2025 Ep 320 - Burg Boys!

A listener production.

Activate your internet. Because the Haymission Andy podcast starts in three,

two...

Sorry, still buffering.

One.

Crime.

A hell of a business and not for the faint-hearted. Yet the one area Hamish and Andy have rarely ventured.

But all that changed months ago when Hamish saw an old film called Sneakers that we don't in any way expect you to have seen.

But the gist is that a crew of professionals are hired by businesses to break into their own places of work to test their security. So Hamish and Andy put out a call.

This is our plan to test small business security somewhere? Which boss out there would secretly nominate their workplace to be burgled without telling their employees?

We'll go and rob them and it's all a simulation. Thousands applied.
From the pile, DHM Partners, an accounting firm in Mildura, was selected. The boss, ironically named Rob.

The target, not client information. But something perhaps even more valuable, the company Suzuki Swift and a painting from the stairwell.
Grand Theft Auto and an art host. I like that.

Nothing could be discussed publicly by Hamish, Andy, and Jack for fear of a tip-off to the staff. But months ago, the planning began.
Welcome, Berg Boys. Any of you followed on your way here?

Well, it doesn't matter because we're recording this in front of signs that say Berg Bunker. Then there were a few months of miscommunications and a few misunderstandings.

Wasn't someone going to get us the information like blueprints, where the keys are?

You were in charge of building. I said that.
You said you said that. You definitely said blueprints.
Why would I say that? Well, that's what I was surprised. Why would I get blueprints?

Well, I was surprised as well.

Some mishaps. Was that a shiver of excitement, or you do need to do a week?

And a few other things that got in the way for a bit. I would like to be an old man.
I think we don't need it. I don't think we need it either.
And may God have mercy on you all.

But then, a plan was formed.

They would fly to Mildura, buy all the necessary equipment to pretend to be from a gas company, hire a van with yellow lights, make a fake business, get an old man mask, seal up the office building before the workers got there, then convince whoever arrived first to let them in so they could steal the painting and hopefully find the Suzuki keys.

Just commence operation. That's what we say.
I know, but then you go off and do nothing. You go off and play golf.

I'm the one that bought the job. I bought the job to the crew.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right. I'll get on.
Sounds easy enough, but in the heist game, things rarely go to plan.

It's time to find out what happened during their fateful burglary attempt for the special final episode for 2025.

This

is

Bergboys.

Be on the lookout for three people testing small business security. Berg boys, Bergboys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when we steal from you?

We join the boys in the Mildura Motel Berg bunker. Hamish has just arrived, and Jack is off shaving his beard into a mustache to help conceal his identity.

Can I open this or not? What is it? Just chocolate, just a chocolate bar I got from the minibar. Yeah, yeah, you know,

time is 21.22.

Do you want to do quite 24 24-hour clock or just... It's night.
Yeah. Well,

in 12 hours, we'll be speeding down the highway in a Suzuki swift. With as much chocolate as we can get.
We'll never need to bother about the clock again.

To take the picture for everyone, we're in a hotel, motel. We've got all the gear.
How are you feeling? Because I heard from Darcy before Jack arrives. I heard from Darcy that he's...

absolutely shitty himself. Chat.
Yeah. No surprises.
And he's been practicing with Darcy like roleplay. Is that true, Darcy? True.
True.

No surprises. Think about back to the Cool Boys in the front, man.
Everything. Yeah, what do we know from Jack? He's not a big game player.
All my point is when he gets here,

big him up. We have to.

Oh, we gotta, we gotta have to. Or do we want to change the plan? No, I like to think of us as a loving,

cohesive crime game. Same, but I'd like us to be in charge of specific things.
So if things do go all right, we know who's at fault. Oh, yeah, that's our favorite thing.
Okay, great.

Is that Jack?

It's Jack. Do you recognize me?

That's not enough. It still looks like you've got a beard from the front.
No, it's a handlebar mustache. No, it's not.
Yes, it is. This is what we talked about me.
Why did we go with handlebar?

As a disguise. I know, but why handlebar?

I actually thought I looked very different. And I'm wearing my wife's glasses.
You didn't mention that.

We know it's you. We know it's you.
We know it's you. I know, but you were expecting me.

I think you said it's Jack.

I think

even if we'd seen you in the street, we still would have recognized you. Yeah, but you're close friends.
I guess now on the side, it's a bit different. Can you lose this, though?

Why is the handle button necessary? I didn't even want to do this. You guys told me to do this last time we had a meeting.
Put it back on. Put the beer back on.

I would have loved to not shave this. And this is complete opposite to what I thought I'd walk into, which is like this guy is ready to roll for Council Firm.
It looks like chocolate syrup is gone.

You know, it's not thick enough.

It's not thick.

What if I like could we run mascara through it or something so it gets thicker?

Why don't we get an eyeliner and do a scar on your chick and say you're a pirate gas worker?

