2024 Ep 258 - Inside The Mind of an Impulse Buyer

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One.

Ahoy to my shield, Hamish.

I'll protect you forever, my liege.

Thank you very much.

Ahoy to my strato, Jack.

He won't.

I'll do my best.

I'm a cinder cone.

Jeez.

A shield, strato, and a cindacone.

Elaborate desserts.

No,

we caused huge delays in air travel about 10 years ago.

Are we a type of volcano eruption?

We are.

We are three types of volcanoes.

Yes.

Haim, you're the shield, the lower profile one that resembles a bit of a shield lying on the ground formed from an eruption of highly fluid lava gets its flow and some of the biggest in the world though it's the largest one of those is in hawaii congrats on the sv

yes

strato uh jacko um a conical volcano built up of many layers of hardened lava mount fuji yeah mount fuji in japan probably the most that's your classic volcano when you picture a volcano you picture conical yeah exactly i think you're right probably most high profile even though it's well it's high profile opposed to a low profile if you'll use the other meaning uh cindacone um younger ones really they're um steep conical

crack more of a fancy crack uh the youngest ones on earth they're all cindacones apparently um they're not apparently endo you say you say it like you feel like the volcanologists have rushed this oh apparently they're saying the youngest ones on earth i don't know a little skeptical have you measured everyone all i know is it says that is the youngest one is and and then i said the youngest like as if there was a lot of them so then i'm worried someone's gonna write in and go well actually the second youngest one is a shield and i'm like okay cool that's why i threw the apparently in at the end yeah if i'm going a little bit off the sheet it's because i'm worried about someone sitting there with his voice ready to just take me down it's a high wire act that we always start the show talking about the most technical thing that has clear right and wrongs that we know nothing about.

It does set the tone well for the show.

This is the show where these guys will pretend to know anything.

Yes.

Ahoy also to Andrew from the US who has used the very easy you to use system heymissionary.com to tell us what he's been up to.

Ahoy boys and number six calling in from the States today.

Ran into some Aussies up here last week.

Hit them with an ahoy.

Was pleased to receive an ahoy back, listeners and fans of the show.

And also pleased to relay that we did not mention Mr.

Ralph.

We had no conversation about him.

Now, I did up front

mention that we should not mention Mr.

Ralph, but it went no further than that.

And I'm grateful to know that the international community, even though they were up here in the States, is leaving well enough alone so that our weasel can get his precious, precious flights.

That is beautiful.

That's lovely that is just really lovely yeah lips sealed everywhere jackie that must be music to your ears yeah well i mean he said it a bit too many times for my liking but he's right the usa is ground zero for mr r so be careful be most careful

over there um hamishdenny.com if you'd like to take the pledge in shirt form i'm not sure if there's t-shirts still available but worth throwing it out there i think we're getting very low but worth a crack and uh

as you know and Jackos, as you guys know, over the years, I have struggled somewhat with impulse control when it comes to being served ads on Instagram.

Oh, yeah.

And I've had strong times and I've, regrettably, had relapses.

Golf, ever since taking up golf a couple of years ago now, maybe 18 months ago, the algorithm is onto that.

And boy, is there a product for everything.

Like, it's the weirdest.

Ball that goes between your arms to get a wrist brace so your wrist is in the right position.

I've seen that one.

Sit your wrist on a little anchor type splint that comes up off the wrist.

So proud to say I don't own that jack.

Like I do have some of them, but I'm so proud.

Like I'm so proud there's still a few out there where I can go, oh, I'm not that bad.

I don't have that one.

So there's the golf stuff.

And I accept that now because it's kind of my own fault because

I go, well, I know I'm looking at, you know.

I know I'm looking at golf reels.

And so it's figured it out.

That's easy.

I'm an easy, I'm a soft target.

They've looked at my purchase history.

They're like, hang on.

Didn't this guy buy a mesmerizing sphere?

He, he, we have this guy down as I'm at the biggest rube of all time.

Like, but if he likes anything, let's get him.

Let's just get him.

So I understand there's a bit of a, there's a rush to get me with that.

So it bothers me when stuff comes up.

Where I'm like, why is this coming up?

Why am I, I understand, there's some targets.

There's some things I understand I'll be targeted for, but this, this pan comes up, right?

A pan, it's yeah, a frying pan, like a kind of a deeper wall,

admit it looks pretty cool, but it's it's a deeper walled frying pan, right?

And it's like this, it's a chef, it's a kind of a rad chef.

It's not the guy from the bear, but he has tones of that tats, cool American kind of chef.

He's got a few Michelin stars, can't remember who it is.

