Rob Thomas asks about extravagant indulgences

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Handsome. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod.
Chat with friends on the Handsome pod.

Cheers.

Welcome to the handsome pod. I'm Fortune Feemster.
And I'm Mae Martin. And I am Tignotaro.
And we're together on Zoom.

Yay. Yeah.

Follow us on YouTube. Go look.
And we're all in separate places. Yeah, sadly, but all connected spiritually, as I always like to remind us all.
I don't have my fake plant with me right now.

Does that feel weird to you guys? A little bit, yeah. Yeah.

What feels weirder is I feel like May has tidied up a little bit behind me. Thank you.
Let's see.

Are those all of your Grammys, Emmys, Oscars?

What am I saying? All my Oscars and Grammys. Yeah, I'm trying to get my place organized.
I'm going to, the next step is, I don't know if you can see that crumpled gray pile. I see a lump of something.

Yeah, that's going to be, those are curtains for that window. So soon the the window behind me, which is always a source of anxiety because people walk by and it's.
Yeah.

And so what will it take for you to lift the curtains up and put them up?

Well, I have it.

Lift them up.

Lift them up and hang them. You know what I always say? Like when I have a task to complete, I imagine in a movie, you'd have a montage of me doing that task, but my montage would be like.

starting the task, then sleeping, then doing a bunch of other things. My montage would be a little bit more like a teacher.

You'd be caught in the the curtains yes and it would be like a two week a two week montage for one small task yeah i started i drilled into the wall immediately hit metal oh metal i hit metal wouldn't go wouldn't go in and i thought i guess i can't drill there went three inches above it started and then i was like what am i doing hit the metal again so i don't know if you gotta go to the other side don't go up oh you know what i mean there might be some kind of

there might be something uh long ways yeah something long ways i would love to see you both going in like as a as a company yeah

may you can't look can't go up we gotta go long ways

long ways people would be in trouble if i was in charge of this uh task do you think like so imagine we the three of us are given all of the materials to build a house like how could we could we

what would we come up with when's that getting done i think you'll get something done but it might be, it might be not good.

Not good with the, I'm not, you know, not handy. I'm not handy like that.
I can figure out a few things. You trim your bushes.
Yeah, I do.

Sorry.

Haven't you talked before about

trimming your bushes in your yard? I do trim a bush, mate. That's correct?

And then is that you do that with a big industrial bush trimmer, right?

Well, it's not that big. Let's calm down over there.
Tig has left her body.

Tig took off her glasses

to

have a moment.

By the way, I didn't start that conversation just so you know.

But May, you are right. I do sometimes trim the bush outside.

Outside.

And I have a. You do it outside.

What are we talking about now?

We're talking about an actual bush.

I have an electric trimmer that I can do yard work all day long, but I can't build stuff. Like what kind of yard work? You do like

eat weed zibs.

I mean, I don't, but I could, you know what I mean?

Okay, tough guy.

Because in the, I feel like when you, if you, you know, growing up in the 80s or in the 90s,

a lot of your

thing that you were put in charge of as a child was yard work. Yeah.
To get your allowance. Yeah.
Yeah. Why the 80s and 90s? Yeah.
Do you see kids out there doing that now?

No, you have a point there. Well, no, but they did it in the 70s, too.
Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to stop.

We did not include the 70s. Yeah, I'd be curious to hear from our listeners, are their kids, are they putting their kids to work in the yard still, even though it's not the 70s anymore?

Yeah, the 80s or the 90s. In the old days, you would just send your kids out.
Now it feels like if you did that, that you'd be watching from the window or you'd be like stationed.

You'd be disguised as a tree.

Meanwhile, it's not like, I mean, I'm making up a fact here. Do it.
I was getting

a fact.

It's not like you're hearing that there's like some rise in kidnapping, you know?

Yeah, I wonder actually what the stats are on that yeah thomas can you

as far as a kid being out in the yard mowing the grass by themselves by themselves not getting snatched probably maybe that's kidnapping up or down thomas but i think that's why we maybe why we stopped because in the 70s there were tons of serial killers snatching yeah so does it sit but do you think it was more prevalent in the 70s or it just started kind of then and that was getting snatched or mowing lawns didn't getting snatched sort of start in the 70s

I think so that was like there were so many serial killers in the 70s in California specifically why have they ever gotten to the bottom of that

I don't know

okay here we go the number of involuntary missing children cases opened each year due to circumstances like kidnapping and abductions including non-custodial family members fell by 27% from 2015 to 2022 FBI data shows yeah that's good it's reassuring to to note that kidnapping cases have seen a decline in recent years.

Great. Well, good.

So the fact I was about to make up, I was just thinking, it's not like you're hearing about, and I'm only, you know, main, of course, people get kidnapped.

I don't want anyone to think I'm saying that doesn't happen or, you know, violent crime happens. I know that.
Maybe they don't, though, because they're not out mowing the lawn.

Everyone's inside gaming now. Yeah.
So I'm glad we got to the bottom of this.

I don't know how we could. Yeah, I know.

All I'm saying is just, you know, keep your eye on your kids. Don't get snatched.

