Episode 306: Dr. Christian Gonzalez: Doctors Advice on Why You Can’t Heal Your Body without Healing Your Mind

Hi, guys, it's Tony Robbins.

You're listening to Habits and Hustle, Greg.

Okay, you guys, this is going to be a very informative, interesting podcast.

I know already because we have one of my favorite guests who's been on, Dr.

I call you Dr.

G.

That's your name also on Instagram, right?

Yeah, yeah.

But his name is Christian Gonzalez.

He really is one of the most informative, well-read, knowledgeable people out there.

And I've had a lot of people on this podcast.

So that's a big compliment.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

And he does something, you know, it's funny.

I reached out to you.

I'm just going to say, I reached out to you again because I, like I said, I really like you to come back on.

And what I did, I didn't even know.

what you were really doing anymore.

Like I thought you were, that's not true.

I thought you were doing the same things you were doing,

which was you, he has a podcast called Heal Thyself.

And you talk a lot about like just like basically like ways to heal heal thyself, right?

But then you started this new thing.

What's it called?

It's called

emotional healing, emotional release.

But there's a company called EMS Health Elm.

Elm Health.

Yeah, Elm Health.

So did you go from you're a doctor, right?

What would you call it?

You're a functional doctor, a naturopathic, naturopathic, naturopathic doctor.

That's the, I need the link, the lingo.

You do, you do.

I need the lingo.

Like, and are you, you spoke a lot about like different, you know, home toxins, how you can kind of get better.

Your specialty was breast cancer, right?

And are you not speaking about that stuff as much anymore?

And you, did you completely, like you went from being a doctor to like a healer?

That's exactly the way I see it.

Okay.

So the doctor version of me coming out of school was hyper-focused on cancer.

And that was, I was very purposeful because my mom died of breast cancer when I was in school.

Right.

So that was my purpose in coming into this healing.

And this may be interesting.

When I first started seeing patients who had breast cancer, I had a young girl come in and she was younger than me.

And I remember I was inspired on my whiteboard right by my desk to draw a big pie graph.

What do I know that causes cancer?

And I started putting in chunks, like pieces of the pie.

We know through evidence like this.

Then what do I see in her labs?

What am I seeing as far as toxic load?

Because she was a hairdresser and she had tattoos from her neck to her toe.

So, okay, I started thinking about heavy metals.

What's in her body?

That's another piece of the pie.

And the emotional part I didn't really know enough about at the time, but I go, these two no one's talking about.

I decided to go to Toxin's route because there was a lot of evidence there.

So I can communicate that in ways that in my white coat, people will be like, oh, he knows what he's talking about.

Right.

Instead of going down the emotional route, which is a little more abstract, you can't necessarily quantify an emotion.

So That was my journey.

So four years into it or four years later, I meet you and I'm on your podcast because I started learning a lot about, all right, what is the implication of heavy metals?

What is the implication of toxins that we're exposed to at home, at work, and how are they affecting our hormones, our brain, our nerve.

And that sort of culminated into this like, okay, I'm on all these podcasts talking about toxins.

People love when I talk about on my show.

People want to know what's in this matcha, what's in this cacao, what about this protein powder?

Give me the list, give me the list.

I'm waiting.

It's so true.

I love going onto your page because you always gave such like great information about these things that people, like the layman's, like, people wouldn't necessarily ever know those things.

Right, right.

And there's still a passion there, but the reason why it sort of started to shift was because there was a moment, right?

And I was worried, I was moving into a new place and I was worried about mold because I was sick with mold years ago.

And that's an environmental toxin.

That's a toxin we're exposed to.

And I'm like a canary in the coal mine.

I could smell mold.

I could even tell you what room it's in.

I could tell you if it's in the closet or near the bed.

Like my body, it's a real sensitive shift, but you feel like kind of like, whoa, I feel high, like the mold just hit me, you know?

Wow.

And I was worried.

And I go, oh my God, all this mold.

I can't move here.

I like this place, but I can't move here.

And what happened was I stopped for that moment.

I said, okay, every place is going to have mold.

Every place on some level is going to have mold.

Every home, unless we're living in a cave and there's going to be mold in a cave.

So I said to myself, what about resiliency?

Okay.

That cup that overflows when you're exposed to mold, what else is in there?

And I started thinking about all the things.

But then I started thinking about what's the size of the cup?

Is it, is my cup like a huge mason jar or is it a shot glass?

And then I thought about what dictates the size of the cup.

What is the resiliency aspect?

And then it hit me, the emotional part is integral for everything.

For me, more important than talking about the toxins you're exposed to is the resiliency to the toxins you're exposed to.

And the resiliency comes from your emotional resiliency.

Are you expressing repressed emotions that you've been holding in since you were a kid?

Or are you holding them in?

Because if you're holding them in, you're using a ton of resources that is affecting your resiliency, i.e.

your cup is getting smaller and smaller and smaller.

And of course, when you're exposed to a toxin or, you know, a really crappy nail polish or all of the things that we're breathing in and putting on our skin, that's when it overflows.

But I needed to take two steps back and go, okay, what comes before all of this?

And what I found was that it was emotional repression.

And so did you, because before we started, you know, I was like, you know, we became friends and I didn't really see you afterwards, but we wanted to.

We had good intentions.

And you're like, I know because I moved and I was healing and I was a hermit.

What is like, so did, what, were you using yourself as like a guinea pig or did you recognize this in yourself?

And what happened?

That's a good question because the irony, and I realized this recently, I was about to do my podcast and I'm sitting and I have a guest coming in and I'm just looking around my studio and I see my sign behind me around the moss wall and it says, heal thyself, right?

And I'm looking at it and I and it hit me, like another moment of hitting me, right?

Yeah.

That everything that I've been going through on my health experience from the physical, mental, emotional, has all culminated to this capacity to hold people in this healing.

I wouldn't have been able to do any of this healing four years ago because I hadn't addressed my own suppressed sadness, anger, fear, and sexual repression, right?

Until those were expressed and come into alignment into terms, then I would never be able to be a healer, as you said, the switch from the doctor to the really overarching healer.

That process started when I moved into the mountains of Topenga and I was a hermit man right for how long were you a hermit I was there for a full year

it was enough yeah I mean I hardly went down I hardly saw friends if I could grow a real beard it would have been down to my chest but you know it's really it's really spotty you look like you're 11

exactly but but man like coming into terms with you know what I did I gave myself the opportunity to be with myself the thing we run away from the thing we so desperately run away from when we're finally with ourselves we're like okay let me do the dishes okay let me call up my friend okay maybe i'll watch this new show or maybe let's clean the house we never can just be and i believe the reason for that is because we're so in our head our ego to pull away from that pain that we hold in the body because we inherently know we carry a ton of pain so when we pull away from that pain we stay in our head and when we're in our head we're always doing instead of being so i allowed myself into panga for that year to be and ironically when i allowed myself to be in the first two weeks i started crying and i cried for 40 days straight i really grieved my mother What I didn't grieve for about eight, nine years up to that point, eight, nine years worth of tears came out that I was holding in.

And why?

It's because I stopped doing.

I didn't have anything to do.

I had work to do, but I was alone.

My distraction was friends, social, always going out, which is sort of why I became a hermit because I knew that.

And then I forced myself to be.

And it was uncomfortable and it was painful.

But inevitably, the body knows how to heal.

So things started coming up.

What's interesting because that's exactly right.

Like we distract ourselves from ever feeling something that we don't want to feel.

And so we scroll our phones and we, you know, keep ourselves busy by making phone calls or just whatever we can do to like not do that.

So then let's start from the beginning.

Okay.

So your whole thing then

is emotional healing and then emotional repression, like how we are all basically emotionally repressed.

And how do we know if we have emotions that we're repressing?

And what's the first step to deal with it?

Let's start with that.

That's good.

I like the sequencing of your questions because that's how I think.

I'm like, well, what's a story?