He's like, this is hands down, the coolest invention, the innovation of our time in the kitchen.

He's like, I freaking love this pan.

This is an amazing pan.

What makes it so amazing?

To take you into the mind of an impulse buyer, we don't ask those kinds of questions.

If a cool chef says this is the greatest cooking innovation of our time, the only thing my brain can think is, thank God I'm hearing about this.

I can't believe I haven't heard about this yet.

This must be day one.

It must have been invented today.

I hope I'm hearing about this first.

He's like,

So he's just and he's swearing.

And I'm like, that's cool.

He's like, I freaking love this pen.

This is the best.

I'm like, yes, look at how.

He wasn't that passionate about a pen so quickly.

And you see how busy he is.

He's in the kitchen.

So he's taking time out of his day to share the good news, to share with all of us his pens.

But I'm still going, I'm like, this is a sponsored post, right?

This is, well, it's like an ad and it's like sponsored.

And that's why I'm getting it

but then on these days you can look underneath and go like what you can see who you follow who's liked it oh you know what i mean like the pen yeah yeah yeah rebecca harding

i'm like

no beck i'm getting i'm not strong enough to resist this why is she liking an ad don't like ads this isn't even this

Like, I understand when I get random stuff pop up.

You know what I get a lot of stuff in my feed from?

Not that we're like super close buds, but the algorithm just has decided that I like what he likes.

I'll get a random thing come up.

Like honestly, real example, yesterday, just an Instagram page of very close up and almost like ASMR audio of an apple and a samurai sword slicing it extremely thinly, right?

Like, and it's like the noise is like,

but it's very satisfying to watch because this guy slices it like slow-mo or is it going slow?

He's just slicing it so slow and so thin that it's this translucent piece of apple comes off, right?

Like perfect thin slice.

I actually think you'd quite like to watch this.

Okay, then he goes to a loaf of bread and he's cutting like a

micron thick slice of bread with this samurai sword and it doesn't break or anything.

It's like a perfect slice.

Proving how

just how sharp and how good this guy is with the samurai sword.

You're just seeing an extreme close-up of the stuff being sliced.

Liked by Kelly Slater.

Kelly Slater is on Instagram all the time.

Right.

Like I actually have days, weeks where I'll delete it, go back on the app, you know, you go in and out.

I reckon, honestly, 60 to 70% of the random pages I get served have been liked by Kelly Slater.

He is just loving everything out there.

And it's really obscure stuff.

But the reason I'm getting it is because I follow Kelly Slater and I'm just getting what I can just see what he likes.

Well, Beck is, when you were telling that story before, I'm like, oh, this is Beck.

And maybe I'm drawn to these other people in my life.

But Beck has to buy anything.

Like

the amount of deliveries, anything she sees, she has to purchase it.

You guys are both.

Why is she liking it?

This is my request to you.

Can you please say to Beck, you can enjoy the ad.

Don't like it.

Don't like an ad.

Save it if you have to.

God knows I've done a few of those.

But don't

like the ad because now it's coming at me.

Okay.

Yeah.

And obviously I've bought the pan.

Have you used it yet or is it still in the mail?

I don't want to say.

It's not good.

Well, okay, so that's their best pan.

But when you go to the website, they also make other pans.

They also make other pans.

And while I was there, I thought maybe we could just do a whole cookware overhaul.

So the three other pots and pans that I bought

have arrived, but I didn't, I was in such a rush to get this best one ever.

I didn't realize it doesn't come out till the end of like it doesn't come out, I think, until the end of July.

Right.

You pre-bought a pan.

It looks like it.

Coffee, like a concert.

Maybe when they come out, I might be able to scalp it for hire.

Same people flooding in at Hamishny.com for their chance to play chit-chat champion.

So let's jump into it now.

The game that tests your ability to fill in the blank in a pause in a conversation that you determine to be the right time to talk.

A lot of things, a lot of calculations going on in the mind when you play chit-chat champions.

It's like a golf swing.

There's a lot to balance.

Am I a little too heavy here?

Do I do this now or do I do this bit now?

What do I do next after that bit?

And if you overthink it, similar to golf thing, the chat doesn't go well.

We've got brothers that are keen to play against each other, Hamish and Jules Jonas.

We'll start with Hamish.

Hamish, ahoy to you.

Ahoy, boys.

Congrats on the SP, Hamish, and happy birthday to the weaver.

Celebrate them.

Thank you, Haim.

And may you also have gusto.

Haim, why do you think that you're better than your brother Jules when it comes to chat?

Oh, I wouldn't.

maybe chuck myself above him.

He kind of just chucked my name into the chit chat.