That's right. And let us know if your kids are doing the yard work or if you have a service.
We want to know, is this a California thing? Well, you know what?

Speaking of yards in California, last night I went,

and I don't know when this episode comes out, but a lot of the houses in Burbank have these Halloween displays on their lawns.

And you can go, and there's one called the Burbank Clown House that is, oh, I went,

there were tons of people looking, and it's just this like horrific, super intricate

horror clown display, really grotesque. And I was thinking, man, that's so cool that someone just did that for fun and they do it every year.

And then the more I stared at it, I was like, are human beings okay that this is like for fun we're looking at these like

like torture clowns like i don't know

i had that same feeling on i i was on my morning walk in los Angeles before I left town and walking past these houses that have

bloody clowns that are like a story high. Like they're enormous in people's front yards.

And I just realized I was walking through my neighborhood just being like, oh, you know, people have these, their decorations out.

But then when I personalized it and imagined myself putting up a bloody, like four bloody clowns in my yard. Yeah.

That's what I was feeling. I was, yeah.
What is that? I can't, I would be like, oh, I don't know. This is a little disturbing.
I don't know if I can do it. Yeah, who lives in these houses? Yeah.

But there was a palette cleanser one, which was a Disney house that had, that had Mickey. And you could line up and get a picture with Mickey in front of the house.
And it was really cool.

And then I said to someone,

who do you think lives here? And then someone said, oh, Mickey Mickey lives here. Like the guy in the Mickey suit, that's him.
He's his house. I was like, he dug here.

Just wondering who these people are.

So this must be like a tradition that these houses do every year. Yes.
Yeah.

Can I tell you, we took Max and Finn for their fifth birthday to Disneyland? How was it? We realized when we got there, they had never seen anything Disney. Oh, really?

So they didn't know who Mickey Mouse was.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Like you not knowing who any celebrity is. Oh, my God.
Totally

Mormon.

Well, I don't even know if that's Mormon, but like very.

Amish almost. Oh, that's what I meant to say.
Amish. Like, we went there and, you know, my aunt was with us, and she's very into Disney and Disney for her grandkids, which most people are.

But it never dawned on us until we got to the amusement park. And Max and Finn, we were like, oh, there's Nikki Mouse.
And they were like, what?

They didn't know who these characters were.

Had they just not been interested in watching Disney movies? I guess we just didn't show them Disney movies.

I don't know. Like, Stephanie and I, we're not big Disney people.
Nicky Mouse every night. Yeah, but yeah, and to this day, like...

Max and Finn are aware that they were like, yeah, I remember you brought us to Disneyland. We didn't know what the hell we were looking at.

That's so funny. We assumed they knew even though we hadn't shown them.
Yeah.

I want to design like a really niche theme park just based on Max and Finn's interest. So they go and they're like, oh my God, that obscure baseball player is someone dressed like...
Black holes.

Yeah, black holes and magic cards and Pokemon trading.

Yeah, and capitals of the world. Oh, that's my, I mean, if it's a small world, if that was actually like testing you on capitals, I'd be in heaven.
Yeah. Yeah.
You should hang out with those guys.

Yeah. Not at Disneyland, though.
No.

How's

Toronto? Good. I just,

I think I got in yesterday. Yes, I did.
I got in yesterday, and

we had a table read, and then I have, you know, my spacesuit fitting coming up.

Just all things Star Trek. Did I tell you already? I dressed as a spaceman.
I went to

Ama, Parverty's daughter. I went to her school's Halloween thing.
Oh, no. Because I go every year and I want to keep that relationship alive.
And Ama wanted me to go.

So I go and I'm in line for the haunted house that the grade fives put on. And I'm so excited.
And I'm like holding the place in line while everyone's off doing things.

And there's this couple behind me. So I'm dressed like an astronaut.

There's this couple behind me. And so I'm like, oh, you're having fun.
And they go, yeah, yeah. And they're kind of sizing me up.
And then the wife goes, Are you a student here?

It's an elementary school.

It only goes,

it only goes till grade six. And I went, Really?

And she said,

Yeah, and she said, I don't know. And I said, I'm 38 years old, madam.
Yeah,

madam. Madam, madam, madam.
Did you really say madam?

I hope so. Madam, madam.
I don't think you're a madam. Do you think an 11-year-old would know how to say madam? Madam, yeah.

Oh, that's a wild leap. I know.
I was flattered, but also all like not flattered because

you're also like twice everyone's size height-wise. I know.

You're a big boy. I'm a big, strong boy.

Yeah.

Didn't they see those guns? Exactly. And you didn't take that opportunity to tell her to watch Wayward on Netflix? You know what?

I did have a handful of people saying they watched it, like the parents and stuff.

And then I've been tagged in a few people's Halloween costumes where this one queer couple dressed as specifically the sex scene from Wayward.

So, oh boy, yeah, someone was, she was wearing like a do I need to tell you about that scene again, Tig? No,

no, madam, no, madam.

Have you guys had people dress up as you for Halloween? And you're

have you, I guess, you must get that the zombie one, Tig. That's such an iconic thing.
Oh, yeah, and people will dress as like me and Stephanie. Really? Oh, that's great.
Yeah. I get people in,

I've gotten people in curly wigs, either in a hooter's costume or in a swimsuit with the bush hanging out. We're back to the bush.

