2025 Ep 313 - The First Ever Segment Sleuth Apology

Summer isn't just a season, it's a feeling.

The warm sand nestled between your toes,

wading in a crystal blue Caribbean Sea,

and of course, driving off in a new Lexus during the Golden Opportunity Sales Event.

Get offers on select luxury models now through September 2nd.

Because the greatest measure of an automobile is how it makes you feel.

Experience amazing at your Lexus dealer.

A listener production.

Activate your internet.

Because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three,

two.

Sorry, still buffering.

One.

Ahoy to my zenith, Hamish.

Thank you.

I mean, whether you call me the Zenith, the Apex, the Climax, the purpose of your whole life, I love these little nicknames that you come up with.

Cute.

Ahoy to the observer.

Ahoy?

This sounds like something in a board game I would play.

Characters in a board game.

It also does sound a bit like the show.

You just sit over there watching us most of the time.

Just sit over there watching the high point.

Is this things you need

to observe?

I mean, I don't know.

This might give it away, but I am the horizon.

Oh, we are telescope, like a Hubble telescope or something.

We are the three main points of the horizon coordinate system.

There is the horizon, the zent,

and then the

observer is

person looking at it.

And why, okay, is that a well-known coordinate system, the horizon coordinate system?

It's well enough to be put in front of me with a lot of details about it that I'm skimming through thinking.

and it's probably a bit boring but it was well enough it was if it was hey if it was good enough for ChatGP to spit out when Lizzie said hey can you give me 20 groups of three things then it's good enough for us.

Take the rest of the week off.

Ahoy also to Ella.

She went to Hamishandy.com which you can go anytime and tell us what you've been up to by easily uploading a little bit of audio.

Ahoy boys, I'm in Peru at the moment and have been catching up on the podcast.

Last week I did a big track to Machu Picchu and I got hit with altitude sickness and you guys really pulled me through.

There's nothing better than listening to an hour of Crock Wars wrap-up at 4,600 meters elevation.

So thanks for that and I've been practicing my Spanish so apologies for the pronunciation but mucho gusto adios.

Nice.

Bernada.

I think she must have been going back to the start which is our preferred recommendation of intake of the pod.

I was thinking do we would we ever run a system where if you know I know this sounds a bit pyramid schemy and it might be but where if you if you can encourage if you can get a new listener to the podcast and you can get them to go through the whole back catalogue and catch up you get yourself a coin

hard to police

it is hard to police but you there would be there'd be a there's a comprehension test there'd be a comprehension test and we would also pressure test both parties to prove that they had done this yeah

that's a great system um if if you get a friend on board yep and then you make them and they go back through all the apps yeah And then they've got a comprehension test of 10 questions.

How many do they have to get, though?

Because we can't even remember what we did.

No, I'm just trying to think what is going to stop two people that have already listened to all the apps.

One to play awesome and to pretend to play doggo and go, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd never heard of you guys before.

And then they just cheat to get a coin.

We get all IP addresses and we see if you've ever downloaded the show.

Yep.

Now it gets tricky.

Yeah.

Maybe we come up.

And also a coin is a coin's a lot.

Do we go?

We don't have a way to give away coins with special skills on the bench?

What about with this?

Why don't we go over the government mandated break?

We'll give away a coin to the person that can recruit the most new listeners.

Okay.

You come to us with evidence that you've been doing the work of the pod.

Missionaries.

Going out and recruiting new converts.

And if you're the key, I know this is not what the church does, but if you're the head missionary, you get a prize.

Church doesn't do that.

I think they're pretty much just like, anyone's great.

We're not going to pit you against each other.

But that's the, you know, we do that.

Okay.

I think we still need a comprehension start.

Yeah, but then I think that's the thing.

Now it sounds like we need like 50 comprehension tests.

No, but I think we've got people going, oh, look, I've got 100 new followers for you guys.

We're really just, you know, we're going to the big fish to go, okay, great.

But how do we know?

But how do we know?

What stops me sending that email tomorrow?

Hey, I hadn't planned this out.

All right.

We get a haul and we get all the new followers to come and we pressure test them.

We'll have a think about our life, but then we'll come into this for the meantime.

This sounds like this, sounds like this, sounds like this.

If this sounds like that, I'm your man.

Andy Lee, Segment Sleuth.

Yeah, sometimes it's Song of Sleuth, sometimes it's Segment Sleuth.

Something happened in Segment Sleuth that has never, ever happened before,

where

A few weeks ago, I pointed out that there was an article written by Nine Honey, which is a lifestyle article, talking about crumpets and how they're fluffier in Queensland and not so fluffy and more dense in the more southern states.