It's not a year eight Halloween constant. It's worth the following instruction.
Hey, remember what we talked about? Oh yeah, it looks great.

So should I shave the whole thing off? Sorry, old habits.

Should Should I shave the whole thing off by morning? I'm worried if you just keep the massage.

The handlebar has the most brown of any beard.

You can't just keep the handles.

I was wondering if for the first time ever we just have brackets. Mouth brackets.

Okay. Again.
So everything he says is like, I shouldn't be telling you this. Everything Jack says is an aside because he's got mouth brackets.
That makes you stand out more. Exactly my point.

It makes you stand out more. It does.
Okay. When the police come, can you describe the guys?

I can definitely describe one of them. He had mouth brackets.
I've never seen those before.

But the Berg boys couldn't spend all night on Jack's mustache. They actually needed to finalize the plan.

I got the blueprint. Wow.
That was Hamish's job. No, maybe he passed it back to me.
Bringing boots was my job, and I remembered them.

And the old man outfit. So there's a couple of things that I want to discuss.
Where'd you get these? I'm not allowed to say.

Here is one of our first problems. There's three entrances.
Do we have tape? Yes. So.
And we just heavily tape them, don't we, and say go around to the front.

So here's where I think we've got three really strong bollards. Have a look at this.
Yeah. Those are great.
They're kind of spanned over a metre, kind of out to two meters.

For people listening, it's a very good concertina bollard. Yeah.
I think we put one over each. Of the other doors.
Each door. I think one over each other.

Which door are we going going in

we want to try and what we would like jacko is for you to get us entry to the front door getting us entry to the front but keeping people away from peeking in because my hunch because it's my job to get the keys to the suzuki is basically my tactic is just going to be rummaging so on that ham i've got a i thought i had a solution i've packed two white sheets from the beds at the motel here to steal the painting no i think i go

and i think we put them up over the door as if they're sheets we use to like protect us.

But people can't see us through our gas work. Yeah, why not? Why not? Because otherwise, that is really see-through there.
And if people mirror... That's my worry.

They're going to see all the rummaging. Here's the other problem.
The painting's there.

They'll be a CST. So yeah, any people, essentially what Andy's saying is any people at the front of the building will be able to see easily through the windows.

Well, you're going to have to be projecting a big air of confidence. Are you happy with that? Yes.
Can we go back to

before even in the building? Because I think we should talk about that more because we're just all assuming like we get in the building. But to me, that's kind of the hardest part.

The biggest part of this heist is getting in the building. I think we have to get there early enough that we've barricaded all the.

So Jacka, before we get to that stage, let me show you what we've got. Decals for the truck.
That's good. We've got laminated signs.
We'll put them up on each major door. They read.

Do not enter gas leak with our fake brand that you created, Jack. Well done.
That was your homework. Did you use ChatGPT? Yes.
Yes.

Expensive AGATES. 100%.

AGA Safe Energy. What does AGA stand for, just in case you quiz?

Australian Gas Authorities. Authorities.
Say it more confidently when you. Authorities.

How many are there?

Australian Gas Authority. Perfect.
Ironically, he said with no authority.

This building has been sealed as a precaution. Our technicians require access to the building.
On arrival, please call a 1-800 number.

That is a 1-800 number we've bought that is now linked to my phone. So if anyone calls the number, it will go to my phone.
So you're going to be the operator as well as

operated in the building. I was thinking of being the operator.
How do you guys feel about that?

Sure. I mean, do the paperwork is here.
But like, yeah, okay. So

what voice are you going to use?

Hello, Daryl here, AGA.

It stands for Australian Gas Authority, Safe Energy. Authority or authorities? Because the guy at the front door just said tease.
Authority. He doesn't know what he's doing.
What's with his mustache?

I think this is a safeguard. What I would prefer is Jack to intercept them.
Yeah, I'd like us to...

Here's my way of thinking because back to Jack's point of gaining access to the building. Yes.
The building's obviously going to be alarmed.

Like, you know, the last person out at night sets the building alarm. Yes.
So we can't smash a window and just get inside. Just assuming that the first person on site is the person that opens it up.

Is the building alarmed? Can you take us in? We'll try not to be longer than 20 minutes and just wait outside. Can you let everyone know? Okay, you're going to have to be doing that.

Ideally, I reckon we'll be in the truck. Yeah, so you guys hide, and as the least identifiable person of the three of us, ideally, they walk up to the door, they're reading the sign.

I jump out of the van and go, hey-ho.

Well, no, not ideally. That's not the ideal.

Yes, yes, I get their attention. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and that you've got all night to work on how you're going to get their attention.

Now, I heard you've been practicing

your approach. Yes, I've got some things to say.
If so, I'll go like, hello.

Yes, because we're in Australia and that's a very commonly understood greeting. So that's great.
Yeah, that's good. What are the phrases of your learned?

All right, so.

Remember what we talked about? It's good. Okay.

I'm not really a good person for this job, right?