We're back to the bush.

They should have somebody that accompanies them and trims. Yeah.

Well, it's based on a story I told in my special, Sweet and Salty, about having to wear a Speedo for the first time as a child, as a 12-year-old. And what you had a

bush, I had a bush, and I didn't know it.

And so, did you know it for the first time that day, or you still didn't know, and you were just freely jumping in the water and just enjoying yourself? I didn't know it.

I had to, they told me in order to be on the swim team, I had to wear a speedo, and I had never swam in that before.

I, I, my joke was I swim in uh sweatpants and a triple XL t-shirt with the sleeves cut off.

And it was Team Picture Day. So I confidently stood in the front.
No, no, no. Thumbs up.
That's in the picture. Yeah.

Fortune.

I don't know. I don't have the picture.
Okay, if somebody's listening and you were on Swim Team with Fortune Feamster.

I don't know if you could see it from the picture because those are grainy, you know, the

thing. So I, but I figured it out later.
But the joke is I was walking around high five and everybody, very confident. Because when you're 12, life hadn't gotten you down yet.
Yeah.

Oh, and I even saddled up to the concession stand, and I say, bush out.

So I have had people wear

bathing suits with murky.

Oh, yeah. Lord.
But that is a big deal.

When you're in middle school and you're changing for gym and stuff like the monitoring of who's got pubes yet, like people at my school anyway, and my friend Joe at his school, which was an all-boys school, this guy got pubes first, like really early.

And then this was in Bristol. So, they did he want you to share this? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They have weird accents, and so someone goes,

Oh my god, Chris Lever's got spiders!

Spiders!

Is that what that means? They were that's what they were calling his pubes, I guess. Spiders, he's got spiders, mess.

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Yeah, those were the days, yeah,

just freeing the bush. I had friends over last night, and this is

great.

Thank you, so good, man.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

I was, I felt really grateful because I'm, there are people I'm close enough to that, like, we went and saw the Burbank clown house or whatever, and we came back and we were hanging out.

And I just suddenly was like, in my head, I thought, I'm done. Like, I'm, I want everyone to leave.
I want to hang out. Yeah, I want everyone to leave now.

And I just went and started running running a bath. And then

one of my friends was like, did you just start running a bath? Like, would you like us to leave? And I was like, yeah, I guess

I'm so much.

It was crazy to see. I would have thought your friends would have read into that as they should get in the bathroom.
Everyone's all taking a bath.

I wouldn't have thought, oh, we need to leave. I'd be like, uh-oh, May's running a bath.
Where's the hilarious night going? Yeah. May's running a bath.
It's about to get wild.

I love that you're just like, I want everyone to leave. So I'm going to run a bath.
I know. And I should have probably said, I'm tired before I just started running the bath.

I think probably the thing is like, oh, guys, I got a big run of the bath.

Or you could just be like, hey, guys, I just want you to leave. Yeah.
I mean, I do, I'm grateful to have friends I'm comfortable enough with to be like, I'm done talking. I'm going.

Or the new thing people are saying is going nonverbal. That's like the new phrase, the gene.
They're like, I went non-verbal. I really like that.

Like, I think in a friendship, you should have license to go nonverbal whenever you want. Just like,

I just need a minute to not talk.

Now, did you end up taking that bath? Of course. Fortune, great questions.

Excellent.

You're getting better at follow-up questions. I'm trying.
I'm trying. And did you have a bath bomb or bath salts of any kind?

Fortune settled down. We're easing in.

Yeah, I had eucalyptus rock salts that I put in.

Girls, I soaked this tired old bod.

Okay.

With a nice eucalyptus scent. Yeah, it was good.
Okay, any candles or as we call them, condals?

Condols? Conch?

I had a

Himalayan salt lamp going.

Girl, I love it. Is this feeling cozy to you guys? Yeah.

Wait, how's the new bath in the new place? I know we've talked about it, but yeah, are you

great? You take some long baths. It's not a deep one, but it's a long one.

So I like that because I'm a tall gal.

What I like is that it is in the it is placed where the shower is as well.

So it doesn't matter if water spills, which I love because, as a big, tall gal, water will spill. And I used to get like, oh no, I'm going to mess up the floors.

Well, this is spilling right into the shower. Yeah.
So the matter. So that's it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And do you have a big, a floofy bath mat? No.

I think

I want to get you a personalized, floofy bath mat that says, girl, girl, girl, let's lose it. I have tested out the pool.
Take a load off. I finally tested out the pool.
Okay.

And it is perfect for treading. Oh, great.

You don't like nick your little toes?

Occasionally I've hit the side, but it's not been anything concerning. It's not a pool that you go swimming in, per se.
Sure, sure. But perfect for treading.

And it's smaller, so it heats up a lot faster. Okay, good.
That's good. We don't want to.
I'm going to do a little bottom cold. I didn't tell you.
I don't want to do the hot tub, right?

It's too short. No, oh, I didn't it's too short.
What do you mean, short? So, I got in the hot tub, and I don't know who measured this thing, but like my tits were out.

