2025 Ep 317 - ⁠Unlimited Popcorn, Limited Trust

Speaker 1 A listener production.

Speaker 1 Activate your internet. Cause the Hey Mission Andy podcast starts in three,

Speaker 1 two.

Speaker 1 Sorry, still buffering.

Speaker 1 One.

Speaker 1 Ahoy Jimmy Mesencephalon. Hey, Mission.

Speaker 1 Bit obvious, but play on

Speaker 1 a boy to me porn.

Speaker 1 Jack. Okay, well, there's no megacephalons in chess with the pawns.
That's chess.

Speaker 1 Is there a megacephalon hub that's a well-known website?

Speaker 1 And I'm a medulla obligata.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a...

Speaker 1 I do know what that is.

Speaker 1 That's part of the brain, I think. Hey, brain on the the ham, bro.
Just using the old megacephalon to work things out, you know? Hey. Congrats on the megacephalon, ham.
The mesencephalon.

Speaker 1 Very megacephalon.

Speaker 1 Congrats on the megacephalon, ham. Uppermost part of the brain stem, you are, ham, controlling the eye movement.
Whatever you see,

Speaker 1 you're in charge of that. Thank you.
The porn.

Speaker 1 It's spelt P-O-N-S, but pronounced porn. Middle portion of the brain.
It's a bridge between the different parts of the brain, regulating breathing, sleep, some facial motives. That's you, Jack.

Speaker 1 You are the middle part of the brain on the show.

Speaker 1 Breathing is so essential. Oh, so essential.

Speaker 1 Well, I think we, you know, all of us, well, we thank you for your work. You know, all of us have a role to do.
And when the business is going to be a lot of people who are...

Speaker 1 But there is ways to get around solving.

Speaker 1 This is why the bits of

Speaker 1 blind people, for instance, are living a perfectly fulfilled life.

Speaker 1 It's not for you at all. This is why parts of the brain aren't allowed their own brain because then there'll be too much bragging going on.
They wouldn't get any work done.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, it is a team game. Yes,

Speaker 1 the medulla obligata is the lowest part of the brain. So I connect directly to the spinal cord and I'm controlling the heartbeat, blood pressure, also helping out with breathing.

Speaker 1 So obviously anybody... Ah, that makes more sense.
I didn't think Jack could do it on his own.

Speaker 1 Now we get the full picture.

Speaker 1 What a surprise. You're taking credit for the full breathing system.
I'm doing the heavy lifts in.

Speaker 1 We'll see. I am guiding.
I've got a guiding hand on your back, Jack, as you pedal the wheels, but there's no way I'm letting go.

Speaker 1 You're Maggie Simpson's steering wheel in the opening credits of the Simpsons. Ahoy also to Mike in South Africa, who I went to HamishStan.com and used the very easy to use upload audio system.

Speaker 2 Ahoy boys, Mike from South Africa here. So I want to give you insight into a wonderful Australian tradition from the perspective of an outsider.

Speaker 2 So, I was in Oz earlier this year for a wedding, and at the wedding, a song came on that I'd never heard before, and it was a really, really weird selection.

Speaker 2 The song was about horses, and it sounded a bit cheesy and a bit weird, but everything around me was screaming along as if it was some sort of household song everyone should know.

Speaker 2 And I felt like I'd woken up in an ultimate universe where I just didn't know what the hell was going on. And that's weird, right? Because, you know, they're classics everyone sings along to.

Speaker 2 So I mean, like

Speaker 2 Sweet Caroline. Anyway, I did some research and I learned about Darrell Brathway.
It's the horses.

Speaker 2 And I can confirm that for the last couple of months, I listened to the song basically like every day or every second day because it's such a banger.

Speaker 2 Even though it sounds aged and weird and dated, it is an absolute masterpiece. And that allows me to confirm to you that this Australian tradition is valid.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Once a day is the recommended day.
Does minimum. But around cup time in the horse racing season,

Speaker 1 several times a day is what you can expect, including from Daryl Rubber himself, generally at the ground, at the track. And he's asked to do an encore.
It's just horses over and over again.

Speaker 1 Horses, horses, horses. I mean, he's still going so we'd love to see the brave mate going so far.
Oh,

Speaker 1 he's not your friend. I can't call him a friend.
That's crazy. He's an acquaintance for you.
He's only an acquaintance to me, Andy. You won his hand in friendship.
I would mean, was it 15 years ago

Speaker 1 he vouched never to have your number

Speaker 1 but him and I often still often still contact each other so I think he took the braithmate competition very seriously are you still in contact with Darryl really Andy will Andy will often say Darryl's allowed to say hi sometimes he says say hi to Hamish but he will never

Speaker 1 ever are we allowed to communicate because I lost I lost the challenge most recently I was he said congrats on old mates the the pub that Hamish and I have in New York I said if you would ever to go there would you promise that you could play horses?