Classic night before heists. You'll be right, so you will be able to get it.
I see somebody.

I see you for at the side. Yeah.

This is just a usual thing that happens.

I can see him giggling. Can you tell him to stop?

Please, can you stop giggling?

Can you not mention?

Okay. He's stopping me giggling.
You can continue. Yeah.

I don't think you should say this is a usual thing that happens. Just so you know, if you have been practicing this all day.
Oh, no. Sorry, yeah, no.
Usual for us. Like, hey, we come out to the...

Like, is it our job to let we go and fix these leaks all the time? Yeah. So to me, this is normal.

Again, I don't think you need to tell them all of this. Tell them what your voice is.
You would say, oh, hey, I'm glad you're here.

Sorry, do what you're going to do. So I'll say, I'm glad you're here.

You're about to to gain access to the building don't go in there yet we're not sure 100 but our system has flagged this building as possibly having a gas leak are you able to let me in we've got some technicians here who can check it out i reckon so much of this is about not the specifics but about confidence yeah

how early are we getting there five a.m what do you think Someone could start at six. At an insurance accounting firm.
Isn't it nine o'clock star?

Some people like getting in early so they can nick off earlier. Five o'clock? Well, I don't think any, I don't think, I don't think Vega is.
It's an office.

Man, I didn't come with the majority to get up at 4:30 in the morning. I think we have to.
But wait, he's right. What if we're there for four hours before any action? Oh, mate.

But what if we're there before any action?

The whole thing relies on no one being there. He's actually right about if we get there and there's two people in there already.
Mate, but this currently got five.

This is like when my grandparents used to fly international at the airport six hours early.

I'm happy to adjust. I just think some people get to work at six.

People do that. Yeah, well, I mean, all I'm saying is we are open to that.

All right, just throwing it on the record that I think we could have one extra hour of sleep at least than we're

allotting, but let's do baker's hours just in case someone's training for a half marathon or something and they... they like to leave it to it.

Well, worst case, like say someone's in the building, can't we just knock on the door and go, well, this is not right. No, sorry, there's a ghastly.
leak.

We could. We could.

Okay, let's get there early. We can't.

Because if we get there late, Jack is going to have to evacuate the building. All the props we've bought

are effective when you arrive and go, oh my God, something serious is happening. Yeah.

Jack and get out and then we can show you all the props. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. This is usual for us.

All right. I'm open to.
Wow, what an early wake-up. What have we got for breakfast stuff? We don't have any.
We don't even have any breakfast.

No pre-robbery breakfast. Well, I mean, a hotel breakfast doesn't open to us.
I'm just asking for some muesli or something. Do we get any of that today? No.

Got all the props.

Mate, the only thing to eat in these rooms is the chocolate bar, which I've already eaten. I think we will be hungry.

Look, we'll be so hungry. What we could do is set up all of this.
Let's go to Macca's. And then go to Macca's.

Well, you leave Jack there. Oh, okay, but you bring me back something.
Yeah, yeah.

With the all-important breakfast plan sorted, it was time to talk disguises for Hamish and Andy. We've got our white outfits.

We've got our gas masks.

We've got our hats. I've got your old man outfit.
Why do you need it? Well,

I have a better old man outfit than that. That's just a wiggins and pants.
Okay, what have you bought? Full prosthetic head. Right, but why do you need it?

Don't you think it would be a way bigger effect if they were like, wait a second, that old man.

What? What?

I haven't met the old man yet. So the old man,

he comes, he's inside. After we've rummaged, we've got the keys, we've got the painting.
I change into the old man outfit. Then I come out the back.

That way no one's going, oh, that's the guys in the white suit. Like, it's not drawing any suspicion.
I'm coming out.

It's not drawing suspicion just because it's not the guys in the white suit, but it's an old man stealing our car.

I put a lot of effort into this old man outfit.

I can be an old man in the suit.

I don't think that helps us.

That's a very, very old man.

I'm guessing it helps you not look like Hamish Blake from television. I could be a very, very old man.
I think there is

some sense to like if you see an old man in the Suzuki Swift opposed to one of the guys in the white outfit. He's just an old man.
He's harmless. It's a harmless suit.
But he's driving our car.

That makes no sense.

He must be Rob's dad. Yeah, that's what I think.
I think there's more sense to that than if he's in one of the white suits. Just.

But to fully sign off on the old man plan, Hamish went and got changed into the very expensive latex prosthetic mask to see if Andy and Jack approved.

Don't mind me. Gus man.

This is so good.

This is so good. And I should wear it.
It's like comedy old man. What the hell, dude?

It's almost Halloween here. Yeah, it is.
It's like Freddy Kruger. If he's walking and I'm just shuffling behind,

no one's thinking this is Hey Mission Andy. No one.
You look like a movie villain. Yeah, it does look like a Halloween costume, like Freddy Krueger.
Yeah, we're examining it too.

People are just going to glance at it.