How do we start this?

Exactly.

So, inevitably, everyone's holding an emotion.

Unless that person can completely connect to their sadness, their anger, their fear, their guilt, their shame, their sexual repression, they're able to connect and just move and express it.

But few and far between are those people.

And actually, those are the people that, one, either trigger the hell out of us or we're attracted to and we go, I want more of that.

Forgetting about gender, we could be, oh, wow, that guy right there, he's, I feel like I want to be him.

Or that woman over there, I feel like I want to be her.

Or, oh, wow, that woman, she's so attractive, but I can't tell what it is.

I mean, I'm not really physical, but there's something there.

This is because they're people who are expressing their authenticity.

They're unafraid to be themselves.

And the thing that we value inherently more than anything, without even knowing it, is a person who is unapologetically themselves.

Now, that doesn't mean in their ego going like, I'm unapologetically myself because I feel like I should be this, this, and this, and I'm going to be this, right?

It's not identity driven.

On the contrary, it's soul expression driven.

It's who you are.

It is the fullest expression without fear.

Give us an example of the difference.

So you have kids, right?

Yep.

How old are they?

10 and 8.

Okay, remember when they were under five years old?

Yes.

Okay.

Do you remember when they were not afraid to cry?

They were not afraid to yell.

They were not afraid to poop when they needed to.

When they were hungry, they didn't go, oh, maybe I should fast for a little bit or maybe I, they followed their body, right?

They were seamlessly in their input, expression, unfiltered.

And things changed when they hit six or seven years old.

Not only did their brainwaves change, but their ego came online.

Because under six or seven years old, your children were fully conscious observers of their experience.

The things that we want to be, the things that all of these sages and relics over time have say, this is enlightenment.

Your children were enlightened when they were born.

You were enlightened when you were born.

Before the age of seven, when you went out there and you saw a succulent, you stared at the the succulent because it was so beautiful.

There was no judgment.

You just were seeing it for what it was.

When you met people, you were seeing them for who they are.

No judgment, no stories, no identities.

As we get older, around six or seven, our brainwaves change.

And that's for a reason.

And I'll get to that in a moment.

But our brainwaves change.

And all of a sudden, our ego comes online.

And now this is when our kids want to become autonomous.

This is when they say, no, mom, I want to wear this and I want to cross the street myself.

No, leave me.

I'll do it.

And you're like, you can't do this yourself.

Hold on.

Right.

When their personalities really come online.

Now, that's not a bad thing.

We actually need to have this human experience moving away from that enlightened state so we can come back to it and remember who we are, right?

As we get older.

But early on, your child and you knew exactly the little boys.

You have two boys?

A girl and a boy.

A girl.

Yeah.

The girl and the boy, and you, when you were younger, the girl that you needed to be for your mom and dad.

And so much of emotional repression begins at home in our tribe, mom and dad, or whoever's raising you.

Yep.

And it comes around safety.

And I know you had Gabor Mate on on this.

And it's, he's on to something.

He knows what he's talking about because it is safety.

It's all about safety.

Can I allow myself to be the fullest expression of myself in this household?

Most people, the answer is absolutely not, because most parents haven't dealt with their own emotional repression and they're dealing with generational trauma.

So that generational trauma is only perpetuated by the way they express or not express themselves in the household.

So for example, when you were a kid, let's say this, this is just theoretical, when you were a kid, you got angry.

That was no problem, right?

You wouldn't care to throw a tantrum in the middle of the mall, right?

Because you felt it and it was real for you.

No way.

You just wouldn't care, right?

But children,

they can fully express themselves,

not even care about being unseen.

Now, let's say when your ego comes online, six or seven years old, fully, you know, the little boy you need to be or little girl you need to be.

You see dad come in the house, right?

And he was never taught by his dad how to handle his anger.

He was never taught by his mom to come into his heart to actually access his femininity femininity and be softer.

And he was never taught by himself how to just check all his stress from work at work, but no, he brings everything at home.

And then he comes in and he's, you can feel his energy as a kid all the way up to the brim.

It only takes one thing to make him snap on your mom.

And then all of a sudden they're arguing and his anger is scary because when he blows up, he's holding in his dad's stuff.

All the trauma from his dad and mom, it comes out on your mom.

And then we see that expression.

So what happens to your expression of the anger?

If you see when dad comes home, he's expressing his anger and mom is in fear or mom is crying, is it safe for you to express your anger?

The answer is going to be no.

So all of a sudden, what we do as children is we lower that volume on our anger.

The you that was exploding in the middle and throwing a tantrum, all of a sudden the 10 out of 10 becomes an eight out of 10, maybe a six.

Maybe it's fully silenced.

So now when you authentically want to express your anger, you sacrifice that authenticity for survivability of the tribe.

And this is essentially what happens in every household.

I have yet to meet someone sit with me and go, I've had the best parents.

They were fully supportive.

My dad sat with me and he was fully emotionally open, right?

We connected.

He held me.

He supported me.

My mom, wow, what a role model.

She was able to show her anger and her sadness.

She's such a powerful woman.

Like she is like the full expression of the feminine and the masculine balance.

You never hear that.

On the contrary, you hear, no, you know, my dad, he was really angry and my mom, she was bipolar and all these, all these things.

But what happens is when we are having that emotion coming up and we want to express it, but it's not safe, we compensate.

And that compensation comes up and it changes everything.

Because now all of a sudden, the you that wants to express your anger authentically, but can't because it's not safe, that expression becomes the things in medicine we call anxiety, addictions, OCDs.

That's not the problem.

None of those are the problem.

And we have treatment centers for all of them and we have medications for all of them.

We even have supplements for all of them, but that's not the problem.

Those are the compensations, the protection to the deeper root.

And the deeper root is you not being, being and feeling safe enough to express that emotion because it's so unwitnessable and unlovable.

And that's where most people of today are.

And that's the reason why most people today are sick.

Wow.

So you're saying that it all actually begins with emotional repression and that causes mental health issues and

physical health issues.

So I want you to think about it.

And I know I cut you off, but I really just want the listener and viewer to hear this.

If you think of a fountainhead, And then it's running down a stream, right?

The fountain head, all the water, and then it's running down a stream.

The closest area, the closest field to the fountain head is going to be the mental health field.

Down past that field, further away is the physical health field.

These are manifestations.

If you have emotional repression, the first thing you're going to start seeing is mental health issues.

Then you start seeing the physical, but your body is always talking to you on what it needs to do to heal.

We've so disconnected from our body that we don't even know what to do to heal.

This is how disconnected we are.

We're in our head so much in our ego because it's trying to protect us from the pain that we've been repressing since we were children.

So then what's the first step?

A, if also you don't know what you don't know, right?

Right, right.

But the irony is that you do know everything, right?

Right.

That's right.

This becomes a whole other, right?

Right.

The philosophical part here.

But you do know everything.

And it doesn't even have to be that philosophical because when we say, I only know what I know, you're talking from logic, right?

Like, I'm not a therapist, and therapy is great in the sense of it'll show you there's a tree, but it's never going to get to the root.

This is why people have the therapist and they go, I finally realized that I was molested when I was eight years old.

And that's why I have intimacy issues with my partner.

Okay, does your intimacy issues go away?

Maybe you can communicate better, but if the trauma is still in your body, every single time your partner tries to have sex with you, your body's going to contract and close.

This is a deeper conversation.

So hold on.

That's a very good point.

So this is basically what I always say to people in general.

It's like, I can intellectually know why I do the things I do, but that doesn't change the behavior or change my pattern.

Of course.

That's what that, and that's where, that's the, the stop is in the start, right?

Good.

So now I'm knowledgeable enough.

That's why for me, therapy is very difficult because, like, I already know what I already understand, like my brain works in that way where I understand why I do the things I do or this.

Okay, then what?

This is exactly true.

And this is why you can't heal emotions through talking.

Right.

You can't heal.

And I'm going to say that again.