Speaker 1 And he said, absolutely. Can you imagine? Because we have a bell at Old Mates too, like prominent Aussies when they're there.
They ring the bell, the bars shout it.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine the scenes of the brave mate ringing the bell and going into just a one-off?

Speaker 1 Okay, that's a big accidentality.

Speaker 1 That's standardizing, but let's look into getting a cheaper available flight to New York.

Speaker 1 I don't know what part of my brain is getting activated there, but it's just my brain, to be honest.

Speaker 1 Heart, heart.

Speaker 1 And you wanted the tops that I was going to do.

Speaker 1 I've got to clear something up from last week.

Speaker 1 I'm very happy to admit when I'm wrong, and I made a grave mistake on last week's show.

Speaker 1 What's the question? I had, you might remember, on last week's show, I ran a small awards ceremony for the people that have made the most irrelevant and useless purchases in the household,

Speaker 1 in my household. You went to the top five.
You were five down to two. And then Zoe Zoe cut in with number one, which was a chin strap device.

Speaker 1 Chin rest. Chin rest.
Chin rest to take the pressure off the back of your neck. If you're scrolling too much on your phone.

Speaker 1 A couple of times this week, I have thought, hey, a bit of chin support would be nice.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a serious problem. Dizzy guy.
But it's that funny category of invention where it goes, where it's like, a terrible or non-practical solution to a problem that does exist.

Speaker 1 So it's like we all have bad pulse because of phones. No one's whacking a gin restaurant.

Speaker 1 Yes. So they are.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, that still remains number one. That still remains number one.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing. When I made that list up, I was chastis, I was very honest with myself and the things I'd bought.

Speaker 1 And I was chastising myself because I'd very quickly and impulsively bought the Oakley Meta glasses. These have the camera in them.
You can talk to Meta.

Speaker 1 There are Ray Bands that are currently out that do the same thing, but the Oakley ones are new, they're called the Vanguards and the camera's in the middle.

Speaker 1 I chastised myself because I bought them immediately after a guy on the golf course told me you can just look at the flag and go, hey, Meta, how far to the pin? And it will tell you.

Speaker 1 And I thought, great, we've cracked it. Like I just assumed there was a head-up display in there as well.
I just got so excited and bought them. After buying them, I learned they can't do that.

Speaker 1 He'd got confused. They have to be linked to a watch and it really just tells you what the watch already is telling you, and you could just look at your wrist.

Speaker 1 So, I was like, All right, in that spirit, I might have been a bit too quick to buy these very expensive glasses.

Speaker 1 Well, you save yourself that glance 18 times a game, it's a glance saver, it certainly is a glance saver. But if you're

Speaker 1 wearing the chin rest, you wouldn't be able to go jump, of course.

Speaker 1 I suppose you could bring the arm up an armrest because your arm's always at head height, now you can't swing in the club. Anyway,

Speaker 1 at that time, I was like, Hey,

Speaker 1 you can't even really argue you loved this because of the camera in them.

Speaker 1 you do own a pair of the ray-bands got excited before about this invention and you haven't used the ray-bands heaps i took them on one holiday and i got a lot of pictures of the brim of my hat

Speaker 1 because the camera's on the side yes

Speaker 1 and and you know it was a it was a sunny holiday yeah so and i'm clicking the button going this is some amazing candid shots of the kids and um you know my hat brim's in it the whole time and the cameras that's not really your perspective because it's on the side of your head yeah like it's not actually doesn't really feel funny right yeah anyway two things happened during the week number one the oakleys arrived not saying this was sponsorship because we all know i've already paid for them but i bloody love them and i felt so you need to retract them from you dog what number were they and the two i think three or two okay so you've here's the thing they don't they're not they're not what i thought they were for golf but for bike riding which is what i actually use them for they are actually really good and the camera's on the bridge of the nose and so that is point

Speaker 1 But what are you getting?

Speaker 1 Well, you can like, you can film stuff while you're bike riding. You can actually put this thing on called auto capture and it makes like a highlights reel.

Speaker 1 So if you're with a friend and stuff, you're chatting, you know, it can capture adventure stuff. Yeah, don't show the rest of us, though.

Speaker 1 Relax, mate. I won't.
I know your life's too busy for me to sit into videos.

Speaker 1 Point of view footage of you riding a bike. Yeah, wow.

Speaker 1 It's not for you, mate. It's not for you, not for anyone.

Speaker 1 However, but also for the kids in the, like when I'm with the kids in the pool, and they, that, that's fun too like so I've got all these fun little videos anyway.

Speaker 1 I was like I'm deep in the early stages, but I'm like they just don't deserve to be on the list But I also found in the house something that I cannot believe didn't make the list and I'm costing myself a position here because I'm the Oakleys are out and with them go me off the list at number three.