Wait, so are you sitting down? You're sit, you sit down, and it doesn't even

probably got it from tits out tubs.

Tits out tubs designed it, and I'm like, who designed this thing?

Because I'm a tall person, and my legs are just touching, my feet are just touching the ground how tall are you 5'10 that's a tall drinkable and then the top the top of the pool of the hot tub goes to like just kind of like I don't know what is this part of your body under

undertit the undertit

your boobs are like well out of the hot tub what so it's mine are really out there

and I know I'm tall but I'm like any person that so I'm like I got in and I went what

so in order to like submerge into this hot tub you either have to like not sit on the bench or you have to like lay down on the bench or curl you gonna relist this house

yep I'm putting it back up on sale I mean it's the only thing about the house that they did wrong

and I was just like who measured this

so when you got in did you say out loud what yes I did because I was like, Because you're not supposed to have tits out, no,

unless you hire tits out tubs, unless you hire tits out tubs, you're supposed it's supposed to go like right, right, like just over them, yeah, totally. You can't be all excited.

And are you topless when you're in? Paint us a picture, you sexy thing. I have been topless before, but not this time because I don't have my backyard quite private yet.

And are you talking literal backyard or figurative backyard? Like my butthole?

Fortune Marie. I don't know.

I don't either. I just never know what you two are getting at for their mechanisms.
Yeah. Well, I just tore out all there was bamboo in my backyard and what are we talking about? It's actual bamboo.

Okay. Not other stuff.
Okay. But that it grows insanely wild and gets out of hand.
So I had it all removed to avoid that. And they just planted ficus.

But the ficus are going to take a good month to two months to grow. So there's no privacy at the moment.
And what was the name of this spa?

Tits Out Tubs.

So once the ficus are fully in, tits out.

Yeah. Except they're going to be cold because

I also. Freaking hot tubs are too short.
I need to know on the day that you did Tits Out Tub. Yeah.
Were you also

bottoms off bath?

Yeah, I was fully nude.

Fortune? What?

It's a hot tub in your own backyard. I know, but the ficus hasn't taken root.
I've never not in the new place.

There's not enough privacy for naked

here. Yeah.
I'm with you. Okay.
One day when the ficus are heartily in, it will create a wall.

And that's when it's tits out buttholes exposed. I can't wait for the ficus to be heartily in tits out tub butthole bath

boy

so we went from child kidnapping statistics to tits out tubs and

butthole bath my pool is like so I'm so excited because like what a perfect treading pool and then oh bummer I love you know how much I love a hot tub we do and I can't believe it's tits out tub in there

and I really wish it were deeper because I love a hot tub. But I guess if I go in there, I have to know I just need to lay down in it.
Yeah, you're going to have to like just fetal position in there.

But

I didn't like the bathtub at my old house and I love the bathtub at this house. So, you know, it's all

sells out.

Okay.

If we have anyone that works at Tits Out Tubs, please write in. Let us know what you were thinking when you made Fortune's hot tub.
I just think they didn't go deep enough with the hot tub.

Yeah, but we think and know with certainty that that was intentional because they're tits out tubs and they want to

like it that way. They lead with it.
And maybe, maybe my neighbors, my new neighbors,

suggested, like, don't go too deep.

Yeah. Do you want to see tits out time? I can't stand those neighbors of yours.
Or my refrigerator in my apartment

is beeping. Can you hear the beeping? No.

Maybe it's not closed.

it is it it it's closed and i had somebody come up to look at it and they're like oh yeah just press the alarm when the when this beeps and i'm like but how about we fix it so i don't have to okay hold on sorry okay i'll be right back you guys bad talk me while i'm gone okay that tig that tig what a

tig

i would did you see that walk to the fridge a little it was like a little was it a cute little cess in the in tig's butt

I want to see it. I want to see it.

Look how dikey Tig looks right now.

What'd you say?

Well, first of all, we were saying that the way you walked to the fridge, I didn't see it. It was cute.

It was cute. It was adorable.
Oh,

you did a little tushy shake, and I felt like that was for

you. It was for, I think, our handsome watchers.
Well, and then I did say you look dikey, but that was a compliment.

So, wait, when I walked away i was femme and when i came back i was dikey full femme on the way hardcore dike on the way back was it one of those things of like i hate for you to leave but i love to watch you walk away exactly okay well stephanie makes fun of me because when you did have your hands did i a little bit i think or not okay okay you're kind of down to the side at home Stephanie teases me on a daily basis because when I'm in the kitchen and I'm in my zone and I'm like doing dishes, cleaning things up, loading the

whatever I'm doing, I do this around the kitchen. Okay,

little hands. Tiggles her dainty hands with her with her little flower.
Bouncy, dainty hands. Imagine Tig saying, girl, right now, that's what Tig's hands are doing.

And I don't realize I do it.

You do it unconsciously. You just bought it.
Completely. I don't know.
So this is my dainty wrist, too. I'm in the kitchen and I'm doing this.
And Stephanie will be like,

wrists and I'm like oh yeah I don't even know I'm doing it but anyway so you probably caught a little bit of pretty little lady in the kitchen

pretty little lady walking to the fridge and then that's right tig okay dyke walking back yeah yeah yeah we gotta have both what'd you do do you unplug it or you there's a button that says alarm and you press the button it's like clearly there's something with this why would you make a refrigerator that beeps so frequently that you have to have a button to press the

to turn the alarm off? Is this one of those apartments where everything's like included, the furniture and everything?