I think he has a bit of a power move on me, but I've been been doing some training last night

wandering up to people at I just kept finding cocktail parties and I jumped into their conversation I love that you're coming in as an underdog did it sting a little bit when you realized like your brother obviously thinks you're a bit of an easy beat so he can throw you in there to win yeah

classic big brother stuff but you know you can't underestimate the little brother I got I got some stuff on him I reckon

okay okay very interesting Jules ahoy to you ahoy boys and gusto be with you and Gusto to you.

Are you pretty confident then that you'll take down a young Hamish?

Well, as a big brother, the answer has to be yes.

All right, well, you guys know how it works.

Hamish and I will start a conversation.

You guys will be judged on how well you pick up the conversation.

Add to the conversation, you cannot ask a question.

You guys ready to go?

Yep.

Jules will go on hold.

We'll start with Hamish.

And good luck, Ham.

Cheers.

G'day Andrew.

Good.

Gee, we're not too far away from the Olympic Games now.

Yeah, our first time to see breakdancing as a sport.

Yeah, they're adding a lot of new sports I've noticed in the last couple of years.

I think that rock climbing and the skateboarding was last time, and I think it really took off.

Oh, wow, the underdog.

The underdog.

Oh, cheers, boys.

Cheers.

Yeah.

He's happy with it as well.

Yeah, he had a bit of a smile on the face when I heard that part.

you launched well, you did well, you cruised well, and you landed well.

Yeah, that's the thing.

Sometimes you can get away with your launch, and then you just stay out there too long.

You do get, you do, we do occasionally have people that think, yeah, they get the ball and they're running with the ball, and they think, I'm killing this, and they don't realize they're running the wrong way on the field.

Yeah, I practiced a couple of entries with the boys last night, and they said the best thing to go on was just a little

bit of curiosity going on.

And it gives me a second to find my footing.

You found it.

We'll put you on hold.

Jules joins us now.

Jules, your brother has gone.

We won't reveal how he went.

How are you feeling?

Yeah, I'm feeling confident.

Okay.

Good luck.

G'day, Andrew.

Okay.

Gee, we're not too far away from the Olympic Games now.

Yeah, our first chance to see breakdancing as a sport.

Break dancing as a sport.

I can't believe that.

I thought that the skateboarding getting in was a bit of a hard pass but break dancing come on

good

good jules how did you feel your week jules

uh could have done better but i like to uh

you know i could have gone for two runs there but i just took the single well i'm not sure if you did

i

i you went for a tactic which we see from time to time which is um mock outrage yeah like i'm hoping hoping that that maybe adds a bit more weight to the argument.

I didn't feel it was believable, Hamish,

that you were that outraged with breakdancing being added.

It is impressive, but I'm a traditionalist when it comes to at least, I think, keep it to the

sticking task going to swimming, et cetera.

Yeah, and that was a better constructed argument.

Sticking to his character well.

All right.

Well, we'll bring you Hamish back up.

Ando.

Oh, it was a clear winner.

Unfortunately, Unfortunately, we underdog for you, Jules.

You'll listen back.

You'll have to agree with us.

Hamish, you are the winner.

Congratulations, babe.

Oh, let's go.

Congrats, Hamish.

I think we know who the new little bro is.

Well, no, you've always been the little bro.

Don't blow it now.

Don't blow it down with some bad chat.

Yeah, let's have a recount.

Let's have a recount.

Our time is done.

He's tripped over as he's gone to get his medal.

Smashed his nose on the dais.

Everyone's gone, that's the gymnast that won.

No, it's all right.

I mean, you won.

You did what you had to do when it counted.

We can only judge you.

He's already on the end of season trip.

He's having a great time.

See you, lads.

Token of no value going to you.

Ando, you and I went to uni together.

Yep.

Jackie Boy, did you go to uni?

I went to TAFE.

Good boy.

Did you finish?

I did, yes.

I did a film and television diploma.

Excellent.

How long did that take?

Is that like that's two years?

Really?

That's cool.

So if you ever need me on the TV projects you guys do, I am

often the first question you ask, got your diploma?

Yes.

Just like, just like Paramount Films will be like, well, Mr.

Scorsese, we'd be happy for you to direct the.

Actually, got your diploma?

Yes.

Obviously, I've got the diploma.

Okay, good.

Beverly Hills TAFE.

Good, good.

Couldn't do it without diploma.

No, great course.

Well done, Jack.

Well done for seeing it through.

And

I did not get to the end of

well, I just didn't quite make it to the finish line, got confused halfway through the race at a drink station.

Are we done yet?

Is this, you know,

so you got no certificate then?

I don't know.