Speaker 1 Are you going to shuffle

Speaker 1 Zoe down to two? No, no, she stays at number one for the chin rest. But she at least deserves a top three place

Speaker 1 for something that I forgot she bought. Oh, she bought it.
Oh, she bought it. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 We find all the time in the house when we were in Uganda earlier this year as on a family trip, one of the Ugandan people that was showing us around had a tiny phone, like very, very small, like a Zoolander phone almost, like very, very, very small.

Speaker 1 Size, basically the size of a matchbox car. And it was a mini Nokia.

Speaker 1 Zoe immediately goes, oh my God, that's so awesome. Like, we've been talking about getting a dumb phone or a burner phone for the house as like a house phone.
She's like, we have to get one of these.

Speaker 1 We were in rural Uganda visiting schools with a charity. And I'm like, all right, well,

Speaker 1 yeah, that's, we'll try and, we'll see if we can, we can find one. And the whole time I was like, I've got to get one of those mini phones.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, they're okay, but I don't, I think we might be getting a bit carried away with how good they are. She's like, so small.
Very impractical.

Speaker 1 Anyway, so like, can't get them until we're in Kampal, like into like into a city.

Speaker 1 We get there. We've got, we sort of get there at like three in the afternoon.
We're going to dinner at about six or seven o'clock. So it's like, we're going to make a stop to get the phones, right?

Speaker 1 To get, I want to get someone's presence as well. Are they a new version of the small phone Nokia or are they just the original small Nokia? Yeah, Nokia still pumping out phones.

Speaker 1 Not even, it doesn't even say Nokia. It just looks like a Nokia.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's not a Nokia phone. It just has the look of an old Nokia, but it's miniature.

Speaker 1 There were small ones, but it's way smaller than that. Way smaller than that car.
Yeah, way smaller. Matchbox car.
Yeah, matchbox car.

Speaker 1 I stood in a car park with sunny and rue just killing had no idea where everyone had gone off to because zoe's gone off with our guide and annabelle friend that we were there with so just essentially me

Speaker 1 the kids and a guy with an ak who we chatted to for a while because he was the car park guard for like two hours in the the dusty camp harlor sunset just killing time zoe calls me and goes, oh, they can get them, but they have to, someone has to like go to another shop or like go home to get them because obviously like playing through the nose for these things anyway they come back i think they paid about 50 bucks each for these phones i think so they got five right five of these mini phones because he's like these are so funny when he give mouse presents we get back to australia none of them work no

Speaker 1 not a single one of them work these mini phones and because so the idea and so when one didn't work all the others were opened up and like none of them work they just have never charged yeah no matter what you try it doesn't work these mini phones are everywhere all over the house you look in drawers ones in my bedside drawer, look in the kids' room, like they become like toys.

Speaker 1 And what's the hope that they will just work one day or that just too hard to throw them out because you didn't get any use for them? Yeah, sunk cost. Sunk cost.

Speaker 1 And the mini phones, they have to be in the list. They have to be in the list.
Five mini phones from Uganda that don't work. Yeah, absolutely.
So where are you? Where are you going to put them?

Speaker 1 I think number three, I think they replace the Oakley.

Speaker 1 Compared to what's actually getting used, I did forget about a wood engraver that I bought, but I do think I'll still use the wood engraver. And and I don't think it will take the list.

Speaker 1 And I guarantee you won't use the Oakleys

Speaker 1 in four or five months time. You are wrong, sir.
They have become a part of my head. That was the second most,

Speaker 1 that was the second most impactful story from Africa.

Speaker 1 There's something crazy that happened to me in Africa that I haven't told you about, but I told you at the time and we're out of time now, but I might. No, tell it.
Now I want to know. No, it's big.

Speaker 1 It's graphic as well.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you another time. No, I'll tell you another time.
But if you ever feel like it, just bring it up and go, hey, Haim, tell us the Africa thing that happened and then it's on you. Okay.

Speaker 1 Haim, the government-mandated break is hurtling towards us at a rate of knots. Only a few more shows for the year.
And then we are mandated by the government to stop.

Speaker 1 Obviously, we'll fight that through the whole of summer. And they mean well.

Speaker 1 They mean well. They have their best interests at heart.
They invent this law to stop year-round year-round podcasters burning out. Nanny statement, though, I reckon.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's just a blunt instrument. It's just not the solution for us.
We crave

Speaker 1 work, and they

Speaker 1 stop us from doing it. And that's a bloody shame.
But anyway, we're not here to lament it. We all know the law.
We all know, you know, we'll fight the good fight as hard as we can.

Speaker 1 We probably, yeah, not till March. We'll come back.
Exactly. We have time, though, for one more jingle joust before the end of the year.

Speaker 1 For people who aren't familiar with this, and if you're a first-time listener to the podcast, welcome by all means.