Yeah, it's a hotel that also has a residence

part. And so they put me in the residence area, which is great because I have, you know, my kitchen and dish or washer and dryer because, you know, I love it.
You got to bounce around. You've got to

bounce around. Yes.
Pretty little lady heading to the kitchen.

So, yeah, but

I'm going to be on the phone with the front desk after this. Giving them a piece of your mind.
That's right. That's right.

Well, speaking about pieces of mind, should we hear

who our question asker is and what's on their mind? Yeah, we should. Absolutely.
Today's question asker, I'm very excited because I met him in

the Toronto airport a couple of years ago. And he, I always, I go up to people if I recognize them and I like their work.
And, and he came up to me.

And this is Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20, who I grew up. And also, oh my God, his solo stuff.

It's a hot one, like seven inches from the mid date. Remember that?

Anyway, I love Rob Thomas. I do too.
I loved Matchbox 20. Yes.
Yes,

Rob Thomas was the lead vocalist for Matchbox 20. He performed on Santana's single Smooth, which won three Grammy Awards and was a number one hit.

His five albums with Matchbox 20 have sold millions of copies and received multiple Grammy nominations. Rob Thomas is asking today's question.
Oh yeah, baby.

Hello you handsome devils. My name is Rob Thomas.
I am a giant fan of all three of you. I've seen all of your specials.
I love what a joke. I loved Wayward.

It means a lot to me to be able to ask you guys this very serious question today. What is something that you guys spend money on that your younger selves would have thought was extravagant?

He has, um, I feel like musicians always have like a cool background. It's like a studio with equipment and guitars and stuff, especially when you're like tripping over Grammys.

No, I hate tripping over Grammys. It's the worst.
They're just always, all these awards are in the way. I don't have any awards except for our haha award that we got for best podcast of the year.

Oh, and it's just right there.

It's just hanging off the show. Look, handsome podcast of the year.

Yeah, nice.

Given to us by the Montreal Comedy Festival. It's a fun little, I see Mays got theirs in the background.
Yeah. Yeah.
I should have brought mine

to Toronto. I'm amazed you don't travel with it, Take.
I'm amazed. So, yeah, that I should.
Yeah. Yeah.
Rob Thomas, very effortlessly cool and kind person.

What was Matchbox's

Matchbox 20's biggest hit?

Push you away. That's it.
Where I will, will, where I will. And also,

their stuff was so catchy. Oh my god, so good.
Well, that's how they sold

20 millions and millions.

Yeah.

Rob also has great taste in comedians, I will say. Have you met him? I sure have not, but I love his taste in comedians.
I love taste. He said he likes us three, right? Exactly.
Yeah.

I don't think May caught that. You just got so southern, though, Fortune.
I've never did. I sure have not.
I sure have not.

i sure have not y'all

no i sure have not i sure have not y'all i sure have not madam

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Do you remember like the first

time that you like the first purchase you made when when you had money like I think all of of us went through periods of eating instant noodles and like true scrimping and saving but yeah, when when was the first time that you were like oh, I can afford to do this?

God, I I was always so used to never having money just I grew up with

you know, we I had a roof over my head and uh and

opportunities so I know I was lucky in a lot of ways, but there was a lot of

you know not knowing how we were going to pay the bills uh a lot of lights getting shut off water getting cut off uh

i remember my mom and brother came home one day and they're like well we gotta pack up the house because we're about to lose it and i was like what

and um oh my god that's so stressful how old were you in that i was that would have been like my sophomore year of high school and but then my mom found a way to like hold on and

um classic ginger classic ginger she she kept she was able to keep the house.

But so there was always like my senior of college, they're like, I don't know if you're going to be able to graduate because y'all can't, you know, you haven't been able to pay this last bill.

And I'm like, oh my God, there's so always had like something hanging over my head financially.

And then when I moved to LA, I got here with like literally it's $25 in my pocket. It sounds like a made-up story, but it like

that is what I had. Yeah.

Did you have somewhere to stay lined up? I stayed on a friend's couch who I went to college with until I could get on my feet. You still live there, right? That's right.
You're still in that couch.

That's right.

And then, you know, I just

started working my ass off. And, but didn't really make money for a long time.
I made enough to pay my bills, but I had two roommates out in LA for 10 years.

So my first

extravagant purchase was a home. And that was, was,

that was

10 years

in LA. Yeah.
And so were you just really saving and budgeting? And oh, yeah. I, well, I, I remember 2010, right before I got Chelsea lately, I made $18,000 that year.

And my, you know, and that's living in LA. Like rent is like.

I mean, the majority of that is what my accountant was like, how did you live? How did you, I was like, I just figure it out. I don't know.

And then I got Chelsea like six months later, and that kind of saved everything. I owed my roommate like two grand in rent when I got that job.