For viewers and listeners, you cannot heal your emotions through talking.

You will feel better, but you you won't heal.

You'll feel better because you're seen and you're heard finally.

You have someone holding space for you and you can finally express the things that you needed to get off your chest.

Or you can have the realization that you think you needed.

But ironically, your body doesn't care.

Your body only cares if you're holding in a repressing emotion or you're expressing.

Because it would be silly if I'm sitting here with an open wound on my knee and going, Jen, see this wound?

This wound really cares about in eighth grade when I was teased in front of the class.

The wound doesn't care.

The wound cares only if I'm picking the scab.

Am I picking it or not?

Right.

And we do that.

We pick the scab over and over and over.

And how do we do it?

By not allowing ourselves to feel and express.

So you go back to your question.

What's the first step?

What do we do?

My God, we need to reconnect with our body.

Every single person, there's few people who are actually connected to their body, right?

Because we love living in our ego.

We love living in logic.

That's why we love talking so much.

Somebody, somebody listen to my problems.

Finally, I'm seeing and I'm heard.

Good, we're appeasing the logic, the ego, but that doesn't heal the body.

So we have to come into our body.

That doesn't mean sitting down in meditation and leaving your body and going to the spiritual, ethereal realm.

This isn't about spiritual right now, although spiritual has a huge part in healing.

This is about the somatic, your body.

The most disconnected thing that we are is from our body because we love living in that balloon that's floating away ungrounded.

We think and think and think and think, and then we question what we're thinking, and then we keep thinking more.

That question that will question, right?

So, exactly.

What I tell people is: hey, you need to stop.

First and foremost.

You need to just stop.

Put your phone down, right?

Put the notepad down.

Put all the things down and take a moment and slow down first and foremost.

You have to slow down.

You have to, have to, have to slow down.

Even if you got to get out in the rush, you have to walk slower.

Take time, be intentional, first and foremost, to begin to feel like what mindfulness may feel like in the body.

But ultimately, you got to connect your body.

That means this is what I tell like my busy clients.

Hey, look, you're a single mother, you got kids.

When you're in the shower, feel your feet.

When you're in the shower, feel your knees, feel your hips, feel your body.

Just begin to feel your body.

Ironically, so many people go, oh my God, I can't believe how much pain I have in my body.

I haven't even, my back's been in pain for years and I didn't even know it.

That's how good we are at moving away from physical pain.

Now, imagine emotional pain that are more subtle.

We stay in our head to move away from that pain.

So when you come into your body, you notice where you're tense, where you have pain, where you have tingling, where you might feel off, right?

Where it feels good.

These are all things that is 101 to being a human.

101.

We do all the things, right?

We want to eat all the best foods and get the best sleep and do the best workouts.

But my God, nobody is embodied.

Nobody.

It's essential for us to get into our body and reconnect and reconcile that relationship with the body that you had when you were a kid.

But how, like, even now, if you say, like, take a moment, whatever, and feel your body or feel whatever.

Okay, so if I'm just like like sitting here with you, you say, feel your feet.

I don't feel anything.

Right.

Because you are so used to being in your head.

Yeah.

Right.

And that's protection and that's okay.

Right.

You've protected yourself for so long to move away from your own body that you can't even feel your feet.

But when I work with clients, for example, the first step is having them lay down and me going through a sequence so they can feel their body.

Most people fall into safety in their body.

Most people.

Some people are so much in their head when I could see when they're talking to me in the beginning and when they walk in that it's really difficult to keep them in their body because they're so scared.

Essentially with the analogy I gave is like, we're going into a cave, but you're descending.

I'm only giving you the light and I'm showing it from my helmet.

But the ego is a tour guide saying, you don't go down there.

It's going to be very unsafe, right?

So some people are ready and they go, you know what?

It's easy for me to go down here.

Whatever.

I can go into my body.

I do yoga.

I dance.

I can feel my body pretty well.

Other people are so cerebral, like me, seemingly like you, that it takes work.

It takes work for us to just feel like the surface under us, right?

People who've gone through trauma, who've dissociated, it takes a ton of work to come into the body, right?

Because we're so safe in our head.

That's the only place where we can numb ourselves.

But the truth of the matter is, we'll never heal in our head, ever.

We have to go into our body and start feeling what's there and allowing the body to do what it best.

And that's heal.

Okay, so people who are cerebral like us, and I say, okay, you say, feel your feet, whatever.

I don't feel my feet.

Is it more of a thing where it's practice if I keep on trying to do it?

Or is it like if I just don't give up after two minutes?

I don't know.

Exactly, you will, you will.

And this is what I tell people.

This is an everyday thing, right?

And again, 101.

It's not even like, oh, I'm going to add it to my routine.

It's 101 on being a human being.

You eat, you poop, you feel your body, right?

Yeah.

Because kids do that.

If you want a role model on how to be healthy, look at your kids, right?

Look at them running around.

Look at at them expressing.

Look at them feeling their body.

Until it's, yeah, so when they're under six or seven years old, right?

But if you do that, if you take five, six, seven minutes a day, you know what I do?

I wake up in the morning, I get up, I put my feet on the ground, and then I go lay down somewhere.

And I actually feel my body, right?

And I feel and I go feel my toes and I feel my knees and I will feel if I'm holding tension.

And then I know what things need in the body.

So on the upper left part, my belly, I know fear is there.

I know for me, it's very true, but for most people, fear is there, but that's where I hold a lot of fear, right?

So my body's never tense except there.

And I go, okay.

If it's really tense, I go, I'm in fear of something.

Maybe I'm in fear that today's gonna be overwhelming.

Maybe I'm in fear, I have a story that I'm not good enough.

Something is here, right?

But also, I do, I breathe.

I push on there.

I breathe, right?

I sound out the sound of the fear.

What does it sound like here, right?

For me, it might be.

Right?

Or it might be screaming, right?

I connect my voice to that tension and I begin to feel it move move and open up.

And that, that's easy because we want to know why.

We know how to do it.

It's inherent in our body.

Is there different things like where do we hold okay?

So if you're saying we're repressing our emotions, where are we holding them?

And is there like a connection?

Like, for example, if you feel like, you know how they do this in like, in

Chinese medicine?

Like, like if you, like meridians and all that.

Like, for example, like if your foot, if you feel something in your foot, that means it's, or whatever, it's your kidney or whatever, that means you have this problem.

Is it the same?

Like, if I have a gut problem, does that mean I have anger I'm dealing with?

Or is that, do you connect that?

It's a good question.

It's a great question.

Traditional Chinese medicine is the wisdom medicine.

It's been around for thousands and thousands of years.

And they've connected a lot of emotions to different parts of the body.

And in my experience,

they were absolutely correct, right?

There's different things that I don't agree with yet because I've seen in my experience different, but let's go, let's break it down, right?

So oftentimes,

I see a lot of women, most women are disconnected from their voice.

Most women are taught to talk from their chest, right?

This is where I'm supposed to talk versus their power and their belly, right?

And this is why when you yell at kids from your chest, they don't listen or your dog, right?

Because they don't feel the energy coming from your power.

If you yell, hey, don't do that, the kid will stop and the dog will stop, right?

Yeah.

But this is where we're taught, you know, especially women.

So if you have tension or tightness in your throat, or you say, you know, sometimes when I'm emotional, my throat lumps up.

It gets really tight.

Or sometimes I really want to say something to my husband, but my throat lumps up.

That's a protective mechanism, but that's just the repression of your own voice, your own truth.

Hey, I don't like when you do that.

Here's my boundary.

I love you, but here's my boundary.

That's too scary.

That's too scary.

There's a lot of tension in the chest.

And oftentimes this comes up a lot with clients, especially men.

It's because we're not allowed to show what's in our chest.

and what's in our chest is our emotion of vulnerability and sadness, of course, as you think, right?

So, most men have a lot of expression when it starts peeling.

They show a lot of anger in the beginning because, why?