Speaker 1 Gusto to you. But we have a competition between the three of us where we pull a random company out of a hat

Speaker 1 and then a random song out of a hat. And then you have to create a jingle for that company out of that song.
Yep. Jacko, do you want to go first today? I'll go first.
I drew Tesla.

Speaker 1 Not known for jingles. I couldn't name their current jingle.

Speaker 1 Not until now.

Speaker 1 Leave the test.

Speaker 1 There are companies that just don't need or want for a jingle, aren't they?

Speaker 1 I think the general rule I would love as a separate game to play is like, what is the highest value item a company with a jingle sells? Because I think it's like breads. You know, it's like

Speaker 1 door shops. Electronic goods.
So electronic goods, but I think once you climb up in value per item of what you're selling, the frequency of jingles does die out.

Speaker 1 Would Oh, what a feeling be classed as a jingle?

Speaker 1 Catchphrase? No, I can't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I reckon that. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I reckon that's probably the highest end. But it's not the jingles that we're trying to make, which is the classic ones that you don't get as much anymore.

Speaker 1 I think you ought to be congratulated. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So, Tesla, obviously, maybe not the first electric car, but famous for being an electric car. And I got this song by ABBA.
You are the dancing

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 See, it's not riding with Tesla straight away. That's that's what I always listen out for.

Speaker 1 What is he going to have to try and maneuver in? So that seems to me start off the bat as a tougher assignment. Okay.
Here is Tesla's new jingle.

Speaker 1 Drive without gasoline,

Speaker 1 run your car off a battery.

Speaker 1 the car you need

Speaker 1 ends with Esla and it starts with tea

Speaker 1 You can drive

Speaker 1 you can drive right past the servo if you like

Speaker 1 Oh

Speaker 1 ends with Esla

Speaker 1 starts with tea runs off a battery

Speaker 1 a bit of repetition in no that's clever I was like like, that's a key bit of advertising, is it? The power of repetition. Yes, so that when people are like, what's that electric car called?

Speaker 1 Ends with Tesla. Starts with T.
Tesla.

Speaker 1 And their logo

Speaker 1 break up their name, which is the most important thing.

Speaker 1 Ends with soft, starts with.

Speaker 1 Coca-Cola.

Speaker 1 Starts with C.

Speaker 1 That is the dream for me. I mean, it's pretty good as a skeleton system.
Well done, Jack. Well well done for weaving it in um

Speaker 1 who wants to go john you go next you go next and i see i spy here only because i'm the one who fires these off that yours is a minute 41 which is breaking that is a violation i got in trouble the first week for doing too much i thought that we had to do it's a super bowl ad yeah well it's their big sale

Speaker 1 41 big it's their big sale and they need it i mean even even if it was a super bowl ad and you saw a minute 41 you'd be like this better have like Robert De Niro and Beyonce in it.

Speaker 1 It's too long, probably. But

Speaker 1 I got

Speaker 1 Fisher and Peichel was the

Speaker 1 brand luxury

Speaker 1 dishwashers, cooktops. Fridgers.

Speaker 1 Kind of brand that you, I'm surprised they don't have a jingle. Well, I thought that, but then when I went on their website, they're very...

Speaker 1 like they wouldn't they price themselves as high-end and they're positioning themselves as like design and contemporary So it didn't feel like. Again, too premium, you reckon, for a jingle?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it didn't seem like they wanted to have a jingle.

Speaker 1 I got

Speaker 1 this to head office. I got Wonder Wall, which is timely because of wastes of

Speaker 1 the time.

Speaker 1 You can see how it's turned to a long.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a lot of held notes. There's a lot of held notes.
So the information

Speaker 1 is hard to get all of that. That's powerful in a stadium, less powerful in a marketing message as well

Speaker 1 i mean even when you're buying airtime going yeah but our jingle has several words that last seconds and seconds that we're hanging on to they'll go can we write a quick

Speaker 1 jingle it we yeah it's costing us double the ad time uh agreed um so that's the rules you've you've i've got dealt them Look,

Speaker 1 the advantage for me was Wonder Wall does kind of run with Fisher and Park Hall. Oh, yeah.
So I had that advantage. That wasn't the hard part.

Speaker 1 Just so you know, everything I say is true from what they provide on the website here um and uh i've pitched it though as a big sale and that's why they've gone for the extra long um at advert okay

Speaker 1 you don't get intros this big do you with most jingles

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Speaker 1 Fisher and Pichol, luxury appliances designed for a changing world.

Speaker 1 No, it's not a jingle. It's a whole song.

Speaker 1 It's an operetta.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's probably just done the chorus. Yeah,

Speaker 1 but it's like when you see a car yard ad in the country where like, you know, Darryl, Daryl Elthington's done his own ad.

Speaker 1 So it's the shitness of a self-ad, but with the expense of paying for the rights to Wonder War.

Speaker 1 This is a $5 million ad, but it's all gone to buying the music rights.