And you don't get paid for like the first month of the, and I, everybody was like, one of these fancy dinners. And I was like, I don't have, like, I was like, I'll have french fries.

As long as you pay for them. Once I got that Chelsea job, it was the first time in my life I was able to save.
and I just started saving and the house I bought was tiny

and you know expensive for LA but not expensive it was not a fancy house at all it was like in the valley like super small but I was like I just want something of my own

and it ended up being

the house I still I don't live there now but I will treasure that house forever yeah like so when he's like are there things now that your younger self would consider extravagant it's like

everything probably.

Because he's extravagant.

Yeah. Like I,

in my teens, I was just in a cycle of debt and

mainly for drugs, like

every check that I got was immediately gone. And then borrowing money and lying and owing money and like never being able to get out of that cycle.

And then when I was like 20, I started dating Lindsay Barton and she just had her shit together and was like 27 and just she kind of like just slowly uh sorted me out.

And then we moved to England together and I was working,

yeah, so many day jobs and stuff. And the first time that I was like, oh, I can do something like recreational, it was like my friend was doing volunteer work in Spain or something.

And we met up in Barcelona for a weekend and we like

like to be able to go on vacation for a weekend to Europe with my friend and

buy like paella and wine.

But we were buying these boxes of wine called Don Simone, and it was, you'd get a box of rosé that was sweeter than Kool-Aid. It was so sweet.
And it got, yeah, and we had a really fun weekend.

But yeah, I do credit like Lindsay Barton for, because she would, I mean, she was like, I want to live my life.

I'm a grown person doing a master's degree in London, and I had nothing really to bring to the table, but she didn't, she wasn't lending me tons of money. Or if she did, like, we'd keep track of it.

And I just became responsible and I worked. Yeah.

I would say, I would say currently I am not an extravagant person still. Like I'm lucky enough to be, you know,

comfortable in my life and I'm making money because I work all the time. All I do is work.
So, and I don't have kids.

So by the nature of that, yes, I have some money because I'm not having the overhead that some people have.

I don't buy, I'm not big into like Porsches.

Yeah, I mean, I do, I lease a car. That's probably

considered extravagant.

And I, I do, I did get a home. Um, but as far as like frivolous stuff, I don't, I wear t-shirts all the time.
And I'm not that, I don't like any designer thing.

I'm not a jewelry person.

You don't have a diamond speedo?

I do not.

I do not. I am not, I'm not really big into stuff.

So I like, I probably, probably my biggest expense would be going out to eat. That would be something I really enjoy.
I like going to dinner with friends. And

I like good food.

But I would say

as far as something I bought that it was out of character for me as far as extravagant is I had the opportunity to buy a multi-cade

stand-up video game. Oh, yeah, I know.
Because I wanted to get it.

I thought you were going to maybe get rid of it when you moved. And I'm going to go.
Oh, no. This thing

will come with me everywhere I go.

I bought it from a friend who I think probably regrets selling it. And I love it so much.
It's vintage. It reminds me of childhood.
It's loud as fuck. Yeah.
But it's so

Gallagher, Pac-Man, Donkey Kong,

Space Invaders.

It's cool. What about Pong?

I don't think it has Pong.

It'd be amazing if it was just one big machine for Pong.

Yeah.

Yeah. You can plug it in and play away.

It has the quarter slots, but you don't need any quarters for it. But don't tell people that.
I know. I should just take

the quarters.

I am not good with, I do buy a lot of stuff, and it's

yeah

your Amazon order alone was enough that was insanity and and also to be supporting Amazon is so bad like I'm I'm I'm getting better it's on my it's on my list of personal improvement that I want to do but again I don't have dependents and I work tons and I don't I don't buy like cars and stuff like I so I do just buy like nice jackets and um and synthesizers and nice jackets yeah synthesizers yeah but I don't know you tiglet

thank you for using my God-given god

name.

I am not an extravagant person myself, but

I remember when I first started in comedy, I don't know if you guys know Darlene Hunt.

No.

She's a really successful writer, producer now, showrunner type. Oh, I know.
Yeah, I know who that is. Red curly hair.

I met her in stand-up. She's so

deeply funny. It's weird.

And I remember her getting on a sitcom and being like, yeah, I went to Upfronts, which is like the whole, how would you describe Upfronts? It's where they

networks reveal their upcoming shows. Yeah.
And so networks will put money into sending people out to New York and putting you in a nice hotel with like,

you know,

money to spend on food. And I remember remember her saying, like,

yeah, I was just in this really nice hotel, and I could just order room service and eat out of the, you know, get whatever out of the mini bar. And I was like, what?

I could not even comprehend. You know, it was like when we were open micers still when she got that.
And I really, it seemed made up that

this was Darlene's life. And to this day, I have to say that the frivolous thing that I will sometimes,

not often, treat myself to is something out of the mini fridge in a hotel room.

Because that is something I would never have touched. And even to this day, I don't go nuts on it because I'm like, I'm not going to spend $12 on some cashews.

You know, that's like $2 in the convenience store. Yeah, I don't like,

I don't like,

I mean, I like being generous, but I don't like spending money

in that kind of way of like $12 cash shoes. Right.
Same.