Andy's got a degree.

I got a diploma.

I got a hex bill.

They still give you that.

They still give you that.

I don't have the certificate, though, Jack.

What happened?

Well, I was just said, send it to me in the post.

and then my mum caught wind of that said no no no we need to go and wear the funny hats and um wowie so i am technically the most educated on the show do you remember we did the whole graduation ceremony for andy's degree like that's right out on the rooftop like 10 years ago because he never picked up the diploma and then and then haim said that he was organizing at the radio station and invited my parents in who didn't realize it was a joke and dressed up in a suit and mum dressed up all lovely and came and sat there and were the only people in the crowd

and plastic chairs.

And then Amish panicked and ran out and asked Miss Universe, Jennifer Hawkins, whether she could come and sit in the crowd with my parents.

She was in.

She's in Nuffax.

She's in Nofax.

I'll be okay.

She was in the building doing some other interview.

Please, Jen, 10 minutes.

Attend Andy's graduation.

Only, and then also, mum and dad, as you got up and made a speech on behalf of the dean, it was only

several minutes in that I think it dawned on both of them that their son wasn't

that there would be no attendance from the real dean

did we have catering afterwards we would have had catering well i think you had two very disappointed middle-aged people

well here's my question to you ando i didn't finish uh

yeah you did got your bachelor's degree am i still an alumni oh great question well i'm not sure if you're copying this but the university has reached back out to me to go and speak.

And he asked about you as well.

And he finished.

And asked about you as well.

And I'm like, we're not the greatest.

Like, universities are great.

All of them.

You know, they're doing a great thing.

But we aren't the greatest example of that.

We stopped going to uni and went to the pub across the road and started trying to write skits and mucking around.

So I don't think that we're the best people to go and have a chat there.

And so.

I think they're,

to be honest, I think they're just trying to make us feel a bit more like we're alumni now.

Well, I would understand because you've got a piece of paper from them that said you successfully navigated it somewhere.

Yeah.

You navigated the course.

I don't, but am I allowed to still say I'm an alumni?

If you went, you're alumni.

Yeah.

You're a graduate.

Yeah, I think that's right.

Well, I didn't graduate.

That's the thing, but like, you know, but then you'd be a graduate, like, oh, Hamish is a graduate of the university.

So you got to do is enroll.

I think you've got to attend.

Yeah.

So you could enroll in like a summer course at MIT in America and go, I'm an alumni of MIT.

I think you can.

Yeah.

But also,

what does that give you, though?

Bragging rights, Jack.

I've just found that my mission for the rest of the year is to enroll in it in many correspondence courses I can at high-level universities so I can say I'm an alumni.

Well, the reason I ask is I got an email the other day.

congratulating me for my inclusion in the king's birthday lists.

But they go from the uni and they go to great lengths to regard me as an alumni oh yeah now they're coming for it again

what how the turns table because this is not the attitude

this is not the red carpet service i was getting as a student nor should i like you certainly i it would be an interesting card to play as a 19 year old to go how dare you question my attendance i'll have you know in 25 years i'll be back here i feel the same ham i feel that retrospectively

I loved it, to be honest.

I loved it.

This is, I mean, I see the letterhead and I've, the only things I ever had received on that letterhead before were like, please explains,

like, denial of applications for leniency,

like a reiteration of the rules that I was trying to break.

So to see something on the letterhead.

Your assignment looks a lot like Andrew Lee.

Do you know who?

Getting called in for plagiarism.

And I think it's obviously times have changed.

We were there 20 years ago, but it's from the vice-chancellor.

So I was like, I think that's the, isn't that who we had to go and see when they thought we plagiarized each other's yeah, nice,

yeah, it did.

I did.

I was like, oh, it's it was a woman's name, and I remember seeing a man's.

I was like, okay, it's obviously a different vice-chancellor.

That would have been the only thing.

She's calling now.

Hello, hey, Mr.

Speaker.

Yes, I would be interested in being the dean for a day.

Oh, watch your step.

Wow, your attic is so dark.

Dark.

I know, right?

It's the perfect place to stream horror movies.

What movie is that?

I haven't pressed play yet.

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Have either of you guys been to a proper beauty salon and had a facial before?

Never.

No.

No.

I've had a face massage.

Well, that's what I thought they were.

So Beck's really been on my back.

Beck's been really on my back lately about the lack of skincare that we always have a little joke about between all of us.

She's really hitting the year, about to hit mid-40s.