Speaker 1 Haim.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, talking of high-end, I mean, it doesn't get much higher-end than the brand that the hat delivered me, Rolex.

Speaker 1 Rolex boss is Swiss excellence.

Speaker 1 You certainly haven't seen a jingle from. I have not seen Federer or Tiger Woods or any of the Rolex ambassadors sing along to the jingle on the company's ads.

Speaker 1 But Rolex, known for excellence, the inventors of the wristwatch, really, made it famous.

Speaker 1 If you're keen on your watch history,

Speaker 1 tough one because of the song I drew. What song? Great Great song,

Speaker 1 but as soon as you hear it, you'll go, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 The famous bit isn't words. Seven Nation Army by the white strike.

Speaker 1 Man, the famous.

Speaker 1 It's actually one of the only

Speaker 1 hit songs without a chorus. It doesn't have a chorus.
That's the chorus. The chorus is guitars and drums.
So you've tried to sing to that?

Speaker 1 I'm just letting you know the creative challenge that we faced.

Speaker 1 like some doozies in there rolex fascinating i mean rolex if you again like the actual history of rolex is fascinating because of course like they've been around since you know over oh well over 100 years and their wind up watches like they're automatic you don't have a battery the mechanism inside of the spring they invented that whole movement but then when digital came along in the 80s everyone was like uh-oh like you're paying thousands of dollars for a Rolex and now like we have digital watches but they doubled down and and just went ultra-luxury and survived.

Speaker 1 So, I was like, We've got to celebrate the fact in that.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, you need that backstory. We need the backstory, okay? Because I was like, I think we'll probably edit this out by the time it gets to the podcast, but it's important.

Speaker 1 I think that's fascinating.

Speaker 1 And you need this, when you think about it, you go, Okay, well, actually, yeah, Rolex, you know, in the world of- You don't have the luxury of that when someone turns on the radio to hear a jingle.

Speaker 1 But people know

Speaker 1 when you're buying the Rolex, you know, I'm buying a piece of craftsmanship. I'm not buying an eye, I'm not buying an Apple watch.
There's no battery, I'm not buying a digital watch. Okay,

Speaker 1 so with that in mind, they're also not cheap. Um, and I think you've got to be honest about that.
I got

Speaker 1 in your advertising, not for, not, uh, yeah, not a, not a, not a cheapie, but a goodie. That's again, not in the song, but that's sort of at the heart of what they do.

Speaker 1 Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. You're gonna buy a watch.
Tick, tick, A seven-figure price tag shouldn't hold you back.

Speaker 1 You gotta wind it up.

Speaker 1 It's analog time and we like it like that.

Speaker 1 There's no messages a little ass.

Speaker 1 Cause it's not a phone. Roll, row, row, row, row, roll.

Speaker 1 Just time.

Speaker 1 Roll, roll, row, row, row, roll and say. Roll, row, row, row, roll, roll.

Speaker 1 Sometimes day. Roll, row, row, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, land.
Sometimes stopwatch.

Speaker 2 Write us a letter and we'll post you a catalogue.

Speaker 1 And a lot of X.

Speaker 1 It's good. It's catchy.
I think it might be the winner today. It's not a win for stickiness.

Speaker 1 I gave myself

Speaker 1 Lex. I gave myself no chance.
I mean, what do you think, guys? Carls?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think that squares us up. Yeah, one each for 2025.
How else do you justify a $30,000 watch that is time, sometimes day, date? But you know, these are extra features. Oh, the power

Speaker 1 stops. Grabbing with the tick ticks.
The tick tick is brilliant.

Speaker 1 I appreciate that.

Speaker 1 I was at a movies movies the other night and

Speaker 1 gold class?

Speaker 1 No way, mate. No way.
You're allowed to go to gold class. No, no.

Speaker 1 It's very... Couldn't.
It was Hoyts. It was Hoyts.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was

Speaker 1 D-Max or something.

Speaker 1 Director Sweet when I was there. I don't know if they've changed that.

Speaker 1 I can't afford to give anyone legroom anymore after you work there. Funny you mention you working there, Jack.

Speaker 1 Because it did pop into my mind as I was watching the previews.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 how many years ago was it you worked there? Oh, 2005, 2006. Yeah.
What a summer. Not for them, as Andy mentioned.

Speaker 1 Certainly not for their balance sheet. A curious, curious hole in the balance sheet in.

Speaker 1 Allegedly.

Speaker 1 Allegedly, of course.

Speaker 1 The summer I turned Betty Cash into my own money. The summer my hands got sticky.
The summer my sock was.

Speaker 1 What did you notice at Hoyts? Well, now, Jack, we've talked about this before on the show. Hoytz is aware of it, too.
There are sort of forensic accountants, I think, sniffing around going,

Speaker 1 something seemed off that summer, but they could never put their finger on it. Now, it was such a tiny amount.