This is obviously, as we went through it, a direct replica of the findings Hamish made when he was blowing something wide open.

Brought to me by a loyal detective of the show.

Haim,

the first time ever,

Segment Sleuth has yielded and forced a public apology from Nine Honey.

They've apologized they have apologized in an open letter that that they put and they put out as an article as an apology i've taken some the excerpts from it um but this is what they had to say in relation to us calling them out in the pod dear hamish and andy i'd like to start off by recognizing that you boys did do the crumpet taste test first

Yes, you may have been the first to take the debate to a public platform, but it's a battle that's lived in the mind of Queenslanders for years.

Sure, maybe a bit of inspiration was taken listening to podcasts during the hours-long drive from Sydney to the Sunshine Coast.

However, I do have one apology to make, and it's directly to you, Hamish.

Nine Honey recognizes that Hamish Blake is the guy that does first impressions of crumpets and recognizes the fluffiness without tasting.

We made a mere comparison that in no way matched up to the expertise of Mr.

Blake's professional observation.

I think

in today's increasingly fractured society, we stand no chance of advancing as a unified society if we can't celebrate those that put their hand up and say, I was wrong and I want to learn and do better.

So I say to nine honey, I unreservedly accept your apology.

It's lovely.

It is so lovely.

Now, obviously, segments

not long ago,

I bought up Amy Poehl was talking about the Volkswagen Tiguan in an ad and did use the phrase must be nice.

It did put it on a watch list for us of like, hey,

we're not saying

it's taken anything from our show.

We certainly don't have a monopoly on those three words being together.

And we don't, as much as we

like to think,

have a monopoly on all Tiguan promotional materials.

I got sent this so many times, though.

This is Amy Poehler and Kristen Wig.

Well, you guys can be the judge, Evelyn.

Do you have that thing sometimes where you feel bad for inanimate objects?

Yes, so do I.

Hilarious.

I think that's like a thing.

Do you have that thing where you feel bad for inanimate objects?

Now, obviously,

we're in our world to their credit, though.

Kristen, we got a bloody good one, Evelyn.

I remember so specifically, I was in the bathroom, and you know how you have like, it's like a pill thing and maybe it's like, I don't know if it was like allergy pills and you pop them through and there's like two, right?

And I needed two, but there was one left over.

And so I grabbed that one and then one from the other one.

And my dad was like, why didn't you just get two from this one?

I was like, well, that one's been by itself for so long.

And I feel like he thought that was cute, but I wonder if he was like, oh no.

Look, I'm going to give him a pass.

Yes.

A, hilarious.

And also, B, Kristen brought it to the show.

That wasn't Amy leading it.

So I feel as if the guest brings it, what can you do?

What can you do?

Yeah, we're going to go along with it.

So

another pass.

Another pass for me for bowler.

Got in trouble with Beck the other day, booking a restaurant.

An area that you think you couldn't get in trouble with, but she was in the car.

I called the restaurant and she didn't think that I was, I didn't say thank you you at the end I thought my to the restaurant to the restaurant at the call

but I thought my tone insinuated thank you so we get off the call and she's like you were so rude you didn't say thank you and I said oh I think my tone made it definitely implied a thank you what did you end with what did you say Well, so I spent this morning trying to recreate the call and I've been calling Beck back and forth to play it to her to make sure that she's happy with my representation of the call.

and then you guys will get to hear it and you can decide how it went okay okay so this is me actually calling bec to get sign-off on the accuracy the accuracy of the call and uh this happened early on

hello hey becca how are you hi good uh sorry to bother you remember when we were booking dinner at Bistro Elba

and you said I was rude to the lady on the phone

No.

Well, we were driving along, and I said I'd made the booking, and you said I didn't say thank you at the end.

And I thought that the tone implied thank you.

I mean, probably, but.

I've just recreated the conversation, so I just wanted to check whether you're happy with this representation of what happened, and then I can present to the guys.

Okay, well, I don't remember it, but sure, go for it.

Okay.

hello bistro elba hey there guys it's andy here uh bec and i'm just wondering whether there's a chance we could come in for dinner tonight eight o'clock yeah that shouldn't be a problem yeah we've got space for you just come on in amazing see you then

that was very chirpy i think that was the amount of chirp i had i don't think so i think that sounds like

yeah that's too chirpy okay you weren't that you wouldn't have been that chirpy

if I down the chirpy

chirp okay if I pull back the chirpy a little bit have you got a sign-off that I can present that

I mean yeah sure go for it okay thanks Steve appreciate it sorry I know you're busy bye

bye

so I did down the chirp a bit I sent it I mean it always happens whenever you like reply whenever you reenact something in front of your partner you're always 50 to 80 percent better sounding than you were on the moment.