Keeps emphasizing mid and she's a lot younger than yeah she is and she says never she'll never be as old as you i can't imagine she says it's rapidly too far away she used the phrase it's rapidly catching up with you your age is rapidly catching up with you well which and even your two has mud baths so you really have to start doing you're the only one in the house that's not taking care of themselves did you do we we've already talked about this about the old the spot right the liver spot like you just what's like the age spot because i noticed you had one appear on your face that wasn't there in old photos yeah and I've kind of got one I didn't know just I'm only just noticing it for the first time now an old man spot yeah but I've got one on my head and you're just like well you know we've we've been doing hammer channels since we were like 19 years old so you're gonna be you are gonna look different and it does happen but I was just like oh you know this isn't things are changing I'm I'm not saying I'm I think you do a good job Andel I think I'm

together.

I'd wipe up the occasional pimple and I rub a moisturizer on my face one or two every 20 days and I feel like that's going to be.

I mean,

it doesn't mean you're an adolescent just because you get pimples.

Exactly.

So Bex said, no, I've booked you in.

You have to go to this thing.

I'm like, okay, I'll go.

It seemed like really important to her.

I'm thinking, it's going to be fine.

I mean, you get your face rubbed, massage.

Like, great.

Kind of like a haircut.

Like, they put oils and stuff.

Zoe does it to me.

She's done it to me before at home with like go-to stuff.

So she'll just be like, come on, we're doing something about this.

And then there's a particular oil.

Zoe always laughs at me because I go, I just use all her stuff in the bathroom because you know, she has a skincare company, and but I rub it on like sunscreens.

She's yeah, she's got a problem with how rough I am rubbing it on.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I was like, well, if there's some left over, I rub it through the beard.

Exactly.

Now, apparently, there's this like circle thing you meant to do around your eyes.

Now I do it all like face wash.

It doesn't matter what the cream is, it just gets a vigorous rubbing.

Tell you what, though,

on the hair care side of things, this is sort of facial because of beard.

beard.

But Jack, do you do this with Bianca's products in the bar?

If Zoe's away and I know I'm not going to get caught, she's not going to walk into the shower.

I'll go wild with her shampoos and conditioners in my beard.

Like I take, I treat my beard to

a day spa.

And it is amazing.

She's caught me once and she told me off because there was like a $100 shampoo in there or something.

But I...

It feels incredible.

Like I, I, it's one of my favorite things to do is to have illegal day spas for my beard when Zoe can't catch me.

And it's, it's like taking in a, like you find a rescue dog and you like take it to one of your dogs' day spas and stuff.

It's like watching a reality show on Bravo.

You've got this beard on the street

doing all this, or doing all these wild treatments to this hair.

Well, this is what I'm thinking.

It's not that these days.

They electrocute your face.

What?

They electrocute your face.

It's like some scene out of a James Bond where they're trying to get the codes off him or something.

Oh, weird.

So I lie back down and she puts blackout goggles on me, right?

She said, This is for the safety of your eyes.

I'm like, hang on, what lotion in my eyes?

Yeah, you don't want to get suds in there.

I think I'll cope.

And then she says, it'll feel like just a bit of warmth, like barley.

Then I hear,

then I hear, then I hear this sound.

And that wand comes closer to your face and she starts electrocusing my face.

Sounds like she's starting the barbecue.

It does.

You actually hold the gas and then once it engages, twist it to lower.

It won't engage.

So you twist it to lower flight.

That's like a guantanamo facial.

It was the weirdest thing.

She said, I thought it might hurt.

It hurt so much.

What's the point of the electrocution?

To stimulate skin cells or something.

Yeah, stimulate something.

Get away with a lot.

Stimulation is such a great buzzword for like the lights, the lasers, the, you know, the red light mask you see.

Yeah.

It's just all about, oh no, it penetrates deep.

And that's the other trick too.

This, oh, it goes deep.

Yeah.

You can't see it on the surface.

Sorry.

Sorry,

it's happening backstage.

You'll see it later.

So one point I was trying to, I was like, if Jebec gets this done.

And she's never mentioned that it hurts.

Like it was very painful.

And at one point, I squirmed a lot.

And she said, is this sore?

And I said, yes.

She said, She said, Maybe it might, for a male's face, it may be exploding the hair follicles in your beard.

Have you shaved today?

And I was like,

No, I hadn't.

She goes, Well, next time you're in here.

I was like, There's not going to be a next time.

Yeah.

She said, Is it because you're such a leather face?

Like, you've got, you do have that sort of weathered, old, beaten-up face.

You're such a leather face that it can't break through the skin.

Whereas Beck is like silk.

I think it's penetrates easily.

I think it's his hair.

I think it's the hair.

I think it's the leather face.

I think it's like trying to get a staple through a handbag.

Couldn't do it.