Speaker 1 That's a rounding error.

Speaker 1 You've always claimed, well, that's for them to decide what employees take from whether it's the candy bar, the candy bar, the popcorn machine, the physical money from the till. These are all.

Speaker 1 I think it was just popcorn. Oh.

Speaker 1 That all belongs to Hoyts, though, right? Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I wouldn't do that now.

Speaker 1 Learn my lesson. Well, I didn't learn my lesson because I never got in trouble, but I wouldn't do that again.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't do that anymore.

Speaker 1 If I learned anything, it was that if done with enough stealth and enough forethought, you can certainly have your cake and eat it too, or certainly have your cash and earn it too.

Speaker 1 You can learn a lesson without them teaching it to you. Self-thought.
That's true. That's true.
I can fucking learn a lesson.

Speaker 1 Do you think the lesson you learned was no harm in it, Jackie taking a little bit extra for himself?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 it was during a period when cinemas were doing very well. Now, obviously, I wouldn't attack a cinema.
Or anyone. I wouldn't attack anyone.
Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 1 Well, here's the thing, Jack. This competition comes up on the screen, like in the previews.
And it's to win, like, you know, I don't know, you and a few mates. It's like you win a session.

Speaker 1 I think it was in conjunction with someone else, but it's like you essentially win a free trip to the movies and unlimited popcorn

Speaker 1 for the movie. And I thought to myself, boy, I know someone that helped themselves to a limited popcorn back in the day at Hoyt's.
But anyway, just for me.

Speaker 1 Then I saw at the bottom of the screen little asterisks that says, Hoyt's fair go policy applies. Oh, right.
Because immediately you hear unlimited popcorn and you've got to think of how to weasel it.

Speaker 1 Okay, someone's turning up to send him us with a wheelbarrow. Like, what are they going to do? Hoytz has thought about this and they've gone, okay, we, you you know, come on, the fair's fair.

Speaker 1 We know what we're, yes, I did. Yes, of course, I did.

Speaker 1 That's all I could think about during the movie. I was like, God, I can't wait to Google what the conditions around the popcorn are.
And if, Jack, you played by the same rules.

Speaker 1 When would you say you played by the fair, fair go policy? Oh, I wouldn't have even had a bucket per shift of money or popcorn.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 Just one small bucket. bucket.
One small bucket of $10 notes, please.

Speaker 1 Sorry. A popcorn.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 here's how they get you. Here's how they...
Well, here's how they stop you from getting them. You can do same day only.
You can't come back. Like, if you get, I think you're leaving.
That's obvious.

Speaker 1 That's obvious. Well, did you do same day only joke? Or was it over multiple days?

Speaker 1 I think it was a one-off. Okay.

Speaker 1 So you, this is, so you bring, you have to bring back the empty container to the candy bar to show them that you've eaten it. And to so you

Speaker 1 and then they'll swap it. Yeah, they'll swap it off.
They'll swap it for a freshie.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 It saves you getting for other people, I suppose, if you're the only person entitled to it.

Speaker 1 There's still ways around that if you bring your own container on various things.

Speaker 1 That's what I was thinking.

Speaker 1 You bring a duffel bag lined with, you bring a garbage bag lining in the duffel bag and you can just keep pouring it in.

Speaker 1 You have to

Speaker 1 to prove if they suspect you of sharing beyond personal use.

Speaker 1 That was good there, wasn't it? Oh, wow. They can cut you off.
So abnormal slash excessive use, they can cut you off. But you usually, it's not odd to share a popcorn.

Speaker 1 I don't think you're, well, you're not allowed to

Speaker 1 with the unlimited popcorn. Which does seem to be okay.
Yeah, yeah. It seems like if they came and they say, well, we saw you give one to your wife.
Well, what was one?

Speaker 1 I mean, she asked and I got a malteser back. Well, it's, I mean, to be clear, how much popcorn can one eat in one session? Do you reckon? Three buckets tops? No, that's too much.
You get it.

Speaker 1 You get, so basically they should just say, and you have two buckets.

Speaker 1 This is what I was going to say. Like, someone sat in a room and they've got, and look, I understand if this person's been at the company for over 20 years, they know what it's like to get bitten hard

Speaker 1 from within the building. you know they they know what it's like to be taken down via an inside job so i understand one's bitten twice shy with Hoyt.
But I'm with you, Ando.

Speaker 1 If you're really offering someone unlimited popcorn, and Jackie, you'd know from being inside there, what does it cost? Like one cent a kilogram? Oh, it's nothing.

Speaker 1 You basically should just go, hey, if you reckon you can eat 10 boxes,

Speaker 1 go for it.

Speaker 1 Go for it. You're like the kid in Matilda who tries to eat the chocolate cake.
Go for it. We will stand here and watch you.
No, you're not going to watch. You're not going to see the movie.