So, yeah, but I would say that is something where I'm like, if I'm stuck in my hotel room and I'm hungry, I'll be like, all right, $8 bag of tiny chips. I'll eat you.

Would you have a little drink from the, you're not much of a drinker, but would you have like a solo whiskey in a hotel if you're feeling real, like, real emoche?

There's no world where I would have a solo whiskey. Like, I don't, there's no, there's no.

In fact, I really, in the past few years, it's so silly to say I quit drinking because you never really. Yeah, because it paints a picture.
Like, I really had to finally get rid of that in my life.

But

I stopped doing that a few years ago. And so, no, I don't have a solo whiskey.
I usually just will have water and pistachios.

Some tap water and a cold.

But

it feels very extravagant still.

But to me, it's like, I think that the more I'm talking about it, it feels like that, wow, I guess I'm doing okay. I'm

treating myself to a hotel mini bar. Yeah.
I won't ever drink the alcohol out of the mini bar because that's even like triple the price.

But if I I'm not a big, big drinker, but I like an old-fashioned here and there.

So I'll just go down to the bar in the lobby, get an old-fashioned, and go back up to the room. Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah. I don't, it doesn't feel good to me to

plow through, but go ahead. I love like devices and things that are advertised to me on Instagram and like massagers or like those like face products and things.
And I like being generous.

And so I, for years, thought I am really going all out for Christmas. And I would get my parents these like,

I don't know, like an infrared, like, you know, just this, like, just junk, really. And, and, uh, oh, there's the depuffer.
Like a puffer out.

Yeah. But my parents finally were like, please don't get us that stuff.

We don't like it. It breaks after one use.
Like, we don't need it or want it. But yeah, you know what?

I did when I got an early paycheck from Chelsea lately because I had never made much money before. I bought everyone in my family Omaha steaks.

And I thought,

I have made it. I'm steaks for everybody.
Freaking Omaha.

I just remembered that. I totally forgot that I did that.
What is an Omaha steak? Here we go. Sorry, is that a specific cup? So it's

a company. It's Omaha, Nebraska.
It's out of Omaha, Nebraska.

They sell steaks, but it's kind of the steaks that are like, you know, they're not fancy. They're in Sizzler, maybe? Yeah, it's like a low-grade steak, but they sell them in bulk.

So you can send somebody like 16 steaks. That's what you thought you were doing.
I did that for my whole family. I was like, I've made it.
Steaks for everybody. 16

low-grade steaks for you. 16 low-grade steaks for you.
And 16 low-grade steaks for you. I'm sure some of their meat is high-quality.
I probably got the very basic box of basic bitch steaks.

Here's my question for you, Fortune. Uh-huh.
Yeah, you have a debuffer.

Yeah.

Have I seen a huge difference in your face when I see you? I'm not using it every day.

that's the problem okay right well i'm just telling you nothing i've noticed nothing may's extravagant purchase was that sauna oh fuck yeah and that was really worth it and that i did now i'm like should i have an extravagant purchase and do that well the sauna and probably some some research is going to come out that like you know counters this but um They really do say if you sauna like three or four times a week, it's your overall health.

It's like, like if you're 40,

somebody, uh, anyway,

you're gonna live in the middle of the day. 40% of all kidnappings happen in a sauna.

Well, I don't want to go to the gym, so I'd much rather be in a sauna. Really? What you're telling me? Get yourself some nice aromatherapy wasn't get that sauna.
It is, it is really worth it.

I'm going, I went this morning. I'm, I'm gonna settle into this home because this was my latest extravagant purchase.
But I don't see it as

it's an investment. Yeah.

So I see it as a responsible purchase. But in time, once I've not spent as much money as I recently have, I might look into that.

Well, you know how Tig did a little pretty little lady scurry to the fridge? Yeah. So picture me in the morning because I go in in just my underwear.

Yeah. You know, but shirtless.

But I scurry because I have roommates, right? My friend and his girlfriend live in my back house. So I scurry out in my underwear to the sauna.

And then I always, when I'm coming out, it's right at the moment that his girlfriend's girlfriend's walking out, and I'm like, I don't think that's

sweaty, I'm lobster red, and I'm just scurrying. I'm gonna say it, I think it's not an accident.
What you think I want her to see?

Oh, I think she wants to see it. She knows when you're coming out of that.
She wants to see it.

She's hilarious. She really cracks me up.
She's really formed a relationship with this stray cat. She made him an Instagram account.

Dean, we've named him, and she's feeding him.

She's hilarious. And like, I'm just so in awe of starting fresh in a new country where you don't speak the language.

And sometimes, or like, I always forget that her English isn't great because we're chatting away. And then last night, it was silent for a while.

And Matt said, What percentage of what I say do you think you understand? And she was like, 15? We were like, what?

And he was like, you're my, they're married. He was like,

15.

Wait, what's her first language? Chinese. Oh, gosh.
You're a bad Mandarin. We're back to percentages.
Yeah, we're back to percentages on this set. Yes, there's a theme here.
Should we hear what Mr.

Handsome Face has to say? Yes. Is that what he goes by? Yeah.
Handsome Face or Rob Thomas, either one. He knows who he is.
Like, for me, I like a nice hotel room.