Yeah.

So

I redid it again.

I've downed the chirp a bit, sent it back to Bec.

She's like, yes,

that's right.

That's how it was.

I think I'm unders now, just so you know.

But just want you guys to now hear the call and tell me whether you think it's rude.

Hello, Bistra Elba.

Hey there, guys.

Andy here.

Just wondering whether Becca and I could come in for dinner tonight, maybe eight o'clock.

Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem.

Yeah, we've got space for you.

Just come on in.

Great.

We'll see you then.

How was that?

I think I might.

I mean, I could see you do that.

I could see you doing that if you were busy.

Yeah, less chirpy.

I actually felt like it wasn't an implied thank you.

First one, I would have said implied thank you.

But surely.

Great to see you then.

You don't need to go, oh, thank you so much.

No, that's not.

Well, no one's saying that.

You have to say thanks.

Because let's remember, a booking is always a favor from the restaurant.

It's not like you're paying,

it's a favor to go, yeah, we'll hold a table for you.

Is it?

Yeah, because you could no show and then ruin their night.

If they held a table till eight o'clock and you just decided not to turn up, they can't do anything about that.

So it is a favor.

They're going, I trust you'll be there.

And you go, thanks for your trust.

If you had to spell it out.

Okay.

So you feel like I was rude.

Well, it doesn't, it wouldn't kill you to say thanks.

Are you on a first name basis with them because you say andy yeah me and beckon andy and beckony we go there all the time okay

so even worse because they're friend they're friends of yours oh gosh i really don't think we should have to go thank you so much everybody

no one's asking no one's asking for a gush we're just asking you just saying thanks amazing see you then

yeah you didn't sound like you're amazed no well i feel like i got pulled back into do you think amazing saves you yeah

Saying it's amazing is the same as a thank you.

Yeah.

I think a dulled amazing actually sounds more offensive.

Like

amazing.

Amazing.

See you there.

It sounded like the problem has been here is almost sarcastic on chirp.

I've been like, Beck drilled me down too far on chirp.

I was much chirpier than that.

I reckon she's right.

Hey, towards the back end of the year, this game becomes extremely difficult.

Where a lot of people still write in, wanting to roll the dice, but they have to try and tell us someone we haven't thought of in a while.

We're about to jump into the game.

There's a little space in the opener for one of us to yell at it as a person that we haven't thought of in a while.

Jack's elected to be the yeller today.

Now, remember, Jack, the rules are it has to be since the start of the year.

Yes, I think I've got a great one.

Okay, do it.

It's been a while since I've thought

about jumping Jaya Tarima.

Oh, good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's been a while

since I've seen them.

The part of my brain, the part of my brain that at Pub Trivia will, when the true answer is revealed, wants to go, yes, I was thinking that, but you weren't thinking that.

You just know that in retrospect.

Yes.

Do you know what I mean?

Yes.

You know how your brain goes, I think, was I about to say that?

And then you have to be honest with yourself and go, no, no, you just understood the answer.

And you're confusing that with almost having had it.

Jack, how old are you now?

I'm 37.

37, yeah.

There's, there's now, you're not, we can't even turn to you for young things anymore.

There's, there'd be, no, no, there'd be, there's

anyone under 30.

I'm not a baby boomer.

Anyone under 30 would know who jumping

off and jumping Jaitorima would is.

What Olympics?

He was 2000.

Was it Sydney Olympics?

Yeah.

Okay.

And what made him exciting for me as a 13-year-old, 12-year-old was that he

won a silver medal for long jump, but also ate McDonald's and smoked cigarettes and skateboarded.

It was like, oh, look at this anti-athlete.

Yeah.

So cool.

Still gets off the ground.

Hey, tell us, people send in hats.

Tell us what hats we've got there.

Amazon.

We have got

hat number one.

It is a light burgundy.

I like this hat.

It's a dad cap.

It's got the kind of the fabric buckle fastener at the back.

Can be a bit fiddly to tighten on your head, but you'll give it a pass.

It's just a nice cotton dad hat, embroidered logo.

It's by a company called Ranger, the Outdoor People.

I don't know who they are.

And I think in the category of outdoor people, more people come to mind first.

But Ranger, if you say you're the outdoor people,

there's only one way to get it out there.

And that's put it on a hat and have people know that there's a new outdoor people in town, or rather, out of town, in the wild.

That would be my preferred as I look at them.

That's just a nice kind of worn worn wine coloured hat.

Well, I do you know who made this hat that I'm holding?

What's this hat?