So she says, I'll just try and stay above the beard line.

And we're hearing

as it's still going through and occasionally grabbing me.

Then she noticed, I go,

and I says, are you smelling something?

It's like, yes.

She goes, that'll just be burnt skin.

What is this place?

What is this place that Becca sent me to?

So I said, okay, I think that's enough of that.

I'm smelling that pretty strongly.

And she said, right, so you're not enjoying that?

I said, no, no, no.

She goes, well, I'll just finish up with...

It's like the origin story for a Marvel villain.

Leatherface.

You know,

he went to get a beauty facial one time and it went wrong.

Yeah.

She then says, that's okay.

We'll just finish up with inside your mouth.

What?

They electrocute the inside of your mouth.

Cheeks.

The inside of the cheeks.

Yes, to try and, apparently, to try and stimulate the muscles inside and pull it up.

And I stimulated these mouth muscles by saying, no, I'm not going to.

Yeah,

no, thanks.

Not doing that.

Yes, but I will tell you this.

How much was this?

How much?

Don't know because Beck paid for it.

But I tell you all.

I've got bad news.

At no point today have I thought you looked any different.

Yes, I haven't noticed either.

In fact, if I had to, if you had to look at the black box recording in my head, when you sat down, I I was like, there's old Leatherface.

Yeah.

I think, unfortunately, I can't lie because it's in my log already.

It was said.

The only thing I've noticed about Annie today is when Hamish pointed out his old man's spot.

So you do look older to me than normal.

She might have stimulated it.

She wanted to get rid of it.

She said, Can I burn off the old man's spot, right?

She didn't refer to it as the old man spot.

Let me get this lightsaber.

I'm going to

poke it through your head.

No, keep it, Ando.

Keep it.

Hey, boy, are we excited about this one?

After speaking to Charl last week on the pod, if you missed it, please don't have to go back to the start, but just catch that one because it helps for this segment.

But he wrote in Hamishney.com, he said, brace yourselves for the most riveting special skill.

And he had that riveting in quotation marks because it was frog related.

And he spoke of a girl that could identify a frog by its croak.

And we thought, that's our show, if that's true.

This is what special skills were invented for.

We had the early days catastrophe with is it a duck, is it a coot?

Yes.

And we learned our sort of species lesson there.

Maybe we're not the show for ducks.

No.

We could be the place,

but a duck is a coot, a coot is a duck.

We could be the place for frogs and people that can identify their individual croaks.

Charles has put us in contact with Jordan.

She joins us now.

Ahoy.

Hi.

Now, Jordan, you are a young woman that has specialized in amphibian pronunciation or croaks and ribbits.

What is your title in the frog?

Like, what, what degree do you have?

Do you have a frog-related degree or are you just an enthusiast?

Well, I'll be column A, a bit of column B.

So I am a...

we're called a herpetologist.

So I study reptiles and amphibians.

I'm currently doing my PhD.

So I'll also be, I'll almost be a doctor in frogs.

But

yeah,

my day job not long ago was at the Frog ID app.

So I was a Frog ID validator.

So my nine to five job was listening to frog calls and identifying them.

Yeah, based on their croaks.

Oh my god, gosh.

So do people send them in?

Is that how it works?

Do people send in and they go, I recorded this frog here and I think it's this frog?

Yes, yeah.

So the Frog AD app is a free app that you can download.

And yeah, it's you can go outside and record your frogs in your backyard or in your local area and then they get sent to us.

And there's a team of us doing this.

So it's not just me.

I'm not the only

Frog Call Export.

But yeah.

Is it a

free app that does involve in-app purchases?

Like, could it be like, whoa, you've requested the toad pack.

That will will be 4.99

we probably should have thought of that but no it's all completely free good on you i mean so if you guys are all obviously volunteering your services here um to help mankind's understanding of frogs uh we know kali our kali our producer who has sourced today's frog calls you she's a convert she bloody loves it she's completely fallen in love with frogs and frogs calls can i ask a question we've listened i listened we listened to a few of these just before we got you on

to me it's a few of them actually sounded i thought andy was doing a funny sounded like andy doing the frog call like some of them sound like a human mucking around did you ever have people send them in that were doing that that were like let's let's see if we can stitch up the frog people and we'll send in us doing the voice Oh, absolutely.

If I could get money for every time that someone had just went rivet and then started laughing.

Yeah.

That's not on

the frog people are volunteering their time.

They're working hard.

They don't need prank croaks coming in.

Anyone leave a fart?

There's a few, but I don't know if they're on purpose or accidental.

Well, as we've seen from this show, both are possible.