I like first-class seats on a plane, and I like really good dinners.

I don't need to buy things. I don't need to own things, but I don't mind spending money on experiences.
How do you guys feel about that?

I do like that.

I will spend money on travel

to have like a, to, yeah, to enjoy another place.

Yeah. Well, also, if you're traveling all the time for work and you're exhausted, like anything you can do to make that process a little less.

See, I'm so, if I'm traveling with my family,

Yeah, let's go for it. Have a nice vacation.
If it's just me.

You're you're in a hostel. I know.
Like, what did you say, Fortune? I didn't mean to interrupt, but I just got infiltrated by Omaha Steaks. I'm not lying.
What do you mean?

What do you mean, infiltrated?

I just got ADD. Are you online? Are you checking email and Instagram?

I got ADD. I looked at my email.
Fortune. And it says, Omaha Steaks since 1917, you've been selected great steak sampler.
What? Wait, is it listening to you?

Of course. Of course.
Everyone listens to our podcast, even Omaha Steak. No, that's creepy.
That's creepy.

Sorry.

But more importantly, Fortune, you cannot be doing your texts and emails and Omaha steak ordering. When you are on with us, you are focused.
All I did was just click one thing.

When you are on with us, you are focused. I'm focused.
I'm focused. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

What was my experience?

Oh, when I'm on the road,

I just go.

Here's the thing: courtyard Marriott. Well, first of all, my favorite thing when I check into a courtyard Marriott is saying, oh my gosh, I'm so excited.
Which way is the courtyard?

And then they're like,

oh, we don't have a courtyard. I'm like, really? This is courtyard Marriott, right? False advertising.

But I heard, I don't know if it's true, that Bob Dylan chooses courtyard Marriott as well. Somebody told me that.

Really? I started it for the mattresses, and then when I stayed at places nicer and not as nice,

I like a courtyard Marriott mattress. That's what you like.
I stand by it. The Double Tree gives you chocolate chip cookies.
I do enjoy that. That's nice.

They're not vegan. I don't think I know.

I don't think I've gone to a hotel and clocked the mattress. Oh, really? Does he have a bad back?

No, but I feel like that's probably coming in time.

Well, I have a bad back. I had spinal fusion.
And boy, do I have to keep an eye on what I'm sleeping on. Oh, yeah, for sure.
If you've got that going, then you would notice that a lot.

And are you like a Marriott member or something? Oh, my God. I could live

there. Yeah.

Yeah.

There you go.

I like the boutique hotels usually when I'm traveling. I like the little local, whatever

cute hotel they've put in that area. Yeah, but you know what? Not very reliable mattresses at boutique hotels.

Yeah, I do like a chain where I know there's going to be just your basic gym, your business center, your

tits out tubs. Your tits out tubs.
Yeah. Yeah.

Your, what was it? Butts out bath. Butts out, butthole bath.

Usually, these boutique hotels have one of those coffee shops where the people are real turds to you. And I love that.
You like that when you're getting?

Because the meaner they are, the better the coffee is. Yeah, that checks out.
Yeah, that didn't happen for me in New York this last time. Oh, really? Oof, the burst

so mad at me. And shitty coffee.
It was just fine. It was perfectly fine.
Not worth the tude. No, I asked for half decaf.

As you do. Yeah.
Yeah. Anyway.
And what she was like. He, yeah.
He goes, so decaf?

And I said,

well, no, if I could get two shots regular and then two decaf.

And he stared at me like I had ordered

a Frappa, Whippa, cherry on top, you know, like I was just like, man, I just want, you know, a quad cap half decaf with almond milk. Fine.

It's not straightforward, but that's what I was in the mood for. It wasn't that insane.
Yeah.

Anyway, anyway. I was a jerk.

Well, that was lovely hearing from Rob Thomas. I really am a fan.
And

if anybody cares, I have a tour right now.

Tickets are on sale for my out of nowhere tour. Go to tignotaro.com for all my tour dates.

I'm hitting mainly minor markets right now, and I don't mean that in an offensive way, just smaller cities, smaller towns. So,

you know, hitting all that first.

Also, the

documentary I produced, Come See Me in a Good Light, is out on Apple TV. Check that out.
Share it with friends. What's going on, guys? I have a tour.
I'm going to 35 cities. I'm really pumped.

And tickets are on maymartin.net. It starts the end of February.

Come see if I'm coming to your city and then come say hi. And I'm going to, I'm going to do stand-up and then mix in some music and improv and all kinds of things.
So come. Awesome.

Yeah.

Later this month, I'll be in St. Petersburg, Florida, and Orlando, Florida, and then Norfolk, Norfolk, Virginia, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, and Seattle.

And at the top of the year, New Orleans, Mobile, Atlanta, and Cincinnati. So check those out.
Fortunefeamster.com. Also, go to handsomepod.com for merchandise and

rate,

review, subscribe to the podcast as well as our YouTube channel. And also share your favorite episode with a friend.
This community continues to grow and it's just the coolest.

So thank you everyone for listening. And until next time, what do you say we

keep

handsome?

Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feemster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Woulette.

Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod.

What a podcast. What a podcast! What a podcast!

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