Yeah, this is a stiffer.

This is, I think, yeah, I suspect it as much.

It's a normal snapback, but it's the AS color snapback.

We've come across these before.

It's a sturdy, decent hat.

More of a cotton.

I'll get to it.

More of a cotton.

What do they call that?

Like a drill cotton, like a thicker cotton.

And who is the logo for?

Kingston Crum.

Kingston Crumb, the biscuit themed band that played at ConCon last year.

Oh, sorry, that is my perfect.

Who wouldn't want a Kingston Crumb hat?

I hope no one goes with this so I can have a Kingston Crumb hat.

The boys did excellently last year at ConCon.

They played, if you remember the schedule, they played during the biscuit hour before the first session of ConCon.

And I think they played the interval too.

In the interval as well.

And they changed all their songs to be biscuit-themed songs.

So love that little nod to our favorite conference band.

Then we come to what I'm going to have to say is a perplexing hat.

This is a mess.

This is a mess.

It's not even a five-panel cap, but it's kind of like that.

It's kind of made of a shiny nylon.

Yeah.

It's like a parachute, like a lightweight running hat.

But then on the front, it's been like an iron transfer print.

So it's a bit stiff on that material.

It's like it's going to peel off.

The company, I'm sure they do a great job of what they're known for, but it's Answorth and Sons professional hedge cutters.

Okay.

But then there's also the brand of the hat on the front of the hat, Evo hat.

On the front of the hat with the hedge cutting.

Cut some of the wordage off the hat would be my advice.

You guys know about cutting hedges, but you've made an, you've butchered the front of the hat.

Shocker.

It probably is.

Like I said, if I was going to get a hedge cut, I'd go to these guys.

If I was going to get a hat, I wouldn't.

Avoid them at all costs.

First up, we've got Blake, I believe.

Blake, ahoy to you.

Ahoy, Fellas, and the little boy.

And congratulations, Ham, on the gigantic peak.

And cute, but we are trying to keep it behind us as much as we can.

Blake, tell us something we haven't thought of for a while.

I'm thinking Paulie Shaw.

No, sorry, mate.

You thought it was a joke.

Yeah, I was explaining Incino Man to my nephews the other day.

They'd be writing the design for that.

And Beck didn't know what I was talking about.

So I got the trailer up.

Hasn't aged as

well.

The Incino Man.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

Because from what I remember, it was just a charming documentary about a hunk that was frozen in a pool, and Paulie Shaw excavated him and brought him back to life.

Yeah.

And then, from what I could tell from the trailer,

the Neanderthal man was a bit handsy, like Neanderthal.

Well, they were.

They were.

I mean, it's an uncomfortable truth.

So I'm not saying we hold them up as an idol, but they were.

So, sorry, Blake.

Unfortunate for you.

Rachel, who are you?

Hello, guys.

How are you?

Hello, Rach.

Hi.

My person's Aristotle.

Aristotle?

Great, great one.

Great one.

One of the classics, one of the OG celebrities.

Yeah, exactly.

I haven't.

Have we thought of Aristotle?

Specifically.

I mean, he was a great thinker.

Was there something specific he's phoned?

That was one of his big hits.

I want to say buoyancy.

I want to say, didn't he?

Or is that Archimedes?

That was Archimedes.

We were arguing

about heavy things falling.

faster and how they don't and how yeah so was that him one of the things he believed gotcha all right

so he was so he but i mean newton did gravity that was sort of he was famous for that but was aristotle sort of watching newton the warm-up was he the opening act galileo was in there as well he was planets and was he

okay but it's amazing aristotle becomes a household name just for like heavier things don't oh it's pretty good

it's a good theory

he did a lot of other stuff no it's true and this is exactly what it would have been like back in whatever century it was.

I'm just going to throw it out there about, I don't know, 600s

in Greece or Italy or wherever Aristotle grew up.

And it would have been exciting chat like this as people thought about his ideas and debated them, Jack.

So you've proved why he was a household name.

You've got your talk and

you had to pick a side with Aristotle.

But

he's like a pop star who was a hunk, but you don't remember any of their songs.

Like he's obviously got a bigger name than actually.

I think if you bought up some of his stuff.

well, we can't.

None of us.

I think it's like it's sort of like bands where you go, yeah, I think I know some Billy Joel songs.

And then you go through just how many hits he has.

You go, oh my God, actually,

this guy deserves being able to do that.

Billy Joel is more like Newton in that sense because we know a heap of Billy Joel hits.

Yeah.

But I think there's a lot of stuff that Aristotle would have discovered that you use every day that you're not giving credit to him for.