Society accepts that.

It's lovable.

It's fine.

A man can be angry, but hold on.

A man can't cry.

A man can't.

We can't, as a society, especially as women, we can't hold a man's anger or sadness, right?

So, oftentimes, it peels into that layer, and it's very powerful to see a man let go and feel seen in his in his tears.

Now, the belly is one of the most intriguing parts, one of my favorite parts.

If you have gut issues and you've done everything, you've done all the diets, all the poop tests, all the pancreatic enzymes, all the bitters, all the GI doctors, all the colonoscopes, everything.

If you've done everything and you kind of got better, but stuck at like 70% and not better, then there's an emotional component, especially if you've been healing for years.

And it's crazy for me when I talk to people, I'm like, they're like, I'm on this healing journey with my gut.

I'm like, well, how long has it been?

And they're like,

eight years.

I'm like, and you ain't healed yet?

What's happening?

Because your healing is not inaccessible.

Your healing is accessible today, especially if there's an emotional component, which oftentimes there always is.

So the fascia of the belly, when it's contracted, holds in a lot of emotion.

TCM was right, traditional Chinese medicine, the liver holding in anger.

Oftentimes, it only takes when a person's getting built up in anger, just a little push in that area and it's activated and they're expressing.

Usually the upper left side holds fear, right?

And traditional Chinese medicine was right.

That's a spleen area, the kidney area, right?

Lower part, I find that there was a lot of, that's powerlessness.

I felt powerlessness in my life.

When I wanted to speak my truth, I couldn't because I was repressed.

Or my dad

feared him a lot.

Or my mom, I feared her a lot, powerless.

Where was that area?

Really under the belly button.

Got it, okay.

Now we come to the root.

I'm going to talk about the womb.

For me, what I see in my experience, the womb is the deepest emotional repression for women, deepest.

And men for the root.

And it's mostly shame around your sexuality, sexual repression, because culture, society, your parents never held your true impulse of sexuality.

We're all sexual beings.

It would be silly not to say that.

Just like we're hungry, we're sexual.

Just like we're thirsty, we're sexual.

And society has such a taboo around allowing, especially a woman, to say, I'm a sexual being, you know, and to embody that.

That doesn't mean I'm a sexual being.

I must express it to every man that I see or every person that I see.

It's more, I'm a sexual being and look at me.

I'm a powerful woman.

I'm aligned with my sexuality and sensuality.

So the womb is what when it's all said and done is usually the last part where it holds the most amount of emotion.

Shame and guilt are usually in the womb.

But if there's a molestation, a rape, a miscarriage, any surgery in the womb area, there's usually sadness, anger, and fear that is expressed there.

It's not usually there, but there's usually another layer.

Womb healing is one of the most powerful things I've ever seen, one of the most powerful medicines I've ever seen.

And I've done all the ayahuasca's, all the mushrooms.

When a woman, I'm going to tell you a story, and I know I'm saying a lot, but this is important.

This was a woman yesterday.

She came to me, and this is not the first time, but she came to me with this picture.

She had a ectopic pregnancy, infertility.

She was overweight.

She gained, I think she's like 90 pounds in two years overweight.

She had gut issues and It was a mess, right?

And she came to me.

She was super emotional because she's like, I don't know what to do.

I've been to every endocrinologist fertility doctor I did IVF twice it failed I don't know what to do and I can't have a baby I knew what was gonna happen as soon as she lay down I connected to her body I knew exactly what part of her womb was the ectopic pregnancy and she didn't tell me I put my hand right on it and she started getting emotional because she knew she knew I knew right and then this emotional experience started and immediately immediately she felt this boulder in her womb exactly where my hand was And she had a, she said, I had a vision at the end.

She's like, Dr.

G, I had a vision of a boulder.

I saw it.

And I put my hand on that part and I started pushing down and I asked her, what emotion is there?

You know, we were breathing and going through this process and she's fear.

Well, she was molested.

She was molested at nine years old and she was raped the first time she had sex with her partner, her boyfriend, you know?

So she's had people, men cross her boundaries.

And I'm pushing on there and this, oh my God, like it, I swear it shook the house that we did it.

And this sound came out of her.

And I knew that it was everything was moving.

All the pain that she's been holding since she was first molested at six, seven years old.

Since she was first molested, that all moved up.

And it was long and loud and long.

And you know that the sound wasn't coming from her chest.

It wasn't coming from her throat.

It was coming from deep in the pits of her pain.

And it came out and it came out completely.

And then there was a.

And I felt her womb just open under my hands.

This woman, mark my words, this woman is going to get pregnant.

This woman is going to lose all the weight, that protection that she's been holding.

I know this because it's not the first time I've seen this exact thing happen.

And that lady got pregnant immediately, a month later.

So this is what I'm talking about.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Yeah, so basically you're saying then with this emotional repression, once it's actually released, these emotions are actually released.

They're actually released in a physical way.

It's not just, that's what you meant by when you said you can't just talk your way through it.

You have to actually go through the process.

And you mentioned something that I wanted to ask you, which is like ayahuasca, right?

Can you have the same type of healing emotionally by doing ayahuasca?

And I'll tell you, ask you, I'll tell you why.

So I went on this ayahuasca retreat.

Did I ever tell you about this?

I was going to go.

I was going to go with you.

Yeah, you were going to go with me.

And then I think COVID happened or something.

And if you were right before COVID, it was like a month before COVID.

Yeah, we were going to go.

And I took my sister with me.

And I did the ayahuasca.

Didn't I not tell you what happened no so i did it and i was stone cold sober i was the only one out of the entire group nothing happened to me you know how they put you all in that room

okay well i took my two cups like i was supposed to the first night and the second night and the third it was like a four night extravaganza which was not my cup of tea or not my cup of ayahuasca i should say and i'm not joking i took two cups every night like they like prescribed sitting up up there.

Everybody around me was barfing and like shitting and crying and screaming.

And I was literally miserable because I'm like, nothing is happening to me.

And I'm now stuck in this room with all of these people.

And they wouldn't let me go back to my room.

Right.

And you were just sitting there.

I was sitting there stoke hold sober.

Wow.

And so they were saying to me, it's because you're so strong-minded that you want to let yourself get go there.

And I'm thinking, maybe, or maybe this is just a load of shit.

Like, I don't know.

Right.

You know, what is your take on that then?

Does that mean I would partially agree with what they said?

You, if you want me to look at you, and like, I can, I can feel your, I feel you very, very cerebral and very protected against the pain that you hold in your body.

There's pain in your body.

I can feel it.

Really?

What do you mean you can feel it?

You can feel it sitting here.

Well, I talk to people every single day before we do an emotional release, but before we do an emotional healing, right?

Yeah, yeah.

So you grow a sense of seeing sort of how people express and what they're holding in right seriously yes but you have a great ability to be here which is why you're able to build such an amazing brand and podcast and have a beautiful house and team like you've done a lot with the ego right but i i believe there's so much more you can do with your body too right really so because think about it ayahuasca is strong strong strong it took me it took me i i did less than everyone i did half a little shot and i was by the time we finished the circle by the time we didn't even finish the circle I go It's happening like I I was already like 20 minutes before everyone on ayahuasca land really yeah but I believe it's yes you are strong minded I feel that I feel you you really heady or maybe just it wasn't it was perfect for you maybe you were to witness everyone having that experience maybe that's exactly what you needed yeah okay so I'm very frustrated because I'm like they would have I felt like it was such a like sham basically right because I'm like what is going on or did I just have zero trauma that I was just like not in the space to like that was just the wrong thing for me maybe maybe or maybe you needed to be one-on-one or something right I think the environment yeah the environment wasn't good for you so no and the only reason I was asking because you're like you've done everything and I wanted to know like and why I brought up the ayahuasca was because it is a physical release similar to what you're talking about.

Yeah, I think ayahuasca has the ability for people to release emotions because although they're kind of out of their body, they're in ayahuasca land.