Especially. The thing that with the baseball cap on, it just looks so wrong.
Well, I actually think a lot of this is about confidence, and this makes me confident.

It should have. If you were standing where we're standing, you actually do look a bit like your dad when you took that off.

With a terrible mustache on Jack, and an even more terrible latex old man mask on Hamish, the chance of being caught was high. So Andy was keen to talk getaway plans.

In success, what does a getaway look like?

There's a success getaway, but there's also an

escape getaway. In success getaway,

Hames out the back. Are you going to take off the white suit and just be an old man, or are you going to be in the white suit? I think we just once we

stay old man now, yeah. Full old man, we're in white suits, we're getting away.
Once we've robbed them, that's the victory. I mean,

as the Louvre thieves

ran off down the street, but am I I going in

the car with Sahan? If he's got the keys, you go with the Suzuki. Man, of course he can.
You only come out the front if he can't get the keys.

Once you guys are out, you give me a code word back the other way. And we just leave all the stuff.
Yeah, we're thieves. The job's done.
Get the painting, wrap it in the sheet.

We go out the back door to where the Suzuki is. We roll up the garage.
It works. You load the painting into the back.
I get into the Suzuki. I back out.
I yell, Cinderella has left the ball to Jack.

Beautiful. Yep.
That's good. Then we escape.
Jack goes, I'll be back in a minute or whatever. You don't have to.
I'll go, actually, you say that, say that, and I'll go. Cinderella's left the ball.

It must be midnight already. And that's my cue to get you.
You say that on the radio in front of 10 office workers.

Remember, your earpiece is in your ears, so they're not going to be able to hear over the radio. So we're like, Cinderella's left the ball.

You go, you just leave.

We don't have to keep worrying about these. Yeah, but

it's like a moment away-like acting scenes we have to do in front of everyone. Once you've left, you can say whatever you like to us.
Yeah, Yeah, let us know. Yeah, that's great.

No, I say you get back in the van, but I would like a code word for that. That is actually good.
If you were like, no one's turned into a pumpkin, if we're going to stick with the Cinderella.

You're right. By that point, we know that.
That's good though, because we know then you've made it back into the van. And we now have two vehicles, one stolen, one our van on the road.

We're getting away from the crime, and that is a success. What about we call the worker van the pumpkin and the Suzuki the princess's carriage?

Great. Okay.
Cinderella's left the ball if the princess's carriage. Let's play some by you, because

I can promise you it won't go like any of the scenarios with outlines.

5 a.m. A dark street in Miljura.
Three men dressed in white coveralls sit in the front of a white van. Signs adorn the side, proclaiming them to be from AGA Safe Energy.

Yellow flashing lights illuminate the early morning sky.

How'd you sleep?

So excited. Jacket and moustache is heat better.
Yeah, without those handlebars, you look 50. Yeah.
Well, why wouldn't I want to look 50? Authoritative. Yeah.

I know I don't look 50.

I actually look younger, I thought. There's a lot of people around already.
Yeah, people around and about. No one's...

None that would scream accountant turning up to work for me. There's joggers and a street sweeper.
Yeah.

How's everyone feeling? Everyone feel prepared? Yeah, I'm feeling prepared. I woke up confident, so don't worry about my part.

You've been great. You feel like you're right in the character.
Yeah.

What's with the shoes, Andy?

What shoes are you? These wear sneakers.

We had one job, mate. That was to bring boots for all your printouts and for all taking all credit for all the props that Jess bought in the meeting last night.
You turned it up and you're instant.

I looked down and I went, gee, you don't see Mizuno work boots every day.

I'm wearing a running runner's outfit underneath. Why? I need this fit from you guys.

I think... Yeah, he's in like a Nike trifit shirt.
I think that I can just ditch the whole outfit and pretend I'm joking. I mean,

I can see out of the corner of my eye your old man mask. I just think that's way much of a bigger red flag than his shoes.

So much more. I agree.
I was hoping, I actually kind of hoped that you would get up this morning and go, don't worry about it. I was jet lagged or whatever last night.

Sydney to Madura.

Do you know what? I am.

I'm going the old man because I think it adds a huge level of security to us and I will be taking a personal sacrifice to it for it because I've realised I mean I'm going to be sitting in the truck for about two hours in the old man mask.

It's going to be so hard to eat mangas and drink coffees through those rubber lips.

I think I'm going to rip the head off when I get inside because I think I'll be so sick of it by the time I get in there. But what does it do? It's that could be your cool car.

You're going to leave the mask. No way.
It's far too expensive. It buys us, might be worth more than the Suzuki.

It buys us those crucial few seconds as we're walking in, and it backs you up. Backs you up as someone looks over and goes, oh, they've got a lot of people who are not going to be able to do it.

You're the weirdest-looking person I've seen today.

Takes a bit of a drink.

You've got to have a brand new moustache in his wife's glasses. This is not about individual suspicion.
It's about, as a collective, do we look believable? Yeah, I think so.