Jack, you're not better than Aristotle.

I think you're in.

I think it's

Aristotle for a long time.

Rachel, what hat would you like?

Who would you like?

I would love the Kingston Crumbs.

Well done.

Well done with Aristotle.

Coming your way.

Thank you.

Marlon, ahoy to you.

Ahoy, boys.

Happy birthday, Andy.

I don't celebrate them.

What?

You love it.

Tell us something we haven't thought of in a while.

I'm thinking Jeff James, the Australian chef, TV chef.

That's not bad.

Yeah, I think Huey and Gabrielle Gatte just soak up a lot of the attention there, and Jeff Janz is able to fly under the radar and not be thought about.

Do you know who we're talking about, Jeff?

I don't know.

I know Huey, obviously.

He and Huey Hewitts, and there was kind of the big three.

We're talking about late 90s cooking.

TV chefs, yeah.

Yeah.

Before they became reality shows, you'd just watch them cook.

And that was the first time.

The cooking used to be.

He's probably the most famous Jeff Jack in Australia.

That's true.

Probes Bezos.

Bezos has got out of bunch.

But you're right, he's top three Jeffs.

Even for Australian Jeffs, though, I would say Jeff from the Wiggles.

Yeah, Jeff Thompson, great fast bowler.

Yeah, look, no,

he probably isn't the most famous Jeff, but I tell you what, I don't think we've thought of him.

And it does count because we do know who you're talking about.

So do you want the Ranger, the Outdoor People hat, or

the mess of the hedge-cutting hat?

Mate, I'll have to go for the Ranger hat.

You'll enjoy it.

Do you know who Ranger, the Outdoor People are?

Love them.

Absolutely love them.

all the things have them on the hat now yeah no indoor stuff uh marla thank you andy wrap this up for us tell us something we haven't thought of in a while uh i'm hoping you haven't thought of busy rascal in a while oh

did i listen to fix up look sharp on the weekend oh wow what a we would think you were talking about because my son does drums at school so and i always get a bit carried away definitely now that we're talking about it living out my own fantasies through him but i play him songs because every year they have to do a drum recital at school so i play him and literally next week he's playing in the air tonight by phil collins because i told him mate you do this song you'll bring the house down

so i was playing him some songs that for next year yeah like an iconic beat so sorry mate sorry andy but look to be honest you've avoided you've avoided the mess of a hat it was a lose lose situation for you yeah and you can only and here's me trying to make you know my son follow in my drumming footsteps.

And you look at Annsworth and sons, professional hedge cutters, and you just wonder if maybe Answorth's hearing this and going, Did I force the sons into hedge cutting?

Are they cutting edges of their own volition, or was it my dreams?

So, unfortunately, no hat for you, but some good reflection for us all.

That's right.

My wife's making me throw out my hats anyway, so that works.

Okay,

sorry, we couldn't help you with one.

Hey, Malert listener Nov from the UK has written in saying, long time listener, first time writer, you can hit us at Hamisheni.com.

Love the pod.

Can I request bringing back one of my all-time favorite segments of yours?

And please bring it back on a regular basis.

We can't promise that.

But Friends Galore.

Yeah, we can play one of Friends Galore.

Yes.

Essentially, this is a game where Jack is the best quiz master and he comes in and gives us two liked personalities or liked companies.

And we have to guess who has more friends on Facebook.

You're on Facebook still, or I've updated to Instagram as per the emails request.

He said that he was just more

Facebook was the dominating force back five or ten years ago when we used to play.

This is now, I guess it's followers' galore, isn't it?

Because I mean, friends was the Facebook thing, but that's all right.

We can we can adapt.

Yep.

But wasn't it, didn't you do stuff, Jack, from my memory?

It's been a while since we've played,

but it would be like,

I don't know like Tom Hanks

or

Tom Lamb shanks or something

and I have I've managed to link them I mean it is a bit of a stretch with some of them but they're linked

oh I remember the stretching well great we haven't deferred from what people love about the game

nov

if it's unique about this game is Hamish you and I play together We will battle Nav.

And if we are successful in picking who's got more friends or followers, followers, best two out of three, we will not send them anything, but we'll send Nav a token of no value.

If Triumphant, let's jump into it.

All right, who's ready for the plan?

So your nerves start coming in.

I was going to say, I going to say, it's that when you hear that,

is that a harmonica or is that?

Because I was going to say, when you hear that soothing, weird saxophone.

Probably saxophone, actually.

Probably is

your call, Jack.

I think it would be a synth.

Yeah, it's a synth.

Yeah, it's a synth.

Yeah, anyway.

Okay, we've done instruments, galore.