And

if anyone who's done ayahuasca, you know what I'm talking about.

You are in the ethereal, no ego, no self, no anything.

I mean, listen, given the people what I was seeing in front of me, you have no ego and no self.

Right, right.

But there's a beautiful healing mechanism in the body because, you know, I've done one mushroom ceremony I did, I was out.

I did a lot and I was out and I was having this beautiful conscious observation experience.

And then when I came back to my body, I came back to me with tears coming down my eyes saying, I remember, I remember, I remember.

But I don't, I wasn't saying, it was very weird.

It was like my body was saying, I remember, but I was not with my body.

It was, I've never experienced anything like that.

So I do think that there's ability to really release a lot of those demons that you have.

The issue is this.

This is the biggest, this is the biggest issue.

When people are doing psychedelics, right?

How many people go to an ayahuasca ceremony and they come back and they're the same person three months later?

I'm glad that you just said that.

So what I was going to say is, what I was going to say is, even with mushrooms and all that, I've done that too.

I like mushrooms actually because in the moment I can feel it.

But the difference is, this is what, and is that it's not a long, I don't feel like there is really a, that doesn't really last, there's no longevity to it.

Like even these people who I was with on this ayahuasca journey, and there were people who were deeply like had deep trauma, but they have to con they, it's not like they do it once and they're healed forever.

Right.

They have to keep on going back and doing it.

It doesn't just release and they're they're fine.

Maybe some people do.

Right.

Do you, and do you want to know why?

Yeah.

So this is my take on it.

Psychedelics are one of the most powerful medicines out there.

Okay.

But if you do it and you have an experience and you go, wow, that was crazy.

Like I saw like my darkest demons and my lightest light.

And I'm going to forever, I'm going to open up a nonprofit.

I'm going to save the world.

Right.

Right.

Then people come back and they go back into their ego.

It's because they haven't expressed or fully witnessed the emotion.

You have to witness the emotion.

You can't just cry.

You can't just cry and then go emotional release.

You have to witness the part of you that is sad.

You have to witness the part of you that is in deep anger.

You have to witness the part of you that is in deep anger.

What do you mean?

So what that means, and this is why, this is why I believe that this is the most powerful approach to healing.

Because when you're working with someone and they're having the experience sober, sober, they're having to feel everything they need to feel.

They're having to see and express everything they need to express sober, right?

Big difference, right?

Because they're feeling it.

They're feeling every inch of pain in their body.

And that might happen with people ayahuasca, but not everyone.

Everyone who has the ability and capacity to remember in that moment: holy shit, this is how powerful my voice is.

Holy shit, this is how powerful my emotions are.

Oh my God, this is, oh my God, my dad, this is what I wanted to say.

And then it moves and it moves, and then they get to witness who they really are.

After you release an emotion, you come back to a part of you that has been under an iron blanket for 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, right?

Oftentimes after an emotional release, people will be like, oh my God, I feel like so, so light.

Is this how I'm supposed to feel?

Or, oh my God, I feel so clear.

Oh my God, I feel so grounded.

I feel so inspired.

I feel love.

I feel love again.

I can feel love again.

I feel so grateful.

These are words that people hear, but it's not because they're just experiencing that feeling.

It's not necessarily even a feeling.

It's them.

They're experiencing a part of them.

And why?

It's because to be and embody the full spectrum of who you are, you have to go through the darkest dark to witness your lightest light.

And it's proportional.

You can't just go, and this is why all the self-help books out go, love yourself.

And you go, what the fuck does that even mean?

Right?

Love yourself.

They're not telling you, oh, also feel your darkest anger, feel your darkest fear, your darkest grief, shame, guilt, repression of your sexuality to feel your highest joy, love, happiness, gratitude, elation, expression.

You you can't do with one and without the other and we as a human race live in this spectrum where we're only right in the middle we're too afraid to go too dark and we're absolutely too afraid to be big and go too light so we live in the middle and we go um well i feel like i need to see dr g for an emotion erase because i don't know something is off you know what's off you're not being you that's what's off that's the biggest thing reason why people are suffering because you're not being you because you're too scared to be you actually on a deeper level you don't even know who you is but you do know who you is because you're not connected to your body.

Because when you're connected with your body, your body will absolutely show you the more you connect with the body, exactly who you are, because you'll be able to heal and heal and heal and express those emotions so you can come into touch with who you are, your full capacity.

And then you embody that.

Then you give people permission to be that.

What a gift.

The biggest healers in the world are the people who are themselves because they give the people the gift to be themselves.

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So I have a question.

So if I, I think I'm pretty authentic, I've been told,

but yet if i still have as you say a lot of repression emotionally am i being authentic not the real authentic authentic me well no it's a good question it's a good question right you know what i mean it's just like a persona of my authenticity

i love the way you think there's it's one thing to say i am authentic in my identity right yeah so it's like me going like People love identifying.

This is how we make sense of the world.

Yeah, totally.

And this is because we desperately look for who we are because we're so disconnected from our body, our ego and our head looks at identity.

So I can go,

well, this is my community and I'm more like this.

So now I know who I am.

Now I can be authentic in who I am, right?

That ain't true.

No.

That ain't true.

Because who you are has nothing to do with communities,

sex, gender, family, job.

It has nothing to do with the way you dress.

It has nothing to do with the way you talk.

It has nothing to do with language.

It has nothing to do with all of that.

It has to do with the embodiment, even without language, even without clothes, even without gender, it has to do with the embodiment of who you are.

So what that means is this, authentic, authenticity in ego will keep you running in a tornado trying to find yourself the rest of your life.

Authenticity with who you are, meaning allowing yourself without fear, without fear to express, you know what?

I'm fucking angry, man.

This podcast did not go the way that I wanted it to go.

And you know what?

I feel like,

I feel like I need to go into that back room and,

right let that out let it move let it move let it

okay now I feel better I allowed my anger instead of me going that podcast didn't go the way that I wanted it to go I'm gonna go for a walk and maybe the walk is just gonna quiet and I'll finally just find some peace in my walk the walk didn't do anything the walk just quieted and suppressed that emotion I need to express that anger right now It's not just anger, it's every emotion.

So authenticity doesn't have to mean like you and me are at the supermarket and I'm mad and I throw a tantrum in the middle of a supermarket like a 38-year-old baby, right?

But it means if I'm pissed off that I allow myself the space to hold myself with myself to express that emotion wherever it is in my car, in my sacred space at home.

That's what you just start screaming in the car.

Well, yeah, well, there's ways to express that energy, right?

But you can't just scream from your chest.

It has to come from your belly.

But how do you know?

How do people know how to, if they don't have the luxury of seeing you one-on-one?

Because you connect to your body.

This is back to square one.

if you're connected with your body you will know exactly what you're holding in if i'm your partner and i say something rude to you and you're like oh my identity is so easy and flowy and i don't take offense to things then you're going to trust and believe that you're not taking offense to it but your body could say something completely different your liver the fascia around your liver could tighten up so much right that you all of a sudden you go i don't know i feel like i just really tight okay and then you eat dinner and you're like i feel so bloated i don't know why it's because you didn't allow that anger that you felt coming out of you because i might have reminded you of your dad or your uncle or someone and the thing that I said to be expressed.

You see what I'm saying?

The body's always looking for this.

It's hard.

Keep going though.

I like what you're saying.

The body is always looking and has the ability to heal, right?

When we look at a physical wound, we don't think twice about the wound healing.

We don't think twice.

We actually kind of know what happens in the body, right?

The mechanisms in science, how a clot forms and what happens.

But we never think about the emotional healing.

Why do angry people attract angry people?

It's because the body.

It's because the body is calling in somebody of that exact frequency to trigger them exactly how they need to be triggered for them to express exactly what they need to express, to go past that egoic protection of the anxieties, or I don't do this, or I'm a really more quiet person, I can't express this, or the OCDs, or the addictions that start coming up for it to move past it so I can fully express that anger.