I think that way we're not all the same age. And we've got an old man in the crew.
Why would someone go, I don't believe this, because you guys are all the same age?

Well, they're not going to say that. Hey, we've only got a round type.
we're gonna go check it out.

Driving slowly past the target location, the berg boys began to see their plans materialize before them. Is this one of the doors, too? Yeah, this is another entrance.

All right, let's start the lighting.

What are we putting? Do anyone bring blue tack or sticky tape for the sign? Yeah, great. What do you want? Do you reckon blue tack or sticky tape? I got both.
Blue tacks, don't run off.

Come on, we can do this.

So we're on it. We're on.

We're on. Just remember, we're basically on from here from now.
Anything could happen from here.

Bollard one is a go.

I'm going around the back with this one. Bollard two deployed.
Front and side doors secured with emergency tape, bollards, and a warning notice. But their blind spot still remained.

The rear door into the car park. Jack, what the hell's going on back there?

It's bar 3 at the back door, but

there is no sign of the Suzuki Swift back here unless it's in the carport, which is separate from the building.

Say again,

the Princess's carriage is not at the ball. Unless it's in

Prince Charming's garage. Not in my garage.

Yeah, I'm with Prince Charming and he doesn't see it. But you definitely will be needing to look for some sort of garage opener as well if we want to escape with the Suzuki.

Copy that we're coming to you.

Entrances all successfully barricaded. What followed was a 15-minute discussion about where to park the van.
I was thinking if we park over there.

No, I think we should put it on the corner so we see both entrances. Or do you want the van out the front with the lights on, Jack, for more?

I think the lights flashing. I think it's good.
Do you want the van just sort of parked up there with the lights on? We won't be able to see this.

But what do we do is park up here a bit illegally because we've got the lights on. After much.
I think we just have to do the front

park over here. I like up on the curb.
Much discussion. There's no way the Louvre guys did this on the morning of the heights.

Outside the venue. Standing outside, arguing where to put the cherry picker.
They eventually parked right out the front, 20 meters from the front door.

They then proceeded to admire their heisting handiwork from the footpath until they noticed noticed something right above the front door. Looks like a security camera at the top there.

We're all staring at it. Wish I'd put the mask on.

Anyway, hey guys, there's a car. There, there's a car there.
Look official.

Spooked by the CCTV, the Berg boys retreated to the safety of the pumpkin. Or rather, the van.
Should I sit in the back of the van in case someone does call?

Because if they turn around and alarm the phone and they're at the front door.

No, you guys should be waiting in the van the whole time. Inside the van? Yeah, you don't want to be seen.
I agree. Yeah, okay, we'll get in the back.
Wait, should I like have a turn of driving?

Because I haven't driven it yet.

Like, what if I go to getaway? Why do you need a turn of driving? Oh, because you're going to drive as a getaway driver. Yeah.
If it's a car.

Yeah, but yesterday when, because we got here early and we went to play golf we sat Darcy and I sat in the car for like 20 minutes trying to turn it on this car

We had the wrong car keys because we had the other fan

Well, do you want me to do that? That obviously won't happen, but you know just like sometimes in a high car you don't know

Yeah, what's going on? Oh man, I need a coffee drink

I'm confident you'll know how to drive a car.

But Jack wasn't confident, so he did go for a test drive. Test drive of the pumpkin commencing.

Meanwhile, Hamish put on his old man mask so he wouldn't be recognized on the street. Now we're out in like proper daylight.
Yeah. Yeah, and I can see your youthful skin and eyes underneath the sand.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.

Yeah.

I look a bit like E.T. Yeah, you look like E.T.
and then

stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop.

You didn't close the side door of your car.

Mate.

You are so scary. I think I'm going to take the old man's head off.

Huge moment, but I think I've got to lose the old man out a bit. It's too much.

Yeah. I don't know why you think I'll be shocked.
I've been saying that since we're talking about the shot. But Jack, can you jump in the car? Let's get it back in and let's go back to being properly.

Yeah.

Jump in the car with Jack until we can park it up. And not

do a costume change right out the front. Abort, abort, abort.
Get in the car.

Why am I getting in the car? He's going to go from practice lap. No,

he's done his lap. He's pulling it out.
Do your lap.

Just give me one lap. I'll be back in a second.
No one's coming yet. It's not even 6am.

Gosh, this is.

This is the most dangerous time. And now you've got no disguise outside.

As the sun began to rise, the conversation alternated between how hungry they were. Do you want to go through Mac as in the Suzuki? That'd be a nice little victory luck, wouldn't it?

And how terrible Hamish's old man mask was. I've got to say, I'm not feeling nude as hell without the old man mask on, but having seen it in the daylight, it was

a bit old. I get it.
Yeah. It was far worse when we saw it in daylight.
Like last night, I was tired, but I think it was quite convincing last night, Jack.

I wouldn't even use that language. After him having it on for five minutes and then putting the gas mask on to cover most of it and a cap on to cover the other half, It might be from far away

a real person, but it never looked convincing. Yeah.