Let's

follow.

Okay, so we're going off Instagram now, so no longer friends.

But who has more followers out of Timothy Chalamay

and Callaway Golf?

Oh, good.

It's Callaway.

I think Chalamay.

Chamolay.

I'd go Chamole.

Yeah,

absolutely.

I think it's, I don't even think it's close.

And what are you going to put Timothy

Shamalay?

Chalamay.

Chalamay.

Chalamay at, I'd put him at 7 million.

I'm going to put him at 13.5, and I think Calloway is at around about 5.

Yeah, you're correct.

He killed him.

19.7 million to Calloway's 2.1 million.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, that's an easy one for us, but bad luck Nov.

Next one, Jack.

Who has more followers?

Hughesy or the Mad Hueys?

Really good one.

I think it's going to be the Mad Hueys.

Explain to us the Mad Hueys.

The Mad Hueys, I think they just do YouTube videos about fishing and surfing and being mad dogs.

Just being mad dogs.

Yeah.

Just being and a lot of merch.

You see a lot of Mad Huey stuff around.

And I like what they stand for.

They're the ones that are having a great time.

Mick Fatty's golf code.

yeah yeah yeah

I just got rid of the temporary tattoo that's that was shoey's for hueys

okay yeah from Mick Fanning's golf day so you know you know you're in for it when you go anywhere near the orbit of the Hueys you're you're gonna get dragged behind a speedboat or you're gonna have to do a Shuey or but you know that's what they that's what they they they live for and I

support it Australia's most beloved comedian it's been around for a long time yeah but the the mad hueys like their their world is like youtube and stuff They're doing more exciting stuff than Hughesy.

No offense to Hughie, but I think he'd have to admit they're more high-octane than him.

I think that's what gets on.

I think he's just complaining about something that's happened.

Or standing in front of a comedy poster with someone's drawn dicken balls on his head.

So we're going,

but I've still got tickets to the warned on shot.

But in the words of Hughie, and I think you'd appreciate this.

Now we love him, and he's a good guy.

Yeah.

Which is Hughie's drink after Make a Joke.

That's why I just said now.

I don't love him.

So you think we do love Hughie?

I do love Hughesy, but I do think Mad Hueys have got him on that.

I'll go with him in this one.

You've got it.

What's the score there, Jack?

407,000 for Hueys versus Hughes 287,000 followers.

All right, so tight.

Well, tight.

Tighter.

Okay, let's just play the last one for fun.

Who has more followers?

Amy Shark or the Cronulla Sharks?

For those who don't know, the Cronulla Sharks are an NRL team, rugby league in Australia.

Amy Shark is a

women's netball team from...

Oh, I must say, I thought that was the Darwin netball team.

It has a seat that doesn't rotate because she's on Australian Idol, opposed to the voice

that do have rotating seats.

Locked down seat.

Got to think about all the seat content you would or wouldn't do, showing us the underneath of the idol seat to show how locked down it is.

I'm going Amy.

I think Amy, yeah.

Only because naturally, if you're a sporting team with heaps of other teams in there, so say if there's, I don't know, 20 teams in your league,

you're always going to be one, you're going to divide in the whole, the whole following by.

It's pretty rare to follow a team that's not yours on Instagram.

Very rare.

And I just like to be across all the teams, see what's going on at the club.

And I don't think people are as fierce about.

But you wouldn't go, yeah, well, I already also like a different um female superstar.

I like CS, so I'd like Jua Lee.

I'm not gonna follow,

so I think it's a multiplier to go, okay, well, I like them both.

Yeah, no, I think Amy's got it.

Yeah, you got it.

Well done.

God, look at us, Goando.

We even work in a bloody social media agency.

Amy's 245,000 versus the Cranella Sharks, 173,000.

Still close.

Both nothing to sneeze at.

And Hughes can know that he's easily got the Cranella Sharks.

Yep.

Easily.

He does.

Yep.

And Nav has nothing.

Oh, yes, we didn't.

I'm so sorry.

Nov, but hopefully you enjoyed the game coming back.

Ah, boys.

We've been down this path before, but I'm just going to give you a little update of where I'm at.

I'm currently

trying to resist buying things again for a month.

I mean, online, I've seen you just see something and buy it.

Like it was just tying up your two shoes.

Well, there just knows me.

I mean, the algorithm is just, we've talked about it before.

I am just at its absolute mercy.

It's like those old,

someone should, I mean, if I knew how to make memes, Jack, I know you dabbled in the day.

Yeah.

Someone actually suggested that now Jack doesn't have a job.

Will it be a good job?

Here's one for you.

I don't know if there's a lot of money in memes.