So, for example, you know, people pleasers, they're the most dangerous people to me, right?

really why because when i see a people pleaser i see somebody who has a volcano of anger inside of them and they're so desperately protecting themselves from expressing that anger that they're so anxious that they have to people please so much so they don't have to witness or experience anyone else's anger because they can't even hold their own this is why people please so those people pleasers you know like we work with them and we're like oh you know lisa's such a sweet oh my gosh she went and got me coffee i didn't even ask for it She actually got my mail from the thing.

I didn't even ask for it.

She actually turned on my computer for me.

I didn't know, okay, great.

But then you go on a car ride with Lisa to the other branch of the, of the office, right?

And then all of a sudden there's a flat tire and Lisa has a meltdown.

And you're like, Lisa, what the hell?

It's just a flat tire.

Relax.

But that flat tire.

hit her exactly in the perfect tune in the perfect frequency to all the anger she had for her mom or her dad or whoever it was when it happened that she had so much charge in that anger that it went past her protective mechanisms and she fully embodied that which she needed to heal.

So Lisa throwing a tantrum ain't a bad thing.

Lisa throwing a tantrum is actually one of the most healing things that she's expressing because finally she's letting go.

She's like, fuck the people pleasing.

I don't care how Jen sees me.

I don't care how Christian sees me.

Lisa is having a meltdown.

And thank God, Lisa, you are healing.

Look at the body healing right there.

There you go.

You feel so much better.

There you go.

But is it healed forever or just healed for that moment?

It depends.

If she allows, if she allows the whole volcano to express, then it's healed forever.

Because normally what I was gonna say is the people pleasers, those are the ones who usually explode.

Like they're like great, great, great, great, great.

And then they like have this crazy explosion.

You're like, wow, what the hell's wrong with that person?

And you're like,

but then they go back to being a people pleaser.

And then, you know what I mean?

And it just happens again.

It becomes like a roller coaster.

Because they're not having the capacity to one, be fully safe and express everything that's in there.

And two, witness.

You have to witness.

You have to go, holy shit, I'm angry.

I am an angry person.

Imagine a a people pleaser going, I am an angry person.

That is blasphemy to a people pleaser, right?

But imagine if the people pleaser goes, hold on, hold on.

Maybe I'm protecting myself by people pleasing.

Maybe I'm not being real to myself.

Okay, well, am I angry?

I feel pretty angry.

Maybe I'm just an angry person.

Okay.

Then all of a sudden that anger, they're allowing themselves to be in their body.

They're allowing themselves to witness and say, okay, yes, I am an angry person and I can be angry.

And you know what?

Fuck that.

Okay.

Fuck that.

Right.

All that energy starts building up, building up.

And then they're expressing it with their voice, right?

This is how you have long-term healing.

That doesn't mean this person will never get angry again.

Of course, we're human beings, but it means that their anger is not going to be disproportionately repressed or expressed.

Okay.

So then give me some other examples of different things that may other like either

personality disorders, mental health issues, or other kinds of people, personalities that usually are are a paradox of what we're seeing.

Yeah.

I mean, like,

and not to overgeneralize, but like there are overachievers, right?

And overachievers are, to me, the hardest ones to connect to the deep repressed emotions.

I worked with a billion dollar CEO, okay?

And there was very clearly repressed emotions.

Now, When you have a trauma in the household, when you have a trauma in the household and you have siblings, and let me rewind for a second.

I want to tell you when I realize this.

I had this girlfriend once, right?

And I went to her house for Mother's Day back in 2020, I think.

And I heard about her mother.

She mentioned the word narcissist, bipolar, you know, and I'm very sensitive to energy.

And when I got there, I felt her mom and it was a lot for me even.

But then I saw my girlfriend, who was a people pleaser, her sister, who was just a straight-up bitch,

and

her brother, who had a fantastic sense of humor, but couldn't stop joking.

Everything was a joke.

It was an anxious expression of humor.

So I see these three and I go, oh my God, even within siblings, the compensations are different.

It doesn't mean that they're all people pleasers.

It means that there's different variables at play.

It may be genetic, it may be personality, whatever it is.

So back to when you have a trauma in the household, right?

One of the most dangerous ones is the compensation of, okay, let's say, for example, dad comes home and he's yelling at mom and then mom is crying and I have all this fear.

But last time I expressed my fear and I said, I'm scared, my dad said, hey, you're a big boy.

You can't be scared.

You're a big boy.

No more scared.

Tough it up, right?

And you're like, right?

So all of a sudden, that energy of that fear that you can't express because it's not allowed to be expressed at home, you go run to your room and you open your homework and you start doing your homework, right?

So now all of a sudden that becomes a chain of events.

Every time you're scared, you open up your homework.

Every time you're scared, you read a book.

And all of a sudden, you start achieving in school.

And guess what?

Society, your parents say, you did good, right?

Over.

And all of a sudden, you're a valedictorian.

All of a sudden, you, you know, raise your first million and then 10 million and you got, you're the CEO and you're making millions and then billions of dollars, right?

And all of a sudden, no one ever tells you that maybe you're just deeply scared of your father.

And you never made amends with that.

Maybe you need to relive that fear that you hold in of your father.

So all of a sudden, yeah, you can be a productive member of society, but my God, you don't have to pathologically be working all the time.

And that's one of the biggest ones I see.

Workaholics is another dangerous one.

Workaholics for me are running away from something very painful.

So when I see someone always on their phone, always working,

they actually brag about how their Outlook calendar looks, right?

And they, and I see, you know, they see there's so much reverence for them on social media.

They're like, oh, man, that's the hustle, man.

I want to be like that guy, man.

He's really doing it.

Or that girl, she's really doing it.

For me, I was like, okay, are they doing it from a place of grounded?

Are they expressing, are they fully who they are?

Or are they running away from something?

Most people that are really successful, successful, successful are still deeply in pain.

That's a very true.

Again, it's about the distractibility, right?

It's because you use work as a distraction, right, to other things that are working, you know, that are bothering you.

And that could be with people.

Some people use drugs, some people use work.

Exactly.

Some people use both.

So there is no difference between the...

billionaire CEO and his junkie brother.

Right.

There's no difference.

The only difference is society accepts one.

Right, exactly.

Right?

They still hold the same pain and one compensated a different way.

Absolutely.

So what happens when someone does like when you go through this process, right?

Do they do they does their anxiety go away?

Have you seen

their OCD go away?

Absolutely.

I've seen I've seen social anxiety go away, generalized anxiety go away.

I think of a guy just recently, he had a bad trip at Coachella, like in 2019, I think it was.

And for some reason, when he was having the bad trip, trip, his friend sniffed him and he thought he smelled bad.

So now he had an OCD about him smelling bad.

So he would just wash and wash and wash because he couldn't come to mends, make amends with how much fear he was having in that bad trip.

Oh my God.

So that was gone.

That was gone.

Why?

Because he was able to relive the fear of that moment.

But after he relived the fear, I remember him very clearly using the words, I feel powerful now.

Because all of a sudden that fear that he was holding, that was holding him back from always living in OCD because he wasn't able to witness that fear.

So the compensation of the OCD came up.

When he was able to witness that fear, feel it, express it, transcend it, then guess what came in?

His power.

Oh, he got his power back.

And you can hear it in his voice.

He just felt different.

When he sat up, he was looking at me deeply.

And this was like, there it is.

This guy doesn't have OCD anymore.

And I know it's a little radical what I'm saying, but I also know what I see.

I've seen pregnancies, infertility reversed.

One of the most visually stunning ones is a girl who had 80% of her body and full eczema and in one hour virtual session, completely healed, completely.

The next day, she took a picture.

It was 70% gone and a month later, zero, and it's never came back.

People lose weight, the weight that they've, like 15 pounds, 10 pounds that they've been holding for so long.

Thyroid numbers changing.