Speaker 1 You're going to have the worst day of your life. If you want to be Augustus, you go for it

Speaker 1 hey i'm got in the car after hockey last night turned on the radio grass hockey ball hockey

Speaker 1 field hockey yes

Speaker 1 turned on the radio and i was reminded of a game that i said i'd play one more time oh please let this be the cleaning game the cleaning game

Speaker 1 a strange one for me though i'd never heard that they i was gonna i said to marshi who works with us here I said, I'll get an opener. And he was suggesting an opener.
I was like, guess what?

Speaker 1 I heard their opener. I'd never heard that they.

Speaker 1 Sorry, I've jumped in quickly because I was looking forward to this, but do you need to recap for people how the game works? It's a lady on Talkback Radio. Lady Stain

Speaker 1 on Talkback Radio who you ring up at any stain you have in your life and she'll tell you how to get rid of it. I actually tuned in to hear the whole segment starting, didn't realize I had an opener.

Speaker 1 This is what it is. Awesome.
This is the Lady of Stain. There's a red dot on your sweater.
How you look confirmed stained. Shannon Lush.

Speaker 1 Shannon Lush, the Lady of Stain. I mean, this, at what point is this just supremely lazy from us that we are just taking talk back radio? No,

Speaker 1 listening to it and not doing anything with it, but just doing, I mean, segments sleuth us, really, because we're just doing their segment. Yeah.
Well, the game, though, they don't like it.

Speaker 1 I want to play. The game is

Speaker 1 I have now taken grabs for the remedy for the stain. You guys have to guess what's staining it at my stain.
Okay, that's good. You've done some work.
We've done some work. Now I'm happy with it.

Speaker 1 We've like sort of achieved a minimum threshold of creativity.

Speaker 1 So here was, so this was interesting for me because last time I was in the car and I was like, what's stain with it doing? I was actually playing the game live before I turned into a game.

Speaker 1 Now I know in advance. But here.
So you're going to tell us, you know, sawdust and vinegar. And we have to go, okay, that's an oil sword.
Well, you'll hear the lady of stain, Shannon Lush,

Speaker 1 explain it. And then we have to guess what kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 One last question. Are we awarding points based on who was closest to the stain?

Speaker 1 Good luck here is the first stain.

Speaker 3 If you put it in the bathtub with a couple of cups of white vinegar and a small amount, sufficient blood heat water to cover it.

Speaker 3 And when I say blood heat, you test it on your wrist like you do a baby spottle. So you get the tap going, you run it, run your wrist under it.

Speaker 3 If you can't feel the temperature on the inside of your wrist, it's the right temperature. Add a couple of cups of white vinegar to it, and then just go for a little stomp up and down on it.

Speaker 3 Then lie flat in the shade to dry. Do not dry it in the sun.
Do not dry it in the wind.

Speaker 1 Do not dry it in the sun. Do not dry it in the wind.
That's what we love Lady of Stanford. She's so formal.

Speaker 1 It took me a second to get blood temperature. I'd never get around to that yeah so she just means like body temp

Speaker 1 blood

Speaker 1 sorry she's saying put blood in the bath

Speaker 1 okay what do you have an idea i think you've have you have you already formulated dry i've got an idea yeah great yeah but he does he'll go first then

Speaker 1 make him go first okay i think it's something big it probably a rug

Speaker 1 okay I think it is a woolen jumper or a woolen garment. That's why she's so adamant about no sun, no, and like you just got to let it dry.
Wow, I didn't expect the game to be this exciting.

Speaker 1 I had to give it to Jack, unfortunately, have

Speaker 1 really it's a rug, it is a sheepskin rug. Yeah, and well, if you ask for more information, that's what I want to say.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 I think you got so lucky there.

Speaker 1 I think I was 98% there on the fabric, and you got extremely lucky on the shape. A dog peed in it.
Um, backstory for this next one: Jack's one up.

Speaker 1 Lady rang in filthy with her husband for causing this. Have a listen.

Speaker 3 You may need to emulsify the surface and you do that with dishwashing liquid, but you've got to move it while you're doing it. So if you stand on an old towel,

Speaker 3 and it's easier to do this with bare feet, by the way, You get yourself a clean, soft kitchen broom, make sure the broom is clean, stuff the head of the broom down the leg of a pair of pandyhose and make up a bucket of detergent and water.

Speaker 3 Not one of the eco-varieties, normal detergent.

Speaker 3 And you need to frost it up. I do it with an egg beater,

Speaker 3 a whisk, you know, so that you've got a lot of foam on the top of it.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 3 And you just dip the broom into the foam and then you rub it in circles ahead of yourself and you'll see it start to move. And as soon as it starts to move, you wiggle forward on the towel

Speaker 3 so that it dries it straight away. And you just wiggle your way along the stain.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow. What?