Yeah.

Well, back in the, do you remember like in the, I don't know, 90s or whatever, like old wrestling, I feel like in those like, like mayhem tag team moments, sometimes it was like eight guys versus one dude, Royal Rumble, yeah, and that's what it feels like for me.

That's just like Instagram ads, and I'm just one dude on

four of them are holding me, two of them are like kicking me, they're all picking me up to like spin me around and throw me off the ropes and stuff.

So that's me.

But I'm like, no, no, no.

Well, if I'm aware of it, I'm going to resist it.

And the thing that is trying to get me so hard at the moment is

a thing called the gripzilla, like a grip training thing right why do you like grip i don't know well we just people so i think someone

else that like that do winding or is it just general grip mate just in life you just need to have a strong grip i remember reading on seeing online like people just keep off doors

just generally considered if you've got a strong grip you're a stronger you're just better at life you're stronger you're ready you can move

just people man

people want grip strength in life all right right okay so that's what the eight is absolutely ridiculous because it shows a normal man's forearm and then it just cuts to what is clearly a different guy and this massive, like, veiny forearm going, I can't believe how simple this thing is.

I think because I was interested for a moment and I clicked on the ad and then I went, what am I doing?

And clicked out of it.

They're like, we got him.

Right?

We know.

That's come up every couple of, that will be my barometer for this year.

Do I eventually cave and buy the gripzilla?

We'll check back in.

Can I hold out?

here's the thing that i almost bought the other day and i tried to buy it because i was just i wasn't even thinking and something went wrong with like the apple pay or whatever i was trying to use at the end and and i managed to have a moment of clarity to be like oh my god what am i doing like good

and i bailed during the purchase but because i'd gone all the way through to it being in my shopping cart yeah and it was only because like it was doing processing payment processing payment it just didn't go through for some reason they just gave me enough of a moment to go i got to get out of here Like in any scene where a car or something goes into water and the person seems knocked out and they float all the way down.

And then came to

and you could get to the surface.

Yeah, I shouldn't be here.

I have to go.

And I got out and it was for

a lock-picking device.

And

do you know why I just like so effortlessly went through to the checkout?

Because the ad was

it's faster than keys.

No, it's not.

And it wasn't till I was at the checkout that I stopped for a second to evaluate that sentence.

They are just saying any old shit to me now.

And I am on the stream on the algorithm where they're like, this guy will believe anything.

And so it's like, it looks like a Leatherman.

You just put it in the door and squeeze it.

It's like, it's faster than keys.

It's faster than keys.

Wow.

But don't worry about keys anymore.

Just pick every lock you come across and i've always had a vague interest in learning the skill of locking yeah and i've done it before even during covert i bought a lock picking set and i couldn't be bothered reading the instructions and i kind of gave up on it it was like a clear padlock teaching you how to pick annoyingly now i'm interested in the device right to see if it is faster than keys well here's the thing i can i can i can forward it to you because the company So they know, because you put your email address in or whatever, and it's auto-filled, by the time you get to the checkout, you know how you get those emails.

you still have a cart here so it knows it had me yeah

and they cannot believe i've left me of all the the easiest guy on the internet to get it's driving them wild i'm getting two or three emails a day from them going your cart's here we're going to give you this offer did you know about these other things that we've got we have a box a motorized box cutter you're going to love and they're just hitting me with all this stuff and

i'm i'm i will hold out i'll hold out on the lockpicking set but it's almost like they're driven by shame i think because all the companies know i'm the easiest guy to beat yeah yeah i'm like in mario brothers the very first little brown monster that comes along and you jump on his head and bounce on it what are they called jack the goompas goombas yeah

it's like if like all the other all the other brands have got me so many times yes and it's like and they're just like you can't even beat you can't get this guy past level one like mate we've we've sold him so many things we've sold him the world's best torch nine times.

We've sold him the world's best shorts.

Like, how can you not even get him with what he got to the checkout and he didn't buy it?

Like, they are humiliated.

And you'd think you'll hold out?

I want to hold out.

Three times a day, you have to have that strength of will.

Yeah, I know.

Good luck.

I know.

And I just, I was like, that's why I came to this place because I'm like, I think I have to publicly say,

I will hold out because

I know it's not easier than keys.

I know it shouldn't be illegal.

Because that was the other thing they say.

They always get me with, this should be illegal.

And I go, ooh, I'm listening.

If this should be illegal, I better get it before the government catches up on this.

This is a safe spot for you to, and look, if there's anyone else out there that is a similar situation to Hain that's holding out, if they want to come and confess, tell them to have accountability.

It's a good idea.