I'm following this lady with breast cancer very closely, two ladies with breast cancer.

Menstrual issues getting better.

Pain, chronic pain has been incredible.

Like the testimonials from the chronic pain is like, I've been living with this pain since my gym accident, gymnast accident when I was 14 years old.

It's gone.

A man with lower back pain, which was really just guilt because he wasn't there for her mother that died when she was dying.

He was in another country.

The guilt that he was carrying in his lower back was just pain, expressing his pain.

And when he expressed that guilt and finally expressed that guilt, the pain went away.

Of course it goes away because it wasn't structural.

It wasn't he didn't have enough magnesium.

It was because this man was living in guilt.

So this is what I'm saying.

It's physical, it's mental, it's everything.

And to think that we in medicine are neglecting this is to me one of the biggest crimes that we can do to human beings.

This is why like we're talking like so much about like kind of like mental health now.

We're like, you know, we need to talk more about depression, anxiety.

And I'm for that.

This is a wave that is like 20 years behind.

But I'm the first one saying this.

And I'm riding it.

And I'm riding it.

I'm leading it.

And I'm leading it to people.

That's why we're doing these healing events with 100, 200 people, 300 people, and it's changing their lives.

That big of events?

Huge events.

Where are they?

We did one in LA.

We're going to New York June 17th.

What happens?

If people come to an event, like a huge amount of time.

We do a huge event.

We do huge emotional release events.

So it's like a four or five hour event.

We have different.

It's a flow.

Yeah.

Well,

people do, there's a breathwork section, there's a sound healing section, there's a dance section, there's an anger release section, and then it culminates with an emotional release.

But, you know, this is this, again.

This may sound radical, but it's because people, we're not on it yet, right?

We're not on it yet.

Mental health was a radical thing to talk about in the 90s.

But people are kind of talking about it now.

I promise you, in 20, 15, 20 years, this will be a thing that, like, all of a sudden is going to become very pop culture, but you're hearing it here first.

Wow.

So interesting.

So then, Kay, like, for example, I think I heard you talk about two things that I really like.

Number one, you said something on someone, I don't know, on another thing where you said that we sacrifice our authenticity for our survivability, which is so true, right?

Like, I believe that.

So, how do we get back to our authentic self?

Get back to our body.

It's always getting back to our body.

You have to, because there's no way to get back to your authentic self if you're living in your head and your ego.

If you're too afraid to witness what's in your body, then you're not going to be able to.

Because when we are repressing emotions, those are the things that are quote-unquote blocking our authenticity, our full expression of ourselves.

But even the emotions are authenticity.

Well, that's the thing.

Okay, the other thing is, I heard you talk a lot about masculine energy, female energy, and sexuality, right?

So, can you talk a little bit about that here?

Yeah, 100%.

There is a crazy imbalance that men and women are embodying when it comes to our own inherent energy, right, of masculine and feminine.

And I remember I used the words masculine and feminine on a post and people went crazy.

They're like, how can you say that?

You know, like, it's not about man and woman.

And

I could say doing and being too.

It's the same thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I use masculine and feminine because it's important to understand.

It's important.

Yeah.

And everyone has a mom and dad.

Everyone comes from a mom and dad.

Whatever your sexuality choices are, everyone comes from a mom and dad.

And polarities are important.

Very important.

Most women are living in a world where they must be in their masculine all the time in their job.

This is what the society has celebrated.

Do, do, do, achieve.

Can you get that gold medal?

Can you get that promotion?

Can you get your book signing or whatever, right?

All of these things, we become master doers, especially women, right?

Doing, doing, doing without coming back to the, okay, hold on.

There's also a flow, a surrender, a receiving, right?

That's important to have that balance.

A lot of women are in their masculine too much, right?

And that doesn't mean I'm saying society can't hold a woman in her masculine.

That's not what I said.

I said,

most women are pathologically too much in doing and not enough in being.

Same with men.

Most men, and I know you probably had a lot of men sit in this chair that I'm sitting in right now, are pathologically in their doing and so disconnected from their heart.

You know how many times I've had a woman sit in front of me and go,

how was your relationship with your dad?

And they go,

well, he was there for me.

I mean, he was like, he provided and he would pick me up from soccer.

But like, I'm like, okay, well, did you have an emotional connection?

Did he ever say, honey, tell me, sit down.

Something's going on with you.

I feel it.

Tell me, what's going on?

Open your heart.

Let's talk.

How has a dad ever said that?

Dads don't really say that unless they have an open heart.

Most men, And I bet you a lot of men in this seat, like I said, are so disconnected from their heart and achieving from their head that they're living in the doing.

But the real man, the real man is balanced in his masculinity and femininity.

That means he can protect with a sword.

He can be like, I'm going to protect my village.

I'm going to get shit done.

But also I'm going to lead from my heart.

I'm connected to my heart.

I'm connected to people.

I'm connected to my heart receiving.

I can receive love and give love, right?

And if you're arguing in relationships over and over, it's not, it's never because the dishes.

It's never because the trash.

It's because there's a imbalance in your masculine and feminine polarity and there's emotional repression and that person is embodying that which is triggering you that needs to be expressed.

Biggest reasons.

I noticed this because when I dealt with my emotional repression, my arguments went down and down and down and down.

When I dealt with my connection to who am I as a man, femininity was always easy for me to come to, right?

I always felt comfortable around women.

I always can open my heart.

I always was sensitive.

You know, I was, I took a lot about, like my mom, like I'd watch a movie and I'd be able to cry.

But what I needed to learn what it was to be a man in my masculine, right?

I was a good doer, but what does it mean to hold a woman?

What does it mean to connect and accept a woman for everything she is?

Most men out here in the world can't hold a woman in everything she is.

And they get uncomfortable when a woman is expressing sadness or anger or even her own sexuality.

Oh my God.

Do you think men in society can hold a woman in all her sexuality?

No, on the contrary, we slut shame them, right?

This is what we do when a woman is trying to express her true sexuality.

So of course, women are so repressed but it's a lot of the time because society structure but also men aren't man enough to hold a true woman and that's what it boils down to so then you also say like that do you think that we we what do we attract so if you said something like if i if i have a masculine energy i'll attract more of a feminine

energy yeah this is that whole better would because i feel i think i think i'm just i only can use myself as an example here so i'm gonna do it but like i believe i would have more of a masculine energy than a female like than a female energy because of everything you just described and said.

But yet I seem to attract a lot of very masculine alpha guys.

As partners?

Both.

I mean, who I actually get along with is actually much more the non-alphas.

That's my better suited partner.

But I do seem to like end up without

alphas a lot.

Yeah, which is,

so things like that.

Like my husband's very type A and very

alpha.

And I'm sure you guys can accomplish anything in the world, right?

If you set your mind to it.

Yeah.

But

I don't know your personal life, but I'm sure that there's a lot of clashes due to the masculinity.

There's a lot of clashes.

Because

in the polarity of the man and the woman, right?

And this is generally speaking.

And everyone has their own balance, right?

Yeah.

Me, I'm inherently probably just like 50-50, maybe 51% feminine, right?

A little, just a little bit more.

You're very feminine.

Right?

Yeah.

But like, but I get shit done, too.

But listen, I was going to say, but also very masculine.

Yeah.

You do have an

hybrid is very unique.

I don't see it often.

Yeah, well, that's because I've done a lot of healing.

And I would hope more men can balance their masculine and feminine

in some way.

But most men are tox or wounded masculine.

I won't even say wounded men.

Right?

Wounded masculine and so disconnected from their heart.

Or super passive and they're so scared to just make plans or assert themselves.

That's right.

So for you.

Those of the kind I can't stand.

Right, right, of course.

Patience.

Of course, because that is the opposite polarity of you.

But I wonder what would it look like in a relationship if all of a sudden you just surrendered a little and gave the masculine some space to lead, some space to assert, and say, you know what?

I'm going to let you take care of this.

I'm going to.