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 There were so many instructions. If that was given to me, I was saying, we're just going to lose the item.
It doesn't matter. That honestly sounded like a

Speaker 1 witch's spell. It was like, you know, I'm surprised you didn't throw in on a full moon.
Well, to give you a clue then, very difficult item to get rid of, if nay, impossible, I'd say. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say it's on the carpet. It's on the hallway carpet.

Speaker 1 And so, you know, it's on that kind of a setting.

Speaker 1 The detergent,

Speaker 1 I mean, I thought you would get it, and she keeps saying make it move.

Speaker 1 I think you would get it, Haim, from the amount of froth you need.

Speaker 1 Why does he love

Speaker 1 blood because of his chemist background? So, he's saying you've got all nice things.

Speaker 1 I wonder if it is blood on the carpet, Jack, vomit

Speaker 1 gonna give it to Haim just

Speaker 1 it's just oil

Speaker 1 on floorboards.

Speaker 1 On floorboards. Come on.
We're so close. Yeah, that's pretty close.

Speaker 1 That's pretty close.

Speaker 1 It's a difficult, it's a difficult one. That is more oil.
That's closer. Yeah, that is.
That is.

Speaker 1 I think if you gave it to Jack,

Speaker 1 that would be outrageous. I admit that I wasn't, that's not a slam dunk for me.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Oil on floorboards. Last one.
Okay. This one has a two-parter.
So if you get it on the first part, you're obviously a legend, but then otherwise, I'll play you the second part of the grab.

Speaker 3 Off you go, Jack. You need to use rotten milk.

Speaker 1 It's 300 mils full cream milk into an open-mouth container.

Speaker 3 An ice cream container is perfect. The bigger the mouth on it, the quicker it rots.
But leave it out in the sunshine until it goes lumpy and disgusting and smells to high heaven.

Speaker 3 And then you strain the lumps out with your fingers because it's the lumps that you use. Place the lumps on the stain, and you can sit there and watch it.
It breaks it down and it bleeds out.

Speaker 1 Wow, wow. Okay.
Do you want the second part?

Speaker 1 It sounds like a muck-up day prank at the moment.

Speaker 1 It just, I mean, this is just, it's just amazing. It just makes me, it reminds me of like in like, you know, 5,000 years ago, how people just figured out

Speaker 1 food. They would have tried a lot of food.
Oh, wait a sec. Wait a sec.
What if we did this? Oh, my God. It's sort of...
Should we call it tofu? Yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, we made that from a bean.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've got a slight theory, but I'm not going to, yep. I think this next scrab might

Speaker 1 give you a hint,

Speaker 1 might help you out with the item they're trying to get the stain off.

Speaker 3 It's a piece of cotton cloth, 30 centimetres square, so one foot square. Must be 100% cotton.
It can be old t-shirt or old niggers, so long as it's 100% cotton.

Speaker 3 Into the middle of the cloth, you put a teaspoon of beeswax. a teaspoon of lavender oil and a teaspoon of lemon oil.

Speaker 3 Always make two of these when you make one so you can give one to somebody else.

Speaker 3 Post Post the cloth in a microwave-safe dish, either china or glass, not plastic, and zap it in your microwave in 10-second bursts until the beeswax melts.

Speaker 3 Once you've melted it, that impregnates the cloth, and that's your leather conditioning cloth, and that lasts for about 10 years.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Sorry, there's someone else on the show with it.

Speaker 1 That's the letter sponsor.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I'm guessing like a leather couch or something, something, maybe. I'm going to say car seat, leather car seat.
So I'll go pen off

Speaker 1 a leather couch. He's got it.
100%.

Speaker 1 Well done.

Speaker 1 Well done. Well done.

Speaker 1 A leather couch. Congratulations.
Do you put the moldy milk lumps on that? You put the coffee on it. And it dissolves it and then you condition it afterwards.
That's correct, Ham. And then

Speaker 1 from listening, most of her remedies involve involve pantyhose, I've noticed. Yes.

Speaker 1 And then I was a nice treat at the end of the show where

Speaker 1 an emailer wrote in to ask how many pantyhose that she owns.

Speaker 1 Also, I wonder how many pairs of stockings Shannon has. She must have heaps.

Speaker 3 You usually about 50.

Speaker 1 50?

Speaker 3 I have them in different colours for different things.

Speaker 3 Having different colours means that I don't cross-contaminate.

Speaker 1 Right. Oh, my God.
This is your perfect woman, Andy.

Speaker 1 That is your.

Speaker 1 This is why you're listening to the segments.

Speaker 1 Now I know while Andy's this is Andy's got a massive crush on her. Look at all the practical knowledge she has, all the systems she has got, how stern she is.

Speaker 1 You know, when she's like, you know, it must be 30 centimeters square, 30 centimeters square. It's got a little bit of like Andy sternness.
China dish, not glass, not plastic.

Speaker 1 Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.
Catch up or contribute at Hamishandandy.com.