It is a bit rubbery.

What are our names? I don't think we've ever covered that off. We're Blink 102.
Yeah, Mark, Tom and Travis. Well, who's who? Who do you want to be? I'll be Travis.
You know, you know what?

I should be Travis because he joined the band last. And you guys, you, Hamish and Andy, who lived together and then I came.
Who's the drummer? Travis, yeah, he joined the band last.

He's definitely Travis. Definitely Travis.
Doesn't matter.

That's true, actually. We are not.

But you know what? Mark and Tom were friends from like high school, and that's sort of like you and Andy. And Travis came later.
I'll be Tom. What does he do? Andy's middle name is Thomas.

I'm a drummer, so I'm Travis. Yeah, Tom's the lead singer and guitarist.
Okay, what are you? I'm Mark, then. If you're Travis.
Yeah, you're the bassist. Yeah.
Opposed. Yeah, one up.

I'm very good with names and faces.

And he wears glasses, and I've got glasses on today as a disguise. That's all I'm doing.
I don't know know why we meant our aliases to line up with our personalities.

But yeah, that's good. Mark, Tom, Travis, great.
Well, I'm sure those names won't get confusing in the heat of the moment at all.

45 minutes in. Time for a perimeter check.
How's everything looking out there, Mark? Good trap. No sign of people yet, but I would say the Bolives who put up look very convincing.

No one at front door moving to side door. Would my cake look at their phone a bit? Mate, if I was you I'd be on the phone the whole time.
On a call or like looking on online?

Just scrolling for new bass guitars, strings, picks, things like that. Front door clear moving to rear entrance.

One, two, three, four, copy that, Mark.

Hey Martin, ordering a group 21.

Wick Muffin, Hush Brown.

Like a weak coffee.

A weak coffee.

I get get suitory if I drink straight coffee. I want it for the prop because I think it'll look convincing for my character bike.
I don't like to drink coffee.

We're going to get you a tea just so you don't scream and kiss the first person you see.

Rear entrance abandoned people like no one's here, I mean.

One of the risks we run is

we've got here so early, we were going to run down all the batteries and all the microphones and everything before anyone gets here.

But the batteries were running strong and the confidence of the Berg boys boys was starting to ride high too. I'll just say the setup looks great.
Like the van with the flashing lights. We're ready.

All the the bollards put up. We're ready.
Like there's no reason not to believe this. Jack you should completely believe we have the full upper hand to have the element of surprise and convince.

We can be fully convincing here. Yep.
But part of a heist is the waiting. And the conversations that happen during the waiting.
So over the next hour, the boys covered such topics as the local area.

Is Samrazier the area?

Yeah. Because I always thought it was the Sultana brand.
Yeah, I had the same question when I was up here. They're golf games.
I haven't chipped in for years.

And in fact, I had a chip in the other day. I had a chip in Birdie.
The weather. We arrived in a massive dust storm yesterday.
Oh, really? Yeah.

Couldn't see a thing. Exercise routines.
Do you swim still a lot, Andy? No, I haven't been at all. I've got to go back and look.
Oh, you might get a run-in today.

And of course, this. What was your first family car you remember? Two Casino.
Oh.

Then we bought the Magna executive because we needed a car to drive from Melbourne to Expo 88.

And that's a nice car. I was an Expo 88.
It's a one-year-old or two-year-old.

But at a moment's notice, they snapped back to the task at hand. Guys, we could be on here, we could be on here.
Car entering the car park. The lot chapter luck.

Feeling confident. You got this, but

You've been here for a few years. You've got a few technicians around the corner.
You're gonna

set it out.

False alarm? He's gone. It was a good test to see how high my heart rate went up.

And if Jack's heart rate went up on a false alarm, imagine what it did when this happened. Cops are in the area, Jack.
Just play it calm. Say again, the cops were in.

What code name should we give cops?

The Blue King has arrived at the ball.

Yeah, great non-characters from Cinderella that still work.

I mean, it could just be the regular king, but I think the blue king helps us remember a police.

Yep, copy.

Every time Jack says copy, I think he's saying coffee, and I get excited. However, just moments after the coffee delivery did arrive, it looked like the heist might be on.

Potential target, potential accountant, crossing the road. We're on, we're on, we're on.

We're on, we're on.

Should I hold my coffee or no? Hold coffee. I'll hold it.

After no action for an hour and a half, suddenly, two female employees had turned up at the same time, wearing DHM partners' uniforms. Good luck, you brought.

They crossed the road towards the entrance, and Jack approached.

Yo, good day. You working here, Leo? Yes, we do.
Hey, I'm Mark. Nice to meet you.
Hi, I'm Tanika. How are you? Tanika, yeah.

You got a potential gas leak here. Oh, shit.
Yes. So it's not safe to be in there for a long time.
So our techs are going to go in. Yeah.