Come to Hameshani.com.

Or if you've bought that lockpicking set, just please let us know.

It's not easier than keys.

We know it's not easier than keys, but I just want to hear it from someone before I find out for myself.

How are you guys washing your hands?

I'm pretty good at it.

You're pretty good at it?

Yeah, well, I mean, I guess it's a hangover from COVID.

I was going to say the same thing.

I got better during COVID.

I got really good.

And now I wash it a lot.

I mean, before COVID, I thought hand sanitizer all the way.

And then I think we all just got so sick of sanitizer that you're like, you know what?

Soap has been the gold standard since bloody the civil war yeah they had problems obviously

they were doing everything right back then but soap soap's always been good and i and and i think it's i think it's still good enough today

so i discovered over the weekend that bec and i wash our hands very differently

is it amount of soap used that you do the toothpaste

distribution

i she keeps her hands underneath the water for the whole time no i you've got to teach the kids as well don't Don't do that.

No, you don't do that.

Wash the soap off.

You get a bit of water.

You get your hands wet.

Thank you.

Great.

Yeah, you get your hands wet about this.

You get your hands wet.

You pull away.

You put a 20 cent piece amount or less, probably for you, tic-tac size, whatever.

And then get a good lather.

Yes.

Lather.

The lather's the secret because all soap is, if you want to get really sciencey about it,

water is wet.

Soap makes water wetter.

So soap reduces the surface tension of the water.

So it means it can get into the cracks better.

That's what soap soap does.

And you need a bubble to grab the dust.

You need bubble.

You need froth.

You need froth through that.

If you just put your hands straight back under the water, you just

washing the soap.

It's like when I'm in the shower with the kids, and you know, when they're little, you're like, all right, wash your hair.

You put the shampoo in their hand, and they just rinse it straight up.

And they don't even work it in, do they?

Yes.

See, this is the thing.

So then

you're taken straight off.

You have to cook the soup.

I said, she said to me,

we're in an Airbnb.

Yep.

And the tap was coming down quite tight to the basin.

Yep.

And she said, well, gosh, the tap's quite tight to the basin.

And a friend who also was staying with, he said, yes, I noticed.

You're still having a three-way wash.

He said, I noticed that.

And I said, I didn't notice that.

And so I went back in just to see, and I washed my hands again, and there was no problems.

And I said, no, I think the tap's fine.

They're like, it doesn't allow you to sit underneath the tap.

while you're washing your hands.

And I said, you don't need to, but both of the, I felt like the idiot.

I was almost the sink was too small.

They were like, you get it, like it's spraying water out.

Well, no, it's just like they would have liked, they keep their hands underneath.

When you're doing that bit where you rub your hands.

So it was just an awkward, it was at an awkward height where they could awkwardly tight to the back of the corner.

I mean, quite simply, this is solved by all the, every government, I mean, you'd think it would be redundant, but every, didn't every government bring out a poster on how to wash your hands?

Every state government, wherever you went, it was like, here's how you wash your hands.

Yeah.

Wet.

Take them out.

Take them out.

Eather them up.

They usually put a ridiculous time on like 30 seconds.

Yeah, yeah.

No, just like that.

Which is like, it's like when you had a song, I don't know if it was staying alive or I was getting it mixed up with doing CPR, but they said, like,

sing staying alive while you're washing your hands.

Wasn't there something like sing it twice?

Yeah, well, whatever it is too long.

Yes.

And you're like, well, they just want us to go longer than what we were going.

So when I go longer than what I was going to say, you know, it should be like, lather up your hands to the point where you're noticing you're going over the same area twice.

Yeah.

Because during the song, yeah, you're like, well, where else do I run?

I mean, I've done, my hands are only so big.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I'm glad you sorted that out, but I also think I've probably done a community service.

Speaking of hand sanitizing, the last bit here on this, like, you know, the echo of COVID, if you are in a pinch for hand sanitizing, and because you get a bit more thingy about it with kids too, because they're just at school, like, we're always like, straight inside the house, wash your hands.

Like, the easiest way to not get sick.

But we're like, I was, I got used to the automatic sanitizers around like buildings and stuff.

If you couldn't wash your hands, see him at airports, still shopping centers.

We've got some here in the building that I occasionally go to, but I reckon 90% of the automatic sanitizers you see in public places now just haven't been refilled since COVID.

No way.

Like you go to them sofa and put your hand under, and the machine's like,

hello?

Oh my God, no.

Sanitizer.

Oh, I haven't heard that name for a long time.

You said, never get anything out.

Coughs its way out.

Oh, sorry.

Maybe next week.

Thanks for listening.

The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week.

Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.