Jordan, thank you so much for doing this for us.

Charles, the one that recommended you.

You seem like you've got a supreme skill, but we do have to test that.

There's nearly five frogs with five different sounds.

You said you're confident you can do this down the phone, which is incredible.

We've checked, there's no type of frog Shazam where you can be holding the phone up to some kind of app that identifies it for you.

So it'll be coming out of your brain.

Five of them.

Hey, are we saying four out of five gets her a coin?

Yeah, yeah, I think, I think four out of five will get you a Hey Mission Andy coin.

Jordan, are you ready?

I hope so.

I think so.

Yes, let's do it.

Good luck.

So, what was that frog?

E Jordan, we'll know.

Just one croak and she'll guess the tie.

Now, what was that froggy Jordan?

We'll know.

Let's hope she lives up to the high.

We really hope it's high.

The hypocrite is high.

Jordan, we're going to be very quiet.

No fake sounds.

No farts.

Hold on, boys.

Can't promise anything for Jack.

Ah, here is your first frog.

Ooh, okay.

Um

that

I'm gonna take

a guess

I'm worried you've already stumped me.

Um

So are we.

That.

Chuck any odd frog in there.

A tree frog.

No, it was a martens toadlet.

Ah, okay.

Does that sound familiar now?

Is that like, is that like, oh,

gosh, of course.

It's a martin.

That was quite a rare species.

So you really, you threw me a loop straight away.

Sorry, it is.

that's it is quite small no it's medium-sized frog only 3.5 centimeters in length from memory

all right all right jordan you can now not miss any of the next four here

boys boys for a great comeback okay

Okay, this one's definitely one of the Littoria frogs.

So a tree frog-based frog.

I want to say

it might be a Centralian tree frog.

It might not.

It might be bad.

We've got written here Daly Waters frog from a cyclorana.

Is that

Daly Waters from probably found around the Daly Waters area?

But how do we feel about that now we know the name?

Does that sound more like it uh i mean yes i am aware of that frog that nt is not my strong point but i did claim that i could do any australian frog so yeah

but maybe maybe

but with three fast ones you could finish with honor yes that's true you can

coin up for grabs but then if you miss on the next one you definitely risk being one of the worst players we're right at we're right at the tipping point here yeah of being

still memorable but for very bad reasons

I should probably claim now that this is not a reflection on the Frog ID app.

This is an inflection on

one

false claimed employee.

No, Jordan, you've got this.

Here comes frog number three.

Okay.

Okay, I know this one 100%.

Go for it.

This is the the quacking frog from WA.

She got it.

Quacking frog from WA.

And you're

going to be the wall of shame.

Well done.

Charging back.

Charging.

Charging back.

It's quite amazing that frogs

can quack.

Yeah.

Because they say that, isn't that their saying?

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a duck.

But it doesn't look like a duck.

Because we have the picture of the frog here.

Yes, but it's still the quacks like a duck bit.

It quacks like a duck, but that's why they've included looks like.

That's true.

It looks like a frog and quacks like like a duck.

It's a quacking frog.

Okay, number four, here we go.

Boom.

Go for it.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm not copying out of this one, but I think it's a Caphyxilis frog, so a nursery frog, but I can't tell you the exact species.

We don't have that information to handle.

You sort of keep mentioning, it's almost like you're mentioning like the band it's from, but you can't remember the singer.

It's Madden Singer, yeah.

Like, hey, John, I know it's someone from Wu Tan Clan, but I can't remember which guy it is.

Um, we have down here Rain Whistling Frog.

Is that part of the same band?

Uh, no, it's not.

Oh, no.

Okay.

Okay.

Now we're in real tricky territory.

Do you want to give up now at a 25% hit rate or play on for the possibility?

The tricky thing is the the final frog is a northern territory frog, not your favorite area of frogs.

Oh, true.

Look, I'm going to go down with the ship.

I'm, you know, I've committed.

So let's see.

Let's see.

Okay, here we go.

It's like you're kind of getting zapped or something, doesn't it?

Yeah.

It sort of sounds like you're stepping on it.

The noise when my cats makes if you step on it.

How do you feel about that one?

Okay.

It's a toadlet species.

Am I right?

Good.

Good, good.

Which is a frog, we all have learned today.

There's probably about five or six toadlets, it could be.

So I'm just going to take

my best educated guess and say northern toadlet.

What would number two guess have been?

Hmm, okay.

Maybe a Howard Springs toadlet.

I've been calling on your second guess every time.

Second guest specialist.

Jordan, well done.

We loved having you on.

You cannot tell everybody that that's your special skill because we have proved that you can't do it, but we will send you out a token of no value.