There's a potential gas leak.

Okay.

So.

How did that get detected? It gets detected at head office. They can like, they just can tell that something's drawing gas when it shouldn't be.
Right.

So it could be nothing, but it's best our guys go in. Of course.
they'll do a test and then you know it could be 10 minutes later you're back in again yeah yeah um

but

okay well i think i have said to you once that i reckon i could smell gas and that's and this is a while back but i don't know i'm just gonna call rob yeah yeah sure just let him know get access

So are they in there now? No, no, we actually need to get access. So we've been trying to call your guys, but having trouble getting on to anyone.
Oh, okay.

Oh, it's hockey that we're here at. Yeah.

Yeah, it is, actually. We've been here since about 5 a.m.
Oh, shit. Yeah.

You have to convince the woman on the phone that you need access.

So is there... You're doing great.
You're doing really, really well. Is there a

security code or anything that you need to turn off? Yeah, it'll probably take me. We can just unlock the door.

Well, I can unlock it if you want. Yeah.
I'll wait out. These guys will go in.
I'll wait out here with you guys.

I can move this for you now. Thank you.
That was just in case we weren't watching while someone came and we didn't know which entrance someone would come in.

I'll peel that off for you as well.

Jack removed the bollard so the employee could access the front door. Would she open up for them?

Could it be this easy? Guys, a little update. They're buying it.
That's the first good thing. And one of the girls is on the phone with some sort of boss or manager just asking questions.

Get us in there, Jack. Get us in.
in. Yep he's opening the bottle and she's opening it up.
Alright all right here we go.

Alright now

we're gonna have to walk past the girl with the ponytail. Do not make eye contact.
She can make us.

We're waiting for Jack's call. Yep they've unlocked the door is unlocked.
That's what I can tell you. And as soon as she gets off the phone I'll start pressuring to go in.

Yeah, for me you're doing great mate doing really well but you need to get them both out in the front and you need to get your technicians in there. Yep, copy that.

So is it okay if these guys go in now? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
And how do we do we just push the doors open, do we?

Oh yeah,

yeah, you're just pushing my ideas. Yeah, great.

Alright, fellas, we should be good to go in. We'll see us, mate.

And can I just get, can I get your guys' name and contact, what's your name? I'm Tamika.

And your number, Tamika? 0444. So while Jack distracted the girls out the front,

Hamish and Andy, wearing hazmat gear and full respirator masks, made their way inside.

I've lost this in.

The Berg boys were in. And Andy locked the door behind them so they wouldn't be disturbed.
First task, put up the sheet to hide them from view. Sheet, sheet, sheet, sheet.
You got tape? You got tape?

Yeah. I'll get this up and then we'll put all that stuff in.

Awesome.

Guys, I can't believe we're in. So cool.
Oh my god it's working. Cover that.
Great job Jack. We'll bring the sheet up and I'm about to start rummaging.

But then in a moment of deja vu they looked up above the reception desk and saw two security cameras blinking back at them.

Security cameras we're just playing on playing on.

I'm just doing a pass.

Pass the front window just to see if I can see anything. I can't see a thing in there so don't rummage away.
Ignoring the CCTV and with the sheet in place, Andy turned his attention to the painting.

And Hamish was laser-focused on finding the Suzuki keys and garage opener. Commencing rummaging.

Just a heads up, they said their director's on his way down.

So, let's keep that 10-minute timeline, hey?

Oh my god, I found some keys. You got keys? It's Suzuki.

I've got the Suzuki keys. Hold on.

You're taking the painting off. Okay, I've got the painting.
Let's wrap this. Jack, Cinderella has the magic slipper.
Cinderella has the glass slipper. I have the keys.
You're kidding me. Well done.

And you can look for any kind of garage opener. It's a garage opener, was it? We have the garage opener now.
We've got to move through the building.

Cinderella taking glass slipper out the back into the Prince's carriage to see if we can get it out of the stables.

Okay, straight down the back door.

Cinderella and Prince Charming heading out the back.

Meanwhile, Jack was still out the front trying to keep the employees busy, but their questions were starting to test the limits of his knowledge.

So you just get a notification to say that there could potentially be a gas leak. Is that how it works? Yeah, well, this one, I think they said this one actually shut the gas off.

So it was drawing gas at 3 a.m. when it shouldn't be.
So the gas was shut off to this building and these guys will just run a test to see

how much pollutants in the air. Yeah, okay.
And then get you back in. But I mean sometimes we come out and it's been

nothing.

Despite having a copy of the blueprints for months, Andy seemed to get them lost between the front door and the back one. Their exit strategy was in trouble.
Hang on, this is the wrong way. No.

You're the one that memorised that. No, that's the back door.
Oh, no. That's the back window.
Prince Charming's led us down the wrong track. Trying to gain exit.

Here we go. Now it's Astora.
That's Astorum. It's his exit.

Oh, mate.

And he had memorized the floor plans. But he's got us out.