Oh, yeah, I do it all the time.

Well, good.

Then you guys have found something that works for you.

Oh, actually, now that I think about it, is it possible that you can seem very have a masculine energy, but really not have that masculine for sure well if you turn it off i don't really have that i think like in certain things you have i have it but in real life i don't have it well if you can turn if you have the ability to turn it off right like let's say you're done with your habits and your hustles and you're printing out stuff and your book stuff and your calls and when you're with your husband you can go

or

i know he i know he's got i'm gonna i'm gonna do stuff of course like maintain the household too but i know that if shit needs to go down he's got it right i can surrender He's assertive enough to go, babe, don't worry, I got this.

Let me plan it.

You're doing too much.

Let me plan it, right?

Can your husband, is he even allowing himself to step up?

Okay, wait.

So this is, I think, where it gets confusing.

What is your definition of a masculine energy versus female energy?

Because what I think I'm referring to is mostly more like alpha, alpha, who, like, for example, my husband gets like, he's like a super big go-getter and he's very capable and he can get everything.

He's like, he gets a lot of shit done.

He's not someone, but I wouldn't be able to be with anybody who's not like that.

Right.

So then I asked you this question.

I meant more like more of a quiet type.

But no, no, no, no.

It's not about the personality.

It's about the energy.

Yeah.

I think that's what I, yeah.

So then I asked, can your husband also stop, be, receive, open his heart?

Those are aspects of his feminine.

That's more feminine, right?

Right.

Those are aspects of his feminine that probably could be cultivated if I'm just guessing, right?

Yeah.

Because most men can.

Just like aspects of yours, because you have a lot of masculine energy too, right?

Yeah, yeah.

They can be cultivated.

I notice that a lot of women who have a lot of masculine energy and don't allow their true being or their feminine to come up to, they have a lot of hip tightness, right?

So when they're on the table, I move their hips and there's a lot of repressed sexuality because the feminine is right there in the womb.

Even if you don't have a womb, it's in the root, right?

So when that's expressed, so is the sensuality of a human being right and this is a big thing that we need to talk about men and women are so disconnected from sensuality especially men but women who are more so in that masculine energy are so disconnected from their sensuality their softness their slowness their intentionality when it comes to sexual expression right because think about it how many men learn about sex from porn probably most

yeah

and and think about hips that don't move right hips hips that are sort of fixed and can only go forward and back.

Isn't that also based on like running or having a very tight shirt?

Sure, you can have a tight, but there's also a massive emotional component to tighten it.

I just mentioned the guy who had a lower back spasm and pain.

Absolutely, yeah.

Right?

Of course, of course, right?

If this guy's doing bleacher runs every day and not doing anything, then of course, right?

And anytime I have my calf tight from boxing, I don't say, oh, it's emotional repression in my calf, right?

I know, I know, you know the difference, but also if you're taking care of yourself and things are chronically there, then it's a problem.

Totally.

So, at these events that I do, I'll watch, I'll especially watch men because most of the time, women drag the men to these events, of course, and they're kind of about it in the beginning.

You know, some men are just right from the get-go, they're like, I'm fucking letting go, I'm ready for this.

But then, some men are like really careful.

They're like, this is fucking hocus, pocus.

What is this shit?

I don't want to be here, right?

And then I watch in their first segment of the dancing part.

Yeah.

I'll watch their hips and they're so tight and so uncomfortable.

And they're, I don't, I don't do this.

I could tell I don't dance.

Then Then we do a few more things.

And then the second part, I'll watch them.

And it's one of the most beautiful things that I see in these events is when I see men finally connecting to their movement of their hips because I can tell in that moment, they're also connected to their sensuality.

Because it'd be silly for us to say that men are just sexual because we're not.

Men actually have a massive piece of sensuality that they're missing.

I just put up a few posts and it said

something along the lines, it said, like, fellas, sex doesn't always mean intercourse, right?

Because

that's us for sex we're like okay well let's do this i'm gonna just penetrate with my masculine energy yeah intercourse right instead of hold on let's bring a little bit of more femininity to it my god it takes a woman you know 15 20 minutes to even get going right yeah yeah yeah so can we be more intentional slow soft more in our hearts when it comes to intimacy instead of just fucking right it's like this is this is this isn't there's so much more to the expression of our sexual energy as men and um you ever see the goop show the goop episode about sex you mean on netflix netflix i saw that of course i saw that okay do you remember the the scene they were on here jaya was on and a bunch of other ones do you remember the scene with the the couple that was laying down with jaya and she was touching him really softly yeah of course fingers yes and do you remember how his body started spasming yeah i saw he had tears come out he start he had tears come out of his eye so in that moment i got emotional too, because I was like, hold on.

This man, all his life, thought sex was just penetration and intercourse.

And finally, today he connected with a part of his sexuality that he didn't even know about, just allowing the energetic movement of his,

she was rubbing her, she was actually gliding her hand, not even touching him.

And his body was shaking.

In that moment, wow.

This is what I want from most men is to connect.

Hold on, there's more to your sexual energy than just fucking, right?

And we need to learn more about it.

Because my God, the more you connect to your sexual energy, energy, the more you connect with your creative energy, the more you correct with your creative energy, the more you connect it to your power.

This is, there's so much healing we have to do as men.

And we're like only focused on the doing and I'm going to achieve and then start a family and then achieve and take care of the family and then done and then I die.

That's not a life living, man.

A life living is being in your purpose, connecting to who you are, balance that masculine, feminine, teaching your children what it is to be a man, teaching your daughter that men are safe and that a man can have an open heart.

That's what it means.

Like, that's what it is to be a man in this world.

I love that that's a really great note to even end on where do people find more information on oh yeah i know i said a lot you can go to dr.gonzalez g-o-n-z-a-l-e-z on instagram the emotional healing website for virtual group classes not one-on-one virtual group is www.elm.health elm e-l-m.

You can, we have different classes.

We have full body classes.

We do one-on-ones.

Yeah, I do one-on-ones.

So we do full, I'll get to that in a minute.

Full body.

We do anger release classes.

We do womb healing classes.

I have a sensuality teacher coming to teach men and women how to dance with their hips.

I have a monk coming on to teach people how to mindfully eat.

I have a breath work guy.

I have a sound healing girl.

We're just adding them on month by month.

These classes, I'm telling you, Elm is already the number one place for emotional healing in the world.

It is the number one place for emotional and mental healing in the world.

And it'll soon be the number one place for emotional, mental, and physical healing.

It is everything that I ever expected and more.

It is the best thing out there for your emotional healing.

And I mean it.

And I'd also do one-on-one.

So that's through my Instagram.

You could just go on my Instagram, the link in the bio, one-on-one in person or one-on-one virtual, depending on your time, your budget, whatever is good for you.

Oh my God, you're so, like, just so interesting.

Thank you so much for being on this podcast.

I know.

Listen, I know if you want me to be more motivating, I could be like, hey, let's do it.

We're going to do it.

But I ain't one of those Yahoos.

You're my favorite Yahoo.

I love it.

I love it.

You're my favorite Yahoo.

Well, thank you so much for coming on.

I really appreciate it.

Thank you.

Such interesting, unique information that is so valuable.

And I think it can help a lot of people know that if they're not being healed or if they have something that is mentally or physically wrong with them, they should really like seek and look into something beyond just medication or just taking.

you know, what their doctor, traditional doctor says at heart, you know?

We're healed.

We are healed.

And we so desperately look for a healing outside of our body, but we're here.

It's like to think that we're we're on this giant journey is not true.

We're authentically us today.

Connect your body.

Visit your body every day.

Knock on the front door of your body.

It ain't going to answer the door for the first 25, 30, even 50 days.

But maybe the 51st day, your body answers and it finally shows you exactly what you need to.

Just trust your body's just waiting to reconnect with you.

That's amazing.

And listen to his podcast, Heal Thyself.

Heal Thyself.

Yes.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.