It's probably one of our best fails, to be honest.

It's probably one of our most interesting fails.

Yeah, an interesting fail.

I mean, there was no, I mean, because also the skill level required was so high.

Yeah.

I mean, I was surprised to find out.

I was a lunge near a ceiling.

I mean,

he did get very close on his second.

Jordan, thank you very much for joining us.

Appreciate it.

Thanks for having me.

Bye.

Thanks, Jordan.

Bye.

Tell me if you agree with this theory, right?

Here's my, here's my, I've got a general theory on the speed of things, okay?

Familiarity breeds like speed.

Okay.

If you're familiar with something, you can be faster.

We've talked about it before with speed corners in the home.

Yes.

The more faster.

The more familiar you get.

I was thinking about this the other day.

I was like, I don't think I'd nominate this as a special skill, but I reckon I could get close where here's one example of it in nature.

If you showed me someone driving into their driveway at home, I could tell you how long they've lived in that vehicle.

That's so true.

Because we've got like a quite an awkward angle on our driveway.

And when we first moved in, it was a slow approach.

I come into that thing now

with the zero braking and I landed on a dime.

Yeah.

I landed on a dime.

And you'd go, that guy's lived in that house.

It has to be cheese.

It has to be cheese, yeah.

My old warehouse apartment, which everyone used to go, oh my God, it's so tight to get in and out of.

I'm like, what do you mean?

No, we, we, we, when we stayed at your place, we dinted the car door coming out of your driveway.

You've always known the parameters of your cars, though, Andy, from the, from when Andy and I first met.

Andy's on his peas and would take

very tight gaps in the traffic

without flinching.

And we would always comment and say he really knew the parameters of the Nissan Pintal.

I saw a guy the other day.

I was, I saw a guy in a Tesla jack, one of your friends in a Tesla 3 who really didn't know the parameters of his car.

He didn't know.

He was terrified trying to get between the garbage truck and the traffic parked on the street, like a good foot either side.

And I'm like, mate, you have the world's best radars on that car.

But they're various like it's I find the tester's the first car I've had with any kind of sensors on it that tell you if you're getting close to something so I don't really know what to compare it to but it starts making a lot of noise before there's real any real danger we may have talked about this before but there should be different modes within the car about how much sensoring you want in your car

my car's lost its ability to sensor.

My car's getting old because I hit, remember I had

the tree.

Yes.

Then it beat.

It had woken up the security card.

Sorry.

That's my one.

So coming into my gate, like there's only one way to get through it.

And I fit in it every time, except the car goes.

I think it should just be, hey, I'm cool, bro.

It should be like, I'm all right.

Or it learns that you go there all the time and you haven't had an accident there.

Yeah.

So just because just letting you know, and we're in doing a relaxed mode now.

Here's another example of speed

familiarity breeding speed.

Near my house is one of the crystal car washes, like, you know, four-minute car wash for 16,

whatever, 12 bucks, nine bucks, whatever it is.

You have to drive onto,

first you have to drive onto a circular turning thing to line the car up.

And then you have to drive the car to the bit where the wheel goes in the guiding system.

Yes.

The.

franticness with like when you're driving your front when you're driving you're inching your car forward to get the wheel into the guide thing for the car wash the way the guy waves at you like come on come on come on like the speed at which he's calling you in it's like you're a hundred meters from the thing like he is like come on fast fast fast but

mate i can't be that far off like i'm almost hitting you but he's like so angry at you like just come come come come quicker like you know do you need a bit of extra oomph to get over like this no no you don't you don't and then he changes it's always the same guy and he goes from and i've said to the kids like watch how fast this guy waves

it doesn't match the scenario yeah he waves so fast and you're inching forward like like you know creeping forward and he's acting like mate you keep this speed up it's going to take you an hour to get on the plane so he's like more more more more more then you inch forward and as soon as you're near it he's frantically yelling stop are you about to run him over

he needs he needs another gear he needs to go nearly nearly yeah and you'd think he'd be familiar and he's doing it every he's doing it every day and it's the same it's actually the same now that i think about it as airport security you know when you've had

like like you know no one wants to do the wrong thing in airport security if you if it goes off and you go back and you take your belt off or whatever the wave-through after that like come on come on you're holding everyone up it's like all right we get it you're here every day i don't have the speed capable to me because i don't i don't operate in this system every day you guys should see me in my driveway yes i'm amazing okay i wish i could show i'm going to get a little video of me driving my car into my driveway to show them that i'm actually very good at speed in situations that I'm familiar with.

I love taking time out to view that.

Thanks for listening.

The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at Hamishandandy.com.

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