Okay, we're not at the back yet. We are not out the back.
We're still at the ball. Okay, you ready? Have you got the keys to open the door? Prince Charming, Cinderella, please at the ball.

Go, open that garage door.

Is it opening?

Garage is opening. We're out.
Suzuki is there. Repeat.
The carriage is there. The carriage is there.
Pop this down somebody's in. There's not that doors.

There we go.

Great. They were nearly home.
The Suzuki was open. They just needed to load the painting, open the roller door, and speed off to freedom.
They're just loading the painting in now.

Keeping going, Prince Charming, loading the painting. Cinderella and Prince Charming preparing to leave the ball.
However, the last person to drive the Suzuki must have been really short.

Oh, God. So tight.
A really short person has been driving, I think, Ham. So short, yeah, yeah.

Have we got everything? Yep.

Do we celebrate too much? Not celebrating yet. Not celebrating yet.

Alright.

And suddenly, they were away.

Backing out safely.

Let's close the carriage door.

You're kidding me. Are you driving the Suzuki right now?

Baby driver we are out if you take a left up here.

Jack quickly realized his accomplices were out, leaving him the only guilty party still on sight. Cinderella and Prince Charming to Ugly Set Sister One.
We are gone. Repeat.

Cinderella and Prince Charming have left the ball in the Princess carriage. Get out of there.

So he made up a quick lie, jumped in the van, and made a hasty retreat.

Just gonna move this onto this straight here.

All right, I'm coming, I'm coming. I'm hearing that you're coming out.
I'm leaving. Just leaving the gear behind.

Guess what?

It was like three minutes tops. Mate, what are those girls thinking? Have we left the other vehicle there? They were in and out so quick, they thought maybe they'd left Jack behind in the chaos.

Jack, you won't sit in our car. If you think you come into our car, we're gone.
You can go grab the other car and leave. Jack, are you okay? Confirm, are you okay?

I can't believe it. I'm right behind Jack.
Can you hear me? Is he behind us? No, he's right behind us. Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah.

I can't believe this. Oh my God.
Well done. Congratulations, everybody.

Amazing stuff.

Don't run a red. Just be cool, everyone.
Just be cool. But they weren't cool for long, for they were successful berg boys

But celebrations were short-lived as they missed the turn off to their hideout lefty back

that's our hotel

imagine we got caught now after missing the turn off to our hideout. I didn't realise how close to our hotel we were.
Where are we going, question

Where have we got question marks? Yeah, we missed that. Turn off to that, to the secret hotel.

We'll do it lap, guys.

After doing a Blocky and the Swift, they eventually arrived back at the motel hideout to regroup and congratulate each other. We did it.

Unbelievable hosting.

Unbelievable heisting.

We did it.

I can't believe it.

The car and the painting? And the painting?

Oh my god. Come on, let's huge.

Let's get a shot with the loop. Huge.

Oh my god. We even took down the sheet inside.
You did so good.

But suddenly, the self-congratulation would have to wait, because Andy's phone was ringing. Oh, someone's calling the number.
Someone back at the building had called the 1-800 number.

AGAID Safeguard, Damien speaking.

Hi, Damien. It's just Smeaker from VHM Partners.
I see the guys that are on our site checking. Let me see.
Yeah, we've got a system.

Our system says we should have three people there at the moment, three technicians there at the moment.

Yeah, yeah, no, he was just passed out the front and he said he was just moving the van around to the other side. But the van was just gone, so we're just waiting out the front.

So I wasn't sure where he went off to, but the guys are obviously still inside. I'm just not sure where the has gone.
That's all. Yeah, it's still reading his continuous flow from our end of things.

Yeah, they'll be out soon. I'll radio them now and make sure they can't see you.

Okay, of course. No worries.
Thanks so much for that. Bye.

Oh, man. Even though we're finished, we can't stop.

We've got a taste of the heistic.

But the Berg boys don't keep their goods. They return them.
So it was time to put Tamika and Sharon out of their misery and reveal the heist.

You guys recognize this car?

You let a couple of thieves into the building. Oh my god! We robbed your face.

We robbed your blind.

I thought you were shiny.

You didn't say that at the time. No, I thought you were shiny.
Tell us what gave was something giving Jack away.

And we're like, what the hell? Like, where's he gone? By that stage, we already had your Suzuki and your painting, and we were long gone.

Thank God we weren't real criminals because we've been sent here by upper management to test the security of the building. And unfortunately, we have to say, she is full of holes.

But I cannot stress enough how well we did.

You did it.

I got them in the building. What are you talking about? You believed me 100%!

I did believe you!

You never looked at me suspicious.

You were shady. I could say there was something.

In hindsight, it's very easy to call someone shady.

And so, dear friends, that draws to a close the story of the Berg Boys. And 2025.

Hamish, Andy and Jack will be back in 2026 after the mandated break. How do I know? Because they told me.
And you can trust the Berg boys.

You can take that to the bank.