. Oh, dude, I fucking love coming on here even more than you love having me.
Trust me.

Speaker 1 This is like my favorite shit. I love to do it.
I love the pod. I'm happy to always chop it up with you, too.
I'm happy to just listen to you talk to other freaks about this stuff.

Speaker 1 So, of course, I'm into being on it. So thank you.
It is fun. And you

Speaker 1 tell people where to find you as if they wouldn't fucking know. I love it when guys do that.
As if they wouldn't. As if they don't already know.
I know.

Speaker 1 Well, because you do feel weird, like when you have like, like having Scott Ockerman on your podcast, you're like, and would you like to plug Comedy Bang Bang where I got my start?

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like,

Speaker 1 it makes no sense. But I got a podcast called Action Boys.
It's a Patreon podcast, but we also have free episodes at free.actionboys.biz. Listen, get hooked, etc.

Speaker 1 And then also, I have 30 episodes of the Gino Lombardo show that I compiled all on a full three-season arc that I compiled on a collectible fake cassette tape with a USB drive in it.

Speaker 1 And you could buy that at geno.gabris.com.

Speaker 1 It's so cool. You gotta order that.

Speaker 1 He brought us, and it's the fucking coolest thing.

Speaker 1 I was like, we want to do one now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Brian, as soon as he saw it, he's just like, yeah, we got to do this. This is such a like, we'll do like cassette guys or something like that.

Speaker 1 I'm so obsessed with jerky boys, it all stems from that. Like, I even mocked, I even, like, the artist hired a like a Long Island graphic designer to make it for me.

Speaker 1 And the design we came up with was like, I want it to be like the Jerky Boys cover and it is like a mock like a knockoff of that because i was so i can only imagine chris based on your uh pre-guy's career as a legendary prankster might have been a jerky boys oh huge jerky boys fancy huge jerky boys surprisingly no one no i called sal and richard sal and richard and the jerky boys were my that's who i loved doing the pranks i uh yeah action boys is great we're actually i i think we're also we're gonna have your co-host from action boys on the pod we're just talking Yeah, he's coming on as well.

Speaker 1 So, anyways, yeah, check out Gabris and everything that he does. And you guys already love him.

Speaker 1 And yeah, Gene, I mean, Gino Lombardo for, it's from Comedy Bang Bang for those.

Speaker 1 It's the best thing. If you like Shocktober, it's a good thing.

Speaker 1 It's really a Shocktober adjacent fucking thing for sure. It really is.

Speaker 1 Also, I,

Speaker 1 Brian, we'll plan this off, but based on today's conversation, I think I'm going to come to town for the Arnold Classic. So

Speaker 1 we should do a live show or we should record a pod IRL or something like that.

Speaker 1 But we got to go to the Brian loves the Arnold Classic. It's my favorite all the time.
When it comes to town, it's all he's talking about the whole time.

Speaker 1 The bathrooms are just fantastic. The action boys are trying to maybe set up a live show for around the Arnold Classic, and we could do like an Arnold movie.

Speaker 1 And you should come on as a guest if we end up doing the live show. 1,000%.

Speaker 1 We will see you all next week. Goodbye.
Bye. Bye.